Historical Note: This story takes place sometime between the books Honor Among Enemies and In Enemy Hands, and contains some spoilers for Honor Among Enemies. If you haven't read any of the Honor Harrington series by David Weber, get off you computer and go buy On Basilisk Station. Trust me, you'll love it. < >
| "Treecat: a sentient species of intelligent arboreal native to the planet Sphinx . . . Empathic and sensitive to human emotions, for the last five hundred T-years treecats have been known to adopt human partners establishing a life-long bond with their chosen companion."-From the Royal Manticoran Encyclopaedia, ed. D.E. Lowrey* |
Wanders Far snorted derisively. Her mother and sisters might be perfectly happy living at the heart of Mountain Lake Clan's territory; Wanders Far, however, was not. She wanted adventures. She wanted to explore and discover. Her habit of wandering off and triggering frantic searches had earned her her clan name before she was five turnings old.
It wasn't that clan life was at all bad. Wanders Far loved her parents and littermates. She loved lying about and listening as the memory singers spun stories of long ago and far away. It was just-she wanted more. And something had happened not long ago to bring her frustration into focus.
A cousin of hers who had adopted a two-leg-or, as it would call itself, a human-had returned to the clan for a visit. Not a long one, since being separated from his human was hard for him, but long enough to tell his tales and to have them passed on by the memory singers.
What stories they had been! He had lived among the stars with his human, had witnessed titanic struggles, had set his feet on the soil of far-away worlds. Above all, though, was the abiding love he and his human had for each other. Wanders Far had tasted the human's mind-glow through the link and her envy of her cousin knew no bounds.
Her cousin was gone now, back to his human, back to the stars. Wanders Far glared up at the sky. Why couldn't she go there? She picked up a nut with one of her true-hands and tossed it into the stream running below her. Her aunt Strong Voice, the clan's senior memory singer, had recently approached Wanders Far and offered to train her as a memory singer. Wanders Far knew it was a great honor. Only those with the strongest mind voices could be trained, and memory singers were revered among the clans. But they also had to stay with their clans for their whole lives. She had told her aunt she would think about it, but she knew an answer had to be given soon.
Wanders Far sighed, laying down on the branch, and looked up at the sky, hopelessly out of reach for her.
Xena Krios hefted her pack as she hiked through the untamed Sphinx wilderness. Her eyes were alert for signs of danger, like peak bears and hexapumas, but she wasn't really paying attention. She wished she could-the day was beautiful like only a Sphinx summer could be. Xena had grown up on Manticore-A, but ever since visiting Sphinx as a child she'd loved the untamed tracts of unbroken forest. The land felt alive. She'd hoped that by coming here she could take some of that life back into herself. So far, though, a week of driving herself through endless picket wood forests had only given her an opportunity to brood.
Six Terran months had passed since the battle that had cost her her ship and most of her crew. Six months of regen treatments to restore her broken spinal column. Six months to hear the screams of dying and wounded again and again and again in her dreams. Six months of a grim roll call of the dead playing over and over in her mind.
Elisabeth Howard. Older than Xena herself by almost ten T-years, she'd been chief petty officer aboard the Artemis. Elisabeth had been almost a mother figure to the young ensigns on board. Gerald Newcomb. He'd been so fresh out of the academy at Saganami Island he'd practically come aboard shrink-wrapped, but he'd already shown the promise of a great officer. Rachel Collier. She'd been the head of the Marine detachment on board. Rachel could blister gunmetal with her tongue, but she'd had a surprisingly gentle side that came out with wounded or homesick crewmembers. Played a mean game of chess, too.
Then there was Danny Carvalho. Her first officer. They'd served together on three different ships, and he'd been in line for a ship of his own soon. Danny had been more than just a fellow officer to Xena; he'd been her sounding board, her right arm, and her dear, dear friend. She'd sent him down to Engineering during the battle because he had been the only officer she could send when her chief engineer was killed. And when a graser beam had pierced the sidewall, Danny had been sucked into the merciless vacuum of space to die there.
Xena sat down heavily beside the river. It burbled and splashed merrily over the stones in its path, as indifferent to them as it was to her suffering. Xena reflected on her name. It had been passed down through countless generations, an homage to a woman-warrior who had died over four thousand years ago. Xena was her direct descendent. She looked across the river with her sky-blue eyes.
