Often times when I think about my baby, I think of us in terms of 'always and forever'. However, as I've grown older, I've come to realize, that like all time, forever and always are indefinite. We always say infinite. But, if truth be told, love today can end in heartache tomorrow.
What a trick indefiniteness is.
So I sat listening to music, our song in fact, and thinking of all the plans that we have for tomorrow. Then something stuck me. Hard. What if I don't have tomorrow? What if she doesn't? It's not something I ever thought I would find myself thinking about. I guess I chose to stay blind to the fact that people are living shorter lives. Sudden illnesses, heart attacks, and the like. Or what about just growing old and growing apart?
I said all of that to say, I love my girl. Infinitely. But if there ever came a time and we had to separate for whatever reason, there are some things I want her to know now, as they'll stand always. No matter what Time has in store for either of us.
First of all, I love her. I love her in every sense of the word. There is not a day that goes by that my thoughts are not truly with her. She is my life force. Since the day we met, everything in me has been built for and made ready to love her with everything that I am.
Secondly, I respect her. I know most people think that respect is automatic when it comes to love. But to be honest, I've seen and experienced, unfortunately, some relationships where the respect level was ?..low. I respect her mind and the way she expresses thoughts and feelings. Always making me see her point of view and always taking time to really understand mine.
Next, I admire her. Never have I been so in awe of any woman that I have been romantically involved in. She is amazing and, in my eyes, she can do NO wrong. I find myself looking, or should I say, staring at her in wonder. The way she loves, the way she lives, the way she cares about others. Her passion, her compassion, her humanity. I admire that because she gives freely to others those things that I want only to give to her. I know, it's selfish on my part but what can I do? I love her.
Finally, I am humbled by her. She has seen into my very soul and chosen to love me anyway. Her belief in me has made me want to be a better person. Initially, it was for her. But now I know that it is because of her.
I have to admit, that losing my baby is not something that I like to dwell upon. But if time for me where to stop right now, then these are the things I'd want her to know.
Moreover, I want you to know that none of this is one-sided. I could not and would not write something like this if I felt it wasn't returned. No?I'm old enough now to know better. No. This is for her and her alone.
For my life, my love?..my everything.