CHAPTER ONE
Tara looked down at the freckled hand lightly clasped in her own. She smiled as she lifted the hand to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the knuckles. The entwined hands dropped to her side and continued to swing as she walked along the shore with her love. Again, she smiled as she turned to look into the green eyes that had captured her heart so many years earlier.
Tara's heart leapt as she saw Willow return an affectionate gaze. Pulling gently on Tara's arm, Willow brought them to a halt and guided the other woman into her arms. The two stood, wrapped in each other's embrace, looking lovingly at each other. Tara felt weightless, as if she were floating, suspended above the rest of the world. Willow placed a light kiss on the tip of Tara's nose and took a breath before speaking.
"Tara, I lo-"
Suddenly, Tara was plucked from her spot above the clouds and unceremoniously slammed back into her seat. She blinked her eyes a few times before opening them fully and focusing on her surroundings.
"Ladies and gentleman, this is the captain. We're going to be experiencing a bit of turbulence as we approach California."
A bit?! My stomach is in my sinus passages and he says 'a bit' of turbulence?
"I've turned on the seatbelt sign and we ask that you return to your seats and buckle up at this time." The captain finished droning his obviously memorized speech just as the "ding" of the fasten seatbelt sign was heard.
Not being one for flitting about the cabin of a plane while in flight, Tara was already securely "buckled up." She removed the blanket she'd had over her legs and readjusted her paper-covered airline pillow to use as an armrest. Spotting a passing flight attendant, Tara waved her hand hoping for a little attention.
"Would you like me to take care of that blanket for you?" The flight attendant - Brigette, according to her wing-shaped nameplate - was particularly cheerful, causing Tara to internally grimace. She tried to not take out her fatigue on the unsuspecting woman and mustered a little of her own energy.
"Yes, thank you. And would it be possible to get some water please?"
"Of course. I'll be right back."
As she waited for her beverage, Tara looked out the window at the earth below. She could make out patches of farmland through the clouds and guessed they were over Kansas.
Shouldn't be much longer.
"Here you go, ma'am. I brought you a full bottle rather than a little glass." Brigette winked at Tara and smiled.
Huh! Is she flirting with me? Tara took the bottle and gave the woman a small smile. "Thank you. How much longer until we land? I've lost track of time zones."
Brigette looked at her watch then casually leaned on the empty seat a row in front of Tara before answering. "Well, we're scheduled to land in about 2 hours, but this bumpy ride may slow us down a bit. So my guess is 2 ½ hours."
"Well, after 19 hours on planes and in airports, 2 ½ more doesn't seem like much. Thank you." Deciding to avoid giving Brigette more encouragement, Tara took a drink from her water and turned back to the window. Brigette seemed to get the hint - shrugging as if to say "can't blame me for trying" - and moved on to help other passengers.
Tara stared out the window, watching as the farms below gradually gave way to mountain ranges.
Close...I'm so close. She'd been anticipating this trip for 8 years...8 long, lonely years. But now that she was just a few hours from her destination she felt anxious.
Who am I kidding? I'm scared...just plain scared.
There were so many "what ifs" Tara kept playing over and over in her head - what if Willow wasn't there? What if she'd misread Willow's letters all these years? What if Willow wasn't the same person?
Well, of course she's not the same person, stupid. She's an adult now. I'm not the same person either. We've gone to school in different countries, had different experiences. Of course she's changed. I wouldn't expect any different from Willow.
Tara reached into the carry-on bag at her feet and pulled out a well-wrapped bundle. Setting the item in her lap, she gently removed the protective covering to reveal a beautifully hand-painted picture frame. She looked at the picture under the glass and smiled. Since neither of them was fond of having her picture taken, they had exchanged only one picture in all of the 8 years they were apart. Willow sent Tara a picture of herself and Buffy on the day they graduated from high school-each with one arm wrapped around the other, diplomas held in their free hands, mortarboards askew, each looking as though they were ready to conquer the world.
What am I going on about? No matter what, she'll still be my Willow. Tara traced the outline of Willow's features lightly with her finger. She didn't need to look at the picture to see Willow's image in her mind. It had been set in her memory for the last 4 years, happily mingling with images of Willow from a time years earlier. Tara's gaze returned to the window at her side as she remembered.
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Tara walked slowly through the field as she made her way to their special place. On any other day, she would have been running through the tall grass. But this day was
not any other day. This was a day she'd never thought would come. Her brow furrowed as she considered how she would say all that needed to be said. A familiar voice brought her out of her thoughts as she approached the large, stately oak in the center of the field.
"Hey, Tara! C'mon, hurry up! Today is the day I beat your record, Missy!"
