~ Love in Photographs ~
by Alex Tryst
Copyright © June 2002

---

Disclaimers: See Part 1

---

Part 5

When Helen arrived at her parents’s house, the weather was dark and ominous with the rain moving hitting the earth in stinging drops. Helen’s mood matched the sky, because the entire ride she thought about Torrance and whether or not she should tell her family about their growing relationship. She knew instinctually that her mother would disapprove, but she wondered what her father might think. The blonde knew without a doubt that whatever the future might hold for she and Torrance, the photographer was going to remain a major part of her life if she had anything to do with it, and she wanted her family to share in her happiness of finding someone so wonderful. However she wasn’t sure telling her parents was the right thing even though she felt blessed to have the older woman in her life. Being that they weren’t officially together again, the teacher decided just to play it by ear.

Grabbing her bags she made a dash for the front door and knocked loudly. When the door opened her mother was standing there smiling brightly. “Helen, I’m so glad you made it here safely. I’ve been worried about you since this storm came up.” she said hugging her daughter and ushering her inside.

“It’s good to be here, Mom.”

“Here. Let me take one of your bags. You know we were all disappointed when you called and said you had to postpone your trip for a few days.” her mother mentioned as they went upstairs to one of the guestrooms.

“I know, and I’m sorry about that. I ran into an old friend in New York that really needed some help.”

“Must be some friend to postpone a trip to see your family.” she stated putting the bag on the bed and taking a seat at the end of it.

Helen deposited the bags she had carried as well and opened it to unpack as she replied, “Torrance is one of my closest friends, Mom. I was glad to be of help to her.”

“Torrance? Do I know her?”

“No. You’ve never met. She’s the one I went to Italy with a few summers ago though.” Helen explained as she began to hang her clothes in the closet.

“Oh yes. I remember now.” There was a pause in conversation as Helen dug out the rest of her belongings, one of which was of Torrance’s book. She had felt the need to have at least a picture of the photographer close while they were apart. As she dropped it onto the bed, her inquisitive mother picked it up. “What’s this? Were you in a book?” she inquired looking at the cover.

“Yeah. It’s Torrance’s book.”

“This is a beautiful picture of you. Are there others in here?”

“A few.” Helen answered wondering what her mother would think when she got to the one of the blonde asleep. She watched her mother flip through the book out of the corner of her eye as she put her pajamas into her drawer. It was only moments before her mother gave her a scowl.

“Helen, what’s the meaning of this? Why is there a picture of you naked in your bed?”

“I’m not naked, Mother.”

“You’re in your underwear. You let her shoot you like this?”

Helen rolled her eyes. “Mom, Torrance is my friend. She took some pictures of me asleep. I’m fully covered. I think it looks good. It’s artistic.”

“It’s in poor taste.” she mumbled continuing to flip the pages. “Now here is a classy picture of you. This is more like it.” Helen busied herself with her toiletries in the bathroom before returning to her room to see her mother looking at the back cover that was graced with Torrance’s picture. “I take it this is her.”

The model gave a smile in spite of herself. “Yeah, that’s her. She’s a real beauty. She could’ve modeled had she wanted to.”

“You think she’s attractive?” her mother questioned with a raised brow that Helen missed.

“She is amazing. She has the longest legs, and she’s so tall, at least six one or two. Oh, she has the greenest eyes. I could look into them forever.” she mentioned so far off in the thought of doing just that she didn’t even realize how it might’ve sounded to her mother.

“I see. Well, I better get started on dinner. I’m glad you’re home.” she mentioned making a quick retreat.

That evening when Helen sat down to dinner with her parents her mother was being strangely silent making the blonde suspect that her mother had figured things out already. Her father was being more quiet than usual as well, so she wondered if he had found out as well. After a subdue meal, Helen helped her mother with the dishes before her father stated, “Helen, your mother tells me you were in a book recently.”

“Well, not recently but yeah. I brought it with me. Do you want to see it?”

“Of course. You know I always want to see your stuff.”

“All right.” she stated hurrying off to her room to retrieve the book. Meeting her father in the library, she closed the door behind her and moved to where he was sitting. Handing him the book, she took a seat on the arm of his leather chair.

“Wow. Look at my baby girl.” he stated in pride at her face on the cover. “You look so sophisticated.” He opened the book and slowly turned the pages until he came to the one of her in bed.

“Mother doesn’t like this one.” hesitantly Helen said.

“I can see why. She’s a conservative woman, Helen. You look nothing like our little girl and everything like a woman in this picture. It’s funny though, because I can still see aspects of you as a child. This was your favorite position to sleep.” he mentioned lightly.

“Then you’re not upset?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Well, this isn’t one I’d put up on my desk or anything, but I know this is art. You are a big girl and have a right to do as you choose. It’s not like you’re naked. It can just be hard, because you’re our youngest, but you’re not a little girl anymore. For goodness sake’s you’re twenty nine. We have to let you go sometime.” he said with a smile. Together they looked at the rest of the book. Turning to the back cover, he inquired, “Is this the photographer?”

