After All This Time
By Bella Taggart
Part 12/?
The next two weeks passed very quickly for Callie. Work had built up during her absence and it seemed, since her return to full time, all she did was either operate, or fill out paperwork.
She didn't really have the time to think about Erica; if not thinking about her actually meant thinking about her all the time. She was still conflicted about her but at least somewhere along the way seeing Erica had stopped being painful. Gone were the uncomfortable, awkward encounters. Now each time they met, always for official business of course, they were actually friendly. Not overtly but friendly all the same. And sometimes they even spoke about things other than work. One time they had spoken about the weather and once about sunrise yoga, which was significant in itself, because Erica had said, "You still do that?" and that was the first time she had made a reference to their past.
If she was being honest with herself, Callie looked forward to those rare moments they spent together. In fact she often found herself walking up and down the hallways- inconspicuously, always maintaining a sense of purpose in her strait- subtly looking around for a familiar face. Her one consolation was that the walks had become a sort of a daily workout for her, and since she had no time to actually go to a gym, it all actually worked out quite well.
She felt like a student with a crush on the principal most of the time. It was forbidden, but it sure motivated her to work harder, faster and longer. She had always liked coming to work but now it was as though she couldn't wait to get there. Couldn't wait to find more challenging cases and get to work. Erica's presence was almost fueling her to be the best surgeon she could be.
Was it all a subconscious effort to impress her? Maybe or maybe just being around Erica was making everything in her life come to life. Like everything she wanted to achieve and be were coming into focus in big bright colors.
It was new and exciting that was for sure. And it had been a long time since she had felt genuine excitement about anything, or since she had met someone that could trigger a heartbeat with the mere thought or sight of them. Callie had grown accustomed to thinking of herself incapable of such feeling and just being able to experience that had Callie simply feeling good about herself. No matter what happened between them, at the very least, she knew that she owed Erica for that.
She was sitting in the lobby of the hospital waiting for her friends for the last fifteen minutes, when finally Lexie and Sloan walked out of the elevator.
"About time." She said, getting up to greet them.
"Sorry we're late. Mark was just being a little chicken."
"Hey." Mark grumbled, putting on his leather jacket.
"Cluck, cluck, cluck."
"What's going on?" Callie asked, amused.
"Dr. Sloany here is afraid of needles." Lexie teased, pulling on a green wool hat.
"Am not."
"Yes, you are."
"No, he's not." Callie supported.
"Oh please, he almost fainted, Betty was going to get his blood and you should have seen him, before she could come two steps in, he had turned completely white. Like egg-white."
"Ooh." Callie said, scrunching up her face and nodding once as understanding set in. Then she was shaking her head, "I've given him shots before, and it's not the needle."
"Thank you! I'm not afraid of a needle Lex."
"Baby, it's okay. You don't have to be tough. I love you just as you are."
"It's not the damn needle."
"It really isn't Lexie. I thought you knew this." Callie said, patting Sloan's back.
"What? What don't I know?"
"You can't make fun of me, it's a serious thing." Sloan pouted.
"I won't, I promise."
"You sure?"
"Scout's honor."
"It's the blood." Callie said gravely, trying to stop herself from smiling.
"It's the s-s-sucking of the blood through and out of my vein," Sloan interjected, making a slurping noise through the words and looking sick in the process. "S-sucking...out...my blood…"
A long moment passed in silence, both Mark and Callie waiting for Lexie's reaction. And then Lexie, who was always so gentle and understanding, was busting out laughing. "Are you kidding?"
Her reaction was so funny that Callie couldn't stop herself either.
"Nice, very nice. Both of you." Sloan crossed his arms and looked away.
"I'm sorry. It's just, 'the s-s-sucking'?" Lexie asked, snorting through her laughter. Building up on each other, Callie and Lexie continued until they were bumping into and holding onto each other to remain standing and tears were running down their cheeks.
"Very mature…is Sadie coming or what?"
"Here! Right here," Sadie's voice interrupted, as she joined them in the lobby. "Sorry, I was in Hahn's surgery. It ran a little late." She said, taking in the scene in front of her. "What did I miss?"