Tara looked over to see Willow sitting on the makeshift swing hanging from the tree's strongest branch. The redhead grasped the ropes tightly and pushed off the ground, setting the swing in motion.
"Willow, can we just sit down for a while? I kinda need to talk to you."
Willow immediately stopped pumping her legs and dragged her feet along the ground. She hopped off the swing and turned to her friend with a concerned expression.
"What is it, Tara? Is everything okay?"
Tara hesitated and looked down at her hands, which were currently fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
"C'mon, Will, let's sit down."
The girls moved to the base of the large oak and sat. Tara patted her lap and Willow happily put her head down and looked up at her friend. Tara was looking rather blankly at the swing her father had helped the girls hang years earlier. It still swung slightly from the gentle breeze and seemed to have a hypnotic effect on Tara. Willow finally broke the silence that hung heavily over the two friends.
"Tare? What is it? There's something wrong. I can tell."
Tara blinked a few times and then looked down at her friend.
I've never been able to keep anything from her. She knows me too well. She smiled at the concern...and fear?...she saw in the redhead's deep green eyes.
The prettiest eyes in the world...and they see right through to my soul. Tara's eyes glistened with the tears she fought so hard to keep back.
Her suspicions confirmed, Willow sat up quickly and reached for Tara's hands - she needed to comfort the blonde, but also needed the contact to calm her own rapidly beating heart.
Understanding Willow's intention as soon as the redhead began to move, Tara quickly pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs; she bowed her head so that her blonde hair covered her face - she drew into herself, feeling undeserving of the comfort her friend offered. This did not go unnoticed by Willow.
"Tara, please, tell me what it is. You know you can tell me anything." Willow spoke softly. She pushed aside her own bruised feelings when Tara pulled away and offered support to her friend.
Tara continued to fight back the tears as she raised her head to look at Willow. She tried to speak, but stopped before any words came out - her throat clenched and she held back a sob.
This is so hard. Finally, she took a deep breath and tried again.
"Daddy got promoted."
"Tara...that...that's
great! Good for your dad!" Willow noticed that Tara didn't seem to mirror her own excitement. "I'm all with the 'whoo hoo' here...and you're...well...not. Aren't you happy for him?"
"Oh yes! I am. I really am. He worked hard to get this promotion. It's been his dream." But it's not my dream.
Willow could hear the pride in Tara's tone, but missed the undercurrent of sadness.
"So.... what does that make him now? An admiral?" Still bubbling with excitement for Tara's father, Willow flounced back down and placed her head on Tara's lap again.
Tara let a small giggle escape as she marveled at her friend's innocence and poked her playfully in the ribs. "No, silly. Admirals are in the Navy, not the Air Force. He...He's been promoted to Colonel."
Willow smiled as she looked into Tara's sapphire blue eyes. "Well," she bubbled, "this must be a really great opportunity for him."
"Yes...it is." Tara sounded less enthusiastic, but this went unnoticed by the redhead.
"So, what's he gonna be doing now? Something secretive and mysterious? All cloak and dagger like in the novels?" Willow asked as she waggled her eyebrows.
"Will! You're such a goof!" Tara couldn't help but chuckle slightly at her friend's behavior. Her grin soon faded as she once again remembered the task that lay before her.
"Yes, but I'm a lovable goof, " Willow stated with a quick nod and a self-satisfied smirk.
"This is true."
And you'll always be my lovable goof, Will...always.
"So, c'mon, Tare...what's he gonna be doing? The suspense is killing me!"
Tara glanced at the field of wildflowers gently swaying in the breeze, absentmindedly playing with Willow's red locks. After a few moments - and a gentle tap on her knee from Willow - she gathered enough courage to speak.
"Command Surgeon at Ramstein Air Force Base." Again, Tara struggled to hold back her tears.
Willow jumped up from her place on Tara's lap and knelt in front of the blonde, bouncing with enthusiasm. "Wow, Tare! That's
GREAT! Go, Mr. Maclay...actually, that should be Go,
Colonel Maclay! Ramstein...that's in Germany, isn't it? I remember it from that
Iron Eagles movie we watched...which was okay...but I don't think it was very realistic, do you? I mean...pfft...a 17-year-old flying a jet to the Middle East and blowing things up? Right! But...Germany! Wow! When does he leave? How long will he be there? Will he be gone as long as he was when he had to go to Iraq? I bet you and Donnie are really gonna miss him. Will you get to visit?"
The redhead finally ended her torrent of questions as she began to feel herself getting dizzy from lack of oxygen. She sat back on her heels and took a few deep breaths while looking at Tara expectantly, waiting for the blonde to answer her questions.
