Dark Side by ArcadiaArden

Korsak shut the door wearily as he left Cavanaugh's office. He rubbed his hands along his forehead and eyes. He'd done his best and hopefully it would be good enough. Sean had worked just enough political magic that perhaps the fallout was already over. Approaching the bullpen he changed his mind. The official fallout might be over but the real shit-storm was just beginning.

He looked into the bullpen and Frost was just sitting down at his desk. There was no sign of Jane yet. He poked his head in. "Frost, I'm running down for a coffee. You want anything?"

Frost took in Korsak's appearance. It was just before 8am and his shirt was pulled and rumpled with an end of the day air. There were bags under his eyes and the man looked at least 10 years older. "You look like shit this morning. What's going on?"

Korsak waved him off. "It will wait until Janie gets in. If she shows up before I'm back up here tell her the Lieutenant wants to see her." He trudged off ignoring Frost's protests.

Looking through the glass doors he could see that the café was busy as the morning rush started. Angela was still tying on her apron but she and Stanley were already arguing. He pushed open the doors in time to hear Stanley threaten Angela's job while she rolled her eyes and gave her customers a wink. It was a typical scene for a Wednesday morning.

Angela hesitated before she rang up Korsak. "Only coffee this morning Sergeant?"

He shrugged.

She pointed to the open seat closest to the register. "It's not good for a man to just have coffee for breakfast. Sit down next to me while I finish up with the other customers."

He thought about protesting but he'd been married enough times to know when the easier route was to sit down and wait. Right now anything easy was appealing. Halfway through his coffee Angela set down a plate with one of her egg, cheese and bagel sandwiches in front of him. The aroma was comforting.

"Now isn't that better than just coffee?" Angela looked over to the line forming and moved back behind the register, handing out to-go preorders and jotting down a few new ones. "You catch a new case or something? You look like you've been up half the night." Angela looked behind her quickly. Stanley was still in the back. She grabbed Korsak's to-go cup and pried the lid off, quickly refilling the coffee before helping the next customer.

Korsak took a big bite of his sandwich. The 'or something' out of Angela's mouth didn't begin to cover it. "Nope, nothing new in homicide, but the morning's not over yet." For some reason he had to bite back a laugh. Murder in the metaphorical sense might not be that far from the truth once Jane got in. He had a vague feeling that was why he was the one called. "Angela, have you heard from Janie this morning?"

Handing over the last of the preorders, Angela sighed with relief. The worst part of the rush was over. "No but I didn't expect to. She might have stayed out late with Casey last night."

Korsak stopped mid chew as his instincts pricked. "I thought Frost told me that they weren't dating until he went through some medical trial?"

Stanley came out with the next round of orders and slammed them down by the register as he announced he was taking a break. Angela waved him off. "Jane was the one that called him up and invited him out. She wanted to see how he was doing."

Angela picked up the containers and matched customer to order with a smile, dropping a handful of money into her tip jar. "It's nice to see Jane try so hard with someone. I was just telling Maura the other day that I worry that she'll end up alone."

The counter was finally quiet until the next wave of customers came in.

Korsak took another bite as a theory solidified in his mind. Maybe he was wrong but he didn't think so and for now the events of last night seemed less drastic. He actually felt a bit better. "What did Maura think?"

Laughing, Angela left the counter to wipe down the tables behind him. "Maura was Maura. She spouted off some statistic about the number of women today who choose not to enter into formal marriage. Something about being fulfilled by other relationships in their lives."

Finishing the last of the tables she made her way back behind the counter. "Sometimes I swear Jane bribes her to come up with this stuff. The two of them are wasting the best years of their life with each other."

Korsak shrugged, Angela's words had just confirmed his theory. "What if they weren't wasting the best years of their life together?"

Angela stood in front of him, arms crossed; analyzing him with the same expression Jane did when she was suspicious. Right now there was no question they were mother and daughter. When a new customer came in she had to stop the scrutiny, but once the customer left she looked back at him. This time her posture and her voice were soft. "After all they've been through together if they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other I'd take it. It's not like it hasn't crossed my mind. Especially after that fight they had over Doyle." She took a deep breath." But Jane seems set on Casey and even Maura said she thinks Jane loves him."

Frowning she picked up his empty plate. "Well let me add to what I just said. I'd take it as long as they both understood one way or another I want grandchildren."

Korsak snorted. "I'm sure you'd be able to make that clear."

Angela nodded thoughtfully. "Maura's the better catch anyhow. And you never answered my question from earlier. If it wasn't a new case, why do you look like you need another 10 hours of sleep?"

From the corner of his eye he caught Jane waving to Spitzer at the front desk. Thank god he didn't have to answer. She'd find out soon enough anyhow. He pulled some money out of his wallet and placed it on the counter. "Office politics, I keep wondering why I took the promotion sometimes. Sorry but I have to run."

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Chapter 2: Chapter 2

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The two lattes were almost uncomfortable to hold, the cheap paper sleeve over the cups providing barely any protection. Jane hit the button on the elevator for the several times with her pinky, irritated that both seemed busy. Carefully readjusting her fingers again, trying to provide relief from the heat, she sighed. She should have accepted the paper tray from the barista and just put up with Maura's lecture about carbon footprints again.

Korsak tapped her shoulder, enjoying her small jump and the frown tossed over her shoulder. "I keep telling you Jane, hitting the button over and over doesn't make it arrive any faster."

She rolled her eyes. "I know that, but it makes me feel like it's going to come faster. " She reached out to hit the button one last time with a defiant glare. "Nice manners by the way. Let me show you how it's done."

Jane turned to Korsak and flashed the largest fake smile she could. "Good morning peaches. You look dapper this morning. I hear scruffy is all the rage this season. "

Korsak just sighed. "Nice Rizzoli. You are such a ray of friggin sunshine in the mornings. Christ. "

Jane reached over to poke at his shirt pocket. "You're supposed to eat your breakfast, not wear it."

Korsak decided to ignore her. "Don't waste your time going down the morgue, Maura isn't there and Cavanaugh wants you in his office first thing." He gently pulled one of the cups out of her hand. "I'll put this on your desk and you can give it to her after you meet with him."

