Disclaimer/Summery: See Part 1
THE MOMENT
The warped wood floor creaked beneath her feet as Tara moved around the gloomy little room with its bookcases piled high with radiant, glowing crystals, moldering old grimoires, and urns containing assorted powders and potions, and its racks of bird feathers and fetid animal entrails and insect parts and corpse dust and rotting old bones, and its display cases boasting hand-painted tarot card decks, bottles of absinth, crystal balls, and leather pouches full of precious stones, examining various magical objects, some grotesque, some merely odd, by the golden light of the incense candle she held. Silver chimes hung down from the ceiling, humming their melancholy song, moving even though the air was absolutely still in there. A fat spider added to an ancient web that veiled a shadowy corner, by a dusty old rack lined with grinning skulls. As Buffy followed Tara around the room the reek coming from all the dead things clung to her nose, and she wanted to growl: she didn't like it in there. But she didn't make a sound. When Buffy moved, the floor didn't creak.
"So...how long have you been doing magic for?" Buffy said.
"Pretty much ever since Willow found me," Tara said, as she opened a glass display case, pulled a tupperware bowl full of newt's eyes from a low shelf, opened it and held it up to the candlelight. "I was only a little kid, like nine, but my mind was suddenly opened to it, in a way it wasn't before. I didn't like, start doing spells and stuff until later...when I was about thirteen." She touched the white crystal she wore around her neck, on its silver chain. She felt its warmth... it always felt like a heart beating. "But I always wore this crystal she gave me, and I knew it was magical...I knew it was special. I'd spend hours looking at it sometimes...I could feel its power. It's warm, and it sort of...pulses."
"Are those eyes?" Buffy said, peeking over her shoulder.
They were in the Magic Box. Buffy had been there before: it was a cluttered little hole in the wall in the bad part of town, jammed full of old books and crystals and potions and skulls and animal entrails and a thousand other dubious things, and the floor was crooked at one end, so the shelves with the spell books all leaned at angles, and the racks and display cases were all set so close together that there was hardly room to move. And Buffy hated it there, because it stank. It was full of dead things, and pieces of dead things. But Tara's pretty ginger scent helped. When they had gotten there and Buffy reached out with her senses and determined that there weren't any vampires anywhere in the vicinity, she asked Tara to drop their glamours, because having to deal with vampire smells on top of all the other smells in that wretched place would have been too much. Tara agreed, on the condition that she could take off the kevlar vest. It was itchy.
So Buffy followed Tara around the little shop as she moved from one mysterious object to the next, examining them by the candlelight and throwing some into the duffel bag which Buffy was carrying for the purpose, along with the sword, a pistol, and her stake. But the room was an obstacle course of cluttered racks and shelves and display cases and it felt like she and Tara had spent the past hour dancing around each other. Once, Buffy had brushed up against Tara's breasts when they were both squeezed into an aisle together--it was unavoidable, Tara was buxom--and Tara had just giggled. "Goodies aren't for sale, sweetie," she had said.
There were some nice smells in there--various spices and powders and perfumes--but all the animal parts drowned them out. Newt's eyes, chicken feet, eagle hearts, beetle dung, snakeskin, entrails and mummified body parts made the place smell like a butcher shop built on top of a dung heap to Buffy's sensitive nose. Even the books didn't smell good. They were all rotting, musty things, and a lot of them were bound in human skin or written in blood. And Buffy was fairly certain that at least one of them was written in urine. Keeping close to Tara helped, but the Magic Box still made Buffy want to growl, and she felt like she was buried in there. Every time she had ever been in the place, it reminded her of a tomb. But the outside of the store was a little more festive this time: Halloween hadn't been too long ago and the store still had its decorations up. On the walls outside, witches with green, leprous skin, black eyes, tangled gray hair and tattered black cloaks rode broomsticks and cackled at the customers. Inside, a witch with skin like cream, sky-blue eyes, and long, golden hair stood beside Buffy in the candlelight, smiling. And she was wearing a cropped chocolate-brown sequined knit camisole with lace trim that rode a few inches above her belly button, a terracotta hemp skirt that nicely showed off her hips, a tie-dyed taupe and lime-green chiffon shawl, adorable hand-made beige platform peep-toe Christian Laurent shoes and gold hoop earrings, and Buffy thought she looked utterly fabulous, and smelled utterly fabulous too. For a second, she thought back to the moment Tara had appeared, naked, in the hospital room, in an aura of white light--like an angel, or the answer to a prayer. Buffy put the thought out of her head, and looked down at the newt's eyes. They looked squishy. And she was pretty sure they were looking back.
"Yup, newt's eyes," Tara said, still squinting at them, and turning the bowl in the light of the incense candle. "But this place doesn't always have the best newt's eyes. Sometimes they're too dried up. When they're dried up they aren't as effective. You want 'em nice and moist."
Buffy frowned, and wrinkled her nose at the newt's eyes. She wanted to growl at them.
Tara smiled, as she closed the tupperware bowl and tossed the newt's eyes in the duffel bag. "You don't like it here, huh? Too many bad smells."
"Yeah," Buffy said. "How'd you know?"
"Faith and I came here once. She didn't like the smells either. She actually growled a couple times. She's completely cute when she growls. Try this." Tara picked up a small silver vial from a display set up near the cash register, took Buffy's hand, rolled up Buffy's sleeve, and sprayed some perfume on her wrist. Buffy sniffed it.
"Perfume?" Buffy said. "It smells like...I don't think I ever smelled anything like this."
"Magic perfume, sweetie," Tara said, and lifted Buffy's wrist, and smelled it. "It combines with your body chemistry to produce a completely unique scent, based on your aura."
"Aura?"
"We all have one, sort of a light, an energy that surrounds us. Anyway...wow. This is really pretty on you, Buffy. Smells like...you're right, it's hard to describe. Flowery, like...wait... lilacs. Yeah. Definitely a lilac thing goin' on."
"Are lilacs pretty? Do they smell good?
"Yeah, I love lilacs. They flower in spring and the flowers are shades of purple, pink or white, and they smell awesome. I'm like, Flower Girl. Glamour Girl too."
"Can I...?" Buffy said, and touched the perfume vial. Tara nodded, and handed it to her.
Buffy gently lifted Tara's wrist, and sprayed it with the perfume. She held it to her nose.
"Okay, gimme the bad news," Tara said, and giggled. "You're a Slayer, you've got the nose. I bet I smell like a baloney sandwich now. Or paint thinner. Or maybe Twinkies?"
Buffy closed her eyes, and moved her nose along Tara's wrist. "No," Buffy whispered. "Honey. You smell like...honey."
"Um...okay, good," Tara said, as Buffy held her wrist. "That's good, right?"
"Yeah," Buffy whispered again, and opened her eyes. She let Tara's wrist go. "Um...I mean yeah. Awesome. I told you Tara, you always smell great. So..." She turned away from her. "Do we... have everything we need?"
"Pretty much, I'm just gonna grab a few of those books, some powdered mushroom, a couple mummy hands maybe. Never know when one might come in handy. Get it? Handy? Okay, that was lame. I'm babbling." She giggled again.
"I babble too. I bet you're gonna take the pee book, aren't you? I think like, the smellier a magic book is, the better it is. The human skin books, the blood books, they're all awesome. Magic's all about gross smells."
"Pee book. You mean like...pee? Like, takin' a wiz pee?"
"Yeah. That one over there, the little gray one." Buffy pointed at the bookshelves.
"Bristow's Demon Index," Tara said, walking over to it as Buffy followed behind her. A cloud of dust accompanied the book as Tara pulled it from the shelf and flipped through it. "Actually, yeah, we should take this one. It looks like an encyclopedia of demons. Vamps can't get into our place without an invitation but demons can, from what Angel said. It'll be good to have a guidebook if the First starts sending demons against us. Um...it really smells like pee?"
"I think it was written in pee."
"Um..." Tara said, and frowned, and tossed the book in the duffel bag. "Okay. And before we go I just wanna grab some stuff from behind the register back there too." She moved behind the cash register, opened a series of little teak wood chests and pulled what looked like colored threads out of them.
"What's that stuff?" Buffy said. "It doesn't smell like ass so I bet it's not too magical."
"Not yet. It's embroidery thread, but it's sorta special. It's had spells done on it so it's specifically able to hold blessings, and amplify their power."
"What are you gonna do with it?"
"It's just...s-something I wanted to pick up for Faith. I, um, didn't find out about her birthday until yesterday and...I...didn't have a ch-chance to get her a present..."
Tara's scent had changed; Buffy knew she was nervous.
Buffy leaned over the register, and took her hands, and kissed her cheek.
"I'm glad you're part of her life," Buffy said. "Faith's lucky to have someone like you."
"Wow," Cordy said, as she pushed a rattling old shopping cart piled high with food down the brightly-lit aisle of the cavernous, empty supermarket, looking from side to side, scanning the shelves, her voice echoing as she spoke. "So this is what a supermarket looks like."
"Uh...yeah," Angel said. "You've never been in a supermarket? I'm a vampire and I've been in supermarkets."
"Conchita did all the shopping. Oh my God are those Oreos with chocolate double stuff? They have them with chocolate double stuff now? Why was I not told about this?"
"We should concentrate on, er, real food," Giles said, bringing up the rear; Cordy always kept the shopping cart at the exact speed required to keep pace with Angel. She sped up when Angel moved ahead. She slowed down when he lagged behind. Giles kept his distance. Partly because Cordelia was annoying and partly because the wizard would need room to work, if he ever got there. "We may be enduring a long siege and we have limited space and we'll need this food to keep us alive. We should concentrate on the essentials."
"Okay, Mister I must have my Darjeeling tea," Cordy said, and grabbed four bags of the chocolate double stuff Oreos and tossed them into the already overburdened shopping cart. "Oh my God vanilla crème wafers! Why didn't I ever go food shopping? I totally should've gone food shopping. All Conchita ever bought me for junk food were frigging Wheat Thins."
"We're gonna need another carriage," Angel said, as Cordy snatched four bags of vanilla crème wafers and tossed them in the cart. "And maybe at some point we could get, like, fruit?"
"Fruit spoils," Cordy said, as they turned out of the aisle and headed up the next one; one side of the aisle was soft drinks, the other was potato chips and pretzels and popcorn and dip. "Chips! we definitely need chips." She wandered away from the cart to look at the chips.
"Pretzels too," Angel said, and looked at the chips with her.
"We could get canned fruit," Giles offered.
Cordy turned back to him.
"It comes in cans?" she said.
It was the last thing she said. A second after she said it her whole body stiffened, and she froze. Angel managed to turn around and face their attacker, but he didn't manage to move: he froze too. He stood there next to Cordelia like a scarecrow, rooted to the floor.
"About bloody time you found me," Giles said to the wizard who stood at the other end of the aisle, by the Schweppes ginger ale. The wizard was a tall, bald man with skin the color of ebony, tattoos in a spiral pattern on his face, pointed ears, black eyes without any white around them whatsoever, and the standard iron collar. He wore a black robe that seemed to change color in the light, and he was smiling now. His teeth were long and sharp. "I've only been dawdling about in that bloody hospital for two days," Giles continued, frowning. "And then of course there was that lovely interval where I got to sleep on someone's front lawn, disguised as part of the shrubbery. Not to mention the concussion. What about these two? I assume the Mayor still wants them in place? Well, the vampire at least. Feel free to kill the girl. Actually, please kill the girl."
"Is she a threat to us?" the wizard said, in a thick Jamaican accent. His voice was a low rumble that welled up from his throat like some stealthy panther's purr.
"No, she's just a mouthy little tart," Giles said. "She never shuts the hell up."
"I can erase their memories of this," the wizard said. "Mayor says no killing them. But you present a problem, if the Slayers really are hunting you, as you say. You don't want a Slayer on your tail, Mister Demon Man." The wizard chuckled; it sounded like drum-beats. "Oh no, no no. Slayers will rip you up, Demon Man. Slayers will eat your heart."
"They're definitely on to me. I don't need my old nose to sense it, Xavier, it's obvious. I'm losing it. I was fine at first, I knew just what to do for about a day. But then I found myself hesitating, having to think about things, and it's getting worse by the moment, and the Slayers can sense it. Buffy actually had one of their witches check around for glamours, obviously because she senses something off about me. I'm losing his memories too. Buffy just buried her mother and I completely forgot that Giles had a relationship with the woman. And on top of all that one of the blasted girls is a mind-reader. It's just a matter of time now before they figure it out. Either fix me up or get me out of there. Being captured and tortured wasn't part of our deal."
"The big man wants to see us, he'll say. Come along now. What about that book we dug up for you? The one about the Horsemen? Did it help?"
"No," Giles said, as he turned away from the cart, and joined the wizard. "It mentions the ceremony to stop the Horsemen but the ceremony is in gibberish and we have no way to tell who's supposed to perform it anyway. What about those two? We're just leaving them there?"
"I'll cast a glamour around them, they'll be like two caterpillars in a cocoon. No one will even know they're here. Then we come fetch them. Or kill them, if Mayor says."
"Cool," Buffy said, suddenly standing beside the shopping cart and looking at the mountain of food piled inside. "They've got Oreos with chocolate double stuff now."
Xavier turned and raised his hand. When nothing happened, and Buffy went on looking at the food in the shopping cart, he seemed perplexed.
"And of course Giles just had to have his Weetabix," Buffy continued, not even looking up at Xavier or Giles. "Yup, that's just so Giles."
Xavier fired an energy bolt; it looked like lightning. It went through Buffy, sizzled down the aisle and blasted a refrigerator case full of hot dogs into oblivion.
Then Buffy looked up.
"Except it isn't Giles," she said. "It isn't Giles at all."
"And you're not Buffy," Giles said.
"What is she?" Xavier said, and approached her, cautiously, the way one would approach an animal, sniffing the air as he went.
"I'm the fashion police," Buffy said. "The all-black look? So last year."
"You're an old thing," Xavier whispered, his voice a low purr, as he moved around her, sniffing at her. "You smell like dried blood and rotting bones. Like ages long gone."
"I'm the First," Buffy said. "And you smell like a goat. I know the commercial says your deodorant's strong enough that you can even skip a day? Don't believe the hype. So you guys replaced Giles with a demon somehow. Neat trick, but why?"
"Nah, Xavier don't talk," Xavier said, and smiled, and showed Buffy his sharp, filed teeth. "Xavier just fold his hands and smile politely. Mister Mayor, he makes the decisions. I think maybe we all meet, hmm?"
"Yeah, I got nothing going on right now, guess I could squeeze in a meet and greet, especially since I'm pretty sure you guys are evil. I like keeping tabs on all the up-and-coming evil folks. And hey, fake demon Giles? Before you get home, assuming I allow you to survive, which is a big assumption right now, make sure you pick up some double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. It's Faith's favorite."
"What is it with you?" Giles said. "Are you bloody daft? Biggest evil in the universe and you spend half your time chattering on about nonsense."
Buffy frowned at him.
"Buffy gets vanilla," Buffy said. "She likes the really expensive vanilla, like the Haagen-Dazs. And get Twinkies for Tara, I'm pretty sure Tara likes Twinkies. Actually, everybody likes Twinkies. Get lots of Twinkies."
"Yes, yes, fine," Giles said. "And since I'm humoring you, what about Willow?"
"Willow doesn't get anything," Buffy said.
"Faith," Willow whispered, as Faith kissed her, and lowered her to a canopy bed in the mattress section of the Wal-Mart. "Baby...baby we...we shouldn't."
The bed had tall brass posts at each corner, with ruffled, semi-transparent curtains hanging down between them, and a canopy of heavier cloth creating a ceiling directly above them. They were closed in...no one could see them. It was a secret place.
Faith laid Willow down on the bed, and moved on top of her, and kissed her again...with a sweet moan, Willow returned the kiss.
"Baby..." Willow whispered, and opened her legs, and moved her hands across Faith's back, feeling the muscles like steel rods moving there.
Faith caressed Willow around her waist...in a certain spot where she knew Willow was sensitive. Willow closed her eyes, and moaned beneath her, and arched her hips.
"But...Buffy," Willow whispered, as she kissed Faith's neck.
Faith licked Willow's neck, and took in her scent...and growled. The glamour was masking it.
"Get rid of the glamours," Faith whispered. "I want your smells."
"O-okay," Willow murmured, and waved her hand. Faith smiled, as the false vampire scent dissipated, and Willow's beautiful strawberry scent returned.
"There's my girl," Faith said, and kissed Willow again, growling a little this time. Willow whimpered beneath her, and began moving her hips. She grabbed Faith's ass, bringing Faith closer...drawing her in.
Faith knew she had captured Willow...she had stalked her, hunted her, and now she had brought her to ground. In that secret place, behind the curtains, shut off from the world, Faith knew she could enter all Willow's secret places...and have her again...have her forever...
"I love you," Faith said, as she laid on top of Willow, and ran her fingers through Willow's hair.
"I love...love you too...baby..." Willow moaned. "But...I can't...hurt you."
Willow's nipples were hard. Faith could see them through her blouse.
Willow's pussy was wet. Faith could smell it.
They both had tears in their eyes. The tears were still running down their cheeks.
Faith looked down into Willow's eyes, and wiped her tears away.
She wanted to kiss Willow's breasts. She wanted to suck on her nipples, while Willow held her in her arms...the way she used to...
Willow looked up into Faith's eyes, her skin flushed, her heart beating fast, her legs spread beneath her. Faith knew what Willow wanted. Faith wanted to give it to her.
She wanted to fuck Willow...take her.
Instead, Faith took a breath...and considered things.
They laid there together, looking into each other's eyes, while Faith considered things. Willow caressed Faith's hair. Faith listened to Willow's heartbeat, and kissed her hand, instead of her breasts. Willow's nipples looked like they were about to burst through her blouse.
Faith wanted to kiss Willow's breasts. She wanted to fuck her, feel Willow's pussy moving against her own...she wanted to whisper things to her. She wanted to look into Willow's eyes when Willow whispered back to her: when Willow whispered that she belonged to her.
Faith moved off of Willow, and sat on the edge of the bed, and looked down at the floor.
"This is the moment, Willow," Faith said. "Remember what Becca said that time? That someday, I'd come to a moment...a moment when the whole world was on my shoulders."
Willow sat up with her. It took her a few seconds to catch her breath, and Faith could still hear her heart beating. Willow's sweet pussy scent was so strong Faith felt like she was swimming in it.
The televisions in the electronics section were talking about gang-rapes. Vampires in Minneapolis were filming them, and broadcasting the videos. They had commandeered a local television station out there. The reporters were still calling the vampires "plague victims". The store's intercom system was playing music: Faith recognized the song. "One of Us" by Joan Osborne.
"Yeah," Willow said. "I remember."
Faith took Willow's hand.
"You're the Slayer," Rebecca said, as she held a sword to Faith's throat. A wooden sword, that day. "Everything's changed."
"Except for you kickin' my butt every day," Faith said, and smiled. "That part's pretty consistent."
They were in the gym Rebecca had set up on the third floor, in their workout clothes. They were finishing up their swordfighting routine and Rebecca had disarmed Faith with ease, sending Faith's wooden practice sword sailing across the room like a runaway kite. As far as Faith could tell, Rebecca did everything with ease.
It was Wednesday, May 13th, 1998...Faith had been a Slayer for one day.
Rebecca smiled, took her sword from Faith's throat, walked to the far wall, her balance perfect, ruler straight with a good spring in her step, and hung their swords back up.
"That part won't last nearly as long as you think, Faith," Rebecca said. "You did very well with the swords today, you're improving by leaps and bounds. You're a born fighter. Someday, and it will be sooner than you expect, you'll surpass me."
Faith shook her head. "Never gonna happen, Becca. But thanks for the sentiment. Besides, don't need to get past you. I like being behind you."
Rebecca came back to Faith, put her arm around her, and walked with her to the big bow window. It was late afternoon and summer was on the way; the sun painted the sky in shades of gold. A gentle breeze wafted in; it was warm, and it brought the scent of the ginger plants Rebecca had recently added to the garden in front of the house with it. There was jasmine in the garden too, but the jasmine was night-blooming. It didn't release its sweet scent until the sun went down, and the moon and the stars came out, and the real world arrived with them...
Faith was starting to realize that the world was more real at night. The day was only an illusion: an illusion of security. At night the predators came out, and the predators controlled the world. Faith felt like there was a voice inside her head now, and it told her secret things...
"Beautiful day," Rebecca said.
"Yeah," Faith said. "But it's always pretty here. Even winter was pretty in its own way."
"We should take a stroll tonight, after dinner. It's been awhile since we visited the Newbury Street shops. I think we'd both fancy some new shoes."
"Sounds like a plan. Maybe rent a movie after? You still haven't seen Pulp Fiction."
"Is that the one you told me about with John Travolta dancing?"
"One of 'em. He's not as hot in this one, but he says cooler stuff. He's like a mob hitman guy. Plus it's got Uma Thurman. Always dug her."
Rebecca nodded. They leaned on the window together, and looked out at the sun.
"And we should pick up ice cream," Rebecca said. "We're running low on your double chocolate whatever it is."
"Fudge brownie."
Rebecca nodded again. She watched the sun, as it fell down the sky.
Faith watched Rebecca's eyes. She watched the sun glistening on that ocean of blue.
"Everything's changed," Rebecca said.
"Yeah," Faith said, and leaned her head on Rebecca's shoulder.
"It's not a bad thing, Faith. It's a good thing. But it's a weighty thing, too. And that weight, darling, is going to fall square upon your shoulders, I'm afraid."
Rebecca stood up, and took Faith's hand, and looked down into her eyes.
"You're the Slayer," Rebecca said. "The threats you'll face, the battles you'll fight, the decisions you'll make, will decide the fate of the world someday."
"You sure? I mean...yeah, Buffy does that. But I'm...I don't know. I'm...not Buffy."
Rebecca smiled. "No. You're not Buffy. You're Faith. You're going to be the best Slayer that's ever been. Not yet. Not for some time. But someday."
Faith nodded. She wished Rebecca would change the subject.
Rebecca raised her eyebrow.
"You think I'm saying it because you're my girl, don't you? You think I'm saying it because you're my darling."
Faith smiled. "You always say nice stuff about me."
"I always mean it. I never talk just to talk. You're going to be a marvelous Slayer. You're a born fighter and a gifted strategic thinker, though you don't realize it yet. And you're brave."
Rebecca caressed Faith's hair.
"And you're my girl," Rebecca said, and smiled again.
"That won't ever change," Faith said.
Rebecca nodded. They stood there together, by the window, as the gentle breeze flitted in, and the sun fell down the sky.
"Someday, a moment's going to come," Rebecca said. "It may be a very long time from now, but it's going to happen, because you're the Slayer."
"What...kind of moment?" Faith said.
"You may not immediately recognize the moment, because with all your cares, all the battles you'll have to fight, it may be a subtle thing. Nevertheless, it's the moment when the entire world, the entire world and the lives of every single person in it, will hang on whatever decision you make. It's going to happen. The moment will come. You have to be ready for it."
"What should I do? How do I get ready?"
"I'll get you ready, as best I can. But all the training I can ever give you is merely showing you how best to use what you already have, Faith. Your intelligence, your courage, your instincts, these are all things you were born with and they'll have to guide you in that moment. The important thing is to recognize the moment when it comes. Once you recognize it, I want you to take a breath. Don't act rashly. When the moment comes, consider it. Take your time. Weigh the options, then make the decision. Recognize the moment for what it is, accept it. Feel the weight of it on your shoulders, but don't let that weight knock you down. Accept that you were chosen for this, you were chosen to face that moment, for a reason. Because you're the one who's strong enough to face it. Not because you're the Slayer. Because you're Faith Lehane."
"What if...I decide wrong?" Faith said.
Rebecca kissed Faith's forehead, and smiled.
"You won't," Rebecca said.
Willow nodded.
"Do you love me?" Faith said. "Not like, friend love, sister love. Not even auntie love. Do you love me?"
"Yeah," Willow said. "I've been in love with you ever since the alley."
"I'm in love with you too," Faith said.
Willow got up, and leaned against a little plywood bureau with a cheap lamp and two imitation hardcover books on top of it that went with one of the beds. Her nipples were still hard. Her face was flushed, and Faith could still hear her heart beating, too fast.
"That first night, when I saw you in the alley...you were..." Willow shook her head. "I can't even really describe it. You were like the sun in the sky. You saved me and then...when I was scared, panicky, you held me. You made me feel safe...you made the panic go away. But I had this feeling in my stomach, too...the whole time I was with you. Didn't know what it was. I only knew I liked being with you...it felt good. It felt right. But I was, y'know...straight."
"Yeah," Faith said. "I can relate."
"And then, when you were all alone in that shitty little motel room, I kept on trying to hang with you. But not just because I liked you, and not just because I didn't want you to be lonely. I was...I think I was...testing myself. Trying to figure out what that feeling was... wondering if maybe it would go away. It never did. Not for a second."
Faith got up, and leaned on the bureau beside her.
"I blew you off a lot at first," Faith said. "But...I think I did it because...I was a little afraid. It's not that I was afraid of anything coming from you. I didn't know what was going on with you then, I didn't know what you were feeling. I just felt...like I had to stay away, or it might be bad...bad for me and Buffy. Like I knew I had feelings for you but I didn't understand them and...and..." Faith held her head in her hands, and started to cry again. "Oh God Willow, I love you, I love you so much..."
Faith slid down the bureau, to the floor. She knelt there, crying. Willow knelt down beside her, and hugged her.
"You love Buffy too, baby," Willow said.
Faith nodded.
Willow turned Faith's head toward her, and kissed her. Faith's tears were on her lips.
"The thing that would be the awesomest thing in the world for me right now?" Willow whispered, and knew she was crying again now, too. "Would be to kiss you again, and be your girlfriend, and make love with you every single night. Right now that's number one on my wish list. But...it would hurt you, baby. You're with Buffy and...it would hurt you."
Willow brought Faith closer. They were sitting on the floor together now, and Faith was leaning her head against Willow's bosom.
"Love is doing for you, not for me," Willow said. "I can't hurt you. I won't."
Faith nodded, and cried.
"Can I make a deal with you?" Willow said.
"A...a deal?" Faith whispered, sniffling, and trying to wipe her tears away.
"Yeah. I know you're with Buffy, and I know you're happy with her, and I know you want to stay with her," Willow said. "And I can't wreck that. But...I love you and...I want to be in your life. I want to take care of you. When you're sad, or hurt, or scared, or you just need someone to talk to, will you remember me? Will you remember that I'm always here for you, baby? Will you let auntie take care of you?"
Faith nodded.
"This was the moment, Faith, the moment Becca talked about," Willow whispered. "But it wasn't your moment. It was mine. I hurt Buffy, and I hurt you. I've been weak, and, and... really crummy. I'm not gonna be that way anymore. Becca won't be proud of me if I keep acting like this, and I want her to be proud of me. The First was right. I did want to take you from Buffy. In my head, I was thinking about how to do it...ways to seduce you. I'm sorry, baby."
Faith smiled, but her lips were still trembling. "You...you mean like, like wear a G-string at me? Maybe jump out of a cake?"
"Um...the big seduction plan's classified. And um, a little embarrassing, now that I'm thinking about it. You probably just would've giggled at me. But look, there's a problem here, Faith. You're keeping something from me. Like that thing with Drusilla you didn't want to talk about, there's something more to this, and I need to know what it is. I meant it when I said I want to take care of you. I love you and I want you and I can't ever have you, because I know Buffy's the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, and that's hard enough for me. But I won't let you hold this thing that you're keeping from me inside, whatever it is. You gotta tell me. I can see that it's hurting you, that it's weighing you down. You gotta let me carry it with you. It's...it's...a deal breaker."
"Deal breaker, huh?" Faith said, and smiled.
"Yeah."
Faith moved closer to Willow. Willow kissed her hair, and caressed her cheek.
"Baby, you like when I hold you like this?" Willow whispered.
Faith nodded, and curled herself up against Willow's breasts, as close as she could. Willow smiled, and went on caressing her cheek.
"Whenever you want, okay? Auntie will hold you like this whenever you want, baby."
Faith nodded again.
They didn't say anything for awhile after that.
Faith considered things.
"Tell me, baby," Willow said. "Please?"
"You have my memories," Faith said. "Remember...what I was up to in 1997?"
Faith took in Willow's scent, and listened to her heart beating, as Willow held her in her arms, and ran her fingers through her hair, and Faith gradually stopped shaking.
"1997?" Willow said. "What about it?" She thought back...sifted through the memories. Nothing from the previous year came immediately to mind. She knew Faith would have been living on the street, until Rebecca found her on her birthday that November...
"Start from January," Faith said. "What do you remember from my life?"
"There was...a snowstorm. New Year's...I remember watching the fireworks on New Year's Eve. I was...um, you were watching from the Store 24 in Copley Square. Then another snowstorm. January was just shitty. Cold, a ton of snow...then...wait a minute."
The memories ended. One moment, Faith was wandering in the cold, in Kenmore square, and the next...nothing.
Willow sifted through the memories again. But there was nothing there. She kept looking...but there was nothing to see...for months, there was nothing to see.
Faith watched her. Willow was staring straight ahead, her eyes unfocused. She was still stroking Faith's hair, and holding her close, but she wasn't paying attention anymore. Willow was considering this new problem now, the way she always did--with every bit of her attention focused on it, shutting out everything else in the world. In a way, Willow was a predator too, Faith thought. When Willow had a problem to solve, she was relentless.
"There's nothing at all," Willow muttered. Faith knew Willow wasn't talking to her yet. She was thinking out loud. "Not a single image, not anything...the first memory I have is...maybe late summer? But that would mean more than half the year is...it's...just not there."
Faith looked up into Willow's eyes. Willow looked back down at her, and kissed her forehead.
"I love you," Willow said.
"I love you too," Faith said.
"I'll always take care of you, Faith. Okay?"
Faith nodded, and curled up against Willow's breasts again.
"But Faith, it doesn't make any sense," Willow said. "I got everything else, every single second of your life. Why is there a gap? There's nothing for the first half of 1997. I'm not just saying like, I can't remember anything specific. Whenever we try to remember stuff, we don't always have a clear picture of a specific day. But we always at least have the knowledge of it, like a general idea of what we did, the basic facts. We might not remember a certain weekend we spent at the beach but we still know we were there, we know like, the fact of it. But...I don't know anything. From early January through maybe like July, I have no idea what you were doing. None. You could have been up on the space shuttle for all I know. I guess...there must be a gap in what I got from you when I got your memories, but...I don't understand how."
"No," Faith said. "I didn't remember the first half of 1997 either, until about ten minutes ago. My memories were erased, Willow."
"What? Erased? But...but why? Who would do that?"
Faith stood up, and walked away from her.
"Don't know why," Faith said. "But I know who."
Willow felt something in her stomach, when Faith said that...like a claw, squeezing.
Willow stood up with her.
"Tell me," Willow said. "Whoever did this to you, I'll...I'll find them. I'll stop them, baby. I won't ever let them hurt you again."
Faith started to cry again.
"Tell me," Willow said, and hugged her again, and kissed her hair. "I'll make it better. Whoever did this, I'll fix it Faith, I promise, I promise. I'll never let anybody hurt you baby, never, I promise I--"
"It was you," Faith whispered.
And Willow felt that claw take hold of her heart, and squeeze.
"Can I just say how awesome you look in that outfit?" Buffy said, as they drove back to Angel's house in Tara's little blue Honda Civic. "Like, the complete fabulousness of that outfit on you is blinding. You're blinding me with fabulousness."
Tara giggled, and came to a full stop at a red light.
"End of the world, Tara," Buffy said. "No one's gonna give you a ticket. Though actually it would be kinda funny if someone did. It would totally be like one of Willow's Monty Python things. World ends and there's some cop out there enforcing traffic laws."
"You're plotting to steal my shoes, aren't you?" Tara said, and ran the red light.
"We can't talk about your shoes. If we talk about the shoes I might cry."
"You can borrow 'em, sweetie. So you really like this outfit on me?"
They were driving through the center of town. Dead bodies were strewn about the streets like so much discarded trash, flies and rats and birds scavenging their flesh. Tara weaved around them. She had seen so many dead bodies since returning to Sunnydale from the hospital that they didn't really affect her anymore. She was able to talk. She was able to make jokes, and look right at the bodies, and not see them...
Tara found herself thinking about those old pictures she had seen in her history book, in the chapter on the Holocaust. Jews in concentration camps, emaciated, little more than walking skeletons. Was there a threshold number? A threshold number of concentration camp prisoners, beaten, starving, dragging themselves around behind barbed wire fences; of naked bodies stacked up like piles of fish at a deli in cold stone gas chambers, all the hands and feet and arms and legs blending together until they didn't even look like people anymore, but instead, a single amorphous mass of flesh; of corpses with their throats ripped out, sprawled pale and bloodless on a Sunnydale street--was there a threshold number that, once reached, left you immune to it? Was there a mathematical limit to empathy?
Maybe it was a survival mechanism, Tara thought. Maybe, if you felt every single atrocity, every single death, you would lose your mind...
She thought about Angel...how he had told her that he remembered every single one of their faces...the faces of all his victims. She wondered how he hadn't lost his mind. She wondered how anyone could possibly be so strong...to carry such a weight, every moment...
"I love your outfit," Buffy said. "Earth tones are totally your thing. You're completely earthy. And you really know how to wear a camisole. But we must never talk about the shoes."
"Vest thing kinda clashes. If I promise to be good can I take it off again?"
"Yeah, we've been driving awhile and I haven't had a single hit on the slaydar."
Tara gave Buffy a pitying smile. "Slaydar. Slaydar?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Maybe I like, fouled it off?"
"Actually I think you swung at it and missed three straight times, like on the Bugs Bunny cartoon?'
Buffy giggled. "The one where he does the really, really slow pitch?"
"One, two, three strikes you're out!"
They laughed. They were heading away from the center of town now. Tara drove by a bowling alley on a little side street. The bowling alley's sign was still lit up. There weren't any bodies on this street. But they were closer to the fires now. Tara could smell the smoke.
"Anyway I think the town's deserted, so feel free to take it off," Buffy said. "Um, the vest. But you look cute in kevlar. You're totally tactical, with the radio and everything. Maybe we can start a fashion trend. Actually, dump the glamours again too? I like your regular scent. But the fake magic vamp scent, this close together in the car...not getting it done."
Tara giggled, waved her hand, and dispelled the glamours. "I totally have B.O."
"It's involuntary B.O., and believe me, I have it too. No fun when you smell so bad that you can actually smell your own smelliness."
"I'm completely not tactical by the way," Tara said, and shrugged out of the kevlar vest, and handed Buffy the radio. "I'm like, the least tactical person ever. Like, whatshername from the Terminator movies, the kid's mom? I'm like, the opposite of her. You're her."
"I actually haven't seen those," Buffy said. "I'm not much for like, sci-fi movies. Willow and Xander kept trying to get me to watch those."
"I hadn't seen them either. Faith just made me watch them last week. I'm more into like romantic comedies and independent movies. Maybe a nice French movie with pretty girls having an existential crisis. Plus maybe Richard Gere could be in it."
"You are gay, right?"
"Yeah but, c'mon. Richard Gere."
"Yeah, you have a point. But y'know, we're having an existential crisis. We're totally having an existential crisis. We should have our own movie. 'Sleepless in Sunnydale'.
"Maybe we can be in Terms of Endearment."
"Oh my God I love Terms of Endearment!"
"Me too," Buffy said. "When Emma gets sick I'm just always like, why is life so unfair?"
"You really like this outfit?" Tara said.
"I think I wanna run away and elope with it," Buffy said. "But how come you wore it anyway? Totally not complaining about the fabulousness, but...end of the world, vampires...and you're wearing like, a pretty skirt and the best shoes ever. Plus awesome earrings."
"You said it. End of the world, vampires. I don't really dress up much and...I don't know, I guess...I'm thinking maybe I won't get many more chances." Tara looked down at herself, and frowned. "But this skirt makes me look fat. I'm all like...big hips girl."
"Tara. I'm just gonna say this, honey, okay? I saw you naked, remember?"
"Um...yeah."
Tara blushed.
"You think you're like, chubby or something?" Buffy said. "You're not. You're perfect. You've got a different build than me or Faith, you're a little stockier. That doesn't mean you're overweight. You're sexy, Tara. You're voluptuous. You're beautiful."
"You...really think that?"
"I'm gay, y'know? When I saw you I was like...okay...wow. Faith's attracted to you too. She thinks you're beautiful too."
Tara smiled. "Buffy...I won't ever...I mean, me and Faith...I wouldn't ever...try to..."
"I know. I trust you. And I trust Faith too."
"And Willow?" Tara said.
"That's...complicated," Buffy said. "Like, trigonometry complicated."
"Math sucks. There shouldn't be any math."
"Yeah. I mean, does anyone actually use any of it after long division? And remember about how you don't have to stop at red lights?"
"I like it here. Good place to talk. No bodies around here. There's a nice little park across the street. Um...any vampires?"
"Nope. Still no hits on the slaydar." Buffy smiled. "Shut up."
"So...Willow. Fighting. Dirty looks. General cattiness. What the First said, do you really think it's true? Do you think Willow...wants to take Faith away from you?"
"Yeah," Buffy said.
"Look, I don't really know Willow...I mean...you know how she found me in the past, how she gave me this necklace but, she was older then...she was like, mid-twenties maybe. She hasn't done it yet. It's years away, maybe almost a decade away. The Willow who does that, our Willow isn't her yet. But...she's a good person, Buffy. The thing with your Mom...it hurt her."
"Yeah."
Buffy wasn't smiling anymore. Tara took her hand.
"You've got every right to be pissed," Tara said. "I'm not telling you not to be pissed. Actually, um...I'm not sure what I'm trying to tell you? I don't really have a clear outline." Tara smiled. "I think I might be babbling. But...Buffy, I don't think Willow would do that. Yeah, she's pissed me off. Pretty much every other thing she's said or done since I met her at the hospital has pissed me off. But she's a good person. She cares about you. I can see how she looks at Faith, and okay, maybe she's got a crush on her but...I don't think...Willow would ever hurt you. And I know Faith wouldn't. She wouldn't, sweetie. Faith wouldn't cheat. She would never leave you, she loves you too much."
Buffy looked out at the darkness. She felt like she was in a hole in the ground, and all the darkness in the world was dirt being piled on top of her.
"Everybody leaves me, Tara," Buffy said. "My Dad. Angel. Xander. Giles is acting weird now too, he's probably gonna abandon ship next. I used to think, y'know...my Dad was just a jerk. But the truth was, he didn't love me. And you can't blame him for that, people either love you or they don't, they can't control it. We don't decide who we're gonna love, look at me, I loved a vampire. And maybe Angel loved me back, but it didn't stop him from hurting me. And maybe Xander cared about me too once, but it didn't stop him from leaving me. And Faith..."
Buffy's senses reached out. She wasn't sure why they had done that, at that moment; usually, she controlled them. But this time, they had reached out on their own...looking for a particular scent...Faith's scent. But it wasn't out there. Nothing was out there. The town was quiet as an old tomb.
"With my Dad, I decided he was the problem, same thing with Angel," Buffy said. "But Xander...he got me thinking that I'm the problem. People leave me...because...because..."
"Stop," Tara said.
She turned Buffy toward her, and caressed her cheek.
"Stop, sweetie," Tara whispered.
Buffy's eyes filled with tears.
"She's gonna...she's gonna leave me, Tara," Buffy said. "I can see it, I can see how she loves Willow and...she's gonna..."
"She's not," Tara said. "Faith's not gonna leave you. This whole thing...wanting to be with me out here instead of with Willow. Sending Faith and Willow out together. It was a test, wasn't it? You're giving Faith a chance to leave you."
Buffy looked out at the darkness. Outside the car, she could smell the smoke from the fires. Inside the car, she was immersed in Tara's scent.
