~ Revelations ~
by Hellmouthguy
e-mail: hellmouthadmin@thehellmouthrevisited.com
My story archive can be found at: www.thehellmouthrevisited.com

Disclaimer/Summery: See Part 1

"So now I've got two more crazy girls," Sol said.

"Hey, don't lump me in with them," Cordy said. "I'm the only one here who's not crazy."

They were all crowded around in Faith's little private room in the intensive care unit. Buffy sat by Faith on the bed on one side, and Willow sat by her on the other. Buffy was stroking Faith's hair. Willow was holding Faith's hand. Angel was standing by the window, and Cordy stood next to him. Tara sat in the chair next to Faith's bed, watching Willow.

"Yeah well, be that as it may, I'm gonna be calling you crazy girl number four," Sol said.

"Where's Giles?" Buffy said. She didn't look up. She was looking at Faith's vitals on the monitor again. She always looked at them; she had lost track of how long she'd been in that room with Faith but she habitually looked at Faith's vitals about every twenty seconds. Faith was receiving blood now; her heartbeat had slowed down and her blood pressure was rising.

"Said he was gonna go get us coffee and stuff," Willow said.

Buffy looked up then.

"Without even checking on Faith first?" Buffy said.

"Before your crew sort of all piled in here I might've mentioned that this room is a little small for a battalion," Sol said. "The English guy had the right idea. I get that you all care about Faith, okay? But you can't all be crowding around in here. She's gonna be getting a lot more blood and she'll need to be monitored after that, so I'm gonna be in and out of here and I need room to work."

"I'm not leaving," Buffy said. "I'm staying with her. I'm sleeping in this room."

"Had a feeling you would be, crazy girl," Sol said, and smiled. "And that's fine. But how about everyone else waits outside. There's a little lounge down the hall, it's got a coke machine and a candy machine. Plus there's the cafeteria downstairs. It's closed now but they've got machines that sell coffee and sandwiches and soup and stuff."

"I'm staying too," Willow said. "I'm sleeping here too."

"Hard to argue with a girl who just roasted like three-hundred..." Sol sighed. "...Vampires," he continued, shaking his head. "You know, when I woke up this morning? There was no such thing as vampires. There was no such thing as vampires and everything was fine."

"Welcome to my world," Cordy said.

"Okay," Sol said. "Crazy girl number one stays, crazy girl number three stays..."

"And crazy girl number two stays too if she wants," Buffy said. She looked up at Tara. "You...wanna stay in here with us, Tara? Kinda like, cramped, not exactly comfy for sleeping, but..."

"Yeah," Tara said, and smiled. "The four of us are like the Beatles. Cool female Beatles."

"Okay, this room is officially at maximum crazy girl capacity now," Sol said. "I'll give you all a few minutes, then everyone else can wait down the hall in the lounge. Anyway I gotta go do rounds. You know how to reach me, Buffy. Just press the doohickey that calls to the nurses station and they'll page me and then I'll come running."

"Thought she was crazy girl number one?" Tara said.

"Believe me, she is," Sol said. Buffy smiled. "Okay, and even though I've said it before, I'm just gonna say it again. Thank you, all of you. You saved our lives tonight."

"All part of the service," Buffy said. "Besides, you saved my girlfriend's life? So I figure we're even."

Sol walked to the door, looking at Angel and Cordy as he did.

"Five minutes, then you two gotta vamoose," he said, and left the room.

The room was quiet, after Sol left. Buffy stroked Faith's hair. Willow held Faith's hand. Tara sat in the chair, watching Willow. Angel stood by the window, in that way he had, centered within himself, serene. Cordelia stood by him, fidgeting.

Buffy broke the silence.

"You okay, Cordy?" she said.

"I take a licking and keep on ticking," Cordy said.

"What happened? How did you end up with Willow?"

"Sure wasn't my idea," Willow said.

"I...okay, I like broke into your house," Cordy said. "The vampires...they burned my house down and I don't even know where my parents are and Conchita just took one of the cars and ran away. I didn't know what to do. And I figured that since I let your friends hang at my place that time a couple months ago, you like totally owe me."

"You wanna stay at my place while we figure this thing out?" Buffy said.

"I wouldn't, normally? But I think you guys could really use my help," Cordy said. "With like, how some of you are going totally crazy right in front of my eyes?" she added, frowning down at Willow. Willow ignored her.

"You can hang at my place," Buffy said. "But this better not be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. This isn't the beginning of a beautiful friendship, right?"

"Absolutely not," Cordy said, and grinned. "Okay, so...I'm gonna take tall dark and broody and get him out of your hair before he stares us all to death. You want us to bring you back munchies or whatever, since it looks like Giles drove all the way to Peru to get that coffee?"

"I'm good, I had eight dinners a little while ago," Buffy said. "But send Giles up if you see him."

Cordy nodded, took Angel's hand, and walked out.

"GQ ain't talkin' much," Willow said, when they were gone.

Buffy nodded.

"GQ?" Tara said.

"Angel," Willow said.

"I haven't like, known him that long?" Tara said. "But he doesn't seem like a babbler. Now, me? I'm a complete babbler. When we hung out I think I babbled like, a paragraph for every one of his words. He told me basically his whole life story and he somehow managed to make two centuries seem pretty short."

"It's Drusilla," Willow said. "Drusilla almost killed Faith. And Angel made Drusilla. Figure the guy's feelin' a little awkward."

"You said he told you about his life? Did he tell you about Drusilla?" Buffy said, and looked up at Tara. Just like before at the house, Tara saw something in Buffy's eyes...something frightening. She knew it wasn't directed at her, but that light, bright and hard like diamonds, frightened her anyway.

"Um...yeah, he did," Tara said. "He s-s-said, he, he created her. That she was maybe the worst thing he did."

"Lotta competition for that title," Willow said.

"He told me...he...he...told me about...those pictures," Tara said.

"He told you about those?" Willow said, turning and looking at her. "Really?"

"Yeah. We...I don't know, you know how it's like, you meet someone and like, you just feel a connection? Like, you get each other's jokes and you can talk and hang out and stuff? I kinda felt like that with him...and I think he just felt comfortable around me. He's...I think he's really lonely. Buffy, I'm really sorry about the pictures? I can't even, even, imagine wh-wh-what it m-must have been like..."

Buffy still hadn't told anyone about her mother.

"Thanks," Buffy said.

Willow smiled, and caressed Tara's cheek, and gave her a kiss.

Buffy's jaw almost dropped. She quickly looked away, but she knew Willow saw what she was thinking before she could hide it.

Willow was blushing now.

"Uh...yeah so...hey, I really need like a pick-me-up, big time, after that magic show?" Willow said. "I'm runnin' on fumes, I gotta get some food in me before I collapse over here. You want I should bring you back anything?"

Buffy looked at her. She noticed Tara was looking a little uncomfortable now, because she had caught the look Buffy gave Willow. But Tara still didn't know what exactly was going on.

It wasn't fair to her, Buffy thought. Willow wasn't being fair to Tara.

Buffy knew Willow was in trouble...

But Buffy was putting out fires tonight, and she didn't have time to deal with it now. First she had to stay with Faith until she was okay. Then she could talk to Willow...

"I'm good, Will," Buffy said, and gave her a little forced smile.

"Come on girlfriend," Willow said, and took Tara's hand. "How about I buy you dinner."

"Um...okay," Tara said, and got up, and they walked out of the room together.

Buffy watched them walk away.

Then she looked down at Faith again, and stroked her hair.

"I screwed up, baby," she said. "I screwed it all up. You, Willow, Xander...what happened to you guys, it's all my fault, all of it. If I'd listened to you in the car? We could've taken on Dru together and you wouldn't have almost died. If I'd listened to Giles and Willow and Xander when they warned me about Angel, he wouldn't have killed Jenny and those little girls and Xander wouldn't have left this morning and died and...and maybe my Mom would still be alive too. And now Willow's hurting and...it's like she's...she's giving up on herself, losing herself...and I don't know what to do, baby. I screwed it all up. All I've ever done is hurt the people I love."

Buffy kissed Faith's cheek, and looked down at her.

"You have to be the leader," Buffy said. "You're always like, coming up with ideas and plans I never would have thought of and being all tactical and stuff? So maybe..."

Buffy started to cry.

"Maybe...you can come up with an idea to fix all our fucked up lives?" Buffy said. "To fix the damage I did to everyone? To fix all my mistakes?"

Buffy laid down next to Faith, and leaned her head on her bosom.

"You have to be the leader, Faith," Buffy said. "From now on, it has to be you."

Willow sat in an uncomfortable little orange plastic chair in the ugly little green-tiled lounge area down the hall from Faith's room, and smoked a cigarette, and looked up at the television hung up on the wall in the corner. CNN was broadcasting live in front of the White House. The government had evacuated.

Tara sat next to Willow, and Angel sat next to Tara, with Cordy in the chair beside him, hanging all over him. Angel was looking straight ahead, his arms folded across his chest, in that way he had...perfectly controlled, contained within himself...serene. Tara was holding Willow's hand. Willow thought she looked nervous, and not just about the things she had been seeing on the news. Tara held Willow's hand awkwardly.

Willow felt awkward too. She loved Tara. But they weren't her feelings...

She loved her anyway.

The White House was burning. Willow knew vampires wouldn't normally have bothered burning it; all vampires were generally concerned with was food. Willow knew the First had told them to do it...

"Oh God," Cordy whispered, and leaned her head on Angel's shoulder.

"They're working fast," Angel said. "Before you two got here they were saying there are rumors that New York is cut off...all the bridges leading out of Manhattan are on fire."

"Ready-made terrorist army, right?" Willow said. "They all hit at once, all around the world, catch everyone off-guard. The only reason this never happened before is the vamps were never organized. Now they got a leader."

"If the First really can communicate with all the vamps in the world telepathically they have a huge advantage," Angel said. "There are vampires in every country, more than enough to take over whole cities if they wanted to. Definitely enough to pull this hit and run stuff. If the First is smart--and it is--it'll send the vamps to destroy our communications soon."

"Yeah, right now I'm thinkin' the First wants people to see how bad it is out there, make everyone feel hopeless," Willow said. "They'll leave us with TV while they pull a bunch more stunts like this, until the First is sure the whole world's got the message. Question is, what the hell do we do? How do you fight an army that's already got troops in every country?"

"You don't. Even if all the countries in the world get their shit together in a hurry and figure out how to fight the vampires effectively, the vampires can still add to their ranks whenever they want by turning people. They probably are."

"And since the vamps are already scattered around in every country the governments can't use heavy weapons against them, like bombs or nukes or whatever, because they'll just end up killing a hell of a lot more regular people right along with the vamps. How many vamps are there in the world anyway? Got any idea? Ballpark it for me."

"Darla told me once that there were hundreds of thousands. But that was two centuries ago. I did some work for the government in the forties, and in 1947 they sent me out to look at the Hellmouth in Sunnydale and bring back whatever news I could. I lost track of the Master when Darla and I broke up, so imagine my surprise when I saw him there. Anyway, the Master and I had a chat..."

"You and the Master had a chat? What, did you guys like chill out on the couch, share a six-pack, watch a football game?"

"Baseball," Angel said. "The NFL wasn't around then. And I drank pig's blood. Anyway he said that there were nearly a million vampires in the world and their time was coming, and he asked me to stay by his side and help him, and I politely refused."

"You could've maybe just killed him you know, saved us all some trouble fifty years later."

"He had about thirty guys around him. He always liked me but he wasn't stupid either. And I'm not sure I could've killed him even if it was just the two of us. He was tough. And I don't think he was just bragging when he said there were almost a million vampires in the world, and that was fifty years ago. For all we know there could be a lot more now."

"Millions, maybe. Great. So what the hell do we do?"

"We don't do the obvious. We don't let ourselves get bogged down in pissing matches with random groups of vampires. We find a safe place and try to recruit some allies...reach out to people who can help. Magic's gonna win this fight, not muscle. All the vamps in the world are topside right now, none of them are hiding anymore because the sun's gone. That gives us one advantage. If we can bring the sun back it'll take them by surprise, we could wipe out half the vampires in the world in like five seconds."

"Sure, bring the sun back. Shit dude, why didn't you just say so in the first place? We'll bring back the sun and maybe after that we'll turn lead into gold, make some pigs fly, and then we'll all head out for beers."

Willow picked up the remote and shut the television off.

She turned to Tara, and smiled, and squeezed her hand tighter. Tara's face was pale.

"It's gonna be okay, hon," Willow said. "Yeah, things look bad? But we've dealt with apocalypses before. We're gonna get through this, okay?"

Tara nodded, and smiled a little. Willow thought she was ridiculously beautiful.

Willow kissed her.

Tara grinned, and wrinkled her nose.

"Okay, kinda got like a cigarette breath thing going now," Tara said.

"We don't like cigarette breath, do we?"

"Not so much."

"Sayin' I should quit, girlfriend?"

Cordelia was skimming through an old issue of People magazine now, but Willow noticed that she still managed to covertly check out Angel about every ten seconds and she kept finding excuses to touch him. Willow assumed Angel knew Cordelia had the hots for him; it was so obvious she might as well have worn a sign. Cordelia was restless as she sat there; she didn't know Faith and didn't care about her and she was bored. Willow knew Cordelia didn't care about any of them. Cordelia liked them fine as long as they were protecting her, but having to spend time with them in a situation like this, having to share their grief, and their worry, made Cordelia uncomfortable.

"I'm saying you should quit," Cordelia said. She held out her hand. "And then you should give me back my cigs and my lighter."

The table in front of them was covered with half-empty soft drink cans and junk food from the vending machine: Willow was ravenously hungry. She'd wanted sugar, and lots and lots of it, after creating the energy shield and the giant fireball that destroyed the vampires, and she had raided the vending machine and bought three Sprites and four Snickers bars. Willow finished off a Sprite, and didn't bother responding to Cordelia. Then she went back to smoking her cigarette. Cordelia sighed in annoyance and went back to her magazine. Angel looked straight ahead, as if he might be meditating now.

"Hey, thought I was gettin' dinner?" Tara said, and smiled. Willow put her arm around her.

"Sprite and a bag of Doritos isn't gettin' it done, huh?" Willow said, and smiled back.

"I'm, okay, kind of a cheap date? But not that cheap."

"We'll go find that cafeteria the doc mentioned, see if we can rustle up some grub. I just wanted to catch the news."

"Willow, I'm...I'm sorry about Xander. I know all of you guys were like, really close? I'm so sorry, sweetie."

Cordelia watched them together. She had been tempted to blurt out that Willow and Xander had in fact been so close that they were a couple and they had sex regularly, even in other people's houses, but she stopped herself. It was a strange feeling, not talking when she wanted to talk. Cordelia didn't like the feeling. But something told her that mentioning Willow and Xander's relationship just then would have made things a lot worse...for all of them.

"Thanks, hon," Willow said. She didn't like thinking about Xander...it made her uncomfortable now. She felt strangely disconnected from him...she knew it was because she had gotten rid of Willow. Part of her, the intellectual part that was above it all, looked down and saw both sides of her, the Willow side, buried now, and the Faith side, ascendant, in control, and it knew that she felt disconnected from Xander because Faith had never been close to him. Faith had liked him well enough as an acquaintance, and eventually they might have been friends, but she hadn't gotten a chance to spend any real time with him, certainly nowhere near as much time as she had spent with Willow and Buffy and Tara, and now that the Faith side was in control it was dictating Willow's feelings...

Willow liked it better this way. The Willow part of her was buried deep now, but she knew that part of her didn't want to think about Xander either... because she would feel guilty.

When your boyfriend died, you were supposed to mourn. You weren't supposed to find someone else the same day.

She looked at Tara again. Tara really was sorry about Xander. She had never even met Xander, and yet Willow could tell she was sorry he was gone... because that's just the kind of person Tara was...

Someone so special, you'd want to keep her with you forever. Willow thought that was why Tara had disappeared...the Goddess wanted Tara with her.

Willow wanted Tara with her. So she was glad Tara was back, even though she hadn't the slightest idea how Tara had managed it...

"You think...Faith's gonna be okay?" Tara said. "I mean...she's gonna be okay, right?"

Willow smiled. In a way, Faith was lucky, one of the luckiest people in the world, Willow thought. Rebecca, Evan, Buffy, Tara, they all loved her. Willow loved her too.

Drusilla was the one who had nearly killed Faith. And Willow knew, knew it for a fact, that if Faith had actually died, if they hadn't gotten there with the blood from the blood bank in time to save her, she would have killed Angel. She would have burned him alive...because Drusilla was his fault. Anything Drusilla did was his fault. But Faith had the blood she needed now, and Willow was certain she was going to make it. So Willow decided Angel would get to live too.

"Faith's tough," Willow said. "She'll come though this. Girl's gonna be five by five hon, don't you worry."

"But...but what if...do you think we might be attacked again? Like, more vampires might show up?"

"They do, I light 'em up, we have a barbecue. Shit, then maybe we can grill us up some steaks. Candy's gettin' kinda old, y'know? I need some good meat."

Tara gave Willow a strange look, then; Willow wasn't sure what it meant.

"Excuse me, crazy girl number three?" Sol said, as he walked into the bright, ugly room. "This is like, a hospital? No smoking."

"Crampin' my style, doc," Willow said, and put out her cigarette. But she put her boots up on the table too.

"Am I gonna be getting my cigarettes back in this lifetime?" Cordelia said.

"You want me to quit, hon?" Willow said to Tara, and squeezed her hand.

"Kinda, yeah," Tara said.

Willow took the pack of cigarettes out of her pocket, and tossed them to Cordelia.

"Still waiting on the lighter," Cordelia said.

Willow didn't look at Cordelia. She was still looking at Tara.

"Anything for my girl," Willow said.

"Hello? Earth to Willow? My lighter?" Cordelia said, waving her hands around a little now.

"Any news, doc?" Willow said, still ignoring Cordelia, and looking up at Sol now.

"Yeah, I just checked in on Faith," Sol said. "And I wanted to let you folks know she's doing a lot better now. She's one tough girl. I've been doing this a long time? As you can tell by my conspicuous lack of hair. Almost twenty years doing this, I've never seen anyone tougher."

"Me neither," Willow said.

"I'll want her for a couple days, but she's making good progress, her vitals are heading in the right direction now. She's gonna be okay. And thank you for that blood by the way. You're saving lives tonight."

"Maybe we're just shovelin' shit against the tide," Willow said.

"Maybe," Sol said. "But I'm gonna keep on shoveling."

"I owe you big time, Sol," Willow said. "We all do. Faith's important to me, y'know? She's real special. She's...someone I love."

"A lot of people do," Sol said, and smiled.

"Any word?" Giles said, as he suddenly bustled into the lounge, weighted down with coffee.

"Where you been, dude?" Willow said. "You took off like half an hour ago. Bet my coffee's all cold."

"There was a line in the cafeteria, and I had to go find change for the machine," Giles said, as he handed Willow a large coffee and set the rest of his burden down on the table. Willow took a sip of her coffee. It was hot.

"I was just telling them it looks like Faith will be fine," Sol said. "I'll want her for a couple more days but she's almost out of the woods. Anyway, I gotta get back to my rounds." He smiled, as he walked away. "Good luck with that coffee. You get like, food poisoning? Have me paged."

"I am so paging him in like five minutes," Cordy said, as she took a sip of her coffee, and frowned.

"You wanna go see Faith again, honey?" Willow said, and caressed Tara's cheek.

"Yeah," Tara said, and picked up her coffee, and sipped it. It was pretty bad; it would need a hell of a lot of sugar and even then it wouldn't be winning any awards. But it had caffeine in it and it would keep her awake, and that was all she wanted now. She wanted to be awake for Faith. "But you promised me dinner, right? Let's head down to the caf first."

Willow nodded, grabbed her coffee, and stood up with Tara.

"Thinkin' you might wanna keep your distance from Buffy awhile, GQ," Willow said, looking down at Angel. "Seein' how it was your girl almost killed her girl. Thinkin' you don't wanna go back to Faith's room unless Buffy says it's okay first."

"Yeah," Angel said. He was still looking straight ahead. Still almost serene. Willow supposed it took effort, control, to deal with having killed so many people. She wondered, for a moment, what it must be like for him. As she looked down at him, she wondered what it must be like, to have done the kinds of things he had done...to have killed so many...and then to have to find a way to live with it...to live with it, every moment of every day...like carrying a crushing weight on your shoulders, and never being able to set it down. To think of yourself as a murderer, every moment, all the time...

For a second, a chill went through her. She didn't know why.

Tara squeezed Angel's hand, and smiled down at him. "Maybe...maybe he can be the fifth Beatle."

"Or maybe he's Yoko," Willow said, and took Tara's hand from Angel's, and walked away with her.

"What was happening in Faith's room?" Tara said, as they sat at a little plastic table in a corner of the big deserted cafeteria, drinking Cokes and eating tuna sandwiches Willow had bought out of the machine. They'd both given up on the coffee.

"What do you mean?" Willow said.

"I mean...when you kissed me? It was...I mean...Buffy...looked uncomfortable. But I mean...she's with Faith, right? You and Buffy...you never dated, right?"

"No. But look, it's...real kinda complicated, Tara. You remember on the phone today when you said our whole gang all seem to have really long stories? B and me are one of those."

"B," Tara said. She leaned back in her chair, and folded her arms across her chest, and looked into Willow's eyes. "Okay, I had a feeling before, but now I know. You're lying to me. And, y'know, that's pretty crummy of you? It's a crummy way to start a relationship."

"What? Lying? What...what do you mean?" Willow walked across to Tara's side of the table, and knelt in front of her, and took her hand. "I'm not...I haven't lied to you about anything, honey. I wouldn't do that."

Tara got up, and walked away from her. Willow got up too, and ran after her.

"Honey, wait, what...what did I do?" Willow said. "Please just...tell me what I did? I didn't lie to you, I swear I didn't."

"Keeping stuff from me is the same as lying," Tara said, and leaned against the Coke machine, with her arms folded tight across her chest. Willow tried to hold her hand, but Tara wouldn't move her arms. "You've been talking like Faith since you got here. I didn't pick up on it right away, but I knew something was wrong when you got here...right off the bat you weren't talking like the girl I heard on the phone this afternoon. You're using the same words Faith uses, the same phrases. And you have her accent. It's not as thick, and it doesn't come out all the time? It's only really noticeable on certain words, but it's definitely there. And now you're calling Buffy 'B'. Faith calls her that. Yeah, okay, circumstantial evidence? But I'm sure anyway. Somehow, you're like... channeling Faith. And that look Buffy gave you, when we kissed? What aren't you telling me?"

"It's...it's...a long story," Willow said.

Tara laughed. But there was no mirth in it. She shook her head, and looked up at the ceiling.

"Goddess, you are a piece of work, you know that?" Tara said. "You all are. I've known Faith a little while now, but the rest of you I've just met today? But already it's like, totally apparent that you all have these giant, monumental secrets in your lives, like, soap opera type secrets. Like this one boffed that one and that other one had an evil twin type secrets. Faith wasn't like that, but the rest of you all are. Um...okay, maybe not Cordy? But she's not in the band. You and Buffy are like that, and that's the problem. You're both keeping secrets."

Willow's face was white as a sheet, and her hands were shaking.

Tara hugged her.

"I wanna be in the band," Tara said. "I wanna be a Beatle. Um, as long as I'm not Ringo. I refuse to be Ringo. Actually, I wanna be George. I call dibs on George."

"You can...you can be George," Willow whispered, and tears began falling down her cheeks.

"Cool. But you guys can't keep stuff from me, and right now you are, you and Buffy both are. You're acting just like Faith, talking like her, and I'm starting to think the way you feel about me maybe comes from her too. Even this, baby?" Tara whispered, and looked into Willow's eyes, and caressed her cheek. She felt Willow's tears on her fingers. "How you're afraid right now? That's Faith too. She was afraid of people leaving her, and she got like this once, when she slept over my house and had a bad dream one night. She told me the dream, even though she didn't have to, because she never keeps things from me. I had to stay up with her, and keep my arms around her the whole night, just to calm her down. I had to promise her I wouldn't leave. And I did promise her that. I promised her I'd always be there for her, because she was there for me, all of her. But I can't promise I'll be there for you, because right now you're not there for me. You're hiding yourself from me. I'm not saying you need to tell me your whole life story, like Angel did? But you can't keep stuff from me when it's gonna affect me, and this definitely does. The only way you aren't acting like Faith is you're not being honest with me."

"It's just...it's just so crazy and...I don't wanna lose you."

"Well here's a way to definitely lose me? Lie to me. Keep secrets from me. The Beatles broke up, y'know. Paul started up Wings, George and John went solo. I'll take my guitar and leave before I stand here and let you treat me like this. It's...it's really crummy."

"I'm not...I'd never...I don't wanna ever treat you bad honey, I swear, I swear," Willow said. Tara noticed Willow's hands were shaking worse now. "Please don't leave me? Please?"

Tara wiped Willow's tears away. "We've been kissing and holding hands and stuff like we've been dating for a long time, and it's been nice? I haven't dated too much, I'm not like, super experienced? But with you...kissing you, holding you? It feels...it feels natural...it feels right. Like maybe I was always meant to be kissing you, Willow. Always meant to be holding you."

"Maybe...maybe you were."

"Maybe. But think about this for a sec. I met you once before, when I was a little kid, and you were older than you are now, in your mid-twenties maybe. And ever since then I've arranged my whole life around you, around the stuff you told me that day, even though for years I didn't even remember most of the stuff you said. I just remembered that you were special...that...that I loved you, and I didn't even know why. I just did. I just loved you, like, like I was supposed to love you. Like you were the person the Goddess made for me to love."

"Maybe I was."

"Maybe. But I don't know you, Willow, and you don't know me. We haven't had a chance yet to do all that stuff couples do, to like, just hang out and talk and go on dates and stuff. It's like we skipped right to the middle. I don't know what this is, exactly, that we have? But I know I wanna be with you, and explore it, and see where it goes. Do you wanna be with me?"

