Rumors

Chapter Eight

Hannah made palm-size pancakes until Kelly begged her to stop. It felt really good to cook for someone who was so genuinely appreciative about the food. Kelly kissed her soundly for making breakfast and kissed her again because she would miss her for the rest of the day, then left with just enough time to get to work. Hannah mentioned that it was Saturday, but Kelly explained that she had agreed to work on a friend's car.

After she left, Hannah took a shower, turned on the radio and started cleaning house. Cricket stuck close to her all day and she stopped to pick him up frequently for kisses and hugs. Jay and Freddie called in the early afternoon to find out how the date went and teased her unmercifully about staying out all night. Hannah let them have their fun knowing that there was no way she could explain how unexpectedly enjoyable the entire night had been. Not once had she felt inadequate or judged unworthy. No pressure had been placed on her to fulfill Kelly's expectations and Kelly had exceeded her own hopes for the night. It was just so easy to be with her.

Hannah replayed every word they had exchanged in her mind. One particular sentence Kelly had said kept repeating itself. The love you'll get is exactly as much love as you're willing to settle for. The more times those words reverberated in her head, the more her heart absorbed them. She began to understand that starting with her mother she had accepted some very substandard loving because she was afraid to expect more. There had never been any reason to believe that she would get it.

The love you'll get is exactly as much love as you're willing to settle for. Her grandmother had been the one glaring exception in her life. From the moment of their meeting in that long ago lobby she had been attentive and loving. It had taken a long time for Hannah to return her grandmother's love and now she recognized within herself a fear that if she did not actively labor to deserve that love it would go away. She knew intellectually that her grandmother really did love her and wouldn't stop, but the little girl in her heart was still suspicious.

~***~

After several days of silence it occurred to Hannah that Kelly might be waiting by the phone, too. The insight was so startling that she immediately decided to call.

"Auto shop," the gruff voice said on the other end of the line.

"Um…" Uncertainty ambushed her. "I need to leave a message for Kelly?"

The phone clattered on a desk and she heard "Lowell?" yelled in the background. After several minutes she could hear Kelly faintly.

"What is it?"

"Some woman," the gruff voice said distantly. "You know the rule. No personal calls."

"Bite me, Merle."

"One of these days I'm gonna fire you, Lowell."

"I'm praying for the day." Kelly said with good-natured sarcasm.

Hannah felt a tickle of panic that she had put Kelly's job in danger.

The phone was juggled briefly and her voice came on the line. "This is Kelly. How may I help you?"

"I just wanted to leave you a message," she explained quickly. "I'm sorry if I got you in trouble with your boss."

"Hannah!" Kelly said with evident pleasure. "Don't mind Merle; he's just jealous. I'm really glad you called."

"I can call you later if that would be better."

"Really, it's okay."

"Your boss sounds kind of upset."

Kelly laughed. "Merle suffers from Personality Deficit Disorder. He can't help the way he is. Fortunately, he self-medicates with beer."

"Does that work?"

"Not nearly as well as he thinks it does." Kelly laughed again. "Okay, he's gone. I'll bet he repeats that joke to everyone by the time I get off the phone. He loves to mess with me 'cause I'm not afraid of him. I had a seriously deranged drill sergeant in the Army and everybody else seems tame in comparison."

Now that she had her on the phone Hannah wasn't sure what to say.

"I've missed you," Kelly said softly into the silence.

"I miss you, too. Were you waiting for me to call?"

"I was hoping you would, but I was going to call you tomorrow night if you didn't. I'm trying to balance hard-to-get and desperate-to-see-you."

Hannah sighed in relief. "I want to see you, too. Maybe you could come to dinner tonight?"

"What time?"

"As soon as you can."

~***~

Kelly arrived, freshly scrubbed, before Hannah even started on her last appointment. She felt embarrassed at how good she felt just seeing Kelly.

"Should I come back later?"

"No," Hannah said shyly. "Have a seat. Have some coffee. If you open that door," she pointed, "you can let Cricket in. I'm sure he'd love some attention. He seems to have taken a real shine to you." With great difficulty she turned back to the poodle on the table and continued to trim her muzzle. "You got here sooner than I expected. I've still got about an hour of work."

"I thought maybe I could watch you. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Resisting the desire to crawl into her lap, Hannah said no. She watched Kelly play with Cricket as she worked and they visited. She allowed herself a few minutes in Kelly's arms while her last dog was in the drying cage and Cricket insinuated himself into every kiss. She was still laughing when her work was done and the door was locked.

"I want to change my clothes," Hannah said as she led Kelly into her home. "Hair works its way into everything and if I don't change I'll itch all night."

"By all means," Kelly grinned. "I'll have Cricket keep me company."

Hannah rushed through a sponge bath and brushed her teeth, then pulled on jeans and a T-shirt. She struggled with her hair for a few minutes and gave up in frustration. A scrunchy pulled it out of her face and she decided it would have to do.

Kelly was playing 'Fetch' with Cricket and his favorite toy when she came out. The way Kelly was sitting on the couch was possibly the most erotic pose Hannah had ever seen. It was actually more of a slouch than a pose, but those unimaginably long legs changed everything. Hannah had never considered herself drawn to one part of a woman's body over another, but the idea of being partial was gaining momentum. She studied the length of Kelly's upper leg as she headed for the kitchen and knew she had never noticed anyone's femur before.

She quickly threw together a salad comprised of a little of every vegetable she had in her refrigerator and baked some corn muffins to go with it. A can of minestrone soup completed the meal and Kelly ate with gusto. Hannah picked at her food, too busy watching Kelly to concentrate and too happy just to see her. The rest of the evening was spent playing cards and watching Law and Order on television.

"I should probably go home," Kelly sighed. "We've both got to work tomorrow."

Hannah pointed the remote at the TV and turned it off. "When do I get to see you again?"

"Well," Kelly drawled, "I was thinking it might be fun to have a picnic this weekend at a little spot I know."

Hannah smiled and picked Kelly's hand from her shoulder to bring it to her mouth. "A picnic sounds nice." She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feeling of rough knuckles rubbing over her lips. "What should I bring?"

"Nothing."

Hannah shivered as Kelly's whisper crawled around her ear and made the hairs on her arms stand up. She relaxed and let Kelly maneuver her into those strong arms. She slipped an arm around her waist and slid the other one into Kelly's hair as their lips met. As their tongues slid around each other an ache started deep inside her chest making it hard to catch her breath.

"So wild," Kelly whispered against her mouth.

Hannah breathed in the taste of those words and recaptured Kelly's lips with her own. She couldn't get enough of the taste and feel of her mouth. Kelly invoked a passion in her that had never risen so swiftly or powerfully. As much as she wanted to explore it, she was afraid of it, too. Just along the edges of it, like she was now, she felt her Self dissolving. She had always enjoyed her sex life, but she realized that she had always been in control of what she felt and now she was faced with the loss of that control and who she would be after surrendering was a frightful mystery.

With an internal groan, Hannah pulled her mouth away and sat up. The craving in Kelly's face was brutal in its honesty and her lips looked swollen. "I'm sorry, Kelly."

"It's okay," Kelly rasped. "I didn't mean to…"

"No," Hannah said quickly. "I just…I got scared."

Pain flooded Kelly's features. "Of me?"

Hannah fell back into Kelly's arms and buried her face on her shoulder. "Of how I feel, Kelly. Not of you, never of you." She sighed as Kelly's arms came around her and she could feel hot breath on her neck. "You make me feel…it's so strong and so fast and it's never been like that before. I've never felt anything like it and I'm afraid that I'll disappear into you; that I won't be me anymore."

"Don't be afraid of that," Kelly said quietly. "I won't take you anywhere you can't come back from. I promise I'll always bring you home."

Kelly's tranquil assurance pierced Hannah to the core and released a spasm of longing. All of the uncertainties of her life boiled up behind it and only the strength of Kelly's arms kept her from bolting in fear. Tears leaked from her eyes as Kelly began to rock her. Hannah placed her hand over Kelly's heart and willed herself to feel it beating. Slowly she began to relax and let a wave of comfort roll over her.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she mumbled. "I don't mean to be so much trouble."

"Oh, Hannah," Kelly chuckled. "This is bliss. I could build a life around moments like this. You can trouble me anytime."

Hannah pushed back a little and looked up into Kelly's eyes. "I'm not a tease, you know." Kelly's fingers moved up to brush hair from her forehead.

"I never thought you were," Kelly said with a little smile. "Making love is a wonderful thing, but it's only a small part of what I want with you."

Afraid to hear the answer, Hannah asked anyway. "What do you want with me?"

Kelly grinned wickedly. "For starters, I want to take you on a picnic on Saturday. Is that a good day for you?"

Hannah nodded as Kelly's fingertips traced her lips. She could still feel them after Kelly had gone home and she prepared for bed.

~***~

Unsure what the day would bring, Hannah went out early and dropped Cricket off with Nana. She spent a few minutes saying hello to the other residents and assuring them she would be there bright and early the next day to make breakfast.

The sky was clear and bright and even this early in the day she could feel that it would be hot later on. With an hour and a half to go before Kelly picked her up, Hannah carefully shaved her legs and worked her unruly hair into a semblance of order. It still looked like she had paid a visit to the Albert Einstein Hair Emporium, but she knew from experience that it rarely looked better no matter how you cut it. Wearing her favorite shorts and a tank top, she went out front to wait and picked up the garden hose to water her yard.

Kelly pulled up right on time in an old, rusty Blazer and hung out the window to wolf whistle at her. "Hey, sweet thing! Wanna ride?"

Hannah rolled her eyes and hid a smile. "My Nana warned me about people like you," she teased.

Kelly turned off the motor and rested her chin on her arms. "And what, exactly, did she tell you?"

Hannah turned off the water and walked slowly over to the car. "She told me to make lots of mistakes when I'm young so I'll have plenty of things to remember fondly when I'm old."

"Am I a mistake?" Kelly asked with a glimmer of uncertainty.

Hannah leaned against the car door and ran a hand over Kelly's short hair. "It's hard to say. You look a little dangerous to me."

"Only a little?" Kelly asked in mock surprise. "How about you come for a ride with me and we'll see if I can convince you to upgrade your opinion of me."

Hannah laughed and ran around to climb into the Blazer.

"Where's Cricket?"

"He's spending the day with Nana."

Kelly started up the vehicle with a wicked grin. "So, you're completely defenseless."

"Hardly," Hannah sniffed recklessly. "I am a bona fide mistress in the ancient Sapphic art of Tongue Fu. I can take care of myself."

"Tongue Fu?" Kelly snorted with laughter. "What belt are you?"

"Belt?" Hannah flipped imaginary hair haughtily. She could feel a blush attempting to surface and tried to ignore it. "There are no belts in Tongue Fu, you silly girl." It was rather out of character for Hannah to tease verbally this early in a friendship, especially one in which the exact nature of the friendship was still undetermined, but Kelly's evident pleasure in it goaded her on. "There are only mistresses and supplicants."

"And I would be…?" Kelly waggled an eyebrow suggestively.

"That remains to be seen," Hannah said primly.

~***~

By the time they reached the edge of a meadow at the end of a long retired logging road an hour later, Hannah felt as though she had spent the morning in a blender. "Do you come up here often?"

"Several times every summer." Kelly pointed off between some trees. "We still have to walk a couple of hundred yards that way to get where we're going."

"I've never been up here before."

"I'm not surprised." Kelly left her car keys in the ignition and got out of the Blazer to stretch. "I've never seen anyone up here but me. I found my way out here just after I got out of high school."

Hannah got out of the car and waited for Kelly to continue.

"I was trying on my independence and needed a place where I could just think for a few days. This was where I decided to go into the Army. Of course, I hiked up from that last fork we passed. I didn't know at the time that I could get this far."

"We passed a fork?" Hannah asked in disbelief. "I wasn't sure we were even on a road."

"Well, that was 12 or 13 years ago. Stuff grew since then."

Hannah rolled her eyes as Kelly opened the back gate and shrugged on a large hiking pack. "Can I help carry something?"

Kelly pulled a cooler out and set it on the ground. "I was hoping you would carry the other end of this."

Hannah picked up her end and followed Kelly over ground that had obviously never been a path. Clusters of alders shaded them from the sun and she realized that she could hear water. "Is there a creek ahead?"

"It's the north fork of the Delano River. I think you'll like it."

With one hand on the cooler handle and the other keeping brush from slapping her in the face, Hannah did her best to keep up. The noise of the water got louder, but remained gentle in tone. The ground under her feet changed from earth to sand in one step and she looked up to see where she had come to. Kelly had stopped walking and Hannah set her end of the cooler down so she could walk further out into the clearing.

She stood on a sandy beach on the outside edge of a curve of the river. Trees formed a wall at her back and substantial rock formations stood guard at each end. Across the water was a stunning, moss-covered stone face with a fringe of thick trees covering the mountain that rose behind it. The water was exquisitely clear and the river curved out of sight leaving Hannah standing in a secluded pocket of paradise. Tension washed out of her and she closed her eyes to take a deep breath, letting her spirit connect with the beauty that surrounded her.

"What do you think?" Kelly asked from just behind her.

Hannah opened her eyes for another look. "It's absolutely beautiful."

"You're the only person I've ever brought here."

Hannah wondered if that was as significant as it sounded. "Thank you for sharing this with me. I've never seen anything so…so…" She stumbled to a verbal halt.

"Yeah," Kelly said. "It gets me like that, too."

Hannah looked over her shoulder to see Kelly looking up at the mountain before them. Her usually rugged face had softened and Hannah could see anticipation in her gaze. Kelly suddenly turned away and dragged the cooler over to a flat spot next to the southern rock formation and dropped the pack down next to it. Hannah watched as the pack was opened and a blanket was pulled out and spread half in the sun and half in the shade. Beach towels were dropped on one corner with sun block.

"I wasn't sure what you would like to drink," Kelly said as she opened the cooler. "So I brought beer and bottled water. There's a ton of food in here, including some of my mom's fabulous fried chicken. Just dig in and make yourself at home."

Hannah took off her shoes and sat down on the blanket. Hugging her knees she let her eyes roam. "This is really nice, Kelly. I can't believe other people don't come here."

"About a half mile north is a waterfall. We can walk up there later if you like, it's very pretty; but best of all, it's impassable. You can't raft down it and it's not worth portaging around it. Most of the river between here and there is not worth putting a raft in the water. Now, six or eight miles downstream there's a great spot to start rafting and if you're adventurous, or stupid, you can follow it all the way through town. I've never seen anything to indicate that other people come here." Kelly slipped off her sneakers and tossed them over by the backpack. "I can say with a great deal of confidence that we are…completely…alone."

The intensity of Kelly's eyes made Hannah catch her breath. She watched as Kelly took off her socks and just as casually removed her shirt. Hannah felt her heart lurch as firm breasts fell free in the sun. She had to swallow before she could speak. "What are you doing?"

With a single practiced flip of her hand, Kelly unbuttoned her Levi's and began to pull them down over her hips. "I'm going swimming. Feel free to join me."

Kelly didn't seem to care if she stared or not, so Hannah let her eyes feast. Salmon-colored nipples tightened in the slight breeze and seemed to pull Kelly's breasts tighter against her chest. Her taut belly and muscular legs met at the thickest bush of dark hair Hannah had ever seen. She admitted to herself that she had actually seen very few, but she knew that this one was unusual. She studied Kelly's hips as she walked smoothly to the water's edge and wondered how they could look so slim in jeans and so deliciously abundant in broad daylight.

Kelly walked straight into the river and at waist deep dove below the surface. Hannah took a much-needed breath and tried to massage the ache in her chest. "My God!" She whispered fervently. "Who knew?"

She shook her head in an effort to clear it before Kelly reappeared and examined the river to see where she would come up. After what felt like five minutes but could only have been about two, Hannah jumped to her feet and approached the water. "Kelly!" Worried now, Hannah looked the length of the river and called her again. Just as she began to panic she saw Kelly pop up across the water and reach for a handhold on the cliff face. Relief washed through her, followed by irritation. "You scared the hell out of me!" she called.

Kelly turned to look over her shoulder. "Why?"

"You were under for a long time. I didn't know if you were in trouble."

Kelly laughed and began to pull herself up the rock. "Well, don't worry. I can stay under longer than that." She stopped climbing and looked back across the water. "Were you going to save me?"

Embarrassed, Hannah folded her arms tightly. "I can't swim."

"What?" Kelly called back.

"I can't swim!" Hannah felt stupid and small and resented it.

Kelly held still for a moment and then looked up at the rock above her. Adjusting her position so she could turn more easily she called out, "I am going to crawl up there a bit and dive off. I checked the bottom and it's clear. If I'm not up in 10 seconds you can panic. Okay?"

Hannah tried to see where Kelly would dive from. "Is it safe? Because I'll be no help if you get into trouble."

"I promise it will be okay."

Hannah nodded and Kelly began to quickly climb. At about 25 feet off the water she carefully turned around on a tiny projection. Hannah wished she had a camera. Kelly looked like a work of art up on that ledge. Her heart was in her throat as Kelly arced out into the air and followed her hands into the water. Scant seconds later Kelly broke the surface with a whoop of enjoyment. Hannah laughed in vicarious delight. With smooth, practiced strokes Kelly pulled herself through the current and came to her feet in water up to her waist. Hannah watched water sluicing down that incredible body and backed up involuntarily as she approached.

"I didn't know you couldn't swim," Kelly said as she wiped water from her eyes. "I'm sorry I scared you."

With enormous effort Hannah kept her eyes on Kelly's face. "I just never learned. There was no opportunity when I was small and I had other interests after I moved here."

"I could teach you," Kelly offered hopefully.

Hannah shook her head nervously. "No…I…no. Maybe in a pool or something, but I'd be too scared to do it in the river. The current is too strong."