"Nothing." Sloan snarled, leaving no room for argument.
"O-kay." Sadie said, looking at Callie, with raised eyebrows.
"Later," Callie silently mouthed, trying to stop her chuckling.
The 'ding' of the elevator had them all turning around to see Erica walking up to them. She was wearing her beige overcoat, and carrying a Luis Vuitton briefcase in her hand. Callie instantly sobered up and straightening, ran a hand through her hair.
"Chief?" Sadie was the first to address her.
"Doctor Harris."
She acknowledged Lexie with a tip of her head and turned towards Mark and Callie, "Dr. Sloan, Dr. Torres." Her voice was the softest when she said her name and Callie felt herself smile in response.
"Hey." She said, her voice soft as well. "What's up?"
"I just wanted to let you know that I rescheduled Mr. Gibson's surgery to 12:30 pm tomorrow, instead of 8.00 a.m."
"How come?" Sloan asked.
"I want to give his body a few more hours to settle after today's ordeal. I was just with him and I think we should let him regain a little strength before we open him up again. Just to be safe."
"Yeah. Okay." Callie agreed. "That's a good idea."
"Sloan?" Erica asked.
"That's fine." He agreed.
"Alright. That's all I had to say, so I won't keep you. Have a good night."
"You too." Callie replied but before Erica could move away, Sadie cut in, "Hey Chief?"
"Yes?"
"We're actually just going over to Joe's to have a drink." She said coming to stand next to Callie, and draping an arm over her shoulder, "You're welcome to join us if you'd like. Right guys?"
Erica's eyes followed Sadie's arm for a moment and quickly left it to settle on the group, expressionlessly.
After a quick moment of stunned silence Lexie answered for the group. "Of course. You should come, it'll be fun."
Erica looked around quickly and settled on Callie's eyes searchingly, "I um…"
Callie shrugged and smiled shyly, letting her know that it was up to her.
"Come on." Sadie encouraged.
Erica looked up at Sadie and sighed. "I can't I'm sorry. I actually have a date" she cleared her throat, "with a number of dusty boxes. I haven't had a chance to unpack since I've been back, but thank you for the invite."
"Sure."
"Rain-check?" she asked, but her eyes were looking into Callie's.
Callie nodded once, and Erica gave her an almost invisible smile, but Callie saw it.
"Definitely." Sadie assured.
"Good night."
The group mumbled a jumbled "Goodnight." And then Erica was gone and Callie was turning to Sadie and rolling her eyes, "Smooth."
"Hey, it's all for you babe."
"Uhuh."
"Are we going or what?" Sloan asked, sounding bored.
"Let's," Callie agreed, linking her arm with Sadie's. "Let's have a drink."
They started walking out and then out of nowhere Lexie was doing the sucking-slurping sound again with her mouth, "s-sucking" which had Callie laughing again and Sloan storming up ahead of them. "That's it. You're sleeping on the couch tonight missy."
"Baby, I'm sorry." Lexie begged, running after him, though she was still chuckling. "I looove you!"
-----
"That was such a rush."
"Wasn't it?"
Callie and Erica walked out of the OR together, riding the usual high that came after a particularly complex surgery. Everything had gone according to plan and, fingers crossed, Mr. Gibson would soon be walking out of this hospital. That was saying a lot for a patient who had been paralyzed for the better part of two years.
"Seriously, I'm getting addicted to these high intensity surgeries. Ever since you've been back it's like one after the other."
"Is that a good thing?"
"Are you kidding, it's a great thing. I'm having so much fun."
"Well I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, I don't know about everybody else but..." Erica trailed off, dropping her file onto the nurses' desk and giving Callie a look that said that she wasn't so sure.
"What are you talking about? Everyone I know is having a blast. Everybody is…The whole hospital is buzzing with this energy. Everyday it's like, 'what's it gonna be next?' Just the other day Christina and I were talking about how much the hospital has already changed in such a short time." At Erica's raised eyebrows she added, "In a good way."
Erica smiled modestly, though it looked strained as though she knew something Callie didn't, and flipped a page, in an obvious effort to change the subject.