“Yeah. That’s my friend Torrance. Isn’t she beautiful?” she said with a smile.

“Well, she is a little masculine, but I guess I can see the intrinsic beauty there.” he conceded seeing the look on his daughter’s face. Helen smiled as she looked off at the far wall and thought of the brunette. However her father speaking brought her out of her musings again. “She’s a lesbian?”

Helen gave him a confused look. “How did you know that?”

“It’s right here in her bio.” he explained pointing it out to her.

“Oh. Well, yeah she is. Does that bother you?”

“Why should it?” he inquired in interest.

“I don’t know, because she took pictures of me in bed.”

“Helen, you’re an adult, and if you want lesbians in your bedroom taking your picture or doing other things, that’s your business.” he stuttered quickly breaking their eye contact.

“Other things?” Helen inquired staring at him questioningly.

Her father sighed. “Look, Helen, your mother told me what you said about this woman, how beautiful you thought she was, even going as far as to say you could stare into her eyes forever. That’s a strong statement. It’s more than a friend would say about another, right?” It was Helen’s turn to look away, but a comforting hand to her knee made her look back. “Helen, you’re my daughter, and I love you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. If you’ve found that with Torrance then I’m glad.”

“You wouldn’t be upset?”

“No. Helen, life is too long to go through alone. I’ve always hoped you would find the right companion. If it’s Torrance then she’s lucky to have your love. I couldn’t part with you to just anyone. I’ve always wanted you to have everything, Helen, marriage, family, career. You can still achieve that with Torrance. It just wouldn’t be in the traditional sense.”

Helen shook her head. “Wow. I thought you would be supportive, but I never imagined you’d be okay with us getting married and having kids. How did you get to be so worldly?” she teased.

“Over the years I’ve seen a lot in my industry, and I’ve had the opportunity to work with some gay people. I even have some on the staff, and they bring their partners to work functions. Granted I wasn’t always this way. It took some getting used to, but I’ve come to realize gay people are as normal as anyone else. What goes on in a person’s bedroom is of little consequence as to who they are.” Helen gave a nod in agreement. Giving a smile her father inquired, “So, when do we get to meet this charming woman?”

“I don’t know. We aren’t really together, Dad. It’s a complicated story.”

“But you want to be with her. Are you in love with her, Helen?”

The blonde nodded with a smile. “Yeah. I am, Dad.”

“Do you think she feels the same?”

“I hope so. Two years ago she told me she was, but I wasn’t ready then. Even though the feelings were there, I wasn’t prepared to accept all that was involved in that kind of relationship with her, but now I am. Over the last two years I’ve realized that whatever challenges may arise, they’ll be much easier to deal with than being without her. I’d rather live with those problems and have her than try to be something I’m not. Torrance means everything to me, Dad.”

“I can see that. I hope things work out for you then. You have my unconditional support.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me. Now if I can just get Mom to understand.”

“I’ll work on her, Helen. Your mother is a conservative woman, and it won’t be easy, but if this is meant to be with Torrance, she’s going to have to get used to the idea. Have you said anything to your brother or sister?”

“Not yet. I was thinking about it though. We’ll see how it goes.”

“Well, they are coming up tomorrow night for dinner, and the girls are staying for a few days while you’re here. Maybe you could talk to them then.” he mentioned. “I don’t foresee a problem with them. We all want your happiness, Helen, even your mother. Just remember that.”

The next evening as the whole family sat down to dinner Helen was quiet as she contemplated telling her siblings about Torrance. She figured that since her parents already knew it wouldn’t hurt anything to let them know as well. When conversation turned toward her life and what she had been doing, Helen saw her mother shift uneasily in her chair.

“Not much is going on with me. I’m just modeling right now until school starts up again.” she replied.

“Dad said something about you being in a book.” her brother John mentioned.

“Oh that. Yeah, I was in a book about a year ago, but I didn’t tell anyone, because I didn’t think Mom would approve.” she stated glaring at her mother.

“You’re right about that, Helen, so let’s not talk about the book or it’s photographer at this table.” her mother snipped.

“Why?” John asked. “It’s not pornographic, is it?”

“Yes.” her mother quickly said.

“No, it’s not! You’re just being homophobic, Mother! You’re just mad that I let a lesbian into my bedroom to shoot me!”

“How dare you say that word in front of my granddaughters! I will not tolerate such language at my table!”

“Mom, she didn’t say anything wrong. The girls are fine.” defended John.

“What word, Mother? Lesbian? Torrance just happens to be an internationally famous photographer, and it was an honor to be apart of her project! The fact that she is gay shouldn’t be an issue! You’re just being a homophobe, because you’re afraid that you’re little girl might be one too!” she yelled getting up from the table and rushing from the room. Going up to her room, Helen fell onto her bed and began to cry. Reaching over to the night stand to retrieve Torrance’s book, she stared at the woman who held her heart.