Tara was dumbstruck. For a few moments she just stared at her effervescent friend.
Did she really say all that without taking a breath? That had to be the longest case of Willow-babble ever...and the cutest. Finally tuning into the fact that Willow was awaiting answers - answers that she did not want to give - Tara pulled herself out of her stupor and took a deep breath; she prepared herself for what was to come. Her eyes were firmly fixed on her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap.
"Um, yes, Ramstein is in Germany. And, uh, I didn't think
Iron Eagles was realistic either. Daddy leaves in a month and he's going to be gone a long time." Tara took another breath and then looked directly into Willow's sparkling green eyes.
Oh, God. This hurts. "And I won't have to visit him...because...well...I'm going too...all of us...the whole family." Tara couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "Oh, Will, we're moving away...to Germany...in a month.... and I don't know when I'll be back!"
********************
Tara's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she continued to gaze out the window. The mountains were slowly giving way to desert; she knew they would be landing soon.
I'm coming back, Willow. I'm coming back. Please be there.
CHAPTER TWO
"Buffy! Help!"
Buffy heard the sudden exclamation from her best friend. She looked up from her spot on the front porch, quickly put down her coffee and bolted into the house, taking the stairs leading to the second floor two at a time.
"Will!" Buffy was panicked. "What's wrong?! Are you okay?!"
Buffy burst through the door of the guest room and quickly found herself sprawled on the floor. She tried to stand but realized this was difficult since she was tangled in skirts...and jeans...and shirts...and...
Oh.My.God.... bras.
"Buffy! Are you okay?"
"Uh...yeah...I think so." Buffy grimaced as she removed the red lace bra from her head. "Will? Why does it look like the day after the 'Day After Thanksgiving Sale' at Bloomingdale's in here?"
Willow reached down to offer Buffy some help standing and swiftly began to help her friend get untangled.
"I'm sorry, Buff. I'll clean it up, I promise. It's just...I mean...I've just...Buffy, I've been through all of the clothes I brought with me and I don't have a thing to wear!" Willow huffed heartily and pouted at her blonde friend, crossing her arms defiantly over her chest.
The blonde looked around at the 4 suitcases and 2 garment bags worth of clothing strewn about the room. Every surface was covered.
Ohmygod! Where did she hide the bed? Buffy scooped up an armful of various items from the fully covered bed and tossed them into a pile. She sat in the empty space she created.
"What do you mean you have nothing to wear?" Buffy looked at her friend and spoke calmly. "Willow, you brought enough of your wardrobe to clothe a small third world country. There are girls in the valley who would give their right arm for what you have thrown about here."
Willow looked at the small blonde - guilt clearly showing on her face - and quickly began to pick up the clothes and toss them into empty suitcases.
"But, Buffy, I have to look just right! This isn't just any other day...this is
the day...this is
T-day...Tara Day. I can't just throw on any old thing and look as droolworthy as you! I need help!" Willow was getting desperate, and she decided she was not too proud to beg.
Buffy glared at Willow in mock indignation and shook her finger at the redhead. "Hey! It takes a lot of work to look this effortlessly fabulous!" Her expression then changed to a friendly pout. "Don't hate me cuz I have stylish yet affordable boots." Buffy batted her eyelashes playfully at Willow.
Willow could never resist "Buffy flirty face" and the blonde knew it. She laughed along as her redheaded friend burst into a fit of giggles.
"Okay, Buffy, okay! You got me. Now help me figure out what to wear. You know how important this day is for me. Please!" Willow gave Buffy her own pouty face and silently pleaded with her friend.
Pouty face always works. Pouty face always works. Please. Please. Please.
"First of all, Will, of course I'm going to help you." Willow squealed and pounced on Buffy, giving her a tight hug. Buffy then held her friend at arm's length and looked directly in the redhead's green eyes. "Second, you have
got to calm down! You aren't supposed to meet her for another 6 hours!"
"Six hours? I gotta hurry! Buffy, why didn't you tell me it was so late?" Buffy didn't say anything. She couldn't. All she could do was stand in awe of the redheaded tornado as Willow whipped through the room; she would pick up a skirt or blouse, look at it, and then throw it down again. And as she ransacked the room...again...Willow never stopped talking. "I've got to find something to wear and then I have to shower and do my hair and then get dressed and ... Ohmygod!" Willow stopped and turned to look at Buffy. "What am I going to say to her? What if we have nothing to talk about and we just stand there looking at each other? Or worse! What am I supposed to do when I see her? Do I give her a handshake or a hug...or...or...a hearty slap on the back?" Buffy remained silent as the redheaded tornado continued her path of destruction. "What if she expects bunches of European air kisses on the cheeks? What if she's different? What if she hates me? Oh God, Buffy! She's gonna hate me!"
