Part One

Chapter One

If she's made anything clear to me in my lifetime, it's that she doesn't accept me. She doesn't know where she should classify me in her big scientific mind. Every time I'm around her she acts weird and standoffish. She's been able to avoid me for most of my life. She's been able to walk away and pretend like I've never existed.

I was cool with that. I didn't know much what to do with her either. I couldn't talk with her, not even about our parents. She told me she had a harder time with them than I did, but she really wouldn't know that. She says living with them was better for me, but she really wouldn't know that either. For her knowing so much, I think she knows shit. I had it just like she did; I just played their game differently. I let them make me into what they wanted me to be.

She may have liked Mom and Dad's "love taps" but I couldn't stand them. I also couldn't bring myself to try to fight back. I grew up to be bigger than him too. I grew up and I was stronger and bigger, but I still fit into the mold of who they thought I was and who they thought I should be.

They never let me forget that they saved me from my horrible `real' parents who didn't want me, and told me that I should be thankful they decided to take me in. They always told me I was worthless until they came and saved me from my drug addicted, unfit, stupid parents. I was called stupid too, because genetically I couldn't be smart, at least that's the story they told.

So Sara says I had it different than her. She looks at me and she sees everything her parents wanted from her but that she couldn't give them. She looks at the surface, but she doesn't look at me at all. She doesn't know me, no matter how much she tries to pretend that she does.

They're dead now. They died tragically in a car accident, as cliché as that sounds. Now I'm stuck with her. She's my only living relative and she doesn't give a damn about me. She never has. She was seventeen when they adopted me. She was out of the house almost before I could talk. I hardly even know her, but now because the law insists I have a guardian I'm stuck with her and she's stuck with me.

I guess I could look on the upside. I only have to stay with her for two years then I can run away off to college and forget that I ever called myself a Sidle. For now though, I've got to continue playing the same stupid role I've played all my life. I have to pretend that I'm someone and something that I'm not.

"Have you gotten everything you need for school?" This is the first thing she's said to me all morning. We don't really talk that much to each other. Even at the funeral we didn't really say anything. I hardly even recognized her when I first saw her and I'm almost positive that she didn't recognize me at all.

"Yep." I hold up the paperwork I've filled out and had her sign so that I could actually start going to school again. It's been two weeks since the accident, and I think that's enough mourning time
for me. I rather be at school than sitting around in silence with big sis' any day.

"You know Catherine's sister Nancy is going to be picking you up?"

"I forgot to tell you, I'm staying after school to try out for the basketball team. The season just started and the coach told me she'd be willing to give me a shot." Basketball is the only way I'm going to be able to go to college. It's my ticket away, and I can't afford taking off a season. College recruits don't look at that very highly, and I don't intend on using my dead parents as an excuse for anything.

"How are you going to get to my place?" It's still `her' place. It's not even ours. I know when I'm not wanted.

"Maybe one of the girls on the team can give me a ride. I'll work it out."

We pull up to the front of my new school in this new state, in this new city, and I'm finding myself nervous for the first time in a long time. What if I can't do this?

"Call me if you need a ride," Sara offers me as I open the car door. "And good luck with the tryout," she adds timidly.

I wonder if she even knew I play basketball. If she did she probably doesn't think much of it. She probably would be more interested if I was president of the science club or some other reputation killing organization, not that popularity is that important to me. I rather fly under everyone's radar except when I'm on the basketball court.

"Later," I say to her before I shut the car door. I don't look back at her once I turn away. I put my full attention on the school in front of me. It's big. In reality it's probably not any bigger than my school out in Cali but it certainly looks a lot bigger right at this moment.

Someone bumps me from behind and quickly apologizes. I don't see who it is, because they've already faded into the crowd of people that surround me. This may not going to be as easy as I thought, but I can't change anything now. So I walk up to the building, turn in my paperwork and head off to my first class.

It's advanced Calculus. Sara's not the only smart person in the family, but she really wouldn't know anything about that. I'm not even sure she actually read through the crap I handed off to her to sign. It listed all my coursework. She didn't ask me about any of my advanced classes, but I'm not looking to impress her.

I don't really care about all these fancy classes, but it puts me a step up in line for getting that scholarship I want. I'm a great basketball player, but there are a lot of great basketball players
out there waiting to take my scholarship. I've got to set myself apart.

If I can show the recruits that I have a brain as well as the brawn then I'm going to get a full ride. Not a lot of sophomores can handle advanced Calculus. Not a lot of sophomores are even in advanced Calc. If I keep up on the road I'm on, the school's going to run out of the choices of math classes they can offer me.

The class if full of seniors and I'm the youngest here. They all look at me with a hint of envy and I can even point out some of them who are going to want to be my friends because they want to make an `A' in the class. There's no quicker way to make false friends in this place than being able to help people cheat.

Ms. Eddington introduces me to the class and points out a chair for me. She collects the homework from the other students and then begins her lesson. I take out my notebook and start absently taking notes.

Unfortunately, my brain isn't as engaged as I need it to be. My mind starts wandering and I start getting these stupid flashbacks from the life before. My parents never knew I was in advanced math. They didn't know I was in any advanced classes. They kept uninvolved in my academic life.

They thought I was too stupid to even think. Once they actually told my principal I was cheating in all my classes. There was no way I could be smart enough to get good grades. I had to be cheating. I was too stupid to be smart.

