LJ was just finishing up feeding Katie when she heard the approaching vehicle. Looking out the window, her heart sank when she saw who had come to their house. Kiley was asleep so the only one she had to stop was Allie, and they would just not answer the door.
“Allie.” She whispered loudly just as she heard…
“Hello, little girl, is LJ here?”
“Shit!” She said as she made her way to the back door. “Allie, why don’t you go back and play, I will take care of this woman.”
“Okay, Mom.” She said cheerfully as she skipped back to the family room.
Max was laughing. “Lover, you never seemed to me like the maternal type. Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
“What do you want?” LJ spoke harshly disturbing the tranquil Katie who immediately began to whimper. LJ began to rock the baby as she kissed the top of her head. “I said…what do you want.”
A lecherous smile crossed Max’s smile. “Why, Lover, I want what is mine. I want you.”
“Get the hell out of here! I’m not yours and never have been!” She couldn’t help the anger she was feeling. Katie began to wail in reaction to her mother’s mood. “Shh, Katie, the mean woman is leaving.”
“The hell I am!” Max snapped. “I’m not leaving until I get what I came for!”
LJ felt her before the hand rubbed her back.
“LJ, you should’ve told me we were expecting company.” Kiley pushed past her partner and unlocked the screen door. “Please come in.” She said opening the door wide.
“Thank you, I’m Maxine Dylan.” She said holding out her hand.
“Welcome, Maxine, I’m Kiley Evans.” She said with a sweet smile. “Please have a seat. LJ, why don’t you put Katie down, then we can have a nice visit with your friend.”
LJ was dumbfounded as she tried to get a handle on what was happening. Kiley Evans? Where did that come from? At the same time terror filled her, she felt great pride in the way Kiley was handling Max. Slowly she made her way out of the room only to stop once she was out of sight. Hearing Max’s words, she quickly put Katie in her crib and returned to listen to the conversation.
“Evans, are you LJ’s sister?” Max asked, although she already knew the answer.
Kiley laughed softly. “Oh no, we are partners.”
“Partners…I can’t see how that can be since she and I are lovers.” Getting rid of this one nuisance was the only obstacle to her objective.
“I know all about you…Max, isn’t it? You see LJ and I don’t have secrets. I’m not sure why you are here, but I can assure you, there is nothing here for you.”
“Obviously you didn’t hear me!” Max’s tone became aggressive. “Your so called partner and I are lovers; have been for quite a long time. Did she tell you about our showers together or the long nights of passion in the jungle.”
Kiley didn’t flinch even if the words cut her to the core. “Like I said, we have no secrets.” The voice was laced with ice. “Now, would you please leave my home, you’re not welcome here.”
Max hadn’t prepared herself for this woman. She thought she would arrive and steal LJ away without a problem. Yet, here was this woman telling her to leave! “Your home, I don’t think so. How do you think I found my way here? She told me…she said to come out here and save her from the game of house you had subjected her to.” Max then laughed as she saw the words wound Kiley. “Bet she never told you about our special bond…our special sex…the way only I can please her.” Applauding to herself, Max scored again.
LJ had heard enough and charged out into the kitchen and went to the screen door opening it wide. “I believe you were asked to leave our home, Dr. Dylan!”
Max looked squarely into LJ’s eyes. “Lover, you know you don’t want that.” She said as she got up and went over to the object of her affections. She then began rubbing up against LJ as she stroked her face. “Remember all those nights of passion.” She purred. “Remember how turned on you were? How you couldn’t get enough of me?” She could feel LJ’s breath on her face, the heat beneath her hand and the tremble as her hand enveloped a breast.
In a blur of motion, LJ grabbed the hand and twisted it hard. “Get out of here and never come back. I’m not your lover! In fact, I can’t stand the sight of you or your touch!” Twisting the arm more she pushed the woman out the door with her other hand before releasing her. “GET OUT!”
Max was confused by LJ’s reaction, but wasn’t going to let it show. Rubbing her arm, she laughed. “Rough, just the way you like it, Lover. You’ll come to me…you always do. No one can do to you what I do.” She turned and walked back to her car laughing all the way.
Once she was gone, LJ turned back to Kiley. “I’m sorry, she has always been delusional.”
Kiley’s green eyes pinned LJ. “She was telling the truth, wasn’t she?”
LJ took a deep breath. “Kiley, I never called her and told her to come out here. Yes, we were lovers once, but that was long before I met you.”
She knew better than to ask the question, but Kiley didn’t heed the little voice telling her NO. “Were you with her in Peru?” She whispered.
LJ walked towards her partner stopping an arms length away. “You have to understand how it was there…I tried to tell you, but couldn’t find the words.” Panic filled her heart.
Kiley nodded her head then spoke in a deep and distant voice. “Why don’t you enlighten me as to how it was there.”
Her head bowed in shame as she began telling the story. “All I ever wanted from that woman was sex…a non emotional fuck. She wanted more so I broke it off with her, but she kept coming back.” She didn’t raise her head, for fear of seeing the hurt and disappointment in Kiley’s eyes. “At the dig she kept coming on to me, taunting me and enticing me. I did everything I could to discourage her, but she would laugh and tell me I would come to her eventually.” Lifting her head, she looked at Kiley and saw the hurt. “I have no excuse, I was weak.”
“You slept with her then?”
She moved a bit closer, desperately wanting to take Kiley in her arms. “I fucked her, Kiley, there’s a difference.” She said defensively.