It was an irony, she thought. She was named for a warrior, a woman who had fought for good until it cost her her life. The latest Xena wondered if it was all worth it. Fight the good fight, fight for what you believe is right-and always wonder how much destruction you'll leave in your wake. Oh, she'd won her battle in the technical sense that while there wasn't much left of the Artemis, there was nothing left of her opponent-but there was also nothing left of Elisabeth, or Gerald, or Rachel, or Danny, or countless others.
Now they wanted her to do it again. The Navy had a new ship ready for her with a new crew and a new mission. They'd decorated her with ribbons and medals and promotions for her service. Go out and do it again, Xena, they told her. Win our war.
A tear ran down her cheek, splashing into the water her feet were soaking in. The river continued to run, taking her tear with it.
Wanders Far's ears pricked at the sound of movement somewhere below her. She turned her head, trying to decide where it was coming from. Finally, she spotted something moving in the woods.
A human! Wanders Far felt her heart thump harder in her chest as she crouched on her branch. The human continued on its path, unaware it was being watched. When it reached the place where the smaller stream joined up with the river, it stopped and sat down.
Heart beating so loud it drowned out the sound of the water, Wanders Far skipped from one branch to the next, determined to get a good look at the human. It was sitting in a clearing. Wanders Far finally reached the end of where the branches would take her. She curled her tail around a higher branch for balance, then dug the claws of her true-feet and hand-paws into the branch she was on. Using her true-hands, she pushed the leaves in front of her apart and leaned as far forward as she could.
The human removed its foot coverings and plunged its feet into the water. After that, it didn't move much. It just sat, staring across the water. Wanders Far was puzzled. What was a human doing this far away from human territory? Tentatively, the young treecat reached out with her mind, trying to touch the human's.
She nearly fell off her branch in shock. The mind-glow blazed so brightly! How could such a creature be mind-blind, as Wanders Far had been told humans were time and again? The treecat reached out again, more carefully.
It took some time to straighten out the flood of feelings and images she touched. This one, Wanders Far felt sure, was a leader of some kind. It had to be. There was such command, such compassion in the mind-glow. No one could be near and not feel it, the treecat was certain. But there was something more: overwhelming sadness and loss, coupled with the memory of physical pain so intense it seemed impossible to survive. As Wanders Far felt it, her own soul seemed to quail within her. How could any being live with such pain? How was it that this human was still sane, as she felt it must be?
The more she felt the human's mind-glow, the greater the urge became to touch and comfort it, to ease its pain. It was so alone. Wanders Far watched as a tiny drop of water came from one of the human's eyes and ran down its cheek. The treecat suddenly couldn't remain on her perch any longer. She scampered down the trunk of the tree she was in until she reached the ground.
Xena suddenly felt like she was being watched. She stiffened, eyes searching for her observer.
"Bleek?"
The polite inquiry came from behind her. Xena whipped around. There, standing not two meters away, was a Sphinxian treecat. Although Xena had never seen one in person, she'd seen enough pictures to know what it was.
It was exquisite. Its coat was mottled brown and cream, with bright green eyes and a white patch around its mouth. It looked quite a bit like a Terran cat but for its six legs. No-more like four legs and a set of arms ending in a pair of four-fingered hands. Right now, it was holding up one of those hands in a halfway defensive, halfway curious manner. As Xena's eyes met its, something clicked into place.
The human suddenly found herself reaching for the treecat, which gave a wild "bleek" of joy and ran into her arms. Xena hugged the treecat fiercely as it rubbed its cheek against hers, its purr vibrating into her bones. Two minds filled each other, and two souls found their missing parts.
Wanders Far knew what was happening far better than Xena. She had felt an echo of this in the memory songs, but they hadn't prepared her for the experience. Her human's mind glow blazed up, and it seemed impossible that Wanders Far would not be consumed by it. The 'cat felt her human's complex emotions more and more clearly, including the terrible pain she-yes, the human was a she-had been through. Now, as the two sank deeper into the bonding trance, Wanders Far placed her own self in between her adopted human's soul and its pain. She reached out and embraced the mind-glow, soothing and healing it until the terrible shadow of pain retreated.
Some time later, Xena stirred. She realized she was lying on the grass, the treecat perched on her chest. How long had they been like this? She checked her chrono. Fifteen minutes, it said.
"How'd that happen?" she muttered. The treecat was still staring at her, eyes wide and loving. It was only then that the full implications of what had happened hit the human.
