~ The Secret Journal of X. Straud DeNair ~
by G. S. Binkley © 2006
xxgsb@yahoo.com

Synopsis: Herein lies the Secret Journal of X. Straud DeNair. I accidentally came across her journal and have decided that she would want to share it with the world. I've had to transcribe the journal since it was written in code. The following is part of the code's introduction.

Ddctd oy ntu lv, eiaet Mo ere oe.
Yuod yer adol, ohlm hat nsu.
Frvr a yus, oee Im or.

Needless to say, I have to decode the journal before I can translate the whole and full meaning of it. But this monumental task has become my destiny to reveal.

Sexual Content: F/F partners
Code:
L: Love between two people with kisses, embraces and tender moments.
LS: Love scenes described in more detail, involving scenes of lovemaking.
ES: Explicit love scenes.
· This is rated: ES
(Alternative)

Language: Expletives spoken within the character's personality, mood and circumstance.

This is copyrighted material, © 2006 Binkley…all rights reserved. It may be reproduced, duplicated or printed for personal use only. For all other uses, please contact xxgsb@yahoo.com

Part One

I, Christine Strauda aka X. Straud DeNair, do hereby solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

That being said, you can call me Chris and I write stories among other things. If you'd like, you can find one of my stories entitled "Just the Way you Like It" at the Sandbox http://www.thesandbox.com/binkley/binkley_justthewayyoulikeit.htm

Be forewarned, it's one of those 'PWP' stories. J

So, here I am writing 'my' story or at least documenting it for future generations. We all like to leave something behind and since I'm a lesbian and not in the family way (lol), my story will have to do.

It all started in late August of last year. I was desperately trying to get over the love of my life, the woman who holds my heart and soul. One night at work, I got this hair brain idea to put my profile up on a date site. It's funny what one does in the middle of the night all the while thinking that it was an excellent idea.

I will say this upfront, it's been an interesting journey into the 'online' dating or should I say mating world. And know this, while I don't claim to be a 'saint', I am a pretty trustworthy person and do have esteemed values. Yet, I discovered my online personality was a bit more playful and bold causing my 'esteemed values' to blur across the line from time to time. So, with that in mind, read on.

The first difficult task was to write a profile and decide what pictures to post. I decided on my username 'xstraudenair'. Clever, huh? lol The 'X' always generates interest. Then I went about filling in the basis about myself. Let's see, 42, 5'5", ash blonde hair, hazel eyes, weight 145 lbs., bachelor's degree, non-smoker, drinks occasionally, spiritual but not religious, open to having children and no stranger to relationships but never married. (Hell, how could I ever be married when the stupid injustices by people making certain laws in this country act so uppity? Do they even have a clue what love is all about?) Now there's a subject you don't even want me to get started on.

My essay went something like this:

I wanna have some fun and get to know the right girl... I'm honest, caring, sincere and you can trust me. It's all about the connection ... what one feels in their heart. It's the heart I'm seeking. So, if you are up for some fun and are willing to take a chance on a wonderful journey and see where it goes, I'm waiting! Also, I love the outdoors and anything to do with water. But am at home relaxing with the love of my life or going out. It's not about what I'm doing but about whom I'm doing it with. (smile)

As I surfed through the myriad of profiles the site had to offer, I came across some very interesting and beautiful women. If they had a picture, sometimes that caught my attention. However, a well-written essay always piqued my interest.

So, there I was cruising the profiles and decided to send out multiple 'interests' in hopes of forgetting about my love who apparently had found someone else. L

That night I was a very busy girl. Interest after interest was sent and I was sure to 'snag' me a gal before too long. After getting off work in the morning, I lay my head upon my pillow expecting that when I woke to check my account, there before me would be lots of responses.

Firing up the computer later that day, I quickly accessed my account and it wasn't exactly a sad face I had, but the couple of responses I received was not encouraging. Then I found out I could not email those interested unless I was a "Gold" member and that cost money. Oh, well, in the name of love, I forked over some cold hard cash and began responding to those women interested.

