Gabrielle watched the familiar form in the pink nightie with a bemused expression. "I think
you still need to do something about Joxer."
"Tomorrow."
Laughing, Gabrielle let her hand drift down to rest on Xena's forearm and gave it a squeeze.
Both actively ignored the grunting sounds coming from close by.
"Oh," she released her grip to let her fingertips trace lightly over Xena's skin, "do you have
plans for the evening?" Doing her best to keep a straight face, which was not actually that
good, Gabrielle turned her head towards Xena.
In response, Xena merely grinned and continued gazing up at the stars. Taking a deep
breath, Gabrielle realized this would be their first night alone together since before her visit to
Mnemosyne's temple, and more importantly, since the conversation they had that night. By a
mutual, if unspoken, agreement they had remained in Joxer's company since. As she
continued to absently trace patterns on the soft skin of Xena's forearm, Gabrielle wondered
what Joxer would think if he knew that he'd been acting as a de facto chaperone.
Somehow, she didn't think he'd be able to appreciate the irony of the situation.
Truthfully, ever since that night, Gabrielle had run the gamut of emotions and back again.
She had been enjoying the odd sense of courtship; stolen kisses, meaningful glances and
knowing smiles. It had given both a chance to get used to the changes that were taking place
between them, letting the realization sink in that it was no longer a question of if, but when.
There was a comfort in that knowledge. It had sponged away many of the doubts and
insecurities that she suspected had plagued both of them. In fact, each had grown boldly
flirtatious at times. Subtle, or in some cases not so subtle, messages to the other of certainty,
of the desire and readiness to move forward. It had almost become a game, trying to push the
other to the limit. Each silently willing the other to take the first step.
There were still moments of doubt, of course, when Gabrielle wondered exactly what she was
getting herself into, whether they were making a mistake. But, as the time passed, those
thoughts grew increasingly fleeting. Instead, she was becoming more and more frustrated with
the lack of time alone together. Anticipation was building like a slow burn, jumping into a
roaring flame at the slightest provocation.
She snickered at the memory of one particularly lively rabbit dinner a few nights before, when
she had caught Xena surreptitiously watching her lick some stray juices from her fingers. One
look at the hooded desire she saw on Xena's face and Gabrielle had immediately set about
making the meal absolute torture for her friend. Keeping a careful eye out to make sure that
Joxer wasn't watching her, she had lazily let her tongue run up and down her fingers,
occasionally swirling it around the tip and sucking the digit into her mouth with slow, sensuous
movements.
Gabrielle had almost laughed out loud as Xena's mouth hung open while her attention was
totally focused on what she was doing. Catching Gabrielle watching her, Xena quickly licked
her lips and shot a warning glare with the added bonus of an incredibly high arching eyebrow.
Both of which Gabrielle had completely ignored as she set about the task of trying to discover
the most suggestive way possible of devouring a leg of rabbit.
Judging by Xena's response, she succeeded admirably.
From her short distance away, Gabrielle had easily seen Xena's irregular breathing and noted
that she suddenly couldn't go more than a few seconds without licking her lips. Later that
night, Xena had, with greatly exaggerated casualness, invited Gabrielle along to 'check the
perimeter of the camp'.
Though, she had been rather tempted, Gabrielle didn't really want their first time together to
consist of her being pressed up against a tree and ravished. Which, judging by the smouldering
glances Xena was giving her, was probably a pretty safe bet of what would have been in store
for her. After waiting so long, Gabrielle wanted the luxury of time. The sad, pouty look on
Xena's face when she had demurred almost changed her mind, until she realized that Xena was
doing it on purpose.
She didn't fail to note, however, that Xena's 'check of the perimeter' seemed to have taken an
inordinately long period of time, and that her friend seemed much more relaxed after she
returned. With dismay, Gabrielle wondered how suspicious it would look to take her own little
tour of the 'perimeter'.
"Gabrielle?" Xena's voice brought her back from her musings as she turned to find Xena,
laying on her side facing her. "What were you thinking about?" Gabrielle couldn't suppress a
laugh as she wondered what the consequences would be of telling the truth. She had no doubt
that pay backs would be forthcoming.
"Oh, just about this morning." Gabrielle said finally, opting to postpone Xena's revenge and
unconsciously removing her hand, which had still been lightly caressing Xena's arm.
