~ Unsettled ~
by Eveh

Disclaimer: Two People here may seem kind of similar to ones we all know, however these characters are mine.

Content: Two women here are in love although it's not very graphic; just know it's here. As far as language goes?well that's not too bad either. This would actually be rated PG-13 and that's really stretching it.

Other Stuff: If you have not read all those Accident stories I wrote then this will make absolutely no sense to you. You might want to read all those first considering that I'll say this is actually part of the Accident series, which now includes What Happened After? and Extended Family: Just Starting Out. And to those who have already read all those previous ones they read on.

Feed the Bard at XenGab01@aol.com


My advice to whoever cares to listen would be to never ever get stabbed. It is rather painful and?it's just not something people should do. Unfortunately it happens and it did happen to me. It was painful, but I had suffered pain before and I would inevitably suffer through it again. So, after a certain period of no less then three weeks I was back to normal. At least I was close to being normal. That is, I would have been back to normal if it hadn't of taken me another two weeks to fully recover.

It is a great misfortune that it takes so long for the human body to recover from what people tend to call serious injuries. My parents, of course, were great throughout the whole ordeal. They were there for me every step of the way to my recovery. It was in great fortune that I was on summer vacation and was stuck at home.

However, with my friends and family keeping me company in my home it was like summer vacation wasn't passing me by in the least. I had great fun. I had so much fun that if I ever have that amount of fun again I just might die, from the joy of course.

I tried not to get irritated with my doting parents and well-meaning friends, but I'm not the kind of person who lies around all day and enjoys it. I much rather be moving around doing anything. The television wasn't very appealing to me, and really it never had been before. I guess I saw myself on it too much to enjoy it.

Especially after my little "heroic" deed. The press got wind of it and the headline: Victorianna Marcus saves woman and child from vicious assault ran across every front-page of the various newspapers and was the headline for every news station.

Yeah, I was a hero. Heroine? Person who helps others? Good-hearted individual? Hmm?I done a good deed.

There were so many people out there praising me I had no clue what to do with all the compliments. I'd like to be modest and say I didn't really deserve them, but I was laying around for over a month from trying to save a woman from getting hurt. I'm human, and I liked getting recognized for what I did. I soaked up my fifteen minutes of fame.

It didn't really last fifteen minutes though. It more like took on a few extra years. I mean, I was the Marcus girl and always made the headlines. That is something I didn't much enjoy. I'd never enjoyed it before and don't enjoy it to this day.

As usual, I went along with everything and just played with the hand that was dealt to me. I did recover and I moved on. The summer ended and it was time for me to go to college. The second phase of my life was going to begin.

I stood at the plane terminal on my way to Texas. All my bags were packed. I was ready to go. I was standing there outside of the gate. My family was standing there with me, and I hated to say goodbye, but the sun was setting and evening had come. The plane was waiting and the ticket agent was calling me aboard. Already, I felt so lonesome I thought I might die.

So I kissed my family and they smiled at me. They told me they'd wait for me. Sam held me like she'd never let me go. Because I was leaving on a jet plane and I wasn't quite sure when I'd be back again. Oh, I almost hated to go.

There were so many times I had let them down and so many times I'd play around, but at this moment they didn't mean a thing. Every place I'd go, I'd think of them and every song I'd sing I'd sing for them. When I'd come back I'd wear their love with pride.

So I kiss my family once more and they smiled at me. They told me they'd wait for me. Dana held me like she'd never let me go. Because I was leaving on a jet plane and I wasn't quite sure when I'd be back again. Yeah, I almost hated to go.

Now the time had come to leave them. One more time I had to hug them. They'd close their eyes and I'd be on my way. I'd dream of the times that would come where'd I wouldn't have to leave at all and I wouldn't have to kiss my family once again and see them smile at me. They wouldn't have to tell me they'd wait for me. My parents wouldn't have to hold me like they'd never let me go, because of leaving on a jet plane, not too sure when I'd be back again, almost hating to go.


I found myself in Texas exiting the plane to the sight of my new roommate (we had been communicating since we found out we'd be roomies). Her name was Latrice and she didn't seem like she was totally crazy or anything. She helped me with my luggage, which there was a lot of, and we got into her little Saturn SL and drove to the University of North Texas. It seemed to be a school leaning towards the liberal arts.

