Chapter 13

On that day I was back to work but was looking forward to a full day off the next day. What would I do? It had been so long since I had a day off during which I would be staying in Nossa. Most of my days off were spent in the city with Sam since I would work for ten days, then take four off and drive the nine hours back to see her. Since the summer would be over in four weeks the plan was for her to come up to Nossa after my contract was finished. We would make the drive back together and turn it into a small road trip.

Well, my day off turned into more than I could have imagined. That morning on my way to the lodge for breakfast, I was stopped by Danielle outside. She took my arm and asked of my plans for tomorrow. She then informed me that she would like to go fishing and wondered if I would like to join her. Of course, the first words out of my mouth were, "Who will be joining us?"

I pulled away and we circled round each other in a pacing motion. "No one", she said.

How could I have turned this down?

It's funny how two people who obviously want to touch each other play a dancing game. We are a lot like animals in this way. As much I wanted to be touched by Danielle, I didn't want anyone to see her being affectionate with me. The last thing I wanted to do was cause trouble around the island or worse, in town with her fiancé. So, let's dance, I say.

We shuffled from left to right and made small circles avoiding all attempts at eye contact while we chatted of this possible adventure. We concluded with an agreement to meet early the next morning and go pick up the bait and a fishing license for myself. I hadn't been fishing in years and was quite surprised that she wanted to spend her day off with me. Nonetheless, I was pumped to have her to myself. After work, we loaded a canoe on the roof of my SUV and organized the gear for our early departure.

The morning came too quickly for me, and getting out of bed was a problem, but my will to spend a day in a confined mode of transportation soon won over my lazy bones. The morning was a grey one and the weather had called for some intermittent showers. Dressed in jeans and a warm shirt, I concluded that I had better find my rain jacket.

I headed to the kitchen to prepare a lunch and some beverages. This was my part of the contribution as she was to bring the fishing gear and tackle. I would be using her Jasons and she, like any other person in Nossa, had her own.

As I walked out of the lodge and headed towards my truck, I found Dani there preparing the gear. I thought I was to meet her in town. Wasn't I supposed to pick her up? She explained that she thought I had slept in and had headed out here to wake me but didn't find me in my tent. Would we have had a morning in the tent? Damn you girl, could you not have laid around just a little longer? Oh, if I could have kicked myself that day it would have been a solid connection.

We headed into town and dropped her car off at the house. She stopped to pick up a few forgotten items. Heading to the bait shop she explained that we would be headed down a road that is pretty much not a road and asked if I would be okay with that. How could I possibly change my mind now? We were loaded and headed into the store to get a license and purchase some minnows. I reassured her that my truck could handle whatever she had to throw at it.

With everything accounted for: poles, life jackets, paddles, bait, lunch, and of course a boat, we were off on this grey morning. Listening to the weather report on the way to the lake we understood that it would not be a sunny day and that there will be a breeze from the southeast. I was informed that this was good fishing weather. Hmm ... what did I know? When I was a kid we just headed down to the dock and threw in our lines no matter what direction the wind blew. Who knew there was a science to this part time hobby? Possible chance of rain was the only downfall unless we tipped the boat. We took care of being waterlogged on our own.

On our drive into the lake we chatted about small things and never discussed our silent moments together. The road she mentioned had been described very gently. In fact it was a very bumpy road full of pot holes that could swallow a small car whole. While driving down we noticed the locals picking wild blueberries among the bushes. Even the bears were out that day climbing around the hills. That made me somewhat nervous to think that I could be along the shore relieving myself and have one sneak up behind me. How would I get away? I didn't think they paused for people to retrieve their trousers.

Arriving at the lake we unloaded our Nova Craft canoe and then loaded it with our gear. She informed me that I was to be the stern. She was always the bow and the stern was in charge of steering as I had learned in my canoeing courses. She joked that steering was my job today.

Climbing in our maroon boat we headed off to a corner by the rocky ledge where I was told we were sure to catch fish. The lake is small in size. When we drove in to the lake we could tell that the water was low and that the lakes usually tie into each other. So I was comfortable in knowing that we were not in trouble of capsizing and losing our gear, or to have to battle a strong wind, which I had just finished doing on Lake Superior with my week-long paddling group.

