~The Betrayal~

Robert Tapert was tired, but before he could rest, he went into his den and with a heavy sigh
peered out the window. "Well, I did it," he said proudly, but deep down he knew he was a slug.
Sure, he'd written and directed this one episode to screw over most of the fans that supported
his work; who'd elevated his wife from doing traveling commercials, but it had to be done for
his wife's future career.

"Ah, if they bitch, I'll say I knew what I was doing. It was a 'BOLD'
move, and my 'artistic vision'," he said sleepily, going upstairs for
bed, but his heart sung?

Somewhere God has my talent
Wonder why?
I could've done my own Forrest Gump
Instead of lame Samurai's

Somewhere God has my talent
I should sue
Should have stayed with my dream
of being a `B' John Woo

Someday the error of my ways
or maybe boot heels of the Gays
Will crush me

Maybe I'll stay safely in bed
or make another Evil Dead
Before they find me

Somewhere God has my talent
So I sigh
I screwed up a hit series
Now most want me to die.

I still have Lucy Lawless
Though she didn't marry me for my looks
I can still smile and wonder why...

But there is a justice in this world and this time it took the form
of a wild tornado the night after the tragic episode appeared. It
swirled angrily about his home until it tore him from his bedroom,
and after minutes of crumby special effects, he was all too familiar with, it dump
ed him in a strange land. When he came to, there was an eerie silence and nothing
was familiar. He got up and looked around until he found a sign that said

"Dykesville."

"What the ??" But before he could finish, he heard rustling and laughing all around him.

"Hey! I hear you. Come on out now," he said, as he tried not to let
his voice shudder.

Three large women, with their heads shaved and tattoos all over,
suddenly popped out of a bush. They linked their arms together and
walked in sync towards the cowering man.

"Who?who are you??" he asked, sounding more like a child than a man.

The three women looked at one another and then back at the man,
finally giggling and breaking out in song with deep voices.

"We are the disgruntled butch dyke fans"
"Disgruntled butch dyke fans."
"We are the disgruntled butch dyke faannnssssssssss"
"And we unhappily welcome you to Dykesville land!"

"Oh God!" the wide-eyed man said.

"I guess we have you to thank for killing the wicked witch of the
north," the dyke in the middle said.

"The who??" Rob looked over to where he fell. "No wonder the fall
didn't kill me." He slowly walked up to the area and looked down at
the squashed body. "Dr. Laura Schlessinger??" His chin hit the dirt.

"Yep, that spare tractor-trailer tire of a gut you have flattened
the bitch good," said the dyke at the end. With that, more dykes
appeared, singing and cheering.

"Ding Dong The Bitch Is Dead."
"Which Ole Bitch?"
"The Wicked Bitch."
"Ding Dong The Dyke Hating Bitch Is Dead!"

Then a great white flashing orb floated from the sky and circled the
dancing group.

"Ohhhhhhhh, it's the Good Witch of the South," a small lesbian
exclaimed.

"The what???" Rob smacked himself in the head.

"You're not too bright, are you?" A small dyke said with a clipped
tone. The glowing, flashing orb transformed into a little blonde
woman.

"Ellen???" The nightmare gets worse, Rob thought.

"Does this dress make my butt look big, or is it me?" she greeted all
the dykes, then spotted the troll of a man standing there like
someone pissed in his wheaties.

"So, Rob. Got yourself in one dilly of a pickle here?" She waved her
wand and a mirror appeared. "See, told you it makes my butt look
big," she informed one of the dykes. "I should have worn that black
suit with the pin striping." Ellen kept viewing herself in the
mirror, ignoring the ever-growing impatient Tapert.

"Excuse me! Can we find out WHY I'm in this nightmare so I can get
the hell 'out'?" His face was now starting to match the color of his
hair.

"Robby, Robby, Robby." Ellen shook her head and put her arm around
him.

"You know you should really pluck. Most people do have two eyebrows."
He blinked and touched the area in question. Ellen shook her head
again. "Let me just say, you landed in the good area of town, tubby."
She eyed his brows again. "You know wax might work better." She
circled around him once and walked over to the squashed body. Before
he could protest she spoke again.

"Good thing you flattened that pig there, she was a thorn in my
side." She walked on top the corpse with satisfaction and wiped her
feet.

"You have worse problems now, dealing with her sister from the West."
The crowd gasped. "She is one mean bitch, makes this one look like
Santa." She looked over to the baffled man and tapped her wand on
her chin.