"I'm not into judging people," Tara said. "But if I was? I'd be kinda pissed at you right now. I'd say that what you're doing to Faith is really kinda crummy. She's my friend and... you're treating her crummy. You're not trusting her. But...I don't think you're doing this because of her...because you think she'll cheat. I think you're doing it because of you. Because you expect people to leave you, betray you, hurt you...so if it's gonna happen, might as well get it over with quick, right?"
Buffy looked back at Tara. Tara was still caressing her cheek.
"Maybe...she'd be happier with Willow," Buffy said.
"If that's how it is she would've chosen Willow," Tara said. "Faith doesn't bullshit, Buffy. You and Willow--okay, this is gonna come off mean--you and Willow are drowning in your own frigging drama. You have so many secrets and so much bullshit that you can't even see straight. But Faith isn't like that. She does what she wants, then she goes on to the next thing. She says what she means. If anyone should be with Willow it's you, not Faith. Not just because you and Willow are so much alike. But also because it's so completely obvious you have a thing for Willow and part of the reason you're pissed at her is you're jealous that she has a crush on Faith instead of you."
Buffy blushed.
"Goddess, you're a piece of work," Tara said. "You're amazingly beautiful, smart, strong, a hero, you have a girl I would fucking kill for and what do you do? You send her out with another girl because you hope she'll cheat on you." Tara smiled. "And on top of all that, you send them out shopping for beds. Real subtle."
Buffy giggled. Then she started to cry.
Tara hugged her.
"I'm not beautiful, Tara," Buffy whispered. "I'm ugly. There's something...something ugly in me, and everyone always leaves. Everyone always leaves me."
"Sweetie, let me show you something," Tara said.
Tara put the car in park, opened the driver's side door, and got out. Buffy watched her.
"Um...what...are you doing?" Buffy said.
Tara walked around to Buffy's side of the car, opened the door, and held out her hand.
Buffy took it. Tara walked Buffy to the park across the street, holding her hand.
"I'm sorry that I was mean," Tara said. "I'm kind of really...protective about Faith."
"It's okay," Buffy said.
The park was a little grove of willow trees behind a black wrought-iron gate, with two benches and a stone water fountain. Tara led Buffy to a bench near a streetlamp, and sat down with her. Crickets were chirping.
"Kinda nice here," Buffy said, as she sniffed the air, and took in the scent of the willow trees. "The trees smell nice."
"Plus crickets," Tara said. "Vampires and general badness are everywhere, but there are still crickets. Some things are beyond their reach. Crickets. Willow trees."
"But not us. So what are we doing?"
"I'm gonna show you something. One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."
Buffy looked around. "What? Here? Where?"
Tara smiled. "Close your eyes."
Buffy closed her eyes, and sat there, still holding Tara's hand. With her eyes closed, her nose took over, the way it always did. Tara's spicy scent suddenly leapt out at her, drowning out the willow trees. Buffy could smell the soap Tara had washed herself with...the shampoo she'd washed her hair with. The shampoo smelled like apples. But the ginger scent was stronger.
Buffy heard Tara murmur something...it sounded like a little prayer. Then Tara raised Buffy's hand to her lips, and kissed it. Tara's lips were soft.
And then Buffy felt a tingling sensation...and then a warmth...it seemed to come from inside her, and now it was flowing out of her...
"Open your eyes, sweetie," Tara said.
Buffy opened her eyes, and saw a blue light, like a beautiful, endless summer sky...
"Where's that light coming from?" Buffy said. She looked around, but she couldn't find its source...
She looked down at her hand. Her hand was glowing blue.
"What?" Buffy said, and stood up. The light wasn't just emanating from her hand. It was all around her...coming from every part of her. "What...did you do?"
"That's your aura," Tara said. "I made it visible. The way you're seeing yourself right now? This is the way I see you. When I concentrate, I can see people's auras. Yours is one of the most beautiful I've ever seen, Buffy."
Tara stood up, and took Buffy's hand again.
"Our auras are around us all the time, an energy that surrounds us," Tara said. "But they come from inside of us, not outside. They come from our souls. This is what your soul looks like, Buffy. It's beautiful. You're not ugly inside. You're beautiful inside. You're a beautiful blue sky, sweetie."
"This...is...me?" Buffy whispered. "You...can see me like this?"
"Yup, when I concentrate. It's kinda like how I can see through glamours. I've been able to do it for a few years now. I guess I'm Aura Girl too."
"How...did it happen?" Buffy was still looking at herself-- holding her hands up, running her fingers along her arms. Her skin felt tingly. The blue light didn't seem to have the properties of light. It didn't cause anything to cast shadows. When Buffy looked back at the car, and caught her reflection in the windows, the aura wasn't part of her reflection. The blue light didn't illuminate anything around it. It only illuminated her...it was hers.
"It was a gift, from Athena," Tara said. "I pray to her a lot. She's the Greek goddess of wisdom. She likes me."
"What does Faith's look like?"
Tara smiled. "A bright golden color, like the sun. She's the sun in your sky, Buffy."
Buffy smiled.
They were still holding hands.
"What color is yours?" Buffy said.
"Green. Like a tree green, y'know, the color of leaves...growing things."
"What about Willow's?"
"Pure white," Tara said. "The most beautiful, radiant white..."
"Oh, Goddess," Willow whispered, and held her head in her hands, and cried.
She was sitting on the floor again.
Faith sat down beside her, and hugged her. Willow cried in her arms.
"Oh, Goddess," Willow whispered, again.
"You wanted to know," Faith said.
Willow nodded.
"I held on to it because...when she left me, she didn't let me say goodbye," Faith said. "I think that's why I didn't let the memories go, that's why I'm remembering now. I think it's why I blew you off sometimes before when you'd try to hang with me too...I sensed it...that there was something about me and you that could hurt me and Buffy. But...you wouldn't have just run off and left me, Willow, you wouldn't do that. She had a reason. I think maybe if she didn't leave, stuff wouldn't have gone right. I think she left because she had to leave. She was crying when she left...she didn't wanna leave me. She loved me."
"I'm crying too," Willow said. "We were...you and her were...gonna get married."
"Yeah."
Willow smiled, through her tears. "Strip-Battleship."
Faith smiled too. "Yeah."
"I don't know why she left you," Willow said. "I'll never leave you."
Faith kissed Willow's cheek. Willow laid her head down in Faith's lap.
"This is heavy, Willow," Faith said, as she stroked Willow's hair. "Can you take the weight?"
The televisions in the electronics section were showing live footage of an army of vampires in Detroit. Hundreds of them were marching National Guard troops bound in chains in front of them. The news reporter was talking about mass suicides. In Pakistan, a nuclear bomb had gone off; fifty-thousand people had died, their bodies burned away in a single moment... reduced to ashes.
Willow looked up. "No," she said. "Not without one last kiss. One last kiss, Faith, and it's gotta be a great one. Then I'll step aside, and be your auntie forever, and smile while you're happy with Buffy. But first I need--"
Faith took her in her arms, and kissed her...the way she kissed her in the hotel...the way she kissed her on the beach on Cape Cod, under the moon...the way she had thought to kiss her forever...the way she had thought she'd be kissing her, on the day they were married. But the day was gone now...burned away in a single moment...reduced to ashes.
When the kiss was done, Willow smiled.
"Okay," Willow whispered. "That qualified."
"Yeah," Faith said. "Sure did."
"I love you," Willow said. "You're the love of my life. Not Xander. You. And that means...it means...as long as you're happy that's all that matters to me."
Faith considered things.
She knew the future...she knew how things were supposed to go. In the hotel room in Copley Square, Willow had told her.
Faith thought about the future...the timeline. It was precious...and it was fragile.
She thought about the destructive power of a nuclear bomb going off in Pakistan, turning fifty-thousand lives to ashes...
She thought about the destructive power of a single word.
She saw the tears running down Willow's cheeks again.
"You're the love of my life, Faith," Willow whispered.
Faith took a breath. She considered things. This was the moment, she realized. The moment when the whole world hung on what she did next...the moment when she destroyed the future...or created it.
Willow was crying. Faith knew Willow needed someone...and she couldn't bear the thought of Willow feeling alone. Faith couldn't carry that weight.
Faith moved her mouth close to Willow's ear, and whispered a single word...a word that could kill them all, if it changed the future...if it set the world on a different course...
But Faith knew Willow needed someone. Willow needed to know there would be someone for her...and she was crying. Faith didn't like seeing her cry. Faith felt it in her heart, when Willow cried.
And Willow was more important to Faith than the world.
"Tara," Faith whispered.
The Mayor's office looked like it came out of a catalogue. With its oak-paneled walls, sumptuous black leather chairs, spotless burgundy carpet, gleaming mahogany conference table, and a floor-to-ceiling window that gave a glorious view of the city, it was appropriately magisterial. But it was sterile. There was nothing in that office that didn't have some official function--there was nothing frivolous, or even human. Not a coffee mug that said, 'World's Greatest Boss'. Not a plant, or a goldfish, or even a family photograph. As the First sat in one of the black leather chairs in Buffy's skin, her knee-high boots up on the Mayor's ebony desk, she thought the place was as flawlessly, unvaryingly perfect as an arctic ice shelf, and just as warm and inviting. Every surface that could be polished, gleamed. She could see her reflection in the Mayor's desk so clearly she could have styled her hair to it. You could eat off the carpet. In its precision and its perfection, that place reminded her of some pharaoh's tomb, untouched by time, unchanging. A place for a dead thing...for something that wasn't human anymore. The First rather liked it. But the Buffy part of her didn't.
The desk was big enough to play hockey on. The desk calendar, without a single coffee ring stain or a stroke of writing anywhere on its surface, was set exactly parallel to the corner of the desk. The black, gleaming phone bank was set exactly parallel to the desk calendar. Other than the desk calendar and the phone bank, the only things on the desk were a stainless steel lamp lined up perfectly with the right-hand corner of the desk, a glass bowl full of mints in the exact center of the desk, right above the desk calendar, and a single black fountain pen. The pen was shiny. And it was set exactly parallel to the phone bank. Everything had its function, everything was neat as a pin, nothing was out of place.
The only thing that did seem out of place in that office, the First thought, as the Mayor strolled into the room with a big smile on his face, was the Mayor.
"Well now, who's this lovely young lady?" the Mayor said.
The Mayor was an unremarkable man; he was bland. He was of medium build, and medium height, with a forgettable face, neither handsome nor ugly. His suit was tasteful but not showy. He looked exactly like every other person you would pass by on the street. He could have been an encyclopedia salesman or a bartender or a scientist or the Secretary of Agriculture. He was clean-shaven at the end of the world and he had a snap in his step, as if he was greeting a glorious new morning. His red striped tie hung down precisely to the middle of his belt and his shoes gleamed like two burgundy mirrors. He moved around to his side of the desk, sat down, folded his hands on top of the desk, and looked the First straight in the eyes.
"The First Evil," Giles said. He was sitting with Xavier at the conference table, drinking tea from bone china cups. The tea pot was silver. It gleamed too, like everything else.
"First Evil?" the Mayor said. "Well that's quite a title. I bet you're a real go-getter. Yup, I can see it in your eyes: you got where you are by good old-fashioned hard work. Gumption. Pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. Good for you! I'm Mayor Richard Wilkins."
"Call me Buffy," the First said. "And what's gumption?"
The Mayor suddenly frowned, and tried to brush the First's boots off his desk. His hand went through her.
"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!" the Mayor said, and giggled, his eyes lighting up. "Golly, that's a neat trick. How do you do that?" He looked toward the conference table. "Xavier, get over here, have you seen this?"
Xavier and Giles walked over to the desk. The First watched the Mayor. She had never met anyone like him, and she was trying to get a sense of him. He was still giggling like a kid with a new toy, waving his hand back and forth through her ankles.
"I'm incorporeal," Buffy said. "It's really not that interesting."
"Xavier, why is she incorporeal?" the Mayor said.
"Powerful magic," Xavier said. "Someone put this pretty bird in a cage. Question is who. No one on Earth has that kind of power. No one. Poor Xavier doesn't even come close."
"Had another wizard, smelled almost as bad as Barry White over here," Buffy said. "He said that too, that someone cursed me. Said I'm a millisecond out of this world's time."
"Well that's really fascinating," the Mayor said, leaning forward now and looking at the First earnestly. But the First noticed he never blinked...he looked straight into her eyes, and didn't shirk from what he saw. "Gosh, I'm sort of out of my depth with all this talk about magic, but it sure is fun to see! There was this man I met at the Halloween festival a few years back, he bet me ten dollars that if I picked a card from his deck, he could guess which card it was. And wouldn't you know, he guessed it on the first try! I thought that was really impressive."
Buffy frowned. "It's not actually that impressive."
The Mayor giggled. "Well it sure did impress me! I'm a humble man, Buffy, with humble tastes. So you're taking the form of Buffy Summers, the Slayer. And why is that exactly?"
"It can take the form of anyone who's died," Giles said, and sipped his tea.
"Right, right, you told me that," the Mayor said, and leaned back in his chair, and steepled his hands under his chin, and looked up at the ceiling. "And Buffy died last year, and was revived. That's how we have that other girl now...Faith."
"You know about me?" Buffy said. "About Buffy?"
"Oh, I like to keep informed," the Mayor said. "It's my civic duty after all. I'm the caretaker of this fine city. People depend on me."
"You have the shiniest shoes I've ever seen. In fact everything in here is totally shiny. It's like a big temple of shininess."
The Mayor turned back to her, and smiled. He raised a chiding finger. "Now there's no excuse for sloppiness. You know what they say, cleanliness is next to godliness." He giggled again. Then he glanced over the desk at the First, and frowned. "But I must say, young lady, I don't approve of your outfit. It's inappropriate in the workplace. How old are you anyway?"
"About fifteen billion."
The Mayor giggled again. All he seemed to do was giggle, the First thought. In all her years, she had never met another person like him. He was fascinating. "Fifteen-billion!" the Mayor said. "That's cute. But no daughter of mine would wear a skirt like that. You're a beautiful girl, Buffy. Why not wear a nice dress? Maybe something with flowers."
"Everyone gives me crap about this skirt," Buffy muttered, and changed--she was suddenly wearing a white floral print sun dress that hung down below her knees, and white shoes. "Better?"
"Xavier, why can't you do tricks like that?" The Mayor said. "You look lovely, Buffy. Don't you feel better now?" He took a mint from the glass bowl, and held it out to her. "Mint?"
"Incorporeal, remember?" Buffy said.
"You're touching the desk, and the chair," Giles said.
"Illusions," Xavier said.
"I just love all these tricks you do," the Mayor said, and ate the mint, making sure to throw the wrapper in a little black bucket beside the desk. "Maybe you could show me some card tricks sometime. But in the meantime, what can I do for you?"
"You can explain what the hell you did with Giles," Buffy said. "And where you stand in all this. Everything going on out there is me. I'm ending the world and setting up a new one in its place. I haven't figured you out yet but you're obviously a player. You're evil too, in a sort of cute way. I like to keep tabs on all the coolest evil guys."
"Well, Buffy, I'm gonna be completely above-board with you," the Mayor said. "That's my policy. Xavier and Giles and I have been just racking our brains trying to figure out a way to destroy you for the past few days, ever since you started all this messiness--we haven't been trying to destroy Buffy, we've been trying to destroy you, I just want to make sure we're clear on that. I've been a little out of the loop on what the Slayers and their friends have been up to but Giles has kept me informed as best he can. So far nothing's really worked, has it? The Slayers keep on managing to get away from you but you just keep on plugging away. We're on opposite sides in this fight but I have to admit, you really do have a wonderful work ethic. That's an important trait in young people these days. Do you control all the vampires out there? I'm asking because I used to have a whole bunch of them on my payroll. Then they all up and quit on me once the sun disappeared. And I've always considered myself a great boss to work for."
"I control them," Buffy said. "Why are you fighting me? You're evil, I can tell. You're like an evil Howdy Doody, but still."
"Howdy Doody!" the Mayor said, and laughed. "I like that! Howdy Doody. Well, I have sort of an engagement coming up, and your plan's gumming up the works, so I'm afraid you have to go. I'm scheduled to ascend, on May 18th, 1999. My whole life has been working toward that goal and I'm afraid I just can't allow anything to interfere with it. Not even you. You're a lovely girl, and I like you, but business comes first."
"Ascend...you mean become a pure demon?"
"Absolutely."
"Which one?"
The Mayor smiled. "Now, now. Loose lips sink ships."
"Okay, completely don't care about your ascension," Buffy said. "This world's gonna be mine but once you ascend you won't even be part of it anymore. So why are you fighting me?"
"My ascension requires a lot of energy. I'll need lots of good, wholesome nourishment once I attain demon form, or I'll just keel over and die. And that would just be a shame, after all my hard work."
"Good, wholesome nourishment?"
"Young people. Hundreds of them. I'm going to be the speaker for Sunnydale High's next graduating class...which just happens to be on May 18th, 1999. Once I change I'll need to eat them all. Unfortunately, there isn't going to be a graduating class now, because of you. And boy, that's a real disappointment." He shook his head. "A waste of money, waste of resources..." He sighed. Then he smiled again. "But for some reason, I'm having the darnedest time staying angry at you. I bet you're really a very nice girl, deep down inside. You're just misunderstood."
"I'm really not very nice. Smart though. So let's make a deal, Monty."
"I'm listening."
"I'll guarantee your ascension goes off without a hitch. I control just about every vampire in the world. You've got Barry White protecting City Hall with a glamour to make it look like it's wrecked, plus energy shields. But I can still kill you. I could send thousands of vampires at you. Tens of thousands, once I rounded them all up and brought them here. Eventually the shield would drop and you'd die. But it doesn't have to be that way. I'll order the vampires to leave you alone. And I'll have them rustle up a bunch of yummy kids for you to eat next May."
"Well gosh, that's a really generous offer," the Mayor said. "What do you get in return?"
"You stop fighting me. You tell me what happened to Giles. And you loan me your wizard. Got this little incorporealness problem, maybe he can figure some magic thing out."
"And how do we know we can trust you?" Xavier said. "You're an evil thing. You lie."
"Pot calling the kettle black much, Barry?" Buffy said.
The Mayor stood up, and walked back around the desk.
"Oh, pshaw, Xavier," he said, waving his hand. "We can trust her. Look at that face. Would she lie to us?"
He walked to the far wall, took a key out of his pocket, and unlocked a closet door.
"Here's your Mister Giles," the Mayor said.
Buffy got up and walked over to the closet, followed by Xavier and Giles.
When she looked inside, she saw a little gray demon, about five feet tall, with skin covered with scales. It looked like a cross between a fish and a frog, and it even seemed to have gills. It was bound by some sort of mystical chains about its arms and legs, and there was an energy shield in place around it. It was unconscious. It looked injured--green blood covered its face, and it had what looked like bruises and lacerations all over its body.
Buffy looked down at it.
"Seskrit demon," the Mayor said. "Giles, explain it."
"We're body switchers," Giles said. "I'm bound to the Mayor, I do what he says, go where he sends me, kill who he wants me to kill. Last Sunday night I went with some people to Mr. Giles' home and switched with him, then I infiltrated the Slayers' group the next day. And Mr. Giles was brought back here to answer some questions."
"But he wasn't very forthcoming, I'm afraid," Xavier said. "Wouldn't say a word to us. Oh no, mustn't betray his Buffy."
"You hurt him," Buffy whispered. "He's...he's covered with wounds."
"He wouldn't talk," Giles said. "He should've just talked. Crazy blighter, he kept trying to fight us. He should've known it was hopeless."
Buffy walked away from the closet, and turned her back on them.
"You stuck him in a demon body and questioned him about me and when he told you all to go fuck yourselves, you tortured him," Buffy said.
"Hey, hey!" the Mayor said. "Language! There's no call to be cursing. It's uncouth, and if you don't mind my saying so, very unbecoming of a smart young girl like you. And we didn't question him about you. We questioned him about Buffy Summers and her group."
"Yeah," Buffy said. She still had her back turned toward them.
She paused for a moment.
"Okay, I'm gonna need someone else to take over this meeting," she said...and changed...
And became Angelus.
"Okay," Angelus said, and clapped his hands, and hopped behind the Mayor's desk and into his chair. He put his feet up on the desk. "Let's get this show on the road, Richard. Places to be, people to kill, you're evil, you know the drill."
"That really is a neat trick!" the Mayor said, smiling. "And who would you be?"
"Angelus is the name, killing lots and lots of people is the game," Angelus said. "But I'm still the First."
"That's the form of the vampire that works with the Slayer," Xavier said. "Usually he calls himself Angel."
"Angel's a putz," Angelus said, and frowned. "Okay, first thing. You guys get anything out of Giles?"
"Not a thing," the Mayor said. "You have to admire a man who takes a principled stand." He smiled again. "Just before you kill him."
"Doesn't matter, I can spy on Buffy and her pals whenever I want," Angelus said. "It's tough though, because it's like a bad soap opera over there with all their frigging whining."
"Actually we really do need to kill Giles," Giles said. "The body switch isn't permanent until he dies, and until it's permanent his personality and memories aren't fully imprinted on me. The Slayers are suspicious of me, they can tell something's wrong."
"Fine by me, British people annoy the hell out of me anyway," Angelus said. "One problem though. Slayers got a girl named Tara in their gang, and she can read minds. So if you send fake demon Giles back in there she might figure it out."
"Sodding mind readers," Giles muttered.
"You can't go back," the Mayor said. "You know too much about me. Too risky."
"As long as we keep the real Giles alive here the Slayers find him," Xavier said. "We don't send Mister Demon Man back to them, first thing they'll do is cast a locator spell. Locator spell won't be fooled, uh-uh. It'll lead the Slayers straight to that closet."
"He has to die," the Mayor said. "And unfortunately we lose our inside man too. Darn it."
"He can't just hop into someone else's bod?" Angelus said. "Like Cordy's. Now there's a bod I'd like to hop into."
"No, I can only do it once," Giles said. "It's supposed to be a lifetime assignment."
"Yup, and now that ship has sailed," the Mayor said, and shook his head. "Waste of resources."
"So now I've got a lifetime of drinking tea and watching Masterpiece Theatre to look forward to," Giles said. "Bloody hell. I'm gonna go get pissed."
The Mayor looked at Xavier. Xavier nodded, raised his hand, and shot Giles with a bolt of red light that put a smoking hole through his chest. Giles fell to the floor, dead.
"Cool," Angelus said.
"Can't have any loose ends," the Mayor said. "Xavier, go to the closet and kill Mister Giles, and then get this mess cleaned up when we're through here. I just had the carpet done."
"Can't have a messy carpet, no," Xavier said, and chuckled, and walked to the closet.
"This could still work out okay," Angelus said. "Giles dies, it'll shake them up, it'll be a blow to their confidence. And since he was supposed to protect Giles when they went out today, it'll be a blow to Angel's confidence too, which is something I want right now. Angel's been getting all passionate and rededicated. I hate when he does that. But let's leave him alive. He has this annoying habit of being sent back every time he dies. Plus I'm kinda holding out hope that he'll take the deal I'm offering them. I don't wanna kill the whole human race, I want to keep a colony of survivors to start a brand new human race, and Angel's just the guy to run it. But he has to go around being the big hero all the time. Guy's just vain. Always was. Wizard Boy, you can wipe Angel and Cordelia's memory?"
"All they'll know is that suddenly Giles disappeared," Xavier said.
"I bet Angel will get all tortured and mopey about it," Angelus muttered. "And I'll have to listen to his whining. Okay, Richard. So you kill Giles, you stop fighting me, Wizard Boy does some work for me, and in return I guarantee your safety and your ascension. You in?"
"You've got a deal," the Mayor said. "You young people these days. You're all so enterprising. It really does give me hope for the future."
"Stop you," someone whispered. The Mayor turned, and looked at the closet. Angelus grinned.
"Rupert!" Angelus said, and waved at the demon in the closet. "How ya doin', Jeeves? Not so good, huh?"
The Mayor walked over to the closet. Xavier had his hand raised, and an aura of red light was crackling around it.
"Did he say something?" the Mayor said, and looked down at the demon in the closet. The energy shield was gone. But the demon was still bound by chains made out of light.
"Nothing of consequence," Xavier said. "Time for him to sleep now."
"No, no, let him talk first," the Mayor said, and raised his hand. "It's only polite. Do you have something to say to me, Mister Giles?"
The little demon in the closet had its gray, bulbous fish eyes open. It looked straight at the Mayor.
"Bu...Buffy," the demon whispered. Its voice had a muffled, bubbling quality. It sounded like it was gargling.
"She's a lovely girl, Mister Giles," the Mayor said. "You should be proud. But I'm a little pressed for time, so if we could move this along...?"
"Buffy...will stop you," the demon said.
The Mayor laughed. "She's a great kid, really great, you should be proud," he said. "But, stop me? She doesn't even know I'm here."
"She told me once...monsters like you...were her favorites...to kill," the demon said.
The Mayor checked his watch. "Oh? And what kind of monsters are those?"
The demon smiled.
"The overconfident ones," it said.
"Buffy!" Faith shouted.
Buffy woke up.
She looked around. She was in Angel's mansion...in his bed. The room was dark, but she recognized his scent, and the feel of the silk sheets. It took her a moment to remember why she was there.
Faith's scent came to her. Buffy smiled, and followed her nose. She saw her, a silhouette standing beside the bed, with golden eyes, bright in the dark.
"Mmmmm...hi baby," Buffy murmured, and stretched, and yawned. "Love my baby. What time is it? Must've got sleepy when Tara and I came back."
Faith started singing. Her voice was light, and beautiful...it took wing like a trilling bird, and echoed sweetly around the old stone room...
"Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream..." Faith sang. She sang the song at a slower tempo than it should have been, and she was dancing to it now, snapping her fingers and moving her hips in slow, graceful turns...and Buffy watched her, entranced, and longed for her.
"You're so beautiful, Faith," Buffy whispered, with tears in her eyes. "I love you."
"Make her the cutest that I've ever seen..." Faith sang. "Give her two lips like roses and clover...then tell her that her lonesome nights are over..."
"Sandman, I'm so alone..." Faith sang...and then she stopped.
"Baby?" Buffy whispered.
"I'm so alone..." Faith sang, again...and stopped again..
"You're not alone, Faith," Buffy said. "I'll always be with you."
Faith suddenly grabbed Buffy's hand and yanked her out of bed. "C'mon!" she said. "We're late!"
"Late?" Buffy said, as she plodded barefoot across the cold stone floor after Faith. "Late for what?"
Faith switched on the old oil lamp on the mahogany bureau, and the room filled with a soft, ruddy light. It lit all the sculptures of Angel's thirteen-thousand, two-hundred and six victims in shades of gold. Buffy always wondered how he fit all those sculptures in there.
"We got Slayer Review today, remember?" Faith said, and slapped a silver badge into Buffy's hand. The badge said SHERIFF. "Don't forget your badge. Where's your questionnaire?" Faith was wearing her Wonder Woman outfit again. Buffy loved her in that outfit. But when Buffy looked down at herself, she realized she was naked.
"Um...think I forgot to fill it out," Buffy said. "Shouldn't I get dressed?"
"Nah," Faith said, and took her Golden Lasso of Truth off her belt, and tied Buffy up with it. "C'mon. You can fill out the questionnaire when we get there. And no telling lies now."
"Um, okay," Buffy said, stumbling along as Faith led her by the rope through the maze of marble statues, each one frozen in its last moment--of terror, or rage, or pain, or acceptance. Buffy bumped into the statue of Kendra. It fell over, and the head broke off at the neck.
"Shit," Buffy said. "I wish I hadn't broken that one."
"You broke Xander's too," Faith said, as she led Buffy out of the room, and into the long, drafty torchlit hall. Across the hall Buffy saw a wooden door with a frosted glass window. The words "Slayer Review" were stenciled across it. Faith opened the door, and led Buffy inside.
"You sure it's okay that I'm naked?" Buffy said, as they entered the office. It was a little room with a green carpet and white walls, partitioned into two short rows of cubicles. There were a couple of yellow plastic chairs just inside the door, with a magazine rack beside them, and one of those machines that dispense little numbered tickets standing beside the magazine rack. Music was being piped in through a loudspeaker on the wall: Mr. Sandman by the Chordettes. Faith untied Buffy, coiled the Golden Lasso of Truth back on her belt, took a number, and sat down. Buffy sat beside her.
"What's our number?" Buffy said. "Still weirded out that I'm all naked over here."
Faith took her hand, and kissed her.
"I love you," Faith said. "I want you to listen to me, okay? I want you to remember what I'm about to say."
"Okay, Wonder Woman," Buffy said. "What do you want me to remember?"
"Our number," Faith said, and held the ticket up.
The number on the ticket was 682.
"Promise me, Buffy," Faith whispered, and squeezed her hand. "Promise me you'll remember our number."
"I'll try," Buffy said.
At the cubicles, phones were ringing, and people were sitting at computers, or wandering around with folders in their hands. Buffy saw Kakistos, in beige khaki pants, a short-sleeved white dress shirt and a yellow tie, walk to a water cooler at the other end of the little room. The cooler was filled with blood. Kakistos took a little plastic cup from the dispenser, pressed a button on the water cooler, filled the cup with blood, and drank it down.
A heavy oak door opened at the other end of the office. Willow stuck her head out.
"682?" she said, and looked around.
"That's us," Faith said, and took Buffy's hand. They walked down the carpeted path between the rows of cubicles. When they reached Willow, she smiled and shook their hands. Willow was wearing a gray business suit with a low-cut skirt, flesh-colored stockings, high heel Christian Laurent shoes, and glasses. Buffy thought Willow's blouse was unbuttoned maybe one button too far, but she really didn't think she had the right to say anything, since she was naked. Willow smelled like strawberries.
"Hi, Willow Rosenberg, I'm the manager here," Willow said. "Come on in."
She ushered them into her office. It was huge, and lavish, with oak-paneled walls that had bookcases built into them. The bookcases were stuffed full of tattered old leatherbound volumes with strange Latin titles. Against the wall on the left, a stone altar was covered with potions and powders and animal entrails and skulls, and it all smelled bad. Against the wall on the right, a bank of computers was arranged on a long metal table, and they made beeping noises. Willow sat in a high-backed leather executive swivel chair behind her big mahogany desk in front of a floor-to-ceiling window that took up the entire back wall and gave a magnificent view of the Eiffel Tower. But Paris was burning. Willow gestured for Buffy and Faith to take seats across from her. Faith took the other high back swivel. Buffy ended up on a little wooden stool.
"Okay, it's time for your annual review, so you guys got your questionnaires?" Willow said, and adjusted her glasses, and looked into a crystal ball that sat on the desk directly in front of her. "Computer," she said. "Retrieve files for Wonder Woman and Buffy Summers."
"Working," the crystal ball said, in a pleasant female voice.
Faith handed Willow her questionnaire. "Um...kinda forgot the homework," Buffy said. She suddenly remembered again that she was naked. She rested her hands in her lap, and leaned forward, and tried to hide her breasts. Willow sighed, opened a drawer, pulled a questionnaire and a pen out of it, and slapped them on the desk.
"Fill it out, answer yes or no to each question, I'll get started on Faith first," Willow said. Buffy nodded, and looked at the questionnaire, as Willow started reading Faith's. "Oh, and can I have your ticket please?"
Faith handed Willow their ticket. Willow looked down at it.
"Buffy," Willow said. Buffy looked up.
Willow took her hand.
"I love you," Willow said. "I know you hate me now, but I'm gonna love you forever. No strings. No conditions. Okay?"
Buffy nodded. She wanted to tell Willow she didn't hate her. But she didn't say anything.
"682," Willow said. "Remember that number, okay sweetie? Remember Dawn."
"I'll try," Buffy said.
"Okay," Willow said. "So...Faith Lehane. Well, Rebecca Greer totally loves you so you get the twenty-point bonus..."
Buffy looked down at her questionnaire. It consisted of ten questions:
1. Did you ever date a vampire?
2. Did you allow your best friend to be raped?
3. Do you think Tara has a crush on you?
4. Do you have a crush on Tara?
5. Is your parents' divorce your fault?
6. Has Willow fucked Faith?
7. Is your mother dead because of you?
8. Is Xander dead because of you?
9. Is Giles dead because of you?
682. Do you remember Dawn?
Buffy filled out the questionnaire.
"Wow," she heard Willow saying. "This is really impressive, Faith. Nice tactical thinking, with the pies and the battering ram, and then the triangular formation."
"Um...I'm sorta stuck on number four," Buffy said.
"No you're not," Willow said. "Faith, I just need some clarification here. So did Rebecca say you're gonna be the best Slayer that ever lived, or the most marvelous Slayer in all of recorded human history?"
"Most marvelous that ever lived," Faith said.
Willow nodded, and checked something off on Faith's questionnaire. "Okay. Computer, tabulate results."
"Working," the crystal ball said.
A moment later, a flashing red light like a police siren flooded the room, and an alarm beeped three times. Willow smiled.
"Congratulations, Faith!" Willow said, and got up from behind her desk, and took off her glasses and her jacket. "You're our Slayer of the Month."
"I am?" Faith practically squealed. "Awesome! You're the best auntie ever."
"Okay, so, do you wanna get up on the desk or do you want me on my knees, sweetie?" Willow said, and unbuttoned her blouse.
"Uh...well..." Faith said. "Not...really sure."
Willow smiled again. "Sweetie, you want me down on my knees? There's no problem with that, you don't have to be afraid to ask. Any way you want me, okay?"
"Uh...well...if it's okay...yeah. On your knees works for me."
Willow giggled. "No one ever picks the desk," she said, and took off her bra, and kicked off her shoes, and unzipped her skirt. Buffy looked up. Willow was wearing red thong panties. She sat on the edge of her desk, and stretched out her legs.
"Help me get these stockings off?" Willow said.
"Um...not really sure about number eight," Buffy said.
"Can't help you with that one," Willow said. Faith took Willow's stockings off, and massaged her feet. "Mmm, that feels good, sweetie," Willow murmured. "But let auntie take care of you now."
Willow slipped off her red thong panties, knelt down naked in front of Faith on the thick sky-blue carpet, pulled down Faith's Wonder Woman underwear with all the white stars, and began licking her pussy. Faith moaned, and Willow lifted her legs over her shoulders.
"You like this baby?" Willow whispered, and began kissing Faith's clit.
"Yeah...yeah..." Faith whispered, with her eyes closed. Her legs were trembling.
Willow looked up at her, as she gave her clit soft little kisses.
"You're the love of my life, Faith," Willow said, in a husky voice, with Faith's pussy juice dripping from her lips. "You want to come in my mouth, baby?"
"Yeah," Faith whispered, and took Willow by the hair, and brought her closer.
"Okay, I'm done," Buffy said, as Faith came, screaming, her orgasm rocking her whole body. Faith held Willow's face tight against her pussy as she came, and Willow didn't try to move. Faith rode out her orgasm, fucking Willow's face.
"That was...that was...I love you," Faith said, when she finally stopped shaking.
"Love you too," Willow said, and smiled up at Faith, her face covered with Faith's sticky cum. "And it sure was." Then Willow stood up, went back behind her desk, and sat down again, licking her lips. She put Faith's questionnaire in her top drawer, and looked at Buffy.
"You said you were done?" Willow said, and held out her hand.
"Um...yeah," Buffy said, and handed Willow her questionnaire.
"Before I look at this, can I just ask you a question, Buffy?" Willow said.
Buffy nodded. Willow smiled again...a twisted leer that made Buffy tremble. And then Willow's eyes turned black...
"How fucking stupid are you, you sorry little cunt?" Willow said. "I'm stealing your girlfriend right out from under you. Anyway, don't bother answering, rhetorical question. Okay, let's see the damage..." She read Buffy's questionnaire. She looked very serious, as she read it.
"Question two...your best friend was locked in a closet for a hundred and thirty-one days?" Willow said. "Really? You're a Slayer and you let that happen?"
"Yeah," Buffy said, and blushed. Willow's eyes were still black.
"You answered yes on question eight," Willow said. "You sure you don't want to change that answer?"
Buffy shook her head.
"Okay," Willow said. "Computer, tabulate results. Also plot a course for the Klingon Empire, warp factor six."
"Working," the crystal ball said.
Willow smiled at Buffy, and showed her teeth to her. "Faith, come back here, sweetie," she said. "Come sit on auntie's lap."
"Okay," Faith said, and giggled like a little girl, and sprang over the desk like a cat, landing right in Willow's lap. She curled up there, and kissed Willow's breasts, and then started sucking on one of Willow's nipples. Willow's eyes turned green again.
"Is that better, baby?" Willow whispered, and kissed her hair. "Do you like it?"
Faith nodded. "Tastes like...coconut milk," she whispered.
Willow smiled at Buffy, as Faith sucked on her nipple. Buffy heard Faith swallowing.
"Want some music while you wait, Miss I Love Vampire Dick?" Willow said, and pressed a button on the phone bank on her desk. Mr. Sandman started playing, the sound filtering out of the crystal ball.
"Complete," the crystal ball said. "Kick that bitch to the curb."
Willow looked into the crystal ball.
"Sorry, my pretty," Willow said. "I'm afraid you're not a Slayer anymore. You lost eight-thousand points on question two. And you were wrong on question six, by the way."
"I'm...not...not a Slayer?" Buffy said.
"I'm afraid you'll have to turn in your badge," Willow said. "Sweetie...I'm really sorry. For what it's worth, I thought you were an awesome Slayer. But rules are rules. Question two just completely sunk you, and now you gotta be punished." Willow held out her hand.
Buffy handed her the little silver sheriff's badge, and tears ran down her cheeks. A ball of white fire leapt to life in Willow's hand, and the badge turned to dust.
"Okay, your strength's gone and you don't know how to fight anymore, so stay away from bad guys," Willow said. She pressed a button on her intercom. "Tara?"
Tara peeked her head in the door. She was dressed like the Good Witch of the North from The Wizard of Oz. She had a clipboard in one hand and a magic wand in the other. "Yes, Ms. Rosenberg?" she said.
"Is Kakistos out there?" Willow said. "I need someone for a rape."
"A rape?" Buffy said.
Faith was still sucking on Willow's nipple. Willow was caressing her hair. "That's it, baby," Willow whispered, smiling down at her, as Faith made swallowing sounds. "That's it. You were a hungry baby, huh?" Faith nodded.
"Uh, let me check," Tara said, and shut the door.
A moment later, Kakistos peeked his head in. "Sorry Will, I'm like completely tied up in meetings today," he said. "No way I can get out, plus I have to interview that new guy for the Big Bad position, I have that merger meeting with the Watchers Council, we gotta find Dawn, and the Romulans have a fleet in the Neutral Zone."
"Fucking Romulans," Willow muttered. "Okay, okay, I guess I'll have to do it."
"Sorry Will," Kakistos said, and shrugged his shoulders. "Hi, Faith."
"Hi," Faith said, and waved to him. Then she went back to sucking on Willow's nipple.
"Now where the hell did I leave that strap-on?" Willow muttered, and started pulling her desk drawers open. "I hate doing rapes. Pain in the ass. Literally."
"But...what's this about a rape?" Buffy said. Willow ignored her. A moment later she dug a strap-on dildo out of one of the drawers.
"Okay," Willow said. She kissed Faith's hair. "Sorry baby. That's all for now. I'll be your mommy again later, okay? Right now I gotta rape Buffy."
"Me?" Buffy said. "It's me?"
Willow finally looked at her, as Faith got up out of her lap, and wiped milk from the corners of her mouth.
"Question two," Willow said. "Question two just completely sunk you."
The next second, they were in Angel's bedroom. Faith was gone. Buffy was lying on the bed. Willow was putting on the strap-on dildo while she talked on a cell phone.
"Buy when it hits six-eighty-two," Willow said, as she finished buckling on the dildo. "And are we hiring that guy? Good. Tell him we need him to start a few days ago. And tell the Master his quarterly better be up or it's his ass, I'm tired of his section dragging down our bottom line and then having to make excuses to the shareholders about that stupid Anointed kid. Then find out who killed Giles, and get Rebecca Greer back. And fire the photon torpedoes."
She snapped the phone shut, and looked at Buffy. Her eyes were black, but even though the room was dark, Buffy could see those black eyes perfectly...they were darker than the room.
