Coming Home by Ijay

PROLOGUE

I heard the rustle of leaves first before I become aware of the approaching footsteps. I looked up and watched in trepidation as the sounds draws nearer. Although I couldn't yet see who it is, I know that it could only be one person. I thought of jumping down from the branch I am sitting on and making a run for it before she shows herself, but I know I won't dare. I waited almost in dread and fear as she finally clears the small bush and shows herself.

She stood there studying me for awhile. I couldn't raise my eyes to hers. I've been avoiding her for the whole of two days. It feels like I haven't seen her for years because I used to spend my whole time with her - either at her house or in mine. Or we will both sneak out here, to our 'secret spot' to whisper about nothing to each other.

"Will you come down here?" she asked

"No. I want to stay here." I replied

"Okay then," she said.

She made her way to the foot of the tree and start removing her shoes.

"What are you doing?" I asked alarmed

"I am coming up." she replied calmly

"You'll hurt yourself, you know you can't climb."

"Then it'll be your fault, after all that's what you want, in' nit?" she responds as she made to start the climb.

She's been back in Nigeria for 3 years now, yet her British accent still remains strong. Quickly, I swung off the branch and hung swinging for a few seconds before jumping down. Immediately I hit ground, I ran to her and held her from climbing the tree. She turned immediately in my arms and hugged me real tight to herself.

Few minutes later, we were back at her house and in her room. The silence between us was so tense I could feel its weight. It feels strange because that never happens with us; we always have something to talk about and the silence, when they occur are usually comfortable. Whenever we are together, either she is telling me about London or I am telling her about Nigeria or about our town. But, 2 days ago, all that changed. As I looked at her as she pretends to read a novel, my mind flashed back to the 'kiss'.

2 days ago, while she was saying goodnight to me, she kissed me. She used to kiss me all the time - all over the face, but never on the lips. But, that night, she gently held my face in her hands and ran her lips over mine. I think that what really surprised us and left us speechless was not the fact that she kissed me, but the ferociousness with which I returned the kiss. My first ever kiss, coming from my best girlfriend. I was shocked. When the kiss broke on its own, I panicked and pushed her away from me and ran home. I stayed away from her since then, although the kiss has never left my mind.

"You know I. J., if you keep staring at me like that, you will soon bore a hole through me." She said without looking up from the novel she is holding. I blushed and quickly looked away from her. Once again, I thank my God that my skin color makes it impossible for her to see my blush.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked her

"What are you saying? I kiss you all the time." She replied.

"But not like that and never on the lips. Why now?" I persisted

"Why are you so bent on my giving you an excuse for that? Do you need a reason to feel how you do? Do you need to make excuses for the way your heart is beating right now that I am looking at you?" I could feel my young nineteen year old heart double its pace as she said that.

"Are you telling me that you didn't enjoy it or that you don't ever want me to kiss you again?" she continued. As she was talking, she slowly starts leaning towards me that by the time she finished, she was so close that I could feel her breathe on my face. I could hardly breathe. My heart is pumping so ferociously in my chest that I thought I could have a heart attack. She stares at my lips and I stare back at hers longingly. I felt my lips part in anticipation under her heavy gaze and hers parted almost simultaneously as well. Then, she leaned in and claimed my lips. The kiss of 2 days ago was a mere prelude to the main thing.

?She kissed my soul. I could feel her lips tug at my heart every time she sucked on my lips. She pushed her tongue into my mouth and uses it to caress my whole mouth. I was gasping so hard and clinging so tight to her. She leaned back and pulled my shirt off. Her hands immediately grabbed my small breasts and start squeezing and fondling. They were hardly a handful but they are quite sensitive to make up for their size.

Gently, she pushed me down and slid on top of me. We resumed the kissing. She slides down my body to suck on my small tits; and that's the position we were in when the door bursts open to reveal her grandma. She gave a small shout when she saw us, then; she pulled me from under her and slapped me severally on the face. She was kind enough to allow me pull back on my shirt before dragging me to my house. All the while her grandma was hitting me, she just covered her head in her arms and hid her face in her pillow and never made a sound. As her grandma pulled me away, I called her name in fear but she didn't answer.

***** One *****

I stared out the window of the plane as it flew over whatever city we are at. I still can't believe I am going back to Nigeria after almost nine years of living in the U.S. I wonder how home will be like, how those I left behind will be faring. I came into Nigeria a few hours ago and immediately took a connecting flight going to my state. In 10 minutes, the plane will land and I'll have to find a taxi that will take me home. I still can't believe I am here. Two weeks ago, I wouldn't have imagined being back in Nigeria now. I hadn't planned on coming. Even when my mom called to remind me of my grandpa's funeral, I still didn't want to come back. Then, Lillian called and mentioned 'her' name and marriage in one sentence; and that's all it took. The green-eyed monster reared its ugly head and next thing; I am making reservations and buying tickets. Then, I called my editor/ agent cum manager to tell her of my intended travel to Nigeria-which of course came as a surprise.

After what happened with her nine years ago, I resented her for deserting me and allowing her grandma to make me out into a villain; who is out to devour her grandchild. She aided her grandma in shutting herself away from me. I remembered that when her grandma left our house, my grandparents started freaking out trying to understand what happened and to know what they will tell my parents. They couldn't understand why I wanted to force my best friend into bed. I couldn't explain, so I ran back to her house to get her so that she will come and tell them that it's okay because we both felt it. I knocked till my hands hurt. I know she was in there; she simply hid from me and refused to answer.

The next day, I went back again to tell her that my parents have finally decided that I should go and stay with an aunt in another city. I knocked till her grandma came out and told me that I am no longer welcomed in her house. I ran to the bush, to our 'spot'. I climbed the tree and sat on the low branch and waited. I cried my eyes out waiting but she didn't come. I left as it started getting dark. Early the next morning, just before I left to my aunt's house, I gave my cousin Lillian a letter containing my aunt's address and phone number, to deliver to her.

For the first few months, I stayed in my aunt's house always in anticipation that the next letter or call might be from her. But she never called nor wrote. It was Lillian who finally forced me to accept the fact that I've been violated. After the usual heart ache, I pushed her off my mind and get my life back on track. I won the scholarship, travel to U.S for my university education, got my degree, did my masters program and become a writer.

For awhile in school, I dated guys until I got fed up and decided to be truthful to myself. I switched to girls. I even had a couple of relationships that lasted for more than 6 months. I have two books published and the third one due to hit the market in a few months. I was convinced I was doing well until Lillian dropped the bomb on my laps. I realized I needed closure. I need to know if she really felt the way she convinced me that she did or did I force her into kissing me? I need to see her again one last time. I need to let her know what she did to me, how she hurt me. I need to look into her big brown eyes one more time and see the resentment I know she must have felt for me.

I got off the plane and cleared my bags. Then, I walked out and got myself a taxi. I gave the driver my address and watch him load my bags. Lillian had offered to come and pick me up but I had declined. It felt so good to be back home. I am already enjoying the ambiance and the feel of the fresh breeze on my face as I enter the taxi and closed the door. I leaned my head back on the head rest as the driver got on and start the taxi. I close my eyes and released a huge sigh. Immediately my mind flashed back to the first day I met her.

I was sixteen when I first saw her. My grandma had sent me over to our neighbor's to get something for her. Our neighbor is a middle aged widow whose only son has been living in London for the past 20 years. As I got there, I curtseyed to greet the woman, and then I told her what I wanted. She said okay and went in to get it. As she entered, the door opened again to reveal the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I was transfixed as I saw her standing there. We both stared at each other. She had a tiny smile on her face while mine clearly showed fear. We stared at each other till our neighbor came out to hand me the stuff I wanted. I still find the voice to thank her as I took my leave.

Immediately I cleared the compound, I ran and didn't stop until I got home and found my grandma. I told her that there is a 'white girl' in our neighbor's house. She told me that it's probably her granddaughter. I was so intrigued. I wanted to go back just to look at her one more time, but I refrained from doing so. Two days later, she entered our house. I was all alone; my grandparents had gone out to the market and Lillian had gone out too. I just graduated high school, that's why I was home on a school day. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and see her standing there smiling. I was scared that I started shaking. She boldly reached out and took my hand and gave me a hand shake. She told me her name is Elizabeth and I told her that my name is Ijeoma, but, she couldn't pronounce it very well, so I asked her to call me I. J. for short. She asked if I could show her the village and I accepted. And that's how our friendship began. I showed her everywhere I know and taught her everything I know of our culture and traditions. Very soon, we were inseparable. I became her teacher as she struggles to learn our local language. I also interpret for her; which only confused her the more and made her laugh because most times, I interpret verbatim. Until I learn to just tell her the general meaning of what was said instead of giving her the meaning of every word in the sentence.

I remembered the first time she gave me a peck. Then we just discovered 'our spot' in the small bush. So, as usual, we got talking. She started telling me about her life in London, how London is so different from Nigeria, how bad she wanted to go back, how much she missed her friends. I tried cheering her up by telling her that she might still go back someday.

"I. J. be real, it's been almost a year that I've been stuck here. I don't even know where my dad is, he just dumped me here with his ma and disappeared.'' She lamented

"He has engagements. You might still go back." I consoled

She looked at me for awhile and then sighed heavily.

"I guess."

We sat in silence for a while.

"What of you?" she finally asked taking my hands in hers.

"What of me what?"

"When are you going back home?"

I know she wasn't talking about me leaving the bush and returning to my grandma's.

"This is my home." I replied

"I know. I mean returning back to your parents,"

"I don't think I'll be going back," I respond

"Why is that?"

I doubted within myself whether to tell her or not. I know she sensed the animosity I feel towards my parents and she's been dying to find out what it is. Every time she shifts the topic to my parents, I always manage to shift it back to other things almost immediately. But now, I finally decided to tell her.

"They sent me away.'' I answered with my head bent.

"They s? how do you mean?" Elizabeth asked, obviously confused. I could see she is also shocked. Her mouth was hanging open. I wanted to laugh except it wasn't funny. From the look on her face, I know she is hoping that I am mixing up my words again.

"They sent me here, away from my friends. To stay here with my grandparents and learn some manners as they put it."

"Why would they do that?" she asked still shocked

"They said it's good for me but I know it's to save face. You see, I was messing around with a guy in my street. They get to find out about it and asked me not to see him again. The guy wanted to marry me; so I continued seeing him. They all believed I was having sex with the guy, so, to prevent any unwanted business; they packed me up and sent me down here. It so happens that they did it the actual day I planned on sleeping with the guy."

"How old were you?" she asked

"It happened 2 years ago. I was 15."

"Jesus! You wanted to get married at 15? That's too young. In London, you?"

"I know." I said cutting her off. "Even down here, 15's too young for marriage. I didn't even like the guy. I guess I was doing it just to spite my parents. Just being a typical teenager." I concluded.