They stepped into the elevator together. Jane looked at the cup in her hand. "Here switch with me, you took the wrong cup. That thing has nonfat organic soy something or other. You can tell because you almost need to speak another language to translate what's written on the side of the cup."

Korsak peered at the side of the cup in his hand. She had a point. Naturally she'd know the entire recipe needed to get Maura's coffee the way she likes it. His theory was looking more promising. "Hey Jane I heard from Angela that you went out with Casey last night. Should I ask how he takes his coffee?"

Jane followed him off the elevator with a frown. "What kind of a question is that? What are you now, a twelve year old girl? How in the hell would I know how Casey takes his coffee?"

Korsak pointed to Cavanaugh's office. "The Lieutenant is waiting. We can talk about this later."

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Sean Cavanaugh stood by his window watching people walk in and out of the station. The knock on the door forced him to turn around but he already knew who it was. He'd watched Jane bound up the steps outside a few minutes ago. She was standing in the doorway and he could see the hesitation. She was experienced enough to know that an unscheduled meeting didn't bode well.

He walked over to her. "Rizzoli, follow me."

Jane followed behind Cavanaugh, curiosity growing as they stepped off the elevator and turned down the hall to the interrogation rooms.

He held open the door and motioned her in, letting the door close behind him but giving her space at the glass window.

Jane drew a deep breath and put her hand against the cool glass for a minute, absorbing. "No disrespect sir, but what the fuck is going on?" Maura was sitting alone in the room, chair turned to face the side wall, legs crossed with her elbow on her raised knee and her head buried against her knuckles.

"Beverly PD picked Dr. Isles and a companion up for trespassing. Apparently Dr. Isles has a new hobby of urban spelunking." Cavanaugh joined her at the window. "The trespassing isn't why she is in there Jane. When they tripped the alarm, the responding unit found marijuana and a small bag roofies on the man she was with."

Cavanaugh waited to see if she had any questions before he continued, but Jane was uncharacteristically quiet. Her hand was still on the glass and her eyes were still focused on Maura. "We were lucky. The arresting officer is an old buddy of Vince's. Apparently they go fishing off Gloucester a few times a year and he knew Vince holds Dr. Isles in high regard. After he figured out who she was, he gave him a call.

She dropped her hand and muttered. "How bad is it?"

"I'll let Vince explain but it could be worse and it will be worse if anything like this happens again. Add this to the building tagging earlier this year and the only reason she has a job right now is how brilliantly she handles the work." He looked steadily at Jane. "But brilliance won't keep her license and it won't stop some defense attorney to call her judgment into call. Last time Frankie kept it off the books. This time it's almost impossible."

He walked to the wall and dialed up to Korsak. While they waited he noticed her eyes were still glued to the figure on the other side of the glass. "Jane, I think you should know she didn't want us to call you in last night. Fought it out with Vince and won, but I'll tell you what I told him. I've been leading people for a long time. If she didn't want you here last night then you're the one person that might actually be able to have some influence on her." He moved to stand beside her again. "Before you react, think Rizzoli. Dr. Isles has been a team member around here for years. She has a stellar reputation. I would think these two incidents are telling. I'm ordering you to figure out what is going on, but not as your boss. I'm asking as another person who would rather have Dr. Isles as part of the BPD for a long time."

Jane heard the door close behind him as he left. The second the click of the door indicated that he was gone she rested her head against the glass. Maura had shifted so her arms wrapped around her torso and she stared at the wall in front of her. Jane let out a shaky breath, surprised at how much it hurt that Maura didn't call her and in fact, didn't want her there. She realized she still had her coffee in her hand and took a slow sip of the lukewarm concoction.

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Korsak pushed open the door to the interrogation room and was surprised to see Jane calmly sipping coffee while staring through the window. Several minutes past as she didn't move to acknowledge him.

Jane took another sip of her coffee. "A heads-up would have been nice."

He sighed and walked over to the back table, putting down the coffee he'd taken from Jane earlier. "Cavanaugh asked me to let him handle it. I would have said something if he wasn't going to let you know right away."

She turned to face him, her back against the glass. "Whatever. Just tell me what happened."

Korsak nodded. It was only fair. "I can only tell you what I know and what I managed to get out of her. Apparently Dr. Isles has developed a fascination with abandoned urban architecture. I just asked Frost and he said there are whole online communities dedicated to the sport. The goal is to go into abandoned and decaying structures and photograph them like you would an archeology expedition."

He moved over to a chair and sat down. "Everyone knows what they are doing is illegal and for some that is part of the thrill. Others do it to enjoy the atheistic and there are a number of people that try to get what they can for eBay. Like they're some sort of modern day fortune hunters. I don't get it but Frost can show you."

Jane rubbed her head. "Great, well so now she wants to play Robin Crusoe by breaking into crumbled buildings, perfect. What's another misdemeanor when you're the Chief Medical Officer?" She dropped her hand and her shoulders slumped. "I'm going to be honest, it sort of fits. She has been buying all this adventure shit lately. Safari hats and deep sea diving equipment, I mean, FedEx and UPS are earning half their yearly profits showing up at her house."

Jane was quiet for a moment, staring at her coffee cup before letting out a long sigh. "I know something is bothering her beyond biological parent drama. She likes retail therapy but usually it's limited to clothing and art, not expedition equipment. I've been meaning to talk to her but it's exhausting to get around the deflections." She held back that she was also avoiding much more than superficial conversations.

Shrugging, Korsak leaned back with a sigh. "Well when people go to extremes there is usually a reason. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Jane turned back to study Maura again, noticing for the first time her lack of color and faded make up. "It's going to be hard to figure something out with someone if they didn't even want you to know about it in the first place. The Lieutenant said she didn't want me involved. "

"Come on Janie, I can see what you're thinking. Don't go there right now. This isn't what this is about and you know it. Maura knows you'd find out about it eventually. I think she didn't want you involved because she didn't want to put you in a bad spot." Korsak could see by narrowing of her eyes that she didn't believe him completely. He didn't blame her. He didn't believe himself 100%. "Did Sean tell you the rest of it?"

"Did he tell me that she narrowly avoided a drug charge? Yeah, he did. How did you pull that off?" Jane turned to him again, honestly interested.