“You slept with her.”
“Yes.” Came the quiet response.
“Damn you! Damn you to hell!” Kiley sobbed as she pounded LJ’s chest. “Why, why? How could you do this to us?” She asked as she collapsed against the taller woman.
Wrapping arms around her love, LJ whispered as tears coursed down her cheeks. “Please forgive me.”
Pulling away, Kiley looked up into the blue eyes. “Don’t…don’t do that.” She whispered as she heard their son crying. “I need to feed him.”
LJ softly said. “No, I will.” Then she walked back to the nursery.
Picking up her son, she held him close. “Hey, sweetheart, are you hungry?’ He was sucking on his fist. “Mommy is here to help you stave off hunger.” She sat down in the rocker, opened her shirt and bra flap, and guided him towards her breast. He hungrily took the nipple and began to satisfy himself.
Rocking gently, LJ began to tell him her story. “Mom really messed up this time. What will I do if your Mom leaves me? I love her so much, she is my life…my everything.” Tears were welling up as she spoke. “I hate myself for being weak…for giving into that woman. How could I ever betray my one true love like that? What a fool I am.” Tears were freely flowing. “What should I do, how can I make it all better?” The blue eyes looked up at her and blinked. “You’re right, why should she ever forgive me?”
“Will you tell me one thing?” Kiley asked as she stood in the doorway.
“Anything.” LJ was startled.
“Do you love her?” Green eyes were searching blue.
“No, Kiley, never. You are the only one I love.” She said quietly. “I let my physical needs rule over my heart and mind.” She stood up and took the baby over to the changing table. “Do you need a dry diaper, Buddy? Is my little baby wet?”
“I must be such a failure since I couldn’t satisfy you enough.” Came the soft reply, Kiley’s voice filled with sorrow and hurt.
Turning her head, LJ began to reply. “You’re not a failure…DAMN!” She said as she looked down at the now soaked shirt.
Kiley couldn’t help herself, she laughed aloud as she went over to the changing table. “Gotcha didn’t he? Here let me finish that and you can change.”
LJ stood there looking down at the baby, then to her shirt, then to Kiley. Pulling on her shirt, she began flapping it rapidly before she too, began to laugh.
LJ was sitting on the bed with the wet shirt in her hands when Kiley entered.
Looking up, LJ’s defeated voice asked. “Do you want me to leave?”
“This is your home, if anyone should leave it’s me. Do you want that?”
“No.” She replied softly as she looked at Kiley.
“I don’t want to end our relationship, but how can I ever trust you again? You betrayed us, Lucy.”
“Maybe in time you will find it in your heart to forgive.” She then bowed her head, as tears flowed. Standing up, she found a shirt and put it on. “I won’t bother you anymore.” Then she left.
Kiley stood there watching the woman she pledged her heart, soul and life to walk out of her life. LJ had lied and given her body to another, could she forgive that? At the moment she didn’t know. Her world was crumbling, as she stood in their bedroom, alone, not knowing if she would ever hold LJ again.
Hearing the screen door close and the old truck start up, Kiley ran for the door calling out. “Lucy, don’t leave!” It was too late…the dust from the truck was all she could see. Sliding down to the floor, she began to cry.
“Mommy, why are you crying?” A small voice asked.
“Oh, Mommy’s just having a bad day, Sweetie.”
Allie patted her mother’s shoulder. “Don’t cry, Mommy. Where’s Mom?” She asked. “I have a picture of the horses for her.”
Kiley looked up at her daughter. So innocent, she thought to herself. How do I tell her? “She had to go away for a little while.” She said as tears continued streaming down her face.
“I hope she gets back soon, she can make you stop crying. What’s for dinner, I’m hungry.”
“Baby, would you like to go to Grams for dinner?”
“Can I? Will you tell Mom when she gets back that I have a surprise for her?
“Of course I will. Now go clean up while I call your grandmother.” Getting up off the floor, Kiley took several deep breaths in an attempt to steady her shaking body. “Right, I can do this.” Picking up the phone, she dialed the number. “Hi, Mom, do you think you could do me a favor and take Allie for the night?”
“Is everything okay?” Dorothy asked, able to notice the tremble in her daughter’s voice.
“Yeah, fine, I’m just tired, that’s all. Can you come and get her?”
“Sure, I’ll be right over. Kiley…”
“Mom, please don’t.” Hanging up the phone, she hurried Allie along so she would be on the porch waiting when her mother arrived. She wasn’t up to any type of explanation or confrontations.
LJ drove aimlessly down the road. Hours later she still didn’t know where she would go. Her world was crashing all around her and once again, she found herself alone. Her own stupidity was responsible for Kiley not knowing whether she wanted her or not. She really didn’t blame her, she had betrayed their love and that was unforgivable. Perhaps in time forgiveness would be found.
Texas roads have numerous small parking areas with picnic tables around the area, which is where LJ found herself stopping. Getting out the truck, she sat on top of one of the tables and pondered her fate and what the possibilities were. She couldn’t go to the museum and her small room there; she had quit her job besides, she would run into Max. Considering her mood at the moment, that would be unwise. She was sure she would do the woman bodily harm. She buried her face in her hands and lamented her life. Then it happened, she could feel her milk start to come in, it was time to feed the twins. Looking down, she noticed two rings of wetness on her shirt and the decision was made. She got in her truck and headed home.
