Michala woke quickly. One second she was in a dark, blissful void and in the next, her eyes were open and she remembered. She wasn't even given that one second of time to wonder where she was and how she came to be there. She was at Jessica's. She was here because he destroyed the Center. She closed her eyes and wished for more time in that black void. She wanted more time to find answers to the questions she knew they would ask. Answers Michala was afraid she would never have for them.

She was given a reprieve of sorts last night because the break-in happened so late. Miranda, Susan and Kelly knew everything. Jessica and Shannon knew only about the break-in. She sat up and sighed with the knowledge that she was going to relive the last of her year life too many more times. She had people in her life that would want to hear the tale from her. They would want to ask her their questions, want to hear her defense for themselves. It wasn't going to end any time too soon.

She threw the blankets to the side. Frowning, she saw she slept in her clothes. She didn't remember doing that. She supposed that was a sign of how thrown she was last night. If nothing else, she would've expected herself to shuck the slacks.

She heard a car door slam downstairs and got up to see who was arriving. Her parents. Miranda was busy. Her gaze skipped over the other cars parked in front of Jess' house. They were circling the wagons. Michala was impressed. The people who were downstairs waiting for her were all busy professionals who surely had important business waiting for them on this Monday. She wondered idly how long she could hide out in the guest room. The knock on the door brought a faint smile to her lips. Apparently, she was already here too long.

She turned when the door opened. Jess poked her head in the room and her eyes widened when she saw the empty bed. She came fully into the room and stopped when her panicked eyes fell on Michala by the window.

"Am I missing a party?"

From the way Jess was staring at her, Michala knew the few hours of sleep had done little to erase the night from her face. She cleared her throat. "I suggest the first person you go to is your mother. Paige looks worse than you."

She was angry. Michala turned to lean back against the windowsill. Jess' clear blue eyes were narrowed in her pale face. Her jaw was clenched. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared across the room with cold anger brewing in her eyes. No, Michala thought, she was furious. One of the cars below was Susan's. Obviously, Jess knew more than the bare details. Is this how her day was going to be? Did she have that unforgiving icy anger to look forward to?

She said in her patented calm voice, "I'm sure Susan made it sound worse than it is."

Jess stared at her in silence. She nodded slowly. "I want to believe that. I want to believe you haven't been silent while some maniac has been stalking you. Tell me that last night someone did not break into the Center and demolish the ground floor while you were upstairs. Tell me that your car hasn't been vandalized countless times. Please tell me that you have not been receiving those letters since before the civil suit."

She stopped and seemed to bite down on her anger. She shook her head when Michala would have gone to her. In a slow, measured tone, she said, "If you tell me that everything Susan said is a lie, I'll believe you. Because I know you would have gone to the police before it came to this. I know you would not have waited until you were almost killed."

Michala shut her eyes once again. It was awful and having it laid out like that, she heard how horrible it sounded. She would have sought help before it went that far, right? She knew without a doubt that last year she would have gone to the police. But this year was different and this year she did not want to need the police. This year she did not want to need anyone. She opened her eyes when she was sure her mask of professional poise was firmly in place. "You don't understand. I-"

Jess took two quick steps forward, the anger she fought surging back into her voice. "Do you understand? If you do then it explain it to me. Explain how you waited until that maniac was inside your house before you called the police."

"I know I let it go too far. I didn't want to deal with it. It was just more than I could handle." It was more than she wanted to admit, but it was as close to the truth as she could get. She was a Psychiatrist. She knew problems like this did not go away by ignoring them. She knew problems like this usually got progressively worse until it ended in tragedy. Her excuses were pathetic and she could have done better if only it was the truth. She didn't want to deal with it as long as she wasn't hurt.

"Honey what were you thinking?" Jess asked softly. The anger was gone, replaced by concern.

Michala flashed onto Susan's face when she asked that same question. Susan was devastated by her honesty. They were going to be hurt. No matter what she said or did, they were all going to be hurt. The very least she could do was inflict as little pain as possible. She shook her head and met her friend's troubled gaze. "I don't think I was. I think I've just been getting by."

She tensed as Jess crossed the room to pull her into a bruising embrace. She whispered, "You don't know what it would've done to us if you died. You just don't know."

Michala didn't try to comfort away the dark thoughts. She knew it would come down to the what-ifs and a lot of self-blame. The thought that she could have been killed would cross every mind. The recriminations of who should have done what would start sometime after that. She patted Jess' back in a useless gesture and knew she could not help them with this. She should have never put them in this position, but now that she had, there wasn't any way she could get them out of it.

"We need to go down. It's all over the news."

Michala caught Jess' arm before she could turn away. She said the words she would be saying to them for a very long time. "I'm sorry Jessica."

They stared at each other for a moment. Jess nodded and turned away. "So am I."

Michala watched her leave the room. God, how was she going to survive this? She pushed away from the window and quickly followed Jess. The low murmurs died away as she walked down the stairs. She thought about smiling. People who were fine smiled. She was glad she didn't attempt the charade when she saw the pale, drawn faces that watched her every step. As she neared the bottom, they stood as one and waited. She paused and forced herself to meet every grief-stricken gaze head-on. She deserved to see just what she had done to the people who cared the most about her.

Her father stood behind her mother with his hands on her shoulders. Tortured. It was the only word she knew to describe the look in their eyes. They were drained. The vital energy that carried them through their action packed days was gone. They seemed older and frail. She hated herself most for that.

