Traumatic Love By Capt

Chapter Four

Nydia came out of the trauma room, handing the chart over to Trudy. "Can you put that up with the others?"

"Sure, is it finished?" Trudy asked, placing the chart with the others.

"No, I'm having her taken down for some X-rays to see if any of the ribs are fractured. When she comes back up we can do a final exam. Right now there's no extreme danger, so we can put this off to the side until she comes back up."

"Okay, no problem."

Over the last week, Nydia was able to maintain a sense of professionalism when it came to her new duties. There had been a few cases that had come in, and she handled each one without too much trouble.

"You know, Nydia, I've been meaning to tell you I think you've been doing really well. You've been nothing but compassionate and professional since you took this new position. I thought for sure I'd have to clean at least one officer's body off the floor by now." Trudy laughed.

Nydia thought back on it and had to agree with Trudy. She, herself was surprised at how well she was handling things.

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence," Nydia said in a good-natured tone.

"Well, you have."

"Thanks. I didn't think I could pull it off at first, but it's getting there."

Nydia thought back on the last few days and the cases she had worked. Most had been relatively easy. Nothing more than your average cuts and bruises that seemed to be associated with any physical altercation. For the most part this allowed her to keep her distance from the police officers handling the cases. The only time she had a confrontation was when a somewhat more serious case had presented and one of the officers pushed her beyond her patience.

Nydia opened the rib spreaders hoping to get better access to the source of the bleeding in the woman's chest cavity. She was forced to get her nurse's attention when the door to the trauma room opened suddenly. "Steve, I need those sponges," she called out. She took the time to glance up to see the source of the distraction. Standing with a pad in his hand was a uniformed police officer. Nydia took the time to notice his face go pale at the sight of her hand going into the patient's chest.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in here," she demanded. "Get out!"

The officer made an attempt to gather himself. "Hrmph, I need a statement, in case she doesn't make it. It's SOP."

"Listen moro… officer, I don't care about your standard operating procedures, get out." Nydia told him without taking her focus away from her primary concern, her patient. If you need a statement from me I'll give it to you when I'm done. Now get out."

"But…"

"No buts. Trudy would you kindly escort the gentleman out of here? I'll give him a whatever he needs when I'm done here and not a moment sooner."

"Yes, Dr. Gilman," Trudy said, as she took the officer by the elbow.

Later, only after Nydia had washed up she answered the officer's questions in a short, direct fashion.

"I never doubted your ability to be professional, but I do notice you keep you're contact with the police to a bare minimum."

"Yeah, perfect I'm not. It's enough I have to put up with them at all. Don't ask for too much. In the past I've had to listen to those people say, and do anything for each other. I'll only give them enough to do my job. Anything more, they don't deserve."

"I know how hard it is for you Nydia, believe me. You won't let it interfere with your patients and what they need. You know me; I think you're the best we have, giving more compassion and empathy than most doctors."

"Well, the police have been behaving themselves for the most part, so I don't see any reason not to cut them a little slack," Nydia told her.

"Now if the patients were all that easy. Why some of them refuse the help we offer is beyond me."

"The most we can do is offer everyone the same opportunities, compassion and assistance we would want for ourselves. I don't understand them myself, though. You would think these women would jump at the opportunity. Why would anyone put up with abuse? Do they really think their partners will change? People like that never change." Nydia said.

"I understand. So, are you about ready to head out of here?" Trudy asked her as Nydia took her lab coat off.

"Yeah, it's been a long ass day today."

"I'm sure, having that many traumas in one day will do that to you."

"It was that last one that did me in. I hate working on little kids like that. I mean I love being able to help them, but it just breaks my heart to see them so broken. Does that make sense?" Nydia asked looking up at her friend from her seat at the desk.

"Yes it does. It means you have a good heart."

"All the same…." Nydia's comment was over ridden by the squawk of the EMT radio behind her.

"Riverview ambulance Unit 3 with a possible assault victim, multiple traumas, ETA five minutes to your location."

Trudy grabbed the microphone, and began getting the victim's vitals from the ambulance crew.

Meanwhile, Nydia grabbed one of the techs walking by, "Get Trauma 1 ready for an incoming."

"Sure thing Doctor Gilman, I'm right on it," the young man said as he rushed off.

Before Nydia had a chance to do anything more, she heard the radio go off again.

"Riverview Ambulance Unit 2 to Riverview Hospital, we are ETA three minutes to you. We have a male patient with a compound fracture to his arm."

"Oh great just what I needed right now," she said turning to see Trudy respond to the calls. "Meet me in Trauma 1. Goddard can handle the fracture."

