When the Bough Breaks by ArcadiaArden

By the time she hit Beacon Street her legs were burning and she slowed her stride to a walk and gave up, stopping, as the city traffic flowed past her. Gasping for breath Jane bent over, leaning against her knees. For a second the only thing she could feel was her pulse pounding in her ears.

"Fuck!" Jane struggled upright to look up and down the sidewalk in desperation but there wasn't as sign of blond curly hair. No flash of red taillights from a rusty tired car. Just nothing. It wasn't that she actually thought she'd catch up but the burst of activity made her feel that she tried and the burn was a welcome release. She looped an arm around the black iron fence surrounding the entrance to a brownstone and leaned against the cool metal thinking. What in the hell had Lydia been thinking? Shit like this didn't happen in real life. Mothers did not leave their day old infants on the front steps of somebody's home. Even if you thought the baby's relatives were on the other side of that door.

For a moment she didn't care who in the hell was watching and she slammed her fist down on the metal fence, yelping when the impact was more than she was expecting. Wincing she flexed her hand and shook out the throbbing left behind. Goddamn Lydia. Like the fucking day hadn't been traumatic enough.

"Hey lady, are you okay?"

Startled by the touch on her elbow, Jane whipped around. The first thing she noticed was the bizarre, squat, looking dog. The older man holding the dog's leash pulled his hand away and was looking at her with a mixture of concern and trepidation. Jane took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. "Yeah, I'm good."

He didn't look as if he believed her and Jane didn't blame him. "Are you sure? I could call someone if you want?"

Jane bit back the sudden urge to laugh. She wanted to tell the guy that he could phone up God himself and ask for a redo. "No really, I'm all set. Tough day is all." She looked at the dog again, it was snorting with each breath that it took. The thing looked like a rejected extra from a Star Wars movie. It was the perfectly odd touch to a perfectly odd day. A laugh escaped as she rubbed her sore hand. "I have to ask, what kind of dog is that?"

The guy was looking at her completely perplexed and Jane couldn't blame him. "He's a French Bulldog."

Jane simply nodded. The everyday response somehow calming. "He's interesting." She took a deep breath. "Thanks for asking, but really, I'm okay. I should get going now, but thank you again for stopping." She didn't wait for him to respond before she turned and walked back towards Maura's. Half a block in, where the streets started to narrow, Jane slowed down again. Sighing she pulled her phone off her belt, quickly scrolling and selecting a name. Thankfully the call was answered immediately. She cleared her throat. "Frankie, Ma call you yet?"

His voice was a combination of tired and annoyed as he negatively replied. Jane almost felt bad for adding more onto his day. Almost. If she was going to have to deal with this, so was he. "Well you're going to want to get your ass to Maura's pronto. Grab the new daddy dearest in the family while you're at it too." Jane waited for Frankie to finish rattling off questions. "You want answers? I'll see you at Maura's. Preferably with Tommy." She ended the call without saying goodbye and resumed walking, slowly, trying to think through all the facts.

Fact one, there was a baby in Maura's house that was related to her. It might be her half brother. It might be her nephew. Fact two, her mother was also in that house. The baby was either her first grandson or the illegitimate child of her ex-husband. Fact three, her best friend owned the house with the baby and her mother in it. That best friend had almost been killed tonight by a serial killer she'd brought back to life.

This kind of bullshit made for a good Lifetime Movie of the Week.

Jane rubbed her forehead. Who was she kidding? Even Lifetime wouldn't touch this level of insanity.

When she woke up this morning she'd been doing the homicide detective thing. Granted the case was a bit more interesting than the run of the mill gang killing in Dorchester. Serial killings were like that. This guy was particularly insane too. Nothing said unbalanced quite like entombing armless corpses in Venus de Milo statues. The press got involved because it made for fantastic sound bites. It was a ratings feast for the rabid 11 o'clock newscast race and front page headlines. This meant Brass got involved because the press was swallowing this whole. Jane got involved because it was her job.

Jane paused at the bottom of Maura's street, looking up the hill towards the other woman's home. Maura had been involved as well. Not in just in the Y-incision, weighing body organs and collecting forensic evidence, Chief Medical Examiner kind of way either. Oh no, this time Maura picked yet another winner of a man to add to her history of particularly bad relationship choices. For the umpteenth time Jane wished Maura had never been able to revive the asshole. Sometimes dead was a good thing. A very, very, good thing. But he'd survived and set his sights on Maura. Dennis Rockmond had been all bright white teeth and masculine appeal. He'd charmed Maura's pants off. Literally.

With a sudden flash of panic, Jane pulled her phone out again. "Frost, listen, I just had a thought. Can you figure out who has lead over at the Rockmond scene?" She paused as he rattled off a couple of names. They were good cops, good detectives. "Can you give Brown a heads-up that Maura posed nude for this prick and to try to keep a lid of any sketches or sculptures that might be lying around? I don't think she could take those leaking at the precinct." Frost's expletive filled response reassured her. Jane knew he'd take care of it. "Make sure the rumor-mill knows I'll make anybody's life a living hell if they cause Maura to feel uncomfortable for even a millisecond or if even one photo ends up on Facebook." She tried to take a deep breath and relax. Failing, she tried again. The last thing she wanted to do was walk in Maura's front door and add more tension to the night.

In her world, Maura had earned a bit of peace. Almost getting killed by the serial killer you were dating earned you that. With a long sigh, Jane turned up the street. This time Maura's stellar dating instincts had almost landed her on her own steel autopsy tables. Jane rubbed the scars along her palms as her stomach twisted hard trying to swallow the panic that was threatening again. Now was not the time to focus on that. But it was so hard. So god awful, gut twisting hard. They had stood right on the edge of losing Maura and the edge was razor sharp and left her bleeding mental what ifs. What if Maura had died tonight?

No more Maura rattling off random facts. No more Maura insulting her clothes. No more Maura making her go to yoga. No more Maura sweeping in at the end of a long day to make her smile. No more Maura to run to when she was too afraid to be alone. There just would be no more Maura, ever.

Tears bit at her throat and Jane swallowed hard. Losing Maura was incomprehensible.

Stopping at the stairs leading up to Maura's front door Jane took a moment to try pull herself together. She didn't have the luxury to think about any of this right now. No, now she needed to walk through that door and deal with approximately seven pounds of day old humanity, a traumatized best friend and her mother.

________________________________________

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

________________________________________

See Ch1 for disclaimers etc…

________________________________________

The scene she walked into was surprisingly peaceful. Jane wasn't sure what she was expecting but it wasn't the sight of her mother back knitting that asinine blanket while Maura was curled up against the arm of her couch, the baby against her chest, his little head snuggled against the bare skin of her neck. For the first time that night Maura looked relaxed, almost content.

At first she stood in the entry to the living room and soaked it in. It was strangely soothing. Maura glanced up and they just looked at each other. Jane felt something odd and delicate prickle along her skin and she bit her lip, unable to look away. A heartbeat later the first stirrings of alarm ran over her and Jane knew, absolutely knew, in a deep visceral way that this entire situation was not going to bring anything but heartbreak to everyone involved. "I ran all the way down to Beacon Street but I didn't see any sign of her."

Adjusting the baby Maura took in Jane's windblown appearance. Jane had apparently meant run in the literal sense. "It was a long shot. I'm not sure why you bothered. There could have been any number of directions Lydia could have taken off in." Seeing Jane ready to argue she quickly amended. "By car or by foot." She looked over at Angela who was studying them both carefully.

Twisting the yarn around a needle Angela's voice cut in. "You are even assuming it was Lydia who dropped him here."

Jane threw her hands up. "Well I had to start someplace." She let out a breath. "And Lydia can barely remember how to tie her own shoes. I hardly think she managed to convince someone to drop her baby off on Maura's front stoop."

Angela snorted. "You know Jane, I'd like to think you are bright enough to figure out that Lydia might not be as clueless as she seems." She put down her knitting needles. "After all she managed to get herself involved with all of us. Even me, the ex-wife of her ex-fiancé." Angela pointed to the blanket in her lap. "Remember she knows where Tommy lives and that is not where she chose to leave that baby." She looked at her daughter whose shoulders were rounding, tired, a bit defeated. When she turned back to the couch to look at Maura the doctor had her eyes lidded, contemplating Angela carefully. "All in all, don't you both underestimate Lydia."

Jane's feet made a slapping noise against the hard wood as she stormed into the room. "Well if she was so freakin' smart how come she didn't realize that we can't just keep a baby she decides to randomly drop off." She stopped in front of her mother, hands on her hips. "There are laws. There are procedures."

"There is also an overloaded foster care system and you are a blood relative." Maura almost flinched when Jane spun around to look at her. "I read up on child abandonment a couple of years ago when we had that surrogate case." Jane was looking at her sharply. Maura could see her sliding bits and parts of the past in place, fully aware that the case wasn't her only reason for looking into it. Defensive, she spoke directly to Angela. "I was curious." She looked down at the baby, afraid to look at Jane's expression as she continued speaking. "It might take a little bit of time but between Tommy and yourself, keeping him would be almost legal technicality."

"But I'm not looking to have a baby Maura!" Jane dropped down to the sofa, close enough to touch Maura's legs tucked up on the cushions. "He has parents. We might not know who exactly the father is but last time I checked, sperm meets egg, makes baby. So out there, some place, he has two parents." She slumped back, letting her ire go, her voice thick with frustration. "Neither of which happen to be me." Maura's drawn expression registered on her and the warmth of her shins along her back was soothing. Some of the frustration melted and she softened, unable to stop from leaning against Maura's knee to look at him closer. "He's so small."

Maura kissed the top of the baby's head, breathing in warmth and infant. "We can take a DNA sample tomorrow. Tommy should already have a profile in the database from his prison term." She rested her head against the back of the couch and spoke to the ceiling. "Then everyone will have their answer on who he really is."

Concerned with the strained tone she heard coming from Maura, Jane moved closer. She felt like an ass. She kept forgetting how hard this day had been for Maura.

Standing up and putting her knitting aside Angela walked over and gave the baby's diaper a quick pinch, frowning when it was still dry. For a moment the full picture caught her attention. There was Jane, prickly Jane, stroking the back of the baby's hand, half on top of Maura, both of them apparently fascinated with the infant. It was a strangely beautiful moment. Shaking her head she picked up the bag the baby had arrived with. "I'm going to go see if we have any makings for a bottle, he should have been wet by now if he had enough food in his system." She turned back to her daughter. "Call your brothers Jane."

Jane dropped the finger that had been tracing the back of the baby's hand abruptly, realizing what she was doing. "I already did Ma."

"Then I need your help in the kitchen." Angela waited for Jane to move. "Now Jane." There was muttered cursing but Jane followed behind her until they were both at the kitchen island while she unzipped the bag. "Honey, I know today was hard. I haven't even had time myself to process it and I wasn't there. I didn't even have to see what you all went though." Angela looked up to see if Jane was listening and slapped the counter by Jane's hand. "Jane! I need you to pay attention to me."

Startled Jane tore her eyes off Maura, wrapped up on the corner of her couch, running a hand lightly over the baby's back. "Fine, whatever, I'm listening Ma."

"I'm trying to tell you I can't do this Jane." Now she had Jane's attention, her daughter finally turning to face her, a hip against the counter.

"Wait, what? You can't do what?"

"Jane, I'm a good mother. A great one even. I know I'll be a fantastic grandmother, but you have to understand I can't take care of this baby." Angela could see concern starting to wrinkle Jane's forehead. "I honestly think Lydia is going to come to her senses. That baby has a mother and that girl tried to do what was right." Finally finding an empty bottle and a container of formula, Angela twisted the cap off both and filled one with the other. "But until she resurfaces you need to realize I am not going to be able to take care of that baby. I'll help but God help me Janie. If he is your father's I just can't deal with it. I want to be a better woman but I have been sitting over there thinking and I can't. If he is Tommy's, I'll be the best grandmother I can, but I can't raise him. I couldn't afford to even feed myself if I wasn't living here with Maura." Angela fought with the tubes and top to the bottle before handing it over to Jane with a frown. "Here fix this. In my day if you had to use a bottle when they were this young, you stuck a plastic bag in the holder with a nipple."

Jane frowned at the pieces in her hand but went about assembling it while her Mother continued.

Angela took a deep breath. "I know it's not fair sweetie, but Tommy isn't going to be able to manage that baby. Frankie is going to have to help out but you're the oldest. If you don't want to take care of him then we do need to follow your so called rules and procedures."

Fitting the last part in place Jane handed over the assembled tube and nipple rigging. "We have to follow them anyhow Ma. I'm a detective. Frankie's a cop. Once we get the DNA back if Tommy's the father we'll have some choices to make, I get it." A cold hard truth made her stomach clench and she grabbed the counter. Her voice hissed out between clenched teeth. "Fuck, if Dad's the father I still have those choices, don't I?"

Angela screwed the bottle together and pulled out a pan, filled it with water and the bottle and put the whole thing on the stove burner. She rubbed Jane's shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to have all the facts." She glanced at the clock. "Now if you already called your brothers where are they?"

The knock on the door couldn't have been better timed and Jane jogged over, ripping it open with an exasperated huff. "Where in the hell have you been." When it was just Frankie frowning back at her with Jo Friday on a leash she peered around him hopefully. "Where is Tommy?"

Frankie slapped the end of the leash into her hand. "Why didn't you tell me this was about the baby?" His voice raised as he pushed past Jane. "I found Tommy, who was working his night shift walking about 10 annoying mutts, yours included, and he seemed to know exactly what was going on." Frankie moved into the living room, nodding at Maura. "Hey Maura." He leaned over to peer down at the baby who was moving restlessly. "My god, she really did leave him then." He landed in the closest chair with a groan. "Tommy saw me and instantly said, and I'm quoting. "Holy shit, Lydia left the kid didn't she?" and then he tells me that she asked him in the hospital to take the baby and he refused so she asked him to take the baby to Ma. Said she couldn't take care of him." Frankie ran his hands roughly through his hair. "Why in the hell she thought Tommy was going to be able to do any better is beyond me." He looked over at his mother. "I kind of was hoping he'd ended up here. He told me not to worry that he had it covered. Then he agreed to meet me over at his place after he returned the dogs but he never showed up. I should have guessed when he handed Jo off to me."

Angela was fishing the bottle out of the hot water just as the baby started to wail, his tiny cries silencing everyone for a moment.

Maura patted his back and when that didn't help shifted his position but the tiny face wrinkled tighter, the wails building.

Jane made her way over and held out her hands, scooping him up easily, learned skills flowing back as she walked and bounced. "Well his lungs work." Angela waved the bottle in the air and Jane grabbed it, dragging the nipple along bright red baby cheeks, grateful for the silence that reigned the minute the baby started sucking. She frowned at her mother. "I just had a moment of thankfulness for every time you made me help with the 9 million babies your extended family seemed to pop out." She looked down at the baby, watching his cheeks move as he sucked. "I didn't like it."

"May I have the baby back?"

Maura had been so quiet the entire time she'd been talking with her mother and Frankie that her even, polite tone caught Jane off guard. "Be my guest." She carefully transferred him back, stroking his head for a moment while she watched Maura adjust and shift the newborn until he was cradled against her chest. Absently she rubbed her arm, the touch stilling when Maura looked up at her, an unfathomable expression swirling in her eyes. Jane left her fingertips on Maura's shoulder as she turned her attention back to the situation. "So we lost Tommy, potential daddy number one?"

Frankie rubbed his face. "Yep, I'm kind of thinking we did."

Jane rubbed the back of her neck. "You know where Pop is?"

Frankie just shook his head at her. "Tommy probably would know but that doesn't help us right now. You want me to call DCF or do you want to?"

Angela was busy fishing out bottles from a pot of boiling water. "Nobody is calling DCF tonight." When Jane and Frankie tried to jump in she slapped the counter with both hands. "Not another word. I don't care what procedure there is. It's late and that baby is fine where he is. Frankie you get over to the 24 hour Target in Medford and get a bassinet and some more of this formula. Take the empty bottle so you get the right brand." She looked into the diaper bag again. "And some infant diapers. Get a sales clerk to help you."

Jane was standing there with her hands on her hips. "Ma! We're cops. I have to phone it in. Unless you've had some change of heart in the last 15 minutes I don't know why this matters to you anyhow."

Frankie was standing up now, nodding hard. "We need to do this right. I know I'm not looking to become an instant single father." Jane was looking at him nodding vigorously.

"Right? Same here. If he's a Rizzoli then I'll do what I have to do but we don't even know that he is." Jane moved over to stand in front of her mother. "So even if we find out for sure he is our problem we need to get all right forms to all the right people."

Everyone was startled when Maura stood up, anger flashing. "You're all sitting here arguing about having to keep him. His mother just abandoned him. None of you seem to want him. Even if he is your brother or nephew, he's an unwanted problem." Her voice echoed in the room. "Well he isn't unwanted." Her voice was sharp and each word punctuated. "I want him." With that she stormed out of the room and towards the bedrooms.

Jane was the first to recover. Instantly putting herself in Maura's position she felt sick. "Oh shit." She could feel the blood draining from her face. Turning to face Angela she could tell by the way her mother was holding her fist to her face she understood. "Ma what did I just do? What did we just do?" Angela just shook her head and started to move towards the bedrooms when Jane grabbed her elbow. "I got this." Angela looked ready to argue. "Please Ma, trust me, I got this. Just go to the guest house. I'll call you later." She turned to her brother. "Can you go run those errands? Just leave the stuff with Ma and I'll get it later. Contact the precinct and put out a BOLO for Lydia or her car." She let out a sigh. "I'll take the hit with Cavanaugh in the morning but we'll deal with DCF then. It is somewhat of grey area anyhow."

When her brother and mother left Jane was faced with the silent space of Maura's house. What in the hell had she been thinking? She hadn't been thinking, that was the problem. Jane pulled the diaper bag off the counter and started trudging across the living room. The only saving grace was Maura was going to need what was in the diaper bag by now and it would hopefully give Jane a second to explain. She gave a sigh.

A second to explain and a chance to grovel.

________________________________________

A/N - Written for a frequent reviewer carolm007 who was brave enough to ask about my take on J&M and the baby. Full credit to her for this making it to the typed page... I wasn't going to touch a baby fic, Facts & Fairytales was going to be my last word on 3x10… but what the heck. I can't promise a fluffy read but I can promise there is fluff amid the emotional weeds.

________________________________________

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

________________________________________

See Ch1 for disclaimers etc…

________________________________________

In the deadened quiet of her own bedroom Maura slumped against her headboard, swallowing against the burning nausea. Closing her eyes she centered her attention to the warmth radiating through the baby blanket and the rapid heartbeat fluttering against her fingertips.

Slightly shocked, she looked at the baby in her arms, shifting him slightly to cuddle him closer as she leaned down to kiss his forehead, the warm infant smell and feather soft skin reaching deep into her.

They were a pair.

If she were indulgent enough to believe in fate she could conclude that the most natural place for him to end up was with her. Both of them were handed similar starts in life. Both of them human pawns in the chessboard of life where the actions of others left them both cast aside. Even if she were to accept the intentions were in the best interest of the child, she knew in a bone aching, deep way, the questions he would have. Simple thoughts like what did his mother looked like? Why did she leave? Did part of him look like her? Even if he didn't want the answers, there would always be the thoughts. She knew that sometimes you cannot escape the thoughts, the feelings, even if that is all you wish for.

Logically she knew the correct action was to bring him to the nearest major medical center to be examined. Child Protective Services should be alerted to the situation and from that point forward there would be predetermined steps and procedures that would define everything.

The only problem was he was a living, breathing human that had done nothing wrong other than be born to two people who abandoned him. He didn't deserve to be shuttled into an institutionalized system. He deserved to be wanted and loved.

She could give him that. For as long as she was allowed to.

The knock on her bedroom door didn't surprise her in the least. Jane had actually taken longer to follow than she'd anticipated. She sat up a bit more, ignoring the voice muffled by the wooden barrier while she waited.

Jane groaned when there was no response from Maura and rested her forehead against the door. Eyeballing the handle she knew without touching it that it was locked. "Come on Maura." She winced a bit at how whiny she sounded and waited a breath or two. Silence, not even a peep from the baby, nothing.

Standing on tiptoe she ran her fingers along the top of the doorframe, feeling the metal key with a sense of relief. Thank god Maura was obnoxiously organized, with the antique doors and the unique keyholes it wasn't like she'd be able to pick it easily with a metal skewer. Jane turned the brass key over in her hand, hesitating. Yes the door was locked, but Maura being Maura meant that the other woman knew the key was there. In all likelihood she knew Jane would find it. "Maura, can I please come in?"

There wasn't a response but Maura also didn't tell her to go take a hike. So while it wasn't exactly an invitation, it wasn't exactly like she was going against Maura's wishes either. Jane realized she was gripping the key hard enough to bother the scar along her palms and she opened her hand and let out a sigh. She was down to two options, go wait it out in Maura's living room or just open the damn door already.

The unmistakable sound of her door handle rattling made Maura curse under her breath, but not at Jane, at the moment she was angry at herself. In a way she hated the fact that she was sitting there, passively waiting, knowing the probability of Jane getting that door open despite the lock was high. She did not like that she was rapidly starting to need Jane to open that door. Any other day she would have had the strength to tell her to leave her be. But she could not do it tonight. Tonight she did not have that type of emotional reserve.

When the door swung open slowly Maura hid her relief under an exasperated sigh. "The door was locked for a reason. You do realize this?"

Jane leaned against the doorframe, her heart breaking a little at the sight of an exhausted Maura partially buried between her pillows, somehow appearing small and lost. "Yes I do."

"Yet, here you are."

Jane nodded. "Here I am."

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask why, but Maura dragged her eyes off Jane and stared at the baby. Cataloged the wispy promise of eyebrows and ran her thumb gently over the dry skin at his hairline, amazed again with how delicate he felt.

Biting her lip and wincing when the pressure broke the skin, Jane slipped the diaper bag off her shoulder and held it across her stomach as she stepped into the room. "I come bearing gifts." Maura glanced up at her and when she didn't say anything Jane took a few more steps in. "I figured you could use this by now."

This time when Maura's eyes flicked back up she held Jane's gaze unflinchingly. Jane swallowed at the quiet hurt and rubbed her forearm, trying to quell the instinct to just pull Maura to her and promise she would make it all better. She wanted to tell her if she wanted the damn baby she could have the damn baby and Jane would personally annihilate anybody that said differently.

Jane took a few more steps, wanting to look away but needing to accept the full force of every bit of pain reflecting back at her. She deserved it. When the hazel eyes in front of her brightened, the light in the room bouncing off the tears welling, Jane moved rapidly to the end of the bed and sat down.

Jane pulled her eyes away and looked up at the wood molding along the ceiling, swallowing against the tightness in her own throat. "I'm an asshole." She cleared her throat. "I'm not just an asshole. I'm a really really big one." She looked back to Maura and the tear tracks did her in, the sight making her slide rapidly along the mattress edge towards the head of the bed, unable to stop herself from reaching out and rubbing Maura's shoulder. Her jaw ached with the effort to keep herself in check, the pain reducing her voice to little more than a whisper. "You know we didn't mean it right? It was just so sudden. Lydia dropped him off and everyone reacted. As soon as everyone had a minute to adjust there would have been no way we'd have let him go anyplace, regardless of his parentage. Come on. You've met my mother."

Maura couldn't look at Jane. A large part of her believed every word. The Rizzolis didn't define family by blood or genetics. But the other part of her, the part that had the ability to haunt her when she least expected it, wanted to crudely tell Jane to fuck off. If she hadn't taken the baby what honestly would have happened by now? She moved over towards the middle of the bed, away from Jane's touch. "You want to believe that, Jane. I know you do. However, trust me, my personal experience indicates otherwise. When people don't want to parent, they don't parent." She rubbed a hand over both cheeks. "Or even if they are willing, if a child gets suddenly dropped off as you phrased it, if their heart is not engaged, the child knows." She looked back at Jane, hard. "They can feel it Jane."

"I know." Jane licked dry lips and squeezed her hands together, her palms damp. There was so much emotion reflecting back at her that the instinct to comfort was almost painful to repress. Jane moved as close as she dared and when Maura didn't move away again she gave in to the urge to drop her forehead on the other woman's shoulder. "I'm so sorry if you felt like that again."

Maura could not discern any point in responding so they sat together quietly, the springy texture of Jane's hair against her cheek until the baby squirming broke the moment and Jane sat up.

Jane gestured "Here, let me take him for a moment." She gave a sigh of relief when she passed whatever internal barometer Maura was using and the baby was handed over. "Just give me one second and we'll both be back. One of us hopefully a little drier."

Maura closed her eyes, listening to Jane move around in her bathroom, exhaustion overwhelming her. She was drifting along the edge of sleep when an "Oh shit!" followed by a wailing infant had her off the bed before her eyes were fully open.

The sight in her bathroom confused her. Jane was in just her bra, kneeling by the baby, her hand on his bare stomach trying to calm his frantic wails. "Jane, why is the baby on a towel on the floor?"

Blushing slightly Jane pulled out a clean diaper and quickly finished fastening it, running her hands along the infant until he quieted. "So I can change him."

"This necessitated removing your shirt?" Maura watched Jane fumble with the snaps on the baby's undershirt, pulling them apart when she realized she'd missed one.

"Yes." Jane triumphantly fastened the last snap and rethought her exact words. "Well no, not exactly." She placed a hand against the baby's stomach while she fumbled in the diaper bag with a frown. "I forgot about that thing with boys."

Curious, Maura moved over to crouch down next to Jane. "Enlighten me, what thing with boys?"

"Ah-ha!" Jane pulled out a fresh baby blanket. "I forgot about the trick you're supposed to do with baby boys when you change them. I'm out of practice."

"Trick?"

Jane scooped the baby up, looking into his eyes, the haze of newborn irises promising dark eyes like her own. "Yes trick. For when you change a baby boy's diaper. Usually it's easier to cover them with something in case they squirt again, like a towel or the edge of the diaper."

"Squirt?" Maura watched Jane fuss with the edges of the blanket, wrapping the ends this way and that before pulling it all apart.

Jane studied the baby and the blanket again, trying to remember what went where. "Pee, Maura. Cold air can make them pee and if you're in the target zone you take a full frontal assault."

"You are telling me he urinated on you?" Maura did not bother to hide the humor in her voice.

Jane looked up with a small smile, relieved to see something other than desolation reflected back at her. "I'm telling you that yes, he peed on me. Urinating is something grown people do and it's gross. Babies are only big enough to pee." Standing up with the wrapped and dry infant, Jane shifted him so she could offer Maura a hand up. "Can I borrow a shirt?"

"Of course, bottom drawer of the highboy." Maura caught Jane's expression. "The highboy is the tall dresser against the wall over by the door."

