~ Georgia on the Mind ~
by C. J. Harte
Central Georgia, 1985
Growing up female in the deep South (and we are not talking Miami, Florida south) our entire lives are one big on-the-job training for one specific task: learning how to be a lady. It starts in the cradle with female members of the family reminding you to not cry too loud. It's not ladylike. By the time you are on two feet and talking, they take turns introducing you to the important skills. And it's never done directly. Learning takes place by telling stories. Or giving examples.
My Granny is a feisty, white-haired terror, but she always retained the manners of a traditional, and proper, Southern lady. While I was growing up she often tormented me and any misbehavior of mine with her favorite reminder, "Georgia, children and pets are cute. Horses and men are handsome. Now, ladies, well dear, they are ladies. No further description needed." She then glared at me and continued in her no nonsense tone, "Unless you are not a lady." Well, I knew I was a girl but I wasn't sure I was a lady. Granny's reminders, however, made sure I tried to learn.
By the time I was a teenager I had gotten to the point where I was sure I knew more than she did. My general answer to her advice was something along the lines of, "Hell, granny, times have changed." Or maybe, "Damn it, Granny, I've heard it all before. This was adding gasoline to her already flaming fire. This genteel southern woman stood upright to all five feet three inches and politely, but firmly scolded, "Ladies do not use such language. And Georgia, by God, you will be a lady."
My mother, steeped in sweet tea, dusted with magnolia blossom, and directed in the steps of righteous womanhood by my grandmother, was molded into a fine Southern lady. No further description needed. Having been so thoroughly indoctrinated by my grandmama, Mama took her Southern mother's role seriously. It was a badge of honor. One which she felt obliged to pass on to the next generation. Being the only daughter, that meant me. Her mantra in my youth was clear, "Georgia, it is unladylike to stare. And it is undignified to not be a lady, always." If I tried to protest, she reminded me, "Georgia, you are my only daughter but I assure you that doesn't relieve you of the obligation of carrying on the family tradition." Guilt worked and I usually got quiet.
I learned the stories and gradually figured out what it meant to be lady. Living up to this family tradition, however, has been a challenge. Especially as a lesbian. Having survived the teen years, I have managed to turn down the volume of the family tunes. Well, mostly. I began to sing my own songs. After all, the woman's movement had finally reached our little Georgia town and I was listening.
Make no mistakes about it: my coming out involved a lot of crying and talking among the females in the family. The southern family is a matriarchy. Once granny and mama realized this wasn't a phase, they just wanted to make sure that I could still be a lady. Once they were convinced, they were quite accepting of my sexuality. As long as I behaved like a lady.
But I forgot everything the day she came into the store. Damn, she's handsome was the first thought that entered my head as she walked in the door. I'm surprised I didn't say it out loud. And I certainly couldn't help but stare. Long tan legs in khaki shorts, legs that stretched forever. Tall, lean body that seemed just too delicious to be real. And dark, short curly hair clinging to her head in this Georgia summer heat. She was a goddess. She walked up to the counter and I just prayed I wouldn't drool in front of her. That would definitely not be ladylike.
"Hi, is there a car parts place around here?" she asked. She was definitely not from around here. Her voice was smooth, like the water on the lake on a breezeless day, and just as refreshing. Her speech had not a trace of a drawl. It was not the graceful, we'll get around to it in a minute, melody of the south. It was faster, to the point, and ignored the pleasantries of greeting and meeting. In these parts we refer to that as Yankee talk. I could easily ignore that if she just would stay and talk to me.
"Hi there. You must be new around here. Yep, there sure is. Two blocks down to the red light and turn right. Go one block. We have a garage if you need some car work. Right there on the corner." I found myself rambling but I couldn't stop. "And there are a couple of people who do some work in their own garages. Tom Rankin and Rupert Smith are probably the two best, but Lonnie Carswell is the cheapest. Of course, Tom has been doing repair work for over twenty years. He moved to Atlanta and went to school there. Got a job at a big dealership. 'Course when he got married and started having kids, he moved back here and opened his own place. That doesn't mean Rupert and Lonnie aren't good. Rupert worked with Tom for awhile but he never was good at taking orders from other people. He?" I finally shut up when she smiled. Glorious heaven, she is handsome! And that smile?.
"Thank you," she said and then leaned on the counter. "Do you work for the automotive repair association?" She paused and I looked into eyes so blue I thought I was looking into the sky on a clear Georgia morning. "Actually I just need an alternator for my car."
