Part 3

Fifteen Years Prior

Gwendolyn wasn't sure how long she stood looking at His body lying on the floor. It must have been for eternity because she was brought out of her trance by the sound of her mother's screams and Jena didn't get off of work until eight. Gwendolyn had to be standing over his body for at least a couple of hours, which means that Anna was still waiting on her. The young girl was probably starving.

While taking one last look at His body, Gwendolyn ran out of the room in search of her younger sister completely ignoring her mother's cries. She found the younger girl sitting outside on the porch. She was sitting on the top step and was hugging her knees. She looked out to the street and there was a look of longing on her young face. Gwendolyn could tell that she was sitting there wishing. Not really wishing for anything in particular, but just wishing in general. She'd be in her own little utopia where all her wishes were coming true.

Gwendolyn walked up behind her sister and bent down gently placing her hand on the younger girl's back. "Babygirl I'm sorry that I kept you waiting for so long."

"What happened?" Anna's soft voice asked.

The older girl sighed heavily and closed her eyes. How could she answer that question? What had happened? Gwendolyn could only remember being just so angry. She was so angry with him and a sudden answer to her problem had presented itself and she took the opportunity. "I took care of everything." It didn't seem right to tell the man's daughter that she killed him even though she knew Anna cared nothing for the man. At least that's what she always said.

At that point their mother came out of the house raving mad. She was yelling incoherent words at Gwendolyn. It didn't take a genius however to realize that Jena was cursing her oldest daughter. There seemed to be threats thrown in for good measure as well. Gwendolyn ignored it all and turned her attention back to Anna. "Listen up Babygirl; I have to make a phone call. The police are going to be coming and I'm going to have to act really different, but just know that it's all an act okay?"

Anna nodded her head. No matter what Gwendolyn would always have her support. Gwenie knew what was best and she always took care of her. There was no reason for Anna to believe that her protector would act any differently now. "Alright, Babygirl. You know that I love you right?"
Jena was still yelling in the background. Actually she seemed to be getting angrier by the moment. It didn't really matter to Gwendolyn though. Jena never scared her. Jena never really brought about any significant emotion from within Gwendolyn except for pity and disapproval.

Again Anna nodded her head. She knew that something really bad was going on. She wasn't stupid. Often she acted a lot less smart than she really was because if people knew exactly how much she understood about things then they might expect her to show more of herself than she actually showed.

"We're going to get through this Babygirl and when we do you don't have to be afraid anymore okay?" Gwendolyn knew the act Anna put on. She never thought to fight it because she believed that everyone deserved to defend themselves however they chose fit.

Gwendolyn stood back up and turned her attention to her still yelling mother. Jena really seemed quite angry with her this time. She wasn't quite sure why Jena was so angry. So what she killed the man that had abused her for longer than she cared to admit. That wasn't such a big thing she considered to get angry about. It actually seemed like it was more grounds for celebration; and Gwendolyn surely did want to celebrate. She wanted to go out get drunk and have a good fuck.

The celebrating would have to wait, though. She had to play the victim for just a while longer before she'd be able to get out and have some fun. It was really too bad that society had laws about killing absolute bastards just because they were bastards.

"Mother will you just shut the fuck up!" Gwendolyn had finally gotten tired of her mother's raving. The woman seriously needed to get her priorities right. "I'm just so tired of your bitching!" Jena was shocked into silence. That was the most emotion she had heard come from her daughter in a long time. She could do nothing but stare blankly at the young woman in front of her that she didn't know at all. "You seriously need to re-evaluate your priorities here," Gwendolyn continued, "you come home find your seriously fucked up husband no longer of the living and your daughter beaten and you're yelling at your fucking daughter." Gwendolyn gave a disgusted snort. "I'm hoping that you see the problem with this picture because if you don't then I might be forced to make sure that the police know that you're fucked up and get you the hell out of my hair. I don't want to deal with your shit anymore. I'm fed up with it. So either you back me up for a change or you end up being somebody's bitch in a prison cell."

Anna of course heard the entire conversation, but just like she always did she acted as if she didn't understand. It wasn't so much for Gwendolyn's benefit as it was her mother's. She didn't want her mom to go to jail, but if that's really what Gwenie thought was necessary then she'd stand by her. Besides, Gwenie seemed like she could be quite intimidating when she just focused her energy to do so and Anna certainly didn't want that energy focused on her.

As far as Jena went, she shut up for good. She had never really been that good at standing up for herself or arguing with people for that matter. Maybe that's why Gwendolyn was so rough with her. She knew that Jena had no will of her own. If she just yelled loud enough and seemed mean enough then Jena would do whatever she wanted. It actually was quite pathetic.

