Chapter Thirty-six

"Are you going to see her?" Paul asked Catherine finally, as they sat at the bar in the hotel, each nursing a scotch and water.

Catherine looked up from her drink and gave him a wry smile. "No! It's over," she then went back to studying her drink.

"How can you say that? You need to explain things to her, she deserves that! You deserve that!" Paul almost deafened her with his rather explosively spoken words.

"Funny, I tried to explain just that last night, she chose seduction over the truth. Guess we are both going to pay for that delay.  She has to live with the fact she seduced a woman she hates, and I have to live with the memory of how much I love her and how it felt to hold her." Catherine gradually let the tears fall, it didn't really matter anymore if anyone saw her this way, what more was there to lose?

"Will you go home?" Paul asked her gently, seeing the tears but making no obvious gesture that would make her self-conscious.

"Can I go home once all this comes out? The authorities in New Zealand are going to want some answers and maybe I haven't got them!" Catherine dejectedly looked into the depths of her drink, which she had hardly touched.

"What about Grace, 'Destiny' and the children?" It wasn't like her to give up.

"I'm going to call Grace with the sordid facts when I go to my room, she deserves to know before the media throw it in her face, then she might want to leave also!"

"She won't leave you!" Paul said adamantly.

Catherine looked in his direction and put her drink down after taking a long drink of it. "You sound so sure, why?" her left eyebrow rose in question.

"Because if she hasn't in the last five years, no way will she desert you in your hour of need," he smiled at her.

"That sounds so melodramatic, just the sort of thing Grace would say." For the first time since they arrived at UCP, she gave him a genuine smile.

"Maybe. Grace loves you as a very good friend and you need one right now." Paul stated the facts as he saw them about her friend.

"What about you? Are you still going to be a good friend and stick around, when this mess goes public?" Her ice blue eyes pierced him with a serious glance.

"Yes, I'm here for the duration, come what may. Might even help our share prices," he tried to bring some levity to the serious conversation.

"You know you might just be right about that." Catherine put a hand on his and held it in a warm hold. "Thank you Paul Strong, for everything."

He patted her hand in sympathy as they decided on the next move.

~ ~ ~

Jace arrived at her family home and pulled the car into the drive; her father wouldn't be home and Lucy would be at her part time job in the mall.

Taking a deep breath she went towards the back of the house and saw her mother tending the garden, walking slowly over to her she crouched down next to her mother and simply put her arms round the rounder figure, her tears flowing unchecked.

Alison Bardley was at first shocked by the presence of her daughter and then upset on her behalf at the obvious distressed state she was in. 'What the heck had gone on now?'

Gently cradling her daughter in her arms, she waited for the sobbing form to still a little and gradually guided them both into the house. Sitting her down in one of the kitchen chairs she put on the coffee pot and sat next to her eldest daughter and took Jace's cold hands in her own and gently chaffed them to try and warm them up. "Do you want me to call your father Jace?" Alison had never been Jace's favourite parent to talk her troubles over, not that she hadn't wanted to, it was something that Jace had always done with her father. Lucy, her younger daughter was totally different!

"No! There's nothing he can do," Jace said tearfully.

Alison looked thoughtfully at her daughter. Jason had explained Jace's problematic love life to her later in the evening after Jace had gone back to her apartment. Some how it hadn't surprised her, her daughter had never really taken any interest in any man, mind you she hadn't in a woman either, until she had spoken to her father. "You need to let it all go Jace, don't bottle it up inside. We are here to help you, you've always known that, we love you," what more was there to say to your heart broken child?

Looking into her mother's green warm eyes she smiled briefly and gulped back a sob. "I fell in love Mom; nothing big huh?"

Alison smiled, "Well, its kind of a big thing to us dear. Who is the lucky person?"

Jace gave her a guilty look. "Catherine, Catherine Warriorson."

Nodding her head in understanding, Alison put a hand round her shoulders and hugged her close. "Has something happened to her?"

Jace started to cry again and her mother wondered if something tragic had happened to Catherine Warriorson. "In a way Mom yes, Catherine is also known as Devonshire, Catherine Devonshire, the owner of Xianthos."

Looking perplexed Alison gave her daughter a quizzical look. "What exactly does that mean?"

Jace gave her mother a tired half smile, her father would have understood. "Xianthos took the business from us, remember?"

"Ah, that Xianthos. Aren't we good enough for her, is that why you're upset?" Alison was surprised her daughter would even know the woman, never mind fall in love with her; surely they didn't frequent the same circles.

Jace smiled weakly at her mother, "No Mom, I told her basically she wasn't good enough for me! I told her nothing she had done in the past mattered and when I found out, I just flipped and all my old stored up hatred spilled out."

Her mother looked at her in shock, this wasn't their gentle understanding daughter here, this sounded more like a woman with hate in her heart, and it didn't make sense. "You said what exactly?"

"She arrived at the studio, I didn't know she was Xianthos, it was a shock. I didn't let her explain, I just looked at with prejudice eyes. Mom, I wasn't thinking straight, it happened so fast," her daughter whispered into her shoulder.

"That isn't like you Jace, you have never judged anyone before without full and complete facts, what was so different with her, especially if you loved her?" Alison felt sorry for the other woman.

"I know Mom, but it was so overwhelming and especially after we had such a wonderful night together, I'm so lost and I don't know what to do?" Jace looked at her mother with a heartbroken pleading look in the green eyes, similar to her own.

"Why not try calling her and apologising, then see where it goes from there?" Alison looked at the fragility of her eldest child and was surprised at what she would have seen as a lover's spat, hurt her child so much and wondered if there was more to this than a simple identity misdemeanour.

Jace suddenly looked up and her tears stopped for a moment as she looked at her mother with hope. "Do you think she will talk to me?"

"Does she love you?" Foolish question really, she was sure that the woman who had captured Jace's heart would have equally lost her heart to this usually kind and compassionate woman in her arms.

"She said she did, even when I....I said things that were hurtful to her. She wasn't easy to get to know Mom, I could have blown away my chances with her with some stupid words!" Jace's sobs increased.

"Words are often greater weapons than actions Jace, with your background surely you know that?" Stroking the blonde head and easing the tension in her child,

"I know, I know. I just want so much to take it all back and say it's okay. Everything she was makes up the person she is today and that's the person I love and need!" Jace turned her head further into her mother's embrace and was held there protectively, which reminded her of Catherine and how she had cradled her that morning, fresh tears started again.

"Then she will understand Jace, believe me she will understand," her mother gently crooned to her daughter.

~ ~ ~

Catherine wearily sat at the edge of the bed and looked at the time, it was 1 p.m. She was waiting for Paul to confirm that the Xianthos private jet would take her to South America.

They had agreed, that until the sensationalism of the news, became old news she would go and help in the training of the new vice president.

She was virtually unknown on that continent and only Garcia and himself would know her true identity out there, she would take a pseudonym for a month or two, change her hair colour, stay low.

Her cell had been cut off, her communications link on her laptop had been changed, and she no longer had the same e-mail address; there was nothing to trace her to her next destination, until she wanted to be found. Grace would be given her new cell number and e-mail address, but it wasn't to be revealed to any one else, unless she authorised it and that wasn't likely in the circumstances.

Looking morosely around the room, she picked up her cell wanting nothing more than to just hear Jace's voice and explain it all away. Hadn't she always said this relationship was impossible! Hell, she had been proved right in a way she hadn't even considered. In a fit of frustration and acute anger she threw the cell at the hotel wall, watching it bounce off and land with a muted thud on the carpeted floor, the casing cracking along one side, rendering the instrument inoperable. Staring at it, she quietly muttered to the empty room, "Guess you just did that to my heart Jace Bardley."

No recriminations, just resignation of her fate. Previously unshed tears cascaded down her cheeks, she closed her eyes to ward them off, but they continued anyway. Laying her head on the pillow she tried to shut out the thoughts of the woman who had made her feel love in such a profound way, it was a struggle to consider living without her. 'What am I going to do without you in my life Jace, you are the reason for my life!'

The hotel phone rang. Catherine answered it and smiled, Paul said the jet was ready when she was. Getting up from the bed, she picked up her bags and left the room, as the elevator doors shut behind her, the phone rang again, only this time it rang into an empty room.

Catherine Devonshire-Warriorson had gone!

~ ~ ~

Chapter Thirty-seven

Jason Bardley wasn't sure if his eldest daughter would be capable of taking the revelations in the newspapers, but she would need to know sooner rather than later.

Her distraught appearance when he'd finally arrived home yesterday evening was enough for him to gather that her life wasn't exactly under control, and rather than bring up the story again, he waited impatiently for his wife to give him the edited highlights when Jace had gone to bed.

Jace had refused to eat. She would sit by the phone and will it to ring. He wasn't to know until later that she had tried to contact Catherine Warriorson and been given the message that the woman had left town without a forwarding address.

Lucy unsuccessfully tried to engage her sister in a discussion on her recent college venue, Jace merely muttered a few muffled words. Eventually the family could take no more of her miserable demeanour and Jason persuaded his daughter to try and rest, that tomorrow would be a much better day all round.

Jason always had that extra soft spot for his eldest child; most people had thought he encouraged Jace in the family business because he didn't have a son to leave it to! Not so! Jace had a mind of her own even at an early age, and she had hounded her father to take her everywhere he could he had obliged willingly. Jace was so endearing and would charm the most grizzly of his contemporaries when she went into the office.

Now here he was a proud father of a child that was experiencing so much pain, and he couldn't do a damn thing to prevent it!

His glance slid over the headlines and the contents of the article and he snorted in disgust. 'Old news, it's all old news, goddamn it was over ten years ago,' his compassionate nature a sure sign as to where Jace had picked up that particular character trait.  Placing the newspaper under his left arm and a coffee in his right he headed for Jace's room, no time like the present to have all the revelations in the open.

Knocking softly on the door, he heard a muffled enter. Walking in slowly he smiled gently at Jace, who looked like she hadn't slept a wink. "Good morning darling, you okay?" his eyes catching hers in a sympathetic look.

"Hi Daddy could be better." Jace gave him a weak smile her eyes rimmed red from her tears and sleepless night.

"I know Jace,' he put the coffee down by the bedside table and looked at the paper in his hands and finally offered it to her.  "You'd better read this Jace."

Jace looked at her father in silent question and then asked, "You look worried?"

"I love you Jace, just remember that and when you're ready to do what you have to do, we will be there for you okay?" He didn't wait for a reply he left the room.

Jace turned the paper over and with trepidation glanced at the headlines.

'C X Devonshire, multi-millionaire owner of the Xianthos Publishing Corporation, revealed as a Drug Taking, Drug Dealing, Alcohol addicted, Ex-Con. Hiding away from her past in New Zealand!'

Jace flinched as she saw the headline and wanted nothing more than to throw the paper into the nearest garbage disposal. 'So this is what you wanted to tell me and I wouldn't let you? God what a fool I was!' Picking up her coffee she sipped it slowly wanting a caffeine injection more than anything to get her over this hurdle of lurid scandal or supposed anyway to some. Her eyes strayed to the article and she began the task of reading things about her lover that might actually be true.

C X Devonshire, the daughter of the late Stewart Devonshire the man who created one of the largest publishing empires in the world, has been revealed as heavily involved with drugs and alcohol resulting in a seedy prison term. Devonshire now reclusive in New Zealand has refused to deny any of the following.

In her early twenties she was frequently under the influence of hard-core drugs and alcohol, resulting in her dealing in drugs to ensure she never ran out. Eventually resulting in her being sentenced to a prison term in Germany for drug trafficking. Sources say that she maintained her addiction in the prison by indulging in affairs with both inmates and prison officials to pay for her addiction.

Sources also revealed that while in the prison, she was involved in a violent altercation with two inmates, one of which died as a result. Although involved in the incident it is believed her father was instrumental in influencing the prison board into leniency.

Jace was crying for the young woman, who had suffered the cruelties of drug addiction and still managed to crawl out of the sewer she had tragically fallen into. The person being depicted here wasn't the woman she knew! 'Oh god what are you feeling now Catherine? Who is there to hold your hand? Why did I have to be so naive and stupid?'

Her eyes scanned the next passage.

Catherine Devonshire 'used' people to help in boardroom take-overs; sources say she would take anyone to her bed if it helped improve her acquisition potential of any business. Many believe that she used drugs in making people think her way was the only way.

