Not long after moving in, Amanda had been shocked to find out that Claire hadn't taken an actual bath since she was a child. It was a situation the shorter woman quickly remedied. Amanda easily considered the gigantic tub one of their finest acquisitions as a couple. Though she had to admit, she had done most of the comparison-shopping. To her amusement, shopping with Claire consisted of the taller woman entering a store, scanning the merchandise, and grunting in the direction of what she wanted.

Amanda smiled warmly at the memory of 'initiating' her lover into the joys of a nice roomy tub. Now, just 6 weeks later, she had as much trouble getting Claire out of the tub as she did Missy. Which was okay, she supposed, considering she felt the same way. After the long communal bath and a quick dinner, Missy was exhausted and went to sleep without the usual fuss that accompanied bedtime. And both Amanda and Claire were looking forward to time alone together.

The young therapist donned a pair of soft flannel, tartan pajamas and deposited herself on the low padded stool that sat in front of a mahogany dressing table. The lighting in the bedroom was muted, casting a soft, golden glow around the room. Mossy green eyes scanned the tabletop.

"Sweetheart, have you...?"

A large soft bristled brush suddenly appeared in front of Amanda. The blonde looked up into the large mirror to see Claire standing behind her with a grin twitching at her lips.

"Thanks." She took the offering. "What's so funny?" Strong fingers began kneading Amanda's shoulders. "Ugh." The pale head tipped forward. "That… feels… awesome."

"Aren't you gonna ask where I found it?"

"What?" Amanda was finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than the loving attention her tired shoulder muscles were receiving.

Claire smirked. "The brush. Aren't you gonna ask where I found the brush?" Deft fingers moved up into the fine blonde hairs at the base of Amanda's skull.

"Hmm...Yeah, right there," Amanda groaned as her head dropped lower. "Ah, I wasn't. But you can tell me anyway."

"The crisper."

Amanda looked at the mirror in confusion and Claire laughed lightly, deciding further elaboration was clearly in order. "It was in the crisper with the peaches."

The psychologist’s eyebrows shot skyward and she brought the brush to her nose for a sniff. "Mmm. I wondered what that smell was." Shaking her head, she let out a small laugh. "Missy was using it this morning so I'm not surprised. She’s really getting into everything. Hey, you don't have any guns do you?" Amanda teased.

"Nope." The taller woman slid her hands down to rest on rounded shoulders. She knelt behind the shorter woman, unable to keep herself from leaning closer to her companion. "No guns," she chuckled, enjoying the sweet scent of Amanda’s freshly shampooed hair.

Snaking her arm around Amanda, Claire held her hand out for the brush, which she received with a smile. The lawyer began gently brushing her lover's unruly tresses. I guess this job won't take as long as it used to. Experimentally, she ran her long fingers through the shaggy short locks. Hmm. I've been dying to this for days. Why did I wait so long?

Amanda sighed, loving the feeling of Claire's strong hands caressing her scalp. "Are you mad at me for cutting it?" Amanda suddenly whispered.

"What?" Confusion colored the deep voice. "Why would I be mad?"

Amanda shifted her position until she was facing Claire. She studied her partner with a serious expression. "Well, you hardly spoke to me that evening or the next day for that matter."

"But… it… I didn’t…" The lawyer stopped her confused babbling. Shit! Blue eyes conveyed regret. "No. That wasn’t it at all." She reached up and lightly stroked the soft skin of Amanda’s cheek. "Your hair looks beautiful," she said earnestly. You’re beautiful. "I should have told you that before." Stupid! Stupid!

"Then you’re not mad?" Amanda questioned, still a little insecure over her partner’s initial reaction.

In response, Claire leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against her mate's. She fought the urge to deepen the kiss when the soft lips against hers parted naturally. Claire pulled back and brought up her palms, cupping the smaller woman’s cheeks. "I was never mad, just insensitive." And self-centered, and obsessed with work. "Forgive me?" There was a hint of pleading in the voice that drew a worried frown from the younger woman.

"Of course I forgive you." She smiled reassuringly and tangled her hands in dark thick hair, pulling Claire closer. "What’s wrong, Gumby?" she asked gently. "And don’t you dare tell me nothing. You’ve been saying that for weeks and we both know it’s not true," she added firmly.

"Tonight was fun, huh?"

The warm palms dropped from Amanda’s face, and she fought her own irritation at the apparent change in subjects. "It was great," she answered cautiously, not understanding the direction of the conversation. "We haven’t spent time together like that in a while. But…"

We do need to talk. "Let’s talk in bed, okay?" Claire stood up and grasped Amanda’s forearms to help her up.

"Ouch!" Amanda grimaced and quickly pulled her arms back, causing her to plop back down onto the stool.

"I’m sorry, Mandy," Claire said in a rush. "I didn’t mean to hurt you. I…" Dark brows knit in confusion. "I didn’t grab you that hard. What’s the matter with your arms?" Without waiting for an answer, Claire pushed back a loose fitting flannel sleeve exposing bruises that were clearly in the shape of fingers. The darker woman felt her hackles rise and she instantly took hold of the other arm, silently repeating the process. Where did these come from and why didn’t I see these in the tub? Did the bubbles hide these? They weren’t there yesterday.

"Ow… I forgot about these." Amanda briskly rubbed her arms and pushed down her sleeves. "I was hoping they wouldn’t bruise," she went on, oblivious to her companion's building rage.