"Really? What about it?" A vaguely suspicious look had crept into Xena's eyes.
"Uh," Not wanting to be caught in a lie, Gabrielle sifted quickly through her memories of this
morning and settled on the first thing that popped into her head. "Just thinking about that
artwork in Aphrodite's temple . . ." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Gabrielle
realized that she had just hopped out of the frying pan, right on into the fire.
"Oh, really?" Yep, Gabrielle was definitely in trouble. Xena's voice dropped a full octave
and she practically purred the words. Swallowing reflexively, Gabrielle only nodded.
Already on her side, Xena scooted a little bit closer so that her legs were pressed up against
Gabrielle's. With the movement, Gabrielle found that she was suddenly incredibly nervous.
The realization hit her that the waiting might be over and she fought against the wave of panic
that flooded her mind. "Yeah, well, you seemed pretty certain that it was possible." Gabrielle
had no idea why the words came out of her mouth, only that talking seemed to be a distraction.
"Mmm hmm," Xena smiled as she let one hand drift up to lightly trace the pattern of muscles
on Gabrielle's stomach. "You'd be surprised what all can be accomplished if you set your
mind to it."
"Uh huh." Came Gabrielle's highly distracted reply as she tried, with almost no success, to
control the small jerks and spasms of her muscles that Xena's touch was causing. "But
wouldn't something like that be uncomfortable?"
Grinning rather devilishly in response, Xena let her fingers trace a path steadily upward.
Leaning her head down, Xena's voice was little more than a whisper. "Ah, but being
uncomfortable can be part of the fun." With that, her fingers found the base of Gabrielle's top
and prowled restlessly along the barrier. Gabrielle's breath was now coming in pants and soft
gasps as her eyes closed in expectation. "But then, you already know that . . . Don't you?"
Eyes opening, Gabrielle noted a slightly dangerous tone in her friend's voice. Xena leaned
down as her voice purred in Gabrielle's ear. "You certainly have been doing a good job of
making me uncomfortable lately."
Biting back a guilty grin, Gabrielle felt well and truly busted. Now, all she could hope for was
mercy. But, while the look that Xena was aiming toward her could be described in a number of
ways, merciful was not one of them. As a last-ditch effort, Gabrielle favored Xena with the
most sweet and innocent look she could muster.
It didn't have any noticeable effect.
Gabrielle suddenly became aware of the fact that roving fingers had moved up to idly toy with
the laces of her top.
There was a sudden crashing sound in the forest nearby and a short series of ape-like grunts.
The noise grew closer and they looked up in time to see a frilly pink blur attached to a vine
swung over their heads to end in a distant thud.
Taking the distraction as a reprieve, Gabrielle decided to run with it. "You know," the words
practically squeaked and she had to take a moment to clear her throat. "I really meant it
when I thanked you for coming after me today." An amused look crossed Xena's face, though
her fingers didn't move. "Somehow, I found the prospect of furious zug-zug less than
appealing."
That earned her a slight chuckle.
"Oh, I don't know." Xena's lips curled into a slightly impish grin. "I must say, I find the
prospect very appealing." Gabrielle snickered nervously. Suddenly, Xena turned to glance
out into the distance. "You know, that reminds me," she began, looking back at Gabrielle with
a curiously raised eyebrow. "Where did you get that nightie anyway? I think I would have
remembered seeing it before."
Gabrielle felt herself blush and chuckle in response. "I saw it in a shop in that last village we
passed through . . . I . . . uh . . . I thought you might . . . like it." Biting her lip, Gabrielle
suddenly felt too embarrassed to meet Xena's eyes. Blushing harder, Gabrielle remembered
the fantasies that had played through her mind since she had bought the nightie.
She felt strong fingers move to her chin, silently encouraging her to meet Xena's eyes. When
she did, she saw only a gentle smile. "That was very sweet."
Gabrielle shrugged, still embarrassed. "It was supposed to be a surprise."
Glancing out through the trees again, Xena smirked. "It was."
A brief, somewhat uncomfortable, silence followed as their eyes locked and both prayed
silently for the other to take the initiative. All thoughts of teasing were rapidly disappearing.