A Rose by Any Other Name Still Smells the Same

My first encounter was with a young woman named Rose. She hailed from one of the southern states out West. We were able to connect via my yahoo account and it was a pleasure getting to know her. Until… but I'll save that for later.

Rose was twenty-one and quite beautiful with long dark hair and eyes that matched. Her essay said she was 'looking for an honest, caring older woman to help her grow'. Well, I did say in my profile that I was honest and caring and, yep, I'm older.

At first, we had a hard time connecting, as she was a student and with the time zone difference. I had no clue where this encounter would end up, but I was willing to take a chance and try to forget my one true love. So, here I was about to talk with Rose and I still remember our very first online conversation.

XSD : (8/23/2005 10 PM): Hi...
Rosie : hiya!
XSD: Great to finally connect with you
Rosie: been playing "tag" as mom says
XSD yes I see... so how are you doing?
XSD: how's college life?
Rosie: not bad- it's pretty fun
XSD : I'm happy to hear that....
Rosie : meeting lots of people

XSD : it's storming here where I live
XSD : anyone interesting
Rosie : it's lovely here!
Rosie : a couple of girls are pretty hot
XSD: well you are pretty hot yourself
XSD : I'm sure you have lots of girls chasing you.
Rosie : : awwwwww

XSD : been to any wild parties?
Rosie : like?
XSD : I don't know Rose... just asking... hoping you are having fun while at college...
Rosie : o yes- i don't normally party with girls my age- i like older girls
XSD : yes I know... how old?
Rosie : 30 and up
XSD : well I'm up... so could you be interested in me?
Rosie : o yes- you are very pretty
XSD : you think so?
Rosie : and i liked your mail
XSD : thank you
Rosie : yes

XSD : It would be great to get to know you more
Rosie : you like girls my age?
XSD : Rose, it isn't really age that matters to me.. just a feeling or connection I get from someone...
Rosie : cool- i like that
XSD : me, too
Rosie : do you have a gf now?
XSD : and it's good to know you are not age bound when meeting others.. so many people seem to have a problem with age instead of connecting

XSD : No, I don't have a gf
XSD : how about you?
Rosie : there is a lady i see a lot- but we aren't an "item"
XSD : okay... should I be jealous?
Rosie : : lol- don't think so
XSD: then is this lady a friend?
Rosie : and a lover
XSD : a friend and a lover, okay? (this should have been my first clue)
Rosie : yes

XSD : : hmmm...what's her name?
Rosie : : Kitty
XSD : : nice name
XSD : : so are you looking for a gf
Rosie : : i like it
Rosie : : i like meeting people all the time- if it turns into a relationship- cool
XSD : : that's great
Rosie : : you?

XSD : : so where do you think we will go to
Rosie : : don't know- i'd love to meet you
XSD : : hmmm... well, I would love to meet you, too
XSD : : for now tho, how about we get to know each other more... and see what develops
Rosie : : do you come here?
XSD : : I haven't been to your state in a while but I can see a reason now to go
Rosie : : you are sweet!
XSD : : and so are you
XSD : : do you come online much
Rosie : : not as much as my mom- some, i guess
XSD : : well we can email back and forth until the day comes we can meet... is that okay with you?

Rosie : : sure
Rosie : : do you have any other pics?
XSD : : I'm sure I do somewhere
XSD : : how about you?
Rosie : : i only have one other and it's kinda naughty
XSD : naughty?
XSD : I think I might like naughty
XSD : you decide if you want to send it okay

Rosie : : no- i'm just telling you- i'm half naked
XSD : : okay
XSD : : is it on your yahoo profile?
Rosie : : no
XSD : : well then if you don't mind please send it to me
XSD : : I would love to see it (waiting for her to send the pic)
Rosie : : get it?
XSD : : nope not yet

Rosie : : i'll have to email- yahoo is being strange again
XSD : : did you send it to my email at yahoo
XSD : : okay thanks
(a few minutes passed)
XSD : : hey Rose did you leave town?
Rosie : : lol- no- trying to send


It took a little time, but I finally received the other picture of Rose. The picture Rose sent showed her half naked from the waist up with a come hither expression as she sat on her bed.

