Part 3/3
When Callie woke up, she was alone in the bed. She sat up, her legs hanging from the side, and looked behind to the empty side. Had she really said all those things last night. Trying not to think about its possible consequences she got up and walked into the living room.
Erica was in the kitchen, by the looks of it, preparing breakfast. She walked over tentatively and stopped by the door, a safe distance away.
"Hey," her voice was raspy to her own ears.
"Good morning sleepy head."
"What time is it?" she asked rubbing her eyes.
"11.00… I am making French toast and eggs. Hope you're hungry."
When she didn't say anything Erica looked over her shoulder and smiled.
"The food will be ready in 5 if you wanna freshen up."
"Yeah… okay."
She stood still, looking at Erica searchingly. Unlike her, the blonde seemed like she didn't have a worry in the world. She simply went back to her cooking.
"I have a spare toothbrush under the sink."
"Thanks." She turned away and walked into the bathroom.
Like nothing happened it would be. Callie tried to lift her stomach from the depths it had fallen. She couldn't help it, she felt disappointed. Too stunned to think, she went about washing up, after a while she looked up at the mirror. Her hair was pulled back, her jeans were back on, she looked as fresh as she was going to look under the circumstances. She tried on a smile, it looked forced at best. Letting it drop, she walked out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen.
Erica looked up from the pan in her hand.
"You took your time, sit missy."
The cheerier she sounded the worse Callie felt.
Two place mats were set on the table, across from one another. She sat behind the one Erica pointed at. As soon as she was settled Erica came over with the said pan, put a pair of eggs onto her plate and then did the same to her own and set down across from her.
Erica had obviously taken a shower. Her hair glowed over her shoulders. She was wearing grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt and her face had some of its color back.
"You look… better."
"I feel better," she said, buttering her toast, "My appetite is back, thank God, and my fever is down. Still feeling a little weak, but much, much better than yesterday."
"That's good," she played with her food. "I am glad."
"Thanks to you."
The smile that followed didn't reach her eyes and she rubbed at her temple absently.
Erica's eyes widened in worry, "Hey, what happened to your face?"
"Huh?"
Erica reached over and gently touched the small swollen bruise on her forehead.
Callie felt her breath hitch, "Oh, that. It's nothing."
"Was that there yesterday?" Erica asked softly, her eyes troubled.
Callie shrugged, pulling back dismissingly. "I must have hit it somewhere."
Erica took a bite from her bread looking like she was trying to think back to the day before. Going through the events in her head, she suddenly stopped chewing and with a frown on her face said, "Hey, did I do that?"
Callie looked away "It's nothing, it's ok."
"I did, didn't I?" she sounded horrified, "Cal, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine."
"Its not fine, you are disfigured because of me."
"I'm not disfigured. It'll pass"
But she wouldn't listen. Callie could see her working herself up over this.
Erica looked like she wanted to reach over once again and touch her, but held herself back, "Does it hurt?"
She shook her head, "Not really."
"What can I do? Tell me a way to make it up to you."
"Hey, calm down. It's nothing and there is nothing to make up. I promise I can barely feel it."
And that was the truth; the stupid little bruise was the last thing in her mind.
Still blaming herself, Erica unnecessarily tried to reassure her, "I must have been out of it. I would never knowingly…"
Before she could say more Callie caught her line of thinking and in reflex silenced her by reaching over and stilling her fidgeting hand with her own. "Erica," she said slowly, "I know that you would never hurt me intentionally".
Erica nodded in agreement.
Feeling like she had made her point, Callie pulled back and picked up her fork.
They ate in silence. Awkward silence.
Callie kept going over what she had said the night before in her head. In the face of Erica's indifference she wished she could take it all back. Instead she sat, trying to eat, trying to act normal. But how could she act normal when she felt like there was a hole where her stomach should be. She had to get out of here before she embarrassed herself further.
"What are your plans for the day?" Erica interrupted her thoughts.
Looking up she said, "It's Saturday, so… go home I guess. Do some laundry, maybe read a book"
"You are so wild, you party animal."
Callie wasn't in the mood for the sarcastic banter they usually so enjoyed. Still, not to leave her hanging, the brunette smiled in forced politeness.
Erica looked at her, puzzled. "You okay?"
She should have known the blonde wasn't going to let her get away with polite smiles and short answers for long.
She nodded, "Tired."
"Right, of course… you must be exhausted."
Erica picked up her empty plate and walked over to the sink. After a moment, she turned around to face her "Listen Callie…about yesterday, I wanted to…" She stopped, looking like she was trying to find the right words.
Callie could feel her heart beat in her throat. "Yes?"
"Well…I wanted to thank you, for everything that you did"
The disappointment washed over her once again.
Erica continued "Really, you have been so wonderful, taking care of me…cooking and cleaning and nursing me to health. You are a really good friend and I want you to know that I truly appreciate it…so, thank you."
These were not the words she wanted to hear. Instead of making her feel better, they pushed her into a silent misery.
Erica looked at her smiling, waiting for her to accept her thanks. So she did the only thing she could do. Smiled back and said, "You are welcome."
* * * * * *
After breakfast they walked into the living room together. Before Erica could sit down or say anything Callie walked over to the marble counter and picked up her jacket.
"I should get going."
"Already? You sure you don't want to hang out for a bit, I promise to be better company then yesterday,"
But Callie couldn't. As much as she wanted to spend time with Erica, right now she wanted to be as far away from her as possible.
"I don't think so, but thanks."