"I'm gonna have to hit you first," Willow said. "Sit up so I can punch you in the face."
"Do you...have to?" Buffy said.
"What do you think this is, hot kinky sex?" Willow said. "Like the little power games you and Faith play? This is rape. It's not about sex. It's about me hurting you. Sit up, doggie."
Buffy sat up.
Willow punched Buffy in the face. It hit Buffy like a hammer and it sent her tumbling across the bed and slamming into the headboard.
Willow crawled on to the bed like some stalking wolf, growling and showing Buffy her teeth again. Buffy whimpered, and started to cry, and tried to crawl away from her...Willow's eyes scared her. Willow grabbed Buffy by the hair, and dragged her back.
"No...no...no...NO!" Buffy screamed, whimpering and crying and shaking her head, and holding onto the bedpost as Willow dragged her back toward her.
"We're not done, bitch," Willow said. She ripped Buffy's left hand away from the bedpost, got it in a wrist lock, and held Buffy still beneath her. She began punching her in the face repeatedly, alternating that with punches in the stomach and the kidneys. Buffy screamed, and tried to get away, as she felt her nose break, and her teeth fly out of her head, and searing pain knifing through her abdomen, but Willow held her still.
"Tryin' to get out of your punishment, huh?" Willow said. "Yeah, I tried to get out of the closet too. Never worked though."
Willow bent Buffy's wrist all the way back and broke it with a snap that echoed through the room. Buffy shrieked.
"You're a dirty whore, aren't you?" Willow said, and put her hand around Buffy's throat, and started squeezing. Willow's hand was ice cold and she had a grip like iron. Buffy tried to break it with her one good hand, but she couldn't. "A whore who fucks vampires and betrays her friends and kills people for no reason. The commando guy had bad hair? Seriously? What, did you think you were in a fucking Bruce Willis movie? Were you trying to impress us all with your cool dialogue? Remember what Faith said? We kill people with souls only if we have to. But you always do what you want, don't you? Doesn't matter to you how badly you fuck up all our lives."
Buffy couldn't breathe. She made a rattling sound as she gasped for air, choking on the blood in her mouth.
"I should kill you," Willow said. "You're the problem here. Not Angel. You."
Willow let go of her neck. Buffy wheezed, and coughed up blood.
"But I'm not gonna kill you," Willow said. "For what you did to us, you're gonna live. You're gonna suffer. Turn over on to your stomach. Get that ass up in the air, cunt."
"No, please don't, please don't?" Buffy whispered. Willow backhanded her in the face, and Buffy started crying again.
Shaking, Buffy turned over on to her stomach. Willow moved on top of her.
"I lubed it up," Willow whispered in Buffy's ear. "But I didn't get any lube when your boyfriend raped me. When Angel put his big dick in my ass, my blood was the fucking lube."
Willow took Buffy by the hair, and forced herself against Buffy's ass, exerting a steady pressure. Buffy whimpered underneath her, and bit down on the pillow, her blood flowing out of her mouth.
"Say you want it," Willow snarled, and put her teeth on Buffy's ear. "Tell me you want this, or I'll go even harder on you."
Buffy shook her head, whimpering louder, as she felt herself parting, and the tip of the dildo slid in.
Willow bit Buffy's cheek. Buffy shrieked again, as Willow tore off some of her skin.
"Fucking say it, Buffy," Willow said. "Say it or this gets worse. You wouldn't believe how much worse this can get. You know you're a dirty whore. Not like it's a secret. Admit it."
"I...I...want it," Buffy whispered.
"You want what?" Willow purred in her ear, and licked her neck, and kept up the steady pressure...the dildo had gotten past Buffy's sphincter now. Buffy shuddered, as she felt it penetrate her, and stretch her out until she thought she would break, and the pain hit her. Willow was thrusting into her now, moving back and forth on top of her, riding her. The dildo felt greasy inside her, and it was cold, like Willow's hands.
"I...want...want you to...fuck me up the ass," Buffy whispered.
"Good girl," Willow whispered. The dildo slid the rest of the way in fairly easily, now that it had opened Buffy up. Buffy began screaming, as Willow fucked her, snarling in her ear and digging her fingernails into her back like claws. "When I take Faith? I'm gonna make you watch," Willow snarled. "Will you be a good girl and watch? Don't worry, I'll be gentle with her. She's not a dirty little whore like you, she's my niece. But she's gonna be my lover too."
Willow was plunging the dildo as far in as it would go as she fucked Buffy's ass, moving faster and faster, as Buffy's screams got louder and louder...the pain felt like someone was stabbing Buffy with a screwdriver. Buffy's head banged into the headboard over and over again now as Willow rode her, and Buffy screamed beneath Willow with every thrust, and the bed rocked back and forth so hard she thought it might break. And Willow laughed and snarled and grunted in her ear, and whispered things...terrible things that scared Buffy, and made her cry...
"Someday I'm gonna kill you," Willow whispered, and yanked Buffy's head around by the hair so Buffy had to look into her black eyes. Buffy felt cold, when she looked into Willow's eyes. "I'm gonna kill you all. The Master, Angel, Spike, Dru, Kakistos, you think they were the Big Bads? I'm the Big Bad, you brain-dead cheerleader cunt. I'm gonna kill you all. I'm gonna kill four-million people. For what you did to me, I'll dig your fucking grave, bitch."
Buffy screamed as Willow dug her fingernails deeper into her back, slicing her open. It felt like they reached all the way to her heart.
"I hate you," Willow hissed in Buffy's ear, as she fucked her even harder, and Buffy's head slammed into the headboard. "I hate you you worthless little..."
"Buffy," Willow said.
Buffy turned her head, and saw Willow standing in the doorway, in an aura of white light.
"Get her away!" the Willow on top of Buffy shrieked, as she went on fucking Buffy, and slicing her open with her fingernails. "Get her away from me! Tell her to leave or I'll fucking kill you, bitch!"
Willow came closer. She sat on the edge of the bed, and looked down at Buffy with her beautiful green eyes, as the other Willow raped her.
Buffy looked up at the Willow in the white light, and cried. Willow touched Buffy's cheek. Her hand was warm.
"I...want this," Buffy said. "I deserve this."
"That's right, bitch," the other Willow said, as she fucked her.
"No you don't," the Willow in the white light said. "You don't deserve this. And she's not me. You know I would never do this to you. You know I don't hate you. I don't, Buffy."
Buffy looked away from her.
"Stop this," the Willow in the light whispered in Buffy's ear. "Please, baby? Stop. Stop hurting yourself. The things she's saying are lies. They're lies you're telling yourself."
"But I'm...I'm...bad," Buffy whispered.
"I love you," the Willow who radiated the warm, beautiful white light whispered...
And then the other Willow was gone. Only the one in the white light remained. She looked down at Buffy, with tears in her eyes.
"Oh Goddess, baby, what did you do to yourself?" Willow said, as she took in the extent of Buffy's wounds, and her tears ran down her cheeks.
Buffy looked away from her. She felt ashamed...she didn't think she deserved to look at Willow. She didn't think she deserved that light.
"Will you let me make this better, Buffy? Please?" Willow said.
Buffy nodded, and cried.
Willow kissed her cheek, where the other Willow had bitten her, and the wound healed.
"What...did you do?" Buffy said.
"Kissed it and made it better," Willow said. "I'm gonna kiss you all over, okay? I'm gonna make it all better."
Buffy nodded, as Willow got into bed with her, and kissed her...kissed her lips, and brought her teeth back...kissed her nose, and fixed the break. She kissed all over Buffy's face, until it didn't hurt anymore.
"It's working," Willow whispered in her ear, and kissed her there too, where the other Willow had bitten her.
Willow moved down Buffy's body, kissing her stomach, and her sides, and taking the pain away...kissing her back, kissing all the deep gouges the other Willow had made. Buffy felt them all healing...the pain was going away. Willow moved down between Buffy's legs. Buffy was bleeding there.
"Can I kiss you here too?" Willow said. "We're gonna be lovers someday."
"Yeah," Buffy said.
Willow kissed Buffy, in the spot where the other Willow had raped her. The pain disappeared.
"All better," Willow whispered, and moved up beside Buffy, and held her in her arms.
"Are you...gonna try to take Faith from me?" Buffy said, as Willow held her, and Buffy curled up against her breasts. Willow was naked; Buffy wasn't sure if she had been naked before.
"No," Willow said. "I'll always love her, Buffy. But part of loving her is doing what's best for her. And she belongs with one of you guys."
"One of us?" Buffy said. "Who's us?"
Willow turned Buffy over, so Buffy was on her side, and Willow was holding her around her waist, and kissing the back of her neck. Buffy was enveloped in Willow's white light...she thought she could be happy there forever.
"We're gonna be lovers soon," Willow said. "And so are they."
Beside her on the bed, Buffy saw Faith laying naked on top of Tara, under the sheets, and kissing her...
"The queen of cups," Willow whispered in Buffy's ear. "I'm a queen of swords."
"I'm a cup too," Buffy said.
"Do you love me?" Faith said, looking down at Tara, holding her transfixed with her golden eyes. "Not like, friend love, sister love. Not even auntie love. Do you love me?"
Tara was underneath Faith, naked under the sheets. Buffy could see her breasts. Tara's nipples were hard. For some reason, she wasn't wearing the crystal pendant Willow had given her. She laid with her legs spread beneath Faith, and her hands on Faith's shoulders. She was breathing fast, and Buffy could hear her heart racing.
"Yeah," Tara said. "I've been in love with you ever since the lighthouse."
"Are you ready, honey?" Faith said. "Are you sure?"
"I want to give it to you," Tara said. "I've wanted this for so long, Faith."
"It's gonna hurt a little, when I push through," Faith said, and caressed Tara's cheek. "There's probably gonna be a little blood. Don't freak out, okay honey? It's natural."
"I don't...I don't wanna see," Buffy said, and turned away, as she heard Tara moan...
"That's it, honey," she heard Faith saying. "You're doing good. We're goin' nice and slow, okay? Nice and slow. I'm gonna push through now, okay? You ready?"
"I love you, I love you, I love you," Buffy heard Tara saying, as Faith moved on top of her, and the silk sheets rustled, and the bed creaked. "Take it, baby? Take it..."
"It's gonna happen?" Buffy said, curled up against Willow's breasts again now. "They're gonna do that?"
Buffy heard Tara whimper. Then she heard the bed creaking, and Tara moaning, in time with the creaking sounds.
"We are too," Willow whispered in Buffy's ear, and kissed her...
"Buffy," Faith said.
Buffy woke up.
She looked around. She was in Angel's mansion...in his bed. She recognized his scent, and the feel of the silk sheets. The oil lamp was on. The gray stone room was lit in soft gold. It took her a moment to remember why she was there.
Faith was standing beside the bed.
"Mmmmm...hi baby," Buffy murmured, and stretched, and yawned. "Missed you. What time is it? Did I fall asleep?"
Faith smelled like Willow. Buffy did her best to ignore it.
"Been back a little while," Faith said. "But Angel, G and Cordy never got back, and they're not answering the radio. Tara's doing a locator spell now."
Buffy jumped out of the bed. She looked down at herself. She was still dressed. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You haven't slept, Buffy," Faith said. "You've been going non-stop since you took me to the hospital."
Buffy looked around the room. For a moment she wondered where all the marble statues had gone...the statues of Angel's thirteen-thousand, two-hundred and six victims. Then she realized that was a ridiculous thought, and decided she must have dreamt it.
Faith hugged her.
"I love you," Faith whispered.
"I love you too," Buffy whispered, and smiled, and focused in on Faith's musky peach scent...and ignored Willow's scent as best she could...and let Faith hold her.
"Love my girl," Faith whispered. "Love my girl."
Then a new scent came to Buffy...ginger.
"Hey," Tara said, standing in the doorway. "I've located Angel, he's at like a supermarket downtown. You guys ready to go?"
Willow had Faith's scent all over her. Buffy tried her best to ignore it, as the four of them drove across town...
When they pulled up into the deserted parking lot of the Foodland supermarket, they saw Cordy running out the doors toward them.
"What happened?" Faith said, leaping out of Tara's car before Tara had even cut the engine. Buffy ran out after her.
"Giles," Cordy said. "He...he like disappeared or something, we can't find him."
"What?" Buffy said. "Disappeared? How? Did you leave him? Did Angel leave him?" Their voices echoed through the parking lot, then died in the darkness.
"No! he just...it's like he just turned invisible! One second he was there, then he was gone. Angel's in there trying to track him but he can't pick up his smell or whatever."
"How long ago?" Faith said, as Tara clambered out of the car carrying her shoulder bag, and Willow came out with her.
"It feels like just a little while ago but Angel says it might have been like hours because the scent's cold or something and he doesn't understand it."
"It s-sounds like...like magic," Tara said.
"It is," Willow said.
"Why the hell didn't you guys call us?" Faith said. "You got a radio."
"Which Angel can't remember how to use because he's like the oldest guy in the world and which you also didn't bother showing me how to use," Cordy said.
"Fuck," Faith said. "Come on."
They found Angel in the aisle with the soda and the potato chips. He stood by the shopping cart, with his back turned to them.
"He's gone," Angel said. "Disappeared, I don't know how. Scent trail's cold even though it feels like he only left maybe fifteen minutes ago."
"What the hell happened?" Buffy said.
Angel turned.
He was controlled, as always, Buffy noticed. But he wasn't centered, wasn't serene...she could smell it on him. He was angry, confused...
"I don't know," Angel said. "One second he was there, the next he was gone. I tried following his trail but it just fades away a few blocks down the street...like maybe he got in a car or something, but I have no idea how he even got away from me in the first place. He was standing a few feet away from me and then...he was just gone."
"We need a locator spell," Willow said.
Faith nodded. Tara sat down cross-legged on the floor of the aisle and emptied out the contents of her shoulder bag. She pulled a lock of brown hair from a little plastic bag.
"There's some kind of damage back there," Angel said, and pointed toward the destroyed refrigerator case. Willow and Buffy walked over to it.
"Looks like...an explosion," Willow said. There were hot dogs scattered everywhere, burned and blasted to bits, and the glass door of the refrigerator had melted. "But this melting... could be a fireball, or maybe even a lightning bolt."
"Smells like lightning," Buffy said. "Magic."
"Okay, working theory," Faith said. "Giles was taken by magic. But it's not like the thing happening all over, people disappearing, because we all can see that when it happens. Angel didn't see what happened."
"Lightning bolt, assuming it wasn't there before, tells me it's a magic spell, not the disappearing thing," Willow said, as she and Buffy walked back to Angel together.
"It wasn't there before," Angel said.
"You sure?" Faith said.
"He has a photographic memory," Buffy said.
They waited. Tara sat with her eyes closed, in front of the candles and the magic powder and the lock of Giles' hair, her pupils moving behind the lids. Her pendant was glowing.
A couple of minutes later, Tara's scent changed...Buffy and Faith knew she was scared. Tara opened her eyes, grabbed the tupperware bowl of magic powder, and took another lock of Giles' hair from the little plastic bag.
"Um...um...okay, I n-need to do the locator spell again," Tara said.
"What happened?" Willow said. "What did you see?"
"It's...um...I just...gotta do it again," Tara said, and readied the lock of hair again with a shaking hand, sprinkling a little of the magic powder on it.
"Tara," Faith said. Tara looked up at her.
"Please?" Tara said. "Just...let me do it once more?"
"Once more," Faith said.
Buffy felt like she was shaking. She felt cold. She thought she knew why Tara wanted to do the spell again...
Faith hugged her.
They waited.
A few minutes later, Tara blew out the candles. She looked up at Buffy, with a tear in her eye...and Buffy knew what she was going to say.
A tear ran down Buffy's cheek.
"He's...he's...dead," Tara said.
"No," Buffy said, and shook her head, as Faith held her.
"I'm...I'm...so sorry, sweetie," Tara whispered.
"No," Buffy said, again. "No."
Buffy tore herself away from Faith, crying.
"Buffy," Willow said, and touched her shoulder. Buffy tore herself away from her, too.
"NO," Buffy snarled.
Angel and Cordelia just stood there.
"No no no no no NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Buffy suddenly screamed, and swung her fists at the racks of soda and chips like a bludgeon. Soda bottles and bags of potato chips exploded, and two of the racks collapsed.
"NO! No, NO!" Buffy screamed again, and picked up one of the racks full of soda bottles, and heaved it away from her with all her strength. It all flew high up into the air and sailed across the supermarket, crashing somewhere in the cleaning products section with a clamorous racket. Buffy was running around screaming now, pushing Faith and Angel away whenever they tried to come close, lashing out at whatever target came to hand: she destroyed three more racks, punching and kicking at them until the metal was twisted and crushed, pulled bottles from shelves and flung them across the supermarket. Buffy ran down the aisle, toward the meat section, lifted an entire freezer up, yanking it out of the wall in a shower of sparks, and threw it at another part of the frozen food section. There was an explosion of sparks and a shower of glass and metal and frozen meat; Willow erected a shield around herself, Tara and Cordelia.
Buffy raged through the supermarket like a lit stick of dynamite, destroying anything she could get her hands on, and eventually, Faith and Angel stopped trying to restrain her. They followed her through the supermarket to make sure she didn't hurt herself, as she grabbed random things from shelves and threw them, or crushed them, or stomped on them, screaming the entire time.
Willow stood beside Tara and Cordelia, under the energy shield, with tears in her eyes. Buffy's rampage was a series of little explosions as bottles and cans and pieces of fruit and microwave dinners and tubs of ice cream and a hundred other things went rocketing through the air like they had been shot out of cannons, exploding against the walls and the ceiling like little grenades, and occasionally entire display cases went flying too. One display case collided with a fluorescent light fixture hanging from the ceiling, sending the whole thing crashing down in a shower of sparks and blacking out part of the store.
They heard Buffy screaming, and they heard the little explosions...
It went on that way for awhile.
Eventually, things became quiet. Willow dropped her shield.
She wandered with Tara and Cordelia through the supermarket, looking for Buffy.
The place looked like London after the Blitz. Almost every aisle had some kind of damage. Metal display racks laid on the floor, crumpled and twisted like tin foil. Food was everywhere, on the floor and staining the walls; Buffy had knocked down entire aisles of shelves. Half the frozen food section was gone, the refrigerator cases reduced to twisted, crumpled, sparking rubble, surrounded by melting food and shards of glass piled in heaps.
They came upon Buffy in the produce section at the other end of the store, sitting on the floor by an overturned peach cart. Faith was sitting beside her, holding her in her arms. Angel stood a little apart from them.
"I'm sorry," Willow said. "I cared about him too."
Buffy nodded.
"You stupid, stupid, fucking idiots," someone said.
Everyone looked up...
And saw the First, in Buffy's skin again, standing by a wrecked strawberry cart.
"Get out of here," Faith said. "Get the fuck out of here. We don't need your--"
"SHUT UP!" the First shouted, and stalked toward them, showing them her teeth. But she had tears in her eyes. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'm tired of all your fucking speeches, tired of your fucking plans, tired of listening to all of you obsess over who's fucking who, tired of all of it! Giles is dead because of you! DEAD! DEAD!"
"Because of you," Willow said. "Not because of us."
"You really need to not talk to me," the First said, and pointed at her. "You need to never fucking talk to me again, bitch. And you!" she shouted, turning to Angel. "Mister big fucking dick, mister big fucking hero! Mister I won't take the deal! My Watcher is dead because of you! Because you're so fucking stubborn, because you're so FUCKING STUPID!"
"And you, love of my life," the First said, standing above Faith now. "You're the leader. It means you have a responsibility to these people, to think of them, not just you. Means you have to be creative, see outside the box. Remember that? Thinking tactically? What's the correct tactic here? What's the smart move? Think outside the fucking box, Faith! Taking my deal is thinking outside the box. Until now it's always been about finding some way to win the fight. But be creative! Use your fucking head! You can still save the world, just not this one! A new one! A better one! TAKE THE DEAL!"
Faith looked up at her.
"I know, you're gonna make a speech at me about being all noble and honorable and making Rebecca proud of you," the First said. "But guess what? That speech comes at a cost. Making Rebecca proud of you comes at a cost. Your arrogance comes at a cost. But you don't pay it. I do! BUFFY does! The cost is the people I love! My Mom, Xander, now Giles! They're dead! They're dead because you won't open your fucking eyes and see what's in front of you!"
"Look at her, Faith," The First said. "Look at what you've done to me. I won't kill you, Buffy, Tara or Willow. Maybe not Angel either depending on my mood. If I have to drag you guys kicking and screaming into my new world that's what I'll do. But if you don't take the deal, if you don't try to save what's left, you guys might be the only ones left alive eventually! Is that what you want? To be the last handful of survivors on a wrecked world, the last generation of humanity? Do you want to be the reason why the human race becomes extinct? This is the moment, Faith. The moment you can choose a new path...think in a new way. Save the world."
Faith looked away from her. She concentrated on Buffy...concentrated on her scent.
"Baby, take the deal," the First said. "Please. Please don't hurt her anymore."
Then it disappeared.
They were all quiet, and still, in the produce section of a Foodland supermarket in a burning, deserted city...alone at the end of the world. Buffy cried, sitting by a pile of squashed peaches, and Faith sat with her, and held her. Buffy's soft sobs, and a few distant electrical sparks from the destroyed refrigerator units at the other end of the store, were the only sounds.
After a few more minutes, Buffy looked up. Her face was streaked with tears, and she was still trembling. She looked around, at Willow, and Tara, and Angel, and Cordelia.
Then she looked at Faith.
"I wanna take the deal," Buffy said.
Twenty-Two
THE SHOT HEARD ROUND THE WORLD
"Buffy...honey," Faith whispered, and kissed Buffy's cheek. "You should...you should think about this. Don't just..."
Buffy shook her head, and squeezed herself closer to Faith, and held on to her. "I wanna take the deal," Buffy said, again.
Faith held Buffy in her arms, on the floor of the supermarket. She considered things.
Everyone was looking at them. Faith was aware of them, peripherally. Willow and Tara. Angel and Cordelia. Willow's strawberry scent came to her, strong, as always.
For just a second, Faith was back in the hotel room with her...they had just made love, they were eating ice cream, and giggling...and Willow was holding her in her arms...
Faith brought herself back to the supermarket, and held Buffy in her arms.
She looked into Buffy's eyes, and kissed her.
"I love you," Faith said.
"I love you too," Buffy said. "And I loved Giles. And my mom, and Xander, and they're gone and...I can't...I can't lose anyone else."
"Yeah," Faith said. "I know."
"We should...think about this," Willow said.
"Buffy," Angel said. "I know things look bleak right now. But we can't just--"
"You know?" Buffy said, and suddenly leapt to her feet. "What do you know? How many people have you lost? If you took the deal that day the First offered it to you Xander would have lived, my mother would have lived. If we took the deal when they came at my house today Giles would have lived. Who's gonna die next? You're gonna fucking live forever!"
Angel was looking straight at Buffy. Buffy looked straight back.
Buffy was shaking, a little...Faith felt it. And a growl was welling up in Buffy's stomach now. Faith kissed the back of Buffy's neck, and held her tighter.
"Two," Angel said.
"What?" Buffy snarled.
"I've lost two people I love since this thing started," Angel said.
Everyone was quiet again. Angel looked straight at Buffy. Buffy looked straight back.
"Okay, let's...just think this through," Willow said, and started pacing. "Is there anything we can do to fight this? Have we come up with anything, any kind of plan? I'm not saying we should just all suddenly surrender but...can anyone think of anything we can do here? We've all been so focused on just, y'know, getting back together and surviving all the shit the First has been throwing at us and finding a safe place to sorta regroup that we haven't even really thought about the big picture. But let's think about it now. Vampires are everywhere, people are dying..."
"Millions of people," Buffy said. "What is it, like, fifteen-million now? Vamps are everywhere, across the country, all over the world, even the President got killed. The government's in like an underground bunker somewhere. Half of Sunnydale is on fire."
"A nuke went off in Pakistan," Faith said. "There are vamps out in Minneapolis doing gang-rapes and broadcasting them over the TV, they took over a television station out there. This thing's goin' south in a hurry."
"No one's really fighting the vampires now, according to the news," Willow said. "There were troops in the cities at first but they all just got slaughtered, and now it's like the military's just giving up, like, going into hiding. There's those emergency camps they set up, but..."
"Some of them have been overrun," Tara said. "I heard on the radio that the vampires are targeting them now."
"Yeah, and there's no coordinated response, no plan," Willow said.
"Not much can be done," Faith said. "The vamps are everywhere, in every city. Only way to take them out is just send guys in to dust 'em one at a time, go block by block. And even if the army sent teams out in every city with like flamethrowers and stakes, vamps can pass as human whenever they want plus they can turn more people. And I'm not even sure the government knows what they're dealing with. Riley and his guys do but the news is calling the vamps 'plague victims'."
"Okay, yeah, it's bad out there," Cordy said. "So, what, we just give up?"
"Not sayin' that," Faith said. "But we've been run ragged. We need time to regroup."
"So we regroup," Angel said. "We go back to the mansion and--"
"And what?" Faith said. "Vamps can't get in, you think the First doesn't know that? How long until it throws more commando guys at us? Or maybe demons? We sit there taking siege after siege, it's game over eventually."
"We can't just give up!" Angel shouted.
"Yeah," Faith said. "I know."
Faith considered things. Then she walked away from Buffy, looking all around her.
"Hey, First Evil," Faith said. "You out there? You listenin' in? I wanna talk to you."
"What are you doing?" Cordy said.
"Good question," the First said, appearing as Angelus. He stood against a cart full of cherries, smiling, and showing Faith his fangs. "What are you up to, Faithy? What's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours?"
"A better question is, what are you up to?" Faith said. "Being Angelus right now isn't a random choice, is it? You want to remind us of how bad Angel was, you want us to be thinking about him that way, so we won't listen to him now. Because he doesn't want to take your deal."
Angelus smiled, and clapped his hands.
"Nice," Angelus said. "Saw right through me, Faithy. There's that tactical thinking again. So whaddaya want?" He popped a cherry in his mouth...or at least, he made himself look like he was. "Mmmm, I do love a good cherry," he said, and licked his lips, and grinned at Cordelia.
"To talk," Faith said. "But not to you. Change to Buffy."
"Aw, but then I'd have to listen to all her frigging whining," Angelus said, and rolled his eyes, and frowned.
"Change. Or get the fuck outta here and stop wastin' my time."
"See you soon, Faithy," Angelus said, and changed...and became Buffy.
"Hi baby," the First said, and leaned against the cherry cart, her arms folded across her chest, and looked straight at Faith. "You wanna talk to me? That's...that's...really nice."
"I wanna talk about a deal," Faith said.
"Faith!" Angel shouted.
"Hello? Earth to Miss Tactical Thinking Girl?" Cordy said. "Can I just say that doing what the bad guy wants you to do isn't usually an effective strategy for beating the bad guy?"
"Faith, this is something we should...all decide together," Tara said.
"I know," Faith said. "But we need time."
Faith approached the First, and stood in front of her.
"You've been doggin' us, since we went up against your vamps last Friday we've been takin' non-stop shit from you," Faith said.
"Then accept my offer," the First said. "And you can rest." The First ran its fingers through Faith's hair. They went through her. "And I'll take care of you, baby."
"Maybe. But we need to time to decide, time to think this stuff through. So I'm making you a counteroffer. You give us time to think. That means you don't attack us in any way, you don't send anyone else after us, you don't visit us at all either. You leave us alone. We need time, you can't expect us to decide all this stuff just off the top of our heads, we're talkin' about the whole world here. And for Christ's sake, we've lost three people in two days, we need time to feel it, we need time to mourn. I'm asking you to give us time to think about your deal."
"You sure you don't mean time to come up with some new plan to attack me? Like in front of Buffy's house, when you were just pretending to take my deal?"
"No. No bullshit this time. You give us time and we'll consider our options, we'll consider this for real. You heard Buffy, she wants the deal. You know she's not faking."
The First nodded.
"How do I know you won't use the time to try to come up with ways to stop me?" the First said. "Yeah, Buffy's finally acting smart but she's one out of six."
"We will try to come up with ways to stop you," Faith said. "That's part of considering our options. But we'll be weighing those odds against taking your deal. We'll be trying to decide if it's worth going against you when we might end up killing everyone in the world over it. And so far we haven't been able to do shit against you. So far all we've been able to do is survive and we haven't even done that too good. Three down already. What I'll guarantee you is that your offer gets a fair hearing, from all of us. We'll debate it around. But you need to give us time."
The First nodded again.
She looked at all of them. Then she looked back at Faith.
"Three days," the First said. "And I'm only doing this because I love you, Faith, you're my special one. I'm doing this for you, and for no other reason. But I have some conditions."
"What conditions?" Faith said.
"You all go back to the mansion and you stay there. You don't leave the mansion for any reason. I won't have you using this little cease-fire to try to maybe save some people. No one leaves that house and no new people enter it, either. I'll give you your time, but I won't let you use it against me. I know Angel wants to go out there and start bringing people back to the mansion, making it like some kind of big shelter. I won't allow that. You six can stay there, no one else. Anybody leaves, the ceasefire's over. You allow anybody new in, the ceasefire's over."
"Deal," Faith said.
"The hell it is," Angel said.
"You don't get a vote, GQ," Faith said.
"Then I guess this is goodbye," Angel said, and walked away.
"Wait!" Buffy said, and grabbed his arm, and spun him around. "What the hell are you doing? Where are you going?"
"To do some good," Angel said. "Remember that? Doing some good? Let go of me."
"What good?!" Buffy screamed, holding on tighter to him, as he tried to pull away. "The First will always know where you are! The First can take your form so it'll always know what you're thinking, what you're planning! What the hell can you do out there alone?"
"Listen to her, Angel," the First said. "You're gonna go try to save some people, right? Anywhere you go, I'll follow. I'll send my vampires after you, hundreds of them, thousands. I won't kill you...I'm not willing to let you die yet, I still care about you. But my vampires will kill anyone you come into contact with out there. You try to hide people in a house? My vampires will burn them out. You try to go to one of the emergency camps, maybe lend a hand? I'll send my vampires at that camp in wave after wave until everyone in it is dead. You can't ever hide from me. I'll hound you. I'll follow you."
"Angel," Faith said. "Look man, don't just--"
"You don't give me orders," Angel said.
He wrenched himself free of Buffy.
"I'm sorry about your mother, about Xander, about Giles," Angel said, looking down into her eyes. "But I feel sorrier for you. At least they went out fighting. You're just giving up."
With a roar, Buffy punched him in the face. It drew blood, and sent him flying through the air and crashing into a cart full of watermelons.
"And again with the fucking drama!" Cordelia screamed, and ran to him.
"You're sorry?!" Buffy screamed, with tears running down her cheeks now. "You're fucking sorry?! It's your fault Xander left and got killed in the first place! Your fault Drusilla KILLED MY MOTHER! And you're SORRY?! You don't get to lecture me! After what you DID TO US you don't get to FUCKING LECTURE ME!"
"Yeah," Angel said. "But someone needs to. And I was the only one around to do it."
Cordelia helped him up.
"And now I'm leaving," Angel said.
"I'm going with you," Cordy said.
"Cordy, it's dangerous out there," Faith said. "You'll be killed!"
"Going out fighting," Cordy said. She looked up at Angel again. "Can I come?"
"I'll kill her," the First said. "I'll kill her, Angel."
Angel and Cordy ignored her. Cordy touched Angel's arm.
"Can I come?" Cordy said.
"Why do you want to?" Angel said. "They're right. You'll be safer at the house."
"World's ending, no one's safe," Cordy said. "And I'd rather die fighting than live on some reservation like a fucking animal the way that thing wants us to."
"Okay," Angel said.
He looked around at all of them. He looked at Tara, and smiled.
"Goodbye," Angel said.
Tara ran to him, and took his arm. Then she hugged him.
"Be...be careful," she whispered, with tears in her eyes.
He nodded. They stood there together, for a moment.
Then he gently pulled away from her. He looked at Willow. He felt her, looking at him.
"Don't die," Willow said.
He nodded again.
"Hey," Faith said. "Watch your back, Angel, okay?"
"You too," Angel said. "Take care of them, Faith." Then he turned, and walked away.
"'Bye," Cordy said, and followed him.
And Buffy and Faith and Willow and Tara watched, as Angel and Cordelia walked down the aisle, and past the cash registers, and out the sliding glass doors...they watched them get into Cordelia's car, and start it up, and drive away...and then they were gone...
They wondered if they would ever see either of them again.
"You gonna kill Angel?" Faith said.
"No," the First said.
"What about Cordy?" Faith said.
"You don't want her to die?" the First said.
"What kind of question is that? Of course not."
"Do you love her? Care about her?"
"No."
"Do you even like her?'
"Not usually."
"Then why do you care if she lives or dies?"
"Because...because it's just...the right thing to do," Tara said. "Because...everyone's important."
"You didn't seem to care about all those dead people you were passing by when you were talking to Buffy on the way back from the Magic Box," the First said. "There is a limit to empathy, Tara. Human beings don't have nearly the capacity for love that they think they do. You guys want Cordy to live because you feel guilty, that's all. Because Angel and Cordy shamed you a little, and if Cordy dies you'll feel like you've been cowards. That's the reason. Admit it. Don't try to spin some bullshit about how you care about her when none of you gives a rat's ass."
"Maybe you're right," Willow said. "But if we're feelin' all guilty and lousy about ourselves for making her leave, we'll be less likely to take your deal. So guarantee her safety. Hers and Angel's. That way we can think about your offer with a clear conscience."
The First smiled.
"You can be annoyingly smart sometimes, you know that, Will?" the First said.
"If we take your deal you know we're gonna pick her to be one of the hundred-thousand who gets to live anyway," Willow said. "So let her live for three days. We don't take the deal, she'll be fair game for you after that."
"If I was Angelus I'd tell you all to shove this whole cease-fire dealie up your asses," the First said. She smiled at Faith, and kissed her cheek. Her lips went through her. "But my baby's just so clever," it said. "My baby knows I love her, that I can't say no to her. That's why she wanted to talk to me instead of Angelus. Okay, Cordy lives. That's the end of my generosity, by the way. Still evil, remember? Three days, girls, not one minute more. Right now it's 5:32 a.m., November 19th. At exactly 5:32 a.m. on November 22nd your time's up. Then, if you don't see reason and accept my offer, the gloves come off. You think it's been bad? It can get worse."
It looked at Faith.
"Even for you, baby," the First whispered, and kissed Faith's lips, without touching them...and disappeared.
The four of them stood there together, in the aftermath.
"We should load up on food," Willow said. "Angel's got no food in the house, and whether we take the deal or not we're gonna be there awhile."
"Yeah," Faith said.
"We're...really considering this?" Tara said. "Taking this bargain, picking a hundred-thousand people and letting everyone else die, we're really considering this?"
Faith took Buffy's hand.
"Yeah," Faith said.
The huge, bubbling cauldron sat atop a massive onyx pedestal in the lofty throne room of a palace carved from one of the peaks of the tallest mountain in existence: that mountain was named The Gray Claw, and it soared eighteen miles into the sky, and its needle-sharp peaks did indeed rake through the clouds like a claw, and then left the clouds far behind, and dared even to clutch at the very stars themselves. But the cauldron was carved from the skull of a dragon, and it was hemmed about with strange magic runes, painstakingly traced in blood all around its black pedestal upon that otherwise spotless stone floor, and the cauldron stank of blood, and bile and piss and dung as well, and it fouled the air with its noxious stench, vomiting fumes in a great reek. The fumes hung about like a fog in the dark, candlelit throne room of that brooding stone palace, clinging to the walls, obscuring the room to sight, veiling its mysteries. But the dread sorcerer who was the lone occupant of that ancient place preferred to keep his secrets.
The sorcerer didn't mind the stench, as he stooped over that cauldron now, murmuring incantations in a long-dead language that bore no resemblance whatsoever to human speech, and in fact predated it by several hundred thousand years; he had spent some time living as a goat, and a pig as well, and he was used to strong odors. And he knew our noses always told the truth, ugly as it might be, while our eyes could deceive us with beautiful lies.
The sorcerer--the most powerful magic-user in existence, anywhere, in any age, across the entire length and breadth of creation--was an expert on lies: he was the God of Lies. But right now, Loki was trying to get at an elusive truth.
He frowned down at his boiling cauldron, as its sulphurous, vile stench assaulted his sensitive nose for the twenty-third time in as many days. The truth he hunted had evaded him thus far like a clever fox, and whenever Loki thought he had finally managed to snatch it, it only wriggled from his grasp again like a slippery fish.
The cauldron bubbled and stank, and sent strange shadows dancing across the walls in the candlelight; spectres of ages past, or ages yet to come, or ages that would never be, because of some whim of the fates: the shadow-selves of all of creation, the endless possibilities inherent in every being. Loki knew that in every moment, in every decision, everyone is reinvented, like clay sculptures endlessly recast. In every moment of each life, one sculpture is fired, hardened, made permanent; that self goes on, while the rest, all the other possibilities, are discarded. But those discarded lives, those shadow-selves, don't cease to exist: Loki knew that our shadow-selves are always there with us...a road not taken, an opportunity missed, a love that was never meant to be...or perhaps a peril narrowly avoided...a warning.
The shadows danced...and now they were Willow's shadows, and hers alone. Loki had been pondering long upon the rather exasperating topic of the mortal witch, Willow Rosenberg, for many days now: she vexed him, sometimes, and now she occupied almost all his attention. There was something about her, like a vein of gold, buried deep. He could never quite put his finger on it...he could never quite dig it up. But he was certain his brother Thor knew what it was, and since Thor was as dull as a doorknob the fact that he had somehow deduced the secret while Loki--the most ruthlessly cunning, endlessly clever, keenly observant, and devastatingly intelligent creature in all the endless leagues of creation (at least, so he thought himself, and no one had yet managed to disprove the claim)--had not, tried Loki's patience greatly. Even worse, Loki was certain that Willow didn't know what the secret was either, so he couldn't even attempt to wheedle it out of her with the sweet, honey-tongued whispers he knew could still make her heart flutter. Willow was cut off from herself, in some baffling way. Somehow, Thor had struck that hidden vein of gold, but it remained damnably out of reach to anyone but him.
Loki quaffed mead from a silver cup near at hand. Unfortunately the cauldron's stench was souring it slightly.
It was ridiculous, that Thor knew Willow's secret, yet he, Loki, did not; in fact Loki thought it bordered on offensive. Thor wasn't supposed to know things. He was supposed to meander about getting drunk and having trite little adventures and smashing things with his hammer; that was his purpose. Knowing things, especially secret, subtle, provocative things, was Loki's province. It wasn't fair.
"Pah!" Loki snarled, and flung the cup away. It clattered about the stones, and then was still. His voice echoed, and then it was gone. And the room was silent again.
Willow's shadow-selves danced around Loki now like sirens, beckoning. He saw her, out of the corner of his cunning eye...the cauldron revealed her. It showed Loki all the Willows that might have been, if the game had played out just a little differently...
He saw her making love with that strange vampire, the one who had been cursed with his soul...
He saw her, happy in the arms of that girl he knew she yet still loved, the Slayer, Faith...
He saw her, mourning the death of her beloved, Tara...
He saw her, kneeling naked before his throne, wearing his iron collar about her neck, his vassal...he quite fancied that one.
He saw her loving him, not Thor...another intriguing possibility.
He saw her destroying not just a single mortal city, but all of Midgard, reducing it to black, smoking cinders...snuffing out not a mere four-million lives this time, but six-billion...
Many of Willow's shadow-selves were but variations on that theme, Loki noticed. Many times, she destroyed Midgard before she could be stopped...because that girl wasn't there to stop her, or that boy...
Once, she even attacked Asgard itself...Loki saw her now, cold, black-eyed, venomous, a fell creature, untouched by love or compassion, unmoved by courage or sacrifice, unconcerned with honor or loyalty, leading an army of the accursed dead, vomited up from Hel: oathbreakers, traitors and cowards. He saw her, killing the gods, as her army of rotting corpses sacked and pillaged the city, killed the men, raped the women, bound the children in chains to be enslaved, and, finally, put fair Asgard to the torch. And then Loki saw himself, kneeling before her, as she sat on Odin's throne, the new, perilous black queen of the gods...he saw himself swearing allegiance to her. He saw her weld an iron collar about his neck. He shuddered.