Rosie : : mom says hi
XSD : : okay I got it
XSD : : and say hi to mom for me
Rosie : : k

XSD : : hold on while I look at the pic
Rosie : : k
(a short time later)
Rosie : : hey Chris- did you leave town?
XSD : : no very funny
XSD : : I got it and was just admiring it
Rosie : : ty
Rosie : : mom took it for me
XSD : : ooooookay
XSD : : she's cool? (scratching my head)
Rosie : : very

XSD : : I gotta save this
XSD : : hold on
Rosie : : k
XSD : : alright ...now I have something to look at all night long
Rosie : : did you send a pic?
XSD : : nope not yet... I have to find it

XSD : : and my battery is running low.... we have a storm here and the power is out so I've been using my battery
Rosie : : have you been with girls like me?
XSD : : and I didn't want to turn it off because I saw you online...
Rosie : : that sux

XSD : : what kind of girls like you are you like?
Rosie : : lol- teen/younger
XSD : : sure ...when I was younger
XSD : : is there something I should know?
Rosie : : no- i'm being nosey- my mom likes younger too

XSD : : okay... I'd like to meet your mom one day but not before meeting you of course
XSD : : you live at home?
Rosie : : yes

XSD : : okay cool
XSD : : I really hate to do this but my battery is kinda low and the power is not yet back on... and here we finally connected... I do want to get to know you more... I'll send you an email... and maybe we can connect again soon.. I sure hope so
Rosie : : me too- kisses
XSD : : goodnight and sweet dreams my dear Rose


Well, that was our first conversation. I was kind of elated to have this young, vivacious woman interested in me. Made my ego soar if you know what I mean. Rose and I chatted on and off for about a week and everything was going smoothly. Then we talked again one night, but this time something kind of weird happened. Remember when I wrote earlier 'until'? This next part is where that comes in. And, now I know what Rose meant by her mom being 'cool'.

Our conversation started out typical. How are you? Things like that until, I guess we both became a little flirtatious and I was definitely feeling frisky.

XSD: So, Rose really how are you doing this evening?
Rosie: sunburned and tired
Rosie: you?
XSD: I'm good
XSD: so you were out in the sun too much huh?

Rosie : lol- yes- was watching softball all afternoon
XSD : oh okay and here I was picturing you naked lol
Rosie : nasty!
XSD : oh tell me you don't like that
Rosie : i do
XSD : yes I thought so

Rosie : i'm almost naked now
XSD : hmmm.... now that gives my imagination a jumpstart
Rosie : just wearing a tshirt
XSD : what no panties?
Rosie : hardly ever
XSD : oh... okay ...

XSD : I put my pic up so I can take a look at you lol
Rosie : ?
XSD : on the IM thing.. you can't see the pic?
Rosie : no- i have a mac and yahoo support sucks
XSD : okay

Rosie : send file?
XSD : well I should tell you ...you're making me hot just thinking about you there without panties on

Rosie : are you alone?
XSD : yes
XSD : you?
Rosie : mom is the living room
XSD : hmmm....
Rosie : what are you wearing?
XSD : panties and top.. no bra
Rosie : do you have small breats?
Rosie : lol- i can't type
Rosie : breasts

XSD : C
XSD : you?
Rosie: seen mine?
XSD : of course I have seen them... beautiful
Rosie : c/d depending
Rosie : may i see yours?
XSD : all the way from here?
XSD : I don't have a pic like you do
Rosie : i have great eyesight
XSD : then I'll take off my top if you want
Rosie : please
XSD : okay ... I'm doing that now
Rosie : do you like to go braless?
XSD : yes
XSD : you?
Rosie : me too!