LJ parked at the end of the road and walked up to the house, afraid that if Kiley heard her coming, she might lock the doors. Quietly she opened the door and began to softly walk into the house. She quickly realized there was no need for quiet, Katie was wailing. Walking down the hall, she heard Kiley speaking.
“I know you’re hungry sweetie, Mommy will get to you as soon as I finish with your brother. I can only do one at a time.”
Peeking in the door, she saw her love feeding Robbie while her foot jiggled Katie in a small cradle. Now her breast ached with fullness and the need to feel close to her children. She went into the room, picked up Katie, sat down in the other rocker, and undid her shirt. Cooing to the child, she calmed her down enough to begin feeding.
“There you go pumpkin. I’m sorry, Mom was just a little late.” Then she kissed the baby’s head before looking up at Kiley, who sat there, just staring. As their eyes met each turned away, afraid what they might see there.
A calm peace filled the room while the two women fed their children. Soon, Kiley got up, changed Robbie’s diaper, put him in his pajamas before sitting back down and rocking him to sleep. LJ burped Katie before getting her ready for the night. It wasn’t long before Katie was fast asleep and LJ gently laid her in the crib.
Turning towards Kiley she said. “I won’t abandon you or our children.” Sighing she continued. “I’ll get a few of my things for tonight and get the rest tomorrow. I’ll just be across the yard in the other house…that way I can be close by to help out.”
“I thought you would go to her.” The shaky voice said.
“No.” Came the soft reply.
Rising she walked over, bent down and gently kissed Robbie’s cheek then Kiley’s. “I’ll take the monitor so I can hear them wake for the next feeding. Goodnight, I love you.” Then she went into the bedroom grabbed clean jeans and shirt, her toothbrush from the bathroom then left the house.
Kiley sat there motionless though tears began to trickle down her cheeks. “Goodnight, my love.”
Mornings would find LJ up early and in the kitchen making breakfast. Not wanting to upset Allie with the separation, she would do everything she could to make the child believe she still lived in the house. She would eat meals with them and stay until Allie and the twins went to bed before leaving the house.
“Mom?” Allie asked LJ.
“Squirt.” LJ lovingly replied.
Allie laughed as she went over and sat on her mother’s lap. “Why don’t you smile anymore?”
LJ was taken aback by the child’s astute observation. “I smile, Allie…I think I did one just this afternoon when you came home from school.” She hugged the child close. “You make me smile, Squirt. Now, you tell me something…how was school today?”
The little girl kissed her mother’s cheek. “Well, Sally didn’t want to eat lunch with me and Laurie because she has a boyfriend.”
“A boyfriend? Isn’t Sally a little young to have a boyfriend?”
“Mom! Everyone has one!”
“Everyone, even you?” LJ was amused by this conversation.
“Well of course, Sean!” Allie said as she rolled her eyes. “But, I don’t like him anymore, I like Billy now.”
LJ laughed for the first time in weeks. “Oh, really and just how long was Sean your boyfriend?”
“Yesterday.” Came the serious response.
LJ pulled her daughter close again. “I love you, Allie. Thank you.”
Allie pulled back as her face scrunched up. “Thank you? For what?”
Tears threatened. “For being in my life.” She said as she hugged her once again.
Kiley sat in the kitchen listening to the conversation. LJ is so wonderful to Allie and the twins. Why can’t I find it in my heart to forgive her…hell, even to speak to her? She thought as a lone tear fell. Turning she went into the room.
“Anyone want some ice-cream?” She asked averting LJ’s eyes. “We have Rocky Road and Chocolate Peanut Butter.” Both were her partner’s favorites and she had to start somewhere.
“Me, me!” Allie squealed as she grabbed LJ’s hand. “Come on, Mom.”
Leave it to our daughter to break the ice, Kiley thought.
“Squirt, I need to go out for a bit, why don’t you have mine for me.”
“Goody!” She shouted as she ran into the kitchen.
“You sure? They’re your favorites.” Kiley said, almost pleading.
“Yeah, I’ll come back when the twins wake up.” Came the monotone response as she walked past Kiley giving her a light kiss before leaving.
In the kitchen, she picked Allie up and gave her a big hug and kiss. “I won’t be back before you go to bed…will you please not give your mother a hard time?”
“I promise.” She said planting wet sloppy kisses on her mom’s cheek before she was returned to the floor.
Kiley watched as the woman, she desperately loved, left her once again.
“Mom! Ice-cream!”
She patted Allie’s head as she headed for the freezer, her heart breaking.
The phone rang just as Robbie was waking up. Holding the crying child, Kiley picked the phone up. “Hello.” She said holding her son close as he began nursing.
“Hey.” It’s me. “Listen, I’m coming down with something and don’t want to give it to the kids. Can you get your mom to help you out today?”
Concern filled Kiley. She had noticed LJ hadn’t been looking too good lately. “Are you okay? Do you need me to take you to the doctor?”
“No.” Came the weak reply. “Bye.”
Kiley didn’t get a chance to say anything since the phone went silent. She would call her mother later, and then check on LJ. Right now, she prayed Katie wouldn’t wake up until Robbie finished eating.
Dorothy arrived in time to get Allie ready for school and see that she got on the bus.
“What’s going on, Sweetie, where’s LJ?” She asked as she helped her daughter fold laundry.
Kiley sighed. “She has the flu, she is staying over at the other house so the babies don’t get it.” She kept on folding refusing to make eye contact. “I need to go check on her after I’m done.”