"Melinda?" My head flips up when I hear my name. It's Ms. Eddington and she's pointing at the overhead. I think she wants me to finish solving the problem she's got up there. She's probably just calling on me to make me feel included or something.

I take a quick look around me and see everyone's eyes on me. I wonder how many times she tried calling my name.

I get up and walk over to her. I accept the red marker she's offering me and take a look at the problem below me. I run through all the formulas I know in my head and decide on which one will work for this particular problem. I take a stab at it and circle my answer.

Without looking at the class or Ms. Eddington I put down the marker on the glass and walk back to my seat. It doesn't really matter to me if I got the problem right or not. The teacher will correct any and all of my mistakes, which I'm sure there are many. Stupid people make mistakes and get things wrong. I'm stupid.

"Well," Ms. Eddington is looking down at the problem thoughtfully, "that's certainly one way of doing it. It's a little more advanced than where we're at, but you still did a great job." She smiles at me, but it doesn't lighten my mood any. "How many of you understand what she did here?"

No one in the class raises their hand. Ms. Eddington erases my work and starts working the problem again. She does it a lot slower than I did, and takes her time explaining all her marks. I pick up my pencil again and start copying her writing.

I've got to get their stupid voices out of my head. They're dead now. Everything they've said doesn't matter. They don't matter any more. It's just me now. It's just me. It's only ever going to be me, because my sister the great Sara Sidle doesn't even care. She never has and I doubt she ever will.



Chapter Two

It took more of an effort than I thought it would, but I actually survived all my classes. It's time for me to actually do what I'm good at now. I've already changed into my workout clothes and am standing in front of the temporary locker the coach gave me. I'm standing here and I'm trying to focus my mind on the next hour.

I have to push away all that crap that's been going through my head. There's no way I can play and have all that floating around up there. I brace my hands against the lockers and take a deep breath.

The past doesn't matter on the court. No one out there cares about what I've been through or what my parents said to me or that I'm forced to say with a sister who hardly even knows my full name. They only care about how well I can pass and shoot a ball. They don't care how smart I am. They only care about whether I can not let the other team score.

Nothing but my abilities on that court matter. Everything else is a distant second.

"Sidle, are you going to work your way out to the court today?" The coach calls out to me.

"Focus, Sidle," I say to myself before I run to the locker room door and meet up with the coach. "I'm sorry," I say. "I just needed to pick myself up."

Her blue eyes turn to me concerned. "Hard day?"

I shrug. "It's the first day back." I say as an explanation. She knows my `situation' just like all my other teachers know.

She puts her hand gently on my shoulder. "If you want to put this off for another day I'll understand."

I take her words as a challenge. "Basketball doesn't wait for the perfect moment."

The coach smiles and pats my shoulder then her hand drops away. "Just don't take too much on at once."

She walks ahead of me into the gym and I follow her letting the day's emotions flow off me at the door. I look at my soon to be teammates and can't help but feel a little bit intimidated. I don't know any of these girls, and they're all going to be judging me seeing if I'm good enough to be a part of their team.

The season has already started. They've got their starters already picked out, and I'm here to replace one of them. I don't doubt that I'll be able to do it, and from looking at them I don't think they doubt it either.

Coach Compton introduces me to the team and tells some girl named Rebecca to lead us in the warm-ups. The entire team stands and begins following Rebecca in her warm up laps around the court. I fall in with the rest of the team and try to find my rhythm.

Once we've finished the laps we do some stretches and immediately fall into drilling. I quickly realize that I'm the best player on this team and so does everyone else. The rest of the team starts smiling at me and treating me as a person instead of an unwanted guest. The practice gets less tense as we move along and when we're done I've got a place on the team. I'm their new starting shooting guard.

***

The next morning I've got breakfast on the table and waiting for when Sara gets home. I'm happy about making the team and decided to spread the joy a little bit. Plus, since I'm staying at her apartment for the next two years rent free, I should probably pull some of my own weight.

She walks into the door and when she sees the food waiting for her she gets this confused look on her face. It's like she's not even sure if she's walked into the right apartment.

"What's this?" She asks carefully.

"It's food." I finish setting the table. "It's not poison."

She opens her mouth, but quickly shuts it again. "You should sit down." I tell her. "I've got to get to school, so I've got to eat fast."

She does as I say and takes a seat. "I hope you don't mind that I didn't make any bacon or anything." I take my own seat and start filling up my plate. "I can't stand eating meat, let alone cooking it."

"You're a vegetarian?" She sounds surprised.

I nod. "I don't have an objection to people eating meat, but I played with ducks when I was a kid."

"You played with ducks?"

I nod again. "I had a friend whose mom would take us to the park sometimes. The park had a lake with ducks. I'd play with them. Eventually, I realized that people ate ducks and I couldn't imagine eating my friends. Then I thought that all animals were someone's friend, so I stopped eating meat. Plus, I finally read that book Charlotte's Web." I know that I'm rambling, but I'm not very comfortable in Sara's presence. I shove a forkful of food in my mouth so I don't say anything else.

Sara chuckles a little. "We have something in common."

I chew my food thoroughly then swallow. "You have a duck friend too?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I don't eat meat."

I blink a couple of times. "Oh." It's all I can think of to say.

"So how was your first day?" Her attention is on her food. She doesn't ever really look at me. I don't know why my appearance bothers her so much. I don't look anything like her parents. I'm taller than both of them. My skin is darker. My hair is different. The only thing we share is our eye color. We're nothing alike.