All I really knew about the school was that it was away from home and I didn't think a lot of people would be able to easily recognize the Marcus girl there. At this time, this was the place for me to be. No matter what people thought would be best for me; I knew this university was where I belonged.

My dorm room was relatively nice. There was a bunk bed on the snuggled against the wall. It was white metal and the beds were nicely made. I made a mental note to thank Latrice for that later. There was a huge dresser opposite the bed that easily looked at if it would fit at least ten wardrobes. There was a place for a TV in the center of it and numerous amounts of shelves that could be used for my personal use.

On the other side of my new living quarter was a small cherry oak desk. It was bolted to the floor. Books were already covering its surface along with a various amount of papers containing news about the dorm. There was going to be a meeting of the fourth floor the next day so we all could get to know one another.

This was going to be the real thing.

I don't really feel the need to expand on my college life, because I feel like those first few months were like every other person's experience. I met a lot of new people I went to a few parties and learned the difference between college courses and high school classes.

My roommate and I seemed to get along, even if we weren't the best of friends, but she was hardly in our room anyway. She was always out with some new friend or another. I think she met a new guy every minute that she thought she'd fallen in love with.

Not many people recognized me as the famous Marcus girl, and that was a relief. What can I say, but I was just going on with life.

I returned home for Thanksgiving and saw how much my baby sister had grown. I was able to workout again with Dana, something I desperately missed. Sam and I even were able to go to some museum or other and I talked with her about all the classes I had been taking. Audrey and I even hung out one day and talked about our different college experiences. We laughed all day. She also saw fit to tell me that she was engaged. I hadn't met the man yet, so didn't offer my blessing just yet. She told me he'd come to Thanksgiving dinner with her. I chose to reserve my judgment until after the dinner.

At Thanksgiving I met him. He was sort of nice, kind of handsome. He owned his own restaurant?or something. He didn't seem to have any objection to Dana and Sam's relationship. Reluctantly and not with great enthusiasm I gave Audrey my full blessing; just like Dana and Sam had already done. They told me if that guy was someone Audrey truly loved and if that person cared for her then it wasn't their place to object to anything. They took the high road on the subject.

I, on the other hand, had to meet him and assess him to be good enough for my big sister. Of course, if I thought he was a complete idiot but showed that he loved Audrey then I wouldn't have any objections to their union. As long as I didn't have to wear some pink frilly gigantic dress for the wedding I had no objections. Adrian, Audrey's fiancé, was a really nice guy. If he wanted to marry my sister then that was his prerogative.


After Thanksgiving I was back at the university getting back in the swing of things. Now, what happened these short weeks before Christmas is really where this whole story picks up.

Latrice was out partying late one night. When she came back to our room she was extremely drunk and I didn't want to have to deal with her. This was not the first time this particular thing had happened and it wouldn't have been the last.

It was a little after three in the morning and I had an early class. I left her in the room and went down the hall to a friend's dorm room so I wouldn't have to deal with her drunken state. Before I left though, I made sure she was comfortable and made sure if she vomited she wouldn't choke to death. I felt like my responsibilities had been fulfilled.

While I was in Rebecca's room, the friend I had decided to stay the rest of the night with, I heard a scream come from the vicinity of my own room. Rebecca and I rushed out of bed and ran down the hallway.

We stopped at my door, which was still shut and locked. Inside we heard a girl screaming. We could only assume that it was Latrice. I got my key as fast as my feet would carry me and I yelled at Rebecca to call the campus police.

Guess what? I had another: 'What the hell were you thinking,' moments.

I entered our room and found Jacob Sterling sexually assaulting my roommate. I remember what happened this time.

I ran into the room and as soon as I realized what that boy was doing my breath caught and my heart stopped. He turned to me his face obscured in?rage?

"Get out!" He shouted at me.

I didn't move. I actually stepped closer. His hand was wrapped around Latrice's neck and her face was turning blue.

Seeing that must have spurred me into action because I attacked him. Those martial arts classes my parents had insisted I take seemed to have come in handy.

I am a relatively strong woman. I was taller then Jacob and had fierce hate on my side. With more ease then should have been possible I shoved him off of Latrice.

He hit me. I hit him back.

He seemed surprised. I took that moment and hit him again and again and again. His body crumpled before me and in an effort to save himself he picked up the phone that was lying haphazardly on the floor and hit me in the head with it.