"Partially dumb luck, the jackass she was with wasn't actively using when he was arrested and it was under an ounce. The roofies are a separate issue." He shook his head. "Plus it helped that Maura agreed to get screened. Forced the issue actually. She said that blood was a more definitive test, made us go down the morgue with her and she pulled the fucking sample herself."

Jane gave a small bark of laughter.

Korsak stood up and joined Jane at the window. "She thinks she is waiting around for the results. We were holding her until you got in. To put the cards on the table for you, the deal is if the sample is clean, she is on leave of absence for a couple of days. Everyone will be told she had a last minute personal emergency." He turned to Jane. "She doesn't know yet that the bag of pills were roofies."

He cleared his throat and handed Jane a manila folder. "If my buddy Tanner hadn't found the drugs on the guy she was with, he would have just chased them off. But she was lucky Jane. When Tanner found them, the guy had set up this picnic. Sounds romantic right?"

Korask didn't wait for her to reply before continuing. "Tanners a good cop. He did his time here in town before stepping back a bit and heading over to Beverly. He had the foresight to bag the glass Maura was holding. Beverly PD ran a screen on it as an emergency. Tanner's married to one of the techs at the Northshore unit, so he has pull."

Jane knew what he was going to say. He could see it on her face. "It was laced Jane. If she hadn't been detained by Tanner she could have ended up a lot worse."

"And you didn't tell her." Jane watched him shake his head. "Why the fuck not? Don't you think she needs to realize the risk?"

"That's the problem Jane! I think she does realize it in a way. Don't you see it?" Korsak hit the folder. "She realizes it, at least with the breaking and entering. Like the last time with the tagging. She did it anyway. It's out of character and there has to be a reason. Until you figure out what the problem is, maybe the information about the roofie coming from you will get through to her." He watched his words slowly sink in. "I think the other reason she didn't want you called last night was because she cares what you think."

Jane exhaled loudly. "What do we know about the person she was with?"

"It's in the folder, along with some information Frost put together on the Urban Exploration Underground group. But to summarize, the guy was a 28 yr old white male, calls himself Bruno, but his actual name is Devon McCabe. Brown hair, hazel eyes, heavily tattooed with no real record to speak of other than some B&E charges from the urban spelunking. He'll probably make bail this morning, even with the possible attempted rape. "

Korsak walked over to the door. "I brought the coffee down you bought earlier. I know it isn't very warm right now but go put it in the microwave and give it to her Jane. She probably needs it." As he left Korsak hoped she listened, if his instinct was right the simple gesture would say more than any words Jane would come up with. It certainly spoke volumes to him.

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Chapter 3: Chapter 3

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The coffee cup was hot against her hand again as Jane opened the door.

Maura turned around and stood up the second she saw who it was. She chewed her bottom lip, frustrated that Korsak hadn't listened. Part of her wanted to just scream in aggravation. The other part wanted to burst into tears.

Jane watched the expressions filter across Maura's face. Seeing her now, without the glass between them, Jane wasn't sure what she wanted to do. She was torn between wanting to hug her and promise it would be okay or shake the living daylights out of her.

Not trusting her reaction Jane moved so the table was between them and dropped into a chair.

Maura's eyes narrowed at her choice. "Good morning Detective."

Jane raised both her eyebrows and gritted her teeth. "Really? We're going to start with the Detective bullshit this morning? Well I'm not calling you Doctor so get the fuck over yourself." Jane noticed the widened eyes staring back at her. Good. She wanted Maura to look at her, to pay attention to her. "Because right now I'm too angry to be here as a detective. I'm definitely here as Jane and I only will to talk to Maura. Dr. Isles can go find her own conversation and stay the hell out of mine with you. Are we clear?"

Maura nodded as she sat down, feeling the resentment wash away, leaving her drained and exhausted. If Jane was angry, it meant that she cared and right now it was strangely comforting.

They looked at each other across the expanse of the table for long, immeasurable, moments.

Jane slid the cup of coffee across the table, her voice coming out softly. "I got you this. Sorry that it isn't very fresh. I remembered to get the organic soy milk this time."

Studying the detailed script on the side of the cup, Maura couldn't stop the lump forming in the back of her throat. She took a sip. It was perfect, just the way she liked it. She looked up at Jane and it was her undoing.

When Maura started sobbing, her shoulders shaking silently, Jane jumped to her feet. "Oh my god, Maura, it's only coffee. It wasn't supposed to make you cry." Maura only seemed to cry harder. Jane was around the table in a second and had Maura in her arms the next. It took a minute but Maura's arms crept around her back and her forehead rested on her shoulder.

Eventually the tears slowed and Maura pulled away. "I need a tissue."

Jane nodded. "Come on. Let's go to the ladies room and then I'll bring you home."

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Maura curled against the car door as Jane pulled out the BPD lot, the exhaustion and stress from the night pounding through her body. It had seemed so harmless last night when Bruno had offered to take her on her first urban spelunking adventure. She closed her eyes against the glare of morning through the window.

At the first stoplight Jane couldn't take it anymore. "So really? Breaking and entering now Maura?"

She kept her eyes closed. "It's not like that and you know it. It was just exploring an abandoned building."

Jane gripped the steering wheel tightly. "Right because condemned, abandoned property is the safest place to go at night with a stranger, never mind the fact that it's illegal and last time I checked you are a government employee. Better yet you're a government employee that works directly with law enforcement."

Maura sighed. "Bruno isn't a complete stranger. He is the founder of Urban Exploration Underground. I met him at monthly group meeting a few weeks ago."

"You're making it worse." Jane hit the steering wheel with a hand. "I don't want to hear that you've been planning this."

Maura opened an eye and glared at Jane. "I didn't plan it and you're the one asking me questions. I was curious about it so I went to a meeting and then last night when I was online I ran into Bruno. He invited me and I went. It wasn't some clandestine adventure I've been planning for months behind your back."

"Well you've never expressed an interest to me. Not once have I heard 'Oh hey Jane by the way I'd like to go explore abandoned buildings for a hobby." She glared back at Maura. "And the reason I haven't heard about it is because you know that shit is illegal and I'm going to tell you that it isn't a good idea."

Turning to look out the passenger window, Maura watched the bustle of a typical workday morning in Boston. "You're still not hearing me Jane. I told you this wasn't planned. I was curious so I went to a meeting to see what it was about. That's what I do. If something interests me I try to learn about it. Last night was purely by chance."

