It has been eight months since we were a we and I miss you more than I ever thought possible. Finally, I've gotten the courage to visit where we first met and I wonder if the memories will haunt me or if I will find some solace in them. I slowly open the door and the smells and sounds that assault my senses are so familiar that for a moment we are there together, laughing and so much in love. For a moment, I hesitate in the doorway as I try to decide whether I should just turn around or go inside. A dagger pierces my heart for what was and can never be again. I take a deep breath and proceed into our past.
Tentatively I look around and as memories invade my mind I realize nothing has changed. Making my way to the bar, I take the same stool where you first approached me and took my hand and said let's dance. The barkeep puts a beer and a shot of tequila in front of me and I smile and think, she remembers me from before. I feel a body brush up against mine as a young, strawberry blond sits next to me.
"Hey," I say and smile. Might as well flirt - it has been so long since I felt another body next to mine.
The girl smiles back at me and winks. "Buy a girl a drink," she says.
"Sure why not." I motion to the bartender then look back to the girl. "What are you drinking?" She is not you and my words sound hollow but I know it is time to move on.
"Beer is good," she says as she scoots her stool closer to mine.
Her beer arrives along with another shot for me. "I didn't order this," I say.
The barkeep winks at me then nods across the bar. My eyes follow the nod and see you sitting there smiling that goofy grin you always saved just for me. "Hey, will you set her up with a scotch on the rocks?make it the good stuff."
"Sure will." The bartender smiles and I watch intently as she places the drink in front of you. There's that smile again and even from this distance, I can see the want you look in your eyes. Suddenly, I feel a nudge on my arm and I look at the girl next to me.
"Pass me the ashtray will you?"
I'm annoyed but comply. "You know that will kill you," I say. I look back to you but the drink is there but you are gone. My heart sinks and I wonder if I really saw you or if my mind is playing tricks on me. How did our love go so wrong? I ask myself. Oh yeah, I was a shit. I allowed myself to become engrossed in another's attraction for me and give into the primal feelings that she elicit in me. What a fool I was to think that anyone could even remotely compare to you. But, off I went headlong into something I knew was wrong with lies and half-truths as my allies. You weren't fooled. I never could fool you - you knew me too well for that. In the end, I betrayed you and our love. I can still see the look of hurt in your eyes when you confronted me. The echoing of the door slamming behind you as you left me is my constant companion. I ran after you begging you to stay?begging you to understand. You never looked back. I remember watching as your car got smaller as it and you moved farther away from me. After that, I was desperate to find you and explain. All my words fell on deaf ears and no matter how much I pleaded, you refused to see me or even talk to me. Finally, I complied with your wishes?I really couldn't blame you, for what I did was unforgivable.
I feel a gentle touch on my arm. I look and there you are so close to me that I can feel your breath on my cheek. Your fingers trail down my arm and you take my hand. "Dance with me."
Your words are like music to my ears as my feet float effortless across the wooden planks while you lead me to the dance floor. You wrap your arms around me and hold me tight and I close my eyes for fear that if I open them it will just be a dream. I feel your cheek touching mine and I sigh. I melt into you as we move effortlessly to the music just as we always have - our lovemaking was like that, easy and in harmony. Tears begin to cascade down my cheeks and you stop, move backwards and bend your neck to see my face.
"Why are you crying?" you ask.
"I'm so sorry," I sob.
"I know," you whisper softly and pull me back and hold me even tighter.
I am lost in the dance but soon I feel your tears on my cheek and it is my turn to look at you. "What?"
"I've missed you. You've been away for far too long."
My heart aches for you. Why did I ever betray you? Why did I take the most important person in my life and treat her like nothing? "I'm sorry I was a fool. I want to be a we again."
Your fingers caress my cheeks wiping away my tears but they refuse to stop falling. "I can't," you say softly.
You smile as your thumbs keep the tears at bay. "What about her?"
"She never was anything to me." My heart is breaking knowing that there is no way to excuse what I did to our love. "There is no one but you. I love only you. I want only you." I look directly into your eyes and can see the hurt and pain that I know I caused. "Can we try again?"
You pull me back close to you and once again, we sway to the music. "I've loved you all along."
"Just one chance that's all I need to make it right. I love you." I wrap my arms around you tighter I never want to let you go again. "I stopped breathing the day you left. I wanted you to stay. I know there will never be any words to make up for the pain I caused you." I tentatively kiss your cheek. I'm sorry for hurting you."
"Please don't ever let me go again."
I dissolve into you and know in my heart that you have forgiven me. At last, I can breathe again. "Never will I let you go."
Your lips touch mine as you kiss me hungrily before you pull back. "Let's go home."