Jo stared with increasing scepticism at the grinning general, then glared at Messina who just shrugged and then finally back at the dark and skittish horse side-stepping nervously before her.

"You got to be kidding?!"

"No." Sawat walked over to the horse, taking a firm hold on her bridle, stroking the mare´s head with surprising affection and tenderness, "I told you I would supply you with weapons if you proved yourself worthy my way. And this is they way I want it done. To honour my people´s traditions and," he grinned broadly, gesturing to the dozen soldiers gathered around them, "and to entertain my men, I´ve decided to give each of you a test to see whether you are really worthy of being associated with me."

Messina barely stopped herself from snorting in contempt, but if the general noticed her reaction he didn´t let it on and just continued placidly, "If either of you fail, then you have forfeited your chance and have exactly twenty-four hours to get off my land before…" Sawat trailed off, smiling gleefully, "Before hunting season starts."

"If any harm befalls me, you´re dead meat," Messina stated calmly, staring irreverently at the bearded man.

"Maybe," Sawat acknowledged. "But then again, maybe not. The last time you were in trouble, I seem to recall that your trusty people were more busy trying to figure out who should replace you, than to wait for your return."

Jo, who until then hadn´t taken her eyes off the horse, turned to look at Sawat, "That was a long time ago, General. A lot of things have changed since then."

"I´m sure they have, Captain, and I´ll be thrilled to discover it all for myself if it comes to that. Now, however, it´s time to begin the first test. A race." The general´s eyes shone with something that could be mistaken for love as he ran his hand down the horse´s neck. "You, Captain, will be racing against Sergei."

Almost if on cue, a man appeared twenty of thirty yards away between two wooden barracks, leading a large grey horse behind him. They all watched in silence as the man approached, then Sawat turned to Jo again, "Sergei will be riding Jenka, and you will be riding Doya, the beauty you see here beside us. The rules are simple: You will be riding east for about five miles and when you see a river, turn back and the one of you to first reach my camp has won the race."

The man with the grey horse had now joined then and Sawat spoke gruffly to him in a language Jo didn´t understand, before the general looked back at her and asked, "Any questions?"

Jo stared at him, then glanced quickly at Messina whose face was unreadable, "But…" Jo´s eyes returned to the dark horse, "But I don´t know how to ride. I´ve never sat on a horse in my life."

Sawat smiled, "That just makes it a lot more interesting, don´t you think?" He pointed to the east side of the camp, "That´s where the race will start. I´ll give you a little time to get acquainted with each other. Meet me at the gate in five minutes." Suddenly cold eyes focused on Jo again, "Don´t be late."

With those words and a last pat for Doya, he turned his back on them and walked away, followed by Sergei and the grey horse and all the soldiers except two who remained with Jo and Messina.

"This is… it´s…" Jo stuttered, not being able to find an expression that would properly express her feelings. "We´re not going to do this, are we?"

Messina eyed the horse, then looked impassively at Jo, "Do we have a choice?"

"But… but…" Jo stared at her in disbelief. "I don´t know how to ride dammit! I´ve lost this race before it has begun.

Finally, a small smile appeared on the blonde´s face and she stepped over to carefully grasp the horse´s bridle, "How bad can it be, Jo? All you have to do is hang on and then wing it from there."

Jo shook her head, feeling herself grow angrier by the minute, "You think this is funny, don´t you?"

"No, Jo." The smile left Messina´s face. "I don´t think it´s particular funny, but I have faith in you. I´m not saying that I expect you to win, but I do expect you to do your damnedest not to lose."

Jo rubbed her forehead furiously, trying to calm herself down. Losing her temper wouldn´t do any of them any good. Sighing in resignation, she closed the distance to the horse, looking at it apprehensively, "It´s awfully big, isn´t it?"

"Yeah," Messina gave her a compassionate smile. "But maybe it won´t seem so bad once you´re in the saddle." "Here, let me give you a hand."

"I don´t see why it has to be me doing this test anyway," Jo muttered unhappily as she tentatively put her left foot into the stirrup, freezing up when Doya began side-stepping again.

"Up you go," Messina said cheerfully, giving Jo a shove and conveniently ignoring the terrified expression on her subordinate´s face and the nervousness in the horse´s eyes. "And take it easy, Jo, I´m sure Sawat has thought of something just as amusing for me to do… There, that wasn´t so difficult, was it?"

Jo sat rigid in the saddle, holding the reins in a death grip. From atop the horse, things didn´t feel a whole lot better. Messina reached up to put a hand on her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze to get Jo´s attention, "Don´t worry, Jo. It´s going to be fine." She smiled warmly, absently stroking Jo´s leg, "You´ve survived worse, remember?"

"When?" Jo countered, but then a tiny grin flickered across her face. "If I survive this I want to be made at least colonel."

"We´ll talk about that at the finish line," the blonde said with a smile. "Let´s get this over with, shall we?"

***************

Jo threw a sidelong glance at the man beside her. Sergei looked fully focused, but completely relaxed, his back curved lightly and his right hand gently caressing the grey horse´s neck. Jo swallowed involuntarily, tightening her grip on the reins. She didn´t even know how to steer this damn thing. What if it suddenly began to run into the wrong direction?

She could feel Doya´s tense and coiled muscles between her legs, the horse obviously detecting her uncertainty, and for a moment Jo felt like she was sitting on a volcano just waiting to erupt. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to forget her nervousness and instead looked ahead to study the course they were expected to follow. Thankfully, it seemed to be straight ahead over the plain most of the way, with only the occasional tree and bush to offer any challenge to Jo´s non-existent horsemanship.

"Are you both ready?" Sawat walked in between the two horses, coming to stand a few feet before them. "You both know what to do?"

Sergei nodded whereas Jo looked pitifully back at Messina who tried to look as reassuring as possible, giving the captain a little smile and mouthing that it was going to be okay.

"Very well then. Five miles out, five miles back. The winner is the one who first crosses this line." Sawat drew a long line in the dry grass with his heel. Stepping out of the way, he unholstered his gun then looked directly at Jo, "Any last questions?"

Jo stared at him and was about to shake her head when suddenly an idea began to form. Biting her lip, she asked slowly, "The first one to get here wins? No matter what?"

The general frowned lightly, his eyes searching her face curiously for a long time, then he nodded, "Yes. The first one to reach the river and then arrive back here wins."

"Okay." Jo looked away, staring straight ahead. She could feel Sawat´s gaze on her, but she forced herself not to look back, no matter how tempting.

"Okay…" The general´s voice was slightly hesitant as if he was pondering something, then he abruptly raised his gun. "May the best man win!" And then he fired, signalling the beginning of the race.

Initially, Jo had been worried that she wouldn´t even be able to get the dark horse moving, but the moment Doya heard the gunshot, she flew forward, startling Jo so much she nearly slid out of the saddle and hadn´t it been for her right foot getting caught in the stirrup, the race might have ended there already. By the time she managed to pull herself back up, Sergei was already a small dot in the horizon, the grey horse´s hooves thundering across the plain without mercy. However, Jo was too immersed in trying to hang on to be really worried by the distance between her and her opponent. The powerful animal moving beneath her was running a lot faster than she felt comfortable with, but she gritted her teeth, pressed her thighs as hard as possible into the horse´s flanks, leaned forward until she was almost lying along Doya´s neck, closed her eyes… and prayed.

But before Jo had the time to think of a suitable deity to ask for help, she felt Doya slow beneath her, the horse confused by the lack of control and instruction from her rider. Opening her eyes, Jo shrugged mentally, then experimentally dug her heels into the horse and was immediately rewarded with renewed speed as Doya picked up her pace again. This time, Jo was prepared and stayed in the saddle, her face losing all colour when she noticed the ground rushing past below her in a fuzzy blur. Deciding not to do that again, she quickly lifted her head and gazed out between the horse´s ears, pleased to see that Sergei wasn´t so far ahead of her as earlier. Then, cursing wildly, she realized that it was because he was riding towards her and not away. Apparently he had already reached the river and was on his way back.

Scant minutes later, Jo reached the river and instinctively pulled hard on the reins, almost succeeding in getting herself thrown headfirst into the water. However, for once luck was on her side and again she managed to remain in the saddle. With a little difficulty and lots of coaxing, she got the horse turned around only to see that Sergei had brought Jenka to a stand a hundred or so yards away, the rider staring at her triumphantly.

"So, woman! Never had anything this powerful between your legs before, eh?! Don´t know how to handle a hot-blooded creature, do you?! Well, once we get back, I might be able to show you a thing or two!"

Jo bit back her retort, instead using the opportunity to gain on the still motionless man. However, Sergei didn´t seem to be much in a hurry and was watching her approach with a small sneer on his face. Looking past him, Jo stared at the scattered buildings in the horizon and the patiently waiting figures that marked her goal. There had to be two miles, maybe a little less, back to the camp and Jo knew there was no way she would be able to defeat Sergei once he was done with his gloating and began riding again.

About ten seconds before she would have passed him, Sergei kicked his heels into his horse and Jenka instantly moved forward, the powerful legs kicking up a trail of sand and stones that hit Jo right in the face. Briefly thinking of Mickey, Jo mumbled a low apology in case her next course of action got her killed, then she slapped Doya furiously several times with her right hand, striving to get her to run as fast as possible. The act eventually brought her up along side Sergei, but not further and Jo realized that this was as good as it was going to get.

For a brief moment, the two horses thundered across the plain side by side, both riders using words and gestures to increase their speed. It didn´t take long, though, before Sergei was pulling ahead again. Taking a second to look back, he grinned broadly at Jo and was about to move away completely when suddenly his grin disappeared, disbelief and bewilderment taking its place. Before he could react, the crazy woman beside him had risen in the saddle and without a word flung herself at him, hooking her arm around his neck, her body dangling precariously between the two galloping horses.

"What the…?" was all Sergei managed to say, then a fist slammed into his face, breaking his nose, and in the brief moment of shock that followed, he felt himself being pulled almost off the horse. He desperately tried to grab hold of the reins again, but the feel of sharp teeth penetrating his shoulder made him cry out in pain and instead he slid further down, getting dangerously close to Jenka´s hooves.

Dazed, he stared up into the cold and determined face hovering above him and for split second their eyes met. Something resembling a savage smile showed on his opponent´s face and for the first time he noticed how beautiful she truly was. His lips parted as if he wanted to speak, but then an elbow was raised and forcefully brought down onto his forehead. With an oddly strangled sigh, Sergei´s eyes glazed over and his suddenly limp body slid the rest of the way down the horse, hitting the ground with a unpleasant thud and rolling a couple of feet before lying still.

Gathering saliva, Jo spat once or twice to remove the taste of the man´s sweat and blood in her mouth, then without looking back, resumed her course towards the camp.

Adrenaline pumping wildly through her veins, she gradually slowed Doya down until the panting horse was standing directly before Sawat and Messina. Looking into the general´s expressionless eyes, Jo waited until her breathing had slowed down a little, then said simply, the pale blue eyes daring Sawat to contradict her, "The first one to get here wins… No matter what."

Sawat calmly met her gaze, his dark face immobile and veiled. For several moments they didn´t break eye contact, the only sound heard being Jo´s laboured breathing and Doya´s bridle rattling quietly as the horse shook her head to ward off a few flies. Then slowly the general looked away, turning his head to see Sergei being brought in, the rider clinging to the two men walking on either side of him.

"Bring him over!"

The two soldiers more or less dragged the halfway unconscious man over to them before dropping him unceremoniously at Sawat´s feet. The general regarded the man on the ground for a couple of seconds, then he looked back at Jo who was still sitting ramrod straight in the saddle, her grip on the reins so tight it was almost painful.

"Unusual approach," Sawat spoke thoughtfully, his gaze shifting to rest on Messina who looked pale but composed, awaiting his reaction. Then, faster than Jo had believed possible, the general drew his gun, pointed it at Sergei´s head and fired. The soldiers around them didn´t even flinch as the man´s brain was sprayed all over the ground. Without giving the dead man a second glance, Sawat holstered his gun again, then looked directly into Jo´s eyes and spoke softly, "Congratulations, Captain. You won the race."

***************

Less than an hour later, after a short break to get a bite to eat, Jo and Messina were led out into the middle of the camp over to a single thick wooden pole about seven feet tall. Sawat and Colonel Misha were waiting beside it together with three regular soldiers, and the moment they were close enough, the soldiers grabbed hold of a startled Jo and held her fast while another man secured her to the pole with ropes.