He made himself turn away from the shadows, and focus on the task at hand. He murmured over the cauldron...persuaded it...coaxed it.
Slowly, tentatively, like some skittish virgin, the cauldron gave up its secrets. It showed Loki the battle...for the twenty-third time...
And for the twenty-third time, Loki saw something that froze his heart.
"No, no, NO!" he screamed, and wrenched the cauldron from its pedestal, and flung it across the room. It smashed into the far wall and exploded into pieces, sending the foul muck inside it oozing about the flagstones.
He'd had that cauldron nearly his entire life. He had carved it himself, from the skull of Glaurung, the greatest, most terrible dragon that had ever lived, whom Loki had killed when he was but a boy, by sending a single, swift, cunning arrow to the one vulnerable spot in the dragon's nigh-impenetrable armor. A glorious day, and a glorious victory. They still sang songs about it.
The cauldron was irreplaceable. Loki knew he would never be able to make another.
"No matter what I do it never changes! Why does it never change?!" Loki screamed, his voice reverberating endlessly about the stone walls, as he raged around his throne room like a wounded boar. He sent fireballs and lightning bolts and beams of eldritch energy lancing in every direction, turning the stone walls of his throne room, that had stood for longer than the human race had even existed, to ash.
Then he kicked the shattered remnants of the cauldron, promptly slipped upon the muck oozing about the floor, and fell on his ass.
He sat on the stone floor, in the muck, surrounded by the stench of blood, and bile, and piss, and dung. He felt it seeping into his clothes. But he didn't move.
"How can we fight a creature we can't even lay a hand upon?" he whispered. "No strength of Thor's, no magic of mine can touch it. I've watched twenty-three times now, and we can never touch it...we can never stop it...before..."
Loki's eyes filled with tears.
"How can I save you, when there is no way to fight it?" he whispered.
Willow sat on the edge of the bed, and read the book.
She was in Thor's palace, Bilskirnir, in his bedroom. She had left 1997, and returned here, to Asgard in 2009...
But before she left 1997, she had stopped to visit someone. She still had Warren's credit card, so she took a cab to the airport, hopped a plane, and flew to Minnesota. She made it there that night, found a hotel, and the next day, she visited a little girl from Apple Valley named Annabelle White. Willow had missed that girl, very much.
The girl didn't know her...the time they'd had together had been erased. But that time was still special, and Willow still loved her, and she always had, and she always would. Willow had visited her sometimes over the years...she had watched her grow up. In 2009 she was a beautiful teenaged girl, in high school. In July of 1997, she had just turned four.
Seeing Annabelle always made Willow feel better. So Willow visited her after she left Faith, and they played a game of hopscotch together, in the driveway in front of Annabelle's house. Then Willow had to leave.
She returned to Asgard, because there was nowhere else to go. When she left Annabelle, Thor was waiting for her. He explained that his father had told him to expect her.
"Hi," she had said, when she saw him, descending through the clouds in his chariot.
She hadn't said anything after that. Not a word...
Thor had stayed with her when they reached Asgard, tried to comfort her. She held on to him, felt his arms around her, his strength. But she didn't talk. There wasn't anything to say. Eventually, he'd had to leave...Odin had called a war council. Thor promised he'd come back as soon as he could. She nodded.
Before he left, Thor brought her a big wooden bowl full of M & M's. It made her smile, a little.
Then he was gone...and Willow read the book that a murderer had given her.
Thor had asked her about it before he left, when he saw her looking at it. It was a small book, about a couple hundred pages, kept in a sturdy ebony chest. The book was bound in soft, worn black leather, and its pages were mostly yellowed, crumbling parchment, with some newer pages glued in here and there, as if the book had been steadily added to over the years. But it still looked old...ancient. In gold lettering on its cover, was the title Apocalypsis. Willow knew it was the Greek name for the Book of Revelation. Thor understood Greek, and the title, and the obvious antiquity of the book, piqued his interest. Something Willow had quickly come to understand about Thor when she first met him was that he was much smarter than people gave him credit for. He just wasn't cunning.
She'd told him the book was just another volume of magic spells, similar to a hundred other dusty old grimoires he had seen her reading, and he said no more on the subject, as he was late for the war council. She knew him: she could tell that he sensed she was keeping something from him. But he was Thor. She knew he wouldn't pry, and he wouldn't try to read the book without her permission.
The book was about Willow. The very first page had a picture of her on it.
The picture was a reproduction of, supposedly, a painting found in a four-thousand year old Egyptian tomb. It depicted Willow, sitting on a golden throne, wearing a beautiful golden crown. The kings of twelve nations knelt at her feet, offering her their crowns.
The caption beneath the picture was a single word: Antichristos. Willow could read Greek, but even if she couldn't, the meaning was obvious.
The picture was her. It looked exactly like her...it was like looking in a mirror.
As she read the book, she discovered that every single word of it was about her. Who she was...what she was meant to do...
A chill went up her spine, when she read the things she was meant to do.
There was another picture in the book, in the last chapter: another reproduction of a painting, this one apparently found in the catacombs beneath an ancient Christian church in Constantinople. It depicted Willow, wearing a crown of snakes this time, passing judgment on all the people of the world. They came before her from all nations in an endless procession, and those who took her mark upon their forehead--the number 666--were permitted to live, while the rest were beheaded. Willow held the bloody axe. In the background, headless bodies lay piled in great heaps, and destroyed cities burned.
"And what is this, that troubles you so?" someone said, and the book was suddenly snatched out of Willow's hand.
"Hey!" she said, and leapt off the bed.
Loki was standing there, in his traveling clothes: mud-caked leather boots, well-worn leather armor topped with chain mail, his cloak of falcon feathers which allowed him to assume any bird's shape, and an iron helm with raven feathers at the sides. He wore a massive black sword engraved with runes of power in a jewel-encrusted scabbard about his waist, and a hunting knife in his belt, and a sturdy iron shield upon his back.
He looked at the book's cover.
"I was reading that!" Willow said. "Give it back!"
Loki held the book up out of Willow's reach, as she tried futilely to snatch it out of his hands.
"'Revelation'," he said. "Hmm. I've never seen this book before, and I'd thought I'd seen every book...or at least, every book of importance. Interesting." He sniffed at it. "This is an old book...eighteen-hundred years, give or take, judging by the smell."
"Give it back! GIVE IT BACK!" Willow shouted, with tears in her eyes now, as Loki opened it to the first page...
"Take hold of yourself, woman," Loki said, and walked away from her. When Willow tried to follow him, she collided with an energy shield, in a flash of black light.
Willow screamed, as she pounded on the energy shield with her balled fists, and it sent off a shower of black sparks. Loki moved to the open window, and leaned back upon the windowsill.
"Keep it up for a few days, you might actually manage to put a dent in it," Loki said, and looked at the first page. "Females," he muttered. "Always hysterical about something."
Willow saw him looking at the first page...the page with her picture on it. He had no expression on his face. Or at least, none that she could read.
"It was...it was mine," Willow whispered, unable to keep the mingled fear and frustration and embarrassment out of her voice, her tears running down her cheeks now, as she finally stopped pounding on the shield. She knew it was useless. It really would take days for her to damage one of Loki's shields in the slightest, no matter what kind of spells she used against it, and that was an optimistic estimate. "You shouldn't have taken it without asking."
"Yes, yes, I'm a terrible scoundrel," Loki said, and started reading. "Have some of those ridiculous chocolate trifles you insist on bringing up here. They always sooth your nerves."
Willow went back to the bed, blushing, and sat with her hands folded in her lap, and looked at the tapestries on the wall. Or tried to...she kept looking back at Loki. Looking for some hint of a reaction, a tilt of his chin, a glint in his eyes...but there was none. He might have been reading a cookbook.
Loki turned a page about every second. He finished the book in less than five minutes.
He stood up. Willow stood up with him.
"Wait, you're done?" Willow said. "But you didn't even read it."
"I read every word," Loki said. "I'm a quick study. It's rubbish."
A white flame appeared in Loki's hand. It consumed the book instantly. Loki sprinkled a small handful of dust to the floor.
"But...but...I needed that," Willow said.
"No you didn't," Loki said. "That book was a lie. I know something of lies, remember."
Willow turned away from him, and sat back down on the bed.
"The stuff in there...it's my life," she said. "Everything I've done. The pictures are me."
"Those paintings weren't very flattering, I'm afraid," Loki said. "They made your hair look terrible. Snakes do not become you, either. And the painter neglected the lovely light in your eyes."
She was still blushing.
He sat beside her, and took her hand.
"Willow," he said. "The book was a lie. You would never do those things."
She wrenched her hand away from him.
"You sure?" she said. "You remember Rome. You were there."
"Aye. You were magnificent."
"Yeah. You would think that."
He stood up, and sighed, and looked down at her. Sometimes her moods could try his patience.
"Do you want to do the things that book said?" he asked.
"No."
"Then don't do them. Mortals forge their destinies, Willow. They aren't written. My brother and I may be bound by what the sagas say, but you most assuredly are not. Now stop carrying on like some hysterical little girl. I came here because I need your help."
"I'm not hysterical," Willow said, and turned toward him, and looked him in the eyes. "And could you stop being a sexist asshole for maybe like one second?"
"A what?" Loki said.
Willow scowled at him. She knew Loki wasn't up on modern vernacular. He would have no idea what the word 'sexist' meant and he would laugh at her if she explained it to him.
"Are you trying to inveigle me with your feminine wiles?" Loki said, and smiled.
"Inveigle?" Willow said, and stood up, and glared at Loki with her hands on her hips. "Inveigle? Nobody says inveigle! You don't know what sexist means but you're all, all, saying inveigle! You ever think maybe the reason people stopped believing in you guys was you never kept up with the times? You all go around saying thee and thou and verily and inveigle and you act like you're all in some big Lord of the Rings movie and you wonder why people stopped fucking bothering with you."
Loki went to the end table by the bed, and picked up the wooden bowl of M&M's. Willow noticed his leather armor still fit him perfectly. She loved him in that armor. She found herself staring, as he bent slightly to pick up the wooden bowl of M&M's. The armor hugged his backside in a most pleasing fashion. She frowned at herself, and turned away before he noticed.
Loki came back to Willow with the bowl of M&M's, picked out a green one, and held it out to her.
"You're being hysterical," he said.
She took it from him, and ate it.
"I'm not being hysterical," she said.
"For the moment," he said. "I need your help."
"Not until you have an M&M first. You need one. 'Cuz you're bein' like, totally hysterical. And a big dumb sexist."
Looking into her eyes, Loki picked an M&M out of the bowl at random; he came up with another green one. He ate it.
"See?" Willow said. "They're good. Chocolate's good." She did the scowly face. "Don't even try to tell me you don't like it. Chocolate's like the awesomest thing ever. Totally more awesome than mutton."
"They are rather sweet, I'll admit," Loki said, in his voice like music, and moved closer to her, and ran his fingers through her hair. "Though not as sweet as some other things I've tasted."
"What things?" Willow found herself whispering, as she thrilled to his voice...to his touch...his scent.
She felt his sorcerous power...it was coming off him in waves, and making her skin tingle...and making her wet. Loki was like a mystical battery: he bristled with power, at all times. And as Willow thrilled to him, as she felt her heart beat faster, her blood racing through her veins, she thought those waves could sweep her away, if she let them...they could carry her far from the safety of the shore, and sweep her out to a raging, black sea...and she might never find her way back...
"Well...there's honeyed mead..." Loki whispered, and moved his lips closer to hers. "Idun's apples...and the goblin clans of Fenrarch make a rather excellent blood pudding..."
"Keep going," Willow said, and traced the curve of his arm, playing her fingers lightly over his bicep. She felt him, becoming erect against her. Which was only fair, she thought, since she was wet as a juicy peach between her legs right then. "And is that your big sword?" she murmured. "Or are you just happy to see me?"
"'Tis my other big sword."
They laughed.
"There was a witch I met, about ten years ago," Loki said, his lips brushing against hers now. "Her lips were sweeter by far than honeyed mead...sweeter even than Idun's apples. Maybe not so sweet as the goblins' blood pudding though...I would need to kiss that girl's lips again, to be certain."
"I'm totally sweeter than goblin blood pudding," Willow murmured.
They kissed.
It was a beautiful kiss, Loki thought; it was like a perfect spring day. Warm, and bright, and it held infinite promise...but it was fleeting. Spring couldn't last forever.
"Aye, in fact I daresay there is nothing sweeter in all the realms," Loki whispered.
They looked into each other's eyes. He caressed her hair. She was trembling; he could feel it.
He remembered the first night he made love to her...she had trembled, just like this.
He kissed her again...
After a moment, she pulled away.
"No," she whispered. "No, we...we can't. Not here, not in his bedroom. And...not anywhere else either."
"You burn for me, woman, I can smell it," Loki snarled, and took her by the hair...but not too roughly. She winced, but she moaned, too, and didn't try to pull away. "Don't lie to me," he whispered. "Don't try to tell me you don't desire me."
"Don't lie to you?" Willow said, and ran her fingers through his long, black hair, and moved her nose to it. She had always loved his hair...she loved the way it smelled. "Kinda, y'know, ironic, coming from the God of Lies, don't ya think?"
He moved his hand to her waist.
She looked up into his eyes.
"I want you," she said. "I always have, you know it, it's not a secret. But I don't trust you, Loki. Yeah, it would be fun sleeping with you. But after we had our fun I'd want more, I'd want more than just a great lay and you won't ever give it to me, will you? We've been down this road before, remember? You can't ever be there for me...you can't ever let down your guard. You lie so much you can't trust anyone."
He still held her by the hair.
"I know what you want," she said. "And I want to give it to you. But if I did, it would be...it would be...empty. And what I really want...you can't ever give me."
She gently moved his hand away from her waist.
"You can't ever love, Loki," she whispered.
He let her go, and walked away from her.
"How very insightful," he said. "So I used you, is that it? I took you like some rutting bull and when I was finished I cast you aside? Is that how you remember it?"
"Something like that," Willow said. "Not saying I didn't have fun. But all you wanted to do was fuck me. You didn't want to love me."
He turned back to her again.
"You think I used you?" Loki said. "Nay, rather the reverse. You sensed my power, witch. You coveted it. You wanted to explore all my dark ways, walk down all those crooked paths, safe with me to guide you, and in so doing plumb thine own depths. I showed you things, dark, beautiful treasures, that my brother could never even conceive of. I was your teacher. And when you judged that you had learned enough from me, when you had gotten what you wanted--or perhaps, when your childish heart became too afraid of the dark--you left. Or had you forgotten? I did not leave you. You left me. And flew straight to my brother's bed."
Willow blushed again.
"Aye, what is it you mortals say?" Loki said, and laughed at her. "The truth hurts."
"I loved you," Willow said. "But you never loved me. I was just...just...some new conquest."
"You loved me? You tried to change me. To make me into my brother. And how do you know I didn't love you? Mayhap I did. Mayhap I still do. Mayhap you should have been with me, not him. All those times you and I fought, all those times you came to Thor's aid against me. Do you really think I tried to kill you, all those times? Are you really so gullible? If I had wanted to kill you, do you think you would even be standing here now?"
"Right, so now you're gonna tell me you were just, what, kiddin' around? Playin' a game with me?"
"I was toughening you up, woman. Preparing you for the challenges to come. I can see the future in my cauldron, remember. I tested your strength, your courage, your mettle. I tempered you. I could have killed you with a mere snap of my fingers in those days. Now, due in great part to my work, it would take considerably more effort. But if we fought now, the outcome, my dove, would never be in doubt, not even for a second."
Willow smiled. But there was no warmth in it.
"Aw, baby," she said. "You think you're all that, huh? But you weren't so confident in Rome."
She moved close to him, and caressed his hair.
"Remember Rome, baby?" she cooed. "I was kickin' your hot little ass in Rome."
Loki took her by the hair again. This time, he hurt her. She winced, but her smile got wider.
"If you had stayed with me, that darkness might not have overtaken you," Loki whispered in her ear, caressing her neck with his lips. "I could have taught you to control it, if you stayed with me. But you didn't. You ran from me...but truly, you ran from yourself."
She moved her hands under his chain mail, and caressed his ass. Then she squeezed his dick, over his trousers. It was hard as a shotgun.
"Maybe we'll get a rematch sometime soon, lover," she purred in his ear.
Then she took his hand from her hair, and walked away from him.
"Now what the fuck do you want?' she said. "You said you needed a favor? This that favor you made me promise you in exchange for finding Faith?"
"Nay, lady, I'm saving that favor for a special occasion," Loki said, frowning down at the uncomfortable bulge in his trousers. "This is just...an accommodation, between friends."
"Remember Boston? You tried to put a fucking collar around my neck. You were gonna make me your slave. If Thor wasn't there, you would've."
She walked back to him, and looked him in the eyes.
"We're not friends," she said. "We were lovers. We fucked. But we weren't ever friends and we never will be. And by the way? Fuck you. Fuck you for trying to put that collar around my neck, you fucking asshole. And you have the fucking nerve to pretend you love me?"
"I suppose I deserved that," he said.
"Yeah, ya think?" she said. "Now tell me what you want. Then leave."
She walked away from him again, and sat back down on the bed.
"I tried to get you to accept that collar because I will need a favor from you, and I wasn't sure you would do it for me," Loki said. "In fact I was certain you wouldn't, but if you were my vassal you would have no choice. After the favor was done, I meant to release you from your servitude."
"Oh, shut up," Willow said. "All you fucking do is lie. What do you want?"
"Doubt me if you wish. I shall ask you for the favor, in time. But now, under the terms of the bargain Thor forced me into, you might not grant the favor...and then there will be unfortunate consequences, for all of us. But that is a problem for another day. For today, I merely require...an accommodation."
"Pretty sure I'm not gonna do shit for you. But tell me what you want anyway. Maybe it'll be good for a laugh."
"Thor, Freyja, and all the rest of the gods are in council with my father, plotting their vengeance against the foul hordes which have despoiled fair Midgard, for the gods have already given up, and they believe vengeance is all that is left to them," Loki said. "But Loki, at least, has not surrendered, nor shall he. Tell me everything you know about this First Evil creature."
"The First Evil? But why? What's the point now?"
Loki's green eyes flashed
"Because I am going to smite that poisonous thing, if the cost is my very life," he said. "I am going to stop it, somehow, and save Midgard...and you, witch, are going to help me."
They were trotting down one of the main thoroughfares of some deserted, blacked-out, burning city, War wasn't sure of its name. It was a small place, more like a village than a city; he saw none of the glorious, soaring monumental structures of glass and steel that he had marveled at in other places. No massive towers shot up into the sky like silver swords, no beautiful, majestic statues brooded in the city's little harbor, holding carved torches aloft, lighting up the night like a beacon. He was in the lead, beside Death; Pestilence and Famine brought up the rear. Soldiers set up behind a barricade of wrecked cars at the far end of the street were trying to hold them off with machine guns. The burning hardware store on the left side of the street provided the only light. By the firelight, War saw dead bodies laying here and there, naked and despoiled, their throats torn out.
It was the same everywhere they went.
The Horsemen hadn't been looking for a fight. The only people they had gone out of their way to attack were those wealthy, corrupt wretches in Los Angeles and Rome, the servants of the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart. After they had utterly destroyed them, the Horsemen had wandered...sometimes separately, sometimes together...and occasionally, soldiers attempted to attack them. The skirmishes were always short. They always ended the same way. Everywhere they went, the Horsemen were a hurricane: they fell upon any who rose up against them with terrible ferocity and swept them away like so many dead leaves. No one could fight them, a bare few even dared.
It was strange, War thought, that they wandered so; aimlessly, and without apparent purpose. They had crisscrossed the entire world, explored destroyed cities, smelled the rotting corpses of millions of dead, watched as the vampires and demons irresistibly tightened their grip on this doomed world. They witnessed endless atrocities being committed, and lifted not a finger to help. All they did was watch. They didn't act...they merely wandered, bearing witness, as the blighted world fell ever deeper into darkness and despair. Even Death seemed to be waiting, War thought...waiting for some sign...
The day before, in a little flooded fishing village in Malaysia littered with bloated, drowned corpses, War had asked Death what they were doing, where the were going...if there was a plan for them...if they had a purpose in the world now, beyond their mere presence.
"Everything is part of the grand design," Death had answered. "Nothing can be done out of Her hand."
War had pondered well the cryptic words, but he was no closer to deciphering their mystery. All he knew was that he was sick of dead bodies, sick of watching vampires loping about like packs of wolves, laughing and celebrating their cowardly, barbarous acts...sick of watching, and doing nothing...sick of bearing mute witness to the death of a world.
The worst part of it was, no one was fighting back. The paltry resistance they had encountered in their travels was a mere handful of people, already beaten down and despairing, one foot in the grave. Humanity was cowed. The few brave souls who weren't were cut down, either by the vampires or by them. Humanity was hiding, waiting like sheep for death to come.
The bullets bounced off the Horsemen and their steeds now without any effect. But the soldiers held their ground. They were brave, War thought. They just weren't smart.
"Fools," Death said, as he trotted his steed forward, ever forward, unconcerned. "Don't they know me? Can't they see?"
And Death raised his terrible scythe, and his great black horse reared up on its hind legs...
War watched the soldiers.
"Retreat," War whispered.
Death spurred his horse, and galloped straight for the soldiers, swift and cold as the north wind. Pestilence and Famine were laughing. War still watched the soldiers.
"Retreat, goddamn it," War said.
The soldiers kept firing, with no effect. Death was almost upon them now...
"Death am I!" Death roared, in that terrible voice like spirits moaning beneath the earth. "And you will all know me!"
"Retreat...retreat...!
...And with two sweeps of Death's scythe, the soldiers were all dead.
In the silence that followed, Pestilence and Famine chuckled. War bowed his head. Death rode back to him.
"You are quiet, brother," Death said. "Moreso than usual."
"What would you have me say?" War asked.
"I would have you celebrate! Exult in our triumph! We are doing our sacred work! Look around you! Are you not War? Do you not live for war?"
"This ain't war. It's a damned slaughter."
"Perhaps if some of those fools had piety in their souls they might have been suffered to live awhile longer."
"They had courage, you vulture. Something you wouldn't understand."
Death stared at War for a long moment. And War met that terrible gaze, unflinching.
"Now, now, children," Famine said, and chuckled again. "No fighting. Plenty of that out there, if you want. This world isn't quite dead yet."
War spurred his horse, and rode away.
"Where the devil are you off to now?" Pestilence called after him. "You never stay still. You're like a damned hare."
"Maybe I'll just go and see if what the old man said is true," War called back, over his shoulder. "See if this world's got any fight left. I've had my fill of slaughterhouses, and of you three rattlesnakes besides."
"War," Death said.
War checked his horse, and looked back over his shoulder.
"Nothing can be done out of Her hand," Death said.
"You do like to hear yourself talk, don't you?" War said. "But maybe you could start tryin' to talk straight for once, instead of actin' so damned high and mighty."
"You'll see my meaning, soon enough," Death said.
"I reckon that'll be a welcome surprise," War said, and spurred his great white horse, and galloped into the sky like a shooting star...
"Now what?" Tara said.
They had put the food away. They sat in what passed for Angel's kitchen--in actuality it looked like it was supposed to be a living room, but he kept the refrigerator and a microwave oven and a good-sized table and chairs in there, so it sufficed--and ate Twinkies by candlelight. The power was still on, but Angel didn't have any lights in this room.
"Now we do what we said," Faith said. "We take some time. To mourn. To think through some stuff. To get some sleep too. We'll have meetings, we'll talk this thing out. Today's Thursday, the First shows up Sunday morning. Just before it does, we'll take a vote."
"How do we vote?" Willow said. "I mean, think about it. What if it isn't unanimous either way? Say like if two of us wanted to take the deal and two didn't, then what?"
"Good question," Faith said. "One thing we need to keep in mind, the First doesn't want to kill any of us. Cordy, maybe Angel too, would both be screwed if we say no to the deal. But we get to live no matter what. So we're not voting to save ourselves here. We're not taking this deal for us, if we take it. We're taking it for everybody else. Either way, assuming we can trust the First and assuming it doesn't change its mind, the four of us are gonna survive this."
Buffy giggled. Everyone looked at her.
Buffy hadn't spoken after the First left them in the supermarket. She had helped with the food, and she hadn't said a word.
"It's funny," Buffy said. "We're doing this for Cordy. She'll be killed eventually if we refuse the First's offer. If we take this deal, we're doing it for Cordy."
"And on that note, I'm gonna get some sleep," Willow said, and shook her head, and got up. "I don't know what's gonna feel worse, sacrificing all my principles and joining the bad guys, or knowing I'm doing it to save Cordy."
Faith took Willow's hand. "You leanin' toward taking the deal, Will?"
Buffy watched them together.
"Not just leaning, sweetie," Willow said, and caressed Faith's hand, and smiled down at her. But it was a tired smile. "I'm voting yes."
Tara sat up straight. "You...you are?" she said. Her face was pale.
"Unless you've got some super-awesome plan for defeating every single vampire in the world," Willow said. "We're not just fighting the First here. And even if we took it down somehow, so what? The vampires are the real problem. They're everywhere and without the sun to stop them, they win. And here's another thing no one's considered. How long do you think the world can go without the sun? All the plants will die, that will start a chain reaction. Eventually the whole ecosystem will collapse. Crops, animals, everything. Everyone would starve to death, or maybe freeze to death. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Even if we somehow killed all the vampires in the world, and all the demons the First probably has working for it too, and we somehow even took out the First itself, unless we bring the sun back, none of it matters. Everybody dies anyway. And now I need some cocoa, because I'm really depressed now. Where the hell does he keep the stove? In the attic?"
And with that, she walked out of the room.
"Okay...she's, uh...kinda got a point," Faith said. "Definitely some stuff to think about."
"Faith...are you...are you thinking about taking the deal too?" Tara said.
"Haven't decided," Faith said. "But...I'm on the fence."
"You don't want to, do you Tara?" Buffy said. "You want to fight."
"Yeah," Tara said.
Buffy took her hand.
"I respect that, Tara," Buffy said. "I don't hold it against you at all."
"Tara, if me and B and Will all vote yes, there's gonna be some conditions," Faith said. "Condition one is you never get hurt, you get to be one of the survivors. Condition two is, even if you try to attack the First on your own, try to screw up its plan, we'll never help it to capture you, and you can never be hurt."
"Sure, so, it'll just send a bunch of vampires to capture me and tie me up somewhere until everyone's dead," Tara said. "Maybe you guys can take turns watching me, huh? Make sure I don't escape. Y'know, for my own good. So I won't get hurt out there."
Tara shook her head, and got up, and pulled her hand away from Buffy's.
"Tara," Faith said. "Honey...it's not like that."
"I'm goin' to bed," Tara said, and walked out of the room.
"She's got a point, y'know," Buffy said, when Tara was out of earshot. "That's how it might happen. She goes off on her own and for her own good we capture her ourselves because we wouldn't trust the vampires not to hurt her, and then we stash her someplace, and never let her leave. We'll have conditions if we take this deal, you think the First won't have conditions too? If Tara's gonna be out there trying to find some magic solution to all this, maybe with Angel protecting her, maybe the First will tell us we have to help capture her. Maybe it really would make us guard her. Maybe it would figure she's our mess, we have to clean it up."
Faith took Buffy's hand.
"Not exactly the gig I signed up for," Faith said. "Surrendering. Fightin, yeah. Dyin' too. Dyin' for what's right, dyin' to protect people. It's what Becca always told me and I was fine with all that stuff. But this...this wasn't supposed to be the gig."
"No," Buffy said. "It wasn't."
Buffy stood up, and walked away from Faith, and leaned against the refrigerator.
Faith didn't notice. She was thinking about a day, only six months before, when Rebecca had told her that she would beat the odds and live to a ripe old age...because Rebecca was going to make her the greatest Slayer that ever lived.
Faith thought she would be living to a ripe old age...but this wasn't how she had envisioned it.
And she knew Rebecca would be ashamed of her now.
"So," Buffy said. "What's the Willow report for today?"
"Huh?" Faith said, and looked up.
"Y'know, how I smell her on you every day now, every second, all the time," Buffy said. "Every day you guys do something else, right? It's not quite cheating on me, you aren't letting her fuck you, you're not taking it that far. But it's still bad enough that you have to feel guilty, and give me a teary-eyed confession, right? So I figure, since you're just gonna keep doing this, and since I love you and I can't live without you, you should just give me like, a daily report. So what was it today? Kissing, hugging? Looking into each other's eyes, and confessing your undying love for each other?"
Faith stood up. She took Buffy's hand. She caressed Buffy's hair. Buffy looked away from her.
"Buffy," Faith said. "You're my girl. I don't want--"
Buffy slapped her hand away.
"Don't fucking insult my intelligence," Buffy said, and stormed away from her. "I'm going to bed. You can have Angel's room. I'll find someplace else."
Willow sat on the bed, and looked at the tapestries. Her eyes settled on the one she liked least...the one that always sent a chill up her spine.
It depicted Loki's son, the terrible wolf Fenrir, bursting his bonds and marauding through Asgard, killing the gods, while his brother Jormungand, the gigantic serpent who circled the entire Earth, finally woke from his long slumber under the sea, and arose to swallow the sun, at the end of the world...
"You think maybe Ragnarok already happened, and we just kinda didn't notice?" Willow said. "The sun's gone, in 2009, because we lost that battle in 1998. Maybe Jormungand swallowed it. Maybe this is Ragnarok."
"I assure you, it is not," Loki said. "When Jormungand arises, my brother will be there, waiting. Now stop talking nonsense, will you? Help me."
"Maybe Ragnarok doesn't go the way you think," Willow said, still not looking at him. She was looking now at the one tapestry that didn't fit with the others...the one that depicted her, when she was much younger...barely more than a girl. When she was arrogant enough to believe she would always find a way to save the world...
That Willow sat cross-legged under Yggdrasil, the great ash tree that was the pillar of the universe. She was meditating, with her hands held out at her sides: in one hand she held Asgard, and in the other hand she held the Earth.
Willow always wondered what it meant...why the artist had chosen that particular image. Why that Willow held Asgard, and the world, in her hands. When she asked Thor about it, he merely said something about an artist's muse being for the artist alone to understand, and left it at that. But Willow knew Thor had commissioned the tapestry: the artist had owed him a great debt, because Thor had saved his daughter's life during a time when some of the outlying districts of Asgard had fallen prey to the depredations of roaming bands of goblins from the clans of Fenrarch. The goblins would creep out of the woods bordering Asgard's territory to the north, swift as hawks and stealthy as cats, forming raiding parties by night. They carried people off to their silver mines, to work until they died, and most had never been seen again, for the goblin clans lived far beneath the earth like burrowing worms and the secret ways of their hidden lairs were dark, treacherous labyrinths, teeming with deadly traps of infinite cunning to greet any unwary invader. But Thor had sought those goblins out, and though it took him two months, he found their hidden lair, and dared their black, treacherous labyrinths, and survived their deadly, clever traps, and brought that girl home to her father. And he killed six-hundred and forty-two goblins while he was at it, and so put and end to the raiding parties.
Willow knew, because she had gone with him. She was the one who had disarmed all the traps, and cast the light spell which allowed Thor to see his way clear through those seemingly endless, maze-like tunnels of stone. Thor handled the goblins.
"Ragnarok will go exactly as I think," Loki said, pacing about the room now. Willow knew he was scheming: Loki always paced when he schemed. "The play's the thing, isn't that what you mortals say? Ragnarok must go as the sagas tell. Now stop trying my patience, woman! What do you know about this First Evil? Leave out no detail, no matter how trivial."
Willow sighed. There was no reason to bother with this...but she supposed it was better than sitting there and doing nothing.
"It couldn't touch anything, it was incorporeal," Willow said. "But it controlled just about every vampire and demon in the world."
"Just about?" Loki said.
"Well, Angel wasn't under its control, and I'm pretty sure Drusilla wasn't. But every other vampire we met was. It sent demons at us too. It always said it controlled all the vamps and the demons, and nothing I saw contradicted that. It always had all its wolf vamps around it all the time, plus there were like a zillion regular vamps that--"
Loki stopped pacing. "Hold a moment," he said. "Wolf vampires? What are you talking about?"
"These guys called...let me think...the Vigil of Saint...Saint...Vicious? No...wait. I know this, I know this...Vigeous. Yeah, the Vigil of Saint Vigeous. They were like this vamp cult that had been around like forever and they did some kind of magic or something so they all looked kinda like wolves...snout noses, pointed ears, and they were tougher than regular vampires too. Oh yeah, plus they all had these ouroboros tattoos on their wrists."
"An ouroboros? That is a symbol of my son, Jormungand. Wait, wait..." He began pacing again. "I remember...Fenrir mentioning something to me...about a vampire who prayed to him for strength...."
"Y'know..." Willow said, and stood up. She was pacing now, too. "When this all first happened, the first time we ran into those Vigil guys? The wolf mutations, the ouroboros...I said then that it almost seemed like there was some kinda Norse Gods connection. Those wolf mutations had to be magic, vamps mutate but all the Vigil guys had the exact same mutations, they couldn't have been natural. And...I remember Giles saying Vigeous was Northern European. He coulda believed in you guys."
Loki smiled. "And you say these wolf-shaped vampires were close to the First?"
"Yeah. They were like its personal guard."
"I cannot speak to my son, as he is bound by Gleipnir and he currently has a sword thrust through his mouth so that he may not use his fangs. But--"
"Did you guys really make Gleipnir the way the sagas say?"
"Of course. The sagas do not lie."
"So it's a ribbon made from the sound of a cat's footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, a bear's sinews, fish breath and bird spit. Seriously?"
"Aye."
"And that's gonna hold a wolf who's like as big as a skyscraper."
"Until the day he kills us all," Loki said. "As the sagas say. But before he was captured, some people prayed to him...I remember it always amused him, to receive their prayers. And apparently sometimes he granted them."
"Maybe, but how can we be sure? And even if so, so what?"
"We can be certain when I summon one of those wolf-faced wretches here. If my son's mark is on him I'll smell it. And mayhap, if this Vigil of Saint Vigeous was as close to the First as you say, one of them can tell us something of interest."
"Summon one here? How? We don't even know if there are any left in 2009."
"Nay, I want one from the time of the battle itself, in 1998. I want the First and all its secrets to be fresh in its mind."
"Well you can't time travel anymore so I guess...maybe me and Thor could go back to 1998 and grab one?"
"Nay, I've a quicker way. I can't go to them, but I can bring them to me. You've met them before. Think back. See one in your mind."
"Okay...but..." Willow said. "How does that...?"
Loki snapped his fingers.
A vampire was suddenly standing in front of them. And Loki was a woman now.
"Um..." Willow said.
"What...?" the vampire, definitely a member of the Vigil of Saint Vigeous judging from his snout, his pointed ears and his red eyes, snarled. He also had the tattoo on his wrist, Willow noticed. "How did I get here? What is this place?!"
The vampire collided with an energy shield, which thundered in black sparks in front of him, and fell to the floor, growling.
Loki smiled. She was tall, with long, thick, raven-black hair, big, bright green eyes with long lashes, a strong, athletic body with perfectly round breasts, and very long, very shapely legs with wide hips. And a beautiful smile.
Loki made a gorgeous woman, Willow thought. Loki was even more alluring in this form than he was as a male, and he was already plenty alluring as a male.
Willow sighed. It always annoyed her when Loki became a woman.
"No, my handsome wolf," Loki said, and dissipated the energy shield with a wave of her hand. Her voice was still music...it still made Willow's heart skip a beat. But now the effect was magnified. As Loki passed by her, Willow caught the scent of her hair. Loki's hair smelled like apples. And she also had the most amazing ass Willow had ever seen, and the leather trousers fit it just right.
"Who...who are you?" the wolf vampire whispered, as he stood up, and Loki put her hands on his shoulders, and gently held him still.
"I am Loki," Loki said. "I am the mother of Fenrir, the wolf who blessed you with his strength...and his comely features."
"Master!" the vampire simpered, and immediately knelt before Loki. "Forgive me, I did not recognize you in this beauteous shape."
"Have we met, my wolf?" Loki said, looking down at the prostrate vampire, and caressing his hair.
"No, master," the vampire said. "But Fenrir told me we would someday...that, some far off day, you would summon me--me alone--and require a service of me."
Loki looked into the vampire's eyes, and took his hand, and raised him up to his feet. "Aye, and so I have, and so I do," she whispered, and kissed him.
Willow found herself blushing. She felt exactly like she had that time when she was with Xander in Health class in ninth grade and they played that movie about sexual reproduction. Except with vampires and a Norse God.
The kiss was long, and passionate. The vampire purred. When Loki was done with the kiss, the vampire was swaying, as if a good breeze might topple him.
"I captured you with a kiss, my love," Loki whispered in his ear, as she held the vampire in her arms, and he swayed.
Then she looked back at Willow, and smiled again.
"And you didn't want my collar about your neck," Loki chided her. "Shortsighted girl. You could've had so much fun."
Willow frowned at Loki, and tried not to blush, and blushed even harder. Loki turned back to the vampire.
"What is your name, child?" Loki said.
"Sigrunn, master," the vampire said. "You honor me by asking."
"You are very beautiful, Sigrunn," Loki said. "Aye, you are wondrous fair. But I do not have time for lovemaking now..." She caressed the vampire's cheek. "A pity. But I have questions. And you shall answer them."
"My life for you," the vampire said, and knelt in front of Loki again.
"I do so cherish a vassal who knows his place," Loki said. "Now. Tell me everything you know...about the First Evil."
"You don't trust me," Faith said.
She sat in the dark, on the edge of the mattress Buffy was using as a bed, in a drafty little stone room with one window. Angel had never used the room for anything; it had been empty. There was enough space for the mattress, and a little wooden table Buffy had brought in, and not much else.
"I didn't say that," Buffy said. She was stretched out on the little mattress, under two comforters and a blanket. The weather outside was becoming steadily colder and Angel's house never had much in the way of heat.
"Sounded like it to me," Faith said. "I love you. Do you love me?"
"Yeah. Obviously. Anyone else would've dumped you. So what's the Willow report?"
"Kissed. Hugged. Said we love each other."
Buffy nodded. The darkness in that room was absolute. Buffy had brought in one of those antique oil lamps Angel was fond of, but she hadn't lit it. Neither of them minded. They both liked it better this way.
"Are you leaving me?" Buffy said.
"Nope," Faith said. "Are you leaving me?"
"No."
They sat in the dark.
"Did you let her fuck you?" Buffy said. Her voice echoed. It sounded too loud. The word sounded too harsh.
"No. But you're not asking it the right way. You're asking it like she was trying to take advantage of me. She wasn't. Can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah."
"If you had to choose between me not trusting you, or telling me something that would make me trust you again, but it would hurt my feelings, which one would you choose?"
"The truth," Buffy said.
"There's a reason for all this stuff between me and Willow and it isn't what you think it is," Faith said. "Believe me, it isn't. But when you hear the reason...I'm...I'm afraid..."
Buffy heard it in Faith's voice: she was crying now.
"I'm afraid...you'll leave me," Faith whispered.
"I'll never leave you," Buffy said. "Get over here."
Faith found her in the dark, by scent. Buffy lifted the comforters and the blanket, and held out her arms. Faith curled up in them.
"Is this better, baby?" Buffy said.
Faith nodded.
Buffy kissed her.
"Tell me," Buffy said. "The truth, no matter how hard it is."
"You gotta promise you won't leave me," Faith whispered. She was trembling. Buffy held her close. "Will and I didn't make love but...this will still hurt and you gotta promise you won't leave."
"I won't ever leave you," Buffy said. "Even if you and her did have sex, as long as you never did it again I'd find a way to get past it and I wouldn't leave you. But it feels like you're leaving me, Faith. Like you're leaving me for her, a little bit at a time."