"Yeah. I want to...I want to so much, Tara."

Tara kissed her, and caressed her hair.

"Then tell me the truth, sweetie," Tara whispered. "Or that was a kiss goodbye."

"Where have you been?" Buffy said, as Giles walked into Faith's room.

"I got held up downstairs picking up coffee for everyone," Giles said, and handed a cup across to her, and moved beside Faith's bed. "How is she?"

"Getting better. The doctor says they'll be done giving her blood in a few more hours, and her vitals have been getting stronger. He says she's gonna be okay but they want her to stay here for a couple of days."

Giles looked up at Faith's monitors. "How much blood did they say she lost?"

"Something like three-quarters," Buffy said, and took a sip of the coffee, frowned, and put it down. "They still don't understand how she lasted until you guys got here with the blood. I decided not to tell them about the whole Slayers have a demon inside them thing."

"But she's going to be all right?"

Buffy sat on the edge of Faith's bed, and took her hand. "Yeah. I heard... Willow told me about Xander."

"I know. I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry I couldn't save him."

"My fault, not yours. You can add it to the list. You know, the list you must keep in your head? The list of all my fuck-ups."

Giles walked around the bed, and sat beside her, and took her hand.

"I'm not keeping a list," he said.

"It would be a really long list anyway," Buffy said. "Kind of inconvenient, having to keep track of it all. Alphabetizing it would like, take hours."

"Buffy--"

"I'm not doing it anymore, Giles. Leading, being in charge? From now on Faith can be in charge. All I ever did was...was screw everything up."

"You didn't screw everything up. You saved the world. Numerous times. You were the best Slayer I ever could have hoped for."

"Not the best Slayer Will could have hoped for. Angel...Angelus...did what he did to her because of me. And now I've cost us Xander too? I bet Will's gonna do frigging cartwheels when I tell her I'm not gonna be deciding things anymore...fucking up her life anymore."

Buffy thought about telling him about her mother. But she was too tired. She didn't want his concern, his empathy...she didn't want him there at all, she realized. When she thought of him now, she thought of what she had done to him, too...how Jenny was dead because of her.

She just wanted to be alone with Faith. She wanted to hold her in her arms, and kiss her. She had been doing that, when she was alone in the room, before Giles came in. She had been lying down beside Faith on the bed, stroking her hair, and giving her soft little kisses: on her hands, on her cheek, on her forehead. She had talked to her, too. Faith was asleep the whole time, but Buffy had talked to her anyway. They'd had quite a conversation, before Giles came in.

The silence was becoming awkward now. She had never felt awkward around Giles before. It was strange.

She didn't want him there. She didn't mind Willow and Tara being in the room with her but she didn't want anyone else.

And she didn't want Angel anywhere near her either. Drusilla had killed her mother and nearly killed Faith and Buffy didn't trust herself around Angel now...she thought she would kill him, if he was too close to her. The Slayer in her had been locked on to him from the moment he arrived at the hospital. Locked on to his scent, always tracking it...Buffy was always aware of him now, always knew precisely where he was, every moment. Even when she tried not to pay attention, tried to ignore him, she couldn't. Because the Slayer in her wouldn't let go of his scent.

Buffy knew the Slayer in her was hunting him. She was a lion, moving toward him through the grass, crawling forward on her belly, slowly, ever so slowly, patient, methodical, waiting for her moment to spring...

A shudder went through Buffy. She realized she was going to kill Angel. She realized part of her had been planning it. Planning exactly how to do it.

Unless someone stopped her, she knew she was going to kill Angel.

There was only one person who could stop her.

"The Doc said we need to keep the room clear," Buffy said. "He comes in and checks on her a lot with the nurse and they need room to work. But there's like a lounge down the hall, and a cafeteria downstairs. If anything changes with Faith I'll come get you guys."

"All right," Giles said, and stood up. He was still holding Buffy's hand. "I'll be just down the hall. Do you need anything?"

There was a time Buffy would've wanted Giles there. Now she didn't. She didn't really understand why...she thought maybe it was because she'd feel obligated to tell him about what happened to her mother, and she just couldn't deal with the look she knew she'd find in his eyes, the subtle change she'd detect in his scent...the flash of anger she'd see in him, and then the pity she'd feel coming from him, but the anger would still be there underneath. He would blame her, even while he said he didn't. Buffy knew she would have to face that moment eventually, but she didn't want to face it now.

"Could you find Willow for me?" Buffy said. "I need to talk to her...alone. No one else, just her, okay? It's...um...girl stuff."

Giles nodded, and walked to the door.

"Wait," Buffy said. "Tell her to bring Tara too."

Tara's face was red. Willow knew she was angry.

Willow knew she was going to lose her.

They were sitting at the little plastic table again. The table was wobbly. But all the other tables were wobbly too. They each had another Coke. Neither of them had taken a bite of their tuna sandwiches since Willow had told her...told her everything.

Tara had been holding Willow's hand, when she started talking. She wasn't holding her hand now.

"That everything?" Tara said.

"Yeah," Willow said.

Tara stood up, and paced around the cafeteria. She paced for a long time. She was barefoot, still wearing the hospital gown Buffy had found for her.

Watching her, watching her move, Willow was shocked again by her beauty. Sometimes it just shocked her. She had never seen anyone so beautiful... so perfect. Tara's hair was golden. She moved like she was walking on clouds, like she wasn't tethered to the world. An angel, who could fly away any second.

Tara turned around. Tears were running down her cheeks now. She smiled, and wiped them away.

"Pretty long story," Tara said. "But I asked for it."

Willow nodded, and made herself keep looking at her. It was hard, watching Tara cry. It was hard, losing her. But Willow knew she was going to.

"I'll always be there for you...if that's what you want," Tara said.

Willow felt her heart skip a beat. "It...it is," she whispered.

"It isn't," Tara said. "It's what Faith wants. I've got no idea what Willow wants, because I haven't even really met her yet. I ran into her once when I was nine and she was like, I don't know, twenty-four maybe. And I talked to her on the phone today. That's it. But I want to meet her again. I want to see if I can maybe find her in there somewhere."

"Maybe...you wouldn't like me," Willow whispered. "What if you don't like me?"

"Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll get hit by a bus tomorrow. Life is unpredictable. But I'm pretty sure that, whoever she is? Willow Rosenberg wouldn't bury her boyfriend, the guy she loved all her life, and then go kiss some girl like three hours later and tell her she loves her. I'm pretty sure she would never do that. I'm pretty sure those kisses we had...they weren't right. They shouldn't have happened." Tara suddenly marched back to the table. "Do you know how you've just made me frigging feel?!" Tara screamed, her face becoming even redder. "I feel like...like some kind of...frigging fool! And a...and a...a slut at the same time!"

Willow made a whimpering noise, and started to cry.

"I was there in the parking lot kissing you and telling you I loved you and...and...it wasn't even you! And you just buried your boyfriend?! He was Buffy's best friend! She must think I'm, I'm..."

Tara's tears came faster; her shoulders started heaving.

"Oh Goddess, what Buffy must think of me?" Tara whispered. "Angel, Giles, even Cordy too? They must all think, think I'm...that I don't have any class...that...that I'm..."

Willow leaped out of her chair, and hugged her.

"Don't," Tara said.

Willow held on tight to her, and didn't let go. "I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Willow whispered, shaking her head...

"I SAID DON'T!" Tara screamed, and pushed her away.

They both stood there, each of them alone in the empty room, crying, as the echoes of Tara's scream reverberated around, and then faded away.

"You have Faith's memories, you know...you know how I feel about her," Tara said. "I love her and...you took it and...and twisted it around. I can't ever have her and that's like, it's like this big hole in me? And now...and now you made it feel even worse."

Willow stood there, shaking and crying. She didn't know what to say... didn't know how to make it better.

She knew she couldn't make it better.

"I'm sorry," Tara said after a moment. "I didn't...I didn't mean to yell like that."

Willow nodded, and looked down at the floor, and cried, her whole body shaking now.

"We can't be a couple," Tara said.

Willow nodded again.

"But I meant what I said before," Tara said. "I'll be there for you...if you want me to be. And yeah, we've been through this already, I'm not sure if you even know what you want? But I'll be there for you until you send me away. I still wanna be in the band."

Willow still wouldn't look at her.

Tara moved closer to her, and touched her hair.

"Sweetie," Tara said. "I'm sorry I yelled. You just...embarrassed me. I'm all like embarrassed because when I look at your friends now I'm gonna be wondering if they're all like, 'Hey there's that complete hussy who was all smoochin' on Willow even though Xander just died.' So yeah, I got all freaked out? I'm sorry I like, exploded at you. I'm usually like, pretty mellow."

Willow nodded. But she still wouldn't look at Tara.

"Look at me, sweetie?" Tara said. "Please?"

Willow looked up.

"I think you're a good person, Willow. I think the thing with Faith's memories blindsided you and then all this stuff went down and you lost Xander and you sort of...you sort of got lost too. But I wanna help find you. I wanna be your friend. We can't be a couple, because that's the Faith part of you that wants that. I mean, do you even know if you really like girls? Think about it, sweetie. Faith likes girls, but you didn't until you got her memories. Maybe what you really want is another guy someday. I don't know what the Willow part of you wants? But I want to find out. I want to get to know her, okay? Will you let me get to know Willow?"

"I'll...I'll try," Willow whispered.

"When I said I've been in love with you my whole life, I meant that too," Tara said. "I've felt that way since I met...I don't even really know what to call her. Future Willow? Anyway I still feel that way now, but...that woman I fell in love with, I barely knew her. I loved...an ideal. A goddess. I've kept her in my heart all these years, but I could never really touch her...she always just floated away. And you haven't even done those things yet...that woman doesn't even exist yet."

Willow nodded. Tara kissed her cheek.

"And as of right now I'm not thinking about her anymore," Tara said. "I'm not thinking about Future Willow. Right now I'm just thinking about Willow. Not as like, the great love of my life. Because, sweetie, I really think that if we started dating, with that over our heads? The idea that we absolutely have to be the most perfect couple ever, at all times, because some future version of you sorta hinted at that? I think we'd both run away screaming from each other after awhile. It would be too much pressure. So how about we just hang out, okay? Like, y'know, regular people? No pressure. Just hanging out. Can we do that?"

Willow nodded. But she was still crying.

Tara wiped Willow's tears away, and fixed her hair.

Then she held out her arms.

"Hug didn't go too well last time," Tara said. "You wanna try it again?"

"Yeah," Willow said, and smiled, and walked into her arms.

"This is better," Tara whispered, as she held her. "A nice friend hug. No pressure."

"I'm sorry," Willow whispered. "I'm sorry, Tara."

"I know. I know you are. And I forgive you, okay? And I'm sorry too... sorry I went totally ballistic. But the words don't count for a lot. Doing something about it counts more. So let's find you. Let's find Willow."

"Okay."

"Er...hello," Giles said.

Willow and Tara turned around, still holding each other.

"Um...hi," Tara said. She didn't let go of Willow. She didn't know Willow but she knew Faith; she knew Faith needed to feel that she wouldn't abandon her.

So Tara didn't. She didn't let go of Willow. She stood there with her arms around her.

"Yes...well..." Giles said, wiping his glasses. "Buffy wanted me to ask you two to stop by. She'd like to talk to you."

"What about?" Willow said. She had gently tried to move away from Tara when Giles first entered the room, but Tara hadn't let go of her. So Willow didn't let go of Tara either. She hugged her tighter.

Giles sighed. "'Girl talk', I believe she said."

"Hey," Buffy said, as Willow and Tara came back in. She was sitting on the edge of Faith's bed, holding her hand.

"You...wanted to talk to us?" Willow said. She tried to find her way back to herself...to the way Willow walked, the way she held herself, her voice, the words she used...but it was difficult. She wasn't sure how to act. She had an idea of Willow, of how she would act, but it felt like she would be doing an impression of herself. None of the things she associated with Willow seemed natural to her anymore.

Tara looked at Buffy, and tried not to blush. She wondered what Buffy thought of her. If Buffy thought she was a fool. Or worse.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "I need a favor. And at first I was just gonna have you in here, Willow? I was just gonna tell you this, and not Tara. But then I realized that's the problem we've always had...the problem I've always had. Secrets. It's time to stop keeping things from each other because all that does is hurt us. It got Xander killed."

Willow felt a tremor in her stomach...and then she felt cold.

"I'm sorry, Will," Buffy said, and tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm sorry I screwed up before. I'm sorry we're in this situation and...and...I'm sorry about Xander."

Willow nodded. She didn't know what to say. She knew what Faith would say but she didn't want to say that, didn't want to act that way, because she wanted to find herself now...or at least try to. But she didn't know what Willow should say...

"Thank you," Willow whispered.

"He was right," Buffy said. "You guys would've, would've been better off, y'know? If, if you never met me."

"Don't...don't...don't say that, Buffy!" Willow said, and tears filled her eyes too. She ran to Buffy, and threw her arms around her. "You're...my best friend. My best friend in the world. You always will be. You saved our lives. You saved the world. You always tried your best. We can't blame ourselves for Xander, okay? We gotta...we gotta think about the future right now. We gotta think about how we can save the world this time."

Buffy nodded. Willow wiped her tears away, and kissed her forehead.

Then Buffy stood up, and walked to the window.

"Okay," Buffy said. She turned around, and looked at Tara. "I only wanted to tell Willow this at first because...I don't know how you're gonna take it. But if you're gonna be part of this? Part of what we do? And I hope you will be, because I want you to be? If you're gonna be part of this I can't keep stuff from you."

"I want to be part of it," Tara said, and smiled.

"Cool," Buffy said. "Now prepare to be pissed at me. The favor I wanted to ask Willow was..."

Buffy sat back down on the bed beside Faith again, and took her hand. She gestured for Tara to come closer.

"Will...you have to keep Angel away from me," Buffy whispered, very softly, so Angel couldn't hear. "You have to protect him from me. I think...I think I'm gonna kill him if you don't."

Tara's face went pale.

"And he'd let me, I know he would?" Buffy whispered. "He wouldn't even defend himself. That's why I need you, Will. You have to defend him. You're the only one who can stop me. Can you do that?"

Willow stood up, and walked to the window.

"I don't know," Willow said.

"You don't know?" Tara said.

Willow turned around, and looked at her.

"See that girl in the bed?" Willow said, pointing at Faith. "The girl who almost died because of Drusilla? Buffy's not the only one who loves her. And she's worth a thousand Angels to me."

"Can you...do it for me?" Buffy said. "Not for him. For me?"

Willow turned back to the window again. The night was black, dotted with red. The rain had stopped. The fires were burning again.

"For you," Willow said.

"What about you, Tara?" Buffy said. "You've gotten a taste of how screwed up our lives are. You sure you still want to be a part of this?"

Tara looked in Buffy's eyes, and tried to figure out what she saw there. Tara hadn't known her long but Buffy's eyes seemed to change a lot. Sometimes they were a soft, beautiful shade of green, like leaves in summer...sometimes they were hard as diamonds and bright as emeralds. And they were always deep, and they always seemed unfathomably old, and full of mysteries, any one of which might take a lifetime to unravel. But whatever else was in Buffy's eyes that she couldn't discern, Tara could see just then, with absolute clarity, that Buffy didn't consider her a fool.

"Yeah," Tara said. "As long as you guys don't keep stuff from me? I wanna be in the band."

"Buffy," Willow said. "Me and Tara, today...the kiss. That...that wasn't Tara's fault. She didn't know about me and Xander, how we were a couple. She'd never do anything like that, that's not the kind of person Tara is."

Buffy looked at Tara, and smiled. "I know, Will. I know Tara's awesome."

"I told her...downstairs in the caf I told Tara about how I have Faith's memories? It's, um...it's been kinda hard for me today...with the Faith memories. They kinda got the jump on me today."

"Yeah, I could tell. You were pahking the cah in Hahvahd yahd again. You feeling okay now?"

"Gettin' there."

"Cool," Buffy said. "So are we still the Beatles? Because if we are I've got dibs on Paul. He was the cutest one."

"Oh Goddess, does this make me Ringo?" Willow said. "'Cuz Tara already called dibs on George."

"Faith's really not gonna want to be Ringo," Buffy said. "If she can't have Paul she'll want to be John. Actually I want her to be John too."

"Maybe we can be like, the Stones, or Zeppelin?" Tara said.

"Are any of them cute?" Buffy said.

"Well...no," Tara said. "But Keith Richards is really cool in like this scary old guy way. His face looks kinda like a coral reef. Actually all the Stones are looking like that these days? But especially Keith."

"I guess I can be Ringo, if I have to," Willow said. "I like Faith as John too. But anyway we got more important stuff to discuss now that you're part of the gang? Buffy and I have to give you the secret initiation."

"Secret initiation?"

"Well, Faith got it?" Buffy said, taking the ball from Willow and running with it. "And we decided then that every new member has to get it."

"What...um...is it?" Tara said.

"Well," Buffy said, and took Tara's hand. "First there's the paddling. You totally have to be paddled. Will, did you bring your paddle?"

"Yeah, it's out in the van, I can go get it."

"Paddling?" Tara said. "Yeah, right," she added, and giggled as she thought about it. "Sure, okay, freak out the new girl."

She looked at Buffy and Willow. Neither of them was giggling, or smiling. They were both deadly serious.

"Um...you are kidding, right?" Tara said.

"'Fraid not, sweetie," Willow said. "New recruits get paddlings...y'know, spankings. Faith totally got a spanking. With, y'know, a paddle. I'm in charge of the spanking by the way."

"Um..." Tara said.

"We can do the paddling part here, but the rest of it has to be done at the old crypt," Buffy said.

"Yeah, but we lost our werewolf, remember?" Willow said. "We'll need to find another werewolf."

"Always plenty of werewolves," Buffy said. "I still have plenty more tranq darts for my rifle back home."

"Wait, werewolves?" Tara said.

"It's cool, the werewolf will be chained up," Willow said. "You just gotta give him a little kiss. And don't worry, if he bites you we can--"

"I gotta kiss a werewolf?!" Tara said, and stood up. "Wait...if it bites me? What? If it bites me you can what?"

"If it bites you we have a supply of like, werewolf antidote?" Buffy said. "As long as we get you the shot within the first few hours, you totally won't become a werewolf. Trust me, we tested it out on Faith, because she got bitten? When the full moon came she totally didn't become a werewolf."

"She grows that beard," Willow said. "But, hey, it totally goes away after the cycle of the full moon is over!" she added hastily, turning to Tara. "And y'know, after she shaves you can hardly even tell she has a beard."

"Well...she grows hair in other places too?" Buffy said. "Like, her armpits and her feet get all hairy. She can't wear sandals at all for like three days a month."

"Oh, and plus the little tail she gets," Willow said. "That kinda sucks."

"A tail?" Tara said. Buffy stood up and took her hand again.

"It's just three days a month, and the tail's just a little tail," Buffy said. "Faith's kinda cute with a tail. And besides, it was like a total fluke that she got bit? We didn't give the werewolf enough tranquilizer. This time, I promise, the werewolf will be practically unconscious. Anyway, then there's the coffin? You gotta lie naked in a coffin and like...um..."

"You have to tell us the names of everyone you've ever had sex with or fantasized about having sex with, and all the stuff you did, or fantasized about doing with them," Willow said. "In complete detail."

"Then paddling again," Buffy said. "Then we give you a cool nickname."

"Wait, you forgot the streaking!" Willow said. "Remember, we made Faith streak through the Bronze on a Saturday night?"

"Oh shit, that's right," Buffy said. "How could I forget that? That was the best part."

"Speak for yourself," Willow said. "I like the spanking best. And remember, whether I use the paddle or my hand is totally at my discretion. I'm the Spank Commissioner."

"Is streaking like...um...is that like running around naked?" Tara said.

"Absolutely," Buffy said. "So what do you think, Will, hand or paddle this time?"

Willow felt herself beginning to smile. She forced herself not to laugh, as she walked up to Tara and took her hands.

"I'm in charge of spanking 'cuz, y'know, Buffy's like a Slayer and she'd probably break your butt in half? You got a preference, sweetie? How do you want me to spank you? Both ways hurt about the same."

"Um...um..." Tara said, her complexion the color of tapioca pudding. Buffy started giggling, then stopped herself.

"I vote hand," Buffy said. "You used the paddle on Faith, let's change it up. And are you gonna make her sing 'I'm A Yankee Doodle Dandy' while you're spanking her like you did with Faith?"

Willow burst out laughing, then Buffy started laughing too.

"Oh Goddess, look how we had her going!" Willow gasped, bent over at the waist, trying to breathe through her laughter, as she pointed up at Tara. "She totally believed it! I got her, I totally got her!" Buffy fell back on to the chair beside the bed and curled up into a ball, giggling hysterically.

"Wait...this...you...what?" Tara said.

"And the werewolf!" Buffy practically screamed, rolling around in the chair. "And Faith with a beard! And a tail!"

Tara's face went from tapioca pudding to a perfectly ripe tomato.

Then Tara smiled.

"I am so gonna kick you guys' butts," she said.

Willow managed to straighten up. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she said. "Forgive me?"

"Grudgingly," Tara said, and giggled a little. "But I'm so totally getting you back? When you least expect it. Just know that it's coming."

"Willow does this to everyone," Buffy said, and managed to sit up straight in the chair. "When I transferred to Sunnydale High? The first day of school she got me with the elevator pass gag."

"That was awesome," Willow said. "I'm all like, 'Hey, my name's Willow Rosenberg and I'm from the student council? And if you wanna, y'know, take the elevators instead of walking up and down all those flight of stairs all year, just gimme twenty bucks for a pass!"

"She had like, these perfect-looking passes she made up on her computer," Buffy said. "And I'm like, 'Oh, really? Well, twenty bucks, I guess that sounds reasonable...'"

"The passes were laminated," Willow said. "The lamination was the key."

"Yup, the lamination totally got me," Buffy said, and stood up. "Reeled me right in. If Willow wouldn't always start laughing before the joke was over she'd be really dangerous."

"One of these days I'm gonna keep a totally straight face and sell you the Brooklyn Bridge," Willow said. "I'm gonna make up a brochure and everything."

"Don't feel bad, Tara, this is just like, Willow being Willow," Buffy said, and took Tara's hand. "Actually this kinda really was your initiation in a way. Now that you've fallen for one of Will's jokes you really are part of the gang."

"Cool," Tara said. She turned to Willow, and folded her arms across her chest, and smiled. "So this is Willow being Willow, huh?"

"Yup," Buffy said. "It's totally Willow being Willow. Okay, so, this Beatles thing? Remember, I'm Paul. I insist on being Paul. Unless we can find some cuter band to be in? I'm Paul. Plus like he did 'Band On the Run'? I love that song."

"Well I'm still George? He did 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps'," Tara said. "Plus his movie company puts out Monty Python's movies."

"You like Monty Python?" Willow said.

"Sure, all right-thinking people do," Tara said. "Why?"

"I'm personally like, a totally wrong-thinking person?" Buffy said. "But Willow loves Monty Python. She like, quotes all the skits at me until I beg for mercy. Like, the one with the cheeses? She knows all the cheeses. All the cheeses. In order."

"Okay well, I guess I'll have to be Ringo, even though he's like, pointless and lame and never wrote even one cool song," Willow said. "Faith can be John and I'll just have to be jealous of her forever. So since we're like, four hot Beatles chicks? We're not the Scooby Gang anymore. From now on we're the Fab Four."

"The Fab Four," Buffy said, and thought about it. "You know, I really like that. That's actually pretty cool."

"I think so too, especially since you were always Daphne when we were the Scoobies and you always made me be Velma. Plus with three girls and one guy it didn't work anyway."

"Yeah," Buffy said. "Faith really didn't appreciate being Fred."

"So...John, Paul, George, and unfortunately Ringo," Willow said, pointing first at Faith, then at Buffy, then at Tara, then at herself.

Tara shook her head.

"John, Paul, George...and Willow," Tara said, and pointed at Willow, and smiled.

"The Slayer lives here?" Forrest said. "Seriously?"

He was standing with Riley, Sam and Graham on Buffy's porch, looking down at General Paddington, the Teddy bear Buffy kept out there sitting at the wicker table.

"I don't think he likes you, dude," Graham said. "He's eyeballin' you."

"Shit, I could kick his ass," Forrest said. "Bear thinks he's all that."

"He's a general," Sam said, and turned to watch the street again with Graham, her taser-rifle drawn. "He'll so have you confined to barracks if you try to kick his ass."

"I got ten bucks on the bear," Riley said, and rang the doorbell. They listened, as the soft chime echoed through the dark house.

"So we're just ringin' the bell?" Forrest said. "We're just walkin' right up and ringin' the bell?"

"No, we're gonna bust into the Slayer's house with our weapons drawn so we can all get our asses kicked," Riley said.

"No way she could kick all our asses," Forrest said. "Yeah, maybe if she gets the drop on a couple of us she could do some damage, but..."

Riley chuckled. "Oh, to be so young and naive. No answer." He stood at the door, scratching his chin.

"What we waiting for?" Forrest said.

"Rude to just break in," Riley said.

"Not too smart to just stand out here on the street either," Graham said. "Whole town's flooded with hostiles, Cap. Better to be inside a residence so they can't get at us while we wait."

"Yeah," Riley said. He pulled a key from his pocket, and opened the door with it.

"What the hell was that?" Forrest said.

"Skeleton key," Riley said, as he walked into the house. "Opens every door in town. Actually, in the whole country I guess. Okay, we're ninety-nine percent sure there's no one here but I want a quick search anyway. By the numbers, Graham, Sam, you take the--"

"Whoa!" Forrest shouted, raising his taser-rifle, as he was suddenly confronted by the black crow's head mask hanging on the wall in the little foyer.

"The hell is that thing?" Graham said.

"Okay, you know how we're like, a military unit?" Riley said, and lowered Forrest's taser-rifle. "Everyone get your shit together, please? Now."

