"Hey there beautiful," she whispered as she slipped her hand under the covers and wrapped it around her wife's.
"Hey," came the scratchy response. A tear escaped from one green orb and ran down Torri's face. "I'm so sorry."
"Shhh, honey. It's not your fault." Paula once again cursed the cancer running through her partner's body. She mentally cursed the doctors and the nurses and the tests and anything else that had robbed precious moments from them.
"Love you..." Torri whispered before a cough grabbed her.
Paula removed the hand she held from under the covers and kissed it, placing it against her cheek. "I love you too, so much." She then looked into those amazing green eyes and saw that the time for fighting was over. The time for letting go was here and Paula internally screamed at the loss. "Please...please don't leave me...I" Paula's breath hitched and she fought back a sob.
With a great effort Torri moved aside slowly on the bed and tugged Paula alongside her. For what was to be the last time, Paula settled herself next to her wife and laid her head on her chest. The solid heartbeat that'd kept her grounded all these years was faint now. She draped her arm across Torri's stomach, careful not to disrupt any of the tubes entering and leaving the body she'd loved so many times before.
"You...are the one thing...I could never regret." Paula's resolve crumbled and she burst into tears. "You are...and always will be...the great love...of my life."
"Please, don't go yet. There has to be something we can do. Some therapy we haven't tried..." Paula said raising her head. Torri's eyes closed slowly and she shook her head ever so slightly.
"No more...fighting."
"I promised. I promised you that I'd fix it. You have to give me a chance to fix this, please." Paula pleaded with tears in her eyes.
"No honey. It's time...for you to focus...on you." Torri's face contorted in pain as a spasm went through her body.
"I have to do something."
"Lay here...with me." Paula never could deny Torri anything. She lay her head back down on the woman's chest and let the tears fall unbidden. Torri slowly ran a hand through her hair as they lay together and listened to the heart monitor slow. Paula couldn't stand it any longer and reached over switching it off.
"You wait for me on the other side okay. Don't leave me to find my own way," said Paula clutching at the blanket under her fingers.
A long pause met her words. Then she felt a hitch of breath under her cheek. "Never...I'm your...compass." Another breath, more shallow this time, "Always."
Paula nodded, "And forever. No matter how far I ran I could always find you because you waited for me."
"Nowhere else...to be...but with you."
Torri's last breath left her body and Paula refused to move. To move would mean she acknowledged that her partner wasn't coming home with her this time. Moving would mean she failed. It would mean that her love wasn't strong enough. Not strong enough for the one person that had always been strong enough for her. Finally the nurses were able to remove her from the room and she barely registered that her sister took her home.
She sat on the couch in the living room of the house that Torri had built her. Across from the bedroom where she and Torri had made love countless times over. Down the hall from the kitchen that Torri had outfitted for her with professional grade appliances so she could start her own business. Only this time there was no Torri, no love, no life in her home or her heart.
Melissa, her sister, settled next to her on the couch. She held up and envelope, "Torri asked me to give you this when...well, here." She handed Paula the envelope and the tears started anew when she recognized Torri's bold script on the outside.
"I can't," Paula said pushing it away.
"I'll read it to you?" Paula nodded. Melissa opened the envelope and took out a single sheet of paper. She cleared her throat and began slowly. "My dearest Paula, I'm writing this the day we found out. I'm so sorry. I promise you that I will fight with everything that I have to stay with you but when I can't anymore, please know that it isn't by choice. If I had a thousand lifetimes to live with you it wouldn't be enough. You have brought me such happiness and joy through the years. I only hope that I've done the same for you. Loving you was the single most perfect thing I've ever done. You are my perfection. Your love is the strongest force in the world and I was lucky to experience it for so long. I will remember you always and if I'm lucky, your face will be the last thing I see on this earth. I'll see you later gorgeous, Torri."
Paula smiled at the last line. It was always the way Torri said goodbye, never final, always open for a next time. "See you later beautiful," Paula whispered and snuggled down into her sisters embrace.