"I'm not."
"I guess we'll see. And by the way? I'm not promising I won't get angry. And I'm not promising I'll let this little arrangement between you and Willow stand. Today was the last Willow report. If I ever get another one..."
Buffy took Faith by the hair, and looked down into her eyes. Somehow, even though it was dark in there, Buffy's eyes had a light in them.
"I'll never let you see her again," Buffy whispered. "Remember what I told you, the night I took you? If anyone ever tries to take you away from me, I'll kill them? I wasn't kidding. I couldn't ever hurt Willow, but I can sure as hell make sure you never see her again. And I mean for real. I'll move us both away from here. I'll move us to fucking Cleveland if I have to, they have a Hellmouth there. Either that or I'll convince Willow to leave Sunnydale and take one of those scholarships to Harvard or wherever. I won't kill Willow but I'll kill what the two of you have because you'll never see her again, not even for a second."
"You don't...have to do that," Faith whispered.
"I will. Whatever I have to do, however it has to be, if I ever get another Willow report you'll never see her again as long as you fucking live. Either that or you and I are through. You love her? You want her in your life? You want her to be your auntie? Then make fucking sure you never kiss her again. Or either she's out of your life, or I am. Now tell me what you have to tell me."
It had started raining, coming down in relentless, icy sheets; War's horse plodded through it, dispirited, its head bowed.
The little city wasn't deserted yet; all around him, War saw marauding bands of vampires hunting for prey, and occasionally finding it.
He hadn't gone far, when he left the other Horsemen. He'd ended up on the other side of the city...watching, and wandering. Bearing witness. And doing nothing.
He halted in front of a little park, by an engraved stone mural. It was a Civil War mural, commemorating the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry, and its courageous service at the Battle of Gettysburg. He looked at the mural for a long while. He didn't know what else to do, but wander...and he didn't want to wander anymore.
He was War, and he existed to inspire men to great deeds, to fan the flames of their courage...but no one was willing to fight anymore. He felt them all...all his warriors, all his soldiers...he heard the thoughts and the prayers of every last one of them. Tens of millions, around the world...and they were all cowed. Nearly all of them had given up.
There was nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Everywhere he went, it was the same. Humanity was beaten already. They huddled shivering in the dark like a pack of whipped dogs.
War rode into the park. His horse sniffed at the grass, opened its mouth as if to graze, then stopped.
"A long time, eh, Lightning?" War said. "A long time since you could taste the grass. I know, partner. Guess that's another apology I owe you."
He caressed Lightning's white mane.
"Long time since either of us was alive," War said.
The icy rain kept coming. But War didn't feel the cold. That had been taken away from him, along with everything else, when he was chosen for this...when he died, but was not permitted to rest...instead, he was cursed: cursed to ride endlessly, to witness death after death after death...to see, firsthand, humanity's savagery.
But he saw their courage too. He hadn't died very long before, when he was alive he had fought in the very same war as the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry, but his calling, his curse, was timeless. A man born in 1830, he had nevertheless seen the American Revolution. He was there, in Lexington, Massachusetts, on a bright, windy April day fifty-five years before his own birth, when a colonial farmer dressed in rags, a boy no older than sixteen who had gone off to join the local militia, dared to aim his musket square at the greatest professional army on Earth. Those farmers shouldn't have won, they had no hope of victory: ill-equipped, undisciplined, hardly trained at all, not one of them a real soldier...yet they fought on anyway...they refused to acknowledge the constraints that had been forced upon them, refused to compromise, to accede, to capitulate, to bow down...refused to play the role some distant monarch had assigned to them. They refused to surrender, even before an unbeatable foe. Instead, they declared a revolution.
War wondered where men like that were now. They seemed to have vanished from the world. And he pondered the meaning of Death's cryptic words...
Nothing can be done out of Her hand.
He had seen Rome fall, had witnessed firsthand the battle of Thermopylae, had seen Alexander, Hannibal, Charlemagne, Napoleon, Hitler...he had seen the very best of mankind, and the worst...but this was the end of it. There would be no more great battles, no more glory...no more feats of unsung valor, of selfless sacrifice, of quiet compassion...no more revolutions. The world was ending, as it was meant to...as the Goddess who created it all had decreed. And nothing could be done...
All War had ever done was watch. He was watching now. Playing the role that had been assigned to him...ushering the world to its end.
He watched...as two vampires chased a ragged group of people through the park, not fifty feet away. The people were screaming...
The vampires paid no attention to him. Their bestial instincts made them more clever than the mortal soldiers who persisted in their doomed efforts to attack him and his fellows, he thought. The vampires had realized that the Horsemen would leave them unmolested as they raped and butchered and murdered and devoured people, so they didn't waste their time or deplete their numbers in pointless, suicidal skirmishes with the Horsemen. They ignored the Horsemen, as if they weren't even there.
When War was a boy named Nathaniel, a long time ago in Tennessee, he had been ignored, once. A gang of ruffians, teenage boys a few years older than him with no manners, and no sense of decency, were bothering an old man of his acquaintance. Nathaniel had liked that old man; he ran the general store and he always gave Nathaniel an extra piece of candy when he came into town to buy supplies for his mother. The boys tripped the old man when he came out of the store one bright Sunday morning, dressed in his best Sunday clothes, heading out to church. The old man fell in the mud. The boys knew Nathaniel was fond of the old man, but they didn't think Nathaniel was anyone of consequence and his presence there didn't stop them from pointing at the old man and laughing at him as he laid there in the mud...
Nathaniel taught those ruffians that they ignored him at their peril.
War heard a scream: this one had a different tenor than the rest. He looked up.
The two vampires had cornered someone in the park...
A little girl.
War had been riding for two days. He had been all around the world in that time, and he hadn't seen a child, not a single one, since the day this had all started.
All the children were being taken...taken away from this doomed world, spared the suffering their parents had to endure. The Goddess didn't want the children to suffer.
Why had this one been left behind?
The vampires were laughing. The girl couldn't have been more than five or six years old, War thought. She had sandy brown hair plastered down around her face by the rain, and big, brown eyes, and freckles, and a little button of a nose...just like another girl he had once known. She was crying, and shaking. She was surrounded by dead bodies.
War knew the vampires were aware of him. But they weren't looking at him...they didn't think he was anyone of consequence.
They were ignoring him.
As he listened to the poor child's screams...as he watched the vampires taunting her, stretching out the moment, laughing at her fear...a new thought entered War's mind...
A revolutionary thought.
Here, finally, was something to do.
As the two vampires leaped in for the kill like slavering wolves, there was a flash of light, and they were both suddenly beheaded in mid-air. The vampires turned to dust, and sprinkled to the grass like pepper from a pepper shaker.
Where the vampires had stood, War sat now, astride his great white horse, his gleaming sword in his hand.
War sheathed the sword, and looked down at the girl from atop his steed. She looked back at him...scared out of her wits, he knew. She was unable to scream, or even to move...she stood there in the rain like she had been turned to stone.
"You don't...you don't have to be afraid," War said.
He dismounted, and crouched down in front of her, and held out his hand. His hand shook a little.
She looked just like her, War thought...just like his Katie. The resemblance was uncanny. It was as if she had been returned to him, somehow...
"Please," War said. "You don't have to be afraid. What's your name?"
She shrank away from him.
War thought back to his lovely Katie...it had been a long time and he was a bit out of practice, but he knew how to talk to frightened little girls. Katie used to be afraid of the dark, and monsters that might creep in through her bedroom window. War was thankful she hadn't lived to see this day...when the monsters really had crept in.
"Well my name's Nathaniel," War said. "And this big fella here, his name's Lightning."
"Lightning?" the girl whispered, looking at War's horse. War knew all little girls loved horses. It was as sure a thing as death and taxes. Surer, in fact, since he was proof that death didn't always make good on its claims.
"He belonged to a little girl I used to know," War said. "She's the one named him. They used to go riding together all the time. Quick as the wind, he is."
"He's pretty," the girl said, her voice a little louder this time, a little less scared. She moved closer to the horse, admiring its beauty. Only its black eyes showed that the horse was dead.
"You can pet him if you want. He won't mind."
Tentatively, she reached up and stroked Lightning's white mane.
"You got him at a bit of a disadvantage though," War said. "You know his name, but he don't know yours. Now that ain't too polite, is it?"
"I'm Annabelle," the girl said.
War stood up, and bowed with an exaggerated flourish. "Pleased to meet you, ma'am."
Annabelle smiled. War knelt down in front of her again.
"I know I look scary," he said. "I know you're afraid. But I want to help you, Annabelle. Where are your Momma and Daddy?"
Annabelle looked down at the ground, at the bodies all around her, and started to cry.
"The bad men got them," she whispered. "We were all running but then the bad men got Mommy and Daddy and then Mister and Mrs. Bartlett took me with them but now the bad men got them too."
"Then let me and Lightning take you somewhere safe," War said. "It's dangerous out here."
He reached out to her again. His hand still shook.
"Please?" he said.
Faith sat at the table in the room Angel used as a kitchen, and cried.
She'd told Buffy everything. She'd told Buffy about how a Willow from the future had found her, in the past...how they had become lovers...
It only made things worse.
Buffy trusted her now. But she wasn't sure anymore if Faith loved her as much as she loved Willow. She wasn't even sure if Faith should.
"Maybe you should be with her," was the first thing Buffy said, when Faith told her.
And when Faith had then reminded Buffy, with tears in her eyes, that she had promised not to leave her, Buffy had said, "Yeah. But you never promised not to leave me. And maybe you should."
After that, Buffy said she needed to be alone, that night. And Faith had left.
Faith had tried to sleep, but she couldn't. So she had wandered through Angel's mansion instead--her mansion now--exploring all the rooms. It was bigger than she had thought. But it was almost entirely empty, and quiet, and cold. There were dozens of rooms, like little stone boxes. The place was dark. Hardly any of the rooms had windows...light never reached them.
Faith remembered the house on Commonwealth Avenue...it was always full of sunlight. It was gone now...destroyed.
The life Faith had with Willow was gone now, too...destroyed, just as completely.
Faith had made tea. Rebecca had gotten her into the habit: Earl Grey tea with honey and milk.
That was about six hours ago. She had been sitting in the kitchen, crying and drinking tea, ever since.
The house had smelled like vampire, when Faith had first entered it. That was only a day ago. But already, Buffy's scent had taken over...the house smelled like Buffy now.
Suddenly, there was a new scent: ginger. And incense.
"Hey," Tara said
"Hey," Faith said, and quickly wiped her tears away.
Faith turned around. Tara was in her nightgown, carrying an incense candle. The room was dark. The whole house was dark, in fact: there were hardly any lights, and hardly any windows to speak of either.
"Couldn't sleep?" Tara said.
Faith shook her head.
Tara sat next to Faith, and put the candle on the table.
She saw the tears in Faith's eyes.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Tara said, and took her hand.
"In 1997 Willow from the future saved my life and then we stayed together in Boston for six months and became lovers and we were gonna get married someday," Faith said. "Then one day she erased my memory and took off. I just remembered it all again today."
"Um..." Tara said.
"You asked," Faith said.
"Okay, yeah...I did ask. Um...I'm gonna need a minute here."
Faith nodded. "Want some tea?"
"Actually a rum and coke would be better," Tara said, and got up, went to the refrigerator, and took out a can of coke. Then she went to the bookcase that Angel had used to display a collection of old maps, and which she and Buffy had decided would be the liquor cabinet--the world was ending and since they were going to be spending the next three days debating whether or not to throw in with the evil immortal creature that had already caused the deaths of fifteen million people, Tara and Buffy had decided liquor would be important--and took down a bottle of Bacardi rum and two glasses.
Faith watched her. The candle made Tara's blue eyes shine like two glimmering aquamarines. In the candlelight, Tara's beauty seemed incandescent...ethereal...otherworldly. Like she was a messenger from some dream world...like she was a door, leading to new places.
Tara had a bracelet around her wrist that Faith had never seen before.
She came back to the table, and sat close to Faith.
"Want some?" she said.
"Nah, got tea," Faith said. "Too many bad memories of booze anyway."
"What kind of tea?"
"Earl Grey. Becca got me into it."
"Earl Grey makes a nice mix with rum," Tara said, and poured a splash into Faith's teacup. Then she made herself a drink.
Faith sipped the tea. It did make a nice mix with rum.
"Um...yeah so...tabling the whole completely insane Future Willow/Faith time-travel romance discussion for a minute?" Tara said. "Um...I made you something."
"You made me something?"
Tara took off her bracelet. It was meticulously knotted from some sort of colored thread, rather like macramé, and as Faith looked closely at it she saw there were dozens of threads...the bracelet was thick and strong. The threads were colored gold, green, light blue and white, and they had been knotted so that the bracelet displayed a pattern of interlocking pentagrams. It was beautiful. Tara's spicy scent was strong on it. That made it even more beautiful.
"You...made this? For me?" Faith said.
Tara smiled. But she looked a little nervous, and her scent had changed, too. Not scared, exactly...just anxious. Like she had butterflies in her stomach.
"It's, um, a f-friendship bracelet," Tara said. She blinked a lot when she said it, Faith noticed. And her hand trembled a little as she held the bracelet out to her. "I just found out it was your b-birthday on Saturday and I couldn't sleep at all either so I've been staying up making this for you...I m-m-made it from like these magic embroidery threads, that hold blessings forever. I put blessings on it, healing words. It will guide the wearer out of danger, and protect them from harm. It's...um...a s-symbol of...of...how you're, you're my friend and...no matter what...you'll always be my friend. It's...maybe kinda goofy I guess."
Faith took the bracelet, and put it on her right wrist, and started crying again.
"It's beautiful, Tara, thank you," Faith whispered.
Tara hugged her.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry," she said. "You told Buffy, didn't you?"
Faith nodded.
"Willow too?"
Faith nodded.
"This is why...you and Willow, the stuff that's been going on...what Buffy sorta sensed."
"Yeah," Faith said.
"I'm not gonna ask this as a question, I'm gonna say it as like a statement, because I'm sure of it, sweetie," Tara said. "You didn't cheat on Buffy."
Faith shook her head. "Me and Will, we kissed and stuff and...saw each other naked. I was tempted, I wanted her, but I didn't know why at first, didn't know about the memories until me and Will went to the Wal-Mart. But we didn't go all the way, didn't do anything else. We didn't make love. But we hug a lot and Buffy smells her on me and..."
"What happened when you told Buffy?"
"She says she won't leave me but she needs time to think. But...she said...she said maybe...I should leave her. She said maybe I wanna be with Will more than her."
Faith was looking down at her teacup, crying.
Tara caressed her cheek, and turned her head toward her, and looked into her eyes.
"Do you?" Tara whispered.
Faith looked down at her teacup again.
"Sweetie, I know this is hard," Tara said. "But love is always hard. The important stuff is always hard. And you have to make a hard decision now. Who do you want to be with?"
"Buffy," Faith said. "You still votin' yes?"
"Yeah," Buffy said.
"Will?" Faith said.
"Yeah," Willow said.
"Tara?" Faith said.
"I'm...um...on the fence," Tara said.
They were sixteen hours into their three day cease-fire, according to the three-hundred year old French grandfather clock in the corner of the cavernous stone gallery that they were using as a living room. The room was big and it had a window, and a television with a cable hookup too, so they had decided it was the living room. They brought in a couch and three chairs from around the mansion, and a lot of candles because there wasn't a light in there either, and they found an old wooden table Angel kept in a closet and used it as a coffee table. A rug would have been nice, but Angel didn't really have rugs. He had tapestries on some of the walls, and one especially grand tapestry in that room, but hardly any rugs at all. Faith thought that was strange, but Angel was just strange.
Faith sat on the couch, next to Buffy. Willow sat in one of the rocking chairs by the window, and Tara sat in the other rocking chair near the grandfather clock. The clock was too loud. Its pendulum sounded like there was a little elf hammering nails in there and its chime--a melody that Buffy said Angel had told her was something called Whittington chimes--went off every fifteen minutes. Faith thought the chimes were nice; they were pleasant, soothing. The first few times. Now she wanted to put her fist through the clock every fifteen minutes.
Buffy reeked of alcohol. Even without her Slayer nose, Faith would have been able to smell it. Buffy's face was pale, with black bags under her eyes, and she looked hung over.
"What about you?" Willow said.
"On the fence," Faith said.
"Becca?" Willow said.
"Yeah," Faith said.
"Sweetie, I wish there was a way out of this, a way to fight like Becca would've wanted us to," Willow said, and stood up, and began pacing. She noticed that Buffy and Faith weren't sitting as close together as they usually did, and Buffy wasn't touching Faith at all. Every time Willow had seen them together, Buffy had been touching Faith...holding her hand, caressing her hair, rubbing her knee. But not now. "If there was, if we could come up with any kind of plan, I'd be willing to fight. This isn't me being afraid of dying, I mean, I'm definitely gonna live, we all are. Remember, we aren't doing this for us. We're doing this for everybody else. But unless someone knows a way to bring back the sun...I just don't see any options here."
"Magic's our way out of this mess, if there is one," Faith said.
"It's our way into this mess too," Buffy said. "We took out Tentacle Guy but there's some other magic guy out there gunning for us now. They took Giles right out from under Angel's nose. You know how hard that is to pull off? Not just because Angel's tough. He's a vampire, his senses are even better than mine and yours, he should've smelled anybody coming a long way off. But someone stole Giles away from him and killed him and Angel didn't even have time to throw a punch, and he can't even remember what happened."
"Will, Tara," Faith said. "If you wanted to do that, how would you have done it?"
"Start with a glamour, to hide my scent from Angel," Tara said. "Sneak up and...I don't know, I've heard of spells that like put people to sleep or like freeze them...I don't know any spells like that or even where to find out about them, but if I did, that's what I'd use."
"Yeah," Willow said. "I've heard of those spells too but I've never seen them in books. But they're out there, some really powerful witches use them. Anyway after taking Giles, you erase Angel's and Cordy's memories. No idea what's up with that lightning bolt or whatever though, you remember, the thing that melted the glass near the hot dogs? I guess maybe some wizard threw a lightning bolt at Angel and missed, then froze him or put him to sleep or whatever, then erased his memories of the whole thing."
"Yup, you sure know about that, don't you?" Buffy said. "Erasing people's memories. It's kinda your thing."
The room was silent. They sat there in the dark, watching each other in the candlelight. The elf went on hammering inside the clock.
"Okay, does everybody know?" Willow said. She looked at Faith. "Faith, did you tell Tara too?"
"Yeah," Faith said. She wouldn't look at Willow. Willow walked over to her, and smiled. Instinctively, she started to reach out her hand to Faith. Then she pulled it back.
"It's okay, sweetie, I'm not...y'know like, angry or anything," Willow said. "You have a right to tell whoever you want. I was just asking because I wanted to know if I'm free to talk about it or not."
"Yeah," Faith said.
"Great," Willow said, and smiled at Buffy. But Willow's face was red now.
She looked down at Buffy. Buffy looked back.
"Yeah, so I just wanted to apologize, Buffy," Willow said. "I'm real, real sorry about doing all that bad stuff that I actually haven't technically done at all yet? And won't do for another ten years. Can you ever forgive me for becoming the horrible person I'm gonna become someday? Maybe it's like that Hitler thing. Y'know, if you had a chance to assassinate Hitler when he was just some mediocre artist hangin' out in Austria, would you take it?"
The clock chimed; a half-chime. It was the bottom of the hour. Willow walked away from Buffy, and began pacing again. Then she stopped near Tara's chair by the clock, and looked at Buffy again.
"Actually, you know what it really is?" Willow said. "I planned all this. I admit it, it was all like, an evil scheme. I'm tryin' out to be the next Big Bad and I completely came up with this whole time travel thing specifically to screw with your life, Buffy Summers. I mean, so what if Faith says all of us died and I was the only one left and I was going back through time to try to save us all, all that really matters is how it affects you, right? Because everything, everything in our lives, is all about you. Yup, I admit it. Visiting Tara and telling her to come out here, saving Faith from some mad scientist guy who was fucking torturing her last year, saving Becca from a serial killer in 1972, all of it, every single fucking bit of it, was just me tryin' to piss you off. Because you are just so massively fucking important."
"Will," Faith said.
"Look, I voted, I'm not gonna be changing my mind," Willow said, and started heading out of the room. "I don't need to be in any more meetings."
"Will," Faith said.
Willow turned.
"I'm not angry at you," Faith said. "Not even a little. What you did...what that other Willow did...she didn't do it because she wanted to. She did it because she had to. She was in a tough spot and everything was on her shoulders and she did the best she could and she always put us ahead of herself. The woman you're gonna be, I'm proud of her, auntie."
Willow smiled, with a tear in her eye now.
"Thank you, sweetie," she said, and left the room.
Tara stood up.
"You three need to get past this," Tara said. "Do what you have to do but get past it."
Then she left the room too.
"You need to be alone again tonight?" Faith said.
Night was a subjective term, since it was night all the time now. But they were all trying to get back on a normal sleeping schedule, so they were going by the clocks. Angel seemed to like clocks; he had a lot of them, and they were all beautiful, and they were all antiques. It was past one in the morning now. Twenty hours into the cease-fire...fifty-two hours left before they had to decide.
"You can stay with me if you want," Buffy said.
They were in the drafty little room Buffy had set up for herself. It contained the mattress Buffy was using as a bed, and the little table Buffy had brought in, with the oil lamp on top of it.
The lamp wasn't lit. They both liked the dark better.
"I do," Faith said. "Come back to our bedroom with me?"
"Come on, fucking take it," Buffy snarled, as she laid on top of Faith under the covers, in Angel's bed, pinning her by the wrists, and fucking her with the strap-on dildo. "Take it! Take it baby, take it all..."
The bed was shaking like there was an earthquake going on in there and it was creaking so loud it sounded like a violin as Buffy rammed her dick into Faith's soaked pussy, and Faith writhed around screaming beneath her. She'd been screaming for over an hour now. Her screams echoed through the room and out into the long hallway connecting this part of the mansion with the other rooms near the front. Buffy knew Willow could hear them.
Every time Faith came, Buffy kept on fucking her, and went even faster. Faith's pussy was still tight, but Buffy had stretched it out tonight. She had hurt her.
Faith had come three times so far, and she cried when she came. Tonight, Buffy didn't kiss her tears away.
"Who do you fucking belong to?" Buffy snarled, and bit Faith's ear.
"Say it louder," Buffy growled, and brought Faith's legs up around her, so she could penetrate her even deeper. Then she went back to pinning Faith's wrists. Faith hadn't moved her arms; she laid beneath Buffy with her legs spread wide and her arms raised above her head, in a submissive pose. "Fucking scream it." Buffy yanked Faith's hair, making her wince, and making her start to cry again. "Fucking scream it! I want her to FUCKING HEAR YOU!"
"YOU!"
"This friendship bracelet Tara made you," Buffy said, and slowed down a little, and kissed Faith, gently this time. She had been biting Faith when she kissed her, and jamming her tongue down her throat. This time she was gentle. "It's pretty."
"Yeah," Faith said. Her eyes were closed...and Buffy knew she was close to another orgasm. She felt Faith's feet trembling around her hips.
"Are you gonna wear it every day?" Buffy said.
"I wanna but...if...you don't, don't want me to..." Faith whispered, moaning.
"You can," Buffy said.
Faith came again, shrieking, and started to cry.
Buffy didn't kiss her tears away. She laid on top of her, looking down into her eyes.
"You a little sore?" Buffy said.
"It's...it's okay," Faith said, and wiped her tears away.
Buffy let go of Faith's wrists. Faith put her arms around her, and caressed her back.
"I love you," Faith said.
"I love you too," Buffy said.
They looked at each other, in the dark.
"Don't leave me?" Faith whispered. "Please?"
"They...um...get loud," Tara said.
"Yeah," Willow said.
Willow was blushing. They had both heard what Buffy said...what she screamed, as she fucked Faith in Angel's bed at the other end of the mansion. The mansion had excellent acoustics. Sounds carried.
Willow was sitting cross-legged on her bed, with Tara. Tara had chosen her room. The day before, when they all moved in, Tara had taken Willow around the mansion, looking for rooms with the glorious marble bathrooms with the sunken baths and the frescoes on the walls. It was a nice room, Willow thought, as far as it went: there really was a limit to how cozy a room made out of stone could look. But the room had a window, and a tapestry on the wall, and the peppermint scented candles she had lit gave it a nice atmosphere.
Tara took Willow's hand.
"I'm sorry, sweetie," Tara said. "I know...this is hard."
Willow nodded.
"That's me," Willow said. "Always everyone's second choice."
"You were her first choice, Willow," Tara said. "She was with you first. If you guys... okay, Faith and like, Future You...if you guys went ahead with the Future You's plan and you both came to Sunnydale together, Faith wouldn't have left you for Buffy. She would've stayed with you, and she would've been happy. Faith's loyal, that's just who Faith is. She was in a relationship with Buffy, and then all of a sudden she gets these memories back. But she was still in a relationship with Buffy, and she just isn't the type to break up and jump to some other girl."
"I don't want her to," Willow said. "I don't want to break her and Buffy up. But it's just...its just..."
Willow started to cry.
"Hard?" Tara whispered, and hugged her.
"I wanna die, Tara," Willow whispered. "I just wanna die."
The hours passed. They watched television, and ate, and talked to each other, but none of them talked much about the First, or the vampires, or bringing back the sun. They mourned their dead, as best they could. Faith called meetings, three times a day, to plan strategy, but none of them could think of anything. There was nothing to do...no way to fight...no hope of victory. After the first five minutes, each of the meetings turned into conversations about the kinds of lives they would lead in the new world that was coming...
"Sometimes in chess...it's checkmate," Willow said, once.
Faith didn't pay much attention during the meetings, and she hadn't really given any thought to how to defeat the First. She couldn't concentrate on it. Her mind kept wandering. She kept thinking about Buffy...wondering if she would leave.
Faith lived in fear, during every single moment of those hours...she got scared when Buffy was away from her, even for a few minutes, but then she got scared again whenever Buffy came back. Because every time she saw Buffy now, Faith always wondered if that was the moment Buffy would leave her...
And Buffy smelled like alcohol, a lot of the time now. Faith was starting to think there was a problem there, that would have to be addressed.
By the end of the second day, Faith had officially voted to accept the First's plan. Tara was still on the fence...but she was leaning toward voting with them. They all knew it was just a matter of time.
"It's just...it feels so lousy," Tara said, during the third meeting of the second day.
"I know, hon," Faith said. "But...we're doing what we can. Fighting just to feel good about ourselves, and then losing, and taking the whole human race down with us? We'd feel even worse then, being the last four alive and thinking we could've saved a whole bunch of people if we just swallowed our pride. Maybe...the key here isn't strength or courage or any of that shit. Maybe the key here is humility. We say uncle, humanity survives. We don't, humanity goes down the tubes so we can feel good about ourselves."
Tara nodded her head, and started to cry. Willow hugged her.
"Tara," Faith said.
Tara looked up at her.
"We haven't lost everything," Faith said, and held up her right hand. She was still wearing the friendship bracelet Tara had made for her. "We've got each other, hon."
Tara smiled, and nodded.
"You've been kinda avoiding me," Faith said.
It was seven in the morning. There were less than twenty-four hours left now. Willow was sitting in the kitchen, alone, eating a bowl of cocoa puffs in the candlelight. Faith stood in the doorway, watching her.
"I thought...it would just be better for you if I stayed away," Willow said.
Faith sat down beside her, and poured herself a bowl of cocoa puffs.
"Always liked these," Faith said. "I don't want you to stay away."
"Maybe it's better for me too," Willow said. "Hurts less."
Faith nodded.
"I'm sorry, sweetie," Willow said. "I didn't mean that. I love...I mean...you're...important to me. I just don't wanna do anything that might hurt you."
"You could never hurt me," Faith said. "You're my auntie. And I love you too."
Willow smiled, and took Faith's hand. "I love you," she said "Always will."
Faith smiled too.
"You and Buffy...you doin' okay?" Willow said.
"Kinda up in the air," Faith said. "Maybe tellin' her was the wrong move. But...if I didn't...she wouldn't have been able to trust me."
"I think it was the right move," Willow said. "But...I don't know if me and Buffy...if... we'll ever be friends again after all this. I don't know if she wants me in her life anymore."
"She does," Faith said. They were still holding hands. "She just needs time. All this shit, you gotta remember that it's only been like eight days since it all came down. Eight days ago we were meetin' those wolf vamps for the first time. Now all this crazy shit's happened. She needs time to deal. Figure we all do."
They ate their cocoa puffs, and held hands.
"Becca hated when we ate cocoa puffs," Faith said. "Remember?"
Willow giggled. "Yeah. She was always all like, 'Would it be such a terribly unbearable ordeal to have bacon and eggs, darling? And perhaps a nice bit of potato cake.'" Willow said it in a flawless English accent.
Faith laughed so hard she nearly choked on her cocoa puffs. Willow rubbed her back.
"You do a great Becca," Faith said, when she caught her breath. "It's even better than my Becca."
"She's got a little bit of a Cockney sound in her accent, though the Goddess only knows where she picked it up. I have a lot of experience listening to English accents, since we went up against Spike and Dru like sixteen frigging times. You meant what you said, about Tara, in the Wal-Mart? How...me and her...we're gonna..."
"Yeah. And maybe I screwed up the whole damn future by tellin' you? But I don't care. I wanted you to know. It's her, Willow. Tara's the one who's gonna make you happy. The love of your life."
Willow smiled. "Sure, no pressure. I just gotta make sure I'm like, completely cute and awesome and sexy and perfect around her all the time now, so she'll wanna spend the rest of her life with me. Piece o' cake. I could do it in my sleep."
"Anyone would be lucky to spend their life with you, Willow. Just be you."
"You think...Tara's gonna vote to take the deal tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah," Faith said.
The hours passed, too quickly. There were ten hours left now.
Buffy leaned against the wall, in Angel's room, holding Faith by the hair, and kissing her.
Faith kept her arms down by her sides, as Buffy controlled her.
Buffy had lit the oil lamp. She wanted to see Faith, as she controlled her.
"I love you," Faith whispered, as Buffy kissed her, darting her tongue into Faith's mouth, then pulling away...sometimes she let Faith have more, sometimes she made her wait.
"I love you too," Buffy said. "Kneel down."
Faith got down on her knees, as Buffy held her by the hair. Faith looked down at the stone floor, and waited.
Buffy let her wait awhile. She stood there, in the dark, holding Faith still. Faith knelt in front of her, looking down at the floor. Neither of them talked.
After a few minutes, Buffy yanked Faith's hair, and made her look up into her eyes.
"Who do you belong to?" Buffy said.
"You," Faith said.
Buffy walked to the bed, and dragged Faith after her by the hair. Faith crawled to the bed behind her.
Buffy sat on the edge of the bed, and unzipped her jeans. She was wearing the strap-on dildo underneath them. She pulled out her dick.
"Suck my cock," Buffy said.
By the light of the oil lamp, Buffy watched, as Faith gave her a blowjob. She thought Faith looked beautiful, that way...with her in her mouth.
"Look at me while you do it," Buffy said.
Faith nodded, with the dildo in her mouth, and looked up at Buffy as she sucked it.
Faith kept her hands by her sides. She let Buffy dictate the tempo, holding her by the hair, and moving her up and down the dildo.
"Do you know why I'm doing this?" Buffy said, after a few minutes. "Why we haven't been soft together? Why it's been like this all the time?"
"I don't...I don't deserve it," Faith said, and kissed the tip of the dildo. "I'm...I'm..."
Buffy shook her head, and kissed her.
"You're the girl I love, baby," Buffy said. "You deserve everything in the world."
Buffy put the dildo back in Faith's mouth. Faith began sucking it again, as Buffy controlled her, holding her by the hair and moving her up and down the dildo's shaft.
"I want to hold you in my arms and be so soft with you baby, I want it like that every night," Buffy said. "But you can get that from Willow, right? This? The little games we play? This is the only thing I can give you that she can't."
Tears welled up in Faith's eyes.
"Maybe I'll be your nighttime girlfriend, and Will can be your daytime girlfriend," Buffy said. "All the gentle caresses, the soft kisses, she can give you that, and I can give you this."
Faith shook her head, with the dildo in her mouth, and tears running down her cheeks.
Buffy took the dildo out of Faith's mouth, and kissed her tears away.
"I love you, Faith," Buffy said. "I always will."
"I love you too," Faith said. "I just...I just wanna be with you, Buffy. I want you."
"Willow wants you too. And you want her."
"Do you want me?" Faith said.
"Yeah," Buffy said.
"Then fucking fight for me!" Faith screamed, and burst into tears, and got up. "You think this isn't hard for me too?! You think I FUCKING WANTED THIS?! To have these, these memories of a life I didn't even know I lived suddenly appear in my fucking head?! If you want me, TAKE ME! STOP tryin' to get me to leave you! FIGHT for me! Fight for US!"
"Tell me...tell me I'm your baby girl," Faith whispered. "Tell me we're gonna be together forever."
Buffy stood up. She took Faith in her arms.
"You're my baby girl," Buffy whispered, and kissed her tears. "We're gonna be together forever."
She lifted Faith up in her arms, and laid her down on the bed.
They undressed each other, as they cried together...
"Is this better, baby?" Buffy said, a few minutes later, as she fucked Faith with the strap-on in Angel's bed, under the covers...but slowly. Tenderly. Moving inside her, moving with her, adjusting to her rhythm, instead of forcing herself into her. She felt Faith's pussy, tightening around the dildo, and drawing it in deeper. She let her senses reach out, and experienced all of Faith, every moment...her scent, the taste of her lips as she kissed her, the warmth of her breath, her heartbeat.
Their eyes were red from crying, but they were smiling now.
"Yeah," Faith said.
Buffy lifted Faith's legs over her shoulders, and brought herself up into a kneeling position. She could go deeper this way. But she still went slow.
She kissed Faith's feet, as she fucked her. Faith closed her eyes, and moaned, as Buffy kissed each one of her toes, taking her time.
"I love you, baby," Buffy whispered. "You're my whole life."
"I love you so much, Buffy," Faith whispered back, as she moaned, and her feet began trembling...Buffy knew she was close.
"After you come I'm gonna kiss you all over baby, okay? Everywhere, all the places I haven't kissed you yet."
"Okay," Faith whispered, and smiled.
"Such a beautiful smile," Buffy whispered back.
They were quiet, after that; all their senses focused in on each other, moving together, going slow...
They didn't notice the new scent, at first. When they finally did, they both detected it at the same time.
Strawberries...Willow.
Buffy's smile disappeared. The scent was moving toward them, coming closer... Willow was approaching from the hall.
Buffy's face turned red. She pulled out of Faith, took Faith's legs off her shoulders, and got back under the covers on top of her.
"She doesn't know what we're doin', she just, just probably wants to talk about something," Faith whispered, as she caressed Buffy's hair. "It's early, it's only like eight. No one's asleep yet, she probably just wants to talk about tomorrow."
Buffy nodded, and gently moved herself back inside Faith, under the covers.
"What...what are you doing?" Faith said.
"Sshhh," Buffy said, and started gently fucking her again. Faith instantly began to moan.
"We...shouldn't," Faith said. "If she comes in..."
"Sshhh," Buffy said, and fucked her.
Faith's feet started trembling again. But Willow's footsteps were getting closer...
"Buffy...Buffy, we--" Faith tried to say, but Buffy kissed her, and put her arms around her, and held her tight, as she fucked her. Buffy moved a little higher on top of her, and Faith tucked her head down, against Buffy's breasts.
"It's okay, baby," Buffy said. Buffy felt Faith's legs trembling now, too, and she heard Faith making little whimpering sounds against her breasts.
Buffy fucked her.
Willow walked into the room. It was dark, and she didn't notice them at first.
"Uh, you guys here?" Willow said...
And then she saw them.
"Whoops, sorry," Willow said, and turned right around, and started heading back out of the room.
"Get in here," Buffy said.
Willow stopped, and looked over her shoulder. But she didn't turn around.
"What?" Willow said.
"I said fucking get in here," Buffy said.
"What are you doing?" Willow said. "What is this?"
"Either get over here so we can talk now, or you and I will never talk again," Buffy said.
Willow moved a few steps closer to the bed.
"Over here," Buffy said. "All the way. You need to see this."
Willow heard the bed gently creaking, and she heard Faith making whimpering sounds.
She moved beside the bed, and saw Buffy fucking Faith, under the covers. Willow blushed like a fire engine, and her hands started shaking.
Buffy looked straight at Willow, with a light in her eyes as hard as diamonds, as she fucked Faith...slowly, gently. She caressed Faith's hair, and kissed the top of her head.
"Faith's mine," Buffy said. "You need to get that through your fucking head."
Willow didn't say anything. She watched Buffy fucking Faith. Faith was hiding, holding on to Buffy as tight as she could, and curling herself up into a little ball.
"You think I don't see how you are around her?" Buffy said, as she moved in a slow, steady rhythm on top of Faith, and caressed her hair as she fucked her, and Faith took her inside, and kept her eyes shut tight, whimpering and trembling, heading against her will toward the orgasm that was building inevitably inside her like a fire burning out of control now; the orgasm Buffy was forcing on her. "You're always looking for excuses to touch her, to hold her. I see how you look at her. Remember the hospital, when you were talking to Dru? You told her Faith was yours. She isn't yours, Willow. She's mine."
"You're...embarrassing her," Willow said.
"Buffy," Faith whimpered, beneath her. Buffy felt it; Faith was about to come. But she didn't want to come in front of Willow.
"Sshhh baby, it's okay, it's okay," Buffy whispered, and kissed her forehead, and went on fucking her.
Then Buffy looked at Willow.
"Just come for me now, baby, okay?" Buffy whispered, to Faith, as Faith laid curled up in a little ball underneath her, hiding. But Buffy looked at Willow when she said it. "Come for me."
Faith came, bucking and trembling underneath Buffy, and sobbing.
A tear rolled down Willow's cheek.
"You fucking done...done hurting us yet?" Willow said.
Buffy held Faith in her arms, as Faith cried against her breasts.
"I don't know if we can ever be friends again, Willow," Buffy said. "But what I definitely don't want is for us to be enemies. So stop this. Faith was with you in 1997, and that's a heartache she has to live with. But you weren't with her in 1997. Some version of you ten years from now was. Faith's hurt because she loved that woman and she lost her, and it'll take Faith time to get over it. But you don't have any excuse for what you're doing, for how you're trying to take her from me, because you were never with her, she was never your girlfriend. That relationship has already happened for Faith, but it hasn't happened yet for you, it won't happen for ten years. She's the woman I love, and she's mine, not yours. Stop trying to steal her, Willow. I'm warning you. Stop now."
Willow turned around, and walked away from her.
"You're right, Buffy," Willow said. "You don't want us to be enemies."
A little before 5:30 the next morning, they took their last vote, in the living room with the annoying French grandfather clock ticking away the seconds.
They all voted yes.
Faith and Buffy sat together on the couch again, holding hands this time. Willow and Tara sat in the rocking chairs. Tara fussed around with her shoulder bag. Willow looked down at her lap. The grandfather clock stood in the corner, and ticked too loud.
"So that's it," Tara said.
"Yeah," Faith said.
"Um, okay, so...I'm just gonna say this," Willow said, and stood up.
"Say what?" Faith said. "Are you changing your vote?"
"No, sweetie," Willow said. "I'm...I'm...leaving."
"What?" Tara said, and immediately jumped out of her chair. "What do you mean, you're leaving?"
"I'm the problem," Willow said.
She walked over to the couch, and looked down at Buffy, with tears in her eyes now.
"I'm sorry, Buffy," Willow said. "I'm sorry I...I hurt you...hurt you both. It'll be better if...if I just go."
"No," Faith said, her eyes welling up. "You...can't."
"I'll be okay, I mean, we're taking the deal, we'll all be safe now. I'm just gonna...find someplace...and wait this out. I can't hurt you guys anymore, sweetie, I can't. I already packed my things. It'll be better this way...you guys will all be better off without me."