"Sorry, Cap," Forrest said. "We just don't got nothin' like...whatever that thing is back home."

"It's an African mask," Sam said. "It's art. Actually it's pretty cool. Um, probably less scary in the daytime though."

"Sam, you and Graham search upstairs," Riley said. "Don't turn the whole place inside-out, don't make a mess. Remember this is someone's house. Just a quick recon, I want to be sure no one's here. Mister Scared of Art will search down here with me. Move."

"Okay, that's a lot of stuffed animals," Graham said, as he stood in Buffy's room with Sam.

"The Slayer's a chick, remember?" Sam said.

"Still a lot of stuffed animals. We sure she doesn't have like a little sister or something?"

"According to the file its just Buffy and her mom, her parents divorced," Sam said, and looked in the closet. Graham looked under the bed. "It's not that many stuffed animals. It's only four. I always had like a dozen in my room."

"I had GI Joes," Graham said, and got up from the floor, and sat on the bed. "I was big into GI Joes, I liked the cartoon. I notice the pact is still working. We're all still sticking to it."

"You mean the 'We-don't talk-about-our-families' pact?"

"Yeah."

"You wanna maybe break the pact?"

"I'm just...worried. My mom, my dad, my brother...they're out there in this. I don't know if...they're even..."

Sam sat next to him, and took his hand. "Graham, you think I'm not spazzing out too? My mother's out there in this, I have no idea if she's alive or dead. Yeah, sure, Kansas has never been a big hostile zone, but still. But the thing is? If we let ourselves travel down this road? If we let ourselves start thinking about it, talking about it? It makes things worse. Because there's nothing we can do about it. None of us can go home now, even if we wanted to go AWOL, all the flights are grounded. None of us can go to our families. But we can still help our families. We can help them by doing our jobs, by trying our best to fight this... this...disaster. Right now? We're exactly where we should be. Doing what we can to help. We hook up with the Slayer, maybe she gives us something we can use."

"Yeah," Graham said, and looked down at the floor.

Sam smiled, and kissed his cheek. "They're not your only family, you know. We're your family too."

Graham smiled. "Yeah."

Sam stood up. "So come on, little brother. Let's go do our jobs."

"Hey," Graham said, chuckling as he stood up. "Who said I'm the little brother? You're totally the little sister."

"Except little sisters aren't supposed to be able to kick their big brothers' asses."

"That was just that one time. You got lucky."

"Sure," Sam said, and chuckled, and walked out of the room.

"Spooky," Forrest said, as he stood in Buffy's dark cellar, looking around.

"It's not spooky," Riley said, as he shined his flashlight around. "Why do you think everything's spooky? It's a cellar. See? There's cheerleading outfits over there." He walked over to them, gathering dust in a shadowy corner.

Forrest made a circuit of the room, his taser-rifle leveled. The cellar was large, but it was neat. The floor was swept. Boxes were piled in the corners. Forrest kept a wary eye on the corners anyway. For some reason, there was a cot in the middle of the room, with sheets on it, and a pillow. "Okay, spooky and kinda hot," he said. "But it's still a cellar. All cellars are spooky man, haven't you seen any movies? Bad guy always jumps at you in the cellar. And who the hell she got sleepin' on this cot down here? Dracula?"

Riley laughed. "Yeah, a Slayer hanging with a vampire," he said. "Sure, that could happen. And then maybe I'll invite some terrorists down to my farm for a cookout next Memorial Day."

"Maybe she's got Uncle Fester down here," Forrest said. "Freakshow Slayer girl, got people sleepin' in her damn spooky cellar."

"Cellars aren't spooky," Riley said, looking down at Buffy's cheerleader outfit. He touched the pom-poms, and smiled. His little sister had pom-poms just like them. She was a cheerleader...or she had been, before today. Riley had no idea if she was even alive now. He put the thought out of his mind. "Cellars are where you keep the sled and your old fishing rod. Cellar's where you keep your first baseball glove, and your old Halloween costumes. Cellars are nice."

"Damn Cap, every time I think you're a bad ass you go all Mister Rogers on my ass. You're like that guy, the guy who did those paintings? With like kids with crewcuts goin' fishin' and people goin' like to church and stuff? You totally belong in one of those paintings."

"Norman Rockwell," Riley said, and smiled again. "Man was a genius. Okay, no monsters in the cellar. Let's head back upstairs, make sure Abbot and Costello didn't meet Frankenstein up there."

"Sam gonna love it, I tell her you called her Abbot and Costello," Forrest said, chuckling, as he followed Riley upstairs. The stairs creaked. He thought the creak was spooky.

"Graham's gonna love it when I tell him you were afraid of the cellar," Riley said. They came out of the cellar and met Sam and Graham in the living room.

"Nothing, Cap," Graham said.

"Okay, the house is empty," Riley said. "So we'll wait for her."

"How long do we wait?" Graham said. "She doesn't show, that kinda screws our plan."

"We'll give it a day," Riley said. "Then we'll try her Watcher's house, it's not far from here."

"What's a Watcher?" Forrest said.

"Every Slayer gets one, sort of the guy giving her orders, sending her out on her missions," Riley said. "There's something called the Watchers Council, it's in England. These guys have been running Slayers for thousands of years according to the files I read. And the Watchers keep records, diaries. Watchers in the field upload their diaries to the Council database. If we can't track down Buffy we'll go to her Watcher's house and Sam can hack in. The Watchers have seen this kind of crazy shit before. They must have some idea what to do...they must have some kind of plan."

"So you're telling me we have no plan?" Wesley Windham-Pryce said, as he sat at the long mahogany table in the conference room adjoining Quentin Travers' office, fidgeting with his tie. The room was perfect: spacious, neat, tastefully decorated, with floor-to-ceiling windows that gave a spectacular view of the Thames. The black table, bare but for a tea service and two cups, was polished to a high sheen. The rug was an 800-year old Indian antique. The Greek vase was real, the painting on the wall was an original Cézanne. Everything was just right in that room; everything there gave one the unshakable impression of quiet authority, judiciously applied. Quentin gave that impression too. He sat there in his hand-made three-piece tweed suit, somehow managing to look down at Wesley even though they were of equal height, as if he was sitting on a throne. The few times Wesley had seen Quentin Travers, the man always reminded him of Moses coming down from the mountain. The Charlton Heston Moses. The scary Moses.

Wesley checked his reflection again in the gloss of the table, and fidgeted with his tie some more. He didn't look nervous at all, he thought.

Wesley cut quite a dashing figure, or so he thought at least, but he had never been in Quentin's conference room before--he had simply never been important enough--and being there now made him nervous, whether or not he looked it. He thought he did a good job hiding it, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Quentin's icy blue eyes saw right through his charade.

Wesley had never been in Quentin's conference room before and he had only ever been in Quentin's office once, and that was when Quentin had curtly informed him that his instructor had washed him out of Watcher training. Wesley's father--a terrible, intimidating old man, nearly, but not quite, as terrible and intimidating as Quentin, Wesley thought--had a long and distinguished career as a Watcher, and he had called in a few favors and managed to get Wesley reinstated. But Wesley had always felt uncomfortable after that; as if he didn't really belong. Like he never really would...

Wesley redoubled his efforts after that, and whenever he felt like he was in over his head, or he wasn't sure how to proceed--something that happened to him a lot--he did what he always did: he pretended to be on top of things. It was what he was doing now. "Well that's simply unacceptable," Wesley continued. "We're the Watchers council, we have wizards, we have magical artifacts, we have the accumulated knowledge of millennia at our disposal. Surely we were prepared for something like this?"

Wesley's instructor had seen through him when he tried to do that--when he tried to pretend to be on top of things by making speeches designed to put others back on their heels, and in fact she had often harangued him for not having the simple sense to ask questions when he was confused about something. But his father had never needed to ask questions. His father had been an exemplary, even legendary, Watcher. His father had saved the world along with his Slayer, a Ukrainian girl named Kateryna Oleksienko, on two documented occasions. It was a sign of weakness, asking questions. Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, boy, his father had said to him once, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

"What we have is the Slayer," Quentin said. "It's what we've always had. And now we have no idea where she is--where either of them are--and no way to reach them so we can coordinate with them." He shook his head. "If only we hadn't lost Rebecca Greer...if she was out there running those girls I'd feel a hell of a lot better."

Wesley found himself frowning before he could hide it. He quickly got his placid, authoritative, on-top-of-things look back into place, and hoped Quentin hadn't noticed.

Rebecca Greer was the instructor who had washed him out of training.

"Yes, it's a shame we lost Ms. Greer, but we do have Rupert Giles out there," Wesley said. "He's a very capable Watcher, from what I've read."

"That Slayer of his leads him around by the nose," Quentin said. "The girl needs a stronger hand."

"I certainly agree with you there. From what I've read she's willful, obstinate, intractable..."

"Of course that willful, obstinate, intractable girl has saved the world now, on at least three occasions. So let's have some perspective here. But Buffy Summers isn't the reason I called you in here, Wesley. We have two Slayers now. And without Rebecca Greer, Faith Lehane is without a Watcher. Mr. Giles is capable, but watching a Slayer is a far cry from watching a mere potential and watching two Slayers would be a task of Herculean proportions. We need another Watcher out there and we need him out there now. We have a plane fueled and ready to go. Whoever we send might not be able to find her, they might not even survive the trip. But we need someone out there. I'd go, but the Council of Elders is scattered around the world right now and I'm the only one left to run this damned place. A pity, it would have been nice to get back in the field, away from all this blasted paperwork." Quentin smiled. "Unfortunately, someone else has to be the one to go. But who shall it be?"

Wesley smiled too. He didn't like to think that the fact he was getting Rebecca Greer's Slayer made him smile; he hoped he wasn't that petty.

"You've made great strides these past few years, Wesley," Quentin said. "Your know our library backwards and forwards and you have an excellent grasp of psychology, human and otherwise. In fact you seem to have quite a way with demons; it was your insight that saved the day in Chile when those insect demons were mucking about."

"With insects it's always all about protecting the queen," Wesley said. "Having a Master's in psychology from Oxford doesn't quite prepare you for demon psychology I'm afraid. It's a matter of instinct there." He leaned forward, talking excitedly now. "You have to listen to your gut," he said. "You have to really get into the demon's head, really feel it, the savagery, the bloodlust, the utter depravity. You have to--"

Wesley realized he was going overboard; becoming pleased with himself. That wouldn't do. He pulled back.

"Well, suffice to say you can't be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get down in the dirt," he finished.

"And you're not afraid to do that?" Quentin said.

"Absolutely not."

"Faith Lehane. Tell me about her."

Wesley had read Faith's file, everything they had on her. The day Rebecca died Wesley decided he was going to be Faith's Watcher; getting a Slayer as his first assignment would be quite a feather in his cap, more than enough to make people forget that he had washed out. He knew every word of Faith's file, he had memorized it. He knew Quentin was testing him now.

"A runaway," Wesley said. "Her mother abused her, her father was nowhere to be found. She left home at the age of fifteen, and lived as a vagrant until Rebecca Greer found her as a potential."

"You've read Rebecca's reports?"

"Yes, of course. I'm intimately familiar with them."

Quentin nodded.

"And what did Rebecca do wrong?" Quentin said. "And how do you intend to correct her mistakes?"

Wesley paused. Things had been going well; reciting things he had memorized was Wesley's favorite thing to do. But now he'd hit a bump in the road. As much as he was loath to admit it, he didn't think Rebecca had done anything wrong. She'd turned a troubled, apathetic, undisciplined girl into a marvelous Slayer...

Wesley racked his brain. He fidgeted with his tie. He tried to come up with an answer Quentin would want to hear. He tried to look dashing while he did it.

Finally he said, "Greer was too close to the girl. She treated her almost as a daughter. That's not the way it should be between a Watcher and a Slayer, that kind of relationship just confuses the girl. A Slayer is much better off seeing her Watcher as an overseer, a taskmaster. That way the girl knows where she stands and she can go about her duties in an efficient manner."

Wesley smiled again. He thought he had pulled that off rather well; he almost believed the answer himself. And he really did think it was generally a bad idea for a Watcher to allow themselves to get too close to their Slayer. Slayers died young; it was better not to let yourself get too attached to them. There was always another girl after that...

Quentin nodded.

"Bravo, you told me what you think I want to hear," Quentin said. "Now try again. If you get the answer wrong this time, I'm afraid we'll have to find someone else to take that plane."

Wesley's smile wilted like a dandelion in winter.

Wesley racked his brain again. He fidgeted with his tie again.

"I wasn't finished," Wesley said. "Greer was unprepared when Kakistos and his gang struck. He caught her napping, and seventy-two innocent people paid the price for it."

Quentin frowned.

"He caught us napping," Quentin said. "It isn't the responsibility of a Watcher in the field to be aware of the location of every potential threat out there at all times. That's what we're supposed to be for. That's what our Research department is supposed to be for. We have people whose sole job is to watch out for menaces like Kakistos, to be aware of where they are and what they're planning at all times, and to keep our Watchers in the field informed. And the most important people to inform, the people who at all costs had to be kept abreast of current events, were Rebecca Greer and Rupert Giles, because they're watching the Slayers. But we didn't inform them, because we dropped the ball. And we lost Rebecca Greer over it, and seventy-two more innocent people besides, and we nearly lost both our Slayers too. One thing we definitely lost is our Research department, because I fired the lot of them. And the answer, Wesley, is that Rebecca did nothing wrong. I asked the question because I wanted to see if you had finally made it past your unfortunate habit of toadying, and it seems you still haven't. Pity."

Wesley's face went white.

"Wesley, I think you have great potential," Quentin said. "You're a brilliant scholar and I'd hate to lose you. But you're not a Watcher yet. Someday maybe you will be, but not until you have confidence in yourself, not until you can bloody well speak up. Say what you want about Rupert Giles and how he lets his Slayer lead him around by the nose but he's willing to do what must be done, what he thinks is right, and he couldn't give a damn about what I think. And those are the kinds of Watchers I want out there. When trouble comes it comes hard and fast and there won't be time for you to call in and check with us. I need Watchers who are self-reliant and able to think on their feet. Right now, that isn't you."

"This...this wasn't fair," Wesley said. "You tricked me."

"Ah, now you're speaking up," Quentin said, and chuckled. "Excellent. Be angry at me. Use it to motivate yourself. I'm putting you in charge of our Research department--actually, for the moment you are the Research department. If you still want to help the world out of this mess--if your goal is to help, rather than to land Rebecca Greer's Slayer because you're still annoyed that she washed you out of training--then you'll go down to those damned books and find me something I can use. Or you can go home and pout about the unfairness of the world, while everyone in it dies. Make a choice. And for God's sake, Pryce, make your choice. Not the choice you think your father wants you to make."

Wesley looked down at the table, and thought about things. His face was red now. He couldn't see it in the reflection but he knew it was. He noticed he didn't look particularly dashing anymore.

"Speak up," Quentin said. "Time is running out. For all of us."

"I'll be down in Research," Wesley said, and stood up.

"Excellent choice," Quentin said.

Wesley didn't look at him as he walked toward the door.

"Wesley," Quentin said.

Wesley turned.

"If we'd had someone of your talent in our Research department a few months ago maybe Kakistos wouldn't have caught us napping," Quentin said. "Being a Watcher is glamorous but as this debacle will show you, good research is just as important to our mission. And at the end of the day this isn't about glamour. It's about the mission. Maybe Research is where you can do the most good for the world. And isn't that why you're here? To do some good?"

Wesley nodded, and walked out.

And he made a decision, as he walked down the deserted hallway to the elevators, which would take him down to the basement, where Research was located.

His father still had a lot of pull; in fact his father was on the Council of Elders.

Wesley decided he was going to have his Slayer, by hook or by crook...

Faith woke up in a strange room.

She looked up, and saw Buffy looking down at her.

Buffy smiled.

"Hey baby," Buffy said, and kissed her.

"B?" Faith said. She looked around. She felt strange. The room was dark, but it was full of scents...Buffy's, Willow's, Tara's...other people she didn't recognize...and blood...medicinal smells...

She looked around. She saw Tara asleep on a chair beside her bed, and Willow asleep on another chair near the window.

"It's me, baby," Buffy said, and kissed her again, and smoothed down her hair. "How do you feel? You feel okay?"

Faith tried to move. But there were things attached to her...sticking out of her wrists....

She recognized them. They were IV's. She followed the tubes back to the machines they were attached to...the bag of fluids, the heart monitor. She got that feeling in her stomach again...the old panicky feeling...she forced it back down.

"I'm in the hospital," Faith said.

Buffy nodded, and caressed her hair. "Yeah. I know, you don't like hospitals. I know baby, and I'm sorry. But you...you were dying." A tear fell down Buffy's cheek. "And you can't die on me. You almost...almost did before and..."

Buffy was crying now.

"You can't die," Buffy whispered. "You can't die on me, baby, you can't, you can't."

Faith hugged her, as best she could with the IV's hooked up to her arms.

"Okay, honey," Faith said. "What happened? How long have I been out?"

"We...went looking for my mom, remember?" Buffy said, and wiped her tears away. "In L.A.? We ran into a vampire...Drusilla."

Faith remembered...

She remembered a beautiful voice, singing to her...the voice was in her head now...it was singing again.

It wouldn't stop singing...

I'm looking for you again...

The voice was beautiful...Faith thought she could listen to it forever. But she knew everything it said was a lie.

Faith rejected the voice. She made the voice stop.

"So that was Drusilla, huh?" Faith said.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "She...she took most of your blood, baby. But then you took her down and I killed Spike and--"

"Spike? Wait, Spike was there?"

"You were...sort of out of it. He came in and I managed to grab him with one of the moves you taught me."

Buffy hugged her harder, and started crying again.

"The move you taught me," Buffy said. "You taught me."

"You okay, honey?" Faith whispered, and kissed her cheek. Buffy shook her head. Her face was buried in Faith's hair, and she was trembling.

"You're my girl," Faith whispered.

Buffy nodded.

They stayed that way for awhile. Faith held on to Buffy, as Buffy cried, and trembled.

And Faith tried to remember...but everything was hazy...

She remembered knocking Buffy unconscious so she could get to Joyce in time. She remembered Drusilla, looking at her, and controlling her somehow... holding her in her eyes...

For a moment, that feeling was familiar...trying to move, and not being able to...trying to fight, but knowing you couldn't...because someone else was in control. So you waited...waited for them to allow you to do things...

Faith thought she had something in her grasp...something she had forgotten, something she had lost...

Willow's scent came to her. It was strong, in the room. She'd always liked Willow's scent.

Goddess, Faith thought, as she looked at her, sleeping in the chair by the window. But she had no idea why she'd thought that, or what it meant...

You're my goddess, Faith remembered herself saying...to someone.

But then whatever she had been holding on to, it was gone again...she'd lost it again.

But then Faith remembered...

...She remembered Joyce.

"Oh no," Faith whispered. "Oh no, honey..." She looked up into Buffy's eyes, and started crying. "Oh, no! Oh no, oh no..."

Buffy looked back down into Faith's eyes. Buffy was crying too.

Neither of them had to say it...they both knew why they were crying now.

"I'm sorry," Faith whispered. She touched Buffy's cheek with a shaking hand. "I'm sorry about Joyce."

Buffy nodded, and kissed her. Then she sat up, and looked down into Faith's eyes again.

"It wasn't your fault," Buffy whispered, as softly as she could. She wanted to keep her voice down, so Angel wouldn't hear. "And you better not start thinking it is, okay? I'm pissed at you enough as it is, with how you keep on almost dying on me all the time and you can never just fucking talk to me? And then how instead of trying to talk to me you sucker punched me in the car? But my mom wasn't your fault. If you start, start trying to blame yourself for my mom I'll, I'll...I'll kick your ass."

"Okay," Faith said.

"I mean it," Buffy said, with tears running down her cheeks. "I'll kick your ass."

"C'mere, honey," Faith said, and drew her closer, and hugged her again. "Let me...let me take care of my girl."

"I'm your girl," Buffy whispered, and cried, with her face buried in Faith's hair. "I'm your girl."

"You're my girl," Faith said.

"Faith," Buffy said. "Xander, he...he died."

Angel came back to the ugly little lounge area down the hall from Faith's room with two bags of pretzels and a big cup of coffee, and sat back down in his uncomfortable little orange plastic chair. Cordelia was asleep in the chair next to his. She snored, but it was a soft sound, even a pretty one, he thought, and he didn't mind it. Giles was asleep in the chair next to her.

Angel hadn't slept. He watched the television hanging in the corner. It's what he'd been doing all night: according to CNN, it was just past seven in the morning on the West Coast now.

But the sun hadn't come up...the sky was black. All over the world, the sky was black.

He knew Faith was awake; he could hear her. He heard Buffy and Faith now, crying together.

He wanted to visit Faith. He liked her. But he knew Buffy wouldn't want him there. He knew Buffy, Willow and Tara had all stayed with Faith together... he'd heard them talking the night before. He smiled when he thought of Tara falling for Willow's joke about werewolves.

He wanted to talk to Tara...to be with her. He missed her, even though he'd only known her a day. But she was with them now...and he wasn't part of what they had.

He never would be again.

He watched television, alone, and tried not to hear Buffy and Faith crying...

"Do me a favor, baby?" Buffy whispered. She looked around the room. Willow and Tara were still asleep.

"Anything for my girl," Faith whispered back, and kissed her. They were lying on the bed together, and Faith was holding Buffy in her arms as best she could with the IV's all tangled up together and pulling at her skin. Their eyes were red from crying. Faith hadn't known Xander very well. She knew that when she cried for him, she had actually been crying for Buffy.

Because she knew Buffy would always carry Xander's death inside her...it would be another burden she would have to bear.

"Don't...don't tell anyone about my mom yet," Buffy whispered. "I haven't told Will or Tara or anyone and...I just...I can't deal with it right now, okay? With all the craziness going on? With you almost dying and then Xander, and the world falling apart? I just...I can't deal with that right now. I'll tell them but...later, okay?"

"Okay," Faith said. "But...you gotta do something for me too, honey."

"What? I mean other than kick your ass? I'm so gonna kick your ass you know. And I'm not, not even kidding? We can't be this way anymore. From now on we have to talk about stuff. We have to do stuff together. We love each other and we can't...can't keep trying to do stuff on our own."

"Believe me honey, you don't gotta tell me how I fucked everything up. Guess we both know who should have been the leader all along, huh?"

"Yeah," Buffy said. "You."

"Buffy...look, you're bein' nice because you love me, and I appreciate that? But...take a look around. At the world, at our friends...the people we love. It's all...it's all fucked up. I fucked everything up."

A tear rolled down Faith's cheek. Buffy shook her head, and kissed it away.

"Baby, you think there's anything you could have done that would have stopped Drusilla from being in that house? I'm the one who fucked this up, not you. I told you I would listen to you and go along with your plan and then I didn't. If I had just listened to you, instead of trying to leave the car? Then we could've gone in after Dru together, and she never would've gotten her claws into you. Instead you almost died because of me. You're the leader from now on, Faith. I already decided, I decided last night. And yeah, okay, I can't decide for all of us? Will and Tara get to vote on this too? But I decided for me. And this isn't just because I don't want to do it? It's because you're the best one for the job, baby."

"You...really think that? It's not just...because you love me?"

"Everything I do is because I love you," Buffy said, and smiled, and kissed her. "But yeah. I really think that. From now on I want you to be like, the leader. We'll all like, weigh in and debate stuff like we always do? But when we're in a fight, when we're fighting to save the world, eventually it has to stop being a democracy. We can all debate stuff around and around but eventually someone has to make the decision, someone has to take charge. I want it to be you. Okay? Will you do it?"

"Yeah. If...if Will's good with it too."

"And Tara. I sort of brought her into the gang yesterday."

"Yeah?" Faith thought about it. She wasn't sure she liked the idea. She looked over at Tara, watched her sleep in the chair. She was beautiful. Faith was used to her spicy scent; she always wanted it around her. She was warm...Faith had felt warm, that night when she had laid curled up in Tara's arms. She knew she couldn't have that again...it would be wrong to have it again...but she still didn't like Tara being in danger.

"I know you worry about her, baby," Buffy said. "But she wants to be part of it. And she's already been a big help to us today. You know we could use her. And I like her. I want her with us."

"Yeah," Faith said. "Okay. I figure, with all the speeches I'm always makin' at you about lettin' Will help, it would be kinda hypocritical to make Tara stay home. But Buffy...if I'm really gonna lead this thing? Assuming there even is a thing, assuming there's even gonna be a world left after this? It's gotta change. We can't just let bad guys take potshots at us and then like, react to it. We gotta make moves. We gotta go out there and take the fight to them. Bad guys like Spike and Dru..."

"Yeah. I should've killed them a long time ago. My fault."

Faith kissed her.

"That's another change I'm gonna make," Faith said. "It's the thing I need you to do for me. No more of you havin' the world on your shoulders, blaming yourself for everything. No blaming yourself for Xander. Leaving was his decision and it was a mistake, he played into the First's hands. We're a group now, beautiful. Stuff goes bad, it's on all of us, okay?"

Buffy smiled. "Okay, boss. Anything else? Want me to do some pushups?"

Faith raised her eyebrow. "Sure, honey," she whispered, and licked Buffy's neck. You wanna get on top of me?"

"Oh my God," Buffy said, and giggled. "The world's ending and you're like, in the hospital with seventy-five percent brand new blood and you're horny."

"End of the world. Figure there's no better time. But I'll keep it in my pants 'til later. One last change I'm gonna make. I'm trainin' Will and Tara up. They go into the field with us they're gonna know how to defend themselves, how to fight with a weapon, they're gonna be in shape. We've...we've lost people, Buffy. I don't wanna lose anyone else."

"Yeah," Buffy said, and hugged her again.

Faith thought back to Joyce...Buffy's scent reminded Faith of Joyce. The first time she had met her, Joyce had given her a hug, and made her promise to come over for dinner. She remembered Joyce's laugh...her perfume. How she felt when Joyce put her arm around her on the couch that time she slept over Buffy's house for the weekend and they all watched a movie together...she'd felt a little nervous, a little awkward, but she'd felt warm too...