"No it wasn't Maura. Shit. It wasn't. If you hadn't gone to that meeting you never would have met Bruno and you never would have gone last night." Jane glanced quickly at Maura, realizing her back was to her. She let out a low frustrated growl. She didn't want to fight with her. She swallowed and took a deep breath, carefully keeping her voice quiet. "You could have gotten hurt."

Jane pulled into Maura's driveway and put the car into park. Maura sat quietly for a moment staring at the brick wall before rolling to face Jane. She could see the tension in Jane's face in the set of her jaw. "Jane both of us know better than anybody else that you can get hurt just going to work for the day." She took a breath, formulating what she wanted to say. "I don't want to live my life without actually living it anymore. Everything can change in an instant and nothing is guaranteed. I want to see more and do more. "

"Fuck Maura, then go try something like rock climbing. You have half of a sporting goods store in your house right now. You don't need to risk your job to see more and do more." Jane stared over at Maura and eventually hard hazel eyes stared right back. The emotion pouring from the other woman was staggering and it almost hurt to breathe through it.

Jane was looking at her hard, anger swirling with concern and Maura felt tears tightening in her throat the longer she looked at her. She fisted her hands and felt her nails bite into her palms as her chest tightened. Suddenly the need to scream welled through her and she bit her bottom lip, turning and opening the car door. "Thank you for the ride home."

Licking her lips against the sudden, unexpected urge to cry Jane felt the dismissal in the words. "Not a problem. I'll call you later." She watched Maura get out and close the door, walking towards her back patio. A swell of panic made her heart race and she fumbled with the door, standing up, leaning against it. "Maura!" The other woman turned around and Jane struggled with what to say.

Maura waited, struggling against the urge to ask Jane to stay with her. Her heart pounded, but she bit the words back, waiting to see what Jane wanted.

Jane gripped the top of the car door. She wished she hadn't opened her mouth. She had no idea what to say but Maura was waiting. "Promise me you'll stay here." She watched Maura let out a sigh.

Not sure how to interpret the request Maura studied the tense grip of Jane's hand on the door and the almost wistful expression on her face. She blinked, wondering why everything was so hard, why everything hand to change. "This is my home Jane. Where else would I go?" She unlocked the door and pushed it open. "I'll talk to you later."

Jane stood there long after the door closed. Leaving felt wrong but Maura had walked in without her. She finally slid back into the car and drove off, missing the motion of the curtain against the front window as it fell back into place.

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Frost twirled a pen in his fingers. He'd been staring at Jane for the past five minutes and she still wasn't aware. She'd also been staring at the same page in the file she was holding for the same amount of time. "Riveting reading there Jane?" She glanced at him, seeming almost surprised to see him there.

"I'm just reading up on good ol' Bruno." Jane pushed back with a frustrated sigh. "Not that there is much here to read."

He shook his head. "Are you sure about that Jane? Because you've been staring at that file since you got back to the station."

"Don't you have anything better to do than to analyze what I'm up to? Get your own life already." As much as she hated feeling like Frost had been analyzing her for the moment it was reassuring. "Frost you've known Maura for years now. What do you think is going on with her lately?"

He could see her frustration. "I don't know her like you do Jane. Sure we'll go get drinks together and she's been great with helping me deal with the dead body thing, but she doesn't share much personally with me." He tapped the pen against the desk edge. "She's friendly with all of us Jane but she's also an island. Surround by everyone and everything but encapsulated at the same time. She's a good friend but I can't say I understand her. Maura is always put together, so in control. We're friends but I don't know her. I bet your relationship with her is rare for her."

Jane didn't bother disagreeing with him. She would have to be the first to admit she loved that she had something special with Maura. Which is why it still hurt that she'd stopped Korsak from calling her last night. "Yeah, well that might have been true but lately I have no idea what even interests her anymore. It used to be I couldn't go a day without hearing about something she read or wanted to try but not anymore. I guess I've been kicked off the island."

Frost frowned at her. "Self involved much Rizzoli?" He ignored the confused expression. "Remember when you were a friggin bitch on wheels after you found out Casey was back and didn't call you? I don't think I've watched a person try as hard as Maura to spend time with someone and you kept shooting her down. Over and over again with the rejection and you weren't polite about it. I saw it Jane. And she was still there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. You weren't kicked off the island, you jumped off and now you want back on."

Jane rubbed her thumb against the ridge of scar on her palm. The more she thought about it the more she could see Frost's point. She didn't agree but it was an intriguing thought. Had she been rejecting Maura? They were too close for Maura to think like that right? "That's what we do Frost. How do you think she finally met Hope? Do you think she would have done that on her own? We push each other, care for each other and when things got tough with Hope I was there for her." Jane tapped the file in front of her. "I'm missing the answer and I think I'll find it here."

Frost rolled his eyes. "Or you could just get back in the damn car and go over and talk to her. I still can't believe you're back here and not at her house. If she was my best friend I know where I'd be."

Jane ran her hands through her hair with a groan. "She didn't want me here last night and she dismissed me in her driveway this morning if you really want to know." She leaned her forehead against her palms, hiding behind a curtain of hair. "I might not be the genius but even I can figure out that hint."

"Jane Rizzoli you're the one that just claimed you were kicked off the island. Did you ever think that if you want back on it you'd have to swim up and push your way back?" Frost sighed. "Or maybe she just can't tell what you want anymore either. She has my sympathy on that one."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jane jumped when her cell buzzed at her hip. She groaned as she read the text. "Oh shit, my day just got even better. I promised Casey I'd have dinner with him tonight. I was going to head over to Maura's. I still have to tell her about the laced drink. She just looked too exhausted this morning to hear another thing. Shit, shit, shit." She leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling. "I don't want to go right now while all this is going on." She sat up. "This is why I don't do relationships. They're too hard to manage in my life." She sighed.

Frost watched her antics in amusement. "Call Casey and reschedule, problem solved."

"I can't do that. I always do that and then the relationship eventually fails because I'm not present enough in it. Plus I don't think she wants me around today, I just want to be around." Jane looked at him gave a small laugh. "You know for a guy you make a pretty good girlfriend."