"You can't!" Faith shouted, and jumped out of her chair. "We...we...need you."
"Love's doin' for you, sweetie, not for me," Willow said, and hugged her. "I'm hurting you by being here. I can't do that. So..."
The grandfather clock's chimes sounded. It was 5:30.
Willow looked into Faith's eyes, and smiled through her tears, and caressed her hair. Faith was shaking her head.
"Gotta go," Willow said, and pulled away from her. "Got my stuff all packed, I'm just gonna go get my suitcase and--"
"No," Tara said, and grabbed Willow's arm.
Willow turned to her. Tara had tears running down her cheeks, but her expression was resolute.
"Sweetie...it'll be better this way," Willow said.
"NO," Tara practically snarled. "I won't let you go. I won't let you do this. I won't."
"I won't let go," Tara said, and started to cry. "I won't...I won't...let you leave me, baby."
"Willow," Buffy said, and got up.
She walked over to Willow, and took her hand.
"Don't leave," Buffy said, with tears running down her cheeks. "I don't want to lose my best friend."
"Okay, drama much?" Cordy said.
They all turned, and saw her walking into the room, followed by Angel.
"Okay, so, there's something you guys really need to see, so if you could all get over yourselves for a second...?" Cordy said.
"What the hell? When did you guys get back?" Faith said.
"When one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse came to Los Angeles and got us," Angel said. "He's in the courtyard now."
"So it has a wizard in its employ," Loki said. "Interesting. What is his name?"
"There have been two, master," the vampire said. "The first was an old man named Cyvus Vail, but he was killed. The new one is named Xavier Grant."
"I've heard of Vail," Loki said. "He had some power. Rather churlish disposition, alas. He bored me. I've not heard of this Grant fellow. But what need would the First have for wizards?"
"A wizard could attack us in the mansion," Willow said. "Vamps couldn't get in because of the invitation spell."
"Yes, but you told me the vile creature had demons for that," Loki said, pacing around the bedroom. "If it could send thousands of demons at you, what need for a wizard?"
"I remember overhearing the First tell Vail that she wanted his help with her inability to affect the world, to touch things," the vampire said.
"Aye?" Loki said. "And was Vail able to help?"
"He didn't have time, before he was cut down, master," the vampire said. "But one of my brothers told me that he overheard the First mentioning that she was happy, because Vail had at least determined the nature of her affliction. Vail told her that she was a fraction of a moment out of touch, that she existed in a different time than the world. Apparently, the very world itself, and everyone and everything on it, has been changed--according to Vail it has been moved a fraction of a second backward in time, leaving the First permanently out of touch with it. It was a magical curse of some kind, or so Vail said. One of immense power."
Loki stopped pacing. She turned to the vampire, and held him in her green emerald eyes like a fly stuck in amber.
And then, Loki--the most powerful magic-user in existence, anywhere, in any age, across the entire length and breadth of creation--smiled.
"Magic?" she said.
When they all walked into the courtyard, they saw the First, in Buffy's form, sitting on one of the granite benches, smiling. She had a wizard with her, a tall black man in a black robe.
And they saw War, sitting astride his great white steed, with a little girl sitting in front of him. The girl looked afraid.
"Howdy," War said. "This here's Miss Annabelle."
Annabelle looked around at all of them. Her face was pale, and she looked tired. She had bags under her eyes.
"It's official. My life is completely ridiculous," Tara said.
"Par for the course for mine," Angel said.
Tara thought she should be afraid of the skeleton on the horse. But for some reason, she wasn't.
"Okay, girls," the First said, and stood up. "Decision time. What's it gonna be?"
War watched them all, looking each of them in the eyes.
His magnificent steed was purest white. A silver trumpet hung from its bridle, and a worn leather scabbard hung from it too; in that scabbard rested a great sword, engraved with strange runes, that was as long as a man, and a light emanated from it.
The sword shone like a beacon in that black night; for a little space around the rider, the sword turned night to day.
When Buffy and Faith looked up at War, they felt their blood moving in their veins.
"What...are you doing here?" Faith managed to say to him.
"Hell, Lehane," War said. "I was just wonderin' if you had any goddamned fight left is all."
Faith nodded. She looked at the wizard.
"You with the First?" Faith said.
"Mmm-hmm," Xavier said. "Question is, are you?"
"Baby?" The First said, and walked up to Faith, and smiled. "Gotta decide now. Time to think outside the box...time to save the world."
Willow watched Annabelle. Her big, brown eyes reflected the light from War's sword... they were golden in the light.
Willow imagined her, growing up in the First's new world...
She knew she couldn't allow it. She couldn't condemn Annabelle to that life.
Willow brushed by the wizard, and walked up to War's horse. She ignored War, and looked up at Annabelle.
"Hi, sweetie," Willow said. "This is all pretty scary, huh?"
Annabelle nodded. Willow smiled.
"How did you get here, sweetie? Where are your parents?"
"My Mommy and Daddy...they..." Annabelle whispered, and started to cry. Willow took her hand. "The bad men got them and..."
Willow nodded.
"Well you know what?" Willow said. "The bad men aren't gonna get you. I won't let them, I promise, sweetie."
Annabelle shook her head.
"I'm bad," she said. "Mommy said God's been taking all the good kids up to Heaven, but...but no one took me. I saw Carrie and Rachel fade away when we were playing hopscotch. God wanted them up in Heaven. But God didn't want me. I'm bad."
"You're not bad," Willow said. "You're not, sweetie."
"God doesn't...doesn't...love me," Annabelle whispered.
"Yes, She does," Willow said, and wiped the tears from Annabelle's cheeks. "She does, Annabelle. God loves you."
Annabelle shook her head, and looked down at the ground.
And Willow remembered something...
She knew she would forget it again, soon. But for this moment, she remembered it.
"Wanna know a secret?" Willow said.
"A secret?" Annabelle said.
Willow nodded, and smiled, and brought Annabelle close to her.
She whispered something in Annabelle's ear. It took a few moments.
When she was done, Annabelle looked very closely at her.
"Really?" Annabelle said.
"Really," Willow said.
Annabelle squinted at her, as if she was trying to read a bubble gum wrapper.
"Cross your heart, hope to die?" Annabelle said. "Stick a needle in your eye?"
Willow giggled. "Sure, sweetie."
Annabelle kept looking at her.
"But it's our secret, okay?" Willow said. "You can't tell anyone. Not even me."
"Not even you?"
"Not even me. Okay?"
"Okay."
"You know what I think?" Willow said, and held Annabelle's hands in hers. "I think I know a pretty little girl who'd just love some hot cocoa right now. You wanna come stay with me, sweetie? You wanna come inside, and I'll make you some nice hot cocoa?"
Annabelle nodded. Willow lifted her off the horse, and held her in her arms. Annabelle wrapped her arms around Willow's neck, and wrapped her little legs around Willow's waist.
"I'm changing my vote," Willow said, and carried Annabelle into the mansion.
Everyone was quiet for a moment, after that.
The First broke the silence.
"Mistake," the First said. "You guys gonna make the same mistake, Faith?"
Faith considered things. She thought tactically. She heard Rebecca's voice, clearly, in her mind...she knew what Rebecca wanted her to do.
Willow had brushed by the wizard when she walked to War's horse...she had moved so close to him that she had brushed against his robe...
So he couldn't have a shield up.
With blinding speed, Faith pulled War's sword out of its scabbard, spun around, and impaled Xavier through the heart.
"Thinkin' yes," Faith said. "When auntie talks, we listen."
She twisted the sword in Xavier's heart. He made a little squeaking sound.
"That was for Giles, motherfucker," Faith said, and wrenched the sword back out of him. He folded up like an accordion and collapsed to the ground in a puddle of blood.
"Nice!" Angel said, and smiled. "Great form."
"Hell of a sword," Faith said, and wiped the bloody sword on Xavier's robe, and held it aloft. It lit up the entire courtyard. "Thing felt just right in my hand, sharp as a razor, light as a feather. Figure Mister Man here probably wants it back though." She put it back in its scabbard, a little wistfully.
"Guess you got some fight left after all," War said.
"I'm full of surprises," Faith said.
Buffy took Faith in her arms, and kissed her.
The First frowned down at what was left of Xavier.
"Okay, this is the second wizard you guys have killed on me," the First said. "It's gone way beyond annoying. Now it's like, actually pissing me off. Any of you guys gonna be even a little smart and take my deal? Going once, going twice..."
No one spoke.
The First looked them all in the eyes.
Then it turned to Faith. Buffy was still holding her.
"It's gonna get bad now, baby," the First said. "But I want you to remember, I'll always love you. You know what they say...you always hurt the ones you love."
"Bring it on, King George," Faith said. "We just declared our independence. We're havin' us a fuckin' tea party."
"Oh, you have no idea of the terrible things I can bring, my love," the First said, and smiled, and disappeared.
"Well," Buffy said, looking down at Xavier's body with Faith. "Now we're committed. After this, win or lose, we're fighting."
"Good," Tara said.
Faith turned Buffy around, and kissed her again. In that moment, Faith felt lighter than air...she felt so happy, she could sing...because she knew Rebecca would be proud of her now.
"We just declared the new American Revolution, my love," Faith said. "And this was the shot heard round the world."
GHOSTS
Annabelle stared into the candlelight. She didn't say a word.
The hot cocoa was warming on the stove, and it filled the dark stone room with its sweet smell, mingling with the aroma of peppermint that wafted up from the candles Willow had lit, as this room didn't have lights. But Annabelle was afraid of the dark, so Willow sat next to her in front of the candles at the little antique marble-topped table that stood alone in the center of the bare, gray room, and held her hand.
The room was about two-hundred yards from the room that had the refrigerator and the microwave in it, so they weren't calling it the kitchen. But the stove worked--it was spotless and immaculate and looked like it had never been used--and there was a table and two little wooden straight-backed chairs, so the room sufficed. Faith had called a meeting, and everyone else was at the other end of the mansion in the room with the annoying French grandfather clock that had become their official meeting room, discussing their options. They had all crowded around Annabelle at first, trying to be cute and charming and making funny faces and funny noises and telling her everything would be okay, but Annabelle had been shy around them, and hadn't made eye contact with any of them, and had huddled against Willow. They all kept on trying to talk to Annabelle, tried to make her smile; even Angel had made a bunch of silly faces. But Faith had noticed Annabelle's discomfort. "Let's give the munchkin some space," Faith had said. "She wants to hang with her auntie." Then Faith had taken everyone into the living room to plan strategy, and Willow had stayed with Annabelle.
War had left, too: according to Faith, he had said, "Got some things need seein' to. Take care of Miss Annabelle," and then he had spurred his magnificent white horse, and galloped straight up into the sky. Faith was worried when he left: they could have used him.
But Willow wasn't worried. She still remembered the secret: she hadn't allowed herself to forget it yet. She knew she would have to forget it again eventually, but as long as she remembered it, she understood that events were unfolding exactly as they were supposed to. She knew they didn't need War's protection right now. The First would come again soon, appearing to Faith, because it perceived her as its greatest threat, and it would reveal a terrible secret. That secret would shatter Faith's confidence, her still fragile sense of dignity and self-worth, and send her plummeting into despair. But Willow would save her from that abyss, and then Faith would finally put it all together: with a little help, Faith would finally make the intuitive leap that gave them hope of victory. Willow knew they wouldn't need War's protection until they all left for Fort Moore in eleven days, on December 3rd, the day of the full moon, to talk to the angel, Rachel. At the same time, she also knew that her future self was in Asgard, in 2009, feeling powerless as the gods debated in Odin's war council, but the Willow from that time would make an intuitive leap too: the one she was destined to make, the one she always made, every time...the one that brought her past and her present together, and completed the loop.
And Willow also knew there was a shield in place around the mansion now, and it covered every entrance, even down into the sewer tunnels, and it was absolutely impenetrable.
Annabelle would be protected.
Willow knew Annabelle needed her to remember the secret...she knew Annabelle needed her to be confident now, to be certain. So Willow didn't allow herself to forget the secret again... not yet...not while Annabelle needed her to remember.
Willow held Annabelle's hand, as Annabelle stared into the candlelight. She hadn't spoken since Willow brought her into the house. When Willow talked to her, sometimes Annabelle nodded her head, and sometimes she shook her head, and sometimes she shrugged her shoulders. Her long, brown hair was matted down and tangled, and she was dirty, and she had bags under her eyes. But her brown eyes had a golden light in them, like two little suns, as she stared at the candles.
"No one's ever gonna hurt you, Anna," Willow said. "There won't be any bad men anymore. No one will ever hurt you again, I won't let them. You'll never see the bad men again. I promise. Okay, sweetie?"
Annabelle nodded. But her little hand clutched Willow's like she was dangling from the edge of a cliff.
"Cocoa's just about done," Willow said, glancing back at the pan on the stove. "You want me to put some nice yummy marshmallows in yours? I bet you do."
Annabelle nodded. Willow got up, to move to the stove, but Annabelle didn't let go of her hand. When Willow looked back at her, Annabelle's brown eyes were as wide as two saucers, and she held on to Willow with both hands.
Willow smiled, and picked her up in her arms, and kissed her forehead. Annabelle leaned her head against Willow's shoulder, as Willow supported her with one hand and stirred the cocoa with the other.
"Is this Heaven?" Annabelle said. Her little voice echoed in the stone room.
"Heaven's wherever we are, sweetie," Willow said. "We're making our own Heaven." She turned off the stove, picked up the pan, and poured cocoa into two mugs. Then she opened a packet of marshmallows, and sprinkled them into the mugs too. "And now some nice whipped cream and we're all set. You like whipped cream, Anna? I bet you do."
Annabelle nodded. Willow picked up the can of whipped cream she'd left on the counter by the stove and sprayed some into their mugs. Then she picked up one of the mugs, and held it under Annabelle's nose.
"Yummy," Willow said. "Smell yummy?"
Annabelle smiled, a little, as she sniffed at the cocoa. Then Willow moved the mug a little higher, so the whipped cream got on Annabelle's nose. Annabelle wrinkled her nose and frowned.
"You got a yummy whipped cream nose," Willow said, and kissed Annabelle's nose. Annabelle giggled. "I might have to eat this yummy nose," Willow said, and kissed her nose again, taking the rest of the whipped cream off. Annabelle giggled again, shaking her head. Willow carried her back to the table, and sat down. This time she kept Annabelle in her lap.
Willow raised the cup for her, letting the girl take a sip. Annabelle got some whipped cream on her nose again.
"You got a whipped cream nose again!" Willow said. "I'm definitely gonna have to eat your nose this time." Annabelle giggled, and shook her head, and covered her nose.
"I'm gonna eat that nose," Willow said, smiling and darting her head around, as Annabelle giggled and tried to hide her nose from her. At the same time, Willow raised the cocoa mug and let some whipped cream get on her own nose.
"You got a whipped cream nose!" Annabelle said, and kissed Willow's nose.
"So you guys were really all about to take the deal?" Angel said. He stood by the grandfather clock, drinking a glass of blood. It had been a few days and he was starving. The room didn't have lights, but Tara had lit incense candles. Tara's ginger scent made a pleasing mix with the incense, Angel thought.
"Yeah," Faith said. She sat on the couch, next to Buffy. Buffy had her head in Faith's lap, and she ran her fingers up and down Faith's knees. "Couldn't see a way out of this. Still can't, actually. Maybe we're makin' the wrong play here...maybe all we're gonna get for our trouble is front row seats to the end of the human race. But it feels better this way...feels better fightin'."
Angel looked ragged, Faith noticed. Cordy did too. Neither of them looked like they had slept since the last time she had seen them. But then Faith hadn't really slept either. No one had.
"Yeah," Tara said. She sat in the rocking chair, by the grandfather clock, next to Angel. "I'm not like, all, kick butt fighter girl? But I'd rather try than just...just sit and watch."
"Me too," Cordy said. She sat in the other rocking chair, and looked jealously at Tara's. "And I could like, totally die. You guys get a free pass but I completely don't, the First hates me." She looked at Buffy. "Obviously Buffy's personality is a bad influence on it. It's like totally in diva mode."
"Think maybe if it ever shows up as Angel it'll have a change of heart, maybe give you a free pass too?" Faith said, and winked at Angel. Cordy frowned at her. Angel sighed, even though he didn't breathe.
"So what have you guys been up to?" Tara said. "I was worried that...that I wouldn't ever see you again."
"We went to L.A. and saved as many people as we could," Cordy said. "We got this big truck and just loaded it up with people and started making trips to an emergency camp the military just set up outside San Diego. We managed to get about four-hundred people off the streets. What did you guys do? Hang around watching TV? Obsess about your love lives?"
"Tried to figure out what to do about this mess, didn't make any headway," Faith said. "I'm open to suggestions."
"First thing, we should set this place up as our own little emergency camp," Angel said. "There isn't as much room as those government camps but we could still fit a hundred people in here easy, the mansion's big."
"That sounds like a good idea," Tara said. "We'll need supplies though. Food, clothes, maybe like sleeping bags for all those people."
"We could pull it off, the supermarket here wasn't even touched, and the stores in L.A. were the same way," Angel said. "There's been hardly any looting, there was no time. People just packed up and ran like hell when this shit came down. We start with food, make sure we have enough food for--"
In Faith's lap, Buffy was shaking her head.
"What's your problem now, Miss Chosen One?" Cordy said to her. "Jealous that you didn't come up with the plan?"
"Cordy, get the frigging chip off your shoulder," Faith said. "I get that you're pissed at us and I don't give a shit. Neither does Buffy. She's shaking her head because this is a stupid idea. If Angel got his head out of his ass he'd know it's a stupid idea too."
"So helping people is stupid?" Cordy said.
"Faith, we should think about this," Tara said. "We could really save some people, we have the room here."
"We can't save anyone that way, Tara," Faith said. "And Angel knows it. For one thing we're a target, anyone you bring here gets the same target on their backs that we got. And those people you guys brought to that camp in San Diego, that was just shoveling shit against the tide. Made you feel nice about yourselves but what did it solve? Vamps are still in charge. And the sun's still gone, and without it the whole ecosystem goes with it, all the plants and animals, and the world either starves or freezes. Unless we find a way to tackle the real problem, unless we find a way to bring back the sun and take out those vamps, all you did for those people was maybe give them a few more weeks to live. That's not saving people, it's refusing to see the situation for what it is. We go out there, drivin' around pickin' people up off the street like frigging Robin Hood and his Merry Men, all we're doing is wasting time that we should be spending trying to find a real solution to this--a way to win this fight for real, not just to feel good about ourselves. Even worse, every time we go out there, we risk being captured or killed by the First and its pals. It controls like every single vamp out there, maybe every demon too. Sure, our odds of figuring out a way to bring the sun back and save the world kinda suck. But if we get captured out there, our odds of saving the world go from suck to zero."
"Can I just bring up, for the nine-thousandth time, that I'm not in your group?" Cordy said. "And Angel isn't either, unless you guys kicking the shit out of him every other day is like some kinda hazing ritual. We don't follow your orders."
"You do if you're staying in my house," Faith said.
Everyone was quiet for a moment.
"Okay, um...let's take a breath here," Tara said. "We just all got back together again. And we're stronger together than we are separately."
"We are," Faith said. "But we need one leader, one plan. I'm the leader and it's my plan. GQ can't handle that, he can walk."
Faith got up, and walked over to Angel, and stood in front of him. His eyes were tired, and unfocused. He had bruises on his face, that she hadn't noticed before in the dark. And he was favoring his right leg when he stood up. He wasn't just leaning against the grandfather clock, he was using it to keep his balance.
"Thing about your plan is, it isn't about saving the world," she said. "It's about you. It's about your guilt trip, and you tryin' to make up for all the bad stuff you did. You're smart, Angel, you can think tactically. Think this stuff through, but this time let go of your pride for a second. What's the right play here?"
"Okay, can we all agree to take the phrase 'tactical thinking' out to the backyard and bury it and never say it again?" Cordy said. "No one says that. You sound like one of those 'Be all you can be' army recruiting commercials. It's annoying."
Faith looked at her. Cordy blinked.
"Becca said it," Faith said. "So I say it. You look like something the cat dragged in, Cordy. You need sleep and some food in you and it's making you a bitch. But your batting average is way down, hon. Usually your little digs land just right. Today you got lots of at-bats but not too many hits with the shit you're giving us. So how about you hit the showers, come at us fresh when you're rested up."
"I have no idea what you just said," Cordy said.
"Sure you do," Faith said. "I want you in the meetings. But not when you're dead on your feet. Eat, sleep. Then come back. Goes for you too, GQ. Hell, it goes for all of us, we're all beat. You guys rest up, when you're ready to get back in the game we'll plan our next move. That is, if you guys and us can be on the same page. If not, feel free to walk right now. Plenty of abandoned houses around to sleep in."
"I'm okay," Angel said. "I don't need rest."
Buffy got up off the couch, walked over to Angel, and jabbed him in the stomach. He grunted and bent forward at the waist. Before he could make any other move she spun him around, got him in a wrist-lock, swept his legs, and held him down on the floor. It all took two seconds.
"Hey!" Cordy said, and leapt out of her chair. Buffy ignored her.
"What...the hell are you doing?" Angel grunted.
"I'm a good fighter," Buffy said. "But you're a better fighter than me, Angel. You always were. If you're at anywhere near full capacity there's no way I pull this move off. You're favoring your right leg and you're about as awake right now as I am in trig class. Get some rest, and get some more blood in you. We can't use you like this."
She let him go. He stood up. He nearly fell; his right leg buckled. She grabbed his arm, and steadied him.
He looked at her. She looked back.
"Is this about your pride?" Buffy said. "Or is it about doing some good?"
"Angel," Tara said. "They're right. Not just about you guys needing sleep. About the plan too. We need to see the big picture here."
Angel looked at her. He looked back at Buffy.
Then he looked at Faith.
"Yeah," he said, and walked away from them.
Since it was theoretically breakfast time, Willow made pancakes and bacon. It took some doing; the room with the refrigerator where they were keeping all the food was at the other end of the mansion from the room with the stove, so Willow had to go back and get everything she needed, and she had to do it while carrying Annabelle, because Annabelle wanted to be carried. But Willow didn't mind. She liked carrying her.
Annabelle sat on Willow's lap when she ate, and she cleaned her plate. She ate the pancakes and bacon so quickly that Willow doubted she'd had time to taste them.
Annabelle was hungry. She hadn't eaten.
Willow remembered the day when Rebecca had first found Faith--scrawny, dirty, cold, starving. Rebecca had taken Faith to a restaurant near Boston's waterfront, and ordered a steak for her. Faith ate the steak the same way Annabelle ate the pancakes and bacon.
Annabelle ate two big helpings of pancakes and bacon, and she drank a big glass of orange juice with it. After that, Willow helped her brush her teeth, and then she got her out of her torn, dirty clothes and gave her a bath. Since Annabelle didn't have any other clothes, Willow dressed her in one of her tee-shirts to wear as a nightgown after her bath. It was her "Nerds Do It Better" tee-shirt, and she thought Annabelle was just the cutest thing in the world in it.
"Oh Goddess, you are so adorable!" Willow practically squealed, when she saw Anna standing there in front of her next to the sunken bath with the tee-shirt hanging down to her little ankles. "You're the prettiest little nerd ever."
"What's a nerd?" Annabelle said, and yawned.
"A lil' cutie who needs to go to bed," Willow said, and picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom, into her bedroom. There were no lights in this room either, but Willow had lit plenty of candles. There was an antique mirror in this room too, so Willow sat down in front of it, with Annabelle in her lap, on the edge of the box spring and mattress she was using as a bed, and combed Annabelle's long brown hair.
"There we are, sweetie," Willow said, when she was done. "All nice and pretty now. Time for bed, okay?"
Annabelle nodded, yawning again. But she curled herself up in Willow's lap, and held on tight to Willow's hand.
Willow still knew the secret. She hadn't let herself forget yet, because Annabelle was still scared of that big dark house and all these strange new people, so she needed Willow to be confident and strong and certain that everything would be okay. Willow knew the secret, so she knew everything would be okay.
Annabelle closed her eyes, as she leaned against Willow.
"You wanna sleep with me, sweetie?" Willow said.
Annabelle nodded. Willow picked her up, and laid her down on the makeshift bed, under the blankets. The bed didn't have a frame or a headboard, but it had sheets and two pillows and plenty of blankets, because the mansion could get cold. Willow took off her sneakers, and then laid down next to Annabelle in her jeans and her blouse. Annabelle curled herself up against her.
"All nice and warm, Anna Belly?" Willow said.
Anna giggled. "I'm not a belly!" she said.
"You're my lil' Anna Belly," Willow said, and moved her nose against Annabelle's, and nodded her head. Annabelle giggled again, and shook her head back and forth, as their noses touched.
"Anna Belly," Willow said.
"You're Willow Belly," Annabelle said.
"Okay," Willow said. "That sounds fair."
Willow kissed Annabelle's forehead, and they went to sleep.
Something woke Willow up, a few hours later. Something was wrong.
She looked down at Annabelle. The girl was dreaming: Willow saw her eyes moving behind her lids. But she looked afraid. Her pretty face was pale and drawn, and her little hands shook, as she clutched Willow's arm...she was having a nightmare.
Willow still knew the secret. She knew all the things she could do...she knew the true extent of her power.
She kissed Annabelle's forehead, and whispered to her...
"No more bad dreams," Willow whispered. "No more being afraid. You're safe with me, Annabelle. You'll always know that from now on."
Annabelle stopped shaking, and she smiled, in her sleep.
She curled up against Willow, and Willow put her arms around her, and they drifted off to sleep together.
Buffy and Faith laid naked together in their bed under the blankets, and Buffy covered Faith's lips with soft kisses. Faith caressed her hair.
Buffy kissed her way down Faith's long, graceful neck, with the muscles there like knotted cords...kissed her breasts...Faith's little pink nipples were hard. Buffy sucked on them, slowly, coaxing them to their full size, taking her time. And she took in Faith's scent, and heard her heart beating, along with Faith's first soft moans...they were whispers, for now...they were tremulous, hesitant. Faith always started this way. As if part of her was a little afraid...
There was only one candle lit. The room was almost completely dark. They found each other by scent.
Buffy moved herself on top of Faith under the blankets, and began kissing her way down Faith's hard, flat stomach, brushing her lips over the gentle ripples of her abdominal muscles as they flexed and relaxed, tasting Faith's flesh with her tongue...feeling the smooth texture of her skin, its warmth, and the blood moving beneath it, as Faith breathed faster...Faith's musky peach scent was stronger down here. Buffy was slowly kissing and licking her way down to the spot where it was strongest...
Buffy felt the familiar sensation, as her heart beat faster, and her pussy grew even wetter, and her blood shot through her veins...all in response to that beautiful scent, like it was the detonator that set off an explosion inside her...
Faith's scent compelled her.
Buffy moved her lips to Faith's pubic hair, and nuzzled her nose against Faith there, and remained still, for a moment. She just took in that beautiful scent...
Then she gently opened Faith's legs, as she heard herself purring...the Slayer inside her, whispering to Faith's most special place...
"Love you so much," Buffy whispered, and kissed Faith there.
Faith took Buffy's hand, and brought her back up beside her, and shook her head.
"What's...what's wrong?" Buffy whispered, as she popped her head up from under the blankets.
Faith wasn't looking at her. She hadn't really looked at her since they had come back to the bedroom. Right now, she was looking up at the ceiling, into the shadows.
"Just...not in the mood right this second," Faith said. "Plus we got the munchkin with us now. Gotta keep the noise down."
"You're angry with me," Buffy said.
"Yeah," Faith said.
"Because of yesterday...when I made Willow watch us."
"Yeah."
Buffy sat up, on the edge of the bed.
"I'm sorry," Buffy said.
Faith sat up with her. They sat on the edge of the bed, naked together, in the dark.
"You hurt Willow," Faith said. "You weren't just trying to stake your claim on me when you made love to me in front of her. You wanted to hurt her. And it pissed me off. I didn't like you hurting her. Sure as hell didn't like being the thing you used to do it either."
Buffy was quiet. Faith took her hand.
"I'll do what I have to do, Buffy," Faith said. "I love you and I want to be with you and I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you in my life. I gotta get hurt sometimes, I'll deal with it. I just...didn't like you hurting Willow."
"I'm sorry," Buffy said. She had tears in her eyes now. "I don't know...why I did that."
"You've been saying me and Will gotta get past this thing," Faith said. "But you're wrong. I'm already past it, I made my choice. I chose you. You're my love, Buffy. So I'll do what I gotta do to keep you. I been kicked around before. I can take it."
Buffy hugged her.
"Baby, baby I don't...I don't ever wanna kick you around," Buffy said, and started to cry.
Faith nodded. But she still wasn't looking at her.
"I'm past the thing with Willow," Faith said. "Willow is past it too. In the Wal-Mart, when I got the memories back, she told me I should be with you, not her, and we've been okay ever since. She could've made a play for me but she didn't. Those were goodbye kisses, in the Wal-Mart. When I got the memories...I needed to kiss her goodbye, and I won't apologize for it. I needed to tell her I love her too, and I won't apologize for that either. And you're still gonna smell her on me sometimes because me and Will are gonna hug whenever we need to, and I won't apologize for that either. We'll hug, but we won't kiss. We'll love each other, we'll be there when one of us needs help, but we won't cheat. That's how it's gonna be, Buffy. I need her in my life, she's important to me, and I'm important to her, and that's not gonna change. But at the end of the day, I'm your girl, forever. You can't deal with it being that way with me and Will, tell me now."
"It's okay," Buffy whispered, as she hugged Faith, holding on to her, and cried. But Faith wasn't hugging her back. She held Buffy's hand.
"Think I'll cheat on you?" Faith said.
"No," Buffy said.
"Think I love her more than you?" Faith said.
Buffy didn't say anything.
"I could've had her, in the Wal-Mart," Faith said, and turned toward Buffy, and looked her in the eyes. "She was saying we shouldn't, reminding me about you, but I know what Willow likes, how she likes to be touched. I could've seduced her, made love to her. If I wanted her instead of you, that's what I would've done, Buffy. But I didn't. I told her I loved her, and we cried, and we kissed goodbye. Because you're my choice."
"Okay," Buffy whispered.
"I know you're still worried about it," Faith said. "You're thinkin', if I loved Willow back in Boston last year, if I loved her before I even met you, how can I just set that aside and move on to you. You're thinkin', if I could do that, if I could get over Willow so quick, maybe that means I can leave you someday too if something better comes along."
"I don't think that," Buffy said.
"You do," Faith said. "You don't understand how I could've loved her but be willing to leave her now for you. That's the real reason you're afraid of me and her together, not because you think I'll cheat on you, but because you think I'm cheating on her by being with you. But there's something you're not picking up on. You said it to Willow yesterday, when you did what you did to me. She wasn't the one I was with. I was with a different version of her, a Willow from ten years down the road."
Faith caressed Buffy's cheek, and felt her tears, and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, and when Buffy wanted more, Faith pulled back.
"I was in love with that Willow, the Willow from the future," Faith said. "Our Willow isn't her, and she might not ever be. There are differences between them. Yeah, I got feelings for our Willow, but our Willow isn't the Willow I loved. The Willow I loved is never coming back. She left me, because she knew I was meant to be with you. She traveled back in time to save me, and then me and her became lovers, but she told me about how things went originally, before she came back and changed things...she told me how history was supposed to go. She said you and me were together forever, Buffy. All the way to her time, 2009, you and me were always a couple, always in love, and we were always happy together."
Buffy smiled, and nodded.
"Me and Will aren't the problem here, Buffy," Faith said. "I know you and her took a few steps this morning...good steps. But they're only the first steps. The problem is still there. And I'm not gonna spell it out for you, because you know what it is. It's between you and Will, and it started in the hospital room when she said that mean stuff to you, but it reaches back way before that...way before either of you ever knew me."
Faith held Buffy's hand up. She kissed Buffy's wrist, where the scar was... where Buffy had cut herself open.
"It goes all the way back to this," Faith said. "And you and her gotta settle it."
"Let me...let me make love to you tonight, baby?" Buffy whispered, and kissed Faith's hand. "I need you, baby."
"I'm not in the mood tonight," Faith said.
Buffy's scent changed; Faith knew she was scared.
"What I did, it won't ever happen again, it won't Faith, not ever, not ever, I promise, I promise," Buffy said, shaking her head back and forth.
"Told you I can take it," Faith said. "No big."
"You shouldn't have to take it!" Buffy shouted. "You shouldn't...be treated that way."
"You made me feel..." Faith whispered. "You made me feel..."
Faith looked down at the floor.
"You made me feel like those guys in Boston used to make me feel," Faith said.
When Willow woke up, Annabelle was on top of her, looking down into her eyes and giggling.
"Willow Belly!" Annabelle said.
"Anna Belly," Willow said, and smiled.
Annabelle moved her nose against Willow's, and shook her head. Willow nodded.
"I think you're a tickle belly too!" Willow said, and started tickling her. Annabelle leapt off her like a grasshopper and bounced around the bed like a little miniature earthquake, laughing so hard her face was red, and hiding under the covers.
Willow still hadn't allowed herself to forget the secret. So she knew it was almost time for her conversation with Buffy, in the Wal-Mart.
And Annabelle needed things...clothes, toys. The Wal-Mart would be perfect.
Willow pulled Annabelle out from under the covers, sat up, and held her in her lap, and stroked her hair.
"Lil' tickle belly," Willow said. Annabelle giggled again, and shook her head.
Willow let her mind reach out...to Annabelle, first. As she held Annabelle giggling and fidgeting in her lap, she gently probed the girl's thoughts. Annabelle was happy, and she wasn't afraid anymore. She was still mourning the loss of her parents, but she hadn't had time to feel it yet; she was still in a kind of shock. But she was happy for now. When the death of her parents finally caught up with her, Willow would be there for her.
Willow reached out further, through the whole mansion. Everyone was trying to sleep, except for Cordy; she had just gotten up a little while ago and she was cooking something... chicken empanadas. Cordy was wondering if there were any television stations still broadcasting, and if they were broadcasting anything but news. She was just remembering that Angel said he had a VCR, and she decided to see if Angel had any videotapes.
Willow reached out further.
The First was bringing demons into town; they would be there soon. Some would be sent to attack the mansion, the rest would be sent to UC Sunnydale to surround the Initiative base and make certain Riley wasn't able to bring his forces into the fight...
President Lieberman was being briefed in the Situation Room by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in an underground bunker in Maryland. The government knew about vampires, and how to fight them. They were considering a plan to equip all divisions of the U.S. Armed Forces with flamethrowers and guns with wooden ammunition, and send them out to retake key cities, block by block. But they still didn't know what to do about the sun. According to the data they were getting back from their satellites, the sun was still there. They just couldn't see it, and its light and heat weren't reaching the world. But this wasn't an eclipse of some kind; nothing was blocking it. NASA scientists were at a loss to explain it...
Willow concentrated...and reached out, to everyone in the world at once...and made a count.
The death toll, at that moment, was twenty-one million, four-hundred sixty-one thousand and six. It was increasing geometrically. The vampires were turning some of the people they killed. The human race would be all but extinct within weeks.
"You hungry, sweetie?" Willow said. "Time for...well, whatever meal this is supposed to be. Supper I guess, since it's gonna be empanadas."
Annabelle nodded. "Emmababas?" she said.
"Emmababas," Willow said, and picked her up in her arms, and carried her out of the room.
Willow found Cordelia, in the room with the stove, frying up empanadas. She had cooked enough for everyone, and they smelled good. The room was very nearly bright. Cordelia had lit so many candles in there that it looked like a tanning booth.
"Oh my God, this room just got a hundred-percent cuter," Cordy said, and walked right up to Annabelle, and took her hand, and smiled. "You remember me, Annabelle? I'm Cordelia."
"Corleeba?" Annabelle said.
"Cor-del-ia," Cordelia said, slowly, sounding out the word. "But you can call me Corleeba if you want. Or Cordy."
"We've got some other names for her too," Willow said. Cordelia's smile didn't falter.
"Cordy," Annabelle said. She looked toward the stove. "What's those?"
"Come and see!" Cordy said, and took Annabelle out of Willow's arms, and carried her to the stove. Cordy bent forward, and inhaled the succulent aromas wafting up from the pan.
"Empanadas," Cordy said. "Mmm, don't they smell yummy?"
"Emmababas," Cordy said. "You wanna have some? I was just gonna make dinner but there's no one to eat with me and I'm sad." Cordelia put on a pouty face when she said it. Annabelle cocked her head and looked at her curiously.
"Don't be sad, Cordy," Annabelle said, and touched Cordy's cheek, as Cordelia pretended to sob.
"I won't be sad anymore if you have emmababas with me," Cordy said, and moved her face very close to Annabelle's. "Will you have emmababas with me, Annie? Pleeeeeeeeeease?"
"Emmababa nose!" Annabelle said, and kissed Cordelia's nose, and giggled.
"I think that means yes," Willow said.
"Awesome," Cordy said. "And then Annie and I can have a serious talk about fashion," she added, frowning at the "Nerds Do It Better" tee-shirt Annabelle was wearing as a nightgown.
"That's actually kinda why we're here," Willow said. "I need someone to watch her for awhile while I go get her some clothes and stuff. Can you help me out?"
"Of course!" Cordy said, and smiled, and tickled Annabelle's stomach, as Annabelle giggled at her. "We'll hang out and have some girl talk. And then you're gonna get a total makeover, Emmababa nose."
"Toto makeover?" Annabelle said. "I want pop tarts!"
"We can have pop tarts too," Cordy said. "Also, vanilla crème wafers. And we really need to have a talk about your hair. You've got a complete Marcia Brady thing going on."
"Am I gonna come back and suddenly find a little Mini-Cordy running around?" Willow said. She moved her nose against Annabelle's, and shook her head. Annabelle nodded.
"Well she's dangerously close to becoming a Mini-Willow," Cordy said. "So I should probably stage an intervention for her own good. It's not so great out there, Willow. You should bring someone with you."
"I can handle myself," Willow said. "They all need their rest."
"Where are you going, just out of curiosity?" Cordy said, and picked up a spatula and turned over the empanadas while she held on to Annabelle.
"Just a quick trip to Wal-Mart, it's got everything I'll need in one spot," Willow said. "And you're just completely gonna dime me out, aren't you?"
"Come on, would I do that to you?" Cordy said. "Yes. But it's for your own good."
"You be a good girl for Auntie Cordy, okay sweetie?" Willow said, to Annabelle. "I'll be back real soon, I promise, okay?"
"You gonna have emmababas with us?" Annabelle said. Willow kissed her forehead.
"Absolutely," Willow said. "I love hangin' with my lil' tickle belly. I'll be back before you know it, then me and you and Aunt Cordy can all eat Emmababas."
"And pop tarts," Annabelle said.
"Cordy," Willow said. "I'm glad you're here with us. And I'm sorry about the stuff I said to you at the hospital."
Cordy smiled. "Thanks. Still diming you out."
"I know," Willow said, and smiled too.
"Maybe I'll give you a little bit of a head-start first," Cordy said.
Willow stood in the girls' clothing section of the cavernous Wal-Mart just outside Sunnydale. She had teleported herself there, from the mansion. It was a half hour trip by car and she didn't want to be away from Annabelle too long.
The store was bright, and bigger than a football field, but it was hushed, empty...there were no human sounds. Just the steady drone of the televisions in the electronics section, an endless stream of news broadcasts relaying tales of atrocities, sometimes with video footage, and updating the death count every hour, the voices of the reporters seeming more tired now than afraid...almost numb. Music filtering in through the store's intercom system provided a soundtrack of sorts: songs for the end of the world.
Willow knew Cordelia was about to tell Buffy now that she had left...when she reached out with her mind, she saw Cordelia, entering Buffy and Faith's bedroom.
Willow saw Buffy and Faith. Faith had just managed to fall asleep for a little while. Buffy was awake. She was holding Faith in her arms, under the covers, and stroking her hair, and watching her sleep.
