~ Differing Shades of Grey ~
by Hillsys Stalker

Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, Gabrielle, Amarice, Cyrene, Aphrodite, or Ares. I do, however, own Nexa and Rosaline. Do not steal them or use without permission.
Content Warning: The language isn't too bad, but there is a lot of violence. It is mainly spousal abuse. If this makes you uncomfortable, please skip over this story. There is also love between two women. If this bothers you, no one's forcing you to read this. You may skip over it.


Epilogue

Outside the quiet tavern in Amphipolis, rain poured down heavily as Zeus' thunderbolts flashed in the cloudy night sky, illuminating the small city that was covered in darkness. Those that were still unfortunate enough to remain outside at that late hour, such as the thieves and homeless, were drenched to the bone by the downpour of rain. The loud, rolling thunder, accompanied by the howling of the wind, made the horses in the stables prance around uneasily, spooked by the frightening noises. Despite the racket coming from outside, however, it was not the storm that was keeping the warrior princess up so late. It was the sick child in the bed before her, along with a nervous, pacing bard.

"Gabrielle, will you stop that? Nexa is going to be fine. The worst is over now," Xena assured her friend, not taking her eyes off the small four year old wrapped in the blankets.

"But Xena, what if-"
"There are no 'what ifs', Gabrielle. She's going to be alright," Xena interrupted her friend's objection. "Her fever has broken and she's already starting to breathe easier. She'll be out of bed driving Amarice insane again in a couple of days." Although she could still see the worry etched on Gabrielle's face, Xena was relieved when the bard stopped pacing and decided to take a seat beside her, next to Nexa's bed.

"I'm sorry. I've just never... I've never seen her sick before," the smaller woman admitted, her gaze directed at the floor beneath them. Xena could feel the sadness, tinged with worry and regret, radiating off her friend, but she was unsure of what she should do. It used to be Gabrielle that would comfort her when she needed it; not the other way around. "I don't know what to do..."

"Hey, it's alright. You're her mother; you're supposed to worry about her," Xena told her, not prepared for the burst of self-hatred that it brought forth from the bard.

"Some mother I am," Gabrielle scoffed, trying hard to hold back the tears forming behind her eyes. "I never should have taken my eyes off her. Maybe then she wouldn't have gone running into that stupid lake," she chastised herself before quickly getting to her feet.

"What do you think you're doing?" Xena asked, although she didn't rise from the ground. She had a good idea of what Gabrielle was going to do.

"I just need to think about... things. Would you mind watching over her for me?"

"I was able to watch over her while you were gone. I think I can handle her a little bit longer." She had meant it as a joke, but Gabrielle didn't have to use words for Xena to know that that wasn't the right thing to say. She immediately started to apologize. "Gabrielle, that didn't come out how I wanted it to."

"Forget it, Xena. You're right," the blonde interrupted her before leaving the room. Xena listened to the footsteps as the bard descended the staircase before she heard the door open and close. The warrior princess sighed, unsure of what to do. She was so unused to this closed off version of her bard, and they hadn't been together long enough for her to grow accustomed to her.

"At least we were making progress when you were healthy, Little One," she said to the sleeping Nexa as she reached over and stroked the child's sweaty bangs. "Why can't I get through to her now?" Xena began ponder this question over and over again until an hour went by and Gabrielle still hadn't come back.

"Do you think she's had enough alone time?" she asked the peacefully sleeping child. As if she had heard the question, Nexa made a small noise. "Me too," Xena said with a small smile before placing a gentle kiss on the child's forehead. After deciding that she should go find Gabrielle, Xena made her way down the hall and asked Solan if he would watch over the sick child. He quickly agreed and took his mother's place beside Nexa's bed. With Gabrielle's daughter taken care of, Xena grabbed a cloak and headed downstairs before going out the door to find Gabrielle.

It proved to be much harder than she anticipated, given the stormy conditions. The wind howled in her ears, making it difficult for her to hear any unusual noises, and the rain had ruined any chances of her following the bard's trail easily. So, she started her search using the guess and check method. Mainly guessing places that she thought the bard would go and checking to see if she was there.

When it became clear that Gabrielle wasn't in the stables, at any of the other taverns of Amphipolis, or even back at Cyrene's, Xena was beginning to give up hope of finding her friend that night. The rain wasn't making it any easier to lift her spirits, even with the cloak protecting her from some of the cold droplets. Determined not to give up, however, Xena grit her teeth and started searching again, this time leaving the confines of the city and heading for the line of trees that helped protect it. Even with the howling wind and heavy rain, it didn't take long for her to figure out where Gabrielle was.

"It's a good thing that tree's unarmed, or you might get into some real trouble." Xena commented sarcastically as she watched the other woman strike the tree with her sais. She smirked when she saw Gabrielle jump slightly, caught off guard by her voice.

"Xena, I fought in an illegal prison ring and sparred with Callisto everyday for six months. I think I can handle a tree," her friend told her once she regained her composure.

"Judging by the marks, it seems you've already taken care of it." The warrior princess walked over to the bard and indicated the many cuts that she had placed in the wood of the tree. "Perhaps it's time you came back to the inn. It's much drier there," she suggested, but the look in Gabrielle's eyes told her that she was still blaming herself for what happened with Nexa. She sighed before trying to assure her friend that it wasn't her fault. "Gabrielle, she's a child. Children hardly ever listen to their parents."