Frost smiled. "It's part of my charm. But if I'm getting to play the role of girlfriend here I'm going to suggest that you skip the phone call and go over there and check on her. If you're distracted by Maura during your date it's going to fail." Leaning back he stretched a bit. "And you're useless here anyhow. Go drop by and see how she is."

The suggestion felt perfect. Jane grabbed the folder as she stood up. "Thanks Frost. You're a good partner."

He watched her leave without waiting for him to respond.

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Angela brought both mugs of tea over to the couch. "Well I think the whole experience sounds fascinating." She handed Maura her mug. "I remember when there were people in some of those buildings. I was just a child but they weren't always empty shells."

Maura let the cup warm her hands and pulled her lap blanket up a bit. "It was like stepping back to a moment that was frozen in time. I could almost imagine all the children when we were in one of the rooms that had all the cot frames scattered in it." She looked at the liquid in her cup, her distorted likeness reflected back at her in the amber liquid. "In another time I could have been one of those children."

Angela reached out and rubbed Maura's foot under the blanket. "Not you honey. You would have charmed the pants off any adoptive couple that walked in."

Sipping her tea slowly, Maura took a deep breath. "No I wouldn't have. I was an odd kid and even if people were interested they would have found out that I was from a poor bloodline and I'd be passed right over."

"Not a chance. I know if I would have walked in, I would have just scooped you right up." Angela took an experimental sip. "I like this blend."

Maura gave a small smile, deciding to direct the conversation away from her poor chances of adoption. "I would have been Jane's sister then. I wonder how that would have worked out?"

Angela snorted. "You'd have been in detention with her every other week. You apparently like risk and Jane as a teenager thrived on it." She took another sip. "I would have finally had a daughter that appreciated shopping and a canopy bed."

"I'll go shopping with you anytime you want." Maura picked at the edge of the blanket. "Jane's upset with me."

Angela took a moment, looking across the family room. "I haven't talked with Jane but I can imagine that she's scared for you. She knows how much your job means to you and the fact that you risked it again has her confused." She looked a Maura and she could see the weariness etched there. "But you need to talk to Jane." Angela decided to take small risk. "She just doesn't understand. Don't wait until it's too late."

An array of scenarios ran through Maura's mind. Angela was looking at her intently. There was a message she was supposed to figure out in her words. A familiar knock at the front door stopped the question on the tip of her tongue and Angela was up before Maura could even react.

Jane watched the door open and she frowned at her mother. "Ma what are you doing here?"

Angela pointed her finger at Jane. "Frost came in this afternoon and told me what happened. Somebody hand to come over and take care of that poor girl. Janie I'm surprised at you. Did you leave her here after that night she had?"

Hitting the door way with her palm Jane bit back a growl. "I brought her home and she dismissed me in the driveway."

Angela shook her head firmly. "I don't believe that for a second and even if she did, since when do you listen when she tries to push you away? I know I don't listen to you when you pull your crap."

Jane didn't have an answer so she just stepped around Angela. Walking into the family room she had to admit Maura did look dejected. Jane walked over to the couch and stared down at her. Yes, Maura looked dejected and something else. Something Jane couldn't quite for words for. Could a person look lost? Because that was the one word that kept jumping to the front of her mind.

Maura bit the inside of her cheek. Why did Jane have to look at her like that? It was making it hard to breathe and she was swallowing against tears again.

Angela walked in and picked up her cup of tea. "I'm going to take this back to the guest house. Maura I'll check in with you later about dinner." She gave Jane a pointed look before retreating.

Playing with her hands Jane sat awkwardly down on the chair closest to the couch. "Did you get any sleep?"

Maura looked Jane's hands, watched her as she nervously rand her fingers over her scars. "Some." She licked her lips, her voice sounded strained to her own ears. Swallowing again, she looked up at Jane, studying her. "Enough to feel a bit more rested."

Running her palms against her thighs, Jane met Maura's eyes for a minute. The room felt pressurized. "Good, I'm glad." She winced a bit at how brusque she sounded. She didn't mean to. Her phone rang and she glanced at the number and put it back without answering.

The words were out of her mouth before Maura could censor them. "Who was that?" She curled her fingers into the blanket. It was none of her business.

Maura's tone caught Jane off guard. It almost sounded angry. "It was just Casey. I'll call him back later."

Starting at her dining room table Maura measured her breathing. "Jane, do you have plans?"

Grasping her knees Jane wasn't sure why it felt so wrong. More than anything at that moment she wished she had just cancelled her date and she wasn't sure why. "I had dinner plans but I was going to cancel. I just didn't want to do it at the office in front of Frost."

"It's a good thing you didn't because I have plans of my own." It wasn't the truth but it wasn't a lie. She had plans but they involved Jane's mother at the moment and Jane knew it. Maura kept her eyes steady and level on Jane. "Go Jane. I mean it, go. We'll talk tomorrow." She looked back to the table. "I can't deal with anything right now, but I promise tomorrow."

Jane looked at Maura and before she could protest the other woman cut her off.

"Please Jane, just go. If you stay here I'll have to think that you did it out of pity and I can't handle that right now." Maura looked over to Jane. She could see the confusion. She wanted Jane to just laugh at her or yell at her. To say she wanted to stay and watch a movie. Maura didn't want her to stand up to leave but that was what happened.

Jane reached out a hand and put it on Maura shoulder. She left it there, feeling the warmth of her through the cotton shirt. A moment passed but Maura seemed resolute. When the silence continued she looked up at Jane with a curious expression. Jane felt her heart clamor in chest and the instinct to comfort twitched through her, scary in its intensity. She took a quick step back as she sucked in a deep breath. "Okay, we're on for tomorrow then."

Maura closed her eyes before she nodded slowly. Tomorrow it was. It was the right choice. It hurt but it was the right choice. Standing up she followed Jane to the door. "Thank you for checking on me."

Jane stood on the front stoop. "You can't thank me for something I wanted to do." She took two steps down before looking over her shoulder. Maura was standing in the doorway leaning against the frame. There was something in her expression that made Jane stop until her heart was beating so fast it was uncomfortable. She shoved both hands in her pockets and turned around quickly, pausing one more moment before walking away.

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Chapter 4: Chapter 4

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Casey took a sip of his wine. Jane was again flipping the silverware over next to her plate. He watched her give a soft sigh before picking up a piece of bread. She seemed to sense his gaze and looked up. "Are you okay Jane?"