Dorothy took the towel out of her daughter’s hand. “Go now, I can see you’re worried, I’ll finish up here. Are there bottles in the frig?”
Kiley debated on what to do. What if she won’t let me in? “Sure, thanks, I’ll only be a minute, I’m sure she’s sleeping.”
“Take your time, dear, she will appreciate the TLC.” Dorothy didn’t know what was really was going on, but she would support her daughter, no matter what.
Walking up to the door, Kiley grasped the doorknob and turned only to find it locked. No one locks doors around here, she thought. In fact, she wasn’t even aware of a key. Should I knock? She asked herself. No, I’ll just let her be…obviously, she doesn’t want to be bothered. Turning, she walked back to the house noticing her mother watching.
Entering the kitchen, Kiley laughed. “What a goof she is, she locked the door. I’ll check on her later.” She said as she headed for the coffeepot. Sitting down, she closed her eyes as she sipped the hot brew.
Dorothy sat next to her daughter. “Want to talk about it?” She asked as she put a loving arm around her. “I might not have answers, but I can listen.”
Kiley went very still and quiet as the sadness of the past two weeks filled her heart, mind and soul. Patting her mother’s hand she said. “Thanks, but there’s nothing to talk about.”
This was her only child and Dorothy knew her well enough to know the subject was closed. She also knew that something drastic was wrong between LJ and her daughter. In time she would find out, hopefully it wouldn’t be too late.
Kiley woke with a start. Looking around the room, she noticed the time and felt the fullness of her breast. Slipping out of bed, she checked on the twins and found them fast asleep. Walking into the kitchen she found her mother brushing Allie’s hair before she left to catch the bus.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” Kiley asked.
“Well, good morning to you too.” Dorothy said smiling. “You were so tired last night that I decided to stay over and let you get a good night’s sleep.” She patted Allie on the head. “There you go, sweetie, now give Mommy a kiss and then go wait for the bus.”
Allie ran over to her mother and gave her a big kiss and hug. “Bye, Mommy. Will you tell Mom I said bye when she gets up?” Turning, the girl ran out the door.
“LJ? Did LJ help you?” Kiley said as she was trying to get a handle on what was happening.
“I haven’t seen her. Want some breakfast?”
Kiley went pale. “Something is wrong.” She said as she went to the screen door and saw Ben crossing the yard. “Ben. Wait up.” She called going out the door.
“Good morning, Missy.” Ben said as he tried not to notice the blonde woman’s skimpy nightgown. “What can I do for you?”
“Do you have a key to the house over there?” She asked pointing to their temporary house. “LJ slept there last night because she was sick and the door is locked. I’m worried about her.”
Ben brought his hand up to his face as he rubbed his beard. “Let me see, now. Hmmm.”
Kiley loved this man, but right now was not the time for his laid back ways. “Come on, Ben, do you have it or not. I’m really worried, here.”
Pulling on the key ring on his belt, he sorted through the keys. “Yep, here it is.” He said as he took the key off and held it up in the air.
Grabbing it from his hand, Kiley headed to the house and quickly unlocked the door.
The stench of vomit and diarrhea almost overpowered her as she entered the house. Walking swiftly to the bedroom, she was horrified to see LJ lying across the bed drenched in sweat. She gently sat down and brushed the hair out of the woman’s face as blue eyes opened.
“Hey, sleepyhead, what do you say we take you to the doctor?”
A shaking hand reached up and covered Kiley’s. “Did you see her?”
Kiley looked around the room. “See who?”
LJ managed a peaceful smile. “My grandmother.” Her voice was weak and low as she attempted to raise her head. “There, over there by the door, do you see her? She’s come to take me home.”
The words ripped through her heart as Kiley looked towards the door. Putting her arm under LJ’s shoulders she spoke. “Let me help you up and we will go to the doctor and get you all better.”
“No. I’m going home with Gram…she always loved me no matter what.”
“Lucy, you are home, right here. We need you here.” Kiley implored.
“It’s too late for that…you don’t love me anymore…I betrayed you.” She whispered.
“Oh, Lucy.” She said tenderly. “I love you no matter what. We all do. Allie, Katie, Robbie…we love you and need you with us.”
A bright smile came over LJ’s face. “Holly, Holly is here too, to take me home.” Blue eyes fixed on the doorway.
“It’s not time, Lucy, I need you here.” Her voice was trembling.
LJ looked at her lover with tired eyes. “I’ve always loved you.” Came the softly spoken words before she closed her eyes.
An ear-piercing wail was heard as Kiley crouched over LJ. “Noooooo, noooooo, you can’t die! I won’t let you!” She shouted as she placed her knees on either side of the woman, checked the airway and began CPR. “One, two, three, four…”
Dorothy heard the scream and ran out of the house. Ben, also running towards the house, met her. Going inside they headed for the bedroom where they found Kiley.
Picking up the phone, Dorothy dialed 911 requesting an ambulance. “Ben, go down to the road and wait for them…don’t let them go by here, we need them now.” Turning back to the phone, she called her husband. “Carl, please come over here quick, LJ has had some sort of attack…Kiley is doing CPR.”
“Sweetie let me help you.” Dorothy implored.