Finally, Xena let her hand move up to rest warmly on Gabrielle's cheek, slowly sliding around
until it curved behind her neck. Somehow, that simple gesture struck Gabrielle as deeply as
an erotic caress. A surge of pure desire, more powerful than any she had ever known, blazed
through her body like a tongue of flame, igniting everything in its path. She waited
breathlessly for Xena to continue the gesture, to pull her forward into an embrace that she
wanted never to end. But instead, a note of fear seemed to pass behind Xena's eyes, and she
let her hand slide away, turning quickly and getting up to walk around to the other side of the
fire.
Gabrielle didn't know whether to groan or cry. Blinking, she tried valiantly to gather the
scattered remnants of her thoughts. Sitting up to look toward Xena, she saw her friend sitting
quietly on a fallen log with her head in her hands. With a sudden flash of insight, Gabrielle
realized that Xena wouldn't allow herself to make the first move. There was still a big part of
Xena's heart that felt it was unworthy of love. And perhaps, the recent hurts that both had
been guilty of were still too close to the surface.
Gabrielle wanted to growl in frustration. More than anything, she desperately wanted to
know what Xena was thinking. But Gabrielle doubted she'd get a straight answer, no matter
how she asked the question. Inquiries into Xena's feelings were often lucky to meet with even
monosyllabic responses. Gabrielle had come to equate trying to speak to Xena about such
things with pulling teeth. It was sometimes necessary, but never enjoyable.
She briefly considered giving Xena a reprieve, letting her alone with whatever thoughts had
caused her to pull away and waiting for another time and another day to let herself act on her
emotions. But from somewhere within her a sense of stubbornness kicked in. They had
waited so long, been through so much. She just didn't want to wait any longer. Gabrielle knew
all too well that with each day that dawned came the possibility of one or both of them not
living to see another. She had long ago come to terms with the dangers of their lives, finding
that it inspired her to live each day more fully.
When she was a child, life had been about the future, her hopes, dreams, and her
expectations. But now it was different, she was different. Now she had tasted death, both her
own, and that of those she loved. Gone from her imagination was the immortality of youth.
Life wasn't about dreams anymore, it was about now, this day, this moment. And she had no
intention of letting it pass her by.
*************************************************************
Xena felt the warmth of Gabrielle's skin beneath her fingers as she let her hand slide around
to the back of her neck. She was mildly surprised by the slight tremor she felt run through her
friend's body. But as she looked into soft green eyes, glowing with the golden reflection of the
firelight, Xena felt a deep, almost paralyzing, stab of fear. The only instinct she could obey
told her to put some distance between them. Releasing her grip, Xena turned quickly,
deliberately ignoring the desire to leave the camp completely and instead moved to sit on the
other side of the fire.
She silently cursed the fear, and her own weakness. It was clear what they both wanted. That
Gabrielle bought the nightie was only the latest in a series of signs that she was certain what
she wanted. Gone now was the misplaced idea that Gabrielle was some type of creature of
pureness and innocence to be protected. In fact, Gabrielle had gone out of her way lately to
prove that she wasn't all that pure. Indeed, Xena was quite certain she'd never be able to look
at a leg of rabbit the same way again. Gabrielle was now, most definitely, a woman grown.
One who offered love, and demanded nothing less in return. And yet that was part of the
problem. Xena had known passion, or she thought she had, but what Gabrielle inspired in her
was somehow . . . more. More of everything. In fact it was almost frightening in its intensity.
In some ways, the line between physical passion and passion for battle had always been
blurred in Xena's mind. Each fed the other. Was it safe for her to give into a passion that
burned so strongly through her veins? Control was something that Xena lacked for a good
part of her adult life. She had given little thought to consequences, caring only about
satisfying each new desire. But nothing she had felt, no passion, no desire, could rival what
she was feeling now. Giving in had always been a mistake in the past. Could she trust herself
to give into this?
With a sigh, Xena wasn't at all certain she had a choice any more. Whether they made love
this night, or ever, Xena knew that her heart had long ago been lost. And running away from
her passion would cheat both of them.
She heard Gabrielle get up and move slowly toward her.
"Xena?"
"I'm sorry." Xena responded quietly without looking up.
"What for?" Came the soft reply. When she had no immediate answer, she felt Gabrielle
slide down next to her on the log she was sitting on and place an arm around her shoulders.
