What the Anvil? What dread grasp. . .
By Cheaza

**No feminine hygiene products were harmed in the production of this fanfiction**

 


     Gabrielle had been traveling with Xena just a barely two moons on this particular mild morning, as the two walked towards the nearest town. Normally, Gabrielle would have been talking on and on about nothing in particular, much to Xena's apparent annoyance. But this morning she was silent, alarmingly so. And Xena found herself missing the soon-to-be-bard's chatter. It's almost as if I enjoy her constant talking Xena mused to herself, wondering at the possibility. But one close look at her companion's drawn face and her thoughts quickly turned to concern.

     The young girl's face was particularly pale, her usually smiling lips down turned and tight in anxiousness. Her pace was slower than usual, as each step seemed to be done with great effort. Xena stopped Argo and looked down intently at Gabrielle.

     "What's the matter?" Gabrielle asked at their stopping.

     "I was about to ask you that." Xena said dismounting Argo and standing beside the younger girl.

     "Nothing's the matter." she said as she flinched at the slight twisting of her body.

     "Don't lie to me Gabrielle, if you and I are to travel together you need to be totally honest with me. Now," Xena placed a hand on her wrist "What's the matter?"

     Gabrielle looked at her for a moment, decided whether or not it was safe for her to admit to Xena that she felt so ill. She was so scared over the last few days. Scared of telling Xena, the almighty Warrior Princess, that she was ill, in fear that she would think her weak and refuse her companionship. Rejection by Xena was on the top of the young girl's list of fears. At this moment however it was about on the same level as the fear of this pain being more serious than she could imagine.

     "I'm-I'm in a little pain Xena" she finally admitted, "But its nothing too serious really, I mean we should head on to the town so we can reach it by dusk. . ."

     She was cut off by Xena putting her hand to her forehead and looking at her face with a healer's eye.

     "There's a grove up ahead; we can stop there so you can rest." she concluded.

     "Xena, there really is no reason. . ."

     "Gabrielle" was all she said back, then took the young girl's hand and looked at her with all levity. This was all the encouragement Gabrielle needed as she turned to follow Xena to the grove.

     She didn't quite make it there however. All she remember was the ground in front of her wavering and the sky spinning about her head. The next thing she saw after the blackness was Xena's face above hers and thinking "By the Gods, she is so beautiful."

     "When was the last time you ate, Gabrielle?" Xena asked once she saw that she was awake again.

     "What-What happened?" Gabrielle asked, trying to find her voice.

     "You fainted. You must be in a lot of pain to have passed out from it. When was the last time you ate?"

     Xena helped her up into a sitting position and rested her against the trunk of a tree. She still spoke in her rough, distant timber, and treated her as if she were a patient; an illness rather than a person. Gabrielle felt her emotions plucked to the surface for no apparent reason, and Xena's glib voice seemed to make it worse. Tears stung her eyes and when she spoke, her voice was strained and her throat ached with tightening emotions.

     "I don't know the last time I ate." It came out almost whispered, and she turned her face away from Xena, feeling the tears now so close to the surface. All she wanted was some kindness, some tenderness about her present condition, not this abrupt curt tone from Xena.

     Xena pushed at her abdomen slightly and Gabrielle screamed out suddenly violent and slapped her hands away from her.

     "For Hades' sake!" she screamed out.

     Xena mumbled an apology and, for the first time in a long while, felt at a loss at what to do. She kneeled there and looked at Gabrielle silently for a moment, and wondered at what she could do, what herb tea could be made to relieve this pain, and where to find-

     "By the Gods! Do you have to sit and stare at me so? I'm not some sort of freak show!" Gabrielle barked out at her, her emotions as charged as a barrel of gun powder.

     Xena was taken aback and even hurt by this out burst. She stood up and walked away almost mechanically, giving Gabrielle the space she wanted. She walked over to where Argo was and began to unpack the saddle bags to set up camp, and felt the hurt stinging quite deeply. Why had Gabrielle reacted so violently towards her? By Hades, she was trying her best to help her find out why she was in so much pain. What was wrong with the girl that she was so hateful?

     Gabrielle rested her head back against the tree and allowed the tears to finally fall down her cheeks, the pain in her middle so intense she felt surely she was going to pass out once more. The tears turned then from the physical pain to emotional and she began to weep for the loss of sympathy. She wanted her mother so badly right then, for she knew she would give her the comfort she wanted. Instead she got a brisk unfeeling warrior who she was sure was now packing up to desert her as she lay in so much pain. She curled up into a ball and laid on her side and cried into the long silky blades of grass that grew at the base of the tree, cried like she had never cried before.