"Well, ma'am, the parts store probably has it. What kind of car ya got?" Four years majoring in fine art at Macon College didn't make me a mechanic but I didn't want her to leave.
"It's a '75 Porsche. I've had it since I was an undergraduate and it runs so smoothly I just can't part with it. I just fix up whatever needs to be done."
"Oh, my. I'm not sure we'd have a part. Our town's kinda small and sometimes it's hard to get parts for new foreign cars. Sometimes folks gotta go into Macon and buy Mercedes or Jaguars. Mostly the folks with money here, like the doctors and lawyers. There are a few people who've made money off of Coke and they have the biggest houses in the area. Old money. Their families worked for Coke Cola when it started up and then settled here when they got rich. Wanted to get out of the city." A look of confusion filled that wonderful face and I realized I was rambling again. My heart was hammering nearly as fast as my mouth and I feared I'd go blind staring. "I suspect they'd have to order a part for a ten year old car." This was obviously not the information she wanted. "I'm sure they can order it and have it in a couple of days."
"A couple of days?" She slammed her hand on the counter, "Damn, I have to be in Jacksonville tomorrow for an interview."
I wonder if her grandma ever talked to her about swearing.
She slammed the counter again, "Shit."
I guess not. I looked down at the hand on the counter and was awed by the strength. So what if she does swear. Give me strength, oh Lord. "What kind of interview?" I asked. I really didn't care about her interview; I just wanted to stare at every inch of that tall drink of water, wishing I could get her to stay here forever.
"With one of the medical practices. Listen, is there a rental car company around?"
She was determined to leave me. Sunshine had dropped into my life and was threatening to leave. I was not going to let it slip away?or her. Well, at least without some effort. "No, ma'am. No need for a rental car place here. Everyone knows everybody. Only twelve hundred people. You can always find someone to carry you anyplace you want to go. Or sometimes folks have a second car and they let you borrow it and they make do for the day. Course, sometimes, you have to get two or three people to give you a ride 'cause someone can drop you off in the morning and someone else picks up. Then if you need to run an errand, someone else?."
She put up her hand, sheer beauty in the smile on her face. I'm dying. "I'm sure there are many types of accommodation. I just need one car to get one person, me, to one city, Jacksonville. I can probably get one bus to come back and bring me to my one car. Thanks anyway."
She turned and began to walk away. A cloud darkened my world. My life took a deep breath and plunged into potentially dangerous waters, "I'll take you!" She turned and stared at me, astonishment gracing that remarkable face. "I mean if you want me to. I'm sure I can get a couple of days off." I walked around the counter and stood next to her. I barely reached her shoulder. "My family owns the store and we kinda take turns. I've more turns lately because I've not had much to do. That's not right. I've got my art work and my studio but I just have more flexibility in my schedule. I guess I don't have as much life as anyone else in the family. Well, I do but I don't have family obligations. I mean, I do have family but?." Here I am offering to drive this attractive woman to Jacksonville and she could be a serial killer. All I can ramble on about is my family!
She scowled, shook her head, and then smiled. Laughter erupted and the room was illuminated with a thousand suns. "Do you ever answer anything in one word?" I started to answer but she stepped closer to me and again put up her hand. "Thank you. If you are serious, I'll take your offer. How soon can we get started?"
"Oh, I'm serious. I never say anything I don't mean. My mama and granny always told us to be careful about what we say. Even when we were little?"
"Good," she interrupted, "I'm glad you are serious but can we leave this afternoon? I want to get some sleep tonight before the interview."
"I just need?"
"This is a simple yes or no question. Just nod yes or shake your head no." I found my head bobbing up and down. I think I would have agreed to anything. "Good, my name is Ashley McKenna."
She put out her hand and I quickly took it. "My name is Georgia Ann Rogers."
That smile again! "Like the state?"
"Well, kinda. Actually I'm named after my granny and my mama. Granny is named Georgia Louise and mama is Georgia Lynn. I'm?."
"I get it," she shook her head, "I get it. No need to explain." She stood a moment, thinking quietly. Finally she said, "Let me get my stuff. I do suppose there is a wrecker service that can take my car where it needs to be." I nodded and again thought how wonderfully handsome she was. "You can talk now. How do I get my car towed and arrange to get it fixed?"
"Oh, my brother, Bobby, can come get it. He helps out at the store sometimes. He's a sophomore at the college studying architecture. He's not sure if he wants to be an architect but everyone in our family has to have a college degree. Bobby earns money by?."
