Love/Sex: You wish! If you came here looking for any sex, it ain?t here. Heck, they never even kiss! But this story is about the relationship between two women, so if ya don?t like that idea, g?way!
Violence/Language: No violence. And yes, they use language. All of it pretty tame. Dang, not even one cuss word I think.
Thanks: To my buddies, Kristen, Tess, and Susan for reading it and finding the problems. So blame them if you don?t like it since they agreed I should post this. <g>
This is my first post, so be nice! All negative vibes and flames can go straight to /dev/null. Useful comments and praise to frotu.
October 2002
Alone
by
frotu
Another night out at the bar. Well, it?s not like I spend a lot of time at bars. I get to go out every couple of weeks when my daughter spends the weekend or a week night with her dad. Tonight was no different from any time before, I came in alone, had a drink, watched the others dance and laugh and talk, and then went home. Alone.Well, there was one slight difference. I think she noticed me. Wow.
See I only know a few people in town and they all happen to be straight. And I am really only good friends with one of them. This tends to happen when you are shy, new in town, and work at home. If I worked in an office I would have no choice but to get to know my co-workers. And I would probably become friends with some of them. But I spend most of my time in my house since I work and live there. It?s convenient when you have a 2 year old daughter, but hell on any social life.
To make things more interesting I decided to tell everyone I was gay less than a year ago. I wonder, did I move away from everyone I know so I could do this? Or was it easier to do because I was no longer home? It doesn?t really matter. I told my mom and sisters and friends and co-workers. I even flew back home with my daughter to tell my mom in person. I just didn?t think it was something you told your mom over the phone. Now, I didn?t expect her to disown me or kick me out of her house. First off, I am the mother of her youngest grandchild. That alone grants me tons of immunity. Second, I was pretty sure she was not that narrow minded since she had no problems when she found out my two bosses were gay. What I didn?t expect was her comment, ?Well you haven?t had much luck with the guys lately so maybe your luck will be better with women.?
Thanks mom.
So here I am, thousands of miles away from home. No gay friends to go out with. No idea where to go. And no idea if I would even have the guts to walk up to a woman to talk to her. So far I haven?t. I am such a wimp. Not like I have been out dozens of times. Maybe I have been able to hit the one bar with the one ?Alternative? night 8 times all year. I am not sure if any of the lesbians at the bar even pay attention to me. Not only that, but is a bar really the place I want to meet a woman? It?s the only place I know right now.
Anyway, I saw her for the first time a couple of months ago. You know what the worst thing about not knowing any other lesbian in town is? You have nobody to ask if someone is single or not. The first couple of times I saw her I thought she might be seeing someone that was in the group she sat with.
Tonight, I am pretty sure she isn?t. She was actually at the bar before I was. I got a late start. That darn fan fiction can keep you occupied at times. I walked in and didn?t notice her right away. I got my beer, I decided to drive my car instead of my bike so I could have a beer, and sat down at a table close to the dance floor so I could watch everyone dance. I was at a new bar. They had just started doing ?Alternative? (I just love that term, ?Alternative?. Don?t want to make it obvious so the rednecks know where we hang out.) night on Saturdays. Obviously the word had not made it out to the gay community because there were more straights than gays in the bar. But I spotted her sitting at a table with another woman. I like this new bar. They play 70?s and 80?s music, the stuff I grew up listening to, and I knew every song. After a few songs she and her friend, girl friend maybe?, got up to dance. I watched them and they were not dancing as if they were a couple. Maybe she was single!
I had been subtle in checking her out in the past, but tonight I let myself be a little more obvious while watching her. She was a little taller than me, but that wouldn?t take much since I am only 5?2?. She had short dark brown curly hair. I have no idea what color her eyes are, but I am thinking brown to go with her hair. Not that I care, they can be purple and I would still find her attractive. And her body, well, it had all the right parts in the right places and in perfect proportion to one another. OK, so I liked how she looked. And she could dance. Definitely no ?white girl can?t dance? syndrome here.