Present Day

As soon as Melody loosened her grip on me I bent down so that I could talk to her on an even level. I didn't want to present myself as being superior to her here. I just wanted her to, "Talk to me?"

Melody looked away from me for a moment, turning her attention to the people that surrounded us in the hallway. I'm sure there were plenty of interesting things surrounding us that would easily capture the attention of a seven year old, but at the moment I was pretty sure that none of it seriously interested Melody. It hurt that she felt she couldn't tell me what was going on with her; not because she just wouldn't talk to me and I'm so fucking sensitive that her not talking to me hurts me more than words can say, but rather it hurts me because Melody is hurt and seems to even be ashamed of what she feels. I never want this girl to be ashamed of that.

"Listen up Girlie Girl, I know that being here isn't what you really want to be doing and that's okay. I even understand that you're probably angry with Anna even though she's hurt and that's okay too." I just want to cover all my bases making sure that I hit on everything she's feeling so that she doesn't feel anything is wrong with her. "I can even understand that you're probably upset that she doesn't appear to be sad about anything that she's done to you, but I bet you that she is and just doesn't know how to show it to you. She really is happy to see you and I think it'd be good if you talked to her. I can understand if you don't want to and don't even think for a second that I'd make you, but you can if you want. If you want to leave that's alright too. We can just go. I'll treat you to a nice dinner wherever you want to go." I smile brightly at her. She's the only one that ever gets this smile from me and she knows it too.

"You were going to take me to dinner anyway," she smiles back at me and I'm happy that I've been able to ease some of her worry.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that Girlie Girl. I might have just taken us home and sat in front of the television completely forgetting about food."

"You hate television," she helpfully reminds me.

"I could learn to like it."

"But you're not normal."

"And what do you mean by that?" I'm genuinely curious.

Melody shrugs. "You're just different. You're kind of better than everyone else in a way. You have good priorities."

I can't help but laugh. I said that to her once, that she had good priorities. I'm glad that she took the expression to heart. "Is that so?"

Melody nods. "Of course."

It's good that she's smiling again. I probably couldn't live happily if she didn't smile. It's really too bad that I'm going to have to make the smile go away. "So Melody what do you want to do?"

She's a smart girl, just about as smart as her mother was at her age. She knows what I'm talking about. "I'll talk to her, but I don't want to be alone."

That's a very hard request to fill. I don't want her to be alone either, but she probably should be alone with Anna. Anna should get her chance to explain herself to her daughter without Melody turning to me every other word to see if Anna is telling the truth, and I really don't want to influence Melody's decisions about her mother. I would really hate for her to resent me in the future if for some reason I gave a false representation of her mother's true nature.

So I can either leave Melody alone with a woman who has hurt her time and time again or I can go in the room with her and give the evil eye to my sister until she's just so uncomfortable that she forces me out of the room, and if it came to that then she'd look like the bad guy for kicking me out. I can live with that.

"Of course I'll go in there with you."

I take her hand again and we turn to make our way back into Anna's room. Cameron is still standing outside the door looking like she's not sure if she should enter or not. She doesn't seem that comfortable with the drama that she's gotten involved with. Oh well. Life's life and this is her next challenge in the game.

I give her a little nod as I pass through the entrance once again. She doesn't do anything back but look at me. Actually, it's kind of an intimidating look. I'm sure it actually intimidated quite a few people who aren't me. It takes a lot to intimidate me these days. She just doesn't have what it takes, but that's not to say that she's not an imposing person. The woman has a presence, there's really no doubt about that. She is a performer or something so having a presence would be a requirement, I guess.

Anna tears her attention away from Andy and focuses her attention once again on me. Her expression is neutral but I know she's very weary of me. She knows that I have absolutely all the power and control in every one of our confrontations. She gave all that power over to me years ago when she decided that she didn't want to deal with the hand she had been dealt in life. It was just so much easier for me to have to deal with everything. It was just so much easier to say, "Gwenie, I got myself in trouble again what should I do?" or "Gwenie I really need help right now. Please help me?" Eventually I guess that she lost all ability to handle anything on her own. I'll accept the responsibility for part of her situation now. I always have. Not once have I thought that I wasn't at fault in some way. I didn't always help her out, though. I didn't always give her answers to all her questions. There was a time that I didn't help her at all, no matter what she asked. I forced her to grow up a little and look where it got her. She's in a hospital bed and her own daughter doesn't give her any sympathy. It's quite pathetic really.

Andy's attention turns to me and I know that he wants to stay. He likes Anna and I'm sure that's only because in general Anna is a very likable person to most people who don't know her. For those individuals, however, that have been graced with actually knowing her intimately she's a very easy person to hate.

"Andy why don't you go outside with your mom for a second." I make sure my voice is authoritative. I don't have an interest in befriending the child anymore. I never really did have an interest in it. I'm just fully aware that kids are innocent. He didn't need to deal with the bitch that is me. Right now however he gets the mean bitch.