I crashed to the floor and grabbed my head. I had had a concussion before and recognized I would probably have one now, but I didn't really feel it. Adrenaline was coursing very strongly through my veins. I would just have to feel the pain later.

Unfortunately, my fall had caused Jacob to get the upper hand. He was able to cover his body with my own and I could feel his exposed flesh rub along my own. I had never been more disgusted in my life.

Briefly I wondered where Rebecca was and I wondered where everyone else was. They had to have at least heard the screaming and yelling that had been coming from my room. They had to have at least heard the crash from me hitting the dresser during my descent towards the ground.

No one was there though. It was only Jacob an unconscious Latrice and I; me pinned to the ground by Jacob's weight suffocating me.

I couldn't allow him to do to me what he had done to Latrice. That was just something I refused to go through.

With all the strength I could muster I pushed him away. He flew off of me like a rag doll, but he quickly recovered and rushed forward as if he were going to tackle me. I managed to pull out a drawer from the dresser and swung it at him?hard. Clothes went flying everywhere and spluttered in the air like leaves falling to the ground.

Upon me hitting him with the heavy wooden object, Jacob flew back and landed harshly on the floor. I waited for a moment to see if he would move, but once I was satisfied he was knocked out?or dead?I went over to Latrice to only find Rebecca already hovering over her.

Rebecca's brown eyes turned to me, "She's alright Tori." She told me calmly. "She just passed out."

I went over to Latrice and checked on her myself. It's not that I didn't believe Rebecca; I just needed the physical confirmation myself. Rebecca must have noticed my worry and just moved aside so I could get a descent look at my roommate.

The police came barreling in along with some paramedics. They took me to the hospital to get my head examined and took Latrice so she could get checked out.

I was given a clean bill of health. To my amazement I hadn't gotten another concussion. Latrice wasn't that bad off physically either, but mentally it was a whole different story. She wouldn't let me leave her side and didn't ever want to be left alone again.

I stayed with her as long as I could.

The police came by and asked for her report. She told them she didn't remember much because of the alcohol, but she did say she remembered letting him into our room because he said he thought he had accidentally left something there before. He had been in there with us only a few hours before. Actually, he was the one who had taken Latrice to the party.

The next thing she could remember was that he was forcing himself on her and she remembers screaming. Then she just happened to black out.

That's where my part of the story came in. I told the officers about our struggle and they took a few notes and told me there probably wouldn't be any charges filed against me. Rebecca's story was identical to my own as was any other witness they could find.

Dumbly I asked what charges and they told me manslaughter.

I guess my face showed shock because the officers told me they thought I knew Jacob had died. I hadn't known a thing. No one had seen fit to tell me before.

Then, everything after that changed.

I did call my parents and told them what had happened. They insisted they fly down and see me. I told them not to. They reluctantly agreed and just told me they'd see me at Christmas as planned.

Needless to say, I didn't feel like I'd be able to face them at Christmas so I just ended up not going. I told them I needed to be with Latrice because she was really depressed and she wanted my support.

It wasn't a lie. She was extremely depressed and she had asked for my support. I had set up some counseling sessions for her in an effort to help her and I'd go with her just to help her out. They seemed to have been going well, I guess.

For me, I did nothing. I had killed a man and I didn't do anything for myself to get past it. I know it was self-defense, but to know I had the capability of killing a person was dumbfounding. In the back of my mind I wondered if this was how Dana had felt when she had found out she had killed my parents. I know the situations were extremely different but in each circumstance somebody died.

Me hitting Jacob would play over and over again in my mind and I know I'd cry out at night in grief. The sleepless nights effected me and I wasn't functioning normally any more.

My frequent calls to home become less and less frequent, but damned if I didn't keep my grades up. I knew that if they fell then I would be bringing attention to myself and that was something I didn't want to do.

Latrice's councilor tried to talk to me, but I blew her off. Friends tried to talk to me, but I acted like everything was just peachy. I'd put a smile on my face and act like I didn't really have a care in the world.

Time passed as it usually did and all the sudden I was looking at Spring Break. I had no choice but to go back home, because I know my parents would make sure I was there or they would come down to the university.