She looked at me and smiled a little. I always marveled at her beauty. It used to hit me with full force anytime I look at her. As I look at her, I could see she still has something on her mind.

"What is it?" I asked her

"Do you really like me?" she asked

"Yes, I love you." Her question surprised me but my answer shocked us both. This is the first I said it out loud. I could feel myself blushing and I thank God once again for my skin color. I am not very comfortable with revealing my feelings. I was surprised at how easily it slipped out and she must be too because she looked away from me before continuing.

"Don't leave me." She almost pleaded

"Leave you? I asked confused

"Don't go. Every one that matters to me leaves sooner or later. First it was my mom, and then my dad dumps me here and left too. I need to know if?if?" she stopped and angrily swapped at a tear rolling down her right cheek. I rushed to her and embraced her tightly.

"Eliz, I won't leave you. Ever. I am even scared that you'll be the one to leave someday. I won't go anywhere. If you need me, I'll be there. I promise." I said choking up too.

She held my face in her hands and gently ran her lips across my fore head.

"I won't leave you too." She whispered to me. That was the first time she kissed me and also the first of many to come.

************** ***********************

When the taxi pulled up at home, I got out and settled the bill, then, I dragged my two bags inside. Lillian was the first to see me. She gave a small shout as she pointed at me, then the others saw me and shout too as they ran up to hug me. I feel happy to see my family once again. My 3 brothers all look huge and tall. None of them is less than 6ft in height. I've always known that I'll be the smallest in the family but seeing them now, I feel like a dwarf at my 5ft 9'' flame.

After the hugs have gone round, I sat with them and answer their questions about my health and why I didn't tell them I was coming home and if I am still going back to U.S. After some time, a group of women entered, probably for condolence visit. I curtseyed along with the others to greet them. They were happy to see me. When they are finally seated, I used the opportunity to drag Lillian away from the others.

"So, what's going on?" I asked in my language. It felt so nice to speak it again after nine years.

"Nothing. We are just getting ready. Tomorrow is the funeral. Grandpa has been buried since, because he didn't want to stay in the mortuary." Lillian replied smiling. She knows that's not what I am asking her. I can see she is taunting me, probably enjoying my misery.

"How is she?" I asked boldly.

"She who?" she couldn't even keep a straight face.

"Lillian!" I said gritting my teeth.

"Okay?okay," she replied laughing. "She is fine. The wedding is not until 3months." She continued.

"But you told me she is getting married?" I quipped

"Yes, I did and she is. They just have to shift the wedding because she said she wants to walk down the aisle and not roll down it."

"Roll down the aisle, how?" I asked

"After the accident?" she started

"The accident?" I said cutting her off.

"You didn't know?"

"How the hell would I've known?" I roared. Lillian stepped back and looked at me silently for a few minutes as I try to control myself.

"I'm sorry."

She nodded. "Well, she had a terrible car crash. She sustained a compound fracture or whatever it is called. She couldn't walk for months after she left the hospital. She was in a chair, then, she started using crutches, then a crutch. And recently, she could walk without her crutch but she fell down the stairs 2weeks ago and she is back to the chair again." Lillian concluded.

"My God! Why didn't you tell me all this," I ask visibly shaking.

"Because." Lillian answered gesturing at me, obviously to include my physical reaction to the news. I don't blame her for not telling me. I probably wouldn't have made the journey in peace. It wasn't enough that I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea of her getting married.

"Where is she?" I ask

"She is at home."

"Here?" I ask and Lillian nods her head, yes.

"I want to go and see her. Can I go and see her?" I asked. Lillian shook her head sighing.

"I don't know. Can you handle it?" she asked in reply.

"She is my friend?" I cried. I can't handle that Eliz suffered all these things and I wasn't here for her and to think that I promised her that I will never leave.

"Ijeoma listen, she is not your friend. She made that fact perfectly obvious by betraying you. She left you hanging. She let you bear the blame for her actions, alone. She shut you out in the cold. She would have stood by you, but not her. No." Lillian reminded me.

"But she was young. She didn't know what she was doing." I said trying to defend Elizabeth.

"She was 20, a year older than you were then. She knows perfectly well what she was doing. I know you told yourself that, because you can't imagine her as she truly was." Lillian replied.

I looked at Lillian. I know she is saying the truth but I resented her for telling me that. She is the only one I told what really happened between me and Elizabeth that day and she is the only one in my family that knows that I date only women now. She is really understanding and supportive but she almost hated Eliz for what she did to me. As I stood looking at Lillian, I felt the tears sting my eyes. I nodded at her and entered my room.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Lillian called after me.

As I entered my room, I noticed it's been cleaned. I walked to the bedside drawer and opened it. I removed the small purse that Eliz gave to me all those years ago. I opened it and inhaled, it still smell of her a little. I held it to my chest and tried to hold back the sob but I failed woefully and the sob escaped in a wail. I fell into the bed and cried like a baby. I heard Lillian calling me outside the door but I ignored her. Then later, I heard my mom calling me too and I ignored her as well.

When I opened my eyes again, it was dark outside. I flip on the light and look at my watch. It was a few minutes after midnight. I am so tired and my eyes felt puffy and stings a little from crying too much. I got up and pull off my clothes, then I lay back again naked and minutes later, I slept off.

******************** Two *******************

I woke to a pounding on my door. I opened my eyes and grabbed for my watch. I noticed it's a little after 9:00am. I must have been really tired to have slept this late. I rose from the bed and stretched, then, I grabbed the bedding off the bed and start wrapping it around myself as I sauntered to the door and flip it open.

"Oh mom, good morning." I said curtseying a little as I have no energy to kneel.

"Good morning. How was your night?" she replied looking me over. I know she wanted to ask me about last night but didn't know how to bring it up.

"I slept well, mom." I replied. She looked me over once more, then, she use her hand to flip me around. She fondled my ass and then turned me around again and groped my boobs. She used to do that all the time when I was growing up, but she stopped before they sent me to stay with my grandparents.

"Mom!" I screamed in alarm.

"You still haven't added a little fat to your frame. How will you attract anyone with these tiny pimples you call breasts and this chicken waist?" She said gesturing to my upper chamber and nether region.

"Mom!" I screamed again. I could feel my face flaming hot in embarrassment.

"Are you coming to the funeral mass?" she asked calmly as if nothing happened.

"I think so, yes." I replied still embarrassed.

"Then you have to hurry up because we are almost leaving." She said walking away. I noticed she is already wearing her black lace material. I went back into my room and dressed fastly. Then I hurried back into the living room where they are all waiting, almost ready to leave. I go round, greeting them and receiving hugs in response.

"We need to be going; else we will be late for dad's funeral." One of my aunts said.

"Now, wouldn't that be the day?" replied my first uncle which made every one laugh.

"Do you still know your way to the church?" my mom asked me.

"Mom!" I shouted again to the amusement of everyone. As they all got up to leave, my uncle walked up to me and handed me his car keys and insisted I needed a ride to the church as he is sure to catch one with the others.

An hour later, after much preening and grooming, I was convinced I look presentable. I entered the car and zoomed off. I drive very slowly as I very much wanted to enjoy the scenery. When I got to the church, the mass is almost halfway through. I quietly sneaked into the last pew and sit with folded hands. After the mass, I stand with the others, shaking hands and receiving hugs from well wishers. After sometime, I got tired and snuck out of church with Lillian in tow. As we cleared the church building, Lillian started giggling. I turn and look at her as if she has suddenly grown horns, which added to increase the giggling.

"What's so funny?" I asked her in English.

"You sound different when you speak that language," she replied instead.

"Different, how?" I asked

"Silly?" she said and I smiled.

"That's how it's supposed to sound. The language is silly and different."I answered smiling too.

"Where to?" she asked as we make a bend towards the direction of the car.

"The cemetery of course." I respond. "I want to have a peaceful moment with the old man before they all arr?" I continued

"Ijeoma,"

I heard the voice and froze in mid sentence. I couldn't bring my legs to move again form that spot. I know that voice, though it's a little deeper now, but I know it's the same voice. I stood there for what looked like an eternity, trembling. I could see Lillian turn back to see who it was. Finally, almost reluctantly, I looked up at Lillian and she nods yes; confirming what I already know. I turn slowly to face Elizabeth. I could see Lillian walking away from the tail of my eyes.

We stare at each other for a while. This is the first time she is using my full name. I'd asked her to call me I. J. all those long years ago because she couldn't pronounce my name right. But now, she called my full name very clearly. It sounds almost sexy from the way it came out in her deep voice. It shows that she has finally learned the language. As I look at her, my eyes danced all over her face a few times before they could just focus on her eyes. She had an embarrassed smile on her face. She was sitting on a wheel chair and she actually looked good. I could see the muscle tones on her arms that are resting on the arm rest of the chair. I have forgotten how beautiful her face is. Her big brown eyes stare at me without blinking. I could see the fear in them and I know the humor didn't reach them.

"Don't I deserve a hug? She asks

I swallowed hard as I walked up to her. I bent down and lightly hugged her to myself. The hug ended long before it could start but it was enough to cause its own havoc; as I felt her lips lightly brush my right cheek. I straightened up and really looked at her, her soft brown hair is still curly but a lot shorter than before. And her skin color is whiter than before too. It might be from having to stay indoors all the time she was in recovery. I cleared my throat.

"You look well." I told her.

"Thanks. You too." She replied. "How have you been?

"I am good. I heard about the accident. I'm sorry." I said gesturing to her legs.

"Is it bad?" I continued

"No, it's alright. I just need to rest it for a few days." She replied. "I didn't know you'll be coming back." She countered

"Me neither." I answered shrugging.

There was an uncomfortable silence between us for a second or so.

"I'd better go." I said laughing nervously. She laughed too. I waved at her and turned away. I walked as casually as I could manage without breaking into a run as I made my way to my uncle's car where Lillian is patiently waiting for me. When I got into the car, Lillian was wise enough to keep quiet, but after driving along for a while in silence, she turned to me.

"Are you okay? Lillian asked. "Was it bad?"

"No, she is just different." I replied frowning.

"Surely, you weren't expecting her to remain the same. Many years have passed. She is older, so are you.

"I guess." I shrugged.

We continued driving in silence again. I became lost in my own thoughts as I drive, but as I look up again, I noticed Lillian watching me intently.

"What?" I asked

"Do you still love her?

"I can't recall telling you I did." I replied a little uneasily as I shifted uncomfortable on the seat.

"You didn't have to then and now, you don't have to answer too," she said a little smugly. I wanted to reach over and wipe the smile off her face.

After a while?

"Do you think you could make her lo?" she began again

"No!" I almost screamed, cutting her off. I took a deep breath and continued. "She made it obvious that she doesn't want me that way."