"Right behind you lady."

Based on the details Trudy was given by the crew, she and Nydia spent the few moments they had getting the room set up the way they needed it.

Now it was a waiting game.

******

Nydia walked out of the trauma room, taking her gloves off and throwing them into the biohazard bin next to the door. She walked outside and met Trudy.

"Nydia, the patient you just had, her sister is waiting in the family room for you"

"Ok, thanks. I just wish I had better news for her."

"I'm sure you will be gentle and caring, just as you always are."

"Thanks."

"You'll be fine, take a deep breath before you go in," Trudy said, opening the door for Nydia to enter.

Nydia walked through and saw an older woman, the woman looked up as the door opened, a tissue in her hand. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

Nydia sat down in the seat next to her, "Hi, I'm Dr. Gilman, I treated your sister Stephanie today. I wanted to go over what her current state is and what we are doing to help her."

"Doreen," the woman said, by way of simple introduction. "How is she? I can't tell you how many times I told her to leave that bastard. This isn't the only time we've been here. But it's never been this bad."

"Well, your sister did sustain some serious injuries. We got her stabilized; right now she's in surgery."

"Will she be okay?" Doreen asked, wiping at her fresh tears.

"She suffered several injuries, some of which are very serious. We can't know the extent of her internal injuries until the surgeon can get a chance to look inside. That's where she is now. At the same time they will see if there are any head injuries that need to be taken care of. Stephanie's other injuries were a compound fracture of her left leg. Once she is done the doctors will transfer her to Recovery, and then the ICU."

"What is a compound fracture, can I see her?"

"You'll be able to see her once they have her settled upstairs. I'm sure she'll be glad to have you with her when she wakes up. A compound fracture is a break of the bone that has come through the skin. Sometimes they can tear arteries when they do. Luckily that didn't happen to your sister, so the surgeon should be able to set it."

"If only she had listened to all of us. My mother and sisters have been after her for years to leave that piece of shit. Sometimes I just wanted to drag her away from there, but she always insisted he loved her. That we just didn't understand. Bastard!"

"Doreen, Stephanie will need your support now more than ever. I can see your concern for her," Nydia said, watching the tears fall out of the sad and troubled eyes. "But now it's your strength she needs, not your anger. Just keep remembering that she is alive, and for now that is all that matters. She will recover, that is what you need to focus on." Nydia placed a reassuring hand over the woman's clasped ones.

"Thank you so much for what you've done for my sister, Dr. Gilman. I'll never be able to thank you for saving her tonight," Doreen told her, looking up with a look of respect and gratitude in her eyes. "I'm sorry I lost my temper. I'm just so frustrated."

"I understand, but remember she's not out of the woods, quite yet. I'll send the transport orderlies in to take you upstairs, and you can speak to her surgeon when he's through."

As Nydia stood to leave, Doreen quickly rose and enclosed her in a comfort-seeking hug. Nydia returned it, trying to offer what little she could, given their roles. Once Doreen let go, Nydia walked out the door looking back as she pulled the door closed behind her.

The door closed behind her and Nydia walked over to the nurses' station to finish her paperwork on her last patient.

As she approached, she noticed raised voices coming from across the nurses' station desk, "Just what I need right now." Nydia, by habit, ignored it as typical ER background noise. Standing nearby as she filled out her patient's chart, however, she couldn't help but overhear the heated discussion.

Nydia became aware that the subject was more than a normal spat based on the volume coming from one of the participants. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw a man wearing a police uniform. "Reason enough to ignore the idiots," she muttered to herself, looking back at her work.

"I don't care what you want." Nydia heard the woman say angrily, nearly shouting.

The police officer responded, "What I want is this collar, Powers. If that woman dies, I get the scum who did it for murder. That will get me one step closer to detective."

"It won't get you squat except a lot of paperwork explaining why you went into that house without backup when the dispatcher told you to wait for us to get there. You can also inform everyone how a guy you cuffed suddenly broke his arm."

"I don't have to explain shit to anyone, and you know it Powers. The only thing that matters to anyone is who you know, and we all know I got that covered."

Nydia was disgusted with the conversation. "Typical." She was sure no report would be made concerning the suspect's arm, or if it were it would just be covered up. "The only thing cop's care about are their own reputations, and how to get ahead of the game," she muttered.

"I'm sorry, what did you say Dr. Gilman" the nurse asked.

"Nothing Marisa, just confirming an observation to myself."

"Oh, okay," Marisa said, raising her eyebrows, as she turned and left to check on something.