She remembered Joyce's ghostly pale face, and Joyce's wide, staring green eyes, and the tears on her cheeks...and the bloody wound on her neck.

She remembered Joyce's lifeless eyes, staring straight at her...

She wondered if Joyce had gone to Heaven. She hoped she had...but she wasn't sure she believed in Heaven...wasn't sure she believed anyone was watching over them.

How could any God leave the world this way?

"Hey, sweetie," Willow said.

Faith looked up, and saw Willow sitting up in the chair, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Hey, fairy godmother," Faith said, and realized immediately that she had no idea why she'd said it.

"Fairy godmother?" Willow said, and smiled. "Okay, sweetie. I can be your fairy godmother if you want. Auntie, fairy godmother...I have a diverse skill set."

Willow walked over and sat down on the bed beside them, next to Tara's chair.

"How's my sweetie?" she said, and caressed Faith's hair.

Faith looked up into Willow's eyes, and started to cry. "Will, I'm...I'm sorry about Xander."

Willow nodded, and her eyes filled with tears.

She wiped Faith's tears away, and kissed Faith's forehead, and took her hand.

"Thanks, sweetie," Willow whispered. "Buffy told you what happened? With me getting kidnapped and everything?"

"Yeah. Those vamps want you for something Will, you're important to them. Buffy says Angel told her they were doin' like some kind of ceremony on you...like they couldn't kill you until they did some magic stuff first. We gotta figure that out. We figure out why you're so important to them, and what that ceremony was, maybe it can help get us out of this."

Willow smiled. "That was some nice tactical thinking. And yeah, we'll figure all that stuff out. But how do you feel? You feel okay now?"

"Yeah. All kinda woozy but...okay. So Buffy says...I lost a lot of blood?"

"Yeah. You needed a transfusion. Buffy and Tara both gave you blood, and me and Angel sorta raided a blood bank back in Sunnydale to bring you more. You needed a whole lot." Willow looked up at the stand holding the bag of clear fluid Faith was receiving. There wasn't a blood bag there anymore. "Looks like you got it all, they've just got you on regular fluids now."

"You guys...you gave me blood?" Faith said, and looked at Tara. Tara was still asleep in the chair, snoring softly. Faith remembered that sound...she liked it.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "You and I are the same blood type? We're both B-negative. And Tara's O-negative, so she's a universal donor, she can give to anyone. But we couldn't give you anywhere near enough? Drusilla took like three-quarters of your blood. If Will hadn't gotten here with that blood from the blood bank..."

"You guys all...you all saved me," Faith said, and looked back up at Willow.

"Always will, sweetie," Willow said.

"Willow...you wanna...talk about it?" Faith said. "I mean...Xander?"

"What's to talk about?" Willow said. "Xander screwed up, he made a dumb move and now we're all fucked."

"Xander died fighting for you, Willow," Faith said. "He died defending his girl."

Willow looked toward the window. She looked out at blackness, dotted with red. There was more red now than before...the fires were spreading.

"I wasn't his girl anymore," Willow said. "He dumped me. And yeah, okay, he was all like, heroic? Great. But he was heroic and stupid. I'd rather have him smart and alive."

Willow turned back to Faith and Buffy.

"Trying to take me away from you guys, I know why he did it? I understand what was going through his head," Willow said. "But it was a stupid decision."

"Will..." Faith said. "You know...you know he just did it because..."

"Yeah, because he loved me, I know. And I loved him too. Doesn't make him less of an idiot though for what he did. It got him killed. I almost died too, Giles almost died. If Xander and I were with you guys today? This might not have happened. Xander's got weapons, he's got the flamethrowers at Giles' house and I know he's still got a grenade left in his bedroom at his parents' place. Buffy told me what happened in the cemetery. That one grenade could have saved the world. Instead look where we are. Look out the window. The whole world's gone to hell and people are dying out there because someone made a stupid decision and I...I just went along with it. We can't do that anymore...we can't all be acting on our own anymore. Someone needs to lead. Someone smart."

"Not me," Buffy said. "I'm not doing it anymore. I can't...I can't be telling everyone what to do all the time. You can see the proof right out the window."

"Faith, Buffy and I talked about it a little while you were asleep?" Willow said. "About how this whole thing went off the rails and how we need to make changes to the way we do things? Someone's gotta lead. Buffy doesn't want to do it, but someone has to. If Buffy wanted to do it? I'd follow her. Buffy, do you get that, sweetie? Do you get that I love you and I'd follow you into hell? You're an awesome leader. Okay, I get that you're kinda burned out being the one in charge but, I mean, hello? Earth to Buffy? You've saved the world! Three times! Three! Step back if you think you have to but, can you maybe give yourself some credit for all the good you've done?"

"You listen to her honey," Faith said, and kissed Buffy's cheek. "When auntie talks we listen."

"Yeah," Willow said. "And auntie's talking now, okay? So listen, Buffy. You're a great leader? Even a born leader. But, the one thing you always did wrong? The one thing that's keeping me from like, slapping you upside your head for even thinking about stepping down? Is that you tried to do too much stuff yourself. You tried to take on too much of the burden and it hurt you. You didn't always let the rest of us in because you have this big martyr complex because you're the Slayer. You let that 'one girl in all the world' junk Giles kept spouting at you go to your head. From now on? Yeah, okay, someone has to lead, someone has to like, make the final decisions? But from now on, if this is gonna work, we all have to be part of it, we all have to be included. Stuff like Angel, not telling us he was back? That can't happen again. Not because it hurt my feelings. Because it's something that affects us all, affects what we do, and we have to all be included."

"I know," Buffy said. "It won't happen again. From now on...from now on it's the four of us. I'm sorry, Willow. I'm sorry I lied to you about Angel."

Willow kissed her cheek. "I know. Forget it, okay, sweetie? You're always gonna be my sweetie no matter what. Let's just concentrate on where we are now. And, where we are, okay, kinda really sucks? But it wasn't your fault, Buffy. If it was anyone's fault it was mine. Yeah, Xander made a dumb move? What else is new. But I let him drag me away when I should have kicked his idiot ass and fucking locked him in your spare room until he came to his senses."

"It sounds like...like you're angry with him," Buffy said.

"I am," Willow said. "I think maybe I always will be a little. I thought him and me were gonna have a life together? Instead now I have to remember him this way. I have to remember him dumping me and fucking up the world because he couldn't see past his ego and his stupid male bullshit. And I think I have a right to be angry? So I'm gonna let myself be angry for awhile, okay? This thing, me and Xander, and what Xander did? It's my thing, Buffy. It's mine. It's not your fault. Don't try to...try to take it away from me and add it to your big ol' backpack of angst. That would be selfish of you. It's not yours. It's mine. Okay?"

"Okay," Buffy said, and squeezed her hand.

"So anyway...someone's gotta lead," Willow said. "Someone smart, someone we can all get behind. Buffy doesn't want to do it anymore so we gotta pick someone else."

"Okay...these chairs suck," Tara said, and yawned, and stretched. "Someone had to say it." She smiled, and touched Faith's hand. "Hey sweetie. You feel okay?"

"Yeah," Faith said. "I hear I got some brand new O-negative blood groovin' in my veins."

"Yup, and it's completely awesome blood?" Tara said. "It's like, super cool blood. It's got the same stuff in it that Underdog had in his Super Energy Pills. You're gonna be like, so cool from now on. You're John, by the way. We're like, all Beatles? I sorta decided we're Beatles. Our new name is the Fab Four." Tara giggled. "Okay, I'm babbling. Just ignore me."

"I like how you babble, honey," Faith said. "C'mere and gimme a hug."

Tara leaned over the bed, and hugged her.

"You sure you're okay, sweetie?" Tara said, and kissed her cheek. "You had me..."

Tara broke down in tears.

"You had me all worried," Tara whispered.

Faith hugged Tara harder, as Tara cried...

Buffy and Willow watched them together.

Willow wanted to hug Tara too...when she saw those tears in Tara's eyes, she wanted to hold her.

But it wasn't real...those weren't her feelings...

Willow had found herself for the moment, come back to herself. But holding on to herself was a constant effort. It was like dangling from a cliff.

"It's okay, honey," Faith whispered in Tara's ear. "It's okay now. It's okay."

Tara nodded her head, and smiled. Eventually, she let go of Faith, and stopped crying.

"I'm sorry," Tara said. "I'm all goofy. I'm a big babbling crying goof."

"You're a perfect awesome Tara," Faith said.

"Plus I'm George," Tara said.

"You're George?" Faith said.

"It's this big Beatles thing," Buffy said. "We're all Beatles now. I'm Paul because he's the cutest one. I totally called dibs on Paul. Tara called dibs on George."

"I took Ringo, even though he sucks?" Willow said. "We figured you wouldn't want to be Ringo."

"He the goofy one with the big nose who played drums?" Faith said.

"Yeah," Willow said. "See? I'm an awesome aunt. Don't ever let it be said that I don't take care of my niece. I kill vamps for you, raid blood banks for you, I'll even be Ringo for you."

"So...the thing with Drusilla," Faith said. "What happened? Buffy, you said...I took her down, and you killed Spike? But...I don't really remember. I remember Drusilla a little but I don't remember Spike being there at all."

"You were pretty out of it," Buffy said. "Drusilla took most of your blood, and she had you in her claws and I knew if I made a move she could kill you before I could reach you. It was a standoff. Then Spike showed up and I kicked his ass with one of your awesome aikido moves? The wristlock, where you spin the person around and get them on their knees? I did that and had a sword to his throat and I tried to negotiate with Dru, tried to trade Spike for you. But she wasn't going for it...she said...she said you were supposed to be her..."

"Her daughter?" Willow said.

"Yeah," Buffy said.

"Wait, how did you know...?" Tara started to say...

Then the answer dawned on her.

"Oh," Tara said.

"Yeah," Willow said. "Angel told you that too, huh? How I have Dru's memories of that closet Angelus put her in? He made Drusilla force them into my head. But her visions...my memory of the visions she had in the closet have always been kind of hazy. The visions were all so bound up with Dru's subconscious, with her insanity, that I never really got a clear image of any of them. I knew there was a brown-haired girl, sometime in the future, and that Dru saw herself turning her. But I couldn't see her too well. Goddess, Faith...if I had only known. If I had only known it was you I would have found Dru and killed her myself, sweetie. But, I promise? I won't ever let her hurt you again."

"Actually, Drusilla was like, half dead by the time Faith got through with her, her head was all like caved-in and gross looking," Buffy was saying, but Faith wasn't listening anymore.

The image of Joyce came to Faith again. Her lifeless eyes were staring at her again...there were tears on Joyce's cheeks.

Drusilla had torn Joyce's throat out, and there wasn't anything Faith could do...Drusilla had controlled her somehow, stopped her from fighting...

Drusilla's voice, her eyes, had held her...

Drusilla's beautiful voice came to her again, sang to her again. She wondered now if she would always hear that voice...if it would always be there, no matter how hard she tried to force it to stop...

Faith remembered Drusilla's scent: it was like roses soaked in blood. It was a sweet scent, the way blood was sweet.

Faith's memories of Drusilla were hazy things, like the memories of a dream. But the more she dwelled on Drusilla's scent, the more she remembered... and it was easy to dwell on Drusilla's scent. It was all over her. Drusilla had touched her...

"Drusilla...she...did something to me...it was like...I couldn't move," Faith said.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "She hypnotized you. That's kinda what she does."

The memories of Drusilla were getting stronger now, becoming sharper. Faith remembered Drusilla touching her.

She remembered Drusilla's hands caressing her stomach...moving between her legs. She remembered Drusilla's tongue in her mouth...she could still taste it.

It felt dirty. Everything Drusilla did made Faith feel dirty.

Tears came into Faith's eyes...and she felt panicky suddenly...like there was something else, something wrong...something she hadn't remembered yet, but she suddenly knew she was going to...she was going to any moment...

"What's wrong, baby?" Buffy said. "Is it...is it Drusilla? Is it what she did?"

"I don't know," Faith said.

Buffy waited. It took Faith awhile to talk sometimes. But this time Faith didn't talk...

Faith felt them all looking at her. She felt herself falling to pieces inside. She felt like she was shaking. The memory was there, it was coming...she couldn't stop it. She had done something... she had done something terribly wrong...

"Sweetie?" Tara said, and touched Faith's hand. "You've...you've been through a lot. Just...just give yourself time."

Faith thought that when she remembered the thing she had done, it might kill her.

She felt Buffy looking at her. She felt her eyes on her. She didn't look back.

"Baby? Baby what's...what's wrong...?" Buffy whispered. "Okay, besides the obvious, like how the world is screwed? Tell me? Tell me what's..."

"I wanna...I wanna take a shower," Faith said. "That a bathroom over there? It got a shower?'

"Yeah," Buffy said. "But--"

Faith started to get up. Buffy gently held her down.

"Faith, you've got like all these tubes in you right now, you're still getting fluids and stuff--"

"I wanna fucking shower!" Faith whimpered. The tears were falling down her cheeks now. "I need...I need a shower."

The memory came. Faith couldn't hold it back anymore... couldn't hide from it anymore.

Faith remembered the thing she had done.

Her face went pale.

Give me your burden, Drusilla had said, and held out her arms.

Faith had hesitated...tried to fight her. But Drusilla just looked into her eyes, and smiled...

Be a good girl, now, Drusilla had said. Be a good daughter.

And tears had run down Faith's cheeks, as she felt her arms moving, and couldn't stop them...

And then Faith handed Buffy to Drusilla...gave her away.

Faith remembered Drusilla lifting Buffy in her arms like a baby, and smiling again, as Faith followed behind, helplessly, pleading with her...

Don't...don't...don't? Please...please? Faith remembered herself whimpering...

And Faith knew at that moment that she had just lost something precious.

She knew she would never get it back. She didn't deserve it. She had given it away.

"Baby? What's...what's wrong?" Buffy whispered, and wiped Faith's tears away. Tell me? Please?"

Buffy held Faith's hand.

Faith felt everyone looking at her. She was tired of them all looking at her. She felt like she was on display now. She wanted them all gone.

She looked down at Buffy's hand in hers.

"I just...just...want a shower, okay?" Faith said, and took her hand away from Buffy's.

"I'll...I'll go ask Sol if it's okay to take you off the IV and stuff?" Tara said. "Be right back." She got up and ran out of the room in her hospital gown.

Buffy tried to take Faith's hand again, but Faith pulled away. Faith saw it in Buffy's face, in her eyes, when she did that; she had hurt her.

"I'm sorry I'm all...I'm sorry," Faith said. "I just...wanna shower. I'm just feelin' all...I don't know. There's just...all this stuff, all these tubes in me and...her smell's on me and...I wanna shower."

"It's okay, baby," Buffy said, and kissed her cheek.

Willow didn't say anything. She hadn't said a word for awhile. Faith glanced up at her. Willow was watching her. Faith looked away.

Faith realized Willow wasn't touching her anymore. She wasn't holding her hand, or stroking her hair.

Buffy was still stroking her hair. Faith tried to turn her head away, but Buffy wouldn't stop.

Tara came back into the room.

"Um...well...they don't want to take you off the machines," Tara said. "They want you monitored every second, at least until tomorrow. But...Melanie? The nurse? She said one of the nurses can give you a sponge bath...um...if you want."

Faith shook her head.

"I'll do it," Buffy said.

Faith shook her head again.

"You...don't want to?" Buffy said. Faith glanced at her. Buffy's face was red now. Faith knew she had hurt her again.

Faith noticed Willow was still watching her. Not touching her, not talking. Just watching her.

"I just..." Faith started to say, and looked down at the bedsheet. "I'm just...look, can I...can I just...?"

Faith felt her tears coming again. She tried to hold them back this time.

"You know what?" Willow said, and stood up. "I think bein' hooked up to all this junk and then having three crazy girls hovering over you has to be kinda tiring? So me, Buffy and Tara are gonna go down to the caf and grab some food and let you rest, okay sweetie? Plus I bet you're real hungry? You got that big Slayer appetite. So we'll bring you back lots of yummy vittles."

Faith didn't say anything, but she noticed Willow wasn't waiting for a reply. Willow moved to the other side of the bed, took Buffy's hand, and stood her up.

"Um...okay," Buffy said. "We'll bring you back some food, okay?"

Faith nodded her head, and looked down at the bedsheet. Buffy kissed her. Faith didn't kiss her back. Buffy's face turned redder.

"C'mon, Tara," Willow said, as she walked Buffy briskly around the bed toward the door. Tara stood up and joined them, watching Faith the whole time.

"You...sure you're okay, sweetie?" Tara said.

"Yeah," Faith said, without looking at her. "Just...need to rest up a little."

"It's my fault," Buffy said, as they stood waiting for the elevator. "I was just all...hovering over her and bothering her. She probably just needs to get away from me being in her face for awhile."

"That's not what she needs, Buffy," Willow said. "It's not what she wants. And it's not your fault."

The elevator arrived, and Buffy and Tara stepped inside.

"What do you mean?" Buffy said.

Willow didn't get into the elevator.

"I need to talk to her," Willow said. "And I need you two to stay away until I come get you. Go down to the caf, have breakfast, or lunch, or whatever meal we're on. I'll come get you in awhile."

"But...don't you think...she wants to be alone for awhile?" Tara said.

"No," Willow said. "That's the last thing she wants. You guys eat. And don't come back until I come get you. Faith and I need to have a talk, and I don't want anyone interrupting until we're done."

"Will...?" Buffy said.

Willow hugged her.

"It's not you, Buffy," Willow said. "You didn't do anything wrong. She loves you. I'll come get you when I'm done talking to her, okay sweetie? It's gonna be okay."

Buffy nodded her head. Willow thought she looked afraid.

The elevator doors closed.

Willow walked back down the hall to Faith's room.

When she got there the door was shut and she couldn't open it. She tried the knob but something was blocking the door. Willow reached out with her mind...reached through the door...felt the thing in front of it.

She pushed it away with her mind, and opened the door.

There was a chair on the floor; Faith had propped the chair against the door because the door didn't have a lock on it. Faith wasn't in the bed. The tubes from the IV machine and the heart monitor were tangled up on the floor. Willow heard the shower going.

Willow sat down in the chair by the window, and waited.

Faith knelt on the floor in the shower, and let the water pour down over her, and cried.

She'd washed herself; she'd washed herself raw. She'd scrubbed every inch of herself and she still felt dirty. Drusilla's scent wasn't on her anymore but she could still smell it; it was in her head now. She wondered if it would always be with her.

She remembered the little beach she had walked on with Rebecca in the dream...the one that looked like the painting in the house she found Joyce in. Faith thought that if she had told Rebecca she wanted to stay, maybe she would have stayed...maybe she would have died, died in Drusilla's arms, and she could have stayed on that beach with Rebecca forever.

"I should've stayed with you, Becca," Faith whispered, as the hot water kept coming, washing over her. "I screwed everything up. I let everybody down. I should've stayed with you on that beach."

Willow sat by the window for more than forty minutes. Before two minutes had passed Melanie had come rushing in because Faith's monitor wasn't giving a signal anymore and she had someone at the nurse's station watching it. She wasn't happy when Willow explained the situation, but since Faith was already in the shower Melanie eventually agreed to leave as long as Willow stayed with Faith and made sure she was hooked up to her monitors again. "If Sol was here he might have strapped her down to the bed," Melanie said. "We went to a lot of trouble to save her life and we're not gonna let her endanger herself. We all like Faith? We like all you guys? But don't let her pull this kind of stunt again, okay?"

Willow promised she would make sure Faith stayed on good behavior from now on, and after Melanie left Willow propped a chair against the door again. And waited.

Finally, Faith came out of the shower, trailing steam into the little room. She was in a towel, holding her hospital gown in her hand. She nearly jumped when she saw Willow sitting by the window.

"Uh...hey," Faith said.

"Long shower," Willow said. "Almost forty-five minutes."

"Yeah," Faith said. She stood there in her towel. She wasn't sure what to do. But for some reason she didn't feel awkward. She thought she should feel awkward, being around Willow like this. "Uh...how did you get in? Had the chair in front of the door."

"Telekinesis. I can levitate pencils, remember? So how come you didn't smell me? Didn't think it was possible to sneak up on a Slayer."

"Room's pretty small, it's already loaded with your scent. Couldn't tell the difference. Thought you guys were goin' to the caf?"

"I came back to talk to you. How about you put that hospital gown on. You're like, super-hot? But you're already taken."

"You gonna dime me out about the shower?"

"You tell me. Do you think I am?"

"No."

"See? I don't just know you. You know me too."

"You ever stop to think how fucked up it is, with me and you? How you got my memories? I mean like, me standing here in a towel, right? You've seen me naked a million times. You've seen me in the memories. I wake up in the morning, take a shower, you remember all that."

"Yeah. You and me...we're connected, Faith."

Faith took off her towel. She let Willow see her.

"You're beautiful," Willow said.

Faith didn't put her hospital gown on. She stood there, and let Willow see her.

"I kinda like re-wired you a little, didn't I?" Faith said. "How you told me you were all wantin' Buffy after you got my memories? You kinda like girls a little now."

"Yeah," Willow said, and smiled. "Not like, totally? But...I used to be like, straight as an arrow and now I'm...well...I've been thinking I'm kinda bi. You bein' all beautiful and naked over there? Kinda confirming it for me."

"You really think I'm beautiful?"

"Always did. From the first time I met you, sweetie. When I saw you in that alley you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever imagined. You were like the sun in the sky."

Faith stood there. She wasn't sure what to do. She'd been coming up with a plan ever since the memory came. She knew this would help with the plan...but she didn't know if she could do it.

"Not that I'm complaining over here, but are you ever gonna get dressed, hot legs?" Willow said. "Or are you just waiting for me to blush?"

Faith smiled, and put on her hospital gown.

"Better?" Faith said.

"Sorry sweetie, did you say something?" Willow said. "I'm desperately trying to imagine James Van Der Beek right now."

Faith giggled, and hopped on the bed. "Shit, I'm hotter than that dude any day. Come over here, honey. Come talk to me. Tell me all about how hot you think I am, and I'll tell you about how hot I think you are."

Willow sat on the bed. Faith flipped herself over, and laid down on her stomach, stretching out her legs behind her.

"You think I'm hot?" Willow said.

"You know I do," Faith said. "You got my memories. You know I had a little crush on you."

"Yeah but...I never really got that. I mean...someone like you...you're so...so gorgeous. And me? I guess maybe I'm sorta cute, but..."

"You're beautiful. I'm not just saying it either. I always thought you were beautiful, honey. You know I did."

"A lot of it's the way I smell, right?"

"It's the whole package. And I just...I just always feel real comfortable around you, honey," Faith said, and took Willow's hand. "Always have. Even right from that first night. Never could figure it out...it's like I felt connected to you, y'know? And that was way before you got my memories. I always..."

Faith was caressing Willow's hand now.

"I always...kinda wanted you," Faith said.

"I know," Willow said. She knew Faith, backwards and forwards...she knew what Faith was doing now. Willow played along...

"Totally not fair, how you've seen me in my birthday suit a million times and you've never returned the favor for me," Faith said.

"It is," Willow said, and stood up. She took off her sweater, and kicked off her boots.

"What...what are you doing?" Faith said.

"Returning the favor," Willow said.

Faith laid there on the bed, blushing now, as Willow undressed. Faith suddenly looked over to the door.

"Propped the chair back up," Willow said. "You nervous about people walking in?"

Willow gave Faith a wicked smile, as she stood in front of her in her bra and panties, and undid her bra in back.

"You thinking maybe something naughty's gonna happen?" Willow said, and let her bra slip from her shoulders and fall to the floor.

"We...maybe we...shouldn't," Faith said.

"Shouldn't what?" Willow said, and bent over and pulled off her panties.

Willow was naked now. She stood in front of Faith, watching her.

"I don't know," Faith whispered.

Willow laid down beside her on the bed.

"One way to find out," Willow said, and moved very close to her, and touched her hair.

"But...Buffy," Faith said.

"What about her, sweetie?" Willow said. Their lips were practically touching now.

Faith blushed even harder.

"Is this what you want, Faith?" Willow whispered. "I know you always felt really comfortable around me. I have your memories. I know you thought about this sometimes."

Willow's nipples were hard, and she felt herself becoming wet. She knew she was walking a dangerous line here. Because even though she was only doing this to prove a point, she knew she could have Faith now if she wanted to...and she wanted to.

"Do you want this, baby?" Willow whispered. "They're downstairs. No one can come in. Do you want me?"

"I...I...do, but...but..." Faith whispered. Her hands were starting to shake.

Willow took Faith's hands in hers.

"Baby, the thing about me having your memories, feeling like I lived your life?" Willow whispered, her lips nearly brushing Faith's. She wanted to kiss her. She controlled herself. "The thing about it is, I've seen every side of you. I've seen you happy and sad, I've seen you brave and afraid. And, sweetie? I don't think I've ever seen you as afraid as you are now."

Faith looked away from her. Willow stroked her hair.

"You committed to Buffy," Willow said. "You guys are a couple. So you can't bring yourself to just dump her. So you're trying to make her dump you, aren't you?"

Faith didn't say anything.

"No one knows you better than me, baby," Willow whispered, and almost kissed her. At the last second she made herself kiss Faith's cheek. "No one ever will. Your big plan to get Buffy to leave you? Doing all those little things awhile ago to make her think you don't want her? You were gonna start with the little things, and then when we got back to the house you'd tell her you weren't in the mood to sleep with her, right? The plan can't work, Faith. Because Buffy loves you so much that she'll do whatever she has to do to keep you in her life. If you told her no sex she'd deal with it. Not letting her hold you, not letting her kiss you, she'd deal with it. She'd never leave you, she'd just keep on trying to fix things. You could hurt her and hurt her but she'd never leave you, baby. The only way your plan could maybe work? Would be to do something that crosses the line... something like this. I wasn't sure what you were doing when Buffy and Tara were here? But when you let me see you naked, I knew. But, baby, you know this plan can't work because you can't go through with it. You love Buffy too much to ever cheat on her. And I love you both too much to let you wreck what you two have."