Some treecats, for whatever reasons, picked humans to form empathic bonds with. The nature of the bonds was up for debate, but the 'cats seemed to act as emotional stabilizers for their adopted humans. It was also known that those bonds were unbreakable . . . and for life.
Now Xena stared at the 'cat. "Oh, kitten, you don't want me," she breathed. The treecat cocked its head, and if it didn't understand the words, it picked up on the emotion. It reached out a gentle, four-fingered true-hand to touch Xena's face but at the same time made a sharp scolding noise, as if to say, "You can't decide that for me."
Xena smiled. "So I can't." She drew her 'cat-her 'cat!-into a tight embrace. The 'cat purred deeply, snuggling against her neck.
Wanders Far burrowed into her human's-her human's!-embrace. She pulled back slightly then, looking into the blue eyes. Surely there was never a blue like that. Not even in the lake her own Mountain Lake Clan took its name from. A bright spot of pride touched her soul. Her human was beautiful, she decided. The 'cat reached out and grabbed a lock of black hair. Her human laughed and tugged it away, and a playful tussle ensued.
Xena had a sudden revelation. She thought back to the moments before she'd sensed the 'cat's presence. Hadn't she been despondent? Yes, she had, but she didn't seem to be able to reach that anymore. She thought of the Artemis. There was the familiar pain, the sadness for the lives lost, but it was no longer the all-consuming agony that had driven her into the Sphinx wilderness. The captain looked at her 'cat.
"Did you do that?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. The 'cat's green eyes were serious as she looked back. She-Xena wondered where the designation had come up from. She looked the 'cat over and decided it was, in fact, female.
"Okay, then, little girl," she announced. "Since I don't want to be camping here tonight, what say we get a move on?" She pulled back on her boots as the 'cat tumbled off her body. It took her another minute to get her pack and pulse rifle situated. Then she scooped her 'cat up into her arms again and headed toward the place she'd marked as her next campsite on her map.
Wanders Far snuggled into the crook of her human's strong arm. She felt perfectly content. This was where she belonged, not back in the clan with her mother hovering protectively as gawky young males clumsily tried to attract her favor, or even under the tutelage of Strong Voice. Perhaps her human, too, walked among the stars. She'd seen them so close in some of the memory songs-
The young 'cat stiffened as an unmistakable scent washed over her. She poked her head up, hoping against hope she was wrong.
Xena immediately felt the little 'cat's change of mood. She stopped, grabbing her rifle. If it was a hexapuma or peak bear, she'd like to see the fanged freak just try to hurt her 'cat! Her eyes narrowed as she scanned the woods for any hint of movement. It was then that she noticed the 'cat was looking up at the forest canopy, which seemed to be in a bit of disarray-
She muttered an expletive. A hexapuma, deadly as it was, could be taken down with a single shot from a pulse rifle. A Sphinx summer storm could not, and that was precisely what was building to the north. Hadn't she checked the planetary weather net for storms?
Yeah, but that had been over a week ago. Even the best forecasters couldn't consistently pick up these storms at that range. If she hadn't been so busy moping, Xena told herself savagely, she'd have thought to check the weather net again. Now both she and the 'cat were staring a storm in the face and torrential rains would be the least of her problems. Her tent, she knew, would be next to useless. Even if the hail didn't take it down, it could get swept away by a flash flood. She needed a cave-and quickly.
Wanders Far was trying to remember something from an old, old memory song. Wasn't this about the place where--? With a sudden flash of insight, she wormed from her human's arms and ran up the nearest picket trunk.
Xena felt the 'cat trying to get down and released her. The captain watched as her newfound friend scampered up a tree then turned to look at her, as if to say, "I'll be right back." Then she disappeared into the wood. Xena stood irresolute, not knowing exactly what to do. The wind was ruffling her hair now, and she felt the growing charge in the air. In a few moments it would be raining like the universe depended on it.
"Bleek!" The captain's head jerked up and found the 'cat. She jumped from the tree and landed easily in her human's arms. She then twisted around and pointed to the southwest.
"There, huh?" Xena questioned. "Well, I sure hope you know where you're going, kitten." She moved into the wood.
It was slow going, especially since the rain was now coming down. Not as hard, she knew, as it would, but enough to have her soaked to the skin in seconds. She was climbing a sort of embankment now, getting muddy to the knees. The 'cat in her arms bleeked again and pointed, this time a little more to the west. Xena reached the top of the ridge.