Her abandoning of her late husband the critically acclaimed author Adam Warriorson and her young son to become the power hungry, sexually aggressive owner of Xianthos after her father's death was instrumental in both their deaths three years later.

After the deaths of her family, she deceived the authorities in New Zealand into giving her permission to reside in the country eventually taking on the guardianship of two orphans.

The fact that Devonshire refused to deny any of the accusations must concern the New Zealand authorities and the shareholders of Xianthos. Have they got a decent citizen in control of their money and their children or some drug taking, volatile, enigma, and a time bomb just waiting to explode?

Jace screwed up the paper and threw it at her bedroom wall, hitting a picture and sending it crashing to the floor; the coffee mug following shortly after, making a brown stain on the paintwork of the wall and dripping incriminatingly onto the beige carpet.

The door to her room opened and her father walked in, taking a quick look around the room he immediately sat on the bed and engulfed his daughter in a comforting hug.

"She's not like that Daddy! Catherine maybe many things, but she's not the woman they are portraying, I know that! I'm going to find her and tell her so." Jace whispered fiercely into her father's shoulder.

"Well, with you in her corner Jace, something tells me she might just come out of this intact." He knew what determination Jace had and now she was resolved to help her friend that's exactly what she would do!

If she only got the chance!

~ ~ ~

Grace had often wondered about the past of her employer and friend! Hell, she was a walking time bomb, which was about the only thing that the newspaper had right!

When Catherine had called and said the chat she had planned for her return was going to have to take place there and then. It was a surprise and when she'd finished, it had been difficult to think straight.

Catherine's admission of taking drugs at fourteen, anything from cannabis to finally heroine in her early twenties, was a little hard to believe, but the quiet insistence in her friend's voice had made the information both poignant and starkly factual.

Catherine gave no reasons for her fall into disgrace and had little remorse either, it was for her a long time ago and one she both regretted but had to live with; her mistakes, her problems!

The drug trafficking had been a little hard for Grace to take, having her roots firmly entrenched in the law abiding ways of her once chosen profession and her parents staunch up-bringing.

"I never sold to minors Grace, only people in the same position as me, more money than sense. It was a transaction, a way of making money after my father cut me off from my allowance." Her need to make Grace understand this point had taken the other woman by surprise.

The prison term had been difficult! She had a drug's problem, it was duly exploited in the prison, Catherine did what others did, no big deal. Her body the only asset she had to continue her craving for the drugs that would probably one day kill her. The violent episode was entirely a problem of a different nature.

Catherine had quietly explained the situation.

"I was a target for some of the more, shall we say forceful breed that frequent prisons. Having a body although abused by drugs holding some form of beauty became distinctly appealing to some of these women and that included the guards too! Let's just say I have marks on my body that need explaining away from time to time, especially if I take a lover.' Catherine had laughed hollowly at the remark, her mind straying to a gentle voice, intrigued at a scar six inches long on her back and several others on each of her breasts, although faded, at close range they were visible and Jace Bardley at been at close range. Catherine had managed to kiss away the question and used her hands to demonstrate that the time was for touching not talking. "I met someone who would eventually teach me to at least stay alive, only problem was she died instead of me!" Grace had gasped at the last comment.

"Hey, Catherine do you really need me to know this? I know situations occurred, if it's too much please my friend don't push it." Grace didn't need her friend to explain her life, she was happy to have her alive and not dead as the situation in her early life could quite possibly have dealt to her.

Catherine smiled at the phone in her hand and could almost see the concern on her friend's face; it was something to reach for. She wasn't finished with this life yet! Not in a big way! Maybe love would never figure in it again but too many other people still needed her to be around. Catherine would do it for them, it no longer mattered what she wanted anymore her dreams were over.

"I said I was going to tell you it all, you get it all," Catherine mock warned her friend.

"Fine, well carry on then those kids of ours will want a story soon." Grace tried to ease the tension a little.

"Maria, taught me basic self defence she also helped me to start the treatment to kick the drugs, it wasn't pleasant and when the tension got too much she taught me to use music to ease it. The workouts I do at home are a product of Maria's influence; she was a great athlete. I loved her in a way that brought me a measure of peace after the first six months of my prison term.
Then a bitch called Katria, decided that I was the new game in town and Maria shouldn't have all the spoils. It was quite a normal situation in prison, but this time it turned out the bitch was going to go all the way. She cornered us in the gym area and punched me around a little until she almost knocked me senseless and slashed at me in the back with her knife when I wouldn't co-operate. Then Maria attacked her. I was watching but it was like living in a slow motion movie the knife came out of nowhere and Katria ripped her throat open. I moved then in a haze and started to choke the living daylights out of the bitch, the strength coming from some place deep down that I didn't realise I had. The guards stopped the fight before I killed her, because sure as hell Grace, I would have relished that at that point. I was in the prison hospital for a short period and spent the rest of my stay in solitary I'm not sure how but I was released shortly afterwards. I know they're saying it was my father who influenced that decision, I will probably never know for sure." A silence descended as the two women each mulled over their own feelings to the story.

"Adam Warriorson came to my rescue when my only brother died a month after my release from prison. He saved my life, by offering me security and his love. I took it! Then I broke his heart and my son's by going off to be my father's daughter! Ironic when I hadn't even set eyes on my father in over ten years. I was the power hungry executive that always won. I did things to get results, like slept with the odd chairman of the board, but I think it was more enjoyable for them than me! I stopped the drugs back in the prison and Adam made sure I completed the treatment, I've been clean ever since I was twenty-three. Alcohol took a little longer as you know, but I was never dependant on it anyway just another way of getting over life's troubles in general. I will never forgive myself for the deaths of Adam or my son, but I have to live with it in the only way I know how." Catherine sounded relieved to have spoken out over her life's disasters. Her heart ached with the image that Jace would read all the so called facts from a news sheet rather than Catherine giving her the personal details as she had narrated to Grace.

"Are you coming home Catherine?" It was the only question Grace wanted an answer too!

"Would you want me to come home?" A tentative question.

"Yes! Never doubt that Catherine Warriorson, never ever doubt it!" Grace passionately insisted.

"I have to attend to a business education problem in South America, and if the authorities don't cancel my residential status; yes, I'm coming home!" it was a heartfelt comment.

"You think they might cancel it?" Grace was shocked at the thought.

"Maybe, depends on how the public take Hudson's little titbits on my life." Catherine answered her matter-of-factly.

"Have you discussed this with Jace?" Grace heard a sharp in-drawn breath.

"No," Catherine replied shortly.

"Why?" Grace whispered in surprise.

"Ms Bardley kind of didn't like my alter ego Devonshire, we had an argument of sorts. Guess she will see all the gory details in the paper tomorrow." Catherine sighed at the thought and her sadness was palpable over the phone line.

"You need her Catherine, never more so than now!" Grace pointed out.

"I know, I know I do Grace but try telling Jace that!" Catherine sighed heavily at her end of the line

"Perhaps I will." Grace answered slowly her mind going over the possibilities.

"No! You will not tell Jace anything! Her decision was made and she chose where she wanted to be! Unfortunately for me it wasn't at my side. I saw the hate in her face when she spoke about my company and me in particular, this might just put the final nail in the coffin. I need to trust you on this Grace, withhold all the information regarding my whereabouts and any other detail that could possibly interest Jace, okay?"

Grace bit her lip as she tried to think of a way to let Jace know without letting down Catherine. There was no way; her choice had already been made. "Fine, Jace Bardley is dead to you."

Catherine digested that last sentence. "Not dead Grace, she will never be dead to me, she holds my heart and soul."

Grace had talked to Colin, she had hoped that he would understand if not approve. It was conceivable that some of the men, Colin included might want to quit the ranch, well so be it!

He had taken the revelations of Catherine's past in his stride and told her not to worry. Her main criterion was making sure the scandal mongering didn't harm the children and the bigoted people that she was sure to come across. That had been Catherine's final comment as she ended the call and said she would phone again in a week or so.

The children wouldn't suffer and that would be her task in all of this, Catherine's peace of mind.

~ ~ ~

Chapter Thirty-eight

Jace finally arrived back at her apartment; it hadn't been easy! When she entered her mind went back to a week ago and the woman who had shared her bed that night. Since that time her life had crashed to pieces before her and it had all been her fault.

It had been impossible to track down Catherine after she'd left the hotel; numerous calls to Xianthos in New York had been either viewed as crank calls or further invasion of Ms Devonshire's privacy. The company had closed ranks and no one was talking!

Jace had even tried to contact Paul Strong but his PA had thwarted that, eventually breaking down in tears, which the PA although sympathetic still refused to disclose any pertinent details about Ms Devonshire to her.

Her father had used some of his old contacts in the publishing world to retrieve any possible information about Catherine. The steel barricades had come down heavily on the media and anyone else for that matter who wanted information, it was as if Devonshire had unbelievably gained more respect from her character deficiencies. Not many in the industry believed the garbage of her using drugs to tempt people, she hadn't needed to do that her intelligence, and charisma had proved adequate enough not to mention her beauty.

Jace had to see Hudson the next day; going back to her apartment had been the only solution. Now scanning the room she had called home it was now nothing but an empty shell. She went over to her computer and switched it on at least clearing up her inbox would keep her mind occupied for a little while.

Waiting for the machine to boot up, she made coffee and regarded the wilting flowers all over the apartment, which had once been fresh and alive like her love for Catherine, now dead and dying, the flowers visibly represented her destruction of that love.

Sitting in front of the screen, Jace saw numerous messages, many from selected site digests and several from Peter, then she saw an unusual addy and almost deleted it, but was intrigued by the title.

'A lyric tells it all!'

Opening the mail she gasped at the author!

 
Jace,

I'm not actually sure if this message will be welcome. You may not even bother to read it, I will understand!

Apologising was never a strong skill of mine, but I guess I owe you one for not explaining sooner that I was also the 'notorious Catherine Devonshire', I'm sure by now my name will be somewhat scandalised.

As I said to you in the office of UCP, I can't change the past and if I'm honest, I wouldn't want too! I might never have met you if my life had changed in any way, which isn't an option that I want to contemplate. You brought love into my life that can never be measured, and I now know what it feels like to put that love ahead of anything else in my life, even my own selfish desires. So, you actually did us both a favour Jace by hating my other life, because now you can't be tarnished by the dark clouds of my past.

Well, I guess by now you know I use lyrics to speak for me and this one is exactly how I feel about you.

   Alone

There are words written which speak of love, tokens given that carry the flame.

But never will I look upon a face that illustrates it quite like your face does for me.

Lost and alone, the bleakness blending into your soul, I know I make you cry, I know you hate me!

Friendship is the key, love is the lock, and please let me unlock your love with my key.

It was written in the stars, etched into my heart, I have only silent words for what I feel for you, the truth being I love you!

Lost and Alone, the bleakness blending into your soul, I know I made you cry, I know you hate me!

I thought that I was over you, but your scent invades me, your body haunts me, your words evoke me, but can you still love me?

Do I beg you to stay, I will, I will just say.

Give me a chance, I'll make it right, nothing can prevent the light of your love has shown me.

Lost and alone, the bleakness blending into your soul, I know I made you cry, I know you hate me!

If you ever hear the song by Infinity, I hope you can think of me a little more favourably.

Goodbye Jace Bardley, and thank you.

Catherine Devonshire-Warriorson

Anyone passing Jace Bardley's apartment that evening would have been struck by the racking sobs of the young woman.

~ ~ ~

Clarissa Hudson paced her office like a caged animal.

What the hell was wrong with people today? Now she was being sued by Xianthos Holdings for her disparaging comments about their chairwoman's tactics on the acquisition trail.

Paul Strong had spoken to the lawyers immediately after the newspapers had released the story. Hudson thought she was immune from any repercussions, leaving her name out of the article. 'Her father would be turning in his grave, if he knew what Catherine had done, by bringing an action against me! It was the truth anyway!' Hudson continued to pace the floor, Jace Bardley was due back in the office anytime and that would be an interesting conversation. 'The bitch hadn't been back in the office for a week and had called in sick! Sick what a pathetic excuse, couldn't she stomach the truth either?'