When I got off the plane my entire family was there, along with Kel and her new girlfriend. I hugged them all and smiled as brightly as I could. I don't think I was able to fake anyone out but Kel's new girlfriend.

My family took me home and sat me down in the living room. I held Riana in my arms thinking she might be terribly unsafe there now then quickly handed her back to Dana. She was year old now, which meant I was just another year older. I was only nineteen now and didn't feel that much more grown up.

We ate dinner with Dana and Sam telling me all about what had been going on. I was abnormally silent. Kel told me about her new movies and all the stuff she had been able to do. I smiled and congratulated her. The night just went on?it seemed like it would never end, but when it was I was ready.

I immediately said my goodnights as soon as Kel and her gal left and went straight to bed. It was one of those don't pass go and don't collect a two hundred dollars thing.

Unhappy and depressed I lay my head down to sleep but before I could get my head on the pillow my parents burst into my room and turned on my light. Sam lay down on the bed on one side of me while Dana took the other. They each looked at me as if they expected me to say something.

Of course I knew what they wanted, but I kept my mouth shut.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" Sam asked me as she gently caressed my cheek. I couldn't help but lean into her touch. "I know you're carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders now, please talk to us."

"No matter what," Dana intoned. "You know we love you."

Okay, so that did it. Whatever dam I had built against my emotions crumpled in one big whoosh of a wave the appeared in the form of my tears.

I cried.

And I cried.

And I cried.

I must have cried for at least over an hour. I lay encircled in both my parents' arms and bawled like a little baby. I can honestly say that I felt better when I was done, even though I was so tired. I was more tired then I had been in a very long time.

However, the night wasn't over with my crying. That was only the beginning. As soon as my tears had dried, and not one more drop could fall, Sam asked me to tell them about it and I did. For the first time ever I told them all about the night Latrice had come home drunk. I told them about finding Jacob on top of her and I told them in explicit detail about what it felt like when I rammed that piece of wood onto Jacob's head. I told them about the sound the wood made as it contacted his skull.

That is one sound I'll never forget.

By the time I was through my parents were crying. They were so upset that I had to go through all this and they were so sorry that they had allowed me to push them away. They were sorry they weren't there for me when once again the media found out about the latest happens of Victorianna Marcus.

I told them it wasn't their fault. They didn't agree.

I told them it was in the past. They said for them it really wasn't.

I can't really pretend that I understand that, but maybe one day I would. One day?

Spring Break turned out to be one of the best things that could have happened to me at that time. I was given a chance to heal, appropriately, that I hadn't gotten before. With the support of my family and friends again I could make it through anything.

I even went to the set of Kel's newest movie and did a cameo appearance?no charge. Slowly my spirits were rising and I was close to getting back to normal. On the day I went to see Kel on the set I told her about my desire to get into law enforcement. She eyed me carefully and said, "It suits you."

"What do you mean?" I asked looking down at my own body.

Kel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It just seems to fit your personality. Have you told your parents about this yet?"

"No?" I responded sheepishly.

My friend raised a disapproving brow at me. "You know they're gonna' freak, right?" I nodded my head. "Especially with what just happened with you."

My shoulders sagged. "I know."

"I'd wait to tell them."

I was confused. "What?"

"Until you're sure about everything, I'd wait to tell them." She repeated. "There's no reason for you to start worrying them now and there's no reason why you should give them that much opportunity to change your mind."

"They wouldn't try to do that." I defended them. "They want me to do what makes me happy."

"Yeah, but you didn't see your Mama when she was taking care of that knife wound you received almost a year ago." Kel pointed placed her hand on my side where the wound had been. "I'd wait." She patted my side then pulled her hand away.

I sighed. "Well, I'll think about it."

"While you're thinking I'll go get us something eat. I'm starving." Kel walked out of her trailer and left me alone there with my thoughts.

My friend did have a point. I remember seeing my parents' eyes when they looked down at me on that stupid hospital bed. I wasn't too sure if that was something I could put them through again, but I knew what I wanted to do. Whether I had their support or not, I was going to do it. I just felt like I would finally be able to do something that had nothing to do with me being Victorianna Marcus. I'd be able to help people using something more then just monetary funds.

Dana told me she became a doctor because of the challenge is presented her and because it'd give her a chance to do her part. Sam told me she became a doctor because she wanted to be able to do something that made a difference, no matter how small. She said she wanted to ease the suffering she saw when she walked the streets, if just by a person at a time.