"Okay. Are you going to get in the water at all? It would be a shame if I dragged you all the way out here just so you could sit on the beach. The current isn't bad along shore, it's mostly over on that side of the river."

Hannah let Kelly convince her and shyly turned her back before taking off her clothes. Leaving them in a pile away from the water's edge she put her hand in Kelly's and let her lead the way into the cool water. As it crept up her thighs she rose up on her toes with a gasp. "It's cold!"

Kelly grinned. "If you can make yourself get in all at once you'll warm up faster."

Hannah inched forward with a grimace. "I can't. It's just too cold."

"Take your time," Kelly said as she let go of her hand and eased into the water. She turned and looked Hannah up and down. "You don't mind if I watch, do you?"

Hannah felt more naked and exposed than ever before in her life, but she didn't want Kelly to know it. "This could take a while," she warned.

"Good."

Hannah's insecurities blossomed. Fighting the urge to cover herself with her hands she forced herself to take a step deeper into the water. The water was almost warm on her legs, but the surface seemed like ice on her skin.

"Your breasts are lovely," Kelly said in a husky voice.

Hannah froze uncertainly.

"I like the shape and size of them," Kelly continued easily. "They're not too big or too small. They seem to be the perfect size for your body."

Hannah's limbs loosened at the intimacy of the words and she wondered at the warmth that flooded her.

"I especially like your nipples. They're a beautiful shade of pink and they don't seem to mind being noticed." Kelly's tongue darted out to wet her lips. "I love the freckles, too. Quite adorable."

Hannah felt as though Kelly had just run her hands all over her. She was hyper aware of her skin and could feel the tightness of her nipples. She tried to take a calming breath, but she couldn't get enough air and when she tried to say Kelly's name no sound emerged.

"I've never seen red pubic hair before." Kelly's voice was hard and strained now. "It sure doesn't hide much."

Oblivious of the water, Hannah reached for Kelly with her whole body and Kelly met her halfway to sweep her up in strong arms. Their flesh met hungrily and Hannah wrapped her legs around Kelly's waist as their mouths met. Straining to be closer, Hannah arched into her as her hands clawed at Kelly's back. She felt almost desperate in her desire and each moment her passion expanded exponentially.

Hooking an arm around Kelly's neck she brought her other hand between them and cupped a breast in her hand. She could feel the hard nipple jutting into her palm and her own pressing into the back of her hand. Her kisses turned into sharp little bites along Kelly's jaw and throat. She had to struggle to keep them light.

Kelly dropped to her knees and Hannah braced herself for the shock of cold water only to feel the blanket under her back. She wondered briefly at how they had gotten this far, but Kelly's body pressing her into the sand and her hips driving into her pushed such technicalities far away. A simple twist of her shoulders placed her mouth at Kelly's breast and she eagerly took the nipple into her mouth. Her heart smiled as Kelly groaned. Using both hands she reached down to grasp Kelly's ass and force her to move harder and faster. She could feel Kelly's heartbeat on her tongue and the sound of her name was like music reverberating from the mountains as Kelly shuddered and collapsed to the side. Hannah followed and raked her hands over Kelly's ribs as she used her mouth to lick and nip at Kelly's mouth. For a long moment Kelly was unresponsive and Hannah's need was on the edge of pain. She took one of Kelly's hands and pushed it down between her legs. "Please," she begged.

Kelly's eyes opened and Hannah was glad to see that Kelly understood how much she needed release. "I'm sorry, Hannah," Kelly said as she rolled her onto her back. "Tell me what to do."

"Make me..." Hannah gasped. As Kelly's fingers began to work a new kind of magic, Hannah pulled the hot mouth to her breasts and held on.

~***~

The sun block was hot from lying in the sun and Hannah purred as Kelly squeezed a line of it down her spine. Strong hands gently worked the lotion into her back and Hannah gave herself into their care. "I can't remember ever feeling this relaxed."

"Surely there was at least once," Kelly teased.

"I've felt good before," Hannah conceded, "but I'm pretty sure I never felt quite like this." Kelly's hands slid over her ass and Hannah giggled. She rolled over and saw Kelly grinning back at her. Lifting one leg she invited Kelly to continue her ministrations. Hannah watched her boldly as a hand slid up the inside of her thigh. "You're good at this," she said quietly.

"I've been dreaming about this for a long time," Kelly said simply.

"How long?" Hannah teased.

"Most of my life."

An uncomfortable feeling wormed its way through her consciousness. "Are you serious?"

Kelly looked up warily. "Is that weird?"

"No," Hannah said carefully. "But it does make me feel a little cautious."

Kelly started her other leg. "I'll not put any strings on you, Hannah. You are not responsible for my feelings."

She couldn't resist asking, "What are your feelings?"

Kelly's hands stilled for a moment. "I've loved you from afar since I was 14 years old. I've never been able to explain or justify it because I never really knew you." Hands continued their task. "I've had lovers and I've cared about some of them, but I've never loved anyone else. I've always wondered if I loved you or my image of you."

Hannah waited for Kelly to continue, but she only filled her hands with more of the hot lotion. "What do you think now?"

Kelly straddled her thighs and began rubbing her belly with a little smile. "It's hard to know how you feel when passion takes over, but I've enjoyed getting to know you better. There are all kinds of little things that I didn't know about you and every time something new comes up I have to laugh at myself. I'm finding that the image I had of you is only a small part of who you are and I like what I'm learning." Kelly picked up the lotion and squeezed it liberally over her breasts. "I guess I'm discovering that I was in love with my image of you, but I'm beginning to love you."

Hannah's eyes closed as Kelly's hands took her breasts and began to squeeze and roll them energetically. "Why are you telling me all of this now?"

"You asked."

Hannah sighed with growing pleasure as her nipples were repeatedly massaged between Kelly's vigorous fingers.

"Besides," Kelly said as if in afterthought, "I don't have anything to lose."

"Why not?" she managed.

"It wasn't that long ago that you didn't even know I was alive. These last weeks, but most especially today, are more than I ever expected to have and no matter what you decide about the future, I'll have this memory. No one can ever take it away from me or cheapen it. After seventeen years of wanting I made love to you and you were as fiery and passionate as I ever could have hoped. I've made you laugh and had the opportunity to tell you how I feel about you. I am the luckiest woman alive."

Feeling a bliss as deep and intense as grief, Hannah couldn't stop tears from slipping from her eyes. Kelly's hands quickly worked the sun block into her shoulders and up her throat to cover her face. Hannah raised her arms to hold her as she lay upon her and began kissing her. She pulled Kelly down to feel the full weight of this new lover overpowering her.

"I want to put my mouth on you," Kelly whispered into her mouth. "Will you let me do that?"

"Is this another thing you've dreamed of?"

Kelly simply nodded.

Hannah stroked her fingers lightly over Kelly's features. "Promise me one thing?" She waited for Kelly to nod before naming her condition. "Take your time."

Kelly was excruciatingly thorough and Hannah alternately laughed, cried and pleaded for quite some time before Kelly finally allowed her ecstasy.

~***~

Hannah woke up thirsty. She opened her eyes to find that Kelly had moved her into the shade. It took her a moment to locate Kelly, midstream, swimming against the current. She appeared to be making headway and Hannah couldn't help but marvel at the strength and stamina it would take to accomplish such a thing. Opening the cooler, she fished out a bottle of water and drained it with a sigh of satisfaction.

Curious, she began pulling food from the chest. She found a wide variety of cut up vegetables and ranch dip, several kinds of fruit cut into bite size pieces, mom's fried chicken, hard boiled eggs, cheese cubes and chocolate pudding cups. Realizing that she already felt high, she ignored the beer. Hoping that Kelly was as hungry as she was, she laid everything out.

She looked up to find Kelly and saw her crouched at the water's edge watching her. Love and contentment poured out of Kelly's eyes and, even though it still made her feel a little uncomfortable, she couldn't help but smile. "Are you hungry?"

Kelly stood in a smooth, powerful motion and walked towards her.

"You look like a goddess rising from the sea," Hannah blurted out.

"And you are a fire sprite come to keep me warm," Kelly said with a wide smile. "You didn't sleep very long. How do you feel?"

"Fantastic."

Kelly dropped down to lay propped on her elbow. "I'm worried that I scared you earlier. You know, what I said about loving you?"

Hannah picked up a bite of watermelon. "I'm not sure what to do about it," she admitted before popping it in her mouth.

"You don't have to do, or feel, anything about it." Kelly reached out and rubbed her leg. "Today exists on its own. It's not connected to anything in the future unless you want it to be. I won't attach any expectations or demands on anything that happens here today. This time...this place...is complete in and of itself."

"Don't you want more?"

"Of course, but it's not enough for me to want more. You have to want it, too, or it means nothing to me. I'm not trying to trivialize what's happening with us today; I just want you to know that I'm not going to rent a U-Haul based on one perfect day. We're still getting to know each other."

Hannah studied Kelly's eyes and could find no guile or coercion in them, only concern. Feeling free to do whatever she felt, Hannah leaned over and gave her a kiss of thanks. "Do you want something to drink?"

Kelly took a beer and they both fell to eating: feeding each other more often than not. Hannah could not remember ever feeling so safe or free in the presence of another person. Their laughter echoed gently in the cocoon that surrounded them. When they were full, they began putting food back into the cooler. Hannah kept a pudding cup out but couldn't find a spoon.

"Do you have something to eat this with?"

Kelly searched through her things. "I thought I had remembered everything, but it looks like I forgot spoons."

Hannah pushed Kelly back and leaned on her elbow next to her. "I don't need a spoon," she said as she peeled the top off. Dipping a finger into the chocolate she spread it over one of Kelly's nipples and leaned over to slowly lick it off. Kelly laughed at first and then became quiet. With unhurried casualness, Hannah attended to the other breast as well. Kelly reached for the pudding and Hannah stopped her. "I want to make love to you, Kelly. You had your turn, now it's mine."

"You don't have to," Kelly said.

"I know," Hannah said firmly.

Kelly briefly stroked her cheek, then laced her fingers behind her head and stretched languorously. Hannah decorated the places that she wanted to kiss with the smooth chocolate and set the last bit of pudding to the side. Rising to her hands and knees she began to slowly and randomly clean Kelly's body. In no time Kelly was panting and writhing under her tongue. Hannah thrilled to see the responsiveness of the powerful woman beneath her. It occurred to her that by Kelly's own admission no one had done this for her in years. That Kelly was so willing to be pliant and vulnerable for her was the most effective aphrodisiac of all.

When all traces of chocolate were gone, Hannah spread Kelly's legs and lay between them. Kelly whimpered as she rubbed her lips over the impossibly thick hair. Hannah could smell her essence and was almost overcome by the sweetness of it. Time held no meaning as she closed her eyes and softly learned Kelly's most secret place with her mouth. A taste like no other she had ever experienced flooded her senses and Hannah concentrated on making Kelly's body produce more and more of it. All too soon she was struggling to stay connected as Kelly bucked. Hannah tightened her arms on Kelly's convulsing thighs and held her mouth perfectly still. She ignored Kelly's hands in her hair and waited. Minutes passed and Hannah relaxed her grip only to delicately begin again. Kelly weakly protested at first then began to respond.

Using what she had learned of Kelly's needs the first time around, Hannah held Kelly on the tip of her tongue until she was frantically begging for release. The smallest change in pressure had Kelly crying out her rapture. Hannah wiped her face on Kelly's inner thigh and crawled up to take her into her arms.

To her dismay, Kelly buried her face between her breasts and burst into tears. Unsure what else to do, Hannah wrapped herself tightly around the sobbing woman and rocked her until she quieted.

"I'm sorry," Kelly mumbled into her chest.

"What happened? Did I hurt you?"

"No!" Kelly lay back and wiped at her tears stained cheeks. "I don't think I can explain it. I just…" she chuckled at herself. "I don't know what I expected. The feelings were so intense. Coming wasn't enough to let all of the emotion out. Does that make any sense?"

"Sort of." Hannah smiled down at Kelly and wiped the remaining tear tracks away. Kissing her eyes softly, Hannah whispered, "You're not as butch as you appear."

Kelly barked a laugh. "Don't tell anyone, okay? I have a reputation to protect."

"Your secret is safe with me," Hannah laughed back. "But I have to say that I won't ever see you as only butch again."

"How will you see me?"

"Like this," Hannah said as laughter fled. "Soft and vulnerable after screaming my name. Crying because coming wasn't enough. Standing on a cliff face like the queen of creation."

Kelly blushed and hid her face with a grimace. Hannah grinned at her discomfort and patted her stomach. "You're sticky. You should rinse off."

"You're coming with me," Kelly warned.

Hannah quickly rolled away, but Kelly caught her easily and ignored her squeals. She found that she did, indeed, warm up quickly and the water introduced them both to additional sensations.

~***~

Hannah sighed as she pulled the Blazer's door closed. "I don't want this to end."

"Me neither," Kelly said solemnly. "But it didn't happen here," she waved out the window then leaned over to touch Hannah's heart. "It happened here and we'll carry it with us forever."

Hannah brought the work-roughened hand to her lips. "Thank you, Kelly. It was wonderful; all of it."

Kelly smiled and set about taking them home. Hannah found herself repeatedly reaching out to place a hand on Kelly's arm as she shifted gears. She had forgotten how powerful a thing new passion was. Even though she felt sated, the desire to be close was consuming.

When they reached the main road, Kelly took her hand and held it in silence. Hannah lay her head back on the seat and watched Kelly drive.

"What are you thinking?" Kelly finally asked.

"Just feeling," Hannah replied.

Kelly glanced over at her. "Feeling what?"

"Conflicting things mostly. Like being completely satisfied and wanting more. The contentment of having experienced a day like today and the melancholy of knowing it's almost over."

"It doesn't have to be over," Kelly said. "I'm kind of hoping its not, to tell the truth."

Hannah felt a tightness in her chest dissipate. "What did you have in mind?"

"Come home with me?" Kelly asked hopefully.

Chapter Nine

Hannah's first impression of Kelly's apartment was cluttered order. The walls were almost completely covered with pictures in every imaginable kind of frame, but the room itself was perfectly clean and neat. Hannah was drawn immediately to the pictures and Kelly was more than happy to explain who people were and what was happening. Of special interest to Hannah was a wall by the kitchen that held photos of Kelly during her Army days.

"You were so young," she said in wonder.

"I was," Kelly conceded. "Fresh out of high school and dumb as dirt."

Hannah chuckled at Kelly's tone. "Did you like the Army?"

"Some of it. I have some really great memories and I learned a lot."

Hannah tried to decipher the look on Kelly's face. "And the parts you didn't like?"

"Come on, I want to show you something." Kelly led her to a door in the hallway and stopped with her hand on the knob. "Remember we talked about my court case with Jay? And I was too embarrassed to tell you what it was all about? Well, this is my hobby."

The door swung open and Hannah sucked in a breath at the dollhouse in progress on a low table. "Wow," she exhaled. "You made this?"

"This one is for my niece, Brittany. I make one for each kid as they turn 6. They tell me what they want it to look like and I give it to them on their birthday. This one is the fourth."

Hannah couldn't believe the detail that had gone into the miniature Victorian before her. Turrets and staircases and molding were intricately done. "This is amazing!"

Kelly reached out and grabbed one wall, shaking the whole thing roughly. "You can touch it. I have to make it rather sturdy so it will stand up to the kids. I still get called on for minor repairs, but they're pretty tough."

"I've never seen anything like this. It's beautiful and the detail is just incredible."

"Thanks. This one is almost done. Mostly just interior work is left. Her birthday is in about five weeks. I'm already starting the next one."

"What's it going to be like?"

"Actually it's going to be for my nephew and he wants something a little different."

Hannah heard papers rustling and reluctantly tore her eyes away to join Kelly at a table. The blueprints didn't resemble anything else in the room. "What am I looking at?"

"Brendan wants a police station complete with jail cells. I've never made one before so I'm struggling with the design phase. I've got 14 months till his birthday, but in a way it's going to be harder than the dollhouses. My experience with police stations is primarily from television."

"I would imagine that his is, too. Why were you embarrassed to tell me about this? You're an artist!" Hannah turned back to the Victorian. "Look at this! I've never paid much attention to dollhouses: the days when I would have loved to have something like this were long ago and far away, but even I can tell that this is a work of art."

"Making dollhouses is not very butch."

Hannah was genuinely surprised. "Is your image that important to you?"

"Not being laughed at like I'm a freak is important to me."

Kelly's pain tore at Hannah's heart. "You're not a freak."

"I don't care if people know that I'm a lesbian," Kelly said roughly. "What they think and feel about how I dress and what I do for a living is irrelevant. But when they find out about this they use it like a weapon to make me feel like I'm playing at being a woman. I do this out of love and they use it to make me feel like a mutant. I expect derision and contempt over my sexuality. Part of coming out is figuring out how not to care about that. But I have no defense when it comes to this."

Hannah took another long look at Kelly's art. "Only a freak would use this as a weapon. It's extraordinary and it just proves that the woman I spent the day with is as unique and complex as I thought."

Kelly's sigh of relief was completely overdone and Hannah laughed with her.

"I have something for you that you should get a kick out of," Kelly grinned.

"A present?"

"A memento." Kelly left the room and Hannah followed her down the hall and into her bedroom. Blues and greens dominated and, in contrast to the living room, the walls were almost bare. A four poster king-size bed took most of the floor space and while Kelly's back was turned, Hannah surreptitiously leaned on it to test the firmness.

"Go ahead," Kelly encouraged.

Hannah saw Kelly's reflection watching her in a mirror and she laughed at herself as she crawled onto the bed. Kelly dropped onto the bed next to her and held out a framed photograph. Hannah giggled at the signed picture of the Superlatives with Kelly in the center and a string of safety pins hanging from one corner.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it!" Hannah laughed. "Nana has to see this. I know she didn't understand what I was talking about and this will make her hoot."

