I'm here beside your family crypt, Xena. I can't believe I have to say goodbye to the last of you. It's so hard. I still remember the last minutes we spent together. I told you this wasn't right. I was going to ignore your wishes and bring you back. But after everything we've been through together, I just couldn't ignore your last request.
"Will you find some way to come visit me, Xena?" I asked.
"You know that if there's a way, I'll find it. If not, you know that we'll be together one day."
"Count on it," I said. And you were gone.
Since then I've felt not a touch of you, heard not a whisper. I look for your spirit everywhere. I listen for your voice in the trees, try to feel your presence in the wind as it rushes by me. But there's nothing.
I see you in my dreams every night, Xena, but those are just dreams. I miss you so much. I'm so lonely. I've seen the spirits of the dead at other times in my life. Why can't I see you?
I've had to fight my way back to Amphipolis. There are all these fools who want to desecrate your ashes because of something you did to them or their father or brother. I guess it would be some kind of a sick victory for them. I don't know what they'd do with your remains and I don't want to know.
Just last night a young warrior tried to sneak up on my campsite, dagger drawn. I waited for him, and as soon as he got within reach I grabbed him and put the pinch on him. I told him I'd cut off the flow of blood to his brain and he'd be dead in thirty seconds.
"What do you want to know?" he gasped.
"Not a damn thing," I said, and whacked him in the head.
I don't like who I've become. Well, if you don't like it either, come and tell me so.
But for now I have to leave your remains behind, the last I have to remember you by. I always thought we'd lie here together. It's so cruel that we didn't die at the same time.
I place your ashes next to your mother's and wipe away my tears.
"I can't believe I have to go on without you, Xena," I say. "It's so hard. It hurts so much. I feel like a part of me is missing. I know we'll be together one day, but until then I won't be complete until I can put my arms around you once again. It would be so easy to follow you to the other side, but you never did the easy thing, and I won't either. Until we're together I'll carry on your battle as best I can. I'll never have your dark side, but I'll always have your memory, and your nobility and courage will inspire me and keep me going. I'll keep you always in my heart, and though I can't see or feel you I know you'll always be beside me. When I don't know what to do I'll feel something deep within me, telling me the way to go, and I'll know that it's you. It'll be you rescuing me again, just like old times. And wherever I go I'll tell your story, Xena, so that the best of you will always be remembered, and everyone will know that somewhere there was a woman who cared enough to put her life on the line for people who hated her. A woman who didn't accept that people can't change. A woman who spent a lifetime seeking a redemption that she could never really believe she deserved. A woman I loved. A woman who made me a little crazy sometimes. I guess we both made each other a little crazy. Oh, Xena! That's what I'm going to miss the most! There was nothing more fun than a good argument with you, Xena! Some of us live our whole lives without ever finding our soulmate. The one who completes us and makes us whole. I just have to be glad I was lucky enough to have found mine. I love you so much, Xena. And we'll be together one day. Never more to part. Never?never more to part."
END