"Georgia, please, just tell me how to get my car towed and where."
Determined to not embarrass myself any further, I helped her get her car to one of the garages. While she was taking care of the car, I called my mama and told her a friend had come into town and we were going off for a couple of days. It was a white lie but ladies were allowed to tell them sometimes.
"Georgia, that's not very polite for her to just pop in and not stay for supper before carrying you off. You tell your friend that she has to sit a spell with us and at least have some tea."
"Mama, promise, we will eat with you when we get back. Love you. I'll call when we get settled." Short phone conversations were not possible in my family. I decided not to mention my friend's name.
Mama was generally not too concerned when I went off with one of my college friends. Friends from Macon College were assumed to be from the right families. When one would call, I just told my family we were going riding. I just made sure that we were not very specific about our plans. Sometimes it was the only way I could get away with one of my girlfriends for a weekend and go to Atlanta. Taking off with a stranger, however, was entirely different matter.
"Georgia?."
I knew what was coming. "We won't be gone too long." I hung up before she could bring in her big guns and remind me to use my most ladylike behavior around my friend. It was our shortest conversation ever.
The first ten minutes in the car were excruciating. I'd rather spend the day at the dentist. Ashley was obviously lost in thought and I was at a loss at what to say. Silence was as alien to our family as a Florida Gator t-shirt and I was uncertain how to deal with it. Old South culture demands a working knowledge of everyone's relations and how everyone is related. That certainly can't be done by remaining silent. I decided to take the plunge. "Where y'all from?"
"Ohio."
"Oh." This was going to be challenge. "Did you go to school in Ohio?"
"Yes."
"Where'd y'all go?"
She turned and looked at me, "Ohio State." She turned away and was busy examining the landscape. I wondered if she was trying to memorize the route in case we got lost.
This woman was a challenge. I'd never met anyone who had so little to say, but then I'd grown up in Georgia where talking is more important than breathing. "What did you study?" I was determined to get her talking.
She continued to stare out the windows, "I was a pre-med major. When I graduated I was accepted at the medical school at Tulane University. I wanted to get away from Ohio. I finished my internship and residency in New Orleans and now I'm hoping to start my first job. What about you?" She finally turned slightly in the car so that it was easier to see me. And for me to appreciate the goddess sitting next to me. "Wait, can you do this in twenty-five words or less?"
"Well, I've?."
"Another yes or no question," she laughed. The sound was so contagious I laughed. As we relaxed the conversation became more relaxed.
"I don't know," I answered. "Yes no is only for when you're in trouble. We've always given longer answers. When I was younger and my mama would ask me a question, I used to answer in one word. She would always say, 'Now Georgia Ann, that is not enough answer, unless there is something you're hiding. If I want one word I will ask a yes no question.' I was taught that it was not polite to be so brief. One time my granny asked me about my school day and she made me sit for twenty minutes and tell her everything about everyone until she was sure she had heard about every minute of my day. I even had to?."
Still laughing, Ashley replied, "I get it. No need to explain further. We Midwesterners tend to not talk as much." With that she became quiet.
"You should see us at holidays when all the family gets together. Everyone talking at once."
"I just realized you haven't answered my question. Tell me about you. How long have you lived in Georgia? Have you always worked in the store?"
I thought carefully and tried to think of a short way to answer. Giving up I just said whatever came to mind, "My family has lived in Georgia for over one hundred years. After the Civil War, or as we often refer to it, the War of Northern Aggression, my great-great-grandfather moved here from England to grow cotton." Sighing, the taller woman leaned back in the car with arms folded across her chest. I could feel her eyes looking at me and I wondered what she was thinking. Maybe I doubt if this woman could answer a question with one word if her life depended on it. Anyway she just gave in and listened to the rest of my story. "Land was cheap and we bought lots of land around here."
For the next fifteen minutes, I gave Ashley the shortened version of our history. Finally I brought her up to date, "I went to Macon College and majored in fine art. I have my own studio and hope to have my own exhibition some day."
"You're an artist?" Ashley asked. "A sculptor?"
"No, a painter."
Ashley turned and stared, "I think that is the shortest answer you've given me."
We laughed and talked. The six hour drive seemed to fly. Suddenly we were going through Savannah and I knew Jacksonville was not far away. "Where are we staying tonight? I have some relatives who live near here. If we can find a phone?."
"Thanks," Ashley laughed, "but I want some sleep tonight. I have a reservation at a hotel not far from where I am interviewing." Reaching in the back she pulled some sheets of paper out of her bag. "I have directions. Are we in Jacksonville yet?"
