Do you remember? by Cam Taylor

Do you remember the day we met?

It was my first day at school. New town, new house, new school. My dad had moved us because he had a new job.

You made my first day hell! For some reason unknown to me you zeroed in on me and I became your favourite target! I went home that afternoon and locked myself in my new, still bare bedroom and cried, praying this new life was all a bad dream and I would wake up back in my old room.

The rest of the week was the same. You found ways to torment me, even when I tried to hide away.

Imagine my surprise when you turned up at my house at the end of the week! I thought you had come to terrorise me at my home, leaving me no place to feel safe. You apologised, giving me a sheepish smile from where you stood on my doorstep.

After that, you became my knight in shining armour, looking out for me, protecting me from other bullies. After dishing out a couple of broken noses and a few black eyes, people learnt the tables had turned and I was now under your wing. They left me alone and most even became civil.

Do you remember our first kiss?

We were on a school camping trip. By this time we were fifteen and had known each other just over two years. We were inseparable.

It was after midnight, dark outside and everyone silent, but we couldn't sleep.

"Truth or dare," I said quietly.

"Truth," you replied. You didn't like the question I asked you, so switched to a dare.

I dared you to kiss me. I had been hoping you would for ages but it hadn't happened, so I took the chance that was in front of me. In the small enclosed darkness of our tent, you fidgeted nervously, remaining silent. I double dared you then, knowing you wouldn't back down, as stubborn as you were.

You inched closer to me, your warm minty breath on my face, stirring my hair gently. Our warm lips met briefly, both of us quickly pulling away and scooting back to our designated sides of the tent.

I got scared. Scared you didn't like it, scared you thought me odd, scared you wouldn't be around any more. "That was nice," I blurted out. I remember the smile you gave me. A beaming smile filled with relief and love.

You slept on your back that night, me cuddled up to your side.

Do you remember the first time we made love?"

We were roommates by this time and it was our third year anniversary.

I came home from work and stood open-mouthed just inside the front door. You had the whole flat lit in candle light and something cooking in the oven. It smelt divine.

Smiling that special smile of yours, you walked out of the kitchen and over to me. "Hello, love," you greeted softly, bestowing me with a gentle, loving kiss on the lips. You took my coat and hung it up on the peg by the door, then took my hand and led me to the bathroom.

Our soft mint green bathroom was also in candle light and I asked you jokingly if we'd had a power cut. You smiled and pinched my bottom. Knowing what time I would get in, you had the bath filled and ready for me to sink into.

"Get in and relax," you said with a soft smile, starting to undo the buttons on my blouse. "I'll call you when dinner is almost ready." You left, going back to the kitchen to prepare whatever it was you had on.

I stripped and quickly slid into the water, moaning in delight as the fragrant water enveloped my skin. You had put in my favourite bath oils. I must have been in there at least an hour before you called me. I emerged from the bathroom dressed only in my bathrobe, my long blonde hair still wet and hanging loose. I felt completely relaxed as you knew I would.

You were standing next our small dinner table, dishing up my favourite meal. "Don't be too impressed," you said with a sheepish smile. "Your mum helped. A lot."

I returned your smile and approached to kiss your cheek.

Over dinner we talked about how our days had gone and about what classes we had the following day. We ate dessert in front of the television. You had brought a wickedly sinful double chocolate cake that you said I just had to try. After feeding each other small bites from each of our plates, we settled back to watch a movie. I don't remember which. It doesn't really matter.

The film was quickly forgotten once we started making-out. It was your fault. You started it by nibbling on my ear lobe, then moved on to place soft, brief kisses down my neck. I moved to straddle your lap, slowly grinding against you, knowing exactly what I was doing to you. My hands were running through your dark hair, loving how the silky strands felt, and kissing your swollen lips.

Your hands were slowly caressing my back and my sides. Finally, you manoeuvred us so that I was on my back, your solid body on top of me, between my legs, both of us grinding helplessly against each other seeking more.