"But do you want her that way?" Lillian asked

"It doesn't matter what I want. Just know that I won't embarrass myself around her, that is, if I ever see her again." I said as I drove into the compound. I've decided to go home and rest instead of going to the cemetery as I had earlier planned. I was afraid I might still run into Elizabeth there. Immediately I got down from the car, I handed the keys to Lillian and entered my room. I know she wanted to sit and chat, but I told her she can return to the cemetery with the car if she so wants.

************ Three **************

The next morning, I got up early and went for a run. It felt nice to see the village once again, to notice the slight changes that have occurred after all these years. When I finally got home a little before 10:00am, Lillian dragged me to the side with such an excitement;

"What is it?" I asked almost breathless.

"She asked after you," she said in a loud whisper. I looked around in alarm. I don't need to ask her whom she meant because we both know. Silently, I nodded for her to continue.

"She asked why you returned." Lillian continued

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her you came because of her wedding." She replied

"What?" I shouted unbelievably. I can't believe that Lillian could be such a dunce. I wanted to reach over and punch her in the face. What was she thinking telling Eliz that? I know Elizabeth will probably be thinking that I still cared. I noticed that Lillian was smiling rather broadly and I fixed her with an angry glare.

"God! You need to see the look on your face. I've never seen you this scared before. God! You are so gone." She said laughing. "Do you really think I will tell her that?" she continued

"Relax; I was just pulling your legs." She concluded in a fit of laughter. I exhaled a large breath of relief. I shook my head at her and smiled at myself as I walked away from her.

I went into my room and took my bath. I carefully dressed and went in search of food. I met my dad in the dining room having a late brunch. I asked to join him and he nodded his accent. I quickly pulled out a chair and joined him. I dove into the dish with relish; it was one of my favorites.

"So, do you have anywhere to go today?" he asked and I shook my head as I try to swallow before answering.

"I'll probably go visit grandpa, then, maybe look around the town." I replied with mouthful

"That's a good plan.'' He said and I nodded again.

"So, when are you going back?" he asked after a while. I look at him as I ponder on how to answer without revealing my plans to him. Although I don't really know what my plans are, but my dad has always been able to figure out whatever I had in mind. I know what he is asking and what he dares not mention.

"I still have some engagements. Things that really need my attention." I finally said.

"And what might that be?" he fired again. I fell silent. We both know what he is driving at and once again I felt bad that I am so transparent to him.

"You know she is getting married, right? He asked

"Who?" I said trying so hard to sound and appear nonchalant but I know I failed woefully. I gingerly dropped the fork that I am using. The food in my mouth now tastes like saw dust; I wanted to spit it out, but I know if I do that, my dad will probably make me pay for the food in reminder of those that have to go for days without food. I calmly lifted my glass and took a sip of water to assist in the swallowing. I noticed that my dad had been watching me like a hawk all the while I was fighting with the food in my mouth.

"Are you going to see her?" he asked suddenly.

"Dad!"

"Are you?" he persisted

"That's not why I am here." I finally answered. I wanted to get up and leave the room but I know that it's not beyond my dad to get up and knock me into another family if I dared to leave without being dismissed. So, I nervously sat under his scrutiny to endure his cross examination.

"Then, why are you here?"

"Grandpa died," I replied. I know from the look on his face that he didn't believe me. "And I am working on my next book." I added in a rush.

"Whatever you do, just don't disgrace my name like you did the last time." he said as he made to get up. I murmured something under my breath.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" he asked

I don't know what prompted me to respond. Ordinarily, I would have said nothing or apologized and end it, but today, I felt that I had to answer.

"I am not a disgrace." I said. "My life is not a disgrace." I could feel myself shaking in anger. I know I had a temper like my dad's, but I try more to control mine than he does his. I know that if I lose my temper now, I will definitely pay severely for it because my dad does not take any nonsense from us. He rarely hit us, yet, he managed to instigate so much respect and fear in us. You dare not sit while he is standing especially if he is addressing you, so I quickly trembled to my feet.

"You are not a disgrace. You are my only daughter. I'm just saying that your actions the last time you were with that woman, disgraced my name." he clarified or tried to in his school teacher's voice. He always use that tone before he erupts. Involuntarily, I shifted a little away from him as I continued.

"Loving someone is not a disgrace. Whom I love is not a disgrace." My voice is seriously rising without my consent. I could feel my eyes clouding and the tears gathering. I tried to hold it in and not let it spill.

"You'll not use that tone with me young lady and if you are so bent on love, there are lots of eligible people all over the world for you to love. If? "

"I do not wish to love them." I screamed, cutting him off. I know I have finally crossed the imaginary line, but before I could rewind to apologize, I felt the sting on my left cheek. My dad has hit me, for the second time in my life-the first was when I was messing with that guy at 15. I held my cheek and looked up at him. He straightened to his full height of 6ft 2" and stared me down. I know what I had to do; what I must do. So, I gathered up my pride, notwithstanding the pain and the tears and look him in the eye.

"I am sorry dad. May I be excused?" I said. He raised his head in acknowledgement. I ran out of the house. I ran all the way to the small bush and didn't stop to draw breath until I am in 'our spot'. I am glad to notice that it has not been overgrown. It looked almost like it's still in regular use. I gingerly drag myself up the small tree and sit on the low branch. I notice that it took me a little more time than it used to when climbing it.

I sat on the branch and cried for a while. I feel bad that my dad felt like this about me, about what happened between me and Elizabeth. It hurts to feel this way over nothing. I should have told him that he needn't worry because Eliz didn't give a shit about me. Very soon, the tears subsided, but my left cheek still stings a little when I touch it. As I sat there, palming my cheek, I began to get angry. Soon, the anger consumed me. A large portion of it is directed to Elizabeth for manipulating and violating my innocence while the smaller part is left for my dad. Back in the U. S., I thought I had forgotten about her, but immediately I saw her again, all those feelings I have sufficiently buried, all resurfaced again - doubled. I thought about going ahead with the revenge plan I hatched for her, but I know that could back-fire; judging from the way I reacted when I saw her at the church. Finally, I concluded that I have to go back to the U. S. and in the mean time, steer clear of Eliz and any likely place she might be. I decided I'll have to leave the town as soon as possible. Maybe I will leave with my parents tomorrow or with my eldest brother. Yes, that's what I will do. I will leave with him tomorrow to his house and hide there, then, I will use that opportunity to see his wife and the new born baby. He had gotten married 2years ago so I hadn't met the wife yet. Thinking of it now, it's almost like a good plan because I will be killing two birds with one stone.

"You coming down from there or what?

I look down and give a little scream. Eliz was standing there looking up at me. Her presence and the shock of it combined to push me over the branch. I feel myself topple over and fall on her feet. I groaned in pain as I try to sit up. She leans over me and stretch out her hand.

"Are you alright?" she asked in English. I noticed she still has a little of her accent left.

"I'm fine." I replied, scampering away from her reach. I don't want her to touch me. She noticed and pulls her hand away with a pained expression on her face. I scrambled to my feet and we stand in awkward silence for a while.

"Hey! You are not on your chair." I said, just noticing it for the first time. "Are you sure it is okay to use your legs now?" I continued.

"I am using the clutch. It's just a minor fall. I was almost recovered the use of my legs completely before the fall." She answered. I noticed the clutch at her left side, the muscles of her arm that is holding the clutch is taut and flexes once in a while. I noticed that her body is very tight and toned as well. I know some of the muscles are caused by her having to use the clutch for a while during her recovery.

"I?I? I am glad you are better." I stuttered. I am beginning to lose focus just by staring at her upper chambers. My eyes shamelessly wandered to her arms again and slowly rise till it gets to the armholes of the tank she is wearing. My eyes immediately fixated on her chest. She is always a lot bigger than I am, probably 34C, to compared to my 32B, I watch the outline of her breasts, and use my eyes to trace their shapes and focused on the dent in the middle where her nipples are showing a sign of poking out. As I stare at them, they got bigger until they are clearly showing. I temporary forgot where I am as I stare at her. In my sub-conscious, I think I heard her clear her throat.

"Mmmmh?" I ask, jerking back to reality.

"What do you think?" she asked

"Yes." I respond, hoping desperately that she hadn't noticed me staring at her chest.

"You think so too?" she squealed, giving me a big smile. I shrugged. I don't know what I am agreeing to, but, I don't want to alert her of the fact that I wasn't listening.

"How are you preparing for the wedding?" I ask to cover my embarrassment. She rather shrugged.

"The wedding is still months away. That is if there is still a wedding.

"Why not?" I asked with piqued interest.

"I've really missed you." She said changing the topic. I wanted to drag the topic back but I froze as she starts limping towards me. Before I could gather myself to react, she flings herself at me, hugging me tight. I stood on a spot as she hugs me. I notice she is trembling as much as I am too. After a little while, I feel a little dizzy, almost as if my lungs are on fire. Then it occurred to me that I am holding my breath. I released it audibly and inhaled deeply which was a huge mistake because her scent fills my senses and almost driving me wild. I sigh in agony.

"Please, hold me." She whispered in my left ear. I haven't been able to deny her anything since I've known her. My arms immediately circled her tight body and I hug her tight to me. I try so hard to hold back the tears but I couldn't. The tears fall freely down my cheeks. It feels so nice to be back in her arms again. I sniffed and felt her leaned away from me and reluctantly, I released her. She shakes her head like she always does whenever she thinks I am being silly. Then suddenly, she raise her hand and, with spread fingers run it down from my forehead, down to my chin. I've forgotten that she used to do that to me. It hurt me now that she dared to do that to me after her betrayal.

I gingerly stepped away from her; only I did it too late. She has seen my face.

"What happened to your left cheek?" she asked

"It was nothing,"

"I can practically see the outline of a huge palm on your cheek and you tell me it's nothing? Who did that to you? Your dad?" she asks. Her voice is cool; too cool but I know she is boiling inside. Her voice always drops to that level whenever she is mad.

"Can you leave it alone? It's none of your business." I snapped at her.

"It is my bus..." she started but cut herself off in midsentence. I hear the sound of her teeth as they grind together.

"Fuck!'' she swears stamping her good foot. I almost gloated as I watch her seething in impotent anger. I know she won't be comfortable if she didn't find out what really happened to me.

I remember when she beat up those two guys because of me. I was sixteen then and the guys have been taunting me and calling me names since I came back to stay with my grandparents. Although she couldn't possibly have understood what they were saying, but she knew exactly when my body language changed. She silently turned and hit the bigger boy square in the face. The smaller one sprang at her and she fought him off. I was awed that she actually knows karate and also not afraid to use it. She felt that it is her duty to protect me from the others.

Silently, I watch her as she take a few minutes to calm herself. Finally, she turned back to me.

"I. J. did your dad hit you?" she asks almost pleadingly.

"Leave it alone. I don't need you to protect me. I can take care of myself. I have been doing so since you pus?" I started but cut myself off as I notice the look on her face.

