It had started with such promise. You and I had gone to the park with our dogs, yours small and mine large, just like us, to frolic in the changing leaves. They had a wonderful time together tearing through the fields playing fetch while you and I laid on the blanket you had brought for our fall picnic. We shared the wine I had given you for your birthday a few weeks earlier along with some assorted fruits, cheeses, and bread, a Parisian picnic we figured the French vineyard that made the wine would have wanted us to have. It was a perfectly romantic date, except for the fact that it was not that at all.
We had been pretending to only be friends for quite some time. You had an illusive boyfriend who continuously caused you heartache, and I had been dating but unattached for some time. Nevertheless, as our friendship had begun in a strange turn of events, I couldn't help but notice a magnetism that seemed to pull the two of us together that had until that day gone unspoken.
We had been chasing our dogs through the leaves and throwing them at each other. That escalated into trying to shove each other down into the piles scattered around the park that had not been collected yet by grounds' crew. Our dogs barked at us, encouraging our childish behavior when all of a sudden you flew at me, knocking me off my feet and into a pile. Instinctively I grabbed you as I descended, and together we landed with a thud in the leaves. You were laughing hard at your own antics while I did my best to recover, tickling your sides unmercifully and watching you trying to squirm from my grasp. In an effort to break free, you tried to roll away, but my grip was stronger, and I ended up on top of you, causing me, for not the first time, to become aware of the close proximity of our bodies and the feeling of you against me. It made me freeze for a moment as my hands stilled on your sides. That caused your laughter to cease, and your trusting blue eyes gazed up at me. Then it happened, the one thing I promised myself I would never do with you. I was kissing you, so soft, so raw, the truth of my feelings in an exchange of sweet affection. Your lips were yielding at first, but then I felt it, your hands on my biceps exerting pressure until I pulled away to meet your eyes. Awkwardness lingered between us as I saw your gaze turn from happiness to confusion, but I could not offer any denial of the genuineness of my unintended action.
The moment I had dreaded all along then happened. The excuses rushed forth for why my feelings couldn't be returned. They were the things I had feared with you. Everything from your nature to current relationship was laid out in methodical fashion reiterating what I had told myself countless times. Yet my heart had decided to proceed without the guidance of my thoughts.
Nevertheless, I didn't try to dissuade you from your adamant denial of the possibility of us. I, for one, had never truly believed in that reality, only hoped for it in moments of privacy. You confirmed that impossibility for me as you rose from my embrace. I didn't stop you as you walked away from me, heading back to our blanket. Nor did I try to keep you from leaving with your dog after you had quickly packed what was left of our picnic. I simply sat there and watched you walk away from me, not even knowing if that was the last time I might ever see you.
Now I sit here, weathering the storm outside my home and inside my heart. You are gone from me, lost in a moment of foolery. Lying there staring at the flames of my fireplace, I ponder if it is for the best that we parted that way. I was able to be truthful instead of hiding myself and receive your refusal in the most dignified fashion possible. However, it didn't alleviate the ache inside. You, my friend, are gone, and I feel the last six months of our acquaintance bearing down on me. Every moment of our joy together causes acute distress, but I refuse to cry. It would be the ultimate denigration to my soul, but I feel the pain of loss as I relive the moment over in my mind.
Your justifications, although expected, had a studied air about them. They had been delivered so precisely, as if practiced on more than one occasion. That left me puzzled, and I could only assume it was because you had felt what I had yet to voice on previous outings together but tried to spare me the agony of your rebuff.
My musings are broken by the sound of my doorbell. I am not even sure if I have actually heard it except for the fact that my dog starts to bark as he approaches the door, assuring me that I have indeed. I wonder who could possibly be calling on me at such a time of night and in such weather. No one in their right mind would venture out in such a storm. Putting my wineglass on the coffee table and picking up my flashlight, I head to the door. I look through the peephole quickly to see if I know my unexpected guest. My heart begins to pound when I see you, your back to my door looking out toward the street. Quickly I throw open the door, but my mouth can't function at the sight of you as you turn.
