"Is it straight?"
"For the fifth time, it's straight."
"Should I just take it off?"
"I think it looks sexy."
"Sure, but is it too 'gay'?"
"No honey, all the straight women wear ties to meet their girlfriend's parents."
Riley Fairbanks groaned and all but ripped off the black tie she had on, "who am I kidding, I'm not going to a fune?" she trailed off, thinking for a second, "Does your father own guns?"
Rachel Green, her amused girlfriend, chuckled, "Daddy has his prized 12 point deer stuffed on his office wall? he has guns. Several in fact, all carefully polished and loved for." She found a certain humor in the fact that the normally confident Riley was fretting so much about formally meeting her parents, leading her to the verge of a freak-out.
Riley's eyes bulged and she ran back into the closet, searching for a new outfit other than the dress shirt and vest with tie she had on before.
"I'm gonna get shot and sent off to a taxidermist," she muttered in the closet, loud enough for Rachel to hear.
"Oh sweetie," Rachel laughed, "come on out of the closet, you're not the first girl I've brought home yanno."
Riley poked her head out, "I'm fully aware, but the last one didn't leave me a good field to play. I think your father still has his pitch fork and lynch mob at the ready."
"Think of it this way? Monica left such a bad impression that the field is ripe for you to come on in and use your charms to win over my parents," she tried to convince Riley as she applied eyeliner.
Silence prevailed for a minute until Riley came back out of the closet, dressed in a v neck t-shirt with a vest. She walked over to Rachel and hugged her from behind.
"I just want them to like me," she quietly said.
"They're gonna love you honey, because they'll see how much we love each other, and the respect and devotion you treat me with. You're the partner they always wanted for me."
A smile blossomed on Riley's face and Rachel turned around to look her in the eyes.
"So stop freaking out and let's go have dinner with my family, kay?" She entreated her love with a kiss.
Riley took a deep breath, "let's go!"
She grabbed Rachel by the hand with a confidence she didn't really feel and led her out of the small apartment.
*****
The Honda pulled up in front of a two story farmhouse. Most of the way over, Riley had nervously used her lap as a drum set, tapping along with her frazzled thoughts. Rachel took it until she could no more, reaching over and grabbing one of her girlfriend's hands, squeezing it in reassurance.
When they pulled up, Rachel turned the ignition off and turned towards her scared passenger.
"Just make sure to don't look him in the eyes, and oh, don't sit in his chair. Don't hug my mother for too long, and compliment his gun collection," she instructed Riley with mock seriousness.
"Now you're just being mean."
"If you say so?" Rachel shrugged and got out of the car without saying anything else, starting up the drive.
Riley quickly scrambled behind her and pleaded, "you were kidding? right?"
"Totally," Rachel said in an un-assuring manner.
"Rach," Riley whined in that cute way she couldn't resist.
Rachel giggled and stopped walking, facing Riley.
"Breathe, I was kidding. Now, let's go inside before my mother breaks her neck from craning it through the kitchen window."
They turned and finished the ascent up the drive and onto the wrap-around porch.
Rachel opened the door and announced, "Mom, Dad, I'm hoooommmeee!"
Patricia Green strode over to her daughter and hugged her for all it was worth, "Rachey! You've been gone for far too long!"
"Sorry Ma, but I brought that elusive girlfriend you've been questioning about with me."
"Ah, yes," Patricia gave Riley a welcoming smile, "and what a beautiful girl she is. Hello, I'm Patricia Green, Rachel's mother."
"It is a pleasure to meet you ma'am, I've heard such wonderful things, especially about your culinary skills," Riley greeted with a twinkle in her eye.
"My daughter and her bottomless pit! Well, you two will be glad to know I've been in the kitchen whipping up some delights for supper tonight. Just follow me and I'll take you to Wesley, Rachel's father," she explained to Riley, "he's in his office and I wanted to surprise him when you two got here. He's missed Rachel so much lately."
The two lovers followed Rachel's mother through the living room and down a hallway.
She opened a door and they followed her through.
"Wesley, look what the cat drug in!" Her mother announced.
Rachel's father looked up surprised, "Oh, Rachel! You just caught me cleaning my shotgun!"
Riley's heart skipped a beat.
"Ahh, this must be the new girl you always talk about?"
THE END.