"I know what that is Maura. I just didn't realize people actually used that word in this century." Jane bit her cheek the minute the sarcasm rolled off. Now was not the time for that. She offered her the baby, kissing his forehead without thinking. "Here take the human burrito, I need to clean up and wash up so I can stop being half naked."

When Jane came out of the bathroom she was surprised to see Maura back on her bed, this time under the duvet. "Do you want to go to bed? I can take him into the living room if you want."

Shaking her head Maura shifted him against her chest. "He needs to eat in another hour and I was on that couch all night. This is more comfortable."

"I'll feed him, I promise, you go to bed. I think you've earned not being on night duty after today." Pulling open the bottom drawer of the highboy Jane looked up with a small smile. "You've been holding out on me, this is a treasure trove of graphic tees."

Maura rolled her eyes. "I should have given them all away but I never seem to get around to it. Those are the shirts they gave out for the road races I've participated in."

"A secret collection of gaudy tees." Jane pulled one over her head, stretching it out to read it. "You used to run the Jingle Bell? How did I not know that?" She looked up with a giant smile. "Please tell me you have a photo of yourself someplace with a pair of antlers on your head and obnoxious Christmas socks."

Maura squirmed slightly. "I will tell you no such thing." She groaned when Jane pointed at her delightedly and almost jumped onto the bed.

"You do have pictures!" Jane dropped onto her stomach and rolled to her side. "You have to show me. In fact if you don't I'll be tempted to interrogate it out of you." Her index finger shot out and against Maura's side make the other woman jump.

"Jane! I have the baby." But there was humor in her tone.

"Go ahead, hide behind the kid. I'll let you get away with it for now, but don't think I'm forgetting this." Jane pushed herself up and moved closer to Maura, resting her chin on her shoulder to look down at the dozing infant. "He certainly is beautiful, isn't he?"

Maura nodded. "I do not understand how Lydia could physically walk away."

"Oh I'm pretty sure she drove." Jane tilted her head and watched Maura roll her eyes.

"Cute Jane, but I am trying to be serious here. How could she do that?"

Jane took a deep breath. Maura wasn't going to let humor deflect this time. She moved as close as she could to her, slipping an arm around Maura's waist and leaning fully against her. "I don't think there's really one answer. Maybe she was afraid she couldn't take care of him. Maybe she honestly felt he'd have a better chance in life with us." Jane tightened her arm, knowing she wasn't talking only about Lydia. "No matter what, I don't think love was the problem. I never thought for a minute that she doesn't want him." Jane reached out a finger to brush along the baby's cheek. "Somewhere out there Lydia is missing him very much. Even if she feels like she did the right thing she is heartbroken right now, trust me."

Jane knew Maura well enough that the crying didn't surprise her but the way she caved against her did. At that moment Jane understood exactly how much hurt she'd carelessly delivered earlier and how much damage Rockmond had done. Maura might accept comfort but she rarely reached for it. This time she followed what her instincts begged her to do and pushed her leg behind and around, until she could pull Maura fully against her. Arms and legs around her, she let her just cry.

Her eyes hurt and her head was pounding when Maura finally looked up at Jane surprised to see red rimmed eyes looking back. She sniffed, dropping her head back down. "I'm a wreck."

"You've earned the right to be." Jane stretched an arm out until she managed to grab the tissues off the nightstand.

Pulling a handful out Maura adjusted the baby until Jane could slip an arm under to help hold him. Wiping her nose she looked at the peaceful infant. "He is such a good baby."

"He really is." Jane sighed. "Lydia really could show back up and want him back. Are you sure you are up for getting attached and maybe losing him in the end?"

"This isn't about me. This is about him. He needs somebody to look out for him until everything is settled and that person is going to be me." Maura thought about sitting up and pulling away to make her point but she didn't have the willpower. "We will start the process with DCF tomorrow after Susie takes the DNA swab. That way everyone will finally know if he is a Rizzoli or not."

Jane rested her chin on the top of Maura's head. "Well irrefutable proof that he is genetically related will help with the custody issues but who the father is doesn't matter anymore."

Maura let out a bone weary sigh. "It's okay Jane. Rationally I do understand why you'd want to know if he is family before changing your entire life to take care of him or why Angela would want to know which Rizzoli was the father."

"That's all well and good but none of that matters on whether or not he's family." Jane patted the blanketed lump affectionately. Gently wrestling Maura's tissues from her, shrugging at the odd look leveled at her. "Oh please, I've already been peed on tonight. Used tissues are a step up and you have your hands full." Jane aimed for the wastebasket on Maura's side of the bed and missed. "I swear to god I'll pick it up later, just don't move."

"I don't have the energy to bother." Maura tapped the arm around her waist. "Can you reach the hand sanitizer in my nightstand drawer?"

Jane struggled, somewhat blindly, jostling everyone until both of them were chuckling. Finally she held the bottle up. "Score." She passed it over. "You do realize that you're about the only person I know that sleeps with this shit."

"Hands." After she'd doled some out to Jane, Maura waited until Jane's arms were back around the baby. Rubbing her palms and fingers together she sighed. "In my nightstand is hardly sleeping with it. Actually, I try not to use it habitually. Too much and the bacteria will mutate, rendering it a moot point. However, he doesn't have much of an immune system at this stage and he is missing out on his mother's colostrum."

"I'm not going to ask you what that is. I don't know if I can handle it. I'm just going to trust that if you say that we should use hand sanitizer, we should use it." Jane took a deep breath, relaxing slightly, pulling Maura tighter and shifting until she could drop her chin back on top of her head. "This was a fucked up day."

Maura snorted, too tired to bother with commentary, soaking in the quiet comfort and safety wrapped around her.

Jane looked at the time. She had to get up in a minute, her mother's parting reminder to wake the baby up for feedings until they knew he was hydrated enough echoing in her head. For a moment the irony of the situation caught up with her. Here she was more worried about missing a bottle feeding than the fact that this day had been more than just fucked up. Maura had almost died. She buried her face in Maura's hair.

This morning she'd been hunting a serial killer in Boston. By lunch that serial killer had been trying to seduce her best friend so he could cut off her arms and entomb her in plaster. By dinner she'd been involved in a standoff with aforementioned serial killer, negotiating for Maura's life. Then sometime after nine pm Lydia, or some person connected to Lydia, had dropped her newborn off.

All of that and the only thing she could focus on was the fact that it was time to feed the baby. It rated someplace on the believability scale between Santa Claus and life on Mars.

Maura's voice pulled her out of her reverie. "Jane what did you mean a little while ago when you said it didn't matter who the father was?"

Yawning, Jane reached around to pull the baby's hat down over his ears from where it was riding up. "Just what I said, knowing which Rizzoli is the genetic donor will help if we need to establish a legal relationship. But even if we find out that neither of them ends up as daddy it's not going to really change anything. The kid stays here. Korsak says it best. You have to look out for family."

Maura wanted to look up and see Jane's face but she was comfortable, the baby was comfortable and Jane seemed content wrapped around her. She hardly wanted to end the moment. "I'm just confused. Earlier the focus was on his parentage for establishing a family connection."

Jane finally understood. "I think when you locked yourself in here earlier it was safe to say you claimed him right?"

Maura nodded slightly.

"Well if he belongs to you then genetics hardly matter. He's family."

________________________________________

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

________________________________________

See Ch1 for disclaimers etc…

________________________________________

For a minute when the alarm on her phone first broke through her sleep Jane was disoriented. Blindly knocking her phone off the nightstand she stretched off the bed until she could hit the snooze and left it sitting there. Draping an arm over her eyes she took a deep breath. She was so tired. Why in the hell was she so tired?

Sitting up she realized she was in Maura's guest room. Rubbing her face, her scattered thoughts started to arrange into a comprehensible sequence. Rockmond, the bodies, Maura being targeted, that flash of insight she'd had that was almost too late because Rockmond was restraining Maura with the glint of a knife at her throat. Lydia having her baby, Lydia leaving her baby.

Shit, there was a baby. In Maura's house. More specifically, in Maura's room.

Jane looked up at the ceiling. "Dear God, you have an f'ed up sense of humor. When I said I wasn't having children, I did not mean it as a challenge. If you could please rescind the past 24 hours I will go to church every Sunday. Yours truly, Jane Rizzoli."

Forcing herself off the bed Jane noticed the door was closed. She let out a sigh. Maura. She'd left it open on purpose, in case she was needed, but naturally Maura would have wanted her to sleep. Naturally. Now she was feeling rested but guilty. No matter, she would take the baby tonight. No way, no how was she going to lose that argument. Not even if there were tears and rambling, almost incompressible facts spouted off at her.

Brushing her teeth she noticed the puffy circles under her eyes. Rinsing her mouth she stared into the mirror pulling the skin taunt around her eyes. One night with a baby and he hadn't even been in the room with her and she looked like the walking dead. Jane snagged a hair band out of the vanity drawer and wound the elastic around the unruly waves. She looked better, but not by much.

Jane sighed at her reflection, between the dark circles and the wild disarray of her curls straining the elastic, she looked almost possessed. She had a flash of sympathy for every new parent she'd teased at the precinct. Maybe Frost could use the Missing Persons software for aging victims to show new parents what they would look like after the baby was born to prepare them.

Of course in her case the serial killer and Maura thing might have something do with it but the baby was easier to blame so she was going to stick with that.

Pushing away from the vanity she left the en suite and opened the bedroom door. The hallway was empty and quiet. Maura's door was open, letting the morning light reflect off the hardwood and oriental runner. Straining to listen, Jane could hear soft singing.

Taking a deep breath she followed the noise, stopping, confused when she reached the living room. "Ma, what are you doing with the baby? Where's Maura?"

"I saw the light go on at 5am so I came over to see if you guys needed help." Adjusting the baby slightly, Angela rubbed his back. "It gave me a chance to apologize for last night, but Jane, Maura was exhausted. Why did you leave it up to her to take care of him last night?"

Jane dropped next to her mother on the couch. "Do you really, really, believe that I would have shoved him off on Maura and gone to sleep? Seriously?" She leaned over and ran her fingertips along the baby's head.

Angela shook her head. "No, but I also don't think you tried hard enough. I managed to get her to go back to bed without too much trouble."

Rolling her eyes Jane wasn't fooled for a moment. "How, exactly did you do that?"

Smiling Angela wrapped a tiny fist around her finger. "I gave her a choice. She could either go get some rest or I could go wake you up so she had help."

"That was evil. Good, but evil." If there was one thing Jane knew Maura could be counted on for, it was her stubborn determination to take care of Jane. If there was one thing her mother could be counted on was to know which button to push when to get people to do what she wanted.

Jane shifted closer to her mother. "I'd almost call it devious. Thanks Ma" She felt a small pit in her stomach form when her mother brought tiny fingers to her mouth, kissing them with a muttered word that sounded suspiciously like piccolino.

Jane hadn't heard that endearment since Frankie was a baby. The "oh shit" was silent and echoed in her brain. It was like Amazon shipped a baby instead of her mother's missing yarn, making certain Jane was bequeathed with instant, unavoidable, motherhood. First Maura claimed him and now her mother was giving him nicknames.

Jane dropped her head against the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling, instantly deciding that God, should that deity exist, was firmly in cahoots with her mother. There was no escape.

Adjusting the baby so she could see him better, Angela smiled. "Isn't he just a love?"

Refusing to look over, Jane closed her eyes. "Well that's a change from last night. Now you're all about being the fawning grandmother?"

"Knock it off Jane. Last night was a shock." Angela waited until Jane had opened her eyes and turned to face her. "The minute I had a chance to think I realized it doesn't matter who his father is, this isn't his fault. He needs us. Besides, did you ever stop to think how close in age you and your brothers are?"

Confused, Jane sat up. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Think Jane. It isn't like the stork dropped you three off on my doorstep. Unlike with this little guy that isn't where babies come from." Angela started chuckling when Jane still appeared lost. "Jane, your father and I certainly didn't stop having sex after the three of you came along and all three of you were very happy accidents." Angela smirked at the realization creeping over Jane's features.

"Oh god, Ma, stop! I don't need to hear this about you and Daddy." Jane rubbed her forehead. "I'm going to need therapy now."

Angela chucked and reached a hand over to squeeze Jane's thigh. "I've been saying that for years." She ignored the look Jane directed at her. "But honestly, I always was suspicious of your Father's groin pull from bowling. Interestingly enough there were no more children after that injury and it's not like we stopped trying."

"Alright and now we're done with this conversation." Jane sighed. "Can you stick around for a few more minutes? I have to go back to the bedroom and get my phone. I need to call Frankie and the precinct."

Making her way back down the hall Jane watched Maura's open door loom closer with each step. Unable to help herself she leaned against the doorway. Maura was curled on her side with hands tucked under her pillow. She looked so peaceful sleeping, resting finally. It was a relief just to see it. When Jane started to feel pricks of guilt for staring, she pushed away from the frame and left to go call Frankie.

When Jane's distinctive tread continued down the hallway Maura opened her eyes, vaguely disappointed but she wasn't certain why. She glanced over at her at the clock on her nightstand, surprised to realize that she had slept for several hours. Stretching lightly she winced at the sore muscles along her torso. She hadn't realized that her struggle with Dennis had hurt her as badly as it apparently had.

Snippets of Jane's phone conversation carried down the hallway. The level of emotion dictating the volume and as the conversation dragged on Maura was able to understand more and more of it. She listed as Jane filled Frost in on the rest of their evening, sarcasm mixing in with quieter requests to see if he could find a money trail on Lydia. She thought she heard something about Jane not caring if something was evidence, to just destroy it, her pitch almost desperate, but that couldn't be right.

There was another call. This one Maura surmised was to Frankie based on the anxious tone that faded in and out. Maura didn't need to see her to know that Jane was pacing as she spoke. Finally she could make out a sincere thank you for his work assembling the basinet as Jane's steps and voice moved back towards the door. This time when Jane peeked in her doorway, Maura looked back at her and she watched Jane give a distracted goodbye to her brother as she hung up.

Jane stepped into the room, fiddling with her phone, embarrassed to be caught looking. "You're awake."

"Yes." Maura didn't move.

Realizing she was flipping her phone incessantly in her hands, Jane clutched it tightly in a fist. "How do you feel?"

"How am I supposed to feel?"

That caught Jane off guard and she hesitated, not certain how to answer that other than honestly. "I have no idea." Finally she gave into the urge to walk over to Maura. "I just got off the phone with Frankie. He's going to give Minerva Roccio a call from DCF this morning. We grew up with her. She lived with her grandmother down the block. I remembered this morning she's a director or something for them now. You'll like her."

Maura nodded. "I'll call my lawyer this morning just to alert the firm that I may require their resources."

"You're still serious about this baby thing?"

Recoiling slightly Maura stared up at Jane. "Why would you think I would change my mind?" She started to sit up quickly, gasping lightly at the pull the sudden motion had on her sore muscles and stopped, letting herself fall back to the bed.

"Whoa there, what was that?" Jane was sat down against Maura's hip with a hand on either side of the other woman.

"I believe I pulled my right trapezius, possibly my rhomboideus major and certainly my pectoralis minor muscles in yesterday's struggle."

Jane bit back a groan. "I never learn. " Sighing she rested a hand on Maura's shoulder. "Why don't you just point to where it hurts?"

Maura rolled onto her stomach. "It would hurt to point to it, but most of the pain is concentrated in my upper back with some pain in my chest."

It didn't occur to Jane as she peeled back the blanket and pulled up Maura's shirt that she was assuming a familiarity that was particularly intimate until she gave a sigh of relief at the unmarred skin of Maura's back. "I don't see any bruising." It was only in seeing her hand on the bare skin of Maura's shoulder blades, subconsciously rubbing against the tight muscles that the position registered in her consciousness. Clearing her throat she whipped her hand away. "Sorry, I was worried."

The sudden change in body language was telling and Maura moved a bit closer to Jane. "That was helping." It was less about the pain and more the comfort and when the touch resumed she decided to relax. The day looming ahead promised to be emotionally charged and difficult to navigate, she was allowed this luxury.

"I'm so sorry." The words slipped out as Jane smoothed circles and patterns along Maura's back.

Maura sighed, not surprised. "For what? Jane, Dennis Rockmond was not your fault." She rolled onto her side, curled around Jane, draping her arm around Jane's knee and looked up at her. In that moment with Jane's arm still resting along her back and Jane hovering over her, looking at her, unguarded and intense, Maura felt safe for the first time yesterday afternoon. It made her throat burn and she turned her face so it was hidden against Jane's thigh and the mattress. "We should get ready to go."

"But Maura, I…"

Maura rubbed the part of Jane's leg under her fingertips. "We'll talk about Dennis later, I promise. But for right now can you humor me and go get dressed so we can leave?"

The request held a pleading note that made Jane look down at Maura carefully. She rested her palm on the warm skin still exposed along Maura's lower back for a moment longer before she pulled her hand away. "Okay, for now. I should go relieve Ma from Junior duty anyhow."

That earned her a look. "Junior?"

Jane shrugged. "We have to call him something before he gets stuck with the name 'the baby' forever. I know what I would like to call him but Lydia must have named him something. When I get my hands on Tommy I'll squeeze it out of him. Until then I think Junior is generic enough."

________________________________________

"All I want to know is how does somebody that weighs less than 10 pounds need at least 10 tons of crap lugged around with them?" Jane double checked that she hadn't left behind anything at the front desk. Flushing slightly she tried to ignore the amused and curious expressions leveled at her as they made their way to a free interrogation room.

Frost was leaning against the outside wall of room three with a face splitting grin. "Well if it isn't the little mother."

Jane shoved the diaper bag at him. "Watch it Frost."

Maura gave him a half smile and a wink. "Ask her to tell you about the trick with baby boys."

Jane whipped around to stare at her. "Oh no you don't, Dr. Isles, not another word." She turned her stare at Frost. "If you know what is good for your survival and our partnership you will not ask Maura to explain that."

"Oh I don't know Rizzoli, I think the glow of motherhood rather suits you. I'd love to hear all the intimate details." When she just glared at him he cleared his throat to hide the laugh. "Frankie is out on his shift but I was told to make sure I let you know that Minerva was on her way."

"Well why didn't he just call me?" Jane dropped the heavy diaper bag on the table, the empty baby carrier on the floor, frowned at the arrangement and switched the two.

It only took Frost a glance to figure out why Frankie hadn't been able to get in touch with Jane. He leaned against the table with a smirk, he caught Maura's eye and pointed at Jane's belt. "Where is your phone Jane?"

"What do you mean, where is your phone? It's right here where it always is Barry." Jane reached down to grab it when her hand ran through empty space. Looking down she groaned and collapsed into an empty chair. "I'll have you know in that diaper bag I have 3 sets of baby clothes, several undershirts, spit up cloths, diapers and a variety of bottles. I believe there is a changing pad, a variety of hats and booties and possibly a first aid kit but eventually I stopped watching what I was packing up."

Maura rolled her eyes. "There is not a first aid kit."

"Fine, no first aid kit but sterile gauze kind of counts and I know I put a package in there." Jane watched Frost lean over the baby, sharing a smile with Maura. She had to admit that Junior had charm, first Maura, then her Ma and now Frost.

Maura spared her a glance. "That is just in case we need to make sure his umbilical cord is dry." She offered the baby to Frost who scooped him up with a smile.

"Not every day a baby ends up almost delivered in our lobby. He's sweet Jane." Frost peered down at the little face. "I'd say he's a genetic improvement over your puss any day."

"Har har har, what's next, a comedy routine at open mic night over at that new coffee shop?" Jane barely had time to take the baby when Frost shoved him at her.

"Okay I have to get back upstairs now that I've delivered my message. Oh and Jane?"

When Jane glanced up she didn't have time to react before he had snapped a photo of her, surrounded by baby paraphernalia with black circles under her eyes and an infant in her arms. Frost grinned at the pure menace creeping over her expression.

Jumping to her feet she barely had time to take a step before she felt Maura's hand on her elbow.

Frost started laughing. "No, no, no, Detective Rizzoli, you wouldn't want to wake the baby."

Narrowing her eyes Jane had to give him credit for the set up. For that she'd let him live. "If that ends up on Facebook, Twitter or any other internet playground you geeks use, I will know and I will annihilate you."

He just winked at them and left.

Jane sighed and handed the baby back to Maura. "I'm going to go wait for Minerva at the front desk since I don't have my phone."

Maura nodded. "I'm going to run down to my office so Susie can take the swab. I'll meet you back here."

________________________________________

Jane felt relief wash over here when she spotted Minerva walking towards here. She hadn't changed much, a little rounder perhaps and her hair was shorter but she seemed to have her sense of humor.

"Well if it isn't Jane Rizzoli. What was this I heard from one very frantic Frankie this morning? Something about having a baby follow you home?"

Jane gave a small desperate laugh. "Minnie you have no idea. God it's good to see you."

"Nice to see you too, but I think I'd rather see this mystery baby. Frankie said you knew the father?" Minnie tried to understand exactly why Jane started laughing again.

"Oh yeah, we know the father. The question is, which Rizzoli is the father?" Jane handed her the visitors badge and headed towards the interrogation room. "Minnie there are times when I wish we were back on the corner of Groveland waiting for the freaking school bus."

Minerva followed Jane's quick steps. "I can imagine. I've seen you in the headlines enough in this town. Always impressive but I don't suspect easy."

Jane saw Maura waiting at the table. "Oh good, the guest of honor is here after having his DNA swab. Come sit down and I'll try to explain everything."

A half hour later Minnie held a hand up to stop both women who were speaking rapidly, bouncing off each other like a double team in a tennis match. "Let's slow down for just a moment and recap this discussion. Okay?"

When Jane and Maura nodded she continued. "The baby is either Jane's half brother or nephew?" They nodded back. "The birth mother delivered in route to the hospital yesterday and because she was cleared through emergency rather than be admitted she was able to leave less than 24 hours later? You then believe she dropped the baby off at your house Maura?" When Maura nodded Minerva shook her head. "I've seen some weird shit in my day Jane but this is up there on the "what the hell" meter."

Forehead wrinkling as she considered both women she turned her focus on Jane, noticing the way she was sitting next to Maura, hand on the back of Maura's chair, legs crossed in Maura's direction. "Jane, I also need to understand why Lydia left him on Maura's doorstep and not yours."

Jane shrugged. "I don't have a clue but I think it's because she only knew where Maura lived. My Ma lives in Maura's guest house and she gave Lydia a place to crash with her while she was figuring everything out so the only time she saw me was over at Maura's."

"Wait a second, Mrs. Rizzoli had her ex-husband's pregnant girlfriend staying with her and she lives with Maura?"

All Jane could do was wince and nod a little. "That about sums it up, but to be fair Ma didn't know about Pop when she first invited Lydia to stay with her. Frankie and I might have held that information back."

Minerva crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Maura. "And you, ultimately, want to adopt the baby?"

"If he needs the home, yes, I'd like that home to be with me." Maura was looking at the baby in her arms. "He needs to be fed."

Jane ducked down under the table and pulled out a bottle, placing it on the table before resuming her position, her arm now resting protectively behind Maura."And I'll be there. Hell, I'll adopt him too, if it helps."

Minerva let out a sigh. "Jane you realize this is not exactly a straight forward situation? You can't adopt him until his parents either sign away their rights or a court takes away their rights. If he becomes a ward of the state, Jane, as a relative you'd have preference to adopt him but you still have to go through the full process. Nothing is guaranteed and it is a long process if both parents are not present to sign away their rights."

"What about Maura?" Jane stared down at the baby. He was wide awake and staring back at her. The newborn wrinkles making his expression age-old and solemn.

Minerva kept her voice gentle. "Maura isn't a blood relative Jane. Her ability to adopt him would be like any other qualified family in Boston. You will have an edge as a relative. Either way, are you sure you don't know where the mother of this baby is?"

Jane sighed. "We're working on it. We'll find her."

Maura's phone buzzed and she looked at the email message. "Susie has the sample ready to ship but needs my signature for the expedited paperwork. I'll just be a moment. Jane, I'll warm the bottle. Excuse me please." She passed the baby to Jane and walked out.

Jane cradled the baby against her chest, he was still awake and his expression captivated her. He seemed to be studying her, evaluating her.

Minerva stood up. "Was that a bathroom we passed on our way to this room I saw?"

Jane spared her a glance. "Yep, fourth door down on the left." She heard the door close but she didn't look up. The tiny mouth sucked and moved, his eyes blinking into hers slowly. "What do you think little man? Do I pass muster?"

Passing the window on her way back into the room Maura stopped and stared inside. Jane was alone with the baby. She was staring down at him with an expression Maura rarely saw. Her intensity was muted for a moment, the edges of her expression softened, almost blurred. It resonated deep within Maura, warm and low, almost painful in its intensity. She was so lost in looking at Jane that she didn't see Minerva step beside her, nodding to herself.

Minerva touched Maura's shoulder. "Shall we go deliver that bottle?"

Flushing lightly, Maura nodded, following her in and sat down next to Jane. When Jane smiled at her, Maura handed over the bottle and then turned forward so Jane couldn't hand the baby back.

Minerva placed her hands on the table. "Jane, I need to ask you a question. Do you want to parent this baby? I've heard about Maura but I haven't heard from you."

"I…" Jane stared into the wrinkled face and the dark eyes with the faint newborn haze steadily looking back at her as he sucked at the bottle. "I kind of think I really do Minnie."

Minerva stared at her briefcase and then back at Jane and Maura. She let out a sigh. "Jane, I can't believe I'm about to do this. I'm going to break every code of ethics I have." She stood up. "I was never here." Jane's head whipped up, her expression, confused. "Look I have 46 cases on my desk right now. Do you know how many I should be overseeing?" Jane shook her head. "23. And studies have shown that each social service worker should only maintain 11 cases for optimal outcome. This baby isn't being neglected or abused. You both work for the Commonwealth in jobs that require an up-to-date CORI."

Minerva focused on Maura. "You said you'll have the DNA results by tomorrow?"

Maura tried to keep the hope out of her voice. "Possibly, it might be the next morning but the test is expedited, I'd anticipate results in 12-15 hours."

"And Jane, you are actively trying to find the birth mother?"

Jane gave a small sigh. "My partner is upstairs right now seeing what he can find and Frankie put a BOLO out for her car."

Minerva nodded to herself. "Okay. Give me a call tomorrow night to check in but let's see if we can't make this situation at least a little easier before we make everything official."

________________________________________

The cries were sharp and demanding. Jane sat up and looked at the clock, 2am. "I'll have you know that you can go more than two hours without eating, even Maura says so." Looking into the basinet she watched tiny, angry legs kicking out. "How did you manage to unwrap yourself?" She scooped him up. "Oh and you're very wet little man. She pressed a hand against the basinet sheet. "And so is your bed. That has to be some Olympic peeing for something so small. First things first, let's get you dry."