Miranda stood by their side. She, too, had lost something in the night. The arrogance maybe, or the defiance that was her trademark. What, she wondered sadly, did she take from her sister simply by not turning to her? How betrayed did she feel that Michala did not turn to her when she needed help?

Susan stood close enough to Miranda to be supportive. Michala could recall with little effort the dazed expression on her friend's face when she realized it wasn't a simple hate crime.

She went into her mother's arms without a word. She felt her father wrap them both in a crushing embrace. Her mother's tears burned an acid trail down her skin. The weight of guilt pressed down on her painfully until she was struggling to breathe. She heard her mother whisper the single question of why and she couldn't answer. She knew even if she could make her friends understand, she would never make her parents. There wasn't an answer that would take away the pain and disbelief from their faces.

It seemed an eternity that she stood there, giving them all the time they needed to assure themselves that the horror of the night wasn't evident on her in anyway. Their small kisses and warm caresses were tiny grains of salt in the wound. She saw it then, really saw just how close she came to devastating them. In a flash of clarity that left her weak and shaken, she saw their faces over the last months. How could she not see what she was doing to them? How could she so easily ignore their concern and fear? The pain they felt now wasn't new. This pain was only a fresher, deeper cut in a wound she had been slicing into them for months. God, what did she do?

The pain of that one thought jack hammering in her head was more than she could bear. She fell into the black void of unconsciousness the way a drowning woman reached for a lifeline.


By noon, Kelly was ready to call it a day. Sam's weekend added four new kids to the caseload. Two, a brother and sister under the age of six, were eyewitnesses to the stabbing death of their father by their mother. Another was offered by his mother to an uncover cop in exchange for drugs. He was eight and the mother twenty-one. Kelly closed the next file and set the stack on the corner of her desk. For today, it was more than she could take.

Her thoughts kept circling back to Michala. Was she awake yet? Did she sleep the dreamless sleep of the exhausted? Or did the terror in her life invade her dreams? Kelly sat back in her chair and rubbed tired, gritty eyes. She slept little herself. Randa was already gone by the time she stumbled into the kitchen only a few hours earlier. Susan was sitting at the table, wearing a robe and sipping a cup of hot tea. Their eyes met briefly before they both looked away. They kept words to the bare minimum when Susan drove her to Randa's for her car.

Kelly gave into the inevitable and reached for her jacket. She wanted to go to the Center. She needed to see every room in all its Technicolor horror. She stuffed her pager into her jacket pocket and left the office. If something came up, Sam could track her down. She wasn't doing any good in the office anyway.

The drive to the Center passed in a blur and too soon she was parking across the street. Yellow police tape was wrapped from tree to tree around the perimeter. A single police cruiser was parked on the street in front of the Center. A young officer sat on the front steps. Kelly sat for a moment, her eyes drifting slowly from left to right over the Cary Center. The bright sunshine brought out in stark relief the extent of the destruction that was hidden in the black of night. She slipped from her car and slowly walked across the yard. She wasn't sure why she was here. Officially, she shouldn't be here. Personally, she knew Michala wouldn't want her here.

"Afternoon Lieutenant."

She nodded at the young man and stepped around him to walk onto the porch. Her gaze skimmed over the bloody graffiti sprayed over the white walls. Kelly didn't think he just discovered her orientation. The placement of it, on the front of the house and facing the road, pointed to a desire to out her to the world. He wanted everyone to know. Kelly wondered how he was close enough to know Michala was gay and yet far away from her life to not know everyone around her knew it. Whatever edge of her life he was on, it wasn't personal.

A giant yellow X covered the front entry. The front doors were propped against the railing. Kelly ducked between the tapes and stepped into the foyer. Her first instinct was to glance up the staircase. Michala's doors were shut. Kelly wasn't sure if she looked up to make sure the doors were shut or if it was habit whenever she was standing in this hallway. She didn't have to wonder any more what Michala's life was like behind the locked doors.

Steeling herself, Kelly moved forward to see for herself what was done to the Center. The old Victorian house was cut neatly in half by a long hallway. Conference rooms, offices, and shorter hallways branched off left and right. She crammed her hands into her pockets and walked to the first doorway.

The waiting room was large and heavily damaged. She remembered how the room looked before it was destroyed. Michala favored the traditional medical office furniture of wine red leather couches and chairs grouped around corner tables laden with magazines. Large, leafy plants and windows streaming with sunlight had added life to the dark, somber room. One corner of the room was a play area for the smallest of the Center's patients. Child-sized plastic picnic tables held crayons, coloring books, trucks, dolls, colorful Lego blocks, and wads of neon Play-doh. Kelly's eyes skimmed slowly over torn couches, broken tables and potting soil mixed with broken toys and ripped magazine pages. Gaping holes, possibly made by baseball bat, marred every wall. Glass glittered like diamonds under the windows. He'd spent a lot of time in this room.

Turning away, Kelly stared down the long center hallway. She knew a beautiful blue and gold oriental rug lay under the chunks of plaster, broken tables and vases. The paintings shredded in their shiny wooden frames were soothing prints of snow capped mountains, spring flowers, and sun splashed beaches. She could seem him moving methodically down the hallway, viciously lashing out at Michala with every swing of his bat.

The back of the Center was a large, homey kitchen. Kelly didn't want to disturb whatever evidence was still buried along the hallway. She detoured through the larger conference room across the hall from the waiting room. She glanced over the room as she walked through it. The damage here was light. Kelly guessed that Michala heard him in the waiting room, made the call to police and he heard the sirens while in the conference room. He would've had one or two minutes at most to get to the back door.