Cordelia stood in their doorway. "Don't even wanna know what you guys are doing," Willow heard Cordelia say, softly. "Um, so...we have a tiny problem."
Willow knew it was time to forget the secret, now...
Willow was standing in the middle of a Wal-Mart, with no idea how she had gotten there. She looked around. She was in the girls' clothing section. That was good, since Annabelle needed clothes...but how had she gotten there?
For some reason, Willow didn't think it was important. She decided that she shouldn't dwell on how she had gotten to the Wal-Mart...for some reason, when she thought about it, she felt a strong desire to stop thinking about it.
So she did. She tapped her jeans pockets. No keys. Which meant she hadn't taken Tara or Cordy's cars...she must have hotwired one. And that was explanation enough.
She picked out clothes for Annabelle.
After half an hour Willow had a carriage full of adorable little outfits for Annabelle that ran the gamut from simple tee-shirts and shorts for when they played together on a beautiful summer day, to cute little dresses for when Willow took her out to a restaurant, to overalls for when she just wanted to see Annabelle looking ridiculously cute, to heavy coats and sweaters and mittens and a scarf and earmuffs and a stocking cap with the little pom-pom at the end for when the weather got cold, along with two pairs of sneakers, two pairs of shoes, a pair of boots, underwear and socks, a nightgown, and a pair of footie pajamas with a cow design that matched Willow's own cow pajamas exactly. And barrettes for her hair.
She moved on to the toy section. There was a selection of childrens' books there: Doctor Seuss had a whole rack to himself. Willow picked out Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in The Hat, The Cat in The Hat Comes Back, Hop on Pop, Horton Hears a Who, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, and The Lorax. She moved on to the board games aisle after that and she was considering what types of games Annabelle would like--she thought "Hungry Hungry Hippos" and "Operation" both looked promising--when she suddenly jumped.
Buffy was standing at the other end of the aisle, smiling.
"Y'know, for a smart girl you're really kinda dumb sometimes," Buffy said. Her voice was jarring; it cut through the hush of the place, and echoed like they were standing in a tomb.
"Buffy?" Willow said.
Buffy didn't move toward her. She just kept smiling...
"I mean, I'm like, totally attacking you guys, I've got a zillion vamps and demons, plus wizards, commandos...so, sensibly enough, Faith decides you all need to hole up someplace defensible, and you do. And then you decide to leave that place by yourself and just sorta hope maybe I won't notice. But I always notice. And now you've got a problem, Will."
"Yeah," Willow said. "Looks like I do."
Willow turned away from her, and went on looking at the board games. "Trouble" was fun. Willow used to like it when she was Annabelle's age. The plastic bubble made a fun sound every time you popped it. She put it in the carriage, along with "Hungry Hungry Hippos" and "Operation". Buffy watched her.
"I control all the vampires," Buffy said. "I bring them here, you're mine. Game over."
"So bring them here and stop talking about it," Willow said. "Besides...my friends are gonna be getting here soon. They know I'm out here."
"You're right. Buffy knows. When Cordy told her you took off, Buffy got really scared. She's driving out here now. She had a good cry on the way out here. Because she thinks it's her fault you left. Maybe you should pick up a couple of jigsaw puzzles. I bet Annabelle would like jigsaw puzzles."
There were jigsaw puzzles on the other side of the aisle. Willow looked at them.
"She's a cute kid," Buffy said, and walked down the aisle, and looked at the jigsaw puzzles with Willow. "Kind of a risk though, bringing her into the house. She leaves you guys vulnerable to me. I manage to capture her, you guys would surrender to me to keep her safe. Even Angel would. So now I don't have to capture like, four super-powered chicks and their hottie vampire pal. Now I just have to capture one little kid whose only power is super-cuteness. That one with all the animals is nice."
Willow pulled out a jigsaw puzzle called "African Afternoon". It depicted animals living peacefully together in a lush African wilderness, by a sun-dappled stream. There was a pride of lions, sunning themselves on the grass, next to a family of zebras that included a male, a female, and a foal. A lazy leopard was asleep up in a tree, hippopotamuses frolicked in the water, and there were elephants and giraffes in the background. Willow dropped the puzzle in the carriage. She pulled out another puzzle; it was called "Among the Dinosaurs" and it depicted various dinosaurs in a mountainous, Jurassic setting, with volcanoes exploding in the background.
"You should definitely get the dinosaur puzzle too," Buffy said. "Dinosaurs are cool. So why did you leave the mansion, Willow? Don't tell me it's just because Little Orphan Annie needed stuff. I've got Buffy's memories, remember? Her thoughts, her feelings. And I know what happened yesterday...I know how Buffy made you watch her with Faith. Okay, I'm evil? But that really was kinda bitchy."
"I should pick up some movies for her," Willow said. "Like, The Wizard of Oz, maybe some Barney stuff."
"The Little Mermaid," Buffy said. "Plus Toy Story."
"Maybe it would be better if I was gone," Willow said. "All this stuff that's going on between Buffy and Faith, it's my fault."
"Well it would definitely be better if you were gone from my perspective," Buffy said. "You're the strongest out of all of them."
"I'm not strong," Willow said. "I've always been weak. I'm afraid all the time. Afraid of what Angel did to me, that it might happen again. Afraid of what I might do, if I let myself get angry. Afraid to hang up my frigging clothes. I'm afraid of my own closet. I never told anybody this, but...I have panic attacks sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna suffocate."
"You...you do?" Buffy said. Then she smiled. "Hey, that's totally cool. Thanks for filling me in on one of your weaknesses. I should totally take advantage of that. By the way, Tactical Thinking 101? Don't tell the bad guy your weaknesses. And you still haven't told me what I want to know. Why did you leave the mansion? And you were about to move out just before you all saw me in the courtyard, you had your bags packed. Then Mister Skeleton Guy had to show up with that frigging kid so she could ruin my plans with her power of super-cuteness."
They were in the electronics section. Willow stopped the carriage in an aisle full of childrens' videos.
"I was gonna leave because I thought you guys would be better off without me," Willow said.
She sat down on the floor, leaning back against the shelves.
"That thing Buffy did to Faith, I wasn't angry because Buffy was, y'know, bein' all bitchy at me," Willow said. "I was angry because she was embarrassing Faith...hurting her. That thing Buffy did, it's the kind of thing that would remind Faith of the way her life was before... when she was on the street, and people were taking advantage of her. Buffy made her feel like... like a piece of meat."
"Yeah," Buffy said. "Sometimes, I don't really see a lot of difference between me and Buffy. I'm evil, she tries to be good, but we both get the same results."
"When it comes down to it, it's my fault though," Willow said. "Buffy did that because of me...because my feelings for Faith scare her. Faith would never cheat on her, I think Buffy knows that. But she's worried I might try to take Faith from her. So maybe everyone would just be better off with me gone."
Buffy sat down next to Willow.
"Would you?" Buffy said. "Would you try to take Faith?"
"No," Willow said.
"Maybe you should," Buffy said. "I've got Buffy's feelings, Willow. She thinks Faith might be better off with you. I think so too. You would never treat Faith the way Buffy did. You would never hurt her."
According to the news reports, a large group of vampires had invaded a government camp outside of Philadelphia. They had burned it to the ground, and then they had led some of the people off in chains.
"Why are you telling them to capture some people?" Willow said.
"Breeders," Buffy said. "Vamps are gonna need something to eat after I take over."
"Speaking of vamps, I thought you were gonna bring your vamps here to capture me."
"I'm thinking about it. I've got a whole bunch waiting close by. I might wait until Buffy gets here, capture you both."
"Better plan is to take me now, use me as a hostage when Buffy gets here."
Buffy smiled. "That's those Rebecca memories making you all tactical, huh? You're right, that's a better plan. Being in Buffy's form, I tend not to be too great with plans. Obviously, since you guys keep like, totally escaping from me. I feel like one of those Scooby Doo villains who's all like, And I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those damn kids! when they pull his mask off at the end of the show. If I could be Faith, I'd probably have you guys all wrapped up by now. Maybe I should be Rebecca."
"Buffy's awesome with plans. She's a great leader. I'd follow her anywhere. The only reason I was in favor of her stepping back was that it was hurting her too much. She didn't like the responsibility. Faith is better suited for it. She can separate herself from her feelings in a way Buffy can't. She can make the hard decisions and not let it eat away at her like Buffy did. I was tempted to try to take Faith away from Buffy. I wanted to try. But I didn't try. Because Faith is meant to be with Buffy, not me."
"Still tempted?"
"No. Because what's important to me is what's best for Faith. I couldn't live with myself if I dated Faith, knowing I was keeping her from her true love. Buffy's her true love."
Buffy nodded. The news reports were saying that the Russians had begun firebombing their own cities. In Japan, the emperor and his family were under siege by thousands of vampires outside the Imperial palace in Tokyo.
"Buffy's been treating you like shit," Buffy said. "But it's not because of you and Faith. It's because of what you said to her in the hospital when you did that cute black-eyed thing you do. Hey, great job, by the way. You really did a number on Buffy when you said all that stuff. Because it was true."
"Buffy wasn't trying to hurt us," Willow said. "She was in love with Angel. You can't help who you love."
Buffy laughed. "You were right, when you said it's Buffy's fault you were raped. When you said it's Buffy's fault Xander's dead. When you said...it's Buffy's fault her mother's dead."
"It wasn't her fault."
"Remember Los Angeles, last summer? Buffy ran away when things got too tough out here. She ran away, and tried to kill herself. Because she knew it was all her fault. What happened to you was her fault."
"It wasn't her fault. Yeah, part of me has always been pissed about her thing with Angel. But Buffy loved him. You can't help who you love. But when the world was on the line, when her friends were on the line, Buffy did what she had to do. She ran Angel through with a sword, and saved the world. She put her friends first. She made the sacrifice. She's always been my hero and I'm proud of her and I love her. And I'll always love her. She can hate me forever but I'll always love her."
"She doesn't hate you," Buffy said. "But when you said that stuff in the hospital...it made Buffy feel like...like maybe she should have just died in Los Angeles. Like maybe everyone would be better off without her. That's why. That's why she's been such a bitch to you. She's been trying to find a reason to live ever since you saved her last summer, trying to put her life back together, and then when you said that stuff, she felt like she was right back in Los Angeles again. Back in that bathtub. You made Buffy feel like...like you shouldn't have even bothered saving her."
"I'll always save you, Buffy," Willow said, with a tear in her eye now. "I'd die for you."
"It was...a peaceful feeling, y'know?" Buffy said. "In the bathtub, after she slit her wrists. It hurt for a minute, but then the pain went away, and the water was warm...and she felt herself... she felt herself just slipping away. All her worries, all the weight on her shoulders...it was all going away. When she woke up in the hospital, and she saw you looking down at her...she was ashamed. After what Angel did...she didn't think she deserved to be saved. She didn't think she deserved your friendship. She tried to put her life back together after that, tried to find a reason to live, because you sort of insisted. You wouldn't let her out of your sight all summer."
"Because I love you. And I still worry about you. Whenever it's been more than a day or two since we've talked, I get antsy. I have nightmares about that little apartment sometimes. I have nightmares about you in that bathtub."
"When we got back to Sunnydale, Buffy found Faith, and she's been Buffy's reason to live ever since. She's been Buffy's reason, since the day she first met her. And then, you got Faith's memories, and Faith remembered being with you last year...and it felt like...Buffy felt like...you can give Faith something she never could. It felt like...Buffy felt like she was being selfish. Faith is Buffy's reason to live, but Faith deserves more than that. She deserves..."
Tears rolled down Buffy's cheeks.
"She deserves...everything," Buffy whispered. "She deserves everything in the world... everything. She should have everything."
"She wants you," Willow said, and hugged her.
Buffy was solid.
"How did you know?" Buffy whispered, as Willow held her.
"You make a lousy evil person," Willow said. "I'm a totally more convincing evil person than you. Actually, Cordy puts us both to shame."
Buffy giggled, as she cried.
"I saved you in Los Angeles, and you saved me before that," Willow said. "Because that's what friends do."
"I haven't been much of a friend lately," Buffy whispered.
"Neither have I," Willow said. "We've both been dropping the ball lately. Faith's been trying to hold everything together and all we've done is make it harder on her. And poor Tara doesn't know what the hell's going on."
"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered, and cried against Willow's chest. "I'm sorry I've been... I've been..."
Willow kissed her forehead.
"I'm sorry too," Willow whispered, and cried.
They sat there together, crying.
"You saved me, and I saved you," Willow said. "How about we save each other today."
Buffy nodded, and curled up against Willow, and Willow caressed her hair.
They sat on the floor together, and listened to the news. In China, a combined force of vampires and demons had taken over Fujian province, and they were transporting people there and holding them in pens.
"Things are pretty bad out there," Buffy said. "You think...we can really save the world this time?"
"When I'm with you, I always think we can save the world," Willow said.
"Where the fuck have you two been?" Faith said, when they got back. She was standing in the shadowy foyer with Tara and Angel, with her hands on her hips and a deadly serious light in her eyes. But she looked haggard, Willow noticed. She hadn't slept...Willow knew she hadn't really slept all week. She hadn't even really slept in the hospital. The rest of them had, other than Buffy, but the nurses there woke Faith up every hour to take her vitals and adjust her fluids. And after the hospital, Faith had been worried about Buffy...and her. Willow knew it was her fault Faith hadn't slept.
Tara held an incense candle in her hand, and Angel was drinking a glass of blood. Tara looked worried. Angel looked annoyed. "You just take off without telling anyone?" Faith said. "You have any fucking idea what a stupid risk that was?"
Willow and Buffy were loaded down with more bundles than Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Willow was lugging at least five shopping bags in each hand and she looked like she had just finished running wind sprints. Buffy was balancing a stack of boxes in her arms that soared up over her head and teetered there like a cardboard Leaning Tower of Pisa.
"Um...sorry," the tower of cardboard boxes said. "From now on we promise to be completely tactical at all times."
"I was just gonna do a locator spell on you guys," Tara said. "I was worried."
"And then we would've had to send people out to search for you and keep an eye on Annabelle at the same time," Angel said. "Bonehead move. Spreads us too thin. Risks all our lives. And for what? Clothes? Toys?"
"What he said," Faith said. "Me and GQ are on the exact same page here, ladies."
"Yeah! Fuck!" Annabelle said, from the other end of the hall. Cordy was there, holding her in her arms.
"Shit," Faith muttered.
Willow gasped, and smiled, and pointed at Annabelle. "Someone's about to get tickled," Willow said. "Someone's a lil' tickle belly."
Annabelle giggled, and shook her head.
"Sorry, boss," Willow said, to Faith. "I'll be good from now on. It's just, y'know, Anna needed stuff so...I took a quick trip to the Wal-Mart."
"And then you decided to bring the entire Wal-Mart home with you?" Tara said.
"Well, we picked up some stuff for the house too," the tower of cardboard boxes said. "It's totally dark in here, so we picked up some lamps. Lots and lots of lamps."
"Fuck, Willow Belly!" Annabelle said, and giggled again. "I want pop tarts!"
"Fuck," Faith said, and shook her head, and smiled.
"Fuck!" Annabelle said, again, laughing now. "Fuck fuck fuck!"
"Oooooookay, gonna have to nip this in the bud," Cordy said, and lifted Annabelle up higher, so she could look her in the eyes. "Annie, we don't say that word. It's a bad word. We don't say bad words. Okay, sweetie?"
"Okay," Annabelle said.
"Good," Cordy said, and kissed Annabelle's cheek.
"I should kick your ass--butts," Faith said. "Kick your butts."
"It won't happen again, boss," the tower of cardboard boxes said.
"You two talk some stuff out?" Faith said, and took some of the boxes from Buffy.
"Yup," Buffy said.
"I gotta worry about you two anymore?" Faith said.
"Nope," Willow said.
Faith nodded. "Okay."
"Cordy?" Annabelle said.
"Yes, sweetie?" Cordy said.
"Fuck!" Annabelle shouted, and started laughing hysterically, and bouncing up and down in Cordelia's arms.
"That does it!" Willow said, and dropped her bags and marched over to Annabelle, laughing. She pulled Annabelle from Cordelia's arms, and rubbed her nose against hers. "I'm gonna eat that yummy lil' nose," Willow said, nodding, as their noses rubbed together. Annabelle shook her head, giggling.
Angel strolled over to Willow, Annabelle, and Cordy.
"You're pretty funny," Angel said to Annabelle. "You're a real funny face."
"You're funny face!" Annabelle said, and stuck her tongue out at him. Angel stuck his tongue back out at her.
"Its real funny, how you keep pronouncing it wrong," Angel said. "Go ahead, keep on saying 'fuck'. We all like it. It makes us all laugh when you pronounce it wrong."
"Nanounce?" Annabelle said, and cocked her head and squinted at him.
"You keep saying 'fuck'," Angel said, as he finished his blood. "But we all say 'truck'. But you're just a little kid," he said, rolling his eyes and waving her off, and turning his back to her. "We all understand. Little kids always get stuff wrong."
Annabelle frowned. "I don't get stuff wrong!" she said, and scampered around in Willow's arms, craning her neck to see Angel, and trying to get him to look at her.
"Well, you're saying 'fuck' and not 'truck'," Angel said, in a bored tone of voice, as if he was late for an appointment. He kept his back turned to her.
"Truck?" Annabelle said.
"Truck," Angel said, and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Or you can keep saying 'fuck' if you want, since you're just a little kid. But grownups like us all say 'truck'."
"Great," Cordy said. "Now she knows about truck! I hope you're happy, Angel. She's just gonna say it all the time now."
"Nah, she's just a little kid, she'll probably just keep saying it wrong," Angel said, and rolled his eyes again, and gave Annabelle what he judged was a perfectly condescending smirk. "Anyway, I'm trucking thirsty, I'm gonna go get me a refill." He strolled down the torchlit corridor, heading toward the kitchen. "And Tara, don't forget to ask Willow if she knows what that trucked-up thing in the courtyard's all about," he added.
"Truck! Truck truck truck!" Annabelle shouted after him. He turned, and smiled.
"Annabelle!" Cordy said, and gasped, pretending to be offended. "We don't say truck!"
Angel stuck his tongue out at Annabelle. Annabelle stuck her tongue out at him.
Then Angel winked at her, and strolled away.
"He's good with kids," Tara said.
"He had a little sister about the munchkin's age," Faith said.
"He did?" Buffy said.
"Truck!" Annabelle said, giggling. Cordy and Willow both made sure to look shocked.
"You didn't know that?" Faith said.
"No," Buffy said. "I didn't. Where did you hear that?"
"Becca told us," Willow said. "She knew a lot about Angel. When she started out with the Watchers, she was a researcher and he was her first big project. She traveled all over the world looking for information about him, old photographs, old records, eyewitness accounts."
"All the stuff the Watchers have on GQ in their database, Becca wrote it," Faith said. "Now come on, check this out. There's something totally trucked-up you guys need to see."
They all stood in the courtyard. Willow and Buffy hadn't noticed anything at first, until Tara pointed to a trailer of jasmine growing along the walls that crept a couple of feet out of the courtyard. Part of the jasmine seemed to be glowing.
"Why's it glowing?" Buffy said.
"Just what I asked myself," Tara said. "But I didn't have the answer, so I asked someone a lot smarter. I prayed to Athena, to reveal the source of any magic in my immediate vicinity."
"I want trucking pop tarts," Annabelle said. She was perched in Willow's arms. Willow laughed so hard she nearly dropped her. Faith took Annabelle out of her hands, and sat her on her shoulders.
"What flavor pop tarts?" Faith said.
"Blueberry," Annabelle said, and covered Faith's eyes with her hands.
"Weak," Faith said. "You gotta try chocolate. I brought back a whole bunch of chocolate pop tarts from the supermarket. You wanna have some with me, Anna Banana?"
"I'm not banana!" Annabelle shouted, and giggled.
"You're a banana," Faith said.
"She's definitely a banana," Angel said. He was realizing that he was in a pretty good mood all of a sudden. He had another glass of blood now, and he wasn't starving anymore. He was sipping, not gulping; appreciating its taste. The blood had a dash of cinnamon in it: Tara had suggested it. It gave the blood some zing. He had finally gotten some sleep, and he was healed up. And he liked being around Annabelle.
"You're a banana," Annabelle said, and stuck her tongue out at Angel, as he stuck his tongue back out at her. "You're a big banana!"
Faith, Buffy, Willow and Tara decided to let that remark go without comment.
"That's what everyone says," Cordy said.
"Big banana," Annabelle said, and giggled at Angel again.
"Okay, so, completely changing the subject?" Buffy said. "Is there a spell that's doing that glowy thing?"
"Yup," Tara said, and waved her hand...
An energy shield shimmered to life in front of them, as if the night air was suddenly strewn with diamonds. The shield was a partially transparent dome of coruscating white light that pulsed with power; it emitted a low hum like distant thunder. And it was beautiful. It looked like it was made from starlight.
It completely blocked the courtyard, and the trailer of jasmine was growing through it. When everyone looked around, following the border of the shield with their eyes as it glimmered up into the night sky, they saw that it enclosed the entire mansion. The mansion looked like it was encased in a snow globe.
"Welcome to Thunderdome," Faith said. She couldn't see. Annabelle was still covering her eyes.
"That's trucked-up," Annabelle whispered, as she stared up at that gleaming starlight dome, agape with wonder.
"Took the words right out of my mouth, Anna," Buffy said.
"Can I see?" Faith said.
"No!" Annabelle said, and looked down at her, and giggled.
"Please?" Faith said. "Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"Okay," Annabelle said, and uncovered Faith's eyes.
"But...what is it?" Willow whispered. "How did it get here? I sure didn't do it. It's...so powerful...it's like...a thousand times more powerful than Vail's shield was. I've never seen anything like it...never even imagined anything like it. And it's...so beautiful."
"Okay class, time for Professor Tara's lecture," Faith said. "Everybody listen up." She lifted Annabelle off her shoulders, and held her in her arms, and looked at her. "Especially little Anna Bananas."
"Faith Banana!" Annabelle said, and laughed. Faith nodded.
"We're both bananas," Faith said.
When Buffy watched Annabelle at that moment...when she saw her laughing, and saw Faith running her fingers through Annabelle's long, brown hair, a strange feeling came over her.
She looked at Annabelle's long, brown hair.
She saw Faith running her fingers through it.
She looked at Annabelle's long, brown hair...
Annabelle was looking back at her now.
"Dawn?" Buffy whispered.
"What?" Willow said.
"What?" Buffy said, and suddenly felt strange. "I didn't say anything."
"Oh," Willow said. "Thought I heard something."
"Bunny!" Annabelle said, and looked at Buffy with her finger held over her lips. "Sshhh! We gotta listen to Prebesser Tara."
"Yeah, Bunny," Faith said. "Okay Tara, give us the scoop."
"Okay," Tara said. "So I was just out here playing with the jasmine when I noticed the glowy one, and I couldn't figure it out. So I prayed to Athena..."
"Wouldn't that take awhile?" Willow said. "Wouldn't you have to do like, obeisances and stuff?"
"Nah, Athena and I are pretty close," Tara said. "I get like, express service. So anyway I prayed to her and a second later, bang, this thing pops up. The jasmine was glowing because it's going through it. But the thing is, this is obviously an energy shield. I can feel its power. Nothing should be able to penetrate it while it's still in effect. So what's going on?"
"We walked right through it," Buffy said. "When Willow and I came back we walked right through it and we didn't even feel it."
"I know, I can too," Tara said. "I think we all can." She moved to one of the granite benches, in a shadowy corner of the courtyard. A sword was leaning against it. She picked it up, and walked to the courtyard entrance. "Athena wouldn't give me any more hints about this thing, she never tells me everything I want to know, just the stuff I need to know. She's cute that way. So I ran a few tests. Watch this."
She walked through the energy shield, to the other side of the courtyard entrance, and stood atop the flight of stone steps leading to it.
She held up the sword, and slashed at the shield. The shield glowed brighter, and it made a humming sound, like chimes, and repelled the sword.
Then Tara walked back through the shield, into the courtyard, with the sword in her hand.
"How did it do that?" Willow said. "That's impossible."
"No idea," Tara said. "The shield repelled the sword when it was attacking, but let it through when I was carrying it. Working theory? I think this shield is keyed to intent. It will repel anyone or anything with a hostile intention."
"Anything looks like it's been proven," Buffy said. "Anyone is a guess."
"We need a way to test the theory, as soon as possible," Willow said. "We need to know if this shield works. The invitation magic will keep, um..." She glanced at Annabelle. "It'll keep those guys who never get tans out, but it won't keep out, y'know, um...emon-days."
Faith put Annabelle back up on her shoulders, so she could reach up and cover her ears. Annabelle giggled.
"We gotta capture a demon to test the theory for us," Faith said. Then she uncovered Annabelle's ears. "But some of us gotta stay here with Banana. From now on if we break up into teams each team gets a fighter and a witch. Buffy, Angel, Willow. You guys go find us a guinea pig. Smash and grab, do it quick, don't get fancy. Don't take dumb chances. Me and Tara will keep Banana company until you get back."
"But emmababas!" Annabelle said, and looked imploringly at Willow. "Don't go. We gotta have emmababas."
"Faith, is it okay if I stay?" Willow said. "I promised Anna we'd eat emmababas."
"Emmababas?" Faith said.
"Empanadas," Cordy said. "They're awesome Spanish pastries stuffed with chicken and ham and cheese. I made a whole bunch, for all of us. All of us who don't drink blood anyway."
"Hey," Angel said. "I like empanadas."
"Emmababas," Willow said.
"Hey Banana," Faith said, and brought Annabelle down off her shoulders, so she could look at her. "You wanna have emmababas with Willow?"
Annabelle nodded, and reached out for Willow. Willow took her in her arms. Annabelle wrapped her arms around her neck, and rested her head on her shoulder.
"My lil' tickle belly," Willow whispered, and kissed her hair. Annabelle nodded.
"Okay," Faith said. "Angel, Buffy, Tara, you guys find us a guinea pig. The rest of us will hold down the fort."
"One thing," Buffy said. "Me and Will walked through the shield and came back in, Tara did too. We can assume it'll work for Cordy and Faith and Anna, since there's no difference between them and us. But what about Angel? If he walks outta here, maybe the shield won't ever let him back in."
"Got a point," Faith said.
"One way to find out," Angel said.
"That thing might fry you for all you know, Angel," Faith said.
"Gotta know for sure," Angel said, and approached the shield. "If this thing can kill me, if I'm stuck here at the mansion, I'm not much good to us. If we're gonna get the world out of this we're gonna have to move out from under this shield eventually. We gotta know for sure."
"Yeah," Faith said.
Angel looked at the shield, and wondered if he was about to die.
He looked back at Buffy. He smiled. His eyes caught the shield's light, and reflected cold silver...the moon, glistening on a tranquil, black sea. But that light only illuminated the surface, Buffy thought, as she looked into those depths...that black sea was too deep, and the light could never reveal everything beneath the surface. It could never uncover all the wondrous, hidden treasures there...or all the ugly things best left at the bottom.
"Can you believe our lives?" Angel said.
"Nope," Buffy said. And smiled.
Angel walked through the shield. He stepped forward, calm, centered, unconcerned, like he was taking a stroll.
Nothing happened.
He walked back through the shield the same way. Nothing happened.
"Maybe someone up there likes you," Tara said.
"Doubt it," Angel said, and grinned. "I'm Irish after all. But it's a lovely thought."
"Or maybe the shield just doesn't work," Willow said, and took Annabelle back into the mansion.
Faith knew the key was Willow.
The First had tried to take her, twice now.
Faith sat in the candlelit living room, alone, and considered things. There was a lamp in there now, Willow and Buffy had brought a bunch of lamps back from the Wal-Mart because Annabelle didn't like the dark. But Faith liked the dark, so she had lit a candle instead.
The wind had picked up; it hammered at the window. The window shook.
Faith tried to think tactically, the way Rebecca had taught her. She finished her third empanada while she did it. They were good.
Faith had eaten empanadas and pop tarts in the kitchen with Willow and Annabelle and Cordy for awhile, and then she had left them, to find someplace to think. Since the sun had gone dark, Faith hadn't had any time to think. Things were happening too fast. They were always under siege. Even during the three-day reprieve the First had given them, Faith still hadn't been able to think...all she could think about then was Buffy. Now she had some time to herself, when she didn't feel quite so distracted. She was tired. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten a decent night's sleep. But at least now she could think.
The annoying French grandfather clock ticked, too loud. But it wasn't so annoying this time. The steady ticking helped organize Faith's thoughts, now. It kept her mind moving steadily forward, along a single track.
The candle was one of Tara's; it had an incense smell. Faith liked it. The smell helped to focus her thoughts too.
Faith looked into the candlelight, and smelled the incense, and listened to the clock, and the incessant rattling of the window as the wind whipped up, whistling and moaning now, and she let her mind move steadily forward, like a boat being swept along on a tide...
The First had tried to take Willow, twice now. Once before the sun went dark. It didn't just want her because it was trying to keep her alive now that the world had ended, the way it said it wanted to keep the rest of them alive. At the Bronze it hadn't tried to take Faith at all, in fact the wolf vampires who did its bidding had offered to leave Faith alone if she gave Willow to them. The First had focused on Willow specifically: it wanted her. That meant one of two things. Either Willow could help the First, or she could hurt it...
Even though the First seemed to want them all alive now, Faith was certain Willow was still the key...
Suddenly, there was a new scent.
Violets.
Faith looked up, and saw Rebecca standing by the grandfather clock.
"Hello, darling," Rebecca said, and smiled.
Faith still thought Rebecca was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She might have been an angel, standing there in the candlelight.
"Been expectin' you," Faith said. "Whatever this is, whatever lies you're gonna tell me, they're not gonna work. I know you're not Becca. I know you're the First."
"Well of course I'm not Rebecca," Rebecca said. "Unless you believe in ghosts, I suppose."
"Don't."
Rebecca raised an eyebrow. She folded her arms across her chest, and leaned against the grandfather clock.
"Perhaps you should," Rebecca said. "With everything else you've seen, are ghosts really so difficult to accept? But I'll put your mind at ease, Faith. I'm not Rebecca. I am indeed the First. But I have Rebecca's memories...her knowledge...her feelings."
"What do you want?" Faith said.
"To see you, darling. I miss you."
"You're a liar."
Rebecca laughed. "Yes, and that was a rather transparent one, I'm afraid. But I will miss you, in time...if I take this form often enough, I'll become...infected by Rebecca's feelings, the same way Buffy's feelings were able to eventually overpower me whenever I took her form. So I won't be taking Buffy's form anymore. Good riddance. She was a ridiculous, flighty girl. But I like Rebecca. Rebecca was strong. Even better, I can see Rebecca's feelings dispassionately. I'm aware of them, but they can't move me yet. I'm free to act, unhindered by them."
"Got things to do," Faith said. "So far your talk is just bullshit. What do you want? Why the fuck are you here? This about takin' your deal?"
"Faith," Rebecca said, and glared at her. "I don't want you swearing."
Her voice had the same tone it used to have, Faith thought...the tone that always made her sit up straight and listen.
"Sorry," Faith said, before she could stop herself.
"As to your question," Rebecca said. "This is about accepting my deal, in a way. When you girls refused my generous offer I had a good, long sulk. Being Buffy Summers made me rather predisposed to feeling sorry for myself, I'm afraid. Dreadfully emotional girl. Reckless and undisciplined. But once I became Rebecca, I began to...think tactically, as you would put it. And I realized what the problem was."
"Yeah?" Faith said. "What's that?"
"You girls aren't accepting my offer, because you think you still have a hope of defeating me. Ridiculous as that idea is. No weapon, no magic, no strategy has presented itself. No, you think you can defeat me because you all believe in yourselves...because you believe you're strong. But, being Rebecca, I know something about strength. And I'm afraid you girls simply don't measure up. And you need to be made to understand that, so you can finally understand how hopeless your situation is, and be made to see reason. You, most of all, Faith. Because, of all the people in your little band, you're the weakest."
"I got things to do," Faith said, and got up.
"Running away again, darling?" Rebecca said. "Like you ran away from Boston? Is that the best you can do? I taught you better than that, young lady. Stand your ground and face me."
Faith turned, and faced her.
"You believe you're strong, Faith?" Rebecca said. "That you can not only fight me, but actually lead the fight? Let's test that assumption. And we might as well get it over with now. If you run, I'll follow. You can never escape me."
Rebecca looked Faith in the eyes.
"Ever since I died because of you, you can never escape me," Rebecca said.
Faith looked right back.
"Okay, Rebecca," Faith said. "Bring it on."
"Excellent," Rebecca said. "And for my part, I'll promise you that everything I'm about to tell you is the truth. All I'm going to do is make you see the truth about yourself...that you're weak. That you can't possibly fight me. That you should accept the deal I'm offering."
"Uh-huh," Faith said, and sat down on the couch.
Rebecca stood above Faith, and looked down at her...the candlelight didn't reach Rebecca now. She was a shadow.
"When I found you, you were a weak, scrawny, frightened thing, cowering and crying in an alley, stinking of garbage," Rebecca said. "But I had been looking for you for awhile before that. And in a way, I found you long before you met me in that alley. I had to canvas the streets looking for you. It was a long, exhausting trail, but I followed it diligently. It led me to some of your...acquaintances. You know, the boys you whored yourself for."
Faith nodded. She held on to herself.
She held on by her fingernails...
Rebecca smiled. "Everywhere I went, I was regaled by tales of your sexual prowess. All those boys...dozens of them...they really did think you give a smashing blowjob, Faith."
"I did," Faith said. "I was awesome at givin' head. But those days are gone. That ain't me anymore."
"Isn't it?" Rebecca said, and chuckled. "You know, after all those stories I heard about you, I was rather worried, when I finally found you. I was worried you'd go ply your trade in the street for spending money. Why do you think I gave you a weekly allowance? To keep you from whoring yourself."
"That's a lie."
"Believe what you want. You think you know me, you think you know Rebecca, but you don't. There's rather a lot you don't know, Faith. Par for the course for you; you're just not smart. That's one of the lies Rebecca told you, darling. That you're smart. She actually thought you were rather slow."
Faith felt that. It shook her. She almost lost her grip...almost fell. She steadied herself.
"Yes, I know, it's terribly disheartening to learn that the woman you had considered a veritable paragon of virtue lied to you," Rebecca said. "But look at it from Rebecca's perspective. She was saddled with a potential Slayer who not only was something of an idiot but who also had absolutely no confidence in herself. Rebecca had to at least attempt to get you ready, no matter how much she may have privately doubted that you would ever be up to the challenge. And believe me, Rebecca had her doubts about you. But she couldn't very well agree with you when you said you were dumb, could she? It would have shattered what little confidence you had. She had no choice but to lie to you, about that, and other things."
"Becca...Becca wouldn't lie to me," Faith said.
"Do you know why she got you on to reading in the first place?" Rebecca said. "It certainly wasn't to expand your horizons. Rebecca knew your limits were already set from the moment she met you. She handed you that first book because she wasn't certain if you knew how to read, and she needed a subtle way to find out. She was actually pleasantly surprised when you managed to read Alice in Wonderland. Oh, it was a childrens' book, it's a book they give to fourth-graders in this country, but Rebecca was still very pleasantly surprised when she found you could actually read at a fourth-grade level."
Faith shook her head.
"I can prove what I say is true," Rebecca said. "Think about this, Faith, and do try to keep up. You became the Slayer last May, when Buffy and her friends were contending not only with Angelus, but Spike and Drusilla as well. They could most certainly have used another Slayer out here. But did Rebecca bring you out here? No. She kept you in Boston. She kept you on training wheels. Because she knew you weren't up to the challenge, she knew you weren't anywhere near good enough. Rebecca cried when you became the Slayer, not just because she loved you--and yes, darling, I do love you, that isn't a lie..."
Rebecca caught herself, and frowned. Then she turned away from Faith, and was silent for a moment.
"Yes, well then," Rebecca eventually said. "As I was saying...part of the reason Rebecca cried the night you became the Slayer was that she didn't think you were up to the job. She knew you would be killed, very quickly."
Rebecca still had her back turned to Faith. The wind whistled again. To Faith, it sounded almost like a voice, whispering. For a moment, she almost thought she could catch those whispered words, trying to reach her...
Rebecca turned around and faced her again. But Rebecca wasn't smiling anymore.
"You haven't slept, Faith," Rebecca said. "You look tired."
"Been a rough week," Faith said.
"Yes," Rebecca said. "It has." She sat next to Faith on the couch, and took her hand. But her hand went through her. "If you would all just accept my offer, things would become easier."
"Probably would. But Becca wouldn't be proud of me if I accepted the offer."
"That's the reason, isn't it? The reason you'll resist accepting my offer, no matter how grim the situation becomes. You want me to be proud of you."
"Yeah."
Faith had a tear in her eye.
They sat together, in the dark.
Rebecca stood up again, and walked away. The grandfather clock chimed. It was two in the morning. Willow and Annabelle and Cordelia had gone to bed awhile before, and Buffy and Angel and Tara weren't back yet. Faith was alone. A gust of wind rattled the window, louder than before, as if something was trying to get in now. The candle flickered, and nearly went out.
"Faith, if you really examine this situation, if you really look back at everything that's happened since you arrived in Sunnydale, you'll see that I'm right," Rebecca said. "I do love you, darling, but you simply aren't strong enough or smart enough to do this, to lead these girls, to save the world. Even if this war wasn't already over, even if you did have some faint hope of victory, which you most certainly don't, you still wouldn't be strong enough or smart enough. Can't you see I'm trying to protect you, to keep you from harm like I always did?"
Faith didn't say anything. She looked down at her hands, resting in her lap. She looked at the friendship bracelet Tara had made for her. She still hadn't taken it off.
"Since you've gotten here, since they made you leader, your group has suffered defeat after defeat," Rebecca said. "You were fooled into taking a fake Key last week, and then you almost got yourself killed protecting Willow. On top of that you let Willow and Xander leave the group when that was plainly the wrong move, you failed to stop my priests before they could complete the ritual, and you lost Willow when my vampires captured her. Xander is dead now because of you, and if it weren't for Angelus tracking her down and rescuing her, Willow would be dead now too. You followed that debacle up by refusing to allow Buffy to save innocent lives when you were looking for her mother, and Buffy's mother died anyway, so those innocent lives you were in too much of a rush to bother with were all sacrificed in vain. Then you fell under Drusilla's spell, because you're not intelligent or strong-willed enough to resist her. Buffy can resist Drusilla, because she's smarter and stronger than you. And by the way, darling, that ridiculous story Willow told you, about how Buffy was hypnotized by Drusilla and they all drank tea and played checkers? She made it up, to save your feelings. Buffy was never hypnotized by Drusilla. Because Buffy is smart, and strong. You are stupid, and weak."
"You're...you're just lying again," Faith said. "All you do is lie."
Rebecca smiled. "Believe whatever makes you feel better, darling. Let's see, what else have you bollocksed up lately? Well, there's poor Mister Giles. He died, and you haven't even the slightest idea how it happened."
"Pretty sure you did it."
"I didn't, actually. But that doesn't matter. And you've refused to allow Angelus to go out and save people, once again proving that you don't actually care about doing what's right. I suppose if Angelus had concentrated on just saving pretty girls, you might have allowed him to bring some of them to the mansion. Which leads us to this ridiculous business with Buffy and Willow and Tara. You're dating Buffy, but you very nearly slept with both Willow and Tara as well, and I know you still want to."
"I don't."
Rebecca chuckled again. "Now who's lying, Faith? You've hurt all three of those girls, just like you've hurt everyone you've come into contact with since you've been here. Parading around like the vulgar, common slut you are, flaunting yourself in front of Willow and Tara, all you've done is make things worse for everyone. I honestly don't know what a smart girl like Buffy could possibly see in you. She'll leave you eventually, you know. Not because she doesn't love you. I was lying about that, when I came to you as Angelus last week."
"I know."
"Well what do you expect? I was Angelus. You should kill him, by the way. He may call himself Angel now, he may try to save lives now, but he's a danger to all of you. If I was still here, I would most certainly kill him."