"It was kind of fun. Not the dress part so much as the choreography and the feeling of being part of a huge joke." Kelly replayed some of the arm motions from that night and sent them both into another bout of giggles.

"Do you have any other hidden talents I should know about?"

"Hmm," Kelly mused. "Aside from playing pool, imitating a drag queen and making dollhouses? I'm sure a few things will pop up down the road, but I think that about covers the main attractions. "

Hannah slipped a hand onto Kelly's thigh and slowly rubbed it through the tight denim. "There are some things I want to ask you about when you're up for it."

"Like what?"

"Well, you drop hints about things and then back off, but I don't want to pressure you about them, so let's start with why I've never seen you smoke."

"It's a nasty, expensive habit and I don't want you to think of me as a smoker. I'm down to three a day and by this time next month I hope to be an ex-smoker."

"How many have you had today?"

"None."

"Do you need one now?"

Kelly rolled over her and lay her head on Hannah's shoulder. "Not if it means leaving your side."

Hannah enfolded her in her arms and rubbed her face over the spiky blond hair. "I won't mind if you have one."

"I don't want it to be okay with you. I've made all sorts of rules about when and where I can smoke and if I have one now it will just be easier to break other rules. I don't need one right now. What else do you want to know about?"

Hannah weighed her questions. "Well, tell me about your dog. What happened to her?"

Kelly sighed. "Reba was a lab/husky mix. I found her in New Mexico on the side of the road after someone else hit her with a car and I took her to a vet. She was just so damn happy to see me and I fell in love with her. I paid to have her fixed up and then she died of cancer last year. I ended up having her put down because I couldn't bear to see her suffer anymore and it about killed me." Kelly rolled away to pick up a picture off the nightstand and handed it to her.

Kelly was on one knee with her arm around a pure black dog with a great many husky features.

"She was the best friend I ever had."

"That's how I feel about Cricket," Hannah empathized. "I'm sorry she died. I would have liked to have met her."

"I thought about bringing her to you for grooming, but you were with Brenda and it seemed too much like engineering a meeting with you."

"Would that have been such a bad thing?"

"Not necessarily, but I've always been concerned about letting my feelings for you become obsessive. That was one of several reasons I went into the military. I felt that I should get away from the temptation of pursuing you and become someone first. I was afraid of letting myself become defined by my feelings for you."

Hannah turned this information over in her mind. "You really have had a thing for me all this time, haven't you?"

"I don't think I ever really believed that anything would come of it. But this is so much different from what I imagined that it's not the same thing at all. The differences in who you really are make it feel like a new thing."

"It makes me feel kind of good," Hannah admitted. "Knowing that all these years there was someone out there who loved me and I didn't even know it. It makes me wish I had known."

"I needed to go out into the world before this had a chance of happening."

Hannah kissed Kelly's forehead. "Why else did you go into the Army?"

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"No."

"I have problems with authority."

Hannah giggled. "And the military was a solution?"

"It seemed like it at the time. My parents wanted me to go to college and they used the military as a threat thinking that I would take what they saw as the easy way out. I was feeling pretty rebellious at the time and I knew that they wouldn't approve. Plus, I'd just finished school and I couldn't see taking the same classes over again. It seemed too much like jumping through hoops to me." Kelly snuggled closer before going on. "Also, I wanted to find out what I could do. The idea of being pushed to my physical limits was appealing to me."

"So, why did you deflect me earlier about the things you didn't like about the Army?"

Kelly remained still for a long time. "Are you sure you want to talk about this?"

"You obviously don't," Hannah said gently. "Maybe if you tell me why you don't want to talk about it?"

Kelly was quiet for another long moment. "When you talked about your mom and your childhood, were you worried about how I would react?"

"A little. I didn't want you to get upset and angry over it because it was ancient history. It was a relief when you didn't."

"I was furious. I didn't have to work that Saturday morning. I went out to the range and shot things until I felt better."

Hannah felt a mix of guilt that Kelly had been upset by it and a rush of warmth that she had been so affected. "Are you worried that I'll feel something like that?"

Kelly nodded.

"Then let's get it over with." Kelly buried her face in her breasts and Hannah turned to hold her tighter. She slipped her leg over Kelly's hip and hugged her with everything she had. "Just tell me, Kelly. You're scaring me."

Kelly spoke into her neck in broken words. "I was in trouble for fooling around in the shop and my CO made me stand guard over a fence post on the base perimeter with a mock rifle. I fell asleep and a couple of drunk, off duty MP's found me and decided to teach me a lesson. They raped me."

Hannah was unable to hold in a strangled "No!" She felt as if her world had dropped out from beneath her.

"I fought them as hard as I could, but they don't teach you how to fight something like that. And the harder I fought the more they hurt me. They threw my clothes over the fence and left me there in the dark. I wanted to die."

"Oh, Kelly," Hannah sobbed quietly. "You poor thing."

"I couldn't get my clothes back so I walked back to the infirmary. I still don't know how I made it." Kelly seemed to be in the grip of relentless memory. "I was in bed for a week. They called my parents and told them it was a training accident and I only had minor injuries. I guess since I didn't need surgery it was minor to them, but it didn't feel minor and it wasn't a training accident. I'd never been with a man before. It was like being mauled by aliens. Imagine the most horrific creature possible and then imagine it wanting to mate with you. Even that doesn't describe the way it really was."

"What happened to them?"

"Nothing. I was encouraged to let it go in exchange for not being held accountable for deserting my post."

"What?" Hannah was enraged and horrified. She couldn't even begin to speak the outrage she felt.

"My father came to see that I was alright the day before I got out of the infirmary and he broke down and sobbed like a baby when he found out. I don't think he ever felt like I had failed him, but there was nothing he could do against an organization like the Army and it made him feel helpless. It was a long time before he understood why I needed to finish out my hitch, but he let me do it and on the day I was discharged he spat in my CO's face."

"Good for him!" Hannah inwardly cheered for him.

Kelly's voice brightened. "My mother was the one who accomplished the most. She was livid. She made me tell their names, and I still don't know how she did it, but she found their mothers and told them what their sons had done. I got written apologies from all three of them."

Hannah laughed through her tears. "Your parents sound great."

"They are. I've been really lucky in that department."

"Why did you finish your hitch?"

"God, that was so hard. It was almost a year and I hated every minute of it, but I had to beat them. They wanted me to accept an early discharge, but I needed to prove that I wasn't a quitter. It felt like they wanted me to admit that I was weak because I was a woman and it was expected that we couldn't take it like a man. As if a man in the military has to deal with anything as intolerable as being gang-raped. I spent years in group therapy and I still have trouble with it from time to time."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Kelly. I can't even imagine how horrible it was for you."

Kelly sighed. "I can't imagine what it was like finding out that your mother didn't love you."

Hannah leaned back to look into Kelly's face. "You can't equate the two. They're not the same at all."

"But they're both horrible. Does it matter if one is worse than the other? Bad is bad and it serves no purpose to compare them as if pain is a contest." Kelly wiped tears from both their cheeks. "So, do you need to shoot something?"

Hannah smiled weakly. "I've never shot a gun in my life."

"It's easier than swimming," Kelly said lightly. "Is there anything else you want to know about before I take a shower?"

"Just one thing. Is your house always this neat or did you clean up just for me?"

Kelly laughed and hugged her again. "I haven't cleaned in a week, but thanks for the compliment."

~***~

After they both showered they made love again and spent most of the night talking. Hannah hadn't bothered to even go home and change her clothes before heading over to Nana's home to give the Murdock's the morning off for sleeping in and going to church. She happily bounced her way tiredly through waking all the residents and making them breakfast, then spent the bulk of the morning in the garden with her grandmother telling her about her day with Kelly. After making lunch and welcoming the Murdock's home, she hugged her grandmother and accepted her good wishes and took Cricket with her.

She felt entirely too happy and needed to talk so decided to pay an unexpected visit to Jay and Freddie. With a goofy grin on her face she knocked on the door. Freddie opened the door and after a brief look of shock he reached out and pulled her into the house.

"Where have you been?" he demanded. "We looked everywhere for you! Did you see her?"

"I spent most of the day with her and we talked all night," Hannah said with a hint of embarrassment. "It was incredible."

Freddie threw his hands up in disgust and flounced out to the back deck. "She's here," she heard him say. "She looks like she's in love."

Hannah reeled at the venom in his voice and couldn't hide the betrayal she felt when Jay stepped into the room. "I came here to share my happiness with you and this is what I get? I thought you would be glad for me!"

"I'm sorry, Hannah," Jay said as her put an arm over her shoulders. "It's just that happiness was not quite what we expected and you know how dramatic Freddie can be. Especially after what she did to you."

Hannah was completely baffled. "What are you talking about? What did she do to me?"

Jay froze in shock. "Wait a minute," he said slowly. "Where have you been?"

"With Kelly, of course."

Joy spread across his features and he hugged her hard against his chest. "Freddie! Get your ass in here!"

Freddie was in a full blown snit and stopped in the doorway with his arms crossed sulkily over his chest. "Don't expect me to approve," he said.

"She was with Kelly," Jay said pleasantly.

Understanding flashed across Freddie's face and he threw his arms up again. "Well, why didn't you say so? This is wonderful news!"

Hannah pushed herself away from them both, still hurt and angry. "What are you two talking about? I came here to tell you that I had the best day of my life."

Both men reached for her in concern. "She's back," Jay said gently.

"Who's back?" she asked, even though she was afraid she knew.

"Brenda. She came by here yesterday just before lunch looking for you."

Hannah backed up and sagged into a chair. "Oh, God. This can't be happening."

Freddie pulled a chair over and sat down in front of her. "Tell me about Kelly. What happened with you two?"

"I think I'm falling in love with her," she said absently. All of her new and exciting feelings were in danger of being overwhelmed with unresolved issues and Hannah reeled. "Where is she?"

"She said something about being at home," Jay said tentatively. "I understood that to mean that she's staying at your house."

Disbelief grabbed her by the hair and shook her. "She's in my house?" Anger propelled her to her feet and out the door.

Freddie grabbed her arm halfway down the walk and stopped her. "You have to be calm when you see her," he warned. "She was always good at twisting your emotions, pelliroja. Don't go there until you are ready."

"He's right," Jay added. "You can stay here for awhile if you want. We won't tell her where you are if she calls."

Reason made a comeback and Hannah took a calming breath. "You're right. Thanks for reminding me." She looked around and rested her eyes on Kelly's car. "I think I'll return Kelly's car and have her drive me home later. I need to tell her anyway."

Both men hugged her warmly and Freddie apologized for his behavior. Hannah let Cricket back into the car and drove across town to Kelly's apartment. She compulsively checked every car she saw to see if it was Brenda's and by the time she knocked on Kelly's door she felt as though she had been hunted all day.

Kelly greeted Cricket gladly before getting a good look at Hannah's face. "Good God! What's wrong?"

"Brenda's back."

All of the color leeched out of Kelly's face and Hannah could see her heart breaking. "So you've seen her?"

"I came here first," Hannah said and saw a measure of hope reassert itself.

"I'm glad you did," Kelly said. "I was afraid of something like this. Maybe it's good that it happened now."

Hannah stepped inside and Kelly shut the door. "How can it be good? Apparently she's still got a house key and she's already made herself at home."

Cricket was busily sniffing his way around Kelly's apartment, checking out all the new smells. Hannah sat on the couch and when Kelly joined her she moved over to snuggle under her arm. "I know I have to go home and deal with this, but can I stay here for a bit and get my bearings?"

"Of course. You're always welcome here. Stay as long as you like."

Kelly's voice was careful and correct and it made Hannah feel apprehensive. "Are you okay?"

"Well, it wasn't the news I was hoping for today, I admit that. But maybe it's just as well."

Hannah felt like Kelly was withdrawing from her and it added fear into the mix. "What are you saying?"

Kelly turned to face her. "I'm not sure how to say this without rambling, so bear with me." She took a deep breath and continued. "Do you remember telling me that you had unresolved issues with Brenda?"

"I said it to myself not 20 minutes ago," Hannah said.

"Well, I want you to resolve them. What I care about most is that you are happy and if that means that you end up with Brenda and not me, then so be it."

"You think I'll be happier with Brenda?" Hannah couldn't believe her ears.

"I don't know. This is what I'm trying to say. You were with her for six years, right? That sounds like a successful relationship to me and maybe you'll be happiest if you can work it out with her. You and I had one really amazing day, but it may not be enough to base a relationship on. I know that I love you, but I don't think you know for sure how you feel about me. Especially since you aren't sure how you feel about Brenda."

Hannah got up off the couch and began pacing in frustration.

"I'm not telling you to be with Brenda," Kelly clarified. "And it isn't that I don't want you in my life. I just want you to be clear about what you want and now you have an opportunity to find out. I think you should take advantage of it."

"What do you want, Kelly? This isn't just about me."

"You know what I want, Hannah. I'm clear about how I feel about you and I don't know Brenda, so this is about you. Tell me: how do you feel about me? Do you love me?"

Hannah wanted to say that she was falling in love. The words fought to break free, but she just couldn't say them. "I'm sorry, Kelly. I just don't know."

"I know that you have feelings for me," Kelly said with tears in her eyes. "You aren't the kind of woman who could fake what we felt yesterday and last night. But I knew then, just as I know now, that you really don't know how you feel and I accept that. You aren't hurting my feelings because you can't say what I want to hear. If you ever do say it, I'll know it's the truth. Yes! I want you to love me, but I really do want you to be happy. That's what I've always wanted."

"Aren't you worried or scared that I'll choose Brenda over you?"

Kelly snorted and wiped tears from her face. "Terrified."

Hannah sat back down and took Kelly's hand in her own. "This may not be something I can do in just one day, you know."

Kelly cupped her face with a warm hand. "I expect not."

Hannah wanted nothing more in that moment than to stay in Kelly's arms forever. "Should I call a cab or will you drive me home?"

"What do you want?"

"I want you to drive me home."

~***~

Hannah watched Kelly until she turned the corner and was gone. Brenda's car was in its usual place and she resented the normalcy of it. Wishing she could just run away she called Cricket to her side and went to the front door. It opened as she reached it and Brenda was there.

"Hi, honey. I'm home," Brenda said with a bashful smile.

Hannah felt resentment wash over her. "That doesn't even begin to sound funny," she said as she walked inside. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to my senses and came home to see if we could work things out. I know you're hurt and angry, but…"

Hannah held up her hand and Brenda's words came to an abrupt halt. "You've been gone for almost six months. You have no idea how I feel. I'm not sure you ever did. I want to know why you are in my house."

Brenda looked down at her feet and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I didn't have anywhere else to stay. I came here and you were gone. Jay and Freddie didn't know where you were, but they probably wouldn't have told me even if they did. I drove by your grandmother's home, but your car wasn't there and I didn't think she would want to see me either. I used the spare key to get in when it started to get dark."

Hannah held her hand out and waited. It took a minute for Brenda to realize what she wanted, but she eventually fished the key out of her pocket and handed it over.

"How will I get in when you aren't here?"

Hannah seethed. "It hasn't yet been decided that you will stay."

"Look, I was a jerk. I admit that. The way I left was selfish and mean. You didn't deserve it and I'm so sorry that I did that to you."

Hannah felt herself getting sucked into Brenda's contrition. That so familiar face and the voice she spent six years loving were begging for understanding and all of the old customary habits and feelings slid back into place. Hannah closed her eyes and pictured Kelly watching her from the water's edge with love shining from her eyes. Clarity was like a breath of fresh air. She opened her eyes and listened as Brenda continued.

"I thought about you every day and I knew right away that I had made a huge mistake. We had something good for six years and I threw it away on a whim. It's like I was crazy or something. I don't know what I was thinking then, but I've done a lot of thinking since then and I'm hoping that we can at least talk and find out if it's possible for things to work out between us. Six years is a long time to just throw away because one of us made a mistake."

"A mistake?" Hannah's voice rose. "That's what we're going to call it? A mistake? You left me without any warning that you were unhappy to chase after someone you didn't even know and you call it a mistake? It looked to me like you knew exactly what you were doing. I just found out a couple of weeks ago that you gave notice at your job. That sounds like something you planned, not a mistake." Hannah started to leave the room and swung back. "You made love to me the night before you left. Why did you do that? Why would you make love to me and then pack and leave in twenty minutes flat? Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"

Brenda looked genuinely ashamed and Hannah felt like an ogre but her anger was justified. "Where were you? Where did you go?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Springfield, Missouri," Brenda said reluctantly.

"What was her name?"

"Is that what you're upset about? You think I cheated on you?"

"What was her name?" Hannah repeated.

Brenda walked over to the couch and sat down. "Jenny Mason, but nothing ever happened between us."

Hannah didn't know whether to be relieved or not. "How much money do you have left?"

"That's not really your business," Brenda said.

"If you have any hope of staying here, you'll answer anything I ask you whether you think I have a right to know or not."

Brenda looked at her in disbelief, then reached into her pocket and sorted through some bills. "Eighty-six dollars, more or less."

Hannah walked over to a window and tried to gather her thoughts.

"Can we at least talk about us?" Brenda asked behind her. "Are you seeing someone else? Is that why you didn't come home last night?"

Hannah turned slowly in an effort to assert some control over her emotions. "Where I was is not something I want to talk about with you right now. Maybe not ever."

"You're right. It's none of my business." Brenda chewed on her thumbnail and Hannah knew it as a habit signaling when she was worried. "I'm going to go out tomorrow and look for a job. I would really appreciate a place to stay for a couple of weeks while I get back on my feet. I know I'm asking for a lot and I don't deserve any kindness from you, but I'm asking because once you loved me."