Paul Strong had been adamant that Xianthos would not back down from this case, he would personally see it through, after all Ms Devonshire had no ties to the company except to get her profit revenues when due.

Hearing the door to the other office open, Hudson stopped her pacing and heard the scrape of Jace's chair on the tiled floor.  Waiting for all of two minutes, she rushed through her door. "THOUGHT I SAID I WANTED TO SEE YOU!" Clarissa shouted at the pale face of Jace Bardley.

"You did, I was just opening up my desk and then going to let you know I was here." Jace replied calmly, there was nothing this woman could do to her that she hadn't done to herself already.

"Get in here then!" Clarissa barked back at her.

"Okay." Jace stood up and followed the angry producer into her office, closing the door behind her.

"The bitch is suing me, did you know that?" Hudson bitterly stated.

"No." Jace stood in front of the desk and looked at her dispassionately.

"I thought you might know what the bitch was doing, weren't you sharing her bed?" Hudson sneered at her.

"Catherine didn't discuss business with me," Jace refused to be baited.

"So, you did share her bed was she any good?" Hudson looked at Jace with frank interest.

"My personal life is my affair, not yours and whatever she's good at that's surely for you to find out." Jace wasn't going to let this woman have the upper hand.

"Once you found out who she was you abandoned her, am I right?' noticing the pale cheeks of the woman before her at the comment. "I was right about you Jace you can't hack it. Life isn't all rosy you know; you must have known she had a history?"  Hudson uncharacteristically sounded apologetic.

"Perhaps." Jace replied quietly.

"So, what are you doing here anyway? Thought you would have left now that you're aware that Xianthos owns more of the studio than I do?" Hudson eyed her with interest; she was really quite a presentable looking woman, if you liked the small ones.

"Good point. Actually I am giving you notice Hudson, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! Good luck with your lawsuit." Jace turned her back on Hudson and heard a sharp gasp.

"You can't do that! You owe me!" Hudson's mind turned off her speculation of Jace's body and spat venomously at her instead with words.

Turning back to face the woman, she noticed the spots of red in Hudson's cheeks, spots of anger. "I can! I will! I have! I owe you nothing."

This time she had her hand on the handle of the door before Hudson responded. "I'll see that you never work in this town again Jace!"

Jace wanted to ignore the comment but something inside her tempted out the devil inside. "Go ahead. It must be the only thing you're good at, maligning people's character! Give it your best shot because you will only get one chance."

Jace slammed the door in Hudson's face.

Hudson didn't like that one bit. She stormed out of her office as Jace collected her belongings and stood directly in her path to the exit.

"Not so fast little girl. I'm going to enjoy taking you down just like I've taken your 'friend' down. Only you will be begging me to take you back here when I've finished with you."

Jace realised that Hudson was mad. She was so convinced about her power over people that she lost sight of the reality of life.  "You didn't break Catherine, so no way are you going to break me."

"If I tell the world about your affair with the wonderful Catherine, wouldn't that be peachy." Clarissa smiled seductively at Jace.

"You wouldn't?" Jace sent her a pleading look, immediately realising she had made a big mistake allowing her feelings to show.

"Well....... you could always let me take her place in your bed, until I tire of you that is. Then maybe you could convince me to keep quiet, what do you say?" Hudson saw the fear in Jace's expression.

Jace's expression took on a look of absolute shock and horror at the thought. "NO!" she finally managed to shout at Hudson.

Clarissa Hudson put a hand out and stroked a well-manicured finger down one of Jace's cheeks and noticed the flush appear a mirror of what Catherine had done to her the week before; paybacks are such a bitch. "Pity, we could have had a good time.  Catherine won't come back to you, you left her remember?"

Laughing she moved to let Jace go, her body making contact as Jace tried unsuccessfully to manoeuvre around her to prevent further contact with her ex-boss. Cringing Jace made it to her car, immediately her body reacted to the threat and sleazy comments from Hudson, she couldn't keep her breakfast down and was sick in the car park area.

'I know I left her that's the hardest thing to live with,' her mind constantly reminded her, Hudson's words reflecting her own.

~ ~ ~

Grace watched Colin from the porch as he gently coaxed Lisa into a run around the paddock on the pony. The child wasn't the best horsewoman, but she wanted to go on the rides with Catherine and Jake, when Catherine came back from her travels.  Grace sighed and noticed that Jake was walking over to her, he was turning out to be a very interesting and caring boy. He had taken over reading to Lisa now that Catherine wasn't around and Grace had been busy. "Hi Jake, finished your lesson already?"

"Yes, Colin wants to spend a little longer with Lisa. So, I thought I would come and see if you needed any help?"

"That was thoughtful Jake, but everything is done for the moment here, how about we go inside and have a drink and a cookie?"  Knowing the child enjoyed her baking skills.

He beamed at her and nodded his head.

Taking his normal seat at the kitchen table, he looked over at the space opposite him. "When will Catherine come back?"

"Oh, well she has business to attend to and then she's coming home."

"They say she's not coming back," he said quietly.

Looking at him she saw him frown and bite his lower lip. "Now who would 'they' be Jake?" taking a pointer from Jace's book on dealing with the child.

"The kids at school and some of the teachers have asked me if she's home yet," he endeavoured to explain.

"I see. Well, I talked to Catherine recently and she's coming home Jake trust me." Grace smiled warmly at the boy.

"We won't have to go back to the orphanage will we Grace?" He watched her put down the cups she held and turned to face him.

"No! Jake, Catherine wants you to answer her question when she gets home and if you don't want to go back to the orphanage then you won't, we will both see to that!' Grace got closer to the boy and suddenly pulled him into a hug. "Jake, she loves you and Lisa, and right now the both of you are the most important people in her life."

"Is she in trouble Grace?" He suffered the hug.

"Yes. I won't lie to you Jake, various people are saying nasty things about her and some are true, others aren't. What you have to tell yourself is do you like her enough to still be here for her when she comes home regardless of what other people think of her?"

Jake looked into the serious face of the woman who shared the duties of looking after them and he smiled ruefully. "I don't just like her Grace, Lisa and I will still be here for her when she comes home."

"You know what kid, I don't know what she ever did to get you in her life, but it must have been pretty awesome." Smiling she captured some cookies and set them in front of him, collecting a coffee for herself and handing him a milkshake.

"That goes for you too Grace." He picked up a cookie and settled down to devour as many as Grace would allow him.

Grace actually blushed at the comment and put more cookies in front of him. 'Wonder when this kid had taken charm lessons?'

~ ~ ~

Catherine sat in her one room apartment in the centre of Rio de Janeiro and contemplated her future.

'Well, I've got Grace, Jake, Lisa and Colin to go home too for starters. Then there's Paul who will take care of the company for me and probably do a better job than I ever have. Maybe I can get the Reverend to put in a good word for me with the authorities, now that they want to discuss my visa?' mulling over the only people who cared about her now, she smiled at the gathering darkness.

'Perhaps coming here was the answer to most of my problems, except I miss my home and my family.' The consistent ache in her gut when she thought of the ranch and the coming season change; winter would be getting a hold now and she had wanted to see the kids in the snow and take them to see some of the spectacular scenery around when the snow covered everything, particularly the glaciers.

Moving out of the small room she entered the bedroom and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. Her dreams or should she say nightmares had flared to unbelievable proportions and now they had Jace in them to, her angry face as Catherine had last seen her the final element of the dreamscape.

'Funny if you were here with me now Jace, my nightmares would disappear like magic. You could always soothe whatever beast resides inside me and I would be happy to let you do that! Would you consider being my friend again I wonder? I can't let you into my heart again Jace Bardley it hurt too much when you walked away; but I would give everything I possess to see your smile and have it turned on me again.' Her shoulders shrugging, she went into the small bathroom, realising the futility of her thoughts, they had no conceivable expectation of reality.

None at all!

~ ~ ~

Chapter Thirty-nine

Grace had often wondered what it must be like to own a property as large as 'Destiny' with its constant changes with the seasons, and the comings and goings of personnel; not to mention the needs of the numerous smallholders affiliated with the property. She had her wish!

Three months after Catherine had left, not only did she have her housekeeping tasks, but also was the only 'care taking parent' in residence and she had her hands more than full!

Thank god Colin had taken over the running of everything associated with the ranch that Catherine had looked after. He had taken it onboard without a word and didn't complain when he spent hours in the evening going over bills and forms, which kept turning up for processing. Fortunately for them, money wasn't an issue, and even if Paul Strong hadn't made deposits every month into a ranch account with her and Colin's as coassignee's, the ranch finances were viable in their own right.

Grace knew Colin watched her in the evening with the children as they settled down to read or watch TV in a companionable atmosphere. He would have a secret smile that she was sure he only ever used when he watched her with Lisa tucked into her lap in the evening. He hadn't asked her on a date since she arrived back after her father's death and she had felt relieved but disappointed also; it didn't always make sense to her these days, life in general wasn't making much sense.

Catherine called twice a week. During the working week she talked with Grace and Colin but on a Sunday evening she would call and the intercom system in the study would be used so that the children could participate in the chat sessions. The children knew she had to be away but they sorely missed her, and the chat sessions she had been persuaded to participate in after a particularly long session with Grace had cheered them all up. Now, it was a weekly ritual and Catherine had never, ever let them down. At precisely seven p.m. she would call and they would all be seated with a hot drink and cookies. It was as if Catherine was in the room with them instead of her small lonely apartment in Rio several thousand miles away.

Grace watched the weather front changing, spring was about to come their way; she was pleased about that at least. Maybe Catherine could come home soon; she was certainly missed.

A pity the New Zealand authorities had been zealous over taking her visa away. One of the things Grace admired about her country was its open-minded approach. Catherine had been doing the diplomatic backslapping for the last three months and was getting close to having her visa returned in some form or other. Fortunately the children had been left well alone; she and the Reverend had worked on that particular problem together. That had been the easy part, no one wanted to lose the sort of financial backing Lucas's trust fund provided and Grace had threatened that in a formidable fashion. Catherine had lost enough her prized privacy had been invaded; Grace doubted that Catherine would ever live a life now without the odd camera or two trailing after her.

Looking at the clock in the kitchen and quickly collecting her tray of goodies for their get together. Smiling at the thought of Catherine so far away and wondered if she had a mug of tea in hand at this very minute. It was something she was going to ask her friend when they spoke it would give them a sense of togetherness and family, even if only for the length of the phone call.

The children would be watching a cartoon, waiting patiently for the hour to flick to seven.

~ ~ ~

Catherine walked the two-mile stretch that she'd know in her sleep! In fact it helped her sleep, miracle of all miracles. Except tonight she went out earlier than usual, it was Sunday and the family phone call was only an hour away. She loved that feeling of contact with her 'adopted' family, and hopefully she would gain her visa back from the New Zealand authorities next week, although it would only have temporary status.

There was a mix of rich and poor in the area she walked, typical of Rio in many ways truth be told she didn't particularly like the place, because of it's poverty traps but she had few choices at the moment.

She walked in the poorer area not exactly slum accommodation, but in a few years it would turn into that situation and probably worse. Catherine had run ins with the local punks in those first few days she'd walked this route, allocating a few busted noses and a couple of broken arms in her wake had stopped that harassment. The punks gave her a wide berth.

She smelt the burning of wood before it came into her line of vision. A small two story house, although to her eyes it looked nothing more than a shack virtually all wood burning in the twilight of the evening. If it hadn't been so tragic it was a glorious sight of colours against the backdrop of the early evening skies. People were milling around, no one seemed to be interested in the screams that she heard echo from the burning building.

Running closer to the scene she caught hold of the arm of an onlooker.

"What the hell is going on here? Have you called the fire department? How many are still inside the building?" Catherine bit out in a staccato voice, bellowing the last comment into his ear.

The man looked at her with little interest or was it understanding; yeah the guy probably couldn't speak English. Damn!

Catherine gave the scene one more cursory glance, and galvanised her body into action. "Is this my destiny?" the unconscious thought drifted through her mind, her voice lost in the smoky night air and propelled herself into the burning building.

If someone had mentioned that this particular event would be unfolding and she would be in the thick of it, she would have laughed out loud at them and called them ridiculous. Yet! Here she was, her eyes stinging from the smoke and choking on its intensity, could that be plastic burning? Acrid smoke filling her lungs at every breath she managed to take.