Kelly's glance to the small corner office that bore the gold nameplate of Dr. Michala Cary was as instinctive as her glance up the stairs whenever she was in the foyer. The door was always closed. But today, when she tossed the quick look over to her right, she saw the door was open. She came to a stunned halt in the hallway and stared at the hardwood floor covered with leather bound books, papers spilling from open folders, pens, and pencils. Somehow, this assault on Michala's personal space seemed more of a violation of Michala than what he had done to the rest of the Center. The Cary Center was hers, the name it bore was hers, but this room belonged to her exclusively. He committed a sacrilege by stepping across the threshold of that office.

Without thinking, she took the few steps that would take her across the same threshold. He should have spent a great deal of time in here. She braced herself for what she would find.

"Oh." She paused in mid-stride and stared at Susan sitting behind the cherry wood desk.

The surprise she felt at finding Susan in the office was mirrored on Susan's face. She sat up slowly and linked her hands together on the desk. "Hi."

"Hi." Kelly looked away from the speculation she saw in the hazel eyes. Instead, she chose to give the office the same skimming glance she gave the rest of the rooms. She felt a jolt of shock when she realized the damage was far different in here than what he had done to the rest of the Center. The desktop was empty of all typical office items. The bookshelves behind the desk were as bare. Leather bound books were thrown all over the small office, some open, but none destroyed. The only decoration on the unmarked wall was a large cork bulletin board with dozens of Polaroid's. Each picture was pinned to a drawing done by obviously childish hands. She was drawn to the board.

Her breath caught. Each photograph was of a smiling Michala cuddling a small child. The name of the child matched several of the sloppy signatures of the drawings. Others were signed with an adult, very feminine hand.

"She did this," Susan said in a low, somber tone.

Kelly turned around to face her. "What?"

Susan's eyes swept over the room. "This. Someone called the day Tyler was hurt. We don't know who. Randa said everyone could hear her screaming. This is how it looked when Randa got here. Michala was already gone. We looked for her for hours until she finally showed up Jess'. We still don't know where she went that day. It's not exactly something any of us question her about."

Her shocked eyes fell to the thick medical books Michala must have thrown, over the folders and pens she might have swept from her desk with one swipe of her arm, to fall onto the one thing in the office Michala left untouched. She was right. The damage in here was different. There was anger here, but this was borne of pain instead of rage. And even while she was destroying her own office, this collage of photos and drawings was something she could not bring herself to lift a hand against. It meant something to her when nothing else did.

"How is she?" Kelly asked when she could speak. Surely Susan would have seen her today or called. Those were the rights of a best friend.

Susan pushed away from the desk and came to stand beside her in front of the bulletin board. Her voice was hoarse from a pain she didn't try to hide. "Not good. She was so together last night. I went over there with the idea that we were going to have to shake her to make her see the light. At least, to me, she didn't seem to get the whole picture last night."

When she broke off, Kelly turned to face her. Susan blinked away her tears. "She collapsed when she saw her parents. She was out for maybe a minute. She's been withdrawn since. I called Jess about an hour ago. She's not speaking if she doesn't have to and if she does, she's saying just a few words. I hope its just shock."

Kelly wanted to ease her guilt and pain, but knew that was only something Michala could do for her friends. They'd been losing her for the past year. They'd given her time and space and love in the hope that it would be enough to heal her wounds. Kelly didn't need Michala's degrees to know it would destroy her friends if they lost her now. They would blame themselves because they stood on the shore and watched as she slowly drowned under the weight of her own guilt.

Kelly was saved from mouthing useless clichés by the beeping of a pager. They both reached into their jacket pockets. It was Susan's. Her eyes widened in fear of the number she saw and she cast a frantic gaze over the office. She saw what she was looking for in the corner. The tell tale line was lying next to the receiver. "The apartment."

They hurried through the conference room, down the hallway and up the stairs. Susan barely paused as she used her own key to open the lock. Kelly followed her into the dark, silent apartment at a slower pace. She stood just inside the door and watched Susan run to the kitchen wall phone. They stared at each as she punched in the number. Kelly knew who she was calling.

"Hey it's me," she said, her voice betraying how shaken she was by the page.

Kelly tensed, waiting for Susan to close her eyes, to slide slowly down the wall at what must be horrible news. It was the only kind they were getting these days. She let out the breath she was holding when Susan did the same and watched the other woman lean weakly against the wall for support. She tossed Kelly a relieved grin.

"Sure, I can do that. Is she up for it?"

Everything was fine. Kelly reached out to flip on the lamps. She deliberately forced Susan's voice into the background. She didn't want to overhear her end of the conversation. She was only just realizing what a horrible mistake she made by coming over here. When she thought no one would ever know that she was here, it was all right. But now Susan knew and would read whatever she wanted into the visit. That she would tell Randa was a given. Kelly wasn't sure who else she would tell, however, she was very sure she didn't want others knowing it.

The flashing red light on the answering machine caught her attention. She stared at the small blinking light and knew with a cold dread that it was from him. No one else in Michala's life would call her here. Everyone who mattered and probably a few who didn't knew Michala wasn't in her apartment. Only those who mattered knew she was hidden behind the airtight security of Judge Jessica Newhouse.

Without turning around, she tuned into Susan's conversation. "Good...I hope so, Jess. I really hope so...Okay, so if you need anything else just call. I'll be there soon...Okay, bye."

"We're having supper at Jess'. Just friends. I've been given the job of finding you and bringing you with me. Consider yourself found."

Kelly nodded without thinking. Her eyes never left the message light. "There's a message. It's probably him."