Despite the howls and indignant flailing Jane managed to change him in record time, pausing only to offer the pacifier each time he spit it out. "Not much of a fan of that are you? Already siding with Maura on that? Okay then you both win, I give up."

When Jane had pulled the pacifier out of the bag earlier in the day she'd suffered through a 40 minute description of the horrors of pacifiers. When she had finally managed to convince Maura that they were going to have to agree to disagree the baby had promptly sucked on it for less than a minute before spitting it out.

Maura had been delighted. Jane had wanted to be irritated but Maura was chattering at the baby as he stared up at her from lap, where her jigging legs had quickly calmed him down. The reserved Doctor Isles was sitting next to her on the couch making faces at a baby, giddy that she had managed to calm him down. She kept looking over at Jane with this delighted grin and that was it, Jane couldn't find it in her to be irritated for losing.

She managed to keep him quiet past Maura's door and through warming up his bottle, the fancy steamer on the counter making quick work of the process. She stared at the little white machine, it was kind of cool.

Her Ma has been ecstatic when she came home from work. "I stopped and got him a few things. Wait until you see what they have now." Out had come the clothes, the toys and this contraption on Maura's countertop. "Oh and Frankie said the baby's name is TJ."

Jane had looked at her mother surround by everything. "TJ is short for what? I'm not convinced I'm going to call him that."

Her mother had just shrugged a little "Frankie didn't seem to know. I like to think it stands for Tommy Jr. We'll ask Tommy when he comes home. Where's the baby?"

Jane hadn't even been able to respond that she was starting to doubt Tommy was coming back before her mother was off in search of Maura and the baby. She had picked up a garish onesie off the counter with the words "Kiss me I'm Italian!" in red, white and green letters. It had made her laugh in a desperate sort of way. A tiny scrap of clothing that seemed to sum up everything.

But as Jane offered the baby the bottle she had to admit that the countertop warmer was something that was already coming in handy. "Okay now keep it quiet when we go by Maura's room, she needs the sleep." That and it had taken Jane an hour of steadfast arguing to manage to get the baby for the night. Last thing she needed to do was repeat that discussion by having her wake up.

Back in her room she had just changed the baby half way through the bottle when her door opened. Jane smiled at Maura and ruefully shook her head, preparing herself for another round of debate. "I'm sorry, I tried to be quiet."

Maura shook her head. "You were fine, I've been restless tonight. I thought I would stop in to check and see how the baby was."

Restless, Jane could translate that, nightmares. She kept forgetting that Maura had been an inch from death just over 24 hours ago. "You should be sleeping or trying to sleep. Isn't that what all your books say about babies? Sleep when you can? But you're just in time to keep me company while he finishes off this bottle and then I have to swap his sheets out."

"I can do that." Jane watched Maura quickly strip out the basinet and replace the sheet She handed Jane a fresh blanket with a small smile.

"Thanks." She brought her legs up a bit so Maura could climb onto the other side of the bed.

"Jane, I know you don't like TJ and earlier you mentioned you knew what you would like to name him." Maura slid down and rested her head in her hand, propped up on the pillows against Jane's side. She trailed a finger against the shiny, dark hair along the baby's head for a moment. "What name would you pick?"

"Oh, I don't know really. I just think he looks more like a Joey. You know, short for Joseph." Jane rubbed her fingers along the baby's bottom. "I mean it sounds pretty good Joseph Rizzoli, Joey Rizzoli. Feels like it fits with all the rest of the guys in the family too. Frankie, Tommy and Joey. It fits."

Jane looked down and realized the baby was asleep, the bottle nipple hanging loosely from his lips. She went to point it out to Maura when she noticed her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep and even. She moved carefully, trying not to disturb Maura while she swaddled up the baby. Jane inched off the bed and put the baby down, pleased when she managed it without waking anyone up. "Good night little man, try to give me longer than two hours this time okay?" She watched him for a moment and he reflexively sucked his lips. "You are very cute."

She stepped back to the bed and looked down at Maura, realizing that somehow Maura had ended up back in the same room as the baby. Jane stifled an exasperated laugh. She had lost without even getting involved in a discussion. She shook her head at the sleeping woman. "And you are impossible."

She turned out the lamp on the bedside table and slipped into bed, briefly considered moving to the other side but then again, Maura was the one that had fallen asleep where she was and she was warm and inviting. Jane jumped a bit when Maura shifted in her sleep, her face partially on Jane's shoulder, one arm covering Jane's.

Part of Jane knew this should feel odd, but it didn't. It was comforting.

In her estimation they were both owed a little of that. At least for tonight.

________________________________________

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

________________________________________

See Ch1 for disclaimers etc…

Editing apologies... had to get this up without the usual edit time... but I tried

________________________________________

"Come on Maura, he's doing just fine with the formula we have. Your buddy even said he was perfect." Jane shifted the carrier with the infant to the other hand. It was surprisingly heavy the longer she stood there and if Maura had her way she'd be standing there until she read every single label on every single canister and bottle.

"Dr. Goldstein said that he was average in height and weight with appropriate vital signs." Maura squinted at two bottles, debating the nutritional information.

"That's what I said, perfect." Jane tugged at her elbow. "Just pick one already." She winced a bit at the glare directed at her and decided to shut her mouth.

Eventually a case of formula joined the giant box of diapers and Jane was again shocked at the amount of stuff one little baby apparently needed. Trailing after Maura down the aisle she looked around the store, the entire experience feeling slightly surreal. She did not remember her cousins needing all this junk. "Just keep in mind that your Prius only has so much trunk space." Maura didn't look back at her but Jane knew she heard her by the slight shaking of her head.

Maura reviewed her mental checklist and tried not to laugh at Jane's fascination with the store. The superstore catered to babies and the large square space held everything from furniture to booties. "I am certain we'll be okay Jane. If not Everett is close enough to the city that we can make two trips." She ignored the rolling eyes as she paused to consider a display of cloth diapering options and looked at the giant box of disposables in her cart.

Catching up to Maura Jane noticed what she was looking look. "Oh hell no."

"Cloth diapering is thought to be easier on the environment and believed to be healthier for the baby's skin and urinary tract." Maura picked up a package and started reading the back.

Jane kept shaking her head. "It is also a pain in the ass and you have to wash those things you know. Just no Maura. Seriously no." Another couple caught Jane's attention as they attempted to direct their toddler's sprint down the aisle. The little girl's wispy blond curls bounced in time with her determined sprint, her glee at her freedom making Jane laugh.

Her father swooped her up just as she passed Jane and gave Jane a tired wink. "Ahhh the newborn stage, enjoy it while it lasts. Sure the nights suck but they stay where you put them."

His wife walked up and frowned at him affectionately. "Whatever my husband just said is wrong."She bent down and smiled into the baby carrier. "Oh, he is still itty bitty. I can't believe Jasmine was ever that small. Rick can you remember Jazzy being that small?"

"No, I can't, because I was in permanent zombie mode the entire first six months of her life." He looked over at Maura. "Do you cloth diaper?"

Maura put down the package in her hand shaking her head with a long look at Jane. "No, I was considering it but I don't think we will."

Jasmine let out a wail of protest, struggling in her father's grip until he set her back down, following the little girl as she took off again.

His wife sighed at her daughters escape. "We tried cloth but it was too difficult with trying to manage daycare supplies." She looked at the baby and then at Maura and Jane. "He's beautiful. You make a lovely family. Enjoy him." With a last smile she followed her husband.

Jane rubbed the back of her neck.

Maura stared at the contents of the shopping cart.

Eventually they made eye contact with each other.

Maura cleared her throat softly. "I think we have everything that we need."

Jane shifted the carrier again and glanced down at the baby before looking back to Maura. "Okay." She took in the sight of Maura behind an overflowing shopping cart of baby supplies "I'm ready whenever you are."

Maura seemed to analyze her for a moment before nodding slightly and pushing the cart towards the check out in the front of the store.

________________________________________

Tommy rubbed his hands back and forth over the steering wheel. He just needed a minute to think. Now that he was faced with the proof of the situation his anger and irritation were melting away. Problem was, now what did he do?

Less than a year ago he never would have imagined as he walked the dogs in his morning group that he would be sitting where he was today. That morning had been cold. Cold enough to freeze patterns over the window of the cars he passed. He had the scarf Ma had knitted last winter balled up in his jacket pocket and when he stopped to wind the navy wool around his throat he discovered the woman sleeping in her car.

At first he had thought she was dead. He'd rapped on the window and she didn't move, he knocked a little harder and still nothing. His goddamn heart started pounding away. He desperately wanted to run. How in the hell did this kind of shit always happen to him? He was doing good this time. No drinking, working with his buddy when there was a painting job and he liked walking dogs. Dog walking was surprisingly decent money and the time was good to just think. Sometimes he really needed time to think because he had to figure stuff out. He was not going to screw up this time. The drinking was the big one, he had to get past it, no matter how hard the need might pull at him. It helped that most mornings when he woke up he could still smell the bleach of his cell sheets and the stale odor of the prison block. He couldn't forget the humiliation of hugging his Ma over a steel table on Saturdays.

So that's why when he saw the dead lady he wanted to get the hell out of there and let someone else deal with it. But by now Tommy Rizzoli was sure of a few things in life and one of those things was his fucking luck wasn't worth shit. So somebody was sure to notice a guy hauling ass down a street with 5 dogs. His next thought was to call Jane. She'd help him out. She always did, but that was also the kind of crap he was trying to fix. You couldn't run to your big sister forever.

But there was a body in a car and he wasn't about to risk his parole.

He knocked on last time before pulling out his phone and scrolling to Jane's name, about to hit send on his mobile phone when the woman sprung to life, scrambling out of her car. She put her hand on his phone in a panic, promising to move the car if he would please leave her alone.

She had a look in her eyes that Tommy saw every time he looked in the mirror along with something a little more broken. For once somebody was looking at him for something, even if that something was to walk away and forget he ever saw her.

Suddenly, looking at her, he didn't feel like the screw up and an hour later he found himself sitting across from her in Mike's City Diner. It felt pretty good to be able to give somebody a meal and to listen to their troubles instead of somebody yelling at him about his. And he might be a fuck up in his sister's eyes but he wasn't like the asshole that put the thumbprints on her collarbone or the fear in her eyes. No that was guy was a real loser and he was not Tommy Rizzoli.

By the end of their breakfast she was looking at him like he was Saint Anthony himself. She made him feel heroic and he wasn't ready for that feeling to stop. His place wasn't much but it had a couch and a bathroom. By that afternoon it also had blond woman living in it until she could get her feet under her.

For the first few weeks his Ma would have been proud of him. Jane and Frankie would have been proud of him. It wasn't so bad having her around either. She did little things to say thank you. There was coffee in the morning when he woke up and dinner when he came home at night. Vinny over at the Black Rose hired her to hostess on his wife's night off and Lucci's gave her hours washing dishes.

Even after she had money and a start, she didn't change the way she looked at him. One night he'd she was staring at him with such utter adoration that he slipped. He kissed her and she worshiped him back. He was pushing into her before his thoughts caught up to his actions and when it was over he knew he screwed up. He didn't want a girlfriend. He still wanted to be that guy that was somebody's savior, someone's idol.

When he tried to explain she melted into liquid blue eyes and pieces of a broken heart. With that it was over.

Tommy didn't feel like a hero or a saint and she seemed to collapse into herself. That night was the first night in a week he thought about how good it would feel to order a drink at the Black Rose. How smooth it would burn. How good it would be. Curling up in his sheets, it was an endless night.

The next morning his coffee was there and hot but when he smiled and said thank you her shoulders were still rounded and her eyes downcast. He'd spent most of that day painting trim on a house in Newton trying to figure out how to fix it, but when he went home for dinner the table was set for three and his Pop was yelling at the Celtics on TV.

And that was that. When his Pop left, Tommy's couch was empty.

Tommy checked the napkin in his hand against the number stickers next to the screen door. The smudged ink matched but he decided to wait. It didn't take much to see the hopelessness in the tattered tan aluminum siding. Eventually the front door opened and he watched until the black exhaust from the decaying truck rolled out of the trailer park.

This time when his phone rang he picked it up, saw the name on the screen and steeled his nerves as he hit talk.

The first blast of noise made him wince and hold the phone away from his ear but he waited for it to taper off into words that he could understand. "I'm sorry Ma!"

Angela's questions were hitting him faster than he could answer when the front door opened and familiar blond curls shuffled out with a bag of trash. "Ma, I gotta go, I'll call you later." Tommy hit end and tossed the phone on the passenger seat as he stepped out of the car.

Lydia was looking at him like he was a ghost. Her shoulders were rounded and defeated. She dropped the trash bag and pulled her robe tighter around her. She walked down the steps and stopped. They stared at each other until she let out a long broken sigh. "Tommy, this time can you please forget you ever saw me?"

________________________________________

"I'm going to kill your brother!"

Jane and Frankie winced when Angela slammed the phone down on Maura's countertop.

Frankie got up from his seat at the kitchen island and rubbed his mother's arm. "Ma, you know you're going to have a really hard time getting in touch with Tommy if you break that thing."

Jane put down the cookie she was eating. "At least he answered your call. I think he must have 50 missed ones from us combined." She glanced over at Maura who nodded in agreement.

Maura warmed her hands against her mug of tea. "I tried a few more times this afternoon after I spoke with my lawyer. I told him if he it would help everyone if he would come back. I promised we could handle everything for him."

Frankie ran his hand through his hair. "I tried getting in touch with all his buddies and nobody's heard a word from him. So what did he say to you Ma? At least he picked up the friggin phone already."

"Apologized. Your brother is very good at apologizing." Angela dropped the sponge in her hand in the sink and dropped into a chair. "He is also very good at not answering a single one of my questions." She picked up a cookie, staring at it with a long sigh. "Not a day goes by that I don't worry about him and wonder where I went wrong."

Maura picked up a cookie of her own, nibbling the side. "Angela, I know I have mentioned this before but there have been enough studies done that demonstrate that there is more to who a person is than how they were parented. They are born with an intrinsic personality that parenting choices and decisions can only influence, not change."

Angela face twisted into a pained expression and Jane jumped in, one hand grabbing Maura's wrist to stop any additional commentary. "Maura didn't mean Tommy's a bad person at heart Ma." She looked at Maura who was nodded emphatically, blushing. "She means that some of his choices have nothing to do with how he was brought up."

Frankie sat down beside his mother with a smile. "You did a good job. I mean look how incredibly perfect I am." He shared a look with Maura before he quickly wadded up and tossed his napkin at Jane. "Though I don't know how you explain her. You want to focus on bad parenting I think you need to look at the first edition."

Jane grabbed Maura's wrist and broke off the edge of her cookie and tossed it at Frankie's head. "If you're so handsome and perfect how come you're still single little brother?"

Frankie caught the piece of cookie before it connected with his head and popped it into his mouth, grinning. "I don't see you with anybody either Jane."

"What do you mean you don't see me with anybody? I'm sitting right next to Maura." Jane raised her eyebrow in challenge when he picked up another cookie. "And we're all sitting in her kitchen with our brother, or nephew, sleeping upstairs in her bedroom. Oh and he happened to be dumped on her doorstep. On that balance sheet I think I did better than a boyfriend."

By now Angela was laughing, pinching Frankie's arm to make him drop the cookie he was teasing Jane with. "God help me I failed with both of you. Somehow I have two adult children sitting with me right now that are still tossing food at the table." She pointed at Frankie. "And Jane is right. She brought Maura into the family, what is your excuse young man?"

"Oh Ma, he just needs your help to find him a good woman." Jane winked at her brother who shot her a glare with eyes that promised payback.

With a last look at Jane, Frankie gave Maura and Jane a wink as he reached over and kissed Angela's cheek, wrapping an arm around her. "Janie, why would I want I have a good woman when I have the best there is right beside me?" He raised his eyes in victory at Jane while Maura started laughing into her hand.

"Ohhh, touché little brother, touché." Jane was cut off by an indignant whimper that quickly wound up into a wail over the baby monitor.

Angela was up in a flash. "I have this. You kids finish up with dessert."

A few moments later there the monitor was filled with a crooning Angela followed by off key singing.

Frankie raised his eyebrows and stared at Jane. "I remember that song."

Jane nodded slowly. "I know." She picked up one of the last two cookies and broke it in half, offering the other part to Maura.

He buried his forehead in his palms, shook his head and then dropped his hands. "Well that is that then. I always thought I'd make a kick ass uncle." With a sigh he sat back up and rubbed his hands on his thighs. Grabbing the last cookie he stood up. "Okay my shift starts at 6 tomorrow morning. I'm going to head out. Thanks for having me over for dinner Maura."

They followed him to the door and Jane called after his retreating form. "Call me, no matter what time, if you find where either our idiot brother or Lydia is." He waved at her over his shoulder.

"I should go help your mother." Maura looked worn out.

Jane simply shrugged. "She's in her glory. You'll have to pry him out of her hands." She nudged Maura with her hip. "How are you doing?"

"I'm tired." Maura smiled at Jane. "How are you doing?"

"About the same. Why don't we let Ma play with the baby while we go sit down and relax for a half hour or so? Maybe watch the news, see what is going on in the world."

Maura studied Jane for a moment. "There was a Red Sox game today wasn't there?"

Jane gave her a giant grin and nodded. "I can't help it if the sports highlights are part of the news."

________________________________________

Lydia set down a cup of hot coffee and Tommy sipped at it. "Thanks Lydia, it's good." It was too, she had made it just the way he liked it. He looked at her over the rim of the mug. Her hair was wet from her shower and she was wearing a simple t-shirt. She looked pale and transparent.

"You've seen me Tommy. You found me. Now you need to leave."

He continued to drink his coffee. He didn't get this at all. "Why Lydia? You don't love him. You left him before because he was an asshole." He put down the mug with bang, softening his tone when she startled. "Forget the baby for a second. Why did you come back here?"

Lydia stood by the toaster. One half of it was broken so she had to toast the bread once slice at time. "Where else was I going to go Tommy? I don't have a mother like Angela. My mother rented out my room and that would be the first place your sister would have looked." She cut the toast up in half. That way it would last longer.

All she could find in the refrigerator to spread on the toast was an almost empty container of grape jelly. She spread it thinly and walked over to the table, sitting down across from Tommy. "After I had the baby, I had nothing but a little money from working at the Penny Saver. I realized in the emergency room that I didn't even have enough money to take a cab to my mother's. So I had a baby and no way to take care of him. No way to even take him home."

Lydia wished she had something else she could offer for food but Ray wasn't big on groceries. "Who do you think I should have turned to Tommy? You? The guy who freaked out at just the thought that baby was yours?"

She stared at the plate of toast in her hand. It looked pathetic. Who served toast at almost dinnertime? "I don't have a mother like Angela. My mother rented out my room." She placed the plate down between them. "So judge Ray all you want. He isn't much of a guy but he didn't turn me away when I showed up. He didn't have to let me stay here."

Tommy turned the coffee mug in his hands. "So that is it? What about TJ? Doesn't he matter at all?"

"You're an idiot Tommy!" He was staring at her surprised, he wasn't used to her yelling. She was shocked at herself, but she was so angry at everything. "Don't you get it? Where is the baby right now? Where am I right now? You think I'm okay?"Lydia buried her face in her hands. "I miss him more than anything else. There isn't a minute I can't feel that he's missing. Physically from my breasts from my stomach I actually hurt for him."

She was crying and Tommy could feel the panic building. He rubbed his hands hard on his pants, ready to run out and call his mother or his sister. He was way out of his depth here.

"I gave him the only thing I could. A chance." Lydia rubbed away her tears, breathing heavy, trying to make her mind go blank. Men didn't like emotion. She had to get control back. Tommy continued to sit there staring at her. Eventually her breathing was calm. Her face was dry. Tommy seemed to relax.

She sipped at her coffee and he picked his back up.

When she reached across the table to take a slice of toast he saw the first dark mark on her upper arm.

She caught his glance. "Don't Tommy."

"Well what am I supposed to do? Ignore it?"

"Yes."

________________________________________

Maura paused at the glow of the TV coming from her living room. Moving quietly she noticed Jane sound asleep, curled up, the flashing images of the screen patterning along her features. Maura sat on the edge of her coffee table, taking in the sound of even deep breathing and softened features.

She wanted to stay there. Watching Jane like this was the only moment of peace she had found in days, but she could hear the faint angry wails building in volume from her bedroom. Maura stood back up and carefully pulled the blanket from around Jane's waist and put it up over her shoulders. With a last look she turned the TV off before she went to the kitchen to prepare his bottle.

Jane slowly blinked her eyes in the dark room. She felt the solid back of the couch at her back and she grouped behind her until she could get a hold and pulled herself upright. She stared into the darkness, realizing she was in Maura's living room, not her own place.

The TV was off so Maura had been in here at some point. Jane twisted until she could see behind her. The kitchen space was dark and empty. Listening carefully she couldn't hear any noise. Standing up she stretched and rolled her shoulders, surprised when everything remained loose. Maura's couch was a hell of a step up from hers.

Making her way down the hall to the bedrooms Jane noticed the sliver of light splashing on the wall from where Maura's bedroom door was cracked open. She was going to walk by but she could just make out Maura sitting on the edge of her bed, feeding the baby and she froze on the spot. Maura was wrapped up in her pale blue silk sleepwear, the patina of the material glowed in the soft light. Her hair was a curtain down her back and the waves framed her face. Maura had a tiny soft smile as she fed the newborn and Jane shook her head slightly but the image didn't change.

At that moment Maura Isles was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Jane couldn't stop looking and each moment she stood there, the picture twisted in further in her gut until it was almost physically painful.

When it became too much, when it she couldn't make sense of anything through her racing heartbeat, Jane sucked in a deep breath and quickly walked down to the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind her with a conflicting sense of loss and relief.

________________________________________

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

________________________________________

See Ch1 for disclaimers etc…

________________________________________

Maura slowly opened her eyes, blinking against the bright light filtering in through her bedroom blinds. For a moment she stretched, wondering why she left them open in the first place and as she considered the intensity of the light she was mildly surprised she'd slept in as late as she had. The warm pull of sleep tugged at the edges of her consciousness and she closed her eyes, giving in to the languid feeling swirling over her.

Her eyes flew open at the distinctive crash and ping of metal against tile. Maura sat up, turned towards the door and caught sight of the bassinet. Jumping to her feet, the lazy start to the day plummeted to her toes. She'd forgotten about the baby. Maura anxiously peered into the baby's bed. Empty. She let out a sigh. Jane or Angela must have him.

Looking at the clock, she shrugged into her robe and quickly made her way into the bathroom, freshening up, noting that her reflection looked much less harried than yesterday. Maura pulled her robe a little tighter, slightly embarrassed that she'd slept through someone coming in and getting the baby. She took another hard look at herself. What if she slept through him crying? Maybe that was why someone came in and took him out.

For a moment Maura leaned against the vanity. Logically she knew it was ridiculous but she felt inadequate. Self conscious, unable to escape the thought that everyone could see the obvious but were not going to tell her.

Who was going to be truthful with her, the emotional wreck of a woman who was seconds away from death the day before that she had no business trying to take care of a baby? That she was the type of woman who chose to work in a world of hard stainless steel and bodily remnants of life rather than heal the living? Remind her that she was only comfortable there, interpreting that which was inanimate? Illustrate how her attempts to understand and live amid the animate were spectacular failures?

Maura rubbed a hand lightly along her pectoral muscles, feeling the lingering stiffness from where Dennis had held her as she struggled. She had welcomed that monster into her home. Shared with him parts of her past she offered few others. Let him push her to step outside the woman she had built herself into.

Trusted him.

Like a blind, romantic schoolgirl. This time her latest attempt at allowing someone close had cost lives. One of those lives was almost her own. Jane had to save her again. What did that say about her? How could a person unable to spot intrinsic evil guide another person through the world? She had no business believing that she could mother anyone and nobody around her was honest enough to tell her the truth.

She shut her eyes and took several deep breaths, stopping her thoughts. Truth or not it didn't change the fact there was a baby someplace in her house that she took responsibility for. She had lost the luxury of self doubt the minute she had locked herself in her bedroom with him. Maura steeled her shoulders and pulled her tattered confidence around her. Incompetency aside, she was not a woman that shirked her commitments.

Maura opened the bathroom door and realized her bedroom door was thumping against the wooden frame. Puzzled she watched it stop, heard a soft curse that made her smile before it started again.

Staring at Maura's closed door, Jane shifted the baby as much as she could and analyzed the full coffee cup. Using her foot to open the door was not going to work. She hadn't thought this whole idea through very well. No matter, she would just put the cup on the floor, open the door and then pick it up again. It wasn't going to be the grand entrance she'd imagined, but it was still personal coffee delivery. That had to count for something.

She was crouched, carefully putting down the steaming mug when the door opened and she was staring at a set of perfectly manicured toenails against the hardwood. Jane dragged her eyes up shapely calves and along blue silk until she found amused hazel eyes. Jane stood slowly, coffee cup in hand and gave an irritated huff at the hair that had fallen over half her face.

Maura bit the side of her lip, laughing a little at the sight of Jane blowing at her unruly curls, baby clutched under an arm like a football and a cup of coffee in her other hand. Unable to help herself she reached up and tucked the errant curls back behind Jane's ear. "Good morning."

"We wanted to bring you coffee" Jane shrugged the shoulder with the baby. "It was all his idea." She offered the cup of coffee. "But you were still supposed to be in bed and we forgot that we needed to bring an extra set of hands."

Jane watched as Maura studied her, smile still in place, head tilted slightly as she considered something. Finally Maura turned and walked back to the bed.

"So I was supposed to still be in bed?" Maura got back under the covers and pushed herself up against the headboard.

Nodding with a small smile, Jane walked in and handed her the coffee. "Yes, we were going to surprise you with coffee in bed before I had to go into work." She sat down, shifting the baby so he faced Maura. "Little man wants you to know he is fed, dry and ready for the morning."

"This is a very nice surprise. A dry, fed, baby and caffeine personally delivered. Who could ask for anything more? Thank you." Maura drifted a finger along the baby's face before dropping a hand to rub Jane's thigh. "I'm sorry that I slept through him this morning. You honestly could have woken me."

Jane noted that Maura wasn't looking at her, her gaze fixated on the highboy. "What are you talking about? You didn't sleep though him crying or anything."

Maura felt a rush of relief wash over her and she smiled at Jane. "I didn't?"

"No you didn't." Jane hoped Maura would let it drop at that.

Jane watched Maura sip at her coffee the corners of her eyes crinkling slightly, a slight v forming between her eyebrows. Shit. No such luck.

"If he wasn't fussy why did you come in?"

And there it was. A logical question that Jane couldn't answer. She'd been trying to all morning and she still had nothing.