Sara raises her head from her food and catches me staring at her. I don't turn away. I meet her gaze straight on. "I'm not like them." I don't know why I say it, but I do. "They never let me be close enough to them to be like them."

"I know." Sara drops her head again.

"If you know, then why do you hate me?"

She puts her fork down and raises her gaze to mine again. "I don't hate you."

I don't really believe her. "Okay." I stand up from my chair and carry my plate to the sink. I rinse it off and walk to the room given to me to retrieve my backpack. When I turn back around to the door Sara is standing in front of me.

"My co-worker, Catherine, she wants us to have dinner with her and her daughter on Friday." Sara is shifting her stance from foot to foot. She's nervous. She always seems nervous around me. "Is that uh? is that okay with you?"

I put the strap of my backpack over my shoulder and shift the book filled pack into a comfortable position. "I have a game on Friday." I walk up to my sister. "I made the team."

She gives me a weak smile. "Congratulations. What time is your game on Friday?"

"You want to go?" I'm genuinely surprised. Her going to my game would actually show she has some sort of interest in my life. That or she's starting to pity me. Sara is never interested in my life just for the sake of interest.

"Yeah," she still has that weak smile on her face. "I was thinking that maybe we could all go to your game and get some food afterwards."

"It's at seven."

She nods at me then I squeeze through the space between her and the doorframe in my effort to get away from this very awkward situation.

"How are you getting to school?" she calls to me my back.

"Bus," I call back not chancing to actually turn around. It's really not good for me to have these kinds of conversations in the morning. My brain hasn't fully woken up yet and can't process any kind of good response.

I lock the apartment door behind me and continue on out of the building. Sara stays inside the apartment, and that's a real good thing. The other good thing is that it's only Tuesday morning. Sara is working all up until Friday. By the time I get home from practice she's at work. The only time I'm going to see her is in the mornings before I go to school.

I can handle that kind of schedule.

***

Friday rolls around a lot quicker than I thought it would. Sara confirmed our plans this morning before I ran off to school. Apparently, Catherine-a woman I only met at my parents' funeral-and her daughter are going to join Sara in watching me play a game of basketball at the team's first home game of the season.

Any moment now, Sara is going to walk into this gym and take a seat in the stands with our group of meager fans. I can't help but keep looking at the gym doors. A part of me actually believes that Sara isn't going to come. Something more important was going to make it on her schedule and I would be forgotten and put aside, like she had done to me for my entire life.

Not that I really minded that. We wouldn't have made really good sisters anyway. We would never have anything to talk about. She was twice my age. How much could I talk to someone who was so much older than me?

"Melinda!" One of my teammates yells right before a basketball smacks me right in the forehead. Immediately, I put my hand to my forehead and start rubbing away the pain with the palm of my hand.

"Get your head in the game, Sidle!" Coach yells to me from the sidelines.

"You okay, Mel?" Jenny puts one hand on my shoulder and gently pulls my hand away from my face with the other. "Rebecca hit you pretty good."

I pull away from her, not in a mean way, more like in a jock way. "I'm fine." I blink my eyes a couple of times waiting for my vision to clear up. When there is no more fuzziness, the first thing I see is Sara standing across from me near the bleachers with a worried look on her face. Catherine is standing next to her, holding her hand, and Lindsey is staring at me with a smile on her face. The kid got a kick out of seeing me clobbered by a basketball, brilliant. There is nothing quite like making a first impression as a complete idiot.

"Is that your? family?" Jenny asks me following my line of sight.

I shake my head. "Not really. The taller one's my sister and the other two are friends of hers. I guess."

"She's your sister?" Jenny seems surprised by this.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I know we don't look anything alike, but that's because I'm adopted."

"Well that's not?" Jenny starts to say before Coach calls out to both of us yelling at us to stop chatting when there was work to be done. We quickly take our places in our warm up drills and get on with looking like actual basketball players instead of amateur idiots.

To make up for my complete unprofessional appearance before, I decided that I was going to score at least thirty points in this game. I also decided that I would get at the very least ten steals and four blocks. I like goal setting.

By the end of the game, I fell short in my goals but only when it came to getting the four blocks. I only got two. There were no recruits at the game tonight, I don't think, but I still have to do better than that. I can't play bad games anymore.

"You did really well tonight." My head is inside my locker. I am reaching in to get my stuff so that I can meet up with Sara and crew outside.

"Thanks." I take my head out of my locker and see Jenny standing right next to me.

"You're going to be great for this team." She smiles at me and I smile back. There's not a whole lot I can say to her at the moment.

"You played good too." My words sound stupid, of course. I think moving to Nevada has somehow made me dumber.

"Some of us are going to go out and get some pizza; do you want to join us?"

"My sister is waiting outside," I point in the general direction of the locker room door.

"That's okay. Our families are going to be there too. We usually all try to meet up after a game, especially for home games. It boosts team morale."

This seems way too much family oriented for me. I've never done anything like it before, but the plus side is I won't be left alone with Sara, Catherine, and Lindsey. "I'm in. Where are we meeting at?"

"At that pizza place off that road near the school," Jenny moves her hands around in multiple directions.

"You're good at giving directions, huh?" I smile to lighten my comment.

Jenny shrugs. "I suck at directions, but I'm sure your sister knows where it is. It's the one with the mini-golf and arcade inside."

"Arcade?" The word really isn't a foreign one to me, just not what I was expecting.

"Hey, we work hard we play hard."