I wanted to go into law enforcement because I knew it would challenge me both mentally and physically. I wanted to do it because I wanted to ease some of the suffering I saw when I walked the streets, if just by a person at a time.

Is it not obvious who raised me?

I was brought out of my thoughts when the trailer door opened and in stepped Kel's new girlfriend. She took one look at me and her chocolate brown eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?" She asked venomously.

Ooh. Kel's new girlfriend was the jealous type. I smiled. "I was just here to see Kel. And you?"

"Where is she?" She asked ignoring my question.

"She went to get us something to eat." I explained even though I really wanted to mess with her head a little bit. I only refrained from doing so because I thought Kel might not appreciate it.

She just looked at me as if judging my sincerity. "Look," I said exasperated. "She'll be back in a moment," I couldn't really remember her name. "Judy?"

Her hands went immediately to her hips. "Julie." She corrected.

Before I could respond Kel walked in her arms laden with food. I immediately went over to help her and she gave me a small peck on the cheek in show of thanks. I just laughed. She looked at me like I was crazy. "Your girlfriend's here." I informed her.

She turned around smiled winningly at Julie. "Hi babe. What brings you here?"

Julie's hands went from her hips to cross over her chest. "What is she doing here?" She asked bitingly her eyes firmly fixed on my person.

Kel looked at me then at Julie then back again. "Um?she's here to see me?"

"I thought we had come to an agreement about?" Julie looked at me disapprovingly. "Her."

Well I didn't much like the way Julie was referring to me by and was going to say something when Kel beat me to it. "Just hold on a minute." Kel said sternly. "Firstly, don't talk about Tori like that. Secondly, what agreement?"

"I told you I wasn't comfortable with you being with any of your ex-lovers alone."

"What?!" I shouted. "What the hell are you talkin' about woman? I ain't never slept with her." I pointed to Kel.

Julie just looked at me disbelief written clearer on her face. "Yeah, right. Like I believe that. I didn't miss those interviews you did together."

I thought furiously trying to remember exactly what interviews she was talking about. There had been quite a few Kel and I had done.

"I told you before Julie, Tori and I are just friends." Kel told her girlfriend while I was still thinking furiously about the interviews Julie was talking about.

"Are you," Julie pointed an accusing finger at Kel. "Trying to tell me." She turned the same finger to herself. "That you never fucked her."

Kel's body tensed. Julie done did it now. It was certainly nice knowing her.

I made a grab for the food that Kel had, I guess she had forgotten she was holding, and placed the packages on the coffee table in the trailer along with my own bundle. When I looked to Kel she was just staring intently at Julie. I could tell she was carefully formulating her words.

"Let's get one thing clear right now," She said her voice low. "My sex life before you came along really isn't your business." Kel lifted her brow. "Are we clear on that?"

Julie gauged the seriousness of Kel's words then nodded her head.

"Good." My friend answered as if she had just taught her dog a new trick. "Now you also need to know that Tori is my best friend. You have no right to disrespect her the way you just have. And just so you know," She paused briefly, "I would never fuck Tori." Now, I wasn't too sure if I should be offended by this or not, but Kel quickly put me at ease?if I had been offended. "I would make slow passionate love to her, because that is the only thing she deserves."

I felt like fanning my face it felt so hot. I knew I had to be blushing fiercely. "Maybe I should step outside while you two resolve this." I said rather belatedly as I eased towards the door.

"No." Kel made a quick grab for me. "You don't have to go anywhere." She looked to Julie. "We're done talking." Kel waved her arm to Julie. "She can leave."

I crossed my arms over my chest then brought my hands down to my hips then crossed them again over my chest. "Okay." I nodded my head and followed Kel over to the couch where she had taken a seat.

Julie just looked at the both of us then walked towards the door. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"When you feel like acting like an adult, give me a call." Kel told her as Julie walked through the door.

As soon as Julie left I ran my hand through my dark hair and looked at my friend. "Uh?thanks?"

Kel just laughed. "What?" I asked thinking I had just missed a really funny joke.

"I'm sorry." Kel patted my thigh. "It's just that you're so cute."

For the second time that day I was confused by Kel's words. "Cute?"

