Meet and Greet

[Jude]

I've totally got you beat, Scotti, try this one on size...happened all within 8 months of each other, when I was 20/21.

October 2001:
Lynn and I are taking the backsteps down St. Michaels Hall in Oxford. They are big steps, nothing to worry about. Klutz-o-maniac (me) takes
a digger off the last step, 4" high. Fractures right ankle. Don't realize it. Just in a lot of pain.

January 1st, 2002, home in Maine visiting parents. Running late for lunch, come tearing out of my room, around the corner, catch my right foot on the top
step of a 14 step hardwood staircase, go crashing all the way down screeching. Curl in ball and cry at foot of stairs. Mum comes running around the corner and trips, FALLS ON TOP OF ME!!. She's bigger than me. Owie! Re-fracture ankle. Put me in a walking cast and send me back to England.

Sometime in May 2002, I walk down the stair at my parents, stand on 4th step up from bottom, prepare to jump and swing, like i have done 1,000 times before... place hands on bottom of curled banister, jump to swing self over banister and land in living room. Instead a balustrude (one of the little poles connecting step to bannister, comes loose and hits my knee. I lose balance, DROP ON BALUSTRUDE!! Impale self on balustrude, and hang their like a cooked goose on a spit. Fall to ground, crying naturally, crawl to couch and wait for mum to come home.

Off I go to the hospital, AGAIN! Naturally, it's a male doctor, and I have to peel down my underwear, 'cuz yes, I impaled myself right above my groin.
Lots of iodine and stuff like that, later...i go home and bitch out the banister, and am forever cured of my jump and swing.

Sadly, I have so many more stories like that...i'm constantly walking into stuff. lol.

[silverwriter01]

Jude, I can now inform my klutzy friends that there is someone worse out there. I want to put you in a plastic bubble save from steps, balustrudes, and....graduate thesis
Still, I don't know if you have Scotti beat but I think she'll let you win. Matter of fact, I'll award you my star of the day for being impaled on a balustrude and surviving all that...

[vnud29]

*stumbles into the studio and grabs head.groans. Walks into makeup and the dressroom like a zombie. Settles in the front desk with squinted eyes*

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. As informed earlier, myself, Chuck, and Courtney were all arrested by the Blank police department last night. Let me tell you, that was not a pleasant experience. Luckily, we got bailed and decided to get shit faced. I'm the only one sober enough to work for the afternoon news. Not by choice mind you, my producer, who happens to be my stupide ass sister, forced me to come. I hate her

Now, for the top news story of the day. The blank Mascot down at the aquarium has finally passed away at the ripe age of 60. Funeral preperations are being made for the poor animal. For more information please visit our website at http://www.FAKEnonews.org.

In another story, I'd like to know if anyone has any aspirin in the studio? Yes you guys, the cameramen, viewers, co-ancors. I have one hell of a headache and I need coffee AND I don't have either. So someone take it away so I may go wallow in self-pity...


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Woah...Jude...that's pretty ruff. I'll help April pay for that bubble man. You may or may not have beaten scotti but damn, you got impaled
I've never known anyone that that's happened to so brava
I'm very happy you survived.

Limits make no sense. I sure hope I like derivitives much better. As far as the bible thing goes, it's for my Ap Lit class so we are just studying it because so much literature alludes to the bible. but the project is stupid lol I wanna stomp and pout like a 5 year old. I've gotta meet up with my group at some girls house in like an hour. Apparently she must have a big house cause she said that we could film at the other side of the house....I'm thinking how big is the house if she said that lol

[silverwriter01]

Umm, My name's Rachel and I was just here to delivery some pizza when this woman showed this microphone in my hand and ran off to the bathroom to throw up. Um, I don't know what to say. Is this thing really on? What news station is this? FAKE News? Didn't they hold the naked swimming event last night? Awesome. Anyway so I like went and bought a Mega Million ticket. The winning numbers were 37-1-17-31-54 and the Mega Ball was 31. I got the Mega Ball and 17 right so I get two dollars out of the 333 million. Yay me right. Um, look, I got pizzas waiting in the car so I better go. Ah, no, all 40 pizzas were paid for online by a Scotti in California. I'll just leave this microphone right here okay. Laters *camera spans to watch the pizza woman leave the building*


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So how big is the house Yuri?