Over the next hour a few more couples came in and sat at her table. Her friend went to the bar and talked to some of the boys and stayed there. Another clue they were just friends. Now, why do I think she noticed me? During one of my not so subtle glances at her table I caught her pointing me out to a friend. No kidding! It must have been me because there was no one else sitting close to where I was. Maybe she was asking her friend if she knew me. Maybe she was pointing me out and calling me a stalker. I?m going to lean towards the positive and say it was the first one, not the second.
Of course I looked away as soon as I noticed. And damn if I didn?t blush! Good thing bars are dark and I was hiding on the other side of the room. Being the wimp I am I did not go ask her to dance or offer to buy her a drink. Instead I got another beer and went back to my table. At midnight the DJ changed and the music went downhill. Since she had not come over to my table and there was no way I was going to hers, I decided to go home.
And cursed myself for being a wimp over and over and over again. Maybe next time I see her I will get some courage (gotta talk to the cowardly lion maybe and see how he did it) and talk to her.
My daughter Emily is home this weekend so I decided to go to the local university women?s volleyball match. Her dad is big into sports, but he brings her to the football or men?s basketball games. Me, I want her to know women play sports as well so I bring her to women?s games. And contrary to what her father thinks, I do not attend just so I can stare at sweaty women. That is just a side benefit. J I haven?t brought her to a volleyball match yet, so I am not sure how interested she will be. She loves to run around the center and pick a new seat every 2 minutes when we attend other events there. I imagine today will be the same. I make sure she takes her nap early since it is an afternoon match.
We got to the match late since Emily napped past the 2pm start time. That?s OK, Emily would never last through an entire match. Besides we were so late we didn?t have to pay to get in. I like that. The first thing I did was grab a poster schedule that I can put on her bedroom wall. We already have the women?s softball and basketball schedules from the previous seasons up.
After that we walk around and around and around. Have I mentioned she likes to walk around the center. I finally convince the rugrat to find a seat close to where they are actually playing. We sit and I point out the volleyball and the players and explain how they have to hit the ball to each other. Not a complex explanation of the game, but she is only two years old people. She can figure out the details later in life is she becomes interested in the sport. To my surprise she actually sits and watches for more than 30 seconds. It gives me a chance to look around at the crowd. The center isn?t packed, but it is a good size crowd. I start to turn back to my daughter when I see her, one section over and a few rows back from the court. She is watching the match and suddenly claps as a point is scored. That?s when she turns and see me watching her.
Oops! Dang, I hate it when I get busted. I quickly turn away and make sure my daughter is still sitting next to me. She is and she is also clapping. Emily loves to clap and other people clapping means she can as well. God, I love watching her doing anything she enjoys. She is a great kid. Not that I am biased or anything. I clap with her and start watching the match.
A few points later and the local team wins the second game and is ahead 2 games to 0 for the visitors. Emily begins to ask me why the women aren?t playing anymore and I attempt to explain to her that they need a quick rest before they start again. I am pretty sure this means we will be moving soon, but I distract her hoping they will start and she won?t think about it. We are both being silly and goofing off when I hear a ?Hi?.
Not even considering it might be directed at us I ignore it. Until Emily looks up and says hi back to someone. I turn to look expecting to see someone I sort of know and see her. My heart stops. Luckily it starts back up again and I finally remember to say hi back to her. I think I even remember to smile.
?My names Gretchen.? And then she smiles.
Oh my. What a great voice. And a great smile. The combination causes my mind to blank. Oops, I think a response is needed here. Please don?t blush, please don?t blush.
?Hi. I?m Kate.?
?Hi Kate. And who?s this?? she asks, smiling still and looking at Emily.
I pull Emily in front of me and introduce her. ?This is my daughter Emily. Say hi to Gretchen, Em.?
Lucky for me Emily never got that shy gene from me. Instead she is outgoing like her dad and has no problem responding.
