This is my first attempt at fan fiction. Reading all the fantastic stories on this website inspired me. I must give special thanks to MaryD for reading my story.

Violence Disclaimer: Wherever there is Xena, there is violence.

I would also like to give a big shout out to all of the authors who write kick-ass stories, especially TNovan.

I love your Raising Melosa series. If there are folks out there who haven't read it and are not close minded, this is a must read.

The game being played throughout the story is Spades. It's a card game where the object is to bid on who may book you and your partner can make and then, make those books. Spades are the trump suits. But also included in the suit of spade after the Ace of Spades are 2 of Spades, 2 of Diamonds, Little Joker, and the Big Joker. The Big Joker is the highest spade.

One last thing; I have changed around the characters some. My ex will be Jessica and I will just use my own name because I can't think of a better one.

O.K. enough rambling?on with the story.

Danielle.Kearns@bmge.com

Part 1

PROLOGUE:

December 7, 1997

Hi. My name is Danielle. I am writing this story to describe my relationship with the woman who is the love of my life. Before I start recounting the beginnings of our relationship, I should first describe myself. I'm 5'7", 150 lbs., black, brown eyes and dark brown hair. I'm 18 years of age and alittle unsure of myself as most teens are when they get out of high school. The best way I can describe my look: I've been told that I look like Queen Latifah. I'm quiet if I'm around people that I don't know but once I feel like I can relate to you, you can't get me to shut-up sometimes. I know a lot (I have an affinity for history so the History Channel and A&E are my favorite stations). I have a natural knack for Math and Science and for a while I thought I might be an engineer. I don't like confrontations or arguments but I will stand up for what I believe in if I think the cause is right. I have a close-knit family and I'm especially close to my grandparents because they raised me for the first 8 years of my life.

The 1 3/4 years we've been together have been the most wonderful time of my life. I can't imagine her not being in my life. She has always allowed me to be myself when I'm with her and for the most part, has accepted me completely. We've had our ups and downs but that has only made us stronger. Despite everything we've been through, if it meant that I wouldn't have here in my life, I wouldn't change a thing.

In the beginning?.

I met her February 1996. I had just transferred to John Jay College of Criminal Justice for a chance to not only start over my college career but to try and salvage a relationship that would eventually come to an end. It was a Monday. I had just gotten out of my Government class and headed to the cafeteria on the second floor. As I walked into the cafeteria, I saw her. She quickly glanced up from her card game and we made I contact. I never believed that a person could give a look that would make your heart skip a beat--until she gave me that look. I then made it a point to find the closest table to where she was sitting at. As I moved closer to her, she had the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever see; they were like the color of the sky on a clear spring day. She had long, black hair, which was pulled up into a ponytail. She also had on a white turtleneck, with a blue shirt, which brought out her eyes even more. To finish the outfit she had a dark blue pair of jeans on with a pair of Timberland boots on.

The outfit I was wearing the day I met her was a pair of black Levi's, a white Old Navy turtleneck, a grey fleece jacket over the turtleneck and black pair of Timblelands. I normally wouldn't have worn my black Levi's because they are tight, but I was in a good mood and I wanted to dress like I was even thought I was 15 degrees outside that Monday.

I found the table and sat down, observing the card game they were playing. After watching for 10 minutes, noticing that one of the guys playing had no idea what he was doing, I asked to join in. Once I sat down, I introduce myself to every one else at the table. First I met Guiseppi (Joe for short), who was sitting on my left. He was 5'8", Italian, very well built, a smoker, blond hair, gray eyes, and considered spades his best class. Next there was Derek, who was my partner. He was 5'5", Puerto Rican, brown eyes, black hair and mustache, the jokester of the group. There was John, the guy who I was replacing. He was 6', black, black hair, brown eyes, almost a simpleton. John and Derek don't play spades very well but between the two of them, I chose Derek as my partner. Finally, there was Jessica, the intellectual of the four. As our eyes met again for the second time, I realized that I suddenly had a warm feeling in my panties.

As the game progressed, I realized how much of a skilled player she was. She and her partner, Joe, beat us 509-452. After the game was over, Jessica and I sat and talked for about and hour. " I haven't seen you around here before. Are you new to the campus?" she asked. I replied, rather nervously, " I transferred from City College. They got rid of their Psychology department so I just spent a semester there because I couldn't get in here last fall." She straightens up, looking quizzically at me, " Psychology, uh. You plan on getting inside peoples?" " Oh, no. I want to be a profiler for the NYPD. That's where the moneys at. I changed my major the first month I was at City College," I respond. Jessica looks at me more puzzled, " What was your original major?" " Engineering Psychology. I love math but not enough to take a shitload of Calculus classes. I found that I had a passion for psychology and figuring out how a criminal's mind worked so I changed my major, put my transfer forms in and six months later here I am," I stated. " Interesting, very interesting," she responds with a crooked-smile on her face. I dare not tell her the other reason why I transferred here. The real reason why I transferred here was to try and make the relationship between my with my current boyfriend work. I knew I couldn't trust him and that he probably cheated on me with some other girl that was there. He was Hispanic, 5'9", and 275lbs. I know what you are all thinking. WHY!! Like they say, love is blind and in my case I had shades, horse-blinders and the whole nine. I regretted letting him be my first. The breaking point was after two years, he wouldn't introduce me to his parents because, as he put it " It's o.k. for him to have friends who are not Hispanic so long as you don't bring one home as your girlfriend and intend to marry them." Real piece of work, isn't he?