She broke apart the roll and buttered half of it before answering. "It was one of those days at work."

He nodded. "We could have done this a different night."

Reaching out Jane covered his hand for a minute before pulling away. "No, I wanted to see you tonight." She let out a sigh, deciding to be honest. "Maura ended up in hot water last night down at the station. She apparently has found a new hobby in urban spelunking and she was picked up on the Northshore for a B&E." She decided to withhold the information about barely escaping a drug charge. "I'm worried about her."

Casey gave a deep laugh. "Maura Isles is into urban exploration? With the dirt and the rats? And she got arrested?"

Jane was surprised when she felt defensive. She took a long sip of wine until she could get her emotions back on track. "She wasn't arrested, just picked up. The officer was an old buddy of Korsak's so he went and picked her up." Not able to help herself she tossed in a little white lie. "She's upset and promised me she'd never do anything like that again."

They were interrupted by the waitress and after she left with their orders they stared at each other across the table.

Jane gave him a little smile. Casey could feel a gentle vibration through the table under his hands. Jane must be bouncing her knee against the table leg. He had faced enough battles in life to know when to retreat. "Jane, you might be sitting here but you're not here." She looked at him sharply but deflated just as quickly.

"Sorry, it was just something when I left Maura's before coming over here. My detective brain is running on high right now." Jane fidgeted in her seat, trying to relax. Casey seemed to be alternating between amusement and curiosity. The analysis irritated her and she glared at him before she could stop herself. She watched his face slowly fall.

Picking up his wine glass, he tipped it towards her. "Jane, you're concerned. I don't want to sit here feeling like I'm holding someone back from being someplace they'd rather be. I'm at a point in my life that I don't like to play the fool. Please go put your mind at rest."

She was going to deny and stay right where she was but she could feel it in her gut that she needed to move. She stood up. "You're a good guy Casey. I'll call you?"

He nodded. "We'll talk later I'm sure. Take care Jane."

His choice of words gave her a sad sense of relief. "You too." She put her hand on his shoulder as she walked past. "Good bye Casey."

She didn't hear a reply as she walked out.

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Jane parked her car on the narrow street a few doors down from Maura's house while she tried to think of a reason that she was back. A small older Honda Civic made its way past her and turned into the alley between Maura's brownstone and the building next to it. She was out the door and walking up the driveway before the driver of the Honda had their foot off the brake. The driver's arms appeared before their body and the colorful tattoos made Jane rage float to the surface. She cleared her throat and the guy slowly turned around. His black bowling shirt and straw fedora made her grit her teeth.

She stood there with her hands on her hips, holding her jacket back so the setting sun hit the metal shield on her belt. She could see the minute he noticed it by the nervous shove of his hands into his pants. She slowly approached. "Devon I presume." Standing in front of him she looked him up and down slowly. "You have the wrong address buddy."

He looked slightly confused. "I prefer Bruno and I was invited."

"She made a mistake. A big mistake and I'm here to let you know." Jane heard the front door open behind her. She refused to turn around but she knew it was Maura by the way Bruno stood up and squared his shoulders. Jane lowered her voice. "I wouldn't if I were you. It would be best if you just turned around, got into that car and left."

Maura took in the scene. Bruno was staring at her and Jane's hands were fisted against her hips. Her heart started to thud and she flicked her eyes around the courtyard aware of the neighborhood around her, a sudden reminder that some choices were not hers to make without social consequence. She could tell Jane wasn't about to back down. "Jane, don't, I invited him. Let's not do this outside."

Jane held up a hand. "I'm not disputing that Maura, but you are missing some of the facts." She looked at the guy in front of her. "Get in the car before I put you in the car. Because the only way you are setting foot inside is over my dead body."

He opened the car door behind him before pride drove him to turn around to face Jane. "I'm going but it's not like I have a choice when one of us has a badge to hide behind."

Jane raised an eyebrow and pulled her shield off her belt. She held it up at him for a moment before tossing it down the driveway. "Problem solved. I'm not here as a member of the police department. I'm here as a friend." She stepped closer to him. "Thank you by the way. Now I feel free to fuck your shit up."

Maura ran down the steps and put her hand on Jane's elbow. "Jane please don't, please. It's not worth both of us ending up with incidents at work." She looked at Bruno. "I'm sorry but I need you to go." She waited until his car was backing out the drive before she turned around and stormed back into the house, slamming the door behind her.

Jane stood in the driveway, breathing heavily for a long moment before turning around to stare, outraged, at the closed door. "She did not just do that."Growling to herself she stormed up to the front door.

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Chapter 5: Chapter 5

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Maura stormed through her house, stopping in the kitchen and staring at the bottle of wine she had breathing on the counter before pushing it roughly aside. She was embarrassed and angry. She turned around when she heard her front door open and her stomach clenched when it slammed shut.

"What the fuck Maura. You invited that loser over here? Was last night not enough for you?" Jane meant every word of her outburst as she slammed into Maura's house. Adrenaline and fear drove her forward. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Maura turned around and pulled out plastic wrap to cover the tray of food she had put together. "What the hell is going on with me? This is my god damn house Jane. What right do you have to come over here and pull a stunt like that? I am perfectly capable of picking out my own company."

"Great instincts there Maura, he's a keeper. Did you know that he dropped a roofie in your drink last night?" Jane knew she didn't and watched while the information hit home. "It was pure luck you were interrupted when you were on your little adventure. If you hadn't gotten caught can you imagine what might have happened? Where we might be today?"

Maura was silent as she wrapped the tray and walked over to her refrigerator and Jane took in the full effect of Maura's skintight dress and twisted up hair. There was no question what the intention of the night was going to be and the near miss Maura had with her safety made her sick and boiled under her skin.

Facing Jane, Maura crossed her arms across her chest. "It's my life Jane. It's my choice to do with it what I want. My choice, do you understand?"

Jane was around the island and into the kitchen, throwing her hands up. "It doesn't work like that Maura. You don't get to do that when you get involved with other people. Don't you get for a minute what my life would be like without you in it?"