I don't know why but the comment makes me laugh. I grab the rest of the stuff out of my locker and stuff it into my athletics bag, then slam my locker shut. "Please lead the way," I motion for Jenny to move ahead of me and she does so with a bow.

We exit the locker room smiling. I turn my head and immediately see Sara. My smile fades. Jenny waves goodbye to me, saying she'll see me in a few and runs off to wherever her ride is waiting.

"Hi," I give a stupid little wave to the three people waiting for me and feel a lot more nervous than I did when I started playing the basketball game.

"You played really well tonight." Catherine smiles at me and I smile back.

"Thanks." I adjust the strap of the bag on my shoulder and pretend like there's something really attention-grabbing on my shoe.

"You were awesome," The younger girl says excitedly from between Catherine and Sara. "I'd wish I could play like you if I wanted to play basketball."

"Thanks." Apparently my vocabulary has broken down to one single word.

"I? I didn't know you were that good," Sara's voice sounds almost as unsure as mine. "You're a lot better at sports than I ever was."

I don't know quite how to take her comment. I don't ever really know how to take anything she says. Maybe if she actually talked to me a little more I'd be able to decipher her meaning once in a while.

"The team is meeting at this place. They do it after the games and they invited me and I told them that I would go." I speak quickly, but only because I'm afraid the longer I talk the higher chance I have of screwing up my words.

"The other parents told us about it," Catherine says after Sara has kept her silence for a while. "We told them that we'd meet them there if that's what you wanted."

"Okay." I don't know how we manage, I don't know how I manage, but we eventually all end up in the same vehicle having agreed to go to the same place. It seems kind of like a minor miracle.



Chapter 3

When we arrive at Gregg's Pizza Fun Express, I try jump out of the car as fast as I possibly can. Before I make it out Catherine calls my name and suggests that I put back on my warm-ups over my uniform because it's getting chilly out. I stop perplexed, not at her suggestion, but at the fact that she made it.

"I'm cool," I manage to say then continue on my hurried exit, but still don't quite make it out.

"Put on your warm-ups." Catherine replies.

I quickly debate whether or not I should actually pay attention to this woman or not, but before I come to a firm conclusion Sara backs Catherine up and tells me, "Do as Catherine says."

It's the absolute shock that makes me dig into my bag and pull out my warm-ups and quickly slip them on. I'm sure when I can look at this moment with a little more clarity, I can figure out what just happened.

"Thank you," Catherine smiles at me once she sees I've done as she's said and slips out of the car. The rest of them get out of the car, but I stay in there just a moment longer still trying to figure out what has happened.

When we enter the restaurant the rest of the team is easy to spot. Most of them are wearing their warm-ups, no doubt told to by an adult, and have saved us all spots at a group of tables that have been pushed up together. They tell us that they've already ordered ten pizzas all different types.

Catherine and Sara are drawn into a conversation by some woman, whom I assume is someone's parent. She asks them how long they've been together. The question strikes me as an odd one and I would have liked to pay attention to their answer, but my hand was being pulled in the direction of some of the arcade games. When I look down to see who's doing the pulling I see Lindsey. I let her pull me to one of the air hockey games and even let her talk me into playing a game with her.

A few of my teammates follow us; I guess not wanting to join in on the adult conversations and quickly choose a side to root for. Most of them choose Lindsey. They're all a bunch of traitors.

Despite the kid's youngness, she actually manages to beat me fair and square. Christine, our team's second string point guard, pushes me out of the way and steps up for her turn. Lindsey ends up beating her too. The girl runs through another three of us before she meets someone who can beat her.

When she finally does get beaten a pout falls over her face and it's probably not a good idea for anyone to tease her. I grab Lindsey's hand and pull her away from my teammates quickly over to one of those dancing games, a game which I suck thoroughly at.

A smile lights up on Lindsey's face and I know that I'm about to get my ass kicked again. I manage to get enough tokens from those who followed us over to the new game for us to actually play it. I have Lindsey give me a quick run through on the rules then we start dancing.

It's a quick, but painless loss. Someone immediately steps up to challenge our little Dancing Queen and I can tell that Lindsey is having the time of her life.

"Your little sister is pretty cool," Rebecca says from next to me. I give her an odd look and open my mouth to set the record straight but the sound of all the parents calling us to, "Get over here and eat, immediately," takes away my chance. I make a mental note to fix the record later. I literally pull Lindsey from the game and drag her over to the food.

We're all smiling and laughing, and the parents are too. Seeing all this and being a part of it, it isn't really that bad. Even if my parents are dead and all I've got is a sister that doesn't know who I am. It's better than nothing, I guess.

I take a seat where all the other players have taken theirs. We dig into the pizzas like a pack of starved wolves. I make sure that I'm not picking from any pizzas that have any form of meat, and also make sure that Lindsey gets her fair share, then quickly dig into my own meal. I swallow three pieces within moments and quickly reach out for another.

"You don't have to eat so fast," Somehow Catherine ended up standing behind me without me noticing. She sets two cups down, one in front of me and the other in front of Lindsey. I think it's a cup of water. "You should give your stomach a chance to realize it's being fed."

I pick up the cup and start jugging the liquid down. I happen to be really thirsty too. When I put the cup down it's empty. I turn around and give Catherine a winning smile. She raises her brow and chuckles at me. She picks up my cup and walks away.