I think we both sensed it was time, but as your hand went to the belt of my robe, I stopped you and saw the disappointment in your eyes. I smiled lovingly and kissed the end of your nose. "Take me to bed," I whispered.

We made love softly, gently, spending endless hours exploring each other and finding out what we liked, what felt good, what made the other moan and writhe.

Afterwards, I reclined back against the headboard with you lying in my arms. My big, strong, knight in shining armour, who had a soft side very few knew about, needing to be held, wanting to be held, by me.

Do you remember when we broke up?

I came home after my classes and found you with Julie, one of our neighbours. Her shirt was on the floor and she was pressed against you. Lips pressed to yours, her hands in your hair.

"Abby, wait! I can explain!"

I didn't give you the chance. I ran. I ran out of our building in tears and took off down the street, running all the way to my parents' house. My mother opened the front door and looked at me in shock,. I fell into her arms sobbing uncontrollably. As my knees buckled, we both fell to the floor, but still she held me, offering me soothing, loving words that meant nothing and did no good. My father came out of the living room to see what was going on and found us on the floor. He didn't ask, he just helped us inside and closed the door, shutting out the nosey neighbours who had appeared to stare.

Later, all cried out, I didn't give them an explanation. I just slowly got up and went upstairs to my childhood bedroom and locked myself in, unable to stop fresh tears that suddenly fell as memories of our past hit me. Times we had shared in my room, the teddy you had won me at the fair, pictures of us together. I cried for hours, until exhausted, I fell asleep.

I woke after midnight, the house quiet and in darkness. I crept silently downstairs, intent on getting something to eat. I wasn't hungry, I didn't think I would ever want to eat again, but I hadn't had anything all day so I knew I had to try to get something down.

In the kitchen I stood in front of the open fridge for at least twenty minutes, not seeing anything as I stared blankly inside. I finally shut the fridge door and moved over to the cupboard. Seeing a jar of peanut butter was my undoing. I sank to the tiled floor in tears again.

No one in my family liked peanut butter. My mum bought it for you.

Calming myself enough to stand, I went back upstairs and into bed. Again I cried myself to sleep.

When I got up the next day, mum told me you had phoned four times the night before and twice that morning. She didn't ask what had happened, didn't comment on how bad I looked, she let me be, knowing I would tell her eventually.

You turned up at the house that night. I sat at the top of the stairs, out of sight, and listened to you pleading and begging my dad to let you in. I listened to him send you away.

I didn't talk to you that week, or the next. The third week, I went back to our flat when I knew you had classes and took as much of my stuff as I could carry and left.

You stopped calling after that.

Do you remember when we got back together?

I hadn't seen or heard from you in six months.

I was walking towards my next class, relishing my few moments left outside in the sunshine. I looked up and there you were.

You looked terrible. Your dark hair looked dull and lifeless, you had dark smudges beneath your eyes, and you had lost so much weight! You stopped in front of me and my heart stopped.

I didn't know whether to wait and see what you had to say or to run. I waited, my feet stuck in place.

"She said she needed sugar, so I let her in," you said. "I walked to the kitchen and as I turned around to ask if she had a cup or something, she pinned me to the wall."

My eyes widened at what you were saying. A gasp, so quiet I wasn't sure if you had heard it.

"Her top was gone and she was telling me how much she liked me and that we belonged together. You walked in as I was trying to wrestle her off."

I wasn't sure if I believed you, though I really wanted to. I wanted nothing more than for there to be an "us" again, for you to hold me in your arms, to feel safe in your protection. You must have seen the doubt on my face though, because you dropped to your knees and pulled out a small box from your jacket pocket.

"Marry me, Abby. I can't be without you. I don't want to be without you."

I sank to my knees in front of you, wrapping you up in my arms. "I love you so much, Mel. I love you so very much!"

Your eyes searched mine, seeking answers. I caressed your cheeks, kissed you softly on the lips and offered a small smile. "It's going to take time, Mel. But, yes, I will marry you. One day."