Quickly the pair's raised voices broke through to Nydia's attention again, "Listen Junior," the voice said with disdain. "I don't care who your daddy is. You don't get the collar, and you better hope the suspect doesn't press charges, because no one in my unit is going to back you up on any lame ass story you come up with, so don't involve us in your mess."

"Fine, Powers but don't think you've heard the last of this."

With that last comment, Nydia heard the familiar sound of police issue shoes storming off. She could never understand how the solid staccato of police shoes could irritate her so much. She signed her name to the bottom of the chart and left it with the others.

Nydia stood quickly feeling the need to escape to the doctor's lounge. Only as she turned did she realized too late that somebody had come up behind her. Nydia ran into them. "I'm sorry," she said, bending down to pick up the file she had dropped, some of the papers falling out.

"No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have been standing so close." A woman's voice said. A figure bent down to try and help Nydia retrieve the papers.

Nydia suddenly recognized her as the officer she had treated a few weeks ago, and most importantly, one of the two voices she just heard arguing. She felt a smile envelope her face before she realized it was happening. She remembered the easy banter, and flirting between them with a feeling of affection inside her. The self-confidence with which the woman carried herself was evident. Most of all, Nydia liked the way the woman stood up to her fellow cop. It was unexpected.

The policewoman placed her hand on Nydia's arm. "Are you okay?"

Nydia felt warmth through the light fabric of her lab coat. Realizing she was staring, Nydia quickly tried to look anywhere but in Jo's eyes. Unfortunately, her own eyes then were instead drawn to the woman's chest and the way the tailored shirt she wore did nothing to hide her ample breasts. "Uhm, yeah I'm fine thanks."

"Well, I just wanted to say thanks for how you took such good care of me when I was in here." Jo said.

"No problem officer, I was doing my job," Nydia said in a serious tone. Deep down this woman was still a cop and nothing would change that.

As Jo took her hand away, Nydia felt the immediate loss of the touch, and thought she saw the same in Jo's eyes.

"Even so, I really appreciated it."

"Well, I was glad to help, Officer Powers" she said, as she found herself looking at the woman, and feeling the corners of her mouth begin to lift into a smile despite her intentions.

Jo reacted with a goofy grin, but shook her head, as if remembering her reason for being there. "I was wondering how the woman was that was brought in? The beating victim?"

"Oh, yes, I was supposed to go over that with the new head IPV Unit officer, I forgot." She said as she looked around for another police officer.

"Well that would be me, so you're in luck."

"Oh," Nydia said with a surprised look. It was her experience that woman weren't usually given lead roles in the local police system. "Alright, yes, well, she will be touch and go for the next 24 hours. She is up in surgery now and they are working on stopping the internal bleeding in her abdomen, as well as her brain. If there is no more swelling to the brain and they can stop the other bleeding, she should live. We'll have to wait for her to wake up to ascertain any cognitive damage. Hopefully it will be minimal. I don't foresee too many complications other than infection, and the head injury."

"Do you have anything as far as evidence goes."

Nydia's anger rose at the callous question. Her jaw muscles clenched as she responded. "No, I'm sorry Officer we were too busy saving her life, we just didn't have the luxury of time for that. You can take pictures and what not when they take her to ICU."

Jo raised an eyebrow. "Okay between the pictures, her injuries and what we recovered at the scene that should be enough to go on. I hope she comes out of this okay, like you said." Jo responded.

Nydia noticed Jo's questioning look. For a moment she caught a glimpse of the intelligence within those eyes and felt guilty about her reaction. Feelings were not something she was not used to from most of the police she had the non-pleasure of dealing with. Then again she usually didn't care enough to look that hard.

For some reason Nydia looked past the uniform with Jo. She didn't want this meeting to end today. Her mind was going against everything she believed in. She had learned over the years, not to enjoy such interactions, but still she wanted to prolong this particular encounter with this one unique officer.

"Uhm, would you like to grab some coffee? I mean if you want to go over the details or something." Nydia heard herself ask before she had the time to think.

Nydia noticed a smile cross over Jo's face.

"I'd love nothing more right now," Jo said, as Nydia began leading the way.

Nydia could have sworn she heard her add, "Except to spend time with you," but because of the loud background noise of the ER she couldn't be sure. However, the thought of Jo saying such a thing brought a sense of joy to her.

Nydia took them towards the doctor's lounge. As much as she hated it, Nydia couldn't help the instinctual shudder that came at the noise Jo's badge made as it clinked when she walked. She had always hated the sound of that and police equipment belts. It created a visceral reaction in her. But, as Jo came around to hold the door open for her, her unease vanished and she was able to put it out of her mind. "Thank you," Nydia said.