The sound of Susan's shoes on the hardwood floor was deafening in the small, suddenly airless apartment. They stood side by side and watched the light flash in accusing red. Susan reached down with her left hand to clasp hers and with her right, she reached out to play the message.

"You can run and you can hide. I'll find you. You know I always find you Cayla. And this time you'll be mine. Forever mine. I can wait, but I won't wait long."

Kelly wasn't sure if she was disturbed more by the threatening content of the call or the chillingly calm, pleasant tone in which it was delivered. He seemed positive Michala would hear the message. Did he really think she was going to be allowed anywhere near this place after last night?

Susan squeezed her hand briefly and let go. "Want some coffee? I'd offer something stronger, but I don't think she has anything stronger than white wine."

"Sure, thanks." Kelly went to sit at the bar and watched Susan move with familiarity around the small kitchen. She turned to stare at the answering machine. Something was wrong with the message. She could almost place her finger on it. With the sounds of Susan rustling through the cabinets as background noise, she mentally replayed the message inside her head.

"Oh," Susan said in a softly shocked tone.

Kelly looked over her shoulder. Susan was staring at the almost empty bottle of Chivas Regal Scotch. She put the bottle back on a shelf. "I guess things change."

The sad note of loss in her voice escaped Kelly. She had finally realized what was wrong with the message. "Susan," she asked and turned to face her, "why does Randa call her Cayla?"

Susan's smile was sweetly amused. Her eyes sparkled briefly with laughter. "Because she can. When they were small, they were called Randa and Cayla. Paige says they were too mischievous for such serious names as Miranda and Michala. Randa doesn't like Miranda. Michala doesn't like Cayla. So of course, they call each other the names they don't like."

"And no one else is allowed to call her that?"

Susan laughed. She poured steaming coffee into cups and handed one over the counter to Kelly. "Well, the children do because she thinks it's easier for them to say. I've heard some of the staffers call her Cayla. Maybe a few of the parents. It's not something she allows easily. She detests the name. I think she was still in grade school when she stopped answering to it."

Kelly wrapped her cold hands around the warm mug. "So only people who are connected to the Center call her Cayla?"

Susan brought her mug around the bar and sat next to her. "None of us call her that. I would think that, yes, only people connected to the Center call her Cayla."

"Susan." she said and waited until Susan was facing her with a silent question on her face. "He calls her Cayla. On the message he calls her Cayla."

Susan's face went blank for a moment and she turned to stare at the answering machine. Kelly watched her and could almost hear Susan replaying the message in her mind just as she had done. Slowly, she turned wide eyes on Kelly. "He does, doesn't he? He calls her Cayla."

Kelly nodded. "He's connected to the Center. One of the children who call her Cayla could be his."

Susan paled. She swallowed and closed her eyes. She shook her head in denial. "God, no. It'll kill her. If this is connected to another one of her kids, this will kill her."


They were watching her. Michala wasn't sure just who they were, but she felt eyes on her. She was sitting on the patio sipping honey-sweetened tea. She was drinking the warm tea to ward away the chill that seemed to go down to the bone. She knew she was pale. She saw how she looked reflected on the faces of her friends.

"That's rude, you know," she said. She sipped the tea and waited.

The door slid open and a kiss was pressed against the top of her head. "You sound better anyway."

"I'm fine," she said automatically. She angled a smile up at Susan.

Narrowed hazel eyes searched her face. Michala met the concerned gaze. "Really, I'm fine."

Susan didn't answer. Instead, she held out both hands. "Well, I'm not. I was invited here for food and Shan says we can't eat until you come in."

The last thing Michala wanted was food. She'd eaten lunch because, as Jess reminded her forcefully, she had not eaten breakfast. She'd eaten a few cookies later for the same reason. How many times did she have to force food down today just because she missed breakfast? She sighed and put her hands in Susan's. Apparently, at least one more time.

"Cool. I haven't had food offered to me in at least an hour."

She was caught off guard when Susan pulled her up into a hug. Susan laughed and pulled away just far enough to smile at her. "I love you."

"Right. You're just saying that so I'll come inside."

"And because I love you," Susan said and gave her one last hug before letting her go. "And because I'm hungry."

Michala allowed herself to be pulled inside the house. She knew Susan wasn't the only friend she'd find inside. As the clock crept close to four, she began hearing car doors slam. Some, she knew, belonged to neighbors, but some, she knew, belonged to her friends. She wasn't going to be given any more space. She wasn't getting any more time to pull her life back together. They were going to have a been there, done that, didn't work kind of attitude. She had to let them because they were so obviously right.

"What are we having anyway? I hope Shannon's making those veggie ka-bobs. I love-" She broke off and stared in surprise at Kelly accepting a glass of iced tea from Randa. She wasn't sure if the day just better or worse. Susan was staring at her and Michala forced her gaze away from Kelly. "Her ka-bobs. I love them."

Susan grinned. "Then we're having them. Everything you love is here."

Michala frowned at Susan's back. Everything she loved was here? Worse, she decided. Her day just got worse. Sighing with frustration, she turned her back on the room to shut the sliding glass doors. She closed her eyes and forced herself to believe she was here because she wanted to be here. She didn't have a car and there was no way in hell that she was getting past these determined women so she had better believe she wasn't a hostage. Otherwise, she was going to make a break for it and someone, she wouldn't take bets on who, would take great delight in taking her down.

"Hey you."