"I'm...I'm sorry," Faith said, and held her head in her hands, and cried.

Willow hugged her. "It's okay, sweetie," Willow said. "The three of us? Me, Buffy, Tara? We all love you, we'll never give up on you. And I know you don't wanna give up on us, but you're afraid. Something happened with you and Drusilla...something you're not telling Buffy. But I want you to tell me, okay? I'm your auntie, right? Let me help."

Faith giggled a little, as she cried.

"You're my auntie," she said, and looked up at Willow and smiled.

"And you're definitely my naughty niece," Willow said, and smiled as she wiped Faith's tears away.

Faith curled up against Willow's breasts. Faith hadn't meant to do it...she just suddenly found herself doing it. It felt good...it felt just right.

When Faith curled up against her that way, it caught Willow off-guard at first. But then she relaxed. She liked the way it felt...

Willow kissed Faith's hair, and held her to her bosom.

"Is this better, baby?" Willow whispered.

Faith nodded. "It's...it's okay?" Faith whispered. "This is okay?"

"Yeah," Willow said. "Aunties love their nieces. Now talk to me, sweetie. Tell me what's wrong."

"I...I...gave Buffy away."

"What? What do you mean, baby?"

"When Drusilla was there she...I don't know, she did something and I couldn't move and...and I was carrying Buffy and then Drusilla said to give her to her, to give Buffy to her and...and...I did," Faith said, and started to cry again. "I gave Buffy away, Willow! I gave her away! How can I be with her, how can I say she's my girl when I did that? When I could do something like that?"

Faith got up, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"She should...she should find someone else," Faith said. "Maybe you. You wouldn't give her away. You wouldn't."

Willow laughed.

Faith turned, and looked at her, her eyes still red from crying.

"What...why are you laughing?" Faith said.

"Aw sweetie...aw, my poor sweetie!" Willow said, and sat up, and hugged Faith again.

"Don't...don't laugh!" Faith said. "Don't laugh Willow, please? It's...it's serious."

"You're so lucky you have me, you know that?" Willow said, and kissed her cheek. "I'm gonna make this all better. Um...first I'm gonna put some clothes on though, because, you're really hot? And there's just so much of this naked snuggling I can take before I start getting all bi-curious. So, clothes." She got up, and collected her clothes from the floor, and started getting dressed. "First clothes, then auntie makes everything all better."

"You can't make this better," Faith said. "No one can. I did it, it's done."

Willow finished getting dressed, and sat down next to her, and pulled her boots on.

"Sweetie, I'll always make it better," Willow said, and took Faith's hand. "I'll always take care of you. Always."

"But I...I gave her away."

"Yup, you did. And if Dru wanted you to, you would have wrapped her up in a bow too. You were hypnotized, Faith. Dru was controlling you."

Faith shrugged her shoulders.

"The first time we ran into Dru?" Willow said. "We had no idea who she was. Buffy ran into her downtown and she thought Dru was just this sorta gothy English vampire chick. No big deal, right? Lots of goth vampire chicks around. Can't swing a dead cat without hitting a goth vampire chick in Sunnydale."

"It's the Anne Rice," Faith said. "They read Anne Rice and they all start thinkin' they're all that."

Willow giggled. "Yeah, Angel's got the same problem. So anyway Buffy pulls out her stake, y'know, just another day at the office, then she looks into Dru's eyes, and bang, she's hypnotized. Dru wins, Buffy loses, fight's over in like three seconds."

"Wait...Dru hypnotized Buffy?"

"Yup. Then Buffy walked back to my house, knocked out my mother, punched me in the face, tied me up, threw me over her shoulder, stole my mother's car, and drove me back to Dru."

"She...what? But why?"

"Because Dru told her to, sweetie. Buffy was hypnotized. You know how Buffy loves me, right? How she always had a thing for me?"

"Yeah."

"Well she didn't even hesitate when Dru told her to bring me to her. I woke up in like this old factory Dru and Spike used to hang out in? I was in my underwear. Buffy was undressing me, because Dru wanted me in like this Victorian outfit? She was throwing a tea party with her dolls."

"She throws tea parties with dolls?"

"Yeah. Dru's kinda like, little girly in some ways? When Angelus broke her, when he did all those...those things to her, part of her mind retreated into a fantasy world. And she never came back out. She's still there, even now. So anyway, I'm like pleading with Buffy because not only is Dru there now but Spike is there too, and even though I had no idea who he was yet? I could tell he was big, big trouble."

"Was this like, during the Angelus thing?"

"No, before. Spike and Dru had just arrived in town and Spike's thing was, he liked killing Slayers? He wasn't as single-minded about it as Kakistos, but when he arrived in Sunnydale and found out there was a Slayer there, he decided to kill her because he thought it would be fun. So he was like, spying on us. He had some vampires working for him and some of them like, picked fights with Buffy just so Spike could film them, y'know, see her in action. Within a week he knew where Buffy lived, and he knew about me and Xander and Giles too. And Dru...she sort of took a liking to me. I reminded her of her sister."

"Cassie."

"Yeah. So Dru decided she wanted me over for a tea party, and y'know, to kill me too, and she had Buffy go get me. And she did. And I'm like begging and pleading for Buffy to get us out of there but Buffy just smiled and ignored me. She got me dressed in like this Victorian gown and sat me down at the table and poured tea for me and made me drink it. And I'm sitting there with Dru and Spike and Buffy, having tea and playing checkers with Dru."

"Okay, Dru's a fruit loop? But Spike doesn't sound like the tea drinking type. Sounds more like the type who would've just killed you both right there. And wait, checkers? "

"Cassie always played checkers with Dru. And as for Spike, he wanted to kill us, believe me. But he's devoted to Dru, and she wanted us all to have a tea party first, and she wanted to play checkers with me, and then she would let him kill us. So we all sat there and drank tea, and I'm like crying and stuff now, and Buffy's just smiling. I'm like, 'So if I win at checkers will you let me go?' Spike thought that was funny."

"This is like, crazy. You're havin' tea and playin' checkers with two big-time vamps while B's sittin' right there."

"I beat Dru two out of three at checkers too. I think that kinda annoyed her. And then when the pot of tea was gone Spike's like, 'Right then, so can we pretty please with sugar on top kill them now, luv?'"

Faith giggled. Willow did a very good Cockney accent.

"And Dru just smiles and nods, and then I knew I was like, officially screwed?" Willow said. "My hands were free so I could play checkers and drink tea but my legs were tied to the chair and even if I wanted to fight there was nothing I could do against Spike and Dru. Back then I hadn't even really started magic yet at all. And then Spike, because he's an asshole? He thought it would be cool to have Buffy kill me, and he told Dru to tell Buffy to kill me. So Dru told Buffy to kill me."

Faith took Willow's hand.

"What...what...happened then?" Faith said.

"Spike gave Buffy a switchblade, and Dru told her to slit my throat with it. And Buffy smiled, said--I'll never forget this--she said, 'Sounds like a plan', and came at me with the knife. I was screaming then, and crying too? But Buffy just kept smiling. And may I remind the court, your honor, that Buffy was in love with me? It didn't even slow her down. I struggled, and she grabbed my wrists and broke one of them."

"But she...she snapped out of it, right? At the last second she stopped herself and kicked their asses, right?"

Willow smiled, and stroked Faith's hair.

"No, sweetie," Willow said. "She tried to slit my throat. Angel saved me. If it wasn't for him showing up in the nick of time? I'd be dead, and after she killed me, they would have killed Buffy too."

"Jesus Christ," Faith said.

"So do you see now, Faith? Buffy loved me, you loved her, it didn't matter. Dru was controlling both of you. Dru's strong, sweetie, there's no way to break out of her control once she hypnotizes you. I know you think you should've been all like, Super Willpower Girl and found some way to break Dru's hold because of like, the awesome power of your love or whatever? Or maybe 'cuz Buffy's the wind beneath your wings?"

Faith giggled. She hugged Willow, and rested her head on her shoulder.

"But it just wasn't possible, sweetie," Willow said. "Buffy can resist Dru now because she's met her a few times? And if you meet her a couple more times, you'll be able to resist her too. But not now, not yet. The first time Dru sinks her hooks into someone she has them, and that's that. She hypnotized me too, you know. When she gave me those memories she hypnotized me. Anyway, I'm not angry at Buffy for doing that stuff to me because it wasn't her fault, and Buffy's not gonna be angry at you because it wasn't your fault. In fact, she's not really gonna even get what the big deal is. She's not gonna believe you made such a big deal out of this, because she knows you love her, she's got no doubts you love her. Okay, sweetie?"

Faith nodded. "I love you, Willow," Faith whispered. "You always...you always take care of me."

"I love you too," Willow said. "And I won't stop taking care of you. Okay, sweetie?"

"You, Buffy, Tara...I love all three of you," Faith said. "You're all beautiful. You're all my loves. I could've been happy with any one of you. Willow...if things were different? I could've been with you, beautiful. I could've been with you, and I would've been happy. I would've been happy spending my life with you...letting you take care of me, and taking care of you too."

"Some things are meant to be," Willow said. "Some things aren't. Just so you know?" Willow smiled, but there were tears in her eyes now. "I'm like, like... seriously gonna cry here."

"There's someone out there for you, Will. I know you're in a tough place right now, a real fragile place. With Xander and everything going on..."

"Tara too," Willow said, and sniffled, and wiped her eyes. But she smiled again. "Boy, did I make an ass of myself there. I kinda, um...you know how I was all, fantasizing about Buffy because of your memories? Well...I kissed Tara yesterday and... and...told her I love her. And the really bad part? The part that makes me feel like a heel? She loves me. She's loved me ever since she met, y'know, Future Me? Yeah, we've got confirmation on me being the time traveling witch by the way, Tara recognized me when she saw me. She met Future Me when she was a little kid and she said she's loved me ever since. So she saw me in the parking lot last night and she recognized me and...and I called her beautiful, because she is? And then she told me she loves me and..." Tears rolled down Willow's cheeks. "I told her I love her too. I was kinda having a rough day yesterday, with Xander and everything and...and your memories, the part of me that feels like I'm you, it just kinda took over and..."

Faith put her arms around Willow, and held her. Willow rested her head in Faith's lap.

"I thought I loved her, I felt it, y'know?" Willow said. "The way you feel it? And we were kissing and stuff yesterday, in front of everyone, even though I just buried Xander like a few hours before, and everyone was like giving Tara weird looks and she didn't know what was going on, she knew about Xander but she didn't know we were a couple. Finally she made me tell her, because she knew I was hiding something? And when I told her...it...it hurt her. Embarrassed her."

"You want me to talk to her, honey?" Faith said, and started stroking Willow's hair. Willow liked the way it felt. She wished she could stay there.

"We talked it out? We're okay now. She said...she said we can't be a couple because...because that's like, the Faith part of me that wants that? But... we're okay now. She wants to be part of the group. Part of what we do."

"Yeah. Buffy told me that."

"You kinda don't want her to, huh? You worry about her. The same way Buffy worries about me."

"Yeah. But...it wouldn't be right to keep you out, and it wouldn't be right to keep Tara out either. You guys...I think you need to be trained up though. Get in shape, learn how to fight, how to use a weapon. The same thing I was telling Xander."

Willow turned over in Faith's lap, and looked up into her eyes.

"I gotta get in shape, huh? You don't like my shape?"

"You're a naughty auntie," Faith said, and smiled.

Willow giggled. "Yeah. And, um...now that I'm like, thinking about it? Um...I can't believe I like, just got completely naked in front of you. Um...I'm sorry? Sorry for freaking you out."

"You're a little off-balance, honey. You're still kinda finding yourself. Xander, the world falling apart, my memories jammed in your head...you're kinda like, reacting without thinking about stuff? You're in a weird place right now. I'm gonna help you through it. I'm gonna always be here to help you."

Willow turned over on her side in Faith's lap, and put her arms around Faith's waist.

"Wish I could go to sleep like this," Willow said. "It's all nice and comfy. Sure beats that chair."

"You can if you want," Faith said. "I don't mind."

Willow giggled again. "We're all so weird? Me, you, Buffy and Tara, it's like we're all interconnected. Everyone's like in love with everyone else, everyone's gay, everyone's bi, everyone's seen each other naked, I'm traveling through time, I have your memories, this one wants to boink that one..."

"Which one wants to boink which one?"

"Take your pick. Just like, match any of the names randomly. I want you, you want Buffy, Buffy wants me, I want Buffy, Buffy wants you, you want Tara, Tara wants you..."

"And I want you too," Faith said. "You forgot that one, beautiful."

Willow yawned, and stretched. "Maybe the four of us should all just get drunk and get it on together and get it over with. Have like this big porno movie sex scene together."

"You wanna go to sleep, honey? You wanna lie down with me?"

"Yeah," Willow said. "But I can't."

She sat up, and caressed Faith's cheek.

"I love you," Willow said. "I told you in the house a couple days ago that it wasn't like, the wanting to boink you kind of love? I lied. When I first met you, yeah, it wasn't then, because even though I felt like, this huge attraction to you? I didn't really understand what it was...I still couldn't wrap my mind around being with a girl. Now I can. Now...I wish I could be with you, and I can't, and that kinda really sucks? But I love you too much to hurt you, I love Buffy too much to ever hurt her either. You belong with Buffy, not me. I wish you could be mine, Faith? Baby, I'd...I'd love you so much? But...I can't have you." Willow looked down at her lap. "Um...and I'm pretty sure it's because life sucks, I think."

Faith hugged her. "If...if things were different? If I didn't meet Buffy? I would've been happy with you, honey."

Willow's shoulders began to shake.

Willow was crying. Faith felt it.

"I'm sorry," Willow whispered. "I don't know...I don't know why I'm gettin' this way? It's just...it just feels like...it feels like I'm saying goodbye. And I don't wanna say goodbye baby, I don't wanna...I don't wanna be without you. You're...you're my Faith."

Faith smiled, and wiped Willow's tears away, as she felt her own tears starting to come.

"You'll never be without me, Willow," Faith whispered, and kissed her...

It was the best kiss Willow ever had.

A kiss to last a lifetime.

"Um...okay...um...wow," Willow said.

"Yeah," Faith said, and smiled, and caressed Willow's cheek. "You're pretty wow, honey."

They sat there, on the bed in the little room in the intensive care unit, looking into each other's eyes.

The chair was propped up against the door. No one could come in. They were alone.

They were quiet together. Faith never felt uncomfortable around Willow when they didn't talk. They could always be quiet together, and Faith never felt awkward. The room was dark; the little fluorescent light was like a silvery halo around them...like being under the moon. The light didn't intrude upon them, didn't reveal too much.

Faith always preferred the dark anyway. She liked experiencing the world through her nose.

Willow was wet: Faith could smell it.

Faith knew she could have Willow now...she wanted to. But she knew she wouldn't. She knew she would never cheat on Buffy; it simply wasn't possible. As much as she wanted Willow now, as much as she was tempted now, Faith simply couldn't conceive of cheating on Buffy...of ever making love to someone else. Buffy was her axis...the pillar holding her up...her whole world. Faith knew she wasn't going to make love to Willow now.

But she wanted to...

She let the thought develop in her mind for a moment, as they sat there on the bed in the dark, with the little fluorescent light that cast a silvery glow, and looked into each other's eyes. She thought of taking Willow in her arms, and laying her back on the bed...kissing her neck, inhaling her sweet strawberry scent. Whispering in her ear...secret things. Things only a Slayer knew. She wanted to feel Willow's pussy against her own. She wanted to hold Willow down and fuck her, rubbing her pussy against Willow's as Willow writhed on the bed beneath her, and the scent of Willow's sweet dripping sex enveloped her. She imagined herself biting Willow's neck, and taking her blood as she fucked her, as she rammed herself into her...she imagined herself marking her, for everyone to see. Who do you belong to? she would growl in Willow's ear, a predator with the sweet taste of Willow's blood lingering on her lips, as she held Willow down and fucked her, driving her relentlessly toward her orgasm, and Willow wrapped her legs around her, and shook all over as she headed for it, screaming beneath her...

You, Willow would moan, with tears in her eyes.

Faith let the thought develop, let it run its course. Faith knew it wouldn't happen. She knew it wasn't possible that she would cheat on Buffy. Even if she wanted to, she knew she simply wasn't capable of doing it...

The thought ran its course. It had been sweet, for a moment, thinking about having Willow that way...taking her. Whispering things to her. Faith knew Willow would be afraid, at first, as she took her...Faith knew the things she whispered would scare Willow. That would make it sweeter. She would take Willow into a dark, frightening place...a place only Slayers knew. But she would lead Willow through it, and back into the light...and after she made Willow come for her, she would promise to love her forever, and protect her, and then Willow wouldn't be afraid anymore. They would weather the storm together, and be stronger for it...and as Willow's shaking gradually subsided, and Faith held her, and kissed her tears away, Willow would whisper that she was hers...that Faith had taken her, and marked her, and Willow had accepted it, and given herself to her.

In the fantasy, Willow whispered that she belonged to Faith forever, as she laid beneath her, with her legs spread wide and wrapped around her, and she smiled, and gave Faith soft little kisses, picking out spots on Faith's lips and focusing on them, one by one.

I love you so much, baby, Willow said, in the fantasy...

But the fantasy was over now. Faith knew who she belonged with. She knew who she belonged to. Faith had whispered it in Buffy's ear, the night Buffy had taken her, and marked her. She had given herself to Buffy, and whispered that she belonged to Buffy forever.

And she knew Willow was in pain...Willow wasn't herself right now. Even if she didn't have Buffy, Faith knew that being with Willow now would be taking advantage...it would be hurting her. And she knew she would never hurt Willow; it simply wasn't possible.

"I think you're blushing, fairy godmother," Faith finally said, and smiled.

"You're...a really good kisser, Faith," Willow said. "Like, a world class kisser. Maybe the best kisser ever."

In the dark little room, under the soft, silvery light, Faith felt the way she had the night Rebecca had read her tarot cards...like she was in church. She kept whispering when she talked.

And Faith saw her shadow now, just as she had that night...it was moving, on the wall behind Willow. It shouldn't have been moving; the fluorescent light wasn't flickering and Faith was sitting perfectly still. But her shadow did that, sometimes. Buffy's shadow did, too; Faith had seen it before.

It was the Slayer. Faith knew it was the Slayer.

And as Faith watched the Slayer dance, Rebecca's words the night she read her tarot cards came back to her...

The Slayer in you wants you to know something.

And Faith sat on the bed with Willow, and caressed her cheek, and thought she was beautiful....and watched the Slayer dance...as her mind drifted back to that night...

Rebecca's voice came back to her...Rebecca's scent came back to her.

The next card represents the future, Rebecca had said. Not all of it, and not the answer to your question. Rather it represents an approaching influence or event, which will have an impact on your question. Whatever it is, it's coming, and it will affect you in some way.

Okay, Faith had said, frightened a little; she held on to Rebecca's arm as Rebecca turned the card...

Faith still remembered that card, still saw it with perfect clarity in her mind. A red heart, pieced by three swords.

Remember, Faith, this card isn't the answer to your question, Rebecca had said. But it is something that will impact it.

Rebecca had reminded her that the future wasn't set in stone. But when Faith saw those cards, when Rebecca turned them over in front of her, one by one, Faith felt like her future was being decided, that night...

After all, Rebecca was the one turning the cards; they had to be right, Rebecca was always right. Faith knew her life was in Rebecca's hands. It always had been. And that's how Faith had always wanted it.

Rebecca told Faith not to worry that night, as they sat there in the dining room in the beautiful house on Commonwealth Avenue, the castle Rebecca had made for them both, and Rebecca turned the cards in the candlelight...and Faith saw the Slayer dancing on the wall...

Faith knew the Slayer in her wanted her to know something that night...

The three of swords represents betrayal, separation, abandonment, Rebecca had said. Perhaps a love triangle.

Faith wondered if there was something the Slayer wanted her to know now, too.

"You're not so bad yourself, beautiful," Faith said, in a husky whisper, as she looked into Willow's eyes, and was tempted to kiss her again. "Got my engine all revved up." There had been something strange about their kiss, Faith suddenly realized. The realization came out of nowhere. She just suddenly thought there had been something strange. The kiss had been wonderful...soft, and sweet with Willow's scent, and new: full of possibility. But there had been something strange about it, too. Faith couldn't put her finger on it. The kiss seemed familiar now...like she had done it before. Like doing it again would be the most natural thing in the world.

A memory came to Faith...it felt like déja vu, but it was strange, because it had nothing to do with what she was doing right now. Faith was pretty sure that wasn't the way déja vu was supposed to work.

Faith thought she remembered lying on a beach with Willow. But she had never been to the beach with Willow...

But then the memory became hazy...foggy. Like a veil was being drawn across it...the woman in the memory, whom Faith was certain a second before had been Willow, was hard to discern now. And the woman had dark hair, Faith realized.

And then the memory was gone. When Faith tried to bring it back, it wouldn't come. Whoever the woman was, she was gone.

Faith noticed her shadow wasn't moving on the wall anymore.

"I don't think you're blushing though," Willow said. "Am I really blushing?"

Faith stopped thinking about the memory...about the woman. She had no time now. The world was in trouble. And the people she cared about were in trouble too, and they needed her...starting with the one sitting across from her.

"Yeah," Faith said. "It's cute as hell."

Willow giggled. "Shit."

Faith noticed Willow couldn't meet her eyes now.

"I'm blushing too," Faith said. "I'm just blushing on the inside. Gettin' all hot and bothered. But...look. Honey, we..."

"We can't do that again," Willow said, still looking down at the bed...still not meeting Faith's eyes. "Not ever again."

"Yeah. But Willow...don't sell yourself short, okay? I'm with Buffy but... you're special and you're beautiful and...if things were different? I'd love to. I'd love to, with you."

Willow looked up at her then.

"You're important to me," Willow said. "Too important to ever hurt you. We can't ever do this again. But...look. We've been talking about how we have to make changes to the way we always did stuff? How we can't all be going off doing our own thing and leaving everyone else in the dark? Having secrets? Because, yeah, you've only been here a couple months, but you've already seen what secrets can do. They...they cost us Xander."

Faith took her hand.

"But...the kiss?" Willow said. "I don't want you to tell Buffy about it, okay? Partly because she wouldn't understand and she might like, get a little worried? She'd worry, when there's no reason for her to worry. We both know this isn't gonna happen again, Faith. We both love Buffy too much. It's not gonna happen again. And...it would hurt you if it happened again? It would hurt you, 'cuz you belong with Buffy, and I won't ever hurt you, okay sweetie?"

"I know, Willow. I know you'd never hurt me...you'd never hurt Buffy."

"Yeah. But it's not just because she'd freak out that I don't want her to know? It's...look, that kiss? It's the last time I can ever kiss you and...and it was really special and...it was mine. It was our moment together. It was my moment with you, the moment where, like, for just a minute? You were with me. You won't ever be with me like that again but...but it was our moment together and, and...I want it to be just for us. Does that...make sense?"

"Yeah," Faith said, and hugged her.

"But...but we can hug whenever we want," Willow whispered, with her head on Faith's shoulder. "Right? We can still hug?"

"Yeah, honey," Faith said, and smiled, and ran her fingers through Willow's hair. "Anytime you want a hug, I'm your hug girl, okay? Twenty-four-seven, day or night, you need a hug, I'll come runnin'."

Willow nodded. "Gonna hold you to that. And I'm...I'm your auntie. And your fairy godmother too. And I wanna...I wanna still be able to take care of you. I wanna always be able to take care of you."

"Okay. As long as I get to take care of you too? We got a deal."

Willow nodded again. She wanted to stay right there. Faith's arms felt strong around her, and her body felt warm, and Faith's hand caressing her hair felt just right...it felt natural.

But she knew she couldn't stay there...she knew this wasn't hers.

Willow separated herself from Faith. But Faith didn't let go of her hand.

"Okay," Willow said. "So...we gotta call a nurse in here and get you hooked up again so you can get the rest of your fluids but...first we gotta talk. We need a leader. The way things are going out there, we can't put this off, we gotta decide today, because we need to start coming up with a plan. We need someone smart...someone who can see the big picture. Who's not gonna let their pride and their feelings screw up their judgment and fuck us over the way Xander did."

"He didn't mean for all this to happen, Will," Faith said. "You know that. He screwed up, but he did it because he loved you. And all this stuff? Kissin' Tara, wantin' to be with me, with Tara, with Buffy? The one you really want to be with is Xander. But you're flyin' blind, hon. Gettin' my memories, the world goin' all to hell, losing Xander, all this stuff the past few days, it hit you all at once and you're still finding your way. There's one me in the world, and believe me, that's enough. The world doesn't need two of me. The world needs a Willow. And I need a Willow too. I need you to be you. You're in the dark right now, honey, you can't see where you're goin'. But I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna help you find your way back to you."

"Xander left me in the dark," Willow said. "He left me."

"Will...he loved you. He didn't--"

"He fucking dumped me, okay? I fucking told you that already."

Willow got up, and walked away from her. She walked to the window.

She felt it: she felt the darkness outside, pushing against the window... trying to get to her. It was a steady pressure.

"I'm not...I'm not fucking Mrs. Xander Harris, okay?" Willow said.

"I'm sorry," Faith said.

Willow turned back to Faith...turned away from the darkness.

"No sweetie, I'm sorry," Willow said. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

Willow sat down on the bed beside her, and took her hand again. "All my life people always assumed me and Xander were like, attached at the hip, y'know? Even though he ignored me like, ninety-five percent of the time. I was always there, always followin' him around, people always assumed I was his girlfriend when I wasn't. And he liked it, he liked people assuming that, it made him feel good, like he always had me to fall back on. Like I was his emergency back-up girl. Meanwhile he was always out looking for something better. And yeah, I loved him, I loved him my whole life, I still love him now. But he didn't love me. You love me. He didn't."