"Even though I think you're an asshole for the way you treated the
fans and ended Xena with that shitty episode, not to mention all your
wife's contradictory interviews? I think we owe you a favor." She
pointed at the former Dr. Laura and her shoes disappeared and reappeared
on Rob's feet. The poor man fell flat on his face and the dykes all chuckled.

"That was artistic vision, I'll have you know," he yelled, outraged,
feeling the pain in his toes.

"You say potato, I say idiot," she shrugged her shoulders.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with these?" He looked down to the
ruby pumps on his pained feet.

"Well, you can waddle your big butt down the rainbow road to see the
wizard so we can be rid of you." He looked over to the multi-colored
road and back at her.

"With these on??" He lifted a hoof to her face and she waved her hand
in front of her face.

"Ever hear of odor eaters? PU!" Ellen tried not to gag. "RuPaul, The
Wicked Queen Witch of the West wants those pumps. It gives the she-
man more powers." She gave him a second to absorb this information.
"As long as you have these on, she-man can't turn you into his spank
monkey." She helped him up and started him off on the road.

"This road will lead you to Sex Toy's City and the Lesbian Wizard of
Oz. I'm sure if you beg for your life enough, she'll get you home."
He took a few awkward steps and turned to see Ellen laughing again.

"No, no, no. You can't walk down the road like that, you have to ease
on down it." She threw her hands up. "Men!" She shook her wand and a
bright light glowed beside her. "Ohhhh Michael!! Show this man how
it's done." The glow turned into Michael Jackson in his grabbing
crotch pose with his, "I'll baby-sit your son for free" shirt on. The crowd made
gagging sounds.

"Michael! How many times do I have to tell you? Once the Doctor
presses it on, it will stay!" Ellen put her hand on her face to gain
her composure back.

"Sorry, your good witchiness. It just feels weird to finally have
one," he squealed. "You rang for me, my fair witch?" he said in a
high voice and bowed. She rolled her eyes.

"Can you show troll boy here how to go down the road correctly?"

He smiled bending his plastic face. "Hi, I'm Michael," introducing himself to Tapert.

"All you have to do is ease on down, ease on down the road." Tapert
took a few more wobbly steps. His poor ankles were having a hard time
holding his frame up in heals. Rob was concentrating on putting one
foot in front of the other. He jumped out of his skin with fright
when Michael broke out in song.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He ripped his shirt open, exposing his
ghost white bleached skin. More gagging sounds were heard while he
sang and danced around Tapert.

Come on and-
Ease on down
Sleaze on down the rainbow road

Don't you carry nothin'
Though you are a toad
Come on
Ease on down..sleaze on down the rainbow road

Pick your left foot up
When the right one's down

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!" He screamed, crotch grabbing again, while his no
hips gyrated around...

"Enough!" Ellen the good witch screamed and zapped him back to
wherever.

"What the hell was that??" Tapert looked about in wobbly horror.

"Never mind," said the frustrated Ellen. "Be gone already and stay
alert, you'll have to 'GO THROUGH THE FOREST'." In a pink poof, Ellen
and the Dykes were gone.

He muttered a few foul words and tried to walk or ease on down the
road again. It was a slow process, but he sort of got the hang of the
pumps. In what seemed like days.

He soon came upon the outside of the forest. He cautiously walked in,
making sure to stay very alert. In the distance he heard a cry for
help with familiar voices.

"It can't be them??" He blew off the voices as the wind. As he
wobbled further into the forest he heard the cry again, but louder.

"Bob? Barry? Is that you?" He cautiously walked closer to the voices
of his two bosses at USA Studios. Both men popped out of the brush
with tattered business clothes on.

"What are you doing here?" Tapert asked. Both men started to speak
then but were distracted by Tapert's new footwear.

"Don't ask us, this is your nightmare." Barry said.

"We have other problems, like this forest." The two men clung to each
other in fear.

"What are you talking about? It's beautiful here. Not a single worry
yet." Rob thought the forest was the best part so far.

"Tapert!!" The CEO yelled. "Did you happen to read the sign right
outside the forest?" By the blank look on Rob's face both bosses
knew he didn't have a clue.

"It said "Welcome To The Xena Fan Forest!" Bob got in his face,
grinding his teeth.

"That means?" Rob said in shock.

"Freaks." Bob squeaked out

"Misfits." Barry said.

"And GAYS!! Oh My" They all said together walking in the forest,
repeating that phrase.