LJ floated above them watching as Kiley pumped the dead heart and breathed into the sour mouth. Then she saw Dorothy and Ben arrive and go into action. It wasn’t too long before Carl was in the room too and took over for his daughter. It was so surreal yet she knew it wasn’t. In the doorway, her grandmother and Holly stood smiling as they held their arms out to her. She began towards them when she heard Kiley.
“Please, Lucy, please don’t leave me. You said eternity. Come back to me…I love you so much…our children need you. Oh my God, how am I going to tell Allie?" She cried, as tears fell. “You’re her idol, she adores you…how do I tell her this?”
LJ saw Kiley fall to her knees sobbing uncontrollably as her mother bent to comfort her.
“I can’t do it without her, Mom. What am I going to do? How can I go on?”
Dorothy held her daughter. “Listen, there’s the ambulance…they will have the equipment to save her. Come on now get up they will need to get to her.”
LJ watched in fascination as the paramedics came in and began to try to revive the lifeless body. Looking over at her grandmother then back to Kiley she knew it was up to her.
Kiley was standing frozen in place as the men worked on her lover. Strangely, LJ could hear her thoughts. We weren’t finished yet, Lucy. There was so much more for us to discover together and with our family. I missed you with all my heart the last two weeks…all I ever wanted to do is love you. Please, if you can hear me, come back to me. Please, we’ve only just found each other.
LJ’s grandmother was speaking. “If you leave it unfinished it will be with you through eternity. I will always be here for you.”
Tears were coursing down her cheeks. “Gram, can’t I go with you?”
“Finish what you started, Lucinda Jane.” Katie said before she faded away.
“We have a pulse.”
The blue eyes opened and tried to focus. Turning her head, she noticed Kiley asleep in a chair with Allie’s head resting in her lap, her body curled in another chair. The twins, in the double stroller, were also sleeping.
My family, LJ thought with a smiled. Slowly she moved her hand out to touch the one resting on the bed.
Kiley, with her eyes still closed, smiled. “You came back to me.” She purred as green opened and met blue. “How are you feeling?”
“I feel like I’ve been run over by a MAC truck.” LJ’s eyebrows scrunched. “I wasn’t, was I?”
Kiley couldn’t help the giggle she let out. “No, unless you think of being dehydrated from the flu might count as a truck.”
Closing her eyes, LJ sighed. “Oh, yeah, I remember…I couldn’t stop the flow from either end.” She laughed slightly before suddenly opening her eyes wide. “I died.” She whispered.
Kiley’s mind was filled with the memory of the ordeal as a shiver coursed through her body. “Yes, but you came back.” She said tenderly, picking up LJ’s hand. “I don’t know what we would have done without you in our lives.”
LJ squeezed the smaller hand gently. “I want to come back home.” Her eyes were pleading for understanding.
Seemingly out of nowhere a blonde head popped up. “You’re coming home, Mom. When, when.”
Both women looked at their precocious daughter and laughed.
Kiley shook her head as she gave Allie, who was struggling to get to LJ, a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Slow down.”
“Mom, let me go!”
“Squirt, if you want up here you need to calm down some.” LJ said unable to stop smiling at the girl.
“Will you be careful?”
“Yes, Mommy.” Allie said as she squirmed out of Kiley’s grip and climbed up on the bed. Once there, she gave her mom a big hug and kiss. “I love you, Mom, when are you coming home? I missed you so much.”
LJ looked past Allie to Kiley. “It depends on your mommy if I come home or not.” Blue eyes once again appealed for acceptance.
Standing up, Kiley moved closer to the bed, bent down and kissed LJ’s lips. “It is up to the doctor, sweetheart. Your place is with us, always has been…I want you there.”
“Yippee!” Allie’s screech managed to wake up the twins.
Once again, laughter was heard as the family was reunited.
The night was pleasant with a slight breeze moving through the air. Kiley and LJ sat quietly on the old swing, holding hands, each struggling with what to say. “May I ask you a question?” LJ finally asked, quietly.
“Yes.”
“Is it too late for us to be a family like we were? Is there any chance for us to get back there?”
A tear spilled out of Kiley’s eye as she found words would not come.
”I didn’t mean to fail or hurt you, Kiley, please believe that. We’ve been through so much together…we both were searching until we found love…we belong to each other for eternity.” LJ turned a bit and held up her hand with the ring. “Can we try again?”
Kiley looked at her partner, whom she was sure was hurting as much, if not more, than she was. Was I surprised about Max? She thought. No, not really. Came the answer. Is this important enough to lose the love of my life? NO! Came the resounding answer.
LJ’s heart was racing, wondering if Kiley’s silence meant it was over.“ I have something to tell you. All my life, I’ve been a loner. It wasn’t until Holly came into my life that I wanted to share myself with anyone. When she was taken from me, I was destroyed and wanted to die myself…I survived and made my work my life. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I found myself needing to find sexual relief…probably so I could feel alive, or a connection with another or I wanted to dominate…I’m not sure. ” Her voice was reflective with a tinge of self-loathing. “I vowed never to get involved emotionally so I just took what I wanted and left. I’m ashamed, but it was what I had to do to keep uninvolved.”
“Is that what she meant by special sex?” Kiley asked softly.
Blue captured green. “Yes.” Her voice laced with shame. “Kiley, please understand, it was never anything but sex.” She moved a bit closer and took her lover’s hand. “You’re the only one I’ve made love to…there’s a difference, you know.” She spoke from her heart. “I love you deeply, yet I betrayed that love with my body, but never with my heart, mind or soul. You’re my life…when the twins were born, I didn’t know if you would make it or not, I realized that I never wanted to lose you.” She couldn’t help the tears, as Kiley remained quiet. “ If you feel it would be best if I left, I will.”
