Dedication: This is dedicated to all those students who have actually gone through this. I realize this is a real Fear that youth in America faces today and that truly saddens me, especially since it is a Fear I must also live with every day. To you my friends who choose to live through this with me.

I walk into the main hallway of what I now refer to as Harrington Penitentiary. It's not really a prison though, even though it feels like the walls just grow a little closer every day. It's really just a four-year high school where over twelve hundred students get their basic education and earn their high school diploma. There are three stories to my prison and the floors are plain white tile. The walls are also tile but there are streaks of black and orange running through. Those are our school colors.

As I walk I greet some of the acquaintances I have made over the years. I'm not close enough to any of them for us to stop and have a real conversation. I'll do that later when we have class together.

Then, Sarah comes up to me as I turn to go down the Senior and Junior English hallway and gives me a hug. She greets me with her bright smile and I can't help but smile back. Sarah and I are a lot alike. We even carry many of the same attributes. Our hair is blonde and flows down past mid back. We each have green eyes and aren't exactly blessed when it comes to height. Many people have mistaken us for sisters upon occasion, and thinking of this makes me miss my own sister who has recently entered the college phase of her life.

"Hey Babe, how are you?" She asks me as soon as our hug has ended.

We continue on down the hallway side-by-side walking very much in the same manner. "I am so tired." I answer her drawing out each word. "I wasn't able to get a lot of sleep last night because of that damn paper due for Miss Clark today."

Sarah gasps and stops suddenly. "What assignment?" She asks her eyes wide with worry.

I put my hand on her shoulder and can't help but laugh. I'm tired and her plight suddenly amuses me. "It's the paper I was supposed to turn in before we left for the tennis tournament on Friday. She told me I had to at least get it in today or she'd count it late." I explained still chuckling slightly.

My friend slaps me on the arm and I whimper in mock pain. "Don't get me so worried." She tells me with her face now wearing a smile of her own. "I thought I forgot something."

"Well we can't all be the perfect student and turn everything in early." I tease her. Sarah is in the top ten percent of our class and is in all the advanced placement classes she can get into. She also carries the honors of being the science club president, but best of all she also has the distinct honor of being my friend.

Sarah narrows her eyes at me and raises a brow. "Very funny."

"Yeah well I was laughin' and that's all that's important." I continue our friendly banter.

Once again Sarah hits me on the arm. "I bruise easily you know." I tell her looking at the hurt appendage.

She chuckles lightly and shakes her head. "You are such a smart ass."

"But that's why you love me." I instantly reply.

We continue our voyage down the same hallway and pass the staircase we will take later to the second floor where our lockers are located. Even though my first class is on the other side of the building in the fine arts wing of the first floor I will still walk Sarah to her locker so we can continue any discussion we might be having at that time.

Ms. Wilson, the teacher whom I am a student aide for, is walking down the hallway in the opposite direction with one hand gripping a piece of paper and the other gripping her forehead. She stops upon seeing me and offers me a weak smile. She seems more stressed then usual.

"Hey Carrie would you mind teaching the class today?" She asks me. "I have to go to a teachers conference and they'll be a substitute in there with you, but she doesn't have a clue about what we're doing. I figure since you've already taken my class and know how I want things done you can just make sure the students do what they're supposed to." Her blue eyes are practically pleading with me and I don't have the heart to say no. "Sure," I answer.

"Great," Ms. Wilson releases the breath she was holding. "You know it's my freshmen class and we're going over A Brave New World. They were supposed to read chapters four and five last night. You just have to go over it and then hand out a quiz."

I only worry slightly over the information because it has been almost four years since I read that particular novel. I do remember enough about the plot of the story just not all the specifics.

"I have notes over everything." My teacher informs me. "If you need it there's an extra book laying on my desk." I think she saw the panic in my eyes.

"I'll go get it." I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to review the chapters in my second period class. I know that in CISCO, my second period, we are just reading the curriculum and Ms. Coffey, I'm sure, will let me deviate from that task for the day.