"Freaks, Misfits, and Gays, Oh My!!!" They all chimed in together,
the bosses hiding behind Tapert.

"Or worse!!" Rob exclaimed! "Fan-Fiction writers! Give one a break and
they act like they're your best friend." All three men gasped as they
picked up the pace, but little did they know the person who put the 'Q' in
Queen was watching them.

"Tapert!! How do we get out of this crappy dream of yours?" The CEO
asked.

"Well, I was told to stay on the rainbow road and go see the Lesbian
Wizard of Oz?" The two men stopped and looked over at Tapert.

"What the hell did you eat to give you this dream?" The chairman
asked, but they all were silent. Until...

"For some reason I feel like singing??" All three blurted out. They
started to sing off key, tripping all over, not knowing why but not
able to stop.

We're off to see the Wizard, the Lesbian Wizard of Oz
You'll find she's a Lez of a Wiz if ever a Lez there was
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was, the Lesbian Wizard is one because
Because, because, because, because, be-cause!
Because of the wonderful things she does
We're off the see the wizard, the Lesbian Wizard of Oz.......

In the distance you could hear the evil laugh from the wicked queen.
She was angered that the troll got her pumps and was stretching them
all out of whack. The Queen Wicked Witch was a tall African-American
mal....female with big blonde hair. She was wearing a sequined ruby
dress with combat boots. Her sister from the north inherited the
matching shoes, which pissed the Queen off.

The wicked Queen had been watching everything in her enchanted dental
dam since Tapert's big ass landed on her sister. When Ellen put her
beloved matching shoes on the troll, you could hear the rumble
of "Hell No!" through out all the lands of lesbian Oz. We hit the
spot of the story where the Wicked one was pacing back and forth on
her cat walk.

"Tell me that troll man doesn't have his stanky ass feet in myyyy
shoes?" Her head moved from side to side as he/she paced up and down
the walk.

"Bad enough the way he ended the show, but nooooo. He gotta mess up a
girl's foot wear too." While the Wicked Queen fumed, we scanned back
down to the singing off key, clumsy men.

We're off to see the Wizard, the Lesbian Wizard of Oz
You'll find she's a Lez of a Wiz if ever a Lez there was
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was, the Lesbian Wizard is one because
Because, because, because, because, be-cause
Because of the wonderful things she does
We're off the see the wizard, the Lesbian Wizard of Oz.......

Finally Barry the CEO stopped in his tracks and screamed, "Why are we
singing and doesn't it have anymore freakin' lines other then these?"
His face was turning red. "It's a stupid song and if any one had half
a brain they wouldn't even have thought of it." He was looking at Rob
when he finished that.

Poor Rob, his artist visionary self had sore feet, he was a long way
from his wife, and he wanted his mommy. Gently, he looked over to the
other two men and opened his mouth.

I could sit in my office for hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with a drain
And my ass I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain

He did a little dance around his bosses, astounded how graceful he
was getting in his new shoes.

I can kill and crucify them
The fans, I just defy them
And then do it again
While the critics grunt and groan
I'd say it's my show, get your own
If I only had a brain

Now I can have it said
The fans caused Lucy dread
So killed Xena totally dead
And I hacked her up
And now she's dead...

I say its artistic vision
But that is only wish'n
I like inflicting pain
I fucked up a great show
And now the fans won't let go
Cause I never had a brain...

"Tapert!" Rob stopped dancing to look at Barry. "Well, at least
you're aware of the lack of brains you have. How do you think we got
the rights to Xena from you?" Barry and Bob snickered while Rob
still stared with a blank expression.

"But thanks for being such a penny pincher, saved us a bundle." Bob
just had to throw in and both men roared with laughter once more. Rob
was looking off towards the left and seemed to be listening. Barry
finally wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Tapert?? What are you looking at?" Both bosses stared off to where
Rob was.

"Shh!! He waved his hands to silence the men. "Don't you hear it?"
All three strained to hear. They heard the faint words, 'help us.'
The sounds grew louder as the men made there way closer.

"That sounds like??" Tapert shouted. "It can't be?"

"Help us?" The familiar voices rang out. The men cleared past one
last heavy brush to see..

"Lucy? Renee, is that you?" Rob asked. Lucy was dressed like a huge
silver tin can and Renee was a big cat except both had breasts.

"Who!?!" Both women wondered who this man in the pumps was talking to.

"Hello, I'm the Tin Woman without a heart." The last part Lucy gave a
sad sigh and sung.