Even though the youngster probably wants to stay he follows my order. It seems that he also knows who's in control here. He must be a very smart child and Cameron should be very proud. I wait until Cameron has shut the door when her son exits before I say anything. "Anna, Melody wanted to come see you today but she doesn't want to be left alone. I'm just going to stand in the corner." I point to the darkest corner of the room. I want to be able to be as invisible as I can possibly get without actually disappearing.

Anna only nods at me. She knows that in order to get Melody to stay then I must stay as well. She also knows that this is indeed the way Melody wants things and she's not going to fight with Melody.

"I've missed you," Anna starts out. It's the same way she always starts out.

"I haven't," Melody responds softly.

"You haven't what, honey?" Anna knows what Melody means. I don't know why she insists on asking.

Melody turns to me. She's looking for my support. She wants to make sure that it's okay that she feels the way she does. She wants to make sure it's okay to tell her mother that she doesn't miss her. I give her a small nod. The child needs to be able to say what she feels she needs to say. I don't want her holding things in. That was never healthy for her mother.

"I haven't missed you," Melody finally responds. "I don't want you hurt though," she quickly adds almost as an afterthought.

I smile because Melody is seven years old and she's thinking about hurting her mother's feelings. She's a very conscientious little girl and sometimes I wish that I could capture some of that genuine interest in people's general welfare that she has. Unfortunately that gift left me a long time ago.

Anna is hurt by Melody's words, but I don't blame her. I would be hurt too. She deserves to be hurt, of course, but I'm not about to say that it's a good thing when your daughter tells you she doesn't miss you.

Fifteen Years Prior

Gwendolyn sat in the living room across from one of the two police officers who had responded to the 911 call. She was shaking slightly and as she spoke to them her voice cracked. Anna was being held in her mother's arms across the way being questioned by the other officer. Anna wasn't saying a word. She just buried her head in her mother's shoulder and tried to block out the world. She couldn't answer any of the questions she didn't hear.

"So why don't you tell me again what happened with your father?" The officer asked Gwendolyn once again. It was her third time to be asked this.

Gwendolyn swallowed audibly. She blinked her eyes rapidly forcing back the tears once again. "I..I don't really remember a lot," she repeated. "I..I really don't remember," the tears slipped down her cheeks. "I just know that I was afraid. He was hitting me and I was afraid. I thought he'd kill me this time and I…there was a bottle and…there was…I didn't know he was going to and I didn't want to…but I was afraid he'd do it again…he'd already done it and I was afraid that he'd do it again…I didn't want him to again he said he would and he's going to hurt me." Gwendolyn turned wide eyes to the officer. "He's going to hurt me again."

"Hey…hey just calm down okay." The officer moved from across Gwendolyn and took a seat next to her on the couch. "You're okay now. He's not going to hurt you. I promise." The officer tried to put her arm around the young Gwendolyn but the teenager jumped. She didn't much like being touched.

"I'm not going to hurt you," The officer said softly. "No one here is going to hurt you."

"He did."
"He's not here anymore," The officer shook her head. "He's not here anymore."

"Where is he?"

They had been through this conversation before and still Officer Alison Stager couldn't get this young woman to realize that she had killed her own stepfather. The girl refused to admit to herself that he was dead. She was always afraid of him coming back to get her. Always afraid that he'd walk into the room and see her talking to the officer and would somehow be punished again. From the looks of the young woman's face she had already been 'punished' enough. They really did need to get her to a hospital. Rape crisis would also definitely have to be called along with child protective services, a good psychiatrist and the morgue.

Present Day

It took me a while to assure Melody that she didn't do anything wrong tonight. It took me forever to get her to go to sleep and even longer for me to decide that it was safe for me to sleep. I still expect to have the same nightmares that I always do, but maybe I'll be able to sleep for a few hours before the terror strikes and my mind forces me to wake up.

The nightmares get especially worse when Anna pops back up. I've never admitted that to anyone and I don't plan on admitting it ever. She has the ability to make my mind do stupid things. I don't love her anymore. I don't care much for her at all, but I can't kill the past. If I could then I wouldn't hate Anna so much. If I could then I wouldn't be stuck with these nightmares, and every thing that causes me to stay up at night can be directly linked to Anna in some way. It's insane. I hate her. I hate her for everything she's ever done to me or put me through.

My cell phone rings from its place on the charger and I reach over to pick it up. When I check the caller ID I immediately recognize the number as one from the hospital. I haven't put them on my speed dial yet, but it seems that Anna is going to push me into doing that. I answer the phone.

I'm not too surprised to hear Anna's voice on the other end. She couldn't have left tonight alone. She couldn't have just let me go to sleep and try to forget that she even exists.