You're drenched, your beautiful blonde hair matted to your head with water and your mascara running down over your cheekbones, but your blue eyes have turned red, making me wonder if you've been crying. You're an utter mess and yet still the most stunning creature to ever grace my presence. I'm mute by my overwhelming desires to wrap you in my arms and kiss you senseless.
"May I come in?" you ask so softly I almost miss it over the sound of the rain.
I can only nod in response. You step over the threshold into my personal space as you close the door. Even in the darkness of the house, I can see those blue eyes boring into mine, but something is different with you. You're looking at me in a way I've never seen, a way I've only dreamed about alone in my bed at night. It takes me a moment to realize this is no dream. Tentatively I reach my left hand up to your right cheek, brushing back the wet hair and tucking it behind your ear. A nervous exhale from you follows my actions, but you don't pull away from me.
"What brings you here?" I question quietly, hoping that the timbre of my voice holds over my nervousness.
"I?I couldn't stay away," you answer. I could see the tears glistening in your eyes. "Not after what happened. I couldn't sleep without seeing you. I'm sorry for the way I acted."
I nod. I don't know what to say in response. To apologize for my actions seems nonsensical, especially when I want to do it again with you so close at the moment. Instead I curve an arm around your shoulders and say, "We need to get you out of these wet clothes. Come on upstairs. You can take a hot shower or bath while I hang your clothes up to dry while the power is off." I lead you up the staircase by your hand and the light from the flashlight. I can feel your hand trembling in mine, which intrigues me. You seem just as nervous as I do, but I don't know what to say to reassure you. Walking you into the bathroom, I proceed to light the candles there and then turn to you. You are standing there shifting from one foot to the other like a little child, unsure of what to do. "Here. Take off your clothes and put on my robe while I go find you something to wear," I instruct, taking the robe from the hook by the shower.
Going into my bedroom, I waste a few minutes trying to find something that might fit you, finally choosing a pair of gray sweats and a red sweatshirt. I knock on the closed bathroom door and wait for you to answer. The sight of you in my robe makes me weak with desires. It swamps you, reminding me how much larger I am than you and how diminutive your body would feel against mine.
"Here. These are the smallest things I own," I say, presenting them to you.
"Thanks," you reply, handing me your clothes in trade.
Your petite jeans, cute long-sleeved blue cotton top, and tiny gym socks are crumpled up, but your undergarments are noticeably absent. "Where's the rest?" I question. You flush a little. "Come on. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, you know. I have seen those kinds of things. It's not like I don't have some myself," I tease a little, trying to ease the tensions. You don't say anything but hand over another crumpled pile, which I take to the laundry room.
I hear the bath water start in the bathroom while I start hanging up your wet clothes. It's difficult to do while holding the flashlight, so I have to put it on the dryer and use both hands to hang things on my line. After finishing with your outer layers, I start on the second pile and realize why you were hesitant in handing them over. My breathing comes a little harder as I hang the perfectly matching set of satin and lace, which leaves my imagination running overtime. I can picture you it in my head perfectly, making me moan softly.
I sigh knowing I shouldn't be contemplating such a thing at the moment. You just returned to me, and I don't want to ruin things. With my task finished, I return to the den and wait. Half an hour passes before I hear you coming down the stairs. However, I can't stop a whimper when you turn the corner in only my robe. I can see in your eyes that you heard the sound, but you continue into the room and take a seat on the sofa anyway.
I don't know what to do just then. All my mind can do is think about the fact that there is just one thin layer of flannel separating my hands and eyes from what they so desperately want. I do my best not to meet your eyes for fear I won't be able to hide my thoughts with my wandering gaze. However, I try to be polite by asking, "Would you like some wine?"
"That would be nice. Thanks."