"Eliz, trust me, I know what I am doing. I'll be fine." I said. She has such a painful look on her face that I walked over to her and run my hand down her face like she did to me. As my fingers cleared her face, I look deep into her eyes and she calmly returned the gaze. My eyes flicked to her lips and back again. I Stepped away from her before I lose control.

"I have to go." I added in alarm. I almost ran out of the bush. I can't believe I just did that; I just betrayed myself. She'll now know that I still cared, that she still has power over me. I can't believe that I could fall apart like that. All these years, I have convinced myself that I am way over her. It's almost a shock to come and burst open like this. I am almost halfway home when I realized that I called her Eliz. I was the only person that ever calls her that.

"Fuck!" I swear again.

Grudgingly, I turn a corner away from our house and start making my way to the cemetery. I nearly passed the entrance as my mind is wandering on what Eliz must be thinking of me. I found the grave easily because it was one of the newest. I read the tombstone. My grandpa was a great man and wealthy too. Gingerly I kneel beside the grave and run my hand gently on the wet soil. I regret not coming home after my school program, even if for a visit, at least to see him one last time before he died. He was closest to me in my family because he understood. He always tried to keep an open mind. I even feel a lot bad that I hadn't wanted to attend his funeral, and to think that I am here just because Lillian told me about Eliz's wedding - that had been enough to drag me home but his death hadn't. I know I resented everyone after they sent me away to stay with my aunt, but he had been an old man then, almost 86. I just wish he will forgive me.

As I knelt there pondering, my mind soon switches to Elizabeth and what she is doing to me. She was the only person I have ever felt so much love and passion for. And the love I feel for her obviously, is still powerful. I don't know what she wants from me. If only she'll tell me, then I wouldn't be so scared. If I am to believe what I read in her eyes and her touch, I will say that she wants me too. But, I know I read that same message from her eyes the last time we were together. Maybe, I'll just seduce her and have sex with her with no strings.

"Is that possible?" I ask myself aloud.

Very soon, my legs start hurting from having to kneel for a long time, so I stretched out my legs and sit on the ground. I have on black jean trousers, so I am not worried about stains. I sit there for long hours. I don't want to go home and face my parents because I know that my dad must have definitely told my mom what happened between us. I only wish I had a book. At least, it will help to keep my mind off things. As it starts getting dark, I place a call to editor/manager Amber. I just hope I'll catch her at lunch. I know Nigeria is 5hours or so ahead. She picked the call on the third ring. We talked about my new book which is due out in a month. She urged me to start work on the new ideas I showed her earlier as my reason for coming back to Nigeria. But when she asks when I am returning, I find that I couldn't answer. All my senses wanted to say soon - a week latest, but my heart refused to allow my lips to open. At last, I told her that I still have a few things to tidy up before coming back.

"Is she there?" she asked suddenly.

"Who?" I respond rather flabbergasted.

Amber chuckled to herself. I remember telling her about Elizabeth once, but I didn't think she'll remember; not after all these long years ago. And to think she even put two and two together.

"Just be sure to tell me all about it later, okay?" she said. "I am going to run, see ya." Amber concluded as she signed off.

I got up off the floor and pocketed my phone. I look around and notice it's getting darker. I know that in a few minutes, it will be pitch black. I didn't waste any time before I break into a run. Within minutes, I cleared the cemetery and was on my way home. I enter the house and greeted my grandma. I notice two of my aunts sitting together; the others must have gone back to their husbands. The remaining ones will surely leave in the morning, along with everyone else. I didn't see my parents anywhere which is just as well.

I entered my room and undressed in front of the mirror. I stood naked staring at my reflection. My huge nipples are standing erect and pointed on my small boobs. I run my hands over them and then down my tight tummy to my hips. I hook my thumbs into the waist band of my panties and pull down. Then my hands return to massage my pussy lips. I notice I am a little moist as I continue touching myself. My finger slide down to my opening and I pushed two of them inside and start fingering myself. Very soon, I slip them out and pushed them into my mouth as I staggered to the bathroom. After my shower, the day's event hit me so hard that I collapsed naked on the bed. Some hours later, I feel someone shaking me awake. I open my eyes to see Lillian leaning over me.

"Your mom sent me to see how you are doing." She started. "Your dad mentioned what happened. I am sorry I wasn't around." She concluded. I could clearly make out her words but somehow I couldn't answer. She looks at me for awhile, and then sighs as she got up to leave. At the door, she turned again.

"You told your dad that you still love her." She started again. I sigh heavily and close my eyes. "Maybe you need to tell her how you still feel about her. I'm sure she has changed. At least, it's still better than you hurting like this? goodnight." She finally whispered as she close the door behind her. I feel the tears gather and run down the corner of my eyes into my hair. I lack the strength to wipe them off, instead, I roll around and buried my face in the pillow and cried myself to sleep again.

***************** Four ****************

The next morning, I watch as everyone got ready and left. I even had to go up and hug my dad as I apologized for disrespecting him once again. As they all left, finally it's just me and my grandma. It feels actually good to be alone in the house with just my grandma. Her sister is coming later in the day or tomorrow to stay with her, in case I decide to leave after all. I go up to my grandma and hug her to myself. Then I release her and enter my room and switch on my laptop. I just have an interesting idea that needs to be put down for my next book before I forget. When the system is ready, I start typing like a maniac but before I could finish the fourth paragraph, the system tripped off. There is no electricity and I lack the energy to go and switch on the generator set. I rummaged in my bag for a pen and a paper. Then, I start putting my ideas down. I've always preferred the old system of putting pen to paper to the new mechanical way of writing. The pen strokes are flowing very easily and freely, I was relaxed. The fresh breeze and the heavy silence is enough to do that.

I must have dozed somewhere along the line because the next time I opened my eyes, I see the fan turning up in the ceiling. At first, I thought that it was the fan that woke me up. I stretch and look at my wrist watch; it was just a few minutes before 4pm. I must have slept longer than I had earlier thought. Then I heard the clap again. Down here, you don't knock on people's doors; you just stand close to it and clap your hands together while shouting for them. I got up and slowly made my way to the front door. It's probably one of our neighbors looking for my grandma. I wonder why she is not opening the door, if she is at home at all.

I open the door and my breath catch in my throat. Eliz is standing there with her hands ready to clap again. When I recover my voice, I murmured a greeting and she answered. She looks so beautiful and smells so fresh. I wanted to reach across and hug her to myself. The urge is too strong I had to take a few steps away from her and away from the door way. She entered and start heading towards my room. I know she must have done that out of a learned behavioral condition which started when we were young. Then, we used to hang out in our different rooms and not anywhere else in the house. I reluctantly followed her into my room.

When I entered the room, she is sitting quietly on my bed. I walk past her and sit on the desk chair. I don't want to risk sitting beside her. I openly ogle her body. I don't care anymore if she noticed. But, she didn't because she is silently studying her nails; one after the other. From her countenance, I can see that she is very nervous about starting whatever business that brought her here. I almost felt sorry for her.

"Do you need a drink?" I ask. "I'm sure there are still some left from the funeral."

She raised her head and nod a little, her eyes still averted from mine. I almost start feeling guilty for making her feel like that. For the second time in less than ten minutes, I feel the strong urge to really hold her tight in my arms but instead, I jump up and hurried to the kitchen to get the drink. I find a bottle of scotch and poured a finger to myself. I swallowed and grimaced, then, I pour another finger. I discard the glass and grab a bigger glass. Then, I pour half a glass and take it down in two gulps. I stand by the sink and allow the tears to escape freely. Minutes later, I cleaned my eyes and start towards my room, armed with another half glass of scotch for Elizabeth. As I open the door, I gasp in shock. The glass fell from my hands to the floor and the drink splashed on my feet. But I barely notice as I stood with my mouth hanging open.

Eliz is standing in the middle of my room totally? totally NAKED! I am frozen to the spot. As if from the distance, I hear the room door close behind me sealing my fate. I have never really seen her totally naked before, though I have seen a part here and there, but never the whole thing at once. I watch in trepidation as if I am out of my body as my eyes centered on her chest, then slowly made their way to her navel and then pause for eternity on her crotch. Try as I might, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I could hear my breath coming in short gasps and my nipples hardening under my shirt. My whole body is filled with goose bumps which reappear immediately the first set clears up. Finally, my eyes left her crotch and focused steadily on her pink full lips. I could feel myself being drawn to those full lips. Then finally, I look her in the eyes. She has been studying me silently all these while.

"Is this what you want?" she asks as our eyes met and held together. Silently, I shake my head no.

My heart is beating a mile a minute. She glides over to me sexily. I am frozen to a spot, unable to move. As she got near, she stretches out her hand but I raise mine to stop her.

"Please, don't touch me." I croak at her. My throat is suddenly very dry and my voice shaking real bad.

"Is this not what you want?" she asks again cupping her boobs. "I know you've wanted this since, from the way that you look at me." She continued more firmly as she starts to massage her medium sized boobs. She flicked her thumbs over her nipples and they shoot out immediately. I was hypnotized. I stare at her well shaped breasts with her hard perfect nipples and nearly lost it. I want to devour her. I take a step towards her as I finally raise my eyes to her big brown orbs but she shifted her eyes immediately to the floor. I feel bad for her because I know what this must have taken from her. Reluctantly, I raise my hand to touch her, but she flinched which didn't escape my notice. I withdrew my hand and turn away from her.

"Please Eliz, you don't know what you are doing. Just get dressed and leave, please." I plead.

She shuffle her feet, then take a few steps towards me, then stopped.

"I. J. please, look at me." She said

I ignored her and stood my ground. When she noticed that I have no intention of turning to her, she covered the remaining gap between us and circled my waist and pressed her hot body to mine. I could feel her soft breasts and their hard nipples pressed firmly to my back. I take a shaky breath and try not to enjoy it so much.

"Tell me you don't want this." she whispers in my ear as she press tighter into my back. I remained silent because, I am afraid that I will betray myself if I speak.

"Tell me you don't want to feel my warm body on top of yours or the feel of my arms running all over you? Her fingers raced across my tummy to cup my boobs into her hands. I lean my head on her shoulder as I take a shaky breath. Slowly, she turned me to face her and I put up no resistance.

"Tell me you don't want to feel this," she said as she run her hand down my face. "Or this?" she said. I hold my breath in anticipation as she slowly lean forward and claim my lips. When we touched, her lips melted on my trembling ones. I had forgotten how good she tastes. Her kiss is soft and timid; almost innocent, but her scent is enough to drive me wild. I feel her tongue probe my lips and withdraw again. When I feel her tongue again, I opened my lips to her and she pushed her tongue inside my mouth. I let her dictate the pace of the kiss because I don't want to scare her with the weight of my passion. But In due time, she breaks away from me which is as well because I am beginning to lose control. She rests her forehead on my lips for a while as she takes a deep breath.

"Don't you want this?" she asks raising her head. I could still feel her sweet breath on my face. I take a deep breath to control my nerves.