When first we started Xena
I couldn't've been more keena
And gave the role my heart
But though we talked of soulmate(s)
I settled for this troll, mate
`cause it only was a part

She soft shoed her way to the gawking men with heavy clanking metal
sounds.

The nutballs sort of scare me
They have websites where they bare me
Or have me act the tart
I'm scared of chains and whips
I mean I even faked those flips
`cause it only was a part

She finished with a twirl and pointed towards Renee. Like always, she
spoke for her.

"This is my friend, the Cowardly Lioness." Lucy walked up to the men
and whispered. "She doesn't say much and she's always nice." They all
looked over in Renee's direction and she dropped her eyes to her
feet in a bashful pose.

"Come on and sing your lines already." Lucy clanked back to her furry
friend. "I know you hate to sing, but Cremation can still sell the
tape." She smiled, gave her furry friend a push, and Renee gulped and
started.

I could whine away the hours
Complaining `bout The Powers
That Be, and pay the price
It would make the fans so happy
But I guess I'm kind of sappy
And I always am so nice

Her singing isn't bad, but her dancing is awesome. She dances around
the men.

Oh I
Could tell you why
Xena had to die
????????????

She scratched her head and thought. Then mouthed, 'why did you kill her?'
Lucy just encouraged her to go on with a wave, so Renee went on to the next
part of the song.

Inconsistence's a demon
That swallows ev'ry feelin
And gets you put on ice
I should have saved both of the mothers
And proclaimed that we were lovers
And not been quite so nice

She danced back to Lucy, both women together linked one elbow while
skipping in a circle.

Now we can tell you why
Robby butchered Xena to death

(Renee)
I was kind and turned my head

(Lucy)
For me the fans made me feel dread

(Together)
So he shot her full of arrows
Then took off her head

The men are tapping the feet while the women dance. All of a sudden
a woman comes crashing out of the brush, startling them all.

"Sharon!!" All exclaimed. Yes, it's Cremation's very own Sharon!

"Sorry to interrupt Rob's dream." She meekly said to them, before
facing the camera. "I wanted to let the fans know they can buy all of
this for the Cremation's price of $59.95." There was an evil laugh
and she disappeared. They all finally snap out of the spell and Rob
speaks.

"I know where you can get a heart." He points at his wife. "I know
where you can get some courage." Renee and Lucy both smile broadly.

"How?" Both women are in awe.

"We have to go back over there and follow the rainbow road to the
Lesbian Wizard!" Both women looked at him like the pumps caused the
flow of blood to his brain to stop.

"You're shitting me?" Both women chimed in together.

"Nope!"

They all make their way back to the road.

"Is it just me or do you feel like singing again?" All groaned and
skipped down the road and you could hear the evil laughter.

We're off to see the Wizard, the Lesbian Wizard of Oz
You'll find she's a Lez of a Wiz if ever a Lez there was
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was, the Lesbian Wizard is one because
Because, because, because, because, be-cause
Because of the wonderful things she does
You're off the see the wizard, the Lesbian Wizard of Oz....

Scanning back towards the pacing Queen, who was fuming on the cat walk,
when an idea struck, and she snapped her fingers and gave a wicked laugh.

"Monkey men!!" She screamed. "Come on out babies, Mama has a job for
you." Two blubbering white men came out from the sky, dressed in
suits with wings and huge red monkey asses.

"Come on, my pretties." Her long finger motioned for them to come
close. The two monkey men approached slowly. "Peer into the dam." She
said in a sultry voice while the nitwits did her bidding.

"Bring the troll man to me and his little lackeys too!" She pointed
to the three men still tripping and singing like mating elks with
the two women. Both monkey men hopped up and down and took off like a
shot with other monkey men.

We pan back down to the rainbow road?

Lucy stopped and pointed towards the sky and says. "Is it a bird?"

"No it's a plane?" Renee corrected.

"No!" They all shouted

"Jerry Falwell?!? Pat Roberts?!?" Squeaked the three trying to hide
behind the women. Cue the Psycho music.

The monkey men advanced on the troll and crew, muttering stuff
like, "God is of vengeance! Tinky is Gay! You will go to hell unless
you buy my book!" Pat grabbed the two bosses while Jerry tried to
heft his big butt along with Tapert's.

The two women run like hell but a shadow looms over them and swoops
down scooping them up.

"Anne Heche!" Both women gulped.

"Where are you taking us?" Tapert yelled at the wheezing Falwell.