It was only a few minutes before there was a knock on her door before John entered. Taking a seat on the end of the bed, he just looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry I brought the subject up. I didn’t realize this was a sensitive issue between you and Mom.” he apologized.

“It’s all right. You didn’t know.”

Pointing to the book in her hands, he inquired, “Is that the book?” She nodded. “Could I see it?” Giving a nod she handed it over to him. He smiled at her picture on the cover before starting to flip through it. Coming to the one of her asleep, he looked at her. “I take it this is the photo that has her all bent out of shape.”

“Yeah. I don’t see what a big deal it is. All my major parts are covered.”

He studied it a moment. “Well, even though that’s true, I can see what might have gotten her upset. This is not just a picture of you sleeping. This is a picture of a seductress. You’re alluring almost as if you’re inviting the photographer into your bed. The way you’re stretched out is undeniably sexual, Helen.”

“But I didn’t even pose. Torrance just took it of me while I was sleeping. I wasn’t even aware that she had taken it until afterwards. It’s just the way I look asleep.”

“Well, she must be some photographer to be able to inflect any emotions into a picture she so chooses.” He looked through the rest of the book in silence until her got to the back cover. “And this is her?”

“Yeah, that’s her.”

He nodded for a moment before slowly asking, “Is it true what you said downstairs? You know about you possibly being a ...um... lesbian?”

“I don’t know, John. I guess if me having sexual interest in one woman makes me one, then I am, but somehow that label doesn’t seem right to me.”

“Are you in love with Torrance, or is this just some bizarre thing? I mean have you ever felt this way before toward any women?”

“No, I’ve never felt this way for anyone, John. There is no one in this world that makes me feel the way Torrance does. I am in love with her. What that truly means as far as defining myself, I don’t know. What I do know is that I never want to stop feeling this way.”

He cracked a smile. “Sounds like love to me.”

“Mom is having a hard time accepting that though.”

“What about Dad?”

“He’s fine with it. I think he’s thrilled actually that I’ve found someone. I mean yesterday when I told him he was talking about marriage and children. He kind of shocked me.”

“Is that where this is going?”

“I have no idea, John. We’re technically not even together. I mean we haven’t discussed our feelings for each other in two years. Back then I was too scared to make a commitment to her, but now I would in a heartbeat. However I don’t know where she stands. I hope she still cares for me, but she may not. I think she does, but I haven’t asked her directly.”

“I see, but you still felt compelled to say something to Mom and Dad?”

“It just kind of slipped out. Mom asked me some questions about Torrance, and I guess she just realized my feelings. I never said anything to her, but I did tell Dad, because Mom had relayed her concern to him over the matter. I don’t want this it be a big deal, John.”

“It’s not to me. I think if you’re happy that’s all that should matter.”

“So, you’re okay with this?”

“Of course.”

“I thought you might have a problem because of the girls. I would never want to hurt my nieces.”

“Please, Helen, don’t even worry about that. They need to know at some point what it’s all about, and frankly I’m going to have a talk with Mom about her prejudices and let her know that’s not acceptable in front of the girls. I won’t tolerate such small minded opinions around them.”

“Thank you. Now I just have to talk to Amy. Do you think she’ll have a problem with it?”

“Amy have a problem with it? No way. She went to a women’s college, and she has a ton of gay friends, some of whom we’ve met. There’s no way you’re going to have problems with her. She’s probably the most liberal of us all.”

Helen gave a chuckle. “I don’t know. You should’ve heard Dad. He practically was giving me away to Torrance for marriage already.”

John laughed. “Don’t worry, Helen. Things will work out. You’ll see. If Torrance is the person you’re meant to be with, you’re going to have your family’s support.”

“Thanks, John.” she said moving to give him a hug.

A few days later Helen was out on the deck watching her young nieces play in the back yard when he mother came out the back door holding the cordless phone. Thrusting it in Helen’s direction, she mumbled, “It’s Torrance.”

Instantly Helen took it and answered with concern. “Torrance, hi. Is everything all right?”

“Hi, Helen. Sorry to disturb your vacation. I hope I’m not calling at a bad time. I hate imposing on your parents.”

“You never impose, Torrance. What’s going on?”

“Well, as you know I was planning on having my grandparents come over here this summer instead of going go Italy. However a few days ago I got a call from my mother. Nonno fell out in the vineyard and is having hip surgery, so they can’t come over here as planned.”

“Oh no. Is he going to be okay?”

“Yeah, he should be fine. However I’m going to go over there with my mother to help out, but there is a problem I hoped you would help me with.”

“Anything for you, Torrance. Just tell me what you need. Did you want me to come with you?”