We found our spot and dropped anchor, baited our hooks, and left the rest in the fate of the fish. Sitting in the canoe she spun around to face me and we picked up a conversation with ease. Every half hour or so we moved along to a new spot to try our luck. So far we had been on the water two hours and all that we had caught was a "stickeral". This is a joke that is used when you catch a snag and bring up the branch instead of a fish. I, myself, was embarrassed, but Danielle insisted on taking a photo. We continued the day playing song games and singing our favourites as we awaited our dinner.

As in all our conversations lately, we always came back to the personal side of life. We discussed our previous romances, partners, and relationships. We talked about how old we were when we lost our virginity, the number of people we had slept with, and the unusual places that we have had sexual experiences in. She was surprised to find out that I had been with a man and that I did enjoy it. I explained that we were best of friends and I truly did love him, but like most lesbians, I was missing a connection with him that only a woman could give me.

Discussions of being gay came up more often with Danielle these days, and I was asked to share my coming-out story, which is rather boring compared to most of my friends. There was no drama, my parents didn't throw me out, disown me, or frown upon me. I may have come from a small town, but I'm sure they knew something was up long before I had come clean with my personal discovery.

She sat there in her grey life jacket, hair tied up friskily, and smiled so adorably. I was only a long arms reach from her, could I make my way to her without putting us in the lake? Should I attempt this motion? Instead, I started to question her as she does me, but I put a spin on the questions. I asked why she dropped my feet the day that we were in the cabin, and what was she afraid that people would see? She playfully tried to dance around this question stating that she thought the person entering would jump to a conclusion. I was quick to point out that we didn't know who was at the door until they had entered the room meaning that she had moved before their identity was known.

My questions became more personal, as did hers. I felt as if she and I were knowingly flirting with each other. We talked about sensitive spots, types of kisses we enjoy, where we enjoy them, and about our sexual experiences. I was feeling driven to crawl over the yoke of the boat and kiss her. At one moment, we stopped at shore to relieve ourselves in the trees. After returning to the boat, we were both standing there looking at each other with questioning looks. I felt exposed to new sides of Danielle and they was ones that I enjoyed: her rugged side and her playful tempting side all the while retaining that femininity about her that drives me to tremble. She sat on the nose of the boat and I playfully leaned over her to get to my peanut butter and jam sandwich. To my pleasure, she laid her hands on my stomach and wickedly pushed me back with a large grin. We tangled in each others arms as we engaged in a play fight on the shoreline, but she quickly moved aside to grant me access to the boat. We shared my sammy and headed back on the water to capture dinner.

Seated again at the stern, I couldn't help but wonder if her beau would show up to check on us. She informed me that he was at work and that if he "knows what's good for him he wouldn't play the spy". I knew he was having a problem with Dani, Tristan, and myself spending time together, but I didn't realize that it had been a large topic of conversation for them.

"He is jealous", she says. Apparently, he was always questioning her relationship with Tristan and wondering why she wants to spend so much of her free time with us. I had to laugh and was questioned by her as to my ability to find humour in that. I apologized and informed her that it was not meant to be hurtful to her but that I was giggling because I was a little put off that I was not considered a threat to their relationship. She stopped and looked at me with the most serious of faces and says, "You have been".

Swallowing hard, it was revealed to me that my name had come up on many occasions and that a disagreement usually followed. This brought butterflies to life from within. It was almost like a teaser to me. Did it mean that she thought of me in that way? Or did it mean that he is normally suspicious of all of Danielle's friends?

She turned sideways in the boat to let her feet hang over the edge. The water was surprisingly warm. I felt guilty that I was causing a disturbance in her and life with Jason, and yet on the other hand, I was selfishly happy to know that she wanted to be with me no matter his thoughts or concerns.

The day started to fade and together we had caught two Pike that are of good size. A chill had started to set in, and the clouds had turned a darker shade of grey and begun to settle above. We had a few light sprinkles during our day, but just as we were getting settled in our new spot the skies start to rumble and flashes of lighting danced across the horizon. Looking at each other with a touch of panic, we decided that we had pushed our luck to the limit and that it's time to head in.

As we started to paddle in to shore, the rain began to pour. I felt its warm moisture from above and it even attacked me from below, bouncing off the lake and back into my face. We hit the shore line and scrambled to get our gear up to the truck. Making the first installment of gear, we then headed back for the boat. We hurried to place it on the roof racks and converge at the back of the truck, hidden from the rain by the bow of the boat, which hangs over the end of my truck. I watched her remove her wet coat and place it amongst the gear. Her eyes caught mine and for a moment it was as if we were trapped in each others thoughts. I wanted to kiss her so terribly. That whole day had felt like constant flirting and gentle teasing.