"Sawat!" Messina exclaimed angrily, gesturing at Jo. "What the hell do you think you´re doing?!"

"Why, my dear, I´m only preparing the next test. Your test to be exact and for that we need your bodyguard´s co-operation. Or…" Sawat let out a loud amused laugh, "Maybe participation is more like it."

Jo struggled against the ropes, but they had been bound very efficiently and she only managed to tighten them further, making it difficult for her to breathe. Fighting the panic that was about to take hold of her, she counted to ten inwardly than levelled her most contemptuous stare at Sawat, "Gee, General, if you were so keen on my company you should have said so. I usually don´t let people tie me up on the first date."

The general ignored her and turned to Messina who was bristling dangerously. He noticed her clenched fists and said pleasantly, "You are, of course, welcome to give up any time, but the rules stay the same. You will get no weapons and hunting season will start after exactly twenty-four hours."

Messina didn´t grace him with a glance, but looked at Jo instead. The captain´s face showed no emotion, but the blonde had no problems reading the tight set of her jaw and the light twitching of her restrained hands. Feeling more torn than she could remember ever having felt before, she looked back at Sawat and asked brusquely, "What is the test about?"

The general shook his head, "We don´t play like that. First you have to say whether you agree to do it or not and then I´ll tell you what you have to do."

"That is unacceptable!"

"Maybe," Sawat shrugged, idly studying the dirty nails on his right hand. "But that´s the way it works."

Messina stared at him and if looks could kill the general would no longer have been among the living, then she exhaled deeply, uncertain blue eyes coming to rest on her captain, "Jo…?"

"Why not?" Jo smiled feebly, hoping she sounded a lot more confident than she felt. "It´s not like I´m going anywhere."

The blonde continued to look into her eyes for a long time, then she nodded and without turning to Sawat spoke, "All right. I´ll do it."

"Splendid," the general replied, looking genuinely pleased that she had accepted the challenge. "Now, if you´ll come this way…"

He put a hand on her shoulder and began to lead her away, turning halfway after a few yards to shout over his shoulder, "Misha! You know what to do!"

"Yes, sir!" The colonel saluted, then rummaged through his pockets, producing a small black object. Jo craned her neck, but wasn´t quite able to see what it was. However, she had the distinct feeling that she wasn´t going to like it.

"The last test was about skills and resourcefulness, both of which your bodyguard possesses in great measure. It was quite a thrill to watch," Sawat chatted amiably as he and Messina continued to put distance between themselves and the pole. "This test is about something else. It is about speed…" He paused, scratching his beard thoughtfully, "And priorities. Yes. Speed and priorities."

"Priorities?" Messina frowned, stepping away so the general´s arm was no longer on her shoulder. "What do you mean?"

Sawat met her eyes, smiling faintly, "You´ll see."

He stopped then turned around to look back at the black figure of Jo who was outlined against the beginning of an almost crimson coloured sunset. "Yes, this ought to do it." Gesturing to a nearby standing soldier, he ordered flatly, "Get Katarina! I believe she is playing with the dogs."

The man nodded and quickly walked into one of the more solid looking barracks. He soon reappeared, holding a little dark-haired girl by the hand. The girl, Messina estimated her to be around four or five, she had never been any good at telling that, glanced around timidly, clutching nervously at the soldier´s trouser leg.

"Take her over towards the eastern guard tower. When there´s about a hundred yards between her and the pole, tell her to stay put and give her this," he handed to the soldier something Messina couldn´t make out what was, "and then come back here."

The soldier did as he was told, putting the object into his pocket and then simply scooping the little girl up into his arms and carrying her to the designated spot before returning to Sawat´s side.

"So…" Sawat cracked his knuckles, watching the girl for a second before dismissing her. "I think we´re ready to begin. Now, I told you this was about priorities and speed and the rules couldn´t be simpler. The moment I give the signal, Misha will pull the pin from the grenade he´s holding and place it somewhere on your bodyguard´s body. While he´s doing that, I´ll tell Katarina to remove the pin from the grenade Ivan here just gave her, and then you´ll have exactly ten seconds to rescue one of them."

The general´s eyes glinted and he appeared almost feverish as he licked his lips, then abruptly focused on Messina again who was staring at him in horror, "It is impossible for you to save them both. The distance between them is too great. You´ll have to make a choice between the life of a young innocent girl and the life of your loyal and devoted bodyguard. In short," Sawat licked his lips again, smacking loudly, "You´ll have to prioritize."

"You…" Messina stared at him, disgust and disbelief written all over her face. "You´re insane!"

The general tilted his head, then said evenly, "I´ve been called worse. Misha, now!" He spun around to face the girl, "Katarina, pull the pin! Just as I´ve shown you!"

Feeling sick, Messina watched the little girl willingly pull the pin from the grenade in her hand, then smiling proudly as the general gave her a smile for a task well done. Her mind shouting that this couldn´t be happening, Messina tore her gaze away to look towards Jo who was straining desperately against the ropes as Misha without hesitation pulled out the waistband of her trousers, dropping the grenade down between her legs and then quickly ran away.

For about the time it took Messina´s frantic heart to beat twice, her brain received so many mixed signals that she was completely frozen, unable to think much less move. Her mouth was moving soundlessly, her eyes wide open and filled with indecision, then, so fast it almost went unnoticed, her expression changed. A coldness and determination unlike any Sawat had witnessed before flickered across her face, then she was off, sprinting towards the pole and Jo.

Within seconds she was there, forcefully yanking Jo´s trousers down her hips and without a word snatching the grenade, throwing it as far away from them as possible. Wrapping her arms tightly around captain and pole, Messina buried her face in Jo´s neck and closed her eyes. Three more seconds passed, then the sound of a powerful explosion reverberated through the camp followed by complete and utter silence.

"Iris… Iris, it´s okay. It´s okay." Jo´s raspy voice repeating her name worriedly, finally made the blonde release her hold and look up. "Look," Jo nodded at something behind her and Messina reluctantly turned around, steeling herself what for she was about to see.

However, instead of seeing the gruesome remains of a little body torn apart, she watched dumbly as the dark-haired girl was being carried back to where she had come from by the same soldier who had given her the grenade. Unharmed.

Walking slowly towards them, Sawat regarded Messina with something akin to respect, "I see you do know how to prioritize, Field Marshal. You almost didn´t hesitate, I am impressed."

"The girl…" Messina whispered. "What happened?"

"Oh," Sawat waved his hands carelessly. "That was just a prop. That wasn´t a real grenade. Misha, untie the captain, I´m sure she wants to get her trousers back on. Well… I think I have received my proof. You are worthy of being associated with me."

"But… what about the other..?"

"Well, that one was real, as I´m sure you noticed," Sawat answered conversationally. "It wouldn´t have been any fun if it wasn´t. I wanted to see who you were going to choose."

An ice cold shiver ran down Messina´s back and she practically snarled, "But what if I had made the wrong choice?! What if I had tried to save the girl instead?"

"Then your bodyguard would have been blown to pieces," the general stated matter-of-factly, intrigued by the blonde´s behaviour. "However, it doesn´t really matter, does it? Since you did choose right."

Breathing deeply, Messina tried to get her emotions under control, but to no avail. Her face flushed with rage and her body trembled as her eyes turned into two narrow slits, but just as she was about to lunge herself at the smirking general, she felt a strong hand on her shoulder and a weary, but gentle voice spoke quietly, "Iris… Please, don´t…"

The blonde flinched as if she had been hit, her entire body taut as a bowstring, then, from one second to the next, the rage disappeared, leaving only a bone-deep exhaustion in its wake. Jo felt the surrender in Messina´s body and although her own legs felt like rubber and her shirt was drenched with sweat after what she had been through herself, she managed to straighten up and put on an impassive and stoic face, "Are we done here? I would like to have a shower and then something to eat."

"Well, of course," Sawat smiled, inwardly impressed by the bodyguard´s composure and noting with some interest the authority she seemed to hold over Messina in spite of their difference in both rank and seniority. "In fact, in honour of our new partnership, I think a celebration would be in order. I´ll have someone take you to your quarters and bring you your weapons, and after you have freshened up and changed, you´ll join me and my men and we´ll celebrate throughout the night. Bonfires, drink, dancing, I will withhold nothing. I even think I´ll have my cook slaughter a pig or two since it´s such a joyous occasion."

Looking quite pleased with himself, Sawat nodded briefly at Messina, ordered a soldier to show them their quarters and the strode away. However, before he had disappeared completely, Messina´s voice stopped him.

"The girl! Who was she?!"

The general halted and frowned for a second as if he wasn´t sure what she was talking about, then realization hit and he shrugged, "Oh, her… That was just my daughter."

***************

Chapter Forty-Three

"Are you just about ready?"

"Yeah, just give me a sec," Messina´s voice came floating out of the tiny cupboard sized room that served as a makeshift bathroom. "I think I lost the brush somewhere in my hair."

"I wouldn´t be surprised," Jo chuckled quietly to herself and sat down on the cot nearest to the wall. Drawing her knees up, she wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin there, using the moment to go over the events that had taken place that day.

As much as she had hated having to get on a horse, she knew that she had gotten off lightly. Messina´s test had been far worse, and Jo was relieved that she hadn´t been forced to make that choice. To be perfectly honest, she wasn´t sure what she would have chosen. Messina´s safety and well-being was her sole responsibility, but that little girl hadn´t deserved to be put through that just because her sick bastard of a father thought it would be fun. Somehow, the general´s attitude reminded Jo a little too much of the people she had encountered during her childhood in Neo Roma.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable by that line of thought, Jo reached into her shirt pocket and pulled out a creased and dirty letter. Holding it carefully in her hands for a second, she smiled faintly then took out a few sheets of paper from the already opened envelope. It was the latest letter from Mickey and although she had received it more than two weeks ago, she still carried it around with her. She had kept all the letters Mickey had sent her, but this one was one of her most cherished and whenever she found herself with a little extra time at her hands, she would use a minute or two to reread her favourite passages.

The letter didn´t contain anything unusual as such, but Mickey had enclosed a few diary like entries from a random workday at the clinic and Jo liked getting a little insight into Mickey´s mind that way. And in a way, reading Mickey´s spontaneous and uncensored thoughts and feelings, made her feel a little closer to her lover.

Sighing deeply, Jo slowly ran her finger over the few last lines of the letters, almost as if trying to absorb the words of love and want through her skin. Sensing a bout of depression and frustration coming on, she quickly browsed through the sheets until she found the page that had left her lightly puzzled when first reading it.

It wasn´t much really. It was just a brief mentioning of a Ralph Greenberg, a young medical student who had volunteered to help them out with the patients while Dr. Lawrence was recovering. All Mickey said was that she thought he was an industrious and gifted young man, maybe a tad overeager, but always with the best intentions and all in all he had been an asset to the clinic. However, Jo had only had to read that once to know she didn´t like him.

Distrusting by nature, she had immediately gone over all the reasons why a connected and wealthy man like Ralph Greenberg would want to work with the outcast living in the Slums and she hadn´t liked any of the conclusions she had reached. She was happy that Mickey and Mrs. Lawrence had gotten the help they so clearly needed, but still she would wish she had been there to see for herself what kind of man Greenberg was.

One part of her was well aware that she was most likely overreacting and that Mickey would be less than thrilled if she thought Jo didn´t trust her judgement, but years of being careful, if not paranoid, made it difficult for Jo to just accept people for what they appeared to be. She had been entertaining the notion of contacting Christa to have her check him out, but both lack of time and the distinct feeling that Mickey wouldn´t be pleased had held her back. Jo remembered only too well Mickey´s indulgent, but clearly exasperated reply to the letter she had written her about being careful entering certain parts of the Suburbs after dark. Though not intended, the words had stung, and ever since Jo had struggled not to let her overprotectiveness get the better off her whenever Mickey was concerned. It didn´t work very well, though, and in the end Jo just felt helpless. If she couldn´t protect her lover, then what good was she?

"Okay, all set. Let´s go and see what Sawat has in store for us."

Jo looked up to see Messina stand in the doorway, her face tired and pale but relaxed. Putting the letter back into her pocket, she met the blonde´s eyes and asked casually, "You okay?"

Messina just smiled wearily, "Yeah, I´m fine. I´ll admit that Sawat´s little game with the grenades got to me, but I´m over that now and just want to get something to eat."

"And drink," Jo added with a little grin. "I feel like getting drunk tonight."