How did she explain that she had been walking by the partially opened door this morning and found herself staring at Maura sleeping? That she'd crept into Maura's bedroom and watched her even breathing and thought about last night. About how gorgeous Maura had looked in that moment, sitting at the edge of her bed staring at the baby in her arms.

She couldn't tell Maura how she had fallen asleep thinking of that moment incessantly and woke up with the image burned in her brain. How she hadn't been able to stop herself from getting up and walking back by. Wasn't about to tell Maura she was still as gut wrenchingly lovely sleeping as she had been the night before and Jane didn't have a blasted clue what to do with that feeling.

Jane had felt guilty enough that when the baby stirred, infant grunts startled her so that she had literally jumped, feeling like a voyeur.

Hell, she kind of had been one and that was creepy. So no, really Maura needed to not push because Jane wasn't exactly sure what to say. Best she could offer was a shrug and a half truth.

"I wanted you to be able to rest this morning. I could see that he was waking up when I walked by so I came in and grabbed him." Jane watched the slight narrowing of hazel eyes and the intent stare over the rim of Maura's mug. Time to change the subject, and quickly. She grabbed Maura's knee through the duvet and shook it slightly. "So anyhow, it's a good thing that you're rested up because Korsak called me in. They need me for a few hours. Apparently he and Frost want me for a quick consult on some new case. You okay with hanging with his highness here by yourself? You want me to call and see if Ma can stay?" Jane steeled herself the minute Maura registered her words. Right on cue the eyes trained on her snapped fire. Maura hated her competency being questioned almost as much as she hated when Jane tried to have people watch over her.

Diversion completed.

Until the fire died as quickly as it flared and Maura was staring down into her coffee cup. "If you think that would be best."

Jane swallowed hard at the unexpected panic. What the hell? This was not Maura. "I don't think anything." She poked at Maura's knee again. "I didn't want to duck out of here and leave you with all the work." Still no detectable change and it still didn't make sense. Jane scooted up the bed a bit and reached out to tuck a small errant strand of Maura's hair back. "Hey, what is all this? What's wrong?"

Maura shook her head. She was not in the mood to hear hollow platitudes about her abilities or anything else. "I'm fine, just tired." That was true, she was. She looked up, saw Jane's concern and longed for Jane to give her an excuse to curl into her. Craved it. Instead Jane's hand rubbed lightly against hers.

Jane pulled the coffee mug gently out of Maura's hands and placed it on her nightstand. Maura was still staring at her with that particular wounded expression Jane couldn't take in the best of times, never mind where her head was right now. Instinct made the hair on her arms stand up and Jane wanted to hug Maura, touch her. It hummed along her skin, making her restless. Fidgeting her hands along the squirming infant, setting him again, Jane thanked god she had been called into the precinct. She needed to pull herself together, get her head where it belonged. "Do you want the baby or should I put him down to finish sleeping breakfast off in the bassinet?"

Maura held her arms out and Jane passed her the baby. "I think we'll rest here for a moment together and then go find your mother."

Jane started to protest and Maura cut her off. "Not because I think I need help. I happen to enjoy my morning conversations with your mother and I am certain that she'll want to play with the baby."

Jane snorted. "You are so weird. You actually enjoy conversations with my mother."

Maura shook her head slightly. "If I am so weird, what does that say about you? You keep saying I'm your best friend."

The laughter between them lightened the tension. Finally Jane managed to stop and she got to her feet, staring down at Maura who was still smiling up at her. "Alright, I have to go get ready." Jane realized she was about to bend down and kiss Maura's forehead goodbye. She took a quick step back. "I'll call and let you know what is going on."

Maura nodded while she watched Jane take another step and pause a moment, her face a confusing mix of messages. Finally she spun around and left, only to reappear in the doorway almost immediately.

"Oh and Maura?" Jane waited for Maura to look up from the baby. "You know what it says about me? The fact that I get to call you my best friend?"

When Maura shook her head and looked up at her expectantly Jane couldn't stop the ear to ear grin. "It says I am goddamn lucky."

Maura felt herself blush at the little wink Jane tossed at her before she disappeared.

________________________________________

Pushing through the bullpen door Jane was surprised to see only Korsak calmly typing at his computer. "You do realize I have a couple of days left before I have to be back in here? What was so important that I had to get in here?" Jane looked around the office, noticed that the computer monitor was black on Frost's desk. "Korsak, where's Frost?"

Korsak finished typing the final sentence on the report open in front of him and let out a sigh. He felt too old to deal with Jane this morning. "Frost is out with Frankie." He looked at the time on the corner of his monitor screen. "They should be on their way back by now so he'll be here in a couple of hours."

Jane stalked over and sat on the edge of Korsak's desk next to his computer mouse. "Why is my partner, who left me a cryptic, get your ass in here, message, out with my brother?"

"Frost is out with Frankie because Cavanaugh decided that I get to deal with you." Korsak glared over at the Lieutenant's closed door. "Apparently it's part of being senior management now. Personally I think he was chicken shit himself."

"What in the hell does that mean exactly?"

"It means your brother is a wimp and Frost owes me an entire night of drinks at the Robber." Korsak pushed back from his desk with a sigh, leaning back in his chair and looked at Jane long and hard. "What did you do to Frankie growing up anyhow? That boy ran out of here and didn't look back."

"We are not discussing my relationship with my little brother old man." Jane folded her arms over her chest.

Korsak rubbed his hand over his face. "See, that is where you are wrong Rizzoli. The whole point in you coming in is to discuss your little brother."

Jane's eyebrows shot up and she ran a hand through her hair. "I seriously had to come in today to talk about my relationship with Frankie?"

Korsak closed his eyes for a second. They did not pay him enough. The stripes were not worth it. "Wrong little brother."

Jane was on her feet in a flash. "What the fuck did Tommy do now?"

________________________________________

Maura peered at the color of the tea in the cups and decided to leave the infusers seeping for another minute. She looked over her kitchen island, enjoying the myriad expressions filtering over Angela's face as she played with the baby. It was not a stretch to imagine a younger version of her, reveling in an infant Jane the same way. Wistfully she wondered if her own mother had ever had such a moment with her.

She looked down and checked again. The amber tone was perfect and she pulled the infusers and placed them in the sink. Walking over to the couch she placed Angela's tea down on a waiting coaster and sat in the corner of the couch at the baby's head.

Angela smiled at the baby as Maura sat down. "Thanks honey. That is going to hit the spot." She grabbed the infant's feet with her hands and pumped his legs, laughing into his serious expression. "Maura, isn't he simply the most beautiful thing?" Angela bent down and kissed the soft soles of his feet before looking up and sharing a smile with Maura.

Maura rested a hand over his soft head as she took a sip of her drink. "So far he has been a lovely baby. He seems more alert today."

Angela used the fingers from one hand to rub his stomach as she picked up her own tea. "This stage passes so fast. Before you know it he'll be aware enough to keep you hopping." She took a long sip and started chuckling. "Though I swear to God himself that Jane was alert almost immediately, I should have known right away she'd give me grey hair before my time. Jane and Tommy, between the two of them I have earned my place in heaven. Frankie was different, a bit more like this little one. Though I think Frankie was born happy. He smiled before either of my other two. This little one is a solemn soul."

Maura continued to stroke the little head under her hand. "What was Jane like as a baby?"

"Janie? As a baby?" Angela looked off into the fireplace, lost for a moment. "Jane was full of personality from day one. I can remember walking through the supermarket when she was all of six weeks old and even then she engaged the world around her. Noticed every little thing. I should show you her infant photos. Big, dark eyes and a wrinkled forehead, she was so intent on figuring it all out. Sometimes I like to imagine the frown was from shoving her in a pink ruffled dress but that really was her personality."

Maura couldn't help the laughter. That sounded like Jane.

The two women shared a long smile before Angela continued. "She was serious, but, when she decided she liked what she saw? Oh she could make people fall at her little feet. I think it was her ability to stare and draw them in before she'd smile. I can't tell you how many people would stop me to remark on her." Angela shrugged a bit. "Right from the start there was always something about Jane."

Maura sipped at her tea. Angela had it correct. There was something about Jane. There was always something about Jane. Nobody past or present compared to Jane. No one else made her laugh quite like Jane. Challenged her intellect at every turn like Jane. Frustrated her daily like Jane.

Loved her quite like Jane.

A sigh escaped and glanced over at Angela who was looking at her, studying her, the expression familiar and Maura knew where Jane inherited that particular look from. For a split second she wondered again what mannerisms she had inherited from her biological parents and swallowed against the tightness in her throat, wishing she could control her reactions better. It was going to take time, logically Maura knew that. Someday she was going to be able to live with everything surrounding them. She had parents she loved and who loved her. She knew that. It might not be her childhood fantasy but she did have a family.

Maura just wished it didn't hurt so badly. Why did it have to hurt? For a moment she wished Jane was here just so she could ask that question out loud. Knowing who they were but that she wouldn't have a relationship with them was raw. Paddy complicated her life and more importantly, Jane's life, in inescapable ways. Hope's rejection, however understandable psychologically was empty, bleak and aching. She had always fought finding out after her original search on college had lead to the dead end of a closed adoption, deciding to move on from the pain.

But here she was again, confronted by the skeletons in her closet and hoping to spare the infant under her hand a similar fate. Everything in life was so illogical and confusing as it was. At the very least she would provide him as many answers as she could and understand when he was upset if she couldn't.

"It will be okay honey. It's all going to work out the way it's supposed to."

The words were soft and Maura snapped her eyes away. When she dared to look back Angela radiated a quiet compassion, not letting her escape. Jane got her intuition about people from Angela too. Maura stood up quickly. "I'm going to refresh my tea a bit with some hot water, would you like the same?"

Angela gave a soft sigh and shook her head. "I'm good." She watched Maura's retreat back to the kitchen, observed the way she poured the hot water, her posture tense, her features sharp. Whatever was bothering Maura, was enough that she was in full withdrawal mode and Angela knew it. She also knew that when Maura was like this the only person that could get her to talk was Jane, so for now she would let it be.

Of course the same could be said when Jane was in a full blown temper, like the other night when Lydia had left this little soul on Maura's front steps. Angela reached down to kiss at the wrinkles rippling his forehead as he intently studied the light bouncing off the back of the couch. That night, the minute Maura had walked off hurt and upset Jane had deflated into a brittle shell, every emotion instantly gone except for the one driving her to go find Maura and fix it. Jane did that for no one else.

Angela rubbed the baby's stomach again, shaking her head slightly. Her daughter, loud, fiercely independent, determined to plow a path of her own choosing through the world, yielded to no one. Never had. Not when she was the size of the baby looking back at Angela and certainly not now as a grown woman. Until Maura. All it took the other night to be perfectly willing change her entire life was the simple thought it would make Maura happy. Maura counted in ways that Angela wasn't sure Jane realized. Angela herself, even living here, hadn't realized the extent of it until all the pieces fit together.

Her daughter and Maura, watching them was always confusing but these past few days, against the backdrop of caring for an infant, the puzzle was becoming a plausible picture. One that she had considered before briefly and ultimately dismissed between Casey and Dennis. Until now. Now it was the obvious conclusion.

Maura's phone rang on the coffee table and she quickly made her way over and looked at the screen with a small smile. By the time she said hello, her smile genuine, unconscious affection curling the corners of her eyes, Angela knew who it was. Jane. Jane and Maura, conspicuous and evident, always right there in front of her.

It wasn't something Angela thought she was ready for. Wasn't sure you could be ready for, but when all was said and done, she was intelligent to realize it was going to come to a head one way or another. It was unavoidable. Life was like that. She took a deep breath. In the end she meant what she said to Maura. It was going to be okay.

By the time Maura hung up the affection was replaced with confusion. She looked at Angela. "That was Jane. She asked if we would be able to come down to the station."

Angela picked up the baby with a small frown. "She wants both of us to come down?"

Maura chewed against her lower lip. "Yes. Both of us. With the baby."

"To the station? Did she tell you why?" Angela watched Maura stare off into her living room. She seemed to be regulating her breathing, both hands clasped lightly in her lap. Finally she turned back to Angela, looking directly at the baby in her arms.

The words were hard to push out of her mouth. Maura tried to remind herself that this was expected. This was what she had hoped for, if only to spare the baby the pain of the unknown. No matter what, no matter the outcome, at least he would grow up with answers. The rest of it, what she now had to tell Angela was another issue entirely.

Maura braced herself as she sat down next to Angela. She touched the back of the baby's head. Conceptually she thought she should offer Angela comfort but thinking about how or what she should do made the next words even more difficult to say. She dropped her hand back into her lap.

Finally Maura pulled her eyes up from her hands and looked at Angela.

Tentatively, she reached her fingertips out and touched Angela's elbow. "Tommy was arrested last night in Chicopee."

________________________________________

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

________________________________________

See Ch 1 for disclaimers and now a reminder of that disclaimer… Out of respect for those readers who might be sensitive…the angst dial is getting turned up, please read with care.

________________________________________

Korsak placed the cup of coffee at Jane's elbow, taking her muttered thanks as a sign she was ready to talk. He grabbed Frost's chair and moved it beside Jane's desk, sitting down with an exaggerated sigh. "You ready to interact like a human yet?"

Jane pushed herself down into her chair, resting her head against the back while staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping at their drinks.

"You know what Korsak? I'm sick and tired of it." Jane sat up a little. "I'm sick and tired of just about everything."

He didn't say anything, just took another sip of coffee.

Jane flicked the edge of the plastic cup cover with her fingernail, the thin plastic edge clicking in time with her breathing. "Shit keeps coming at us you know?"

Korsak could feel his face twitch a bit at the word and struggled to keep his expression neutral."Us?"

"Maura and I." Jane considered her words. "I mean, I guess it's not just Maura and I. All of us really. I don't know." She put the coffee cup down. "But sometimes it feels like Maura and I can't catch a break. Seriously, who in the hell almost gets murdered and a baby dropped on their doorstep in a single day? Every time I manage to find five minutes to relax in between diaper duty sessions all I can picture is that psycho Rockmond with a knife to Maura's throat."

Jane rubbed her palms along her pants to get rid of the clammy feeling the image of Maura held a few steps away from the open elevator shaft, Rockmond's arm around her throat, the knife glinting and his expression manic. "You were there Korsak. She was as good as dead. I couldn't have controlled a damn thing. Some best friend I am. Do you know I haven't even had a chance to talk with her about it? And do you want to know why? Because my messed up family has invaded her life with even more drama."

Jane rubbed her thumbs in hard swipes along her palms. "I mean, god Korsak. It was like, hey sorry you were almost murdered by your boyfriend and I couldn't save you, but now that you've had a few hours to get over that, can you help me cope with a baby that is either my half brother or nephew?"

Korsak sighed. "From what I understand she is the one that chose to take on the baby. As for the rest? I was there Jane. I was at Rockmond's apartment. You handled him the best that you could. You did figure him out and got us there. You did save her. Maura lived Jane."

Jane pushed back and stood up. "Because that freak decided she could live. He could have killed her. It was pure luck in the end that he didn't. She was as good as fucking dead! It wasn't enough. I should have seen it Vince. After the first victim. That hand statue was on her desk for months. Months!"

Korsak reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Would you sit down Janie?" When he tugged hard enough, she dropped back down to her seat and he squeezed the wrist under his hand. "We, and Maura is part of that we, choose to work in a job that exposes us to people like Rockmond." He squeezed her wrist again. "Like Hoyt." Jane glared at him. "Look at me like that all you want Jane, but I was the one who almost wasn't in time for you with that sick bastard. Sometimes shit happens and for whatever reason you end up just lucky enough. You don't blame me and Maura doesn't blame you. Do you think you are omnipotent? Better than me? Better than Frost? Nobody saw it Jane. But you don't need to hear it from me. You need to talk to Maura."

Jane ripped her wrist away. "That is what I am trying to tell you, I can't even try to do that because we've been too busy playing house. What am I going to do? On top of almost not saving her, she is on her way down here to deal with the cluster fuck the Rizzoli family can be. Possibly get her heart ripped out in the process. Fuck my father and my idiot brother." Jane ran a hand roughly through her hair. "Tommy found Lydia, Korsak and I have no idea what that means or where this is going to go."

The tone and the desperation caught Korsak's attention. "It could mean a lot of things Jane."

Jane couldn't stop the hysterical half laugh, half groan that escaped. "It means this could be the day she is going wake up and realize she doesn't have to deal with any of this." Resting her elbows on her desk, Jane buried her face in her hands. "I am not going to hurt her Korsak. I'll do anything for my family but that. She has had enough pain in her life lately and the next hit isn't coming from me. This time Maura comes first, she has to come first. "

Korsak almost choked on his coffee, awkwardly swallowing. Understanding washed over him. Now everything made a little more sense. He cleared his throat. "That isn't going to happen."

Jane turned her head so that she could see him through her tangle of hair. "What's not going to happen?"

Tossing his coffee cup in the trashcan under Jane's desk Korsak considered what he wanted to say. Enough time together had taught him that you could prod Jane, but you did not push her. You could, however, always put your cards on the table for her to think about. "Maura's not going anyplace. Forget her waking up and leaving. One day you're going to be the one that wakes up and understands that."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jane sat up quickly, spinning her chair so she could get a good look at Korsak.

Before he could get a word out the phone on her desk rang and from Jane's end of the conversation Korsak knew they would have to finish this discussion another day.

Chewing her lip Jane slowly put down the phone. "That was Maura. She is downstairs in her office with my mother. I have to go deal with this." She let out a long, defeated sigh and looked at Korsak. "Thank you. The coffee was perfect."

Korsak knew coffee had little to do with her words. "Yep, I needed a good cup and figured you'd be about due a caffeine fix." He watched Jane stand up, her expression rapidly becoming resolute before she marched across the room and out the door. Rubbing his hand over his face he groaned. It was going to be another long day. Now he needed to wait for Frost to get back and get his take on the entire situation.

________________________________________

The blinds in Maura's office window were open and Jane felt her stomach roll over at the sight of Maura looking down at the baby, talking into his big, searching, eyes. The longer she stood there the harder it became to remain still. She wanted to run through the door, grab both of them and take off. Where to, she had no idea, but at the moment anyplace had to be better than here.

Her mother started laughing at something Maura said as she gestured down at the baby and Jane wanted to yell at her to stop. This was not funny. Nobody should be laughing. Jane leaned against the hall wall and watched them for a few minutes, wishing she could just turn around and let them be. Maura had been so broken that night after Rockmond and nothing Jane did seemed to make her feel any better, but now she sitting there, talking with her mother and laughing over that baby. Jane watched her mother, telling some story, her hands animated and she was honestly glad to have her there. At least her Ma would be the one person that understood that Jane was supposed to take care of Maura, keep her safe. She had raised Jane to be that big sister, daughter, friend. You watched out for family. Protected family.

But to do that, Jane needed to figure a way out of the entire situation and she needed her mother to stop laughing, look over and make her walk in the room. She needed her mother to force her, like only her Ma could, to get in there and talk because she wasn't sure she would be able to do it otherwise.

That didn't happen though. Instead she had to watch the two of them continue to laugh over the infant's expressions. Jane almost couldn't handle the fact that she was going to break into that picture of happiness and it left her in the hallway, frozen.

Maura looked up and was surprised to see Jane standing there, outside her office looking in through the window. The second their eyes met, Jane's expression seemed to shatter into a thousand fragments that scratched welts along Maura's skin leaving her heart pounding. An ominous feeling washed over her like alcohol and despite the pain or because of It, Maura's hands reflexively twitched against the infant.

For the first time Jane cursed the connection between them. Knew Maura's infallible perception, both trained and innate when it came to deciphering her, would leave Jane with no place to hide. In an instant, with nothing more than the shadow that swirled in Maura's eyes, Jane knew that Maura may not know the exact details, but she had read Jane like a book. The smile fell from Maura's face and Jane wanted to turn around and leave.

Without saying a word she had done exactly what she told Korsak she would not do. Jane cursed her father and she felt the anger at Tommy twist as her fist clenched. They caused this. They made her do this.

Finally her mother followed Maura's line of sight and noticed her. Jane could see the anxiety rise to the surface and settle in the set of her jaw and the thin, pressed lines of her lips. She could see mother steel her posture before she raised her eyebrows at Jane, waiting. Ready to take on whatever Tommy had done and whatever this baby brought into her life.

Jane took a deep breath and pushed away from the wall, keeping her focus trained on her mother's face. Jane had watched her go through a divorce and the loss of her home. Watched her reinvent herself and still be there for all of them. And now she was coping with this baby thrust into her life that could be the start of her grandparent dreams or a continuation of a divorce nightmare. If her mother could handle it so could she.

Walking into Maura's office, Jane gave a last helpless look at her mother, reading the compassion directed at her, but it didn't change anything. Already the picture of laughter and simple joy was gone.

Stopping in front of Maura, Jane suddenly felt like she was losing something but she didn't know what and It was disconcerting. When Maura finally looked up, Jane swore she could almost see the same feeling echoing back at her. Staring down at Maura holding that baby she could see a deeper, darker emotion coiling under the quiet acceptance reflecting back at her, ready to take whatever it was Jane was going to throw at her.

Jane rubbed her hands over her arms. She wanted to wrap herself around Maura, shield her. Instead she sat down next to her and changed her focus back to her mother. If she kept looking at Maura she was not going to be able to get through this.

"Tommy found Lydia."

The statement hung between them. Jane watched her mother take a deep breath and let it out. For once her mother didn't leap at her with questions flying, demands spewing and emotion pouring out of her. A lifetime of being her mother's daughter meant that Jane could see all of those reactions carefully controlled until something shifted. The look of empathy directed at her and Maura made Jane's chest tighten.

Watching Maura, Angela nodded. For better or worse this was a step that had to happen before anybody could do anything. Looking over at her daughter she knew enough had changed that this was going to be harder than Jane realized. However, hard or not, this had to happen and it was better now rather than later. "Okay, Tommy found Lydia. That was one outcome that we thought might be best a few days ago. No matter what, either keeping him or having to let him go, Lydia was part of the puzzle that we need right?"

Jane loved her mother desperately at that moment. The careful phrasing was exactly what she needed and couldn't quite figure out how to piece the right words together. "Yeah, she was staying with an ex-boyfriend out in Chicopee. " Jane leaned her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her palms. "Frankie called me from the road. He found out that Lydia had been staying with Tommy before she ended up with Pop. I thought she was just a plaything of Tommy's or something, but it seems like it might have been more than that."

Staring at the shiny linoleum floor Jane wanted to look over and see what Maura was doing but she didn't know if she could handle it. "I don't know what she was doing staying with Tommy but she had a job working at Lucci's washing dishes. Frankie knew Tommy had been hanging with Vinny recently. He went to find out if Vinny might know something about Tommy and he found out that Tommy had been in Lucci's trying to find out if Lydia had ever given Vinny any contact information. Turns out she was owed a final check and he still had the mailing address." Jane looked up at her mother. "So Tommy took himself on a road trip to Western Massachusetts to find Lydia."

Maura heard every word Jane was saying but it was not making rationale sense with all the questions flitting through her mind. Nothing was making sense anymore. "I thought Tommy didn't have a license." Maura bit her lip, she hadn't meant to say the words out loud and a quick look at Angela confirmed the other woman hadn't even considered that aspect.

Jane grimaced. "He doesn't." She quickly looked at Maura, praying she wouldn't push any further in hope that her mother wouldn't start putting the pieces together.

"Jane, how did your brother get out to Lydia?" Angela closed her eyes briefly, one scenario after another filtering through her mind, each one worse than the one before it.

Jane sat up and gripped her knees. She swallowed hard, ran her tongue over dry lips. She simply was not going to catch a break today. Suddenly she felt Maura deliberately shift so she was pressed against her and Jane could not stop herself from sitting up, letting her shoulder lean on Maura's for support. "Well he used the key he had to my place for when he takes care of Jo Friday and grabbed the keys to my car."

"That god damn idiot stole your car? He took off in your car with a revoked license while out on parole? I am going to kill him!" Angela covered her mouth quickly with her hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

The sight of her mother, hand over her mouth, trying to stay calm with her flushed cheeks and Italian temper flaring finally tipped Jane's day into the absurd and the hysterical snort escaped before she could stop it."Oh god yes you did Ma, and I'm not sure how you held it in until now." Her mother's eyes flew to her face and she could feel Maura's quick intake of air against her and that was it, the laughter clawed its way free from all three of them.

When it slowed, Jane realized she had slipped down the couch and her cheek was against Maura's shoulder. It occurred to her she should probably sit up but she wasn't going to. When she glanced up, Maura's expression was soft and indulgent. "You know, I hadn't thought of it like that. My mother is technically right. My brother stole my car." She looked at her mother. "This is probably a little worse than when he'd steal my Halloween candy but he didn't get in trouble over the car. He got in trouble when he ran a flipping red light! Of course he didn't have a license so when they ran him in the system he earned himself a nice little trip to the Chicopee precinct." Jane sighed "He ran a stupid red light, in a stolen car without a license. He really makes a piss poor criminal. He'll be dead before 40 if he chooses a life of crime. I swear, this time around I'm going to knock some sense into him."

"You can have him after I get my hands on him." Angela stood up. She needed a moment and then she would be able to deal with the entire mess. "I swear you kids go out of your way to find new ways to give me angina." With an audible sigh, she walked over to Maura and held out her arms. "Let me take my piccolino for a walk, I need to think."

Maura handed the baby over, part of her wishing she didn't have to, not right now. Wistfully she watched until Angela was out of sight. Without thought she reached for Jane's hand, needing to hold onto something and laced their fingers together. "You know, your brother might volunteer to go back to jail once your mother gets a hold of him."

Rubbing her thumb over the back of Maura's hand, Jane looked up at Maura, trying to decipher the unprompted grip on her hand. "Probably. Though she didn't reach the Jesus Christ Almighty stage. When she yelled that at us when we were kids we ran. Hard."

Maura chuckled, squeezing Jane's hand slightly and felt the reassuring grip returned. She chewed her bottom lip, thinking, finally letting a whisper of words tumble out. "Tommy found Lydia."

Jane nodded, giving up any pretense and leaning her head against Maura's shoulder. "I don't know where any of this is going to go Maura. Lydia was in my car with Frankie and all Tommy said to Frost was he had convinced her to at least come back here and talk to us."

"Jane, promise me I will have the opportunity to speak with her?" Maura crossed her legs, turning towards Jane. She reached her other hand over and grabbed Jane's, pressing both tightly. "Alone. Woman to woman."

"I'll do whatever you want me to Maura." Jane took a deep breath. "I am so sorry."

Maura tried to understand why Jane was apologizing and waited until Jane looked up at her. The brown eyes staring into hers were full of contrition and begged for benediction. It broke Maura's heart. They needed to find time to talk. She held Jane's hands a little tighter, pulling them closer.