"To our Queen, she will make you repent for your sins!" Tapert
smacked himself in the head wondering if this dream could get any
worse.

"Tapert!!" Barry yelled. "If you don't wake up from this damned dream
soon, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

The bosses were angry from being pulled away from a good dream. After
a day of pilfering Xena Set merchandise on Yahoo, making Studio USA's
pockets thicker, Barry and Bob were having wonderful fantasies on how
else they could milk the fans before Cremation got their hooks into it.

Barry's last thought before he turned over was, "Ha, they bitch about
the ending, but buy the urn and the platter that held the head.
Desperate lesbian fools. I bet I could put shit on a stick, say it's
Lucy's and they'll buy it. Ah hell, more money for me." He had
smiled, rolled over then fell straight on his face into this God
forsaken place.

Suddenly, there is a loud rumble that interrupts our story.

"Hello fans." Sharon waves. "Lucy's Shit on a Stick will be on sale
for $29.95." She laughs evilly and disappears again.

The storyteller smacks her head on the screen and wonders how even
in fantasyland Cremations can get a drop on profit? back to
the story.

The monkey men made their way back to the castle and dumped off their
cargo, muttering, "The end is near." "Gays are on God's hit list." "I
slept with Ellen."

The monkey men stop to look at Anne Heche.

"Its ok now guys. I married a man." They seemed to approve and
left the room.

The three men huddled closely with the two women, checking the place
out. It was a huge stone castle with mirrors everywhere. The
furniture and tapestry, all had brightly covered fabric. In the center
of the castle was a huge catwalk with a waterfall cascading down on
each side.

Then there was loud music playing, flashing lights, muscular men
running out in leather G-strings and masks. You know those kind of
masks that have the zipper over the mouth? Then men surrounded the
catwalk bending to one knee. A great horn sounded off and a spot
light hit the spreading curtain.

There, standing sideways in a sexy pose, was a six foot six inch
American wo?? man?? Beautiful ruby red dress; big blonde hair, wearing
combat boots??? She/he/it turns towards them slowly making her/him/got
me, way gracefully down the walk even in those boots.

Bard's note: What the hell is RuPaul?? I can't keep writing he/she/it?

"You've got mail."

Who is mailing me now? the bard thinks.

Dear bard,

What those people are called are shims.

Signed,

It's a secret.

Cool, the bard thinks. Shims it is. Back to the tale.

The Queen stops and looks at the two women shaking and holding one
another and then glares beyond the two women to the three shivering
men holding each other.

"Is this one of those subtext moments? The Queen asked and all five
people let go of one another while clearing their throats. The Queen
towers over them all, looks at her shoes and then up towards Tapert's
face.

"Get those stank ass feet out of my pumps, troll boy!" The queen
bellowed, bending to grab at Rob's shoes. The ruby pumps glowed
brightly, shocking the piss out of the Queen, making shim's blonde
hooker hair bigger.

"Hell no!" The shim screamed pulling back the burnt hand. "That candy
ass goodie two shoed dyke put a curse on them." In the distance you
could hear Ellen chuckle.

"I've had it!" The queen walks back up the catwalk and sit on shim's
throne. "I'm taking your lily white ass to court, Tapert." The queen
grins. "You and all you lackeys!"

Intermission time. After all this drama, the bard needs a break to
pee and another beer. For the readers viewing entertainment the cast
of "Rob in Oz," will now do the 'Time Warp' for you. Enjoy!

RuPaul puts its hand on shims waist and does a little hip shake and
sings. The G-stringed masked men walk on both sides of it.

RuPaul:
It's astounding;
Tapert's vision;
Madness has taken its toll.
But listen closely...

The Queen man walks to one of its monkey men and slaps him on his big
red butt to make him sing.

Monkeyman:
Not for very much longer.

The Queen turns from the monkey and stalks towards the cowering
Tapert.

RuPaul:
I've got to keep control.
I remember watching Xena's head fall off
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me

The Queen reached Tapert and blew him a kiss and smile as he fainted.
Then the Queen turned towards everyone.

RuPaul:
And the void would be calling...

"Come on babies, sing." All the stunned folks start to sing.

All:
Let's take her head off again
Let's take her head off again!

A loud rumble is heard again and... Oh no! It's Sharon from
Cremation. This time she's dressed in fishnet stockings with a garter
belt.

"Hi Xena fans!" Waves enthusiastically. "Xena cast doing their
version of the 'Time Warp' will be on sale soon." Laughs evilly again
and points to the huge piece of paper and sings.