Claire’s worry for her lover was warring against her hurt and anger. Why didn’t she tell me about these?! Anger won. "Did you get these when you went to visit your father today?" Claire’s voice was low and controlled, giving no hint of her internal struggle for control.

"Of course not! My father would never hurt me!" Amanda was clearly shocked by question.

A dark eyebrow arched. "And I’m sure you would have said the same thing about your mother. But if I recall, you were sporting a bruise on your face after your last visit with her," she intoned sarcastically. "And you didn’t tell me about that either, I had to hear it from Jody."

"That was a one time thing under extreme circumstances and you know it." The smaller woman's temper flared at her partner's implied lack of trust. "Are you accusing me of lying?" Amanda asked angrily as she stood up and faced Claire.

"Are you?" The attorney slammed her fist down on Amanda's dressing table causing a loud crack to ring out in the room. Why is everyone protecting people that hurt them! Claire couldn’t help but draw the parallel between Amanda and the case she’d grudgingly pleaded down earlier that day.

"I can’t believe you’re even asking me that," she spat, her anger rushing out in full force. "What the hell is wrong with you? Of course I’m not lying! How dare you even say that?"

Amanda began to storm out of the room, but before she got to the door she changed her mind and spun around to face Claire once again. Her hands were on her hips and green eyes were flashing as she approached her partner. "Well? I'm still waiting for some answers! WHAT… IS… WRONG?" she shouted furiously, her voice rising in volume with each punctuated word.

"Mama? Cwairr?" A small voice sounded from outside the bedroom door.

Both woman immediately went silent, realizing that Missy probably had awoken because of their argument. Amanda shot Claire a look, letting her know that their discussion wasn’t over, before opening the bedroom door.

Poor kid. Isn't this the stuff that's supposed to give kids nightmares? I know it does me. Claire stepped forward alongside Amanda and looked down at a bottom lip that was quivering and cheeks that were glistening with tears.

The older woman knelt in front the child and pushed back a lock of blonde hair that was sticking up wildly in all directions. Just like her mama. "What’s wrong, Kiddo?" she questioned softly, still trying to stem the tide of adrenaline coursing through her.

The toddler wiped her eyes and sniffed pathetically. "Nothin'."

"If there’s nothing wrong then why are you up?" Amanda asked kindly as she wiped the tears from Missy’s face. "Do you want me to tuck you in?"

The pale head nodded, and Claire stepped back allowing Amanda to pick up Missy and exit the room.

GODDAMMIT! Claire clenched and unclenched her fists as she stalked around the empty room, not knowing how to handle her anger. She was furious with Amanda for not telling her what happened, livid at whoever had hurt her, and just plain disgusted with her own inappropriate reaction. No wonder I’ve lived alone all these years. I’m too pathetic to handle anything more. The attorney stood in the center of her bedroom, helplessly ill-equipped when it came to what to do next. She quickly disregarded the choices that immediately came to mind. Somehow, getting drunk or confronting everyone who came in contact with Amanda today didn’t strike her as particularly comforting. Although, she had to admit, both ideas were appealing in their own way.

The tall woman lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, allowing her insecurities free rein. This is why she’s keeping the condo. She’s probably planning a way to sneak out on the crazy woman at this very moment. I wouldn’t blame her, she thought miserably. Maybe she’s seeing someone else? They could have put those marks on her arms. Maybe she was afraid to tell me, afraid I wouldn't understand?

That would explain why she didn’t tell me. Claire’s stomach twisted at the thought. No, she wouldn’t do that. Things have been strained lately but not that bad. Tonight was great… Well, at least until I started interrogating her.

Blue eyes traveled to the clock and noted the early hour. It was only 9:30 p.m. and Claire knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep for several more hours. After a few more moments of lying alone and stewing, her confusion and hurt finally gave way to indignation. Claire abruptly stood up and walked out of the bedroom. She could hear muffled sounds of Amanda’s melodic voice from the room across the hall, and guessed she was telling Missy a bedtime story. She fought the urge to go into the child’s room and beg Amanda’s forgiveness. She’s the one keeping secrets! Why should I apologize? If she trusted me she would have told me.

Claire padded down the stairs in a rush to be anywhere but in her own home. Part of her knew that it was childish to run from an argument. But a larger part was eager to embrace the quiet solitude of her Pathfinder and the easy companionship of Gumby, who, she irrationally reasoned, never kept secrets and would always love her. No matter how much I fuck-up. At the moment, she was seriously having doubts about Amanda.

Amanda pulled the covers up around Missy's chin and placed a light kiss on the toddler’s cheek before quietly ducking out of the room. She pulled the door closed behind her with a light 'click.' She had heard her lover's hasty retreat down the hall and the loud slamming of the door leading to the garage.

Sometime between the fairy godmother's first appearance and the stroke of midnight, Amanda's anger had begun to cool, only to re-ignite at the sound of the slamming door and the realization that Claire was running away.

Many times when Claire was worried or upset, Amanda would hear the darker woman taking out her frustrations with furious but precise piano keystrokes. She had even learned to gauge the extent her partner's distress by the composer and piece she selected. But tonight the living room was hauntingly silent. This was the first time Claire had simply walked away.

Amanda sighed heavily. Claire’s sour mood and excessive workload had pushed Amanda’s patience to the edge. She knew a confrontation was inevitable but that didn’t ease the sting of Claire’s words. Her mind flashed to angry, azure eyes that had gone watery before Missy’s interruption. God, I hate fighting with her. But not as much as she hates fighting with me, her heart reminded. I know. I know.