I stood there for what seemed like minutes. I leaned in, gently taking her arm just below the elbow, and tried to read what was in her head. Cowardly, I escorted her to her door and informed her that I would tie the boat down. I ran quickly around the truck and secured the Nova Craft to my roof and made my way around to the other side of the truck where I removed my upper clothing except for my t-shirt. I climbed into the drivers seat, breathed deeply, and started the engine

We sat waiting for the windows to defrost and I had to laugh at how wet my pants were. She leaned over to feel my thigh and noted the mess that I was making of my truck. I looked down at her hand and then to her smiling face. My heart was pounding so hard that I thought it must be visible through my soaked white t-shirt and thrusting beneath my breast. She sat grinning with her hair matted down by the rain. She was more beautiful at that moment than I had ever seen her. Cheeks red from our short work out, and her eyes had developed a sparkle that I had never seen before.

The loose pieces of her ponytail clung to her cheeks and I leaned over to push them aside. I surveyed her khakis and green shirt that were quite water logged. Lost in her eyes, our personal space had depleted to an intimate setting. I tried to will myself to kiss this beauty but I turn away. Thoughts ran through my mind. What if...? Consequences? My body was disturbed with desires. It was as if I would explode from within if our lips ever connected. Slowly my lip muscles begin to react, producing a shy smile. She returned the smile and moved her hand back to her lap. I smiled and wondered as I put my truck into drive.

Chapter 14

Upon returning to A.P.A. with our catch we found that only the boss and a younger student were there. They informed us that everyone else had headed into town for a night out. We declined the offer to join them in order to clean our catch and enjoy in its taste. Dinner alone with Danielle was not a good idea for me considering that I was trying to control my sexual desires towards her. Nonetheless, I opt for a fish fry.

We reunited in the tool shed to clean our catch. After our fish were weighed and measured it was determined that my catch came out on top. Happy with the results, I insist that Dani cleans them since she is far more experienced than I am when it comes to wielding a fishing knife. Those knives are like none that you would find in a kitchen; about twelve inches long and thin in design, I would imagine that you could stab through any piece of meat with ease.

I pulled out a piece of plywood that was large enough to hold each fish and would make a solid cutting board for their cleaning. Placing the board on the higher work bench, Dani prepared for the first cut. It was to be made along the back of the head behind the gills. She did not cut right through the fish but just deep enough to find the centre of it. Then she moved to cut along the belly of the pike and slid her knife between the meat and the bones so as to remove it from the carcass. We then unfolded this flap and she began to separate the meat from the skin. Slowly and carefully, she moved from the tail to the head, placing the knife on an angle to better access the meat from its skin.

As she cut into the fish, the body slipped along the temporary cutting board. I stepped in beside her to hold its tail so that there was some friction while she continued her movement. Our young student came in to chat with us while waiting for his ride into town with our boss.

During this time I was to hold the tail of the fish as Danielle started from that same end and continued the cut moving away from me. What I am noticed was that even though her knife was moving along the fish, her body was not. It continued to lean into mine. She pressed her back into my chest with ease. I took a small step back to give her room, figuring I was crowding her in my attempts to help, but as soon as I moved back she shuffled back into my body. I was starting to get the hint. If there was to be a move made between us it would have to be on my part.

Even though her hands were covered in fish innards, I was still drawn to her, maybe even more so now. I wanted our young friend to leave because I wished to sample Danielle's neck as it stood there tempting me. I had shared earlier that day that there was a small place in my sex drive for necks and this was one place that had been drawing my eyes for so long. Paddling the boat all day behind Danielle had only fueled my fire for her. With her hair tied up with a bandana, it had perfectly displayed her neck to me throughout our trip.

Our young visitor stood in the doorway yammering on about his fishing experiences, and all I can think is, "Get that kid out of here!", but how? Time was running out. She was preparing to finish the last fish. The signs had been there all day and here she was melting into my chest. My desires were screaming inside of me, and I began to panic since this opportunity may never again arise. "Maybe you should go check on the boss", I said. I thanked God for that sentence even as I stood frozen in a cold sweat. Off went our young friend to find his ride. Swallowing hard, I thought ... now what do I do.