Sharon:
It's just a hack to the neck.

All:
The head falls to the right.

Sharon:
With your hands on your hips.

All:
Make sure you hacked it off right.
Hang the body like a slab of beef,
And see Tapert is truly insane.
Let's take Xena's head off again!
Let's take Xena's head off again!

The crowd parts and there stands Anne Heche wearing her, "I like
innies and outies" shirt on. She sings.

Anne Heche:
It's so dreamy,
Oh fantasy free me.
So you can't see me,
No, not at all.
In another dimension,
With voyeuristic intention
Well secluded,
I see all.

The Queen shot a dart of prozac into her neck, her other personality
was coming out, then pats the monkeyette's head and they both sing.

RuPaul:
He has a bit of a mind flip.

Anne Heche:
Lucy was into the mind slip.

RuPaul:
For the dykes, nothing can ever be the same.

Anne Heche:
Tapert spaced out on sensation.

RuPaul:
Like his brain was under sedation.

They all gather together to sing and dance.

All:
Let's take Xena's head off again!
Let's take Xena's head off again!.

The crowd parts for Jerry Falwell and his pal Tinky the TeleTubby.
Falwell starts to tap dance with Tinky and Falwell sings.

Monkeyman Falwell:
Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
Wondering why FIN'S really did stink.
What Tapert did shook-a me up, he took me by surprise.
He had an artist vision, with the devil's eyes.
He flipped fans off and I felt a change.
Time meant nothing, never would again.

Tinky grabs Falwell's monkey red butt and they dance off to the next
room. After the sounds of vomiting stops they all sing again.

All:
Let's take Xena's head off again!
Let's take Xena's head off again!

Sharon stops dancing and point at the paper again. Paper will go one
sale soon!!

Sharon:
It's just a hack to the neck.

All:
The head falls to the right.

Sharon:
With your hands on your hips.

All:
Make sure you hacked it off right.
Hang the body like a slab of beef,
And see Tapert is truly insane.
Let's take Xena's head off again!
Let's take Xena's head off again!

Intermissions over folks, stop thrusting. Now we continue in this
dramatic tale of Rob in Oz. When we last left, the cast and the Queen
were just about to take Tapert to court.

Another loud rumble as Anne Heche; jealous and in need of more
attention, knocks everyone out of the way with her monkey red ass.

"Ellen!!!!!" Drops to her knees and rips open her shirt. The gasps
and passing out could be heard all over he dance floor. "Ellen!!!!"
In the distance you hear.

"Now you know why I dumped the crazy bitch!"

"You're just jealous, I'm married and I have a baby." Then
flies away with her big red ass in the air.

"Lord help us, it's breeding!!" Ellen let one last shout out.

"ENOUGH!!" RuPaul was sick of all the cat fighting, especially when
she/he/it isn't involved.

"Dykes! Take Tapert to the courtroom!" Troll boy squeaks as the three
large women once again lock arms around his and start to drag him off.

"Wait a minute!" Tapert screamed out. "You're not supposed to take me
to court?" Troll man is all confused. "I'm supposed to save Toto by
throwing water on you, making you melt." He's pleading now with the
very unimpressed queen.

"Honey, what do you think this is? The Wizard of Oz?" The queen told
the confused man.

"Take him away!!!" The Queen man gives an evil chuckle. The three
tattooed dyke women drag him once more and sing.

We're coming to take you away-ah ha
We're coming to take you away-ah ha ho ho he he
To the Lesbian Court
Where everthing's leather
We torture with feathers
It's all pretty rank
You're gonna get spanked
We're coming to take you away-ah haaaaaaa

All the way out the door you hear Tapert yelling 'NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!'
like a little girl.

"Creative genius, my black ass!" The Queen was more disgruntled.

RuPaul stood, and in a flash they were all in.... "The Lesbian's
People's Court."

The three men were on one side of the court and RuPaul with the
lesbians were on the other. Renee and Lucy are nowhere in sight. The
bailiff walks in.

"All rise." The bailiff said and all stand. The three men look around
in utter disbelief.

"Judge Rosie O'Donnell is now presiding in the case of the Fans
verses Robert Tapert."

You hear the groans from all in the room.

"Sit down everybody." Rosie comes out shooting koosh balls into the
crowd.

The Judgment:

To be continued?

Tune into the next installment of Rob in Oz.

Will Lucy ever do or saying anything that won't be a contradiction?

Will RuPaul win in court and get shims shoes back?

We shall see?