Ms. Wilson thanks me profusely and continues on her march down the hallway. I watch her walk away for a moment then continue on my own journey with Sarah still beside me. Finally, we reach the end of the hallway and enter another, which holds the entrance to the gym to one side and the entrance to the library on the other.

We walk over to the doors by the gym where there is a small space cleared out. There we meet with our circle of friends where we will all discuss current events, our domineering parents, the unfair school systems, work, and school gossip. Every one of my close friends is part of this circle. There is Amanda, Linda, Lisa, Angelar, and another girl named Sarah. They are all my Laotian friends. Then there is Priya, Mandeep, Heena, and Sietal my Indian friends. I should also mention Kila, Davarra, Colette, and Candace my African American friends. Also, there is Quan, Ha, and Savvy my Vietnamese friends. Amy is also there, along with Jeannie, Ashley, and Michelle my Caucasian friends. We are a very eclectic group.

Sarah and I give our greeting to the group we have now entered and I lay down my backpack and the Government book I carry in my hands. The group briefly recognizes our entry then continues with their conversation. Today they are discussing the reason why we now have to wear our ID's around the school at all times. The school administrators have told us that it is for our protection.

In reality we are fully aware that we now must wear them to in case they have to identify the bodies. None of us see fit to mention it though. Saying such things aloud is something we simply are unwilling to do, maybe because the prospect of that really being the truth is a little too much of a real threat.

I step away from the conversation and tell my friends I need to get something from Ms. Wilson's room. I walk away letting their voices fade. I make my way to the freshmen and Sophomore English hall and pass the vending machines along the way. Today they have my favorite pop tarts, the brown sugar and cinnamon kind. Yum. My stomach rumbles and I am reminded of not eating breakfast that day. I walk past the machine now calling my name and continue on with my task.

I walk quickly and soon find myself in Ms. Wilson's room. I instantly spot the A Brave New World book lying on her desk and snatch it up. No one else is in the classroom and it is eerily silent. I turn to leave and get a sudden feeling of dread wash over me. I choose to ignore the chills that run down my spine and am set on returning to my group of friends.

On my way back to my friends I walk with my head down and flip through the book now in my hands. Someone taps me on the shoulder from behind and I turn around quickly.

"Amber!" I yell and rush into her arms. I have not seen her since last Wednesday and that is far too long as far as I'm concerned. Amber graduated with my sister's class and now is in college. I try to see her as often as possible, but life gets busy sometimes. I am surprised our relationship has survived, especially when everyone told me they were certain it would end.

Amber's large arms envelope me and I lean against her larger body. She is easily six feet tall and drop dead gorgeous as far as I'm concerned, but I might be biased. She has the most brilliant blue eyes and I love the way her raven hair feels as I brush my hand through it.

I pull back from her realizes where we are and the ignorance that surrounds us. I'm not ashamed of Amber, but I do no wish to throw it in other people's faces unnecessarily. "What are you doing here?" I ask overjoyed at her sudden appearance. "How did you get past all the guards without an ID?"

My high school entranceway has an armed police officer along with a vice principal and teacher who each carry a walkie-talkie. They stand there reminding each student to put on their ID's. They are not the first line of defense though. In the student parking lot there is another school guard and police officer roaming around making sure all the cars have their parking stickers. This is again for all our safety.

"Ms. Krohn recognized me and let me in." Amber tells me. Ms. Krohn is a school vice principal, one of the nicer ones. "I had to get a visitor's pass. See." She points at a sticker on her chest that reads 'Visitor Pass' and has her name written below. I am embarrassed I did not see it before, but I hadn't taken the opportunity to look at her chest when I could look at her incredible eyes. Just like I was now drowning in them. Damn those teenage hormones. "I came to help out with the Coach Mavis today. She said she needed an assistant." She continued not noticing or more likely choosing to ignore my staring.

"Assistant?" I ask as soon as my mind processes her words. "You're going to be my coach?" I wasn't too sure about the idea. Coach Mavis was the varsity girl's basketball coach and was in dire need of an assistant. Apparently she might have found one.