"But, Captain, isn´t that against regulations?" Messina replied with mock horror. "What would your superior say if she heard?"

Jo shrugged, giving her a warm smile, "Who cares? She´s not here tonight, is she? As far as I´m concerned, I´m going to the celebration with a friend."

For a second Messina looked surprised, then she returned the smile and said quietly, "Yes, that you are… C´mon then, let´s go before all the food is gone."

Waiting for Messina to walk pass her, Jo quickly checked she had remembered to bring her newly returned gun then stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind her. In spite of the darkness and unfamiliar surroundings they had no problem knowing where to go since all they had to do was to follow the scent of roasted pork and the bright orange glow of several large bonfires. Exchanging a glance, they smiled simultaneously, then began to walk towards the light, both curious as to what the night would bring.

***************

To both their surprises, the celebration turned out to be a both entertaining and pleasant affair. Apparently, after having agreed to supply them with weapons, Sawat had thrown all his former distrust overboard and now treated them like they were long lost friends. However, neither Jo nor Messina were particular soothed by his performance and not once did they allow themselves to forget the heavily armed men placed around them. Soldiers who were just out of sight, but definitely not out of reach.

As the evening wore on, people stopped eating and began drinking instead. In spite of her former statement, Jo found herself incapable of fully relaxing and only drank little, not wanting to have her senses numbed too much by the fierce home brew Sawat was serving. Messina, on the other hand, didn´t have such reservations and willingly swallowed everything that came her way, and Jo suspected that the blonde had been a little more affected by the grenade incident that she let on. She even engaged in a few drinking contests, all of which she won, and Sawat was clearly impressed when she returned to her seat on the ground beside him after having drunk yet another man into oblivion.

"I see my men have a lot to learn when it comes to drinking," Sawat spoke loudly, trying to make himself heard through the boisterous laughter and rowdy talk around them. "Tell me, Field Marshal, do all women in your Organisation drink like that?"

Messina turned slightly bloodshot eyes to him, smirking contentedly, "Every single one of them, General, that is, when they are not out beating the shit out of the Council´s soldiers. Isn´t that so, Jo?" She turned to look at Jo who was sitting on her other side and the captain nodded dutifully, inwardly cringing from the sound of Messina´s drunken and slurred voice, "Yes, ma´am."

"Jo is one of my best soldiers," the blonde continued, turning back to face the general and purposely ignoring the deep and exasperated sigh coming from the captain. "I met her when she was just eighteen, a little rough around the edges, but very gifted, and decided to take her with me. It´s a decision I´ve never regretted."

"One loyal soldier is worth more than a battalion of cowards," Sawat spoke earnestly, raising his glass to Jo and giving her a respectful nod. "I should know so, I´ve had my share of cowards."

"Oh?" Messina looked at him with interest. "And where are they now?"

"Dead," the general said simply, then guffawed heartily. Messina stared at him for a second or two, then joined in with the laughter.

Jo just rolled her eyes and glanced at her watch. It was well past midnight, maybe they could excuse themselves now and leave without offending Sawat. However, it seemed like the general had other plans because suddenly music started playing and three fair-skinned women wearing very little clothing appeared and started to dance provocatively around the fire.

All eyes came to rest on the dancers, some of them men watching with their mouths open, and Sawat noted it all with satisfaction before leaning over to speak to Messina, "As you see, in my country we have remarkable women, too. They may not be fighters or capable of drinking seven men under the table, but they have other qualities."

"Yes," Messina answered with obvious appreciation, her eyes following one of the dancing women in particular. "I can see that."

The general studied her face for a moment, then followed the blonde´s gaze, "I take it you like what you see…?"

"Very much so," Messina replied absently, taking a big gulp from her cup.

As if mesmerized, Sawat and Messina followed the dancers´ graceful movements without blinking. Then after a few minutes, the general spoke casually, gesturing carelessly at the women, "Pick one and she´ll be yours for the night."

"What?" Messina turned to him, her brow furrowing.

"You can have one," Sawat explained offhandedly, his voice sounding slightly bored. "As a sign of friendship and hospitality, you, and your bodyguard for that matter, can each choose one of my women for the night. You have both proven yourself worthy and that you´re capable of acting and thinking like men, so I take it you love like men, too. Go on, they won´t refuse."

Jo, who had caught the last piece of the conversation, shook her head in disgust and waited for Messina´s refusal. However, when the blonde didn´t speak right away, she turned her head to look at her and saw to her horror that Messina was watching the dancers thoughtfully and actually appeared to be contemplating the general´s offer.

Getting angry, Jo nudged her superior forcefully in the ribs and hissed, "Iris! What the fuck do you think you´re doing?! You can´t seriously be thinking about taking him up on his offer."

"Jo," Messina spoke softly through gritted teeth, not even glancing in the captains´s direction. "How do you think Sawat will react if we decline?"

Jo tilted her head slightly and looked past the blonde to the general who was watching them both with a cool, calculating glint in his eyes.

"He´s still testing us, Jo," Messina continued gently when she felt Jo´s gaze return to her. "If we refuse, we offend him and that may just be what he wants if he´s searching for a way to break our deal. I can´t risk it."

"I don´t care!" Jo exclaimed angrily, then quickly lowered her voice when a few heads turned their way. "I´m not gonna pick some woman to sleep with just because Sawat wants me to."

"Why not?" Messina asked slowly, turning to look at Jo for the first time. "It´s not like you´ve had a problem with casual encounters in the past."

Jo´s eyes narrowed and her jaw clenched, but when she spoke, her voice held no trace of anger, and was completely detached and controlled, "Things have changed, Iris, and besides, these women have no choice in the matter. If we sleep with them it won´t be any different from raping them. Is that what you want?"

The blonde sighed and was silent for a long moment then spoke quietly, "No, of course not. I just…" She sighed again, then met Jo´s eyes, biting her lip indecisively, "I have to tell him something…"

Abruptly, she turned around and leaned over to speak into Sawat´s ear. The general listened attentively, frowned, then suddenly a grin spread on his face and he nodded in understanding. Searching out Jo´s eyes, he gave her a little smile and spoke amiably, "My apologies, Captain. I should´ve known. I hope I haven´t offended you."

Jo shook her head, trying not to let her bewilderment show and said hesitantly, "You haven´t, General… It was an honest mistake."

Acknowledging her words with a brief nod, Sawat then turned away and began to speak to the man sitting on his other side. Jo waited until Messina was looking at her again and then asked suspiciously, "What did you tell him?"

Messina looked into her eyes, then said with a little smile, "I told him we were lovers and that you don´t like to share. I told him you would kill anybody who dared to take your place in my bed." She shook her head slowly, the smile fading, "Somehow, I think that appealed to him." She straightened up a little, leisurely studying the captain´s unreadable face, "You don´t have a problem with that, do you?"

Jo´s lips moved silently a few times, then she shook her head quickly, avoiding the blonde´s eyes. "No, of course not. If it means he´ll leave us alone why should I have?"

"Yes," Messina spoke reflectively, her gaze leaving Jo to focus on the reddish glow from the dying fire. "Why should you indeed…"

***************

Not until the night began to fade and the grey, dim light of dawn took over, did Jo manage to persuade Messina to leave the celebration and return to their quarters. Once there, she realized to her dismay that the two narrow cots which had originally been there had been removed and replaced by a single large bed, courtesy of General Sawat who apparently wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between them.

Messina just laughed, then staggered over to the bed and let herself collapse heavily down onto the bed. After a few futile attempts to get rid of her boots, she lay back down and closed her eyes, letting out a blissful sigh.

"That was fun."

"Hilarious," Jo mumbled under her breath, walking over to kneel down next to the bed. With sure and efficient movements, hinting of a task well-rehearsed, Jo quickly removed the blonde´s boots, tossing them carelessly into a corner. Lifting her head to look at the supine woman, she asked tiredly, "Are you going to sleep in your clothes, or what?"

Messina raised a hand and waved dismissively, "Yeah, sure. Unless," her eyes fluttered open and she smiled mischievously, with a little difficulty focusing on the weary captain, "unless of course you want to undress me?"

"Clothed it is," Jo replied tonelessly and got to her feet. She quickly discarded her own boots and jacket, then eyed the seemingly slumbering blonde for a second before with a low sigh climbing into the bed, making herself comfortable as close to the edge as possible. For a few minutes she remained tense and alert, staring at the ceiling, but as Messina´s breathing evened out and she began to snore softly, Jo started to relax and within seconds she was asleep.

Almost as abruptly as she had fallen asleep, she awoke, blinking in confusion as she tried to find out what it was that had woken her up. Then she felt it. Messina was lying on her side, body pressed up against hers and her breath hot against her neck. But what was worse, and what caused Jo´s eyes to widen drastically was the warm hand she felt between her legs.

Staying absolutely still, Jo swallowed convulsively, frantically attempting to determine whether the blonde was still asleep. However, the answer came almost immediately as the hand moved, rubbing determinedly against the apex of Jo´s legs while moist lips fastened themselves to her neck.

"Iris!" Jo gasped, a million confusing thoughts rushing through her brain. "What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like I´m doing," the blonde murmured softly, amusement evident in her voice. "You used to like this, remember?"

To emphasize her words, she pressed harder against Jo´s crotch, her tongue snaking out to trace the captain´s earlobe. Jo shivered and gasped again, involuntarily closing her legs thus trapping Messina´s hand between them. She instantly opened her legs again as if she had been burned and tried to move away, but Messina had used her moment of distraction to position herself almost fully on top of her, using her arms and upper body to keep her in place.

Smiling down at the completely frozen woman, Messina drawled playfully, "Where do you think you´re going, Jo?" She leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on the captain´s lips, "Playing hard to get, are we?"

"Iris," Jo spoke throatily, fighting both her panic and anger, plus the unwelcome, but nonetheless powerful sensations Messina´s continuing ministrations between her legs were creating. "Get off of me!" Her voice was strangely high-pitched and the blonde laughed, looking intently into Jo´s eyes, "I still affect you, don´t I, Jo? You can´t deny it, I can feel it." She cupped Jo´s groin roughly, smiling in satisfaction when she felt the captain jump. "You still want me, Jo, I know it, and I want you. Why don´t we just stop with these foolish games and do what we both want to do?"

Before Jo could reply, Messina dipped her head and kissed her passionately, forcing her tongue into her mouth. Of their own accord, Jo´s arms moved to wrap around the blonde, then the realization of what she was about to do hit and she stiffened, feelings and memories she had thought long forgotten making her momentarily weak with indecision.

Even in her inebriated state, Messina felt the rigid tension in the body beneath hers and she reluctantly broke the kiss, gazing in confusion down at the captain, "Jo?" Her eyes were suddenly uncertain. "Jo, what´s wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, Jo reached down to remove the hand from between her legs, then she spoke in a quiet, but deadly soft tone, "Iris, you got exactly ten seconds to get the hell away from me." She stared into Messina´s eyes without blinking, "Ten seconds, Iris…"

For a long, loaded moment they stared at each other, then abruptly, and without saying a word, Messina moved away. Jo fought the urge to bolt and instead sat up slowly, putting her bare feet down onto floor and turning her back to the blonde. For several minutes, nobody spoke, then Messina whispered softly, more to herself than to Jo, "You really were serious."

Instinctively knowing what she was referring to, Jo sighed deeply, trying not to let her building anger cloud her voice, "Of course I was serious. Did you think I was kidding? That I was just claiming to be in love to get back at you?"

The blonde shook her head slowly, unseeing eyes staring straight ahead, "I don´t know what I thought, Jo… We´ve had our ups and downs, you know that… Maybe… maybe I thought this was just another one."

Suddenly unable to contain her fury anymore, Jo leapt to her feet, turning around to shout angrily at Messina´s back, "Damn you, Iris! How could you?! How could you do this to me? I told you I was in love, I told you I was with someone else! Did you think I was lying? That I´d just spread my legs and let you fuck me?!"

The blonde visibly flinched, but when she turned around her face was composed, almost defiant, "Oh, so that´s how it works, is it? It´s okay when you come to me in the middle of the night for a quick fuck, but if I come to you, you get all holy and demure? Well, it´s too late for that, Jo." She rose as well, staring directly into blazing blue eyes, "You´ve come to me one too many nights, treating me like one of your personal whores, to have any right to be upset!"

Messina closed her eyes, attempting to calm herself down. This argument wasn´t doing either of them any good, and they should end it before they both said things that couldn´t be taken back. Opening her eyes again, she was surprised to see that Jo had blanched and her heart cringed when she saw the pain on her face.