The picket forest broke a little, and she could see light from somewhere ahead. A human homestead, she realized. Relief flooded her.
That feeling came to an abrupt end as a rattling sound reached her ears. Hail. She muttered a few more curses and plowed on ahead. The rain was almost blinding now. She was slipping, nearly falling several times, but she kept her eyes on the faint light. Quite suddenly, the forest ended and she was running across an open field as if all the demons of Hell were chasing her. The light was closer, and she could make out the shape of a house with an open door and a tall figure silhouetted in the doorframe-
She reached the door, panting and soaked to the bone, just in time to hear the hail start pounding on the building's roof.
"Come in!" a voice commanded. Xena obeyed gladly. Inside, there was light and warmth and a curiously familiar soprano voice with a crisp Sphinx accent giving orders.
"Mac, would you get some towels-Andrew, if you can't trust her, trust her 'cat-maybe some of my sweats, too, if you would, Mac. Here, let me help you out of that pack-you'll have to let go of your 'cat."
Xena looked at her rescuer. The person was a woman, she realized, but a full head taller than herself, and with a strangely familiar face. The woman turned to take a towel from the hands of an older gentleman.
"Here, let me have the 'cat," she said gently. Reluctantly, Xena opened her arms, depositing the 'cat into the thick towel. She realized the older man had moved around back of her and was trying to help her out of her pack. Xena unclipped it at the waist and shoulders and it came free.
As soon as Xena wrapped a towel around herself, the tall woman handed back the 'cat, who immediately snuggled up against her. Xena smiled at her rescuer.
"Thanks for the hospitality. I'm Xena Krios, by the way." She held out a hand to the other woman, who took it.
"Honor Harrington," the woman told her, and Xena's eyes widened. She suppressed the urge to say something idiotic like, "THE Honor Harrington?" The other woman's mouth twitched in wry amusement, as if she'd heard that thought. "Why don't you and your treecat get cleaned up and join us for dinner? Mac will show you where the bathroom is."
The steward led Xena to a bathroom and handed her a sweatsuit. "Just leave your own clothes inside," he told her. "I'll make sure they get cleaned."
Xena looked at her mud-spattered reflection. "Just what have I gotten myself into, kitten?" she asked the 'cat, who bleeked cheerfully as she wrestled with her towel. Honor Harrington was one of the most decorated officers in the Royal Manticoran Navy, and astonishingly young at that. She was called "the Salamander" for her tendency to turn up wherever the fire was the hottest. Over the years, she'd collected a number of admirers and not a few enemies, as truly outstanding people tend to do. One of her greatest admirers, in fact, was Xena's old captain Alistair McKeon-who, in Xena's private opinion, outclassed at least 99.9% of the brass out there. If even half of what McKeon had said about her was true, she was a person one wanted to keep on the good side of.
And here Xena had turned up muddy, soaked to the bone, and running from a storm she never should have been caught in. Smart. She gave herself a mental slap. The treecat poked her little white muzzle out of her towel and made a scolding sound.
"Not much I can do now, is there?" Xena murmured at the 'cat, then set about getting cleaned up.
When she finally emerged, wearing a sweatsuit a size too large for her and with her 'cat tucked under one arm, she was greeted by warmth and the aroma of dinner. Her stomach rumbled hungrily. Almost at once, she saw that she was in more company than she'd originally thought. There was Harrington, Mac the steward, two young men who had the perpetually-alert look of bodyguards-and not one but two more treecats. One was a fairly large cream-and-gray 'cat and the other was smaller and dappled brown, like Xena's own.
She recovered quickly from her shock and turned to Harrington. "Captain Harrington," she began. Harrington stopped her with a gesture.
"Honor," she insisted. "This isn't a military situation."
Xena smiled. "Please call me Xena, then. Thank you again for the hospitality, Honor."
Honor nodded approvingly. "Allow me to make the introductions. You've already met James MacGuiness, my steward and keeper" her eyes twinkled "and these are my armsmen, Jamie Candless" she pointed out one of the young men "and Andrew LaFollett" and she indicated the other young man. Xena knew from the news 'faxes that they were from the planet Grayson and by all accounts would have thrown themselves in front of a superdreadnought to protect Honor Harrington. Other than that, she had no idea of their significance. "And, finally," Honor went on, "these are Nimitz" she indicated the larger, cream-and-gray treecat "and his mate Samantha." Both 'cats flirted their tails in greeting. Xena nodded at them.