I escape to the kitchen for a glass and the bottle. Bringing both back, I pour you a glass and then set the bottle on the table. I notice in my absence you have changed the music on my laptop to something more sensual. Sitting at the far corner of the couch, I stare into the flames of the fire, willing my pounding heart to still itself. You are better than a dream at the moment, and I don't know if I will be able to control myself with you so close.
Silence encompasses us for long minutes as we both watch the fire. However, my gaze can't help but pass to you subtly once in awhile. I can see you getting more comfortable as you relax further, placing your bare feet on my coffee table. It causes the robe to fall away from your legs, exposing them to your lower thigh. I have seen them before when you would wear shorts in the summer, but at the moment it only adds to the allure of you.
A few minutes passes in quiet before I finally gather enough courage to ask, "Do you want to talk about why you have been crying this evening?"
You don't answer at first. Instead you sip your wine slowly and then put it on the table. "I went home after I left the park, and he was there," you begin without looking at me. I know without asking you're referring to your live-in boyfriend. "One look into his eyes and I just knew we couldn't go on. I had finally had enough of it. I asked him to leave, to be out by the morning."
"What did he say?"
"We fought, but it's my place, and I wanted him out. I left so he could pack, but I didn't know where to go."
"You're always welcome here," I assure. You nod. "What prompted this change in you?" I am surprised at this turn of events, because even though he upset you constantly, you always clung to your love for him.
You pause but then so softly I almost miss it say, "The park."
That is not the answer I expect. It makes my heart start beating a rapid cadence, and it takes me a moment to formulate my next question. "What about it?"
"It made me realize that I deserve more than what I got from him."
"That is absolutely true. He never deserved you. You should be with someone who loves you and treats you with respect."
You nod but still don't look at me for a moment. However, then you slowly turn my direction. It takes all my reserve willpower not to look at the way my robe has fallen open slightly, exposing the expanse of your upper chest. I do my best to control my urges to reach for you as well. You're so close to me now with the way you are sitting that I'd just have to reach out slightly to touch you.
"There's just one question I need answered," you say.
I am too afraid to ask what it might be by the way you are looking at me. You save me the trouble as I find myself in your embrace with your lips against mine. It takes me a moment to realize you're kissing me, but I quickly succumb to my own wants and return it with the sweetness with which you initiated it. It continues for several moments during which time, my hands find your face and cup it gently as I begin to take the lead between us. Lightly I paint fluttering kisses along your lips and cheeks. I'm finding it difficult to breathe, because my emotions start to overwhelm me. You're in my arms for real in that moment.
"Meredith, my sweet Meredith," I whisper, which causes a surprising response. I hear you whimper slightly. It encourages me to continue as my hands drift from your face along your neck to your shoulders inside the robe. A moan follows driving me onward. My tongue licks along your bottom lip, requesting entrance into your mouth, which you grant me for a moment, but before things can go much further, you pull out of my arms. I whimper unknowingly at your action and practically plead with my eyes to continue. I can see you struggling with your own breath as you stare deeply into my eyes.
"Well, that answers it," you softly say.
"What was the question?" I ask in confusion.
Your right hand comes to my face. I can feel your fingers stroking my cheek softly. I lean into the touch, indulging in it, too afraid I'm going to wake to find this moment isn't real. "What happened at the park today wasn't a fluke. It really does feel this incredible to have you kiss me. It really does make me feel this wanted."
"I want you," I can't help but confess.
You nod at me. "When you kissed me this afternoon, I was scared of the way it made me feel. I had to know if that was real or not."
"How did it make you feel?"
"Loved," you confess.
"Because I love you," I affirm.
"I know. I think that's why I wanted to be around you so much, and somewhere along the way, I began to long for that feeling more and more. I wanted to be with you all the time. It just took me awhile to come to terms with what that meant. I tried to deny it to myself for awhile, but after today when I saw that look on your face when I denied you, when I denied both of us what we wanted out of fear, I realized I had to face this. I had to deal with my feelings for both our sakes."
"And have you now?" I ask. I can hardly believe what I'm hearing from you. I'm still not sure if I'm dreaming.