"Iris, I… I never…" Jo began hoarsely, but the blonde held up a hand to silence her. "I´m sorry, Jo, I didn´t mean that. You never treated me like that and even if you had, it would have been because I let you. I was out of line, I´m sorry."

Jo swallowed then whispered, staring at the floor, "I´m sorry, too. I know I have been a real bastard sometimes and I didn´t mean to freak out like that… It´s just…" She faltered, raising her head to meet Messina´s eyes before finishing quietly, "I really love her… and… and I´m terrified that I´ll do something to screw it up."

Messina looked at her, understanding and something Jo couldn´t read gradually appearing on her face. Nodding lightly she slowly repeated Jo´s words, "You really love her…"

Jo nodded as well, giving her a feeble, almost apologetic smile, "Yes."

For a split second, Jo thought she detected pain in the blonde´s eyes, but then Messina returned her smile and spoke in a tired, but warm voice, "In that case, I apologize to you once more, Jo. I swear that if I had truly realized you were serious this wouldn´t have happened. I must confess that I didn´t quite believe you when you first told me."

"That´s okay," Jo answered with a pale and hesitant grin, absently running a hand through her hair. "Considering our previous relationship, I should´ve made it clearer."

"That would´ve been nice," the blonde replied, but her voice held no reproach, only exhaustion. Sighing, she sat down onto the bed, patting the firm surface as she looked at Jo, "If you´re interested, we still have time to sleep a few hours. I promise nothing more will happen tonight."

"I know," Jo gave her a friendly smile and returned to the bed.

Together they made themselves comfortable, not exactly keeping a distance between them, but not attempting to move closer either. Eventually, Jo felt herself begin to drift off and she was just about to release her hold of consciousness when she head Messina speak softly, "When we get back to the base, I intend to stay there for awhile to go through routine procedures, check that everybody knows what to do and so forth. That means I´ll be surrounded twenty-four hours a day by fully equipped and trained soldiers…"

"Yes?" Jo turned her head, trying to make out Messina´s face in the darkness. "What are you getting at?"

Messina didn´t turn her head, but stared at the ceiling, "I´m granting you leave, Jo. As long as we stay at the base, I don´t need to have you hovering over me every second of the day." She sensed Jo was about to protest and turned her head, speaking sternly, "No objections, Captain. You´re going to take some time off, whether you want to or not."

Grinning at the mumbled but rather nasty words directed her way, Messina propped herself up onto her elbow, leaning in to better see Jo´s face. Waiting until they had made eye contact, Messina smiled and said gently, "Go see your girl, Jo… that´s an order."

***************

Chapter Forty-Four

"Impressive," Ralph stated softly as he walked over to lean against the wall next to the sink Mickey was standing at. "I didn´t think you´d be able to remove that bullet fragment without damaging the spine."

Mickey shrugged, too tired to be interested in acknowledging the compliment and instead watched the water flow between her fingers. She was surprised to see that her hands were trembling and idly wondered for how long they had been doing that.

"He´ll survive," she said a few seconds later when she sensed that Ralph expected some kind of response.

"Impressive," he stated again, this time more thoughtfully and more to himself than Mickey while studying the blond woman intently.

This time Mickey didn´t respond and turned off the water and reached for the towel draped over a chair. However, Ralph beat her to it and grabbed the damp cloth. Hands pausing in mid-air, Mickey gave him a questioning look and without a word he took her hands into his, drying them gently in the towel. Mickey regarded their connected hands for a moment, then raised her head to look at him. Ralph smiled briefly and continued his ministrations for another minute before moving away.

"So…" He followed the blonde with his eyes as she walked over to a table to pour herself a cup of coffee. "Where did you learn to cut like that? Here? Firenze?"

Mickey studied him over the brim as she sipped from her coffee, surprisingly still hot.. "No. Further North."

It was clear that she wasn´t going to elaborate and Ralph decided not to ask her any further questions about her training. Instead he perched himself onto an examination table and said, "I´ve been thinking about our Gina problem…"

"Yes?" Mickey´s face was pale and drawn and she looked terribly tired, but a tiny sparkle of life had returned to her eyes. "What about it?"

"Well," Ralph scratched his chin, absently noting he needed a shave. "What if we get someone to go with us? Someone who knows their way around the Slums, someone who could protect us if anything should happen?"

Mickey regarded him carefully, speaking slowly, "You know someone like that?"

"Well, no…" He hesitated for just a second, his eyes searching her face. "But I thought that maybe… you did…?"

Mickey straightened up, subconsciously folding her arms before her chest, but before she could answer, three brisk knocks sounded on the door leading out to the corridor. They simultaneously turned their heads and Ralph frowned slightly, "I didn´t think there were anymore patients out there."

"There aren´t…" Mickey´s gaze searched the room for anything to protect herself with. Dr. Lawrence didn´t allow any guns at the clinic, afraid that it would make it a target for theft or worse. Seeing nothing but a broomstick, she dismissed the idea and resolutely walked to the door. After all, how many killers knocked before entering?

The odd thought rushed through her brain the second before she opened the door, hesitantly peeking outside. "Yes?"

A dark clad, curiously non-distinct looking woman stared directly at her without blinking and for a long, silent moment Mickey found herself subjected to a very thorough and uncomfortable study.

"Dr. Mickey Renault?" The woman´s voice was hoarse and low, sounding almost like a whisper and Mickey involuntarily swallowed. "Yes?"

"This is for you," she reached into the dark folds of her coat and produced a small white envelope. Mickey blankly accepted the envelope, her mind momentarily going black and preventing her from speaking. The woman looked at her one last time, then, to Mickey´s utter surprised, gave a sharp salute before she spun on her heels and disappeared out of the corridor and the clinic as quietly as she had arrived.

"Who was that?" Mickey heard Ralph speak from somewhere close behind her, the young man straining to look past her, but she closed the door quickly despite the fact there was no longer anything to see.

"Someone with a message… For me," Mickey added pointedly when Ralph made an attempt to get a closer look at the envelope.

"Oh, sorry…" He held up his hands and backtracked a little. When Mickey continued to stare at him, Ralph smiled sheepishly and began to edge towards the door, "Well… in that case… I think I´ll just go see how Sophia and our patient are doing."

"You do that." Mickey had already turned her back to him and didn´t see him leave the room.

For almost a minute she stood motionless, holding the envelope tightly between her fingers. Then slowly she eased a nail under the flap and gently tore it open, her heart beginning to beat faster when she recognized Jo´s handwriting. Reading it first once, then twice, a brilliant smile spread on her face and she practically ran to the door, just managing to slow down and step outside in a slightly more dignified manner.

Ralph and Sophia were standing a few feet away talking quietly and Mickey had no problem guessing what it was they had been discussing since they both shut up like oysters when she appeared. Ignoring Ralph´s curious look, Mickey stepped over to Sophia and said quietly, "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure." Sophia glanced at Ralph then gestured to the small room where they kept most of their equipment, "We´ll, talk in here."

She opened the door and allowed Mickey to step inside before her and then closed it behind them. Turning around to face the obviously excited blond woman, she inquired placidly, "Yes?"

"I… I got this letter…" Mickey faltered, a huge smile appearing on her face as she studied the envelope in her hand. She seemed to drift off for a moment, her eyes distant, then she collected herself and smiled happily at Sophia, "It´s from Jo."

"Oh…" Sophia exclaimed softly, but Mickey didn´t appear to hear her and continued eagerly. "She´s been granted leave for ten days and she wants me to meet her at this lodge outside Neo Roma. She´s even described the best route to take and it isn´t very difficult. I just need to borrow a car and then…"

In her hurry Mickey hadn´t been paying particular attention to that paragraph, but now she abruptly halted, her brow furrowing. "A car? Where in the world am I going to get a car?" Another, even more disturbing thought, suddenly made itself heard and Mickey looked uncertainly at Sophia, "That is… If you can spare me at the clinic?" All her energy and enthusiasm slowly sizzled out of her, "But I guess that isn´t possible…"

"Now, wait a minute," the elderly woman spoke soothingly, walking over to put her hand on Mickey´s slumped shoulders. "Let´s not jump to conclusions, okay?" She smiled at Mickey who returned it feebly, nodding lightly. "Good. So when does your soldier want to see you?"

"End of November," Mickey answered, encouraged by Sophia´s words, but still wary of getting her hopes too high.

"I see. And you said ten days, right?"

Mickey nodded again, scrutinizing Sophia´s face and desperately wishing she could read her mind.

"Well…" Sophia was silent for moment then smiled warmly at Mickey. "I think we should be able to do without you for a little while. Ralph will have to carry a bigger part of the load, but I don´t think that´ll be a problem. He seems to be spending all his free time here anyway. The rush of summer is long over and it´s no longer so hot which makes it bearable to work." She smiled again, "Yes, I think we can grant you a little holiday. You definitely deserve it. And don´t worry about the car, we got an old Fiat you can borrow. It´s not pretty to look at, but it works."

"Are you sure?" Mickey asked seriously, cursing herself for risking her luck, but she needed to know for certain. "Are you sure it won´t become a problem? I don´t want you to take on more than you can handle."

"Hey," Sophia gave her a look of mock offence. "I´m not all dead yet. Besides Lennon should be able to take care of the lighter cases soon. He´s been moping around at home, driving me crazy, and frankly I think it´ll do us both a world of good to get him out of the house."

Mickey smiled gratefully, then she couldn´t control herself any longer and threw her arms around the elderly woman who laughed in surprise as Mickey whispered fervently "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how happy you have just made me."

"Oh, I think I do," Sophia chuckled, then she grew serious, regarding Mickey with a little pensive smile. "Jo´s very lucky to have you."

"I think," Mickey smiled absently in return, her eyes growing distant once more, "I think we´re lucky to have each other."

***************

After having left the main road, Mickey followed a long and winding trail that seemed endless in its sharp curves leading her around, or sometimes over, the mountains south of the capital. Dr. Lawrence´s car was old and small, but easy to drive and the deserted rural roads didn´t offer much challenge to Mickey´s rusty driving skills. That was quite fortunate since most of her conscious, and subconscious, thoughts had been centered around Jo, and she hadn´t been paying half as much attention to her surroundings as she should.

Feeling almost giddy with excitement, Mickey nearly missed the discreet byroad Jo had described to her and feeling her heartbeat pick up ever so slightly in anticipation, she gingerly manoeuvred through the trees that appeared just as often on the road itself as alongside it. It wouldn´t be long now.

Half an hour later, the trees began to spread out, Mickey turned a corner and suddenly found herself gazing at a large stone lodge, barely fitting into the small clearing she had arrived at. The faded and discoloured walls were halfway hidden between several bushes of various size, and the dark wooden shutters were practically hanging on their hinges. The overall impression was rather gloomy and depressing, the house giving off a decidedly deserted and neglected feel, but to Mickey it was the most beautiful building she had ever seen. After all, she hadn´t come there to look at houses, it was who was inside that mattered.

Killing the engine, she hesitated, suddenly feeling nervous. She hadn´t seen Jo for four months and in that period their contact with each other had left much to be desired. A lot of things could happen in four months. A lot of things could change. What if-

The last thought went unexamined as in that moment Mickey saw the door to the lodge swing open and Jo stepped outside. Squinting briefly against the light, Jo´s gaze fell on the car and Mickey could almost sense Jo searching for her through the tinted windows. Fascinated, and momentarily forgetting to move, Mickey watched as her lover tilted her head slightly, eyes narrowing in an attempt to identify the shadowy figure she could detect in the driver´s seat

Slowly stepping closer, Jo reached behind herself, producing a gun. She paused a couple of yards from the car, her body completely still, but even from the distance Mickey could feel the alert tension emanating from her.

Running her tongue slowly over her lips, Jo inquired uncertainly, her eyes wary and on guard, "Mickey…?"

Although her name had been uttered so softly she shouldn´t have been able to hear it inside the car, she had. And that sole word finally released Mickey from her state of paralysis and she fumbled with the handle to open the door, her eagerness making the simple task painstakingly difficult.

At last the door was opened and she stumbled outside, feeling her nervousness and anticipation reach even higher levels. Stepping around the car, she slowly came to a halt in front of Jo, only an arm´s length apart. Jo, even though she hadn´t moved from the moment the car door opened, visibly relaxed and let out an inaudible breath when she saw Mickey. But the blonde could still feel a cautious, coiled energy in her that reminded her of the time they first met again in Neo Roma. Feeling almost wary of stepping closer, Mickey remained where she was, a warm, but also lightly questioning expression in her eyes.