“I would love for you to, but that’s not what I need actually. I feel really bad about leaving Melissa alone since she’s just started rehab, so I’m trying to get some people together to visit her. I was wondering if you would be one of those people. She seemed to really take a shine to you, and she needs all the positive influences she can get right now.”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about her. I will more than happy to check in on her and visit. I’ll take care of her for you.”

“Thank you so much. You don’t even know what a relief that is. She doesn’t have a lot of people she can count on.”

“Well, I’m one she can. When are you going to be leaving?”

“Not until Tuesday. I’ve got some things to tie up here.”

“Well, why don’t I come up to see you before you leave? I have a shoot on Monday in the city anyway.”

“Sure. I’d like that. You could even stay at my place while I’m gone if it would help you out. I’m sure you have shoots lined up while I’m gone, and it would be easier to get out to see Melissa that way.”

“That’s true. Staying at your loft would be a great help. How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“Probably two weeks.”

“All right. I’ll meet you at your place on Monday after work then.”

“That sounds great. You can even use my second parking space here at the building if you want to drive. I guess I’ll see you in a few days then?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll even take you to that dinner I promised you that we never went to.” Torrance said lightly.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then. Take care of yourself, Torrance, and don’t worry about a thing.”

On Monday evening Torrance was just finishing her packing as she waited on Helen to arrive at her loft. When she heard the door, she made a move downstairs and opened the door with a large smile. However it was not the blonde she was expecting standing there. Instead it was Claire who was grinning at her.

“Claire, hello. To what do I owe this pleasure?” politely Torrance inquired opening the door wide enough to allow her inside.

“I just was in the neighborhood, so I thought I would see if you were in. Did I come at a bad time? You seemed like you were expecting someone else.”

“Actually I was.” Torrance admitted. “Would you like a drink?”

“Wine would be nice if you have it.”

“Sure.” the photographer replied. Pouring her guest a glass, she inquired, “So, what have you been up to? I haven’t see you in awhile.”

“I’ve been busy with the gallery, and of course the divorce is now final. I never could forgive my husband for what he did to you, Torrance. It was uncalled for.”

Torrance gave a shrug. “Well, I’m not sure I could’ve handled seeing my wife in bed with someone else either. I might’ve been that upset too.”

“Still he didn’t have to throw you out the window. He could’ve killed you. I just couldn’t live with that.”

Nodding Torrance changed the subject. “How’s the gallery? Business doing well?”

“Business is great. I can’t seem to keep any of your photos around long. You are by far the best investment I’ve ever made. I get requests all the time for your work.”

“That’s always good to hear.” Just then there was another knock on the door. “Excuse a moment, Claire.” Going to the door again, she saw Helen standing there with a smile and bags thrown over both her shoulders.

“Hi, Torrance.” the blonde greeted moving in automatically for a hug.

“Helen, it’s so good to see you. Come in. Let me take your bags. You look great.”

Helen blushed at the compliment. “Actually I had Morgan redo my hair and makeup after the shoot, because I was coming over to see you.” she admitted.

“Well, you look fabulous.” Torrance stated with a bright smile now that she knew Helen had taken special consideration with looks for her. As Torrance led them into the kitchen, Claire looked up toward them. “Um, Helen, this is Claire St. John. Claire, this is Helen Melbourne.” Torrance introduced somewhat awkwardly.

“Hi. It’s always a pleasure to meet friends of Torrance’s.” Claire stated standing to shake Helen’s hand.

“I’m just going to put your bags upstairs, Helen. I’ll be right back.”

As soon as Torrance was out of the room, Helen turned to Claire. “So, how do you know Torrance?” she asked conversationally.

“I’m just a friend of hers. We met a couple of years ago at a party. You?”

“We met at a shoot actually.”

Claire nodded. “I should’ve known a pretty young thing like you were a model. Torrance likes models, always has.”

“What do you mean?” questioned Helen curiously wondering just how well this woman before her knew Torrance.

“She just always has been attracted to models. It seems like that’s the only kind of women she’ll go to bed with, me being a rare exception of course. Heaven knows how many of them she’s bedded. All of our mutual friends at least.” Claire stated taking a sip of her wine. “She’s a regular Casanova.”

Without thinking Helen replied, “My Torrance? I don’t think so. That’s not the woman I know.”

Claire chuckled. “Oh, you are young if you believe for a moment that she’s monogamous. Not to hurt your feelings, but Torrance is unable to be with just one woman. She needs variety.”

As Torrance came back into the room, both women became silent. “What are you two talking about?” the brunette asked.

“Nothing important.” Helen answered quietly.

Torrance just gave Claire a quizzical look but not getting a response out of her, she turned her attention back to Helen. “Could I get you something to drink? We need to leave for that dinner soon.”

“Maybe I should go freshen up a bit then. I’ll be back.” Helen stated taking her leave from the kitchen.

“What were you to talking about?” Torrance questioned again once it was just she and Claire.

“Nothing of consequence. Is she your latest conquest?”