The young psychologist went back to their room and glanced ruefully at the large empty bed. Passing over the bed completely, she walked to the window and pulled back the light curtains. It was a hazy, moonless night. But if she looked carefully, she could barely make out the large, heavy flakes that were slowly drifting by the window. I shouldn't worry. I won't worry. She's fine. She’s just angry and needs some time alone to cool down. But despite her words, Amanda knew her heart was driving around somewhere in the cold snow.

I should have told her what happened with Cory. Now she thinks I was intentionally keeping it from her. I wasn’t, dammit! I was having such a nice time tonight, I didn’t even think about it. Amanda reached into the closet and began rooting around on the floor. Finally. She sat down in the doorway of the closet and slipped on a pair of warm fuzzy slippers.

Not wanting to go to bed until she'd a chance to speak with Claire, she decided to go downstairs and spend some time on her latest watercolor. While it wasn’t as dramatic as Claire’s pounding, the soft brush strokes and gentle mixing of colors were relaxing.

The psychologist clicked off the light and headed toward the beautiful studio Claire had lovingly set up in a spare bedroom. As she moved from the second to first floor she noticed the drop in temperature and wrapped her arms around herself, idly wishing she’d remembered to grab a robe. She entered the studio without turning on the light and stood quietly in front of the partially completed picture. Amanda reached out and absently grabbed a brush from a small metal tray and began chewing on the gnarled wooden tip. I have the horrible feeling I’m going to have a long time to work on this.

BOOM… BOOM… BOOM.

Amanda jumped at the sound of someone furiously pounding on the front door causing her to accidentally brush a bright red streak across the ocher paper. "Crap," she muttered. Laying down her brush, she removed her paint smock and checked her watch as she hurried to the front door. 1:00 a.m.? I didn’t realize it was so late. She must have forgotten her house keys.

On pure reflex, she looked through the peephole before opening the door. Mark?

A stab of worry lanced through her as she opened the heavy wooden door for him. Why would he come here so late? When the psychologist opened the door she was greeted with a nearly painful blast of frigid night air, a sheepish looking Mark, and a very drunk Claire.

Mark stood on the porch intently studying his boots with an apologetic look on his face. His thick arm was tightly wrapped tightly around Claire, who was obviously having trouble standing.

Amanda scowled and grabbed both her friends by the front of their coats. With a sharp tug she pulled them into the house. "Get in here. It’s freezing!"

"Owwff. Geeze, Amanda, we’re coming," Mark choked. Uh Oh.

"Well, not fast enough," the blonde groused. She pointed an angry finger at Claire. "You’re damn lucky you're okay, Gumby. I’d have kicked your butt otherwise." The threat was spoken firmly but the crack in her voice belied the emotion underneath. Determined not to show Claire how worried she’d actually been, she turned to Mark. "What happened?" As if it wasn't obvious.

Claire was leaning heavily against her friend, who was doing his level best to make it look like she wasn’t. "She… um… came over to my house… and um… she was really upset… and…"

"Don’t tell me you’ve been drinking too!" Amanda grabbed the tall man’s collar and roughly jerked his face down to hers.

Normally strong self-assured features twisted into a fair imitation of a deer caught in headlights. "No… No!" he sputtered and swallowed hard. "I was driving because she was too drunk!" Mark abruptly pointed to Claire, effectively abandoning his best friend to save himself.

Amanda sniffed loudly as if checking his breath for alcohol. When she was satisfied he was telling the truth, her eyes softened and she released her grip. The big man straightened and breathed an obvious sigh of relief.

Claire snickered at the other attorney’s evident discomfort.

Mark’s eyebrows disappeared behind fair bangs. "Ingrate!" With a jerk, he released Claire from his iron grip and she unceremoniously flopped onto the carpet.

A single contemptuous blue eye rolled up and glared at the beefy man. "You shithead," she slurred before she tried unsuccessfully to pull herself up onto the sofa.

"Mark!" Amanda chastised, but didn’t move to help her partner. Now that she was sure Claire was safe, her temper was beginning to reassert itself.

"She deserves a lot worse than that," he complained. "You should see the inside of my car!"

"Eww." Amanda made a face. "I’d rather not." The shorter woman glanced down at Claire who was now face down on the carpet with a light snoring sound buzzing from her head. She reached down and brushed back dark bangs. You're gonna feel this in the morning. Well, at least it's Saturday. No more running away from me this weekend, Claire. With a soundless sigh, she stepped over her lover’s body and sat down on the couch. A small hand patted the spot next to her and Mark eagerly moved to join her.

"Thanks for bringing her home safely, Mark," she said gratefully, squeezing a muscular shoulder.

He shrugged and unzipped his heavy parka. "Well, of course. You know I'd eat broken glass for either one of you." He smiled wryly. "And spending the evening with Claire when she's angry and depressed and drunk makes ground glass look like an appetizing alternative. Man, and I thought she was upset this afternoon."

"What happened this afternoon?"

"You mean she didn't tell you?" He was obviously surprised. "What's with you guys suddenly keeping secrets from each other?" Mark reached out and gently touched Amanda's forearms. "Claire told me about the bruises." His eyes went deadly serious. "If you're seeing some guy behind Claire's back and he did this and you're afraid..."

"WHAT???" Amanda jumped up and then stumbled as she tripped over Claire's sleeping form. Her mind reeled as she tried to process what Mark had just said. "What do you mean 'seeing' some guy?" she whispered, hoping she'd misunderstood.