"No, ma'am, not yet. Another hour. This is Savannah. Can you smell that? That's the paper mill. I remember one time traveling through here?," I paused and recalled the first time my parents had driven us through Savannah. I turned briefly and looked at my passenger before I continued and found she was busy studying her map. Her profile was elegant. A strong chin with well defined dimples at the edges of her mouth. Dimples as deep as the Chattahoochee River. A classic Roman nose. Skin that seemed almost glowing. I wanted to paint her. I forgot what I was saying. There I was staring again.
"Well, what happened?" she asked.
"Ma'am? Oh, well, uh," strangely enough there was a part of my brain that preferred looking at her than talking but it's kind of hard to do that and drive. "Well, my mom didn't want us to go because I had been so sick. Dad thought the family should go together. Of course, as soon as we got near this town, I smelled the pulp mill and threw up all over the car."
"You're feeling okay now?" she interrupted.
Oh, yes! I thought but restrained my answer, "I'm fine."
Looking back down at her map, she asked, "So we cross this river and then we are in Jacksonville?" Reading through her directions, she planned out the shortest route to the hotel. I knew she required no answer. I turned back and watched the road, content to be in her presence.
We arrived at the hotel by 9:30 p.m. They had held her reservations and we were quickly checked in. It was odd to be alone with this magic woman in a hotel room. "I'm more tired than hungry," she began, "but I'll go out for food with you if you're hungry. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you driving me here."
"That's okay. You've paid for the gas and food. I just drove." How sophomoric. She probably thinks I am just some small town hick.
"No, you are a life saver. I really don't want to miss this interview in the morning. I'm going to bed then. We need to be up at seven. I'll take a shower first." She grabbed some items out of her luggage, walked into the bathroom, and closed the door. I sat on one of the beds and realized I had packed only a few items - none of which were designed to sleep in. I decided my t-shirt would have to do. I stretched out on the bed and waited for Ashley to finish.
"Georgia. Georgia, wake up. We need to get ready for breakfast."
I looked around and realized I had slept through the night fully clothed. Well, that took care of what to wear to bed. Now she knows I'm some small town hick. I jumped up and headed into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.
I dropped Ashley at the medical office building near the hospital. We agreed I would pick her up around 2 p.m. Having reluctantly let this gorgeous woman out of my car and sight, I was determined to make the most of the day. First stop was to find a phone and call my cousin. He was a senior at Jacksonville University and always ready to visit. He was also gay and we could usually find some way to get into trouble.
The morning flew by and I found myself speeding to pick up Ashley. I pulled up in front of the building just as a certain attractive woman was exiting the building. Walking out with her was a man I guessed to be a little older than she. The two were absorbed in some conversation and I wasn't even noticed. Jealously was a new experience but I could tell I was quickly becoming acquainted.
Five minutes later they shook hands and she was walking to the car. At last I could breathe. She climbed in and was smiling. "Good interview?" I asked.
"Great," she said. "I've got the job. I start the first of next month. Just enough time to find a place to live, go back and pack my stuff, and move." She reached over and hugged me, "And I owe it to you."
If I died in the next five minutes, my life would be almost complete.
She leaned back against the seat, "I'm taking you out to dinner. I've already gotten the name of a great restaurant."
I felt as if I had swallowed my whole foot. I wanted to be happy for her but a part of me secretly wanted her to move to Georgia. Well, Florida is not that far away. "I'm excited for you." I'm lying. This is not just a fib, or a little white lie, but a big bad lie. "I didn't have to interview for the job at the store. I mean, I've almost worked there almost as long as I've walked. And all the family takes turns working there. So I haven't had to interview. I guess I haven't had to interview for anything." Ashley sat quietly so I continued, "What was it like? I guess they asked lots of questions. And you had all the right answers, I know. Of course they were impressed with how much you knew."
"Stop," she cried. "It's one thing to talk and talk but now you are talking for me. You are amazing."
I felt stung until I looked at her and realized she was staring at me and smiling. "I guess I should apologize. It's not very ladylike to interrupt people. And my granny?."
"How does anyone in your family get a chance to talk then?"
"Well, everyone talks and we just keep track of important things. Most of the time, we're just retelling family stories. My aunt Rachel one Christmas day started telling a story about some cousin of hers and she didn't get finished until New Year's Eve. It was a good thing she was staying with us the whole time."
"You're pulling my leg?"