XSD : I'm thinking that is a wonderful sight under a tight top
Rosie : i like to show off
XSD : I like it when you show off...
XSD : you know I'm looking at your pic now and ...wow
Rosie : i wish you were here
XSD : me too... trust me ...
XSD : lovely
Rosie : do you have any other pics?
XSD : not on my computer yet..
XSD : I have some but have yet to load them from the CD I have
Rosie : k


I'm not sure what came over me then, but I found my fingers whipping across the keyboard typing the very next words.

XSD : take my hand will you?
Rosie : yes
XSD : put it on your breast
XSD : let me feel you
Rosie : my nipples are stiffening
XSD : I can feel them get hard at the touch of my fingers

XSD : beautiful
XSD : so soft... to the touch
XSD : may I?
Rosie : pinch them
XSD : oh yes
XSD : doing that
Rosie : mmmmm
Rosie : kiss me

XSD : yes... my lips to yours
Rosie : yes
XSD : brushing softly before my mouth captures yours fully and my tongue probes deeply
Rosie : i like that
XSD : hmmmm.... so good
XSD : deeper our tongues circle each other
XSD : as my hand captures your breast and squeezes
Rosie : breath, so hot....
XSD : I want you Rose
XSD : lay down with me
Rosie : i'm yours
XSD : all mine?
Rosie : yes
Rosie : use me

XSD : I want all of you just for me
XSD : yes
XSD : lay there a moment very still
XSD : while my eyes adore your sexy body
Rosie : k

XSD : Gawd you are so beautiful
XSD : I see your chest heave from the excitement of what is about to happen
XSD : do you want me?
Rosie : o yes!!!!!
XSD : need me?
Rosie : o god- i have to be with you

XSD : I'm yours
XSD : I lay down beside you and feel the full length of our bodies close to each other
XSD : rubbing up against each other, skin on skin
Rosie : what will you do with me?
XSD : everything... anything you want
XSD : tell me what you want Rose
XSD : my hand runs over the smooth slope of your hip up your side to your breast
Rosie : i want to be your slut

XSD : yes baby... all mine
XSD : kiss me
XSD : now
XSD : deep kiss.. probing, long and full of passion
Rosie : you are so soft
XSD : move your body up against me
XSD : I need to feel your desire
XSD : I want your hands around me, pull me close
Rosie : take me

XSD : all of you...yes
XSD : my lips trace down your neck to your breasts and suck them... both back and forth
Rosie : i can feel the heat of your face
XSD : my hand trails down over you flat smooth silky skin and stops just short of the treasure I will soon discover
XSD : suckling your breast so good... nipple so hard for me
XSD : sucking harder
XSD : wanting all of you in my mouth
XSD : my hand...where do you want it
Rosie : on my pussy- i'm yours
Rosie : open me

XSD : my hand dips down between your legs and covers your mound
XSD : your pussy so wet and hot for me
XSD : all for me, Rose? are you this wet just for me?
Rosie : o yes i !
XSD : my lips suckling at your breast
XSD : my hand rubs you so gently with but determination
XSD : one finger slips between your folds and flicks your clit..
XSD : can you feel it?
XSD : is this what you want baby
XSD : I need to have all of you
XSD : spread your legs for me
XSD : wider
XSD : oh gawd yes
XSD : you are so beautiful
XSD : your pussy so wet it glistens
XSD : my oh my the scent of you... smells so good
Rosie : i'm so wet

XSD : I hate to leave your breasts but I must taste you
XSD : my lips move downward leaving feathery touches of kisses until I reach the top of yours curls
XSD : you smell delicious and feel even better
XSD : my hand rubs you harder feeling you get so wet for me
XSD : feel me baby


Then suddenly, Rose disappeared. She went offline.

XSD: hey Rose… and we were having so much fun... where did you go?


The next day we finally connected again.

Rosie: i'm so sorry! i was getting so excited i turned off the whole puter!
XSD: hmmmm.... Rose, should I be sorry for getting you so excited? perhaps another mail...