"My pleasure entirely," Jo said with a grin and a wink.

Nydia couldn't help but look back at the woman, and casually reached out to touch the hand on the knob of the door in thanks. Slowly removing her hand, she said, "Grab a seat. I'll get the coffee. How do you take it?"

"Milk and a little sugar are fine." Jo watched Nydia pour the coffee with intensity in her look.

Nydia was hard pressed to miss, watching Jo out of the corner of her eyes.

Nydia placed a coffee in front of Jo and took the seat next to her. "So what happened? When that woman came in, she was in very bad shape," she asked Jo.

"Stephanie Wilkes, that's her name. We got a call to her house from one of the neighbors. It was the fifth time we had been called there in the last several months. Each time Ralph, her boyfriend, had beaten her worse than the last time. Each time she refused to press charges and we didn't have enough on it to pick him up." Jo said looking down into her coffee with a frown. "He was a smart one. He left no visible marks. But you could read the pain in her eyes. This last time the unit car that responded didn't wait for us. Some hothead went running in there alone, said he found Ralph kicking her all over with his work boots." Jo let out a deep sigh. "By the time we came on the scene Ralph was handcuffed with a broken arm, screaming about police abuse, and Stephanie was lying on the floor bleeding all over unconscious. We called in the ambulance. The rest you know. The pictures we will take of Stephanie's bruises should match up with the work boots. He left some pretty good impressions on her from what I saw on scene. We'll have that along with the blood all over them."

Nydia enjoyed it as the two sat in silence for a few minutes, each drinking their coffee. Nydia was lost in their own thoughts.

"Why do it?" Nydia asked, breaking the moment. "I mean why work on the IPV Unit? It never changes. The people just keep going back." She knew it sounded callous, but the idea of being in such a position herself frustrated her. Even then, she dealt with such people in the ER herself. Then she could force herself to only focus on the trauma, not the person. Once they were out of the ER others took over the fight. She helped where she could, but understood her limits. She knew the statistics. Most would go back to their abusers and would be returning to the ER soon enough.

"I do it for the people who we can save. For every Stephanie, there are others willing to be saved. I admire those who can take a risk on the unknown, and get their children, and/or themselves, out of that kind of situation. They want to make a better life for themselves, and their kids."

Nydia could see the pride on Jo's face, and hear it in her voice when she talked of her job. She was surprised. Jo seemed like an officer who was doing the job for all the right reasons. To be someone who actually protected and served the community. Not to gain power and control over others, or try and bend people to her will. Nydia felt actual admiration for this woman. Something she had never felt before with a cop. Lightly placing her hand on Jo's knee, she said, "That's very admirable."

Jo squeaked out a reply, blushing at the compliment. "Thank you but it's just my job, and I love doing it." Clearing her throat she continued, "So, why do you do what you do?"

Nydia sat quietly for a moment unsure what to say. She thought about giving some pat answer, but then she looked at the woman next to her. She thought of the honest answer she had received. Nydia couldn't let herself give anything less. With a deep sigh she admitted, "I'm not sure anymore."

"What makes you question yourself?"

"I just don't know if I still care as much as I used to. There was a time I lived and breathed this job. Helping people was my main concern. The adrenaline rush and solving medical mysteries were secondary to me. Now I feel like I care more about that than the people I work on. I'm constantly repairing the damage others do to people, or to themselves. I guess I'm just burnt out."

Jo looked at her with a surprised expression, "You're not old enough to be burned out."

"Thirty four is plenty old enough."

"No it's not. I think you just need some time to yourself. I bet you have no life outside of here, do you?"

Nydia gave a small smile to Jo, "No, not much of one."

Jo offered an idea. "Well, I bet if we fixed that you'd begin to feel better about things. You know what they say about no play." Jo quickly sat up straight in her chair. "I've got the perfect solution, bowling."

"Bowling?" Nydia asked incredulously. "What is that going to do? I haven't been bowling since high school."

"Well there you go. You've gone through bowling deprivation."

"Bowling deprivation?" Nydia's face showed signs of her disbelief, "You've got to be kidding."

"No, I'm serious. I never kid about bowling. We need to get it back in your soul." Jo said with a broad smile that lit up her face.

"My Soul?" Nydia was truly beginning to enjoy the ridiculousness of the conversation. "And how do you propose we do that."

"Are you working tonight?" Jo asked.

"I get off at six o'clock tonight. Why?" She asked.

"Fine, I'll pick you up here at six. We can go out and grab a bite before we go."