Between them Jane's cell phone buzzed.

Jane shifted away, slipping a hand free to retrieve her phone and read the text. "Frost and Frankie are back. We should go upstairs. We have Interrogation 3 for Tommy and Lydia is in the small conference room. I want to talk to Tommy before his parole officer gets here."

Maura stood up gracefully, gently releasing Jane's hand. "I'm going to go find your mother and then I'll meet you up there." Jane hadn't moved, simply stared behind her at the open door and the sight made Maura ache to hold her. Finally it was too much and Maura reached down and cupped Jane's cheek.

Jane closed her eyes when impossibly soft lips kissed her forehead as quiet words were muttered into her hair. "It will be okay."

By the time Jane moved the sound of Maura's heels moving crisply down the hall had faded.

She touched her forehead briefly before rubbing her palms back and forth along her thighs. Finally with a deep breath she struggled to her feet. She lightly shook out her arms and flexed her fingers. She pulled her shoulders back and walked towards the elevators.

God willing it would be okay. It had to be okay.

________________________________________

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

________________________________________

See Ch 1 & 7 for disclaimers…

________________________________________

Maura watched Vince walk away before she ran her hands down her dress, reflexively smoothing the material, settling herself. When a sense of readiness washed over her, she grabbed the handle to the conference room door and pushed it open.

She barely felt Barry's hand on her shoulder as he passed her on his way out.

Lydia was staring at the table. Maura could see the tired set to her features. The puffy remnants of pregnancy cast over her body. Even her posture, uncomfortable, angled on the seat suggested she could still feel the physical effects of having given birth. Finally Lydia looked up and her gaze was hazy, tinged with red and reconciled to a fate in life where optimism was for others.

Maura took a deep breath and sat down across from Lydia. This was what she expected, but a small, selfish, part of her hoped she'd be faced with a flippant woman who simply wanted to move on with her life.

They sat there staring at each other. Maura knew she should offer a greeting, open the conversation softly but her mind only let one thing fall from her lips.

"Why? Why did you leave him Lydia?"

________________________________________

Jane tugged at her hair with both hands, eyes on the ceiling. "That's a great story Tommy. You think you could have mentioned any of this a hell of a lot sooner? I'm fucking thrilled you played Lydia's white knight." She looked back at her brother. "Anybody tell you that Prince Charming doesn't knock Snow White up at the end of the movie?"

Frankie tried, but he couldn't help himself. "Wrong fairy tale Janie. Prince Charming goes with Cinderella." He winced at the blazing glare directed at him and held up both hands in supplication but Jane was already growling at him.

"Listen Princess, you want to jump in to this conversation? Do you have something to offer other than the fact your undies are pink and ruffled today?"

That made Tommy laugh into his fist before instantly blanching when Jane's fist wacked the table. "Seriously? I am two minutes from walking out that door and you can deal with this shit-storm yourself."

Jane folded her arms over her chest and took several deep breaths. She tried not to wonder how Maura was. Tried not to imagine what was going on in the conference room with Lydia. She closed her eyes for a moment. "Okay so fine, Lydia ends up with Dad because you fucked up. Great, got that. Between the two of you, sperm meets egg and she ends up pregnant."

Opening her eyes Jane glared at her youngest brother. "My nightmare starts when the baby gets left on my best friend's doorstep." She drummed her fingers against the table. "Now why don't you take the story from here?"

________________________________________

Lydia didn't answer her right away. Her breathing started to come in soft gasps and finally the red eyes overflowed and coursed down her cheeks. Lydia had a crumpled handkerchief in her hand that Maura realized must belong to Sergeant Korsak.

Maura waited until the tears seemed to stem and Lydia's breathing slowed. Finally the blond looked at the table and her words were almost inaudible. "How is he?"

Maura felt a flash of frustration that her question remained unanswered and her words came out clipped, sharp. "He's fine."

Lydia waited for Maura to continue but when the silence stretched between them, she suddenly felt a small swell of panic. Her pulse raced and the words came out on a whisper. "Where is he?"

Maura wanted to say. 'Not here.' She wanted to say. 'You lost the right to ask that question.' Instead she pushed down that part of herself and answered honestly. "Angela has him."

"Here?"

Hope. If Maura were to pick one thing that question conveyed to her, it was hope. She stopped looking at Lydia and stared at the wood veneer of the conference table. "Yes." The minute the word left her lips she knew what the next question would be.

"Can I see him?" Lydia reached a hand partway across the table.

Maura looked from the reaching, asking, hand back up to Lydia's face, finally giving a defeated sigh. Sincerity and anguish joined the word hope in Maura's mind. The stirrings of grief prickled within, a strange mix of agony from her birth mother's rejection combining with the promise of a new heartache.

But it was an almost inevitable pain she had accepted would come in some form the minute she'd promised a day old infant that she would do whatever she could to spare him the haunting questions she had waited a lifetime to answer.

Maura sucked air deep into her lungs and closed her eyes. For a fervent moment she wished she was back in the quiet start of the day when a warm cup of coffee and a few words were all it took to feel better. She opened her eyes and Lydia was staring at her, wide eyed and waiting for her answer.

Slowly, Maura nodded. But first, before she went to find Angela and the baby, she needed to know. She had to understand. "Lydia, you still haven't answered my question. Why? Why leave him? And why did you leave him with me?"

________________________________________

Jane pushed back from the table with a violent shove and started pacing. "Tommy can we start getting to the point at some time this century? We already know how you found Lydia. I think I can guess that anybody down on their luck enough to be sleeping on your couch probably had shit poor options."

"Damn it Jane, I'm getting there. You know, I think you'd be a little less of a bitch if you saw where she was living." For a moment Tommy thought about telling Jane to go look at Lydia's arm, to see the bruises, but he'd promised Lydia that it would stay between them.

"Did you seriously just call me a bitch?" Whirling around to look at Frankie she growled. "Did our dear brother just call me a bitch?"

Frankie glared at Tommy but he stood up and grabbed Jane's elbow. "Janie, sit down. If the three of us start fighting, we're never going to get this figured out before Stropniki gets here."

At the mention of Tommy's parole officer, Jane ripped her arm away from Frankie and sat down. "Okay Tommy I'm listening, but like Frankie said we don't have long so spit it out already."

"Fine, fine, whatever." He buried his face in his hands for a minute and when Tommy dragged his fingers away, both of his siblings were sitting and waiting. "After we talked at her place I told Lydia to think about it. I mean if she missed the baby that much, then she was being dumb right?" He waited but neither sibling said a word. "Anyhow, I told her that I was going to get some coffee over at the Chicopee Diner near the Mass Turnpike and I'd wait there for her until 6. If she didn't show up I'd come back here without her and figure it out on my own."

Tommy ran his fingers roughly through his hair. He had done exactly that. He had sat in that diner drinking cup of coffee after cup of coffee, eating dinner, watching the sky slowly change from the bright sun of early afternoon to the fading light of the end of the day. Finally, sometime after 6, he gave up and paid his bill on his way out.

"I was walking over to my car and there came Lydia, flying into the parking lot, only she wasn't alone. Her old boyfriend is this dude named Ray and the asshole was right behind her." Rolling his shoulders at the memory, Tommy winced at the tension and soreness. "Anyhow, Lydia gets out of her car and he jumps out of his truck and he's screaming at her that she had better not think about coming back and certainly not with some bastard brat." Tommy shrugged a little. "Like I said, total prick. Lydia didn't even look at him, she kept coming to my car and he just lost it. Flipped his gourd or something and ran at her. She sort of got behind me. Jane he's a prick, either of you would have taken a swing at him. Trust me. But I didn't because of Ma and both of you. I didn't, okay? He got in a good one to my chest but I didn't move a muscle."

Tommy let out a big sigh. "Lucky for me, the waitresses at the diner knew him and grabbed the cook. The cook started hollering at Ray that the cops were on their way and that made him stop." Tommy looked at Jane. "Then I did something stupid." Tommy slumped against the back of his chair. "I panicked. I had your car, I was out in Western Massachusetts without Stropniki knowing and I didn't have a license. So I panicked. Grabbed Lydia and took off as fast as I could towards the Turnpike before the police arrived."

Jane finished for him, her voice softer. "And then you ran the red light."

Tommy nodded staring at his hands. "I'm sorry I keep fucking up. Jesus, I don't mean to. This time I was trying to fix it. I thought I could fix it. For once I figured I'd handle it. Thought it would be nice not have either of you clean up my mess." Tommy looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder and Frankie gave it a little squeeze.

With a sigh Jane made up her mind on what she was going to do. Shaking her head slightly to clear it, she gave Tommy a smirk only a big sister could. "Fair warning, Ma's here."

________________________________________

Maura's question echoed in the silence between them. Lydia seemed intent on watching the movement of each of her own fingers tracing the knuckles of her other hand. Finally she offered the simple truth. "Because I love him. I left him on your doorstep because I love him more than I have ever loved anything."

With that their eyes met and Maura nodded slightly as she absorbed them.

When Maura didn't call her a liar or laugh at her, Lydia felt tears welling again. "I love him so much. He's beautiful, perfect. Not like me."

"I don't have anything to offer him. I can't give him anything except for my love." The tears were hot and thick against her cheeks. "So that is what I gave him. All my love. Even if loving him enough meant letting him go." Lydia reached a hand up and rubbed at a cheek brusquely. "I was at the hospital and everyone was there talking to me at once and they were all asking me questions. The more they asked, the more I realized I couldn't even pay for a cab ride to take him home. A social worker came in to make sure I was aware of all my options. It was like they realized I shouldn't have him either."

Lydia stared at the wall over Maura's head, still unable to look at her. "You were the first person I thought of. You make sense. You're everything I'm not. You're accomplished. Beautiful. Successful. Even Tommy thinks the world of you." She swallowed, trying to compose herself just a little before continuing. "I saw the way you took in Angela. She wasn't even your own mother and you take care of her."

Maura cleared her throat, trying not to give into the tightness binding her voice. "Angela takes care of me too."

Hearing Maura's tone, Lydia finally forced herself to look at her. "See, you always say stuff like that. That's why I picked you. I was around you and Angela enough, that I knew he'd have a good home, a good chance in life. And I see the way you love Jane. I knew he'd have everything including affection. I thought if you could love my son like you love her, he'd have everything in life. A smart accomplished mother who would love him unconditionally, no matter who his father was."

Tears fell hard and fast. Maura stood up quickly her voice little more than a thick whisper. "I'm going to go find Angela." Without looking at Lydia, she flew out of the room.

________________________________________

Frost blinked slowly, tuning out the arguing that was swirling around him. Stropniki was a good cop. A little old school like Korsak. Worn enough around the edges that he'd long given up as seeing anything as black and white. He was the type of guy who knew when to listen. Sat there, mouth closed, letting everyone climb over themselves explaining.

Frost figured he was a good fit for managing someone like Tommy. Hell he seemed to be managing all three Rizzolis and that was a feat. He was, however, pissing Jane off. She was twitchy. For the fourth time in less than five minutes she stared at her watch and then over at the door. Each time her body language became more and more tense, until Frost watched Jane her eye flick between the two for a fifth time and he knew she was about to explode.

He weighed his options. Considered his success probability for diffusing the situation and cursed under his breath, promising himself that he was going to kick Korask's ass.

Frost observed Jane's breathing pick up along with her fidgeting. The fidgeting had started when Korsak had showed Stropniki in and let Jane know that Maura needed him to go find Angela and the baby.

Frost groaned as Jane's leg started bouncing under the table. He thought about telling her to knock it off but he wasn't suicidal. What he couldn't figure out, was why Korsak had been so obtuse. It wasn't like Korsak didn't know Jane. And if you knew Jane, you damn well knew that telling her that Maura seemed upset was like poking a tiger in a dog crate.

That shit was just not going to be contained.

His hand shot out and grabbed her arm the second Jane leaned forward at the table. She wrenched it away, glaring at him, but she sat back and let out a sigh. Stropniki for his part seemed to be ignoring her as he firmly repeated that Tommy needed to go back into custody until he had his revocation hearing.

This time Frost reached over held her in place just as Jane started to rise from her seat and spoke to Stropniki himself. "I know we have to deal with the arrest so can I offer a compromise?"

When Stropniki nodded Frost gave a sigh of relief. "This is a delicate situation. Tommy was acting like any concerned father might under the same circumstances. He shouldn't have been driving. He should have his ass handed to him over that. But why wait to go through a hearing only to get the same result and waste the taxpayer's money on bed space? I think we should get face time with a hearing officer and offer an arrangement for community service."

Stropniki nodded after a moment and beside him Jane relaxed slightly, muttering thanks at him under her breath. Frost punched the side of her thigh under the table. "No problem. I'll stay here with Frankie. We were the ones who spoke to the Chicopee guys anyhow. Why don't you go check on Maura?"

________________________________________

Returning from the ladies room, Maura turned the corner in the hallway and noticed Vince Korsak leaning against the window to the conference room. He turned around at the sound of her heels on the floor and pushed away from the glass, giving her room.

"Hey Doc." Korsak took a good look at the ME. Maura looked worn out and beat up.

"Vince." Looking in she saw Angela sitting across from Lydia with the baby in her arms. The two women were staring at each other. Lydia had tears streaming down her face. Angela had resolution on hers. Maura put her hand up to the glass. "Are they fighting?"

Watching Maura's body language, Korsak understood Jane's panic from this morning. Children always brought the base emotions out in people and it happened quickly. He shrugged. "Angela hasn't said a word yet that I can tell. "

"I should go in there." Maura took a step back but Vince put a hand on her arm. "Give it a minute Doc, okay?"

Eyes trained on the two women inside, Maura nodded and uncharacteristically leaned against the wall.

Korsak looked up and down the hall as if that would make Jane appear. He checked his phone again. Jane still hadn't responded to his voicemail about meeting him down here. She had also ignored the second one when he told her Angela had decided to take the baby in the conference room to see Lydia. Watching Maura he now typed out a text to Jane with a mild flourish of frustration and a prayer that he did it correctly.

Beside him Maura was almost unnaturally still. Trying to break the tension Korsak cleared his throat, waiting until she glanced at him, snatching her hand off the glass.

"I had a heck of a time finding Angela." Korsak chuckled at the memory. "I went all over the building, even up on the roof. Naturally, I found her in the first place I should have gone looking."

Maura offered him a half smile. "She was down the hall in the café showing the baby off to her regulars, correct?"

"Right on the money Doc." Korsak had expected Maura would at least laugh or question the phrase, so when she didn't, he turned and studied her. "Do want me to bring Jane here?" He waited but Maura didn't say anything, her full attention focused on the women in the room. Her hand crept back up and curled against the glass.

Maura watched as Angela walked over to Lydia and offered her the baby. There was a heartbeat while Lydia simply stared at him and then she curled herself over him, lips on his forehead. She stayed like that while Angela walked out of the room and Maura met Angela's eyes through the window.

The door opened and closed with force but Angela hesitantly put a hand on Maura's shoulder. "That girl isn't the brightest crayon in the box, but for what it's worth I do believe her intentions were in the right place." She looked back into the room. "However good intentions or not, I can't handle her right now."

With a small nod of understanding, Vince put his hand on Angela's shoulder. "Want to help me track down Jane and then go get a cup of coffee?" He gave a pointed look at Maura, who was already focused back on the baby and Lydia.

Angela gave a soft sigh and nodded. There was nothing more she could here right now.

They walked off but Maura didn't notice. She was watching Lydia unwrap the baby, placing him on her thighs, staring down into his serious, infant eyes.

The tears on Lydia's face couldn't hide the smile. A mother's smile.

Soft kisses rained along his forehead and against his cheeks. A mother's kiss.

Gentle fingers stroked along his small arms and explored each tiny finger. A mother's touch.

Maura turned away, swallowing hard. She wanted to be happy for him. She honestly did. Brushing her hand against her wet cheeks she kept her eyes on the floor as she fled.

________________________________________

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

________________________________________

See Ch 1 & 7 for disclaimers…

________________________________________

Jane placed the pen up to the top of her desk again and waited for it to roll all the way down. Cheap shit desk on an old building floor made for passive entertainment at least. When the pen hit her lap she moved it back up and followed its trajectory again.

She'd come up here to escape for a minute. A break to gather her wits after dealing with Tommy and to try to absorb all the new information before she went back downstairs to see how things were going with Lydia. There were so many emotions clouding the facts that she couldn't clearly see this situation for what it was and she knew it. At least here at her desk she could think. Play the detective and do her job piecing everything together into a cohesive story.

Jane glanced at her computer monitor and checked the time. She really had to get her ass back downstairs, this was taking too long. Problem was she still didn't know exactly how to handle things. Glancing around the bullpen, she watched everyone at work, thinking.

When Detective Brown walked in with a box of donuts offering them around, it was a welcome distraction and a good reminder. Those sketches from the Rockmond scene. Frost hadn't said anything about a sculpture but those sketches existed and Jane wanted to ask him if he'd destroyed them. He shouldn't. She got that. But still, Maura was one of them. Jane took a deep breath, trying to erase the anxiety bubbling. According to Frost, Brown said they were vague and if he hadn't been looking for them he may not have realized they were Maura, but still, now she knew they existed.

Her opportunity came when the pastry box was unceremoniously shoved under her nose. "Cruller Rizzoli?"

"Yeah, I'm in if you have chocolate in there." Jane cracked open the lid and picked out a donut. As she was debating how to bring up the question, Brown plucked a second donut out and put it on her desk.

"That one there I got for the Doc special. You'll see that she gets it for me?" He raised his eyebrows a bit, waited for her to finish nodding, watching her until he was sure she was paying attention. "Thanks Rizzoli. There's a folder on the left side of my desk that Frost thought you'd want to deal with. Go grab it, I don't need it and nobody else will be looking for it. "

Grateful she nodded slowly. Brown was a good guy. "Thanks Brown."

"No problem. Just make sure the Doc gets her donut. She's good people Rizzoli." Brown hitched his pants up slightly. "Careful with that file, you're the only other person I've let near it. No even your boy Frost got a peek at it. Not really important for the case though so it's all yours. Anyhow, I'm going to bring these over to Cavanaugh's new admin, sweeten her up a little."

When he walked away Jane went over to his desk and grabbed the file. She ran her finger along the edge, blushing when she was tempted to look inside. Biting her lip, she realized she was looking around as if someone could read her mind and she slumped back down to her desk chair.

Leaning back, Jane rested her head against the back of her chair and closed her eyes, tracing her finger along the edge of the file. She thought about running it through the office paper shredder but it was technically part of a case and she wasn't comfortable with taking that step. Not right now with the amount of people buzzing around.

Tapping her fingers along the surface, Jane let the office noise drone around her. The file was the least of her problems. Lydia, Tommy, the baby and Maura were what she currently needed to sort out and she couldn't freaking do it.

Jane's eyes flew open at the touch on her shoulder and she spun around in her chair. "Ma? Korsak?"

Her mother stepped in front of Korsak. "Vince and I are going to get a cup of coffee. I need to settle my nerves before I see your brother. Do you want to know why I had to settle my nerves?"

"Not really, but you're going to tell me anyhow." The pinch on her shoulder made her scowl up at her mother. "Hey!"

"Don't 'hey' me missy." Angela reached down and grabbed Jane's wrist, giving it a little pull. "On your feet." Jane ignored her. "Fine. Be an idiot."Angela stopped pulling but gripped Jane harder. "I just came up here to tell you that I had to hand that baby over to Lydia and Maura was all by herself while I did it. You need to get your ass downstairs and give her some support."

"Wait you did what? Why? And why didn't anybody call me?" It might have been her mother's hand on her wrist combined with her own panic when she jumped up, but either way the next thing she knew the contents of the folder fluttered to the floor.

There was a hazy scramble while she vehemently waived off help from either Vince or her mother but the damage was done, each picture soaked into her mind.

Korsak for his part ignored the situation, one glance at the sketches and he figured he needed to buy Brown a drink tonight. He was the right type of cop in Korsak's book.

Angela on the other hand had wide eyes and an odd expression that Jane could only hold a hand up to. "Don't ask, or don't ask me, ask Korsak over coffee." She slipped the folder under her arm. "Seriously though, why didn't you call me?"

Korsak picked her mobile off the desk and flicked it on showing her the missed calls. "At least leave it on vibrate Jane. I even texted you." He shoved the phone at her. "Texted Jane. I actually sent a flipping text message."

"I" Jane let out a long sigh. "Sorry Korsak. How's Maura."

"Rizzoli how do you think she is?" Korsak gave her a long look. Jane took one look at her mother's face and felt sick.

"Shit." She didn't look at Korsak or her mother as she ran for the door.

________________________________________

When the elevator doors closed behind her and she was the only person in the space, Jane collapsed against the wall, grateful for the brief pause in the turmoil.

No matter how many times she blinked, the sketches of Maura were etched in her retina. Brown had been honest about not sharing those with anyone because Frost had told her they were vague. They were anything but that word.

The sketches brought several words to the tip of her tongue. Erotic. Electric. Consuming. Words that she had never necessary tied to Maura were now wrapping indelibly along her body, tightening, making her physically feel her response. Rockmond may have been a psychopath but his sketches were detailed, raw and haunting.

Unable to help herself, she pulled the file out from under her arm and looked at the first image. The nudity was stirring but not what clawed along her skin. Maura's eyes glowed fire from the page and Jane couldn't pretend her response was anything other than liquid want at the sight.

Embarrassed, feeling as if she betrayed Maura's trust, Jane closed the file again, held it closed against her chest and swallowed thickly, trying to understand the prick of tears against the back of her eyes.

It was this day, it was the only explanation. Jane sniffled a little. This stupid day and all the emotion and uncertainty. One where she couldn't figure out what she wanted anymore. She hated the fact that Lydia dropped that baby off on Maura's doorstep. Hated it. She dragged a thumb under her eyelid and swallowed hard. She hated it even more that she might take him away.

Freaking, god damn day. Jane took a deep breath. Everything was off kilter. Even the folder under her arm was throwing her off balance. Suddenly, she couldn't stand that Rockmond had touched Maura, known Maura, had seen Maura in ways that Jane could never lay claim to and the irrefutable proof was in her hands. It made her angry. It hurt and she didn't want to analyze why.

When the elevator doors opened she stormed off. Jane didn't notice or acknowledge the people she passed. Didn't even glance into Interrogation 3 to see if Frost and Frankie were still dealing with Stropniki.

The force of the door hitting the conference room wall caused it to bounce back forcefully and Jane barely caught it in time with her hand.

Lydia was wide-eyed, startled. She had the baby up against her shoulder. His little head was snuggled into her neck. It was déjà vu and it was wrong. Jane shoved her hands in her pockets, digging her thumbs into the material, trying not to walk over and rip him out of her arms.

They stared at each other.

Jane hated her at that moment. Hated that Lydia could waltz in and out of her life as she pleased, changing it, making her want things that she'd sworn off as impossible and then snatching them back a heartbeat later.

She didn't bother disguising the vehemence in her voice. "Where is Maura?"

The slight squeak to Lydia's strained reply grated on her nerves, flayed at her patience. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since Angela dropped off the baby."

"How long ago was that?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry." Lydia chewed at her lip, held the baby closer. "I'm sorry. Jane, please listen. I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen. "

"I don't know what you're thinking but he doesn't belong with you." Jane walked over to the table and leaned down on it, pinning Lydia with her eyes. "You don't deserve him."

The words were almost silent. "I know." Tears flowed freely.

Sucking in air and letting it out on a ragged sigh Jane rapped her knuckles against the table, once, twice, trying to reconcile the image of Lydia with the anger over the entire situation. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again the image hadn't changed. This time when she spoke she knew she sounded as defeated as she felt. "Fat lot of good that does any of us, you shouldn't do this to people."

Jane didn't wait for a response. She didn't want to hear another word as she spun on her heel and walked out.

________________________________________

For a moment Maura stood outside her lab and watched her staff at work. Against the fluorescent lighting there was the back of person working under the hood. Another stood in front of an open flame carefully streaking a plate of agar. Yet another checked aliquots as they loaded them into a centrifuge. Just beyond the lab she could see the work stations where others carefully uploaded information into databases and transcribed lab notebooks.

They were efficient, organized and dedicated. They were her creation, her ballet, her orchestra, fluid motion and harmonious precision personified.

It was pure relief to pick up one of her lab coats from the closet and slip into it. Upstairs, right now, was everything she always said she did not need. Here, in her domain, was everything she had carefully worked to achieve. She rubbed a finger along the blue lettering on her lab coat. Maura Isles, MD.

She knew if she went to her office door there would be another title under Maura Isles, MD and it would read Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Clear, distinct titles that summed up exactly who she was.

For a moment she felt guilty. She had just disappeared down here without giving a word to anyone. She had walked out and left Lydia alone in the conference room for Jane to find. But she needed to think and down here she understood everything and anything she did not had a defined protocol for discovery. Upstairs she was not defined. Upstairs she was rapidly becoming a caricature of the woman she had made herself into.

Maura walked around the lab, getting updates from each person about their work, smiling her interest when appropriate, offering suggestions when needed or requested.

Ten minutes later she dropped her lab coat into the laundry bin and walked by the autopsy suite. The tables were empty and Dr. Silva was carefully rubbing down his work area. Choosing not to disturb him, she went into her office and sat down at her desk. Everything was exactly as she left it, whole and undisturbed.

Maura pressed her fist against her abdomen, thinking. She knew needed to go back upstairs.

She turned around and stared at the collections from her travels, from her experiences. Mementos to remind her of times of learning and discovery, little parts of where she had been and what went into making her. A fertility statue caught her eye and she plucked it from its place on her credenza as she turned back to her desk.

Society from the beginning of time revered the mother. Maura traced her finger along the statues exaggerated curves chiseled into stone. She was the symbol of bounty, symbol of safety and symbol of home. Maura had always assumed the statue represented life in terms of childbirth but now she knew differently. The statue was the feel of life in the palm of her hand. It was the feel of family and now that she knew what that felt like she didn't want to let it go.

The knock startled her and she dropped the statue, watching it hit the edge of her desk and fall to the floor. Retrieving it she ran her finger on the small chip along the statue's foot with a sigh before turning to acknowledge she had company.

Senior Criminalist Chang shuffled in the doorway, hesitating. "Sorry Dr. Isles, I didn't mean to startle you, but I wanted to personally hand you the paternity results from the other day." She stood in front of her desk, folder held out awkwardly. "I'm sorry for the delay. I didn't realize the rush had come back since it wasn't through the main system. I think that is also why we didn't get an email alert. "

What words she said exactly, Maura wasn't sure, but the other woman disappeared with another apologetic smile and Maura held the manila folder gingerly before placing it on her desk. For once there was information she had no desire to know.