"Claire told me that she's been nearly impossible to live with lately and that you didn't tell her about the bruises and..." Mark suddenly stopped and took a good hard look at Amanda's face. She was in shock and it was clear she had no idea what he was talking about. Oh no. Thanks a lot, Buddy. I'm in so deep there isn't a shovel big enough... "There's no guy, is there?" Mark queried in a defeated but relieved tone.

"She thinks I'm having an affair?" Amanda finally asked tonelessly. I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Amanda..."

"Is that what she thinks, or not?" she questioned angrily, her hands involuntarily wringing a soft, pale comforter that lay on the arm of the couch.

"I think you need to talk to Claire about this." But the green eyes that bore into his wouldn't be denied. His will was no match for Amanda's, and he knew it. Not when it came to something that meant this much, that meant everything. "She thinks it's a possibility. She's really upset about the bruises and... well... some other things too." Speaking of which, now that I can think of something other than you breaking my best friend's heart... "Are you okay?"

Amanda's mind was a jumble of past conversations. How could she think I'd do that? She knows how much I love her, doesn't she? I've never even looked at another woman twice! And certainly not a man. Mark was waiting patiently. "Hmm? Oh, sorry, Mark. What did you say?"

"I asked if you were okay. These must hurt." With a gentleness that was at odds with his large hands, he gently pushed back one of Amanda's sleeves, exposing an angry bruise that was obvious even in the dimly lit room.

Amanda shooed his hands away dismissively. "These are nothing. They mean nothing. I have a patient, or I guess I should say former patient, who has a crush on me. When I made it clear that I was off-limits, he got frustrated and grabbed my arms. End of story. The only reason I didn't mention it to Claire was that it slipped my mind. I'm sure I'll never even see the kid again."

"Did you call the police?"

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Of course not. Mark, he's just a confused kid who thinks there might be something between us."

"Define kid."

"God, you're as bad as Claire. Fine. He's twenty years old. A little young for me in any case." Amanda's eyes traveled down to Claire. On the other hand, you my dear are perfect for me. The therapist shook her head in amazement. Even with you passed out drunk and furious with me, all I can think about is how much I ache to wrap my arms around you and love you until your insecurities and doubts evaporate.

"Oh right, and you're sooo old. Twenty-nine right? Believe me, Amanda, when I was twenty if I'd of thought I had a chance at fabulous woman like you I would have had majorly pathetic crush. But under no circumstances would I have ever grabbed you. A twenty-year-old is a man, not a kid. I want to check this guy out downtown."

"You're overreacting, Mark. Besides, I don't care anything about that now. It's over. The situation with Claire isn't." Amanda suddenly remembered Mark's earlier statement.

"What happened earlier today to upset her?"

Mark blew out a heavy breath and rubbed his temples as though the very subject matter gave him a headache. "Claire was ordered to offer a plea bargain to Mr. Hanson. Are you familiar with the case?" It was clear that the couple hadn't been talking much lately, and even though the case was extremely important to Claire, Mark wasn't sure she'd even mentioned it to Amanda.

Amanda's head bobbed up and down. "She's been working day and night on it."

Good. "He accepted the plea. No rape charges, the girls stay in the house, and he does less than a year in jail. It's a conviction, but I don't think that's making Claire feel any better. The first time she met the youngest Hanson girl, the kid starting crying and Claire promised she'd help her. I think she feels like she let everybody down, especially the kid."

"But what happened wasn't her fault!" But of course you wouldn't believe that, would you, Gumby.

"I know. And I think Claire does too. It's just that her heart is having trouble agreeing with her head."

Amanda sighed. The tall man knew Claire inside and out. "Don't worry, Mark. I'll talk to her tomorrow and we'll work all this out. I should never have let things get this far out of hand. I don't know why she always so insecure about..." About us.

"Probably because of what happened with Sarah," he answered absently.

"Who?"

Hazel eyes widened. She never told you about Sarah? SHIT... FUCK... SHIT... She's gonna kill me! Dead man walking! SHIT. "Um...ah," he hedged.

"That was a girl she knew in college right? She mentioned her when we first starting going out but didn't hasn't said anything about her since. What would she have to do with this?"

Amanda's curiosity was piqued. Although, her normally reticent partner had opened up about a lot of things, Claire was still an intensely private person. And the subject of old lovers, while not exactly taboo, was an area she was extremely reluctant to discuss. Amanda likened it to pulling teeth... from a porcupine... a wiggling, agitated porcupine.

"Yeah, she knew her in college. Listen Amanda, I..."

Amanda forced down her own inquisitiveness out of respect for both her Claire and Mark. "Relax. I'd never ask you to betray Claire's trust. She'll tell me when she's ready."

Thick pale eyebrows shot upward and Mark's lips formed a small circle. "Wow," he finally uttered. "I can't believe you're gonna let me off the hook." His smile turned wry. "Claire wouldn't have, you know." He laughed a little, relieved he may actually live to see Christmas. "She makes Curious George look dull."

The two blondes both chuckled at the truth of Mark's words. Claire's curiosity, drive, and dedication made her a terrific advocate. She left no stone unturned, and because of that, was rarely beaten. Unfortunately, behind the competent, stern exterior, was a woman who tended to take things personally. And Amanda understood that, for Claire, the adjustment from corporate law to criminal law was a difficult one. The tall woman cared little about money. But she did care about people, and in her new arena, the victims were disturbingly real and their suffering hauntingly vivid.

"So you guys are gonna be okay, right?" he asked hopefully. "You know that you're my role model for a happy relationship. Sometimes watching you guys is downright sickening."