"You're such a momma's girl," Kendra, one of our post players throws her napkin at me. It lands on my empty plate. I quickly pick it up and throw it right back at her. Before I realize what kind of war I've started there're napkins being thrown all over the place, and I don't know who, but soon someone is throwing the pizza cheese then all the other toppings.

At first, I try to protect Lindsey from the storm but when she pours her water down the front of my shirt I leave her to fend for herself. Somewhere in the background I hear some of the parents yelling for us to calm down and stop throwing food. None of us are paying any attention.

I pick a wad of cheese out of my hair and cock my hand back searching for a target. I find one located a little further down the row of tables standing there looking on at us players with a hint of amusement on her face. Without thinking, and for once just living in the moment, I throw the cheese right at Sara's head.

My aim is perfect. The cheese sticks to her cheek. Her eyes widen and she turns to me. At first, I have no idea what she's going to do. Then a smile crosses her face and she picks up a full slice of pizza in her hand. I see her intent clearly and decide that I don't want to get hit in the face with her ammunition. I duck behind whoever is behind me and shove them in front of me.

Sara's ammo has already been fired and I see a look of horror cross her face. Then I look up to see who it is I pushed in front of me. Of course it's Catherine and she doesn't have time to duck or evade the pizza slice. The whole scene goes into slow motion and I see myself making an effort to grab for the pizza before it hits Catherine. My hand misses and the slice hits Catherine in the chest.

This unexpectedly leads to all the other parents picking up their own ammo and throwing it at their children. A whole new type of war is declared and poor Catherine is stuck on the wrong side.

I gave a genuine effort to protect her from my fellow basketball players, but there's only so much one person can do. It also felt kind of good for her to be pelted since she told me to put on my warm-ups earlier. It's a childish way to get back at her, but nothing about a food fight is particularly mature.

We continue the war of teenagers versus adults until the manager of the place comes out and politely asks us to stop. Out of respect for all the people who are going to have to clean this up, the parents surrender but tell us all to help out and clean up our mess. They don't do much on the clean up side, but they do really well at directing all of us.

It takes us probably a little under an hour to finish cleaning up our clutter. The management doesn't even tell us that we can never return. He just tells us to have a good night and that he'll see us again when we have another home game. I'm going to guess that he's one of our fans or maybe he just really enjoys our business.

I'm standing outside waiting for my ride and her friend and her friend's daughter to finish talking to everyone inside. Jenny comes up next to me and pulls a piece of spaghetti out of my hair. "Was anyone even eating spaghetti?" she asks as she throws the noodle to the ground.

"I don't think so. Maybe one of the employees started getting in on the fun. Towards the end I really couldn't tell." I place my hands in my warm-up jacket's pockets. It's actually getting a little chilly out here. I didn't think it actually got cold in the desert.

"We've never done that before," Jenny crosses her arms in front of her. "I think you're actually going to make us a closer team."

"You don't think your parents are angry?" The parents did join in on the fun, but that doesn't mean they still can't be angry. My parents looked fine all the time, but that didn't stop them from hurting me.

Jenny smiles. "I think this was good for everyone."

The rest of our teammates join us and somehow we end up in a circle. Lindsey even manages to wiggle herself into our semi-huddle. We all were covered in tomato sauce and looked like we had been through one tough food fight.

"What's everyone doing this weekend?" Rebecca asks.

"Homework," I say first. "Ms. Eddington decided to give us this big assignment so that she can see if we're prepared for the test."

"Ms. Eddington?" Kendra asks. "Doesn't she teach advanced Calc?"

I rock back and forth on the balls of my feet. "Yeah."

"That's it," Christine waves her hand in the air. "You're now the team's official math tutor. Most of us are just in algebra II."

"You in any other advanced classes?" This comes from Lindsey.

I shrug. "Not really. I take advanced Anatomy and Physiology, Physics II, English and Advanced Chemistry."

"So it's official," Jenny gently knocks me with her elbow. "You're the best player and the smartest person on this team. Should we start calling you Master?"

The rest of the team laughs and I feel my face turning a deep shade of red. "If you'd like," I manage to say as seriously as possible.

They immediately stop laughing, but when they realize I'm joking they all gang up on me and start slapping at my body. I fend them off as best I can but am ultimately saved by the parents actually making their ways out of the restaurant. They tell us to stop horsing around and get into the cars.

We say our goodbyes and do as we're told. I open the car door for Lindsey; she gives me a dirty look letting me clearly know that she can open her own doors, but climbs in anyway. I also open the door for Catherine, still feeling slightly guilty about what happened to her before. She accepts my offer and gets into the car. I shut the door softly and run over to the other side of the vehicle. I stop dead in my tracks when I realize Sara is holding the back door open for me.

I eventually make my body realize it's okay to climb into the vehicle and slide into the seat next to Lindsey. I mumble my thanks to Sara and she answers me with a slight smile. She gets into the driver's side and eventually we're heading out of the parking lot to a location unknown to me.

Wherever we're going, I hope it has a working shower.



Chapter Four

We end up at, what I assume is Catherine's house. Sara tells me we're just going to drop them off. I don't know why, but she gets out of the car and walks them both to the door. I let them run off and look into my athletics bag. I'm hoping that I have a towel or something to wipe off my face. I'm starting to feel really sticky and it's becoming really annoying.

When I look back up Sara is headed back to the car. She jumps back into the driver's seat and starts the car back up.

"Do you have any questions?"