“No. She’s a friend.”

Claire grinned behind her glass. “Tell that to her. She seems awfully possessive of you.”

“Really?” the brunette asked in interest.

“So you return those feelings.” the older woman stated. “Then I guess I’m too late.”

“Too late for what?”

“Another chance. I thought maybe you and I could try to make something real from what we had, but if you already have a girlfriend, that might not be possible.”

Torrance gave a charming smile. “Well, I’m flattered, but you wouldn’t be able to give up your side flings. Contrary to what you might think, I am a one woman kind of girl, and if you and I were together, I would expect the same from you.”

Claire nodded before finishing her wine. “Well, perhaps I should just leave while I have some dignity left. I knew it was going to be a long shot, but I thought it was worth it. You’re too good to be left on your own. If Helen is it for you, I wish you the best. You deserve that much.”

“Thanks, Claire. I appreciate that.”

“I hope this won’t affect our business relationship.”

“It never has, and I have no reason to think it ever will.” Taking the older woman by the hand, Torrance led her to the door. “Thanks for dropping by.”

Claire nodded. “Thank you for opening your home to me after what’s happened between us and for remaining my friend. You could’ve held me responsible for what happened between you and my husband.”

Torrance shook her head. “I’m the one responsible for my own actions.”

“Well, could I ask you for a kiss good bye at least?” the older blonde requested.

With a smile Torrance embraced her around the waist as Claire’s arms came around the photographer’s neck.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, Helen made her way downstairs, but she didn’t see Torrance or Claire in the kitchen. Wondering where they were, she moved toward the entry way where she froze at what she saw before her. The woman she loved was holding someone else and kissing her with a passion she had only known that night they had made love. Suddenly she felt her world slipping away from her and she wanted to run, but she was just frozen to the spot.

When Torrance finally pulled back, Claire carefully wiped her lipstick from brunette’s lips. “You still are the best kisser I’ve ever known. Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”

Torrance touched her cheek affectionately. “Thank you, Claire, but no thank you. I am completely satisfied with what I have already. Helen means everything to me, and I’m going to try to make something of this if she’ll let me.”

Helen’s heart thudded loudly in her chest when she heard Torrance’s gentle words. Suddenly she realized what she was witnessing was Torrance bidding farewell to her past in order to be with her. Feeling more assured with her own emotions, she silently slipped away before she was noticed so that they could say good bye in private.

“Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind. I should go.” Claire whispered.

Torrance nodded. “See you later, Claire.” When Torrance returned to the kitchen, she saw Helen sitting at the bar patiently waiting on her. “Well, sorry about Claire. She just dropped in without calling.”

“It’s fine. How do you know her?”

“She’s just a friend of my mother’s and owns a gallery. We better get going to dinner. We have reservations.” Sensing that Torrance was not going to divulge any more information, Helen just nodded.

They took a cab to the restaurant, and as Torrance paid the driver, Helen looked at where they had stopped. It was one of the most famous restaurants in the city. “We aren’t going here, are we?” she asked as Torrance turned to her.

“Yeah. Why? Do you not like this place?”

“I’ve never been here, but I’m not dressed for a place like this, Torrance. You could’ve told me.” she mentioned looking over her black pants and blue blouse.

“Oh, please. You look beautiful. I’ve been in here in jeans before. Trust me. The owner is a friend of the family. We’re both dressed fine.” she stated. “Come on now. We have a reservation, and they get onto people about being late.”

Going up to the door, Torrance held it open for her. As soon as they walked inside, they were greeted warmly and shown to an elegant table toward the back of the restaurant. The host tried to pull out Helen’s chair for her, but Torrance brushed him aside to do it herself before taking her own seat. After being handed their menus, they were left in peace for a few moments.

“What’s good here?” Helen inquired conversationally.

“Everything but I usually have to get two servings of it to fill me up. This really isn’t my favorite place in New York, but everyone else seems to like it.”

“Well, why did we come here then? We don’t have to stay.”

“No. I want you to enjoy it. Please. I promised you dinner, and I want you to have a good time.”

Helen looked down at the priceless menu and wondered how much this meal was going to cost. She had never imagined she would ever come into this place even though she had often fantasized what it might be like. To even come through the door, you had to be somebody in New York, and for Torrance to be accepted there in a pair of khakis and cotton shirt made her realize once again the influence Torrance and her family had in the city. Looking around subtly she noted the famous celebrities from movies, fashion, and politics all around them, but Torrance seemed unfazed by it all. When their waiter came to the table, Torrance asked for a bottle of wine for them before they both placed their orders.