"Yeah. But you're not still here."
"Yes, because of you. Because you let Kakistos rape me and kill me, and kill seventy-one other people as well. My brilliant Slayer."
Faith nodded. Tears were running down her cheeks now.
"Actually, he killed seventy-two other people besides me," Rebecca said, and smiled. "The news reports left one out. But, be that as it may. I'm not Angelus now, I'm Rebecca and I want what's best for you, darling, so I won't lie to you. Buffy does love you, very much. But she'll leave you, because you'll cheat on her. Because that's just the kind of girl you are. You're a lowlife, Faith. You're a little scum who belongs out on the street giving blowjobs in the backseats of cars. I'm not blaming you, I'm not judging you. With your upbringing, it's understandable that you went looking for love and confused it with sex. It's understandable that when you had to fend for yourself on the street, you used what you had at your disposal--certainly not your brain, but you have a cracking good body--and you became a prostitute. And now that you're here you'll spread your legs again for whoever comes along and eventually Buffy will have had enough. She doesn't trust you, you know. Yes, she loves you, but she knows you're going to cheat on her. Why do you think she gave you that spanking?"
Rebecca smiled again: an ugly smile, this time...and her blue eyes were empty.
"Perhaps I should have given you spankings," Rebecca said, and raised her eyebrow. "I'm certain you would have loved it."
She moved closer to Faith.
"You would have loved being naked in front of me, wouldn't you, Faith?" Rebecca said.
"Stop it," Faith said. Her voice was shaky and high. "This is just...you're just makin' up bullshit now, talkin' just to talk."
"I never talk just to talk," Rebecca said. "You know, it's funny. With your obvious love of having a nice, big cock in your mouth, you'd think I wouldn't have predicted you'd become a lesbian. But I had a feeling. Do you know why? Do you want to know how I knew?"
Faith felt a chill go through her, as Rebecca unbuttoned her blouse.
"What...are you doing?" Faith said.
"Granting your fondest wish," Rebecca whispered, as she slipped off her blouse, and stepped out of her shoes.
"Don't...don't," Faith whispered, as Rebecca stepped even closer, and leaned over her, and unfastened her bra. She dropped it to the floor, and let Faith see her breasts. They were inches from Faith's face now...inches from her lips.
"Don't," Faith whimpered, her tears coming faster.
"Do you want to kiss them, darling?" Rebecca whispered. "Do you want to suck on them?"
Faith closed her eyes, and moved her head away. But Rebecca kept moving closer.
"Look at me," Rebecca said. "You think you're strong, so face up to this. Face the truth."
"It's not the truth!" Faith whimpered, and opened her eyes, and looked at her. Rebecca leaned very close to Faith, and ran her fingers through her hair. Her fingers couldn't touch her, but her violet scent was strong. At the same time, she unzipped her skirt, and shimmied out of it.
"If I had given you any indication that I wanted this, you would have slept with me, wouldn't you?" Rebecca whispered. "Don't lie to me, darling. It's all right. You can admit it. Would you have slept with me, if I wanted it?"
Faith looked away from her. Rebecca's panties were black silk, and she wore sheer stockings with them. She moved even closer to Faith...their lips were nearly touching. She pulled her panties down, slowly, sensuously, moving her hips as she did.
"Do you think I'm beautiful, Faith?" Rebecca said.
Willow woke up.
The window was rattling. It was shaking so hard now that Willow thought it might break. She could hear the wind, whipping itself into a frenzy outside; it sounded like a hurricane.
Annabelle was still asleep in Willow's arms. She looked peaceful.
But something was wrong...Willow felt it...
The window kept rattling...almost as if something was trying to get in.
"Stop," Faith whimpered, and shook her head, and closed her eyes, and cried.
"Look at me," Rebecca said.
Faith opened her eyes.
"If I wanted to fuck you, you lowlife scum, would you have done it for me?" Rebecca said, her voice taking that tone it took sometimes...the one Faith couldn't help but respond to. "Would you have licked my pussy, the way you lick Buffy's?"
Rebecca stepped out of her panties.
"You like my scent, don't you?" Rebecca said, and kissed Faith...her lips went through her, and Faith turned away, trembling now. "You like how I smell between my legs. Do you want to be my whore, Faith? Would you like that? Why don't you get undressed for me, darling, and we'll lie down together."
"STOP!" Faith screamed, sobbing, and curled herself up into a ball, and buried her head in the couch cushions. "Stop, stop, stop..."
"STOP!" Faith screamed again...
"Stop," Willow said.
Rebecca turned. Willow stood at the entrance to the living room, in her nightgown.
"Willow," Rebecca said, and smiled. "Would you like to join us? Faith was just about to show me what a good little whore she can be. I'm certain that's a show you'd love to see."
Willow walked to the couch, and sat down next to Faith, and took her hand.
"C'mere, baby," Willow whispered. "I'm here now. Everything's gonna be okay now."
Faith practically jumped into Willow's arms, sobbing and wailing and screaming now. Willow held her, and kissed her hair.
"It's okay, it's okay baby," Willow whispered. "Auntie's here now. Auntie will make it all better, okay? Auntie will make it all better."
Faith curled herself up against Willow's bosom, trembling all over as Willow held her, and stroked her hair, and whispered that it would be okay.
"How sweet," Rebecca said, standing naked above them with her arms folded across her chest. "And this is the leader of your group? This weak, sniveling little scum of a streetwalker is going to lead you to victory against me?" Rebecca laughed. "That's a joke."
Willow looked up into Rebecca's eyes.
"You can't fucking touch us," Willow said. "Leave."
Rebecca leaned over, and whispered in Faith's ear.
"Someone is coming to see you, darling," Rebecca said. "You're going to be so surprised."
"I said LEAVE!"
Still trembling, Faith glanced back at Rebecca.
"I'll be seeing you soon, darling," Rebecca said, softly. "I'm sorry it has to be this way. I do love you, you know. That was never a lie."
And then she disappeared.
Willow held Faith sobbing in her arms, and for a long time, neither of them talked.
Eventually, Willow broke the silence.
"I don't know everything she said to you," Willow said. "But I know she lied. And you know it too. Becca loved you. That was the only true thing it said. Everything else was lies."
Faith remained huddled against Willow's bosom, sobbing. Willow lifted her head, and looked at her.
"If you believe the First's lies, you're dishonoring Becca's memory," Willow said. "Becca loved you, baby. She never once lied to you. She was proud of you. She thought you were smart and strong and brave and you were her special girl. You start believing whatever bullshit the First told you, that means you're calling Becca a liar. And we both know Becca never lied to us, right baby?"
Faith nodded. Tears were running down Faith's cheeks, and her lips were trembling. She looked pale, and her hair was plastered down against her face in limp, wet tangles. Willow fixed her hair, and wiped her tears away, and kissed her forehead.
"Sweetie, you haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since all this started," Willow said. "You're exhausted. You need rest, okay? I want you to sleep now."
Faith curled up in Willow's lap.
"You wanna sleep like this, sweetie?" Willow said. "You want auntie to be your pillow tonight?"
Faith nodded. Willow caressed her hair.
"Okay," Willow said. She leaned over and grabbed the quilt she and Buffy had brought back from the Wal-Mart to give the living room some color, and drew it up over Faith.
"Nice and warm now, sweetie?" Willow whispered.
Faith nodded.
"Becca wouldn't...wouldn't ever lie to me," Faith said.
"Nope," Willow said. "She loved you."
"Where's Banana?" Faith said.
"She's staying with Cordy tonight," Willow said. "Tonight I'm taking care of you. You wanna talk about what happened?"
"I don't know," Faith said.
Willow waited. She knew it took Faith awhile to talk sometimes.
The wind had died down, Willow noticed. Outside, the night seemed calm again.
"She got naked because...she was sayin'...sayin' I wanted...sex with her," Faith said.
"You didn't," Willow said. "You loved her like a Mom, not...not that way."
"She said...I would've, if she asked."
"People always tried to use you, when you were on the street. In the beginning, when you still didn't really know Becca yet, you wondered if maybe she wanted to use you too. You really liked her, and if she asked, you would've done it. But even then, you didn't want to. And once you got to know her, once you two got close, and came to love each other the way a mother and a daughter do, that never could've happened. The First didn't do that to you because it thought you want Becca that way. You don't want Becca that way. The First did that to you because of the stuff you did when you were on the street, how you let people use you and it made you feel bad about yourself. It wanted to take one of the most special things in your life, your love for Becca, and mix it up with one of the worst things in your life, your time on the street. It wanted to make Becca part of that time in your head, it wanted to make your memories of Becca feel dirty. But it couldn't. If you really wanted Becca that way, the First doing that wouldn't have hurt you like it did. It hurt because you think it would be disgusting, being with Becca that way... it would be obscene. Becca was your mother."
Faith nodded.
"I'm gonna stay right here, sweetie," Willow said. "I'm not leaving, okay? Sometimes nieces need to be with their aunties."
Faith nodded.
"Love my auntie," Faith whispered.
"I love you too," Willow said. "You're always in my heart."
Faith went to sleep.
Willow had a strange dream: in the dream she was in a hot, vivid place...a jungle place. The place smelled like blood, and sex. It was dark, but the colors were extraordinarily bright: emerald-green trees, and coal-black shadows between them, and golden eyes peeking out of those shadows. And there were sounds...screams of terror, grunts of pain...claws tearing through flesh. A startled intake of breath, a racing heartbeat...prey animals whimpering as they were brought to ground, and torn open, and taken. And rapturous moans...
The sounds were beautiful. The place scared Willow, but it excited her, too, and its smells made her wet, and its beautiful sounds compelled her. She wanted to explore that place...
Sweating from the heat, she took off her clothes and moved naked into the dark, along a twisting path strewn with blood-red wildflowers, beneath a thick, suffocating canopy of dripping green foliage that blotted out the black sky and all the stars, that had been as bright as diamonds before, and she saw golden eyes peeking out from the shadows between the trees, and she heard growls that froze her blood, and screams that made her want to run like a frightened rabbit...she knew she was being hunted. But she was moving toward a beautiful sound, and an intoxicating scent, and they compelled her forward. The sound was a woman's quick, breathless moans...they had started out soft, but they were becoming steadily louder. And Willow thought there was a hint of fear in those moans, too...the woman was afraid of what she was being driven to.
The scent was strawberries.
Willow moved through the jungle place, naked along the twisting path, and the golden eyes watched her from the shadows...
From out of the darkness, something cut her: a thorn, maybe...or a claw. Willow's blood dripped down her arm, bright red. But Willow kept going. She was compelled.
And then Willow came upon a grassy, moonlit clearing, and found the woman.
The woman was beautiful, with long, red-hair and skin like ivory, lying naked in the grass, her arms pinned to the ground by some unseen force. There were shadows all around her, patches of darkness Willow's eyes couldn't penetrate. And the darkness seemed to be moving...
The woman had her legs spread, and she was thrusting her hips forward, in a slow, steady rhythm. Willow could smell the woman's dripping sex; it smelled sweet. The woman's eyes were closed, and she was moaning, and her heart was beating so loud that Willow could hear it. It sounded like drums...or footsteps. But the woman was crying too, and shaking her head back and forth, as the shadows moved around her, and across her body...as the shadows held her in place, and made love to her.
The woman was prey, Willow realized. She had been hunted, and captured. The shadows had brought her to ground, and now they were taking her...
"Do you love her?" the woman whispered, and opened her eyes, and looked at Willow with tears running down her cheeks. The woman's eyes were green. "Do you love her enough?"
And then Willow saw golden eyes watching her from those shadows...
She heard a growl, that froze her blood...
Willow woke up, in a dark place. When she looked up, she saw golden eyes looking down at her.
She heard a growl, that froze her blood...
She felt soft lips, running across her neck, and strong fingers, running up and down her legs, moving beneath her nightgown.
"Wh-what...?" Willow whispered, and looked around. There was a faint light, in the distance, like a little yellow moon. She wondered if she was lying in the grass...if she was still in the clearing. But she didn't feel grass beneath her...when her vision came into focus, she saw the little yellow moon was a candle.
She was in the mansion, in the living room, on the couch...she remembered now. She and Faith had fallen asleep.
She heard the growl again, and felt her heart beating, and saw those golden eyes...
"Faith?" Willow whispered.
The eyes suddenly darted closer. The growl got louder. Willow felt teeth now, on her neck. She felt her arms being pinned above her head, in a grip like steel. And she felt her fear, rising up in her chest, threatening to carry her away...but not just fear. She felt her blood moving, her heart beating, she felt alive...
Her nipples were hard. Her pussy was wet.
Faith moved her other hand to Willow's hair, and held her still.
"Baby...what...what are you doin'?" Willow whispered.
Faith kissed her, savagely, jamming her tongue into Willow's mouth, as she held her by the hair. Willow whimpered at first, but the whimper became a moan...
And Willow remembered the woman from the dream...
Faith growled at her again, very close to her face: Willow felt Faith's hot breath on her cheek, and she felt Faith's eyes, too: they were like looking up into the sun.
Willow knew what the growl meant: stay still.
Willow didn't try to move. Faith was still pinning her arms above her head, but gently; she wasn't hurting her.
"Baby...baby you don't...want this..." Willow whispered.
Faith took her hand from Willow's hair, and ran her fingers beneath Willow's nightgown again, but this time she caressed Willow's breasts. Willow wasn't wearing a bra. Faith kneaded Willow's nipples between her fingers. They swelled, at her touch.
"You're mine," Faith whispered. "You belong to me."
It wasn't a human voice. It was a predatory animal's voice, a lion's voice, if lions could whisper. It sounded like fire crackling. It sounded like stealthy footfalls in the tall grass...
It wasn't Faith's voice. Willow knew it was the Slayer's voice...
"We shouldn't," Willow wanted to say...tried to say...but the words didn't come out.
"I'm yours," Willow moaned instead, as Faith's golden eyes held her...
Faith took her time, touching Willow's breasts. She knew Willow's breasts were very sensitive, and she knew exactly how to touch them.
Willow tried to make herself think of Buffy. She knew this was wrong...
Willow looked up into Faith's bright, golden eyes, as Faith kissed her again...gently, this time. Willow thrilled to every second of that kiss, and held Faith's tongue in her mouth. Faith moved her fingers between Willow's legs, and caressed her there, over her panties. Willow was soaked, and she was moaning, and moving her hips now...
Willow opened her legs.
Faith let go of Willow's hands. But Willow didn't move her hands...she kept them pinned above her head. She laid there, and didn't try to escape...she knew that she had been hunted, and she had been captured...she was in the clearing.
Her legs spread, her arms pinned, Willow looked up into Faith's bright golden eyes, as Faith kissed her, and caressed her over her panties. Willow couldn't bear Faith's eyes for long.
Willow knew she had been captured...
Like the woman in the dream...
"Do you love her?" Willow remembered the dream-woman whispering. "Do you love her enough?"
And, suddenly, Willow knew what the dream-woman meant...she knew what she was trying to tell her.
Willow knew she had a choice to make...one last time.
She looked up into Faith's golden eyes, and caressed her cheek.
"I love you enough, Faith," Willow said, as she stared into those beautiful golden eyes... the Slayer's eyes. "I love you enough to lose you."
Willow moved herself out from under Faith, and curled up beside her instead, and held her. Faith snarled at her.
"Sshhh, baby," Willow whispered. "I know you think you're a lion tonight. But you're really a sleepy lil' kitten. And this is just a dream."
Willow turned Faith around, and curled herself up behind her. Faith growled again as she did it, but she allowed it.
Willow moved her hand beneath Faith's blouse, and rubbed her belly.
Faith growled.
"Sshhh," Willow said, and kissed her cheek. "I know my lil' kitten loves having her tummy rubbed. Be a good kitten for auntie, okay?"
Faith growled again, but it wasn't as loud this time.
"That's it, baby," Willow whispered, as she rubbed Faith's belly. "There's my pretty lil' kitten."
Faith's growls grew fainter, as Willow rubbed her belly, fading after a few minutes to a soft rumble in her stomach, and then turning to gentle purrs.
"You a sleepy lil' kitten now, baby?" Willow whispered in her ear. Faith nodded her head.
Willow brought the blankets up over both of them, and kissed Faith's cheek again. She kept her hand on Faith's belly; Faith was holding it in place there now.
"I love you," Willow said. "This was all just a dream, baby, okay?"
Faith nodded her head again.
"Love you too," Faith whispered, and went back to sleep.
Faith woke up.
Willow felt it, when Faith woke up. Willow woke up too, yawning.
"What is it, kitty?" Willow said, rubbing her eyes.
Faith was looking around the room, and sniffing the air.
"Vamp," Faith said.
"Faith Lehane!" someone shouted. It was a man's voice, that neither of them had ever heard before. It was coming from outside.
Willow and Faith both immediately jumped off the couch.
Faith ran to the window, and looked out. Willow went with her.
There was a man, standing just outside the courtyard, on the steps. He wore a leather coat, leather boots, a tee-shirt and jeans. He had a goatee. He stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking at the mansion, and smiling.
"That's a vampire?" Willow said.
"Yeah," Faith said. "Come on."
She took Willow's hand and led her through the dark room, and out into the long, torchlit, echoing hallway with its stone walls covered with beautiful mosaics. Faith ran down the hallway, her boots echoing on the stone path, dragging Willow behind her. She reached her bedroom, let go of Willow's hand, ran to the bureau, lit the oil lamp, and pulled a stake and a butterfly knife out of the bottom drawer.
Willow noticed the framed picture of Gwendolyn, set up on top of the bureau.
"I didn't think knives worked against vampires," Willow said.
"They don't," Faith said. "I just like 'em. Always feel good havin' a knife in my pocket."
Faith shoved the stake and the knife into her back pockets. Then she moved to the far corner of the room, near the antique mirror, and picked up a sword.
"This works against vamps," Faith said. "Stake oughta do but who knows how many more might be waiting out there. Could be demons too. At some point the First is gonna send demons at us if it's smart, to get past the invitation magic. Didn't smell any demons but I'm not takin' chances with Banana in the house."
"Well if we're lucky it's just the one vamp," Willow said. "Sounds like he wants to talk to us maybe."
"If it's just the one vamp then that dude is shit outta luck," Faith said.
"You Faith Lehane? Came here to give you a message, kid," the vampire said, from the other side of the energy shield, as Faith and Willow approached him. He stood there, smiling, with his hands in the pockets of his leather coat. He was handsome, Willow noticed, as she approached him, and got a better look at him.
But he looked familiar. Willow tried to decide if she had ever seen him before. She had seen a lot of vampires...
And then Willow gasped.
He looked like Faith.
His eyes were blue, and his hair was a lighter shade of brown than Faith's. But in every other way, he looked like her...exactly like her. The shape of his eyes, his nose, his smile...
He could have been her father.
It was cold out there. Willow had run back to her bedroom and quickly thrown on a sweater and jeans and shoes, but she still felt cold. She hugged herself.
"Let me guess," Faith said. "From the First, right?" She pushed Willow back. "Keep back, Will. Dude's got a knife in his pocket."
"Wasn't gonna try to cut you with it," the vampire said. "I just like playin' with knives is all. Always feel good havin' a knife in my pocket. Old habit. Had this one since I was a kid."
He took the knife out of his pocket, and dropped it to the ground. It was a folding knife with a pearl handle and a long blade.
"Mine's better," Faith said, and took out her butterfly knife, and flipped it open expertly, in a series of fluid motions.
"Now that there's a quality blade, Lehane," the vampire said. "You got good taste."
The vampire had a Boston accent, Willow realized.
"What's your name?" Willow said.
"Don't matter," the vampire said. "Why do you care?"
"Just curious."
"Shawn Brennan. What's yours?"
"Why do you care?"
The vampire smiled. "Just curious, kid."
"Willow Rosenberg," Willow said.
"Yes indeed, I am in California, ain't I?" the vampire said, and laughed. "Willow Rosenberg. Shit. Bet your middle name's Moonbeam."
"It's Danielle," Willow said. "Where are you from?"
"Boston," the vampire said.
"Small world," Faith said. "Now how about you tell me what the fuck you want. Message from the First, right?"
The vampire moved a little closer to the energy shield. He bent forward, and peered at Faith, examining her face.
"What?" Faith said. "The fuck you lookin' at, dude?"
There was something strange about this vampire, Faith thought. His scent was strange... he smelled like rotten meat, but the scent beneath that, the human part of his scent, was familiar, somehow...she just couldn't place it...
"Somethin' familiar about you, kid," the vampire said. Then he smiled. "I ever bang you? You're kinda my type. I like brunettes, pretty brown eyes too."
Faith smiled. "On the very best day of your life, you didn't even come close."
"Shit girl, you're hot, but come on. I'm not so bad. Chicks kinda dig me, I do okay. So who's this First lady, anyway? You know her? Any idea why she got me out here?"
"You don't know?" Willow said.
"Figure it's got somethin' to do with the sun," the vampire said. "But I still don't know what the First has to do with it, or why you guys are so important."
"The First caused it," Faith said. "The First controls all the vampires, and probably demons too, and it can take the shape of anyone who's died. We're fighting it. I'm a Slayer, she's a witch, there's a few more where we came from."
"How?" the vampire said.
"How what?" Faith said.
"How are you fightin' it?"
"Like I'm gonna tell you?"
The vampire smiled. "Sun's gone, vamps everywhere, shit, the fuckin' President's dead. The hell can you do to fight that? You got no plan, do you? You're tryin' to come up with one, but you don't got one yet. You from Boston? What part?"
"Southie."
"I'm from Charlestown. Really is a small world. Where you live?"
"D Street." Faith had no idea why she was talking to this vampire. For some reason, she liked talking to him.
"Rough. Nice kid like you shouldn't be livin' in the projects."
"Sucked, but I got out. I'm livin' out here now."
"Weather's sure nicer. People are kinda freaks though. I saw some black dude looked like fuckin' Patrick Ewing, dude was wearing a blonde wig and high heels and an orange dress. Plus everyone's high and there's like surfer dudes everywhere. I feel like I'm in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."
"You're talkin' the talk, anyway. Better hope your pal Moonbeam's got a magic Bring Back The Sun spell up her sleeve."
"Willow," Willow said, and frowned.
He was Faith's father. Willow was sure of it now.
"Sure thing, Moonbeam," the vampire said. "Okay, so I gotta give you this message. No idea why. But here goes. On Valentine's Day in 1980, before I became a vampire, I raped a girl named Janet on a pool table in a bar in Quincy."
"Oh, Goddess," Willow whispered, and her face went pale.
"Dude, what the fuck?" Faith shouted, her smile gone, her stake suddenly in her hand. "You...you raped a girl? You came here to tell us you raped a girl? Why the fuck would you do that?!"
"I was half in the bag, she was hot," he said. "Brunette, my type. Nice tits. Okay, yeah, I was kind of a punk in those days. But not for nothin', she was askin' for it. She walked in wearing the trampiest damn getup you ever saw. Shit, I thought she was a pro the way she was hittin' on me, then suddenly she acts all shy. Anyway, there's more to the message. The First also wanted me to tell you that you should look at the Quincy Police records for that day, plus the records of some place called Womens Health Services in Boston for April of that year. The First says all the records are online."
Faith looked at the vampire. She concentrated on his scent...the human scent, underneath the scent of rotting flesh.
It smelled like peaches.
"Janet," Faith said. "Her name...her name was Janet? And it happened on February 14th? February 14th, 1980?"
Willow had Faith's memories. She knew Faith's mother's name was Janet.
"Yeah," the vampire said. "Never caught her last name. Anyway, nice talkin' with ya, Faith. Good luck savin' the world, I kinda miss it. It's a lousy world with no ball games, not that the Sox were ever gonna win shit anyway. Take it easy, Moonbeam."
The vampire picked up his knife, and chuckled, and turned to walk away.
"Hey," Faith said.
The vampire turned back toward her.
Faith staked him, and he collapsed into dust. His knife clattered to the ground.
Faith knelt down on the ground. Willow knelt down with her.
"Faith," Willow whispered, and hugged her.
Faith shook her head, and started crying.
"Nine months," Faith whispered. "February 14th to my birthday on November 14th. Nine months exactly."
"We don't...we don't have any proof that...that he was..." Willow started to say. But Faith wasn't listening.
Faith picked up the folding knife, with the pearl handled blade. It smelled like peaches.
"We don't have any proof, Faith," Willow said, and held her tighter. "He coulda...coulda just...made it all up. Maybe...maybe the First just wants us to--"
Faith was looking at the knife.
"We gotta look at the records," Faith whispered. "I have to know."
Angel's mansion still had electricity. And he'd had a phone put in specifically for Buffy.
The internet still worked, for some reason. The government was in hiding, but somehow the internet was still up.
Willow assumed the First had left the internet alone for the same reason it had allowed the news channels to keep broadcasting...so people could know how hopeless things were out there. And, also, for this moment.
They were in the living room, sitting on the couch. Buffy had put a lamp in this room, so they could see. The phone was on a little table beside the couch. Willow disconnected it, and plugged her laptop into the jack. She preferred T1 lines, but she'd set up her laptop to be versatile. When you saved the world on a regular basis, you tended to run into unexpected situations.
Willow considered trying to fool Faith...to pretend the records couldn't be located, or that the internet was down. But she knew Faith could tell when she was lying.
The Quincy Police Department had the worst computer security Willow had ever seen. The entire system only required one password for complete access to every file. Quincy wasn't a very big town and there weren't many police reports for February 14th, 1980. Mostly drunk and disorderlies. A burglary. Two domestic disputes, one public lewdness...one rape.
Faith was sitting next to Willow. Faith's face was pale, and her eyes were riveted on the laptop's screen. She held the pearl-handled knife. Willow held Faith's hand.
Willow brought up the police report of the rape. The victim's name was Janet Lehane.
Tears ran down Faith's cheeks, but she was quiet, and still.
"It doesn't...it still doesn't prove it," Willow whispered. "It doesn't prove he got her pregnant, doesn't prove he's your father."
"There's more," Faith said, and pointed at the screen. Willow followed where she was pointing. The file was linked to a second file, a police record.
When Willow pulled that record up, a photo of the vampire appeared on the screen, along with a criminal history and court records. His name was listed as Shawn Brennan, and he had been arrested for the rape. But he was eventually let go, because Faith's mother never testified.
Faith held on tight to Willow's hand. She cried, but she didn't make any sounds. Willow hugged her, and watched her. Faith sat perfectly still, but Willow knew she was falling to pieces inside...
"You gotta...look up the other one," Faith whispered.
"Faith, remember what Cordy said?" Willow said. "Doing what the bad guy wants isn't usually the best strategy for beating the bad guy."
"I gotta know, Willow."
"Faith, please, just...let this go, sweetie? I love you, Buffy loves you, Tara loves you, we all love you. This stuff? It doesn't matter."
"I gotta know."
Willow held Faith's face in her hands, as she felt her own tears rolling down her cheeks now. "I love you," Willow practically snarled. "Baby, nothing else matters. This whole thing, it's just--"
"I GOTTA KNOW!" Faith screamed, and started trembling.
"Okay," Willow said.
Womens Health Services was an abortion clinic. The moment she saw that, Willow knew what she would find. Faith knew too. Willow actually saw Faith smile, as she cried.
It didn't take long to find the record. Janet Lehane attempted to have an abortion on April 18th, 1980. The notes appended to the report by the counselor she had seen mentioned that Janet claimed she had been raped, and that in the counselor's opinion Janet needed psychological treatment for rape trauma syndrome and clinical depression, and that Janet was a potential suicide risk. But the clinic couldn't perform the abortion, because Janet was too young to have an abortion in Massachusetts without parental consent. There was a follow-up report; the counselor had managed to contact Janet's parents. The counselor wrote that Janet's parents were strict Catholics who refused to allow their daughter to have an abortion on religious grounds and also refused to allow Janet any further contact with the clinic or the counselor. "Parents insist even in case of rape, abortion violates their faith," the counselor had written.
Willow started to cry.
Faith giggled.
"Figures, right?" Faith said, when Willow turned and looked at her.
Willow hugged her again. Faith was still smiling, through her tears.
"I love you, sweetie," Willow said, and kissed her, on the lips, as she cried. "I love you so much. If you weren't with Buffy I'd want to be your girlfriend forever. You're special and beautiful and smart and strong and I love you, Faith, I love you. Please...please? Please don't... don't let this..."
"Ever see Nightmare on Elm Street?" Faith said, and stood up. She still had her father's knife. She flipped it open, one-handed, with a flick of her wrist.
"What?" Willow said.
"Nightmare on Elm Street," Faith said. "Freddy Krueger. Ugly dude with the claws. Ever see any of those?"
"Yeah, a couple of them, I think. Xander liked horror movies. Why?"
"In one of them they did like, the origin of Freddy. Y'know, how he got to be such a lowlife. Turns out his mom was raped by a bunch of insane guys, and that's how Freddy was born. That's why he was such a scum. He was just meant to be one all along. He was born a scum. That's me. I'm Freddy Krueger."
Willow stood up.
"No you're not," she said.
She tried to take Faith's hand. Faith turned away from her, and fell to her knees on the floor, crying and making whimpering noises. She dropped the knife, and held her hands to the sides of her head, covering her ears, as if she was trying to keep something out.
"I'm a scum," Faith whispered.
"No you're not!" Willow screamed, and knelt down beside her, and took her by the shoulders and shook her. "You're not!"
Faith clenched her teeth, and made the whimpering sound again, and pulled clumps of hair out of her head.
"No, baby stop!" Willow said, and held her, and cried with her, and tried to console her. But she didn't know what to say...didn't know how she could make this better...
"I'm a scum," Faith whispered, again.
"You're not," Willow whispered. "Baby you're...you're not."
Faith suddenly screamed, and grabbed the knife, and leapt to her feet.
"I'm a scum!" Faith screamed. Her voice echoed. "My mother wanted to kill me. I should be dead. I was meant to be dead."
Willow stood up again, and tried to approach her. Faith backed away from her, like a cornered animal, crying and shaking all over, and whimpering now, as Willow came closer.
"Faith, please baby, I love you," Willow whispered, as she cried. "Let me...let me make this better? Please baby?"
The whimpering noises Faith was making were getting louder, and she was drooling a little now, as she clenched her teeth together. She shook her head, and paced in little circles, looking around the room, as if she was trying to find a way out, but there was no way out...
Faith pulled at her hair again. It came out in clumps in her hands.
"Faith, stop!" Willow screamed. "Stop, baby!"
Willow came closer to her. There was a strange light in Faith's eyes now: her eyes were wild, frantic. When Faith noticed Willow approaching, she suddenly looked afraid. She held the knife out in front of her. She was still making the whimpering sounds, and her shaking was getting worse: she could barely hold on to the knife.
"Baby...I just...wanna make it better," Willow whispered.
Faith screamed, and backed away from Willow again, and waved the knife around in front of her. The scream was a horrible ear-splitting shriek, a terrible, mournful keening, the cry of some wretched creature who was lost, abandoned...someone who was absolutely alone...
"Baby, I...I love you," Willow said.
"You don't love me, NO ONE LOVES ME!" Faith shrieked, her voice booming through the mansion, echoing along the stone walls. "I'M A SCUM!"
"FAITH!" Willow shouted, and ran after her. "FAITH!"
She stopped, and looked.
It was Tara's car. Buffy, Angel and Tara had returned. There was a small blue demon in the car with them.
Willow wrenched the window open, and leaned out.
"BUFFY!" Willow shrieked. "BUFFY!"
Faith ran. She ran at top speed through the mansion's dark, labyrinthine stone halls, in a straight line, like a panicked animal. She had no idea where she was going, only that she had to get away. Once, she ran into a wall in the dark.
She fell down, got up, and kept going...
"What happened?" Buffy shouted, as she sprinted into the mansion's foyer with Tara behind her.
Willow took Buffy's hands. Willow was crying, and her hands were shaking. And Buffy noticed her scent was off--she was scared. She was more scared than Buffy had ever seen her.
"Oh Goddess, Buffy!" Willow said. "The First, she sent Faith's father here and he's a vampire and he told Faith...told her he raped her mother."
"What?" Buffy said. "Her father's a vampire? And he...?"
"The First sent him here and he told us what records to look at to prove it, the police report and...oh Goddess...Faith's mother, she...she...tried to abort her."
Tara gasped. Buffy's face went pale.
"She tried to...?" Buffy whispered. "Where's Faith?"
Angel ran into the room. "Shield works, the demon burned up when he touched it," he said. "Now what's..."
"Get out!" Willow screamed, turning on him and waving her hand. An energy shield exploded into life in front of Angel, repelling him in a shower of yellow sparks. Then she turned back to Buffy. "She's got a knife, Buffy! I think...I think she might hurt herself!"
Then she sprinted out of the room and into the hallway. Willow and Tara followed behind her as quick as they could, but they couldn't keep up with Buffy, especially not in the dark: they stumbled as they threaded their way through the twisting stone passageways, picking their way around obstacles. But Buffy was surefooted as a cat in the dark as she tracked Faith's scent, running like a cheetah.
The trail led to a closed door in a wing of the mansion Angel never used; none of the rooms had furnishings. The door was a solid wall of granite at the end of a long, drafty stone hallway lit by torches every ten yards. Buffy tried the door; it was locked.
"Faith!" Buffy shouted. "Baby, open the door! FAITH!"
"Faith, baby, I love you!" Buffy shouted. "I love you, baby! That stuff the vampire said, it doesn't matter! None of it matters!"
"Leave me alone!"
"No!" Buffy screamed. "I won't leave you alone! I love you and I'm not gonna leave you alone! I just wanna talk to you, baby! Let me in! I just wanna talk!"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Faith shouted, louder.
Buffy pounded on the granite door, with all her strength. The echo thundered down the hallway.
"Don't you do this to me!" Buffy shouted, with tears in her eyes now. "Don't you do this to me, baby!"
"Let me in!" Buffy screamed, pounding on the door repeatedly now; it sounded like bombs going off. Hairline cracks were starting to appear in the door's surface. "LET ME IN!"
"Get out of the way!" Willow shouted, and Buffy suddenly felt herself being pushed aside, even though nothing was touching her. She saw Willow and Tara running toward her.
Buffy saw Willow looking at the granite door, and concentrating...
The door suddenly wrenched itself away from the wall and shattered into pieces with a deafening boom that echoed down the hallway.
"GET BACK!" Faith shouted, from inside the little empty room. There was no light in there, but the torchlight from the hallway revealed her. Faith was kneeling on the floor, crying, and holding the knife.
Buffy and Willow and Tara ran into the room. Faith jumped up and waved the knife around in front of her, backing away from them, looking at all three of them with a wild light in her eyes.
"Get away," Faith whispered. "Get away!"
"It doesn't matter?!" Faith screamed. "It doesn't matter?! Your mom never tried to kill you! Your dad didn't rape her! You're not a scum like me!"
"Don't say that!" Tara shouted.
"It's true," Faith said. "It's true. I'm a scum. My mother didn't want me. I was...I was the thing that ruined her life. I'm a scum."
Faith was still trembling. She was still making the whimpering noises as she cried.
Buffy noticed the framed picture of Rebecca's daughter Gwendolyn, set up on the floor. Faith had set it up in her motel room when she first arrived in Sunnydale, and she had set it up in their bedroom in Buffy's house after that, and then in their bedroom here in the mansion. Now she had it with her in this room...this cold, empty room. In a way, it was the only thing Faith had.
Faith was moving around in little circles now, and she was pulling her hair again.
"I killed my Dad," Faith whispered. She giggled, and then her face crumpled up, and she started crying again. "I just killed my Dad."
"My Dad hates me," Tara said. "He's treated me bad my whole life. That doesn't make me a bad person, sweetie! We are what we decide we are!"
"Neither of my parents ever gave a shit about me," Willow said. "Buffy's Dad took off. Xander's Dad was a drunk who never paid attention to him. Our parents aren't who we are!"
Faith looked at them all, and giggled again. "My mom tried to abort me," she said. "I'm Freddy Krueger. I'm FREDDY FUCKING KRUEGER!" She started waving the knife around again, forcing Willow and Tara back. But Buffy didn't move.
"I love you," Buffy said. "You're the love of my life, Faith."
"No," Faith said. "You should...find someone else. I'm just a fucking lowlife who gives head on the street. You're dating me, you might as well be paying for it. You wanna be with me, maybe it'll cost you from now on! Two-hundred bucks, I'll show you a good time! Pay the fucking whore!"
"STOP IT!"
"No," Buffy said, shaking her head back and forth, and crying. "No, no, no, no...don't you do this to me. Don't you FUCKING DO THIS TO ME!"
"Don't you see?!"
"I'm a scum," Faith whispered. "I'm a scum."
Willow had Faith's memories. She had always known Faith was damaged...that she was cracked, right down the middle.
Now Faith was falling apart...shattering, forever.
Willow watched, crying, as Buffy and Tara pleaded with Faith, screaming...but she knew they wouldn't get through to her. They could stop her from killing herself now, they could keep her alive. But they could never make her whole again. They could never fix this...no one could.
The only person who could was gone now...
"I'm a scum," Willow heard Faith whispering.
She saw Buffy and Tara, crying. She saw Faith waving the knife at them, whenever they got too close. She saw Faith hold the knife against her heart again.
Willow could have taken the knife away from Faith telekinetically. She could have stopped Faith from killing herself now. It would be easy.
But Faith would just find another knife. She would just run away again, to another empty room. Willow knew they had lost her...that Faith was dead already.
Willow felt her love for Faith: really felt it, physically. It was like a swift, sharp pain in her heart...like a knife in her heart. She realized she couldn't bear to lose her...she simply couldn't go on without her.
But Willow knew that none of them would ever be able to help Faith through this. Because Faith didn't need friends right now. She didn't need a lover right now. She needed a mother. And she never had one...
The only person who had ever been a mother to Faith was gone now.
Faith held the knife against her heart.
"Please don't?" Willow heard Buffy whisper.
"I'm sorry," she heard Faith whisper back...and she saw her raise the knife above her chest...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Willow heard Buffy scream...
There was a flash of light.
Everyone froze. Faith stood there, still as a statue, holding the knife in the air. Buffy and Tara looked dumbstruck.
A woman stood there, in a halo of light.
She stood tall and straight, and she wore a well-tailored gray business suit and expensive-looking shoes. She looked about thirty or so, with fine, pale skin, and her hair was done in a stylish blonde pageboy. She was pretty. She could have been an angel, standing there in that dark little room.
The woman stood in front of Faith, and looked at her. The woman's eyes were an ocean of blue.
"No!" Buffy screamed, and pushed herself in front of Faith, so she was standing between Faith and this strange woman she had never seen before. But Buffy knew who the woman was... she was the First. "Haven't you fucking done enough?!" Buffy shouted in the woman's face, and raised her fist, as the woman, whoever she was supposed to be, turned her steady, unwavering gaze upon her. "Haven't you hurt us enough?!"
The woman moved past Buffy, and stood in front of Faith again.
She looked at Faith. She looked at the knife Faith was holding. No one moved. No one spoke.
Faith looked back at the woman, trembling, with tears still running down her cheeks.
The woman held out her hand.
"Give me that," the woman said, in a British accent. She held out her hand, steady and unwavering, and waited.
Faith handed her the knife. The woman flipped the blade back into its pearl handle with a flick of her wrist.
"I'm very disappointed in you, young lady," the woman said, and wiped Faith's tears away.
As Buffy, Willow and Tara watched her, they saw the woman's lips beginning to tremble. They saw tears fill the woman's eyes.
"I'm very disappointed in you!" the woman said. Her voice was shaky now. Her tears overflowed, and ran down her cheeks, as she took Faith's hand. "I'm very disappointed in you, young lady!"
Faith nodded, and moved closer to her. The woman caressed Faith's hair, and cried.
"I'm very disappointed in you," The woman whispered, and hugged her. Faith cried against her chest.
"Becca?" Willow whispered.
Rebecca smiled.
"Hello, Willow," she said, as she held Faith in her arms.
"But...but...how...?" Willow said.
Rebecca looked down into Faith's eyes.
"My girl needed me," she said.