I blushed I know. Thoughts of touching her leg flowed deliciously through me, quickly raising my body temperature, even for a summer day. I turned up the air conditioner. "No, ma'am. It's the truth."
"God, it must be chaos." I bet no one threatened to wash out her mouth. It was too yummy. "Compared to your family, mine is non-communicative. Come on, let's go change and get something to eat." She reached for my hand and promised, "I'll hear the rest of your story over dinner. Right now I want to shower and get something to eat. I'm starving. How about you?"
I was speechless. Honestly unable to think of a single word to say. The touch of her hand warmed my skin and nearly caused my heart to stop beating. The hunger I had was not for food but it would definitely be unladylike for me to say that in public, especially to someone I barely knew. I merely looked at her and nodded. In all my life, short though it may be, never had any woman affected me as this dark-haired stranger. I don't think Granny or Mama would consider this as ladylike behavior.
Back at the motel, we both quickly showered and changed. I put on a pair of navy blue cotton pants and a pale blue button down blouse. I took a little more time than usual with my hair and my appearance. I wanted her to notice me. Suddenly it hit me. What if she's straight? I've just driven how many miles with this incredibly attractive hunk of woman, allowed my fantasy to get the best of me, and she may not have any interest in me romantically! I struggled with my desire to run and hide and my reluctance to let go of this dream. When she walked out of the bathroom, I didn't care.
She had on an off-white linen shirt that look tailored to fit her broad shoulders and tanned arms. A gold chain glittered around her neck. Her legs were covered but the black linen trousers she wore just highlighted how tall she was. She looked delicious. She was definitely on my menu.
"Ready?" she asked.
I struggled to control my mouth before my foot jumped in. Ready? I wanted to say. Oh, honey, I was born ready for you. I nodded. It was the best I could do.
"Good! Do you mind if I drive your car? I've got the directions and I promise, I'm a good driver."
Again I nodded. Southerners are taught to always be polite.
Ashley drove us to a charming seafood restaurant out at the beach. The atmosphere was casual and friendly. It was still light enough outside for us to watch the waves rolling in. "This is wonderful. I've never been here." I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice.
"Good. This will be a first for both of us since this is my first time here." She raised her glass of wine and offered a toast, "To our first dinner together in Jacksonville."
I wasn't sure how to take her answer. "I mean, I've been to Jacksonville lots of times and been out to eat. One of my cousins goes to school here. And I have lots of other cousins, aunts and uncles that live around here, from Yulee to St. Augustine and every place in between. We don't usually go out when we visit family because it is usually for family gatherings. I come down here with my friends sometimes but mostly we go to Atlan?."
Leaning back in her chair, she stared at me wide eyed before speaking, "You know, one of the staff I met today is from Georgia and she talks just like you. Is that something you learn in the Georgia educational system?"
I suddenly felt like a misbehaving child chastised for unacceptable behavior. For unladylike behavior. My Georgia bulldog temper flared, "Miss McKenna, if you don't like the way I talk, I can be quiet until we get you back to your car. Besides it is rude to make fun of one's heritage and upbringing. My granny?." I stopped. A warm hand rested on top of mine and electricity traveled throughout my body. Funny, how that just shuts down the thinking part of the brain. I can be in big trouble!
"Georgia, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I guess what I wanted to say was I found it charming. Not only that but it made it easier to talk with her." Her thumb stroked the top of my wrist. She had no idea what that was doing to me. The anger became ancient history. "Forgive me?" I don't think so if you keep doing that.
Again I nodded. We chatted comfortably throughout dinner. I learned more about her family, friends and medical school. The more I heard, the more I liked. This was bad.
After dinner, she asked, "How about taking a short walk on the beach so I can settle some of this feast?"
"I may need a wheelbarrow. That was wonderful. One of the reasons I love coming to the coast is the great seafood restaurants. There's one place in Daytona," I stood and followed Ashley, "we don't often get to go there because it's so far away. Usually we got to Atlanta or Charleston. I love Charleston. I've been there several times just to paint. And there's these wonderful basket weavers. I have to buy one every time I go there. It's a dying craft."
As we left the restaurant she held the door for me and smiled, "How about that walk?"
"Okay, as long as it isn't too far!" The beach in front of the restaurant was mostly hard packed sand. "My legs are like lead. My granny says that young ladies shouldn't take exercise after a big meal. I guess it is more of a Southern thing."
She took my hand and rested it in the crook of her arm and I was again struck speechless. We walked along quietly, each lost in thoughts and senses. I've always loved the ocean. Some day I want to have a house near the water and be able to get up each morning and paint.
