This is a scene missing from "Kindred Spirits".
Xena had always been wary of reading Gabrielle's scrolls, afraid of what she might find there. But now that she finally picked one up, she began plowing through them one after another, amazed at what she found.
She always thought the scrolls were full of nothing but hero worship, and there was some of that, but for the most part the scrolls were full of Gabrielle's love for Xena. It shouldn't surprise her, after all this time, that Gabrielle really did love Xena, yet it always did. Xena was amazed at all the things Gabrielle found to love about her, qualities that Xena had never even noticed in herself.
And the scrolls had a little fun with some of Xena's not so laudable qualities. And Xena actually managed to laugh at herself.
Little Eve started to coo and gurgle in her lap, and Xena picked her up and looked at her.
"I haven't been doing right by her," she said to Eve. "What else is new, huh?"
Eve looked at her mother quizzically.
"Oh, don't pretend you haven't noticed," said Xena. "Now that I have you, Eve, I've been taking her for granted. She's been wonderful through this whole mess. She's been so devoted to me. And to you. She's been telling me how much she loves us both. More than that, she's been showing me, putting her life on the line again and again. And all she ever gets from me is, 'That's nice, Gabrielle, go play with Joxer.'"
Eve smiled, and drooled a little. Xena wiped her chin.
"No, I didn't actually say that, but I might as well have. The way I've treated her, I don't blame her for wanting something else. She should be Queen. She'd make a great Queen. And you, Eve, you'd be happy here. A lot happier than on the road with me."
Xena held Eve in her arms and stood up.
"Let's tell her," she said. "I hope you like it here, Eve, 'cause this is our home, now. And if I'm miserable here, well, what right do I have to be happy, anyway?"
Xena headed out the door, and almost ran into Aris coming in.
"I just wanna know one thing," said Aris. "Why her? Why her and not me? What has she got that I don't got?"
"Aris, sit down."
The two sat down, and Xena grabbed one of the scrolls. Eve tried to grab at it with her little fingers, but Xena playfully held it out of reach.
"Aris, I don't know how much you know about me, but I've done some terrible things. I was a warlord, once. I led a terrible, brutal existence. I've even killed Amazons, Aris. Because I wanted to. And because I could."
Aris shook her head.
"That's all in the past, Xena. Now you're a great hero."
"No, Aris, I am not a great hero. All the good I've done and all the good I could ever do could not bring back a single man I've slaughtered. The carnage I've committed can never be undone. And you don't know how close I've come, so many times, to falling back into that old life."
"That's not true."
"It is true. I promise you, I could never have stayed to the path of righteousness without Gabrielle. I owe her so much, Aris. I owe her my soul. She's my heart, Aris, can't you understand that? She's my home, and without her I have nothing. Without her?without her I swear I'm not even human."
"I can do all of that for you."
Xena laughed slightly. She handed Aris the scroll, and stood up.
"Read this story, Aris. This is called 'The Ties That Bind'."
She headed once again for the door, and as Aris began reading, Xena turned toward her.
"And when you get to the end, see if you can imagine yourself doing what Gabrielle did."