"Are you okay?"
With a low, rueful chuckle, Xena wasn't sure she had an answer for that.
"Yeah . . . I guess I'm just . . ."
"Afraid." Gabrielle finished the thought for her. They both laughed, remembering a
conversation not too long before when the roles had been reversed. "Hey, like you said, it
just shows we're taking this seriously." Xena smiled, letting her friend's words sponge away
some of her doubts. "You know, Xena, I don't think either one of us could approach the idea
of . . ." Gabrielle paused, taking a breath, "making love . . . for the first time . . . without being
nervous, or afraid." Xena could hear the emotional tremors threading through Gabrielle's
voice. "You said that we wouldn't do anything that we both weren't ready for . . . so . . . I . . .
well, I thought you should know that I am," she heard Gabrielle swallow reflexively, " . . .
ready, that is."
Turning her head to look into her friend's eyes, Xena saw the emotions warring behind them.
There was fear, but also tenderness, compassion, and a good dose of desire just below the
surface. Xena's lips curled into a smile as she realized she had never seen a more beautiful
sight in her life. With shining hair, smiling face and eyes dancing with gold reflected from the
flames, Gabrielle looked almost ethereal. Though she had outsmarted gods, lifted curses and
stood toe to toe with War itself, sitting beside this gentle woman, Xena felt somehow helpless.
And in that moment, the private war that had been waged in her heart was lost, and at the
same time won.
"So am I." The words were soft and filled with emotion. It was hardly poetry, but then Xena
was no poet. Judging from the wide grin that spread across Gabrielle's face, she didn't seem
to mind.
While one arm still lay gently around Xena's shoulders, Gabrielle's other hand came up to
gently cup Xena's cheek. Bemused, Xena watched as Gabrielle leaned toward her slowly,
closing her eyes. And then Xena's eyes closed as well, just seconds before she felt soft lips
brush against her own, just a taste, but more than enough for Xena to know she wanted more.
Eyes still closed she felt another kiss begin, this one more firm, a leisurely exploration.
Twisting her body slightly, Xena let her arm catch Gabrielle around the waist and gently
tugged the small body onto her lap, lifting up on Gabrielle slightly until her legs were
straddling Xena's waist. When the kiss returned it was more forceful, as each woman's control
over her passions began to slip away into the still night.
With a soft moan, Xena let her arms wrap around Gabrielle, strong hands thoroughly mapping
the firm muscles of her friend's back as she felt Gabrielle's mouth open slightly against her
own. Parting her own lips, she soon felt the tentative touch of Gabrielle's tongue as it traced
lightly along her bottom lip. Of their own will, Xena's hands came up to tangle in golden hair
as she pulled lightly, deepening the kiss and letting her own tongue begin a thorough
investigation of the soft mouth pressed against it. Strong arms circled around her back and
she felt Gabrielle's fingers digging into the leather of her tunic. As her mouth explored,
Xena's hands became restless once again and began to drift purposefully down Gabrielle's
back, taking in the different textures, the smooth satiny feel of her skin, contrasting with the
warm roughness of the cloth that covered it. Finally, her touch settled on the hard leather of
her friend's belt, tracing around its edge Xena squeezed lightly on muscular hips before
moving down to cup her buttocks and squeezed more firmly. She felt a deep moan erupt from
Gabrielle's chest.
Finally breaking this kiss, for the sake of breathing if nothing else, Xena pulled Gabrielle to
her in a fierce hug. For a time, she could only hold on tightly, as if she were clutching a
beautiful dream that she didn't want to end. After a moment she felt Gabrielle slowly, but
firmly, pulling away. Looking up in confusion, she noted the rosy flush that covered
Gabrielle's skin as she stood, offering one hand down to Xena.
"Come on."
The words were as much a command as a request, and Xena wondered where Gabrielle found
the courage to lead the way with such certainty. Taking a deep breath, she laid her hand in
Gabrielle's and felt the quiet strength of this incredible woman as she easily pulled Xena to
her feet. Not relinquishing her hold, Gabrielle turned and led them both back toward their
blankets. Once there, she turned and pulled Xena down with her until they both knelt, facing
each other. The soft sounds of the forest filtered into her ears, along with the low crackles of
the dying fire. They both breathed heavily as they merely looked at each other for a moment,
committing the sight to memory.