Hannah wanted to stay angry, but it was making her tired and it was no way to begin figuring out what she felt. "You broke my heart," she said softly.

Brenda looked up at her with sad eyes. "I know. I'm so sorry."

"I don't know if it's something that can be fixed."

"I'd like a chance to try if you think it's possible. Just tell me what you want."

Hannah thought of Kelly and shook her head. "I don't know what I want." Needing to be alone for a while and exhausted by all of the events and emotions of the past thirty-six hours, Hannah picked up Cricket and walked towards her room.

"Hannah?"

"You know where the bedding is," she said without turning. "You can sleep on the couch tonight and we'll talk tomorrow."

Chapter Ten

Hannah woke to the smell of coffee and toast. Reluctant to face Brenda so soon she took a shower and dressed for work before making herself go out to find her at the table with the local paper.

"Good morning," Brenda offered. "There's coffee and bagels and I'll be leaving in a few minutes. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you." The familiarity of this morning scene was unsettling and comforting all at once.

"I don't mean to hit you with a lot this early in the morning, but is it okay for me to use your phone number on job applications?"

Hannah poured herself a cup of fresh coffee and sat down. She looked into Brenda's brown eyes and let herself remember all of the times they had spent together. "I have a few ground rules we need to discuss."

"Of course," Brenda said with relief.

"You can stay for one month and then we will talk about what comes next. Don't bring anyone here and keep your things picked up. I don't want my house looking like someone's 'crib'. You are welcome to whatever food you need until you get your first paycheck and then you buy your own." Hannah watched to see that Brenda understood each item. "No long distance calls and no Internet. If you need to use the computer for making a resume that's okay."

"Actually, I used it yesterday," Brenda said tentatively. "I only printed one. I'll get it copied today, but I didn't use it for anything else."

"That's fine. Also, while I'm working I expect you to be working at getting a job. I don't want you here during the day. Is this acceptable for you?"

"You're being very generous," Brenda said sincerely. "Thank you."

"Don't make any assumptions about us, okay?"

Brenda looked away with a nod and Hannah went to her shop to prepare for her day. As she unlocked the door and put out the Open sign she saw Brenda drive away. She was soon busy working and she hoped that she appeared to be acting normally, but she felt a crushing despondency and every minute seemed like an hour.

Freddie came by shortly after eleven with a worried look on his face. "You look terrible," he said softly.

Hannah blinked away tears. "Don't make me cry, Freddie. I feel bad enough as it is."

He sat down on the edge of the chair and waited silently.

Hannah knew he was dying to know what was going on and she marveled at his restraint. "Promise you won't judge me or get mad and I'll fill you in."

"Deal."

"I'm giving her a place to stay for one month and she's sleeping on the couch while she looks for a job." She could see him chewing on the inside of his mouth to keep silent and it made her smile. The bell over the door tinkled and Freddie sat quietly while she returned one dog to her pleased owner and another owner brought his dog in to be groomed. When they were alone again, Freddie offered to bathe her next dog and she accepted. He had done this before and she appreciated the help.

"Are you going to tell me about Kelly?" he asked over his shoulder while rinsing.

Hannah sighed at the wave of longing that swept over her and hid a grin at the smile on his face. "Have you ever had a perfect day?"

"That good?"

"Better," she admitted shyly.

"So, what did you do?" he sing-songed.

"She took me up to a place in the mountains on the river. It was so beautiful, Freddie. It was like being on a deserted island. We didn't see anybody else all day."

Jay blew into the room and looked at both of them with concern. Hannah burst out laughing at his expression and her depression lifted enough to let some light in.

"What did I miss?" Jay demanded.

"I love you guys," she blurted out.

"We love you, too, pelliroja," Freddie said. "The wayward philanderer is sleeping on the couch for a month," he said in an aside to Jay. "She was just going to tell us all about her perfect day in a mountain paradise with the mechanic."

Jay sat down expectantly and crossed his legs.

"She told me about the dollhouses," she said to him. "Have you seen them?"

"Only in pictures," Jay said. "I was impressed."

"She's working on a Victorian right now and it's amazing. The detail on it is incredible. She has a real gift."

"Did you make love?" Freddie asked impatiently.

Hannah blushed so hard she thought she might faint and Freddie's laughter rang in her ears. "That is none of your business."

Freddie finished towel-drying the Shih Tzu and put him in a cage, then walked over to sit on the arm of Jay's chair. "So, what else did you do?"

Hannah shook her head with a laugh. "We talked. I know that isn't very exciting for you, but it was for me. She's not at all what I expected."

"You're not going to stop seeing her now that Brenda is back, are you?" Jay asked hopefully.

"I don't know," Hannah said and felt an ache start in her heart. "I barely know her, but I already feel like she's somehow necessary to me and it scares the hell out of me. I don't know if I can trust my feelings. After all, I thought everything was okay between Brenda and I."

"You did tell Kelly that Brenda was back, didn't you?"

"Of course." Hannah kissed and patted the pound puppy she had just finished, put him in the pen to wait and swept the floor as she recounted her conversation with Kelly. Both men looked thoughtful when she was finished and Hannah waited with quiet dread for them to speak.

"I'm just going to have to meet her," Freddie finally said. "She sounds like quite the woman."

"I hope you're not going to do anything behind my back," Hannah warned. "My life is complicated enough right now."

"Maybe if you invite her to dinner we could just happen to drop by," Freddie said hopefully.

"With Brenda here?" Jay said. "Maybe we could invite her to dinner at our place and Hannah could come over."

Hannah sighed. "Give me some time, fella's. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and I've got to get my head on straight."

~***~

Brenda was on her best behavior all week. She was attentive and unobtrusive, following every rule and being as helpful as she could manage without being annoying. Hannah found herself easing back into the rhythms they had established as a couple. Cricket, of course, was just happy to see his other mom and Hannah felt an irrational surge of betrayal every time he went to Brenda for attention.

Nights were the hardest. Getting to sleep was near impossible. She lay behind her locked bedroom door and replayed conversations both real and imagined with a variety of people. She worked out all of the things she could have said if she were just a little more clever, but no matter how adroit she became in her imagination she still felt dismal. She woke up from dreams of loss and betrayal more than once with Brenda outside her door asking if she was all right.

The weekend was especially difficult and when Hannah wasn't working on the yard, she went to her grandmother's home. The Murdock's were more than happy to go out on a date Saturday night while she stayed to make dinner and get everyone settled for the evening.

Her first appointment the following Monday morning cancelled by answering machine and she found herself with some alone time. After trying to talk herself out of it, she succumbed to temptation and called Kelly's house. On the third ring an answering machine picked up.

"I'm not home. Leave a message."

Just that little bit of Kelly's voice brought tears to her eyes and she almost hung up. "I just wanted to hear your voice," she finally said. Unable to think of anything else to say she slowly returned the handset to its cradle. Heartache stayed with her all day.

Brenda returned to the house in the early afternoon and came into the shop. "I'm only here for a minute," she explained. "I just wanted to tell you that I got a job at the check cashing place in the Park Street Mall. I start tomorrow."

"Congratulations," Hannah said, and meant it. The fact that Brenda really was making an effort gave her some relief.

"I don't want to get in your way," Brenda said with a proud grin. "I just thought you might like to know that I haven't been wasting my time."

"I didn't think you were," Hannah said, "but I must admit that I didn't expect you to have something so soon. I thought it was pretty tight for jobs out there."

"It is," Brenda said seriously. "But I really wanted one and I kept at it. I actually had two job offers today, but this one pays better and starts sooner. If you'll let me I'd like to cook dinner tonight to say thanks."

Hannah relented and it wasn't long before mouth-watering odors began to drift into the shop. When she was done for the day and the shop had been cleaned and prepped for the next day's appointments, dinner was ready and waiting for her. With a towel placed over her arm Brenda played garcon, seated Hannah at the table and proceeded to list the special of the day and take her order. Brenda had played this game before and Hannah always got a kick out of it. Before she knew it they were reminiscing about the past and all of the good and funny times they had enjoyed together.

Hannah's laughter unexpectedly turned into tears over dessert. "I'm so sorry," Brenda whispered into her ear as she held her. "I'm a fool and I'm so sorry." Hannah relaxed into her arms and cried herself out. The feel of Brenda's body was like a comfortable pair of old shoes, but her heart was in turmoil.

"Can we talk about us?" Brenda asked when Hannah had control of herself once more. "I've been trying to respect your space since I've been back, but I think we need to talk about the past and the future."

"I know," Hannah admitted. "I've been trying to ignore it."

"I've been hoping things would just heal themselves, too."

Hannah stared into Brenda's face and it's familiarity. "Why did you leave?"

"I wasn't happy. In retrospect, I handled it all wrong and if I had it to do over I'd do it different."

"Was it something I did?"

"Yes and no." Brenda looked away with a sigh. "Did you think of me as your lifelong partner?"

"Of course."

"Well, I didn't feel like I was. I wanted to be, but it seemed to me that you always expected us to fail."

Hannah's mouth dropped open in surprise. "How can you say that?"

Brenda waved a hand to indicate the house. "This is your house. I repeatedly offered to pay rent, but you wouldn't let me. It made me feel that I wasn't a permanent part of your life and you wanted to make sure that I didn't have any claim to it in case I ever left."

The sick feeling in her belly told Hannah that there was truth in what Brenda was saying and she wasn't sure she wanted to hear it.

"I bought furniture because I wanted to feel like I had a part in making our life together."

Brenda had paid for most of the furniture in the house. "Why didn't you ever talk about all of this?"

"I did!" Brenda insisted. "I even offered to help you pay for your grandmother's room and board."

"She's my responsibility," Hannah objected.

"If we were really lifelong partners then she would have been my responsibility, too. That's what I could never make you understand. You were always willing to share equally on emotional and sexual levels, but there's more to a marriage than that. Burdens and responsibilities are part of the package, too. But you always wanted to take care of everything yourself. Sometimes I didn't even know there was a problem until you had taken care of it. It's like you were unwilling to let yourself be even a little dependent on me for anything. I tried to demonstrate my willingness to be there for you on all levels by buying furniture and running errands, but you could never see it."

Hannah had gotten so used to thinking of Brenda as the bad guy that she had been completely in the dark that she had been partly to blame as well. Their entire relationship took on a brand new flavor and Hannah could taste the bitterness of it in her mouth.

"I didn't leave you because I didn't love you anymore," Brenda continued. "I left because I didn't think I was necessary to you and I wanted to feel that. If not with you, then with someone else."

"I'm sorry, Bren. I didn't know you felt this way."

"If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I probably could have done a better job of trying to communicate." Brenda gave a nervous smile. "I mean, you seem to be hearing me now so I must have been doing something wrong. I apologize for that, and for leaving you the way I did. It turns out to be the biggest mistake of my life."

An uncomfortable silence filled the room and Hannah struggled to put this new information into perspective.

"I still love you," Brenda said. "If you think there's a chance for us I'll do anything you want. I could pay for a counselor. I could even move into my own apartment and we could start over. I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but we had six years together and I'm hoping that will count for something."

Hannah blinked away new tears. "I need time to think about all of this. A lot happened while you were gone and I don't know what I'm doing."

~***~

An uneasy truce took hold in the house. Hannah looked forward to work so that she could be alone to think. Brenda was once again mindful of her tenuous position and tried not to put any pressure on her, but Hannah felt that pressure nonetheless. She felt pressure where Kelly was concerned as well, but the difference was that Kelly wasn't hovering over her shoulder. She felt completely free to go to Kelly or stay away and knew that Kelly would accept her decision gracefully. At times she felt this showed that Kelly didn't care enough, but at other times she felt that Kelly was showing her the ultimate in respect and trust.

On Thursday, with Cricket begging in her lap while she ate her lunch, the telephone rang. "Doggy Styles," she answered.

"Hi, Hannah. It's Jill."

Hannah almost choked. "Hello, Jill. How are you?"

"I'm good. I was hoping I could stop by and talk to you for a minute if you're not too busy."

Oh, God, I don't think I can take any more! "Sure. When is good for you?"

"I'm parked at the curb, actually."

Hannah set Cricket on the floor and set down her sandwich. "Well, come on in then."

Jill came in less than a minute later and gave Hannah a genuine smile. "It's good to see you again."

"You, too," Hannah said.

"Is now a good time to talk?"

"I was just having lunch. Now is the best time." Hannah braced herself internally.

"I came by for two reasons. First, to thank you for breaking it off between us. You were right."

Hannah couldn't believe what she was hearing. "That's not what I expected to hear."

Jill laughed. "Did you think I came here to cry and beg?"

"Without meaning to sound arrogant, it would have fit better with recent events."

"I'd be happy to beg for your friendship if you'll have it. I've had time to process how we were together and we never would have worked as lovers. I was new in town and I wanted to fit right in. I wanted it to be easy and you're such a sweet person that I found myself ignoring the signs. It's never easy to tell someone it's over and I just wanted to tell you that I appreciated your courage and honesty. If you like me at all, I would very much like to be friends."

Hannah couldn't believe her luck and she moved in to give Jill a hug. "This is the best news. I would love to have you for a friend."

"Deal," Jill said.

Hannah moved away. "Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thanks. I came for two reasons."

Jill's expression had become serious and Hannah felt her skin break out in a cold sweat. "What is it?"

Jill rubbed her hands together nervously. "I know you don't like rumors, but I heard this first hand. I couldn't just let it go without telling you about it." Jill cleared her throat. "I stopped by Safeway on my way home last night to buy groceries and I overheard your name. I got curious so I followed them."

Hannah watched incredulously as Jill's voice and mannerisms changed. "That furniture is mine. I paid for it and I'll be damned if I let her keep it all. She has her precious house and I have nothing. I know where all the receipts are and my name is all over them, so I can just back the truck in and start loading. Even if she calls the cops, the receipts show that I have the right so there's nothing she can do to stop me. I just have to act like I still care till Saturday morning and then she won't be able to run my life anymore."

Hannah buried her face in her hands and Jill's arm came across her shoulders. "That's not a direct quote," Jill said gently. "But that was the gist of it. I'm assuming that was your ex." Hannah nodded and Jill squeezed her reassuringly. "I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you all of this, but I would have felt terrible if I had kept quiet."

Hannah straightened and used a tissue to wipe her eyes clear. "I'm glad you did."

"I couldn't hear the woman she was with," Jill apologized, "or I'd give you a sketch of her, too."

"It doesn't matter who it was," Hannah decided. "This is between Brenda and I."

"Um," Jill started. "Can I ask you something else? I promised myself I wouldn't because it's none of my business, but I'm worried for you. The woman you had an awareness of is Kelly, isn't it? I saw you both coming out of an apartment early in the morning a while back."

Embarrassed at being found out like that, Hannah nodded.

"Is she a good person? Does she treat you right?"

"Yes," Hannah smiled. "She is a good person and she's very good to me."

"And the rumors?"

"Distortions of the truth," Hannah said confidently.

Jill leaned forward intently to lock eyes with her. "Do you love her?"

"I don't know."

Jill squinted at her. "Is it that you really don't know or that you're afraid to know?"

That Jill could cut to the heart of it so quickly made Hannah blush. Jill broke into a smile. "Well, congratulations seem to be in order. I've got to get back to work, but if I can be of any help, just call me. And when things are settled I expect an invitation to dinner so I can meet Kelly properly."

Hannah hugged her again before she left, then left a message with Jay's assistant that she had a non-life-threatening emergency. She let Cricket have the lunchmeat from her sandwich and tossed the rest just as clients began coming in the door again.

To keep her mind off of Brenda's machinations while she waited for Jay to call her back, she pulled up a mental picture of Kelly and was astonished at the feelings of peace and exhilaration that came over her. She felt better so fast it brought tears to her eyes. "I guess it's true," she told the Jack Russell she was giving a summer cut. "I do love her. What do you think of that?" She laughed as he set to wiggling in excitement at her improved mood.

~***~

Hannah was much calmer when Jay showed up without calling. "My assistant said you were crying when you called. What's wrong?" Hannah filled him in on Jill's visit and she could see his legal mode kick in. "Does she have the receipts?"

Hannah shook her head. "I don't know. Let's assume she does."

"Okay. If she has receipts then she has a right to the property. We can file for an injunction tomorrow to prevent her clearing it all out until it's heard in front of a judge. The fact is that she abandoned her property without an agreement when she left six months ago. At best, you'll get to keep everything. At worst, she'll get everything back and have to pay the going rate for storage for the last six months. Whatever, you do not have to let her back in the house. Not tonight; not ever."

Hannah mulled it over. "If it goes to court it'll be ugly."

"True," he said simply. "But it will be ugly on your terms, not hers. It's obviously her plan to surprise you with movers on Saturday morning. Thanks to Jill you've been spared that humiliation, but it's still going to be unpleasant. What you need to decide is what you want at the end of this. How important is the furniture to you?"

Hannah shrugged. "When I first heard, I thought the furniture was very important. If Jill hadn't come here today and Brenda had been able to carry out her plan, I would have been hysterical on Saturday morning because the furniture would have distracted me from the real issue. I've had time to think about it though. What I want is Brenda out of my life for good. And I don't want the back stabbing and bickering to continue for months. She can have the damn furniture if she'll just go away."

Jay smiled and hugged her. "Good for you! Now, you'll need a release that says she can't come back later and say that you owe her for anything. It can also include a clause to discourage harassment. Does that sound okay?"

"Can you make it sound scary?"

"Is that what you want?"

Hannah waggled her eyebrows at him. "Impress me."

"Oh, you really ought not to have said that." Jay smoothed his hair back with both hands. "Do you have a plan for tonight? Are you going to confront her?"

"I hadn't thought about it," Hannah confessed. "I don't think I can pretend that nothing is going on for the next two days, but I don't want the inevitable fighting either."