Kiley sat there motionless, her heart screaming to take the woman in her arms. “Lucy.” She whispered. “Don’t go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Her thoughts went back to the ride in the ambulance and her feelings then, “Do you remember that old woman we met in the museum?”
“The one that told you it was twins…yes, I remember her.”
“She said…Love would be the answer. I love you, Lucy. That is what I know…I love you. Together we will prevail, apart we will fail.”
“I don’t want to fail…I love you so much, Kiley.”
“Then we shall try again. However, Lucy, this is your only chance…there will be no others.”
“I know.” LJ said as she hugged Kiley close. “I would rather die than hurt you again.”
Pulling back a bit, Kiley looked into the blue eyes. “Eternity, remember? I will find you wherever you go.” Then she kissed the red lips gently. “You will never be alone throughout all time, Lucy, we are stuck with a very special, strong glue called love.”
LJ’s eyes brimmed with tears. “You and our family is all I ever want. I now know that there is nothing, and I mean nothing, more important.” Bending her head, she kissed Kiley and was rewarded as a tongue ran across her lips asking for entry. Soon the smoldering fire ignited into raging passion begging to be released.
Intense blue eyes captured green ones that had turned darker with ardor. Standing up, LJ offered Kiley her hand. “Let’s go to bed.” The low, sensual voice said.
“No, take me here as you have taken others.” Kiley said as she began pulling LJ’s shorts off.
Sitting back down, LJ took Kiley’s hand. “Baby, I can’t do that. You deserve to be loved not taken.”
“You can take others and not me? Why? Aren’t I good enough for your special sex?” Kiley was fuming.
LJ’s head bowed in shame as she struggled for words. “Kiley, don’t you understand? Can’t you see why I could never do that to you?”
“Oh, I understand very well!” She growled as the anger increased. “You can share with others something and you can’t with me! How do you think that makes me feel? Well, I’ll tell you…I feel like you will always hold a part of you away from me because I’m not a good enough lover.”
“No, no.” LJ cried out. “You’re a wonderful lover. I could't ask for more than you.”
“But, you refuse to let me experience your special kind of love! Doesn’t sound like I am much of a lover, does it?”
LJ blew out a breath as she held Kiley’s face in her hands. “You don’t understand. If it hadn’t been consensual it would have been rape.” There she said it and in doing so, she admitted to herself how heinous her actions had been. “I’m ashamed of myself, Kiley. I never want to treat you that way, never. I never want to do that again, can you understand that?” Letting go of Kiley’s’ face, LJ once again bowed her head in shame.
Kiley was in shock. She thought special sex meant the use of whips, handcuffs or other sex toys; rape never entered her mind. Looking at LJ, her heart went out to the torture her lover must be feeling. Taking the woman in her arms, she slowly rocked her. “Don’t cry, baby, it will be alright. We will work together…love will show us the way.”
“Can you ever forgive me?” Came the muffled question.
It was Kiley’s turn to tilt LJ’s face up to look in her eyes. “Can you forgive yourself? When you were lying in that bed with your heart stopped, I realized that I loved you no matter what. I don’t understand why you did it, but I have forgiven you, Lucy.” She smiled lovingly.
LJ closed her eyes before opening them. “I love you so much.” All the guilt and self-loathing she had felt over the last few months seemed to lift from her heart. “Thank you, for loving me. I will not let you down again…that is my promise to you. I didn’t die because I wanted to finish my life with you and our family.”
Wrapping her arms around LJ, Kiley hugged her close then whispered in her ear. “I love you, what do you say we go to bed and start healing each other?”
Slowly, fingertips traced circles around taut nipples teasing them to new heights. Hearing the increased tempo of her lover’s breath, she knew her ministrations were having the desired effect. Bending her head, she ran the tip of her tongue around the areola working its way to the nipple. Gently she placed her lips around the protuberance as she slowly pulled it into her mouth. Opening wider, she took more of the breast in as her tongue continued to circle the nipple before sucking it deeply. She shivered as she felt the nipple slide against her tongue.
Never before had felt such powerful emotions while her body ebbed and flowed in reaction to the touch of her lover. Kiley was teasing her with every motion; bringing her to new heights only to bring her back down before setting her on fire again. She held the blonde head lightly insisting she suck harder on the willing nipples. Her reward was Kiley’s teeth biting down and gently pulling, all the while the tongue flicking the nipple.
Soon she found a knee rubbing against her wet center as a greedy mouth continued to devour her breasts. LJ arched as she tried to find relief on Kiley’s thigh only to have the leg removed. Her hands began to caress her lover’s back slowly making their way down to Kiley’s luscious backside. As she kneaded the flesh, her arousal increased and hips moved in an attempt to find flesh to rub against. Her moans grew more insistent as she increasingly felt the need for release. She needed to feel Kiley’s fingers inside her or her lips sucking on her clit or both.
“Please.” She managed to whisper.
Fingers lightly trailed down her belly as lips followed. Kisses were placed all over, as they grew closer to where LJ desperately wanted them. Her hands were once again urging the blonde head to take her.
The velvety, wet recesses of LJ were on fire as Kiley’s fingers slid easily along the length of the hot center. Copious amounts of LJ’s nectar seemed to pour out as fingers delved deep inside only to retreat and probe again. Soon the fingers and hips were moving as one; the deeper the fingers went the harder LJ squeezed them until the intensity increased.