The meal passed between them in casual conversation. Helen tried to feel as easy as Torrance did, but she couldn’t help but wonder what people around them were thinking seeing her with the photographer. Once they had finished their dinner, Torrance excused herself saying she needed to use the restroom, leaving Helen alone at the table. While she was away, the waiter came by and slipped the bill onto the table while checking on Helen to see that she had all that she needed. Helen stared at the bill from across the table, but curiosity was getting the better of her. Wanting to know that the meal was going to cost, she looked around to see that Torrance wasn’t coming before reaching for it. As her eyes found the total, she felt her heart stop momentarily. Quickly she tucked the piece of paper back into its jacket and put it back by Torrance’s plate. The blonde took a sip of her water as she tried to regain her composure, but the cost of the meal was making it impossible to remain calm. The wine alone cost more than one month of her rent. Shaken by the reality, Helen began to ponder what she might be getting herself into by being with the woman she loved. She would be thrown into a lifestyle she had never experienced. By no means was her family destitute, but she knew for a fact her parents would never be able to afford such a luxury Torrance was giving her.

Torrance came back a few minutes later and quickly paid before leading the way from the restaurant. Hailing a cab for them, Torrance opened the door for Helen. Both of them were quiet on the way back to Torrance’s loft. Once back inside the older woman suggested they just watch a movie since she had to be up early to go to the airport. Helen agreed to the idea, so they both sat down on the couch.

During the first part of the film, Torrance pondered how she could tell Helen her feelings. She wanted the blonde to know that she still loved her even after all the time that had passed, but she was unsure of how model might react. Torrance knew with certainty that the younger woman was everything she ever wanted and hoped that the blonde felt the same for her. However having been rejected by her before, Torrance lacked the confidence to just say what was in her heart.

Helen pretended to be interested in the movie, but she was really concentrating on the photographer. She wanted so much for Torrance to take her into her arms, but she could sense that the older woman wouldn’t without motivation. Helen knew that Torrance was being reserved and that she would have to be the aggressor between them if she wanted things to be the way they were. Neither said a word through the whole movie.

When it was over, Torrance picked up her glass as she asked, “Would you like some more to drink while I’m in the kitchen?”

“No thanks. I’m fine.” the blonde replied. She watched Torrance head off into the kitchen as she contemplated making a move. Deciding to just go for it, Helen picked up her glass and followed the brunette into the kitchen. Coming up behind her, she slid her arms around Torrance’s waist, as she whispered, “I changed my mind.”

Torrance felt her pulse quicken at the admission. Even though she knew the teacher was only speaking about a beverage, her heart still longed for the model to say those words about their relationship. “What would you like?” she inquired.

“Another glass of wine.” Helen replied. Once Torrance had taken her glass, she went back to the living room to wait on the older woman.

Torrance came back a few minutes later carrying two glasses of wine. Seeing the blonde stretched out on the couch, Torrance put Helen’s wine on the coffee table before moving to sit in a nearby chair. “Would you like to watch something else?”

“Sure. You pick it.” Helen answered. Torrance did as she was asked, but as she moved to sit back down in the chair, Helen held a hand out to her. “Come lay next to me, Torrance. You look tired.” Torrance just looked at the model for a moment, knowing it might be potentially dangerous to be that close to Helen, but her body overrode her judgement as she came to the sofa. Easing herself down she settled herself onto her back. Helen propped herself up on her side and just gazed down at the green-eyed photographer. “That’s better. You’ll be more comfortable here.”

Seeing a desire in the blonde she had only seen when they were in Italy, Torrance wondered what was about to happen. She desperately wanted to kiss the woman next to her, but she held back. Helen held the gaze for a few more moments before turning her attention to the tv. Her plan was working so far, but she wanted to move slowly so not to scare Torrance. When she saw Torrance turn her attention back to the tv, she knew it was time to implement the second part of her idea. Trying to seem nonchalant, she began to lightly run her fingers along the brunette’s neck down her shoulder and over her arm. Torrance instantly felt her body respond to the touch. Looking up at the blonde, Torrance made eye contact. The mutual fire that passed between them was undeniable. Being drawn into the green eyes she adored, Helen leaned down to kiss Torrance’s mouth softly. The older woman groaned despite herself as her arms came around the teacher. Feeling Torrance’s response Helen shifted her weight onto the strong body as the kiss became deeper.

“Oh God. Helen.” Torrance whispered gently prying the blonde’s lips from her own to look into the teacher’s eyes.

“Please, Torrance.” the younger woman begged as her hand moved down the photographer’s chest over one of the brunette’s small breasts. Torrance moaned and her back ached instinctively into the light touch. Seeing the reaction Helen experimentally let her hand close over the soft flesh.

Torrance groaned loudly. “Helen, I can’t think straight when you do that.” the older woman admitted cupping the model’s face in both hands and staring deeply into her eyes.

“Good because that’s the last thing I want you to do.” the teacher whispered leaning down to capture Torrance’s mouth again.

“God, wait. Can we talk about this?” Torrance pleaded as Helen began on the buttons of her white shirt.

Nipping the photographer’s neck, Helen whispered, “Do we really have to?”