She stood up and picked up the statue off her desk. Family in the palm of her hand. Maura closed her fist tightly for a moment before she turned around and put it back in its spot. Family was a complex situation that was never clear and well defined. Not for her. Paddy Doyle, Angela, Constance, Korsak, Frankie, Frost, Tommy, Hope.

Jane.

Who was currently standing in her doorway, filling the space with her presence.

Jane.

Who walked into her office as if the space was her own, tossing a file carelessly on her desk.

Jane whose arms wrapped around her like there was not a question that was where they belonged. As if there wasn't a chance that Maura would not welcome her touch. Because there was not a question or a chance that Maura would not embrace her back and she knew it.

Even here, in the middle of her kingdom where Maura's power was absolute, Jane just pushed though everything and stripped her to her core as if it was her right. Because it was, Jane was her family.

Even Lydia could see it.

Jane tightened her grip. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. Korsak just told me. I promise I'll do everything I can to make sure he stays with us." She cleared her throat. "I mean with you. As soon as we know which one is the sperm donor I'll talk to Pop or Tommy, okay?"

Weary, Maura allowed herself to slump, boneless for a moment into her arms. Right now Jane was offering her everything and she wanted it. Maura fisted Jane's shirt securely in her hands. All she had to do was nod and if there way Jane could give it to her, she would. No matter what the personal cost was. She could feel it, hurt from it. Family in the palm of her hand.

Solid and real, her grip tight, Jane would not let her drop.

Maura dropped her head against the side of Jane's neck. Even based in love some decisions had long lasting ramifications that would echo along a life. That was already her burden and one she did not want to perpetuate.

She was once the one whose life was mapped and decided by Doyle, whose decisions were decidedly myopic, by design or ignorance she could not ascertain. The right thing to do was to make certain Lydia could make a clear decision. Give her the opportunity Hope never had.

The fact that she didn't want to say the next words made them slice through her throat, sharp and painful. "That is not my intention Jane."

Maura could feel the tension building against her arms.

"What isn't your intention?" Jane felt something flash across her chest, cold, tightening, tingling down to her fingers. She could feel her palms become moist, tremble. It was as if she was fumbling with something breakable and precious and it was about to fall from her grasp. Jane tightened her grip.

Flexing her hands, rubbing her fingers against Jane's back Maura willed her to understand. "I saw Lydia with him. She loves that baby."

The words were warm against her neck. Jane shivered as the sensation mixed with the cold tendrils of warning coiling in her gut and desperation colored her voice. "Yeah well I never said that she didn't. I'm sure she loves him but that didn't stop her from running out on him. He wasn't even a day old Maura."

"I know that. It would be so easy for me to only see that."Now her voice sounded strangled by the tears that were trying to crawl up her throat. "I can't help but believe the right choice is to help Lydia."

Jane struggled lightly, stepping back enough to force Maura's head to come up so she could see her expression.

Maura swallowed, she could see Jane struggling, the slight shaking of her head as if she couldn't reconcile Maura's words with the situation. All at once Jane's expression darkened, eyes flat and unreadable.

"No." Jane brought her hands to Maura's biceps and squeezed. She knew her voice was graveled, deep, fighting disbelief that she was hearing what she thought she was hearing. She squeezed again. "No."

This time when the tears came, Maura had no desire to stop them. They were honest. "I have to do this." Maura looked at Jane and desperately wanted to fall back into her arms. Needed to crawl into her and let her hold her together.

"Have to do what?" Jane shook her head vehemently. Breathing was difficult. "You don't have to do anything. He's better off with you. I thought you wanted him?" She stared at Maura, struggling with images of the last few days. "I don't understand." She shook her head again, squeezed the arms under her hands, trying to comprehend why she was losing everything just as she recognized it for what it was. Why couldn't Maura see it?

Maura pulled against the grip on arms for a moment and realized she had no desire to pull away, she wanted that hold. Stepping closer to Jane she blinked, tears blurring the image of Jane's hands on her arms. "That hasn't changed. Nothing has changed." She dragged one arm up, stroking the space above Jane's heart. "But Lydia should know she has options." Maura swallowed thickly. "She needs to know that to her son she'll be good enough as long as she loves him. If she still feels it is best for someone else to raise him after she has all the facts, after she knows she is good enough to be his mother, I still want to be that person." Finally she looked up into Jane's eyes. "We all deserve someone give us a chance."

"Lydia fucking lost the right to options the minute she ran away." Breathing was impossible and harsh no matter how much air Jane tried suck in. "She didn't ask anybody to take care of him. She dropped him off without a word and took off. Who does that?" Jane didn't want an answer. Maura's eyes were response enough. "Lydia just assumed that we'd take care of him and you know what? She was right, we did. Rearranged our lives and did exactly what she wanted. So for me she knew what her options were and she already picked."

"I know Jane, I know."Maura didn't want to fight, not with Jane. She could feel the desperation, she understood it. "You're right but I wish somebody had given Hope at least the option of being my mother. I want him to be able to ask why and have an answer no matter what the outcome." She sighed, softly. "I'm not a saint. I thought about calling my lawyer for a moment, but if Lydia wants him back and we fight it? Who ends up hurt in the end? Even if we win the custody battle, what do you tell him when he is old enough to ask? That I had the money to fight the system? I won't do that to any of us."

"Damn it Maura, he's an infant. You were an infant. Sometimes adults make the decisions because they're trying to do what is best for the bigger picture. Even fucking Doyle tried." Jane lost herself into liquid hazel and her mind blurred, filled with Maura.

Maura as she was right now in her arms, looking at her and crying. Maura inches from death and held away from her by Rockmond's knife. Maura in pastel pajamas with the baby in her arms, so beautiful it made her ache. Jane's breathing hitched.

Words tumbled from Jane's lips, unconscious, muttered. "You are always so ready to be the one that makes the sacrifice."A memory flashed of Rockmond pulling Maura towards the elevator shaft. Memories of placing wires along her body before she went into a burned out warehouse "Always the one to become the sacrifice." Jane rand her hands roughly up and down Maura's upper arms, feeling how close she was, the life in her. "You know what? I'm done with that. I refuse to let you." She pulled her close without thought or reason.

Suddenly Maura was up against Jane, she could feel her along the length of her body and each of her words peppered her skin. "I'm saying no." She couldn't look away if she wanted to. "I don't want to simply let him go." Jane's gaze had her pinned to the spot, holding her, not letter her drop. Maura leaned closer, pressed herself tighter, let Jane's breath fan her face.

Jane shuddered. It was beyond her control. All of this had been beyond her control. Rockmond, the baby, this moment, all of it. She was staring at the woman in her arms and seeing Maura looking back at her from the sketches, beckoning, promising. Making her want, making her need. Seducing her with her eyes.

Jane couldn't stop her hand from grasping the back of Maura's neck, fingers tangling deep into her hair, drawing her head back. She couldn't stop the promise growled on a shared breath. "I'm not giving up." Maura's response, ragged, her hands bunching Jane's shirt in her fists, pulling her against seeking lips, touching until Jane was lost over and against wet heat.

It was possession, it was desperation, it was a declaration and she never wanted it to end. The escalation was immediate. Maura felt Jane pull back looking slightly stunned and she clawed at her, drawing her down again, whimpering in relief when the request was met with caress of a tongue against the arch of her lip before pressing forward to unite them together.

"Hey Maura have you seen…" Frost pulled up short, stupefied. "Whoa. Hello."

Startled they fell apart. Jumped back from each other.

Slightly dazed he shook his head slowly. "That answered my question on if you knew where Jane was."

They looked at each other.

Jane could still feel the power of Maura's kiss thundering along her body.

Maura ran a tongue wetly over her lips, trying to keep the sensation for a moment longer.

They looked at Frost who had backed up to the doorway. He cleared his throat. "Jane, I wanted to let you know that Tommy was finished."

Nodding mutely, Jane watched him leave. She looked at Maura, noticing that she wasn't saying anything. Hadn't moved closer but hadn't backed away either. "I'm not sure what to say." It was the truth, she didn't. This was had not been in her plan. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip.

Overwhelmed Maura folded her arms over her chest, caught between a desire to claim and a desire to flee. Every inch of her senses had been assaulted and she wasn't sure what event was driving what reaction.

When Maura didn't respond Jane reached out and touched her fingertips to her Maura's arm. "All I know is I'm not sorry." She took a deep breath as she ran her fingers though her hair, finally looking up and making eye contract. When desire coiled sharply and Maura still hadn't moved, Jane took a big step back

Jane shook her head, turned and moved quickly to the door. She was just about to leave when she turned around and really looked at Maura. Her arms holding on to her body tightly, face marred with tears, old and new. The image did her in.

Hands were stroking her shoulders lightly and then there was the tender press of lips against her forehead. Maura shivered at the words said against her skin. "It will be okay."Maura closed her eyes swallowing when the lips pressed again at her temple, lingering, pressing lightly as if she would break. She leaned forward, into the pressure, trusting Jane would not let her drop. "I promise it will be okay."

When Maura finally opened her eyes Jane was gone.

________________________________________

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

________________________________________

See Ch 1 & 7 for disclaimers…

________________________________________

When the elevator doors opened on the back of the lobby Jane kept moving without thought, pushing though the doors and into the bright sunlight. In the back of her mind she realized she shouldn't be leaving but the familiar sights slipped by as she walked.

Eventually the entrance to the Boston Public Garden was floating over her head. The path crossed over the Swan Boats and when the iron archway leading out was steps away Jane stopped. The frantic pace of Charles Street snapped her mind into the present as it sunk in how far she'd come.

Rubbing her forehead lightly she stepped off the concrete pathway and crossed the short stretch of grass. Leaning against the iron fence she looked back the way she had come.

Holy shit. Jane bit her lower lip. She had just kissed Maura.

Maura had kissed her back.

Only it wasn't a kiss. Jane didn't know what in the hell to call that. If that was what kissing was supposed to feel like she'd been doing it all wrong. Maura Isles had swooped in and owned her.

The only consolation was Maura had looked as dazed as Jane felt. Christ, who wouldn't be dazed? Four days ago she'd been trying to block out that Lydia existed and trying to ignore the fact that Maura was proud that she hadn't slept with Rockmond yet.

Yet.

Jane knew, especially after seeing the sketches, how close that reality was. How close she might have been to losing what she was realizing she honestly had right there, in front of her. If Rockmond hadn't been a psychopath, another serial killer, she might have come to this realization and it would have been too late for entirely different reasons.

The irony of the entire situation wasn't lost on her and Jane wasn't certain if she should laugh or cry.

Now she was desperately trying to figure out how she could adopt Lydia's baby and had pretty much bent Maura over her freakin' desk. If they'd been anyplace else she could have guaranteed an unmade bed wouldn't have stopped them. It was like the past four days finally exploded.

Of course only they would have to have the world's most unusual situation as the root cause. Jane closed her eyes. It was their fucking specialty. Unusual situations and a magnetic attraction for serial killers.

Running her thumbs along her palms Jane looked up at the Boston skyline. One could almost say they were destined to be together if one believed in that kind of crap. Which she didn't, but then again she kind of didn't want children before either.

With a sigh she pulled out her phone, impatient for the call to connect. "Hey Frost. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. No, I'm out of the building. I'm over in the Boston Garden. Can you see if Frankie can drive Tommy home or tell my mother to use my car since it's there anyhow?"

Biting at the side of her thumb she waited for Frost to say something. Needed him to say something just to make sure what had happened with Maura had really happened. He didn't disappoint and she held the phone away from her ear when his voice blasted through the line. "Jane! Damn it, where in the hell are you? I've been looking all over the building for you. You need to listen to me. Think about what you just did. You're a woman Jane. You should get this. I shouldn't have to tell you that you do not kiss a woman like you just kissed Maura and disappear. I promise you, that shit is not going to go over well."

The fact that Frost was actually angry at her rather than asking her what the hell she was doing making out with Maura made her relax for the first time all day. "Not to change the subject I might love you a little bit right now. Thank you for not freaking the fuck out." He'd barked back at her, still not convinced."No, nothing like that you asshole. I'm not going anywhere. I needed five minutes outside to sort shit out. Give me a break already. When is the last time you kissed your best friend in her office while trying to convince her to adopt a baby with you?"

Suddenly Frost started to laugh while trying to talk. When she figured out what he was saying she growled at the phone. "Really? Lesbian U-Haul jokes? I swear to god next floater you'll be the one attending the autopsy. Go make yourself useful and tell my little brother if he is ready to leave and can't wait then he needs to talk to Ma or Frankie about it."

Jane ended the call and scrolled for the next number. She had one last chance to keep it all together.

________________________________________

Maura realized she was running her finger over her lips for the fourth time in as many minutes. Snatching her hand away she tried to adjust to the void Jane always seemed to leave in her wake. Only this time it wasn't a void, it was an abyss.

Jane had managed to cleave a chasm right into the heart of her with a kiss. She'd had lovers that could not achieve that after months of warming her bed. It left her feeling strangely bereft. Wanting. Not just for physical release, there was echo of a need to draw Jane in and let her fill the gulf she created.

That right there was what had left her stunned when they parted. She rested her forehead in her hands, drawing in a deep, cleansing, breath. She didn't have the luxury of time to analyze this just now. It wasn't that she had never entertained a thought of what Jane would be like to kiss. What it would feel like to have the intensity Jane brought to everything she did focused on her but it was an academic curiosity. In practice she had not taken into account her own reaction to the experience.

Maura closed her eyes when her heart started to pound again at the memory of hands in her hair and breath on her face. She ripped her eyes open. This was not the time. Sitting up she noticed the folder Jane had left behind and slid it towards her. It was too thin to be a case file. Flipping it open her breath caught when her own eyes looked back at her. Oh.

Oh. God.

That night, the slip of her zipper, the wine on her lips. It was a moment of personal indiscretion during a time where she questioned who she was and what she was doing with her life. A juxtaposition of who she had been versus who she had become. A moment that she never thought would be shared. A moment that Jane had now witnessed and now the kiss almost made sense. A tipping point.

Jane had claimed her. In hindsight it was frightfully clear. From the moment Dennis had tossed her into Jane's arms barriers the intimate weight of the last few days had been crumbling barriers between them almost by necessity. Until all that was left in the rubble was both of them stripped bare and her body had responded to that claim with the only answer it could. She could not lie.

Maura closed the folder and slipped it into a file drawer, locked it behind her. They still needed to time work through what had happened at Dennis's loft. They needed to work through everything the baby seemed to be dragging to the surface and they needed to do that together. And they would. After they made it through the rest of today. Jane's vehement response to Lydia's reappearance was not something she had been expecting but she could understand it. Especially now. She swallowed thickly. There was no help for the emotion. She wished she could protect Jane.

Family in the palm of her hand. The one thing that meant the most to Jane.

It was tempting. Everything she wanted and the situation had turned into more than she had ever thought possible.

But for her there wasn't a choice, she had made a promise to that infant. Not everything could be placed into categories of right and wrong. Sometimes you had to simply try your best and hope that a decision made with the best intention was right in the end. Maura picked up her phone to make a call.

________________________________________

"Two sugars, cream and I picked a dark roast." Angela placed the ceramic mug down in front of Kosak.

"Perfect, thank you." Smiling at Angela he admired her ease and warmth on what must be a trying day. "You didn't have to get it for me though. I should be waiting on you."

Sitting down with her own mug clasped lightly between her hands Angela offered him a ghost of a smile. "I needed to be busy for a moment and you don't know how I take my coffee."

"I should." Korsak shrugged. "Somebody should wait on you for a change."

Angela took her time taking a sip of coffee. "That would be nice, but today I'd rather stick to what I know, at least when I can." She let out a long sigh. "My poor girls."

Nodding, Vince swallowed his sip of coffee. "Janie wasn't herself this morning. I think this hit her harder that she expected." He drummed his fingers lightly on the table. "Honestly, it hit her harder than I expected. She loves kids, has a big heart for anything needing a home, all I have to do is look at Jo Friday to see that, but I didn't think she'd be quite like this."

Looking at Angela, watching her calmly sipping her coffee, Korsak decided to reach out a little, try and see what Angela thought. "I don't know her like you do Angela, but if I were to guess I think this situation is hard on Jane beyond possibly losing the baby back to Lydia. She was panicked this morning." He waited to see if Angela would add anything but she was still watching him, waiting. "The only time I've seen her like this is when Maura's been in trouble. There is a lot of emotion there. A lot of emotion around Maura to be honest."

Angela put her cup down on the table, staring into the remaining liquid watching the overhead lights reflecting on the liquid surface. So it wasn't just her that could see it. It made it easier in a way. A chance to talk to someone else. "I know."

She left the statement there, floating.

Years of experience interrogating people taught Korsak that sometimes silence could draw out more than any single word you uttered. He continued to sip at his coffee and let his attention wander over the small café.

When Korsak didn't offer anything else Angela focused on the sidewalk outside the window. "You know I thought when they were fighting about Doyle that there may have been more between Jane and Maura than friendship. I'm not going to lie, I was happy I when Jane took up with Casey and Maura got involved with Dennis. I was honestly happy I was wrong."

She sighed, was silent for long moments. "I'm struggling a little right now. Would you believe me it is less about the two of them being together and more about I worry that with lives as complicated as they both lead I wanted them to have one less thing that they might have to navigate?" Angela crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed lightly. "But then I have had to watch them over the past few days. I have never seen Jane like this and she is my baby. I know her. And Maura, always so contained, unless it comes to Jane, then the emotion is raw, obvious and right at the surface. Do you know I can tell when Jane calls Maura just by the look on her face when she answers the phone?"

Korsak caught her eye and nodded, surprised Angela was as intuitive as she was. His respect for her blossomed, Angela Rizzoli was an incredible woman.

Angela dropped her hands to the table, the surface cool against her palms. "Frankly after the past for days watching the way they interacted, the way my Jane 'Don't touch me Ma' was in constant physical contact with Maura and how Maura relied on her, how can any other person, man or woman, ever compete with that?" Angela shrugged. "It dooms any other relationship and the other person is the one that gets hurt."

His sigh of relief must have been audible because Angela just looked at him and chuckled. "I'm not clueless Vince Korsak. I'm a mother. I want my children to be happy and I want them to have an easy life." She shook her head. "But life is not always happy and it certainly isn't easy."

"You're right it isn't easy. But Jane and Maura, they're made of stern stuff. Both of them have seen enough to prove it." Korsak finished his coffee. "Combined I think they're stronger for it. So if they were to end up together I think they'd be just fine if that helps you worry less. Problem is I don't think either of them realizes it yet. I know Jane had no idea why she was so torn up this morning."

Angela shook her head. "You're wrong. They do. They may not understand it yet but I think they both realize there is something there." She let out a sigh. "I love them both enough that after this is all over I'll knock my spoon over Jane's head until she figures it out." When Vince looked at her with a question written on her face she gave him a small smile. "Because I'm her mother and I want to die knowing my children are happy and loved. In the end that is what you get out of life."

He couldn't help the chuckling. The world needed more women like Angela Rizzoli, she was something else. "Do you think Lydia is going to take back the baby?"

"Maybe. Would you think less of me if I admit that I think that she should?" Angela pushed the last of her coffee away. "I can't stand that girl right now, but she tried. If I'm very honest, I can even say she didn't have much in the way for obvious options, especially if I consider her circumstances. I remember I was a wreck after all three of mine were born." She sighed. "You're exhausted and worn out. Then there is the whole little life that is depending on you. At least I knew I had a place that I could take mine home to and an entire, over involved, extended family waiting to welcome them with open arms. That kid had nothing and no one to rely on. Good reasons or not, it isn't like any of us were welcoming. Probably seemed like the only option was to give the baby to us and disappear herself. She was smart enough to know he had a place with us no matter what, especially if she wasn't around to remind us how he arrived."

Korsak thought a moment before he replied. "I can see that. I never had my own. Josh was past the baby stage when I came into his life. But you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that you don't leave your baby on a doorstep. Frankly, Maura makes the better choice for a parent."

"Yes she does. But she isn't that baby's mother right now. You can't change that fact even if I wish I could. If Maura ends up with him, she'll make an excellent mother for him, but right now he isn't hers." Angela tucked a stray section of hair behind her ear. "If Lydia wants to give it a shot, I don't think we could stop her. I'm not even sure that we should. I'm going to make sure she understands we'll all be there if she can't handle it. But no matter what, it isn't his fault how he was conceived, so she won't be on her own and he won't be abandoned. The Rizzoli family doesn't work like that." Angela stood up and grabbed her mug. "It will just take me longer not to hate her for doing this to everyone. To Jane, to Maura and to be honest, to myself." She reached across the table and picked up Korsak's mug and waited for him to stand, smiling when he grabbed both out of her hands and bussed their cups.

"We should get back. My girls will need me."

________________________________________

Minerva pushed away from the brick façade of the BPD when she spotted a familiar head of brunette curls eating up the sidewalk with her determined stride. When Jane spotted her, the confusion on her face was priceless as she walked up.

"Minnie, that was kind of fast."

"You weren't the only one who thought to call me. I was almost here when we spoke." The lines on Jane's forehead were deep and Minnie smiled as Jane seemed to be trying to figure out who else would have called her.

"Frankie called you?" He was the only one Jane could think of that would have even known to call Minnie in.

Minerva stepped closer. Years of experience and countless cases made her professional enough to keep a calm exterior but inside she had empathy for the emotions of everyone involved. After both calls today she knew the depth of this situation meant pain someplace for someone no matter what the outcome. "It wasn't your brother." She could see her words being processed and hated the moment Jane's face looked at her drawn and tired.

"Maura called you?" Jane chewed at her lip, trying not to think the worst but she knew. Had known from the moment Maura had let her know that she was going to give Lydia options and Jane knew Maura enough to understand exactly why she felt she had to do this. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.

When Jane seemed resigned more than angry, Minerva relaxed slightly. "She did. She thought I could help. I hear we have located the birth mother and the DNA is in."

"The DNA is back? I didn't know but I pretty much forgot about it." Jane sighed. "Do I want to even ask which Rizzoli is the father?"

"I didn't ask to be honest. I was more focused on the rest of the information." Memories of a young Jane made Minnie reach out and put a hand on Jane's forearm. "Maura mentioned you were having a hard time with the fact that Tommy found Lydia."

Jane stared at her, features hard and frozen.

Minerva grabbed Jane's arm firmly, making sure she could feel the connection. "Maura sounded as if she is looking for help for Lydia, but you called me to find out what has to happen for Maura to be given custody regardless of what Lydia wants. The two of you don't seem to be on the same page anymore. This is why I was waiting for you outside. I wanted to hear what exactly it is you're looking for. When we spoke you mentioned that you don't feel that she is a fit parent and you wanted to know how to fight for custody."

"God damn it that is because she isn't." Frustrated Jane tugged a hand through her hair. "Lydia doesn't think of other people at all Minnie. You have no idea what she has done to my family. She hooks up with my father and my brother, gets pregnant and doesn't know who the father is but she deliberately sought out my mother. Lydia sought out my poor Ma so she could play some sick role of mothering guru, like Ma hasn't been through enough lately. Did you know she lost the house? That Pop tried to get her to sign annulment papers?" When Minnie shook her head and looked at her sympathetically, Jane shrugged. "I'm sick of people like her. I asked her, specifically asked her, not to tell my mother who she was and she did. Minnie, my Ma broke down. You should have seen it and then you'd understand. Lydia did her damage there and then leaves the baby on my best friend's front stairs for all of us to figure out." Dropping her hand, she looked at Minnie, trying to make her understand. "Then the minute we're starting to adjust to having him, bam, here comes Lydia. How am I supposed to let a person like that raise a member of my family? How can anybody expect me to do that?"

"That is one way to look at it and I can't answer you really. But I know Jane Rizzoli has a capacity of looking beyond the obvious." Minnie sighed. "Do you remember how we became friends?"

Jane shrugged. "Of course."

"I've never forgotten it. You guys had that water main break on your street and they made you all pick up at my stop. St. Mary's had that asshole of a basketball captain, remember?"

Jane wrinkled her nose, picturing the blond captain and his endless bullying. "Kenny, yeah I remember."

"And they were making fun of the hat I had on that my grandmother knitted and saying that my parents were junkies because they saw that I looked like a flat nosed bulldog and it was the only way they could forget they had a kid like me?" Minnie sighed softly. It was years ago, the memory hazy but it lingered. That feeling of standing there alone, with the people walking by, nobody noticing what was happening or if they did, looking down and hurrying by. The world always passing her by, just part of the scenery, even when she'd been unwashed, hungry and out on a cold November night in only a t-shirt in front of her parents' apartment building freezing, but too afraid to go inside.

"He stole your hat." Jane remembered a younger, softer Minnie, nothing like the confident woman standing in front of her with compassion in her eyes.

"Yes." Minerva offered Jane a shy smile.

"Tommy, Frankie and I got it back." Jane couldn't help but smile at the memory of her younger brothers backing her up, the other boys and Kenny debating their options but she had her reputation. Take no prisoners. Sneering Kenny had tossed the hat off to the side and with a hurled insult walked away. She remembered having to tackle Tommy to keep him from going after them. He was impulsive even back then. She had forgotten that side of Tommy, impulsive but always right at her back. It felt so long ago.

Rubbing the arm under her hand, Minerva continued. "Uh huh, you did and then the three Rizzoli kids always seemed to be waiting at my bus stop."

Jane shrugged. "You had a better view from your corner."

They shared a smile.

"I know it is hardly the same situation but I need you to remember that Lydia might not have had people like the Rizzoli kids in her life to make life a little smoother. I always keep that in my head when I try not to judge what I see every single day. It's not easy but it's how I survive some of these cases." Minnie could see some of the anger slipping away from the woman in front of her. "Jane, I went into social work to help children like me."

Jane shrugged a little. "I figured as much."

Minnie softened her voice. "Our childhoods do shape who we become as adults in some way or another. Maura told me a little bit of her history and then what she knew of Lydia's history when I asked if she was sure she wanted me to come talk to Lydia about keeping the baby."

"She said that? You're absolutely sure that she said she wants Lydia to have him? Seriously?" Jane wanted to walk away. The ground was falling out from under her. "Maura said she wants to give the baby back?"

"No Jane. Stop and listen, I did not say that. What Maura said, was she wanted Lydia to have a chance to know that she could keep him." Minerva took a deep breath. Maura had been crying when she called, she was sure of it. Going on instinct she wanted to make sure Jane realized this. "Jane, I don't think she wants to give him back if that makes a difference. She was crying, I could tell. I think she just understands how complex this is for everyone, including the free- thinking person that baby is going to grow into. Maybe her own experiences are coloring her choices a little, but perhaps that is okay in this situation."