Jay looked at his watch. "She can always find somewhere else to sleep, so I recommend-as your lawyer-that we tell her tonight. I'd like time to see the receipts, check them out and see how bad this is going to be for you. Freddie will kill me if he doesn't get to come and watch the fireworks, so how about we come back for dinner at 6:30."

~***~

Brenda came home a short time later and Hannah informed her that Jay and Freddie were coming to dinner. She then spent the interval doing a much needed deep cleaning on her shop. Brenda looked in a few times to see if she wanted help, but Hannah graciously told her no. The guys arrived promptly on time and Hannah waited for Freddie to turn into a drama queen, but he was scrupulously well mannered. He sat down and engaged Brenda in conversation about her job.

Hannah went to the kitchen with Jay and in no time they were setting a stroganoff on the table. She felt strangely numb and was virtually unable to join in the conversation. Fortunately, Freddie and Jay were masters at trivial chitchat and she contented herself with picking at her food.

"You're awfully quiet," Brenda finally said to her.

"I've had a strange day," she answered slowly. Her gut started churning and she looked to Jay for help. "I think I'm going to be sick." Freddie reached over and rubbed her back and she calmed somewhat.

Jay tossed his napkin on the table and pushed his plate to the side. "I kind of wanted to wait till dessert just for the effect, but now is fine, too. As Hannah's attorney," he said solemnly to Brenda, "I'd like a chance to go over the receipts you claim to have for the furniture and verify their authenticity. Hannah would prefer to do this in a friendly fashion and avoid the courts if at all possible."

Brenda's face took on a look of panic and disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

Jay sighed and looked at her like a parent listening to a child's lie. "We know that you plan to bring a truck on Saturday morning and take the furniture. There's no use denying it. Hannah is willing to let you take what you think is yours, but nothing leaves this house without a receipt. If it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon work it out now."

"She has personal items here as well," Hannah added weakly. "Books, CD's, some clothes and other stuff."

"That's right!" Brenda quickly spoke.

"I'm sure Hannah will be more than fair about packing up your things for you." Jay said calmly.

"It's mostly done already," Hannah said. "There are boxes in the spare bedroom."

"So all we need now are the receipts," Jay said firmly.

"Who told you?" Vengeance was writ large on Brenda's features.

"I'm psychic," Freddie said ethereally. "It came to me in a dream."

Hannah couldn't help smiling at him. She hated conflict and Freddie's levity was just what she needed.

"The receipts?" Jay reminded again.

Brenda stared at them all, saving her worst glare for Hannah, then threw her chair back and stormed out of the house.

"Oh my," Freddie said in mock concern, "I think we've upset her."

Jay chuckled and took her hand. "Is there anything in particular that you would like to keep?"

Hannah worked to remember what Brenda had bought in the six years they had been together. "I'm not sure."

"Cough if something comes up."

Hannah nodded and they waited for Brenda's return. She carried a small manila envelope with her and emptied its contents onto the table. Hannah sat quietly with Freddie's arm around her as Jay checked each one and made notes. As it turned out, Brenda had a receipt for almost everything, including the bed, refrigerator and television. The table and chairs they sat at were her grandmother's and it looked like it would be the only place to sit left in the house. Fortunately, Brenda did not have receipts for anything in the shop so her livelihood was secure. She coughed once for the refrigerator because they could be expensive and she would need one. Nothing else seemed as important.

When Jay was finished he turned to her. "Do you dispute any of this?"

"No."

"Some of these receipts don't have any names on them. Just because she has them doesn't mean the items are hers."

"I remember her buying them," she said as Brenda opened her mouth to protest. "It all sounds accurate to me."

Jay turned back to a surprised Brenda. "Okay. I don't see any problems here. Hannah isn't going to object to any of the items represented here being removed. Just out of curiosity though, would you be interested in selling the refrigerator?"

Hannah held Freddie's hand as Jay negotiated, aware that his foot was tapping furiously. It occurred to her that he was remarkably calm in a situation that would normally see him angrily cursing in Spanish. Hannah stood and began clearing the table and when Freddie joined her, she softly asked, "What did he promise you for behaving? I've never seen you this calm."

"A diamond earring. I think he was going to get it for me anyway, I've been begging for months, but this way he feels like he's the boss and I do so love it when he's bossy."

Hannah giggled quietly at Freddie's suggestiveness.

"I'm glad you're letting her take that hideous sofa," he whispered. "I've always hated it. Will you let me help you redecorate?"

"Sure."

Freddie's eyes sparkled with pleasure. "You need paint, girl. Get some color in your life. All this white is so…Republican. It's time for you to stretch out a little and experiment. By the way, what kind of décor does Kelly like?"

"Hush," she warned. "Let's just leave Kelly out of this until the last one is gone, okay? Besides, I haven't even seen her for almost two weeks. Maybe she's decided that I'm not worth the trouble."

"You love her," Freddie teased.

"I barely know her." Hannah enjoyed the teasing as much as she wanted it to stop.

"You love her," Freddie teased again. "I can see it in your eyes." Hannah opened her mouth to dismiss him and he put a finger over her lips. "You love her." She nodded helplessly as he enfolded her in his arms. "I'm so happy for you, pelliroja. But, you have to tell her as soon as you can or it will only become more difficult."

"I know."

"Does she have furniture we can work with?"

Hannah backed away and slapped at his arm in exasperation. "I'm not going to ask her to live with me just because she has furniture."

"Hannah?" Jay called from the table. "How does $275 sound for the refrigerator?"

The refrigerator was only 3 years old and it sounded like a good deal. "When do you want it?" she asked Brenda.

"Now would be good," Brenda shrugged.

"Will you take a check?"

Brenda snorted. "And give you time to cancel it? Forget it. I'll take cash."

Hannah went out to the shop and between the cash drawer and her purse she got the money together. When she put it on the table, Jay covered it with his hand and directed Brenda in signing over the appliance on the back of the sales receipt. When it was handled, he informed her that she would have to spend the night somewhere else and not return to the house until Saturday after 10 am.

"Where am I supposed to go?" Brenda demanded.

"Where were you going to go on Saturday?" Hannah asked nonchalantly. "Go to a motel. Sleep in your car. I don't really care."

"I can't believe you're going to go back on your word. You said I could stay here for a month."

Anger flashed to boiling point faster than Hannah would have believed possible. "You were the one who sat there a few days ago begging me to go to counseling with you and the whole time you were planning on a surprise attack! You didn't mean a word you said! You had me believing that everything was my fault just so you could pull off some little play in front of your friends! Let's not overlook the fact that you left me!"

Hannah could see that she was out of control. She watched herself with a strange sort of double sight as rage and pain poured out of her. The most infuriating aspect of it was that every word seemed to make Brenda harder and more convinced of her position as the underdog. She finally reached a point where she had run out of things to say and she struggled to control her inflamed emotions.

"Just get out," she ordered.

Brenda pocketed her money, picked up her receipts and stood to go. "At least I never cheated on you."

"What?" Hannah was incredulous. "When did I ever cheat on you?"

"Where were you the night I came back, huh?" Brenda smirked. "I saw your face when you came home. It was pretty obvious you had just crawled out of bed with some floozy."

Serenity settled around Hannah like a cloak and she wanted to laugh with the pleasure it brought along. "First of all, you left me for another woman. You were very clear about that at the time. Second, you'd been gone for six months and I thought you were never coming back. Third, you're probably the only person to ever call her a floozy. I didn't think anyone even used that word anymore." Jay was chuckling behind her back and she could hear Freddie whispering. "I've been an idiot to have stayed away from her this long. I knew I didn't want you back from the start. I let myself give you another chance and you were using that chance to deliberately hurt me one more time. If you wanted your things, all you had to do was ask. I gave you a chance because I thought you were sincere. As it turns out you are devious, deceitful and unscrupulous. I have not deserved any of this, so I have to assume you're doing it to impress someone. Well, go ahead and tell your little friends whatever makes you look good. They'll find out soon enough that you're untrustworthy and word will spread. It won't be long before women are warning each other about you and you'll have to start over someplace else. No matter what you say about me now, in the end everyone will know it wasn't true."

Hannah had followed Brenda all the way out to her car as she spoke and felt that she was in the grip of something bigger and more powerful than herself. Where the words were coming from was a mystery, but as Brenda started her car she leaned over to speak through the open window. "From now on, every bad or disappointing thing that happens to you in your life will be your own fault. You'll deserve it. It's called karma, honey."

With a final glare, Brenda sped off and Hannah drew in a deep, sweetly scented breath. Turning, she found Jay and Freddie behind her with huge smiles. Jay clapped slowly and Freddie dropped to his knees to kiss her feet. She laughed shyly at their approval.

"Get up, Freddie. You're embarrassing me."

"You're my hero," he gushed.

Chapter Eleven

Hannah woke with a sense of excitement on Friday morning and by the time she finished her first cup of coffee she realized she was looking forward to seeing Kelly. Once she understood the source, the anticipation was almost unbearable. She became more and more distracted as the morning wore on and she finally decided she needed to hear Kelly's voice. In a spare moment, she called Kelly's machine like an addict in search of a fix. To her delight there was a new message.

"Hello. You have reached the Kelly Lowell Fan Club Information Line. If you would like to hear a reading of Kelly's likes and dislikes as printed in the latest issue of Baby Dyke Magazine, press one. For a schedule of Kelly's upcoming appearances in your area, press two. If you would like to hear Kelly's inspirational Thought-for-the-Day, press three now. For a personalized expression of love and support, please call back after 5:20 this evening to speak with the Fan Club's icon or request a call back after the tone. If you just want to hear this message again, please hang up and call back as often as you like. Thank you."

Hannah felt her heart swell with love and she thought she might implode. She hung up before the tone and stood with her hand on the phone. It wasn't enough to hear her voice. She needed to see her. She couldn't reach her next appointment on the telephone, but she was able to reschedule the rest of her day as if it were meant to be.

A short time later she was closing up the shop, something she had not done in longer than she could remember, and changing her clothes. She thought about calling ahead, but didn't want to waste any more time.

Kelly's boss was in his office as she walked up to the counter and she waited for him to come out. "Is Kelly in today?"

"Yeah," he said curtly.

"May I see her?"

He reached over to a stack of papers and pulled out a work order.

"No," she said. "It's not about my car. It's personal."

"She gets off at five just like every other day."

Hannah stood there with her mouth open as he shuffled back into his office. When he totally ignored her, she went outside and looked around uncertainly. Glancing back into the office to make sure that Merle wasn't looking, Hannah slipped around the corner of the building and through the gate. All of the big rolling doors were up and Hannah peered into each one in search of Kelly. A good looking Latino man asked her if he could help and directed her further down the row when she explained what she wanted.
She found Kelly's legs sticking out from under a Lincoln and forced her racing heart to act casual. She walked over and crouched down next to the long legs. "How's it coming?"

"This bolt is a bitch," Kelly grunted. "I wish people would take better care of…"

Hannah smiled at the silence.

"Please, Lord," Kelly whispered soft and low, "don't let it be Cantina messing with me again. I can't take it."

Hannah wanted to cry at the loneliness she heard in Kelly's voice. She reached down and slid her hand over Kelly's leg. "Come out where I can kiss you, babe." When nothing happened, Hannah reached under the car and seized Kelly by the belt to drag her out. Ignoring the arms crossed over Kelly's face, she grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her up to a sitting position. "Look at me, Kelly. I was an idiot when I let myself be convinced to give Brenda a second chance. I don't know why I was so afraid-well, maybe I do, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that…I love you." Kelly buried her face in Hannah's shoulder with a single sob and Hannah repeated herself, "I love you," until Kelly was laughing and they were kissing.

"I have the afternoon off," Hannah told her hopefully. "I really shouldn't be away from the house today, but I couldn't wait anymore. Will you come over after work?"

Kelly kissed her again, still careful not to touch her with her greasy hands. "I can be there in an hour. Maybe less."

Hannah looked around quickly to see that they were alone and whispered, "I want to make love to you," as her hand closed over a breast. "If you're hungry, you'd better eat before you come over."

Kelly's eyes were closed and she was breathing shallowly. Hannah kissed her once more and ran back the way she had come.

~***~

Temporarily replete, Hannah lay with Kelly curled in behind her and talked. She explained everything that had happened and how she felt, then asked what Kelly thought about it all.

"You smell good," Kelly sighed. "And I love your hair."

"My hair is like a brillo pad, and that's not what I asked you."

"It's a halo of fire." Kelly slid her hand down to cup gently between Hannah's legs. "A veritable burning bush."

Hannah's nerves began to sing again. "You are avoiding me."

"On the contrary," Kelly said as she nuzzled the back of her neck. "I don't have an opinion yet. When I do, I'll let you know. In the meantime…"

Hannah persisted. "What about tomorrow? She's coming back."

"Do you want me to be here?"

"Yes, but I'm worried that there will be a scene."

"She's going to find out about us sooner or later," Kelly said. "It might as well happen in private. You know that she's going to spread the word, don't you? How do you feel about everyone knowing about us?"

Hannah lifted one leg and hooked it over Kelly's hip with a groan as two long, agile fingers slid inside of her. "I don't care who knows."

"All of the rumors about me will include you now," Kelly said as she rose up on an elbow. "You'll be my femme or they'll call you my bitch and we'll be having aberrant, politically incorrect sex. They'll think that the name of your shop means something more than it does. They'll say that I lied to you about my past and they'll feel sorry for you. Some will feel it necessary to clue you in before it's too late."

"Okay," Hannah breathed.

"You say that now, but it's hard when people avoid you because they think you're different or depraved. People will say things to your face that will take your breath away. How are you going to handle that?"

It was hard to think with Kelly's fingers stirring her insides like that. "I love you. I don't care what they believe." Hannah licked her dry lips. "That feels so good, just like that. Don't stop."

"There will be a lot of speculation about our sex life. They'll probably say that we're into S & M and bondage."

Hannah brushed her hand over Kelly's mouth to stop her from talking as a steady, deep-seated pleasure coursed through her. "I don't care. Let them have their fun. We'll know the truth." Hannah had to stop for a breath between each sentence.

"You're so beautiful," Kelly said intently. "I can see how you feel and you're simply exquisite. You could stop now if you had to, but you're so close to needing it. I can make that happen," she offered. "I can hold you here for as long as you like or I can put you over the edge. Tell me what you want."

Hannah's entire being prepared itself for surrender. "Can you hold me…on the edge?" In moments she wasn't able to tell if it was Kelly's touch or her voice persistently crooning of love in her ear that made the feelings magnify so powerfully. She knew, in the far reaches of her mind that she was ultimately in control and Kelly would do whatever she asked, but she felt like a Stradivarius in the hands of a master. The more she relinquished volition, the sweeter the music played upon her body. When she heard Kelly's words, "Come for me, little one," it was the easiest thing in the world to comply.

"It must be you," Kelly said in wonder. "I know I've never been this good before."

"I find that hard to believe," Hannah said into her shoulder. "It's like you know what I need before I'm aware of it."

"You make it easy to know. The smallest thing makes you respond."

Hannah arched her back involuntarily as Kelly demonstrated. "Wait," she gasped. "Let me catch my breath first." Kelly obediently stopped and Hannah slid her own hand down to hold her there. "How long do you intend keep your hand here?"

"As long as you'll let me."

The phone by the bed rang and Hannah stretched out with her free hand to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, pelliroja. Are you okay?"

"Sure, Freddie. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Your shop, it has been closed all day and not ten minutes ago I bruised my knuckles on your front door, but you didn't answer."

"You were knocking?" She looked up at Kelly's smiling face and knew it was true. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I was…busy." Hannah slowly lifted her hips against Kelly's hand and was rewarded with a deep stroking.

"You are not sick?"

"I'm fabulous," she said carefully as Kelly's lips came to her breast.

"You are not sounding so good to me," Freddie said. "I will come to see for myself."

"No!" Hannah protested to the dial tone. "Crap! Get dressed, Kelly. Freddie's on his way."

Kelly rolled away and began to collect their clothes from the floor. "How long does it take for him to get here?"

"Five minutes, when he's on a mission."

They were barely dressed and still laughing at each other's frantic efforts to sort out their clothing when he arrived. With Cricket jumping at her legs, Hannah opened the door as Kelly flung herself onto the couch. "Hi, Freddie."

"You do not look sick," he said as he breezed into the room and froze with his eyes on Kelly. For one long heartbeat he was still, then he flung his hands up. "But, of course! Why did you not tell me you were making love?"

"When did I have the chance?" Hannah laughed and Kelly buried her face in a cushion.
Freddie dropped down next to Kelly. "So, introduce me to your Tu nuevo amor."

Hannah pulled Kelly up and sat possessively in her lap. "Kelly, this is one of my dearest friends, Freddie Azevedo. Freddie, this is Kelly Lowell."

"I love your hair," he enthused. "Who does it?"

~***~

By the time Jay showed up an hour later with pizza, Freddie and Kelly were like old friends. Jay acted like seeing Kelly there was the most natural thing in the world, but once in the kitchen he hugged Hannah clean off the floor. "I'm so happy for you, Hannah."

"Thanks, Jay. I'm happy for me, too."

After a simply delightful meal, they started emptying out drawers and clearing bookshelves in preparation for the next day's activities. Hannah's own disquiet at the magnitude of change that was about to occur took a backseat when she found Kelly with her head bowed at a bookcase. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Is she taking everything?"

Hannah looked around. "No. The table and chairs belong to my grandmother and I bought the refrigerator from her yesterday for a song. The nightstands in the bedroom are mine and so is the stereo. Then there's the books and knick-knack stuff. And, of course, the house is mine."

"She's cleaning you out," Kelly protested.

"It's her stuff," Hannah said lightly. "Besides, when it's all gone I'll really be free of her. Freddie's already offered to help me redecorate. At first I was scared, but now I'm kind of excited about it."