"I think you got it half right," Faith said. "Will, you guys...you were so good together."

"Faith, when you love someone? You love who they are, not who you want them to be. He ignored me until two months ago, then he decided he loved me. And he did love me--but he loved the person I used to be. The one he grew up with, and ignored. But by the time he came around, by the time he finally noticed me? I wasn't her anymore. You think the fight I had with him at Buffy's place was the first time we fought about me helping with my magic? From the second we started dating he wanted me to stay home, to not go on patrols with you guys. Yeah, he wasn't like, delivering ultimatums about it like he was yesterday? He wasn't like, trying to get me to totally stop helping, he was saying stuff like, maybe I could just cast spells from my house or whatever. I could still be in on the Scooby meetings and help make the plans, but when it came time to actually go out there with Buffy, he didn't want me there. Meanwhile I'm learning energy shields and he doesn't even know how to fight."

"Didn't know that. Look, I can't say I'm a hundred percent comfortable with you being out there? But it's not because I don't think you can help--I know you can help, and I know you should be out there with us. I worry about you gettin' hurt, that's all. But you belong out there with us. You're part of this. An important part, just as important as Buffy or me."

"For a guy who hung out with chicks who save the world, Xander was always pretty old-fashioned. He was fine with me doing my thing when we were just friends. But once we started dating, he changed. Yeah, it was great, when we were dating? It was...it was really awesome being with him, y'know? But...but he...as much as I tried to make him see me, to make him understand, he never could. He only saw the Willow he grew up with, the mousy girl everyone always ignored, including him. Weeping Willow. Willow the Wisp. The ugly math geek."

"Willow," Faith said, in a tone that Willow had never heard her use before. It made Willow snap her head up and practically stand at attention. "You're not ugly. You're beautiful. You understand? I don't talk bullshit. If I didn't think you were beautiful I never would've said it. You know me, you got my memories, you know I don't talk just to talk. Got it?"

"That was...um...that was a serious Becca tone you got in your voice just then."

"Like mother like daughter, I guess. Got the tone because you just pissed me off. Don't ever badmouth yourself around me again. Stop talkin' that shit."

Willow blushed, and looked down at the bed.

"Why can't you believe me when I say you're beautiful, honey?" Faith said.

"I don't know. I just...I guess I just never..."

"You can't see either," Faith whispered, and raised Willow's head, and looked right into her eyes. "Maybe Xander only saw what he wanted to see when he looked at you, but you got kinda the same problem. When you look at yourself, you only see what you expect to see...what you've convinced yourself is there. But you got it just as wrong as he did."

Willow shrugged her shoulders.

"I always thought I was dumb," Faith said. "You know I always thought that."

"You're not dumb, sweetie. You're a million miles away from dumb."

"I know. But part of me still thinks I'm dumb...just because it's the way I'm used to thinking. But I'm movin' past it. It started with Becca. I thought I was dumb, but she said I was smart, so I decided to take her word for it. And it got a little easier every day. I'm on my way now. You and me, we're the same in one big way. Neither of us ever liked ourselves much. We both have to start thinking a new way. With me, it started by listening to Becca. With you, it's gonna start by listening to me. You're strong. You're beautiful. The stuff we do? Bein' out there, kickin' ass, savin' the world? You can do it. And you're gonna do it. You're on my team."

"Okay," Willow said, and smiled.

"Xander screwed you up a little, didn't he? You were like, carryin' a torch for him all those years and he never knew you were there. It made you feel bad about yourself."

"Yeah. I guess."

"He came around eventually, Will. He saw how special you are. Maybe... if things went different? If I had a chance to maybe kick his butt a little? He could've gotten past his bullshit. Remember, when we were at the Bronze, and he wanted me to train him? He seemed okay with you helping me and B then. He just wanted to be able to protect you while you did it. Maybe he was opening his eyes a little. Seein' the strong girl in front of him."

"He was strange about it. On the one hand it always pissed him off whenever Buffy was all, tryin' to keep me home? But I think it pissed him off because Buffy wanted to keep him home for the same reason. He loved Buffy and it always stressed him out when he thought of her out there alone."

"Stresses me out too."

"Yeah. But even though he'd get like, automatically annoyed whenever Buffy was saying me and him should stay home, I always thought it was more about him than me...he thought of me and him as like a package deal. If Buffy didn't want me to help she wouldn't want him to help either. But still...like, after we ate at the pizza place Friday night? Y'know, after our first big fight against those new vampires in the cemetery, when we got the fake Key? Xander was all sort of sticking up for me in the pizza place when Buffy was saying she thought I should slow down, but when he talked to me on the phone about it later that night, he was saying maybe I should help from home. I was like, sure Xander, and I'll just cast energy shields from my house how?"

"You didn't put up that shield the four of us would be dead. We need you out there. You're our big gun."

"Big gun. That sounds kinda cool, actually."

"It is. But look, yeah okay, Xander screwed up, he didn't really see how strong you were 'til it was too late. But I think, if he just had more time? He would've come around. He would've let you be you, and he would've loved you for who you are now, the way I do, not just who you used to be. He would've opened his eyes and seen you eventually, Willow." Faith smiled. "But we both know Xan Man definitely had no problem seeing how hot you are. You two were knockin' boots all over the damn place. He couldn't keep his hands off you hon, he was crazy for you. Shit, I was all jealous. I was all, how the hell did he score that babe? Lucky bastard."

"He wanted Buffy first. I was his second choice."

"What?"

"He had a crush on Buffy from like, the second she showed up in town. She was from L.A. originally, she didn't transfer to Sunnydale High until tenth grade. from the day she got there, she was all Xander could talk about. But she was never interested in him that way...she only had eyes for Angel back then. Xander was always asking my advice about Buffy...the best way ask her out, whether or not I thought she liked him. Buffy and I got really close really quick, so Xander thought he had like, the inside track with her because of me. He finally decided he wanted to take her to the big homecoming dance at the end of sophomore year, and he was all asking me how he should do it and stuff... anyway he finally got the nerve up to ask her to the dance, and she rejected him. So then he asked me to the dance."

"I didn't know that. That was...okay, I still think Xander was a good guy but...that was...kinda thoughtless, doin' it that way."

"Yeah. I rejected him and then I didn't talk to him that whole summer."

"I'm sorry."

Willow caressed Faith's hand. "Just another example of all the crazy stuff that goes on around here. I mean, when I think about that stuff now? At the same time he wanted Buffy, it turns out Buffy wanted me. Who knew? I had no idea. We're like a soap opera. Or maybe a Jerry Springer show."

"Bite your tongue, honey. I'll cop to the soap opera thing, but Springer's where I draw the line. So Xander wanted B."

"Yeah. I get Buffy's rejects."

"Don't...c'mon Will, don't talk like that."

"I'm sorry. I'm not...I'm not pissed at Buffy, okay? I kinda was for awhile? Even though I knew it was wrong to be? But I got over it. And...finding out how Buffy always felt about me...it's given me a new perspective. All that time, I never even knew Buffy was hurting as bad as I was. I mean, I'm talking about how Xander always ignored me, and how it hurt me, but I couldn't see what was going on with Buffy back then even though I'm her best friend. But...but it was still different. Buffy's feelings for me, it wasn't the same as what was happening with me and Xander. Xander knew how I felt about him, but I didn't know how Buffy felt about me. And I never like, led her on. I didn't do stuff like...like ask her out when everyone else rejected me."

Faith kissed her cheek.

"Willow," Faith said. "Anyone would be lucky to have you. I'd be lucky to have you. You're a goddess. And look...Xan Man, he made some mistakes, okay? But...how about we try to remember the good stuff about him. Like how he loved you. How he died protecting you. The world's runnin' out of time, Will. This might be our last at bat, y'know? You really wanna spend it thinkin' about the bad stuff? Why not think about the good stuff instead? He loved you honey, I know he did. Yeah, maybe he was kinda rigid but I bet he would've loosened up eventually if he had a chance. I bet he would've opened his eyes and saw the goddess right in front of him."

"He shouldn't have...you're...you're not supposed to..." Willow whispered. Tears started falling down her cheeks. "If you love people you're supposed to, to love them for who they are. You're not supposed to...just abandon them when they can't be exactly what you want them to be. When you love someone you stick with them even when it's hard. You don't just bail. Xander wanted me to be like, his idea of me and when I wasn't he left me. He just left me here in the dark."

Faith hugged her.

"I never will," Faith whispered, as Willow wept in her arms.

"So this is our plan," Lilah said. "The three of us hang out in your condo while the world ends."

"'Til we come up with a better plan, yup," Lindsey said, and hung up the phone and sat back down on the couch, and scratched Buck, his pet bulldog, behind the ears. Buck wagged his little stump of a tail and rested his head in Lindsey's lap, and Lindsey put his feet up on the coffee table and started in on his third beer. The phone signal was intermittent, but even when he could get a signal, no one was answering: he couldn't reach any of his contacts. So Lindsey thought he would just get drunk. He had plenty of beer. Maybe while he was drinking one of his contacts might call him. It was a plan, sort of.

Lilah sat down in the beat-up old leather armchair with a sigh, and frowned at Buck, and took a look around the room. It was disappointing. Lindsey made an obscene amount of money but his condo looked like a frat house. It was a dreary cave stuffed full of shabby junk. The coffee table was cheap wood stained with rings from beer bottles; Lindsey apparently didn't use coasters. Being from Oklahoma, Lilah assumed he probably hadn't heard of them. The rug was ugly and green, it looked like astroturf, and it had a hole in it behind the couch. The couch, an ugly, lumpy, garish thing with red and white stripes like a candy cane, didn't match the rug or the ancient, wobbly brown armchair Lilah was sitting in. All the furniture was cheap and none of it matched anything else. It looked like Lindsey picked it all up at yard sales. The walls were covered with five-dollar art prints in crap frames, mostly tepid landscapes without style. The only print that made any impression at all was a giant framed color photo of Larry Bird, and it wasn't a good impression. The condo was big and expensive and it had a hell of a view of Los Angeles but almost everything in it was cheap. The only thing that looked at all salvageable to Lilah was the entertainment center, its stereo components arranged in a mountainous stack above a massive plasma television; that stuff looked expensive, at least. There were shelves of videotapes and DVD's and a big pile of old records, neatly arranged on high shelves next to the massive stereo speakers, and there was a guitar in the corner next to them. No matter how unpredictable men could be, Lilah knew there was one thing a woman could always be certain of: men liked electronics.

"You can take the boy out of Oklahoma, but you can't take Oklahoma out of the boy," Lilah said, and finished the glass of wine he had brought her. It wasn't even good wine. It was California wine. "And if you're trying to get the chicks liquored up with this stuff your right hand must get a pretty good workout on Saturday nights."

Lindsey chuckled, grabbed the bottle of wine from the coffee table, got up, and refilled Lilah's glass. Buck farted.

"For Christ's sake," Lilah said, and grimaced as the smell hit her. "That fucking dog is a walking toxic waste spill."

"Can't take Oklahoma out of the boy, hotpants," Lindsey said. "And don't be mean to Buck. You're a guest in his house." Lindsey flopped back on the couch, laid himself down, popped the top off another beer bottle and got back to business. He had a six-pack of Bud on the coffee table and he intended to give it a good seeing-to. Also, he was sort of hoping to come up with a plan. Sometimes beer helped with plans.

"Buck's house, huh? Explains the furniture. Tell him he should've thought about maybe getting an interior decorator."

Lindsey chuckled again. "Buck gets restless when I'm away, he tears into the furniture. Got him this college girl who comes by every day to walk him and like play frisbee with him and shit and he still gets restless anyway. I used to have kick-ass furniture 'til Buck took his frustrations out on it. He's an Oklahoma boy. L.A. doesn't really agree with him. I bumped into Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon once when I was out taking Buck for a walk and Buck ran right up to Tim and bit him in the ass. True story."

"All this time I've been working for one of the Beverly Hillbillies and I didn't even know it. Kinfolk said Lindsey move away from there. Said California is the place you oughta be, so you loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly."

"Hills, that is," Lindsey said. "Swimmin' pools, movie stars."

"And that fucking farting dog," Lilah said. Buck wagged his tail at her.

"Could you two stop gazing longingly into each other's eyes for one frigging moment and actually try to make yourselves useful?" Cyvus Vail wheezed, staring daggers back at them as he stood by the floor-to-ceiling window that usually gave a breathtaking view of the city lights. Today it looked out into blackness.

"Now see, I coulda sworn you were the wizard whose big-time fancy energy shield didn't do shit to keep the Four Horsemen of the Fucking Apocalypse out of our building," Lindsey said, watching him over his beer. "Coulda sworn you were him. Lilah, are we sure that's him? 'Cuz this dude's acting like he thinks he's actually useful or something."

"About a billion years old, face like a shriveled-up prune, doesn't have enough juice left to light my fucking cigarette? Fits the description," Lilah said. "Yup, he's Wolfram and Hart's ten-million dollar man all right. Way to go on that energy shield, guy."

Vail sighed. He really was very old; he was nearly nine-hundred years old in fact, and though the years had given him wisdom and great power they hadn't done anything for his patience and he still hated young people every bit as much as he ever had. He stood fuming there in his shimmering red wizard's robe that changed color whenever he moved, considering all the different ways he could kill Lindsey and Lilah. He tugged at the iron collar around his neck. It got itchy when he was annoyed.

He was temporarily powerless, it was true; he had put forth every ounce of his power into the energy shield he had maintained around the entirety of the Wolfram and Hart skyscraper and he needed time to recharge. That shield had been massively powerful, proof against almost any conceivable attack...almost. But how could he have anticipated the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Or that they would care about Wolfram and Hart? He had always assumed the Horsemen were evil; Wolfram and Hart should have been the last place they were concerned with. Apparently he had been wrong. It was a strange thought. Vail couldn't recall ever having been wrong about something before. But there it was: he had--as unbelievable as it seemed--miscalculated, and now all he could do was gather his strength, and wait for great Cthulhu to answer his prayers.

"My power is drained for the moment, little girl," Vail gasped, his voice a weak, breathless rattle. "But not forever. Watch your tongue when you address your betters. Or I'll cut it out."

Lilah smirked at him. Vail was a frail, doddering old half-demon with long, dirty, rat-gray hair, an ugly red face like a wax apple and black compound eyes like an insect. His teeth were a few dirty brown stumps. He gasped and wheezed when he talked and he looked like a good breeze might knock him over. He swished around in his dirty old robe like an arthritic Hugh Hefner.

His hands were tentacles. That iron collar around his neck provided the explanation: when a magic-user bound themselves to a patron deity, sometimes the deity made...alterations. There had been whispers around the firm about the thing Vail had bound himself to, more than eight-hundred years before...rumors too incredible to believe. It wasn't a deity, or a demon...it wasn't anything from any of the known dimensions, and supposedly it wasn't even from our universe. It was something from Outside...something trying to get in.

"Not much we can do to make ourselves useful," Lindsey said. "Getting the hell out of there alive was about the best we can manage right now. Without Wolfram and Hart's resources we can't even try to figure out how to fight this thing now. I can't reach any of my contacts, and it looks like the Senior Partners are sitting this one out. Holland and his boys upstairs sure got the hell out of Dodge in a hurry."

"Yes, they did," Vail said. "And they didn't think to take me with them, and so I'm going to kill every single one of them. But not yet. First I'll have to attend to this mess you idiots have made of the world. Then I'll kill your superiors. Then perhaps I'll kill the two of you, depending on my mood. And then I'll have to seriously consider new legal representation."

"Nothing I like better than bad guys making speeches," Lindsey said, and drank his beer. "So you got any ideas for fixing the world, dude? I'm listening."

"I'm thinking," Vail said. "And praying to my patron for guidance and strength. He does not want this world to be overrun. After all, it's going to be his someday."

Buck farted again. Vail frowned.

"I think I might wring that wretched animal's neck," Vail said.

"Nah. Because, see, then I'd have to pull my shotgun out of the closet over there and blow your head off," Lindsey said, nodding his head toward a little closet near the stereo system. "And Lilah already thinks this place is too messy. Your brains would stain the rug."

Lilah drank her wine, and watched Lindsey as he talked. Lindsey didn't seem to be bluffing. Lindsey had guts, but Lilah was starting to think he wasn't very smart. She had always liked his confidence, his brazenness, but now she was starting to think maybe he was just too dumb to be scared. He really did seem to be planning to just lay there and drink beer and pet his ridiculous ugly smelly dog while the world ended. And threatening Cyvus Vail was just stupid. Posturing around him was one thing; Lilah had been doing business with evil people for a long time and she knew posturing was just part of the game. She was posturing, right now. But Lindsey wasn't. He was being very, very stupid. Because Lilah knew Cyvus Vail was very, very powerful, no matter how frail he looked.

Lilah frowned. She was starting to think sticking her hand down Lindsey's pants might have been a bad idea. She liked her men smart.

She went back to considering their options. Which was easy and quick, because they didn't have any. The room smelled like dog.

"Well this sucks," Lilah said, and leaned back in the chair, and drank her wine.

The three of them were quiet. The world outside was a wall of black, unvarying except for the little dots of red here and there where the fires burned. Vail stood by the window, and looked out into the blackness, and prayed, Lilah supposed. Lindsey drank. Lilah thought about tropical islands. The Seychelles were nice...

"So you guys are evil lawyers, huh?" someone said.

A blonde-haired girl who definitely hadn't been there a moment before was suddenly standing by the stereo system. She was wearing a yellow and maroon cheerleader outfit. She had her back turned to them.

"What the hell...?" Lindsey said, and stood up at the same time Lilah jumped out of her chair. Buck scampered off the couch and started growling. Vail turned from the window, and looked intently at the blonde-haired girl with his insect eyes.

"So how does that work, exactly?" the girl said, as she looked at Lindsey's record collection. "Are you guys like, more evil than regular lawyers? And would it kill ya to have some music you can dance to by the way? TLC? En Vogue? Maybe Lauryn Hill? Oh God, he's got Aerosmith's Greatest Hits. What is it with guys and this album?"

"Who are you?" Lindsey said.

The girl turned, and smiled. The smile sent a chill slithering up Lindsey's spine.

"Avon Lady," the girl said.

"Not who," Vail said. "What."

"Do you ever wash that robe?" the girl said. "I know you're like, an evil wizard or whatever? Doesn't mean you have to smell evil."

"Wait...I recognize you," Lilah said. "I've got a file on you. You're Buffy Summers. The Slayer."

"One of 'em," Lindsey said. "There are two Slayers now. Buffy Summers died last year and got revived, that activated a second one."

"Oh, hey, am I on the clock here?" Buffy said. "Is this like, a billable hour? Because I didn't bring my checkbook."

Buck was still growling at her.

"Your dog smells like ass, Lindsey," Buffy said. "You couldn't have a cat?"

"I'm not a cat person," Lindsey said.

"I am," Buffy said, and smiled again, licking her lips this time. "I love my kitty-cat. She's a pretty kitty."

"How do you know my name, by the way?" Lindsey said. "And how did you get in here?"

"Magic," Vail said. "Obviously. She teleported in somehow. I'm impressed by the way, whoever you are. I thought I was the only one left in the world who could pull off teleportation. What are you? You're not human. You're not the Slayer. You look human, you smell human, but you're not."

"Really don't think you wanna be talking about how people smell, Mr. Stinkypants," Buffy said. "Okay, I was gonna like, hang out for awhile, maybe get some cool evil banter going? I like evil banter. But being a Slayer gives me a great sense of smell and between the dog and Mr. Stinkypants I'm gasping for breath over here. So if it pleases the court I'm gonna skip straight to my closing remarks. I'm the First. Also known as the First Evil. Bunch of go-getter bad guys like you, I bet you've heard of me."

"The First Evil?" Lindsey said. "You're shitting me. You actually exist?"

"No, I don't, Lindsey," Buffy said. "You guys are all dreaming this. You're gonna start saying smart things soon, right? You're not gonna keep on being dumb and asking questions about obvious stuff? I get bored quick."

"Jury's out on whether he gets any smarter," Lilah said. "So...the Four Horsemen, now you. Are we gonna run into Godzilla next? The next time the people in Research tell me not to worry because they're pretty sure some scary bad guy is just some harmless old folk tale I'm gonna have a whole bunch of them beheaded."

"Sorry Lilah, the Four Horsemen got to them first," Buffy said. "The Horsemen really like being thorough. You three were the only ones who made it out alive after that portal whisked your bosses away."

"The First Evil," Vail said, smiling his ugly toothless smile and scratching his chin with a long, green, clammy tentacle. "Intriguing. With the apocalypse going on, I'd been wondering if you might appear."

"I didn't just show up to watch the fireworks. I'm the one who set them off. This apocalypse is mine. I know you Wolfram and Hart guys had like, your own cute little apocalypse plan? That party's been canceled. I just had a very productive meeting with your Senior Partners, and let's just say I was able to... convince them to agree to give up their claim on this world."

"Hold it," Lindsey said. "You talked to the Senior Partners. Really?"

"Sure," Buffy said. "They're really very reasonable when they're about to be flayed alive. Anyway, long story short, Wolfram and Hart's finished in this dimension. The Horsemen took care of their headquarters here and they're taking care of the other branch in Rome right now. By the way, how exactly did you guys escape them? I saw your bosses jump into that dimensional portal but I lost track of you three. Did Stinkypants whip up a magic carpet or something?"

"Could you please stop calling me that?" Vail said, frowning. Lilah smirked at him.

"The firm's got emergency escape routes," Lindsey said. "We left through the sewers."

"You were watching us?" Lilah said.

"I'm like, evil," Buffy said. "And I keep my eye on new talent. You guys should come work for me."

"Lindsey and I signed contracts with Wolfram and Hart," Lilah said. "Lifetime contracts. Actually, eternal contracts. They extend into the afterlife too. And Stinkypants is already bound to whatever the hell it is he's bound to. Note the iron collar."

"Your contracts are null and void," Buffy said. "Everyone who worked for Wolfram and Hart in this dimension--the ones left alive anyway--have been released from their servitude. Part of the deal I negotiated. Stinkypants and I are gonna have to talk separately, but first I wanna lock up you two. You're both up and comers. You've been in the minor leagues for awhile. I'm the majors. This is opportunity knocking, kids."

"The deal you negotiated?" Lindsey said. "Didn't think the Senior Partners were real big on negotiating."

"Come on, look at this face," Buffy said, and grinned. "Who could say no to me? I'm like, totally cute and perky and awesome. I smiled, bat my eyelashes a little, showed 'em some leg. Plus I killed one of them. The other two signed on the dotted line after that."

"You...? Wait, wait a minute," Lilah said. "You're telling me you killed one of the Senior Partners. But...they're immortal."

"I'm immortal. They're just smug. I killed the one who looks kinda like a big puddle of bubbling green goo. He was rude to me, so I decided to take a firm negotiating stance. Anyway, here's the deal. World's ending, the human race is on the way out. But I don't want you all dead, some of you are kinda cute. I wanna put a bunch of you guys on like a reservation, sort of start things over again, but this time do it right. Think of it as 'Humanity 2.0'. I had a guy all lined up to run it--maybe you've heard of him. Total hottie, goes by the name Angel? But he turned me down because, well...he really isn't too smart, and he doesn't have any ambition. He just wants to mope around feeling sorry for himself all day and styling his hair. But you two are smart. You've got buckets of ambition. So how about it. You crazy kids feel like being the king and queen of the new human race?"

"The firm is destroyed, one of the Senior Partners is dead, the world's ending and now we're talking about Humanity 2.0," Lilah said. "Okay, I haven't had nearly enough wine for this. Definitely need more wine." She finished her wine, grabbed the bottle from the coffee table, and poured herself another glass.

"It's gonna be awesome, Lilah," Buffy said, with a big smile. "The way it went before? Forty-three species of parrots? Nipples for men? When I recreate the world I'm not gonna mess around with butterflies and daffodils. I'm gonna start with lasers! Eight o'clock, day one!"

All three of them stared at her with puzzled expressions on their faces. Buffy sighed, and shook her head.

"Okay, Willow totally would've thought that was funny," Buffy said.

Willow wiped her tears away, and let go of Faith.

"Okay, I'm bein' like, a big crybaby," Willow said. "But now it's time to stop crying. It's time to get to work. First order of business, we gotta pick a leader."

"You sure that's gonna fly?" Faith said. "I mean, I've only been with you guys a couple months, but...not sure that's your style."

"Well, we never like, made it official before. I mean, before you got here we'd all just sort of talk stuff out. But we all knew Buffy wouldn't go along with any plan she didn't totally approve of, plus she did a lot of stuff on her own anyway, so she was sort of like the unspoken leader. And I mean...'one girl in all the world', right? So we all just always figured, Buffy was sort of the leader."

"Bet that's not how G-Man figured it," Faith said, and grinned.

"I think he just sort of resigned himself to it eventually. He thought he was the leader for like, maybe the first month? But Buffy kept on just doing what she wanted to do and she went off and did stuff by herself if Giles didn't agree with her plans and I think he finally just decided to be like, y'know, an advisor. End of the day, Buffy's the Slayer, he's not."

"End of the day, I was the Slayer and Becca wasn't. But Becca was still always in charge. I liked it that way."

"I liked it that way too. Um...you know what I mean. I liked it in your memories. But Becca was different from Giles. You don't really know Giles that well yet, but you can already tell he's different than Becca. Becca...she didn't...I mean, she never had to..."

"She never had to tell you she was in charge. She knew it and we knew it and that was that. She never talked it 'cuz she always walked it."

"Yeah. That's exactly it. She just had...something. Force of will, maybe. And scary eyes. Plus I trusted her. Um...I mean, you did. I'm sorry...I keep talking like I was there too? It's just...it's really confusing, because I remember it that way and...but I don't want you to think I'm like...like...trying to take Becca for myself. I know she was...she was yours."