"Seems like it. I still have to talk to her." Amber smiled like a Cheshire cat. "That means I could yell at you and get you to do whatever I want and you can't say a thing."

A bark of laughter escaped me. "Think again." I turned and continued to walk down the hallway towards my group of friends. I could hear Amber run to catch up with me. "You know I was just joking, right?"

I just turned my head and smirked. This Monday morning wasn't going too bad despite my place in this prison. Amber put her arm around me and together we walked back to the circle by the gym.

My friends turned their head at our arrival and instantly greeted Amber. They all had met her at one time and knew how important she was to me. My friends accepted her and accepted me, which is why I was proud to call them all my friends.

The first bell of the day rung and everyone picked up their bags, purses, and books. Many of the other students around us rushed off to class not wanting to be tardy to their first class. Tardiness meant a full class period in In School Suspension (ISS). It didn't matter what class you were late to, being late always resulted in being swept off to a room where silence was golden and sitting around cornered off from the other students surrounding you was law.

I picked up my stuff as well and turned to look at Amber. With a look we were able to convey our feelings of being parted so soon. "I'll see you later?" I ask her hopefully.

"Yeah we can go to lunch or something."

I was going to respond, but I heard a loud noise coming from further down the hallway. I turned to look but before I could see anything Amber grabs me by the arm and rushes me into a corner that obscures my view of what is happening, but hides us from them as well. My love places her body on top of mine protecting me from this threat I have yet to see.

My ears concentrate on the sounds around me since I cannot use my eyes to gather information. The air is filled with a frightening scream that is intercepted with?a gunshot? No, that simply can't be. No guns should have been allowed in this school. We were being protected. We had all these rules in place.

Another gun shot. It sounded closer this time. I think I am trembling or maybe it is the body above me who shivers so.

Another gun shot. The scream is muted.

Scampering footsteps. I can hear all those students who were walking in the halls now rushing to safety. I briefly wonder where that might be.

Now there is a succession of shots being fired muting a succession of screams.

My throat is restricted. I dare not yell.

I have had fire drills, tornado drills, but never a gun fire drill.

There is a loud clang. It sounds like metal hitting the floor.

My back is pushed against the wall digging into the brick that adorns these walls by the library and gym. The brick digs into my skin so that I can feel every grain of the rock almost separately. It is painful?at least I think it should be painful?I cannot feel the pain now. Maybe it is the adrenaline. It must be supplying me with a certain amount of tolerance for pain.

PAIN! Oh my friends. I think of my friends. Are they ok?

Please God, I pray let them have been far enough away. Let them have found safety.

For some reason I now think of when Sarah and I were playing in our spring tennis season and I accidentally pegged her with a ball on my serve. She had pretended she felt no pain so I wouldn't feel bad, but of course I knew better.

The gunshots continue. How long has this gone on? How long until it ends? This is certainly not fun. This is not what should happen.

NO!!! This isn't happening, denial now sets into me. I cannot accept this now.

Still there is screaming. Footsteps come closer to me.

Fear. Terror. Dread. Trepidation. Anxiety. Fright. Panic. Alarm. Apprehension. Horror.

Another gun shot. The body that covers me slumps. I'm sure my heart does stop, as does my respiration.

Amber is pushed away and I look up.

I expect to see death.

I expect to see my death.

I see a person I recognize standing before me. No wait! I do not recognize those cold light brown eyes. I do not recognize that distorted crazed face.

Thomas my mind supplies me. This is Thomas. You remember him He is the guy who is in your physics class. He's the one who gets picked on all the time and made fun off. He's the one everyone speaks badly of. He's the one who had been beaten so many times even you have lost count. You remember him Carrie. He's just a sophomore. He's really intelligent. One time you spoke to him about Pokemon.

My mouth is dry yet I swallow. "Thomas?" I can't recognize my own voice.

His features become less hostile upon hearing my voice. Still, the rage is there and I cannot help but notice the gun he carries.

I'm not sure what type it is. I never was interested in guns. My belief is simply that they are all deadly and I have no business messing with them.

