Heavy Heart by Darkhorse

The empty ring of the phone in one ear warred with the spasmodic heartbeat that seemed to overtake everything else. Once. Twice. Three Times. The caller exhaled. Four.

"Hello?"

The exhaling air choked her for a moment. Her heart thudded twice. Thump. Thump. Then it relaxed.

"Hey. I thought I wouldn't get you. Are you busy?"

"Other than turning in for the night, nothing. What's up?"

She piled another pillow behind her back, crossed one leg over the opposite knee. A lazy smile grew from some giddy place inside her.

"I, um, I just kind of wanted someone to talk to."

"Everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah, of course. I don't know. I just missed talking to you, I guess."

"You guess? What do you mean you 'guess'? That's the type of thing you should be sure about."

"Okay. Okay. I know who I wanted to talk to." Those heavy footsteps of her thoughts returned. She contemplated. "I missed you."

"I miss you, too. Seems like it's been longer than a week, huh?"

"Too long."

"Sounds like it's been pretty rough on you."

"It has. I shouldn't say that, I know? but coming home just isn't the same as it used to be. Do you feel like that sometimes?"

"Oh yeah. I know exactly what you mean. The parents want you to grow up but at the same time they seem just so- so condescending, like you don't have the good sense God gave a grasshopper."

"A grasshopper?"

"You get my point, smart one. Work with me here."

"Sorry. I get it, though. And you get extra points for the alliteration."

"Thank you."

The laughter trickled into silence.

"It's just really frustrating me."

"I hope it gets better for you." Gentle rustling sounded like shifting position. "Hey, do you know what this reminds me of?"

"No, what?"

"That time in school when you told off one of your teammates for being a jerk. A jerk with very overrated talent. Geez, I can't even remember her name."

"Yeah, well, I'd rather not."

"I think that was the only time I've ever seen you lose it. I was surprised, that's for sure."

"I don't really get the similarity. You want me to blow up at my mother?"

"Hell no. I'd miss you too much when you guys get locked up. The situation just reminded me of how much stuff you take in. Everything that bothers you? almost to the point where you literally explode."

Breaths punctured the silence but not words for long moments.

"I guess that was my roundabout way of saying I hope you can talk it out. If not with them, then you can always talk to me."

A lopsided grin formed. "You 'guess'?"

"Okay. You caught me. Fine. I'm positive. Seriously, though, anytime you need me."

"Thank you. That means a lot." She swallowed the grin, hoping to savor the feeling. "How do you even know about that?"

"Well, for some reason I was at the water fountain near the girls' locker room. I think it was- yeah, we were all going to the gym for a pep rally."
"I sort of remember that. There's not much I intentionally try to."

"It wasn't all that bad."

"Uh huh. Can I ask you a question?"

"Hmm."

"Why weren't we friends back then?" The breath she held in released itself on the other end of the line.

"I don't know. It's not that we weren't friendly, we just?"

"Weren't friends."

"Yeah, I suppose that's it. Honestly? You kind of intimidated me."

"What? Me?"

"Yes you. You were just so quiet all the time. And when you did talk you just seemed to be above and beyond the rest of us. Like you had already figured out all the petty stuff the rest of us were going through. I'm not saying you were arrogant or anything. Just mature beyond your age, you know?"

"I understand what you mean. To be honest, I didn't have anything figured out. I was just too scared to deal with anything."

"Sounds lonely." There was a noncommittal response. "I'm sorry I didn't know how to be your friend back then."

"It's alright. We all have to learn and grow, right?"

"Right." It almost sounded like an echo as the next words came out softly, broke, then stronger. "?um, I really did like you back then, though. You were? you fascinated me." "What!? Why?"

"I can't really explain it. It's like you had this way of talking to me? and looking at me, that it just- I don't know. I sound stupid right now."

"No. No, not at all. It's hard to explain. All that stuff that I told you before? I felt like it could be different when I was around you. Like there really was something unexpected out there for me. Something greater than I could imagine."

"So why couldn't we have been there for each other all along?"

"We needed time to grow into people we wanted to be."

"That must be it. Man, at that time I just felt so small but at the same time like I couldn't just let go and move on. Like staring into a flame. I didn't have a clue what to do or what I wanted."

"And now?"

"Now? I think now I'm headed in the right direction. Like I have absolutely no clue what's in the future for me but that I can say I'll be prepared to face it."

"That sounds like something I want. I think I'm getting there. In time."

"Good. We'll get there together."

"I like the sound of that." She slowed her mind. Her heart and words followed. "Don't take this the wrong way but I love you."

"Why would I take that the wrong way? It sounds wonderful. And it's not the first time." "It is? like this. It means so much more than just words."

"I know. I feel the same way. I love you, too."

"Really?"

"There's no way to tell you how much. I just try to show you."

A pleasant weight lodged somewhere inside her. "Yeah. I feel that."

"Good."

"Better than."

"You've got to be tired by now. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Can't wait."

"Neither can I. Sweet dreams until then. I love you."

"I love you, too."

End