You shook your head. "Not quite."
"How can I help you then?"
Our gaze drops at my question. I wonder if I have overstepped my boundaries when you don't immediately answer, but then I realize your hands are moving to the tie on the robe. Once again my heart wants to beat its way from my chest when I see your hands untying it and then slowly pulling open the folds, revealing your bare body. I feel faint from the sensory overload of seeing your nakedness. I can't even formulate words at the sight.
You move into my space on the couch, curling your body into my lap as you respond, "I need to know what it's like to be loved by someone who loves me so completely? someone that I love in return. I need you to make love to me. I want you to touch me."
I have no response at first, because I can't even believe what I have just heard. Never have I imagined this confession from you. Even in the sweetest of dreams, you never came to me like this. I had always been the one to make the first overture, but you had told me all I ever wanted to hear in just a moment.
Thankfully you seem fortified by your own confession, so much so that you begin to lead us through another gentle exchange. I'm utterly besieged by emotions that render me practically unable to process what is happening, but my body is able to register what my mind cannot. You are in my arms and have surrendered yourself to my desires. My heart rejoices in this opportunity that I thought would never be, but I hesitate, knowing you have to be sure before I can give myself to you completely.
Pulling back just a little from our kissing, I whisper, "I want this between us, Meredith. I truly do, but are you absolutely sure this is what you want? It just seems awfully fast. Have you thought about what this might mean?"
You nod at me. "This is not the first time I've thought about this, Alex," you confess. "I've been thinking about you, about this for a long time. About a month after we met, I was in bed one night. You and I had gone to the movies, and then I came home to him. He wanted to have sex, but I didn't. He went to sleep mad, but I stayed awake just thinking of you, of what fun we had, of how sweet you were, of how some woman out there would be lucky when you found her. Then a couple of months later once we had grown closer I started to wonder more about you. My thoughts began to stray to what it might be like. I remember the first time I allowed myself to actually fantasize about it. He was out late with an excuse I don't even remember, and I was in bed. You and I had just hung up the phone after saying good night, and I knew then that I hadn't wanted to hang up with you. I wanted to still be with you. It began to unfold in my mind so gradually. At first it was what it would be like to kiss you, which moved into what it would be like to stay the night with you. That night there was so much to imagine, and the feelings were so intense that it scared me. I didn't want to admit that the thought of it made me feel that way, and yet I wanted to feel that way. I found myself thinking about it a lot more than I should have for a friend, but I couldn't admit to myself what it meant to realize I really did want this." I try to take all of it in and process it, but I guess my inability shows on my face, because you then take my right hand in yours and guide it between your toned thighs. With a stirring whisper, you say, "This is what it feels like to want to be with you."
"Oh God," I moan as I feel your physical response to what we have been doing for the past few moments. You are a woman in need, and it's clear now that you want me to satisfy you.
"It wasn't until today that I realized denying it was hurting you, and I don't want to hurt you, Alex. I love you."
"I love you," I say, meeting your blue eyes. We begin to kiss once more. I think I've died, because this was what heaven was supposed to be like for me, but the feeling of you pressing closer to me makes me realize it's very real. "Meredith, I want to do this right. Will you let me take you upstairs?"
You don't answer but smile. Rising from my lap, you pull me up by my hands. I detour to the fireplace to turn off the gas before I lead the way into the front hall. My dog follows us up the stairs. With my left hand holding yours as we ascend, it leaves your right one free, which starts to wander to the seat of my jeans to fondle me. I moan lightly for it's the first incisive touch to my body, and I hope there are more to come as we reach the landing. Bringing you into my bedroom, I turn to shut my dog out. His eyes show disappointment, but I don't want any distractions from you.
We stand by the bed as our kissing resumes. My hands roam over your bare skin under the robe, your hips, your waist, and the small of your back. You are incredibly soft to the touch. I wonder if you will begin to disrobe me of my clothes, but when it doesn't happen after a moment, I pull back just a little.