Jay poked his head around the corner. "What's up?"

Hannah put her arms around Kelly before answering. "She's just a little upset at how thorough Brenda's animosity is."

"She should have been here yesterday when you invoked karma on her. I know I felt better after seeing that."

"Invoking karma?" Kelly asked.

"It's kind of like a curse," Jay explained, "but without a backlash. It was very impressive."

"It just sort of happened," Hannah said with embarrassment. "She really shouldn't have called Kelly a floozy."

Kelly threw her head back and laughed. "Floozy? I'm pretty sure no one's ever called me that before."

"She didn't know who you were," Hannah smiled. Kelly's hands were rubbing her back and she didn't know if she would be able to let go.

Jay seemed to understand her dilemma. "I'm going to grab Freddie and we'll be back here in the morning about 9:30. Brenda should be here sometime after 10."

Hannah stayed right where she was as the men said goodnight and locked the door behind themselves. As soon as they were alone, Kelly picked her up in strong arms and silently carried her into the bedroom.

~***~

Hannah woke up in the dark and could hear Kelly breathing next to her. Moving carefully, she slid out of bed and padded into the kitchen for a drink. Cricket came to see what she was doing and Hannah scooped him up for some loves. She felt a little anxious about the coming day and she sat in the dark allowing herself the luxury of feeling without thinking about it. She didn't try to work anything out or understand herself; she just stared out the back door at the moonlit yard and let her emotions simmer. The mix of joy, relief, uncertainty, heartache and fulfillment made for a poignant blend and Hannah let the sweet ache of it reign for a time.

Eventually, her thoughts turned to the woman who slept in her bed. It was tempting to go in and wake her for more lovemaking, but she resisted the urge, opting instead to think of their future. There was no particular reason to believe that a relationship with Kelly would be more successful than the one she had shared with Brenda, especially since her judgment was currently impaired by passion, but there was a feeling about it that she couldn't explain.

Maybe it was the knowledge that Kelly had loved her and no other for most of her life. Hannah found it incredibly romantic to be loved so completely. She worried that she would fail to live up to Kelly's expectations, but that was to be anticipated in every relationship. Kelly probably worried the same thing about her. With a little frown, Hannah wondered what their first fight would be about and how they would treat each other. She hoped Kelly wasn't the type to say hurtful things only to apologize later, saying that she didn't mean them. She had known several people who fought dirty, including Brenda, and had never been able to believe that they did not mean every word they said. She herself was careful not to do the same as it hurt like the dickens when it was done to you.

Kelly's eating habits would take some getting used to as well. Hannah had watched her unobtrusively pick meat off the pizza Jay had brought earlier in the evening. She had shaken off the largest pieces as she picked up each slice and fed the rest to Cricket on the sly. She didn't have a problem with Cricket getting treats, but she wondered how much her own eating style would have to change. The idea of eating a steak or a hamburger in front of Kelly made her feel strangely ill at ease now. She knew that Kelly didn't want her to feel that way, but it wasn't something she had a handle on yet. She imagined it was probably how Kelly felt about smoking in front of her.

Hannah was very impressed with Kelly's determination to quit smoking. She made a point of not bringing it up since Kelly had explained that she didn't want Hannah to think of her as a smoker. Kelly had her own reasons for quitting that had nothing to do with her, but she still felt that Kelly was doing it for her. Consideration of her eating preferences seemed a small thing in comparison.

Feeling a little cold, Hannah poured herself the last cup of yesterday's coffee and put it in the microwave. While it was heating, she sneaked into the bedroom for her slippers. Moonlight angled across the bed and illuminated Kelly's back with quiet blue radiance. After a long and pleasurable look, Hannah carefully arranged the covers over her and pulled the door almost closed.

On her way back to the kitchen she picked up a shoebox full of photos from her life with Brenda and placed it on the dining table. With a small desk lamp and her coffee, Hannah went through the pictures with a mind to what she wanted to keep and what she was willing to let Brenda have.

Sorting through the pictures was a little like judging the contents of the ocean by the debris that washes up on the beach. A snapshot of Brenda with her broken foot up on a cushion seemed self-explanatory, but described none of the frustration she had suffered at not being able to finish out the year on the softball team. And the picture of Hannah dressed as a Teletubbie for Halloween disguised how incredibly angry she had been at Brenda for spending an hour on the phone with a psychic. Not to mention the picture at the park where they both looked bored almost to death, but was, in fact, taken less than twenty minutes after having made love in the back of a friend's pick-up truck in broad daylight.

Hannah stopped to get a napkin to dry her tears and started a fresh pot of coffee while she was up. Some of the pictures made her smile and some made her angry. Cricket's baby pictures were in the box and she set those aside for herself along with a number of shots of Jay and Freddie. Polaroid's she had thought destroyed long ago from a weekend in a Bed and Breakfast upstate she quickly cut into tiny pieces and threw away. She prayed that Brenda didn't have a stash hidden somewhere.

Christmas mornings, birthday parties, rainy days, cultural events, portraits, charity benefits and surprise shots-all found a place in one pile or another. Hannah put Brenda's pictures back in the shoebox and placed it with the rest of her things. The pictures she wanted to keep she put in a large envelope and placed with her books. Everything else went into the trash. Feeling as though she had finished grieving for what was good in her relationship with Brenda, Hannah poured herself another cup of coffee and went into the bedroom. Kelly had scarcely moved and Hannah sat down in the reading chair to watch her sleep. The covers had slid just far enough to let her see one shoulder and she used her mind's eye to draw in the rest.

She wondered where Kelly would be sleeping next. Hannah would only be able to offer sleeping bags on the floor and as cozy as that could be, she didn't expect to be taken up on it. Kelly's king-size bed came to mind and she pondered the odds that she would be invited to share it.

This started speculation as to how long she should wait after Brenda was gone to ask Kelly to move in. She had a vague notion that if Brenda had died she should wait a year, but Brenda wasn't dead and she had been gone six months already. Did that mean she should wait a few months because Brenda had come back for a spell? How long did decorum dictate before she could get on with her life?

Finances were not a problem as long as no more big expenses came up for a while. She would have to take her time getting replacement furniture and Freddie's dreams of interior decorating would have to be carefully managed, but money was not a big concern. She spent quite some time trying to figure out how and when to ask Kelly to live with her without seeming callous or acquisitive and came up with no answer.

Kelly shifted sleepily to her side, mumbled indecipherably and settled back to sleep. Cricket jumped onto the bed and curled up at her back with a sigh. Hannah held her breath to hold in a joyous giggle. It was silly to be so affected by such small things, but it was beyond her control.

In spite of the coffee she had been drinking, Hannah began to yawn. Dawn was not far off if the color of the night sky was to be believed. She padded out to turn off the coffee pot and returned to find Kelly sitting up in bed.

"Go back to sleep, babe."

Kelly rubbed her eyes with one hand and reached for her with the other. "You're up early."

"I've been up," she corrected as she tossed her robe on the chair. "I'm coming back to bed now."

Kelly pulled her into the circle of her arms, still warm from sleeping, and gathered the covers up. "You're cold."

"And you are toasty warm." Kelly's breathing evened out quickly and Hannah let the rhythm of it draw her down.

~***~

Kelly woke her up at nine with coffee and kisses. "The guys will be here soon," she prompted. "I didn't know if you wanted a shower or not."

When Hannah came out of the bathroom later, Jay was scrambling eggs while Kelly demonstrated the dance routine The Superlatives had taught her. Freddie had the pizza parlor photo hugged to his chest and was watching her raptly. Hannah was able to refill her coffee cup and sit down at the table without distracting anybody. She was just finishing her plate when she understood that they were behaving in a light-hearted manner in order to minimize her stress. As they were being so entertaining she decided not to say anything.

Glancing at the clock, Hannah went to the bedroom and began folding the blankets. She was stripping the sheets from the mattress when Kelly came in.

A look of stunned disbelief came over her features. "She's taking the bed?"

Hannah chuckled primarily to ease Kelly's distress. "Yes, she is. But she's not getting any bedding to go with it."

"Does she expect you to sleep on the floor?" Kelly's voice was rising.

"I don't think she cares where I sleep as long as it's not on her bed. Besides, I've got a lot of blankets and comforters, so sleeping on the floor is really quite comfortable and I'll get another bed before too long."

Kelly pushed the bedroom door shut with her foot. "Okay. I understand that sleeping on the floor is not the end of the world." Her voice was tight and controlled. "I even understand that it can be comfortable and you are probably not without the means to get a new bed. But this is intolerable."

"Do you really like this bed?" Hannah put as much incredulity as she could in her voice. "I mean, I'm used to it, but it's pretty old and it's not going to last much longer. Especially after the way we mistreated it yesterday." Kelly started to smile. "She sold me the refrigerator, maybe she'll sell you the bed if you want it." She rolled up the dirty sheets and mattress pad and stuffed them in her closet as Kelly started to relax.

"I'd like you to sleep at my place tonight," Kelly finally said. "Do you prefer one side of the bed more than the other?"

Hannah pretended to think it over. "I like the bottom." Kelly moved like a striking snake and she couldn't help but shriek as she was dumped on the bed and pinned. There was no way to avoid being tickled and Hannah screamed hysterically.

Kelly stopped as Freddie stuck his head in the door to tell them that Brenda had arrived. "Thanks," Kelly smiled at him. "I'm establishing my dominance at the moment, but we'll be right out. Stall her, okay?"

"Establishing your dominance?" Hannah laughed as Freddie left grinning.

Kelly poised her fingers for more tickling. "Do you dare to defy me?" she asked with a wicked leer.

"You're the boss!" she agreed quickly. "You're the boss!"

Kelly eased off but remained bent over her. "Maybe later I'll let you be the boss for a while."

"I'd like that," Hannah teased.

Brenda's look of shock when they came out of the bedroom was priceless. Hannah recognized the helpers as Jan and Pat. She had never known their last names and she didn't really know them, but she knew that they were basically good people. "Would you like some coffee?" She wanted this to go as smoothly as possible and being gracious seemed the best hope for that. "There's a fresh pot and cups on the counter, so help yourself if you change your minds."

Per Jay's instructions, Hannah sat down at the table to read the paper he had brought specifically for this purpose and let him handle things. Kelly sat next to her and watched Brenda relentlessly. "What are you doing?" she asked quietly while Brenda was outside.

"Do I look dangerous?"

"Not to me, but I've seen you naked. Are you trying to drive her crazy?"

"I'm trying to look unpredictable."

"You look stoned."

Kelly frowned at her. "Give me the crossword puzzle."

Hannah dug it out and Kelly bent to it with a pen. The next time Brenda came inside, Kelly tipped her head back and chewed on the cap. "Freddie? I need an eight letter word for blunt force trauma."

Hannah lifted her own section of paper a little higher so she could hide her grin.

"Do you have any letters?" Freddie asked.

"First letter B: fourth letter D."

"Bludgeon," Jay suggested after a moment of thought.

"Thanks." Kelly leaned over the paper and scribbled busily. "Let's see," she mused. "I know this one." Kelly spelled aloud as she wrote. "A. U. T. O. P. S. Y."

"Give me another one," Freddie requested.

"Okay. How about asfix…asphyxiate? What does that mean, Hannah?"

It took all of her will power to answer with a straight voice. "It means to strangle."

"Um…not enough letters. I need nine."

"Suffocate!" Freddie called out.

Biting the inside of her cheek was all that kept her from falling to the floor in a fit. "Please," she hissed through her teeth. "Don't make me laugh."

"They're outside arguing," Kelly said a moment later. "You can laugh if you make it quick. I think I'll go offer to help."

"Don't do it," Jay said seriously. "We're halfway through the list and our goal is to have this over with no more malice than necessary."

"Okay," Kelly pouted. "I was just trying to have fun."

"I didn't say you couldn't have fun," Jay grinned. "Just keep it at the table."

Hannah got up and made herself a glass of ice water while she got her hilarity under wraps. She returned to the table and Kelly pushed the crossword puzzle towards her.

"Check it out," she suggested. "I finished it."

Expecting a ploy, Hannah glanced at it and realized it was a note.

"Every time you look at me-every time you touch me-I swear I can feel your hands holding my heart with the most exquisite tenderness. There will never be anyone but you. I love you."

Hannah melted. "I love you, too," she said softly. Kelly was watching the movers again through the front window and Hannah reached out to rub her forearm. She casually looked out the window herself just as Brenda stooped to pick up Cricket. A gush of fear that Brenda would take him propelled her to her feet and down the front walk. "I'll take him," she said nervously.

Brenda turned a cool look on her. "Afraid I'll steal him?"

Hannah held her breath until Cricket was in her arms and hurried him into the house. She didn't relax until he was locked in the backyard. Avoiding worried looks from Kelly and her friends she slipped into the bathroom to collect herself. She had been afraid that Brenda would take him because she had been the one to bring him home in the first place. She had rescued him from the pound for her, but Hannah wasn't sure that Brenda would choose to remember that. Having the house stripped of furniture she could handle, but she would fight to the end for her dog.

She opened the bathroom door just as Brenda passed by and she dropped her eyes in an attempt to avoid notice.

"Tell your pet freak I'm not afraid of her," Brenda jeered.

Hannah experienced something very like a power surge. "She's not a freak!"

Brenda sniffed and turned her back. "She's probably not a she either."

Hannah stepped forward to snatch the hair right out of her head and was grabbed up from behind before she could reach her. "How dare you!" she screeched after her. "You take that back!"

"Hannah!" Kelly spoke sharply against her ear. "Stop it!"

Hannah turned in Kelly's arms as she was lowered to the floor. "Didn't you hear what she said about you?"

Kelly's face was calm, but serious. "You said you could handle it. I told you this sort of thing would happen and you said it was no problem."

"How can you just let it go? Don't you care what people think?"

Kelly held her by the arms intently. "No, I don't. Nothing she says can hurt me; those nerve endings died a long time ago. What I care about is what you think. And it will hurt me if you try to beat up the world because folks are mean to me. She knows I'm a woman, Hannah. She just wants you to hit her. Think of the power that would give her. Don't give it up so easily."

Hannah felt a crushing heartache for Kelly and deep shame that she had tried to hurt Brenda for a few spiteful words. She started to cry and was pulled into Kelly's arms. "I'm so sorry," she wept.

"I know, love. Believe me, it's not always this hard. She can still get under your skin, that's all."

Kelly led her back to the dining room and snuggled her in her lap while Jay and Freddie brusquely directed the final items to be taken, including the bed. Her house looked empty now with her remaining belongings haphazardly stacked along the walls. Imprints of the furniture were still embedded on the carpet and she could see how badly she needed to paint. Freddie was muttering in Spanish and Jay was tight-lipped.

"It feels like I've been robbed," she bawled. "I know it's her stuff and I'm glad to get her out of my life, but I feel violated." Kelly held her tighter. She was still crying when Jay and Freddie came to comfort her.

"It's over," Jay announced. "She's gone and there's no reason for her to come back."

" Ay, mi nena, no llores," Freddie crooned. "Freddie le va a arrancár el corazon a ésa puta por lo que te hizo. Ella es como una llaga infestada en el culo de todas las lesbianas pordoquier."

Hannah understood almost nothing of what he said, but his tone of voice struck her as funny and she was suddenly laughing through her tears.

"Cuando séa necesario," Kelly said, "díme lo que necesitas. Yó sere tu acomplice o te ayudaré a establecer tu cuartada."

"You speak Spanish?" Hannah could not have been more surprised and she sat up to get a better look at her.

"I learned while I was living down in New Mexico." Kelly grinned as Freddie clapped his hands excitedly. "I didn't like how Hispanic people were treated by gringos, so I switched sides. Come to find out they were a lot more interesting and fun to be around."

"Finally!" Freddie exclaimed. "Someone will understand my jokes!"

"Don't count on it," Jay quipped.

~***~

Hannah fell asleep on Kelly's couch while watching TV later that afternoon. She woke briefly as she was tucked into bed and let Kelly remove her clothing before sliding back into dreams. When next she awoke the alarm clock by the bed said it was almost midnight. She was still alone in the huge bed and she wrapped up in a blanket before going in search of Kelly.

She found her in the workroom soldering what appeared to be cell bars for her nephew's police station with the radio on so low it was barely audible.

"Did I wake you?" Kelly asked.

Hannah shook her head and snuggled up to her back with her arms around her. "I was lonely. Can I stay with you?"

Kelly began to sway from side to side on her stool. "I'm not having much success here. I'd be more than happy to come to bed."

"No, this is nice." Hannah let herself drift and was almost asleep on her feet. Before long, Kelly put her things away and turned off the radio. She led Hannah back to bed and Hannah spooned her from behind. "Say something to me in Spanish," she requested sleepily.

Kelly was silent a moment, then began to speak. "Tú eres el amor de mi vida. Yo nunca me aprovecharé de ti o abusaré de ti a sabiendas. Yo me ofrezco a ti como amante, esposa, protectora, y para servirte estoy. Yo te voy a querer en salud y enfermedad, seamos ricas o pobres, en tiempo buenos y tiempos malos, por todos los días de mi vida. Esto lo hago yo libremente y sin reservaciones, estando entre tus brazos o sin ellos."

The cadence and rhythm of it was like a song and Hannah let it pull her emotions. When Kelly fell silent, she sighed. "What did you say?"

"That I love you. Go to sleep, amante."

"You said more than that."

"There are many ways to say 'I love you'," Kelly said with a yawn.

~***~

Hannah left Kelly asleep in the bed. Wanting Kelly to know that she would be coming back, she left Cricket with her. It was still early so Hannah went home first to change clothes. Her house seemed strange to her and she wondered how long it would take for that feeling to go away.