"Of course we'll be okay. We just haven't taken the time to sit down and really talk to each other lately. But that's gonna change this weekend." Even if I have to tie her down. "Speaking of relationships, how are things going with you and Jody?" Amanda grinned and wriggled her eyebrows.

A huge smile caused deep creases to form in Mark's cheeks. No wonder Jody's so crazy about you, Mark. You are truly gorgeous. Amanda pushed down a brief flash of jealously. Although Mark was clearly happy with Jody, his feelings for his best friend were impossible to miss. He simply worshipped Claire and vice versa. When the two were together, their looks and sheer presence would put any Hollywood couple to shame. They didn't just turn heads, jaws dropped.

"Great!" The smile suddenly dropped from his face. "Although, she's been awfully quiet for the last few weeks. I kind of get the idea she doesn't much like the holidays."

Amanda frowned in answer. "That's not something I've ever noticed before, but I guess it's possible." Then again, I usually spend the holidays with my family so how would I know. Not this year, she thought sadly. But as real as that heartache was, it was substantially eased by the simple fact that she had Missy and Claire. Although she loved her parents, her feelings for them weren't even in the same realm with what she felt for her lover and daughter. Amanda found herself looking forward to this Christmas in a way she hadn't since she was a child.

"Do you think Jody ever thinks about spending her life with someone?" Mark asked out of the blue. His eyes betrayed a deep need to know that his voice didn't.

Amanda tried not to sound shocked by the question. "Are you talking about a long-term commitment like marriage?"

He looked away. "Maybe." That's exactly what he was talking about and he knew it.

Now it was Amanda's turn to be uncomfortable. "Well, honestly I was surprised when she got married the first time. Jody's always been kind of a free spirit. And after what happened with Chester, I'm really not sure she'd consider it again," Amanda finished honestly, hoping she hadn't hurt the big man's feelings.

"Her ex-husband really did a number on her, didn't he?" It was a statement more than a question.

The reddish-gold head nodded. "He was, and is, a despicable excuse for a human being," she hissed, her voice tinged with venom. "He deserves coal in his Christmas stocking for the next thousand years. Not everyone stays friends like you and your ex," she added whistfully.

"We needed to stay friendly because of the boys." He shrugged. "And she's an excellent mother, that's what's important now. We actually have a better relationship now than we ever did while we were married."

"That's not the case with Jody and Chester."

"I know. Jody told me about finding Chester in bed with another woman. I can only imagine how she must have felt."

Amanda cringed at the painful memory. "I don't have to imagine it. I was there. We'd just returned from the out-of-town wedding of one our buddies from our old National Guard unit. We walked in on them..." Amanda gestured wildly "...you know." She dropped her hands. "Jody was beside herself."

Mark's face darkened and he shifted deeper into the couch, obviously distressed. "I'd like to beat the shit out of that guy."

To his surprise, Amanda laughed. "You don't have to worry about that. Jody already took care it. She broke his nose and three ribs; if I hadn't finally stepped between them, I'm not sure he'd be walking around today."

"And the woman?"

Amanda snorted. "You mean the girl? She was his seventeen-year-old summer intern. I ushered her out the door with a kick in the ass before Jody could get to her." She quirked her lips. "Two murders would have been a little excessive, don't ya think?"

Mark smiled weakly, though he was convinced that at least one would have been justified. "Yeah, I suppose so."

The therapist laid a gentle hand on Mark's knee. "Be patient with her, Mark. She's had a rough time. On top of the humiliation of his affair, she got taken to the cleaners in the divorce and she is still very bitter."

"I'm in love with her," he said as though it were a revelation.

Green eyes twinkled gently and Amanda fought the urge to say 'duh.' Mark wore his feelings on his sleeve for the entire world to see. "I know." She smiled reassuringly.

"I should go."

"You should stay," came the warm response. "It's really late and the guest room is sitting empty."

"Nah, the boys are gonna be at my place early for our Christmas shopping trip." His eyes traveled to his passed out friend and back to Amanda. "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"You bet! She's not getting out of shopping because of a little hangover. We'll be there," she added confidently. Assuming we don't kill each other first. "Besides, Missy's been talking about seeing Keith and Bobby for days. I don't want to disappoint her."

Mark slapped his hands down on his thighs and leaned forward. "Okay then, let's get her to bed." Despite the innocent meaning behind the statement, he blushed.

"You are so cute!" Amanda laughed and leaned over to give him a soft peck on the cheek.

"Yeah... well..." The blush deepened.

Having pity, Amanda stood up and carefully moved around Claire. She held a hand out to Mark. "C'mon, I'll lead the way."

"Oh my God!" Claire groaned. "I'm dead and this is hell."

A light chuckle sounded in the background and Claire heard the rustling of the curtains. Suddenly, a painfully bright light blinded her.

"Time to get up, oh suffering one."

"Ugh... Kill me... I'm begging you!" The lawyer buried her throbbing head into her pillow and tried to block out any trace of irritating light. Then Claire remembered the fight she and Amanda had the night before. With a unpleasant grunt, the dark head lifted and Claire pried open her eyes to spy on her partner.

Amanda was standing in front of the window, backlit by the streaming rays of morning sun and looking adorably disheveled. She had a serious case of 'bed head'. Her oversized pajamas were wrinkled and hanging slightly to the side, and her face was still creased from the pillow case seam. To Claire's eyes she was the most exquisite creature in all the universe.