Erica stood by the arm of the brown leather chair, "Do you want to, maybe get a drink later?" she asked tentatively.
Callie was standing in the middle of the living room, buttoning her jacket, looking at the blonde surgeon.
"You shouldn't drink yet. Give your stomach some time to settle."
"Right, of course you're right… How about tomorrow?" she asked hopefully.
"Ahm … yeah, maybe."
But as the words left her, she felt them to be wrong. She couldn't meet her tomorrow. She couldn't meet her period. She had been fooling herself thinking that she could act like nothing was different. She was different. With sudden clarity and heartbreak she knew that she couldn't be friends with Erica anymore. Not like this.
"Actually, I can't," she said with determination, not leaving any room for arguments.
"Oh," Erica said in disappointment. "Okay… I guess we can do it some other time."
Callie looked at her then, like a man looks at his wife right before he goes off to war. She stood there, tracing the lines of her face with her gaze, memorizing every little inch of her, with no hope of seeing her again. She would be seeing her of course, at work, but never again like this; so unguarded, so vulnerable.
She walked up to her and after a moment of contemplation leaned forward and hugged her. Erica hugged her back. She buried her face into the blonde's hair and inhaled. Peaches. The blonde's arms tightened around her in response. Another thing to remember: her scent.
"I'd better get going."
She slowly removed herself from Erica's embrace and turned around.
After today everything would be different between them. She took a step, then another. Then, suddenly she was looking at Erica and blurting out, "How did you sleep last night?"
"Uhm…" Erica looked startled at the abrupt question, "well…pretty good, after that last nightmare…you?"
"Yeah, fine." She couldn't leave without knowing, "Uhm... Did you… last night did you…"
"What?"
She was going to continue but Erica looked at her so innocently, seemingly so unaware that she couldn't bring herself to do it. For maybe the first time in her life she couldn't risk putting her heart freely on the line. For if it were to break this time, she feared she might not be able to mend it. It was too big a risk. By any standard, almost nothing had happened between them and yet she instinctively knew that she was in a danger unlike any she had faced before. She decided she would hate herself later for being a coward. Right now she had to get out of here.
The words that came out of her lips sounded dead even to her own ears.
"Nothing…Nothing, don't worry about it."
She looked into her eyes one last time. A long moment that was just her own and breathed out the words, "Good bye, Erica."
Erica, her brows raised high, leaned on the arm of the chair, looking at her curiously and matching Callie's tone said, "Bye".
Callie turned around, and was almost out of the door when Erica called out to her.
"Callie."
The strength and sharpness of the tone, more than hearing her name called halted Callie into a stop.
She turned around, looked back at the blonde, and gasped. Erica's face looked completely different from a moment ago. She looked straight at her, unflinching, almost predatorily. She got up and slowly walked towards her, her face unmistakably determined.
She came and stood right in front of her, maybe less than a foot away, looking into her eyes, so penetratingly it seemed to Callie that she was trying to see into her soul. After tracing the length of her face, her gaze finally settled on her mouth. Callie, in reflex licked her lips and swallowed. In the next instance Erica was taking another step closer to her, putting her hand on her waist, trapping her against the door.
Then, incredibly, Erica's lips were on hers. She was kissing her, gently at first, then, when Callie parted her lips, hungrily, urgently. One of her arms pulling on her waist, the other in her hair; she was kissing her with all of her being. The moan that escaped Callie only served to fuel the fire that was already burning high.
She gripped Erica's back and parting her legs involuntarily, pulled her closer. When Erica's mouth moved from her lips to her neck Callie felt her knees give away.
"Oh god," she groaned, trembling.
Before she could fall down Erica took her fully into her arms, supporting her weight with her own and stilled their movement. Callie dropped her head onto Erica's shoulder, trying to slow the beating of her heart.
One kiss.
That was all it had taken for Callie to realize that she had never been kissed before. Not in the true meaning of the word. It had left her throbbing, wanting, out of her mind. She feared the intensity of more intimate touches would be the end of her.
It was too much, all too much, and suddenly Callie's eyes started filling up. Erica was holding her close, tenderly kissing the top of her head; then her temple, then her eyes. When she felt the moisture on her lips, she arched back, raising Callie's face with gentle fingers under her chin, to look into her eyes.
Erica smiled at her sadly, her eyes filled with compassion.
Callie lifted her arms; gently taking the blonde's face into her hands she brought her lips to Erica's. Smiling through teary eyes she said "You did hear me."
Erica nodded, once again kissing Callie's forehead, she sighed, "I heard you."
"Why didn't you say something?" Her voice wasn't harsh, merely curious.
Erica simply shrugged. After a moment she spoke:
"At first, I didn't know if it was real…then, I didn't know if you wanted me to."
Callie cuddled in closer, resting her forehead against the surgeon's, her eyes shimmering with joy.
"I wanted you to."
Erica laughed. Unrestrained, lightly, without anything weighing her down for the first time in a long time.
"Now I know."
She too laughed at that, feeling giddy and lighthearted. Bringing her hands to rest on Erica's chest she asked
"What does this mean?"
Erica shook her head. "I don't know." Then looking into her eyes, with all the confidence in the world she said, "But we'll figure it out".
Callie nodded, smiling. They would figure it out, as long as they were together, she didn't doubt it for a minute.
Bringing her hands to her chest Erica took Callie's hands into her own and squeezed in affection.
"Stay?"
Callie kissed her, parting her lips, savoring her taste, still amazed at the liberty to do so. She could kiss her forever; it was the most amazing feeling.
"Yes."
* * * * *
The End