Jane wasn't answering her and Minerva had seen hundreds of cases that were not black or white. Nothing was every simple surrounding children and families. She had been one of those cases. Maura, in essence, had been one of those cases. Part of her job was reading the grey areas between the facts. Looking at Jane, putting Jane today mixed with Jane from the last time they talked about this baby and having heard a crying Maura asking for her help even as every other sentence mentioned Jane , Minerva saw the grey.

"Jane, I'm going to be honest for a moment. Why are you this upset? The other day when I asked you if you wanted to parent this baby, it was because I didn't see a woman in front of me who seemed to want to be a mother. I saw a woman who was trying her damndest to help someone she cares for deeply and would do anything, including adopt a child to make that other person happy. I needed to hear you understood what exactly it was you were getting into."

They looked at each other for a long moment. Minerva could see the anguish but she thought she understood it for what it was. "Jane, Maura does not want to give that baby up but she is willing to do what she thinks is right for him. I could hear how upset she was when she called but the only concern she kept repeating was that she knew you were going to have a hard time." She shook the arm under hand hard. "Maura is trying to do what she thinks is best for everyone but I don't think she was crying, at least not entirely about giving up the baby. That woman was worried about you."

The dark eyes looking into hers were steady.

"Minnie, you don't understand. Maura's been through a lot recently. I think she isn't considering the fact that even if he has a hard time later on with not having Lydia in his life, that he might actually have a chance at having a life because she gave him up."

Minerva tried again. Because this was Jane, she knew the answer, but Jane needed to hear herself say it out loud. "Are you disappearing all of a sudden?"

"What?"

Minerva made sure the question was clear and unavoidable. "Are you going to disappear out of his life if Lydia takes that baby back?"

Annoyed, Jane pulled her arm away from Minnie's touch. "Of course not, he's still either my nephew or my half brother. Jesus Minnie, you know I don't operate like that."

"No you don't. So stop for a minute and tell me what you are so afraid of? What do you think you're losing? He is still going to be in your life and part of your family." She willed Jane to make the connection, to understand the emotion running under the surface issue.

Jane instead stepped back several paces. "Let's just get this over with. Are you coming?" She turned around and walked into the building.

Minerva took in a long, deep breath and adjusted her shoulder bag with a sigh before following Jane inside.

________________________________________

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

________________________________________

See Ch 1 & 7 for disclaimers…

________________________________________

Jane slapped the steering wheel with her hands. "Damn it all Tommy."

"I didn't realize that it was going to be this big of a deal." He refused to look at her, choosing to stare out the passenger window.

"Well that is how it usually goes with you, isn't it?" Jane knew she was growling but she didn't care anymore. Not today. Part of her wished she had never walked back into the station.

But she had.

________________________________________

Jane had held the door open for Minnie and followed her through security. She'd ignored the compassionate look Perkins gave her from the front desk when she signed Minnie in and registered her purpose as DCF. By now she figured everyone had heard about Jane Rizzoli and the lobby baby. Fucking Lydia. She really was going to skin Frost alive if that photo had been posted anywhere.

She'd let Minnie into the conference room, took one look at Lydia and her blinking eyes and blotchy face and wanted to slap the look off of her. So she'd turned around and grabbed Minnie's elbow. "You know what? Tommy needs to be here too. I'm going to grab him." She spun back to Lydia, her voice dark, "Where is Maura?" The blank, intimidated look staring back at her sent her storming out of the room.

Frost had been handing Tommy a bag of chips when Jane slammed open the door to the interrogation room. He'd taken one look at her and she had watched him shake his head slightly in warning as he flicked a finger at Tommy.

Jane crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed her upper arms for a moment. Frost was standing there calmly, clearly waiting for her calm down. Tommy looked up at her for a moment before turning his attention to opening the snack bag and tentatively offering it to her.

She let out a sigh. "Both of you need to come with me."

Frost shook his head. "Not me. You forget I'm covering for both of us today. You're lucky things are quiet enough that Cavanaugh's been ignoring the fact I've been away from my desk most of today."

"Please?" Jane hated to have to ask but somehow Frost coming as back up was a comforting thought. It was how her life worked when she was in this building. Life threatening situations you went into with your partner at your back. "I really need to find Maura."

It was quiet and sincere. Frost looked at his partner from head to foot, finally nodding.

"Thanks." She gestured behind her. "I'll check in with Cavanaugh and let him know you're helping me out. If he has a problem, you go, no harm, no foul. Would you take Tommy over to the conference room? I don't want Maura having to go back in there alone."

________________________________________

Maura muttered her thanks as she slid into the car, carefully pulling her skirt down as Vince Korsak closed the car door. She rested her head against the seat back and closed her eyes, counting on that to keep conversation to a minimum.

She had always heard people say that having children created chaos from nothing. Changed everything and made you question the manner in which you looked at even the simplest decisions. They changed you.

Unconsciously she had always mentally turned this trope aside. Of course life would change if you became a parent. It was unavoidable in the way that getting married would change your life. Getting a new job would change your life. Significant alterations of your typical subsistence to allow for any change translated into a transformation of some part of you to allow for the adjustments.

It did not mean that it modified your very sense of identity.

Maura opened her eyes to look out at the sights of Boston ticking by.

She had been wrong.

All she had to do was think back to Jane in that room and realize she had been so very, very, wrong.

________________________________________

Minerva thanked God, fate, the Goddess and any other deity that might be listening for the open spot over at Rosie's place. Now she had actual options that made solid sense for Lydia if she wished to mother her baby. She thanked the director at Rosie's Place one last time for holding the space as relief washed though her. She almost never had this kind of luck for finding a placement with the first phone call. Finally she felt as if she was able to give a small thank you for years of friendship at a time that would matter the most to Jane.

She was tapping the end button on her mobile phone just as Maura appeared at the end of the hall, a folder held against her abdomen.

They had looked at each other during Maura's approach and in Minnie, Maura could see understanding and something else she couldn't quite identify.

Minnie lightly clasped Maura's hand in hers. The doctor's hand was cool and the handshake reflexive. The face in front of her was drawn around the edges but otherwise inscrutable. "Dr. Isles, how are you doing?"

Maura often wondered why people would ask a question like that. Usually they did not want an honest answer, but a superfluous acknowledgement, making the question inane. With Minnie however, she suspected the question was sincere. "As Jane would say, I am alive, which is more than I can say for most of the people in my morgue."

Studying the doctor, Minerva wasn't certain if she was supposed to laugh or accept the answer. The other woman's face offered no clues. She went with a little of both, offering a half smile and a basic answer. "That will do, I suppose."

Moving over to the window, Maura could see Lydia and the baby clearly. She was surprised to see Angela and Vince seated casually next to each other. Tommy was talking with Lydia, staring at the baby intently. Frost was pacing uncomfortably at the back of the room, occasionally running a thumb over his chin and glancing at the door. "Where is Jane?"

"I believe she is fetching you actually."

Maura nodded while studying the room. "I should have realized Tommy would need to be included, but somehow I keep failing to remember he is involved intimately in the situation."

Minerva wasn't certain what exactly to do what that statement. Frowning she tried to reconcile the cool professional in front of her with the distressed voice on the phone.

"Frankie isn't there."

Again, the unexpected statement caught Minerva off guard. "He was pulling a double today covering for a buddy's sick leave. "

There wasn't any acknowledgement as Maura left her, entering the room. Minerva watched as she greeted each person. Calm, cool and collected.

Maura accepted the murmured responses and greetings as she debated the seating options. Deciding to leave the head of the table dynamic for Jane to operate, she sat down in an open chair next to Lydia.

________________________________________

Exasperated Tommy tossed a foot onto the car dash, ignoring Jane's pointed look. Irritating her felt good at the moment. "When Frankie found me he was freaking out and fucking clear that you were going to twist my balls off. So I go try to actually fix things by finding Lydia so you wouldn't be stuck with my problems and now you're going to kill me over that." He glared at his sister. "I can't win with you."

She shrugged, not caring. "Sucks to be you." Jane pictured Maura looking at her when she had first walked into that room, sitting there stiffly next to Lydia. "Sucks to be you and it sucks to be me."

________________________________________

By the time she had managed to find Cavanaugh and finally talk through the entire situation Jane wasn't surprised that Maura's office was empty. She didn't bother going into the lab or the autopsy suites. She knew where Maura was by the pure pinpricks of pain that made her wrap her arms around her stomach as the elevator climbed upward.

Minerva was leaning against the wall right outside the door. "Ahhh, there you are. Everyone else is already inside." She moved to walk in behind Jane.

"Everyone?" Jane paused at the door.

"Feels like it. You'll see."

And she had, looking through the window and assessing the situation. Frost was pacing behind Maura, obviously uncomfortable but he had stuck around which she was thankful for. She could count on him to prevent her throttling somebody if it came do that and he was the best choice for the job. They understood each other.

As her eyes fell on the next occupant, Jane groaned. "Why is my mother there? I thought she had to work the afternoon shift. And why in god's name is Korsak in there?" She gestured towards the window. "If everyone else is now part of this disaster, where is Frankie?"

"Stanley is covering your mother for a few hours, Angela wanted Sergeant Korsak with her and Frankie is pulling a double shift I understand."

Absently, attention still on the room, Jane sighed. "Ahhh, yeah, McKinley is still out. Figures he'd have a way to legitimately duck out on this. Fuck me." Squaring her shoulders she grabbed the door handle.

Jane was just about to open the door when Minerva grabbed her elbow. "Jane, remember, no matter what you are not losing this baby. He is still going to be part of your family and by default, should she keep him, so will Lydia." Jane winced but ultimately nodded slightly before walking in.

There was only one person she cared to look at when she opened the door. Maura was contained, professional and she met Jane's eyes steadily. Only when she flicked her eyes down and noticed Maura spinning her ring around her finger did Jane understand exactly what rolled under the calm exterior. For a moment all she wanted to do was grab Maura and leave. Let everyone else sort out this mess on their own. There were plenty of them to do it.

When she managed to get a grip on her emotions, Jane shifted her attention back to Maura's face, offering her a small smile, refusing to look away as she made her way over to an empty chair at the head of the table.

She gave Maura her entire focus, refusing to back down until Maura stopped spinning her ring, until her eyes lost their shutters and she let Jane back in. Her smile was returned with a soft, sad quirking of lips. Deliberately Jane ripped the chair away from the table end and dragged it with her until she was next to Maura. She finally spoke to Lydia. "Mind moving down and making some room for me?"

________________________________________

When Vince put the car into park in front of her house Maura invited him in. "It will only take a moment to pull everything together."

She settled him at her kitchen island with a glass of water and turned down his third offer for help. This was something she wanted to do herself. Maura awkwardly patted his shoulder. "Thank you, but honestly I'll be okay."

And she would be, after everything was out of her house and after she had a moment to sit down and remember who she was and what she wanted in life before there had been a baby on her doorstep. Before that baby had created a situation where the boundaries of friendship were obliterated by necessity, forcing an intimacy that she and Jane may never have experienced otherwise.

Maybe, if she tried hard enough, she would be able to forget what it was like to have Jane breathing her air and slipping into her. Showing Maura how, long before their lips had touched, she had made her way deep into every crevice she had. Each brush and stroke confirmation that Jane already owned parts of her that she had not realized she'd relinquished. Forcing her to realize that everything she had ever wished for when a night was particularly lonely had been there all along.

For a second she could feel the ghost of Jane's hands on her biceps, her heat along her lips.

Maura rubbed her arms hard. She needed to move past this entire situation. It was entirely too much. This was tearing her apart in ways that not even Hope running out of her house had been able to do. She moved rapidly out of the room, calling over her shoulder as she made her way through her living room. "The baby wasn't here long so there isn't much to gather. I'll be back in a moment."

Korsak sighed as he watched Maura walk away and fished his phone out of his pocket, realizing he had a call or two to make.

________________________________________

Maura barely heard the words falling from Minerva's mouth. She ran her palm over the folder on the table before sliding her hand from the table and onto her lap. At some point she had stopped watching Angela's tear filled face across the table, her own happiness warring with the sadness Maura could see directed back at her from the second the DNA results had spilled from her lips.

She could not handle watching Tommy looking at Lydia and the baby, his chair now close to them, his finger lightly tracing the baby's head, as if he couldn't believe that he was truly his son. Anger simmered that a forgotten condom gave him more rights than she had after days of caring for that baby boy.

Maura did not want to see one more second of Barry or Vince's concerned expressions or Minerva's empathic eyes as she carefully started to outline the options that Lydia had. Maura finally looked up against her better judgment and watched Lydia clutch the baby, her son, a little closer, starting to look hopeful when Minerva explained about Rosie's Place. At that moment Maura felt everything seize inside.

This was the outcome she knew she had purposefully helped bring forth as an option, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. It had taken all she had and now she wanted nothing more than to go home. She clutched her hands tightly together and stared at the way the pressure pushed the blood flow away, leaving white and mottle pink spots as she gripped even tighter.

Staring into her lap she watched a familiar hand cover both of hers, long fingers pushing, forcing their way in. Breaking her grip until Jane's hand was securely holding hers. The firm squeeze was echoed instantly in the building tightness in her throat and the prickling of tears in her eyes. Maura kept her eyes firmly in her lap. Without question she couldn't look at Jane, she had nothing left to handle that moment with.

________________________________________

They had been driving in silence since Jane's last retort and some of her anger was melting away. She wasn't angry at Tommy. Not really. The longer she was silent the more she realized she was perhaps a little jealous. No matter what kind of trouble he caused he always seemed to climb out of it. Forget a condom, end up with a beautiful son. One that Maura had fallen hard and fast for. That was something she could never give Maura. She had no way to fight for that baby but nobody could take him from Tommy as long as he didn't screw it up.

Jane blinked hard, pushing back any emotion. She had tried her damndest and Maura had still lost that baby. Even if Maura was the one that set it up, Jane had promised she would make it okay. This right now, did not feel okay and there was nothing she could do about it.

In the end, for all her promises, Jane Rizzoli hadn't been able to do anything except accept Minnie's heartfelt hug. It hurt, watching Lydia walk away with Minnie. She had watched as they made their way into the parking garage, her last thought as the baby slipped from sight was she hoped Lydia would remember to pay attention to how much he was eating and if he started to dehydrate. He'd been dehydrated when he'd been dropped off at Maura's. She had reached for her phone, ready to call Minnie when Tommy appeared at her side and she realized she had to let it go.

Jane glanced at her brother and let out a long sigh. Tommy was right. He had tried to fix the situation. Christ if she was honest, he had fixed the situation. Her anger banked to a low glow. It was simply a fucked up set of circumstances that wasn't going to have a good outcome the minute that baby had been left on Maura's doorstep. Particularly on the exact night he had been left on Maura's doorstep. She had called it partially right that first night. The entire situation had brought heartbreak. Only not to everyone like she first thought. She knew Maura's heart was broken. She knew there was a burning in her own chest that didn't seem to be easing up. Everyone else was looking at a happy ending. But that wasn't Tommy's fault. Not entirely. She tried to press the anger down further.

He was her brother. That was her nephew.

Jane cleared her throat and Tommy glanced over at her, waiting, expectant. "If Ma hadn't insisted, did you really not want to know which one of you was the father?"

Tommy shrugged, thrown off by the calm question. "Eventually I would, but it doesn't matter you know? It doesn't change the fact that I kind of brought Lydia into the family. Jesus, I'm not stupid enough to think that if you, Maura, Frankie and Ma had to raise him that I wouldn't be involved or whatever." He gestured between Jane and himself. "We're his family."

It didn't escape Jane that Maura came right after her. Even in Tommy's mind they were linked. That only made that moment when Maura pushed her away all the more confusing.

________________________________________

Minerva turned slightly so she was angled towards Lydia. "So those are all your options Lydia. It appears you have the entire Rizzoli clan willing to raise him if you still feel that you can't. We're also very fortunate that Rosie's Place has a bed available. You could go, get some additional workforce education and get on your feet. You can do this and keep your son with you."

There was a long pause over the room. Almost as if everyone had forgotten to breathe until Lydia's voice crushed the silence.

"I want to keep him." Lydia was crying and she looked at Angela first. "I didn't want to leave him in the first place. I thought it was the right thing to do."

Angela's mouth tightened briefly before she responded. `"But you did. I am not saying I can't understand why you did it, but you left him Lydia." Angela pointed a finger at her. "You think long and hard. You said you came here to learn how to be a good mother? Lesson one; you don't ever walk out on your kids. You can't take care of him, you give him to family, or you give him up for adoption if there wasn't family, but you don't dare disappear. You owe him more than that. You owe all of us more than that."

Jane squeezed Maura's hand tighter while her mother spoke.

Angela continued. "Tomorrow morning when you wake up and you still get to hold your son close, you had better think of Maura and send a prayer of thanks up to God that this girl is as kind as she is. You owe her for your second chance."

Lydia turned immediately around. "I do. Thank you Dr. Isles. Thank you so much. I swear I'm going to take good care of him."

When everyone focused on her, Maura looked away from her lap. Every eye was on her and she could feel her composure slipping. The idiotic words out of Lydia's mouth grated on her, anger warring with the sadness. For one selfish moment she wanted to quip that he deserved more than Lydia. For a few seconds she wanted to take it all back. She could offer him so much more. But now she knew. Given the option, given a chance, Lydia wanted her son. She wanted to be his mother. Lydia had the choice Hope never had.

However, enough was enough. She had kept her promise and now she was free to go.

Gracefully, Maura stood up, surprised when Jane didn't let go of her hand. When she looked down she could to see her own misery reflected back at her. She offered Jane a small smile and carefully pulled her hand away.

Taking a deep breath, Maura nodded once at the room. "I will leave you all now to sort out the particulars. Vince, if you could please so kind as to drive me home I'd appreciate it, I have some items of TJ's that should be brought back here for Lydia to take with her. Angela, I'll leave my keys with the front desk so you will have a ride home after your shift."

Jane went to stand up and was surprised when a firm hand pressed her back down. Maura's face was a mask that Jane couldn't quite decipher her voice was strained but firm. "Jane, stay and deal with your family. Bring Tommy home, Barry can't, he's covering you both. Frankie is already in the field. Angela has to work. Vince will help me home."

Maura could tell Jane was going to refuse and argue. "I'm okay. I would like to go home and finally have a chance to have a moment by myself. The past few days have been trying. Stay here, please. Your family needs you." She turned and left the room without another word.

________________________________________

Maura walked into her guest room, quickly grabbing the extra baby monitor and placing it into the bag along with the spit-up cloths on the bedside table. When she stepped back to survey the room she noticed that the spread was off center and obviously pulled up in a hurry this morning. When she fixed it, she noticed a small lump under the duvet. She had a clear picture of Jane scrambling out of bed and half heartedly making the bed, not caring if it was tidy or if anything was under the covers. Reaching under she pulled the object out and stared at the pacifier in her hand. Their argument over it came flooding back and when tears threatened she forcefully shoved it into the bag.

Had it truly only been this morning when Jane had been awkwardly fumbling at her door with a cup of coffee and the baby?

Even with Vince downstairs, standing in here, her home felt empty. Tears blurred her vision and she sat down on the corner of the mattress, breathing deeply until her composure was back.

Eventually Maura made her way back into her living room and realized Vince was bent over, scratching Jo's belly. She had forgotten she had Jo with her. She dropped the bags off with Vince and went to get Jo's leash at the back door, pulling it off the hook when she suddenly couldn't do it and put it back. She couldn't give up another connection today.

She'd let the baby go.

She'd given Jane a choice even if she didn't realize it yet. But she would, Maura was sure of that.

Back in that room, realizing Lydia was truly keeping the baby, she had centered every feeling on the grip Jane had on her hand. Realizing Jane would do anything for her. It was only fair she do the same. So she had.

She offered Jane her life back. Back to the way it was before Maura announced she was keeping the baby. Now Jane did not have to be with her to make sure she was able to keep the baby or provide a co-parent for that child. Jane was free to go back to being Jane Rizzoli.

But today, if Jo left, her house would be back to exactly the way it was before. Back to just Bass for company in all this empty, echoing space. Exactly what she had created for herself, had thought she wanted, before she knew what it was like to actually have everything she had ever wished for.

The warmth of a family sharing each square foot of her house, making the walls vibrate with the noise of a home.

The taste of a lover's lips who knew her in her darkest hours and chose to love her all the same.

"Vince, tell Jane I'll keep Jo for her tonight so she doesn't have to worry." Maura grabbed the bottle warmer off her counter and put it into one of the bags. She rummaged through the cabinets, filling one last tote full of formula. "I believe this is everything."

He nodded. "Are you sure you don't want me to take Jo? Jane will probably be by tonight for her anyhow." When the flash of hope crossed Maura's face, Vince sighed. He would never understand women. "Maura, I don't know what is going on with you or Jane right now, but I hope you realize, especially after Rockmond, that the baby has nothing to do with anything between the two of you."

"I…" Maura could feel herself stuttering slightly.

Vince simply stood up and clapped her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it Doc, I got you. Just be careful, you're never one to call blood anything but a reddish, brown stain. You're always cracking me over the head about assumptions. Follow the scientific evidence right?" He backed off and picked up the bags, lofting them up and down. "We're good?"

Maura wasn't sure what exactly which question he was referring to so she nodded.

"Okay then, I should get back."

When Korsak loaded the last bag into his car he offered a wave to Maura, waiting for her to return it before he got into the driver's seat and backed out of the driveway. When he reached the end he looked towards the door, not entirely surprised that it was already closed.

________________________________________

Through the windshield of her car Jane watched Tommy disappear into his building. The second he was gone she realized it was truly over. Korsak had come back from dropping off Maura, loaded down with all the baby supplies she and Maura had purchased together.

She rubbed her hand against her forehead, willing away the image.

It was over. She was a free woman tonight.

Lydia was with Minnie being set up at a home for displaced mothers and children. The baby was with her. Hell Maura even had her dog. She was free to do whatever she wanted. She could go back to her place right now and watch the entire Die Hard series in her underwear, fall asleep on her couch and wake up tomorrow without one other living creature disturbing her.

Only problem was she'd been there and done that.

Going back to her place felt lonely.

Jane watched the sidewalk traffic for a few minutes. When a cheerful young couple walked by pushing a baby stroller, talking animatedly, Jane didn't bother to stop the tears from spilling over. She could almost hear the words from the family at the baby store. "You make a lovely family. Enjoy him."

After a few minutes she swiped at her cheeks with short angry strokes.

Fuck this.

She put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb.

________________________________________

Chapter 12: Chapter 12

________________________________________

See Ch 1 & 7 for disclaimers…

________________________________________

The high pitched whistle from her tea pot broke through Maura's subconscious and she slowly opened her eyes as the noise disappeared. She wet her lips and turned over in the low light of her bedroom to look out the window. The faded blue and red streaks glowing between the crammed brownstones of her neighborhood meant the day was coming to a close. She sat up, running her hands along her clothing, rubbing her arms against chilled skin.

She had fallen asleep. After Korsak left, she had come into her bedroom to change and had sat down on the bed. It was only supposed to be a moment to reflect, to take stock of past few days and to try to understand everything. Looking over at her bedside clock she realized that was hours ago.

Maura pressed her temples hard between her thumb and ring finger. The dull throbbing made her feel off and disjointed. Through the open bedroom door she heard the faint sound of metal on metal. She wasn't alone. Sighing, she went into her bathroom, freshened up, swallowed some ibuprofen and changed her clothing to lounge wear. A quick check in the mirror revealed faint dark circles and pale lips but she was presentable.

Finding Angela didn't surprise her, but seeing Angela sitting there with two mugs of tea did.

Without a word, Angela pushed a mug over and they sat, side by side at her kitchen island, sipping at the hot liquid.

Angela clasped her cup lightly between her hands. "I was wondering if you'd wake up on your own or if I was going to have to go and get you."

Out of the corner of her eye, Maura could see Angela evaluating her. "I think I needed the rest. It was a long day." She sighed. "Would you really have woken me up?"

Shrugging a bit, Angela took her time answering. "Yes, I wanted to know that you were alright and I wanted you to know I was here." She brushed Maura's arm with her hand. "Don't think I don't have a clue how hard today was for you." She took a small sip of tea. "Or how scared you still must be after Dennis. We haven't had a chance to talk about what you went through with all of that. It was just rush, rush, rush, with the baby."

Maura nodded into her cup. "The baby was the perfect distraction but he's gone. I wish he wasn't gone. I didn't even say goodbye." Maura stared out the window over her kitchen sink. It was almost dark out now. "To be honest this past week feels somewhat surreal. I know it occurred but right now, considering everything, it feels as if Dennis never happened, as if the baby never happened. That it was all a vivid dream." She finally looked at Angela. "But it did happen, didn't it? Dennis almost killed me and Lydia did leave her baby with me."

At Angela's nod, Maura let out a soft sigh. Looking at Angela's quiet understanding the words rushed out of her before she could stop them. "I kissed Jane."

Angela's slight start and widened eyes didn't escape Maura for s a second. She looked down at her hands, the words falling out one after the other. "Or rather she kissed me, at first, but I kissed her back." She grabbed her mug hard. "We kissed each other." Daring to glance over she couldn't see anything other than Angela carefully considering her and the rest of her words came out slowly. "Jane's not here. I told her to stay and now she isn't here. I did not fully intend for that to happen."

Angela struggled with her reactions. Her conversation with Vince became a running mantra in her head. These were her girls. She took a deep breath and placed a hand against Maura's back. "That is a big development between the two of you."

Another deep breath. All that should matter was that both of them were happy. She was the mother. Her job was to help them find someone so she knew when she was gone everyone was set in life. Angela rubbed lightly along Maura's shoulder blades. "I guarantee if you were to go see Jane right now, nothing, absolutely nothing else would matter."

"But I told her to stay. I told her I needed time to myself."

Angela felt the quiet words tug at her heart. "Oh honey, listen to me." She moved her chair closer and gripped both of Maura's shoulders, from behind. "Maura, remember right before the baby was left here, when you were trying to deal with what had happened with Dennis. Do you remember where Jane was?"

Maura could remember the moment acutely. The warm touch when the rest of her felt so cold. "She was here with me."

"Yes, but where in the house were you in proximity to each other?"

"We were both on the couch."

Angela nodded "But how were you on that couch. Where, exactly, were you and where, exactly, was Jane?"

Maura pictured the moment, how rundown, how humiliated and how despondent she had felt. How comforting Jane had been pressed against her, her hands rubbing soothing patterns along her thigh and how she had needed that touch to keep the sadness at bay.

Oh.

Maura looked at Angela.