"One of the reasons I went to Tulane," Ashley began, bringing me back to the present, "was to live somewhere with plenty of fresh seafood. I think I've eaten my way through New Orleans. I've grown to appreciate Cajun and southern cooking as well. Guess I have to live in the south." She caressed my hand as we continued to walk. "And all the fresh seafood! I think that's why I survived medical school."
We walked a little farther and turned back. My heart was racing and, for once, it was faster than my mouth. She was doing all the talking, "Do you like to dance?" I nodded. "Good. I know of a place. Some friends told me about it."
When we got in the car, my stomach and heart had changed places. Supposed we ended up in some straight bar and some good looking guy started hitting on her. I tried not to think about it. This was my dream and I refused to let anything interfere. When we pulled into the parking lot in downtown Jacksonville, I knew right away where we were. Ohmigod! This is a gay bar!!!!
"Hope you feel like dancing because I sure do," Ashley said. She hopped out of the car and came around to open my door. I was barely able to control my breathing. She again placed my hand on her arm as we walked into the bar. We were early enough that it was easy to find a place to sit. "What would you like to drink?"
"Coke with not much ice."
"Do you drink?"
"Sometimes. Not when I'm driving. My mama and daddy allowed us to sip wine and beer growing up so that we wouldn't be running off sneaking beer. They made sure that we knew to not drink and drive though. Once my cousin Bud?."
"Just hold it. Let me get something for us to drink because I have a feeling this will be a long answer." She smiled at me and then reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. My throat was dry and I could've drunk a gallon of Pepsi. Now that would be unladylike.
It was nearly an hour before someone turned on the jukebox. By then the crowd had grown and there were finally some couples dancing. Music was mostly fast. We danced some but as soon as a slow song came on, she took my hand and said, "Miss Georgia, may I have the pleasure of this dance?"
I stood and looked up into that wonderful face and said, "My pleasure, Ms. McKenna." I slid into her embrace and felt the rest of the world disappear. She held me as if I was something very precious and special. Her hand on the small of my back, she led me gracefully around the floor. For the first time in my life, I truly felt like a lady in this wonderful woman's arms. The song ended too soon.
As we walked towards our table, she whispered, "Shall we go? I'm kind of tired."
"Yes," I answered trying to hide my disappointment.
"Something's wrong," she whispered as we exited the building, "you only used one word."
"No, I'm fine." I tried smiling but I'm sure I would never qualify for a toothpaste commercial.
She took my hand and held it as we walked to the car. We were silent the entire way to the motel. Inside I felt like Cinderella and I had just heard the first clang of midnight. Eleven more!. When we got to our room, I quickly changed into a t-shirt and climbed into my bed. I heard Ashley go into the bathroom. She could've been back in New Orleans the distance between us was so great. Soon the water from the shower was running. She was a doctor and I was just someone who lived in a small town. It would easier to control Niagara Falls than the tears threatening to wash down my face.
I must have fallen asleep because there was suddenly a voice near me calling my name. "Georgia? Georgia, are you awake?"
I was now. She was lying on the bed next to me. I rolled onto my back so that I could see her face. "I wasn't really sleeping. Just kind of resting my eyes."
She chuckled and stretched out next to me. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
I felt as nervous as a June bug on oily water. For once I didn't know what to say. If I said 'yes' then she might decide I was off limits. Of course, she could be one of those women who preferred playing around with unavailable women. If I said no, she would know I was available but maybe wonder what was wrong with me. Sometimes I wondered the same thing. I mean I had a couple of girlfriends while I was in college but none since I had moved home. Well, after all, when you live in a small town like I do there may not be too many choices. And too many of the folks are kin anyway.
"Georgia, this is a yes or no question. Unless you prefer boys."
Ohmigosh. I'd forgotten she was asking me a question. What do I say? "No, ma'am. I mean no, I don't like boys. I mean I do. I have three brothers. And I like them but only as brothers. Except for the ones that aren't brothers. I mean they are okay for friends.
"Georgia! Do (pause) you (pause) have (pause) a girlfriend?"
"No ma'am. I don't have girlfriend either. I mean it's not because I haven't had girlfriends. That is I have been with a woman before. You know, like as in girlfriend but in my town the pickings are slim and I've tried to focus?." She halted my explanation with a kiss. It was the most wonderful kiss in the whole world. Just when I feared I was turning into bowl of thick mush, she pulled away.