     Xena kept away thinking that perhaps this was how Gabrielle dealt with her pain, after all it was how she did. She set up camp away from her and laid everything out, then went in search of some herbs to brew up a tea for Gabrielle's pain. She looked around for quite awhile until she had gathered them all up and started to boil a kettle of water over the fire she had started. A great amount of time had elapsed before she decided to go to Gabrielle again and check on her.

     She found her curled up in the fetal position, her face muddy and tear stained, and vomiting all over the ground in front of her. She rushed back to the camp and fetched the water skin, and brought it back. She slowly approached Gabrielle, laying an almost gentle hand on her shoulder. This startled her and she drew away, as if the hand had burned her. She looked back to see Xena, and turned away in embarrassment. Xena laid the waterskin in front of her and left again to stand behind her and watch as she struggled with the lid and how she spat the water back up again.

     That was when she began to wonder if Gabrielle really wanted to be alone. But Xena was uncertain what she could do to help, she was never good at being comforting or caring. She left her then and made the tea, returning as dawn settled over the land. She brought the tea with her aswell as some soaked cloths, and found Gabrielle much in the same position as she had left her, still curled up yet now in an unfitful slumber.

     She sat behind her and turned her over gently, so not to wake her, and lightly washed her sweat soaked face and vomit caked chin and lips. Gabrielle was covered in it, encrusted in her hair with dirt ground into her clothes. Xena decided that she had left her alone long enough, and doing so, picked the small girl up in her arms and carried her over to the camp and laid her down on the blanket next to the fire.

     She preceded to pull off the soiled clothes and lay them aside, then took the soaked cloths and gently bathed the young girl's body, washing off the dirt and sweat. As she did Gabrielle stirred slightly, moaning and crying out in pain then sighing more contentedly as she felt her skin cleansed of the misery of the past hours. Xena pulled the young girl's head into her lap and washed the vomit from her hair then combed it back and away with a care and tenderness she didn't even know she had. She had done all this so gently and kindly, in a manner she had thought she no longer possessed, yet still came so naturally to her as she cared for Gabrielle.

     She retrieved the tea and patiently fed it to her, in between Gabrielle's sobs and incoherent mumbling. Finally, once the cup was drained, she wrapped her up in the softest piece of cloth she could find and laid her down by the fire to rest. Only then did she lay down close behind her and relaxed herself, lightly placing a hand on the young girl's stomach, almost as an unconscious way of taking her pain away. Somewhere deep inside her awed at this young girl who had awakened a side of her she thought long dead. ****

     An eternity of tormented, lonely pain passed for Gabrielle, curled up by the tree, wave upon wave of nausea washing over her. She had thrown up the meager contents of her stomach upon the dirt in front of her, and had cried in her weakness. Xena had come at some point, and she had felt hopeful at the prospect of help and care. But all she had done was hand her the waterskin and she felt like all had truly deserted her.

      Somewhere along the way she had drifted off into an unnatural slumber. Images passed through her mind, Xena in all of them. Xena picking her up and carrying her, laying her in front of a warm soothing fire, and gently pulling off her clammy clothes. She then felt cleansed, a slow gentle caress going all over her, cleaning her sweaty dirty smelling skin of its filth and she felt so cared for, her dread and emotional despair lifting. Then she felt a warm liquid pass threw her lips, and the last of her emotional misery left her in a rush of blubbered words and uncontrolled tears, tears that were dried from her flushed cheeks by a gentle hand. Finally peace found her and she slipped into a deep sleep.

     When she awoke it was early in the morning, so early that she saw Xena still asleep behind her. She realized, with a great amount of shock, that it must have been Xena who had cared for her so, for even then she was curled up to her side, her hand protectively laid over her belly.

     She stretched out a bit, feeling still very sore. It was when she sat up and looked at the ground around her and the dark hued blanket wrapped about her that the terror had gripped her heart. The blanket was soaked in blood, red and glaring at her , all around her upper thighs and pelvis. She finally found her voice and screamed out in acute terror.

     The scream awoke Xena and she sat up like lightening, searching Gabrielle's face with barely masked care and concern.