LJ’s breathing was shallow and rapid as she was lost in the powerful rapture of her body’s response. Finally, she let her body go along with the explosion of the orgasms rocking her body. A smile crossed her face as she felt the lips moving lower. She was still on fire and Kiley was an expert in squelching the prickly nerve endings crying for relief. Skilled lips encased the swollen nub as it was teased with the talented tongue before being ravenously sucked. Once again, ecstasy encompassed LJ’s body, lost in the feeling of overwhelming release as she let go of all control and allowed Kiley to dictate the tempo.
All her life LJ craved someone to love her, flaws and all. Kiley now knew her darkest secret and still loved her. She would never be tempted by the likes of Max again; her life now dedicated to the beautiful woman in her arms.
“I love you for eternity, Kiley.”
The head, resting on her stomach, lifted as a glorious smile crossed Kiley’s face. “Good thing, Lucy, ‘cause I love you too.”
Soon they were fast asleep safe in the love of each other’s arms.
Fulfillment
Not only was her personal life changing, but her professional one as well. Although she left the university, the book she had written, 'Out Of The Past', was gaining notoriety in the scientific world. She had no desire to go back to the life she had left. She had a new plan and wanted to discuss it with Kiley after the morning calmed down. Hearing one of the twins crying, she went back inside to begin the day.
The twins were playing happily in their playpen as Kiley and LJ sat at the table enjoying another cup of coffee.
Reaching over, Kiley took LJ’s hand. “Thank you, for last night.” She said with a smile.
Laughing LJ replied, “No, thank you.” She said as she wiggled her eyebrows.
Kiley sighed, deeply satisfied with her life. “What do you have on your docket for today?”
LJ looked at her love. “Kiley, I have an idea I want to discuss with you.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“Well…” she stammered. “I’m not sure how to explain this…we have some areas…damn.” The right words just wouldn’t come to her.
Kiley smiled fondly as she patted LJ’s hand. “Why not just tell me the main idea.” Her lover was so cute when she was tongue-tied.
“Okay…I want to set up an archeology camp at Rhodes End.” There she said it.
Cocking her head, Kiley digested the sentence. “An archeology camp…yes, I can see that working quite well.”
A magnificent smile crossed LJ’s face. “That’s what I thought. We could use the areas where Indian villages were and I know there are several sites that settlers used also.” There was no hiding LJ’s excitement for the project.
The morning turned into afternoon as they hashed out plans for the Rhodes Archeology Camp…RAC.
“This is wonderful, Lucy. I can’t wait to get it started.”
LJ’s eyes were sparkling as she looked over their plans. “We’ll need to get Dad in on this. We can put ads in all the magazines and in the schools too.” She then lifted her head and smiled. “Kiley, thank you.”
“For what?”
A long period of silence followed before LJ spoke again. “For lots of different reasons, but mostly for allowing me to love you and loving me back. I deplore all the hurt and sadness I brought into your life. Yet, through it all, you still love me. No one has ever given me so precious a gift. I will do everything in my power to honor that gift and never lose sight of its power.”
Just as Kiley was about to speak the protests of Katie Ann could be heard. “I love you too.” She said as she stood up.
Six months later the finishing touches were being done on RAC. LJ sat at the kitchen table turning an envelope over and over in her hand. It was from one of the most prestigious scientific groups in the country. The time was right for their annual Awards Ball, but LJ didn’t understand why she would be invited. After all, it had been almost a year since she did any formal work. Opening the envelope, she began reading just as Kiley came in the door.
“What do you have there?” She asked casually. “Looks like a fancy invitation to me.”
LJ’s eyes opened wide. “It is sort of. Come here and look at this. They want me to be a speaker.” Kiley positioned herself behind LJ with her arms wrapped around her neck, as she read the note.
LJ,While LJ had a dumbfounded look on her face, Kiley had nothing but smiles.
Congratulations!
As you know every year we present an award to the individual we feel has done outstanding work in their field. You have been chosen in the archeology category based on your superb book, Out Of The Past. We would be honored if you could give a brief synopsis of your book and the theories it was based on.
Once again, congratulations,
Howard
“LJ, how wonderful!” She exclaimed as she kissed her.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Why aren’t you happy?
“Oh, I am. Just a bit shocked…I think. Why me?”
Kiley laughed as she crouched down next to her lover. “Why not you? Your book was insightful, entertaining and presented your views of archeology. It certainly wasn’t the dry uninspired scientific book everyone is used to. I’m proud of you.”
LJ looked down at Kiley and smiled as she pulled her into her lap. “Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to the event?”
It was Kiley’s turn to have her eyes open wide. “Really? You want me to go as your date…not just a friend?”
“I would be proud to have you as my date, Kiley. We are partners in all things and that includes awards. Can I send this back and say two will be attending?”
“Yes, oh, yes my love.”
Kiley was nervous. The night for the Awards Ball had arrived and butterflies were invading her stomach. LJ wanted her there, as her partner, and she would not let her down, but… She wondered how many of LJ’s ex-lovers would be there. Will she want them when she sees them? Stop it, Kiley, she promised…you have to believe her…but can I? A kiss on her neck brought her out of her suspicious thoughts.
“Hey, come back to me.” LJ cooed in her ear. “You looked a million miles away.”