"You are the most exasperating person I've ever met, Georgia Ann Rogers, and the most charming. Now let me crawl under the covers and just hold you." And she did. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep with those arms wrapped securely around me. My heart had found a home. It was only the next morning that I realized nothing else had happened.
"Georgia. Come on, Georgia, wake up."
My dreams were about a young dark-haired physician and I didn't want them to end. As I opened my eyes I was confronted with reality: a young dark-haired physician. "What time is it?"
"I'm sorry. It's nearly eight o'clock. I am so accustomed to being up at five. I waited as long as I could. It was fun watching you sleep until I got hungry."
No matter how tired I may have been I clearly recalled the evening and what did- and did not - happen. "No, I'm sorry. I'm usually up by now."
"Come on, I want to buy you breakfast." She smiled and my world tilted. "Guess then we can head back and I can pick up my car." My world returned to its usual flattened state.
I swallowed my disappointment, jumped up, showered and rapidly dressed. Soon we were back on the road. As we crossed the state line into Georgia, I searched for any excuse to hold onto this woman who'd shaken up my life. Then I remembered my last phone call before I started on this venture.
"My mama's expecting you to have supper with us when we get back."
"That's nice, Georgia, but I don't know your family."
"That's okay. I told her you were a friend of mine and that's all that matters. In small towns everybody knows everybody and if you are a friend or relative then you are already welcome. Besides my mama wants to make sure she knows all my friends. She's always trying to play matchmaker. One time my friend?."
"Matchmaker? Does she know you are gay?"
"Of course. She caught me kissing my best friend when I was in high school. I thought I would never hear the end of it. She went on for days. Actually what she was worried the most about was that I might not behave like a lady. Now she just wants me to be happy. One time I brought my friend Julia home from college. She was a very close but straight friend. Unfortunately my friend didn't know about me and mama started asking about her intentions. Well, my friend Julia thought she was asking about her major. So Julia is talking about business classes, you know, contracts and negotiations, and mama's talking about wedding plans. It was the funniest conversation. On the way back to school, Julia told me she thought my mama was really nice. My cousin Sammy's mother is just as bad. She's a librarian at the high school and obviously sees everyone going through the library at one time or another. It was a pain having my aunt teaching in the same high school I went to but she made sure no one picked on me when folks started talking about my kissing another girl. One day my cousin Sammy?" I looked over and saw Ashley smiling. "What?"
"Ms. Georgia, I would love to have dinner with your family. If only to see how you manage to carry on a conversation."
I decided to ignore the chimes of the clock tolling. I would enjoy whatever time we had together. And I did what I knew best. I talked.
As we pulled into town, I began a history of the area. "My mama's granddaddy owned most of the land around here and decided he wanted a post office. Well, the government said they didn't just put up a post office any place. We needed a zip code and a town. Anyway, he went to the governor and got a town established and named it after my great grandmama."
"Amyville?"
"Yes'm. He elected himself mayor and my grandpapa got appointed sheriff. Of course, being a sheriff wasn't hard and he could keep on farming. We grow mostly corn, peanuts, things like that. Then great grandmama Amy decided that she needed something to do and that's when our family started the store. When the interstate was being planned my grandpapa went to the planning people and managed to get a slight detour so that an exit could be placed that came into town. I guess that's how you found us, from the interstate. My granny Amy didn't want the interstate because she thought it would bring too many foreigners. At first it was a place we could also sell our crops. Then some folks started bringing in things that they made. Now we got a little bit of everything in our store. Most of it local. My daddy decided the town was getting too big and moved us out farther into the county. Of course he had to buy up more of the farm land so that he didn't have to look at neighbors."
"Good God, Georgia, how much of this town does your family own?"
"Not much anymore because great granddaddy deeded the land the town stands on to the city. McDonald's wanted to come in but they didn't want to lease the land. So, granddaddy talked him to donating it and taking it as a tax deduction."
"Stop!" I hit the brakes and nearly caused an accident. "No, I don't mean that kind of stop. How do I get an answer to a question?"
I started the car back up and drove slowly through town. "I'm sorry. I forgot the question." I only had a few hours left with her and I was already driving her away.
"Is there someplace we can stop for a few minutes and talk?" I nodded. "Are you okay?" Again I nodded but could feel tears rushing to explode on my face. It may have been the middle of the summer but my heart was turning as cold as a winter day in Atlanta. I pulled into the state park near town and parked in the picnic area.