Harrington was looking expectant. Xena was puzzled.
"And who is this with you?" Harrington finally prompted.
Flaming color rushed into Xena's cheeks. As if dripping mud all over Captain the Countess Dame Honor Harrington's house wasn't enough, now Xena was making faux pas with treecats. She looked helplessly at the 'cat, as if it could introduce itself.
A soft chuckle broke into her chagrin. "Just met her, did you?" inquired Honor gently. "Don't worry. Sometimes it takes awhile to come up with just the right name. Why don't we sit down to dinner?"
Xena sat, placing the 'cat on the stool that had been provided for her. MacGuiness served dinner to both captains. Xena noted that the armsmen didn't eat with them.
Wanders Far, meanwhile, was nearly as flustered as her human. Both of the older 'cats had greeted her warmly enough, but now that she was sitting at a dinner table with humans, she had no idea what to do. One of the strongest emotions that had come through her cousin's memories was the embarrassment of discovering that human mealtimes were rife with incomprehensible social rules-which was very unlike treecat society. Her belly growled at the scent of cooked, seasoned fish on the plate in front of her, and she found herself casting a mental plea at Nimitz for help.
<Just be neat, youngling, and don't eat too fast,> he told her, and she was amazed at how strong his mind-voice was. No male she'd ever met had such a strong voice. She watched as he and Samantha started eating, then mimicked the careful way they ate as best she could. Although the food was delicious, she couldn't help thinking about all the mistakes she might make.
<What about the human mouth noises?> she asked. <Will I find out what they mean?>
This time it was Samantha who answered. <Yes, and sooner than you think. Don't worry-the first thing you'll need to know is your name and your human's.>
<Has she Named me?> Wanders Far felt a tingle of panic that she'd missed such an important event.
She felt Samantha's amusement. <I don't think so. It takes awhile, sometimes. My human took forever . . .> Samantha's mind-voice trailed off, and Wanders Far felt a terrible emptiness and pain behind it.
<Samantha's human died, Wanders Far,> Nimitz explained gently.
Wanders Far felt a stab of pain in her own soul. Even the few hours she'd spent with her Xena had let her know she didn't want to live without her and her wondrous mind-glow. Most 'cats who bonded with humans, she knew from the oldest memory songs, chose to go into the darkness with their humans when they died.
<I don't choose to, kitten,> said Samantha. <Not because I loved my Harry any less than any other cat loves his or her human, but because I have Nimitz, and dear Honor, and, in a few months, my kittens.> It was at this point that Wanders Far belatedly noticed Samantha's swollen belly. She felt the mates' pride.
She went back to her dinner. Just as she finished her fish, she caught the most wonderful scent. Nimitz and Samantha both sat upright, and Nimitz looked at the young 'cat.
<It looks like Mac has decided a celebration is in order, kitten. Have you ever had cluster stalk, what the humans call 'celery'?>
When the plate with two celery stalks was laid in front of her, Wanders Far's newfound table manners flew out the window. She shredded the stalks into wet, stringy pulp in seconds, and her human laughed.
"They really love that stuff, don't they?" Xena observed. Nimitz and Samantha were a little more proper, but not by much. Honor laughed with her.
"Would you like coffee, tea, or hot chocolate, Ma'am?" Mac inquired politely.
Xena listened to the storm still raging outside. "Hot chocolate, I think."
"Good choice!" Honor commended her, accepting her own mug. "Now, perhaps you'd like to tell me how a captain with as brilliant a record as yours made such an egregious tactical error as nearly getting caught in a force-two Sphinx thunderstorm?"
Xena looked down at her mug. The little 'cat beside her looked up from the remnants of her celery. "I guess my mind wasn't on the weather," she finally said, almost defiant.
"Thinking about the Artemis, were you?" Xena's head snapped up and her blue eyes met Honor Harrington's chocolate brown ones. Harrington smiled humorlessly. "Yes, I've heard the account of your battle. And yes, captain, I've been there myself." Xena looked away, irrationally embarrassed at the other captain's insight. Honor unfolded her tall frame from her chair. Nimitz scampered up to his perch on her shoulder as she stooped to pick up the pregnant Samantha. "Perhaps we should retire to the living room."