[Jude]

Oh i have her soooooooooooooooooooo beat! ( Meaning Scotti of course) 'Course she might like that! So both Silverwriter and Vnud are in college eh?
I kinda miss those days, I didn't have to fully grow up yet. I mentioned to my mum the other night I was thinking of going back for
another BA only in Small Business Management, and she gave me THE LOOK, right between the eyes! Knocked me silly! She said the
dreaded word...thesis. What thesis? Whose thesis? I have a thesis? No, I have words on pages, and pages, and pages! I should burn it
and start over.

Have fun filming, and by all means, enjoy the Bible, i'm sorta partial to the part that says...Judge not lest you be judged.

[Jude]

oh btw...thanks for the bubble wrap and the gold star! See, mommy, I AM special!

[silverwriter01]

Lol, I'm a senior in college, Vnud(Yuri) is senior in high school. Lol, well at least you have pages upon pages. I have to do a capstone and don't even have an idea to reject in my head yet.

If you did have a thesis, what would it be about Jude?

[Scotti]

Greetings Sports Fans,

Sunny Galore here reporting for LEZBN news . Seems our friends in Florida got in a bit of trouble last night while enjoying the Nekkid Water Games at the F.A.K.E. News complex. Me being the laid back Beach Bum that I am went down to the County Pokie and bailed them all out. I wanted to leave some Dude named Chuck but he cried like a Baby and called me Mommy so he came along as well. Somehow we all ended up at some Joint called Bubba's Beef, Beans, and Beer Poker Palace. I am pretty sure that the Dudettes from F.A.K.E. & LATX News tied poor Chuckie the Chucker to the Mechanical Bull. I don't think that long horn was supposed to suspend poor Chucker above its head like that. It kind of reminded me of a story I heard, bout this College Student that was impaled by the balustrade at her Mama's house. Seems the poor girl was so depressed about the thought of finishing her thesis she pitched herself down the stairs and ended up with a Woody pretty darn near her V-Jay Jay. But I ramble.. errm where was I? huh oh right on Dude thanx(to whispering camera man). Anyway we left poor Chucker in the care of the Bull operator, he had on the most interesting Chaps Dudes. : Well, so after watching the ladies down 10 pitchers of Margeritas, I loaded em' all up in the News Van and Let them back out at the pool party. I think one of them lifted my ATM card, cuz this morning my funds were depleted and I had to borrow money from a bunch of Bridge Construction people to pay for the Hotel. Any donations would be appreciated. I am sure there is more to report from the Aqua Complex, Later Dudes have a Sunny Day..
*hey Frenchy(camera man) is it true? They found some Olympic Swimmer purring and floating around the pudding pool?...

You win JUDE!! owchie.. Damn good thing it was ABOVE the groin...

[vnud29]

Yolanda back and feeling so much better How are is everyone this evening? I hope just as well as I. I'm I the only one to think that the pizza girl was hot? Sadly, I had to hack up my stomach so I couldn't talk. But pizza girl! if you're watchin, call me yeah? Just let the studio know.

On to other news. Because of the amazing events of last night, the studio has decided to hold another event. We will hold an online poll to find out what our next event shall be. Please, submitt your ideas into any of the reporters inboxes. We will get back with you very soon with the results.

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This girls house was huge. It had two separate buildings, and it was right on the water. I was like....in shock with my friend eric. The filming was really great though, our video is hilarious. I think we will post it up on youtube when it's done. I love it.

[silverwriter01]

A poll now that's a good idea, Yuri. Physics has chiseled out my brain too much to write a news report.....ugg, spent two hours working on one problem. Took an hour for me to find the right equation and then another hour to figure out I was looking at the graph wrong. God you should have seen me, I swore so bad at the computer...

I want to see this youtube video. Lol, I'll need a laugh. In trade, I'll send you a link to me and my friend playing in wal-mart. You don't see me but you can hear me.

Jude, Scotti declared you the winner. You truly are special.

[vnud29]

lol alright I'll let ya know when it's up. Playing in wally world? Man that's crazy....sounds fun I so gotta try that one day.
Our story was the prodigal son, so we made the son (who is actually a girl) a gangsta. an asian gangsta at that lol
Two hours? Man I feel for you, at least you finally figured out your problem. If you haven't solved it you could always take a fresh look at it tomorrow. Over stressing is bad.

[Jude]

*Takes a bow...The All-Time Winner and Klutzo Champion!