Feeling bubbled up and spewed out, Maura knew she was yelling and she couldn't stop. "I don't know and I don't care anymore! Do you even know me Jane? Nobody knows me. You want Maura Isles. I'm not just Maura Isles. I'm Maura Isles and Maura Doyle. Paddy Doyle is half my DNA. That's just a fact. I don't look like Constance. I look like Hope. I act like her."

Jane bit her tongue in surprise and froze in place.

Tears were running down her face and Maura rubbed at them angrily "Paddy gave me away like I was an unwanted complication. My biological mother doesn't even want my kidney to save her other daughter." She took a deep breath. "I was adopted by two people that it turns out didn't intend to have me. They loved me in their own way but they didn't care to get to know me. Even you were so quick to push my friendship aside when Casey returned. I know for a fact that you hate that Doyle is my sperm donor" She stalked up to stand in front of Jane. "I have spent my whole life trying to be something for everyone else. Over the past year I realized I don't even know myself." She pushed against Jane's chest, forcing her to take step back. "So god damn it I'm done. I am going live. Do you understand? I'm done with being safe. I liked tagging that building with Dennis. I liked it when everyone saw that I'm not perfect. I'm done with being somebody for everyone else. I am going figure out who the hell I am and live." She glared up at Jane, breathing heavily. "Because maybe then I'll find somebody that wants all of me."

Frustration lit a fuse and without thought Jane grabbed Maura by the shoulders and shook her. "How dare you think that?"She was vaguely aware that she had Maura's chin in her hand and their faces were close enough that she could feel the sharp burst of warm breath on her face. "How dare you think that for even a minute?" She closed the distance without thought and was kissing her with everything she had in her. Her blood roared through her ears and her eyes watered when she felt Maura's hands push under her shirt and her nails dragged hard up her back and grabbed the skin on her shoulder blades hard.

Maura felt the glass of her refrigerator door against her back. Jane's kiss stole any semblance of reason. It was raw and unscripted. She bit Jane's tongue at the pain at the back of her head when Jane pulled out the pins and her hair tumbled down.

Jane buried her hands in Maura's hair, pulling her head back, feeling each ragged breath between them, studying the parted lips and lidded eyes. Maura's hand came up to twist Jane's shirt in her fist and pulled her back down until their lips crashed together.

Jane's lips and teeth followed along Maura's jaw and down her neck "You don't give people a chance to know you." She sucked at the juncture where neck met shoulder, shuddering at Maura's loud groan. "You wrap yourself up and it's hard to get in." Jane pulled against the zipper at the back of Maura's dress, wrenching it down. "But I got in Maura. I do know you."

Pulling Maura's dress part way down, Jane bunched the material in one hand, the halter straps of the dress trapping Maura's arms against her side. Jane held up a hand to Maura's face. "Do you think you harbor some sort of wild side that I can't handle? Some part of you that is too dark for me to like? Look at my hand Maura." Jane held her hand closer to Maura's face. "I've looked into darkness Maura. I have the fucking proof on my hands." She reached down and dragged her palm roughly against Maura's breast, feeling the nipple harden at her touch. She squeezed and heard Maura mutter into her shoulder. "There isn't one part of you I can't handle."

Jane's words reached through the pounding need and Maura pushed closer.

"Jesus Jane." Maura could feel the ridge of Jane's scar against the sensitive tip of her nipple and struggled against the hold, pinning her arms tighter with her efforts, pushing her body into Jane. She felt the pressure pinning her arms release as the wet hot heat of Jane's mouth enveloped her breast and a sharp prick of pleasurable pain as teeth bit down. "Oh god." She struggled to free her arms, letting her dress fall to her waist.

Maura's hands were tangled in her hair, drawing her closer and that was all the permission Jane needed. Ripping her hands up Maura's thighs Jane pushed her dress up and drew her fingertips along wet heat. "No barriers. Did you want him to fuck you Maura?" She didn't wait for an answer before she plunged three fingers in.

Maura didn't know where the scream came from but she was gasping from it, feeling her body stretching to accommodate the intrusion, the burn becoming pleasure and her hips ground down. She dropped her head against Jane's shoulder and when Jane pushed back and her body instantly moved for more.

Jane pressed Maura hard against the glass on the door, sliding her fingers in beat with Maura's seeking thrusts, feeling the desperation building as the speed and the angle burned across her shoulder.

Release hovered just out of reach and Maura could feel her thighs trembling and her abdomen cramping. She pulled Jane in for a gasping kiss. "Damn it Jane. Please." Suddenly there was a bite against at her pulse point and pressure on her clit. Her orgasm was violent and her throat felt raw as she clutched Jane to her.

Jane left her fingers buried in Maura, kissing her temple and her cheek. Her lips traced an ear and the sensitized body she held pulsed around her fingers. "I'm not done with you yet." Maura whimpered and sagged against her.

A shift, a turn and the counter was at her back. Jane was kissing along her collarbone, using her free hand to help her up until she was partially seated. Maura ran her hands under Jane's shirt, unclasping her bra, pushing it up to run her hands along her breasts. Jane's breath came in gasps against her shoulder when she ran her nipples between her fingers, testing and teasing until Jane lips were on hers, kissing her hard. Tearing her face away for a moment, Maura felt the heavy weight in her abdomen grow, the constant pressure of Jane's fingers highlighting every breath. She became aware that the light from her kitchen could be seen easily from the driveway. "Jane, we should go into the bedroom."

Jane moved her fingers, gently. "Later. Right now we're not going behind a closed door. You wanted to live, so live a little. You screamed so loud earlier the neighbors already know everything they need to know."

Maura blushed hard, biting her lip as Jane continued her slight thrusts. "But I want you naked too."

"I told you. Later. I'm busy right now." She traced her way down Maura's neck and down along her shoulder, cupping a breast and moving her thumb over the nipple. Jane waited until Maura opened her eyes. Stepping closer, Jane drove Maura's knee against her crotch. "You drive me crazy." With that she kissed her way down until she could run her tongue around and over Maura's nipple, the pure frantic energy from earlier waning. She breathed in the scent and the softness. She increased the motion of her fingers, feeling and hearing Maura's gasp. "This doesn't make any sense but I wouldn't change it." There was a pulse of wetness against her hand and Jane moved up to kiss Maura hard, swallowing her cries as she held her thumb against the top of her clit, letting the motion of Maura's body provide the friction. "All of you, every part, is perfect."