"And is it a wonder that she doesn't listen to me? I abandoned her, and we've been separated for so long that I can barely talk to her," Gabrielle said bitterly, her voice cracking at the last part. "I'm even afraid to touch her because I think I might hurt her." The tears she had been holding back began to silently cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the many drops of rain that could be found there.

"Gabrielle, I've seen you around your daughter. You would never do anything to hurt her. You have more self-control than you give yourself credit for," Xena told her. "You also didn't abandon her. What happened wasn't your fault," the warrior princess reminded her. "Besides, you did everything you could to get back to her. There was nothing else you could have done."

"Xena, you don't understand," Gabrielle objected as she wiped at the tears falling down her face.

"Then explain it to me," Xena replied, looking over at her distressed friend. She truly did want to understand what was troubling Gabrielle, and in order to do that, she needed to know what the bard was feeling. Unfortunately, this wasn't the same innocent, open bard that she had met in Potidaea and traveled with so many years ago.

"I... don't know how," Gabrielle admitted sheepishly. Xena heard a mirthless chuckle followed by a sigh come from her friend. "Imagine that. A bard that doesn't know how to explain something."

"Give it time. You'll find the words again when you're ready." Xena took Gabrielle's hand and squeezed it gently, relieved when Gabrielle didn't pull away from her. 'At least she's finally able to be touched again,' Xena thought as she remembered when they had first brought Gabrielle back. The former Amazon had been jumpy and flinched whenever anybody besides Nexa touched her.

"What if I'm never ready?" Gabrielle whispered, drawing Xena out of her thoughts. The warrior looked over at her friend once more, who was staring longingly back at Amphipolis where her daughter was.

"Then I'll find another way to help you," she told her with a rare smile. Gabrielle stared at her for a moment before looking down at the ground, a small smile of her own tugging at her lips as she whispered something that was drowned out by the thunder.

"Huh?"

"I said, 'Since when did you become so good at making people feel better?'" Gabrielle repeated loudly, looking back up at Xena.

"What can I say? I have many skills." The familiar joke between the two of them made Gabrielle smile for real before taking a step towards the warrior princess, dropping her sais to the ground before wrapping her arms around Xena's middle. Not expecting the embrace, it was a few moments before Xena awkwardly hugged Gabrielle back. She noticed the restrain it took for Gabrielle to stop herself from flinching, and it almost made her pull away. The smaller woman gently made Xena stay where she was, though, before resting her head on her chest. Xena relaxed as well, once she was sure that Gabrielle was fine, and allowed herself to tuck Gabrielle's head under her chin.

They stayed like that as the storm raged around them. At that moment, they could care less about the rain pouring down. In their minds, it was like a waterfall that was washing away the wrongs they had committed in the past.

Xena wasn't sure how long they stood together like that when she felt Gabrielle shift beneath her. When she looked down to see what was wrong, she found herself falling into intense green eyes; the same eyes that she had fallen in love with so long ago. The flash of lightning that lit up the area and the thunder that followed only served to increase the intense feelings that were running through her. Before she knew what she was doing, Xena was lowering head and going in to finally kiss her bard. That is, until said bard sneezed in her face.

"Sorry," Gabrielle apologized as she took a step back, sniffling a bit as she rubbed her nose. Xena merely chuckled as she shook her head.

"I knew we should have gone back to the tavern. Come on, before you get even sicker."

"I'm not sick!" the blonde objected. Despite her protests, though, she grabbed her sais and followed after her dark haired friend, who had already started back for Amphipolis.

Once they were back at the tavern, Cyrene made both Xena and Gabrielle change and take a seat in front of the fire. They could hear her muttering something under her breath about warriors and their sidekicks as she handed them both blankets and walked away. Neither hesitated to wrap the warm covers around themselves before staring into the flames of the fire in the hearth. The two companions were silent, both contemplating what had almost happened in the woods. As time slowly passed by, however, the warrior and bard gradually made their way closer to the other, unaware of what they were doing until they finally bumped into each other.

"Uh... hi," Gabrielle stammered nervously as she wrapped the blanket tighter around her. She could feel the goose bumps prickling her skin, and she was sure that it wasn't from the cold.

"Hi," Xena said back, raising an eyebrow. Gabrielle mentally chastised herself for sounding so dumb. "Did you want something?"

"Well, I was just thinking that it would be much warmer if we uh... shared blankets," the bard suggested, giving Xena a hopeful look. It almost made Xena laugh, but she simply smiled again and lifted her arm up so that Gabrielle could fit under her blanket. As she wrapped her arm around the bard once more, Xena was taken back to a time before Perdicas, and it felt as if everything was right in the world again.

She gently placed a kiss on Gabrielle's forehead, and the smaller woman somehow managed to snuggle closer before resting her head on Xena's shoulder. Staring into the fire, the warrior princess thought back to the years that she had gone without the blonde in her life and everything they had gone through to find each other again. Now that she was covered by two blankets and sitting in front of a warm fire with Gabrielle next to her, Xena had to admit that everything was right in the world; her world, at least. Then she heard Gabrielle sneeze again, followed by a sniffle.

'Well... almost everything,' she thought before resting her cheek on Gabrielle's head, a smile on her face as her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.




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