"Go where?"

"'Pro-Star Lanes', of course. I'm taking you bowling tonight." Jo said, as she stood up. Without waiting for a response, she walked away and opened the door. Turning back around she said, "It's a date then. I'll see you at six." With that, she closed the door behind her.

Nydia sat alone in the break room in stunned silence. Did Jo just ask her out on a date?

She was still sitting there when Trudy walked in. "Oh, there you are. I need you to take a look at the guy in two."

"What?" Nydia said, trying to shake herself out of her disbelief.

"I said I need you to look at the guy in two." Trudy looked at her friend closely. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, but I think I'm going out on a date tonight." Nydia said almost to herself. "With a cop." She added. She felt a lump from fear form in her throat. With effort she swallowed it down. She could feel the panic as her hands began to shake. Nydia took a deep breathe and forced herself to relax.

"Yoohoo!" Trudy yelled out, putting the chart she was holding down on the table as she sat down. "So you finally agreed to go out with tall, dark, and gorgeous."

Nydia looked at her friend with shock. "What do you mean finally? She just asked me. Well, told me really."

"Oh, admit it. You two were eyeing each other from the moment she stepped into this hospital."

"I was not. I told you I don't date police officers."

"Well apparently you do now," she said with a smug expression on her face, walking out.

"Apparently," Nydia repeated, as she looked at the now closed door.

Chapter Five

Nydia suppressed a yawn as Jo pulled up to Nydia's house. It was a medium size Cape Cod style, easily large enough for Nydia. The light oak cedar shingles gave it an inviting tone which contrasted with the black shutters and dark blue door. It was simple, just the way she liked everything in her life. The appeal lay in the airy layout inside and the dormers up top, which let in just enough light into her master bedroom.

Dinner and bowling had gone better than she could have guessed. The new Mexican restaurant in town had had a nice and romantic atmosphere. The two women spent hours talking about nothing in particular. Nydia anticipated feeling uncomfortable in Jo's presence, but it never came. Instead, she found herself enjoying her company. The highlight of the evening had been when Nydia scored three strikes in a row.

Jo looked at her with brows furrowed and her mouth hanging open. "How did you manage that? I thought you didn't play?"

Nydia smiled and winked at Jo. "Just because I haven't bowled since high school, doesn't mean I don't know how. Did I mention I was on the school's bowling team and we were the state champs my senior year?" Nydia had laughed at the squinted eyed look Jo had given her. Nydia knew if looks determined life and death she would be a dead woman. But then Jo had let out a huge unrestrained laugh.

Nydia wasn't sure she had ever heard such a wondrous sound before. The laughter was deep, free, and contagious, and she had soon found herself joining in. It was the first good laugh she had in such a long time she felt wonderful. Nydia couldn't remember the last time she had let herself go so much. The rest of the night was filled with such carefree moments and conversation.

Now here they were at her house, and Nydia didn't want the evening to end. She looked over at Jo who seemed to be struggling for something to say. They both spoke at the same time.

"I guess this is goodnight…"

"Would you like to come in for…"

Jo let out a slight laugh, while Nydia felt her face flush. She recovered first and asked, "I…I was going to ask if you would like to come in for some coffee."

Jo gave her a smile, "I'd like that very much, thanks."

After getting out of the car, Nydia escorted Jo up to the front door. She fumbled around in her purse for the key, finally finding it in the front pocket. As she tried to put the key in the lock, Nydia noticed her hand shaking. She hoped beyond hope that Jo didn't notice. After two tries, she got the door open. She entered the dark house and turned on the light switch by the door illuminating the front hallway as she held the door open for the tall brunette to enter. Nydia walked through to the back of the house turning on lights as she went. She was vividly aware of Jo following close behind. At last, they made it to the kitchen.

"Have a seat while I get the coffee going."

"Actually, can I follow you? Saves you the trip,'" Jo said, as a smile graced her face.

"Sure just don't mind the mess." Nydia made her way into the kitchen. It was very functional and simple, neither overly modern nor art-deco in nature, a warm inviting atmosphere with a Formica table, comfortable vinyl chairs and bright white appliances. It reminded Nydia of the time spent as a child with her mother. The kitchen was well used looking. Light oak cabinets lined the walls above the counter and below. Unopened mail lay on the countertop in the corner under the phone.

"I always find a little clutter is what makes a place a home," Jo said.

Nydia moved around the kitchen as she prepared the coffee with the same fluid motions she displayed in the Emergency Room.

"You know, I wish I had the opportunity to see you work a trauma. I bet it would look like a well orchestrated ballet."