Michala turned at the voice and saw a flash of bright cooper hair before she was caught in a bruising, breathtaking hug. She wrapped her arms around Gaye Moreland, another friend who was probably kicking herself. It was Gaye's article in the newspaper that brought her the press attention Michala was so sure would save Tyler. Gaye would now know it had brought her another kind of attention as well. As her friend held her tightly, Michala searched for some words to make everything all right again. Sorry just wasn't enough anymore.

"I can't believe you're okay. I mean, after I saw the Center and…"

Gaye pushed her away and stricken blue eyes stared down at her. Michala smiled and wondered who gave the orders not to mention last night or the last year. This was supposed to be a fun night. "Am I the top story again? I'm not allowed to watch the news or read the papers."

Gaye cupped her face in warm, soft hands. "Nah, you're old news."

"All right, you had your turn." A frizzy brown head ducked under Gaye's arms. Valerie Martin put her hands on Michala's shoulder and stared down at her with solemn green eyes that were trying hard not to cry. She forced a lopsided grin to her face. "Guess who barged into my office today? She demanded I tell her where you are. I was so touched when she squeezed out a tear. Almost broke my heart."

"What heart?" Michala asked, her tone completely serious.

Relieved laughter broke the tension in the room. Michala grinned and linked arms with Val. "Which number did you give her? Strip club or Dial-A-Porn?"

"Psychic Network. I thought, what the hell, let's see how good they really are."

The tone was set. Her friends were determined to laugh and be merry and only the need to touch her when she was near betrayed their anxiety. She quietly held hands and leaned into covert hugs while laughing at every hilarious remembrance they could dredge from their collective memories. A few she had even forgotten. When she didn't feel the weight of Kelly's gaze on her, she was watching her. If she felt uncomfortable here, she didn't show it. She looked very much at home. Michala was glad Kelly seemed comfortable with her friends. She hoped Kelly found herself surrounded by her friends a lot.

Michala was fighting yawns by eight. She curled up on the couch and laid her head in Susan's lap. She was pleasantly exhausted. She would have to remember to thank them for this when it was all over. She wanted them to know how grateful she was for their friendship. With Susan softly combing her hair with her fingers, she let the conversation drift over her as her eyes slowly closed. Sleep had slammed down on her like a hammer that morning. She felt it descending on her like a warm, safe blanket.

This was how her life could have been all along. From the beginning, when it was only hang-ups in the middle of the night, Susan would have checked into it for her. When it progressed to letters, Miranda would have intercepted them for Susan. When he raised the stakes by vandalizing her possessions, they would have raised the stakes by opening an official investigation. If she had only turned to these women, she would have been shielded and protected. The Center would be whole and they would not be living now with the knowledge of just how close he got to her. She sighed and accepted that her life became what it was not because of him, but because of her. He had the power to do what he did because she gave it to him.

Everything was her fault. Tyler was dead because of her. The Center was destroyed because of her. Her friends and family were shell shocked because of her. What did it say for her that she had allowed it all to happen? What kind of person was she that she simply watched as her life shattered at her feet?

Michala pushed away from Susan and got to her feet. Her eyes skipped over the surprised faces staring up at her. "If it's not too rude, I think I'd like to take a hot bath before I go to sleep. It's been a long day."

Susan stood up and caught her from behind. "Yeah, sleeping late and being waited on hand and foot can be so tiring."

"Exhausting," Michala agreed with a brief smile. "It's been very nice though. I have wonderful friends."

Jess slipped from the floor and walked to stand in front of Michala. She slid her arms around Michala to rest them on Susan's shoulders. "I'm glad you remember. You sort of forgot that lately."

Michala pulled Jess closer and slid her hands into Jess' back pockets. She rested her head back against Susan's shoulder. She could feel tension in the bodies pressed against hers. She met Jess' hurt gaze. "I'm sorry Jess. I know it's not enough. I know it doesn't even begin to make amends, but I am so sorry. I would do everything differently if I could."

It was the only thing left for her to say. She wasn't sure she really meant it. After Tyler died, so little mattered anymore. She lived because she didn't die. She woke up each day and it didn't matter if she worked, saw friends, or buried her head under the covers because she always woke the next day. She did the best she could for her circumstances and her state of mind. But now, staring into Jess' bruised blue eyes, with Susan's arms clamped around her, she knew she had to make them think she would do things right if she could do it all again. People felt better when they heard that and it was an easy lie.

Jess leaned in for a quick kiss. "Easy to say that now, isn't it? Go take your bath. We'll stay down here and talk about you."

Michala laughed and asked, "Is there anything left to talk about?"

Susan tightened her arms briefly before letting her go. "Oh sure. I think we can drag up another story or two for Kelly."

Michala smiled and walked to stand in front of Kelly. Kelly looked up at her with a smile playing around her mouth. "Don't believe everything they tell you. They lie. You might think, because they are respected professionals, that they're honest. They're not. Especially Susan and Jess. Those two tell the tallest tales outside of Texas."

"Says the Queen of Tall Tales," Jess said with a laughing snort.

Michala shot her friend an amused glance. "All I ask is that you make me look good."

She laid a hand on Kelly's shoulder. She wanted to kiss her and might have if every pair of eyes in the room wasn't shamelessly focused on them. She squeezed lightly. "I'm glad you came tonight. Can I call you tomorrow? I'd like to talk to you without an audience."

Kelly's eyes never left her face, although she did grin at the lewd comments cast in their direction. "Yes. I have a feeling I'll be in the office all day."

"Tomorrow then. Goodnight all."


They sat in silence until they heard the water come on upstairs. Susan's decision was to not mention anything about the message on the answering machine in front of Michala. Kelly didn't like it. She thought there had been enough secrets kept between this particular set of friends. She deferred to Susan because she one-upped her as best friend. Kelly could only top that as girlfriend. Weekend lover didn't have the same clout.

