This story takes place just after "Takes One To Know One".
"That Love Note" by Alan Plessinger
Joxer sat on the porch of the inn, enjoying the sunrise that might've been the death of one of the inn's inhabitants, if Xena hadn't put together some clues and found the equine murderer.
Lila came out onto the porch.
"Hello, Joxer," she said. "Could I join you?"
Joxer nodded. She sat next to him on the porch swing, putting one hand under a thigh and smoothing her long skirt under her in a feminine motion. Gabrielle seldom did that. Her skirt was so short that it hardly ever got in the way. Joxer never took his eyes off of Gabrielle, and he kind of missed seeing a woman perform that feminine ritual.
"I'm sorry I had to mention that love note," he said.
"I wish you hadn't."
"I know, it's just?I couldn't keep any facts secret. Who knows what might've been important?"
"I understand. Lives were at stake. I'm glad everyone chose to ignore it, anyway."
"Yeah."
"Everyone is asleep, inside. Shouldn't you be getting some rest?"
"No, that's no good for a warrior, sleeping all the time. Plenty of time to sleep when you're dead. You never know when a warrior might be needed."
"There's Xena."
"Well, Xena's a competent gal, but she can't do it all herself. She has a lot of pride. She likes to pretend she never needs any help. She's sweet, but she's a little deluded sometimes."
"Joxer, I just wanted to say, you were great in there. You got knocked around a little, but you kept right on coming, And you got some pretty good licks in."
He grinned that goofy grin of his, and Lila couldn't help but smile back. She had no delusions that he was a great warrior, but she admired his courage, and his big heart. She knew she was headed for more embarrassment and heartache with this adorable man, but she couldn't help it. He was irresistible. What a sweetie!
"Really? Thanks," he said.
"And you certainly didn't run and hide like my sister did."
Joxer shrugged.
"It's this new thing she's on."
"Joxer," she said, taking his right hand in both of hers, "it's not 'gallivanting' you're in love with, is it?"
He reluctantly shook his head no.
"I don't even know what 'gallivanting' means," he said.
"Does Gabby know how you feel about her?"
"No. But I think Xena knows."
"Joxer, I think the love my sister has for Xena doesn't leave any room for any other great loves in her life."
"What about Perdicus?"
"Well, Joxer, that might be another reason to rethink your feelings. The men that Gabrielle falls in love with don't seem to live very long, do they? The Gabrielle curse was well known when I was growing up. I remember when Perdicus was originally betrothed to Gabby, all the women of the village gave Perdicus's mother a hug and said how sorry they were to hear about what was going to happen to her poor son. He was considered not long for this world."
"I'll take my chances."
"I knew you'd say that. That's exactly what Perdicus said."
"Lila, I can't reason with my feelings. I can't make myself fall out of love with her."
Lila took his hand and kissed it tenderly.
"You can try," she said. "Am I that ugly?"
"No! You're very cute! You're just not?"
"Just not Gabrielle," she said. "Joxer, she's my sister and I would do anything for her, but all my life she's been everyone favorite. And I couldn't hate her for it because?she's Gabrielle. I couldn't keep from loving her any more than anyone else could. Even the ones that have wanted to kill her have loved her a little bit. Hope didn't love anyone else in this world, but she loved Gabrielle. She was always the cute one, the sweet one, the one with all the jokes and stories, the one that everyone adored. And they all pretty much ignored me. There was no malice about it; it was just the way it was."
"I know the feeling."
"You do?"
"You should see how excited my family gets when I come to visit, until I get closer and they find out it's me and not Jett. I always take off my armor before I visit them, and I even try to walk a little like Jett."
"How does he walk? Show me how he walks."
"No. I don't think so."
"Come on, show me!" She grabbed him and started to tickle him. "Show me, show me, show me!"
He giggled, and said, "OK! OK!"
He got up and did the kind of creepy, bullying, villainous walk of the professional assassin, scowling at everyone and everything.