It was just short of being an order. Xena found herself standing and scooping up her own 'cat, who was looking at her with worried, bright green eyes. MacGuiness the steward carried the mugs of cocoa into the living room, where Harrington had made herself and the other two 'cats at home on a sofa. Xena sat down on another, idly running her fingers through her 'cat's soft fur. Harrington suddenly stood and walked over, eyes on the 'cat.
"She's a young one," the taller woman murmured. She examined the 'cat's tail. The little 'cat suddenly rolled on her back and playfully batted at Harrington's hands. Both captains chuckled. "Let's see-from the rings on her tail, I'd say she's between eight and nine Sphinxian years old, which would make her between forty and forty-five Terran years old, which would make her a very young 'cat indeed. It's unusual for a 'cat to adopt so young, and it's just as unusual for a female to adopt-present company excepted, of course." She tossed a wink at Samantha.
"She's about my age," Xena realized. Honor nodded.
"Yes. Before the advent of Prolong anti-aging treatments, 'cats could outlive humans by centuries. Those who bonded tended to suicide when their humans died, so a bonded 'cat had maybe one-third to one-half of a 'cat's normal lifespan." Honor shook her head. "They seemed to think it worthwhile, for some reason. Just goes to show you can't tell a 'cat anything." She stroked the young 'cat's ears, then went back to her own couch.
Xena stroked her little friend, trying to avoid the senior captain's gaze. "So what happened?" Honor asked gently.
"You've been there. You know." Xena suddenly stood. "She was my first hyper-capable command, the Artemis. I know she was only a light cruiser, but I loved every panel, every scratch and dent. And I loved her crew. I never deserved a crew like hers."
Xena cuddled her 'cat, whose buzzing purr seemed to soothe the ache still inside her. The captain turned and faced her superior. "I was a hellion, you know," she said wryly. "I can't tell you how much trouble I got into as a teenager. I think Mom was hoping when she shipped me off to Saganami Island that the Naval Academy might knock some sense into me, but Ms. Midshipman Krios got into about as much trouble as a middy could and not get physically catapulted into Jason Bay. One of my instructors threatened me with just that, by the way. You ever hear of the Great Saganami Island Panty Raid?"
Honor looked incredulous. "You?"
Xena bowed lightly. "Tactical officer and instigator. Great fun, even if it did end in mass punishments. Most of what I did was just out of my own twisted sense of humor, though. Back then, there wasn't a malicious bone in my body." She was silent for a long moment then, her expressive face sobering. "That all changed the day I stood beside my mother and watched my brother Luke's casket being lowered into the ground."
There was another silence, longer than the first. Honor noticed now that Xena was clutching the 'cat to her chest as if it was a shield. The now-husky alto continued.
"He was my best friend. Luke was six years older than me and after our father died, he kind of took care of me. Mom had a heavy workload and Dad's death had hit her hard. She . . . wasn't around much. But Luke was. Sometimes, when Mom was working late, we'd just sit up talking half the night until we heard her aircar coming back, and then we'd both scramble for bed. And then, when we were older, Luke was there to run interference when Mom and I would fight. Which we did, more than I care to remember.
"Luke went to the academy ahead of me. He told me he thought I'd make a good officer, too, and that's why I joined up. I was a little out of control, but at the same time wanted to make Luke proud. One time, on leave, he took the opportunity to pound a little sense into my head, and he probably kept me from getting tossed out that term.
"Then his ship went down." Xena was holding the 'cat up near her throat now. "I went to his funeral one day and started my last term at Saganami Island the next. Only now, I had two different goals. One was to be the first in my class and make Luke proud. The other was to let the Navy know how much I hated it for letting Luke die."
Honor ran her hand over Nimitz. "Doesn't sound like compatible goals."
"They weren't." Xena smiled bitterly. "I graduated fifth in my class academically. Attitude-wise, I was dead last. Still, I managed to get some good ship assignments, and I was a good enough tac officer that I kept myself from getting busted out of the service. For all that, though, I had an attitude you could see from Old Terra and a mouth that didn't know when to quit. To this day I don't know why some captain didn't just flush me out an airlock without a vac suit. You know, I made lieutenant jay-gee twice?"
Honor's eyebrows jumped to her hairline. "That's quite an accomplishment," she commented.