Dani turned the fish over for the last filet. If she leaned into me again I would explode and release a thousand butterflies that had been building up in my stomach since early May. Then it happened. We touched, so gently she rests in my arms. She giggled away continuing with her stories. I absorbed the situation deeply and placed my right hand on her matching hip grasping her in the gentle manner in which I have done so many times before. I leaned into the left side of her neck and placed a delicate kiss that lasted for three seconds. I returned my head to its proper position and nervously awaited a response.

Time seemed to take forever. She hadn't responded. Red flags went up. I had made a huge miscalculation. Backtrack Carrie! Quickly! We stepped apart from each other and began to wipe off our hands after placing the filets in ziplock bags. Nauseousness was my only feeling during this period of silence. I asked if she would like dry clothes and explained that I had to go and change. Exit stage left!

I quickly strode off to my platform in the light mist, shaking my head. What had I done? How could I fix this now? Dummy, you can't! Oh, the mental scolding that happened between the walk to the tent and my return to the kitchen was a brutal murder of my soul.

I found her waiting inside the kitchen, preparing our fish when I returned in dry clothing. I could not think of what to say so I began to light a fire. So many thoughts consumed my mind: feelings of remorse and regret accompanied by a sensation of filth. Once the fire was crackling, I asked, "Do you want to eat the fish with rice or pasta?" Am I a clever girl or what?

Rice was the choice, and alas I had to leave the kitchen to go to the food room out front and retrieve more. I took this moment to think of what it was that I will say to explain my inappropriate behaviour. How would she take this apology? I called out to her asking if she would care for a beer because I definitely needed a six pack at the moment. She agreed.

I returned to the kitchen and sat an open beer next to her and began to open mine. I couldn't get the first mouthful into me fast enough. I composed myself and began to prepare the pot for the rice at the far end of the counter.

All this time spent worrying about what I would say when all of the sudden out of my mouth came a poetic apology along with a promise not to behave in that manner again. "Who said that?", I thought. It was elegant and concise. I walked to the kitchen table as she accepted my words. I sat and stared at the floor feeling dirty and dejected. I enjoyed my beer since it was the only thing consoling me. Danielle stopped, wiped her hands, and leaned against the island looking at me with eyes of concern.

"Why did you do that?", she said.

I had hoped that those words would not be spoken and that we could just pretend like we had always done in these moments of casual affection.

"Do I really need to explain? The reason is obvious, and I am sorry.", I replied. In saying this I hoped that she would ask again for clarification. I hoped that we would finally have the discussion that I had been playing over and over in my head. I hoped to explain my motions and why it is that she could drive my body into a state of panic whenever I see her or touch her?

She did not respond, but rather joined me at the table kitty-corner with beer in hand. I looked at her, but immediately returned my gaze to the ceiling and then the floor as I sipped my beer. She didn't appear to be rattled. She was calm and collected. With her chair pushed back from the table, and her legs crossed at the knees, she asked, "What's wrong?".

Is she kidding me with this question? Why was she torturing me? I can only imagine what a mess I looked like. I felt like a dog who had just been scolded with my tail between my legs in shame for having relieved my inner pressures. I simply say that I am embarrassed and sorry for my actions. She smiled at me as my eyes began to well up. That was the last thing that I needed to do: reveal that I am a sap.

"What would you say if I wanted to kiss you back?" she said clearly.

Where did these words come from?, I screamed inside. Shaken, I only respond with "Why didn't you?" in a laughing manner.

I was so confused, and the last thing that I needed to do was to start to talk without thinking, since I felt that was where I was headed and in a hurry. She looked at me and forced out a small smile while explaining that "It would be un-admirable since I'm engaged."

I smiled and had a drink of my beer as she rose to her feet and stood beside the table. She stepped toward me in a slow manner she stopped beside my chair. Standing there looking down at me with gentle eyes she asked if she could hug me, and off went the butterflies. Like a small wind storm they raced throughout my body awakening all of my sensations without notifying my present company.