Actually I do have a thesis, it's buried somewhere in the pages, Silverwriter. I'm getting my MA in Northeastern Historical Archaeology. I can't help it, I love digging in the dirt, and I get very excited about shards and broken glass and post holes. Plus cargo shorts are an acceptable part of the uniform.

I'm doing a comparative analysis of women who smoked clay pipes from 1640-1820. I've "divided" the women by geography: New England and the Chesapeake (Virginia, Maryland area). I'm looking at economy, ethnicity, and religion. Why is the culture of women smoking clay pipes so different in these areas, even though the areas were settled around the same time period, and the settlers came from many of the same countries. So...aye. I LOVE clay pipes, you have no idea. And they are probably the most useful diagnostic tool for an archaeologist in the US. If you hand me a clay pipe, I could probably tell you the country it was made in, and when it was made within 3 decades.

Now I know what you are thinking! No shame in it. I'm positively BRILLIANT!!! Oh that wasn't what you were thinking? Hmmm? Geek? You think i'm a GEEK!!! I'll have you know...you are absolutely right and I embrace it!

What are you studying, SW?

[vnud29]

I love geeks I'm one too.

I got the link for my project now. Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-waqjMEqWU

[Jude]

Stellar job, Vnud! Especially loved the choice of music very fitting.

[vnud29]

Thanks It was ok for only a weeks notice. And having yesterday beginning with no ideas on how to film it lol But I hope we get brownie points on the mccarthy tattoo. McCarthy is our teachers last name lol I'll pass your regards to the rest of the group.

[silverwriter01]

Lol, I love geeks and like Yuri, I am one as well. My major is mathematics. I know what you're thinking. Yes, I am crazy. I also have enough electives to have a minor in sociology but I don't want to go through the paperwork to make it legally so. Your thesis sounds pretty interesting. I think its better then you believe. If I ever find a clay pipe, I'll be sure to ask you for info.

Yuri I love the video. I laughed forever over the father welcoming the son home. Ah, look, there you are in the credits and you walked by to throw paper at the son.

And as promised, here is my video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xjAgBiA ... re=related.

[silverwriter01]

Can frozen oatmeal kill someone? Tonight at 11.

[Jude]

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous video, SW! and aye, mathematics...ugh. My absolute worst subject. I took Physics in college,
and never have i worked so hard for an A. Hat's off to you!

You know the part in the Bible that says, "And the meek shall inherit the earth." Well pretty sure that is a translation error and it actually is
"And the geeks shall inherit the earth."

[silverwriter01]

I'm Sherry Fibber back from my hangover. Okay it's not eleven but it's close. Those margaritas with extra tequila on the side get you every time. Has anyone seen Chuck by the way? Our main story tonight is can frozen oatmeal kill someone? The answer is, yes in the wrong or klutzy hands. Also frozen turkeys dropped from the counter can break your pets back so keep them out from underfoot. This news broadcast has been sponsored by Quacker Oats and Butterball Turkeys. Now, Yolanda, you were saying about this pizza delivery woman....

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Lol, thanks, but the credit goes to my pal Christina. She came up with that stuff off the top of her head. I just tried to keep the camera still and to keep from laughing...I failed at both.

Physics....uggggggggggggggggggggggghhh. I think I'll do my capstone on why pure math students hate physics. It's like, you ask any other person what their worst subject is, they say math. You ask a math major what their worst subject is, they say Physics.

I told my roommate (a 100% preacher's daughter) your bible translation Jude and she laughed. You a funny lady.

[scottigrl]

Hey EXCUSE ME!!! Do any of you wack job Furkin' Floridians know why my ATM card has over $1,000.00 charged to some Pizza Delivery Service? Names Rainbow Brite We Shine Allnite Delivery with a Twinkle. HUH HUH its all being delivered to YoYo Landa Meet and Greet House of Howdy.. WTF?? I am going back to the BEACH bunch a freakin freeloadin horny no talent @#$%&.. Come on over Sunny @#$%& It'll be fun, we'll have some laughs#$%@& yeah RIGHT!!!! @#$$%%% (Looks sideways) yeah Frenchy what do you want??? The flights been cancelled WTF WHY?? Frozen Oatmeal fell out of a FED MEX plane and onto the flight tower???? No Furkin Way DUDE..... CRAZY ASS STATE...I WANT TO GO HOME.... No CHUCK!! I Told you I will not take you back to California so you can go visit the HARRIS CATTLE RANCH. Crazy Ass people @#$%&*