She sounds nervous, but I have no clue what she's talking about. "About what?" I put my face back down in my bag, wondering if I left my towel in my locker, because if I did then it's going to really start smelling bad after the weekend.

Sara sighs. "Nothing."

I lift my head from my bag and put the bag back on the floor. "Do you have a towel in here? I'm starting to feel a lot ickier than is within my comfort zone."

We pull out of the driveway. "I don't think so."

So I'm going to have to deal with being icky for a while longer. That's cool. If I can handle my father screaming at me about my worthlessness I can handle being sticky.

"So what do you think of Catherine?"

Sara's voice surprises me. I was starting to nod off in the back seat. "I'm sorry I used her as a shield," I reply through a yawn.

"She's already forgiven you for that." I can't see Sara's face, but she sounds truthful enough.

"I guess I'm also sorry that I smacked you perfectly with that cheese," I can't help the smile that crosses my face no matter how much I try to suppress it.

"I don't believe you."

I shrug even though I know she can't see me. "That's probably for the best."

We're finally someplace I recognize and I can tell we're not that far from Sara's apartment. "So do you like Catherine?"

What's so important about me liking Catherine or not? "She's cool, a little bossy, but cool. And before you ask, Lindsey's just as cool."

"Cool?" The word sounds rough coming from Sara.

"I don't hate them. I can't love them because I don't know them. They're cool." I explain. "I wouldn't be angry if we hung out with them again."

We pull into Sara's apartment complex and quickly find a parking spot. I'm out of the car before Sara can say much else to me and run ahead of her. I have a key to the apartment in my bag. The sooner I can start my shower the better.

I run into the apartment and leave the door open for Sara. I throw my bag in my room and rummage through my clothes to find some clean ones. I'm in the shower before I'm even sure Sara has made it into the apartment.

It's a harder task than I thought it would be to get all the food out of my hair, but I do manage. I'm not sure how long I'm in the shower, but eventually I hear Sara banging on the door telling me to get out. Apparently she'd like to wash the food bits off her skin too. I turn off the water and grab a towel to start drying off my body.

I step out of the shower and take my time getting myself in order before I exit the bathroom. When I finally step out Sara is standing there waiting for me.

"We've got to move to a place with more than one bathroom."

I rub the towel through my long hair one last time. "Can you afford that?"

"We can make it work," she says as she walks past me and into the bathroom. She shuts and locks the door behind her.

"I'll start an online search," I say to the door then walk away. Maybe if we move out of this hardly lived in place, I can have a room full of things that are within my tastes. I don't know what my sister was thinking, but when she decorated that guest bedroom, she probably wasn't thinking.

My guess is she used to use the room as an office before I came along. The desk is even still in there, along with the computer and bookcase bursting to the seams with science journals and other non-interesting reading material. The woman must have absolutely no life.

The towel I was using to dry my hair, I throw to the floor and walk over to the computer. I turn it on and check the cables in the back of the tower to see if I'm working with a dial-up connection. I'm not. Sara's got a cable connection. Cool.

I sit down in the only chair in front of the monitor and wait for the computer to finish booting. Sara has never directly given me permission to use her computer, but she hasn't not given me permission either. She doesn't really give me a whole lot of rules about anything.

It wouldn't really matter if she did anyway. She's never here to make sure I'm doing as she says. Plus, it's not like I'm going to do anything wild or crazy either. As much as I'd like to be rebellious, I'm too busy trying to be perfect.

When the computer is done booting, I do a Google search on available apartments in the area. Then I realize that I really don't want to live in another apartment. If I do miss one thing about living with Sara's parents it's the whole house aspect. Apartments just don't feel comfortable to me, plus I can hear that couple above us boinking all night long.

That's certainly something I never had to listen to in the house. The parents stopped having sex probably long before I was even born. It's not something that I'm about to start complaining about either, but then again maybe if they did share the physical love then they wouldn't have been so bad to me.

Who knows what it would have taken them to be better people. It certainly wouldn't have mattered if I was their own blood. It didn't seem to help Sara out all that much. She ran away from them as soon as she could. I think I can actually remember her holding me as a toddler, but it's so fuzzy that I probably made it up.

"You find anything decent yet?" Sara's voice scares me and I jump up in the chair knocking my left knee on the desk.

"Shit!" I get out of the chair and start hopping around.

"Are you okay?" Sara moves up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder causing me to stop my hopping.

"That hurt."

Sara leads me to the bed and sits me down on it. She bends down and takes a look at my knee. Her hands are warm against my skin and somewhat comforting.

"Doesn't look like anything is severely damaged."

"Better not be," I pull away from her a bit. "I can't play with a bum knee."

Sara gets up from the floor and sits on the bed next to me. "You really enjoy playing, don't you?"

"It's my ticket," I say softly. "It's what's going to get me away from this family."

"Melinda, they're dead. You don't have to plan your big getaway anymore."

"Doesn't matter," I bend my knee experimentally then relax it. "I don't want to be a part of this family anymore. As soon as I'm able, I'm going to change my last name and do my best to forget I was ever a Sidle."

Sara turns her head to her lap where her hands are wringing together. "Were they really that bad to you?"

I get off the bed and move a couple of steps away from this heart wrenching moment. She doesn't get to talk to me about them now. She left me with them alone. The past doesn't matter anymore. "What do you care how they were to me?"

"I do care," she tells me softly lifting her head to meet my gaze.