Nydia blushed, but said nothing. She came over, took a seat, and found herself moving the chair closer to Jo while they both waited for the coffee to brew. They sat in companionable silence each looking in the other's eyes and getting lost in them. Nydia was surprised that she felt no discomfort at the close scrutiny. Instead, she felt it more a tender caress than anything else, a joining of two individuals on some primitive level.

Nydia realized the coffee had finished. Breaking away from the vision before her, she got up and grabbed the cups along with the sugar and milk. She placed them on a tray along with the carafe of coffee. "Let's go in the living room. It's more comfortable I think."

"Sure," Jo said as she followed along. "How about I carry the tray for you, it looks heavy. You've been on your feet all day I'm sure."

Nydia felt Jo's eyes on her as if they were a soft embrace. "Okay, that would be wonderful," she said as she handed over the tray laden with coffee and some cookies.

The two women settled on either side of the couch while Nydia poured

Nydia leaned back into the cushions facing Jo. "So tell me about yourself. We've spent the whole night together, and I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of learning who Jocasta Powers is."

"Well there isn't much to tell. You already know about my job." Jo said.

Nydia cringed a little at the mention of Jo's work. "Let's not talk work, tell me something about you. What do you find important in your life?"

"My family is the most important part of my life outside of that. It's my mother, Julia, my baby sister, Elly, and me. We live together over on Fulton Street in a nice little place we like to call home," she said with a proud smile.

"What about your dad?"

"My mother divorced my father when I was twelve." Jo's tone of voice changed now holding a hint of anger.

The change made Nydia uncomfortable, but she decided to let Jo keep on talking, not wanting to let her own emotions ruin what had been a perfect night so far.

"Was it amicable?"

"It was anything but. You have to know my father to understand. The man was a shit. Pardon my language. He abused my mother for years, even sent her to the hospital several times."

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Nydia said. She reached up the back of the couch and placed her hand over Jo's. She tried to infuse comfort through her touch alone.

"Yeah, but it turned out okay. My mom finally left him after he started on us kids. We lived in a women's shelter for a time while she got training as a paralegal. I remember it was the first time I could think of that I got a full night's sleep without having to hear the fighting going on in the other room or the sound of breaking furniture."

Jo let out a deep sigh. When Nydia felt she appeared under control again, Jo looked up at Nydia with a smile over the rim of her cup as she took a sip. "I always thought it contributed to my slight womanizing ways. I think I've been trying to find someone as strong and confident as my mother. Hopefully I'll find her,"

"Somehow I don't think there was anything slight about it." Nydia smiled.

"You're right," Jo answered in a voice tinged with regret. "So tell me about your family. Do they live in the area?"

"Yes." She answered. She pulled her hand from Jo's and placed them face down on her pants.

Nydia ignored the confused look Jo gave her at the curt answer. "So do you see them often?"

"No, not really. We're not close. I'd rather not talk about it." She sat up straight moving towards the end of the couch, away from Jo. Nydia hoped Jo would change the subject. The hand holding her cup held a slight tremor to it. Nydia wanted to avoid the questions.

"How come? I mean I would think in your line of work family would be important. Having to deal with life and death everyday is sort of what draws me close to mine."

At this Nydia put down her cup, spilling some of the coffee, and looked at Jo with anger in her eyes and she felt her jaws clench. "To be honest it's none of your damn business. If you could just stop being a cop for five minutes, you would've understood that when I said I didn't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. My God you people can be so controlling and domineering."

"What the hell does my being a police officer have anything to do with it? I just wanted to get to know you better. We didn't talk that much about ourselves tonight. I thought this would be our chance to really get to know each other. I want to learn who you are."

Nydia saw Jo's eyebrows furrowed and her eyes no longer shone as they had been. Nydia knew the look of confusion on Jo's face and in her tone of voice, but she didn't care. Right now, she was too angry to concern herself about it.

"It had everything to do with it. You people never know when to butt out of other people's lives. Did it even occur to you that it was a closed subject, that maybe, just maybe I didn't want to get into it?" Nydia's voice rose with each statement until she was yelling. "Of course not, because you people don't have the common manners to realize when people don't want to talk to you, or else you just ignore their wants and needs and think you're more important than they are."

"That's not what I did. I merely thought that if I got you to talk about it, you might share some of yourself with me. I want to get to know you, Nydia, all of you. I have from the moment we met."