Torrance put her hand on top of Helen’s to stop the blonde’s progress. “Helen, as much as I want you right now, I need to talk about this. Please. If I mean anything to you at all, you’ll agree.” Knowing they were going to have to do things Torrance’s way, Helen flatted her hand out against the brunette’s chest, signaling her consent. “I just need to know what’s going on in your head, Helen. Why are you doing this now?”

“I just want to be with you, Torrance.”

“Well, if that’s the case, why did you ask me to leave your life two years ago?”

“I was just scared, but I’m not anymore. I want it all now. I want you to touch me, and I want to touch you too.”

“What stopped you then? Did I not give you all that you needed? Are you just settling for me, because you haven’t found anyone else?” hesitantly the photographer inquired.

“God no, Torrance. I love you, always have.”

“Then why did you run from me? I loved you, and you hurt me. Why?”

Looking away for a moment, the blonde whispered, “I was scared, but I’m not anymore.”

Cupping the model’s face to bring the gaze back to each other, the brunette asked, “What scared you so much?”

Helen shifted uncomfortably. “Do you really have to talk about this? Besides it no longer matters.”

“It matters to me. I need to know, because if we’re going to try to do this, I want to know where I went wrong the first time.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Torrance. It was all me. I was overwhelmed that night in Italy. I thought I was ready to accept all that was involved in a relationship with you, but I realized that I wasn’t. However I am now.”

“You were overwhelmed? How did I overwhelm you? What did I do that made feel that way?” Helen looked away again, feeling more uncomfortable by the second, because she didn’t foresee how she could get around telling the photographer the truth. “Helen, please talk to me. You’re starting to act like you did the day you broke up with me. Just tell me. I can take it. Obviously I did something.”

Deciding to just get it over with, Helen gave a resigned nod. She put her head down onto the older woman’s shoulder as she quietly said, “The night I came to your room things were nothing like I expected them to be.”

Knowing that they were coming to the real issue at hand, Torrance put supportive arms around her beloved. “What do you mean?”

“I guess I just expected it to be more like my other experiences, and it was completely different. I mean I know you explained it to me the night before, but I just didn’t realize what you truly meant until I was there in the moment with you.”

“Was there something that I did that you didn’t enjoy? Did I touch you in a way that you didn’t want me to?”

“You did something that I hadn’t considered, and it really threw me.”

“What was that?”

There was a second of silence before the teacher whispered, “When you used your mouth on me. I didn’t expect that to be apart of the experience.”

“Oh.” Torrance said, unsure of how to respond the statement.

“I just never imagined things to be like that. I mean the whole thing kind of blew me out of the water. I’ve never responded to anyone else quite the way I did to you. I’ve never been very responsive with others. I’ve always had a hard time reaching peak, and it was only with Richard that I could on a semi-consistent basis. That night with you was like nothing else, because you hardly even had to touch me, and I was there, not once but three times. I’ve never even gotten there twice in one night, so three was overload for me. I couldn’t even comprehend it, and the idea of trying to match that for you was more pressure than I could handle.” she admitted.

“What are you talking about? Did you think I was pressuring you?”

“No. I just thought that since you had done all that for me you would want the same, and I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t? Why? Because you were scared or because you didn’t want to?” softly Torrance asked.

Helen hesitated. “Torrance, I’m not used to having to be so active in bed, and I never thought I would have to be with us either. When confronted with that possibility, I realized I didn’t want to.” There was silence for several moments. Helen knew her confession had hurt the photographer, so she quickly added, “But I want to now.”

Torrance sighed as she took in the admission. She had never considered that the blonde hadn’t wanted to touch her. As much as it hurt her feelings to know that the model hadn’t wanted to be physical with her, Torrance knew it was difficult for Helen to make such a statement. The teacher had opted to back out of the relationship rather than hurt the older woman with such a confession. “Well, thank you for finally being honest with me.” she whispered.

“Torrance, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you, because I didn’t want to hurt you. I was upset with myself for being so selfish, and I knew you deserved more. However in the last two years I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind or heart. I’m more in love with you than I was then, and I want another chance. Is it too late for that?”

“No, it’s never too late, Helen. I’ve been lost without you.”

“And because of what I did, you turned to Claire.” the blonde stated, finally putting all the pieces into place.

“Yeah, Claire and others but mostly her. I made some stupid mistakes in my grief, and I’m going to live with them the rest of my life, but if I have you, it’ll be worth it.”

“Not that I have a right to ask but what kind of mistakes?”

“I went back to my old ways. I didn’t use drugs again, but I was the emotionally void philanderer I had been when I was younger. I knew I was sleeping with women who were off limits, but somewhere deep inside I think I wanted to be caught, and I was, which is why I now have a scar on the side of my face and a permanent limp.”

“You told me you were thrown out of a window.” Helen mentioned.

“I was. Claire’s husband found us together and did put me out a second story window. I was somewhat disappointed when I came to in the hospital. God, how much I wanted you to be there to tell me everything would be all right.” the photographer stated quietly.