"We have a problem." Susan said in the no nonsense tone of a homicide detective. She walked to stand at the foot of the stairs and stationed herself so that while she talked, she could keep one eye on the stairwell. "Kelly and I went to the Center this afternoon. I returned your call, Jess, from her apartment. He left a message. He calls her Cayla, which can only mean he's connected to the Center."

Because she knew the bomb Susan was about to drop on them, Kelly was able to sit back and watch the reactions. It was quite a show. They all jerked as if a wire had been pulled and mouths dropped open, eyes reflected shock. Randa recovered first. She pushed herself to her feet. "So he calls her Cayla. Big deal. Lots of people call her that."

"Who else, besides you and people at the Center call her Cayla?" Kelly asked quietly. Randa's gaze was yanked from Susan to Kelly. As she only stared, Kelly raised her eyebrows in question. "Who else Randa? According to Susan, she despises the name."

The truth was a hard blow. Randa shut her eyes and shook her head slowly as she dropped blindly to the couch. "He doesn't have to be a patient. We have lots of people who come to the Center who aren't patients. Vendors are in and out all day."

"We're not saying he's a patient, honey," Susan said in a gentle tone that surprised Kelly. She watched Susan cross the room and sit next to her lover. Her smile was tender. "For whatever reason, he knows her as Cayla. The Center is the only place he could do that. It helps that we can narrow him down like that. Really, honey, it does. We don't want his only connection to her to be that he subscribes to the paper or watches TV."

"Do I need to ask why you didn't tell her?" Jess asked. She walked over to take over Susan's place at the foot of the stairs.

Susan shook her head. "I think that's obvious. One of her kids could be his. I don't think she can handle that right now."

Jess shut her eyes and nodded reluctantly. Kelly shoved down on the frustration she felt as they lined up to share in the conspiracy of silence. Michala belonged to them. She had to accept that. She didn't have to like it.

"We have another problem," Jess said with a frown. "She wanted to call the insurance company earlier. She wanted to get the paperwork on the repairs started. I held her off by saying the Center is still a crime scene. She's going to want her car next."

"I'll take care of the insurance company," Randa said. She looked upstairs. "Too bad she got her car to the body shop before we knew all this. It's part of the crime scene, but I'm sure whatever evidence was there is gone now."

"I'll talk to Jim tomorrow," Susan added. "Whoever's in charge of this investigation needs to know about the Center connection."

Jess sat down on the stairs. "You've missed my point. We can't keep her here until this guy is caught. She may stay put for a day or two. Guilt might work for a few days after that. But she's going to want to go home."

"She can't go home," Susan said in an angry voice. "Go take a look at the Center. It's not damaged Jess. It's demolished. She doesn't have a home to go home to."

Jess leaned forward and her eyes glittered with the same anger Susan's did. "We've all seen it. You're not the only one who went over there today. But that's not the point. The point is this, what the hell do we do with her until this guy is caught? Do you really see her sipping tea quietly on my patio until this is over? I don't. I'm surprised she did it for a day. What are we going to do when she wants to leave? How do we stop her?"

"We don't let her," Susan said, her tone final. She looked around the room. "She's safe here. She stays here. Against her will if need be. Even if he finds her here, he can't get to her."

Kelly could only stare as they looked at each other and nodded slowly in agreement. While their intentions were laudable, what they were proposing was quite criminal. She cleared her throat and smiled when they turned to her as one. "I may not know her very well, but I feel confident in saying that friends or not, she will press charges for kidnapping and false imprisonment for every second she's forced here against her will."

Susan slumped back against the couch. "I think you're right."

"She is very right."

Jess jumped and spun to stare up the stairwell. Kelly watched Michala come down the remaining steps, her eyes raking over the women looking up at her. She stepped over Jess' legs as she came down into the living room. She stood in the middle of the room with only her bathrobe on, her hands on her hips as she moved from one gaze to the next.

"What's happening here?"

Susan's gaze was steady. "We were just wondering how long you're going to be a good little girl. Knowing you, we decided it wouldn't be long. We want you here. We want you safe. We won't let you leave."

"I see. So I'm a hostage?"

Kelly didn't like the calm tone of her voice. Her eyes flashed over the room and watched them nod. No one said a word. Her friends and her twin sister met her eyes and nodded. To keep her safe, they were willing to cross any line. She watched Michala's eyes narrow. Michala nodded her head once and Kelly was surprised to find those dark eyes on her.

"You seem bright. You certainly saw the flaw in their plan faster than they did. Here's your chance to score points by telling me the truth,"

Kelly didn't care for the clipped tone in Michala's voice. She didn't agree with her friends, but Michala was seriously mistaken if she thought Kelly was going to take her side over theirs. At least their actions were understandable. "What truth would that be?"

Michala's smile was neither friendly nor amused. "Be careful before you align yourself with them, Kelly. Them I may forgive."

Kelly kept her eyes on Michala's without flinching. She wasn't going to be threatened. She shrugged and said, "That's good. They might say they're sorry."

Michala turned slowly away from her. Kelly could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she made a circle in the middle of the room. She crossed her arms over her breasts. "Last chance to tell me the truth or we will see just how serious you are in keeping me here. And I promise you, Kelly only started the list of charges I'll make."

Only silence greeted her as her eyes moved over the room. When no one crossed over the line she had drawn in the sand, she turned away and headed for the stairs. Jess caught her by the arms. "Don't do this. We're trying to protect you."