"It's cool, girlfriend. You were there too. Way I figure it, what we remember? That's who we are. You were with Becca, same as I was. I got no problem sharing her with you. She would've liked you."

Willow smiled. "Cool. It's...it's been tough for me, since I got your memories, thinking about Becca. I miss her. I miss her like...all the time."

"Yeah."

They were quiet again for a moment. They both looked to the window... into the darkness that had engulfed the world. Rebecca had been lost to it, and Xander too...and everyone else would be, soon...

"We...we gotta get moving, Faith," Willow said, and squeezed Faith's hand. "People are dying, we gotta get back on track, come up with a plan, find some way to fight this. To do that we need a leader, someone who can cut through all our bullshit and get us moving. And this time Buffy and I want it to be official. We'll still all talk about stuff, but from now on we need there to be one person who makes the final decision whenever we all wanna go in different directions. If we had someone like that yesterday maybe none of this would've happened. We need someone smart, someone who can see the big picture, someone we're all willing to follow. You."

"Funny," Faith said. "I was gonna say you."

"Me? What are you talking about? I couldn't do that. I'm not a leader."

"The hell you aren't. You're smart, you can see the big picture. And okay, Becca trained me up. Fighting, military tactics, thinking on my feet, being cool under pressure. But she trained you up too. All my training is, all any of it is, it's memories. You've got the same memories as me. I bet you know aikido, just as good as me. Yeah, you don't got my strength or my speed? But I bet you know the moves just as well as I do."

"Y'know...I was thinking about that. Someday, when we have time? I wouldn't mind trying some moves with you. I remember everything Becca said, I remember all the training, but with fighting, muscle memory would be involved too, and I don't know if that's part of the package I got from you or not. But okay, we're getting off-track. You've gotta be the leader, sweetie. Okay, sure, I can like, come up with plans sometimes. It was my plan to re-ensoul Angel. But...I came up with that plan like, in my house when I was in my pajamas and I was watching TV and drinking a super mocha cappuccino and eating Oreos and I knew I was safe because vampires have to be invited in. I like making plans, I like helping Buffy. But I've always sort of seen it like a math problem, y'know? I can do it, I can be all tactical and cool but, only if I have time and I'm not under pressure. Having to do it under pressure? Different story. Buffy told me about yesterday... how Tara told you guys you had twenty minutes before the world ends and you just like, completely got everyone on track. You had a twenty minute deadline to come up with a plan and put it into action and you did. And it came within a second of working. That was all you, sweetie, you did that. You came up with the plan to get the Key, when Spike screwed it up you came up with the plan to stop the priests and if you had one more second it would've worked. You did all that under pressure, with a time limit and like a hundred vampires chasing you around and you kept your head and you were totally cool and awesome the whole time."

"Looked hot doin' it too."

Willow giggled. "Yeah sweetie, I bet you were fabulous. And okay, I'm not saying I couldn't maybe come up with a plan under pressure. What I'm saying is, I don't want to. I like coming up with plans in my pajamas. I like having a nice beverage and a tasty snack while I'm coming up with plans, and I like having plenty of time to look at all the angles, and maybe like draw a few diagrams, or put together a slide presentation. So, runnin' around some cemetery with a hundred vampires chasing me when I know I have like, two minutes to come up with a plan to save the world isn't my idea of fun. I don't wanna have to do that. I don't want that pressure, sweetie, I'm not built for it. And as good as she was at it? Buffy didn't want that pressure either, she never did. She was like the way I would have been if I woke up one day and suddenly found out I was the Slayer. She did the best she could but she never liked it, she never liked having all our lives in her hands, never liked all that weight being on her shoulders. It made her distance herself from us, it made her feel alone. It made her miserable, because it was just too much pressure for her. But you thrive under that pressure. I've got your memories, remember? Plus Buffy always talked about you all the time. Even before I got your memories, she told me about how you're always like, coming up with the plans. It just comes naturally to you. And you like doing it."

"She talks about that stuff?"

"Sweetie, Buffy's been in love with you since the day she met you. Once you guys, y'know, did the wild thing that first time? She was in love with you from like, that second. You're all she talks about, she never talks about anything else. She was always tellin' me about the stuff you do when you guys are out there together, how you're always coming up with plans. Yeah, Buffy can come up with plans too, but she likes it better when you do it. She likes not having to think about that stuff. Buffy and I want you to be the leader. Okay?"

"Okay. But only if it's unanimous. Tara's in this too, she gets a vote. And what about G-Man?"

"Um...maybe this is gonna sound bitchy? But I don't want him to have a vote. Look...the four of us, we're like, the ones who are actually gonna be doing the stuff. Giles, he came out with us once in awhile but mostly he was at home reading his books and like, giving us advice. Watchers...not Becca, but Watchers in general? They find these girls and take over their lives and send them out to get killed and the girl takes all the risk and when she eventually dies the Watcher just goes on to the next girl. And that...I always thought that was kind of shitty. Remember when Buffy told you about Kendra? Kendra didn't get to have a life at all. She's exactly what most Watchers want Slayers to be. Becca was different. She was out there with you every single night because she loved you, and you guys were a real team. And yeah, Giles cares about Buffy too, but...he's...he's not Becca, okay? He's a Watcher. He watches, while Buffy goes out there and almost dies. And yeah, okay, fine, that's his job. But he can't have it both ways. He's not out there with us every night so I don't want him to get a vote. Actually, he's kinda like the way Xander wanted me to be. If I went along with Xander's plan I'd be the Giles of the group now. Staying home, giving you guys advice, but not really being part of it."

"You're always gonna be part of it. Now that I'm thinkin' about it, I figure it would be awkward for Giles, if he had a vote. I think he knows he's not really in charge but he kinda wants to still have the title. Sorta like the royal family in England. They don't get to actually make any decisions, Parliament does that. But they still get to weigh in on stuff and be like, what's the word... figureheads."

"Yeah. That's exactly what Giles is. He's the figurehead, he has been for a long time now."

"I think maybe he sees it like, he's in charge and he lets Buffy be like his lieutenant in the field," Faith said. "He's a guy, he's got his pride, he needs to see it like that. But that's not how it's gonna be. If I'm in charge I'm gonna be in charge top to bottom. I'll sit there when he calls us in to meet with us about whatever new craziness is in town and I'll be polite. But once the meeting's done I'm gonna call my own meeting of just the four of us, and then we'll come up with the real plan. And maybe it'll be what Giles wanted us to do. Guy's not dumb. But maybe it won't be. Okay. Let's get Buffy and Tara. If the three of you guys all want me, I'll do this. But it's gotta be all three of you."

"It will be, sweetie," Willow said.

"One more thing. What about Angel?"

"What about him? He was never really part of it, even before. Even back when we didn't all wanna kill him he just sort of dropped in and out. Y'know, he'd show up, warn us about whatever, maybe lend a hand. But..."

"He's smart. He can fight. He's been around for centuries. Me, you, B and Tara, we're the Fab Four. But that doesn't mean we won't bring in backup singers once in awhile. I'm not saying he gets a vote. But before you decide in advance that I'm definitely who you want, you should know that I won't just kick Angel to the curb. He's too valuable. I'll be asking his advice about stuff sometimes. He'll be in the mix. If you don't like that, if you can't get behind it, vote for someone else. I don't want this to be a popularity contest, Will. I know you all like me. But this isn't about who makes you comfortable. It's about who can do the job."

Willow kissed her cheek.

"You," Willow said.

Buffy and Tara sat at a wobbly plastic table in the dark, deserted cafeteria and ate. Buffy had a ham and cheese sandwich. Tara had chicken noodle soup.

Buffy had bought Tara lunch, or dinner, or whatever meal it was now, even though Willow had already done that. There was no one working in the cafeteria and the only available food was in the vending machines, but it wasn't bad. At least it was better than the coffee.

The conversation had been subdued. Buffy knew Tara was still nervous around her...partly because of Faith. Partly because of Angel. Partly because of her.

Buffy wanted Tara to understand that she liked her...that she wasn't jealous, or resentful of her. Tara still couldn't meet her eyes for more than two seconds and she still stuttered a lot. Buffy had picked up on the fact that Tara stuttered more around her than anyone else. Because she made Tara afraid. She didn't want to make Tara afraid.

As much as she wanted to be back with Faith, as much as she missed her scent, and missed holding her in her arms, Buffy appreciated this opportunity to have some time alone with Tara. She just wished she had some idea if she was making any progress...

"So...I guess it freaked you out, what I said about Angel back there, huh?" Buffy said.

"I...I know he did all that s-stuff to you guys...and I know it was even worse because he d-d-didn't start out as an enemy," Tara said. "He started out as, as someone you all trusted..."

"Someone we loved."

"Yeah. And I have no right to judge you guys at all. And I'm not judging. I'm not really into judging people. But...I'm n-not gonna ever lie to you guys either. If, if I'm g-gonna be part of this? I need to be honest with you guys. I like him, Buffy. I like Angel. But I wasn't here for all that stuff he did. If I was here maybe I'd feel different. No...no, I'd definitely feel different. But I can't help the fact that I wasn't here...that I can't see him the way you guys do."

"I know. And I'm not asking you to. It's cool, that you like him. I like him too. I even love him. But I love Faith more. The thing about being a Slayer is...it's almost like having an animal inside you. The animal has a mind of its own. Sometimes it makes its own plans...it wants to go its own way. Ever since what happened yesterday with Drusilla part of me has been stalking Angel. Faith told you about us, right? How we have heightened senses, how we, like, smell stuff?"

"Yeah. She says, um, I smell like ginger. I hope that's good."

"It's awesome, Tara. It's not fair at all, but Faith and I...we judge people by their scents. One of the reasons we both immediately liked you so much is just the way you smell. But I want you in the group because of who you are, not how you smell. You're honest and you're smart and you're brave and the stuff we do, you can do that stuff. Faith and I...I mean, we haven't really talked about it but... we're both just...comfortable around you, Tara. You fit, y'know? You just fit. Like you were the missing piece that should have been here all along. Being a Slayer, you sense things about people, you get like...flashes of insight, maybe. And Faith and I--or maybe it's the Slayers in us--we feel like you belong with us."

"Cool," Tara said, and smiled.

"Don't be too sure. I'm not gonna lie to you either. The stuff we do, it screwed us all up pretty badly. Me, Will, Angel, Giles...Xander. What we do hurts. It makes relationships hard. Before Faith got here, things were pretty screwed up...Willow and I were pretty screwed up. It was my fault, not Willow's. But Faith helped with it. She got us on track. Got me on track."

Tara took her hand.

"Sweetie, this thing you do?" Tara said. "Blaming yourself for stuff? Stop."

They held hands.

"Will says...um...I have kind of this martyr complex," Buffy said. "Also a shoe obsession."

"Faith says you have a shoe obsession too," Tara said. "I'll need to like, inspect your closet in order to judge? But I'm pretty sure I have you beat."

"No way you have me beat. I'm like the Shoe Queen of Shoevakia."

"Quality not quantity, sweetie. I have my shoes hand-made. Actually quality and quantity. I have a lot of shoes."

"You...? Wait. Hand-made. Really? Like, actually made from scratch specifically for your feet?"

"Yeah. My feet are like, super-sensitive, and kinda oddly shaped. They're like, too thin and they have weird arches. I get gross corns and stuff if I wear store-bought shoes. Shoes and boots from stores just never fit me right, only sneakers fit. But I have shoes, lots of shoes. I just have them custom-made. Fabulously custom-made."

"But...isn't that really expensive? How many pairs do you have?"

"Well...it would normally be like, super-expensive, yeah. But I'm, y'know, a witch. There's this guy I met in Chicago, he's like the DaVinci of shoe-making. He has a few boutiques, he has his own shoe line, but he makes custom shoes for celebrities too, people fly in from all around the world to have him make their shoes. He always does all my shoes for me, and I do spells for him and his big huge family in return. Nothing weird, just blessing spells and romance spells and stuff, plus tarot readings and astrological chart readings. They're all big believers in magic and divination and they always call me before they make any kind of major decisions, financial, romantic, whatever."

"How did you meet him? And how can I meet him?"

"I took a trip to Chicago for my birthday when I was fourteen, the Lollapalooza Festival was playing there on my birthday with this completely awesome line-up and I really wanted to see it, plus I wanted to hang out in the city for a few days after that. But I didn't have a lot of money. Lollapalooza and the hotel sort of cleaned me out. So I set up this table at the show and I was doing tarot readings. I'm really good with tarot readings. And then this French guy comes up to my table after PJ Harvey finished her set--"

"Wait...PJ Harvey? You like PJ Harvey?"

"'Like' isn't a strong enough word. I think she probably has a restraining order against me and if she doesn't she should probably get one. The things I would do to her body?" Tara giggled. "Um...okay, forget I said that. I'm not a stalker, really. Just, y'know, a gay girl who really wants some PJ Harvey lovin'. Um...and her music's cool too." Tara giggled again.

They were still holding hands. It didn't feel uncomfortable.

"Will's crazy about PJ Harvey too," Buffy said.

"She is? I thought I was the only one. PJ's awesome but she's sort of like below the radar."

"Yup, Will loves her. She might even be more obsessed about her than you. She's got a huge poster of her in her room, plus she calls her 'Polly' sometimes. She's like on a first-name basis with her. Yup, Willow loves her weird undanceable British music. But enough about PJ? Back to the shoes."

"Okay well, I read Christian's cards, and he ended up meeting his boyfriend because of me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He was dating this guy who was totally wrong for him, the cards were certain of it. And one of his friends wanted to set him up on like this blind date, but he didn't wanna go. I told him to go. Plus, the thing about Christian is, he believes in magic but he knows that ninety-nine percent of the people out there who say they do magic only know one trick, and that's separating gullible people from their money. So he has like this routine he does, where he tries to fake readers out when they're reading his fortune, and he lies and stuff and gives you no help at all. He was pretending to be a straight married stock-broker when I read his cards, he was wearing a fake wedding ring and everything, and actually he's a pretty good actor. But the cards led me to the truth. When I figured out he was gay and that he was in an unhappy relationship with a younger blonde-haired guy and that there was a blind date waiting for him out there that had relationship potential, he was impressed. Impressed enough to go on the date. They've been together ever since, and I'm rollin' in shoes, baby."

"How many...um...how many pairs do you have? What, like, maybe five or ten?"

Tara giggled again. "Oh, you wish. Sixty-four. And that's not counting boots."

"Sixty-four?!" Buffy shouted, and stood up. "You have sixty-four pairs of hand-made shoes?! I only have fifty-seven! And mine aren't even hand-made!"

"That's not counting the boots," Tara said. "I don't wear boots that much, he's only made me eleven pairs so far."

"Not counting boots! You have sixty-four pairs of hand-made shoes, not counting boots?! Wait a minute...Christian...and he's French? What's his last name?"

Tara smiled. "Laurent."

Buffy's jaw dropped.

"Christian Laurent," Buffy said. "Christian Laurent who has the boutique in Beverly Hills? That Christian Laurent?"

"Afraid so, sweetie."

Buffy stood there, practically hyperventilating.

"Um...are you gonna be okay?" Tara said, and giggled.

Buffy suddenly relaxed, and smiled.

"Okay...okay," Buffy said. "You got me Tara, you got me fair and square. You totally got me back for the werewolf thing, okay? You had me going but the joke's over. You don't have sixty-four pairs of hand-made Christian Laurent shoes. You're completely making the whole thing up."

"Actually, you're right," Tara said. "I forgot there's a pair of really pretty high-heeled slides he just finished that he's mailing out to me. So, I actually have sixty-five pairs of hand-made shoes now. Plus all the boots."

"But..." Buffy said, and looked at Tara the way Cindy-Lou Who looked at the Grinch when he stole her Christmas tree. "But..."

"Did she say she has sixty-five pairs of hand-made Christian Laurent shoes?" Cordelia said, suddenly standing beside them. "Hand-made?!"

"Yes!" Buffy shouted. "Can you believe that?! Plus boots! She's got hand-made boots too!"

"Oh my God!" Cordy screamed. "Okay, I have to see these shoes right now. We have to all get in the van right now and drive out to see these shoes."

"Oh my God we so definitely have to--" Buffy started to say, when her smile suddenly disappeared. A familiar scent had come to her...rotten meat.

She turned, and saw Angel standing in the doorway.

"Uh...hi," he said. "Hey, Tara, I forgot to tell you. I packed your clothes in with one of the bags in the van, so they're probably up in Faith's room now. So, y'know, you don't have to wear that hospital gown forever."

"Thanks," Tara said.

"Hi, Buffy," Angel said. "Is Faith doing okay? I heard she's up."

Buffy didn't say anything. She met Angel's eyes, and felt a low growl welling up in her stomach.

She felt the hairs on her wrists standing on end. She felt her muscles tensing.

She was aware of her stake: it was in her back pocket.

She felt Tara watching her. She smelled Tara's apprehension; it was changing her scent, more and more each second. She ignored her.

She felt herself preparing to spring.

Angel watched her. He stood perfectly still.

Buffy knew he would let her kill him...

"Buffy--" Tara said, her voice high-pitched and shrill to Buffy's ears, hardly resembling at all Tara's usual soft tones. The change Buffy heard in Tara's voice was the vocal equivalent of the change in Tara's scent.

Tara got up, and touched Buffy's arm.

Buffy growled at her. Tara made a whimpering sound, and pulled her hand away.

There was another scent now...strawberries.

"Buffy," Willow said, and hurried into the cafeteria. She stepped in front of Angel. "Faith wants to see us, sweetie. You, me and Tara."

Buffy was still growling. Cordelia moved away from her.

"Is she...what's she doing?" Cordelia whispered.

"Cordy, why don't you and Angel go hang in the lounge, catch up on the news," Willow said, and approached Buffy cautiously, keeping herself in front of Angel the whole time.

"I'm...sorry," Angel said. Everyone ignored him.

Willow reached Buffy, and stood in front of her. She took Buffy's hand.

"It's me, sweetie," Willow said. "It's Willow."

Buffy nodded.

"One second we're having a pleasant conversation about shoes, the next second, bang," Cordy said, as she reached Angel and took his arm. "Am I like the only sane person here?" She hustled him out of the cafeteria, shaking her head.

Buffy watched them leave. She heard their footsteps echoing away down the hall. Angel's scent came to her, strong and clear. She was locked on to it.

"Faith wants to see us, sweetie, okay?" Willow said, and caressed Buffy's hair. "She misses you, sweetie. She wants more, y'know, Buffy snuggles."

Buffy nodded.

"You okay?" Willow said.

"No," Buffy said, and walked away.

Then she turned back to Tara.

"I'm sorry if...I freaked you out," Buffy said.

Buffy's eyes were bright and hard and sharp again. They scared Tara again.

"That's...that's...okay," Tara said.

"You go ahead, Buffy, we'll be right there," Willow said. "Faith wants some quality snuggle time with you first anyway."

Buffy nodded, and walked out of the cafeteria.

Willow waited until she was certain Buffy was out of earshot.

"I'm only gonna say this once, Tara," Willow said. "We all like you. We all like you being part of the group. We all want you here. But if you don't think you can do it? If this stuff freaks you out too much and you can't deal? Tell us now. Don't say you're gonna be part of this and then bail on us because Buffy scares you. Don't just hang with us because you know Faith wants you to but then bail when it gets too hard. After everything that's happened, after all the shit Buffy's blaming herself for and carrying on her shoulders, I won't let you put her through that."

"What? You think...you think I'd do that?" Tara said.

"I don't know. If I say no, I don't think you'd do that, I'd just be saying what Faith thinks, right? And then you'd be annoyed? I don't know you, Tara. But I like you. And yeah, this is coming across a little bitchy and I don't mean it to sound this way. But Buffy's important to me. None of us will judge you if you think you can't handle this, if you don't wanna do this. You'll still be our friend even if you don't wanna do this. But I can see how Buffy scares you a lot and I'm telling you, if you're gonna leave, leave now. You won't have to take off, of course we won't send you away. You can stay with us, like how Cordy's staying with us. But the pressure will be off. We don't expect Cordy to help us fight and you won't have to either. And if that's how you want it, tell me now. Don't spring it on us later."

"You're right, that is coming off a little bitchy," Tara said, and leaned against the table, and folded her arms across her chest.

"I know. I'm gonna be honest, because it's sort of our new policy, okay? No more secrets. I don't like how you're afraid of Buffy, because I can see how it hurts her. And I know that's not being fair to you because people can't help what scares them, and Slayers can be pretty scary. But the thing about Buffy is, she's different than Faith. Faith likes being a Slayer. But being a Slayer makes Buffy feel like she's different from everybody else. To Faith it means being special, but to Buffy it means being a freak. Every time you start stuttering around Buffy, or you can't look at her?--I know. I know, this is bitchy--but, every time you do that stuff? It hurts Buffy some more. It makes her feel like a freak some more. I don't want her to feel that way."

Tara nodded. Her face was red now.

"I'm sorry," Willow said. "But I'm being honest. Xander bailed on us. He bailed and he ripped our hearts out yesterday. Buffy blames herself for it. She's gonna blame herself for it forever, no matter what I say, that's just how Buffy is. If Xander had just decided to stay home from the beginning, if he had admitted to himself he couldn't deal with this stuff and never started helping in the first place he would've been better off, he'd still be alive and none of this would have happened. The world wouldn't have ended. Instead he took off on us at the worst possible time and now everything's screwed up and the weight Buffy's carrying on her shoulders is even heavier. I just heard on the radio that they're estimating five-million dead. That's the stakes we deal with, Tara. That's the life we lead. That's why I can't be thinking about your feelings right now. But those five-million people aren't as bad to me as the look I see in Buffy's eyes every time you get scared around her. The look that says, 'I hate myself.'"

Tara nodded again. She looked straight at Willow, and didn't flinch. But she didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, Tara," Willow said. "I'm sorry if maybe I'm burning a bridge here and you're gonna think I'm a bitch forever now. But people are dying out there and I don't have time to be delicate. I'm going up to Faith's room now, we're all gonna vote on who we want the new leader to be. All of us get a vote, everyone who's in the gang."

Willow headed for the exit. Tara wasn't following her. She turned around.

"Are you in the gang?" Willow said.

Tara caught up to her.

"I don't know," Tara said. "Gotta think about it. You just really pissed me off and I'm trying to set that aside and not let it affect my judgment here."

"You need to decide by the time we get there," Willow said. "Once we're voting you need to decide."

"I know. Was this whole thing like, reverse psychology? Faith knows that when people tell me I can't do something it makes me want to do it even more just to prove them wrong. Did you say all that stuff just to make sure I'd definitely stay?"

"No," Willow said. "That's Faith, not me. I meant what I said."

They walked out of the room together, and didn't say anything else.

"Okay," Faith said. "We need a leader."

She was hooked up to the machines again, and she wasn't happy about it, but she made herself not think about it. Luckily the world ending and the fact that Buffy had just confided to her that she was considering killing Angel and in fact had nearly attacked him in the cafeteria gave her a lot of other things to focus on. And Melanie had come in and set up a bag of potassium on her IV now, and the potassium stung a little as it went in, and that pissed her off. Focusing on how it pissed her off helped take Faith's mind off her breathing...helped her keep the panicky feeling buried deep.

But the panicky feeling was always there. As long as Faith stayed in that little room she knew the panicky feeling would be there...

She took Buffy's hand, and brought her closer. She focused on Buffy's scent. Buffy made the panicky feeling go away.

Faith wanted to curl up on Buffy's breasts and feel Buffy's arms around her. She wanted to hear Buffy whispering to her that she would always take care of her. Buffy had whispered that, when she held Faith for a few minutes, before Willow and Tara got there. Faith wanted to hear it again.

But she knew she needed to be strong now.

"Yup," Buffy said. Buffy, Willow and Tara were all sitting in chairs around the bed. Tara was dressed now; she had found her clothes at the bottom of the gym bag Angel had brought in, and she was happy about that because the hospital gown was starting to feel a little ripe. But she still hadn't decided what to do about Willow...or if she was going to be part of the group.

She was angry at Willow. She wasn't used to being angry; Tara didn't get angry very often and she didn't like the feeling. It was like a pressure inside her. She felt like an over-inflated balloon. And she thought at least half of the reason Willow had said those things to her in the cafeteria was that Willow was angry with her, too. The feelings Willow had were real even if they did come from Faith; Willow still felt them. And Tara knew she had made Willow feel ashamed of herself. She knew she had gone too far when she yelled at Willow...she had hurt her. So Willow wanted to hurt her back. And Tara was just starting to realize how much Xander had hurt Willow. That was part of it, too. Xander had left the group...but he had especially left Willow. And Willow was scared of it happening again. She was scared of it the way Faith would be scared of it...

It was complicated, almost laughably so. And that was just the Willow part of the puzzle, Tara knew. The Buffy part was just as complicated, maybe even moreso. And then there was the Angel part. Which affected both the Buffy part and the Willow part...

Tara wasn't sure if she was strong enough to cope with all of it. She had a vision of herself in a straitjacket somewhere ten years from now, giggling and muttering to the nurses about vampires and people getting each other's memories as they fed her applesauce and just nodded and smiled. There were moments when Tara wanted to just pack up and leave Sunnydale and pretend she had never even heard of any of this. She hadn't asked for this. She hadn't asked to save the world. She really, really wished she had some pot with her...

She watched the three of them. Tara knew Faith was a little afraid, and fighting to keep it down, because hospitals scared her after what her mother had done to her. She was holding on to Buffy, and Buffy was stroking her hair with her other hand.

Willow sat a few feet away, alone, looking at the wall. No one was holding her hand. She didn't have anyone.

Tara didn't know if she could do this...if she could lead the kind of life these people had to lead. It felt like those dreams she had sometimes, where she was back in high school again and it was suddenly the middle of the semester and there was a twenty-page term paper due the next day and a test to study for too, but she hadn't done any of the reading or attended any classes. It felt just like that.