"Hello? Anyone here, come on give me a shout?" Coughing into her sweatshirt sleeve, she finally caught a muted cry for help.  That was universal in any language at least.

Entering the room to her left she saw flames panning to her right and a figure huddled in shock to her left. A woman sat against a grimy paint-peeling wall, cradling a bundle to her chest. "Okay, I'm here." Catherine managed to say noticing the speed at which the flames were engulfing the room she had to be quick. Knocking over any furniture in her way she made a path towards the woman, kneeling down she touched the woman on her shoulder, and saw agonised brown eyes looking at her in trust. Seemed to happen to her a lot that expression, must be something to do with the eyes. A smile slowly crept across her lips and she pulled the woman up gently to stand beside her. The woman clutched at her hand as the flames suddenly shot out in their direction.

"Easy there, you're going to get out okay." Catherine glanced across to the bundle held tightly to the woman's chest, it wasn't moving or appeared to be breathing, but it was difficult to tell with all the smoke. Now wasn't the time to ponder that particular question, it would have to wait, they needed to get out fast!

Dragging the woman in her wake, Catherine propelled her out of the room managing to skirt the fireball quickly devouring the room. The external door was open and she pushed the woman out into the open, relishing the opportunity of breathing air not polluted by the smoke from the fire.

Sirens were getting closer, 'Good!'

Then as she managed a gasp of fresh air; that is, if you could call any air in Rio fresh. A child's scream pierced the night chilling in its intensity and fear. Catherine looked to the other woman in question, who was being enclosed in a blanket and the bundle being tenderly extracted from her shocked hands by a neighbour.

The young woman she had saved looked at her beseechingly "Carlos," came the strangled response as the woman fainted from her ordeal.

Time was running out!

Catherine ran back into the building as if the furies were chasing her. She noticed the hall had become almost black in the thickness of the smoke and by the clouds hanging in the air on the next level the stairs looked pretty risky.

In for a penny in for a pound!

'Hell what's a little risk between friends?' her mind supplied as she fought the laboured breathing. Taking the stairs two at a time, she pushed open the first door she came to. Nothing! Well, except for a wall of fire that she was damn sure had singed her eyebrows off 'Damn'.

Then the next room came into view, as much view as she could manage with the smoke progressing at an alarming rate through the house her own body producing tears to clear her eyes naturally. She pulled the door open a little more cautiously this time.

The boy sat in a corner of the room close to the window, although it was closed. He couldn't have been more than five years old, clutching a blanket that had seen better days.

"Hi Carlos?" she gave him a dazzling smile, hoping he could see it through the streaks of dirt and smoke she knew covered her face. "I need you to trust me Carlos, we need to get out fast, okay?" Not sure if he understood her she picked him up in one swift movement and held him against her shoulder.

As if on cue an explosion rocked the floor of the room and reverberated around the building as one of the walls collapsed, engulfing the room in black smoke the flames that had otherwise been kept out of the room, now trailed dangerously close to them cutting off the door. 'Well, that way's out of the question, only one exit left,' opening the window, she shouted at one of the newly arrived firemen, her voice hoarse from the smoke.

"Get the boy!' glancing at him and smiling "How do you feel about flying Carlos?" with that she threw the child out of the window and crossed whatever you crossed in this situation.

Continuing to look out of the window and wondering whom the hell was or what would catch her, she didn't notice that a wooden beam from the roof had cracked through the thin ceiling and as if in slow motion headed towards her. Catherine's senses picked up something being horribly wrong just as the beam hit her on the left side, cracking her head and shoulder, the fire catching her hair and clothes. Finally the momentum of the object was propelling her out of the window.

Her last thought as the pain engulfed her and darkness beckoned. 'Why Jace? Why did you marry him?'

It was suddenly mercifully dark.

~ ~ ~

Three months had seen changes in Jace Bardley's lifestyle that wouldn't have been expected. To all intents and purposes she was now a happily married woman.

Peter Adamson, rescuing her at the eleventh hour had thwarted Hudson's threats. He had been as good as his word and had married her the following day to defeat the malicious machinations of Hudson.

Her mind in turmoil and distress Jace agreed to his suggestion and married him. All avenues to Catherine had been closed to her. Peter was a perceived lifeline; Jace caught it and made one of the biggest mistakes in her life.

Her family hadn't understood the reason for her marriage in haste, not when she'd been so adamant about her feelings for Catherine Warriorson. This wasn't the daughter they had watched grow from a baby into a mature adult, the woman saying her vows to this virtual stranger was an enigma to them. Consequently, Jace had not been home since the wedding.

The wedding was a sham at first; Peter was her friend and doing her a favour. Although eventually after six weeks and too much alcohol at a party they had been to, she finally allowed him to her bed. It was the beginning of the end.

Her independent mind finally reasserting itself after being locked up for weeks in a living hell Jace had permitted to happen.  Now they spent whatever times together in a sense of impending disaster, neither wanting to broach the subject that would finish their marriage.

James Thompson had invited them to a party that evening and both wanted to go. Peter would be going to Europe to film a documentary in a week's time; they had argued frequently over Jace's refusal to go with him.

"I have a career of my own Peter. I can't just up and leave it for a year to watch you film," Jace was adamant.

"You're my wife Jace, surely you want to be with me? I'm going to be gone for a year, maybe more if the backers want to do a series," he pleaded with her.

"I can't," her voice almost broke.

"You can't or you won't?" his voice held a hint of sarcasm.

"Does it matter?" Jace's voice had grown tired of this particular conversation.

"Yes!" Peter angrily spat the word out.

"Then I won't!" She gave him a weary look.

"Is it because of her?" Peter was pushing into territory they had agreed never to discuss.

Jace eyed him with a sad lost look.

"Yes! She might come back one day."

Her admission was breaking Peter's heart. "For god's sake Jace, you left her remember? She's not coming back! Hudson did the works on her; Devonshire's never going to show her pretty face in this town again, maybe not even the country!" Peter spoke to Jace as if reprimanding a child for taking a cookie out of the jar before supper.

Jace knew deep down what he said was probably correct; she knew that she hurt him deeply by her continued obsession with Catherine. The feeling never went away it; and she knew that it never ever would. When she'd told Catherine she had waited forever, well that was right and forever was still along way off! "Peter?" he looked at her strengthening gaze.

"Yeah?" He saw her green eyes reflect seriously back at him.

"I think we need to discuss our future," Jace had finally made up her mind to end this charade.

"No!" his voice sounded like he was suffering acute pain.

Jace watched the sadness take over as he finally continued in anguish.

"I love you Jace. If staying here is what you need to do then you go ahead and do it! But I don't want you to leave me!" He had tears settling in the corner of his eyes.

Her heart broke for the man in front of her, he had done nothing in her eyes except give her his love, and here she was throwing it back in his face. Compassionately she held his head to her shoulder. "Okay Peter we'll try to work it out." She whispered her own tears falling silently down her cheeks. 'Though god's knows how?' her mind slipped in for good measure.

~ ~ ~

The party was in full swing when they finally arrived at the house. James was without doubt an accomplished host. The parties he threw were usually large affairs with lots of people milling in and out all evening, tonight was no different.

Some colleagues had tackled Peter over his new project and he was talking to them intently.

Jace was leaning against a far wall watching a tall-distinguished man talking politely to a young girl dressed in knee high boots, a skirt that just about reached the top of her thighs and a ribbed purple blouse, leaving little to the imagination.

"You know he doesn't bite. Well, girls anyway," James chuckled as he handed her a glass of white wine.

"I know, but to be honest, I haven't seen him since....." she trailed off, her face clearly expressing the hurt behind the memory of that last encounter.

"Yep, I know,' giving her a long look. "Come on let's rescue him."

"Oh, I don't think so James, I hardly think I'm on his list of favourite guests, he's Catherine's friend." Jace tugged against the firm hold of her friend's hand.

"Don't chicken out on this Jace, he might have news!" Jace knew that would be her un-doing, any news however insignificant would be welcome to her starved soul.

Walking over, James tapped his partner's shoulder; who then turned to see who wanted him; Paul Strong gave James a smile of pleasure replacing the polite boredom in his eyes. Then his eyes strayed to Jace who was fidgeting nervously at James' side.  They took on a quizzical look.

"Hello Jace." Paul said quietly, James skillfully steered his partner towards the younger woman who was more appreciative of his presence than the individuals he had been conversing previously.

"Hello Paul, how are you?" Not knowing what else to say to him.

"I'm very well. And you?" he looked directly at her with a pointed glance.

"Pretty good." They both lapsed into silence for several seconds.

"I see marriage appears to agree with you?"

Jace winced at the comment. "Peter is good to me. What more can I say?" her eyes sought out a reaction, but what reaction?

"Nothing more I guess. I heard from James that you left UCP, we're sorry to have lost you," Paul sounded genuine in his platitude.

"Yeah, I went back to my first love publishing. Ironic wouldn't you say?" she laughed hollowly.

"If that's what you find suits your talents where's the irony in that?" he continued to keenly appraise her.

"I have a post proof-reading for a small publisher in Santa Monica." Jace for the first time since he'd seen her arrive actually looked interested in something. He had noticed her quiet observation of him from her position at the far end of the room.

"Sounds like you enjoy it?" He saw now why his boss had been captivated; her eyes alone snared you in when they became animated.

"I do! I also get a chance to work on my writing. I kind of stopped for a while, now I'm ready to start again," Jace timidly explained.

"I hope you succeed. If you ever need work please call me," he said sincerely.

"Thanks. Are you saying that for my professionalism or because of my ex-relationship with Catherine?" There she had succumbed to her desire she'd mentioned Catherine by name, it tasted so good on her lips to say the name openly again.

Paul looked seriously at her and smiled. "Your professionalism of course. Catherine no longer runs any of the Xianthos operations, she has no direct influence on any decisions made by the company."

"Thank you!' She needed to know, "how is she?" a whispered plea.

"Last time I saw her she was tired but okay." He finally responded after a long drink from his beer.

"When was that?" her heart rate tripled in anticipation of his answer.

"The last day you saw her in LA." He saw her look of confusion.

"I guess I should have known, you're not going to tell me anything! I hurt her I know, and believe me if I could take it all back I would." her voice choked out.

"I told you the truth Jace, the last time I saw her was the same day you did." Was he going to answer her question? Sure he was. "You hurt her that day sure, but you're marriage hurt her more." It wasn't an accusation just a statement.

"She knows?" Jace looked startled.

"Yes," he said quietly.

"I......I didn't do that to hurt her! It was other circumstances," Jace tried to find the words.

"She got the message anyway." He enigmatically replied.

"That would be?" Jace needed to know how much more damage she had inflicted on the woman she loved.

"You didn't love her," Paul offered quietly.

"Oh god Paul," with that Peter sauntered across and put an arm about his wife.

"Strong, nice to see you again," his tone belied the sentiment in the words.

"Adamson," he nodded his head. James took the opportunity at that moment to interrupt saying Paul had an urgent call. He left them with a polite nod of his head.

James and Peter began a conversation that partially excluded her.

'She thinks I don't love her? Hades, that couldn't be further from the truth!' she watched Paul Strong take his call and noticed a shocked expression pass over his face, which he masked quickly as he scanned the room for James. Putting down the receiver he quickly went over to his partner and spoke a few quiet words to him and then quickly disappeared up the stairs.

Something was wrong, very wrong.

"James are you okay?" she asked in concern.

He looked at her with an almost vacant expression his mind obviously elsewhere. "Jace......yeah I'm fine. Someone we know has had an accident, Paul has to leave. Jace maybe......" he trailed off as he noticed his lover emerge from a room and descend the stairs.

Jace watched looks pass between the two men and Paul looked in her direction briefly, she could have sworn that he was about to say something, when Peter hauled her off to talk to some friends.

When she turned again, Paul Strong had departed and James was engaged in being the genial party host.

~ ~ ~

Chapter Forty

Enricho Garcia paced the floor of the hospital critical area. He had been called three hours after Catherine had been in surgery.  It had taken the police that long to trace her apartment and find out a contact. Once he'd been informed he contacted Paul Strong, his boss, he needed to know what was happening; now three hours later, he was still waiting for news of her condition.

He'd eventually found out that she was some kind of heroine; her bravery in going into a blazing house not once but twice for people she didn't know in this city was unheard of, especially by a European woman too!