Little by little, a tentative smile spread on Jo´s face and with a careless gesture she stuffed the gun as far as it would go into the front pocket of her slightly torn jeans, the seams loosening a little in protest at the rough treatment.

"You made it," she stated, another smile flickering quickly across her face and Mickey got the impression that she wasn´t the only one feeling nervous. "I was worried you might get lost."

"No, it went fine, your directions were very precise," Mickey replied pleasantly though all the while inwardly she was shaking her head incredulously. This friendly, but ultimately unsure and somewhat remote atmosphere between them was far from the way she had pictured their reunion. In fact, she had spent several sleepless nights picturing their first meeting after so long, and in none of those fantasies had they been acting like polite and well-meaning strangers.

She didn´t understand this sudden insecurity and shyness she was experiencing, and the irrational, but nevertheless strong fear that if she reached for Jo she would be rebuffed. Despairing at her sudden lack of courage, Mickey looked to Jo for help, but realized quickly that the captain seemed to be even worse off than she. Jo was shifting nervously on her feet, the blue eyes intensely searching her face for any reaction and she appeared to be holding her breath, anxiously awaiting Mickey´s next move.

Taking a deep breath, Mickey pulled herself together and was about to say something, anything, that would ease the awkwardness between them, but before she could start she faltered, for the first time truly noticing the look in Jo´s eyes. Transfixed, she watched as several emotions came and went in a steady, never-ending flow. She saw her own feelings of nervousness and eagerness clearly reflected, but each of those expressions were clouded by something Mickey was shocked to realize was fear. Fear and an almost painful insecurity that seemed to keep Jo rooted to the spot, unable to act or speak out her emotions until she knew for certain it was safe to do so.

Without thinking, Mickey looked directly into Jo´s eyes and spoke softly, "I love you."

For a second Jo froze, then she swallowed involuntarily and before Mickey could speak further, she found herself caught up in a powerful embrace that threatened to rob her of all air. However, Mickey was oblivious to the death grip and even if she had been aware couldn´t have cared less. What was important was the feel of Jo´s lips against her ear and the voice, raw and hoarse with emotion whispering tenuously, her tone so relieved and grateful it broke Mickey´s heart, "I love you, too."

She tried to move, but if possible, Jo´s arms tightened even further and she whispered fervently, burrowing her face in Mickey´s hair, "I´ve missed you! God, I´ve missed you so much!"

Mickey didn´t answer, but twisted her head lightly to press her lips against the warm skin of Jo´s throat. A tremor ran through the captain´s body and she caught Mickey´s face between her hands, bringing their mouths together in a ravenous kiss. For a moment, Mickey fought for dominance, feeling like she couldn´t get enough, and that if she allowed herself to let go Jo would disappear like just another dream. But then she forced herself to remember this was real and willingly relinquished control, dizzily feeling Jo´s relentless mouth trying to consume hers.

"Inside… Now…" Jo gasped out between kisses, her legs trembling when she felt small hands tug determinedly on her clothes.

"Yes…" was all Mickey could muster for an answer, the need and desire in her lover´s eyes making any words she might have had desert her.

In no time they were inside, the sound of the door slamming shut echoing through the forest and scaring the birds.

***************

"What?" Jo lifted her head from its comfortable resting place on Mickey´s stomach and gazed up at her lover. "What´s so funny?"

Mickey unsuccessfully tried to smother the silly little grin she could feel on her face, "Nothing. I just like looking at you."

"Hmm…" Jo mumbled sceptically, clearly unconvinced. "If you say so…"

Putting her head back down, she sighed contentedly and closed her eyes, curling up a little to keep her legs from dangling over the edge of the narrow bed. After a few minutes of watching Jo sprawled all over her, Mickey closed her eyes as well, relishing the feel of the captain´s warm and steady breathing against her skin.

They had barely made it through the spacious, but slightly shabby living room, passing kitchen and bathroom on the way without even noticing it, before they surrendered to their mutual desire for each other and threw all comfort to the wind, making love on the threshold into the lodge´s only bedroom. It hadn´t been too unpleasant, but not exactly pleasant either. And even though Mickey had been sufficiently caught up in their activities not to care about the cold and hard floor, mainly because she had managed to roll Jo onto her back and keep her there, she was nonetheless glad when afterwards they relocated to the warmer and more hospitable surface of the bed before starting out for the encore.

Whatever it was that made them feel shy and awkward with each other at first seemed to have disappeared now, and with that, one of Mickey´s most well-hidden fears. It was a fear she had tried not to dwell on too much in the months they had been apart, and now she felt it had finally been put to rest. With each shudder of Jo´s body beneath her, with each breathless whisper of her name, Mickey had been reassured that Jo truly did love her. She could feel it in Jo´s touch, hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes, for once completely unguarded and unveiled, the blue eyes that never left hers, except to close in rapture.

It hadn´t been a fluke, a lie, or her own imagination or wishful thinking getting the better of her. Everything she felt, everything they experienced and shared together during those all too brief weeks in Neo Roma had been real. And now, lying in bed and reliving the last couple of hours in her mind, recalling the passion and fervour with which Jo touched her and claimed her for her own, Mickey idly wondered how she could ever have had any doubts at all.

Herself, Mickey had been just as determined to let Jo know the depth of her feelings, and she had been pleasantly surprised to discover that each of her whispered promises and heated declarations of love, affected her dark lover almost as much as her physical touch did.

Smiling faintly, Mickey reached down to run her fingers through Jo´s tousled hair. The frantic, almost desperate need that had taken hold of them both from the moment they kissed was, if not gone, then momentarily sated and ever since Jo collapsed on top of her, neither of them had changed their positions much, both too exhausted to want to move.

Mickey smiled again as she fought to stay awake since she didn´t want to put an end to the wonderful moment and the happiness she was feeling by falling asleep. They only had ten days together and she was adamant to make them last as long as possible, not wasting too much time by sleeping even though she knew it was silly and that nature would prevail before long, thus making her resolve pretty futile. However, Jo, who practically hadn´t slept since she arrived in the lodge two days prior, too high-strung and excited to relax, had run out of stamina and was fast on her way to slip into oblivion.

"Jo?" Mickey´s hand moved to Jo´s shoulder, shaking gently. "Why don´t you come up here? You´ll be much more comfortable."

"I am comfortable," Jo mumbled sleepily in reply, but nevertheless drew herself up and rolled off Mickey, moulding her body along the blonde´s side. Without opening her eyes, she reached down, fingers searching blindly until they found a corner of the blanket that had ended up at their feet, and with a swift tug pulled it over them. Then she wrapped an arm around Mickey´s waist, placed a single kiss on her shoulder, put her head down on the pillow and promptly fell asleep.

And within minutes, in spite of her reservations, Mickey joined her.

***************

Chapter Forty-Five

Something woke Mickey from her deep and dreamless sleep and when she sleepily reached beside her, she realized that Jo had left the bed and, judging from the cool sheets, had done so quite a while ago. Not too happy with that development, Mickey got to her feet and began searching for her clothes, but hesitated when she noticed a grey duffle bag shoved into a corner. Quickly donning her own underwear and a pair of jeans, she padded over to the back and loosened the string to look inside. Seeing the uncharacteristic untidy disarray of clothes, Mickey smiled inwardly, picturing the hurry Jo must have been in to make such a mess when packing.

Touching the well-worn clothes with loving fingers, Mickey finally came across a black sweater which seemed thick enough to ward off the cold she could feel slowly seeping into the lodge. Although they were further south, the mountains around them ensured that they would have a legitimate reason to use the fireplace Mickey had spotted in the living room. At least she thought she spotted one, she hadn´t been paying that much attention to details at the time.

Pulling the sweater over the head, Mickey inhaled deeply and smiled involuntarily when she recognized a mix of detergent and Jo. Then she put on the thickets socks she could find, and thus sufficiently dressed set out in search of her missing lover. She didn´t have to look long, Jo was sitting in the living room, with her back turned, busily typing away on a small laptop. Oblivious to her presence, she continued working and Mickey used Jo´s preoccupation to get a better look of the room.

It was huge and fairly well furnished although all the furniture looked like it had seen better days. Jo was occupying the desk in front of the only window and had apparently been too busy to notice that it was pitch black outside, or maybe she just hadn´t cared about drawing the curtains. Behind her to the left, taking up almost a third of the wall was the big fireplace and Mickey was happy to see that Jo had already prepared a fire even though she had forgotten to light it. Not only would a fire give the room a lot of atmosphere once it was lit, it would also provide them with some much needed warmth. Another asset was the long sofa in front of the fireplace which in Mickey´s opinion looked decadently appealing, and she was looking forward to spending a lot of quality time there cuddling with Jo.

She just had time to let her eyes run fleetingly over the rest of the room when Jo abruptly turned around, reaching for something on the desk halfway hidden behind the laptop and for some reason Mickey felt incredibly sad when she saw it was a gun. She had really hoped the real world wouldn´t intrude on them and stay away in this precious short time they had together.

"Oh…" Jo smiled sheepishly and quickly put the gun back on the desk. "Sorry, you startled me."

"No problem," Mickey smiled in return, deciding to let it go. She knew it would take some time for them to get used to each other again, and Jo wouldn´t change over night just because she was on leave. She had always been cautious, even back in Vega, and probably always would be. "So…" Mickey stepped closer, stopping just short of the desk. "What are you doing? I was watching you and you seemed to be fully occupied. You didn´t even notice me."

Jo´s brow furrowed briefly and Mickey guessed it was her comment about watching her and not being aware of it that didn´t appeal to her lover, but then Jo shook her head imperceptibly and said offhandedly, "Oh, I´m just getting a bit of work done. I thought I´d use the opportunity while you were sleeping."

"Work?" Mickey´s tone was utterly calm, but Jo thought she could detect something else behind it. "What do you mean work? I thought you were on leave?"

"Well, I am…" Jo began hesitantly, suddenly uncomfortable under Mickey´s steady gaze. "But we´re planning to use this area of the mountains to transport weapons and I was asked to check it out, see how safe it is and how useful the roads… are…" She trailed off, now clearly not liking the look in Mickey´s eyes and the set of her jaw. "It´s no big deal…" she offered feebly, suppressing the need to break eye contact.

"Asked? Or ordered?" Mickey inquired dryly, unconsciously crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Jo felt herself getting angry at Mickey´s adversarial attitude, but she forcefully put a lid on her anger, correctly guessing the blonde´s behaviour meant she was upset. However, she wasn´t quite as successful as she would have liked to be and her tone was brusque when she spoke, "Does it matter? It has to be done either way."

Mickey´s eyes narrowed and they stared at each other, the air between them crackling with tension. Then she let out a deep sigh and said quietly, her eyes dropping to the floor, "I thought this time it would just be about you and me. Nothing else. No work, no assignments, no nothing." She shook her head at her own foolishness. "Guess I was wrong."

Jo grimaced unhappily at the desolate timbre in Mickey´s voice and slowly got to her feet.

"I… I didn´t… It´s not…" Feeling words desert her, she tentatively reached out to tilt up her lover´s face. Looking into her eyes, she tried again and spoke gently, "It was the only way I could get ten days. Otherwise it would have been less than a week." She absently stroked Mickey´s cheek with her thumb, giving the blonde a sad little smile, "The Organisation usually doesn´t provide places for people to stay when they´re on leave. They usually don´t arrange for transport or provisions either. If…" Jo sighed, her eyes becoming distant for a second. "If I hadn´t agreed to do this, I most likely couldn´t have made it."

Mickey nodded mutely, but her eyes were filled with a quiet despair that made Jo very uneasy and prompted her to speak again. "It won´t take me that long, Mickey. I´ve already checked out the condition of most of the roads before you got here. I´ll only need one more day, max two, and then a couple of hours to write it all down and send it to HQ. It´s," Jo´s voice was edging towards pleading, "it´s not going to be so bad. We´ll still have plenty of time together."

"Yes. Of course." Mickey suddenly stepped away and Jo´s hand hung indecisively in the air for a few seconds before it fell back down. "Of course we will."

She smiled unconvincingly and was about to say something more when she noticed the heartbroken impression on the captain´s face. Pushing her own hurt and anger aside, she quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Jo´s neck, pulling her down for a kiss. Jo responded at first hesitantly and uncertainly, but eventually she became more assertive and was eagerly kissing Mickey back when the blonde pulled away and spoke with a smile, "I don´t know about you, but all this talk has made me hungry. What do you say I go out in the kitchen and make us a very late dinner and you finish off whatever it is you´re doing and get the fire going? Doesn´t that sound like a plan?"