The sound, touch and taste of them together brought Jane to the edge, as Maura's motion against her became harder, less guided and frantic. The friction pressed the seam of her pants against her with agonizing perfection. Jane moved along with the pressure, feeling her own body swell and reach for release. Maura's body tightened around her fingers and she felt Maura's hands running up and down her sides. White hot pinpricks ran up her thighs when Maura convulsively grabbed her breast hard as she came and Jane felt the air ripped from her lungs as her orgasm coursed through her and the pressure released.

They breathed together for long moments, foreheads touching. Jane shakily removed her fingers and gently pulled Maura to her as she slid to the floor. She became aware of Maura tugging at her shirt and she let her pull it off with her bra before wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into her lap, chest to chest. She kissed Maura's temple and murmured into her hair. "Don't ever think that somebody doesn't want you." Jane felt tears threaten and her voice was thick. "Don't even think that somebody doesn't need you." She pressed her forehead to Maura's again. "Don't ever think that somebody doesn't love you."

Maura knew she was crying and when she opened her eyes she fell into twin brown pools. She tightened her grip. "I love you too."

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Chapter 6: Chapter 6

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Maura woke slowly, feeling fingers drawing up and down her back. She stretched reveling in the slide of skin on skin, realizing she had spent the night sleeping almost on top of Jane. She kissed the patch of skin under her lips. "Are you still breathing or did I crush you?"

Jane chuckled. "That was a very un-Maura like statement. Where are the facts about how much body weight would be necessary to crush me?" She jumped a bit when Maura lightly pinched her side.

"I am not awake enough Rizzoli. Somebody kept me up half the night." Maura ran her hand down Jane's arm to grasp her hand and pull it up, placing a gentle kiss on her palm.

Jane hugged the other woman close, flashes of the night spent in gentle exploration making her smile. She kissed Maura's shoulder. "I'm just trying to help you ward off colds. It was colds, wasn't it?"

Maura chuckled silently. "I'm sure I'll be very healthy from now on."

Suddenly, Jane became aware of banging and clattering coming from the house. Maura had raised herself on her elbows and was listening with a frown. They looked at each other, silently waiting. The noises multiplied.

Jane groaned. "Maybe if we stay put she'll go away."

Maura just buried her face against Jane's neck. The smell of coffee and bacon drifted into the room. "We could go out at different times, it's not like you haven't stayed over here before. How is she going to know you weren't in the guestroom?"

Jane laughed. "My mother lives with you now and yet you're still so naïve, I love it. It's after 10 in the morning. The fact that we both weren't out there arguing over the morning paper when she walked in is all she needs to know. The smell of a full breakfast would imply that we're going to sit down together for a nice long talk. "

Opening her mouth to respond, Maura was cut off by a loud knock on her bedroom door. Angela's voice floated through loud and clear. "Alright girls, you have five minutes to get yourselves presentable and get your fannies out here."

They looked at each other, jumping slightly when Angela continued. "And before either of you panics about some big coming out talk remember that I live next door. It's a guest house in Boston, attached to this house by a wall. Half of Beacon Hill heard why you two slept in this morning and the other half was able to watch the floor show in your kitchen. Unfortunately I can give them a play by play. I know I've given up my nightly tea from now on."

Leaning into each other, they both felt the flush of color creep over them. Jane started laughing first and Maura followed. She whispered in Maura's ear "Wild enough for you yet? I think you should just stick to the regular programming, leave the tagging and the urban spelunking to the people who don't solve murders and live with my family."

Another series of knocks had Maura muttering something in some other language that Jane was sure could be universally translated. Chuckling, she lightly scratched Maura's neck. "You're going to have to tell me soon how many languages you can curse in." She sighed and called out to her mother "Okay we're up. Five minutes."

Maura slowly moved off Jane and sat up. "I think you may be correct Jane. As long as I have you, my life will hardly be mundane." She buried her head in her hands. "I think I'm done with misdemeanors and urban subculture. Right now your mother is enough of a tax on my adrenal glands."

Jane grinned while she stood up and started hunting around for clothes. "Why do I feel like I'm 14 again and I just got caught making out in the basement?"

Maura dropped back down amid her pillows, her voice coming out muffled. "Probably because your mother forgets her children are adults. Usually it's charming. Right now I want to find her a therapist."

Jane laughed, ducking into the bathroom ensuite for a moment, returning with her hair banded back and a shirt held in triumph over her head. "Found something to wear in your workout gear. I think my other one is still in the kitchen."

Pulling the shirt over her head Jane walked back over to the bed and held out a hand to Maura, dragging her to her feet and kissing her forehead. "Come on, time to get up. I can't face her by myself. I left my gun at home." She ran her hands lightly over soft curves, lightly nipping a bare shoulder. "At a time like this I need to remember that I do love my mother." She stepped back and found her pants on the floor.

Leaning over, struggling to shove a leg in, Jane looked up. "Maura?" She waited for hazel eyes to focus on her. "You know, I have you too. All the parts of you and if that means you're destined to live a life of crime as head of a mob family, I'll be right there with you."

Maura gave her a small smile. "I know. You already tossed your shield down the driveway last night." Jane blushed a bit and Maura couldn't help but wink at her "But I like the way you look with it on, so we should probably go get that and leave the mob management to people more qualified."

Maura went into her bathroom and quickly washed up, wandering back out as she fastened her bra. She pulled open a drawer and picked out a set of loungewear to slip into.

Angela's voice sounded again, but this time it was further away. "Five minutes is almost up. Don't think I won't come in there. Both of you come out ready to answer two questions. When is the wedding and who is carrying my grandbabies?"

Jane opened the door before looking longingly behind her. "We could always use that grappling equipment you bought to scale out the window."

Maura laughed at the image. "As tempting as that idea is, I think the next few hours are climatic enough without involving the neighborhood in a foot chase between us and your mother."

Jane sighed. "What an image. We'd probably lose too." She held out her hand. "Ready?"

Maura laced their fingers together. "No." She pulled Jane to her and hugged her, breathing her in. After several long moments she stepped back. "Okay, now I'm ready."

Jane gestured in front of her. "After you."

Maura frowned over her shoulder as she exited. "Wimp."

Smirking, Jane followed her out. "You say wimp, I say experienced."

==End==