The conversation we had seem to last for hours and it felt like we'd know each other all of our lives. We exchanged numbers and then I went to my next class. For the first time in my life, I honestly felt I could do a lot better than the fat bastard I was dating. All I could think about was her. I honestly started to believe that this would be the person that I would spend the rest of my life with. For weeks after that, we spent time together as friends. A lot of people thought we were a couple before we even started dating. She would walk me to class and vice versa. We would ride the train home together and talk about everything and nothing at all.

When Valentine's Day rolled around, I figured it would be a good time to tell her how I felt about her. Unbeknownst to me, she, at the time had a crush on someone else. She even got the girl a box of chocolates. Fortunately for me, the girl didn't feel the same way and hurt Jessica's feeling. I had to get going and so before I left for the day, I gave Jessica a kiss on the cheek and told her, "There is someone out there that does care about you and they may be right under your nose."

She quickly got over that embarrassment and our friendship grew until she asked me out on a date. I remember our first date like it was yesterday. She took me to see The Usual Suspects. She had seen it six times and still wanted to go see it. She especially wanted to take me to see it. After the movie, we went to the diner for dinner and sat, ate and talked for and hour and a half. During the course of the conversation, I proceed to tell her that there is someone I like and I don't know how to tell them. She says, " How come you haven't said anything to this person and do I know who it is?" I nervously reply, " I've had my feeling hurt in the past and yes you do know who this person is." It was all I could say to come close to telling her how I feel. I was scared she didn't feel the same way about me. She could see the shade of red I was turning so she changed the subject.

After eating, she paid for dinner and we took the train home. Monday, I got there early to help Jess with her math homework. We met in an empty classroom on the third floor. I was always a math whiz and she was the English whiz. After I helped her with her homework, she went back to the topic of which it was I liked out of the circle of people that we hung out with. She asked, " Is the person white or black?' "White," I responded quickly. " Male?" "Female," I responded even faster than the first time. She straightens up, " Really?" I grew tired of the cat and mouse game so I finally say, " You're the person that I am interested in. I didn't tell you because I've had my feeling hurt by someone I like in junior high school and I didn't want the same thing to happen to me again." At this time, I'm looking down at the floor feeling like I needed to crawl up under the nearest rock. Suddenly, I feel a hand gently touch my cheek and as I look up into her blue eyes, she says to me, " If I wasn't interested in you, I would have never asked you out." After she said that, she moved in and gently kissed me on the lips. I always had an idea about how magical a first kiss would be. I always imagined mine to be at the end of a romantic date. This kiss, however, was even better. Her lips were soft and as sweet as a strawberry. It was as if two halves of the same souls were being joined and I didn't want it to end. She ended the kiss and we both looked at each other smiling. I saw a light in her eyes that I had never seen before and if felt good to know that I could bring that out in her.

As time goes by?.

Dammit! She is the most stubborn person in the whole fucking world! She can get upset about the littlest thing but the important stuff doesn't phase her. It's been six months and it's been the toughest six months of my life. My mother and Jess don't get along. My mom feels Jess is too controlling and is alienating me from my family and friends. Jess thinks my mother is too controlling and is meddling in our relationship. Jess thinks my mother doesn't like her because she's white. I keep trying to tell Jess that it's not true but with some of the things my mom has said, I'm not sure if I believe it.

Another problem is that I have told her certain things about my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I know, I know. That's a big no-no and I regret even saying anything. But now that I have, she asks me a lot of things that I'd rather not talk about. I am embarrassed that I let any man treat me the way he treated me. I know she's asking because she cares and she want to help me through it but, the more she pushes the issue, the angrier I become and Jess is the last person I want to take my anger out on. I have to admit this is the first real relationship that I have ever been in. I am learning as I go and there are certain things that she has to be mindful of because she's more experienced than I am.

I have to say the first time we were together was wonderful. It was April Fool's day (a Wednesday) and I went to her house to watch opening day baseball. She was a really big New York Yankees fan and I had never really gotten into baseball. I arrived at her house at 10 am. Her parents were at work and we had the whole house to ourselves until about 5:30. We're sitting down on the couch watching MTV and then she started to kiss me. The kissing became more intense and before I knew it, I was on her lap and she had already taken my shirt off and was gently sucking on my nipples.