Jo studied Mickey´s face for a moment, slightly startled by her sudden mood change, but then she smiled and nodded with relief, "Yeah, definitely. I´m rather hungry myself."

"Good." Mickey leaned up to place a chaste kiss on Jo´s lips. "See you in a bit."

Jo scratched the back of her neck pensively as her eyes followed Mickey out the living room. Despite that they appeared to have cleared everything up between them, she could still feel an uncomfortable amount of tension in the pit of her stomach and she didn´t know what to do to make it go away. Then shrugging off the thought, she returned to the desk, secretly hoping she would be able to complete the reports before dinner was ready.

***************

"You´re wearing my sweater," Jo observed matter-of-factly between two mouthfuls of rice.

Mickey put down the glass she had been drinking from, "Do you mind?"

"No." A smile flickered across Jo´s face and Mickey could swear she was blushing a little. "You look cute."

This time Mickey felt herself blush and they exchanged a brief smile over the table before both looked away. They continued to eat in companionable silence, the sound of cutlery against porcelain and the low crackle from the fire being the only sounds heard.

While preparing something to eat, Mickey had quickly abandoned the idea of eating in the cold and cramped kitchen and cleared a table in the living room to use instead. Jo had been caught up in her work and hadn´t even noticed dinner was ready until she felt a tap on her shoulder, and heard Mickey ask if she was interested in lighting the fire. She had been sufficiently embarrassed about losing track like that that she instantly left the desk and walked to the fireplace, trying not to think of all the stuff she still had to do before she could allow herself to fully relax and enjoy Mickey´s company.

"I know it´s late," Mickey spoke after a long period of silence, pushing her plate away, "but I thought we could spend a little time on the sofa in front of the fire before going to sleep." She gave Jo an enticing little smile, "I´ve always loved big fireplaces. There´s something very romantic about them, don´t you think?"

Jo smiled half-heartedly in return, glancing surreptitiously at her watch. It was half past two in the morning and she had actually been planning to get a bit more work done to maybe be able to take the next day off.

"Well, I don´t know," she began hesitantly, clearly ill at ease and nervously playing with the food on her plate. "Perhaps it would be better if you just went to bed instead, you must be real beat after the drive from Neo Roma, and then I´d join you as soon as I´ve finished the last reports."

She looked up hopefully and immediately realized that she had said the wrong thing. However, to her surprise, Mickey only nodded, effectively masking her disappointment and spoke pleasantly, "Well, if you don´t mind I think I´ll stay here for awhile. The bedroom is sure to be freezing and I don´t know if I can keep warm on my own."

"Sure," Jo smiled weakly, desperately trying not to get irritated at Mickey for making her feel guilty. She was convinced it wasn´t her lover´s intention, at least not consciously, but it still came across that way and it was starting to get to her. After all, the only reason why she was so eager to work was so she could get it over and done with. And if that meant they wouldn´t be seeing much of each other the first couple of days they were staying at the lodge, then that was just something they would have to accept. It was unfortunate and Jo was less than thrilled about it herself, but it wouldn´t be forever and after that they would have all the time in the world to lie in front of the fireplace if that was what Mickey wanted.

Although Jo hadn´t spoken any of her thoughts out loud, Mickey had had no difficulties reading them as they moved across the captain´s face, and she knew they both should be very careful of what they said next if the situation wasn´t to escalate into something the small disagreement didn´t warrant. Apparently, Jo had come to the same conclusion because she completely dropped the subject and began to clear the table instead. Without a word, Mickey set out to help her and for a few minutes they carried everything out into the kitchen in silence, passing each other on the way without making eye contact.

This is utterly ridiculous, Mickey thought as she began to rinse the dishes, not sure whether she was more tempted to laugh or cry. When in hell did it become so complicated?

Moving over to stand beside her, Jo started to dry the glasses Mickey handed her and for a moment they worked in silence, then she cleared her throat and asked softly, "How are things at the clinic?"

Mickey recognized the question for the peace offer it was and smiled involuntarily, "They are fine. It was rough in the beginning right after Lawrence´s stroke. Sophia was understandably very upset and there was a lot of extra work to do, but ever since Ralph came aboard things have begun to ease up a little. Besides, shouldn´t be too long before Lawrence is back."

She was about to add more hot water to clean the remaining dishes when she was surprised to see a light frown on Jo´s face and she hesitated, her hand pausing an inch from the tap.

"That… That Ralph Greenberg guy… How much do you know about him?"

"What do you mean?" Mickey´s brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Didn´t I tell you about him?"

"Yeah, you did," Jo tossed the wet dish towel onto the counter, "but not very much and frankly I think both you and Sophia are taking a great risk just accepting him like this. You didn´t even know him when you hired him, you just took him in and trusted that everything would turn out for the best."

Mickey looked away in disbelief, then said firmly, meeting Jo´s gaze again without wavering, "It was not like we had much of a choice, Jo, and we didn´t just accept him. He wasn´t let alone or unobserved for quite some time until we felt we could trust him. I mean, honestly," Mickey angrily ran a hand through her hair, "how stupid do you think we are?"

"I didn´t say you were stupid," Jo countered immediately, knowing she sounded a lot more derisive than good was. "I just said you shouldn´t be so trusting. You know of the Council´s spies, you know what they´re capable of and what they´ll do to get information. They taught us that in Vega, remember? You can´t possibly have forgotten that already."

"Of course! How could I have been so blind!" Mickey suddenly exclaimed sarcastically and Jo took a step back in surprise. "Ralph is a big bad spy, trying to learn where our supply of Band-Aids is hidden, and he will stop at nothing to find it out. Jesus, Jo…" Exasperated, she regarded the captain who was staring at her with wide open eyes. "Couldn´t you have left your paranoia at home for just once?"

Jo took a deep breath, willing herself not to get angry or show how deep the words had cut. Face growing hard, she spoke in a completely controlled and emotionless voice, "I´m not paranoid. I just don´t think you should be so quick to trust people. I´m not saying that he is a spy or anything like that, but I still think that you should´ve had me check him out before you hired him. Even if he is exactly what he appears to be, he still belongs to a very different part of society and has a different set of values and opinions. You know agents are treated at the clinic and Ralph has his career, hell his life, to worry about. What do you think he would do if he ever came across something incriminating? How long do you think it would take before he was on the first available phone to the Military Police? Oh sure, he´ll pretend to be all nice and caring, but you can´t trust him, Mickey, and I really think you should have thought of that beforehand."

"Jo…" Mickey said slowly, trying to calm herself down. "Please be reasonable, not everybody is out to get you. As a matter of fact I know he isn´t. I´ve spent time with him outside work, and he is a-."

"What?" A sudden fear washed over Jo, making it hard for her to breathe. "You´ve spent time with him outside work? Why? Why would you do that?"

"Why? Why I would…? What do you…?" Understanding suddenly flickered across Mickey´s face and she exclaimed incredulously, "Oh, Jo, you can´t be serious!"

Jo´s jaw clenched at Mickey´s words, but her mind had already conjured up too many painful images for her not to continue. "Well, I wouldn´t know, would I? I´m not there! How am I supposed to know what´s going on? How do I know I can trust you? You do seem to have a weakness for those sensitive young men!"

"Oh no!" Mickey´s eyes narrowed dangerously. "You better thread carefully here, Jo! I wouldn´t be so quick to talk about trust if I were you. Who is it who´s been trailing after her ex-lover for four months without practically a word or a call to me? Tell me, Jo, who do you think is the better and more experienced at trust when it comes to the two of us?"

Jo stared dumbstruck at Mickey, totally unprepared for having her own accusations thrown back at her. "What the fuck are you talking about?! I wrote you every time I could, and you know we´re not allowed to use any of the secure lines for private conversations."

"How convenient," Mickey commented acidly, incapable of stopping her irrational anger and insecurities from taking over even though she knew how misplaced and stupid it all was. "I bet you were real busy with Messina anyway, wouldn´t have had a free moment. It´s obvious she still keeps you on a leash just like she always has. I bet you even followed her into bed to warm her feet like the good little lapdog you are."

The last remark was only meant to hurt and Mickey hurried to apologize, but was shocked into silence when she saw a clear expression of guilt cross Jo´s face. For a split second they just stared at each other, then Mickey spoke, her words quiet but full of hate, "You stupid arsehole." Then she spun on her heels and fled the room.

Jo stared at the empty doorway, shock and anger warring for dominance. "But…" she whispered hoarsely to the empty room. "I didn´t…"

For a minute she remained where she was, staying absolutely still, then she resolutely walked to the kitchen door and roughly pulled it open. There she hesitated for just an instant before a resigned, lightly self-mocking grimace that could be mistaken for a smile showed on her face and she continued outside, letting the darkness swallow her up whole.

***************

For the second time that night, or morning as it would be soon, something woke up Mickey. She had fallen asleep a few hours ago, exhausted from crying her eyes out, curled up on the sofa under a blanket, but her sleep had been troubled and restless and when she opened her eyes she didn´t know at first where she was. Then slowly she recognized the contours of the darkened living room and sat up, her head aching and her throat uncomfortably dry. She was about to rise and walk to the kitchen to get something to drink when suddenly she became aware of a slightly more solidly looking shadow in a corner of the room where the dying light from the flames couldn´t reach.

For a moment nothing moved, then the shadow spoke softly, "I thought you believed me. I thought you believed me when I said there was no one but you."

"I…" The obvious pain in Jo´s voice caused all words to abandon Mickey and her lips moved soundlessly a few times before she finally managed to speak. "I do believe you, Jo, I do. It´s just… this separation… it´s driving me nuts."

Mickey had done some serious soul-searching once she found out that Jo had left the lodge, and she had gone over every single detail of their argument in her head to find out how it could go so wrong. Once she had gotten over her anger that Jo had run out on her again, that is.

She realized she had been out of line and that no matter what, she should at least have waited to hear out what Jo had to say. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she had managed to convince herself that there had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the guilt she had witnessed on Jo´s face. Jo couldn´t have been unfaithful to her. She couldn´t have slept with Messina. She just couldn´t.

It had been sheer self-preservation on Mickey´s behalf, thinking like that to avoid having her world fall apart around her. However, the doubt had mercilessly been chipping away at her own reasoning, nagging and whispering about betrayal and lies, bringing up all the moments Jo had hurt her in the past.

"If you believe me," the shadow spoke again. "Why would you then say something like that?"

"Because I was hurt by what you insinuated about my interest in Ralph, and because I was angry at you."

"Angry at me?" The shadow moved and Jo stepped out of the corner, the faint light from the fireplace only partly succeeding in illuminating her face. "Why?"

Mickey smiled sadly, her gaze taking in the sight of the scratches and dirt on Jo´s face and hands, "Because I´ve missed you, Jo. Because I´ve missed you so much that there were times I didn´t think I could stand it. Do you have any idea how desperate I was to make every minute of our time here together count? And how disappointed I was when you told me that you had to work and it wasn´t possible? And even worse, that it didn´t seem to affect you at all, that you didn´t care either way?"

"I did care, there just wasn´t anything I could do about it," Jo interjected, quiet and resigned, without any force. Shoulders slumping lightly, her eyes dropped to the floor and she finished tiredly, "I´ll try to get it over with as fast as I can."

"I know you will," Mickey replied gently, letting her own hurt go and feeling furious with herself for making Jo feel guilty over something her lover had no real control. She hesitantly took a step forward, "I´m sorry about the things I said. I didn´t mean it… Any of it…"

In spite of her reassurance, an unspoken question still lingered awkwardly between them and Jo sighed deeply, wearily meeting Mickey´s gaze. "I haven´t slept with her. She… she wanted me to… once… but I said no. It hasn´t been an issue since."

Mickey didn´t know how to respond and instead attempted to smile, failing miserably. They stood before each other for a moment, quietly watching the other´s face, then Mickey slowly reached out her hand. "Come here."

Jo gazed at the hand for a second, then back at Mickey, "Why?"

The wariness in Jo´s voice was enough to make her despair, but Mickey purposely ignored it and just spoke mildly, "You´re all dirty and your clothes are stained. You need a bath."

Jo´s brow furrowed in surprise and she glanced down at her body, for the first time realizing the condition she was in.