At the Murdock's, her first order of business was coffee. She found that half of the residents used the smell of coffee as a wake up call and that made her job easier. As they started to poke their heads out, Hannah greeted each one and helped them with their clothes as needed.

"Something has made you very happy," Nana said as she came into the room.

"I'm the same as always," Hannah asserted.

Nana looked at her with piercing eyes. "Liar. Something has happened."

Hannah sighed. "Can we get breakfast out of the way before we talk about it? There's a lot to tell you."

"But you are happy, yes?"

A silly grin forced its way onto her face. "Very. Now get dressed." She got everyone into the dining room, gave them all their various medications and injections, then announced that she was taking orders for breakfast. The usual routine was to make one thing, usually a warm cereal with toast or English muffins, but this morning she felt generous. It made breakfast more difficult, but it made all of them feel that today was going to be special.

After cleaning up, she sat down with her grandmother at the table to visit. It wasn't long before everyone except Mr. Levin and Mrs. Halvorsen had joined them and wanted to know what was going on. Nana had made sure that everyone knew Hannah was a lesbian a long time ago. Mr. Levin and Mrs. Halvorsen were upset by it, but had learned that it was better not to say so in front of Nana. The others seemed to be fascinated by it. They didn't approve of lesbianism per se, but they liked Hannah. She wondered sometimes if they didn't see her life as the equivalent of a train wreck and couldn't help but look.

It was hard to explain the last couple of weeks to so many people all at once. It felt risky and dangerous, but they all seemed so interested and they drew her out with questions. When she told them about Brenda's claims regarding the rent and the house, she received a long lecture from them all about being married and the difficulties of being totally committed to another person.

"You need to have a common goal," Mrs. Standish insisted. "Something that you do together. Me and my husband had our children, but I don't suppose you will ever have babies of your own, so you will need to pick something else. Maybe one of you will work harder at it than the other one and maybe one of you will spend more money on it, but it has to be something that is important to both of you. The marriage can not work without a purpose to bind it together."

"She's talking about a house," Mr. Blackney snorted. "I had our house in my name and my wife never complained that she wasn't important."

"Times are different now," Nana said. "You were married, but my Hannah can not be married. You knew that your wife would get all of your property if you died. If Hannah dies, they will make me take it because I am her relative. Even if she loves someone for 30 years, they still get nothing."

Mr. Blackney frowned uncomfortably and Hannah could see him struggling with ideas that he had never faced before. The fact that he was even willing to think about the issue made her respect him more.

"It is not a real marriage unless everything is shared," Mrs. Standish said.

"And if it doesn't work?" Hannah asked. "Am I supposed to risk losing my house?"

Mrs. Benson reached out a fragile hand and patted her arm. "A woman should have the means to start over in case something terrible happens, but Mrs. Standish is right. If you will risk all of your heart, how can you not risk all of your belongings?"

"It's not just my house, though. It's also my business."

"Your business is in your skills, not your location," Nana said. "Your clients will come to you if you are working out of a cardboard box on the sidewalk. True?"

Hannah conceded the point.

"Well, I think she did the right thing," Mr. Blackney grinned. "After all, it didn't work out with what's-her-name. I hope you threw her out on her ear."

Hannah filled them in on the previous day's activities. Mr. Blackney scowled, Mrs. Benson and Mrs. Standish clucked and Nana shook her head sadly.

"How much did she take?" Mr. Blackney wanted to know.

"Let's see. I have a dining table and chairs, nightstands, some lamps and a stereo left. She took the rest."

They were all quiet and Hannah brought them more decaf coffee. Nana finally broke the silence.

"So, why do you look so happy?"

Hannah blushed deeply and could not look at them. "Before Brenda came back, I met someone."

All four elders seemed pleased. Mrs. Benson reached out to her again. "This is wonderful, dear. It is another woman?"

"Yes." Hannah thought it funny that they still thought her options in that regard were open.

"At least she's consistent," Mr. Blackney chortled.

"Do you love her?" Mrs. Standish asked.

"Yes. I haven't known her very long, but I think sometimes you just know."

"Does she love you?" Mr. Blackney asked.

"She does."

"So, tell us all about her," Mrs. Standish insisted.

"Well, she's really strong and quite tall. She has short blond hair and she's an auto mechanic, but she has…"

Mr. Blackney squinted at Nana. "Sounds like that girl who came to see you."

"What was her name again?" Mrs. Standish asked.

Hannah's mouth dropped open and she stared at her grandmother who was trying to shush the others. "Nana?"

"It was someone else," her grandmother said. "Go on and finish."

Hannah stared at her a moment longer. "Anyway, she was in the Army and she makes the most amazing dollhouses for her nieces." They were all staring at her and it made her nervous. "Her name is Kelly Lowell."

"That was it?" Mrs. Standish crowed. "I had it on the tip of my tongue."

"She was very sweet," Mrs. Benson said softly.

"I thought she was a man," Mr. Blackney said, "until I saw her…" He mimed breasts and the women chastised him for it.

"When was she here?" she asked with incredulity.

"Last week sometime," Mrs. Standish guessed. "She even helped Mr. Murdock to fix the van's chair lift. Very nice of her."

"Is she really a woman?" Mr. Blackney asked.

Hannah ignored his question and focused on her grandmother's resigned face. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Nana reached out and patted her leg. "I didn't call her, Hannah. She showed up about a week ago and wanted to talk to me."

"About what?"

"You-her feelings for you-her intentions." Nana raised her coffee cup and took a drink. "It was refreshing and rather old fashioned."

Hannah was shocked and didn't know what to feel. "Was she asking for you to intercede?"

"No, no, no," Nana clucked. "She was worried about you and she seemed lonely, but I think she was just letting me know where she stood. She promised she would leave you alone if you didn't want her and that she would never mistreat you if you did."

"And what did you tell her?"

Nana grinned wickedly. "That you're stubborn when you're wrong, belligerent when you don't get your way and cranky when you're tired."

"You didn't?" Hannah covered her face as the elders laughed at her. "Why didn't you tell me she had been here? Did she ask you not to tell me?"

"On the contrary. I think she knew I would tell you. I just didn't see any point at the time. Besides," Nana soothed, "it's all worked out for the best now, hasn't it?"

"How come she dresses like a man is what I want to know," Mr. Blackney persisted.

Hannah rested her chin in her hand. "She is a woman," she said patiently, "and lots of women wear jeans and T-shirts. Kelly isn't trying to look like a man; she just looks like herself and I think she's beautiful. She has incredible skin and long, thick eyelashes. I've seen her in a dress and she looks more like a man in a dress than she does in jeans. There are all kinds of women out there and she's just one kind."

Chapter Twelve

Hannah stopped at the supermarket on her way back to Kelly's apartment to pick up food for Cricket. While she was there she picked up sodas, beer, fruit for a tropical salad and the makings for burritos. She was trying to decide what flavor of ice cream to buy when an arm fell over her shoulders. Startled, she tried to jump back and realized it was Cantina. "You scared me?"

"Sorry about that," Cantina laughed. "I just wanted to surprise you."

Hannah laughed at how pleased Cantina seemed to be with herself. "How are you?"

"Not as good as you," Cantina leered. "Not that I got any details from Kelly, but she looks pretty good, too, so I'd say I'm right on the mark. I just saw you in here and decided to check what we're having for dinner."

"We?"

"Have you talked to her in the last hour?"

Hannah shook her head and reached in for Mint Chip ice cream. As she set it in the cart, Cantina shook her head doubtfully. Hannah lifted it back out and returned it to the shelf. "What kind does she like?"

"She likes anything chocolate," she said as she searched for the right one, "but she likes this one that's got orange sherbet and vanilla mixed with chocolate pieces in it the best." She located the right one and tossed it in the basket. "I stopped by Kelly's earlier and your little puppy was there so I made her fill me in on the highlights. I tried to invite myself to dinner, but she said she had to discuss it with you first. I thought that's what you were doing here."

"I just got off work and I'm on my way back to her place, but it's fine with me if you come. What time and how many extra people?"

"It's my husband's day to play mommy, so it'll just be me and I can come now."

"Well," Hannah said reluctantly. "I need to talk to her about something first so why don't you come at five?"

Cantina broke into a smile. "Okay?"

"Is there anything else I should get?"

Kelly's friend sifted through her basket. "Looks good to me. If I think of anything else, I'll bring it myself."

~***~

Halfway up the steps, Kelly was there, taking the bags from her hands. "Thanks, babe."

"What all did you buy?"

"I only stopped to get food for Cricket, but then I got carried away." She closed the front door and leaned over to pet Cricket as Kelly set the groceries down on the dining table.

"How was your day?" Kelly asked as she kissed her forehead.

Hannah carefully sat down at the table and looked into her lover's eyes. "Why did you go to see my grandmother?"

Kelly sat down, too. "I know I shouldn't have, but I was lonely and scared. I just wanted to tell someone how I felt. Cantina would have teased me even more. And my folks-well, they care about me too much to just let things work themselves out. They would have been trying to fix things. Mrs. Archer was the only one left."

"So you weren't trying to use Nana to get…"

Kelly's face was horrified. "No? Don't even think that? I told her that she could tell you-that there were no secrets…"

Hannah took Kelly's hand and brought it to her lips. "I just wanted to be sure." She stood up to put the groceries away and Kelly anxiously took her arm.

"Are you mad at me?"

Hannah could see genuine concern in Kelly's eyes. Using both hands she tipped Kelly's face up and kissed her lightly, then spread kisses all over her face. She stopped, high on Kelly's long neck, and sucked skin hard between her teeth. She heard Kelly grunt and kept up the pressure for a moment, then let go and looked to make sure there would be a mark. Pleased with the small bruise, she patted Kelly's cheek and smiled. "I'm over it now."

"What am I going to tell the guys at work?" she asked as she fingered her throat.

"Tell them you were a bad girl," Hannah laughed.

Kelly shook her head in amusement and reached into a bag to pull out the ice cream. "Whoa. This is so weird."

Hannah kept her grin under wraps. "I hope you like that kind."

Kelly looked at her in disbelief. "Cantina loves this stuff."

"What?" Hannah couldn't believe it. "But she said it was your favorite?"

Kelly started to laugh. "You have to watch out for her. She's tricky."

Understanding came over Hannah. "Did you invite her for dinner?"

"No? I told her that you and I had other plans."

Hannah dropped back into her chair with a groan. "She'll be here at five. Does she always do this sort of thing?"

Kelly got up and put the ice cream in the freezer. "Usually she doesn't get away with it, but you didn't know about her dark side and I think she was counting on it. I can call her and cancel."

"No, that's okay. I don't mind. You spent time with my friends and I want to get to know yours better." Hannah fished a beer out of a bag and opened it. "What were our other plans?" Her pulse raced as Kelly gave her the look. "Oh." Hannah swallowed hard. "What time did you get up?"

"Cricket woke me up at 7:30 to take him out for a walk."

"What did you do the rest of the time?"

"I showered. Watched the news. Cantina came over. Not much really."

"Did you miss me?"

"Completely." Kelly joined her at the table with her own beer and Hannah studied her hands. "I don't know if I can stand it."

"What?"

"Your hands." She reached out and ran her fingers over them. "I don't think I can stand other people seeing them."

Kelly looked confused. "What's wrong with them?"

Hannah hitched her chair closer and held Kelly's hands to her face. "How would you feel if I walked down Main Street topless?"

Kelly grinned, but it gradually faded as she thought about it. "I don't think I'd like it much, but everyone has hands. It's not the same."

"No one has hands like yours," Hannah murmured against them. "They are as much a part of your sex as your breasts and your…You know."

"My 'you know'?" Kelly chuckled. "Is that what you call it?"

Hannah was embarrassed. "I don't call it anything. I don't like any of the words for it. They're either inaccurate or dirty." Kelly's hands began to stroke her face.

"Men make the words dirty. I think they're secretly ashamed of their own genitals. Not just how they look, but how inadequate they really are. It makes them feel better about themselves to make ours seem inferior. No matter what we call our own genitals, men will use it against us. They'll make it nasty and obscene. Our only option is to take back the names and be proud of them. If we do that they won't be able to use the words as weapons anymore."

Hannah's breath caught as Kelly lifted her easily onto her lap. She offered no resistance as her blouse and bra were removed. "What do you call it?"

"In defiance, I chose to love the most hated word of all: cunt."

Hannah was shocked. "Why?" Kelly lifted Hannah's arms and folded them on top of her head. Holding them there with one hand, she used the other to stroke and tease her. Icy fire raced under her skin and Hannah couldn't quite catch her breath.

"Vagina, clitoris and labia define individual parts of the whole."

Hannah lowered her eyes to watch Kelly's rough hands trailing softly over her breasts and belly, the words echoing pleasurably in her head.

"Pussy, beaver, peach and the like are frivolous and dehumanizing."

Kelly's quiet, matter of fact voice was as arousing as her touch and Hannah thrilled at them both.

"Pudenda means 'shame' and I refuse to be ashamed of such an incredible part of our bodies."

Hannah gasped as Kelly slid her hand down to cup between her legs. Kelly's eyes were somehow hard and liquid at the same time.

"This is a serious thing. It deserves a strong and serious name. This is your cunt, Hannah. Say it for me."

Embarrassed, she braced herself to speak. "Cunt." She had meant to say it with force and confidence, but it came out as a squeak.

Kelly smiled. "It's hard to say at first." Her hand moved back to Hannah's breasts. "It used to be that calling a woman a bitch was cruel and hurtful. But women have taken the word back. Women stand up straight and proud and announce that they are bitches. It gives them power and it takes power from those who want to hurt them. Cunt is a magical word. The more you say it and think it, the more you come to love it. When you love it, it will make you feel strong and powerful."

Kelly let go of her arms and both hands roamed over Hannah's skin. She wanted to wrap her arms around Kelly and hold her tight, but instead she laced her fingers behind her neck and spread her elbows out like wings. This thrust her breasts forward and she closed her eyes as they were taken in Kelly's hands.

"You are so beautiful," Kelly whispered ruggedly. "The way you look, the softness of your skin, the smell of your excitement, the taste…"

Hannah groaned and arched into Kelly's mouth as it came to her nipples.

"The sounds of you…" Kelly murmured. "You overwhelm me."

Hannah grasped Kelly's head and held it to her. She wanted Kelly to be relentless and unstoppable, but didn't know how to ask. Kelly was so tall and so strong that it made her feel small and helpless. She knew she was perfectly safe, but there was something about the passion Kelly evoked in her that made her aware of her vulnerability. No one else had ever made her feel that way and if asked she would have denied any desire to experience it. The fact that she wanted more of it now made her uncomfortable, but when Kelly was setting fires under her skin she didn't care if it was wrong or bad. She only knew that she wanted it.

"Make me," she pleaded in Kelly's ear.

Kelly pulled back and looked into her eyes. "So soon?"

Hannah grasped the short blond hair in her fingers and growled. "Be strong with me."

Her eyes held uncertainty and regret. "I don't think I can hurt you, Hannah."

"No? Not that?" She pushed her breasts harder into Kelly's hands as she searched for the right words. "Make me defenseless. Control me. I want to feel…" She yelped as Kelly stood up abruptly and threw her over her shoulder. Scared she would slide down the broad back to fall on the floor, she clutched at Kelly's waist. Her shoes and socks were peeled off and she noted them with surprise as they dropped to the floor in a trail down the hallway.

In one dizzy move she was on her back on the bed with her jeans around her knees. Feeling a little frightened she tried to back away on her elbows, but Kelly placed a knee on her jeans and she was trapped. She reached out with both hands to slow her down and they were captured in one of Kelly's larger ones and forced over her head.

"Kelly?"

Her underwear was pulled down roughly and gentle fingers slid inside of her. Eroticism gripped her in an iron fist and she cried out. "Yes?" Kelly's mouth moved hungrily over her breasts and Hannah writhed with need. All too soon she was coming and lights flashed behind her eyes. Kelly's hands released her and still she couldn't move.

"Did I hurt you?" Kelly asked with genuine concern.

Still trying to quiet the pounding of her heart, Hannah shook her head.

Kelly's fingers brushed hair and tears from her face. "Are you okay?"

Hannah nodded silently, unsure how to feel about what had just happened.

"I love you so much. I tried not to hurt you." Kelly stretched out next to her and lay her head on Hannah's shoulder. "That was a little scary."

Hannah lifted one hand and stroked Kelly's head. "For me, too. But…I liked it."

"Me, too," Kelly said quietly. "Was it what you wanted?"

"Yes." Hannah pulled her feet out of her jeans and kicked them to the floor. She pushed Kelly to her back and sat astride her hips. That Kelly was still fully dressed made desire flare up again. "I always feel some of that with you."

"Some of what?"

"Helpless. Vulnerable. Out of control." She ground her hips against Kelly and smiled at her gasp. "Do you ever feel like that with me?"

Kelly's hands eased over her thighs. "Every time I look at you I feel weak. When you touch me, I can't think straight."

Hannah eased her hands under Kelly's shirt and held her breasts. "Do you ever feel overpowered by me?"

"Not physically, no." Kelly licked her lips. "But I feel like my heart is on the outside of my body. When I'm with you it feels like my life is on the line. I guess I feel emotionally vulnerable."

Hannah pushed the T-shirt out of the way and placed her lips over Kelly's heart. "I will try not to ever hurt you," she promised.

She took her time with Kelly: undressing her inches at a time and using her own pleasure as a lure until Kelly was breathless and frantic. Her mindless chant, "please please please…" made Hannah grateful to be alive. Feeling the powerful body helpless in orgasm brought tears to her eyes.

Familiar now with Kelly's post-coital torpor, Hannah picked up her T-shirt and used it to wipe sweat from her lover's neck and between her breasts. A slight noise from the hallway drew her attention and she spotted Cricket waiting for permission to join them.