Xena barked a laugh. "You could say that. I finally ended up on Troubadour, with Alistair McKeon commanding. I believe you two are acquainted?" Honor's warm smile and nod were her only reply. "Naturally, I was up to my usual tricks. Never anything anybody could bust me for, but enough to mark me as a troublemaker. Finally, the skipper had had enough. He called me into his briefing room.
"I was familiar enough with the drill. I'd seen the briefing room of every captain I'd ever served under. I'd been threatened with bodily harm, yelled at, chewed out, reamed up, dressed down, and had my backside kicked up between my ears so often it was thinking of taking up permanent residence there. What I was expecting from McKeon was more of the same. I thought he'd tear a long, bloody strip off me, I'd pretend to be humbled for just enough time to make him feel like he'd done something, and then we'd all go back to status quo ante."
She shook her head, grinning. "That wasn't what happened. He called me in, looked at me for a long moment, and I realized I had no idea what he was thinking. Scary moment for me. Then he said, 'Ms. Krios, I see in you the makings of a fine officer, but you're totally out of control. Once upon a time, someone gave me a second chance when I didn't deserve one. I'll give you the same chance now. But it's your last chance, Ms. Krios. If you screw it up, I'll kick you so far dirtside the only way you'll ever see stars again is if someone hits you over the head. Dismissed.'"
Now she and Honor traded smiles. "When I got off duty that day, I did some hard thinking. I realized just how juvenile I'd been acting and also just how badly I wanted the regard of people like my brother and Commander McKeon. I guess I just needed to grow up . . . and I did. I re-channeled all the energy I'd been putting into creating havoc back into doing my job, and the result was that last year, they gave me the Artemis."
Thinking about her ship brought back feelings of intense pride as she remembered how well her crew had performed under her command right up to the end. She could see it now-the battlecruiser she'd been engaged with, hulking and menacing. Heard and felt the impact of its missiles. Heard her own voice, unnaturally calm, barking out commands. Saw the desperate gamble she'd taken to save her own ship and crew, a gamble that had paid off in the form of nearly two hundred lives, the surviving members of her crew.
"One hundred ninety-seven of my crew survived that day. The rest were killed in the battle or died in its aftermath." Her voice was choked with sorrow. When the other ship had died, it had almost taken out the Artemis with its death throes. That was when Xena's back had been broken. She still remembered lying, helpless, while someone ran to physically fetch the ship's surgeon because intra-ship communications were out. Even on her back, she'd continued in her role as captain, ordering all surviving personnel to concentrate themselves so they could seal off nonessential areas and conserve life support.
Every so often, she would pass out. One time, she'd awakened to the feeling of someone holding her hand and looked up to see Ensign Tracy Weston, the youngest bridge officer on board, leaning over her, both hands wrapped around one of her captain's and tears running down her face.
"Don't you dare start that," Xena had growled. "You're getting out of this alive, Ensign. We all are."
The ensign had swallowed the last of her tears. "Is that an order, Ma'am?" she'd whispered.
"Damn straight." The ensign had smiled a little then, just as the surgeon arrived. He'd done a heroic job of keeping Xena together for nearly two full days until they were rescued.
After that-Xena shuddered as she remembered her convalescence. Even though several of her vertebrae were shattered, the damage to her spinal cord wasn't nearly as bad as the surgeons had feared. Regen work began immediately. For nerve injuries, though, regen could be a cruel process. She'd lost count of the number of times she'd awakened, screaming and thrashing, as regenerating nerves sent garbled messages her brain interpreted as excruciating pain. Then there was the physical therapy, which had been its own, unique form of torture. And all that was crisscrossed with the nightmares only a captain who had lost her ship could understand.
"And now they want to give me the Argo," Xena finished, facing the other captain. "They jumped me up two full grades to captain and they're sending me out again. Full recovery, says the Bureau of Medicine and the Bureau of Psychology. Well, if I'm so fully recovered, what in all Perdition am I doing walking headlong into a Sphinx thunderstorm?" Her voice was raw. The 'cat in her arms suddenly reached up, touching her human's cheek with a gentle true-hand.
"Bleek?" she asked, and curled her tail around one of Xena's arms. Xena felt the same gentle warmth she'd felt before spreading itself over the rough edges of her pain. Her mood shifted under the small creature's touch, moving more toward a gentle sadness than raw grief and outright self-flagellation.
"Does she do that?" Xena asked, bemused by the 'cat.
"Treecats do act as mood stabilizers," Harrington answered, as if she knew exactly what Xena had been asking. "There have been . . . times when Nimitz was all that kept me together."