"It was dark outside," she said as explanation as she allowed Mickey to lead her through the living room to the bathroom. "I couldn´t see where I was going."

"I know," was Mickey´s only answer. She turned on the water and watched it run into the tub for a few moments before looking back at Jo who hadn´t moved in the meantime, and who didn´t really appear to be present, her eyes distant and absent. Without a word, Mickey stepped over to her and began to unbutton her soiled and torn shirt.

"I can undress myself."

"I know," Mickey said again, continuing her task. "But you don´t have to."

Jo nodded and seemed to accept that, letting Mickey remove her clothing piece by piece until she was naked.

"Get in," Mickey ordered gently, gesturing at the now filled tub. "The water shouldn´t be too hot."

Then she left Jo to get into the tub on her own and walked out into the kitchen. There she rummaged through several cupboards and drawers until she came up with a bundle of candles. The light in the small bathroom was fairly bad and Mickey had come to the conclusion that if they were going to have to strain to see each other because of that, she might as well leave it off altogether and add a little atmosphere instead by lighting a couple of candles.

When she returned, Jo´s head was resting against the edge of the tub and she was staring blankly at her feet propped up on the other end. She quickly placed the candles on various available surfaces around the room, then lit them and spent a brief moment watching the orange glow spread before she turned around to face Jo, suddenly nervous about how she would perceive her actions.

Behind Mickey´s back, Jo had watched with interest as the blonde began to transform the bathroom into something quite cosy, and when Mickey looked at her, she smiled faintly, "Nice."

Mickey just smiled in return and knelt down next to the tub. "Let me," she spoke when Jo made a move to reach for a wash cloth. Jo willingly obliged and pulled herself into a sitting position, wrapping her arms around her knees as she stared mindlessly at the light gathering of bubbles on the water surface.

Dipping it into the water, Mickey lovingly ran the cloth over Jo´s shoulders and down her arms, taking extra care to clean the scratches on her hands. Jo gradually began to relax and Mickey could feel the tense muscles under her hands begin to relax as well as Jo closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy the gentle ministrations to her body.

"I love your shoulders."

Mickey had been so engrossed in her own enjoyment of the task that she didn´t realize she had actually spoken the words out loud until Jo turned halfway in the tub to look at her, a little surprised smile on her lips.

"What?"

"Uh…" Mickey couldn´t help but blush, but decided to continue. "Well, your shoulders… they´re so strong…" she placed her hands there and squeezed the muscles lightly for emphazis, "yet so smooth… soft."

"Oh…" Now it was Jo´s turn to blush and it was clear that the admission had caught her off guard. "Um… well, I love your hands…" She turned her head to place a quick kiss on one of the hands covering her shoulder. "And your neck," this time she turned completely to put her hand just above Mickey´s heart, slowly moving up. "And your throat. And… um…" Their eyes met and if possible Jo blushed just a little more. "Other… significant body parts…"

"Ah, yes," Mickey smiled, still feeling the heat in her own cheeks, plus a few other places. "I like those, too."

They gazed into each other´s eyes, suddenly no longer nervous. But the water was getting cold, Jo shivered - and the spell was broken.

Shifting on her knees, Mickey gently nudged her back into her former position and started to clean the captain´s back in order to get the washing over with. Mesmerized and endlessly fascinated, she slowly traced the old, faded scars and some newer scratches she found on the tanned skin. And all in a sudden she became aware that she seemed to have dropped the cloth and was caressing Jo´s back with her hands and fingertips instead. However, where her own breathing had picked up a little, her lover´s only evened out and Mickey smiled inwardly, realizing that Jo was about to fall asleep.

"Hey, sweetheart…" She reached out to turn Jo´s face towards her. "Before you drop off completely, let me just wash you hair."

Jo blinked quickly, momentarily disorientated, "I wasn´t sleeping."

"Of course not." Mickey hid a smile. "You were just meditating, but just let me wash your hair all the same and then we can go to bed."

"Maybe I am a bit tired," Jo admitted reluctantly as Mickey began to lather her hair. "It´s… it´s been a long day."

"Yes," Mickey agreed, her voice almost a whisper. "It most certainly has."

"It´ll be nice to get some sleep," Jo continued thoughtfully as if she had just recently learned of the concept. She seemed to ponder the idea for a couple of seconds, then suddenly she turned around to look at Mickey who raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Tomorrow…" Jo spoke quietly, looking intensely into Mickey´s eyes as she carefully took one of the blonde´s soap covered hands into hers. "Tomorrow we´re gonna start all over and pretend this day never happened, and that we never said the things we did."

Mickey regarded Jo silently for a moment, then said softly, "You don´t think we should talk about this?"

"No," came the prompt answer. "There´s nothing to talk about. We just had a fight, that´s all. It´s over now and we can move on, there´s no reason to talk about anything."

Mickey searched her lover´s face, seeing the stubborn determination and realizing that nothing she said would make a difference. And maybe Jo was right. Maybe there was indeed no reason to talk about anything. At least it was very tempting to think so.

***************

Chapter Forty-Six.

***************

Staring at the ceiling, the last blurred words from what Mickey had told her the night before ran through Jo´s head. They had been lying in bed, talking quietly and suddenly Mickey had brought up that old memory. Jo had been slightly confused at first, it wasn´t something she had thought of in years, but now, in the cool light of day, she found she could remember everything, even the sting of Mickey´s palm on her face. What she didn´t remember, however, was the reason why she had been crying. Apparently, she had succeeded so much in not thinking about it back then that it had been pushed firmly from her mind. And she doubted she could recall it now even if she tried. Not that she was going to, though, in case she did manage.

A quick glance at the window told her it was well past dawn and that she had to get up, but the warm body pressed up against her was all the enticement she needed to ignore the unpleasant thought. Instead, she turned around to look at Mickey who was lying curled up on her side, her face relaxed in sleep.

So beautiful… Jo leaned in closer to get a better look. Just like an angel. That is… she smiled wryly to herself. If I knew what an angel looked like.

Unable to resist, she inched even closer, until their faces were only a hair´s breadth apart. She had long ago realized that she liked nothing better than watching Mickey sleep, and one night, while still in Neo Roma, she had overcome her self-consciousness and told her, surprised to learn that Mickey felt the same way. At first she didn´t know what to think of the concept of Mickey watching her while she slept, but then she had come to the conclusion she liked it. Mickey had smiled, saying she wished Jo could see how adorable she looked when she slept, how young and innocent, to which Jo laughed and said it was a long time ago she had been an innocent of any kind.

Frowning a little in recollection, Jo gently brushed a few strands of hair away from Mickey´s face. Her lover hadn´t thought her statement half as funny as she did. Eyelids fluttering lightly, Mickey sighed and shifted in her sleep, causing the covers to slide down and expose half of her shoulder. Jo bit her lip subconsciously, her gaze travelling slowly between Mickey´s face and the bared patch of skin, then she reached out and took the hem of the covers between her thumb and index finger, tugging carefully.

The act caused the material to slide down further until most of Mickey´s torso was revealed and the blonde stirred slightly when she sensed the change in temperature, but remained asleep. Deciding that she definitely liked this new, improved view, Jo leaned in again until her face was hovering directly over Mickey´s. There she hesitated for a second before moving to the crook of her neck where she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, the indefinable, yet so familiar scent of Mickey filling her nose. Smiling involuntarily, she opened her eyes again then dipped her head until the tip of her tongue was tasting the soft, warm skin covering Mickey´s collarbone.

"Mmm…" a hoarse, obviously very sleepy voice mumbled. "What are you doing?"

Jo stiffened momentarily, then without looking up said mischievously, "I´m tasting you."

A low laugh rumbled in Mickey´s chest, "I can feel that." She paused, then asked good-naturedly, "How do I taste?"

"Good." Jo emphasized her statement by tracing Mickey´s collarbone with her tongue once more, smiling in satisfaction when she felt a shiver run through her lover. "Very good."

"I aim to please," Mickey answered with a smile, then put a hand behind Jo´s neck, guiding her down to her mouth.

Light, teasing kisses gave way to slower, deeper ones and Jo shifted eagerly, coming to rest half on the bed, half on Mickey. Pulling away, she looked down at her smiling lover and inquired innocently, "Are you tired?"

"Um…" Mickey pursed her lips, pretending to give the question some serious thought. "I don´t know… Maybe I am, or maybe not... Why?"

"Because," Jo grinned broadly. "I feel like touching you."

"Oh, do you now…" Mickey tried to adapt a thoughtful expression without much success and she quickly gave up, giving Jo a grin of her own. "In that case I think I might just be able to stay awake."

"Glad to hear it," Jo replied huskily, her eyes already having left Mickey´s face to linger on what she could see of her breasts.

"You´re most welcome. So what do you intend-." Mickey gasped as Jo´s lips closed around her nipple and she immediately forgot what she had wanted to say. She vaguely felt Jo pause in her ministrations to smile against her skin before she resumed her task, adding a few nibbles for good measure.

Unable to keep her eyes open, Mickey´s head sank back into the pillow and she sighed blissfully, fully enjoying the feel of Jo´s skilful attentions on her body. However, she soon realized that her lover was in no hurry, her touches remaining slow and gentle, and Mickey´s mind idly wandered back to the time they first made love.

Although the night had begun less than fortunate, Mickey still recalled their first real physical encounter with fondness, considering that cold winter night to be their first real time together and effectively dismissing what had happened between them in Vega. It wasn´t that she didn´t wish to think of the time Jo had first kissed her, and everything else she had done for that matter, but those events were overshadowed by the memory of having her heart broken afterwards and thus wasn´t something she liked to dwell on too much.

Feeling Jo move down her body, Mickey smiled, an expression of sheer hedonistic pleasure on her face, and she reached down to tangle her fingers in her lover´s hair.

That night in her apartment was the first time she had been with a woman, but somehow that hadn´t been the reason for her nervousness. No, she had been nervous because it had been her first time with Jo. Because this was the first time she could touch her without fear of rejection, or worry who they might hurt with their actions. Jo had been the patience itself, letting Mickey explore her body to her heart´s content, but despite the blonde´s excitement and eagerness, Mickey hadn´t been blind to the fact that Jo seemed to be more enthusiastic about some things than others.

She hadn´t, for instance, liked to be on her back too much and once she even froze completely when suddenly she found herself on her stomach with Mickey on top, about to slip her fingers inside. Quickly, she had reversed their positions, doing her utmost to quell any protests Mickey might have had, and it wasn´t until later, after Jo had fallen asleep, that Mickey remembered the moment and wondered what had caused it.

She had her suspicions, but it wasn´t something they had ever talked about, and once they became lovers for real, Jo´s aversion to being in the more submissive position seemed to lessen little by little and now it didn´t appear to give her any problems.

Suddenly Mickey felt an overwhelming need to see Jo´s face and she tugged insistently on Jo´s hair until she got the message and regretfully pulled herself up until they were face to face. Placing a hand on each of Jo´s flushed cheeks, Mickey looked intently into desired-filled blue eyes and spoke in a quiet, but solemn voice, "You know I love you, don´t you? And that I would never do anything to hurt you?"

Jo blinked in surprise, then looked at her oddly for a second or two before giving her a faint smile, "Of course I do." She leaned down and kissed Mickey lips softly. "And I love you, too."

"No!" Mickey exclaimed with more force than she had intended, but she was desperate to make Jo understand she wasn´t teasing anymore, but was deadly serious. "I mean it, Jo, you have to believe me. It´s not just something I say. I love you and I would never hurt you."

Jo was clearly taken aback by Mickey´s passionate outburst, but then the look on her face changed from confusion to thoughtfulness before it transformed into something akin to sadness, and her voice was resigned, but affectionate when she spoke, "I believe you, Mickey. I believe that you would never hurt me."

Maybe it was all in her imagination, but Mickey heard the unspoken `but´ loud and clear and almost angrily rolled Jo onto her back, straddling the startled but unresisting captain´s hips. "Well, then I´ll just have to show you instead." She immediately began to thrust her centre hard against Jo´s and continued to do so as her motionless lover stared at her with wide open eyes before it finally became too much and she let out a breathless moan, joining Mickey in her motions.

They moved against in each other at a frantic and relentless pace and Mickey could tell that Jo was getting close, but before she could bring her over, the urge to taste the moist, inviting lips became too great and she stretched out to cover Jo´s body fully, finding her mouth with unerring accuracy. Jo groaned out her frustration over the severed contact, but Mickey silenced her unhappy lover by both kissing her hungrily and manoeuvring a hand in between their bodies. Jo wasn´t slow to reciprocate, but barely had her hand reached its goal before she stiffened, her eyes closing shut as Mickey´s fingers finished what her body had begun earlier.