Our conversation was short that day because Rose was reluctant and questioned where we would go from here. I told her I was very interested in her and wanted to get to know her. She stated the same feelings toward me. We talked about general things in life, having children, family and other aspirations.

It was then our conversation took a sharp twisted turn. She stated that while she wanted a relationship with someone special, she liked to play and asked if I did, too. Eagerly, I said 'yes' but felt the need to clarify her whole meaning behind that word.

XSD : what kind of play are you talking about? Just want to be sure we are on the same mindset
Rosie : i like other girls, would you mind enjoying them with me
XSD : hmmmm..... not so sure about that... I've never done that
XSD : does that change your mind about me?
Rosie : not at all- I don't want a relationship with them- just play- I don't know how to explain it


I tried to turn the conversation around to just us as I don't particularly share well. After asking Rose for her phone number so we could talk more privately, she informed me her mother refused for her to give it out and Rose called her a 'bitch'. Rose said she would work on her mom so she could give me her number.

Rosie : I'll just have to be good to mom tonite

It seemed like an innocent statement at the time. As a change of subject, I brought up our 'cyber' experience.

XSD : so did you really get that excited the other night that you turned off the computer?
Rosie : o hell yes!
Rosie : i was kind of silly - couldn't handle the keyboard
XSD : I understand... it would be a hard thing to do

Rosie : and then mom was watching
XSD : uh oh ...that's not a good thing
Rosie : lol- no it was a good thing
XSD : I thought you were in your bedroom... when we talked the other day
Rosie : i was in the den
XSD : well when we talk on the phone maybe you can be alone or in your bedroom... is that possible?
Rosie : sure

XSD : very good
Rosie : mom helped me when you and i chatted
XSD : what do you mean?
Rosie : she licked me
XSD : oh!
Rosie : is that bad?
XSD: never had my mom do that to me (more than a bit stunned at her comment)
XSD : is that what you two do
Rosie : we do- yes

XSD : you and your mom have sex together? I just want to be clear on this
Rosie : yes
XSD : guess you have a close relationship then (what else was I suppose to say?)
Rosie : you could say that
XSD : you and your mom ..do you have sex with others ... together?
Rosie : we have- yes
XSD : and were you thinking that you and I and your mom might share that same experience?
Rosie : maybe- but that isn't my reason for meeting you

XSD : to be honest you with Rose...
Rosie : yes?
XSD : while I know that sex is natural... I'm not keen on thinking that it's 'natural' to have sex with your mother or any family member...
XSD : but then again that is just me
XSD : wanted to let you know where I'm coming from...
XSD : I'm not judging ...just telling you how I feel about it
Rosie : i'm sorry- I will leave you alone

XSD : hold on...
XSD : doesn't mean I don't like you
XSD : I do..
XSD : and it's your choice in life...
XSD : I'm not judging you at all...
XSD : just that I think differently on this

Rosie : sorry-i don't know what to say
XSD : it's okay...
XSD : just different thinking... different upbringing...
Rosie : i've ruined it


In a nutshell, it did put an entirely warped spin on the whole affair. As our conversation ended, I knew Rose and I would not be talking much anymore. I was not what she was searching for and, to be honest, I didn't want to travel that path with her.

So, that was my first so-called experience at cybering. Or near experience as we never actually did finish it. And when I learned about the 'special' relationship she had with her mother, I thanked anyone that would listen that we were many states away from each other. Now I don't like to go around judging people, but dang, this was way too much for me to handle. While interesting to be sure, this short excursion didn't dim the light in my eyes for my one true love.

So, I pressed on and with a deep breath, I thought, 'okay, on to the next one'. Dare I chance it?

TBC

The Secret Journal of X. Straud DeNair will be continued in Part Two: ~Wanna Play Patty-Cake?~

Thank you for taking the time to read this journal. Feedback is always appreciated. Please be kind and drop me a line at xxgsb@yahoo.com


This is copyrighted material, ã 2006 Binkley…all rights reserved. It may be reproduced, duplicated or printed for personal use only. For all other uses, please contact xxgsb@yahoo.com



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