"I know Jess," Michala said and stepped around her friend. She walked up the stairs. "I'll play hostage for a while."

Kelly decided now was as good a time as any to make her goodbyes. She thanked Jess and Shannon for dinner, was hugged by one and all, and escorted to her car by Randa. She leaned against the car to give Randa her full attention. She was one of the two women in the house who did not need someone to walk her to her car.

"You're good for her," Randa began when they were both leaning against Kelly's car. They faced the house. Kelly stared at the upstairs and wondered which of the two lit rooms was Michala's. And how long it would be hers before she tested her determined friends.

"I'm going to ask a favor."

Kelly didn't say anything. She turned her head to meet Randa's troubled gaze. She nodded her head once and braced herself. She didn't think she was going to like granting this favor.

"She's not going to be good for long. She's going to get a cab or get her car and she's going to be out and about. We'll try to stop her and we'll use every weapon we have, but it won't matter in the end. I can't see Jess handcuffing her to the bed every morning."

Kelly smiled at the picture of Judge Newhouse and Dr. Wade struggling to handcuff a furious Michala to the headboard. How would either explain the bruises and scratches to their colleagues? Kelly was willing to bet that before they got back home, Michala would have picked the lock. "I can, but she'd get to do it only once."

Randa grinned and glanced up to the second floor. "She's coming to you, Kelly. She likes you and she wants to know you better. The favor is that, when she does come to you, just be there for her. Let the rest of us rail at her for putting herself at risk. Let us be the ones who get angry with her. I'll talk to Sam and we'll cover for you with DVIT. She needs someone to go to and right now she wants that someone to be you. So do the rest of us."

She was wrong. This favor wasn't going to be so hard to grant after all. "Okay. I don't know that you're right. If she comes to me, I'll just be there."

"She'll come. Thanks, Kelly."

Only one room was lit now on the second floor. Michala was snuggled in warm covers hopefully to have a night of peaceful sleep. Kelly wanted Randa to be right. She wanted Michala to come to her, to want to get to know her better. She certainly wanted to know Michala better. She wanted a second chance with her. If she got it, she wouldn't be as self-sacrificing as she was the first time. Randa wanted them to be the ones who worried about her and Kelly was more than willing to let them shoulder the burden. Her sole responsibility for Michala's safety was to keep her eyes open and her gun very near.

With the image of Michala sleeping, Kelly left for the drive home. She didn't think about the fact that she was wearing clothes she'd thrown on Sunday for a casual day with Michala. She didn't think about the fact that she hadn't slept in her own bed since Thursday night. Her sleepy thoughts centered on Michala. She wondered how long it would be before Michala came to her. She said she'd play hostage. For how long? How long would her ego allow her to bend her will to others? Kelly smiled. Not long. If Randa was right, Michala would be in her office before the week was over. All she had to do was wait and remember she wasn't supposed to be annoyed.

The condo was dark. Dani left a note saying she was spending the night with someone named Sandy. Kelly was grateful her best friend was gone. All she wanted was to take a hot shower and fall into bed. Because sleep was more important, she made the shower quick. She thought about finding a T-shirt to sleep in, but brushed the thought away. The minutes she spent doing that were less minutes she would have to sleep. She barely had time to think about tomorrow when she was sleeping the peaceful sleep she had wished for Michala.



"If you can't reach me, Shan's number is right here."

Michala was silent as she looked over her coffee cup at Jess. Shannon left for her work an hour earlier. Shannon left for her job as a Forensic pathologist as if today was the same as any other day. She showered and dressed, had a quick breakfast of coffee and blueberry bagel while she read the paper before she kissed Jessica good-bye. Jess was behaving as if today was the first time she was leaving her newborn child in the care of a someone she didn't quite trust.

"I'm not sure what we have in here for lunch. You can order in if you want. We'll bring dinner home. Any requests?"

"Your shirt is buttoned wrong."

Jess stared at her blankly before looking down at her buttons. She sighed and looked back up with a frown. "I can stay home."

Michala clamped down hard on her smile. Jess was not in the right mood to see the humor in the situation. "Or you can just button it up the right way."

"All right. Okay. I know I'm being overprotective. I can't help it."

Michala reached out and laid her hand on Jess'. "I'll be all right. Life can't be put on hold because of this. Yours can't and mine can't. I'll be all right."

"I know," she said but didn't sound convinced. Michala slipped from the bar stool and walked around the counter to wrap her worried friend in her arms. Jess leaned her head against Michala's. Michala didn't say anything. She let the fact that she was close and safe make the argument for her. Jess wanted to go to work or she wouldn't be torn between going and staying. Michala wanted her to go.

"Promise me you'll be here when I get home."

Ah, that was it. Michala kissed her on the cheek. "I promise on our friendship that I will be here when you get home. I'll even make dinner."

Jess turned to look at her. Hope sprang to life in her eyes. In a true sign that life wasn't fair, Michala, along with all her other gifts, was an excellent cook. "Yeah? That'd be nice."

Michala let her go. "You have to go to work first. Otherwise, you can cook dinner."

Fifteen angst ridden minutes later, she waved from the front door as Jess backed down the driveway. She had to promise again she would be here when Jess came home. Michala refused to feel guilty about the fact that while she had every intention of being here when Jess returned, she had no intention of sitting around this house waiting for her. She hurried through a shower and called a cab before she selected a wardrobe for her day. She dressed carefully in dove gray slacks and shirt with a black blazer over the outfit. She wanted to look professional and in control. Even if all it was just an illusion it was one she needed.