"Do you know how red you get when you blush?" She asked touching my cheek softly.

I couldn't help it. I started to blush again. "Go look at yourself in the mirror." Kel told me as she picked up her wrapped turkey sandwich.

"I do not blush." I said indignantly even if I could feel that my face was on fire.

Kel just raised a brow at me and bit into her lunch.

"Well I don't." I must have sounded like I was eight.

My friend studied me carefully then smiled. "I've decided it's not cute. It's actually rather sexy."

"Ugh." I buried my head in my hands and tried to rub away the burn. Kel just laughed at me. "You'd be blushing too if I said things like that to you." I defended.

Kel pointed to herself. "I am an actress. I can control my blushing."

My eyes roamed over the trailer obviously looking for something. "What are you looking for?" Kel asked knowing I was waiting for her to ask that.

" You said you're an actress, I was just looking for your Oscar or maybe even a Golden Globe for some type of proof. Hell, I'd even settle for finding a People's Choice Award." I told her my eyes still searching the room.

Kel smacked me on the arm. "Slut."

I leaned forward. "Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."

My friend looked intently into my eyes then pulled back and looked down at her sandwich. "Eat your lunch Tori."

Not quite sure if I had said something wrong I reached out and put my hand on Kel's bicep to ask and was surprised when she flinched at my touch. I quickly pulled my hand away. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked tentatively.

Kel sighed heavily. "No, you did nothing wrong. It's just me."

"What's wrong?" I was concerned. Kel never acted this way.

She just shook her head. "Nothing."

I gently grasped Kel's arm. "Don't lie to me Kel. We never lie to each other."

"Just now Tori, I wanted to kiss you." She confessed. "But I didn't because I would never want to jeopardize our friendship."

"Oh." I pulled away from her a bit to give me the physical distance I needed to think.

"Is that all you have to say?" Kel almost sounded hurt.

"What exactly is it you're saying Kel?" I asked hoping answering a question would give me a little more time to think because I knew full well what is was Kel was saying.

She put her half eaten sandwich down and took my hand. "I love you, Tori."

I looked down at our linked hands and bit down the urge to pull away from her. "Oh Kel," Before I could say anything else she put her finger to my lips. "I know." She told me. "You don't have to say anything, I just thought you needed to know."

I nodded my head and gave her hand a squeeze. "You're my best friend, you know that right?" She nodded her head. "Just always remember that." I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

That little discussion had the potential to end the day we had planned together, but I was set on not allowing it to. I stayed and finished watching her shoot the different scenes of her movie. Later, I took her out to dinner and we had a great time. Because I didn't really want to think about what she had told me before, I decided to kind of pretend she hadn't said anything. I know it was really mature of me, but there wasn't much more I could do.

When I got home that night, I immediately went to Sam with my little dilemma, she being the sensitive one and all. I told her exactly what had transpired in Kel's trailer and she laughed at me.

"What's so funny?" I asked offended. "I don't see the humor in this situation.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I don't mean to laugh." She said in-between chuckles. "I'm just surprised you didn't notice this before."

"Didn't notice what before?" I was frustrated and Sam wasn't helping me.

"You really don't know do you?" She had stopped laughing and had asked me this seriously.

"Know what?"

"You must get this from Dana." Sam said pointing to the living room where Dana was sitting entertaining Riana. "I know I'm not that clueless about these things."

"Mama," I asked exasperated. "What are you talking about?"

Sam reached out and took my hand. "I'm talking about Kel having to tell you about how she felt instead of just picking up on it before." When I looked at her confused she decided to elaborate. "Tori, Kel's felt this way about you for a long time."

We were sitting in the kitchen so their was a convenient table right there for me to bang my head against, which I did. "How did you know?" I asked as I banged.

Sam reached out and stopped my head banging action. "Don't do that Tori. With as many head injuries as you've had you need to be more careful with your head." She said in a very motherly fashion.

"Sorry." I answered in the normal childlike response. "So, how did you know?"

"Well it's clearly written on her face any time she looks at you or talks about you or someone else talks about you or?" I put my hand over her mouth to forestall her speech.

"That's enough, thank you." I pulled my hand away and rubbed it on the front of her shirt. "So what do I do now?"

"What do you want to do?" She asks in her normal let Tori make her own decisions fashion.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What should I do?" I asked slower this time.