Angela could see the confusion lifting and gave Maura a half smile, dropping her hands and picking back up her tea. "I can picture it clearly myself because it stuck out for me. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that isn't how any of my friends touched me when they came over to help me through the divorce with Frank." Angela shook her head a little, her expression affectionate and soft. "We both know Jane honey. Both of us are wise enough to realize Dennis Rockmond's psychosis is a convenient excuse for Jane to take good old fashion jealousy and attribute it to intuition about a serial killer. But trust me, she was jealous. Just like with Ian, she was jealous."

Angela shrugged "Maybe you don't see it, but neither of you interact like you are only friends, even best friends. I'm not going to pretend this isn't a small shock for me, even if I can look back and see it coming." Angela covered on of Maura's hands with her own. "But I hope I don't have to tell you what you already know. My grandson's arrival may have been a catalyst to speed things along, but that kiss was going to come with or without him. Both of you are so wrapped up in each other, there isn't room for anybody else."

Angela took a several sips of her tea waiting for Maura's reaction, watching the subtle shifting of her expressions.

"I should go see Jane."

Angela squeezed the hand under hers.

________________________________________

Frankie pulled open his door and stared at his sister. "Jane, not that I'm not thrilled to see your face, but what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be bawling with Ma and Maura or something?"

Rolling her eyes, Jane groaned. "Don't be an asshole. I've had enough of the asshole factor today. I figured you'd have the game on." She slapped her brother on the stomach, forcing him to step aside and let her in, startling a little bit when she realized Frankie wasn't alone."Oh, hey Frost."

Her partner raised his beer bottle at her. "Jane."

Rubbing his stomach, Frankie looked Jane up and down. "You look like shit." He walked into his galley kitchen and popped the top off a beer. "Here, you're going to need this. The Yankees pretty much own the Sox on this one."

"Shit, figures after a day like this." Jane collapsed into Frankie's recliner.

"Hey that was where I was sitting."

Jane shrugged. "And now you're not." She ignored the glare as Frankie squeezed by and sat on the other end of the couch with Frost. She leaned back and focused on the screen.

Watching the game under the bright lights of Fenway, Jane followed the ever evolving path of the white ball. Crack of the bat, soaring white speck, running men, sip of beer, repeat. The scene blurred on the TV. Think of Maura. Those eyes seconds before she kissed her, those eyes meeting hers when she walked into that conference room, those eyes, making her stay behind. Long sip of beer, repeat. And repeat again.

The Red Sox pulled a double. Knocking his fists against Frost's with a shout, Frankie went to slap hands with Jane when he realized she was still sitting on his recliner, staring at the screen. He turned back to Frost and he was staring at her too.

Frost gestured to Jane, muttering as he sat back down. "Now do you believe me?"

Dropping down with a huff, Frankie nodded. He picked up the remote and turned off the TV, not even surprised when Jane seemed to stare at the blank screen for a moment before blinking and looking at him with a frown.

Bracing on his knees, Frankie turned towards his sister. "So Frost here tells me you're mackin' on chicks these days."

Groaning, Frost held up a hand. "Leave me out of this. Please." But he knew it was too late.

Pointing at her partner with her beer bottle, Jane was indignant. "You told my brother?"

Frost winced. "Come on, give me a break. It's not like it was Korsak. It could have been your mother even, but you can't expect me to see something like that and not talk to anyone about it!"

Shaking her head rapidly, Jane worked to control her breathing. "It's not anybody's business but mine."

Frankie picked back up his beer. "Not true Jane." He smiled at her. "It's Maura's business too."

"Fine, Maura's and my business." Jane pointed at Frost. "Not yours." She pointed at her brother. "Or yours. It's ours."

Frankie cleared his throat, ready for the kill and any possible fall out. "So tell me, is Maura as hot as she vibes?"

"What the fuck Frankie?" Jane stood up. Realizing he was braced for a fight, she took a deep breath. "You want to know what? I'm out of here."

Frankie shrugged. "Suit yourself. Though going home is probably a good idea, go home. Maybe finally get some sleep so you don't look like crap. I don't know, do a little karma sutra yoga or something with Maura."

Both tried not to laugh at the way her mouth opened soundlessly before snapping shut.

Glaring at Frost first, Jane slammed her beer bottle on the coffee table, growled something intelligible at her brother and stormed out of his apartment.

When the vibration from the door closing stopped, Frost held his beer up in salutation to Frankie. "She might want to kill you now, but she'll love you later. That was impressive."

Smirking, Frankie tipped his bottle towards Frost before finishing it off. "I didn't do anything but tell her to get her ass home."

Frost finished the last of his beer. "Exactly."

________________________________________

Maura knocked for a third time but by now she knew either Jane wasn't answering her door, or she wasn't home. Nerves danced in her stomach. She was not sure she had any reserves left to navigate anything at the moment, but she did not want to leave without an answer, or at least an understanding.

She debated the emergency key Jane had given her for a brief moment. Perhaps this did not technically qualify as an emergency, but still. Slipping the key into the lock Maura turned the handle and pushed, relieved when she was not impeded by the security chain.

It was dark. The light in the window was from the lamp on the side table Maura knew Jane had on an automatic timer. The air swirled around her, stale, empty somehow, as she moved room to room. It was eerie, surround by everything that was Jane without the warmth of the other woman next to her.

She wandered back into the living room and flipped on the overhead lighting. Sitting on Jane's couch, Maura pulled out her phone, trying to decide if calling Jane, trying to figure out where she was, crossed into the inappropriate. She studied the living space around her, looking for an answer. She was still not exactly certain why she was here, why this felt like it could not wait until the morning.

Maura stared at Jane's front door, willing it to open, while partially hoping it did not. A few days ago her world fit her neatly. People, places and her sense of self had been clearly delineated. Now, in a matter of days, she realized that may have been an illusion forever held on a razor thin ledge of perceived reality. All it took was a simple push for everything to crash down around her, leaving alone in the rubble.

Maura ran the strap of her purse through her fingers, twisting the leather. She had been foolish to believe that studying people would give an advantage to understanding them. A scientific edge to decipher their thoughts they believed hidden, an advantage to maneuver through a world that was frustrating in its fluid construction. It certainly had not worked these past few days.

Dennis swept her off her feet, blinding her with words and promises that had almost cost her life. Jane had blown in and rescued her, kissing her with a promise of everything before leaving her with nothing left inside to fight with. Two complex losses she had not foreseen and all her intelligence aside, could not decipher the reasons why. Not on her own.

Maura stared at the phone, debating.

________________________________________

Jane knocked on Maura's front door and waited. She rang the bell and waited. Skipping the steps, she jumped lightly down to the sidewalk and rapidly moved back up Maura's driveway. The garden gate key code took a second to remember, but she was in the small courtyard between the guest house and the back door. Peering through the side windows she couldn't see movement.

Turning around she crossed the slate patio, knocked at her mother's door, annoyed when, again, there wasn't an answer. For a moment she debated getting back in her car and going back to her apartment. It didn't make sense exactly why she had to do this tonight. She made it three steps back towards the driveway before she couldn't handle the thought. Selecting a key off her ring Jane opened up her mother's door and moved into the small living room.

The lights were on. There was a mug of tea on the end table. Jane let out a sigh of relief. Her mother was here.

"Ma!" Jane waited, but there wasn't an answer, so she made her way up the narrow stair case to the bedroom, hearing water running from the bathroom. She paused against entry, ready yell through the bathroom door when she found herself resting her forehead against the wood frame as she let out a long sigh. Now she was just being stupid.

Turning around, Jane made her way back down the steps and sat on the couch, running her fingers along and pressing against the ridges of scar tissue in her palms as she stared at her mother's front door. Chewing her lip, Jane slowly realized if Frankie knew she kissed Maura, it was only a matter of time before her mother knew, before Korsak knew, before it was simply out there. In a way it was a relief, another burden she didn't have to shoulder. Unless Maura regretted it.

Jane buried her face in her hands. Maura might want her space but they really needed to talk, tonight, end of story. There was plenty of time for space, after, if that was what she wanted. Jane pressed her lips tightly together as tears pricked her eyes and she wound her fingers into the hair along her temples, tugging lightly in the unruly mass. But before she could do anything, she needed to figure out where Maura was.

"Jane?" Angela took in the huddle form of her daughter, watching her slowly pull her hands from her hair and sit up.

Jane turned around and looked behind her. Her mother was standing at the bottom of the steps, damp hair pulled back.

For the second time this evening Angela found herself looking into exhausted eyes. "Honey, what are you doing here?"

Jane shrugged. "Maura wasn't home. I don't know where she is."

"So you came here?" Angela walked up to the back of the couch, looking down at her daughter.

"Frankie was being an ass so I left his place." As if that explained anything. Jane stared at her hands. "I don't know. I thought I'd talk to Maura but she isn't there."

"That's because I sent her to your place." Angela stepped back when Jane whipped around starting to stand up.

"She's at my place? But I'm not there." Before Jane could get her feet under her, she felt her mother's hand pressing the crown of her head down.

"Sit just one minute." Angela rubbed her fingertips lightly along Jane's scalp. "Why didn't you just call her Jane? Why were you sitting here staring at the wall?" She could feel Jane go still under her fingertips.

That was logical. Her mother was entirely right. Why hadn't she called Maura? Jane rubbed her palms along her pants. She couldn't keep the confusion out of her voice. "I don't know."

"I think I know and it's about time you listen to your mother for once." Angela ran her fingers gently through Jane's hair. "You went from watching your best friend almost be murdered in front of you, to trying to figure out how to take on Lydia's newborn with that best friend, all in the span of one day. You let yourself fall in love with that baby and when that happened, he was snatched away." Angela brought her hands to Jane's shoulders and rubbed. "Now a little bird told me on top of that you may have kissed that best friend."

When Jane tensed up, Angela dropped a kiss to the top of her head. "Both of you need to slow down. Use your key and go over to Maura's and give her a call, let her know where you are, she's probably miserable right now. And then you're going to wait for her and calm yourself down. Both of you are okay, I promise." Angela leaned over the couch and wrapped her arms around her daughter, tucking her under her chin. "I love you."

Jane rubbed the back of her hand against the wet tracks on her cheeks. "I love you too, Ma." She grabbed the arms around her. "Thank you."

Taking a deep breath, Angela released Jane and tried to hide her emotion but her voice cracked and she had to clear her throat before trying again. She punctuated her words with a shove to the back of Jane's head.

"Now get out of here."

________________________________________

Chapter 13: Chapter 13

________________________________________

See Ch 1 & 7 for disclaimers…

________________________________________

Jane turned on Maura's kitchen lights and glanced around at the empty house. Immediately she noticed the baby monitor was gone from the kitchen island. Her hands and fingers went cold and she dragged her eyes to the counter and stared at the spot where the bottle warmer had been that morning.

Her throat swelled tight and the kitchen swam out of focus until she blinked the tears out of the way. Jane realized the gasp in the quiet was her own and she stopped fighting the urge to cry. He was gone. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as the tears quietly fell. It didn't matter that he'd still be in her life. It was different. He wasn't hers. He wasn't Maura's. And he was gone.

She left the lights in the living room off and felt her way through her tears to the couch, grateful when Jo was eagerly scrambling at her feet, begging for attention the second Jane sat down. She scooped her up into her lap and pushed her head gently away when the dog enthusiastically tried to attack the tear tracks with her tongue. She tightened her arms around the terrier.

Suddenly, surrounded by all of Maura's things, but without Maura there, she desperately wanted to see her. She needed Maura, here, with her, more than anything. Jane fumbled in her pocket for her phone, pulling it out, scrolling to Maura's name when the hollow ratting of the front door being unlocked and the echoing click of the deadbolt stopped her.

Pensively, Jane put Jo down and braced against her knees, words stuck behind a wooden tongue. She wracked her brain on what she would say when Maura turned away from the front door and saw her.

Maura double checked the deadbolt, pausing, hand over the cool metal, loath to turn around and face her dark and empty house. For a moment she debated going over to the guesthouse but Angela would tell her to call Jane and she wasn't exactly sure how to explain why, in the end she couldn't. Sitting on Jane's couch she had pulled her name up on her phone at least 10 times but couldn't hit send to connect. After the last try she had given up and feeling foolish, lost as to what she would say when Jane actually came home, she left.

With a snap, the lights in her hallway turned on and Maura turned partway around, noticing something white under her hallway table. Crouching down she pulled it towards her and picked it up. She stared at the object. Soft, tiny, white. Slowly standing up, her fingers curled into pliable cotton, squeezing hard.

Unfurling her fingers Maura felt her pulse start to pound. Staring at the perfect little sock, her lungs refused to expand and she sucked in air on a labored gasp. Everything pushed to roll out of her at once. Dennis and his promises of soul mates, raising her hopes, letting him in beyond the surface of the woman she made herself into, letting him push her outside her comfort zone. Dennis, in the end wanting her hands and her blood, her heart was of no consequence.

Then the baby, the calm in her storm and an unexpected chance at a part of life she thought about but never imagined she'd experience. Pure innocence, a balm against the evil in her world, he gave her an unexpected chance to protect for once. To save a mother and a child from the skeletons that haunted her past. She spared them but the cost ached in her.

And Jane. Jane wound in, around and through the chaos, as a friend, as her protector, as her family, before unexpectedly claiming the role of lover in the middle of the turmoil. And then she just let Maura push her away without another word. Left her here to face this quiet house alone.

God damn it. It was not supposed to be like this. Her life was not supposed to be like this.

The first sobbing gasp had Jane on her feet. The next one startled her into motion, cursing as her shin bounced off the coffee table.

The warmth along her back should have startled Maura but it didn't. A familiar hand covered hers with the sock, sliding their fingers together, pressing the cotton between their palms and Maura started to sob harder.

Jane gently pulled her hand and the sock away, slipping it into her pocket before turning Maura around and wrapping her in her arms, absorbing her tears and letting her own run free. This was where she was supposed to be, needed to be.

As her tears slowed Maura pressed herself into Jane and felt the arms around her tighten. This was the only thing she needed. Jane's arms were firm, strong, unyielding, secure and warm. She pressed her forehead into the hollow of her throat. "Jane."

Her name sounded like a quiet plea and it hung between them. Jane pressed her lips against the crown of Maura's head. "I'm so sorry." The words were inadequate. How could she apologize for not figuring Rockmond out quicker, for not catching Lydia before she disappeared that first night, for not realizing Maura's order to stay was a plea to come hold her together?

"You weren't at home. I went looking for you, but you were here." Maura pulled back, finally looking up at Jane.

Jane nodded. "My apartment isn't." She bit at her lip, trying to explain. "It was empty. I couldn't go there." She ran her hand up and down Maura's back, unable to stop the brush of her lips against Maura's forehead, peppering her words against warm skin. "I want to come home."

Confused, Maura said the first thing that came to mind. "You want to move in here?"

"No!" When Maura's face fell, Jane struggled to build a coherent sentence from the words tumbling along the tip of her tongue. "Wait. Not no, someday, but that isn't…" Jane kissed Maura's forehead again, letting her touch linger, taking a deep breath, trying to slow down.

She opened her eyes into Maura's. Those eyes. Those god damn beautiful eyes. "Damn it." Lowering her head, Jane groaned in relief when Maura met her halfway.

It was everything Maura felt before and more. The touch sparked from her lips and singed down, ripping over her thighs. Maura grasped the hair at the nape of Jane's neck, drawing her down, pushing their mouths together harder, her senses burning. This was what she needed.

Jane shuddered as Maura traced her way along her lips, drawing the peak gently between her lips and against the flat of her tongue, swirling along and sliding forward. Embers from earlier roared back to life unchecked, with each touch, scorching words and reason away. She needed this.

The second Jane's hands slid under her top, along the bare skin of her abdomen, Maura poured herself into the kiss, needing the touch, needing more. Breaking away, with a light gasp, they stared at each other. Looking at Jane, meeting her gaze, Maura felt her hands start to shake. She stepped into Jane.

She had lost the baby. Maura pressed forward, pushing lightly backward with another step.

She had almost lost her life. Another step, Jane's breathing was becoming rough, unregulated and her irises were piercingly dark. Maura closed her eyes briefly as hands rubbed along the dip of her waist.

She was not losing this.

Jane ran her hands up Maura's sides, smooth skin gliding by, groaning as lips torched a path up her neck and over her jaw before stealing her breath and taking control. Deft hands pulled at her jacket, tugged at her top, lips left her skin as she helped both come off. Her tank top slipped over her head and her bra was ripped off her arms. The cool air wrapped around her skin, and Jane shuddered.

Pulling Maura up and in, Jane captured Maura's lips asking silently for more, moaning at the flush press of their bodies and the answering stroke of a tongue against her own and curves grinding closer.

Maura skated palms over puckered nipples, ran peaked flesh through her fingers. Jane's hands wound into her hair and kept her close, sharing kisses, sharing breath.

Jane tried to breathe, tried to focus, Maura's hands were sliding purposefully down her ribs, along her sides, fingertips pushing under her waistband, palms pressing down against her flesh. Teasing until she was running her hands up and down Maura's back helpless. There was the sudden loss of touch and the tug of her belt being pulled apart, the metal teeth of her zipper lowering.

Maura pressed Jane against the wall, bringing her lips close, hovering, waiting for permission.

"Please Maura."

Maura pressed forward, kissing her slowly, drawing out the first dragging touch. Pausing to catalogue the flushed skin, the ragged breathing and waited until she could look into dark eyes. Locked together, she pressed her hand between cloth and tense thighs, stroking lightly, until seeking hips pressed forward and she thrust into wet heat.

Jane's eyes fluttered closed, Maura was pressing in, sliding out, taking her breath, taking her reason. Each stroke mirrored by the touch of Maura's lips against her throat, her collarbone, her jaw, her mouth. Her body writhed of its own accord, reaching for something urgent, vital, pushing towards it faster, harder, winding tighter and tighter.

A keening gasp filled the air as Jane's body squeezed tightly around her, fingers grappled wildly along her back for long moments as Jane held her close and gave her everything, flying apart as Maura continued to press into her and stroke over her. It was fast and it was beautiful.

Jane's body eased and Maura kissed her shoulder and up her neck.

Gently pulling her fingers free, Maura slipped her hand from the warmth of Jane, moving impossibly close to bury her face against the side of Jane's neck. She hadn't lost this. Jane was hers.

Her pulse was still beating hard when Jane realized her fingers were still gripping along Maura's back tightly. Opening her hands she wrapped one along Maura's lower back and slipped the other one into her hair, holding her close, dipping her chin to breathe her in. She belonged here.

When her breathing returned to normal, Jane loosened her hold. Reaching down she took Maura's hand, pushing them both away from the wall, her voice came out on a whisper. "Come with me."

Anticipation built with each step she took towards her bedroom. Maura stroked her thumb along the back of the hand held tightly in hers.

Jane hovered for a moment outside the doorway, grabbing Maura's other hand, looking over swollen lips and tousled hair before pulling Maura in. They came together, perfectly, wetly. Making Jane want to touch, making her need to feel. Breaking apart for air, Jane leaned against Maura for a long quiet moment, combing her fingers through Maura's hair and down her back, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the bed.

Jane's hand had touched her shoulder asking her to stay, kissing her forehead. Maura watched as pants and clothing dropped to the floor, until every inch of Jane's skin was there to see, there to touch.

Jane brushed her fingers along Maura's forehead, against the side of her face, cupping her jaw, stroking her cheek with her thumb. She had almost lost this. Rockmond could have stolen this moment from her and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she wouldn't have survived it. Maura owned a part of her she was never going to get back.

And she didn't want it any other way.

Running her hands down Maura's arms, over her hips, Jane plucked at the hem of her top, looking intently into Maura's eyes as she pulled it free. Her hands found purchase on bare shoulders, her lips found purchase against soft lips before traveling down, memorizing each sound, each taste and the feel of lace over hardened flesh.

With relief Maura felt the edge of the bed pressing against the back of her knees and she let Jane push her down, holding on to her, until Jane dropped down with her, reveling under the weight of the body pressing into hers. Lips trailed a languid path along her neck, marking wetly, taking. Deep in her chest, sounds struggled free when teeth scraped over a lace covered nipple.

Each moan pushed Jane along, making it hard to remember her intention to go slowly, to savor. The feel of Maura's abdomen against her lips and cheek, spun silk over firm muscle, fingers winding in her hair as she kissed along the waistband of Maura's pants before dragging all barriers off and pushing them away. Curves and valleys beckoned. Moving upward, Jane traced a finger along the edge of Maura's bra, hooking under a strap and tugging gently.

Sitting up Maura cupped Jane's face in her hands, taking her lips, feeling the brush of her hands along her back until her bra fell free. Breaking apart Jane slipped it off her arms and there was nothing between them. They sat facing each other and Maura closed her eyes as Jane drifted a hand from the top of her head along the sensitized skin of her neck, over her breasts, and down her abdomen. A rustle of motion and lips sucked gently under her ear, a palm encouraged her down until warm skin covered hers and her hips pressed instinctively up.

Jane moaned quietly as the body under hers shifted, pressing up and she involuntarily pressed back, cupping a hip with her hand and encouraged more, whispering into the ear under her lips. "I told you I was not going to let you be the sacrifice."

The quiet words barely had time to register before fingers pressed against her, covering her clit. Surprised, the moment unexpected, Maura arched into the pressure. Fingers circled, once, twice before pausing. "You can't do that anymore. Not for me and not with us."

Jane watched the body come alive under her. Pale skin flushed, eyes slowly pressed shut before opening blinking, breathing escalating as Maura registered each touch. Lost in limitless hazel, Jane could not stop looking. Could not stop touching. The sketches did not do her justice. They could not begin to capture this. Maura was art brought to life.

Maura reached up and pulled Jane to her. "I need you." Groaning, opening as Jane answered her plea with the weight of her body. Lips blazed along her skin until her nipple was pulled into wet heat, teeth teased as Jane's finger started to move again along her clit in time with each sparking tug at her breast. Emotions, thought, whirred through her mind in chaos, control lost to primal response when fingers advanced lightly inward, teasing, until she gave a desperate arch they plunged in deeply and a cry wretched free.

Maura's call was thundering through her. This was not what she had expected, not what she imagined. Jane had never experienced anything like the moment she pressed into Maura and every sense was surrounded.

Jane took in the sight of Maura's arched neck, struggling with the mounting pressure in her body before she buried her face into her shoulder breathing the scent of her in. She heard the gasping pleas for more and she answered instantly, pushing harder, longer until the body under her hovered, taunt, squeezing her fingers, begging for release. Maura's skin tasted salty against her tongue as Jane sucked lightly before turning her face to bite tenderly down on the pulse point jumping pulsing against her lips.

In a blinding moment Maura felt her body spring free, vaguely aware her breath and voice were mingling in echoing gasps, surprised to feel herself rocketing upwards again, her body spiking for a second time, leaving her trembling in its wake.

Their breathing echoed hard off the walls around them. As her body relaxed, Maura felt fingers slip free and Jane's arms moved around her, tightening firmly, the grip secure.

Jane would not let her drop.

Jane shifted, moving off to the side and sliding down, resting against Maura's chest, her leg along Maura's torso, anchoring them together. Pressed the way she was, Jane realized she could hear the hollow whoosh of Maura's breathing and the dull thudding of her heart against her ear. She tightened her arms and closed her eyes, lost to the sound, listening to the cadence as it slowed.

Her mind clearing, Maura let her hands wander over what places of Jane she could reach. Weighted by Jane's body on her shoulder, her left hand gently stroked the hair against Jane's temple.

"Did I hurt you?"

The words were muffled against her chest and Maura struggled to understand them. "Hurt me?"

"I forgot how sore you were from fighting Rockmond." Jane reached up and kissed Maura's jaw before settling back down. "He came so close." She listened to the heartbeat under her ear. "I can't lose you. I can handle almost anything else but I can't lose you."

Maura felt her heart seize. "I'm okay and you didn't lose me."

"No, you don't understand. The baby was gone and I thought that was it. I lost you again." Jane ran her hand down along Maura's arm, linking their hands together. "After you left this afternoon, I was with Tommy, with Frankie, even with Ma. I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't even head back to my apartment. I was surrounded by everyone and I have never felt so alone."

She sat up partially, looking into Maura's eyes, willing her to understand. "I wanted my family." Jane squeezed the hand in hers. "You are my family."

Maura blinked hard, she was not going to cry again today, not over this. She had been wrong earlier thinking she was sacrificing everything she had ever wanted. She pulled her hand free so she could reach up and wind her fingers in the hair at the nape of Jane's neck, toying with the curls. For all the pain, for all the confusion, for all the heartbreak of the past few days, in the end she had more than she ever thought possible.

Jane's words from earlier bounced back and in a rush of clarity Maura understood. Home. Jane had said she wanted to come home.

She melted into dark liquid eyes as she pulled Jane down, offering her understanding as explicitly as possible, brushing their lips together again and again, until the body above her quickened and she pulled away.

Maura pressed their foreheads together, letting their eyes connect, letting Jane in. Smiling softly, she cupped Jane's cheek, tenderly stroking the surface.

Family in the palm of her hand.

The one thing that mattered the most to Jane.

The one thing that mattered the most to her.

Maura pulled her down again, Jane's plea from earlier echoing in her mind as she whispered the only words she could against her lips.

"Welcome home Jane."

=END=

________________________________________

A/N - This was written in response to reviewers questions during the initial posting of this story. Since it tells the story of why I wrote the story the way I did I thought I'd leave it.

******

Now that we're at the end I hope people will let me know how they felt about it. I always enjoy hearing from old and new readers alike, either to improve or know you simply liked it, be it now or months after completion.

And now that we're at the end perhaps you can see why I might have originally decided not to tackle the whole baby scenario until Carolm007 asked, it's a convoluted thing, children and family.

To me, the story was never about Jane and Maura as parents. That would be only one small facet of having a child dropped into a family so abruptly. Couple his arrival with the questions surrounding his conception and birth, having him arrive on the exact day that he was left and what a complicated scenario. But often something as innocent as a baby can be the most powerful of catalysts. With this baby on R&I there was love and there was hurt, but he exists and he belongs.

With all the outside influences and emotion, can people overcome that? And what happens when they do? That was the question I set out to explore in this story. And perhaps use it as an excuse to put the leading ladies together. Perhaps ;)

Family is dynamic and fluid. Like snowflakes, they are unique and complex up close, yet sparkle from afar. It only takes a moment of heat to melt a snowflake back to nothing, but under the right conditions it forms again.

To me that is like family. It does not take much to shock a family back into liquid state of change. Birth, adoptions, marriages, divorces, troubled adults, troubled children, adultery and death hit families all the time, occasionally seeming to evaporate them and you wonder how they can ever recover.

But time pushes on and somehow everything becomes calm and it freezes back together, unique and new, possibly more complex but no less stunning. Perhaps it comes back together as one or splits into new parts. But together or apart, people's lives become intertwined forever, perhaps by choice, perhaps by circumstance.

In the end, altered or not, it becomes family again.

And it is beautiful.