The mother and the young boy had only superficial burns and smoke inhalation, the baby had died from the smoke inhalation in his mother's arms before Catherine had turned up. Garcia felt proud of Catherine as if she was a relative.

He'd invited Catherine to his home on several occasions in the past three months some she accepted, many she hadn't. His wife Angelica was always happy to see her, they had a small daughter who was just learning to walk and the tall stranger was a great climbing frame. He felt that Catherine had some peace on those days that she never appeared to have at any other times. He had read the press about her but, she wasn't the person that was depicted in those tabloids, no she was stronger than the weak person they portrayed to him, she was quite simply incredible!

Paul Strong was on his way and would arrive in approximately four hours hopefully he would have good news for his boss. He knew that Catherine and Paul were friends and it would be a shock to him if anything happened to her. But God didn't do that to Hero's did he?  It was a question he constantly asked himself for the next three hours waiting alone in a white walled room with little to occupy him but his own mixed up thoughts.

The door opened as the early morning light seeped through the windows of the waiting room. Stirring from the chair stiffly, he was motioned to sit again by the doctor who sat opposite him.

"Are you a relative?" the doctor asked in a quiet voice.

"No, no she doesn't have any relatives in Rio, in fact I don't think she has any living relatives, I work for her." Garcia hurriedly tried to explain.

"I see," he pondered the facts.

"Her friend Paul Strong is due here anytime, he's a business colleague but also a close friend, will that help?" Enricho suggested.

"It is of no consequence. Her injuries are, as you know severe. She has multiple burns to the body particularly on her head. She has a broken shoulder and her head suffered a trauma that cracked her skull in two places. We will wait to see if she regains consciousness before we can evaluate that correctly." The doctor patiently explained.

"What! If? She regains consciousness, what does that mean? Is she in danger?" He asked shocked.

"Well, her injuries are severe as I told you. The shock alone when she wakes will determine if she can overcome the burns.  Then we have to know what the head injury has caused, she is very lucky to be alive. When she wakes she may not want to live, that is always the threat with this kind of trauma, she is a mess. She was a beautiful woman," he stated clinically.

"No! No, she's still a beautiful woman she will fight it, she will live!" He spoke positively.

"You sound so sure?" The doctor looked surprised but pleasantly so.

"She's beaten worse in her life, this episode will not defeat her," he smiled weakly at the doctor.

"Good. She will need constant care for many months, is she in a position to fund that kind of care?"

Garcia snorted. "Oh my, yes!"

"Excellent, when her friend arrives I will talk to you both in detail about her injuries, in the mean time you may see her if you wish," he got up to leave.

Garcia walked with the doctor to the private emergency room and Catherine Devonshire's very still form; nothing to do but wait.

~ ~ ~

Paul arrived at the hospital at nine a.m. three hours later than he had expected, weather turbulence attributed to the delay of the flight for over two hours. Walking into the reception area he waited impatiently for the receptionist to complete her phone call and talk to him. Drumming his fingers on the desktop, he finally caught her eye.

Smiling falsely at him she asked him whom he needed to see.

"Catherine Devon....., no Catherine Smithson, which room is she in?" he asked shortly, the plane journey taking it's toll along with the worry over his boss.

"Smithson, no Smithson, ah wait a moment. Smithson yes, she's in room two hundred, the critical wing." With that he headed for the elevator without even saying thank you. He would apologise later.

The time seemed to go slowly in the elevator as he thought about Catherine and what state she was in, if she indeed she had managed to survive! 'I almost told her Catherine. I nearly broke my promise to you and told Jace you were hurt. You know I wanted too, but maybe it really is too late for you two after all,' his mind ceased those thoughts as the door opened to the critical wing and he headed for room two hundred.

Walking into the room he saw Garcia slumped in the chair, he had obviously been here for hours, the man was another devotee of the Devonshire charm that was for sure. He'd heard from other VP's that Garcia extolled the virtues of the owner of Xianthos. Some thought him pathetic, others viewed it as hero worship, but Paul saw it as a genuine friendship in the making, even Catherine had been charmed to some extent by the man who offered her hospitality without any catches, particularly after all the media attention around her. Not wanting to disturb him he looked at the person in the hospital bed.

Wires were hooked up everywhere or so it appeared to him, he noticed that her head was swathed in bandages and her nose looked broken, what did he know? Traction equipment was stationed close to the bed as the body was elevated slightly due to some other injury, he couldn't quite perceive was it a broken arm? All you could really see amidst the bandages were the eyelids and they looked swollen and her eyebrows, those formidable eyebrows were gone. He walked slowly over to the bed and wanting to take one of her hands, noticed that the left side of her body was encased in bandages but her right side was relatively unscathed. Reaching for her right hand he sat down next to the bed and just held it, waiting for Garcia to wake, and in about twelve hours Grace would be here too!

~ ~ ~

He'd rung Grace as he waited for his flight, which had been a difficult call to make.

The phone ringing in the study at seven thirty had all the interested parties finally smiling they had been worried. Grace picked up the line and turned on the intercom.

"Grace?" the voice of a man at first Grace didn't recognise.

"Guess it's not Catherine then?" Grace said flippantly.

"No, no Catherine is.......she's been. Hey Grace are we on intercom?" Paul decided it wouldn't be good to have witnesses to what he had to say, which would be up to Grace to decide who at the ranch would get to know about Catherine's condition.

"Yeah, the kids and I are waiting for Catherine's usual call to us, she's late." Grace smiled at having to tell Catherine that Paul might be the one keeping her waiting for a free line.

"Can I speak to you for a few minutes, without the intercom?" he asked her gently.

Grace wasn't stupid, she could hear the change in timbre of his voice, something was very wrong! "Hey kids, why don't you go and see what's on TV for a little while and I'll be with you soon okay?"

"But Grace, Catherine might call?" Lisa said plaintively.

"Hey sweetheart it's okay, Catherine will ring back, and you know that!" Grace smiled at her.

"Okay, but don't be too long," the child said petulantly.

Jake stood up not saying a word and took Lisa's hand they shut the door behind them.

"Okay Paul, it's just you and me, what's she done now?" Grace said in an exasperated way.

"She's in the hospital in Rio," he finally said.

The silence stretched, Paul didn't know if she was still there, Grace was upset, he'd heard the sob in her voice. "What happened?" Grace finally whispered.

"Not sure, Garcia said she was some kind of heroine, he didn't say much. She's in the operating room now. I have a flight in about half an hour, will get there in about three hours time. Do you want to wait until I find out the score, or are you going to get a flight out?"

"I'm on the next flight out of here, she might never know but I want to be there if........I want to be there!" she finally said brokenly.

"You know her Grace, she never let's go," he tried to sound confident but failed miserably.

"Yeah. See you in about a day Paul. Give her a kiss from us okay," with that she put the phone down and called Colin.

Now looking at the almost obscured face of his friend, how did he do that, kiss her and not hurt her. He picked up her right hand and gently kissed each knuckle. 'For all of us Catherine, we're here waiting for you, don't forget that!'

~ ~ ~

The doctor had been kind, in his own way. Garcia had returned home and back to business, it wasn't the time to tell anyone about this yet! It may never be the time.

Paul had cancelled the rest of the week's schedule, explaining he had a virus and he wasn't capable of travelling, he was the man in charge after all.

Grace had arrived and wouldn't move from Catherine's bedside.

Now, three days after the event, Catherine was finally stirring from her unconscious state. Grace was smiling, Paul still looked pensive, the doctor looked on in interest.

"Come on Catherine, how about you show us those ice blues, some time soon, well like right now." Grace said gently, stroking the uninjured right hand slowly.

Gradually one lid opened briefly but slid shut as fast as it opened. A few minutes later after much coaxing, her right eyelid opened and the ice blue of her eyes looked ahead.

Grace looked at the doctor as she noticed that Catherine didn't seem to be responding to the light, there was no stimulation at all.

The doctor used a penlight to flash in the eye and it didn't move he sighed heavily. "Catherine, how about you open the left eye, just for me?"

Catherine tried to move and was prevented by traction equipment on her abused body. "Who the hell are you?" her voice cracked with its enforced disuse although her tone, clearly the Catherine they all knew.

Paul couldn't help the smile that crossed his face and Grace snorted and laughed softly.

"Guess your vocal cords are going to be okay at least," the doctor stated un-necessarily. "I'm your doctor, Doctor Assanti."

Her left eye opened reluctantly. "It hurts like hell to open this one," she exclaimed.

The doctor gave it the same examination and he reluctantly nodded his head in resignation.

"Haven't you paid the bills around here, why are all the lights off in this place?" Catherine finally asked the question the others had dreaded, after seeing the doctor's expression.

The doctor looked at the other people in the room, Paul looked to Grace. She reluctantly looked at the doctor and he gave her a reassuring look.

"Have you all gone deaf too? Grace?" It was tentative and held for the first time a hint of fear.

"No, no Catherine I'm here. It appears that the blow to your head has caused some problem with your vision." Grace pointed out as tactfully as possible in the circumstances.

Catherine turned her head in the direction of the voice of her friend, "Grace, are you telling me I'm blind?"

Grace pursed her lips in thought. "Yeah, in a nutshell, that's exactly right, teach you to be a hero won't it." Grace tried a touch of levity.

Catherine knew that Grace being funny at this point meant that it wasn't good. So what the hell else was wrong?  "Okay, give me the bottom line and a drink too?"

"Doctor?" Grace passed the problem over to him, he knew all the facts, although she snagged a paper cup of water and gently administered a few drops to her friend.

Clearing his voice Doctor Assanti explained the injuries. "Well, it appears that you have suffered blindness that could be temporary, we will have to run tests. You will need months of therapy for your shoulder; it was broken in several places. You will also need skin grafts on your face and left side of your body. That will take maybe the best part of a year to complete. Your hair will eventually grow again as will your eyebrows," he clinically stated.

"Oh, so effectively I look a bloody mess?" She eventually said in a tone that bordered on indifference.

"Yes, but it could all be normal in about a year." The doctor finished.

"Perhaps but the eyes might never recover, right?" Catherine dogmatically continued.

"I cannot say at this point, we need to run tests." He smiled at the others in the room.

"Well, you better get a bloody move on then and sort out those tests, do you think I'm going to stay here forever?" Catherine muttered, her voice gaining strength.

The doctor laughed out loud at the European woman who had indeed more strength of character than he had seen in many years; her injuries without the blindness would have finished many off. This woman was beautiful. But her beauty also transcended the flesh; she had a strength within that no one could deflate. Her other friend had been right, she would fight, and she wasn't finished yet!

"Right away, how does this afternoon sound for the first one?" he asked her, noticing she was tiring.

"Good." She gradually closed both her eyes and mumbled, "Are the children okay Grace, you haven't left them to fend for themselves have you?" Grace heard the old sarcastic humour return in her friend's comment.

"Would I do a thing like that Catherine?" She replied innocently.

"Mmmmm, smart thinking Grace, or you might be looking for another position in life." Her hand clutched at Grace's as a spasm of pain went through her left temple.

Smiling at her friend's unexpected banter, she pressed the hand back in comfort. "Paul is here," Grace said softly.

Paul moved away from the wall he'd been leaning against. Moving close to the bed, "Hi Catherine."

"Hi Paul, so what's with you taking time off to see this wreck?" Paul had to wince at the statement, for how right she was at this moment in time.

"Oh, you know me always was a little nosy," he laughed softly.

"Glad to hear it. How's James?" She asked sleepily.

"He's fine, sends his love." Paul grinned at her attitude; it had been difficult to gauge how she would react when she woke for the first time after the accident.

"Well, I guess one day I will get to meet him, but maybe we will take a rain check for the moment okay?" Catherine frowned as if she tried to recall a memory and it refused to appear.

"Sure, whenever you want. Jace is fine also." He couldn't help it; if she had changed her mind he would do something about it and quickly.

"You've seen her recently?" It was a whisper. Grace looked at Paul and smiled, she had been thinking the same thing herself, Jace should be here, what the hell did it matter if the woman was married, she needed to know, she needed to be here to help Catherine through the trauma.

"Yeah, the night of the accident. We had a party, she asked about you, how you were," he waited.