With a slightly nervous smile, Gabrielle let her hands move up to the ties of her top.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Xena protested that she wanted to be the one to do that,
but her body refused to cooperate. She could merely watch, transfixed, as Gabrielle quickly
pulled the laces free. Once finished, after the briefest of hesitations, Gabrielle pulled the top
over her head and tossed it aside. Before she had even finished the motion, Xena found
herself moving forward with the impatience of desire too long restrained. Though she spared a
few looks into Gabrielle's eyes to check for any uncertainties, Xena's hands were immediately
drawn to cup Gabrielle's breasts, squeezing lightly, while her mouth was only a second behind,
moving quickly to cover a rapidly hardening nipple.
She felt, as much as heard, Gabrielle's moan as small hands stroked her hair gently. Leaning
forward, Xena let one hand drift around Gabrielle's back to smoothly lower her onto the
blankets. Stretching out alongside, Xena felt encumbered by her leathers and started to
remove them.
Pausing, Xena felt suddenly very conscious of her partner's lack of experience with physical
intimacy and worried about moving too quickly. "Is it all right if I take this off?" She asked
softly, fingering the leather of her tunic, and watching Gabrielle closely for any signs of
hesitation. But she found only a genuine smile.
"Sure." Then with an impish grin, Gabrielle added. "I think it would be a little awkward if
you didn't."
Laughing somewhat sheepishly, Xena felt unusually clumsy as she moved to quickly pull off
her boots and leathers. Making a quick decision, she pulled off her light shift as well, leaving
only rough cotton britches. She turned back and forced herself to be still for a moment, giving
her new lover the time to look at her. A warm flush passed through her as Gabrielle's eyes
moved slowly over her skin. Once again, she felt an unaccustomed self-consciousness under
her friend's scrutiny. Xena had a lot of confidence in her physical appearance, it had been as
much a weapon for her as any other. But here and now, she wanted so desperately to please
Gabrielle, she couldn't help but worry that she wasn't.
Her fears quickly proved unfounded, however, as Gabrielle sat up and shyly let her fingers
begin to roam over Xena's chest. Eyes closed and head falling back, Xena couldn't recall such
a simple touch ever effecting her like this. Concentrating on the sensations, Xena felt her
friend's hand still for a moment. Just as she was about to open her eyes to see if everything
was still all right, she felt Gabrielle shift near her. Suddenly, the moist warmth of her partner's
breath caressed Xena's skin for a heartbeat before she felt the exquisite softness of her lips.
A long, slow groan rumbled out of Xena's chest as she felt as though she was melting into a
puddle on the blankets. Somewhere, dimly, in the back of her mind, Xena realized that for the
first time in her life she truly understood why it was called making love. Compared to this,
anything else was a pale imitation.
With mild surprise, Xena felt herself being rather insistently pushed backwards. Once on her
back, she immediately felt Gabrielle straddle her hips. As her friend leaned down for a kiss,
Xena unconsciously arched her back, her body receiving the contact it craved as their breasts
rubbed together. Both women groaned, and Gabrielle's head quickly fell forward, her lips
finding Xena's exposed throat. Rocking her hips upward, Xena clearly felt her friend's desire.
Gabrielle gasped at the contact and thrust her hips in return.
As if that motion crumbled her last remnant of control, Xena suddenly planted her feet and
rolled them both over. With a great deal of impatience, she began to fumble with the
Gabrielle's belt and skirt, trying to convince herself that she cared if they were ripped. She
felt her partner lift her hips as Xena slid the material away. With one last barrier remaining,
Xena found herself once again searching Gabrielle's face. She did see a hint of nervousness
now, lurking just beneath the surface.
"Gabrielle?" Even the hint of doubt stopped Xena cold. "We don't have to do anything you
don't want to."
Smiling shyly in response, Gabrielle placed her hand over Xena's as it lay against her hip.
"I know. I want this Xena, I really do. It's just . . ." Xena waited with more patience then she
would have thought possible for Gabrielle to finish. "It's been so long and . . . and . . . I have
no idea what I'm trying to say." Letting her hands fall over her eyes, Gabrielle shook her
head.