As I turned the car off, I saw Ashley open the door and step out of the car. By the time I was pulling the key out the ignition she had opened my door. She extended her hand and helped me out of the car. If she were a boy, my mama would say she was a perfect gentleman. To me she was just perfect. She held my hand as we walked over to one of the picnic tables. We sat down on the bench and leaned back against the table. A long arm slid around behind me and pulled me close. This must be the good bye speech.
"Thank you for driving me to Jacksonville." Yep, that's what it was. "I can't tell you when I have had such an interesting time." Translation - she thinks I'm weird. "I just wanted to talk to you before we went to your family's house." She's never going to see me again. How will I get through dinner?
"Wait, before you start?."
"No, this time you wait." She laughed and turned so that she was facing me, "If I don't say this now I may never get a chance." She reached for my hand and I strangled back the broiling emotions that tend to make me babble even more than usual. I will myself to be quiet. Moments of hope had been briefly tossed aside along with the hours of longing.
"Georgia Ann, you are the most charming flower I have ever met. Sometimes when I listen to you talk I am not sure how we got from A to Z without going through the rest of the alphabet. The strange thing is that I am beginning to understand you."
"I'm sorry. I just get started and like I said we are story tellers and I feel as if I got to tell you?.." She shut me up by again kissing me.
"It seems the only way I can keep you quiet long enough to finish a sentence is to kiss you." She seemed to enjoy teasing me. She leaned forward and kissed me again. "Mmm, I am not sure how I will get to work but it sure is a fun way to try to get two words in." I must have turned redder than the Georgia clay. I could feel the heat traveling up my face faster than anyone I know can talk. "Ms. Georgia, I am enchanted." She reached up and touched my enflamed cheek. "Now I am not sure what the appropriate protocol is in this situation so that's why I thought I would ask before I met your family." I've never had to explain saying good-bye before. I don't think I can stand it. "So, two questions. One, would you mind if I came and visited some. Maybe started dating. I mean if you wanted to date me." I stared in disbelief. She wanted to date me! I started to answer, but she stopped me. "This is a simple yes or no." My grin was probably bigger than a toad frog in a nest of flies but I nodded yes.
"Now, here comes the big question. What is the appropriate protocol in this situation? Do we just kind of date for awhile? Do I ask your parents if I can, I guess the southern expression is, come a courting?"
"Courting!" I threw my arms around her neck and landed in her lap. "Oh, Ashley, I didn't think you even noticed. My heart was just breaking because you were going to leave and I thought?Never mind. Yes, I would love to date you. I mean I would like to date you. Or visit. Or just have dinner if that's what you want."
"Georgia, you are crazy-making, but life with you will never be boring." She kissed me again and again and my heart was fuller than the Chattahoochee River after a rain storm. "Come on, let's go meet your family and figure out what to tell them before I panic."
We got back in the car. My feelings for this woman were unexplainable, but I didn't care.
"Is there anything else I should know about your family before I meet them?"
"Well, my oldest brother Ronnie is a sheriff."
"The sheriff? Like your grandfather?" Her voice got a little higher.
"Yes'm. Everybody thought grandpa did a great job and the folks in town didn't want him to retire but granny was itchin' to do some traveling. My uncle the mayor wanted to get re-elected so he talked my brother into being sheriff. Ronnie had just graduated from Georgia with a degree in criminal justice. We thought that was so funny because he was always getting into trouble. We figured he was the one that caused grandpa to retire."
"Sheriff? Hmmm, and anyone else I should know about?"
"Well, my next oldest brother is a minister at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church. Of course most people in town are Southern Baptist. You don't have to go to either one if you don't want. My great granddaddy and great grandmamma were Baptist but my granddaddy was Episcopal and refused to change when he married my granny. Of course, my granny is one determined lady and she decided there were enough kinfolk to fill up the Baptist churches so she thought it would be a great idea to become Episcopal. She started teaching Sunday school and singing in the choir. She still plays piano for services when Mrs. Johnson goes on vacation. You know, she was president of ECW for five years."
"Georgia!"
"Yes'm? I?" She leaned over and kissed me.
"Start the car," she whispered and then kissed me again.
As I started the engine I heard Ashley start to sing, "Georgia! Georgia! No peace of mind!" Then she roared with laughter. "Sheriff and minister. Sounds like the makings for a shotgun wedding. What did I get myself into?" She smiled and resumed humming, her hand resting on my knee.
Guess what mama? I'm in love. She's a doctor and she makes me feel like the most important lady in all of Georgia!