"How I am?' Catherine's lips curled in a wry smile 'appropriate.' Closing her eyes briefly she finally opened the sightless orbs and spoke again. "Was she with her.......husband?" Catherine asked quietly.

"Yeah, Adamson was there. Jace wants to see you Catherine!" he said quickly.

"No!" her voice gained extra strength from some unknown region in her battered body.

"Because of your present condition?" Grace asked in interest.

"No. She's married, that should say it all!" A tear slid from Catherine's right eye there was nothing she could do to prevent it.

"She loves you Catherine," Paul said finally.

"No you're wrong, she loved me. Let's have the sentiment correctly interpreted here not love, loved! She proved that by marrying Adamson. I need to get some sleep." Discussion closed.

Paul looked at Grace and they both had a sad look on their faces, they noticed the even breathing of their mutual friend. "What about coffee?"

"Love one, she'll come round Paul, trust me. Looks like I'm going to get months to work on her." Grace placed her arm on his elbow and they went towards the vending machine.

"I hope so, they both look lost without each other. It's as if they are both searching for something out of reach," he shook his head at the thought.

"They are. I think it's called a soulmate and they are each other's," Grace said simply.
 
 

~ ~ ~

Chapter Forty-one
(Six months later)

Grace smiled as she watched the children canter about the paddock, they had been busy for the past nine months becoming proficient on the back of a horse, or in the case of Lisa the back of her beloved pony Diamond. She wouldn't change him for any of the horses that Colin had offered her recently.

Jake had been given Ruby as a present for his eleventh birthday. Catherine hadn't been on the ranch at the time, but she made up for it when she'd arrived home, four months ago.

She was still struggling to move her left arm, but it was slowly responding and the therapist who came six days a week, said it would eventually be normal. The skin grafts had taken surprisingly well, her own bodies healing mechanism amazing her doctors.  She had smiled at their faces on more than one occasion. Catherine was amazing for her recuperative powers, which no one could dispute!

The blindness unfortunately hadn't responded to treatment as well as they had all wanted! Her right eye had eventually cleared a little and she could see images and colours but nothing distinct, mere shadows. Her left eye where the main impact of the blow had occurred was totally useless. For anyone but Catherine she suspected the toll of the injuries would have certainly sent them into depression at the very least. Not Catherine Warriorson!

She had conceded the need for a dog to guide her around the ranch, especially if she left the confides of the house. Fortunately the dog ended up as much a part of the family as it did Catherine's lifeline to the outside world.

Turning to observe the porch Grace saw Catherine sitting patiently with the dog at her feet, she was stroking its ears. Grace could never work out if she did that to ease tension or because the dog liked it, either way it was endearing to watch. There was a serene expression on Catherine's face when she did this particular exercise with the dog.

Venturing out on the porch Catherine glanced towards the sound and her right eye tried to focus on the figure coming towards her. "Grace?" A strong vibrant voice asked.

"Yeah, wondered if you wanted tea before you set off with the urchins?" Her smile one of thankfulness Catherine was alive nothing else was important!

"No, thanks anyway, think I'll have one when we get back. I'm taking them to Cutters Ridge today, thought it was time they met Lucas and Adam." Her voice quietly explained.

"Good idea, time they met the rest of the family." Grace often wondered what went on in this woman's head, Catherine had never truly opened up to her even in the months of agonising pain she'd suffered. Her solitary bearing of the pain and the
emotional turmoil it must have created was heart breaking to observe. There was nothing she could do but be there for Catherine and that she did most willingly.

"Thought so myself, it's Lucas's birthday today."

That surprised Grace; she had never volunteered the information before.

"How are you getting to Cutter's?" Grace asked.

"Colin is taking us to the plateau and then, we will walk. He'll come back about two hours later, unless the weather takes a turn for the worse. He's not going to leave us on the Ridge, that's something I would do," she had a sad smile, a bittersweet memory obviously taking over her thoughts.

"Good Colin needs to take a look over at some of the fences." Grace had seen the sad expression; she also knew the memory that Catherine had invoked.

"Have you decided what to do about Colin?" Catherine asked her un-expectedly.

Grace moved towards the railing on the porch and sighed. "Not really."

"What do you want to do?" Catherine continued to stroke the dog's ears and listened intently for the answer.

"If you had asked me that six months or more ago I would have told you that Colin didn't picture in any frame I had available.  Now, well he kind of pops up in them all. Strange really." Grace said slowly, almost savouring the words.

"Not strange, only love," Catherine supplied.

"You would know all about that." Grace looked at the tall woman who stood up at the comment, her black hair had grown to the nape of her neck, grey pronounced at the temples these days, and it gave her a rakish ambience. The burn marks travelling down the left side of her face now fading with the grafts. She was certainly a woman you didn't ever forget meeting. Then again, she had always been a force to be reckoned with!

"Yes I would, I just left it a little late to find out." Catherine quietly reflected.

"Its never too late Catherine." Grace said softly.

"Ah, how I wish you were right on that one Grace, how I wish." She sighed heavily and moved closer to the other woman at the railing.

"You know what's wrong with you Catherine?"

"What?" Catherine turned her sightless eyes on her friend, the ice blue gaze unable to focus.

"You're a hero and you refuse to believe it! There are people alive today who can vouch for that, kids close by that have a happy home and people who love them because of you. There are also numerous other kids who will benefit from the gift of the trust fund you set up in your son's name and they will never know that!" Grace challenged her friend.

"Hero?' Catherine snorted. "Get out of here Grace, whatever I am it certainly isn't that! I'm more like the old crock you put out to pasture because its useful days are over." Catherine snorted at the suggestion.

"Okay, have it your way but one day you're going to see it for yourself, bank on it." Grace said confidently.

"How about you're my hero Grace?" Catherine said quietly

"Ah, how you wish Catherine." Grace laughingly placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder.

"I might wish for something more maybe?" A wistful note clearly telling Grace it wasn't her Catherine was thinking about.

"In your dreams Catherine, alas I'm not your type. But I do wonder who is?" Grace watched the expressions flit across the battle scarred face.

"At the moment, I don't have a who." She stated blandly, knowing full well the lie she told.

"I think you still hurt too much at the moment to have a realistic look at what you need or want. But seriously, I didn't have you down as anything other than straight until Jace came along and blew that out of the window. Latency becomes you I might add." Grace chuckled at the thought.

Catherine wasn't sure if she should reply or not, when she did it surprised both women. "The only time I ever felt emotionally involved with another woman was with Maria in the prison, but we never took it to the physical plane, I doubt we ever would have. The other times I'd been with women were in a drugged haze they never counted. That was until Jace, it was different, oh so different." Catherine's voice held an awed quality about it as she spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Grace offered her a shoulder to cry on if she needed it.

"No, not yet anyway, perhaps one day when it doesn't hurt quite so much." Catherine gave her a weak smile.

"Okay I can go with that. May I ask you one question?"

"Sure go ahead, you will anyway." Catherine smiled, her scar tissue tightening on the left side of her face, inwardly making her flinch at the feeling it caused.

"How do you feel about Jace? Now I mean?" Grace knew her words would it raw spots in Catherine.

Catherine mulled over the question and Grace sighed thinking she wasn't going to get any answer today. "Lyrics tell a story Grace, mine for Jace would be 'Forsaking Forever,' you know the one by Infinity?"

"Oh, so you do listen to the lyrics too? I often wondered. Now that paints it's own story. Pretty apt for your current situation." Grace laughed softly there was hope yet!

"Modern poetry to music Grace, perhaps I should buy a music studio? Would go with my scandalised image now wouldn't it, the drugs and drink, what do you think?" She laughed depreciatingly.

"I'll go with the modern poetry to music, but no, leave the music studios to the other's. Lady the only drugs you take now are for medicinal purposes and eventually that will stop." She closed her hand over the larger one resting on the rail; the lesson would be over soon.

~ ~ ~

.
Jace had been invited for coffee by James Thompson they hadn't seen each other since the party over six months previously, although they had talked on the phone a few times. It was going to be good to see him again.

Now, she watched the LA shopper's downtown at Starbucks, it was her favourite coffee shop in town. Her friend waving furiously at her from the window opposite caught her eye she, smiled widely at him in welcome.

Making his way over she noticed he wasn't alone, following closely behind but stopping to place their order was Paul Strong; her heart leapt when she saw him. He was her only fragile thread to Catherine.

"Hey Jace, how's life treating you?" James beamed at her and bent over to kiss her cheek.

"Good, I can't complain. What about you?" She smiled directly at him, pleasure evident in her eyes at his presence.

"Great, things have been very good, especially now that Paul is based in LA, he glanced over at his partner.

"I didn't realise Paul was going to be with you today?" She stated quietly.

"Sorry Jace, spur of the moment decision by him not me, I might add. When he knew I was meeting you, he got all-mysterious on me, and wanted to come along, so he was allowed. That, and I want to know what the deal is." He chuckled as Paul made his way over with three coffees of varying choices.

"Hello Paul." Jace held her hand out politely. He looked at it and smiled wryly.

"Guess I don't warrant the kiss on the cheek huh?" He laughed softly.

Jace looked surprised and blushed a little, having no answer for the man now seated opposite her.

"James tells me that your divorce came through last month, sorry to hear it didn't work out." Paul said, although his eyes didn't mirror the sentiment of the words.

Once again the blush spread over her cheeks, it was becoming quite annoying. "Yes, Peter and I split up six months ago, he was going to Europe for a year, so I guess it was a good a time as any to finish it. A clean break well, as clean as it gets with this little complication." She patted her belly, which showed the evidence of a pregnancy in the later months.

Paul and James looked at her; she looked like any young mother to be, healthy and presumably happy. The only reason to suspect any different was the semi-permanent sadness that looked out at the world from her green expressive eyes.

"Does he know about the baby?" This time James added to the conversation.

Sipping from her cappuccino, she smiled and nodded her head. "We decided that if I needed anything he would be there for me."

"But you don't need him right?" James supplied cautiously.

"No I don't need him, the baby and I will be fine. The position I have pays well and I can work from home initially. I have a very understanding boss." Jace smiled at her friend.

"He must be!" Paul said in surprise.

"Actually he's a she, and yes she is!" Jace laughed her eyes sparkling.

"How well do you know her?" Paul asked a little shortly, he hadn't liked the fact that someone else could be involved with Jace.

Jace and James looked at him in surprise. Paul noted their expressions and shamefacedly looked out of the window in embarrassment.

"If I didn't know better Paul, I would think you're looking out for my interests here, when did you take up being my protector?" Jace asked her interest piqued.

Silence stretched out for several minutes, eventually James broke it, "The lady asked you a question Paul?" This was totally unlike his partner.

"From the day Catherine couldn't." He finally replied and looked Jace in the eyes with a piercing stare.

Catching her breath, she almost choked over her coffee. "What? What do you mean?" She responded breathlessly. 'Catherine couldn't? What did that mean?'

"Jace from the moment you left Catherine, she has always known what you were doing. When you married, where you live, when you went to the gym. It was her way of being in your life but not, so to speak. Her prime motive was to see that you were always taken care of; she wanted your happiness above all else even at the expense of her own! She did it so well too, I bet you never knew she had a private detective around those first three months?" He explained mechanically.

"She had me followed? That's an invasion of my privacy!" Jace gasped out, angry with Catherine's tactics. Once again her mind taking a negative stance against her ex-lover instead of being happy she'd cared enough to do that. Her heart became heavy, she immediately wished she hadn't made the statement.

"She thought it for the best, she had to leave the country for a while and couldn't do it herself, not with any degree of success anyway. Don't be angry with her Jace, she loved you at the time."

His final remark bringing tears to her eyes, "You said Catherine isn't able or words to that effect, is she ill?" Jace answered him after gulping down more coffee.

James decided that the conversation, although interesting could do with a coffee refill for all of them. He held up his cup quizzically, and quickly went to the counter for the refills.

"She's not technically ill. She....how do I put this?" Paul frowned; he didn't want to sound melodramatic.

"Why not try the facts?" Jace gave him her full attention.

"The facts? Yeah, I could do that, how many months are you?" He eyed her swollen belly cautiously.

"Six months and don't worry this baby is staying put." Jace stroked her belly absently.

"Was it conceived on the night of the party?" He looked at her with interest.