Xena looked at the other captain now, saw the pain in her face. Honor Harrington knew what loss was-loss of a ship, loss of friends, loss of love. The junior captain sat down suddenly, eyes pleading. "How do I do it, Captain? How do I . . ." she trailed off.
"Trust yourself? Believe in your own orders?" Xena nodded frantically. "Captain, I don't know the answer to all your questions, but this I do know: on that day, you saved an entire convoy that would have been obliterated without your intervention. You were outmassed, outgunned, and outmanned, but you won the day. It's amazing any of your crew survived, and the reason they did was because their captain held them together as a team. Their captain never gave up, even when the odds said there was no use fighting. And that captain, Xena Krios, was you. Your brother and Alistair McKeon were right about you.
"And this, too, I can tell you, Xena: you are no longer alone. You'll never be alone again." Honor reached out one finger and gently touched the treecat who looked on Xena with such intent eyes.
Wanders Far had no idea what the mouth noises meant that were passing between her human and Nimitz's. The emotions, though, were easy enough to read.
<How can I help her, Nimitz?> she pleaded. <There's so much pain, and because of who she is, I know there will be more.>
<You can never take that pain from her,> the older 'cat answered in his curiously strong mind-voice. <All you can do is be with her, and love her.>
Xena drew the 'cat into a strong embrace, feeling the soul-deep warmth of her. It was like balm for the spirit, she thought. The 'cat seemed to draw up from within her the strength she needed to go on. When Xena's eyes met Honor's again, they were calm.
"The Argo's a good ship, I hear," Xena offered.
"So she is," Honor agreed, a smile beginning to draw at the corners of her mouth.
"Bleek!" exclaimed the 'cat suddenly, sensing the change of mood. She swarmed up Xena's arm to her back and over her head. The captain found herself looking into the upside-down face of a barely-grown treecat. She reached up and wrestled her off her head and the 'cat fell back into her lap. There she curled up, small body vibrating with the force of her purr.
"She is just a kitten, isn't she?" Xena chuckled. "I really ought to find something to call her."
Wanders Far was thinking about the stars again, wondering if she could touch one and what it would feel like when Nimitz's mental hail jerked her back to reality.
<Heads up, kitten. You're about to be Named.>
She poked her head up and looked directly into her human's face. Xena smiled at her, touching the white burst of fur at the tip of her muzzle.
"She's really beautiful, isn't she?" the captain murmured. She looked up to see Honor and Nimitz looking at them with the amused nostalgia of an old married couple watching a pair of newlyweds. Xena chuckled again. "Okay, little angel, what do I call you?" A thought struck her. "Angel . . . do angels have names?"
Honor chewed it over. Since becoming a Grayson citizen, she'd had to brush up on her basic Bible. "Let's see-there's Gabriel."
Xena smiled. "Gabriel. That'll do nicely. Except since you're a girl, I suppose we'll have to make it Gabrielle. You hear that, kitten? Your new name is Gabrielle."
A surge of love and joy ran through Wanders Far as she heard the sound that was to be her name among humans. She snuggled deeper into her human's embrace, perfectly content . . .
<Wanders Far?!?> The frantic mind-voice was one she knew well. Strong Voice, her clan's senior memory singer, was calling her. Wanders Far felt suddenly guilty as she realized how worried her clan must be.
<I'm well, Strong Voice,> she thought back hastily. <I'm in a human's home.>
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the link. <You've bonded, my little one,> the memory singer realized. A feeling of bittersweet resignation surged through the link. <I might have guessed this would happen.>
Wanders Far-now Gabrielle-found herself unexpectedly sad. She knew she would never again have the clan life she'd grown up with. From now on, she was only an occasional visitor. <Tell my parents I'm sorry I worried them so, Strong Voice. Tell them . . .> she couldn't form the thought she so wanted to.
<I'll tell them you love them, kitten,> Strong Voice reassured her. <Farewell, then, dear child. You will be missed more than you know, and you will always be loved.>
Her aunt's awareness withdrew, and Gabrielle knew that would be the last contact she had with her own clan for a long time. Still, her sadness faded away as she looked back into her human's furnace-bright mind-glow. She and her human had each other now, and it would be enough for both of them.
Wanders Far had found her home.
The End
*You can find the RME at Aegys' Hall of Honor. The URL is: www.wgn.net/~mistee