"Who I share myself with is of no concern to you…officer. I think you should leave now." Nydia replied standing up and walking towards the door. As she opened the door, she turned to see Jo sitting on the couch her face full of hurt. Her bright smile was gone. Jo looked close to tears. "I said I wanted you to leave, or do I need to call the police and have you forcibly removed?"

"No!" Jo, said as she walked up to Nydia and stood toe to toe. "I felt a connection to you from the moment I first saw you and deep down inside I know you felt it too Nydia, no matter how much you try to deny it or push it away." Having said her peace, Jo turned and walked out the door.

Nydia felt the beginning of tears in her eyes but she refused to let them fall in front of Jo.

**********

Jo held back her own tears and began driving off. She got as far as the end of the street before pulling over. How long she sat there, she had no idea. But finally, she was able to bring her hurt under control and let her anger towards Nydia come out. She hit the steering wheel with the palm of her hand. Once she let her anger out she began to think about what had happened.

Jo realized that whatever Nydia's issue was with her family, Jo was just a convenient target tonight. Jo knew she needed to talk to Nydia and find out what had happened. Jo felt this was too important to let pass. Turning the car around Jo headed back. She stopped the car in front of the shingled house again. Jo stayed in the car for a moment trying to think of what to do or say to Nydia. How could she make Nydia understand?

She walked up to the house and noticed the lights were still on. Jo knew chances were that Nydia was still downstairs. When she got to the door she went to ring the bell, but something stopped her. She thought she heard something coming from the other side of the door. Placing her ear against the window in the door, she could make out the sound of crying. She could make out Nydia's form on the floor even through the curtain over the glass. Her heart broke knowing that Nydia was lying on the floor sobbing. Jo felt a hurt inside her knowing she played a part in it.

"Nydia, it's Jo. Open the door please. I want to talk to you." There was no answer except the sound sniffling.

"Please Nydia, I can explain everything." Her voice cracked but she continued. "I never meant to push you. I would never make you do something you didn't want to. You have to believe me." She heard quiet on the other side, but could still see Nydia's form lying on the floor. She saw her slowly stand and face the door. Jo knew whatever happened next might turn the tide of their future, and she wasn't one to give up on that easily.

"I don't know, maybe you're right and I've been a cop too long," she said, as she rested her forehead wearily against the frosted glass of the door. "But I didn't mean to be one with you. I only want to be your friend. Maybe even something more if you can give it a chance. Come on Nydia open the door. Let's talk about this," she said in an almost desperate tone, as she felt a pain in her chest. "Don't give up on us, I'm begging you." She stood silently waiting and hoping for a response. When she saw the shadow of Nydia stand, Jo hoped beyond hope that Nydia would open it.

After several minutes, Nydia began walking away.

"Nydia don't do this. Please?" She practically yelled once Jo realized there was no turning the woman back. "I'm not leaving. I'll stay right here until you talk to me." She watched as Nydia silently walked up the stairs. Through the glass she couldn't tell if Nydia even gave a backwards glance, though Nydia's form did stop for a moment before continuing climbing.

I frustration Jo hit the door jamb with the palm of her hand. Looking around, she noticed the porch swing in the corner. She walked over and sat down trying to think of what to do next. She wouldn't leave, that was for sure. She couldn't. Her heart told her too much was depending on her staying.

******

Nydia woke from a fitful sleep. It had taken her until the early morning hours before she fell asleep. Even then, her mind had conjured up disturbing images that she couldn't recall. However, she could still feel the uneasiness they caused. She recognized them as the same emotions she had whenever she dreamed of her family. It was a sense of loss, pain, and anger. However, something was different. Normally, she had no problem remembering her dreams, however, this morning; the only memory she had to hold onto from this particular dream was of hurt filled piercing blue eyes.

Dragging herself into the bathroom, she took care of her morning routine. While she showered, her mind turned back to the events of the previous evening. Nydia felt guilty about what she said and did to Jo. Her heart broke as she remembered hearing the strong woman begging to talk. Nydia's mind wouldn't let her listen to her heart. Too much had happened over the years to simply put it aside.

Getting dressed, she decided she wasn't in the mood for breakfast. Instead, she decided to just grab a coffee at the Mini-Mart. She picked her keys off the dresser along with her wallet and made her way downstairs.

Nydia unlocked the front door and opened it. Stepping outside, she saw Jo's car parked at the curb. She was curious if Jo was asleep inside. As she turned around, something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. There on the white swing at the far end of the porch was Jo. She was lying down, having apparently fallen asleep during the night. Her body scrunched into the small space.

Nydia let out a deep sigh feeling bad that Jo saw the need to stay the night because of her. While the weather had been nice overnight, it had still been on the chilly side creating a layer of dew on the ground. She could see the woman shiver in her sleep, her long body crammed up on the small porch swing.