"No seriously Erica, I mean yes we are working harder than ever and yes the pressure of excellence is sometimes a little heavy on the shoulders, but it's also pushing people to be better. And the cases you've lined up are so interesting that I doubt anyone is complaining."
Erica smiled once again, this time more relaxed. "I'll take your word for it."
"You should. I'm telling you I'm having a great time and Christina is like…orgasmic."
As soon as she said it, and saw Erica's eyes widen, she regretted her choice of words. This was not something you said to a mere colleague, though the more time they spent together the more she needed to remind herself of that fact. If she were honest, stopping from falling back to the way they used to be around each other-easy and uncensored- was proving to be almost impossible.
Cursing herself internally she felt her cheeks warm. Thankfully Erica simply laughed it off and continued as though she hadn't said anything out of the ordinary.
"Ha. That's because you and her are hardcore. Not everyone is like you Callie."
"Did someone say something to you?"
Erica shook her head. "No. I'm just saying that there are bound to be some people who don't like it or who can simply not handle it."
"I guess."
"And at least this way we find out who's really cut out for this job and who's not. A person can be really nice but that doesn't mean that he or she belongs here. "
"Right." Callie was growing more confused by the minute. At first it had seemed like Erica was in need of a little reassurance about running the hospital but now it felt like they were talking about something more specific. "Did something happen?"
Erica looked at her contemplatively for a long moment and then shook her head. "No. It's nothing; forget about it."
"Are you sure?"
"It's really nothing, just some administrative stuff on my mind." Smiling calmingly, she reached over and squeezed Callie's shoulder, "Don't worry about it."
It had been a reflex, a simple gesture meant to reassure, but it was also the first time Erica had touched her in three years. Feeling her strong, steady, and yet gentle grip on her shoulder had Callie's heart beat rushing. It seemed like every part of her body's awareness was directly focused on that one specific part where they were touching.
Like everything else was suddenly, unexpectedly blurry and the only clear thing was Erica's fingers on her shoulder. Her eyes had traveled down to take in the scene before she had the sense to feign disinterest. And then she was looking up into Erica's eyes.
But Erica wasn't looking at her. She was looking at her hand; her mouth open, her eyes helpless, like her hand wasn't a part of herself that she could control or pull back. Not for a long moment, not before her thumb very distinctly brushed over Callie's arm at least twice. Not before their eyes found each other and held painfully for the length of a breath.
Then Erica was pulling back and looking away. She cleared her throat and, crossing her arms in front of her, tucked her hand tightly under her arm, as though she was trapping the limb from fear of having it move again.
She looked so vulnerable that Callie found herself reaching over before she could stop herself. "Hey," she put her hand on Erica's locked arms. When Erica finally looked up to meet her eyes, she smiled and watched in amazement as Erica's lips slowly but surely curled up into a smile as well. Erica's arms loosened and she straightened up a little, looking more like herself.
After a long moment, Erica tipped her head, "I should get going; I have a consult."
"Oh?"
"Yeah…but..."
"Hmm?"
"Later…I was um, I was…" she said, leaning onto the nurses desk, trying to look relaxed. "I was thinking of going to Joe's after my shift and um, I was wondering, maybe you…"
"Callie?" The voice that interrupted Erica belonged to someone Callie knew, of that she was sure, and as she turned around to see who it was, all she could think about was how much the timing of this sucked.
"Jane? What-what are you doing here?"
"I had to see you, even if it was for just one more time."
"Huh?" Callie croaked, seeing no trace of humor on Jane's face.
"I want us to be together, I haven't slept since the day you left."
Callie was shocked into silence, and somewhere in the background she heard footsteps moving away but she couldn't look away from Jane who was looking desperate and on the verge of tears.
Only, after a long moment of tense silence, instead of crying Jane was bursting out laughing.
"Kidding. Ha ha, kidding…that was such a 'Six Feet Under' moment."
"Huh?"
"You know, the old HBO show, with Claire… No? Right. Um…I was kidding, I'm sorry I couldn't help myself, you looked so freaked there for a moment."