"Eliz?" I croak. I cleared my throat and try again.

"Eliz, I think you should leave. This isn't a good idea." I said

"Why? Don't you want this?" she countered.

"It's not that," I replied in lack of something better to say.

"Then, what is it? I remember you were so eager to jump into bed with me the last time."

As she said that, the full force of her betrayal hit me once more. Blindly, I swung my hand and hit her on the left cheek. She held that part of her face as she stares at me steadily. I know she will never hit me back. I am horrified at myself. I know I am hot tempered but I didn't know I could hit someone I love as much as I love Eliz.

"Does this make you happy?" she asks still holding her face.

"Eliz, please just go." I said as my eyes clouded over.

"You are acting as if you are the only one with feelings. I was hurt too." She said as she turns and start picking up her clothes. I followed her and grabbed her hand, flipping her around to face me.

"You were hurt too? How?" I asked incredulously. I couldn't believe my ears.

"How?" I asked again, my voice rising.

"You left!" She screamed at me.

"I left?" I returned and gave a chuckle."I left? You shut yourself away from me, made it obvious that you never cared for me. You left me to bear the consequences of your actions alone!" I screamed at her. I could feel the tears flooding down my face. Eliz is crying also.

"I left?" I continued, but now I sound weak and deflated. "You were the reason I was sent away again. I searched for you, waited for you. You allowed your grandma to humiliate me, she told our neighbors and those boys called me names till I left. I even left my address and phone number for you, but you never bothered to use them and you say I left?" the emotion is too much for me that I thought I will collapse. We both stare at each other as tears silently flow down both our cheeks.

"Now I know how you really feel." She said as she turn from me and start pulling on her clothes. When she is set, she took her cane and without giving me another look, limped out of my room. I rush to the window and stand watching her as she limped out of the compound. Then and only then did I allow my legs to give way and I collapse on the floor, wailing like a baby.

*************** Five ****************

The next morning, my grandma's sister finally arrived and she sits with my grandma after our late breakfast and they talk about nothing in particular. I sit with them and marveled at the deep connection between them and once again, I wish I had a sister.

Around noon, I went into town to get some toiletries and refill my allergy prescription. On my way back home, I ran into an old school mate; Cynthia and she insist I must come home with her. I followed her rather reluctantly. We weren't friends at school at all; in fact we hardly talked to each other. I just know she is there and we both acknowledged each other's presence and nothing more. All the way to her house, I was thinking of a polite way to make my exit before things gets too embarrassing, but I needn't have worried because she turns out to be a good company. She made it look like we've been best friends for ever and she wouldn't let me leave until I've told her everything I've been up to for the past 9years. She even introduced me to her husband and her two kids.

Finally, we run out of topics to discuss or rather I did because judging from the way she is looking at me, I know she has something in mind but didn't know how to bring it up. There is an awkward silence in the room and I want to use that opportunity to disappear. Deep down, I feel like I know exactly what she want to say and I know I don't want to hear it if it could be avoided. I placed both hands at the armrest of the chair and use that momentum to lift up, but before my butt could clear the seat, she spoke.

"I knew what happened." She said softly. I froze in mid air and gently settle my ass back on the seat.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"Lillian told me."

"Told you what?" I ask, desperately wishing she is not alluding to what I am thinking.

"About you and Elizabeth."

"It wasn't her place.'' I said shaking my head. Somehow, I feel deflated.

"No. No." she replied raising her hand as if to stop me. "I am not against it, I am all for it. I believe in love and giving it a chance to grow no matter where you find it because love is such a beautiful thing that no one can deny no matter how it is conceived." She concluded. Silently, I nod my head. I don't know what to say, whether to thank her or not.

"She did love you, you know?" she continued after a small while.

"What makes you say that?" I asked trying to cover the shock of her words.

"I've watched her over the years. You know her dad came back few months after you left for America, but she wouldn't go anywhere with him."

Lillian hadn't told me that. I know that Eliz hated being stuck here in Nigeria that she couldn't wait to go back to London. Sometimes, I've wondered why she stayed back.

"She never really left here. Sure, she travels most of the time but she doesn't stay away for more than a few months. I have seen her entering that small bush on a few occasions and I thought that maybe she needed somewhere private to think; somewhere to be alone."

"Yes?" is all I could reply. To say I am short of words is an understatement. For a while, we are both lost in our own different thoughts.

"You know what I am thinking? She suddenly asks. I jerked up and silently shake my head, no.

"I am thinking that maybe she was scared that if she leaves for a longer period, then, you'll come home. I think maybe she wanted to be here when you return. She was afraid that if she leaves, then you'll come back and she won't be here for you." She stated.

As I listen to her talk, I felt sick to my stomach. I hadn't wanted to hurt Elizabeth, not ever. I know she hurt me and pushed me away, but I had hurt her more; I broke my promise to her. I left and didn't come back, even when she needed me. I know she must have needed me when she had the accident, but I wasn't there for her. It wasn't my entire fault. I know I would have been there in a heartbeat if she had bothered to call me, but she hadn't. I gave her my address and phone number but she hadn't used them. Then it occurred to me that she didn't have my contact in the U. S., but as quickly as that thought occurred to me, it was chased by a counter thought. She could easily have gotten my number from Lillian if she had bothered.

As I got up to leave, Cynthia followed me. At the gate, she hugged me tight to herself.

"Give her a chance. She'll do fine." She said patting my face. "And be sure to call again before you leave, ok?" I nod and wave at her as I made my way home. All the while home, my mind keep wandering to Elizabeth and why she didn't contact me all this while. I need to find her and find out exactly what went wrong; what she was thinking.

When I got home, I dropped the things I bought; then, I head out again to Eliz's house. I stand clapping by their front door for a long while before it occurred to me that no one is probably home. I tried the door handle and it opened. Reluctantly I walked in.

"Hello! Elizabeth?" I stop on my track to listen, no answer. "Hello?" I called out again, but still no answer. This is the first time I am setting foot in this house since the day her grandma told me that I am no longer welcomed in her home. I am shaking with nerves as I made my way to Eliz's old room. Again, I try the door and it opens. Immediately, I noticed the difference; it is no longer a teenager's room. The room hadn't changed that much but it has a touch of a woman that really knows what she wants. The bedding has obviously changed from the bush flower style to a plain white with patterned purple and pink stripes. I step closer to the bed and look down immediately to my feet; the rug I stepped on is very soft and obviously must have cost a fortune. I touch almost everything I could see in the open. I walked to the book shelf and peered at some of the titles. As I made to turn around, my gaze focused on the top shelf; on the basket I had giving to Eliz. It was the first gift I ever gave to her. My grandma had thought me how to make the basket from coconut rafters. But I had put my own style by painting and decorating it, then I gave it Elizabeth when she turned 17. I somehow feel real glad that she had kept the basket.

I lifted the basket off the shelf; it felt a little heavier than I expected. I carried it to the bed and sit. I feel something hard on my ass and lifted up a little to pull it out; it turns out to be my second book. I stare at it, speechless. I couldn't have believed that Eliz know I write, not to imagine her owning a copy. I placed the book on my lips and gave it a kiss. It smells so much like Eliz that I was forced to inhale deeply. I placed it beside me on the bed as I open the basket. I look inside and see my first book inside the basket. As I pull it out I felt something else inside. I placed the book on top of the first one and put my hand inside the basket again. I pull out lots of neatly folded papers. I place them on the bed and pick up one. I peered at it. Without my glasses, it was hard to really make out anything but finally I noticed that it was addressed to me. As I couldn't read it, I was a little tempted to take it home but I refrained. Finally I grabbed Eliz's glasses and put it on. It didn't exactly solve the problem, but it made the words a little blurrier and bigger that I was able to make out the sense in the letter.

The letter was written just 6months ago; just few months after her accident. I felt guilty reading the letter without her consent, but I couldn't stop myself. I managed to read just two paragraphs, but that was enough. I finally confirmed my suspicion; she did want me to be with her. She blamed herself for what happened; for shutting me out and driving me away. I removed her glasses and placed it back on the side stool. My eyes are aching real badly and I could feel my headache coming on. I placed everything back inside the basket and replaced it on the shelf before making my exit.

I now know she did write me just that she hadn't bothered to post any. I felt bad for accusing her of not caring for what I feel. I walk out of the house in a daze. I need somewhere to cool off. Steadily, my feet took me to the bush, to our special spot. As I approached, I noticed that Eliz is already there, sitting on the lower branch. I noticed her cane lying on the tree trunk. I wonder how she had made it up the tree to sit there. She watched me as I walked up to stand in front of her.

"Hi." I said looking up at her.

"Hello." She replied rather stiffly.

"I?" I cleared my throat. "I was at your house"

"You were?" she replied rather sarcastically.

"I wanted to see you." I continued

"You do?" she said as she starts picking her nails.

"We need to talk." I tried one last time.

"Of course."

"Will you stop that?" I snapped at her but as soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted uttering them. I saw her flinch and hunched her shoulders. When we are younger, I used to wonder why Eliz will not shout back at me or hit me back when I hit her. Sometimes, I do hit her deliberately just to know if she'll hit back but she never did. It's not that she is scared of me-far from that. We both know she is stronger and bigger. She even surprised me with her strength the day she beat up those two boys on my account. It has always been a source of bewilderment to me until it dawned on me that she is afraid she will hurt me if she hit me back. From that day onwards, I never hit her again until 2days ago.

"Eliz?" I called but instead of answering, I heard her sniff. I stretch out my hands and hold hers together in mine.

"Eliz?" slowly, she raised her face and her eyes met mine. She had tears at the corners of her eyes. Remorse hit me with full force that I almost doubled over.

"My god, Eliz I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I am so sorry." I pleaded as I run my fingers gently on her arms. She shuddered and the tears flooded over and run down her face. My sense of remorse doubled in size. I could feel my own tears gathering as well. I remember when I used to beg her not to cry because I had hurt her and how miserable I always feel after I made her cry.

I took a deep breath to calm myself before speaking again.

"Eliz?" I called as I gently place a finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to mine. I stared into her soft brown orbs as they held my black ones. I shake my head at her and then silently wiped her tears.

"Baby, I am sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I am sorry for everything especially for breaking my promise to you. I know you must hate me right now and I don't blame you. I was mad at you and refused to see what you must have been going through." I paused to take a breath. All the while I was talking; Eliz was busily shaking her head at me as tears silently run down her face. Slowly, she withdrew her hands from me and gently pushed me away from her. I am scare that she will get down from the branch and leave me. I stare at her fearfully and she stares back at me. Then, she raised her hand and run it gently down my face - from my forehead, over my eyes, through my nose, across my lips and down my chin and it finally rested on my shoulder.

"I love you so much." She said and my breath caught.

"What?" I asked in a shaky breath.