"Bullshit. If you cared then you would have visited a little more than never. If you actually wanted to be my sister than you would have pretended to give a damn before I got thrown in your lap because they died. Play your lies somewhere else. They don't sound so real to me." I walk angrily out of the room, hoping she doesn't follow me. I don't feel like having an explosive confrontation with her.

Things seem to work out a lot better when we don't talk.

I walk to the kitchen and open up the refrigerator. I'm still really hungry. Most of the food we ordered ended up being thrown and not a lot of it ended up in my stomach. I rummage through the fridge, but quickly realize that we have absolutely nothing to eat. Sara doesn't go shopping a whole lot and I don't have a car or money to go do the shopping. I do have my license but it's still a California one. I'm going to have to get that changed at sometime.

I close the refrigerator door and turn back towards the living room. Sara's again standing there waiting for me to face her. Why does she do that? Can't she announce her presence like normal people do?

"I really do care," she tells me.

"Whatever." I move to walk past her but she grabs my arm and stops me. I look down at her like she's gone crazy.

"You don't know anything about what happened. They kicked me out of the house."

She looks upset. I think she might even start crying. I can't really bring myself to care at the moment. "And you left me there, knowing who they were."

"What did you expect?" Her grip tightens just a bit on my arm. "I was seventeen."

I rip my arm from her grip. "I was two. Tell me, which one of us do you think had more power at the time?"

Her answer is her silence. "I thought so." Again I walk away from her. I go back to my temporary room and am happy to find a lock on the door. I lock it and turn off the lights. The computer is still on, but I don't mess with it. I climb into the bed and hope I'll be able to sleep. Maybe I'll sleep far enough into the day that I won't even have to see big sis tomorrow.

It's surprising that we can go from kind of getting along to not getting along at all so quickly. For someone I haven't ever lived with at all, and only had partial contact with, she sure does rub me the wrong way. The only clue I ever had that she existed was the birthday and Christmas card I got every year. She usually put money inside.

So I can't see how it comes as a surprise to her that I really don't want to be a part of this family anymore. I don't want to have anything to do with them. I don't even want the name anymore. I want to get away from all of it. I think after the hell I had to go through as a kid, I deserve at least the small courtesy of being able to walk away.



Chapter Five

"You want me to do what now?" I'm about to put a forkful of melon in my mouth but quickly stop. Sara and I haven't talked about anything that happened last night. It's better left alone; at least that's what I think.

"I would like you to stay with Lindsey tonight for Catherine so that her sister doesn't have to do it," Sara repeats herself.

I honestly don't know how to respond to this. I've got nothing.

"It would help Catherine out a lot."

I don't think my lingering guilt over the food fight last night is enough for me to volunteer to watch a child. "How old is Lindsey?"

"She's thirteen."

"Is there money in it for me?"

Sara's shoulders sag and she looks terribly disappointed in me. "There can be."

"But you'd rather I do it out of the kindness of my heart? Give up a Saturday to spend with a thirteen year old when I'm sixteen, all from the kindness of my heart?"

Sara chuckles. "When you put it that way? we can work out a payment plan."

"Good." I pop the melon that is still on the end of my fork in my mouth. When I swallow I tell Sara that I have to be paid at least eight dollars an hour. Sara chokes on her cantaloupe.

"Is that the going rate for babysitters?" She asks through her coughs.

"I think it's fair since I'm giving up my entire night and part of my morning. I even have to make sure the kid eats at least two meals. I don't like cooking meat. Kids always want to eat meat."

"What if I pay you four and Catherine pays the other four?"

"You can divide it however you'd like, as long as it adds up to eight dollars an hour."

"You've got yourself a deal."

"Good." I pop the last piece of fruit in my mouth then stand up and bring my plate to the sink. I clean it off and stick it in the dishwasher.

"You going somewhere?" Sara thinks to ask me as I make my way to the front door.

"Jenny is going to pick me up. I'm going to hang out with her and some of my other teammates today. I'll make sure I'm at Catherine's by five."

"Don't you think you should ask me if you can go out before you make plans to?"

Oh cute. She's trying to be authoritative. "Not really." I shake my head. "You're never around for me to ask you anything." I don't wait for her to respond, I just walk out the apartment door. I did promise her that I'd be at Catherine's in time. That has to mean something to her.

Jenny picks me up in the front of the apartment complex. I jump into her passenger seat and we're off to Rebecca's house. When they told me I was their new math tutor they weren't lying. Apparently some of the team members were having problems passing some of their classes and if they didn't pass that meant they didn't play.

I would have told Sara about all this, but it's best when Sara and I really don't talk. If I told her about this, we'd probably end up fighting about the merits of Occam's Razor. When we spend too much time in the same place it just seems like we explode.

Within no time we're at Rebecca's and so is about half of the team. I hope I'm not expected to help out all of them. Hopefully some of them are here just to hang out for a while. I can't tutor the entire team. That would leave me for no time to do my own work.

Rebecca opens the door for us and leads us to the family room. There's food sitting out on the table, and that's where I head to first.

"Melinda, you're eating like all the time. You got some kind of disease?" Christina asks me from the other side of the room.

"No. I'm just hungry a lot. I'm a growing girl." I smile between bites.

"You grow anymore and you'll be able to reach the basket by lifting your arms. You're already six feet tall." Rebecca calls from the single couch in the room.

"Any way I can raise my stats." I shrug and pick up another sandwich from the plate. "Thanks for making these vegetarian by the way," I say holding up the sandwich.