Callie let out a strangled, one-syllable laugh. "I, I wasn't freaked." She said, trying to regain her breathing; her stomach slowly letting go of her feet and climbing back to its original place from where it had fallen.
"Yeah, okay." Jane smiled, still chuckling. "That actually teaches me not to joke around, it's a defense mechanism, I'm sorry. I was nervous about coming here,"
"Oh."
"Anyway, I was doing my winter cleaning and I found something that belonged to you under my bed."
"Oh…right."
"And it did give me an excuse to see you, so I brought it over." She opened her bag and took out a little package that was gift-wrapped.
At Callie's raised eyebrows, she smiled and shrugged. "I didn't want it to look awkward, my giving you a pair of lace panties at your work."
"Thank you." Callie smiled, finally more amused than horrified.
"I would have called, but I didn't have your number, and I just remembered that you worked here…Also, I do have to pick up my dry-cleaning from the laundry mat up the street so I was in the area."
"Thanks. You really didn't have to."
"Don't mention it." She said, waving a hand in dismissal. After a moment of silence, she gave Callie a strained smile, looking like she was starting to feel a little out of place now that she had delivered her package and there was nothing left to say.
"How have you been?" Callie asked, trying to make the moment a little less awkward for Jane.
"Oh, good. Great, same old same old, you know."
Callie raised her eyebrows again, grinning.
"Actually you don't know. But you know, good."
"Good."
"How about you?"
Callie took in a deep breath, "I've been okay."
"Just okay?"
Callie smiled, "I've been…" she thought about it for a minute and nodded, "Okay. Yeah, that's the right word."
"You look different."
"Do I?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm in my work clothes, so maybe that's it."
"Nah, that's not it."
"Hmm." She said, wondering how exactly she looked different. Had the last month, possibly the strangest month of her life left its mark on her face? Almost losing Maria, that had to have affected her in some subconscious way. Yes. And having Erica back in her life had changed her that was for sure. Probably in more ways than she even realized. She was having much less sex for one thing, or rather no sex at all. How long had it been since she had gotten any? Weeks, her mind supplied in astonishment. This was the longest she had gone without sex in a long, long time. But that couldn't be visible to the outside world, could it?
She smiled politely and shrugged.
Jane tipped her head and pulled her bag onto her shoulder. "Anyway…gotta pick up my shirts before they close, so...."
"Yeah, okay." Callie nodded.
Jane took one step back and paused, "I'd say that my offer still stands, but something tells me that my chances are even lower now."
"What makes you say that?"
"Instinct…Am I wrong?"
She was impressively perceptive. Callie couldn't deny that. And she was forthright and honest. All qualities Callie respected in a person.
Callie sighed and took a step closer to her, "Jane I really like you, I do. And I would love to get to know you better,"
"But?"
"But," She said softly, with all the sincerity in the world, "can I do that as your friend?"
Jane chuckled once, shaking her head and smiling knowingly. And then shrugging, she nodded and let out a long breath. "Sure. Why not…"
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, friends are good."
"You sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure."
"Great." She said, meaning it. Jane was interesting. She had thought that the first time she had met her and as long as Jane accepted where Callie stood, she would welcome the opportunity to get to know her.
"So, friend," Jane said, checking her watch, "you wanna get a cup of coffee?"
"What about the laundry mat?"
"It can wait."
Callie checked her watch as well and then looked back to where Erica had been standing. And even though she knew that she had left right after Jane had showed up, seeing the spot empty stung somewhere deep inside of her.
She has a consult, she reminded herself. That meant that Callie had two options.
She could either have a cup of coffee with this cool new person who gift-wrapped her underwear for her, or she could sit and stew, and over-analyze what Erica had been about to ask her, what that meant, and what she would have said.
She looked up at a hopeful Jane and smiled. She had time for coffee.
"Let's do it."
"Great."
"Come on, I know a place."
They started walking towards the elevators side by side. After a moment, Jane turned towards her and playfully asked, "When you say friends, you don't mean friends with benefits do you?"
Callie was laughing and shaking her head when she walked into the elevator.
"I have to introduce you to a friend of mine. You guys are gonna love each other."
Continued...