"Jesus!" Jo sucked air in through her teeth as she came down from her high, her spent body collapsing back onto the sweat soaked sheets. "I didn´t mean for it to end that quick."

Mickey gave her a brilliant smile and ignoring her own body´s complaints leaned down to kiss Jo thoroughly before whispering seductively, "Well, what can I say, I´m just very talented."

"That you are," Jo grinned and wiggled her fingers lightly, her grin widening when the movement caused Mickey to inhale sharply. "But what do you say I give it a go as well? Maybe I´ll turn out to have a few talents of my own."

"Of that I have no doubt," Mickey replied unsteadily, becoming increasingly distracted by Jo´s hand moving lazily between her legs. "When you set your mind to something you usually-."

"Enough talk!" Jo swiftly turned Mickey onto her back and even if she had wanted to, Mickey didn´t have the voice to complain. It didn´t take long before she surrendered to Jo´s insistent touch and as she closed her eyes and let the waves overtake her, she could swear she heard Jo whisper repeatedly into her ear, "You and me, Mickey. You and me…"

***************

"Mickey, I told you we were gonna have to do some climbing, but you wanted to come anyway."

"Oh no, Jo!" Mickey paused, taking great care to not look in any direction but up. "You said it was going to be steep! Steep I can deal with, steep´s just fine. You didn´t say anything about climbing."

Jo stared into the pale fissured rock until she felt confident that the grin had disappeared from her face, then she turned her head, looking at Mickey who was pressing her face and body hard against the rock wall, her arms spread out, fingers digging into the stone.

"Come on," she cajoled, edging a few feet back toward her lover. "It´s not that bad, is it? You can hardly call it climbing. I know the path is a bit narrow here and there, and I know there´s quite a-" she leaned out and took a quick peek at the abyss below her, "-big drop, but just stay near the wall and don´t look down and everything will be fine."

"Well, in case you had forgotten, Miss Mountain Goat…" Mickey felt a strong need to poke Jo hard in the chest with each syllable, but since that would require actually letting go of the rock, she immediately abandoned the idea. "I am not good with heights."

"Mickey, you wanted to come," Jo exasperated. "I told you I would need to get a look at the mountain tracks as well. I told you getting a look from the top would help me get an overall picture of the area. And I told you that it would be steep and that you didn´t have to come."

"I know you did!" Mickey retorted, but then she took a deep breath and continued in a more subdued tone. "Maybe it was stupid, but I just wanted to spend time with you today. You said you wouldn´t have to do anything but take a few notes, and I didn´t see why I should wait back at the lodge all day when I could be here with you instead."

Turning her face away she stared stubbornly back at the tortuous path they had been following for the last three hours.

"It wasn´t stupid, maybe a bit rash, but not stupid." Jo sighed quietly, carefully making her way back toward Mickey. Once there she put her chin on Mickey´s shoulder and circled an arm round her back, giving her a little squeeze, "I´m glad you want to be with me, I just think that maybe this wasn´t the best of places." Coaxing lightly, she managed to get Mickey to look at her and spoke softly, looking into weary green eyes, "I know you´re not crazy about this, but we´re almost there. Just three or four more miles and we´ll have reached the top." She leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss, "I promise we´ll take another route back. It´s going to be slightly longer, but then you won´t have a 200 feet drop to look at all the way. Okay?" She gave Mickey another kiss, smiling tenderly when the blonde nodded and smiled feebly in return.

"Good. Now let´s get this over with, shall we? I want to be home before dark."

It took them another hour to reach the top, but once they got there Mickey had to admit the view was spectacular. She wasn´t quite sure it had been worth the climb, but at least she had gotten there in one piece. Jo spent the next twenty minutes studying the landscape through a pair of binoculars, busy making notes and writing down co-ordinates and her own assessments in a small black book she had produced from her back pocket. Mickey watched in fascination, mixed with not a little amusement, as Jo attempted to measure the distance between two mountain passes with her hands, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"I bet you wish you had paid more attention in geometry."

"Hmm…" Jo grunted absently, trying to make some sense out of the figures she had written down. "That was Choi´s class, never could stand the guy. He was so damn creepy."

Mickey briefly recalled the painfully thin Asian who had taught a few classes during their last year in Vega, then nodded in agreement, "Yes, that´s true. I hated the way he always cracked his knuckles. Didn´t he notice how we all winced every time?"

"Of course he did," Jo answered matter-of-factly, crossing a line out and adding another. "That´s why he did it."

"Christ…" Mickey shook her head slowly, her gaze travelling over the beautiful landscape around her. "Some people…"

"I´ve heard he´s been recruited by our interrogation service." Jo snapped the book shut and returned it to her pocket. "Apparently, he taught this girl in psychology whose dad worked in interrogation and they liked his technique so much they offered him a job on the spot."

"You´re kidding!"

"No," Jo grinned, coming over to stand beside her. "I heard it all from Basil who heard it all from Christa who heard it all from the sergeant she´s currently seeing."

"Oh…" Mickey smiled broadly. "Well, then it has to be true." She slipped her arms around Jo´s neck and pulled her closer, not satisfied until she felt Jo´s arms slip around her in return. "If they´re so eager to get new material, how come they haven´t approached Vivien yet?"

"Maybe she´s too cruel," Jo drawled with a grin, idly drawing small circles on Mickey´s back. "Even for their tastes. After all, we´re supposed to be the good guys."

"Well, she never did like you, that´s for sure."

"Yeah," the playful expression from Jo´s face disappeared and her eyes became pensive and reflective. "I never got that. I mean, what did I ever do to her?"

Mickey looked at her in surprise, "You mean you don´t know?"

"No." Jo regarded her in utter confusion. "Tell me. What did I do to make her dislike me so much?"

"You were there."

"What?!"

"You were there," Mickey repeated softly, moving a hand from Jo´s neck to stroke her cheek. "From the moment you arrived at Vega, you became Pilot´s main interest. He put all his time and energy into making you into the wonderful human being you are today. All it took was a word from you, and sometimes not even that, and he would come running. I know he was tough on you occasionally, but he did it all in your best interests."

"Yeah…?" Jo raised an eyebrow, waiting for Mickey to express herself clearer. "So?"

Mickey looked at her in bemusement for a moment, then she smiled affectionately, "She was in love with him, silly. Vivien was in love with Pilot, probably still is. She considered you her greatest rival when it came to gaining his attentions."

"But… but I was just a dumb kid," Jo shook her head in disbelief. "How could she even consider me a threat."

"She saw how much he loved you and knew that she wouldn´t be able to compete."

"Loved me…?"

"Yes, loved you," Mickey smiled again, the look in her eyes becoming tender. "You´re so easy to love, Jo. Even if you don´t think so yourself." She grew serious, almost sad, and spoke quietly, looking intently into Jo´s eyes, "Do you have any idea how many people care about you? How many people love you and don´t want to see you hurt? Present company included."

Jo stared at her in something resembling shock, then her lips moved slowly as she tried to speak, "I… Mickey, I…"

She was about to finally get a coherent sentence past her lips when abruptly she straightened up, her eyes growing cold as she listened intensely.

"Jo?"

"Shh!" Jo held up a hand, quickly disentangling herself from Mickey. Tilting her head slightly, she frowned unconsciously, her head slowly turning back and forth as she studied their surroundings, trying to determine what had caused her unease. Then, so fast Mickey had no time to act, she set off, sprinting across the hard ground to throw herself headfirst into the large gathering of bushes that marked the end of the trail they had followed earlier.

Still too surprised to be really worried, Mickey stepped closer, freezing for a second when a loud, frightened cry came from somewhere inside the bushes, but before she could act, a body was flung out through the thick and thorny branches, immediately followed by Jo who launched herself at what Mickey saw was a young man. A very scared young man.

"What the hell are you doing spying on us?!" Jo snarled, grabbing the young man´s collar roughly and yanking him halfway off the ground. "Who sent you?!" She slapped him hard several times in the face with her free hand. "How long have you been here?! Why were you spying on us?!"

"I…" Jo´s terrified victim, who Mickey realized was more of a boy than a man, was sobbing too hard to be able to give her any answers. With cold determination Jo pulled a knife from her jeans and pressed against his throat. "You got ten seconds to tell me before I cut your head off!"

"I wasn´t spying!" the boy wailed, Jo´s threat suddenly putting his tongue into motion. "I don´t know what you´re talking about! I haven´t done anything, I swear!"

"Jo-."

"Mickey, stay out of this!" Jo ordered curtly, then directing her next words to the boy spoke tonelessly, her voice having lost all trace of feeling. "I don´t believe you. Nobody comes here without reason. Fuck…" She closed her eyes tightly, shaking her head. "I don´t have time for this. I have no fucking time for this." Then suddenly she turned to look back at Mickey who was standing indecisively, torn, a few feet behind her, "Mickey, get away from here!"

"What?" Mickey stared at her, realization slowing dawning on her and transforming her expression to one of both anger and fear. "What are you going to do?"

"Just get away from here!" Jo shouted, almost desperately. "I… I just want you to get away from here!"

"No." Mickey resolutely stepped forward, speaking with more firmness than she believed herself capable of, "Whatever you´re going to do, you´re going to have to do in front of me. I´m not leaving."

She moved forward again until she was standing directly behind Jo, so close she could touch her. "Look at him, Jo… He´s not a spy, he´s just a kid. And he´s terrified, he thinks you´re going to kill him… But you´re not, are you…" She leaned forward and gently closed her fingers around Jo´s hand with the knife. She felt the hand beneath hers tremble and she could sense that Jo was struggling with herself. Glancing at the boy, she was met with wide open brown eyes that turned both pleading and hopeful when he understood she was bargaining for his life.

"You weren´t spying on us, were you?" Mickey asked softly, even succeeding in giving him a little smile.

"No," he answered eagerly and it looked like he was about to nod as well, but the cold pressure against his throat stopped him and instead he swallowed involuntarily, his Adam´s apple lightly grazing the blade. "I… I was just out hiking, I always do that. I never meant to…" Suddenly it all became too much and he burst into tears again. "I wasn´t spying! I didn´t even know you were here! Please let me go! I´m not gonna say anything!"

"Jo…" Mickey looked away from the boy, speaking directly into her lover´s ear. "Let him go… He isn´t going to harm us. Are you?" she asked for confirmation without ever taking her eyes off Jo and the boy choked out his answer between sobs. "No."

"See…" Mickey felt Jo´s arm with the knife give a little and she began to slowly guide their joined hands away from the boy´s throat. "He won´t harm us, he won´t tell." At last she felt all resistance leave Jo´s body and she quickly pried the knife from her fingers before giving the boy a meaningful look, "You better go now. Take the same route back, we won´t follow you."

He unsteadily got to his feet, his eyes never leaving Jo as if he feared she might attack him any second. For a moment he appeared nailed to the ground, but then he spun on his heels and ran as fast as he could down the path he had come from. Mickey waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps, then she let the knife fall to the ground, wrapping her arms around Jo and resting her head on her shoulder. Minutes ticked by without Jo moving a single muscle and making no attempt to return the embrace. Mickey could feel the strong tension in her lover´s body, but she remained still herself, silently waiting for Jo to make the first move. And finally it came. Jo´s arm encircled her, first hesitant and uncertain, but then with more and more strength until it resembled any other embrace they had ever shared.

"He might still talk."

"I know," Mickey raised her head to meet Jo´s eyes. "But I still couldn´t let you kill him."

Jo smiled. A pale and tenuous smile, but still a smile. "I know… And who knows…" she let out a strained and shaky laugh. "Maybe you just saved my soul from going to hell." She looked into Mickey´s eyes for a moment, then leaned forward to rest her forehead against Mickey´s, feeling the contrast between her own cold sweat and her lover´s warm skin. "I love you, Mickey… I would kill for you in heartbeat…" Jo´s voice was so low, Mickey had to strain to hear it. "But I´m glad I didn´t have to. Not this time."

Mickey closed her eyes against Jo´s words. Feeling her throat constrict, she asked quietly, "Is that your definition of love, Jo? Whether you´re willing to kill for someone?"

Jo didn´t answer. Instead she pulled back and reached down to take Mickey´s hand, and with an expression Mickey couldn´t read, said gently, "Let´s go. We have a long way ahead of us."

***************