Without thinking I rose to her as she reached for me. She quickly took a hold of my waist as I seized her petite frame. We had never held each other in a true embrace and my body shuddered with excitement. She smelled so fresh in my arms and I could feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest. She laid her head on my shoulder gently for only a moment. Since I was taller, her face was planted along my collarbone and the side my neck. My ear rested comfortably in her hair when I started to feel her head tilt up towards my face. My breath deepened and my heart rate sped up. Our cheeks began to touch in a gentle rubbing motion as she continued to raise her chin to meet up with mine.

My body vibrated with excitement as her eyes met mine for just a moment, and then our lips slowly touched with a intense urge to sample each others tastes. A warm sensation ripped through my veins reaffirming me of my desires. This small kiss was followed by another that was a deep desire to consume my flavours. I felt her body tense up in my arms and then melt loosely as I moved my hands along her back to better embrace her. She let out a small dissolving sigh as we connected for a second time. I began to tremble experiencing a moment that I had only dreamt about.

We stood in front of the fireplace, which was the only light in the dining area at the time. Stepping back to look at each other, we were aware that we were in front of the picture window and anyone could stumble upon us. She stepped past me as I stood there, jolted. Did that just happen?

A funny thing happens after the first time two people kiss; neither of the parties knows just what to do after their first intimate moment. The crackling of the fire brought us back around and I went to check on the rice. Danielle was not far behind to inspect the fish. Dinner was almost complete. I slid around her body placing my hands upon her as I walked past to gather dishes for our fine catch. Conversation was minimal at this point which was probably better.

During dinner, we sat smiling at each other and she giggled every once in a while. She confessed that she had wanted to turn around in the tool shed and return my affection, but was caught so off-guard that she couldn't react in time. By the time I had left to change, she had figured that she had lost her opportunity to display her feelings for me and had probably hurt my feelings in the process. I laughed and explained my long and emotional walk to my tent that consisted of a harsh scolding and panicked theories to recover from my display.

As we sat in the dark listening to the crackling fire, we gently held hands and shared small kisses. We were startled as the door to the kitchen opened. We dropped each others hands as a client entered and asked where the rest of the staff was. Dani explained that they were in town and gave the man directions as to how he could find them.

Once gone, we decided to leave the dishes for tomorrow. Instead, we walked out to the front room for the evening view of the lake. The storm had cleared and the moon now filled the night with a light so bright that we noticed that the lake had returned to its calm and peaceful manner. The stars were plentiful, but we didn't even make it to the window before we touched again. While we walked through the hallway, I left my hands in back so that Dani could take them, which she did. I stopped just inside the doorway. No longer able to wait, I turned and pulled her small frame into mine. Our connection was powerful and she let me know that kissing me was better than she had ever thought.

Talk about stroking my ego. She had thought of this moment? So, I hadn't been crazy, I actually had made an honest connection with Danielle, one that I had dreamt about for such a long time. The only difference being that I could have never have dreamt something so perfect. It was as if we were in a movie.

We decided to make our way to the front door and out onto the deck. With a blanket in hand, I laid it out on the picnic table seat and she joined me. I straddled the bench as she sat facing the lake. I embraced her fully and she snuggled into my arms. How at peace I was right then. Sitting there in the beauty of the night sky I can't remember when I have ever felt so comfortable with someone, or when my body had been so full of glee. I felt vibrant and satisfied with my actions. It was out of character for me to be so open with someone, and I was surprised that I was not questioning my actions. I was relieved and felt clean from within, but all good things come to an end. We discussed that she needed to return to town. We took each others hand and walked through the darkness up to my truck. I opened the door for her as she jumped into the passenger seat. Leaving her with a gentle stroke on her thigh and a warm kiss on her check I make my way to the driver seat.

We drove into town through a light fog. I am aware that I am taking the woman that I am fond of to spend the night with her fiancé. Is this what you would call extreme dating? What was I getting into? As I pondered these questions aloud, she could only smile and take my hand.

We pulled into their driveway and I hopped out of the truck to help carry some of the gear to her future father-in-law's boat. I returned to the back of the truck to find her waiting for me. I wanted so much to give her a kiss goodnight but feared being caught. She smiled at me sharing "that I don't want this night to end". I agreed sighting that this is reality and begin to load her arms with wet clothing. We walked around the far side of my truck, using it to hide my hands which were now on her hips. She walked slowly as if she was not wanting to leave and wanted to feel my touch for a few more moments.

I drew her body close to mine as our camouflage was ending. I squeezed her hips tight and whispered goodnight as she casually headed off to the back door of her home.



Continued...