I can see your rapt blue eyes watching me as I start to raise my sweater over my head. My t-shirt is next, but as I raise that by the hem, I feel your petite hands come in contact with my back in assistance, sliding it upward. Then they move on to my belt. I can barely breathe as I watch and feel you working it and then my jeans off. It makes me lightheaded to be able to see you leading us, letting me see your want of my body and me. When I am naked, I slip the robe from your shoulders, letting it pool around our feet.
You pause and take a deep breath as your hands rest on my stomach. I can see the gravity of the moment come over you. If we do this, there will be no going back to being friends. There can be no more pretending. I am just about to ask if you are all right when you whisper shakily, "You're so strong. I've been attracted to that in you from the day we met."
Stepping into your space, I bring our naked bodies together for the first time. You gasp a little as your hands slide around my waist. "You're so beautiful, Meredith. You deserve a lover who will give you everything you need, heart, mind, body, and soul, and I pledge to you that is my only intention, to love you fully," I promise as I move us to the bed.
As much as I want to feel you beneath me, I lay us out side-by-side, thinking you might feel uninhibited to do what you want in a less subservient position. It seems to work as you become more active in our foreplay. Your hands seek me out, touching and exploring my body with growing need. It surprises me in a pleasant way, because I always thought I would have to lead us completely, but that is clearly not the case.
The pace begins to pick up as your hands run a little more frantically over me, but I'm determined to take it slowly. However, I'm not sure how to control you except to turn you onto your back, which I finally do in an effort to settle us. I moan deeply at the feeling of your petite form underneath me. This is better than all the dreams I've had of the moment.
"Alex, please," you whisper. The need is obvious in the tone of your voice, but I cannot give in to you just yet. I know it will be so much better to delay our connection.
"Easy now, Meredith. It's going to be a long pleasurable night. My love for you will not allow me to do it any other way. I'm going to take care of all of you."
Your reply is only a shaky exhale. Our lips meet again when you pull my head down to yours. It's the kiss of surrender to my agenda. You trust me enough to let me have control. I begin the way I always have in my head, lavishing you with slow affection, starting with your mouth and moving about your face before slinking down into your neck. You're holding onto my back. I can feel your fingers digging into my muscles as our bodies rub together, increasing the tension. I could stop at your neck and drown in the essence of your skin. Such a simple perfume you wear, vanilla, but it pulls further cravings from me, as I taste the softness of your neck, nipping you lightly. Your neck arcs slightly, granting me better access as you gasp and pull me closer.
"Alex."
"I have you, Meredith, my sweet angel." Leaving your neck, I travel over your collarbone to your shoulder. Reaching my hand up, I take your arm from around my back. Holding your hand in my own, I trail sweet kisses along your arm until I get to your left hand. I kiss each fingertip and tease the index with the tip of my tongue. I hear your reaction, a little mewling in the back of your throat before you pull my mouth back to yours. I repeat most of the process the length of your other arm. I've intentionally not touched you in the most common sensual places, because I want to see where your other erogenous zones might be. I know most women have one or two uncommon to others, and I want to know what yours is.
Bypassing my next obvious lower target, I receive a whimper of protest from you, which I ignore. Instead my mouth takes in the soft skin of your abdomen before drifting over toward your right hip. When I hear the loud gasp and the surge of your hips, I believe I have found what I'm searching for.
"Do you like to be kissed here?" I ask, lingering with my lips just above the spot but letting my hot breath fan over it.
"Alex, please," you beg.
I indulge you, teasing the place with my tongue lightly, which causes a sigh and more hip rocking. Testing the waters I move to the opposite side, but the reaction is not as strong. I know for sure that I have found at least one spot. Moving on for the moment, I take in new territory, the tops of your thighs and then your knees. Even there your skin is so smooth and silky. Even though I could always see that you took care of yourself, to feel it under my hands and mouth was an incredible experience. I made it all the way to your feet and those manicured toes. Sucking on the largest one on your left foot, I hear you moan. You seem to like that, so I file it away for later and move on.