''I love you. So much." My body shuddered and the tears break loose out of me. I tried so hard to hold them in but failed miserably. She had never told me that before, not even when I said it to her. We both know she does, her actions said so and she alluded to it more than once, although she had never come right out and say it until now. And it pains me now that I doubted and forgot her love at the first hint of trouble.

She watched me cry for a while, then she draw me back to herself and hug me real tight. My head could only get to her tummy because of where she is sitting on the tree branch. I placed my head on her tummy and she cradled my head as we both cried together. I could hear her heart beating as hard as mine is. When I raised up from her, she run her hand down my face again, then, she leaned down and placed her closed lips on mine-hard. It wasn't really a kiss, but the passion behind the contact is enough to do the job. We stayed like that for a whole minute, then, I shifted my face until my lips are placed right on her left ear.

"Baby, come down." I whispered and she smiled through her tears.

"I really don't think that my feet can be able to carry me down this tree." She replied. I circled my arms around her waist and then, with all my strength, lifted her off the branch and gently set her on her feet. Immediately, she transferred most of her weight to her good left foot.

"I love you too. I never stopped." I replied.

"I thought you did." She stated and I shook my head.

"Why? Why didn't you call me?" I ask.

"I was scared. When my grandma walked in on us, I froze in fear. All I could think of was how she will reject me and send me away. I was scared that I wouldn't have any family again if she did that. I didn't want to be alone in the world; so I froze in fear. Then, later, I realized that I have probably hurt you by being so stupid and selfish. I could only imagine what you must be going through, so I thought that if I didn't bug you anymore that you will be alright. I thought that my staying away from you will make it alright, but I realized now that that was stupid and I ended up hurting you more than ever. Even when Lillian gave me that letter, I wanted so much to call you but I couldn't. I thought I was giving you the best; what you needed. But, I couldn't help writing you letters even if I couldn't post them." She paused.

"I know about the letters." I said. "I saw them inside the basket. I told you I was looking for you." I added as I saw the look in her eyes as I admitted to knowing of the letters.

"Your eyes are very red." She said as she stares into my eyes.

"It's probably from crying." I returned shrugging it off.

"They were red before.

"Oh, I was trying to read." I answered.

"Without your glasses? She asked and I nodded. "The letters?" she added and I gave her another nod.

"Did you manage to make out anything?"

"Not really."I answered.

"Maybe you can try again later if I am still in a generous mood."

I stared deeply into her soft eyes. My dark orbs danced continuously from her left eye to the right one and back again. Then slowly, I leaned forward and kiss her. The kiss is hard and fast; my tongue rushed over her lips and around her mouth a few times before plunging into her mouth. I didn't wait for her mouth to open; rather, I forcefully push my tongue into her mouth and ravished her mouth. She returned the kiss with as much zeal as I am kissing her. She even bit my lips a few times. By the time I break the kiss, we are both gasping for breath.

I hold her hands in each of mine and look deep into her eyes.

"Thank you." I said smiling.

"Thank you." She replied.

I raised her hands and placed them round my neck and drew her to me for a deep hug. Her heart is still beating so hard.

"Let's go home." I whispered wetly in her ear. I walk up to the foot of the tree and retrieved her cane and handed it over to her. We both turn and silently made our way out of the small bush.

**************** Six *****************

We made the journey back in silence and I must say that it was the longest 7minute journey in my whole life. Finally, we arrived. My house is the first in the lane before hers but I silently led her past my house to hers. When we entered, I led her to sit on the bed, then, I squat in front of her and proceeded to remove her rope sandals. Each one I remove, I will bend down and gently kiss the foot that I just bared.

I want her to feel the depth of my love for her and how much I want to be with her. When I am through with her sandals, I run my hands up her legs to her hips where I unbuttoned her pants and she lifted up so I could slide them down her long shapely legs. Gently, I kissed and licked my way up her legs. When I got to the huge angry scar on her right thigh, I paused as I stared at it; imagining how she must have hurt when it was still fresh. I shifted my eyes to her and noticed that she is silently watching me with nervous anticipation. I bend my head and lovingly kiss the angry scar. As my lips touch her, she gasped and shifted slightly on the bed. I could smell her arousal faintly as I kissed the scar. I run my tongue from the scar to the inside of her thighs and get a moan in reply. I could feel her trembling slightly, but regretfully, I straightened up from her and pecked her lips. I hold the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up and over her head. She lifted her hands up to give me access. I use a finger to trace the hands of her silk bra; from her shoulders to the top of her breasts, then to her back where I opened the bra and her tits sprang out.

I lean back to stare at her breasts. Her nipples are huge and rock hard, standing proudly on her chest. I reach up and place my hands under her breasts and lifted, feeling their weight in my palms. I massaged the breasts gently for awhile, then, I held the big brown nipples between my thumb and fore finger and squeezed lightly. She gave a small gasp and pulled me up to her body. Her lips claimed mine immediately. Her whole mouth was hot and she smelled so nice. Her kiss is hard and brutal. She sucked my lips so hard that she made slurping noises. Then, she bites me hard that I tasted blood. I reached up and ran my hand through her soft curly hair.

As she devoured my mouth, I feel her hands enter inside my t-shirt and ran rightly on my back. My whole body shook and goose bumps spread all over me. Her hands returned to my front and ran lightly all over my tummy. I was hoping that she wouldn't touch my navel because we both know that I can never stand being touched there. When we were younger, she used to throw me on the bed, slid up my shirt and start tickling my navel. She will stick her finger into my navel and wouldn't stop until I am weak with laughter. As our tongues continue to battle, I felt her finger touch my navel, I gasp and she paused. I thought that she wouldn't go on, but as soon as we resumed kissing, she plunged a finger into my navel. I rolled off her in a ball as the laughter racked through me.

"Please? please?" I begged as I grow weak from the sweet sensation. She stopped and stared at me seriously.

"I really do love you." She said.

"I know you do and baby, I love you too. So much." I replied cradling her face.

I pulled her down to me and we resumed kissing. This time around, I took control of the kiss. I nuzzled her mouth gently. I kissed her slowly and gently, contrary to what I am feeling inside. I know I am totally wet inside because I can feel my juice oozing out of me in a gush.

"God?!" I hissed as she bit my lower lip hard. The sharp pain immediately transformed to pleasure. The little control I had finally managed to slip away from me at that instant. I held her tightly and clamped my lips firmly on hers and resumed kissing her feverishly. Her lips are so soft, softer than I remembered. Her hand entered my shirt again and starts caressing my flat tummy. Very soon, I felt her hand on my naked breasts, timidly caressing my breasts and pulling on my huge rock hard nipples.

I am trembling all over with want. I want to rip off her panties and taste her. I want to coat my fingers in her cum. I want her cum to be running down my face as I rise from between her legs. I flip her over and straddled her middle. I hold my shirt and pull it over my head in one go. Then, I jumped from her to unbutton and pull off my trousers to reveal my nakedness to her.

"So, you still go commando?" She asked smiling.

"Sssssshhhh" I hissed at her as I made to lie back on her body.

I placed one of my legs in between hers and we resumed kissing. Very soon, I start humping her. I could feel her hotness permeating right from her centre through her pants. I grind myself on her good leg while I pushed my knee tightly to her centre. I could feel the friction on my pussy. Very soon, I lost control and sit up from her body and start to really hump and grind on her leg. I could feel my muscles twitching and I know I won't last long. My hands flew to my chest to cradle my small boobs. I massaged them and pulled on my huge nipples. I can feel the friction building and my pussy twitching. Her whole thigh is coated with my juice and slippery.

"Yes?oh yes?God!" I moaned as I increased the pace of my humping. Soon, I start shaking. My orgasm is fast approaching but I don't want to cum yet, so I decide to stop humping her thigh just after this one last hump. Oops! I miscalculated because I came crashing immediately as I made to get up from her. Her right hand immediately went to my pussy and helps me ride the wave. Finally, I calmed down and gently rise from her body. Her forehead is drenched in tiny specks of sweat.

"You ok?" she asked smiling up at me. In answer, I leaned down and kiss her. She breaks the kiss and looks deep into my eyes. She pulled me down to her body and plastered her lips to mine. This time when our lips met, the kiss is hot and demanding. I could feel her passion in the kiss as she holds me tight as our tongues battle against each other. Somehow, she flips me over and climbed on top of me and we resumed kissing. When she breaks the kiss, both of us are short of breath. She trail kisses all over my face and down my neck. When she got to my breasts, she ran her tongue round my aureole before claiming my nipple into her warm mouth. She suck gently on it and every once in awhile, she'll give me a small sharp bite while her hand tug and pinch my other nipple.

"Oh baby, yes? harder?" I moaned softly at her. I pressed her head into my chest. She moves over to my other breast, while her free hand immediately starts playing with the nipple she just vacated. I am creaming myself real bad and my clit throbbing with the hot blood rushing there from my brain. I am losing control by the minute. I know if I let her continue, very soon, I'll be totally out of it again when I haven't done anything to her. So, I gathered all my strength and push her off me and tackle her at the same instant.

"I want to fuck you, please." I moaned at her. In response, she pulled me down and continued kissing me. Tentatively, I slide her panties down and placed a hand between our bodies and into her pussy. Her juices immediately coat my hand and I feel how very wet she is. I caressed her pussy for awhile and listen to her moan my name. Finally, I inserted a finger into her and she gasped loudly. I noticed that she is very tight; I could feel the walls of her vagina holding and sucking on my finger real tight.

I pump into her with my finger, then I withdrew it and made to insert two but I was met with a strong resistance. I tried to force my entrance but Eliz grimaced in pain and pull my hand from her pussy. I look at her in shock, not really comprehending what just happened.

"Eliz?" I ask not willing to believe what I am seeing.

"Baby, just kiss me and I'll be alright." She said, her hand partially covering her face.

"I want to be inside you." I plead unbelievingly.

"I? I am? I haven't? I am?" she sighs giving up.

"You haven't de-flowered?" I ask pulling her hand away from her face, but instead of answering, she looked away from me. I could see the blush spreading all over her face.

"You are a virgin?" I ask turning her face to me as I searched for her eyes.

"Will you help me?" she finally asked. I could hear the shame in her voice and see the humiliation on her face. Slowly, I leaned down to claim her lips. And kiss her lightly.

"Baby, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I think you are strong and remarkable and very beautiful and I feel honored that you are offering this to me, but I don't think I deserve this, no." I replied shaking my head.

I can't believe that this is happening. I have never been with a virgin before and to finally be with one and it turns out to be the woman I have been in love with for the most part of my life. I wouldn't even know what to do. I felt her hand on my face and looked down at her.

"I want you to be the one." She said.

I am speechless. I don't know what to do or say. All these years, I have been angry at her for what she did, not knowing she's been saving her virginity for me. I admire her courage and resolve because I know it must have been hard. Now, I came to understand what she meant when she told me that she was hurt too. And it just became so clear to me how much I meant to her.