Tornado Willow finally downgraded to a light breeze as she sank into a pile of clothes on the floor. She held her head in her hands as she tried to keep from hyperventilating.
Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. I'll die if you hate me.
"Will. Willow." Buffy could tell that her friend was nearing the breaking point and decided it was time for some tough love. She moved in front of Willow and looked down at the redhead, trying once again to get her attention. "Willow!" Willow still held her head in her hands and began to rock back and forth. Realizing that saying her name wasn't helping, Buffy knelt in front of her friend, grabbed her shoulders and gave a quick shake just to get her attention. "Hey! Look at me!"
It worked. Willow raised her head and looked at the blonde in front of her; her eyes were wide and she was breathing heavily. "Buffy...she's...gonna...hate...me." Willow spoke between gasping breaths.
"Will, listen to me...she's not going to hate you! How could she possibly hate you, Willow?" Buffy pulled her friend into a reassuring hug and held her. "It's just not possible to hate you, Willow Rosenberg. There's even a law against it...with a long term sentence for breaking the law...in a cell...with Snyder."
Willow pulled away from the embrace to look at Buffy. She raised an eyebrow.
"A heavy fine?"
"Buffy," Willow chuckled, "there's not a law."
"Well, then there should be." Buffy released the redhead and looked deeply into her friend's green eyes. She brushed Willow's hair away from her face and then gently placed a hand on either side of Willow's face, ensuring eye contact. "Willow, believe me, she could never hate you. And you'll know what to say and do. I have faith in you. But, if you spend the next 6 hours obsessing over this, you will never make it to see her. You don't want that to happen, do you?"
"Oh, no! That can't happen. I have to see her, Buffy. I just have to."
"Okay, then here's what you're going to do." Buffy took Willow's hands and pulled the girl up so that they were both standing in the middle of the room. "You're going to take deep breaths and
calm down. Then you're going to go through this room - which now looks like a bargain basement, by the way - and you're going to find your favorite outfit. When you do, you're going to shower, do your hair, do your make up and then you're going to get dressed. Understand?"
Willow nodded.
"Then you're going to go meet Tara and sweep her off her feet."
Willow giggled for a moment and then gave Buffy a serious look. "Buffy? Do you really think she won't hate me?"
Buffy smiled at her friend and squeezed her hands. "She'll love you, Will."
"Promise?"
"Promise. Cross my heart and hope to...well...I'll just cross my heart." Buffy gave Willow a quick wink.
"Thanks, Buffy."
"Anytime, Will. I have to go to work now. You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah, Buff. I'll be fine. Get going. You don't want to be late." Willow gave her friend a quick hug then watched Buffy walk out the bedroom door. She heaved a sigh as she looked at the mess she'd made and began picking up clothes.
A moment later, Buffy popped her head around the doorframe. "Will?"
"Yeah?"
"How many times
do Europeans kiss?" Buffy waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Willow let out a hearty laugh and threw a t-shirt at her friend. "Get out of here, you dork!"
"Bye. Love ya, Will."
"Love you too, Buffy."
Willow returned to straightening the room and thought over what Buffy had said to her.
She's not gonna hate me. She's gonna love me. Buffy said so. God, I hope you're right, Buffy. It's been such a long time. The redhead lost herself in memories as she continued her task.
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Willow spent every free moment for the next month at Tara's side. In fact, they were inseparable nearly 24 hours a day. On the day Tara told the redhead about the move to Germany, they made a promise to be with each other until the very last minute. If Willow wasn't spending the night at Tara's house, Tara was at Willow's. Many days were spent helping Tara pack. Fortunately, the Air Force provided a moving service for the Maclays, so there wasn't a lot for them to do. The majority of the girls' time was spent at their tree. They would bring picnic lunches and books and games and spend the days talking about the future. Before the girls knew it, they had less than a week before Tara was to leave.
Willow was lying on the ground with her hands locked behind her head. She watched the clouds as they floated by. She would usually call out the funny shapes she saw in the billowy forms and roll her eyes dramatically when Tara was unable to see the same shape. But today, she just watched them float.
What am I going to do without her? She's my best friend...my only real friend. She's the only one who understands me. What am I gonna do? Willow let out a sigh.
"Willow?" Tara heard the redhead sigh and knew there was something going through her friend's busy head. "What is it?"
Willow turned and looked at Tara.
