~ Xelda: Warrior Princess? Or, Xena At Westbridge High ~
by Erich

Disclaimer: Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of ABC, Archie Comics and Viacom. Xena, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Xena: Warrior Princess," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of Universal Studios. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Note: Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of ABC, Archie Comics and Viacom. Xena, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Xena: Warrior Princess," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of Universal Studios. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

DESSCRIBE1@aol.com

Part 7

Chapter Nine

Hilda and Aphrodite carefully eyed each other, as if they were amateur wrestlers just beginning a bout. From a safe distance, Xelda and Salem watched the prospective action.

"Perhaps I should go amongst the villagers and take wagers," Salem said.

"It might work--if you were human," Xelda snapped back. "Aren't you concerned about my sister's welfare?"

"I figure witch and goddess will cancel each other out. Then it will be up to whomever has superior intelligence."

Xelda held her hand to her mouth in apprehension. "Perhaps I better do something." But just as she began walking towards the combatants, she felt a rush to her side. It was Joxer.

"Hilda, fair darling, I will aid you in your battle and prove myself worthy of your love," he hollered as he ran, prompting a mean look from Aphrodite.

"Defending her? I don't believe it, Jox-man." Aphrodite shook her head in laughter. "And after all I've done for you." Using her powers, she caused Joxer to freeze, then rise in the air backwards as if being repelled by an invisible magnet.

"How dare you do that to my man!" Hilda cried indignantly. She used her magic to pull the suspended Joxer closer to him, only to find Aphrodite redoubled her powers to push him back.

Xelda turned to Salem. "Should I intervene?"

Salem was about to answer in the affirmative when so caught his eye...a patch of land filled with mud near the witch and goddess. "No, Xelly," he replied with the most imperceptible of smirks. "There are times you have to let nature run its course."

*   *   *

Sabrina popped herself home, and Gabrielle came home about 20 minutes later. "I have quotes," the bard told her. "And Xena said she'd be back in a few minutes."

"Very good," Sabrina answered. "Now head up to my room and write the story on my computer. Save the story to disk." She pointed at Gabrielle, instantly giving her computing skills, not to mention a rainbow-colored floppy.

"I'm on my way," Gabrielle said, rushing upstairs.

Sabrina glanced at her watch...5:19 p.m. A little more than 100 minutes before the "Xena" rerun was to air, giving her a chance to set everything right. "My aunts must be bored out of their skulls to be there," she thought.

At that moment, Xena walked in. "Glad to be back," she told Sabrina. "That track meet was fun--not much of a challenge, but fun." Her voice prompted a tiny neigh and a trot from a cat-sized horse, whom Xena petted. "You're a good little Argo," she cooed.

"Gabrielle's upstairs writing the story, so leave her alone for now," Sabrina said. "Just sit down and relax."

"I could use something to eat. Have any fish?"

"You are in luck," Sabrina answered, discreetly zapping up some haddock in the refrigerator. She could have conjured up cooked fish, but wanted to give them a genuinely prepared meal before they headed back to their own fictional universe. "Give me some time to prepare it."

"Fine."

*   *   *

No oil change needed, Libby Chessler sped her convertible out of the auto shop and headed home, using her cell phone to call ahead and tell her housestaff to make sure dinner was ready.

"Tiny horse at the Spellmans," she said derisively after hanging up. "Harvey is so deluded by that Sabrina that he'll believe anything she feeds him. So pliable." She smirked. "With that quality, he should be mine."

*   *   *

The newly computer-literate Gabrielle clicked the mouse at the "Save As" sign, saw the light flicker near the disk drive, and knew her story had been saved. It was fortuitous, too, because just at that moment she heard Sabrina holler from downstairs, "Dinner is nearly ready."

"Okay," the bard answered. "Let me wash up." She left Sabrina's room and was about ready to enter the bathroom when she saw a door in front of her in the hallway. This is such a nice house, she thought to herself. Wonder what's behind there?

Gabrielle entered, found some towels and other linens sorted nicely, then heard the door shut behind her. Darkness...

...then light, an amazing amalgam of light unlike anything she had ever seen. Had she suddenly passed into the afterlife? Was she now dead? And, she chillingly wondered, would she ever see Xena again?

At that second, Gabrielle found herself before a young woman in a blouse and jeans; she looked a few years younger than Sabrina. "Where am I? Who are you? And how do I get back to Xena and Sabrina?"

"Xena? Sabrina?" The young woman mischievously smiled. "I'll help you," she said, pointing at her. "Welcome to the Other Realm..."

*   *   *

Hilda and Aphrodite began grappling, both filled with anger. "I've wanted to be irresistible to men for more than 600 years, and I'm not going to let Pink Lady minus Jeff stop me, Venus," the glowing witch seethed as she tried to wring the neck of the goddess of love.