"Turn over," I gently command.
You comply with my request, and then I am looking at the back of your bare body. I take my time reversing my trail up your legs over your two tight round globes with my mouth and hands. You seem to enjoy my tongue just below the small of your back with your squirm and moan. When I manage to get to your back, I slowly kneed the muscles in an impromptu massage as my mouth drops light kisses along the expanse.
"That feels so good," you say.
I laugh a little under my breath. "Later," I promise. "Right now there are more important things to do. If you turn yourself over again, I can show you."
You roll yourself over, so you're on your back again with me hovering above you. Our eyes just gaze at each other in the darkness of the room for a moment before I place my right hand on your stomach and gently slide it up until it's nestled under the edge of your left breast. The faint touch makes your back arch up toward me, and I lean down with my mouth to meet your movement.
You cry out at the feeling of my mouth against the tip of your breast. "Alex."
"I love the way you sound, Meredith, the way you feel," I whisper allowing myself to discover your twin treasures to their fullest. Your reactions to my exploration are intense and ardent. Your arms clutch me as your hips and back rock toward me, trying to bring me ever closer. I could spend forever there just lazily drawing kisses over these perfect specimens of femininity, but I know you need more from me. Knowing what is to come next, I kiss your mouth again for a few moments before descending to that place where your desire awaits me.
Your thighs are straining as I close in to the true fruition of our consummation. I can smell the essence of you, the scent of a wonderfully wanton woman eager to know her lover's caress. I oblige without hesitation, immersing myself in you. You cry out loudly as my mouth covers you, and I groan with the satisfaction of having all my dreaming come to realization. You are more than I ever fantasized. Your legs squeeze my shoulders and hands cradle my head as I lavish intimate attention onto your body. My mouth and tongue tease and caress you, drinking you in and bringing you to the height of fulfillment but not allowing you to fall over that precipice until you are begging for that release.
"Alex, please, baby, please," you beseech forcing me deeper with your hands on the back of my head.
Gently I give in to your needs, pushing you from the edge of oblivion. You cry out as you quake in my arms. Your vulnerability is utterly captivating as I hold you securely in my arms until you still. Rising to meet your mouth, I kiss you sweetly. "I love you, Meredith," I say quietly.
You clutch me and kiss me with intensity. "I love you, too, Alex, more than I could ever say."
"You feeling all right?" You nod. "Good, because that was just a warm-up for the best part," I mention.
You moan as your hand comes to my face. "Somehow I knew you'd be a fantastic lover," you say. "But I feel like I should be doing more for you."
"There is time for all of that. Right now I want your pleasure to be fulfilled first. I want to give to you and let you feel what love should be like." Readjusting my position between your thighs, I tenderly slip inside of you.
"Oh, Alex," you moan, pulling me closer.
The feeling of you from the inside is more than I could ever express. The tight warmth of you is the entrance to more than just your body. It is the passageway to your soul. Remaining inside of you, I manage to maneuver us, so you are on top of me to maximize your pleasure. I can tell this takes you by surprise.
"Sit up," I instruct quietly, feeling you're not quite sure what to do now that you have the reigns.
Doing as I tell you, it doesn't take you long to see the potential of this new position. Your hips began to direct us more as they rock down into me, driving me slowly deeper as we kiss methodically. "Feels so good," you manage to whisper.
"You feel incredible from the inside, Meredith. You're so lovely. I've loved you for so long."
"Alex, my Alex."
Your climax comes on gradually as I hoped, but so completely claims you that you can't even offer up anything other than cries at the peak. The tremors and spasms inside of you shake me emotionally, and the love I thought I had surges in a large swell of feelings, obliterating any possible lingering doubts I may have had about the two of us. I am yours completely in everyway, and I believe that you are the same to me as you shiver in my arms. Holding you tightly, I kiss your temple and whisper my love once again.