Jace stared at him; he had hit the nail on the head. It had also been the night she had finally admitted the marriage wasn't going to work. Her thoughts as they made love had been on Catherine, it had been as if her mind was replacing her husband with Catherine's image. "Yes," she said in a subdued voice.

"I wondered. She was in an accident, a fire that night Jace. We thought we had lost her; she was a mess. To be frank, she still is in many ways." Paul punched out the details in a staccato voice.

"She was injured and possibly dying that night and you never told me? Why?" came the strangled response, tears now clearly making their way down her cheeks, they were uncontrollable. It would have been useless for her to try and stop them.

"She gave explicit instructions not to disclose where she was or anything about her. We carried out those instructions to the letter, especially once you were married and theoretically it didn't matter what happened to her." Paul shrugged, seeing the pain etched in the face opposite him.

"Where is she now? I assume you're visit here today is to tell me that? Not taunt me more," Jace choked out.

"Catherine has maintained her expressed wish that you are not to be informed of her condition or her whereabouts," he said slowly.

"Right, so what good is telling me all this if her wishes are sacrosanct with you?" Jace gave him an angry look.

"Because I don't agree with her now! Maybe while you were married, she was right to keep things from you. Now........ well now you need her as much as she needs you, maybe you might need her even more?" He smiled genuinely at her.

Taking his hand that was resting on the table. "Thank you." Her heart was surely going to burst with happiness.

"Hey don't thank me yet! You've got to get through to our stoic friend, who won't be easy." He winked at her, as she looked perplexed. "You have a couple of things in your favour though. Notably I have a visit planned in a few days to see her and a certain friend called Grace, who says hi by the way, who my dear Jace will get you the opening." He laughed at her tearstained face suddenly having the expression of a Cheshire cat.

"Grace? How is Grace? Is she married yet?" Jace spluttered out.

"Grace is fine, or was when I talked to her yesterday. No, she isn't married yet. She sends her love and says don't drown me in those tears you're so famous for," he laughed at her blush.

"She hasn't changed any then?" Jace gave him a tearstained glance.

"Guess not." He saw James making his way over with the second coffees.

"Good man James. Now Jace, we need to arrange for you to get time off work and make the trip with me; if that's what you want of course?" It never occurred to him that she might not want to go.

"Oh Paul, if I have to give up my job to go and see her I will. Not going isn't even a thought for consideration." It was something she wouldn't do for her ex-husband, but he hadn't been Catherine.

James smiled at the change in the stances of both parties. Great! Everything was going to be just fine, well wasn't it always in Tinsel Town!

~ ~ ~

.
Catherine found the trail down to the graves of her husband and son, easily enough, even if she couldn't see it properly.

Colin had pointed certain natural landmarks to the children, just in case he'd explained, as Catherine had snorted at her possible inability to steer them to the right spot.

She could feel that they were close by; she had always felt at peace when she came here, as if Adam and Lucas were willing it from their resting-place.

"Catherine there's a small fenced area behind this outcrop, is that what we're looking for?" Jake asked quietly, he had Catherine's large right hand in his left and Lisa's in his right hand. Catherine's guide dog Rio was in the weaker left hand, it was her way of trying to strengthen the annoying limb.

"Yes, that's it Jake. Do you want to go ahead and open the gate for us to go through?" She turned her sightless eyes on the boy at her side.

"Sure. Here Lisa, take Catherine's hand." He bounced off towards the gate.

"Will this make you unhappy again Catherine?" Lisa asked her in a small voice.

"No Lisa, it's time to let the past go! That's why I want you both to know about my family, you would have all got on marvellously I'm sure of it," she responded softly.

Walking slowly towards the fenced area, they went through the gate, the grass under foot springy and long she could feel it trail over her boots at the ankle. "Needs to be cut here I think."

"Can we do it for you?" Jake asked her eagerly.

"Why that's nice of you Jake, once a month, okay with you both?" she turned her head to the girl at her side, sometimes it was uncanny that either he or she would speak for them both and they never ever were wrong. 'Some kind of connection here!'

Silence descended as they shared the beauty of the small valley that held the family the children would never meet.

Jake was the first one to break the silence, which was not melancholy, just thoughtful. "Your husband was old Catherine!" the boy exclaimed.

Catherine for the first time in months laughed heartily at the arrogance of youth. "He wasn't that old! What must you think of me?" She was still chuckling as she answered him and he leaned forward so she could put her hand through his hair; it was a gesture she had often done when she had been restricted to her bed and they had the story hour together. That had reminded her painfully of the last months of her mother's illness as she had read to her mother and brother. Jake and Lisa now took turns in the reading session, now that she was no longer capable of the task or at least, what she was prepared to admit she wasn't capable of.

"You're not old? Are you?" This time Lisa asked the question.

"I'm older than you both, that is going to have to be your answer to that one," she smirked at them, her face tightening on the left side. The children had never commented or seemed afraid of her condition when she had finally come home four months ago, but the descriptions she had received from the nurses had left her in little doubt that her profile on the left side was scary to most people. Now, it was healing through skin grafts but it still had a way to go.

Rio the dog had been let off her harness so that she could explore in the close vicinity to her mistress. Lisa in particular loved to run around with the dog, it was a wonderful image to conjure up when the darkness threatened to overwhelm her.

"What did Lucas look like?" Lisa's curiosity overcame her promise to Grace not to pry.

"He looked, a little like Jake, dark hair but he had my blue eyes and his fathers smile, Adam had a very engaging smile, a little like seeing Santa Claus on Christmas day." Catherine was awash with memories of her son and husband and they were good memories, from the early days of her marriage.

"That doesn't make sense Catherine, how can a smile look like Santa on Christmas day?" Jake said disparagingly. 'Adults, did they know anything!'

Laughing again Catherine turned in the direction of the boy's voice and saw his dim outline. "Ah, well Jake it's all a question of imagination, and what do you think about when you imagine Santa smiling on Christmas day?"

"He looks all red and happy and makes people laugh." Lisa said chuckling at the thought.

"Exactly! Jake what about you?" Catherine tilted her head in his direction.

"He has a jolly face, all glowing and happy," he muttered.

"Well, that's how I think of Adam's smile," Catherine said quietly.

The time moved all too fast as they made their way back to the top of Cutter's Ridge, where a ranch foreman was pacing up and down. Catherine smiled as she heard the pacing, one thing for being all but blind was the increase in some of her other senses. She smiled as she approached her friend.

"Been waiting long Colin?" She smirked, knowing that he was probably turning red at the moment.

"No, no Catherine, quite the opposite in fact." He said lamely.

Walking up to him she placed her hand on his shoulder and whispered into his ear. "Liar, but thank you for caring." She walked towards the vehicle she could just make out a hundred yards in front of her.

He was certainly blushing now as Lisa commented on his red cheeks, Catherine had to put her right hand over her mouth to stop the laughter, she was sure her ranch foreman wouldn't appreciate it.

They all clambered into the vehicle and took off back towards the house.

~ ~ ~

Chapter Forty-two

.
Grace was excited, very excited.

Jace was coming; she would arrive at any time now with Paul Strong. They had both agreed, that now Jace wasn't married, it was no longer necessary to keep the truth from her! Catherine hadn't been in a condition to check up on Jace for months and when she had finally asked, they had been honest but not exactly factually in everything that had happened to Jace in the past few months. They had said she was well, which she was most definitely; pregnancy gave her a glow according to Paul anyway.  They had omitted her divorce and well, the baby that was going to be up to Jace; as a matter of fact everything from here on in was entirely up to Jace.

This was all to do with love and what could only be described as the uniting of two old souls no matter what Catherine thought!

A vehicle was approaching from the West gate; it had to be them. Going onto the porch she waited with baited breath for the visitors to alight from their vehicle. Paul Strong was the first; he quickly went round to help the rather pregnant Jace Bardley from the car.

Jace saw her friend and a smile that simply made most lighthouses dim in comparison fix itself on her face. 'Yep, Paul had been right she was certainly glowing.'

Walking quicker than Grace expected Jace was suddenly flying up the stairs and into the older woman's arms. "Oh Grace, how I've missed you!" Were Jace's heartfelt words.

"Well, let me look at you Jace?" Grace finally extracted herself from the hug she had received from the younger woman. Turning Jace to face her, she noted the pink cheeks and the sparkling eyes and obviously the protruding belly that gave her very much the pregnant look.

Jace was a little embarrassed at the scrutiny and her cheeks coloured up at her friend's intense look. "You don't look so bad yourself?" Jace countered.

"Yeah, keeping up with those kids and not to mention Catherine, who I swear has decided she wants another crack at being an adolescent, keeps me going." She laughed.

Oh, how Jace had missed this simple pleasure of friendship with this woman. She had lost so much by being bitter and plain stupid!

Paul decided to make his presence know at this moment. "Well, ladies I know you have lots to talk about but just as a point of interest, where is our esteemed leader?"

Grace smiled at him, "Hi Paul, good to see you again. She's showing the kids, a special place in her heart." She hugged the man as Jace gave her a puzzled look at the statement. Grace had never missed much in her entire life, well, at least it never got boring she always thought to herself. "She has taken them to Cutter's Ridge and the family plot."

"Ah," was all Jace could muster.

"Right! Let's have some refreshments and get a plan into action; we haven't much time." Grace walked into the kitchen from the porch.

Her visitors followed closely behind her.

Sitting at the familiar kitchen table the young pregnant honey-haired woman reminisced; the place brought so many memories to her mind that tears began to fall before she even realised it.

Grace turned from her ministrations over making coffee and laughed happily. "That's my Jace, never could stop that river flowing could you?" Grace turned to Paul and saw him give the younger woman an indulgent smile. "Told you she would cry all over you Paul, was I right?"

"Yeah." He admitted as Jace wiped her tears and gave them a watery smile.

"What did I do in life to deserve you both thwarting Catherine?" Jace had wanted to ask this question for some time now.

Grace finally decided to answer. "You did what only you could do Jace, you loved Catherine wholeheartedly. She has never been the same since and it has helped her stay alive strange as it seems. Especially when you left her." Seeing the startled look in Jace's face, she gently touched her cheek in understanding. "She forgave you Jace, you helped her achieve something she thought she'd never experience, Love! For those of us who care about her, what's happening now goes beyond what Catherine wants, or what you want, it is just a matter of what the fates decide is our destiny, it's often difficult to define, if indeed we ever can. You just have to accept it and take what happiness it allows."

Jace considered what Grace had said and knew she had no tangible answer. "So what can I expect when I see her, not verbally but physically?" Paul had not divulged Catherine's state of health to Jace; he had hoped Grace would be better at that than he ever could be.

"Glad you asked, she's not the woman you met a year ago!" Grace looked at Jace shrewdly.

"Oh, I know that Grace, but come on has she grown two heads or something as drastic?" Jace returned Grace's gaze with a strong one of her own.

"You know something Bardley, you can be real impatient at times." Grace laughed at her friend.

"Yeah, well when it involves the woman I love, give me some slack okay?" Jace laughed at the teasing from her friend.

"Good call.' Grace laughed and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Catherine suffered severe burns to her head and left side of her body, skin grafts are working, but like everything it takes time.  You can see the ravages of that battle on her left profile. Her shoulder was broken in several places and some sort of motor problem has occurred to her left arm, the therapist is working on that, it gets a little better everyday."

Jace had kept her face blank of any expression it must have been horrific at the time of the fire, what she must have gone through.

"I guess I can cope with that, is there anything else?"

"Yes." Grace turned a serious face to Jace's and pulled her unexpectedly into an embrace that made her shudder at the shear intensity of the emotion Grace was emitting.

"That would be?" Jace kept her eyes glued to her friend's.

"Catherine is blind. Well, to all intents and purposes she's blind!" Grace softly explained the final injury.

Jace hadn't heard that! No, she hadn't heard Grace say Catherine was blind. Not to have the light of recognition shine from those ice blue eyes; they were so much a part of Catherine! "It's not fair!"

"Few things in life are ever fair Jace, but she's alive and I for one will thank God for that miracle everyday of my life." Grace said emphatically.

Jace looked at Grace and their glances locked in a shared emotion. "You say she's blind to all intents and purposes, exactly what does that mean?"

"Catherine can make shadows out with her right eye, but her left is totally blind." Grace gave her the facts.

Nothing was said in the room for several minutes, each had their own thoughts and all had a certain Catherine Devonshire-Warriorson as the main subject.