"You know, that's probably why you're hungry all the time," Kendra adds from her position on the floor near the window. "You need a good piece of meat to fill you up."

"Why don't you eat meat anyway?" Jenny asks. "Not that I have anything against it. I was thinking about going vegetarian a while back but decided against it. I like meat."

"You're going to think I'm stupid and laugh," I nibble on my sandwich even though I want to stuff the whole thing in my mouth. But they wouldn't be able to understand me if I did that.

I hear a course of denials and one resounding, "Of course we will," from LaTasha our second string shooting guard. At least she's honest.

"Okay, but you really are going to laugh." I put the rest of the sandwich in my mouth and swallow as quickly as I can. "Charlotte's Web."

"Charlotte's Web?" A group of voices asks.

"Yeah that book about the pig who didn't want to become food and the spider that helped him. I read it when I was young and decided I couldn't eat Wilber anymore." I pick up another sandwich and quickly stuff it in my mouth.

The laughs did come as I expected they would. It wasn't harsh laughter and was quickly followed with a bunch of `aww that's sweet'. Everyone has to have a soft side right?

"So do you mind if other people eat meat?" Rebecca eventually asks.

"No. Not eating meat is my personal choice. I don't expect everyone else to have the same. Eat all the meat you want, just don't name your pork Wilber."

My teammates laugh and every one of them except Jenny pulls out a sandwich full of meat. "We were hoping you wouldn't mind."

"Funny." I try not to smile, but end up failing. "You're all a bunch of freaking comediennes."

"We kid because we love," LaTasha said with a mouth fool of meaty sandwich.

Eventually they manage to put all the `kidding the new girl' aside and pull out their math and science books. We try setting up a system so that people who know what they are doing are helping those that don't and that I'm only helping those who really need it.

The studying goes well for about two hours, but eventually the system breaks down and working turns into talking about things that don't relate to math, science or any school subject at all. There's not even any talk about basketball.

"So how did your parents die?" LaTasha sits down next me and gives me her full attention. Those teammates which heard her question throw pillows at her and yell at her for her insensitivity.

I admire her boldness. Everyone in this room probably wants to know the answer to her question, but she's the only one that has asked.

"It was a car accident," I keep my voice steady and distant. "They got hit by a truck whose tire had a blow out. Their car got slammed against that concrete barrier and they were basically crushed."

"That's horrible." Jenny says.

"That's awful." Rebecca adds.

"Did they die instantly?" Comes from LaTasha.

"No." If possible my voice gets even more distant. "My father died later at the hospital. My mother was put on life support, but she was brain dead so I," my voice breaks and I'm surprised by it. I'm not supposed to care about what happened. I shouldn't feel bad about anything. I hated them. I've always hated them.

I feel a couple of hands land on my back. "You don't have to continue." LaTasha tells me. "It's okay."

My adopted parents will not make me weak again. I will not feel for them. "My mother was on life support, so I had to decide to pull her off. I signed those papers giving them permission to let her die."

"Why didn't your sister do it?" Jenny asks. "She's the older one."

I swallow down the lump in my throat. They don't deserve my tears. "She wasn't there. She doesn't even know what happened. It took me forever to just find a number to contact her."

"Shouldn't you tell her this," Kendra stumbles over her words. "It's kind of important."

I shrug. "We don't talk." I stand up and brush off my clothes. There's nothing on them, but I had nothing better to do. "Excuse me." I walk out of the room and head towards the nearest exit. If I don't get some air soon, I think I'm actually going to start crying and I don't cry.

I make it to the backdoor of Rebecca's house and make my exit. There's a bench out there and I take a seat and am quickly joined by a big dog. He or she sets her head on my lap. I reach my hand out and start petting the canine.

I'm not really into dogs and can't tell the difference between a Poodle and a Pit Bull. This isn't that bad of a dog though. I should definitely look into getting me one of these. It will have to take a while, though. I'm pretty sure that colleges don't let dogs into dorm rooms. I wouldn't have time to take care of a dog anyway. I hear they're high maintenance.

The back door opens and Rebecca joins me on the bench. "I'm surprised Nala didn't bark at you. She gets kind of protective sometimes. You must be really good with animals."

"Not really," I continue running my hand through Nala's fur. "I've never had any pets."

"Are you serious?" Rebecca seems surprised by this.

"Of course I am."

"What kind of deprived child are you?"

She's joking, but it's not really funny if one was to really think about it. "Very," I reply softly.

"I'm sorry," Rebecca whispers. "I really didn't mean anything by that."

I shrug. "It's not your fault my family sucks."

"If it means anything, my parents think that your sister seems to care a lot about you."

I grunt. "Sure."

The backdoor opens again and Jenny comes and sits back on the other side of me. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I just needed some air."

"The whole team is really sorry if we said anything,"

I don't let Jenny finish. "They didn't do anything. I guess everything was just a lot closer to the surface than I thought it was."

"Well if you ever need anything the entire team is so totally here for you," Rebecca says. "I mean, you're our Master."

I don't know why I start laughing, but I do. Unfortunately, since laughing and crying aren't so far apart my laughter quickly turns to tears. The last time I cried was when Mom was yelling at me and telling me that I was a failure just like Sara. She was slapping me at the time. Is it any wonder I didn't cry at their funeral?

Rebecca and Jenny wrap their arms around me and we make an awkward three person hug. The backdoor opens once again, and our three person hug grows into a five person hug, then a six person hug.

We really are quite the team.



Continued?