I stare deeply into her eyes and as her eyes flood over, I see in them, how scared she is. I understand immediately how much she loves me and how much she is willing to sacrifice for us to be happy. It dawned on me just how much she is willing to bet on us and that knowledge push me over the gap between us and into her waiting arms. We cried in each other's arms for a while, then, she takes my face into her hands and gave me a deep kiss. I could taste her tears in her kiss as I know she must taste mine. I leaned up a little and cradled her right breast in my palm and begun to mold it. Very soon, she starts moaning and bucking her hips against mine again. I push my hand between us again and begin to flick her clit with my fingers as we continued kissing. I could feel her hand resting at the back of my neck with just a little pressure while the other one ran lightly all over my back. I shifted my mouth from hers to her boobs and claim one huge nipple into my mouth.

"Oh yes? suck me hard? yes?"

I could feel her start shaking and her wetness has greatly increased; she is now oozing cum out of her pussy. I know she is about to cum. With an impish grin on my face, I withdrew my hand from her pussy.

"Please, don't stop. Please?" she looked at me confusedly with eyes filled with passion. I pull my hand up and pushed my fingers into my mouth. She watched me intently as I sucked her off my fingers.

"I just want to taste you before you cum." I said smiling down at her. I know she really did need to come because she's been worked up without release since the beginning of this.

"You taste real wonderful."

"Really?" she replied and I nodded my head at her.

"It's good to have you back in my bed."

"This is not your bed." She replied.

"Oh? you are being a smart ass? I said as I start tickling her sides. She coils up in a ball as she laughs and tries to fight me off. Her eyes were closed and I used that opportunity to slide down in between her legs and immediately, I thrust my tongue into her pussy and her eyes flew open immediately in alarm. She sits up and looks at me from between her legs. Our eyes met and held as I continue licking and sucking the juice from her pussy. She reached down and touched my hair affectionately as I continued flicking my tongue over her clit. I use both my thumbs to spread her pussy wide open for my tongue. I captured her clit in-between my lips and run my tongue over and across it, trying to determine its over-all size. It is quite prominent, I concluded. I suck her big clit into my mouth and give her two quick tugs and she came explosively on my tongue. I help her ride out the wave and then suck her dry.

When she opened her eyes, I am already smiling down at her as I lick my lips trying to get all her juice from my face. She reached up and pulls me down to her and we start kissing lazily. I know she must have tasted herself on me and I know she liked it because she proceeded to lick my face. As the kiss starts to hit up again, her phone rings. I groan as I sit up from her. She grabs the phone and look at the screen, then, she switched it off and placed it back on her bedside table. My heart sank. From the look on her face, I know it could only be one person.

"Who was that?"

"It's Jerry, my fian?" she stopped in mid-sentence.

I nod at her as I got up from the bed. Quietly I start dressing. She sits up from the bed and watches me, obviously at a loss of what to say. I have totally forgotten that she is set to wed soon. I have let my guard down again. I know I can't really blame her for this but, I feel so rage towards Jerry-whoever he may be and I wish he is here so I could punch him in the face. As I finished dressing, I silently started for the door but, she grabbed my hand and pulls me back to her.

"I. J. listen, I'm? it's not what you think." She said. I removed her hand from mine and cradled her face in my palms. Then I squat so I could be the same height with her sitting on the bed.

"Eliz, please don't apologize. It's not your fault. I really understand. Really?" I said as I bend to give her a wet kiss. "I'll see you." I added as I walk out of the room.

When I got home, my grandma has locked the door and I don't have a key. I stand there knocking until she came to open the door.

"I thought you are not coming back today." She said as she pulled the door open. I shake my head at her because I feel that if I open my mouth, the tears will start. As I close the door and hand the key to her, I start giving her a goodnight hug and the next thing I know, I am sobbing uncontrollably in her arms. She held me patiently and strokes my back in comfort. Finally, she led me to a chair and we sat down. She waited patiently until my tears have subsided.

"Is it your father?" my grandma asks and silently I shook my head, no.

"What is it then?" she persisted.

I don't know what to tell her. I don't know if she will panic if she knows I am tangling with Elizabeth again. I know she wasn't in support of our relationship before and I don't know how she will feel now. But I know my grandma and know she'll not relent until I tell her what is bugging me. I contemplated on what to tell her, the tears started all over again.

''It's okay. You can tell me anything."

"She's getting married!" I sobbed at her. I know she is not in doubt of whom I am referring to. I am a little surprised that this is all that escaped my mouth, but somehow, I didn't care. I am really hurting and I need comfort and reassurance. And the only time my grandma could really offer that is if she knows what is bothering me.

"She is getting married, grandma. I have lost. There's nothing I can do anymore. I shouldn't have left her. Grandma, I've lost." I sobbed at her.

"We are not losers. You came from a family of warriors. Nobody from this family is a coward. Your grandfather alone came back from the World War 1 with two human heads and when the civil war ended, he came home with?"

"Grandma!..." I called cutting her off. She smiled. she can never be tired of telling that story.

"Okay? Don't you think it's better if you allow her to get married?" My grandma said. Somehow I am not surprised she is sounding this way, I just wish that Lillian has not gone back to her husband. She is the only one that will understand and probably know what I should do. I make a mental note to call her when I enter my room.

"If she gets married, then she'll have protection. It's good for her and it'll be for you too if you can do it." My grandma continued.

"I can protect her?" I sobbed

"With what? You are not a man. I wonder why you'll go and start feeling all this for a woman. It makes it so hard and complicated, and this is the result now." She finished pointing at my tears.

"Grandma, I know all that."

"Then why are you crying if you know? I wonder what you think you can do with her if you actually have her. You always think like a white person even before you went to stay with them. And now that you've lived with them for a whole nine years, you've gone from bad to worse.''

"Grandma, please?" I begged

"Does she do this thing you are doing now?" she asked indicating my tears again and silently I nod my head, yes. "Then, it's up to you to fight for her and convince her." She said.

"Grandma?" I began. I couldn't believe my ears. She smiled at me as she nods her head.

"If you tell anyone I told you this, I'll break your hand. Understand?" she said in a menacing voice.

"I love you grandma." I said smiling through my tears at her as I hugged her tight.

"Now, go away and let me sleep so I can get up in time tomorrow." She said as she made a gesture of shooing me away. I hugged her again before waltzing into my room.

************* Seven **************

When I wake the next morning, my eyes are red and swollen. I drag myself out of the bed and into the bathroom. I took my bath and dressed up and by the time I finished the food my grandma left, I am almost chipper. I entered into town to post a package to Lillian; I had forgotten to give her the package before she left. Then I did some shopping. I didn't want to return home yet because I don't want to risk facing Eliz, not just yet. I still need some time to think. I think my grandma really did raise some good points that I hadn't actually thought about.

By 2:00pm, I have no reason to be in town anymore, so I left for home. On the way, I diverted to Cynthia's house but I met nobody at home. I contemplated going back home, but finally decides to visit my grandpa. At the cemetery, I spread my shawl beside the grave and lay down beside him. Immediately, I start thinking about Elizabeth and why I want her. I know my need is definitely not selfish because I really love her. I know I can do without her; I have been without her for a whole nine years and I've survived. But it's been hard and I know it will be harder now that I've made love to her. And why wouldn't I be with her? When two people love each other this much, isn't the next natural thing for them to do is be together? The problem is that I don't know if she loves the man, Jerry? too. If she wants to be with him, I think I can sacrifice my happiness for hers, because that's what love is.

"Grandpa, love is really hard and confusing." I said aloud.

I must have dozed because the next time I opened my eyes, it's already getting dark. With nothing close to a solution to my problem, I gathered my things and started for home.

I slept through the next morning and finally got up just before noon. I noticed that my grandma is nowhere around the house, maybe she's already left with her sister, which is fine by me. I take my bath and go to find food. I didn't see any food in the kitchen but I saw a plate of food and a jug of freshly squeezed orange juice. I ate the food and carried the jug to my room. I set it down beside my bed and settle down to write. I drink the juice as I write. I have always found it easy to write when I am troubled. Finally, I ran out of words and ideas in developing my plot. I decided I need a fresh air. I get up and put on my shoes and stepped out of my room.

Immediately I open the door, I came face to face with Eliz. Her hand is up probably in readiness to knock. We both gave a little shout.

"Jesus! I am sorry for doing that." She said holding her chest.

"No, it's okay." I said returning her smile. Somehow, I feel real happy that she is here. "How've you been?" I asked.

"I am okay. I thought you were avoiding me."

"No, I've just been busy." I replied and she nods. There is an awkward silence between us which lasted for just a few seconds.

"Do you want??"

"I see you've?" we both started at once. Then we stopped at the same time and laughed.

"I am sorry. You go ahead first." I said

"No, you go first." She replied.

"Do you want to come in and sit?"

"I thought you are going out. I don't want to keep you." She responds.

"No, it's okay. I was just stepping out to get some fresh air, but come in." I step away from the door and she slid past me. I felt her big boobs slide against me as she passes. I close the door and as I turned around, I saw her back disappearing at the far corner leading to my room. Nervously, I followed her.

When I entered my room, I saw her peering at the screen of my system; I had forgotten to turn it off before. I cleared my throat and she turned to face me.

"I see you are working on something." She stated and I nod at her.

"What's it about? She asked

"I don't know yet, the plot is still forming."

"I seeeeee." She dragged the last letter probably to tell me that she didn't believe me.

"Do you need something to drink?" I ask choosing to ignore her. She nods and I turn to pour her a glass of the orange juice on my bedside table. I don't want to risk leaving the room for fear of what she did the last time. As I am pouring the drink, I feel her move and her hands circled my waist just before I could move. I take a deep breath and placed the glass and pitcher back on the table. She buried her head on my left shoulder and inhaled deeply.

"Hi," she said kissing my ear and ran her tongue all over it before sucking on my lobe. I whimpered as I felt her hands grab my small boobs. My nipples shoot out immediately and I leaned back on her as she starts kneading them. I put my hands on top of hers on my breasts and we massaged them together. She turned me around to face her and immediately dipped her head and kissed me. We both got lost in the kiss. I raised my legs and circled it around her waist as she held me up in her arms. When the kiss finally broke, we were both panting for air. She turned around and gently placed me on the bed.

"You've forgotten I don't have legs to carry you."

"Oh." Is all I could say before her lips descend on mine again and we resumed kissing. I could feel the wetness spreading on my pussy as I know hers will be doing too. She got up from me and starts pulling off her shirt and pants and I joined her and pulled off mine too. Naked, she lay on top of me again and we continued from where we stopped. Very soon, I flipped her around and went directly to her boobs and captured a nipple into my mouth. But, I didn't waste time there, because I have a goal. Very soon, I am staring at her clean shaved pussy glistening with her wetness. I pushed out my tongue and start licking her lips until they automatically parted for me to reveal the pink interior of her pussy. Then I placed my tongue flat on her pussy.