"Is Melody in bed yet?" She has the audacity to ask. She shouldn't ask a damn thing about Melody. She shouldn't have the privilege of knowing where her child is at all.

"Yes." I'll answer her because I don't have enough energy after the day I've had to try and fight it out with her. "She fell asleep pretty much when we got home." I offered too much information. She doesn't need to know all this. I should hang up the phone and pretend like she never called me. I should hang up and pretend like the hospital never called me. "If you want, I can go see if she wants to talk to you though?" Melody might want to talk to Anna. I can't deny her at least some connection with her biological mother. As much as I wish I could, I couldn't do that to Melody.

"No." Anna answers me, not exactly sounding disappointed. She has no reason to be calling me. I should change my number. "You don't need to do that. If I really thought she was awake I'd have called the house instead of your cell."

"Oh, so you just called me for some uppity sister conversation in which we exchange banter having to do with guys, work, and life in general?" We stopped having real conversations a long time ago. I like it the way it is now.

"You're very cynical and I don't mean that as a compliment," Anna barks back at me. It would seem that I'm starting to find a nerve of hers. Maybe that will make her hang up with me sooner.

"Anna, when's the last time we exchanged compliments?"

There's silence on the other end, then a small voice I hardly recognize asks me, "It's been years. Do you think we should try and start it up again?"

A bark of laughter wants to escape my lips but I'm able to hold it back. "Compliments? Really?"

"Yeah," Anna's voice is more recognizable now. It's stronger now. "I could say something like-you've done a really good job with Melody and I'm glad you've been there for her-then maybe you could say…"

She wants me to fill in the blank. She wants me to compliment her. It would be easier if she stuck a knife in my back. But she did save that little boy today. Maybe, despite everything, she should get credit for that. "Yes well. I guess then I could say that through everything I've always known that you're a good person and that I'm not surprised at all that you risked your life to save a little boy-even if you don't remember doing it."

That was one of the most difficult things I've had to say in a long while. It leaves a dirty taste in my mouth that no amount of anything can wash away. I still prefer the knife in my back.

"Are we done with compliments now?" I ask. I don't think I could get through another. "It's okay for me to tell you now that I think you're a complete fuck-up, right?"

Anna let's off a small snort, "Only if I can tell you that you're a pompous ass who only pretends to have a heart and be good. The Devil would be so proud of you."

I was never religious. The insult doesn't hurt at all. "Oh yes, well I evaluated the contract the Devil wanted me to sign and it gave me a way to make it so that we both could survive. But hey, my soul may burn in Hell for eternity but you'll be right by my side and I really couldn't think of better company."

We've become really good at insulting each other these days. She'll come back with something that will hurt me. She's the only one who knows my open wounds.

"Then I guess Hell will be just like old times." She says evenly. "I'll get to sit and watch you get the shit beat out of you. Finally, I'll be able to see someone shut you up again."

"Nothing like old times," my voice falters and I know I've let her know she's hit a nerve. These are my open wounds. "Why did you call me?"

Trading one compliment isn't worth a phone call. The compliments don't seem to mean much now. They're luster fades under the light of her telling me she wants to watch me be beaten again by a man who made my life Hell for eight very long years.

"I need your help," her voice comes weakly over the phone.

I know what she's asking but I'll play stupid. "All your hospital stuff has already been taken care of." Maybe she won't push this issue again. Doesn't she know my answer by now?

"Not with that." She struggles to get out those three words. "I got a wake up call today, Gwenie. I don't remember saving Andy at all. I don't remember anything from the last two weeks-not a thing."

My body goes very still. I think I even stop breathing.

She doesn't really expect me to help her, does she? I told her I'd never do that again and I meant it. "I can't Anna. I've done it before and it didn't stick. I just can't do it."

She sighs audibly into the phone. "Well at least I asked right?"

"I want," my voice is rough so I clear it before I go on. Maybe some emotions still exist in this heart of mine for Anna after all. "I want you to get help Anna, but that help can't come from me." That's the best I can do. That's all I can say. "I'll be by tomorrow to settle your hospital bill."

I hang up the phone and stare at it in my hand. My heart is pounding and I can't help but think that maybe this time I should have said yes to Anna. But I couldn't. I can't do that anymore. I won't do that to Melody.

Anna is a big girl. She can take care of herself. She has to take care of herself because I'm not going to do that for her again. She has to work out her own problems.

Personally, I think it would be a lot better if she fell into a hole and died. It would make everything easier and her drama would finally be over.

I haven't taken my eyes from my phone and end up flipping it back open. I dial a number I know by memory and wait until the ringing stops and harshly tell the person on the other end, "I want to know everything there is to know about Cameron Mendoza."



Continued...