"You called me the V-word! How dare you!" Aphrodite replied, landing a punch on Hilda's ribs.

Must be an obscenity in the Xenaverse, Salem thought to himself.

Aphrodite resumed her rant. "You don't call me that and get away with--"   

Just then, she slipped, and both supernatural combatants landed in mud. They kept rolling around in the muck, which enveloped Hilda's amber halo. Neither could get the upper hand in the dirty conditions.

"How repulsive!" Xelda said, watching the mess. "I have half a mind to zap that into Jell-o."

"Jack Benny's nowhere in sight, Xelly," the cat reminded her. "Anyway, from what I understand, he never really liked the stuff. Anyway, mud has more commercial potential."

"This is not a strip club, Salem."

*   *   *

"I called Gabrielle a minute ago, and she hasn't come down yet," Sabrina said as she placed Xena's fish dinner on the table, then placed another on the spot where the bard would eat. "Oh, by the way, do you like creamed spinach?", a reference to the side dish.

"She's probably cleaning herself, and no, I've never tried the stuff," the warrior princess replied. "Let me go upstairs and get her. It's the least I can do before her meal gets cold." With that, she left the table and proceeded toward the stairs.

"We do have a microwave," Sabrina called to her as she left her sight.

Xena briskly walked up the stairs to find someone--a young woman who clearly was not Gabrielle--coming out from the room across from Sabrina's bedroom. "Who are you?" she said upon reaching the top of the stairs.

The young woman smiled. "My name is Amanda, and I'm your worst nightmare," she smugly said, displaying something she had hidden behnd her. It was a glass container.

With Gabrielle inside, pounding her fists on the edges and screaming.

"What have you done to my friend?" Xena angrily said.

"What I'm going to do to you right now!" Amanda said, pointing at her; instantaneously, Xena joined the bard inside the jar. "And I had heard you two were more than friends, though I'm really a little young to suppose to know anything about that."

"What the--" a bewildered Xena said. "How did you get in here?"

"The same way you did," Gabrielle replied. "That evil little girl pointed at me, and suddenly I'm here. Don't worry--there are airholes up there."

Carrying her two tiny prey, Amanda walked downstairs. "This will be great for Other Realm science fair...and if the teacher doesn't like it, she'll join them."

As Amanda reached the foot of the stairs, she found a surprised Sabrina about 10 feet away. "Amanda, I'm looking for--"

"These?" she said, holding the jar with Xena and Gabrielle, then pointing at her cousin. Instantly, Sabrina found herself inside. "Good," Amanda said from above. "Now in the event of an argument, you folks will have a third person to serve as referee."

Sabrina cursed her fate as she stared at Amanda's colossal fingers gripping the job. If she couldn't get out soon, the rerun would air and end, forcing her aunts and Salem to wait at least another day before they could come back. And what if this was permanent? Oh, that stupid cousin, whose evil laugh Sabrina heard thundering above her.

Meanwhile, Argo was waiting for her dinner and was frustrated. Had Sabrina forgotten her? Horses need to eat too. She followed Sabrina out of the kitchen and didn't see her. Then, in the corner of the tiny mare's eye, she saw Sabrina, Xena and Gabrielle in a glass jar held by a young woman laughing heartily.

This is not good, Argo thought.

So unbeknownst to Amanda, whose back was turned, the little mare charged towards her. A few steps up the stairs, Argo collided into Amanda's right shin, causing her to lose its balance.

When the jar crashed to the floor, breaking into scores of pieces, Xena, Sabrina and Gabrielle found themselves restored to full size. In that split second of confusion, Sabrina pointed twice, first at Amanda and then at the pieces of glass. The shards reunited into a jar...with a miniature Amanda inside.

"That's it," Sabrina said, clutching the jar in midair, and sighing in relief that her plan was still on. "Amanda, when your mother finds out..." Now that the threat of missing the repeat was gone, Sabrina could resume her plan to shift the aunts and Salem back to their own world.

"Argo saved the day!" Xena said, gingerly picking up the rescue horse and stroking its smooth, tiny fur. "I should have guessed we could count on you." The little mare did not resist Xena's advances but happily whinnied.

Gabrielle nodded at Xena, then remembered why she had left her chair in the first place. "Good food, good meat, by the gods, let's go eat!", she said.

"Okay, but first I have a little mailing that needs done," Sabrina said. With that, she pointed at the jar and surrounded it with a transparent box. "Now you can be mailed back to Marigold," she humorously said as she tossed it into the Other Realm closet, then heard the familiar thunder. "Say hi to your mom for me."

DISCLAIMERS: Neither Pink Lady, nor Jeff, nor Jack Benny, nor the fine upscale art of mudwrestling were harmed during the making of this episode.


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