"Are you still talking to me?" Claire's voice cracked. Her tongue felt twice its normal size and like it was lined with a fine grained sandpaper.

"It would appear so. Would you like some water?"

Claire nodded pathetically and accepted the cool glass from Amanda. "Thank you." She gingerly took a sip, hoping her stomach wouldn't decide to rebel. Pleased with the outcome, she closed her eyes and drank a little more. "Oh, that is so good." She opened her eyes again when she felt several tablets being pushed into her palm. Without a word, she downed the pain relievers. Another long swallow and she finished the water, placing the glass back in Amanda's outstretched hand.

The younger woman sat the glass on the nightstand and perched on the bed alongside Claire. Affectionately, she pulled aside an errant wisp of dark hair that had worked its way across Claire's cheek. Her lips replaced her fingers with a feather-soft kiss.

Bloodshot blue eyes immediately filled with tears. "Mandy, why are you being so nice to me?" she whispered.

Amanda cocked her head to the side and smiled gently down at her friend. "Because I can tell you're hurting and even though you did it to yourself, I can't stand to see you in pain." Smooth fingertips traced Claire's eyebrows causing her eyes to flutter shut at the sweet contact. "When you hurt, I hurt too," continued the sincere response. "But mostly because I love you."

When Claire's eyes opened again, the tears that had been steadily pooling, spilled out. She ran a frustrated hand across her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying," she sniffed.

"You shouldn't drink, Gumby," Amanda softly chided. "It always makes you feel worse." The psychologist grabbed a Kleenex from the nightstand and carefully wiped Claire's face. "Can we talk about yesterday?" she asked hesitantly, not wanting to rush Claire, but not wanting to wait either.

The brunette moaned and Amanda jumped to her feet. "Are you going to be sick?" she said in a rush.

It was a full minute before Claire knew how to answer Amanda's question. "No, I don't think so, and yes, we should talk about last night." With great effort, the larger woman scooted over in the bed and motioned for Amanda to slide in next to her. The blonde did so without hesitation and Claire shifted onto her back, pulling Amanda closer. Just having her next to me makes me feel better.

Amanda noticed Claire's sigh of relief. "Feeling better?" she asked in a voice so full of concern that Claire nearly melted on the spot.

"Much. Thank you. And by the way, I love you too." Her own face broke out into a smile when she felt Amanda's lips curl against the skin on her chest. Okay, it's now or never. "Will you tell me what happened to your arms?"

Amanda pulled back a little and propped herself on one elbow. "Of course I'll tell you." She reached out and grabbed the edge of the blanket, pulling tightly around them both. "Things got out of hand with a patient. He was hoping our relationship could be more than therapist/patient. He got frustrated when I assured him it couldn't, and he grabbed my arms. Then he let me go and stormed out of the office." The short version but still...

Claire pulled Amanda into a tight hug, adjusting her across her chest. "You're not seeing him again." She felt Amanda's head shake no. "He didn't do anything else, did he?" The lawyer's worry leaked through into her voice.

"No. I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't mention it earlier." VERY sorry. "I was enjoying myself so much last night it didn't even cross my mind. I wasn't trying to keep it from you."

Amanda lifted her head and looked directly into Claire's eyes. "I promise." Her tone left no room for doubt.

Thank God. Claire felt a profound rush of relief. It wasn't Jody or one of her parents or...Uh Oh. Oh shit, let me have kept my mouth shut while I was drinking... just this once. Mark is worse than a gossipy fishwife.

Amanda snuggled back down onto Claire, happy that at least that much of their misunderstanding appeared to be settled.

"It was nice of Mark to bring me home," Claire tentatively began.

"Very nice," Amanda agreed.

"Did he stay long after he dropped me off?" Say no, say no, say no.

"Actually, yes. He stayed a while and we had a really nice talk."

Shit. Of course you did. Marko undoubtedly spilled his guts.

"Oh really?" Claire was going for total nonchalance. "Talk about anything interesting?"

"Umm...Hmm. Several very interesting things."

Must my every insecurity be paraded in front of Mandy? "He told you didn't he?" Claire asked defeatedly.

"I guess that would depend on exactly what you're referring to. But it really doesn't matter. Suppose you tell me how you could... I mean why..." She choked on the bitter taste of the words. "Why you think that I might be seeing 'some guy'." How, when I'm lying here in your arms in our bed, could you even think something so...so...ridiculous? Amanda tried to keep the anger and hurt out of her voice. The last thing she wanted was for this to escalate into another argument.

Claire closed her eyes again. How could I think that? Did I really think that? Christ, I don't know. "Mandy, it's... well it's hard to explain." Long arms wrapped tighter around her partner, hoping to convey a physical reassurance her words didn't.

That's not good enough, Claire. Amanda schooled herself in patience. "Try."

"Do we have time for this?" Claire asked, hoping for a reprieve. "Isn’t Missy going to come charging in here at any moment?"

"Yes and no. Missy woke up early and is already asleep again. It’s later than you think. Talk." Talk to me before I beat it out of you. Talk!

Claire took a deep breath, then exhaled in a long tortured groan. Amanda could feel the nervous tension roiling through her partner. After a few moments of silence, when she was sure Claire wasn’t going to answer, she carefully prompted the other woman again.

"Please, Claire. Please talk to me."

There. That was all it took. Claire knew she couldn’t deny Amanda anything when she attached that word to it. Another exhale. "Mandy, I never really believed you were seeing someone else. I was just feeling lousy and decided to wallow in something I knew would make me even more miserable." Man, was I ever right. "And that was the worst thing I could think of," Claire confessed in a wistfully painful voice that made Amanda’s heart hurt.