Kiley’s face turned red from being caught. “Oh, I was wondering about tonight.”
“And…” LJ asked cautiously, fearing Kiley was backing out.
“Do you think this dress is okay?” She wore an attractive calf length, strapless navy dress.
“You look fabulous, although there is something missing.”
Looking in the mirror then down her dress, Kiley was confused. “Missing? I don’t see anything missing.”
“Turn around please.” LJ whispered in her ear before placing a diamond necklace around her neck. “There, now it is perfect.”
Kiley was speechless as she looked in the mirror while fingering the exquisite piece in awe. “Oh, Lucy, this is gorgeous…you shouldn’t have.”
LJ turned her partner around then replaced her earrings with ones that matched the necklace. “You will be the most beautiful woman there. What do you think of my costume?”
Kiley laughed as she playfully slapped LJ on the arm. “Costume, what a thing to say.”
“Anytime I have to dress up it is a costume, babe. Give me jeans and a T any day.”
A critical eye looked LJ up and down. She had on silk black pants with a matching jacket that was partially buttoned. A red camisole underneath set the entire outfit off. A crooked smile crossed the blonde’s face. “You, my love, will be the most beautiful woman there.
“Flattery will get you everywhere. If you’re ready, we should be going.” LJ offered her hand, and then they walked out of their hotel room.
At first, Kiley was self-conscious walking into the crowded room on LJ’s arm. Lights, from the glittering ball that hung like a shimmering moon from above, smattered slivers of light that reflected directly on the gorgeous piece of jewelry she wore around her neck. This was her first official function with LJ, and for the first time since arriving at the hotel, she felt perfectly at ease. The first to approach them were Rob and Louise Ludlow, which Kiley welcomed as friendly, accepting faces. Soon others greeted the couple and to Kiley’s surprise, LJ introduced her as her life partner. Smiling and shaking hands, Kiley relaxed into her role until…
“Lover! It is so good to see you here. WOW, you look good enough to eat.” An obviously intoxicated Max said loudly. A hush fell over the room as everyone turned in reaction to the piercing voice.
LJ looked at the woman who had tempted and tormented her for years and wondered why. She felt nothing for the old, shop worn drunk, standing in front of her. “Get lost.” She said lowly. Her eyes directed shards of ice at the intoxicated woman before taking Kiley’s hand and walking away.
“You can’t walk away from me!” Max shrieked as two women surrounded her, mouthing apologies on her behalf to the retreating couple. The fact that Max’s target was one of the honorees made matters worse, embarrassing them even more.
“I’m sorry.” LJ said sadly. “I didn’t think she would be here.”
“Are you okay, Lucy?”
Pulling a chair out from the table for Kiley, LJ replied. “Yes, actually better than okay. I can’t believe I ever saw anything in her…she disgusts me.”
In that single moment their two hearts met, understanding that all was in the past and it was time to move on to the future. As their eyes met, LJ smiled slowly and held out her hand, “care to dance with me?”
Kiley gapped, she knew her eyes must look like saucers, as the words refused to exit her mouth. She could only nod her head wondrously before being whisked towards the dance floor. Half way through the dance, Kiley managed to finally speak, whispering into LJ’s ear, “I didn’t know you could dance.”
Chuckling at the fascination she heard in her love’s voice, “Sure I can, I’ll dance with you, for you or anything else if it means I get to hold you close in public.”
“Oh Lucy how I love you…”
LJ accepted her award then took the podium to make some remarks about her book.
“When I wrote Out Of The Past, I wanted to present an hypothesis about the discovery of antiquities and how the present day can learn the lessons of the past. Now, I realize that we all, at one time or another, lived in the past…some refusing to live elsewhere.” Blue eyes were glued to green. “We must realize, as scientist, that we cannot hold onto the past forever. We need to look beyond what was to what is. From the past we learn, grow, and recognize that imperfections exist, but that only makes the object more valuable. I was laying on the floor of the jungle in Peru, staring into a pit that held a skeleton, when I saw a golden idol…”
The entire night was a success. LJ receive her well-deserved award and her speech drew a standing ovation. No one in the room reacted to their being together; in fact, everyone was very kind and gracious.
The next day, on their drive home, Kiley took LJ’s hand and kissed it. “Thank you for taking me. I had a wonderful time.”
Turning briefly, LJ smiled. “So did I. Do you know how many compliments you got from my fellow scientists?”
“What are you talking about?”
“They told me how lucky I was to have found such a wonderful woman to share my life. You charmed the pants off them, my love.”
“Lucy?”
“Hmm?”
“We’re okay now, I’ve let go of the past.”
LJ maneuvered the car over to the shoulder and stopped. Looking deeply into Kiley’s green eyes, she spoke in a solemn tone. “You are my future, Kiley…I love you…the person. You make me want to rise above everything to be the best I can. Eternity isn’t long enough. Will you take my hand and join me in a lifetime of love and joy?”
Tears were flowing as Kiley heard the beautiful words. “I would love to, Lucy. I understand now, and with that I can move on and leave the past behind.” Her fingers brushed an errant tear off LJ’s cheek. “You’re right, eternity isn’t long enough.”
“What do you say we go home to our family?” LJ put the car back in gear and merged onto the highway. Home, LJ thought, what a wonderful word.
Betrayal destroys…love repairs. The road back is
paved in love and understanding. For Kiley and LJ, the road back is
love.
THE END