"Do you want to leave?" Paul finally said.

"Leave?" it was a whisper from Jace. 'Did they think that Catherine being blind would change her mind? What kind of love was it that would shrink from a disability? No! This was her heart reaching out, it didn't matter if Catherine was blind, deaf and dumb, she was here for the duration, and her soul demanded it!

"Yes leave, before she knows you have been here?" Paul asked her again.

"I don't want to leave! I want to hold her in my arms and thank god, whichever one that might be! That she's still alive for me to even have the opportunity to be in her presence, to embrace her, eyesight or no eye sight!" Jace responded her voice gaining in strength at each word.

"You know you say the nicest things Jace." Grace finally rejoined the conversation smiling.

"Must be the Californian genes." Jace flippantly replied.

"Good to hear, you must tell Catherine that one, maybe she won't be so anti-Californians in the future, can't be good for a steady relationship." Grace chuckled.

Walking towards the window of the kitchen, she saw a vehicle approach, time to put on that tea. "Well Jace, I hope you're up to this, she's about to get home."

Jace watched as Colin got out of the Land Rover, with Jake getting out of the front passenger side; Lisa falling out of the large vehicle making Jace laugh softly, the girl was exactly as she remembered!

Her eyes saw the door of the rear passenger side open and a dog jumped out of the vehicle, then waited patiently by the door, it's very demeanour indicating that it was waiting for someone important. Then long legs encased in jeans slid out gracefully, a tall form appearing from the vehicle with ease. Jace watched, as the person she had resigned herself to never seeing again was now, so close, so very close. Jace noticed the stiffness to the walk; the reaching for the harness of the dog was obviously an effort. Jace's heart started beating faster, and she winced as she saw pain etched in the beloved face of the raven-haired woman. Yet there was a confidence about the woman that belied her afflictions, she walked towards the house without a care, Lisa taking her right hand and skipping along constantly chatting to her tall companion. Jake had fallen into step beside Colin as they strolled off towards the stables.

Catherine was getting closer and closer.

Grace came over and placed a comforting arm over Jace's shoulders and smiled at her. "Sit Jace, she will go to her study now."

"How do you know that?" Jace asked puzzled.

"Ah well, let's just say she always does and our Catherine is a creature of habit these days."

Catherine ambled into the main house along with Lisa, who was the only one to enter the kitchen, she looked around and her eyes met Paul's and she smiled shyly at him. Then, she saw Jace for the first time; the child gave a whoop of joy and hurled herself at the body before her.

"Hey, be careful Lisa, Jace is having a baby." Grace admonished the child, but smiled to take the sting out of the words.

"Jace, Jace you came back to us?" The child was starry eyed and she was crying. Gently cradling her smaller form close to her, Jace placed a tender kiss on top of the small head.

"Did you do what I said Lisa?" Jace asked the child with tears of her own now appearing.

Grace just swallowed rapidly at the words and the emotions, "Yes Jace, everytime she was sad I held her hand. But she needs to have a hug from time to time too," the child said innocently.

"Glad to hear that Lisa. Thank you for loving Catherine for me while I've been gone." Jace spoke into the little girl's ear.

"That's okay Jace, I love Catherine too." Lisa whispered into Jace's ear.

Grace made tea and got Catherine's mug ready. "Your turn to serve the boss I think Jace, you up for it?"

"Oh, yes I'm certainly up for that and more." Jace replied happily.

"Great, don't forget to put it on her right side or she will know it's not me immediately."

"Thanks Grace." She hugged the other woman and took the mug of tea, and smiled at Lisa and Paul as she left the room.

Lisa turned to Grace, "Will Jace be staying forever now Grace?"

Grace smiled at the child and glanced briefly at Paul, who shrugged his shoulders. "It's hard to say Lisa, Catherine and Jace had a disagreement and they need to work through it, just like you do with Jake."

Lisa turned to Grace in all seriousness and a twinkle entered her eyes. "Oh well Grace, she will be staying then, because Jake and I always make up."

"Well, it's not always that easy Lisa." Grace tried to explain that adults didn't always act logically.

Getting up from her chair Lisa went over to the kitchen door. "Yes it is Grace, because they love each other, like we all do."  With that comment floating in the silent kitchen, she skipped out of the door towards the stables; she wanted to be the first to inform Jake of Jace's return.

Grace looked at Paul who was grinning broadly. "Guess she got that one right!"

~ ~ ~

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Catherine stood at the window of the study, something she did frequently. The fact that she could not see out of it never deterred her; it just fuelled the need to be there more often. One day!

She never turned when the door opened and 'Grace' entered. Hearing the mug placed gently on the table, she sighed heavily and pondered her recent visit to Adam and Lucas's graves with the children; it hadn't gone to badly. Her mind pre-occupied with other thoughts, she never heard the loading of the CD player in the room, it was only the faint strains of a record she vaguely recalled filtering into her consciousness that alerted her to the fact that maybe it wasn't Grace.

"Grace?" The commanding voice that Jace loved spoke into the room.

Jace looked at the older woman as she'd entered the room and had to stop herself running over to her and apologising on bended knee, the months had not been kind to either of them in any way.

Jace after placing the mug on the right hand side of Catherine, walked over to the CD player in the room, pleased things hadn't changed!

Placing the CD she had brought with her in the player, she pressed the play button and waited for a reaction, it came swiftly.

"No." Jace answered and then saw the shift of the body away from the window and gaze sightlessly into the interior of the study. Jace saw the expression of disbelief; hope and sadness appear on the marred features of Catherine's still very beautiful face.  This woman had captured her heart and only she had the key to allow it to feel happiness again.

Walking over to the other side of the desk, she approached Catherine as the music played the intro to 'I'm Here," by Infinity.

Jace placed a gentle finger on Catherine's lips as she tried to say something. "Please listen." Jace softly entreated her as she placed her smaller hand in Catherine's larger one.

You came into my life, not expecting anything, not wanting anything.

From the first day you challenged me, you offered me a world I never dreamed of.

At a distance your words pierced my heart, I feel your eyes protecting my soul.

You never cease to amaze, you are the life that I crave I'll always be here.

Never questioning the darkness I live, you tell me of the happier things.

As I task the demons to fight, will you fill my lonely soul with light?

There will never be enough words to describe this feeling inside,

When you whisper my name and leave doubt in the shade.

I'm here waiting for you until you want me too!

You never cease to amaze, you are the life that I crave I'll always be here.

With my heart in your hands, please keep it steadfast and safe.

I will let you teach me about love, if you let me follow my heart and that heart will forever be beside you!

Love will always touch my soul if you're there to follow me whole.

Be my light in the dark, let me be your love that makes you spark.

I'm here waiting for you, please accept it as true.

You never cease to amaze, you are the life that I crave I'll always be here.

The words of the song pounded deep in Catherine's heart. She flinched.

The song ended and Jace managed to stop Catherine from dropping her hand.

"Why did you come back? I haven't changed," Catherine said bleakly.

"No you haven't, but I have!" Jace said in earnest.

"I can't be what you want Jace, there are too many obstacles, especially now!" Catherine's face showing annoyance and frustration.

"Do you have any idea of exactly what I want from you?" Tears spilled down Jace's face, her eyes taking in the almost vacant ice blue eyes and the tense expression she saw on Catherine's face.

"Love, happiness, stability, no bad dreams. How's the husband?" Catherine responded gently, but her tone turned harsh as she mentioned Peter Adamson.

"Peter and I are divorced. It wasn't working." Jace admitted ruefully.

"I'm sorry, he seemed a nice guy." Catherine feigned solicitude.

"Oh Catherine, now I know your lying to me! Hades, you never talked to him except in anger. He helped me out of a situation I thought I couldn't handle, I should have had more faith." Jace simply said.

"What situation would be so bad you married a man you didn't love?" It was something she had wanted to know from the day she found out about the marriage; she was helpless to stop herself from asking.

"Hudson. She threatened to expose me as your lover."

Catherine expelled a sharp breath. "Obviously you wouldn't be happy with that situation and the circumstances knowing who and what I was?" Catherine finally said quietly. Her heart dropping at the thought that Jace had been ashamed of their relationship and association.

"No you don't understand! I just couldn't find you, all the avenues had been closed to me, what did it matter what I did with my life if you weren't in it! I used Peter to try to appease some of the pain, the pain I caused myself. I couldn't find you to tell you it didn't matter; none of it mattered, except my love for you. I'm sorry I hurt him and I'm sorry I hurt you Catherine!" Jace's voice was completely full of the pain and anguish she'd caused.

Catherine visibly paled at the comment. "I shut all the doors."

"You sure did." Jace let a tiny smile curve her lips; perhaps she had reached through to her.

"Where do we go from here?" Catherine asked, her eyes starring in her direction but for the most part unfocused.

"How about we start with friendship and see where we go from there?" Jace proposed tentatively.

"Is it going to be a long distance friendship?" Catherine wasn't sure she wanted the answer.

"Guess I should tell you one more thing before I answer that." Jace said slowly, her heart pumping hard.

"What is it?" Catherine cocked her head to the side and listened intently, her stance becoming anxious.

"You once asked me to consider helping you bring up two children if I recall?" Jace looked carefully at Catherine for any sign that her words were unwelcome.

"Yes, that's right." Catherine drawled.

"Well, how would you feel about it being three children?" She placed the right hand she held over her bulging stomach.

Catherine didn't know what to say, what to think, what to feel. Her hand was resting on the belly of her ex-lover, who was heavily with child, in fact it was moving under her hand. Her smile came un-consciously, the face taking on the expression of one being given a gift.

"What about Adamson, surely he will want some say in bringing up his child? Might be a little put out if he knew I would be influencing his son or daughter?" Her voice sounding harsh, particularly to her own sensitive hearing.

"Catherine, Peter knows I would take every opportunity to find you. He's too busy with his movies to be bothered with a child now anyway." Jace gently explained.

"What about later, will he want to see the child?" She wasn't convinced this was a good idea.

"I won't stop him if he does want to see the child, will that be a problem?" Jace held her breath.

Catherine pondered the question for a few seconds. "Guess not. I can always be away from home if he shows up."

Jace gazed directly at the woman she loved, knowing Catherine would perhaps never experience the gift of sight again, or probably never see clearly the child Jace would bring into the world, never see those beautiful eyes look at 'their' child in love and laughter. 'Catherine, one day I'm going to tell you how this child was conceived, because it's as much your child as it is mine even Peter knows that!'

"So, is it a yes?" Jace finally responded.

"I guess one more mouth to feed won't kill the bank balance." Catherine finally managed to say, her throat suddenly becoming very dry.

"Well, in that case to answer your earlier question. No! No, not this time Catherine, no more long-distance friendship for us.  Let's face it my love; you get into to much trouble without me. I thought maybe I could get a job close by, any ideas?"

Catherine laughed heartily at the comment. "It's possible I know of a position which might suit you." A smile played around the lips of the woman's gaunt features, she had certainly aged. Jace now noticed the grey at the temples in her hair that hadn't been there the last time they had seen each other.

"Then you want us to try again?" Jace said hopefully.

Catherine considered the question, her hand delicately balanced on the swollen abdomen of her friend; Jace nearly panicked when Catherine took longer than anticipated over the answer.

Catherine relinquished her tentative contact with Jace and turned back towards the window.

Suddenly the left hand that was scarred from the fire, reached out and gently with little strength behind it, took Jace's hand in hers. Putting the hand to her lips, she kissed the knuckles reverently and a smile radiated from her face and a glowing light to the ice blue eyes as they looked at the smaller woman, not really seeing. "The X stands for Xianthos."

Jace chuckled, it had taken a year to find that out and what a year!

'Wonder what would have happened if she had learned that from the first day?' Catherine had said she would never reveal it unless she trusted someone implicitly, hadn't that been one of the first conversations they had ever had?

Now to make the woman at her side realise it wasn't just friendship she needed, but her love too! Jace had her work cut out on that front, but hadn't Catherine offered her trust again? That was certainly a bridge worth crossing; it was a journey she was more than willing to take. Something to strive for and they had lots of time to do so, hadn't she once said the one word to encompass her feelings, 'Forever'!

Her soul now firmly locked in place with the one at her side, she had finally defined her destiny and come home.

The End

 
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