At last. Getting Claire to talk about what’s bothering her was always the hardest part. "Why would you want make yourself miserable?" Amanda felt a rush of protectiveness surge through her and found it odd that sometimes the person she most wanted to protect Claire from was herself.

"Because I’ve been feeling exceptionally stupid lately," she offered lamely. "All kinds of crazy thoughts have been rattling around in my head."

Amanda propped herself up again to look at her lover, confident that once Claire started, she wouldn’t stop. "I’m sorry about the Hanson case. I know it didn’t end the way you wanted it to."

How did she...? Oh yeah. Mark. "You’re right, it didn’t." I need to make this good. "Mandy, I am so sorry I accused you of lying. Seeing the bruises hit a nerve. Those girls are all being hurt and they can’t or won’t move to stop it. I couldn’t bear the thought that you might be protecting someone who had hurt you." Claire’s hand traced Amanda’s arm as she spoke.

"How do you do it?" Claire wondered aloud. With strong arms, she pulled the smaller woman on top her and lowered her voice. "How do you deal with these types of issues all the time without going crazy?" she asked in frustration. "I… I can’t stop thinking about how it was my job to help those girls, even when they wouldn’t help themselves... and I just couldn’t."

Whoa. I should have known this case was really bothering her. I still ask myself that from time to time. "A lot of it is practice, I guess. I mean, you can’t become so emotionally involved that it makes the job impossible. But unlike you, I have the luxury of not intentionally dealing with certain kinds of cases. Have you ever heard me talk about counseling kids, not teenagers, but children?"

Claire shook her head. "Are you bad at it?" she questioned, finding it hard to believe that Amanda wouldn’t be especially great with kids.

The blonde paused for a moment and allowed herself to truthfully consider the question. "No," she finally answered. "I think I do a good job with that particular patient. But it’s too consuming. I can’t distance myself the way I should, and my personal life suffers because of it. I very rarely take those cases anymore. And even when I do, I work closely with Jody and try to be extremely careful."

Amanda gave in to her body’s craving and placed a light kiss on the lips below hers. "You can’t save everyone, Claire. No matter how much you want to." And just how long did it take me to accept that?

"I know that."

Amanda lifted a challenging eyebrow.

Ugh. That's what I get for falling in love with a shrink. "Okay, I sort of know that."

"What else?"

"Why does there have to be anything else? I’ve been working like a dog on this case, I let the girls down, and that pervert is probably with one of them as we speak! Isn’t that enough?"

"Enough for you to think I might be seeing someone else? I don’t think so," Amanda persisted.

God… I do not want to talk about this. Not now. Not ever.

"I know you don’t want to talk about it. But it’s important."

Claire’s eyes widened. Jesus! Do you read minds now too?

"Yep. But only yours," Amanda answered. Despite the serious nature of their conversation, she couldn’t help but smile at the bug-eyed look on Claire’s face. "C'mon, Claire. You’re so nervous you’re practically making me sick. It wasn’t hard to figure out." The smaller woman placed a reassuring kiss on Claire’s cheek and then moved her lips next to Claire’s ear. "Have I done something that makes you think that?" she said softly.

The attorney screwed up her courage and decided to just ask. It’s better to know, right? NO! I don’t wanna know. If she goes, Missy’ll leave too and I don’t want to be without them… ever.

Amanda pulled back when the heartbeat below her fingertips started pounding furiously. She was met with teary, fearful eyes, whose intensity nearly caused her to shudder. The waves of anxiety that were pouring off Claire were palpable and the darker woman suddenly looked pale.

Her lover’s distress was unnerving and Amanda found herself unable to curb her answering panic. "You’re scaring the crap out me, Claire!" Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. "For the love of God, just say it!"

Claire swallowed hard and willed her voice not to shake. "How long are you and Missy going to stay here? With me, that is."

A profound silence.

What? The younger woman’s chest constricted painfully and she awkwardly pushed off the bed in disbelief. Claire reached out to stop Amanda’s flight but she was already on her feet. "You… you..." She stopped and ran a shaky hand through her hair. Her bewildered voice dropped to a barely audible whisper. "You want us to leave?"

The stark pain that echoed through the words was unmistakable, and Claire realized immediately that Amanda had misunderstood. "NO! NEVER! I don't want either one of you to leave!"

Amanda shook her head in amazement as she sat down on the floor at the foot of the bed. "This is why you’ve been so moody and upset lately? You’ve been trying to end things between us?" she mumbled to herself, Claire’s last words not registering.

"No, that’s NOT what I want." Claire scrambled to the floor, practically falling off the bed in an attempt to get between Amanda and the door. She pulled the smaller woman’s hands into hers and swallowed the solid lump that had formed in her throat. "NO! Don’t you see? I... I..." Shit! "We’ve never really talked about how long and… you’ve never gotten rid of your condo... I... um...assumed you didn’t think of this as permanent."

Amanda tried not to fall into the vulnerable, glassy blue eyes staring so earnestly into hers. She thinks I kept the condo so I'll have a place to go back to when I leave her? Oh, Claire, is that what is this is all about? "You’ve been waiting for Missy and I to get tired of you and leave? Is that it?"