Her eyes are so blue. Is there a word for that shade of blue? Yeah...there is...beautiful. How am I going to get through a day without seeing those eyes? "I was just thinking."
Tara gave Willow a crooked grin. "Well, there's something new. Never would have pegged you for a thinker, Will." She winked good-naturedly at the redhead.
Willow shared a few moments of laughter with the blonde, then sat up and faced her friend. The laughter was gone and she struggled to hold back tears.
"I'm going to miss you, Tare. I already do and you're not even gone yet." Willow looked down and began to play with the laces on Tara's shoes. "I'm going to be so lonely without you."
"Oh, Will." Tara choked back a sob and held out her hand to Willow. She took her friend's hand and gave a gentle tug, indicating that she wanted Willow to sit next to her.
Willow shifted so that she was next to the blonde, snuggling in close and laying her he head on Tara's shoulder. She didn't relinquish her hold on Tara's hand and looked down at their entwined fingers.
A perfect fit. Willow closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of being close to Tara.
Tara glanced at her friend and smiled - Willow had always been a cuddler. She leaned her head over so that it rested on the redhead's and the two girls sat in silence. After a few minutes, Tara began to speak.
"You know, Will, high school starts in the fall. You're going to be so busy keeping the teachers on their toes, you won't have time to miss me."
Willow quickly pulled away from the blonde and looked at her -- her shock evident.
What?! Tears were falling freely down Willow's face.
"How can you say that? How can you even
think that?" Willow raised her voice at Tara for the first time, surprising the blonde.
"Willow, I-"
"No, Tara! You don't get to talk right now. You need to listen." The redhead had calmed down a bit, but her tone made it clear that she had something to say.
Tara nodded and waited for Willow to continue. Like Willow, she wasn't holding back the tears any longer.
"Tara Maclay, you are the best friend I've ever had...probably the best friend I ever will have." Willow paused to take a gasping breath.
This isn't the time to babble. You have to tell her. Wiping away tears with the back of her hand, the redhead continued. "How dare you think I could
ever be too busy to miss you? I will miss you every second of every day. I love you, Tara...and I don't know when I'm going to see you again. So even though it will hurt, I
will miss you, because at least I'll have thoughts of you close to me, and then maybe you won't seem so far away. And I told myself that I wasn't going to babble, but I did anyway...and...well...do you get it at all?"
Tara laughed through her tears. She reached out and pulled the redhead into a tight hug. "I love it when you babble, Willow. Never keep yourself from babbling. And, yes, I do get it. I'm sorry...I didn't mean it, really. I'm going to miss you too...every second of every day."
Willow held on to the blonde as if her life depended on it. And in some ways, it did. She would always remember this feeling of being in Tara's arms and being surrounded by love. This is the memory she would hold on to; this is the memory that would keep Tara near, even when she was so very far away.
Forever. I'm going to keep her forever. Suddenly, Willow pulled away from the embrace and looked at Tara with wide eyes. She just stared at her friend for a minute. Finally, Tara couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Willow? What is it?"
"Will you make me a promise? If you say you'll promise I'll believe you, because you've never lied to me before and I really want you to keep this promise."
"Of course, Willow. I'll promise anything for you. Just name it."
"Well, we have 4 years of high school and then 4 years of college, right?"
Tara nodded and looked at Willow with a slightly confused expression.
"Okay...so here is the promise you need to make...eight years from right now we will both be finished with college. Promise me that eight years from right now...from this very minute...you will be back under this tree."
"But, Will, what if I'm back before then? Or what if you're living somewhere else? What then?"
Willow took the blonde's hands in her own and looked deeply into Tara's eyes. "It doesn't matter, Tara. What matters is the promise. No matter what happens...no matter where we are...no matter what we're doing...promise me that in 8 years we will be back under this tree together. Please?"
"I promise. No matter what happens...no matter where I am...no matter what I'm dong...in 8 years I will be back under this tree." There was no hesitation in Tara's answer. She'd made her promise and Willow knew she's stick to it.
Willow's smile beamed. "So, it's a date?"
Tara gave a quick nod and returned the redhead's smile. "It's a date."
********************
Willow leaned against the window of the room - clutching an armful of clothes to her chest - and looked out over Revello Drive.
"It's a date," Willow said in a dream-like, wistful tone. Suddenly, she jerked away from the window, standing up straight. "Ohmygod! It's a date! I have to get moving!"
The redhead rushed across the room to grab her robe and toiletries and quickly made her way to the bathroom.
No matter what, Tara, no matter what. I just hope you remembered your promise. Please come back to me.
To Be Continued...