Hugging Torrance’s strong frame more tightly, Helen whispered, “I’m here now, and everything will be all right.”

The rest of the night passed quietly between them, and when it was time for bed, Helen joined Torrance in the photographer’s bedroom instead of staying in the guestroom. The following morning when the brunette awoke, she found herself alone in bed. Wondering where Helen was, she wandered downstairs to find the younger woman in the kitchen making breakfast.

Coming up behind her, Torrance slide her arms around Helen’s waist. “Morning.” she yawned nuzzling the nape of the blonde’s neck and making her giggle. “I could get used to waking up this way.”

“So could I.” Helen replied turning her head for a kiss. “I’m almost finished with this. I thought we could have breakfast on the balcony before you leave.”

“That sounds wonderful. I’ll go set the table.” Torrance poured juice for both of them and took it outside with place settings before coming back to help with the food. Following the model out to the balcony, Torrance pulled out Helen’s chair for her and then took her own. Taking a bite of her eggs, she said, “This is so good. Thanks for cooking.”

“You’re welcome. I figured you could use a little fuel for your flight. Even though you can get whatever you want in first class, it still doesn’t beat something home cooked.” the teacher mentioned. There was a pause before she inquired, “So when are you leaving exactly?”

“In a couple of hours. Just enough time to enjoy this meal with you and get dressed.”

“Do you want me to go to the airport with you?”

“No. There’s no point really. I’m just going to take a cab, but thanks for offering anyway.” When Torrance had finished eating, she just looked across the table at her breakfast companion. Helen was sitting in her white pajamas and light green silk robe. She had her right leg crossed over her left at the knee next to the table instead of under it with her left hand daintily resting on her thigh as she ate with her right. Her gaze was looking off to the right at the city skyline, and even though it was obvious she had run a brush through her hair, she still had the fresh from bed look as the morning sun cast angelic rays of light around her.

Glancing over at Torrance, Helen saw the photographer studying her intently. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“I was just wishing that I had my camera right now to capture how beautiful you look at this moment. There is just something about you, Helen, and for as long as I’ve known you, I haven’t been able to figure out exactly what it is, but there is just something in your essence that makes you one of the most stunning women I’ve ever known.”

Blushing at the compliment the blonde mumbled, “I think your opinion is biased.”

“I don’t know about that. I knew it from the first moment I met you, and I know others see it too.”

After breakfast they worked together in cleaning up the kitchen before Torrance went to take a shower. While the brunette was gone, Helen made the bed and started unpacking her own things for her stay. She was just emptying her last bag into one of the older woman’s dresser drawers, when she heard Torrance say teasingly, “Making yourself at home already I see.”

Helen turned to smile at her girlfriend who was standing there only in her navy robe. “I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all.” Torrance answered moving to embrace the teacher. “As a matter of fact, I hope your clothes stay in my drawers often from now on.” she whispered leaning down to kiss her softly. Helen moaned bringing her arms around the photographer’s neck. Pulling the brunette’s body closer, she let her hands wander down Torrance’s back taking in the feel of the older woman under her robe. After several minutes Torrance lightened the intensity of her kisses sensing that things could get out of hand quickly if she continued. Breaking away from the blonde’s arms, she smiled at the younger woman’s erratic breathing and dazed eyes. Smiling smugly she softly stated, “You probably should make that shower of yours a cold one.”

Helen gave a loud teasing sigh. “You did that on purpose.” Torrance gave a nod. “Well, two can play that game. Just when you least expect it I’ll get you back.” she stated heading off toward the bathroom.

Time that morning passed quickly for them, and all too soon they were saying good bye as the building’s doorman hailed a cab for Torrance. After getting all the bags in the trunk, Torrance turned toward her girlfriend. “I’m going to miss you, Helen.” she admitted putting her arms around the smaller woman.

“I’ll miss you two, but don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of everything while you’re gone. Your loft will be just as you left it, and I’ll visit Melissa as much as I can.”

“Thanks. Well, I should go.”

Helen gave a nod but then leaned up to catch Torrance’s mouth in a torrid kiss. The photographer groaned as she merely held on during the oral assault. When Helen was satisfied that she had made the older woman as weak as she had been earlier that day, she pulled away. Torrance automatically leaned back against the cab to keep her legs from buckling under her as she tried to catch her breath. “Told you I’d get you back.” Helen joked making the brunette laugh.

“Ah, je t’aime, mon petite chou (I love you, sweetheart).” the photographer whispered touching the blonde’s face affectionately.

The model gave a shy grin. “I love you too, Torrance.” she replied making it known that she had understood exactly what the older woman had said. “You better go now before this cab drives off with your stuff.”

Giving a nod Torrance said, “I’ll call you.”

“Okay. Travel safely.”

Continued Part 6

---

The Athenaeum's Scroll Archive