"Carrie?" Thomas says as if he is truly seeing for the first time. ""What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here."

What do I say? Dammit, what the Hell do I say? I am only eighteen years old this is something I should not deal with. This is something I should never fear. This is something that should not happen to me. GOD I AM TOO YOUNG. WE ARE ALL TOO YOUNG. I COULD BE A THOUSAND YEARS OLD AND I'D STLL BE TOO YOUNG.

I glance at Amber?she is my strength?I almost cry out by what I see, but the scream dies before it leaves my lips.

Amber is not moving. There is blood. I know it is not mine.

Fear. Terror. Dread. Trepidation. Anxiety. Fright. Panic. Alarm. Apprehension. Horror.

"Why are you doing this?" I hear a voice ask to only discover it was my own.

"Leave," Thomas tells me. "I don't want you hurt."

He wants me to leave? He wants me to abandon Amber while her life's essence is streaming from her?

I look up to him. I look behind him. There is help coming. Those officers have their weapons drawn.

"Drop the weapon!" One officer yells.

Thomas is forced to turn around. He raises the weapon?his finger is on the trigger.

"Thomas NO!" My cry does not help.

There are exactly two more gunshots and none of them come from Thomas.

That attacker falls back. The officers rush to him and say something on their radios. I can no longer hear them because my attention is focused on Amber?my precious Amber.

I begin CPR purely out of instinct. If she lives, later I will be happy I took the classes...God please let her live.

I have never prayed this much.

More help arrives and the professionals are now taking over. I somehow stand back away from Amber to let the professionals do their job. This gives me an opportunity to now see what Thomas has exactly done.

There are bodies lying across the hallway. I see the paramedics check for life in each one. My eyes even recognize a few of those bodies the paramedics walk away from.

There is Savy. There is Angelar. There is Heena. There is Collette.

There are my friends.

Someone pulls on my arms and I turn around.

It is Sarah. I wish to hug her and get comfort from my friend's arms. Yet, I am unable to move. Sarah may realize this. I actually think she does because she reaches out and hugs me. She hugs part of my life back into me.

Amber is being taken away now. I know I cannot go with her, but I will be sure to get to her no matter what. I am only able to accept this now because I can see she is breathing and I can tell she is conscious. She yells my name and I quickly go to her. She is at ease now because I am not harmed.

Time passes and the sun has made its way high into the sky. My parents have come to me overjoyed that I was alive and well. My mother hung on to me making sure I was really there and for the first time ever I saw my father actually cry.

They eventually take me to the hospital and I find out Amber is doing fine. Her wound was not lethal.

Thank you God. I can breath now. My heart can continue on its regular rhythm. Still, I must see her to make sure.

I am taken to her room and she is on a bed. She looks tired and weak, but she is alive. I rush over to her and hold her as tight as I can. I understand now why my mother held me so tightly to make sure I was real. It is a comfort the soul cries out for in these circumstances. It is reassurance that only physical contact can achieve.

Days pass. The media comes and I am interviewed. The media leaves and I am forgotten. Thomas still has the spot light. They were able to save his life. He will be punished for what he did and I dare not try to speculate as to what it should be.

I think of him and hate him for taking away my friends. I think of it some more and I hate him for injuring Amber. I think of him and feel sad. I think of him and am ashamed at how he was treated. I think of him and feel bad for him, and then I wonder if that is wrong.

I want to blame him for everything. I need to blame him for everything. What he did was wrong. What he did was heinous yet there is a part of me that cannot believe he is evil. If I believe he was evil then I must also believe that society is evil as a whole. Our high school society did push him over the edge. The relentless torture this poor boy sustained on a daily basis was not his fault. Society created him?in part. His choices were his own and he should be responsible. But evil?

Society must be genuinely caring and good. The well wishes I had received from America since this "event" must prove that. This is not evil. This is not bad.

I will live on. I will walk back into that school and finish the year and I will be proud of where I came from.

I will live on. I have no choice.

I have no answers. I just have my friends, my family, and my Amber. That must be enough.

The End