"They prefer that?" she said. "Now, here's the walk I like."
She stood up and smoothed out her skirt. She threw her head back in a dead accurate imitation of Joxer's goofy, lovable grin, and started forward in a walk that was vaguely reminiscent of Joxer's friendly, slightly clumsy lope. She waved at imaginary villagers.
"Hi, there! It's me!" she said. "Joxer the Mighty! How are you doing? Yes, it's me! It's really me! Joxer the Mighty! How are you?"
She stopped before Joxer. She took his hand and kissed it, and curtseyed.
"Any sister of Gabrielle's is certainly a member of her family," she said, and smiled. He smiled in return.
"I don't remember curtseying," he said.
"Sorry. You don't usually wear a dress, do you? That's brother number three."
He winced.
"You know a lot about my family."
She sat down next to him, smoothing out her skirt again.
"Sisters tell each other things, Joxer. And Gabrielle can't stand it if there's any secrets she doesn't know."
"So why doesn't she know how I feel about her?" he asked.
"Well, Gabrielle can make herself not know something if she thinks it might be awkward for her to find out about it. Like when?well, since we're spilling family secrets, here, like when daddy was having that little fling with the blacksmith's wife, and Gabrielle refused to believe it. And mother was the same way. It didn't matter how many women in the village came and told her about it, she just closed her ears and her mind, and waited until it was over. And thank the gods daddy decided to call it off and come back to us before the blacksmith found out about it. He would've killed him."
"I would've protected your father. No blacksmith could ever take me. You see, this is why it pays to have a warrior in the family."
She took his hand again, in both of hers.
"I agree," she said.
He smiled, and looked at her shyly.
"By the way," she said, "that whole story about daddy? Keep it under your hat."
She took his helmet off his head and placed it in his lap, partly to illustrate what she had said but mostly because she thought he looked a dozen times better without it.
"No problem," he said, and put his helmet back on, a little faster than she would've liked.
"Joxer, have you ever considered being a farmer? There's a farm up for sale in Poteidaia. I know it's not the sort of thing you should attempt alone?"
He shook his head.
"I'm a warrior, Lila."
She stood up.
"Then take me with you. Teach me everything you know. You can't leave me here. I mean?there. You know. Poteidaia."
"Lila, that's no kind of life for you."
She sat on his lap and took his long face in her hands.
"Joxer, I'm not giving up on you. I've given up on too many things in my life. All my life I've been the sensible one, the level-headed one, and what has it gotten me? My sister is famous, and you'd rather be hopelessly in love with her than hopefully in love with me. Well, I don't care. I'm not giving up. I love you, Joxer. I love you. By the gods, you are so sweet I could just eat you up like a Bacchae!"
She wiped his helmet off his head again, and she kissed him, a lot more passionately than he would've though possible from a girl like Lila. He was amazed how much her kiss was like Gabrielle's, when physically they were almost nothing alike.
She stood up and backed away from him. He gave her a dazed smile. She saw that she had had quite an effect on him, which was good, because that kiss was some of her best work.
She smiled, curtseyed and spun around, her skirt swirling with her.
Joxer scrambled to his feet.
"Uh, Lila," he said. "I happen to know that that hill just through the woods is a perfect place to watch the sunrise."
"And how do you know that?" she asked, smiling, walking towards him with little steps, coyly playing with her skirt as she walked in a kind of flirtatious little dance.
"I make it a point to learn all I can about the terrain. Never know when it might come in handy."
"Sure, I understand."
He picked up his helmet, and Lila took it from him.
"Joxer, you don't need the helmet."
He shrugged. She placed it back on the porch swing, and they headed off together.
"Lila, it might not be a good idea to tell Gabrielle about this little trip."
"No, of course not. That would be major trouble."
"I mean, you know how she can get sometimes."
"Sure, sure."
"Not to say anything against her, of course, but she can be a little?"
"I know. Joxer, I'm?I'm cold."
"You are? Come here."
THE END