?Hi Gretchen.?
?How old are you Emily??
?I?m two.? Emily responds and even manages to hold up the correct number of fingers.
?Are you having fun watching??
?Uh huh. They are hitting the ball back and forth. I have a volleyball at home. I kick mine. Can I play with their ball? I?m going to go get it.?
Gretchen laughs at Emily?s reply.
?Whoa! Get back here. You can?t play with their ball, they need it to play with. You can play with yours when we get home. OK?? I quickly grab her before she can make good on her threat and steals the ball. ?She thinks everything is a soccer ball.? I explain to Gretchen.
?But I want to play. Please?? Emily asks and then puts on those puppy dog eyes. Luckily being a mom I am immune to them. Well, most of the time I am. OK, some of the time. This just happens to be one of those times.
?No, we can play with yours when we get home. They need that one. See, they are going to start soon.? I point at the women heading back on the court.
?Can I sit here?? Gretchen asks and points to the empty seat beside me.
?Um, yeah. Sure. Of course.? That was a smooth reply. If she wasn?t standing here I would be slapping myself silly.
She sits down and looks over at me. ?I?ve seen you out at the bar a couple of times.?
?Yeah, I go out every couple of weeks when Emily is at her dad?s.? My eyes dart to the court and back again. Nervous? Me? Noooooo!
?Do you mind if I ask while you are always alone??
?No, that?s OK. I don?t have many friends in town and the few I do are straight and not the type that I would take to a gay bar. Not that they are homophobic or anything.? I quickly explain. ?A couple of them just have a negative outlook on life right now and that doesn?t make for fun company for more than an hour or two at a time. I am too much of an optimist to deal with pessimist comments for too long.? I take a quick look to make sure Emily is still in her seat. She is and I give her a quick hug since she is being so good. Then I turn back to Gretchen.
?I have a friend or two like that. I keep my visits with them short, so I know what you mean.? She smiles again. ?If you like next time you can sit with my friends and I. If you want to that is.?
?Um, OK. Yeah, I can do that.? I stop and wonder if I should confess and decide to go for it. ?They won?t freak out or anything if I am quiet, will they? I tend to be really shy around people I don?t know. And very quiet. Quiet as in answering with the minimum number of words needed.?
She looks a little surprised by my comment. ?Really? You don?t seem to be having a problem right now.?
?No, strangely enough I don?t have that problem around Em. I guess I don?t want her to see me like that. If being shy is a learned behavior I don?t want her to learn it from me.? I grin. ?But I am pretty sure she takes after her dad and will not have a problem. She will walk up to a stranger and talk to them.?
Emily decides she wants to sit in my lap and crawls into it. She leans back and starts to drink her juice. I kiss the top of her head and give her a little hug.
?So, are you divorced??
?Yes, but not from Emily?s dad.? I laugh and grin at the confusion on her face. ?I love telling people that just because it is so confusing. Short story, I was married for a few years back in Vermont. I never married Emily?s dad. Explaining that relationship would be a long story.?
She gives me a serious look and softly replies ?I would love to hear the story some time.?
Emily takes that moment to squirm around and try to find a more comfortable position.
Oh my God, is she hinting at something? She is. I know she is. Now, do I have the guts to ask?
It turns out I do. And the guts to look her in the eye when I do.
?Would you like to go out to dinner some night to hear it??
She smiles. ?I would love to.?
?Momma, I want to sit over there.?
Timing. My child has some sense of timing. She scrambles off my lap and starts to walk away. Suddenly she stops, comes back, and looks at Gretchen with a smile, grabs her hand, and says ?Gretchen come to.?
My child is spoiled. And she is so darn cute most people can?t say no to her. Lucky for me Gretchen can?t say no to her either. So she walks with us finding new seats every two minutes for the rest of the match. Good thing that was only another 15 minutes. At the end of the match we swapped phone numbers.
The date? Oh yeah, it was a good one. We are going out again this weekend.