You smiled that special smile and kissed me softly, tears rolling down your cheeks. "That's all I can hope for."

Do you remember our wedding?

In front of all our family and close friends, we stood in front of Father Michaels and beneath the eyes of God and vowed to love and honour each other for all of time.

You looked amazing in a morning suit, your blue eyes sparkling and hair loose around your shoulders. I never could get you into a dress!

My father cried when he saw me. I was wearing a gorgeous white bridal dress I had fallen in love with the moment I saw it, my blonde locks pinned up neatly. He proudly walked me down the aisle and winked at you, before stepping back to stand next to my crying mother.

It was a beautiful ceremony and I will remember it always. You, my knight in shining armour, cried as I said "I do."

Do you remember our honeymoon?

Two weeks in heaven, otherwise known as Barbados. We strolled along the warm sandy beach, hand in hand, talking of what we wanted in our future. We made love everywhere. We even managed to do a few tourist things, like sight-seeing and taking photos of interesting sights to show everyone back home.

Do you remember our good news?

We had decided to start a family and I was pregnant. At a family barbecue, we told both sets of parents. We didn't want to so soon, but they thought it strange that I refused my usual glass of wine. So our good news came out. We were happy, our families were happy. Life was so good and getting better.

Do you remember when you nearly lost me?

Our world collapsed two weeks after we had told our families about my pregnancy. I miscarried. I fell into deep despair, crying for the life we had lost, crying because it was my fault somehow. I must have done something wrong, or perhaps you did. Maybe it was your fault.

You, my knight in shining armour, stayed strong for me. You held me through all the crying, listening as I vented my despair, my rage. You gave me space when I blamed you, when I pushed you away, and quickly returned when I needed your arms.

The night I found you curled up on the kitchen floor crying your heart out, was when I snapped out of my misery. You had been suffering too, but had remained quiet and strong because of my suffering.

I wrapped my arms around you, gently rocking you as you cried, and whispered words of love. We both knew things would sort themselves out, we would carry on, together.

Do you remember our celebration when you got promoted?

It was our third wedding anniversary. I was pregnant and you had gotten the promotion you had worked so hard for. Our lives were perfect, everything was slotting into place.

I was driving us home from the party your boss had thrown in your honour. You were in the passenger seat and wouldn't stop staring at me, a content smile on your lips.

"What?" I asked softly, a loving smile on my lips.

"You are so beautiful." You undid your seat-belt and slid closer to me, your hand caressing my thigh. "I love you so much, Abby." Your hand moved up to my slight baby bump. "I love you both. Never forget that."

I reached down and squeezed your hand. "I know, sweetheart. I love...sorry, we love you just as much."

Do you remember sliding back to your seat?

Do you remember our car being hit?

A drunk driver ran the red light and hit your side of the car, sending us spinning into oncoming traffic!

Do you remember me screaming your name?

I was pulled from the wreckage and taken to safety, watching helplessly as fire-fighters cut through the bent and twisted remains of our car. I watched as they cut away enough to be able to get to you. Watched as you were loaded, motionless and bloody, onto a backboard, then a stretcher, the ambulance crew rushing you over to their vehicle and loaded you in, my by your side, holding your hand tightly, telling you, begging you not to leave me.

"Please, love, stay with me," I whispered into your ear over and over. "Stay with us, we need you."

Do you know I'm here?

You're hooked up to I don't know how many machines, the room filled with the steady beep, beep, beep of your heart.

I'm seated next to you, holding your hand, whispering all this into your ear. Our families have been in, our mothers came in supporting each other. They both fussed over the both of us, sorting out your blankets, making me eat something.

Do you feel our child as I place your hand on my swollen stomach? I'm hoping that feeling our baby moving about will bring you out of the coma you have fallen into. You have so much to live for, Mel. We have known each other since we were thirteen, have officially been together since we were fifteen, we have loved each other almost our whole lives.

It is not your time yet. So, I'll wait. I know for now you are lost to me, but I'm sure you'll find your way back. You promised me forever, do you remember?