Though her fingers were itching to finish what they'd started, Xena forced those thoughts out
of her head and instead stretched out next to her friend, leaning up on an elbow so she could
look in her face. "Is it about Perdicus?"
Her hands falling away from her face, Gabrielle stared up into the night sky. "Not exactly."
Came the unenlightening reply.
"You know, Gabrielle, we won't do anything you aren't comfortable with." Though Xena had
a pretty good idea of what she wanted to do, she knew there would be no pleasure in any of it
unless it was something they both wanted. To her surprise, Gabrielle laughed softly.
"Now, that is part of the problem."
Now utterly confused, and a little bit afraid, Xena could think of nothing to do except wait,
with as much patience as she could muster, for her friend to explain.
After a long pause, Gabrielle cleared her throat nervously before speaking. "Xena, what . . .
I mean how . . ." taking a deep breath, she looked over into Xena's eyes, clearly embarrassed
by what she was about to ask. "What is it exactly that we are going to do?"
Unable to help herself, Xena laughed out loud, relief flooding through her body. Gabrielle was
now squirming uncomfortably next to her. Biting her lip, Xena forced herself to stop laughing.
"I mean . . ." still clearly embarrassed, Gabrielle stammered on quickly. "I've heard of a few
things and all but . . ."
"Gabrielle," Xena let her tone sooth her friend's nerves. "It's all right. There's nothing to
be embarrassed about. You can ask me anything you like, and I'll do my best to answer it."
That earned her a warm smile in response. "Uh, I guess . . . well . . . can you just tell me what
you were going to do?"
As often as they had teased and joked about sex, Xena realized that she and Gabrielle had
rarely discussed the topic seriously, largely because each was trying to hide feelings from the
other and humor was a simple expedient for that. But now was a time for honesty.
"I was going to touch you." Xena heard the emotion and desire thick in her words as she
spoke, letting her mind idly fantasize. "Probably in much the same way that you touch
yourself. And I wanted to kiss you . . ."
"Kiss me?" Gabrielle interrupted, her expression confused.
"Yes." Came the patient reply. Xena was doing her best to not turn this into an all out
seduction. She let Gabrielle mull over the idea for a minute and forced herself not to so much
as smile too broadly when she saw the realization dawn on her friend's face.
"You mean, you want to kiss me . . ." She made a gesture with her hand to indicate the area
in question.
"Yes." Once again, Xena kept a scrupulously straight face, though she saw Gabrielle flush
heavily as her mind processed this newest bit of information. She couldn't be certain if it was
embarrassment or desire that colored her friend's face, but judging from her expression, smart
money was on the latter.
"What else?" Gabrielle's voice betrayed her growing arousal.
Now more confident in the situation, Xena let herself fall over the line between informing and
persuading.
"Well," Her voice dropped to a gravely purr and saw Gabrielle swallow in response. "Then, I
want to slide my fingers inside of you," at this Gabrielle's eyes closed and a soft moan
escaped her lips, "so that I can feel how much you enjoy me making love to you." With the
words, Xena's own passions flamed to life once again. "Would you like that, Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle breathed heavily for a moment, trying to find her voice, and Xena smiled as she
waited. "Yes." It was nothing more than a breathy whisper, but it would most certainly do.
Xena quickly rolled back over on top of Gabrielle, capturing her lips for a deep and exploring
kiss as her hands moved down to remove what was left of Gabrielle's clothes. Soon, she let
her hand drift up her new lover's thigh to deliver on her promises, while Gabrielle squirmed
and cried out beneath her.
Later, as her partner lay quietly in her arms, still breathing a bit heavily, Xena let herself
enjoy the perfection of this moment. For a time, in this woman's arms, she was able to find a
sense of peace that she had honestly thought would be forever beyond her grasp. She knew it
wouldn't last. The light of day would bring the reality of her life and her demons back to her.
But for now, they lay quietly in the back of her mind.
Opening her eyes suddenly, she heard a distant grunting sound in the woods. Sighing, Xena
briefly pondered how she was going to break the spell that had been placed over Joxer. But
her mind refused to cooperate, being entirely too happy contemplating other things, all of
which involved the beautiful creature lying in her arms who had now begun to stir and let her
hands begin an exploration of their own.
She'd worry about it tomorrow . . . or the next day.