"Come on, boy." She patted Kelly's leg and the little dog ran towards her with a flying leap to the bed. He ran up Kelly's stomach and she began to laugh. Hannah let him kiss her face and smiled when he gave kisses to Kelly as well. "He feels a little left out," she explained.

"Do you suppose he watched all of that?"

"I'm sure he did," Hannah laughed. "Next time we'll close the door."

Kelly scratched under his chin. "As long as he doesn't try to participate, I don't mind. My old dog, Reba, used to wait until you were getting busy and then lick your butt. It was very distracting."

Hannah laughed helplessly at the image in her head. Cricket responded to her laughter with a happy dance on Kelly's chest and she scooped him up under one arm as she sat up. Hannah watched Kelly walk down the hallway, Cricket's stubby little tail pumping madly, and enjoyed the view even more when she came back holding their bottles of beer.

"You're a beautiful woman, Kelly."

Kelly tossed Cricket to the bed and handed her a beer. "Hardly."

Hannah took a drink while she worked out how to go on. "I love you."

Kelly's smile was almost painful. "I love you, too."

Hannah sat up and folded her legs. "If you can believe that I love you, why is it so hard to believe that you are beautiful?"

Kelly collected her cast off clothing and tossed it towards a laundry basket. "It must be love if you think I'm pretty."

"I didn't say pretty. I said beautiful." Kelly looked as if she were tolerating Hannah's words. "Don't you think a strong woman can be beautiful?"

"Yes. But strength doesn't automatically equate with beauty."

"It does in your case." Hannah set her beer on the nightstand and reached for Kelly's arm. "Make a muscle." Kelly laughed nervously and stepped back. Hannah followed her and wrapped her hands around an upper arm. "Please?" Kelly blushed, but she raised her arm to a classic position and flexed.

Hannah hummed with pleasure at the large knot of muscle in her hands and she explored the shape of it. Reaching for the other arm, Kelly obliged with another flex. She dipped under her arm and laid her hands on her back. "Show me."

Hannah had to reach up to explore the broad shoulders. Muscles came to life before her eyes. Kelly's spine was a long valley down the center of her back and she spread her hands out with her thumbs centered in it.

"I feel stupid," Kelly said nervously.

Hannah's mouth was dry and she almost choked trying to get the words out. "You're amazing." She moved her hands out over Kelly's shoulder blades and slowly ran them down the tapered length of her. She spoke quietly as she explored how short, bunched muscles gave way to long, flat ones. "I've seen women on television-body builders and wrestlers-with bodies like yours. I've never been attracted to them before, but there's something about your body that I find terribly exciting." She dropped her hands to Kelly's ass and felt the roundness bunch under her palms. "There's a hardness to you, but it only accentuates the softness of your skin."

She knelt and ran her hands over the long muscles of her thighs and the short, high ones of her calves. "I'm surprised you shave your legs. I didn't expect that."

"I usually don't," Kelly admitted. "I did it for you."

Hannah smiled and used her hands to turn Kelly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. It makes no difference to me."

Kelly tightened her thighs and Hannah followed them to her groin. Rising to her feet, she smiled as her fingers tangled in pubic hair. "I'm familiar with these muscles." Kelly smiled back.

Hannah spread her hands over Kelly's abdomen and felt the muscles harden under the skin. She couldn't see them, but her fingers could trace each one.

"I'd need to lose weight for those to show up," Kelly said in a voice tight with strain.

"That doesn't sound healthy," Hannah frowned. "I shudder to think how low your body fat is already. Please don't do it for me."

"Do you want to see something weird?"

Hannah smiled, curious at Kelly's embarrassment. "Okay." Kelly's face was beet red as her breasts jumped independently and Hannah burst out laughing. "Oh, my God? I didn't think women could do that. Do it again."

She couldn't help but laugh as Kelly's breasts bounced in odd rhythms. She reached out to stop them and they jumped in her hands. Hannah stepped back and looked down at her own breasts. She concentrated, but nothing happened. Puzzled, she said, "I can feel them, but it's like there's no connection. It feels like my body doesn't know how to interpret the instructions. Maybe I don't have those muscles."

"You have them," Kelly laughed. "But yours are beautiful and don't need to know tricks."

Hannah smiled as she put her arms around Kelly and buried her face in her chest. She could feel Kelly's chin on the top of her head. "Is it strange to hug someone so short?"

"I don't know. I've never held anyone my height."

Hannah reached up and put her arms around Kelly's neck. Pulling herself up she scissored Kelly's waist with her legs. "How about now?"

"This is good, too."

Hanging on tightly, Hannah covered Kelly's mouth with her own and kissed her. Their kiss deepened and she drew Kelly's tongue into her mouth as she was lowered to the bed.

Later, Kelly was lying on the bed recovering as Hannah looked over at the bedside clock. "Your sneaky friend is going to be here in twenty minutes. Can I wear something of yours?"

Kelly made a small noise that Hannah took as consent and she went to the largest dresser. She smiled at the tangled mess of underwear and socks in the top drawer. The rest of Kelly's apartment was so neat she had expected the same military precision in her clothing. The next drawer held T-shirts and while they were folded, they were still disorganized.

"I think there's a blue one in there that might fit you," Kelly said lazily.

Hannah didn't want one that fit. She wanted one that fit Kelly, so she took a gray one off the top. As she started to close the drawer she spotted a box off to one side. For a moment she was so startled she couldn't speak. "There are bullets in your drawer."

"I know."

Hannah closed the drawer and hugged the shirt to her chest as she turned. "Of course you would have a gun," she babbled. "You told me you went shooting and after all you were in the Army. Why didn't I expect that? I should have been surprised if you didn't have a gun."

"Are you all right?" Kelly lifted her head off the pillow to look at her.

"I don't think I've ever known someone who actually had a gun. They never seemed quite real to me."

"It's in the nightstand if you want to see it."

She didn't, but she couldn't help it. She sat down next to Kelly and forced herself to open the small drawer. Hannah knew almost nothing about guns, even in theory. It was much larger than she expected, but regardless of its effort at elegance, she felt that she was just inches from a deadly-and very angry-snake. "Is it loaded?"

"Yes."

Hannah felt gooseflesh prickling her skin. "It scares me."

"It should," Kelly said firmly. "Its sole purpose is to kill people."

Hannah shuddered involuntarily and quickly pushed the drawer closed. Kelly's arms drew her down and she snuggled gratefully into her warmth. "Have you ever killed anyone?"

"No," Kelly answered. "And I hope I never have to, but if there's no other choice, I'll do it in a heartbeat."

Hannah's mind raced uncomfortably. "Are you a good shooter with it?"

"Am I a good shot?" Kelly's arms tightened a bit. "Don't expect to see me in the Olympics any time soon, but I do okay. There's a range up on Old Canyon Road that I go to every couple of weeks. You can come watch sometime if you like. Someday, if you ever want to, I can teach you about them. It's kind of relaxing."

Hannah's distress started to ease and she felt silly. "How many guns do you have?"

"Only the one." Kelly brushed her hair aside and began kissing her neck while she spoke. "I used to have almost a dozen, but my last therapist said I was overcompensating. When I stopped being mad I realized she was right, so I sold all of them to a dealer. That was when I stopped working out so hard. I was trying to make myself invulnerable, but it's impossible."

Hannah was struck by an image of Kelly, armed and buffed out in order to protect herself from ever being hurt again. "It must have been a hard time for you."

"It was brutal getting to clarity, but once I understood what I was doing and saw how useless it all was, I felt incredible. Everything I had been doing was feeding my fear and giving it power over me. When I let it go, I discovered that my fear was afraid of itself. I still have the occasional dream and some men make me nervous, but for the most part, fear leaves me alone. The older I get the more I understand that strength is in your mind, not in your fist."

Cricket yipped from the living room before she could respond and Kelly bolted up as the doorbell was pushed repeatedly. "Cantina," she hissed. "I swear I'm going to paddle her for this."

Hannah laughed and pulled on the T-shirt as Kelly dove for the dresser. The shirt came to mid thigh and Hannah felt decently covered, so she closed the bedroom door and went to let Cantina in. ?Hey? Come on in."

Cantina held up a shopping bag with a grin. "Chocolate ice cream by way of an apology and I also…I thought you were just going to talk. Look at this place?"

Hannah looked around to see her clothing strewn about and the dining room chair tipped over. Funny, I don't remember that. Embarrassed, she began to gather her things. "We did talk, you know."

"Oh sure, I believe you." Cantina laughed. "You probably shouldn't bend over like that though."

Mortified, Hannah raced for the bedroom. Leaning back against the inside of the door she saw the humor in it and began to laugh at herself.

"What is it?" Kelly was just pulling up a pair of sweats.

"She's teasing me, babe. Shoot her."

Kelly laughed back as she pulled a shirt over her head. "What did she say?"

"She told me not to bend over." Hannah tossed her clothes at the bed and lifted her shirt to wiggle a naked hip at Kelly.

Kelly sidled up to her and pinned her to the door. "Do you want me to shave her head?"

"Maybe just a circle on the top," she whispered back. She put her hands behind Kelly's neck and pulled, pleased when Kelly cupped her ass and lifted her. "In the back where she can't see it." She could feel the vibrations of Cantina's knocking on the door at her back. "Will she go away if we ignore her?"

"Not a chance," Kelly murmured into her neck. "We'll have to feed her first."

"I can hear you guys whispering," Cantina complained. "Is this any way to treat a guest?"

"A self-invited, manipulating guest," Kelly said loudly. "Cool your jets, girl. We're getting dressed."

"I doubt it," Cantina groused.

Kelly sighed. "I don't think we should let her meet Freddie."

Hannah laughed and pushed at Kelly's shoulders. "We have to eat anyway," she said as she was set on her feet. "Next time I just won't answer the door."

Kelly grabbed a pair of shorts from the dresser and knelt to hold them open for her. "It wouldn't do any good. She still has a key. I've tried to take it away from her, but I think she's got it hidden outside somewhere. I can never find it on her."

Hannah stepped into the shorts and let Kelly pull them up. She had been undressed any number of times in her life, but she couldn't remember ever being dressed by someone. She put her hands on strong shoulders and tried to find some reason not to do what she wanted to do. Unable to find one, she threw caution to the wind. "She doesn't have a key to my house."

"Good idea," Kelly whispered as she tightened the drawstring about her waist. "Next time we'll go to your place."

Hannah swallowed. "I was thinking…every time." She watched Kelly's easy smile change to one of hopeful wonder.

"You mean…?"

Hannah's hands trembled as she cupped Kelly's face. "Come live with me."

"Are you sure?"

"I know it's soon. Maybe even too soon, but I have a feeling about us. I want you with me, and not because you have furniture. Please, Kelly, say yes?"

"Yes?" Kelly scooped her up and spun in circles. "Yes? Yes? Yes?"

Hannah hung on tight, laughing hysterically, as Kelly celebrated. When they ran into the bed, Kelly dropped her and turned to yank open the door.

"She wants me to live with her?" Kelly shouted to a surprised Cantina. She spun back to the bed and began to jump on it. The third leap made her head connect with the ceiling and she dropped to her back like her strings had been cut.

Hannah reached for her. "Are you okay?"

"We'll be great together," Kelly sighed happily as she pulled Hannah into her arms. "I'll never hurt you and I'll keep my things picked up. I won't smoke anymore. I'll pay my share on time and I'll…"

Hannah put her hand over Kelly's mouth and turned to a grinning Cantina. "Will you give us two minutes, please?"

Cantina pouted, but humor peeked through her expression. "I never get to see any of the good stuff. It's just not fair."

When the door closed, Hannah turned back to Kelly and saw tears. "I only want two promises. Don't ever tell me you love me when you don't and when you do love me, tell me all the time."

Kelly pulled her hand away. "I do love you, Hannah. Those are the easiest promises I'll ever make."

"I'm not easy to live with," Hannah warned. "I'm bossy and unreasonable and…"

"I don't care," Kelly interrupted. "I'm no picnic either. I'm moody and I like time alone. My friends call me out for car emergencies at all hours and my family…" Kelly groaned. "Oh, god. You haven't met my family. You may want to reconsider."

"I thought you said they were great."

"They are. But taken in a group it's kind of like Cantina on steroids. My mom's going to ask you in the first five minutes if you want children."

"I'll just tell her that I have complete faith in your ability to pull it off."

Kelly chuckled. "Do you want children?"

Hannah shook her head firmly. "Not in the slightest."

Kelly sighed in relief. "Then I only see one problem."

Hannah wiped at her tears. "What's that?"

"We still have to feed Cantina."

EPILOGUE

"I heard another rumor today."

Kelly's hand hesitated ever so slightly in caressing Hannah's back. "Jill?"

Perfectly content, Hannah didn't move from her spot on Kelly's shoulder. "Mmm hmm."

A sigh came from the tall woman. "You know, it never ceases to amaze me how a woman with so much natural class and intelligence can be such a fishwife about gossip."

Hannah giggled at the truth of that statement. "Be nice, baby. She's my friend."

"I know. Mine, too." Kelly's arm tightened briefly. "So, what's the scuttlebutt this time?"

"Apparently...we're happy."

Kelly threw her arms out on the bed. "Good God! What will they think of next?"

Hannah laughed in delight. "I know! After all of the mean, crappy things people have said about us, and now this? It defies all reason."

Kelly chuckled softly. "My favorite was you being a dominatrix in disguise."

Hannah lightly slapped the flat belly under her hand. "Keep dreaming, baby."

"Oh, I will. I will."

"You and your twisted fantasies," Hannah teased lovingly.

"Heh heh."

Hannah snuggled a little closer. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about an idea I had."

"Okay."

She was a little nervous to be bringing it up, but she'd thought about it from every angle and had decided that it really was what she wanted to do. "You know how you talk sometimes about starting your own shop?"

"Yes."

"Well, I've figured out how to do it sooner rather than later."

"Oh, really? Lay it on me, sweetie."

Hannah closed her eyes and crossed her mental fingers. "All right. After you ask me to marry you, I'll put your name on the deed to the house." She felt Kelly go very still and rushed on so she could get it all out. "We can mortgage it for whatever you want because it's all paid for. You're a vet, so you can probably get some help on that front, too, and then we can use the money to start Family Motors. I'll still have my shop, so we'll have enough money to get by while you get things rolling. It could work."

Kelly was silent for a long moment. "I'm not going to marry you for the house or the money, Hannah."

"Of course not. You'll marry me for love."

Kelly shifted and rolled Hannah to her back. Leaning over her, she looked into her eyes intently. "You can't risk your home and your business on my dream, honey. You just can't."

Hannah reached up and put a hand to the side of Kelly's face. "I've never wanted to do anything more in my life, Kelly. You are the best choice I ever made and I want to bet everything that I have, everything that I am, on our future. I don't want to hold anything back. I don't see it as a risk. It'll be an adventure."

Kelly shook her head. "I don't know the first thing about running a business."

"I do. So does Freddie. And you know that Jay will be a huge help. Heck, even Jill will be useful considering all of her experience with advertising and promotion. We'll all teach you. Besides, it's the vision that's important and you have tons of that. You talk all the time about how you would do things different and your ideas rock. We can do this, baby. I want to do this."

"But to risk your home?"

"I'm going to put your name on the house regardless, Kelly. I don't even think of it as my house anymore. It's our house. I already talked to Nana about this and she told me that a house is just a tool. Home is in our hearts. She's behind this decision one hundred percent. So am I. Let's use this house to make your dream a reality."

There were tears in Kelly's eyes. "You're my dream, honey."

"And you're mine. But, we're allowed to have more than one dream. Say you'll think about it?"

Kelly lowered her head to Hannah's shoulder silently. Several minutes passed. "Okay. We'll think about it. There's a lot of research and planning to do, so we're not going to rush into anything."

Hannah sighed in relief. She had been so worried that Kelly would reject it out of hand.

"As for the first part of your little plan..." Kelly raised her head and there was a wicked glint in her eye.

"Yes?" Kelly laughed and a shiver of anticipation shot through Hannah.

"When I ask you to marry me, it will be for no other reason than because I love you. Is that clear?"

Hannah hid her smile. "Yes, baby."

THE END

This is the third story I've written set in the fictional city of Edgewater. It's a great place to live. The sun always shines - unless rain is needed for dramatic effect. It's not too big, not too small, and justice always prevails. I have a much better job there, too, and all the women want me. There will be a fourth story set in Edgewater....as soon as I write it.

To all the people who have sent emails and left recommendations, I love you guys.

TRANSLATIONS

Compañeros
Companions

Ola
Hello

Amante
Lover

Tu nuevo amor.
Your new love

"Ay, mi nena, no llores. Freddie le va a arrancár el corazon a ésa puta por lo que te hizo. Ella es como una llaga infestada en el culo de todas las lesbianas pordoquier."
"Oh, my poor baby, don't cry. Freddie will rip that whore's heart out for doing this to you. She is a festering sore on the ass of lesbians everywhere."

"Cuando séa necesario, díme lo que necesitas. Yó sere tu acomplice o te ayudaré a establecer tu cuartada.
"When the time comes, I'll be your alibi or your accomplice. Just let me know which you need."

"Tú eres el amor de mi vida. Yo nunca me aprovecharé de ti o abusaré de ti a sabiendas. Yo me ofrezco a ti como amante, esposa, protectora, y para servirte estoy. Yo te voy a querer en salud y enfermedad, seamos ricas o pobres, en tiempo buenos y tiempos malos, por todos los días de mi vida. Esto lo hago yo libremente y sin reservaciones, estando entre tus brazos o sin ellos."
"You are the love of my life. I will never knowingly abuse you, cheat on you or take advantage of you. I offer myself to you as your lover, your wife, your protector, your servant. I will cherish you in sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, good times and bad times for all the days of my life. I do this freely and without reservation, whether it be within the circle of your arms or not."