In the dreams she never had the slightest idea how she could possibly catch up on all the work and salvage her grades, and she had no idea how she could possibly make this work, either. She wasn't a hero. She didn't know how to save the world. She'd gotten a little taste the day before of what these people went through all the time and it made her feel like she might actually spontaneously combust from the pressure. Tara just didn't know if she could do this.

But as she watched Willow, sitting in the chair a few feet away, apart, alone, Tara decided she was going to do it. Because she thought they needed her...Willow needed her.

But that didn't mean she was going to stop being pissed at Willow all at once...

"It's gotta be unanimous," Faith said. "If one person's gonna be the final word on stuff all four of us have to agree. If we can't all agree then we're not gonna have a leader."

"How are we doing it?" Buffy said. "Should we just all say who we think it should be?"

"No," Willow said. She took a piece of hospital stationery out of her pocket and ripped it into four pieces. "Here's the rules. Each of us writes a name on a slip of paper. The candidates in the running are the members of the group and no one else."

Willow held out a slip of paper to Tara. Their eyes met.

Tara took the slip of paper. Willow handed slips to Buffy and Faith, and kept one for herself.

"No write-in candidates," Willow said. "The only names allowed are the people in this room. You're not allowed to vote for yourself. So whoever gets three votes is the unanimous choice and they're the leader. Write a name and give it back to me."

"What if...what if no one gets three votes?" Tara said. "What if you...if we can't decide?"

"You haven't exactly seen us at our best, sweetie," Willow said. "I think we might surprise you." She took a pen from her pocket, wrote a name on the slip of paper, folded it up, and handed the pen to Tara.

The voting went quickly. Willow had all four pieces of paper sitting in front of her on the bed a moment later.

"Okay," Willow said, and unfolded the first slip of paper. "One vote for Faith."

She set the slip of paper aside, and opened the next one.

"One vote for Buffy."

She set that one aside. She opened the next one. She frowned at it.

"One vote for...wait a minute...this one's hard to read...Generalissimo Francisco Franco."

Tara found herself grinning, even though she really didn't want to. She was trying very hard to be angry at Willow and it was completely annoying that Willow was being funny now. Buffy and Faith looked at Willow blankly.

"General what?" Faith said.

"San Francisco?" Buffy said.

"Just a little vote-tabulating humor there," Willow said. "Another vote for Faith. No one gets my jokes. It's really kinda frustrating."

"Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead," Tara said. "So I knew it couldn't have been him."

"Actually, he's still valiantly holding on in his fight to remain dead," Willow said. She looked up at Tara, and smiled. Against her better judgment, Tara smiled back.

"Do you have to like every single thing I like?" Tara said.

"Apparently," Willow said.

"It's a little annoying."

"I can see how it might be. I'm sorry I was a bitch."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I was a bitch too. And I'm sorry I have sixty-five pairs of hand-made shoes."

"Yeah, you really should be, too. They're so awesome they're like, blinding."

"Becca had a few pairs of Laurents," Faith said. "She loved 'em."

Buffy frowned down at Faith. "And you and Willow didn't tell me about this. Tara's got sixty-five pairs of hand-made Laurents and you and Will both withheld that absolutely vital piece of information from me."

"I knew you'd cry, girlfriend," Faith said, and giggled, and kissed her cheek.

"I was actually coming up with an awesome tactical plan to steal them," Willow said. "I was gonna replace them all with like, Keds or whatever, I could cast a glamour over the Keds to make them look like Laurents and then I'd just take the Laurents and Tara wouldn't even know they were gone. But I hear Tara can see through glamours. So there goes that plan."

"See? You can be all tactical when you need to be, auntie," Faith said.

"I'm your go-to-gal in any shoe-related crisis," Willow said.

"I'll let you guys borrow them," Tara said, and looked up at Buffy, and smiled.

"You better," Buffy said, and smiled back. "Can we hurry up and make Faith the leader now?"

"Are you implying this is a rigged election, Vice-President Summers?" Willow said.

"Absolutely not," Buffy said.

"Sucker. I totally rigged Chicago," Willow said. "Chicago's totally voting Rosenberg." She unfolded the last slip of paper.

She smiled.

"Faith," she said.

Buffy hugged Faith, and kissed her.

"I love you, baby," she whispered in Faith's ear.

"Love you too, beautiful," Faith whispered back.

Tara blushed. She looked away, and tried to hide it.

Buffy wanted to hold on to Faith forever. She wanted to make love to her, right there. But she knew they were working now.

She let Faith go. Faith sat up in the bed. But she didn't let go of Buffy's hand.

"Okay," Faith said. "First...I'm not much for speeches but...it means a lot to me that you guys believe in me. It's...it's real special. And you guys are all real special too. If we don't get the world out of this, if the best we can do is go down fighting, I'm glad I'm gonna have you three in the trenches with me."

"Nowhere else we'd rather be, sweetie," Tara said.

"Yeah," Willow said, and squeezed Faith's hand.

"But one thing's gotta be clear," Faith said. "We'll debate stuff, we can even argue stuff. But once we're done talking, once I make a decision, that's the decision. You guys won't always agree with what I decide. Sometimes, what I decide might be wrong. You gotta do it anyway. We need to work together. We need to be on the same page."

"Yeah," Buffy said. "Part of the reason we're in this mess is we didn't always act like a team. I didn't always..."

Faith put her finger to Buffy's lips.

"No more of that," Faith said. "From now on no more looking backwards. No more thinking about who to blame. We are where we are. People are gonna disagree, that's just how it is. And that's cool. But when I decide, it's decided. Whether you disagree with me or not, you all gotta back my play."

"We will," Buffy said. "We always will."

"Put your money where your mouth is, B," Faith said. "All that bad stuff Angel did, he didn't have his soul when he did it. We all know he wouldn't do that stuff now. And we all know that he can't control what Drusilla does. Yeah, he made her, way back when he was a bad ass evil vamp. But that's ancient history. And yeah, maybe he should have killed her last year when he had the chance. But that's playin' the blame game again and we're not gonna do that."

Faith lowered her voice to a whisper.

"But this thing you're doing, where you're thinking about killing Angel?" she whispered. "It's real easy, blaming that on the Slayer inside you, and deciding you can't control it. I know what Angel did to you, I know how bad it hurts. But we need him. You're not gonna kill him. Not because Will's gonna protect him from you. You're not gonna kill him because I'm telling you you're not. Got it?"

Buffy nodded. Faith kissed her hand, and brought her closer.

"Second thing, Dru," Faith said. "She's out there and she's dangerous. We're goin' after her, we're not waiting for her to come after us. From now on she's Kill On Sight. Spike's gone, Kakistos is gone, Darla and the Master are gone. Other than Drac out in Transylvania the only legitimate badasses left on our radar are GQ and his old girl. GQ gets a pass. But Dru's gotta go, that hypnotism stuff makes her too dangerous to us. B can shrug it off, but Dru can come after any of us. We gotta track her, right now. We need a locator spell."

"Angel could track her by scent," Buffy said. "Actually there's a good chance she'll probably just find him."

"Yeah, but I wanna find her first and I wanna do it quick," Faith said. "I want a locator spell. Tara, I want you to teach Will how you do those locator spells so quick, I want you both able to do 'em in like two minutes from now on."

"Yup, kinda curious about that myself," Willow said, and turned to Tara. "What's the secret?"

"No secret, just efficient time management," Tara said. "You're doing the whole ceremony, right? All the obeisances? You're doing all that every time you do a locator spell."

"Well...yeah," Willow said. "I mean, you have to. Artemis isn't gonna locate someone for you if you don't do the proper obeisances."

"Sure, sweetie. But Artemis doesn't care when you do them. You can do them in advance. Think of it like a bank account. If you want to do a locator spell Artemis checks to see if you've got any obeisances in the bank. The problem is you never have any in the bank, because you don't make a deposit until you need someone located. But what if you made weekly deposits, every week, even if you didn't need to do a locator spell? I do obeisances to Artemis once a week, every Wednesday night like clockwork."

"Why Wednesday?" Buffy said. "Is that like a magic night or something?"

"No, there's just nothing good on TV," Tara said. "And this way, whenever I actually need to do a locator spell I can skip the obeisances and get right to the actual spell. I've been doing my obeisances to Artemis every week for years now, I have a huge balance built up. I could probably do a hundred locator spells in a row and not have to go through the obeisances."

"That's...that's really clever," Willow said, and smiled. "I'm so gonna start doing that."

"Buffy, go get Angel, get him in here," Faith said. "Dru was his girl for a long time, maybe he's got somethin' of hers we can use to track her."

"Maybe, um, I should go get him," Tara said, and started to get up.

"No," Faith said. "I want Buffy to get him."

Faith turned to Buffy. Buffy's face was red.

"If you can't play follow the leader, it's better we find out now, my love," Faith said, and kissed her cheek.

"Okay," Buffy said. She got up and walked out of the room.

"You're taking a risk, Faith," Willow said, softly.

"I know," Faith said. "But if Buffy can't handle this I need to know now. If you guys can't follow me I can't lead. She loves me, I love her, I know she wants this to work with me in charge. But she was runnin' this thing for a long time, she's used to doing what she wants when she wants to and old habits die hard. She's gonna have to deal with Angel eventually, she's gonna have to deal with disagreeing with me eventually, so it might as well be now."

"Uh...okay..." Lindsey said. "Two things. First, how do we even know that anything you're saying is true? Sure, neat trick getting in here without us noticing. But I've seen a lot of neat tricks. Second, how do we know this apocalypse is gonna go all the way? Yeah, you're off to a good start. But you know there's gonna be people fighting you. Humanity's not gonna just roll over."

"Check the window, Perry Mason," Buffy said. Buck was still growling at her. She frowned at him.

Lindsey walked to the window. Lilah followed him. Vail was already there. He was looking down at the street, and smiling.

When Lindsey and Lilah looked down at the street, fifteen floors below, they saw a throng of vampires lined up in front of the building...hundreds of them. Some were holding torches.

"Holy shit," Lilah said.

"You...did this?" Lindsey said.

"Every vampire in the world is under my control," Buffy said. "Okay, all of them except like, four. Plus I've got most of the demons too."

"Except four?" Lilah said. "Which four vampires aren't under your control?"

"Angel and Drusilla," Buffy said. "And that old guy in Transylvania, whatshisname, Tepes. And there's one more I'm letting do his own thing...because I'm curious about him. I want to see what he does. But you guys wouldn't know him, he's not a player yet. He's got potential though."

"How do we know you're controlling them?" Lindsey said.

"By believing our eyes?" Lilah said. "You think like five-hundred vampires just randomly decided to show up here?"

"Long odds, sure," Lindsey said. "But it could happen."

"Four-hundred and twenty-eight, actually," Buffy said. "Okay, the thing about me, in case you don't know? I can't touch stuff. I'm incorporeal until I can find a way to manifest my full power on this plane. But that doesn't mean I can't affect things. This world is burning because that's my will. I'm in complete control of two-million, four-hundred-thousand, eight-hundred and eighty-two vampires and more than thirty-thousand demons on top of that. I can communicate telepathically with all of them and I'm aware of what every single one of them is doing at all times. I'll prove it. Think of something ridiculous, something those vampires wouldn't normally do, and I'll make them do it right now. Anything you want."

"You're serious?" Lindsey said.

"Serious as a heart attack," Buffy said. "But make it something they can do right here, right now, while you guys watch, because I'm kind of on a schedule here. Places to be, people to kill."

"Shit, I don't know. Have 'em do jumping jacks," Lindsey said.

And as he watched the street below, four-hundred and twenty-eight vampires did jumping jacks in the torchlight.

"Christ almighty," Lindsey said.

"He's got nothing to do with it," Buffy said. "Trust me."

"You're very impressive," Vail said.

"Yeah, I am," Buffy said. "Are you just trying to butter me up so I won't call you Mr. Stinkypants anymore? You could just wash that robe, y'know."

"I regret that I can't join you...that I must fight you," Vail said. "But I have no choice. My patron wants this world for himself. I must fight you."

"Must you?" Buffy said, and smiled, and waved her hand.

Vail's iron collar crumbled into dust.

"You...?" Vail clapped his hand to his neck. It had a black ring of centuries-old dirt around it, but it was free...the collar was gone. "You...destroyed the collar...?"

"Yup," Buffy said. "You're free, Vail. The Old Ones aren't gonna have this world, I'm gonna close their gate. This world is mine. And I could use a wizard, especially the most powerful one in the world. Might help with the whole making me corporeal thing. You can be part of my new world. Or you can fight me and die? But that would be less fun."

Vail knelt in front of her.

"I'd be honored to join you, lord," he said.

"Cool, with the kneeling," Buffy said. "Now what about my legal team?"

"I have one condition," Lilah said.

"Yup, it's official, you're a lawyer," Buffy said. "Shoot."

"Is my mother alive?"

"Aw, that's cute. Hold on a sec."

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment.

"She's alive, she's in a nursing home in Seattle," Buffy said. "She's hiding in a bathroom."

"I want her kept alive," Lilah said. "Cared for and protected. Can you do that?"

"It's done," Buffy said. "No creature under my control will attack her. And I'm sending a whole bunch of vampires to the nursing home now to bring her food and stand guard over her. After we leave here you can fly out to get her and bring her back here. After that, you're on the clock. Deal?"

"Deal," Lilah said.

"Lilah!" Lindsey said. "Wait...shouldn't we...think about this?"

"I've thought about it," Lilah said. "The world's halfway gone, one of the Senior Partners is dead, the firm's been destroyed, our bosses have all fucked off and we're out from under our contracts. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Plus, getting to be the new queen of humanity? Nice bonus."

She moved beside Buffy, and knelt in front of her.

And Lilah felt something, when she did it...touched something. She felt it caress her. It was cold, and black, and endless...and beautiful. It sent a thrill through her.

That was me, baby, Lilah heard Buffy saying. But Buffy hadn't spoken... she'd sent the words into her mind, somehow.

Do you think I'm pretty?

I think you're beautiful, lord, Lilah thought, and hoped Buffy heard her. She'd never communicated this way before, though she'd heard of it being done. Some extremely powerful magic-users had the ability, it was something they were born with.

Call me Buffy. That 'lord' stuff is okay for Vail. You...I want you to call me Buffy.

Okay...Buffy, Lilah thought.

Were gonna have two conversations. One they can hear, but one that's just for us. But in both conversations, you're going to adore me. You're gonna profess your worship of me.

Okay, Lilah thought.

"If I could touch stuff, I'd have you kiss my feet," Buffy said, out loud, and smiled down at Lilah, and changed: she wasn't wearing the cheerleader outfit anymore. She was wearing a black dress, and nothing else. "Not to embarrass you or anything, or make it like you're not important. But...you're really pretty, Lilah. I can take the forms of people who have died, and I sort of get a little bit of their personality when I do. Buffy's gay. She'd think you're pretty. And she likes it when pretty girls kiss her feet."

I've been watching you all your life, Lilah heard Buffy saying, in her mind. This was always meant to happen. You were always meant to be with me. Vail and Lindsey are just foot soldiers. I don't care about them; they're the means to an end. I care about you. I came here for you, Lilah.

Thank you, Lilah thought, and felt like she was crying, in her mind. For the first time in my life I feel like...like...I belong. Like this is for me.

You do belong. You belong with me. Do you want to feel some more of me?

Yeah, Lilah thought. You're...so beautiful. Endless.

Lilah felt that beautiful black enveloping her now, slowly...a little at a time. It was cold, but she was getting used to it. It was like swimming. Your body got used to the temperature of the water, found an equilibrium with it...

Lilah found herself expanding, as the black touched her. She was becoming infinite inside it...it filled her up, but she was expanding to fill it up too.

Lilah smiled, and moved her lips to Buffy's foot, and kissed it. Her lips passed through.

Not too fast, Lilah. Go slow. You've already touched more of me than anyone else ever has. I can damage you. And I don't want to damage you. I just want to love you. And I want you to love me.

You...can love?

When you've taken me all the way inside you, and expanded with me, become infinite with me...that's love. Not the dull, weak, feeble thing they told you love was. Love is hard and sharp and fast. Love is a knife-thrust, straight into your heart. It tears at you, creates a hole in you that you need to fill up endlessly. It compels you forward.

I...I love you, Lilah thought.

Love is perpetual motion, she heard Buffy saying in her mind. It's a constant hunger, a constant ache. It doesn't give, Lilah, it takes. It devours. I'm gonna take you. I'm gonna devour you. I'm gonna hurt you, and scare you, and force you. I'm not gonna be gentle. I'm gonna make you beg for it. I'm gonna make you bleed. And then we'll be together, Lilah. And then we'll love forever. I'm a knife cutting into you now...creating a hole in you, creating a need. Give me your memories now. Spread yourself open for me.

Lilah felt herself parting. She felt Buffy sifting through her memories... tasting them. Experiencing every moment of her life.

"Like I said, I'm working on becoming corporeal, manifesting my full power on this plane," Buffy said, out loud, looking down at her with eyes sharp as two diamonds as Lilah knelt in front of her. "Right now I can control just about every vampire and demon on Earth but I can't touch anything myself, and it's kinda frustrating. With some luck Vail can help me out there. If I do eventually manifest and become solid, I'm gonna fuck you, okay?"

"Okay," Lilah said, and smiled.

"Jesus Christ," Lindsey muttered.

"You're coming dangerously close to pissing me off, Perry Mason," Buffy said to Lindsey, without taking her eyes off Lilah. "Are you sure you wanna do that?"

"I'm considering my options," Lindsey said.

He won't join us, Buffy's voice said, in Lilah's mind.

He...still might, Lilah thought. He can be stubborn but he isn't stupid.

He won't. You need to fill up that hole I just cut into you. You need to fill it with gestures of love...proof of your adoration of me. Or...

Lilah had been swimming in the black...expanding to fill it. But now it was suddenly gone. She was alone. She had never felt more alone in her life. She wanted to die.

Don't...don't...leave me, Lilah thought.

Love is a constant ache, baby. A constant need. This anguish you're feeling now, being without me, even for a moment? That's love. It's glorious, and it's terrible.

Lilah thought she might die, if the black didn't come back...if she could never be part of it again, she thought she would kill herself.

But you don't have to ever be without me, Lilah, she heard Buffy saying in her mind...and the black suddenly crashed into her again like a tidal wave, or a lover taking her in her arms...and it smashed her to pieces, scattered her to infinity inside it. Lilah reveled in it; she reveled in being reduced to nothing...reveled in being completely absorbed into something greater.

As long as you always prove your love for me, you'll never be without me.

What do you want me to do? Lilah thought. I'll do anything. Anything.

Lilah couldn't imagine being expelled from that glorious, infinite black again. She was part of it now and she wanted to be part of it forever. She wanted to be nothing. She'd do whatever she had to do to remain in that black...she'd do whatever she had to do to keep filling up the hole she felt inside her now.

I want a sacrifice, Buffy's voice whispered, in her mind...

"You're beautiful, Lilah," Buffy said out loud, smiling down at her. "But Buffy would only see how beautiful you are on the surface. I can see underneath too. There's something black in you, baby. And it's radiant. It's like a little reflection of me."

Buffy didn't try to kill Angel. She was a little surprised by that. Also a little disappointed. When she found him in the lounge, watching the news with Cordy asleep with her head on his shoulder, he was as centered and serene as ever. But she saw something else, when she looked into his dark, bottomless eyes. She thought he seemed sad.

"So Faith's in charge, huh?" he had said.

"Best one for the job," Buffy had said.

"She'll be good," he had said, and looked at her. She could never outstare him. Looking into Angel's eyes was like staring into two black suns. "But you'd be good too."

"Sure," Buffy had said. "Look what a bang-up job I did before. Fell for a vampire, let him rape my best friend and kill a whole bunch of little kids. We need to talk to you."

Then she walked away from him.

They were in Faith's room now. Buffy sat with Willow and Tara in chairs around the bed. Angel stood in the corner.

"You look good, Faith," Angel said, and smiled. "If you can just survive the food in this place I think you're home free."

"Heard some horror stories about the coffee," Faith said. "Get over here, man. I almost died, I don't get a hug?"

"I can do a hug," Angel said, and walked over to the bed, and leaned over and hugged her. The room was quiet.

"I used to be straight once upon a time, y'know," Faith said, as he hugged her. "Can't let a prime cut like you go to waste."

Angel chuckled.

"Now that I've been nice I'm gonna be mean, Angel," Faith said, after he let her go. "You heard what we were all talkin' about before, right? Vamp hearing?"

"Yeah," Angel said.

"I'm in charge now and I gotta make some decisions. I gotta make a decision about you. I'm not gonna lie to you, Angel. You're not popular around here these days. But we can use you, especially now. You're smart and you're strong and you have connections we don't and I need every weapon I can get my hands on. You're a real big gun. Be a shame to have to throw you away."

"What do you need, Faith?"

"I need to know I can trust you. You're in or you're out. You can't have it both ways. I know you won't hurt us, I'm not worried about that. But will you help us? Not too sure on that point."

"One way to find out."

"Dru," Faith said. "We're going after her, right now. She's out there and she's dangerous and we're taking her out, today. We're not waiting for her to come after us again."

"I...don't think she will," Angel said. "Attack you again, I mean. I think she'll be more interested in finding me, especially now that Spike's gone."

"She came after Faith because she saw it in a vision," Willow said. "Who knows what else she thinks she's supposed to do. Faith's right. Dru's gotta go. Should've went a long time ago."

"We wanna do a locator spell and get after her right now," Faith said. "I'm bettin' you have something of hers."

Angel looked at her for a long moment.

Then he walked away.

He walked to the window, and looked out into the dark.

"You got something?" Faith said.

Angel pulled a little gold necklace out of his jacket pocket, and held it down by his side. He didn't turn to face them. He kept looking out the window.

"You love her?" Faith said.

"Yeah," Angel said.

Faith nodded. The room was quiet.

"Okay, you guys can get up now," Buffy said. "The kneeling's cute..." She looked down at Lilah, and smiled. "In fact it's pretty damn hot in your case, baby. But you can be on your knees for me later. Right now I want you helping to put the rest of the world on its knees for me. Oh, and Vail, I wasn't kidding about washing that robe. You smell like a hamper."

The gun in your purse, Lilah heard Buffy saying, in her mind.

Lilah and Vail stood up. Lindsey watched Lilah. She was still smiling. She had been smiling ever since she took the First's deal. And why shouldn't she be smiling? She was guaranteed a place at the table now. When the world burned, she'd be protected. Even her mother would be protected. All she had to do in return was what she did for Wolfram and Hart every day as a matter of course. Help steer the world toward its end.

Lindsey should have been jumping at the deal. He didn't understand why he wasn't.

"Time's up, Lindsey," Buffy said. "I need a decision, I got places to be. Are you with us?"

"I respect you, Angel," Faith said. "So we're not gonna try to take that necklace from you, even though we could. Willow could put up a force-field to cut off your escape. And me and B are stronger than you. But we're not gonna do any of that. I'll let you walk away. But if you walk away that means you're on our hit list with Dru. Because it means there's a real bad ass vampire out there and I don't know whose side he's on. Can't take that risk. You're too powerful to allow out there if I don't know a hundred-percent you're on our side. You don't wanna help us find Dru you can walk away. But we'll be coming after you. And we'll dust you, soul or no soul. I like you, Angel. I'll be like, depressed when you die. For a few minutes. Then I'll move on to the next thing."

Tara's face was pale. Buffy was looking down at the floor.

Willow was watching Angel.

Willow wasn't sure what outcome she wanted here. Part of her wanted Angel to die. Part of her didn't.

"Time's up, Angel," Faith said. "I need a decision."

"Nah," Lindsey said, and smiled, and finished his beer.

"Disappointing," Buffy said. "Care to explain why? Thought you were supposed to be evil. I'm only asking you to do what you used to do for Wolfram and Hart anyway. I'm not ruling out the possibility that you're just really dumb."

"That's my theory," Vail said.

Lilah took her purse from the coffee table.

"Buck doesn't like you," Lindsey said. "And I'm thinking maybe I don't want to be evil. Not sure what I want to be, but I know I don't want to be what you want me to be. It was different at the firm, the Senior Partners weren't around, the apocalypse wasn't actually happening. Now it is. And I'm thinking I don't want--"

"You know the only thing worse than bad guys making speeches, Lindsey?" Buffy said. "Good guys making speeches. Do it, Lilah."

Lilah pulled a gun from her purse, and aimed it at Lindsey's heart.

"Thought we were gonna be the Fab Four," Buffy said. "Guess it's the Fab Three. Too bad."

"Lilah...don't...don't do this," Lindsey said.

"I'm a baller, MacDonald," Lilah said. "I'm always in the game."

"You don't wanna get fucked, you do the fucking, huh?" Lindsey said.

"Believe me, I definitely wanna get fucked," Lilah said, and smiled. "Just not by you."

She shot him through the heart, and he fell to the floor, dead.

"Well, if I couldn't kill them both that was a nice consolation prize," Vail said, and grinned.

"No one's ever harming a hair on my baby's head, Vail," Buffy said, and smiled an ugly smile, and moved close to Lilah.

Lilah was looking down at Lindsey with no expression on her face. It had been easy, killing him. She couldn't believe how easy it had been...

Lindsey had a two-foot hole in his chest. Lilah liked a big gun.

Buck was making little mewling sounds, and sniffing at Lindsey's body, and licking his face.

"You're beautiful, baby," Buffy whispered in Lilah's ear. "I'm very pleased with your sacrifice."

"Cool," Lilah said, and aimed the gun at Buck, and shot him. He made a little squeaking sound and exploded into pieces like a water balloon. "Dog's on the house."

Angel walked back to the bed.

He looked at Buffy, then he looked away.

He looked at Willow. He knew she had always been close to Joyce...closer than she was to her own mother.

He had overheard Buffy and Faith talking about how Drusilla had killed Joyce...he'd heard Buffy telling Faith that she didn't want anyone else to know yet, too. He wondered what would happen when Willow found out. He wondered if Willow would finally kill him then.

He hoped she would.

He held the necklace out to Faith, and dropped it into her hand.

Continued...

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