     "What? What is it Gabrielle?" she asked fevernt. Gabrielle pointed down at the blanket and Xena looked down surprised aswell. She pulled back the blanket from Gabrielle and then, seeing where the blood was coming from, finally understood.

     "Gabrielle, listen to me, you're okay. Its all right, it just your Blood of the Moon. It's normal, its all right my little tacquin" she spoke in a soft caring tone, one Gabrielle had never heard from her before. She looked up at Xena with uncertain eyes as her bottom lip unconsciously quivered.

     "My-my blood of the moon?" she asked. "Really?"

     "Yes Gabrielle." Xena said tucking her golden hair behind her ear and smiling slightly. With this Gabrielle burst into tears and collapsed against Xena, burying her face into her neck. Xena held the girl close and gathered her up in her arms cradling her body close to hers.

     "Oh little one, the first time is always the worst. It will get easier, I promise. This is a turning point for you, you now have your full power as a woman." she shhed her and held her close, as she continued to weep into her shoulder.

     Oh my little Gabrielle I am sorry I left you during this time, please forgive me she thought in her heart, as she held onto her like she would never let her go. But I'll make it up to you now, I won't leave your side.

     Gabrielle wept for a while, caught by an emotional state that seemed to have no real root. Yet still she wept out her heart into Xena's neck, her arms entangled around her strong shoulders. Finally once her tears subsided she pulled away slightly, sniffling, her eyes down turned now almost embarrassed at her emotional outburst.

     Xena gently pushed her hair back off her face and dried the remaining tears with her thumbs, forcing Gabrielle to look up at her. She did so with such large green eyes, so clear and trusting as they gazed upon her that Xena sucked in her breath at their intensity.

     By the gods, she thought, what have you bestowed upon me here? I'm not worthy of such trust and innocence.

     "You do know what this is don't you? I mean you're mother did explained what it is right?" Xena asked in the sweetest voice Gabrielle had yet to hear from her.

     "Hmm, yes, she's told me that once I was older, that-that I would bleed with the full moon. But we didn't talk much of it though, she made it sound like it was so horrible and disguising. Is it Xena?"

     "No, not in the least Gabrielle" she cradled the young girl close again. "Its when a woman is her most powerful, when the Goddess prepares her for housing a baby."

     "Oh Gods, do you mean I can have a baby now?" she sounded totally awed by the prospect.

     "Yes you can physically, but you might want to wait alittle while longer emotionally before you run off to get with child." Gabrielle smiled at Xena's overprotectiveness, and nuzzled alittle deeper into her embrace.

     "Why would my mother make this sound so horrid?"

     "Some women are ashamed of this. But don't worry Gabrielle, I'll teach you to care for yourself when this happens, and tonight. . .well how about tonight we do a circle to Demeter, and introduce you as a woman to her?"

     The kindness from Xena caused tears to again sting at Gabby's eyes and she found her voice to have left her. She simply nodded to Xena and clung to her, somewhat frightened at what was happening to her, yet finding great comfort in Xena being there to guide her.

     Through out the next day, Xena guided Gabrielle in many things, and reached an intimacy with her that she had never felt with anyone, not even her lovers past. But there was undeniably a bond formed as she taught Gabrielle in the ways of the women before her. At first there had been an awkwardness on both their parts, but when Gabrielle had looked up at her so trusting, it had faded as quickly as it had formed.

     She had taken her to the creek bed and helped her wash herself off then explained to her the myth of the blood of the moon the best she could in her very non-bard manner. Gabrielle had smiled as she watched her struggle with the story, then laid a gentle hand on Xena's arm.

     "Just act like you were there when it happened," she offered. Xena gave her a meek smile.

     "I think we both know you have the bard tendencies here."

     "You think I could be a bard? Really Xena?"

     "Gabrielle, you could be whatever you want to be."

     This had brought one of the brightest smiles Xena had yet to witness on the young girl's face. It was so bright and heartwarming that she felt one creep onto her own face aswell.

     She then showed Gabrielle which herbs and barks to use to help with the cramps she had experienced along with everything else she could think of that she had learned along the way. By the end of the day she knew that Gabrielle was feeling slightly overwhelmed by it all. Xena had pulled her close beside her and wrapped her long arms about the young girl and gave her a comforting embrace. Gabrielle had relaxed into the warrior and sighed. They had stayed like that well into the night until the strain of the day became too much and Gabrielle dozed off into a deep slumber.

 


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