Mid-nod, Amanda hurled herself into Claire knocking them both down in the process. With a loud 'humph', Claire fell onto the carpet with Amanda plastered on top of her. In a quick move, the psychologist was straddling the older woman. "You…" She kissed the startled brunette lightly. "Are…" she muttered against Claire’s lips as deft hands moved into the dark mane of hair and held Claire's head firmly in place. "Never, ever, ever, getting rid me or Missy. Is that completely clear, Gumby?"

Claire opened her mouth to speak but Amanda slapped her palm over the gaping hole before Claire could utter a sound.

"Wait. I was wrong. I'm not finished. This..." Amanda waved her free hand indicating their situation. "...will never happen again because you're never going to wonder how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking without just asking me, right?" she commanded vehemently.

God, I love her!

With her hand still over Claire's mouth, Amanda moved her palm up and down, forcing Claire's head to bob with her words. "Good," the blonde said smugly. "I knew we would agree on this." She felt the warm lips on the sensitive skin of her hand curl into a smile.

"Next..." Her voice lost its teasing edge, and Claire found herself riveted to her partner's face. When she gets serious something behind her eyes melts. They get so clear.

"In my heart..." Amanda grasped Claire's hand and laid it across her chest. She opened her mouth several times but couldn't find the words. The psychologist was uncharacteristically flustered.

How do I make her understand that my heart beats for her? How can I explain what just 'is'. As she usually did, Amanda decided on a simple truth. "In my heart we're a family. And it's... well... it's been like that..."

"Forever," Claire mumbled through Amanda's fingers.

The pale head nodded. And youthful features broke out in a brilliant smile that crinkled her nose and extended to the farthest corners of her face. That's exactly it, Gumby. "Forever."

Claire felt ten years younger and 100 pounds lighter as her world righted itself. On sure footing once again, she felt comfortable asking about Amanda's townhouse. "So if you don't intend moving back there, why keep the condo? It's been sitting nearly empty for months." The lawyer's hands found a natural resting spot on Amanda's waist.

"My realtor told me I'd get a better price in the spring."

Blue eyes rolled back dramatically and Claire groaned. "You mean my ass has been twisting around in the wind for months because you were waiting for the housing market to improve?"

"Umm. Yes?" Amanda answered with a sympathetic cringe, knowing that although Claire's question was a teasing one, her suffering had been all too real. I'm sorry, baby. No more wondering how I feel. Whether you ask or not, I'll be sure to tell you.

Amanda admitted to herself that she'd made a conscious effort not to push Claire forward in their relationship. Although the taller woman made it perfectly clear that she adored her and Missy, the therapist was still a little concerned that gaining a live-in-lover and two-year-old all in one flail swoop might send Claire into overload. Now, she realized that her caution had been mistaken for indifference. That won't happen again, she vowed.

"Well, is it time for makeup sex yet?"

"What?" Amanda laughed and feigned innocence. "I'm not sure we should," she hedged, knowing she would give in without the slightest provocation.

"No fair! I've earned it! I humbly apologized for my idiocy and the throbbing in my head has receded to a dull roar. What other requirements could there be?"

Amanda moved off her partner with a groan. Standing, she sat back on her side of the bed and glared at the clock as though it were evil incarnate. This sucks! "I predict Missy will sleep for another thirty minutes max., and Mark should be calling within the hour. He's going to pick us up in your car."

"Why is he driving my car?" Claire whined, thinking of all the dings in his truck and how much she wanted to jump Amanda's bones.

"It seems you left a small 'remembrance' of your drinking escapade in his truck last night, so I gave him the keys to the Pathfinder. His car is waiting for you and a big bucket of soapy water. He said he'd call before he stopped over to pick us up."

Claire took three long steps forward and bent down until she was nose-to-nose with Amanda. The lawyer spoke in her most breathy voice. "Oooh, Mandy, you make me so hot when you talk about puke and buckets and Mark."

A flashing white smile greeted Claire's words. It's about time. Welcome back, Gumby. The blonde burst out laughing but played along. "Did I forget to mention that I've been moonlighting as a phone sex operator? When you think you're ready, I'll tell you about diapers and lard."

The attorney put on her best game face but when Amanda wriggled her eyebrows suggestively, she dissolved into a helpless fit of laughter that ended in near sobs.

Amanda simply opened her arms and folded Claire in a tight hug. "I know, honey, it's alright," she soothed, allowing the attorney the full opportunity to ride herself of the pent up frustration and worry that had plagued her for weeks. When the tears had finally stopped, Claire pulled back and smiled sheepishly at her companion. "Sorry about that," she murmured. "I don't mean to be such a big baby."

Amanda handed Claire another tissue. "It's really okay, you know. I haven't seen you cry since Zane's and your Uncle Luther's deaths eight months ago. I think you were due." Taking back the soggy tissue, she dropped it into a wastebasket at the side of the bed. "Although, I don't know how you made it through 'Old Yeller' last month. I was practically a wreck," she teased with a wry smile.

The familiar banter caused Claire's own smile to reappear. "Join me in the shower," she offered innocently. "We still have time for a nice shower."

"Just a shower," Amanda asked doubtfully. "Mark should be calling anytime."

"Well, maybe not JUST a shower? I was sorta thinkin' we could..."

Claire leaned in and whispered in her lover's ear. She pulled back with a smirk when even the tips of Amanda's ears turned brick red.

Without another word, the lawyer walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

As if drawn to the sirens' call, Amanda moved to follow Claire, shedding her pajamas with each step. When she reached the telephone on the nightstand, she simply yanked the cord out of the wall and continued on her way.

Comments or questions to Advocate advocate8704@yahoo.com