"Yes? baby?" she moaned. She is really aroused judging from the amount of juice on her. I continued licking, sucking and flicking as if my life depended on it. As her moans increased, I inserted a finger into her tight pussy; she moaned but didn't pull away. I withdraw the finger and tried inserting two but was again met with resistance. I tried to really force it and break her hymen but she shifted a little in discomfort. I wanted her to be comfortable and endure as minimal pain as possible.

I got up from the bed and went to my box. I opened it and pulled out a dildo from it. It wasn't large but rather long and on the small size but I know it'll do the job. As I turn, she saw what I am holding and her eyes widened in fear. I understand what she must be feeling, I am nervous myself.

"Baby, I wish I could do this with just my body without using this." I said softly as I approached her on the bed. She pulled me down to her and kissed me.

"It's okay. I trust you. I know you won't hurt me." She replied.

I slide down her body and run the dildo all over her pussy to make sure it is really coated in her juice.

"Oh? that feels nice." She moaned. I placed the dildo at her small opening;

"Ready?" I asks and she nodded.

"It's going to hurt for a while but you will start to like it and then, there might be blood and?

"Ijeoma," she called and I paused to look at her. "Just push it in." she said.

I swallowed hard and nodded. She knows I am nervous. Slowly, I pushed the dildo in and watched in trepidation as the head stretched her as it disappeared into her. She gasped loudly.

"I'm sorry." I said and was ready to pull it out but she grabbed my hand and forcefully pushed it inside her. It tore her hymen as the full length of the dildo disappeared in her pussy.

"Oh... God!" she screamed clenching her teeth.

"Baby I'm so sorry. Just?" I started

"Will you just shut up?" she screamed at me as she gritted her teeth. I closed my mouth and start caressing her thighs as I give her time to get used to the intruder in her. I could see the trickle of blood running down her crack and suddenly I feel this great urge to taste her blood. I don't know how Eliz will react but the urge is too great to ignore. I looked at her and her eyes were closed. I scooped the blood up in my finger and shoved it into my mouth. I closed my eyes as I savor the taste of her blood mixed with her juice. When I opened my eyes again, I saw her eyes on mine and from the look on her face, I have no doubt that she saw me lick her blood. I looked away from her as I feel myself blush in shame. She reached out her hand and pulled my face to hers and gave me a deep kiss.

"I love you so much." She said softly breaking the kiss.

"I love you too." I replied.

"And I think I am ready."

I slid down her body and slowly started moving the dildo in and out of her. She grimaced every time I pushed in for the first few times, but very soon, all that changed as she starts pushing up from the bed. Her hip starts pumping faster and I increased the pace of my thrust to match hers.

"Oh yes? fuck me?" she moaned. I use my left thumb to flick and tweak her clit as I fucked her with the dildo.

"Oh yes? yes? faster?" she gasped. I could feel her shaking and I know she is near. I increased the pace of my thrust

"Yes? God I am cumming, I'm cum? oh? oh?" she screamed as she toppled over. She released a great deal of cum that got mixed with her blood.

When she calmed down, I withdrew the dildo from her and took it up her body where we both licked it off.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Tired." She replied smiling. I cradled her head in my arms as her breathing return to normal. Very soon, she fall asleep in my arms and I followed suit.

I woke to the feel of a soft warm tongue caressing my neck. I reached out and held her tight to me.

"Hey, how are feeling?"

"A little sore." She mumbled

"You will be fine." I said as I pull her up to my lips. We kissed tenderly and slowly.

"Stay with me." She whispered as we broke the kiss.

"I am with you."

"Quit being a smart ass. I mean it." She said shaking me gently as we both laughed.

"I mean, I want you to be with me."

"You know I can't." I replied shaking my head sadly.

"Why not?"

"I hate drama." I replied

"Drama? She queried looking a little confused.

"Jerry? Remember?" I ask sarcastically.

She released her hold on me and sat up on the bed with her back to me. Her head was bent over her chest which made her spinal column taut. I admired the muscles in her back. There is no extra flesh anywhere there. Her arms where a little open from her body and from there, I have the partial view of the swell of her breasts. I wanted to reach over and hug her but she started speaking before I could make a move.

"There's no wedding." She whispered.

"What's that?" I asked not believing my ears.

"The wedding. I called it off."

"When did you do that" I still can't believe it. It's almost too good to be true. I can almost see our future together.

"Immediately I left the hospital. Jerry and I are just good friends and business partners but he wished he could be more. He never believed I could be gay. He said that I just can't tell from just kissing you that one time, that I have to go all the way to be sure. I love him, he makes me happy and I thought marrying him will make me forget. But I never felt what I feel whenever I am with you. I thought I could compromise but after the accident, I finally came back to my senses. I realized I only want one person and I was determined to come find her immediately I could walk straight. But I had that fall and went back to the chair, that's why I told Lillian about the wedding when your grandpa died because I was desperate and couldn't wait any more. I hoped against all hopes that she will tell you and maybe you'll come even if it's to spit at me. And when I saw you at that church, I know that God has finally giving me a second chance. And then, I just about ruined it all again with my stupidity."

"You couldn't forget me?" I ask jokingly

"Don't flatter yourself." She replied laughing. I love the way she laughs. I especially love the sound, like the rippling of the waves and the way her face wrinkles in delight. I love everything about her laugh.

"But he called you?" I started to ask but cut myself short as I am trying to really absorb what I am hearing.

"We are friends and business partners. He really cares about me and if you must know, he was only calling to know how far I've gone in getting you to forgive me." She said blushing.

"He knows? Oh! My god, you told him we made love?" I ask incredulously.

"I tell him everything and I was so happy I couldn't help gloating. He is in London, but he knows everything that is going on with me when I am not there." As she talks, she turned round and started making her way back to me. She pushed me back and straddled my hips. Her pussy is a little wet and I could feel it on my tummy.

"He encouraged me to look for you. I tried and it really helped that you wrote those books. I finally found you through much hassles but I was too scared to contact you. For nine years, I've thought of hundreds of different ways to apologize to you, but when I finally saw you, I couldn't think of one." She stopped and ran her fingers gently down my face.

"Well, we are here now." I replied not knowing what else to say.

"Yes, we are. She replied as she bent to claim my lips.

The kiss started slow and tender. My hands are running all over her back. Her bigger breasts are pressed flat on my smaller ones and I can feel her nipples hardening. One of her hands is under my head and is slowly caressing my hair and the back of my neck, while the other one snaked its way to my chest and start molding and pulling on my nipples. I started moaning and my pussy started tingling. I started getting hot and flustered and I know she must be too because I can feel her wetness on my thigh where her pussy is resting. She breaks the kiss and start kissing my neck. Then she moved down to kiss and suckle on my boobs, then she still moved down to my tummy and suck and lick on my navel. My legs started tingling and shaking real badly. I thought that I couldn't bear the tingling anymore but before I could shift away from her, she started moving downwards. I start to wonder what she'll do when she gets to my pussy or if she'll even continue down at all.

Finally, she gets there. She touched my pussy fondly, her thumb immediately seeking out my clit.

"Yes? baby?" I moaned.

She continued touching my clit while her other fingers massaged my pussy lips gently. I needed to come but I don't want to hurry her, I need her to find her own pace. She put two fingers inside me and starts pumping real slowly. My hips rose from the bed to meet her hand.

"Please? faster! Yes?'' I said as she increased her pace.

Her fingers started flying in and out of my pussy. I bucked convulsively on her hand, but when I am about to cum, she stopped and withdraw her hand from my pussy.

"No please. Not now, don't stop?" I begged. My lids are heavy with lusts as I stare at her in confusion. She slid up my body carrying her hand. She put her hand inside my mouth and I sucked my juice off them. When they are clean, she leaned down and kissed me.

"I just want to taste you before you topple over the edge." She said.

"I see. You are paying me back in my own coin, right?" I asked and she smiled as she slid down my body again. I could feel my clit aching from unreleased passion. When she got to my legs, they parted automatically for her. She started caressing my pussy lips again, then, she used both thumbs to open me apart and stare at me for a long time. I thought she will back out, but finally, she took a deep breath.

"You are beautiful." She said. As I opened my mouth to respond, I feel her tongue on me and I gasped instead. She immediately captured my clit in between her lips and proceeded to run her tongue over it.

"Fuck?yes?" I groaned.

I felt her fingers enter me again. She starts pumping my pussy as her tongue continued dancing on my clit. I feel myself climbing and I know I am about to fall over, still I increased my humping on her hand and face.

"Yes baby? faster?" I screamed. I am almost there. I lifted up from the bed and pressed her head tightly to my pussy.

"Oh, oh?oh?oh?yes?" I moaned as finally I toppled over. I could feel my muscles clenching and tensing and I know her head is trapped between my legs, but I couldn't release my muscles. When the contractions reduced, I fall back on the bed panting. I could feel the sweat tickling off my face and running down my neck. She continued licking my pussy until I reached down to pull her up my body. I devoured her mouth immediately I could see them.

"I miss you, especially that." She beamed at me as we broke up for breath.

"You don't have to miss that ever again."

"Oh yeah?" she asked and I danced my brows comically at her.

"You are so full of shit." She giggled as she covered my face with both her hand.

"Does that mean yes?" she asked. I know she is referring to her earlier request of my being with her. I wanted to taste her limit, so I made a face as I shook my head no.

"What?" she shouted incredulously.

"Nope. I'm sorry but I don't want to be with you." I replied with a straight face. She leaned up to look into my eyes in search of answer. I could see the confusion on her face. I wanted to keep it together but I know that my eyes are dancing with mischief and my face also crumbled with the laughter bubbling inside me.

"Oh you?" she screamed as she realized my game. She reached for me and we started wrestling on the bed, giggling like fiends.

"Say yes!" she screamed at me in laughter.

"No!" I screamed back still giggling uncontrollably. She reached down and started tickling me and I laughed harder and louder. I am glad that my grandma wasn't home or she would have come to find out if I've been bitten by a laughing bug. She pinned my hands above my head with one of hers as we continued giggling.

"Say yes." She said.

"No!" I still replied. She leaned down to me. Her lips are almost grazing mine.

"Say yes." She whispered. But instead of answering, I leaned up and sealed her lips with mine. She returned the kiss with as much passion as it was giving. It left no doubt in her mind what my answer is going to be.

"I love you." she said running her hand down my face.

"I love you." I said running my hands down her face.

"So much." We both chorused in laughter. She hugged me tight to herself and we hold each other tight for a long while. I simply can't believe that she is finally here in my arms. When we finally released each other, she raised her left brow at me in question. I swallowed hard as I stare at her beautiful face.

"Yes," I finally whispered and she smiled triumphantly as she cradled my head in her arms.

THE END.