She quietly walked over to her and looked down at Jo's sleeping form. Nydia had to admit that the police officer was beautiful, even in sleep. This only confused her to no end. "What does she see in me?" Nydia appreciated the beauty before her. She couldn't help but feel the stirring of desire that welled up in her. Given half a chance, she knew she could easily fall in love with Jo. However, she knew her mind would never let her over-rule her heart. Nydia never had and couldn't imagine a force that would.

************

In here half asleep state, Jo felt something touch her shoulder. She reacted instinctively. She tried to jump up off the swing, but found her legs were stuck in position. All she managed to do was ungracefully fall off it. Instead of the hard ground, she found herself landing on a soft body. Getting her bearings, she looked up into the greenest eyes she had ever seen, which meant they could belong to no one but Nydia. She looked deeply into her eyes and thought she saw the beginning of a tear. Jo held onto the hope that Nydia now felt regret over what happened. Drawing strength in that idea she slowly moved her head down, staring at the soft inviting lips which were now her goal.

Quickly Nydia backed her head away slightly, "Uhm, you can get off now."

The moment broken, Jo moved away, her heart aching. I guess I was wrong. "Yeah sorry," she said as she got up and reached out a hand to help Nydia up off the porch. She noticed Nydia hesitate before taking it. Jo's heart broke a little bit more, but once she felt Nydia's hand in hers, Jo felt as if the world narrowed down to only the two of them. Nothing else existed for her except the woman whose hand she held.

As they touched, Jo saw goose bumps rise all along Nydia's arm. She could see the connection was felt by Nydia as well. However, Jo now knew that for some reason Nydia was pushing it away.

"You need to go home, Jo. There's nothing here for you," Nydia said in a strangled voice.

"No, not until we talk about this, Nydia. I can see it in your eyes. I feel it in your touch. We need to talk this out. You and I need to work this out, for both our sakes. You know in your heart I'm right." Jo pleaded with everything she had, tears forming in her eyes.

"No, Jo, there's nothing to talk about. I can't do it. I won't get involved with a cop. I'm just not strong enough."

"Í know it's a dangerous job, Nydia, but I'm more than careful. I'm very good at my job."

"It's not that. It's who you are, what you are. I know all about you. Your need for control, the sense of superiority, the power it's all a part of you. You can't help but exert it every chance you get. I know your type. Policemen do nothing but push people around and control them for their own benefit."

Jo was stunned at the words. She didn't know how to respond for a moment. Her chest felt tight. Was this truly how Nydia felt about her? Jo put her fist to her chest to try and relieve the pain. "But, Nydia I'm not like that. Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I became a cop because I wanted to protect people not abuse them. I would never dream of using the authority I have for that. I promise. Please Nydia, let me show you. I can prove it to you. Just give me a chance." As she pleaded, Jo's felt her heart began to beat faster. "I swear, give me the opportunity. It's worth it. We're worth it."

"I don't think I can do that, Jo. I'm just not strong enough."

"I'll be there with you. I want to be with you, Nydia. Together we can do this, please."

Seeing the tears running down Nydia's face, Jo couldn't take it anymore. She took her by the arms and pulled her in close to her. She hugged her tightly. After a short time, she felt Nydia stop crying. Jo placed her hand under her chin and lifted Nydia's face. Slowly, she bent down and gently placed a kiss upon Nydia's lips.

Jo felt Nydia stiffen in surprise, but instead of pulling away, Nydia leaned further into her. After a moment, Nydia began kissing Jo back. Jo reveled in the taste of Nydia lips. It was a kiss of tenderness and promise. Jo felt a feeling of electricity pass between them and knew Nydia must have experienced it as well.

Nydia pulled back. "What do you make me feel, Jo? It confuses me. When I'm in your arms I feel safe for the first time in years, I feel at home. Despite everything you are." Nydia moved in closer. She wrapped her arms around the taller woman. Nydia leaned her head against Jo's shoulder.

Jo heard her take a deep breath and let it out. She felt the body she was holding relax into her.

"I still don't know if I can do this Jo."

"You can Nydia. I know you're strong enough. I can feel it. This is too special for you to give up easily. We will fight for it together." Jo gently placed a kiss on the crown of the blonde head. "Come on. Let me take you to work. You're in no shape to drive right now."

"Okay, come inside and I'll get you some coffee before we go. Maybe you can warm up a little."

"I don't need anything but you right now, Nydia." Jo said, as she followed Nydia into the house.