"What do you want to do?" She asked slowing her own speech.

"I really don't want to loose her as a friend, but if her having feelings for me is going to make her uncomfortable then I don't want to put her through anything that can hurt her." I answered.

"Does her feelings for you make you uncomfortable?" Sam asked me pointedly.

I thought about it for a moment. "Well?not really. I just kind of think she might be expecting something from me I can't give her."

Sam looked at me thoughtfully. "Did she give you any indication that she wanted anything from you besides friendship."

My head lowered. "No."

"Then I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"I really don't want to loose her friendship."

Sam reached out and smoothed out my hair. "Then you won't."

Just then Dana walked in with Riana attached to her leg hanging on desperately. "What are you two talking about?" She moved over and gave Sam a chaste kiss on the lips then turned to me and pecked my forehead.

"Stuff." I smiled and crossed my arms over my chest.

Dana just turned to Sam. "What were you really talking about?"

Sam just shrugged her shoulder. "Stuff."

Riana detached herself from Dana's leg and threw herself, literally, at me. I was able to catch her and she began bouncing on my lap. "Tori juuuusss." She screamed almost in my ear.

I leaned away from her. "Are you asking for something?"

"Peas, Tori jus." She pounded on my shoulder while she said this, but at least I got her to say please.

I sighed heavily. "Fine." I stood up and got her special Elmo cup then proceeded to fill it with crushed ice then orange juice, the only way Riana would drink juice. I placed the top on the cup then handed it to my little sister who drank from it heartily. When I turned back to the table Sam was now sitting on Dana's lap and they were giggling.

"So what were you two talking about?" I heard Dana whisper into Sam's ear.

"Don't you two ever give it a rest?" I asked shaking my head.

"Just because you have no romantic love interest doesn't give you a right to be bitter." Dana told me smiling.

I would have placed my hands on my hips in an indignant gesture but I was holding Riana so I settled with an indignant glare. "I'll have you know, from what I now understand Kel's been in love with me for quite some time."

Dana looked genuinely surprised. "She has?" She asked. "Since when?"

Sam pointed her finger at me. "See? I told you, you got it from her."

"Got what from who?" Dana asked.

I chuckled and walked out of the kitchen so I could put my baby sister to bed. As I left I couldn't help but hear Sam laughing very audibly at Dana's statement.


When I returned back to the dorm I felt ten thousand times better. My family had really been the balm for my soul.

My newfound glee didn't last for long.

When I entered my dorm room I was greeted by the site of Latrice lying on the bed in a pool of blood. I could tell she had long been dead.

I called the police and they came and they said suicide. She had left a note and it was addressed to me. I still have the note today. I keep it locked away to remind me of my friend and the pain she was in.

It read:


A.k.a. Victorianna Marcus,

I'm not really sure what I should call you roomie, but my own personal savior. You've helped me so much this past year that I would have been lost without you. I'd use the old cliché of how you were my rock, but I know you don't really like old clichés. You're more into modern things and making up your own sayings.

You live by your own rules and that's something I really admire about you. You're strong enough to live life like that. I'm not.

Tori, I'm tired of waking up every night from a nightmare and I'm tired of closing my eyes and seeing Jacob above me. His ghost haunts my dreams and so does the pain all this has caused you.

I'm sorry roomie, but I just can't live like this anymore. It hurts too much inside and I can't stand not wanting to be touched anymore by anyone. It's difficult to always want to cower away from another human's touch. The only person I've let hold me since this happened is you and I can't demand of you your full attention all the time, even though if I asked I'm sure you'd give it.

I'm sorry I'm so weak, Tori. I know I am a big disappointment to you and I've tried to get better, but I just can't. You are the only one I lay my burden on and I know you must get tired of that. I know I would.

If I had never gotten drunk that night, none of this would have happened. You wouldn't have been forced to kill Jacob and I would have never been taken the way I was. My guilt weighs so heavy on my shoulders that I can't live with it anymore.

As much as you've helped me I don't think I can get any better. This was all my fault, so I see this as doing the world just one great big favor. So don't even think of crying for me Tori, because I don't deserve it.

Tell my family I love them and that this was something I had to do. I don't think they'll understand, but I hope you will. You've always seemed to understand me.

I'm sorry.

Love Always,

Latrice Marie Williams

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