She drove through the gates less than an hour after Jess. Her first stop was at the body shop for her car. She walked around the red and white 1959 Corvette convertible. She shook her head at the thought that her car looked brand new. It should. There was very little on the outside that wasn't new and that included the paint. She paid the deductible and left the body shop a little happier. She was glad to have her car back. She had a little more control over her life than she did an hour ago.

Her next stop was at the offices of her insurance company. She wasn't left long in the spartan waiting area. She was grateful for the short wait. In addition to not wasting money on soft leather chairs and ambience, they elected to forgo magazines. The agent who greeted her was as descriptive as the waiting area. The time spent in his office was also pleasantly short. She answered his questions, he took notes, and got some names and told her they would take care of everything. It was the one thing in her life she would gladly turn over to someone else.

Michala began her morning with a short list of things she needed to do. The two things on the list were done and it was only eleven. That left the rest of her day to do what she wanted. Her want list was shorter than her to do list. Long lunch with Kelly. While she shopped for lunch and picked up a few items she was sure Jess and Shannon didn't have in their kitchen, she thought about possible answers to any argument Kelly could make against her plans. The best response she could make was to point out how safe she was in the protection of an armed police officer. It was the one place her friends would like to keep her. Michala wanted her friends to be happy.

The big hand was inching towards the twelve when she parked close to the police station near Underground Atlanta. She was taking a chance that Kelly's office was here. Will had his office here before he resigned from DVIT. Michala didn't know what was his breaking point. She almost cared enough to ask Kelly.

Michala knew her unexpected presence would cause a few heads to turn. She was once a familiar sight around the station. Will's and Sam's offices were both downtown near the Federal and state buildings while hers was at the Center. It was easier for her to come to them. The reason she was no longer around was common knowledge. She smiled at a few of the brave souls who stared at her. Others tried to pretend it was nothing to see her strolling through the desks towards the wall of offices. She used their hesitation to her advantage. By the time someone worked up the nerve to talk to her, she hoped to be closed behind Kelly's office door.

She walked through the room to the office that used to be Will's with a calm assurance she wished felt. Why wouldn't the new police liaison officer use the office of the old police liaison officer? It made perfect sense. She knocked on the solid door and waited for the muffled order to enter. She stepped into the cramp, cluttered office with a smile.

Kelly was sitting at a battered gray metal desk with an open file spread over the surface. She stared up in surprise. Michala watched anger ignite in her eyes and be doused just as quickly. She glanced around the office. "I'm shocked Kelly. This place is just as dreary as it was when Will was here. You should girl it up."

Kelly leaned back in her Government Issue green faux leather chair. "I don't think I could do a girl office justice."

Michala sat uninvited. "Are you free for lunch? I'm looking for a playmate."

"Yes, I'm free."

"Good," Michala said and stood up. "I'll drive. Don't forget your beeper."

Kelly shook her head, but clipped the beeper to her jeans. She reached into a drawer for her handgun. This she slid into her shoulder holster. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." She paused at the door and giving into desire, she turned and pulled Kelly to her. Kelly leaned into her and their kiss was scorching. Michala broke away and met her dark blue eyes. "And private."

"I like private."

"No matter what, we don't stop," Michala said and threw the door open. The people in the squad room had recovered. She acknowledged the hellos with a smile and a name if she could remember or a nod if she couldn't. Kelly kept up with her brisk stride. They were outside without a pause.

"You know, some of those people wanted to talk to you."

Michala nodded as she walked up to her car. "I know and maybe if I wasn't close to ripping off that T-shirt, I would've stopped."

"This is your car?" Kelly asked sounding surprised as Michala unlocked the passenger door.

"Yes, I picked it up this morning."

"What else have you done this morning?"

Michala spent the next few minutes concentrating on merging with the traffic on Peachtree. Once she was headed to the Center, she shrugged. "Grocery shopping. Jess didn't want to go to work this morning so I bribed her with dinner. I'm sure they don't have the things I need."

"Do your friends know you're not locked safely away?" Kelly's tone was deliberately casual. Michala grinned at the attempt.

"I said I'd play hostage. I never said I would be one. I told Jess this morning that life can't be put on hold. I've got responsibilities. I'm not pushing them off on Miranda anymore."

She was grateful to her friends and family for giving her the last year to do absolutely nothing with her life. They allowed her to pull the covers over her head and heal. She knew with a dead certainty that if she had not taken this time, if she had tried to pretend life went on as normal, the first child she lost who have been the end for her. She didn't know when she lost her faith in the program, but she knew it didn't begin with Tyler. However, life did go on regardless of how much one tried to pretend it didn't. Lives had details that someone had to handle. Miranda had handled hers for too long now. Michala was ready to at least take the next few steps that would begin to put her life back together. She didn't know what steps to take after that, it was enough that she took the first few. The rest would come with time.

"I don't think Randa looked at it that way."

Michala laughed. "No, she didn't. For the first time in our lives, she got to be the responsible one. She's taken to it quite well. Mom has her problems dealing with it. I think she just pretends that we've switched names. The other night she offered to give me a recipe that was easy. Miranda really can burn water."

When Kelly laughed, Michala reached for her hand. "Thank you for having lunch with me."

The fingers linked with hers tightened. "Thank you for asking me. I was afraid I was persona non grata with you."

"You would've been. Like too many other things over the past year that would have required a little time and effort on my part." Michala frowned as she realized she was admitting more than was wise. Kelly wasn't just a one-night stand she picked up at last call. She was a close friend with someone who was a close friend with Michala's best friend. She didn't think Kelly was taking notes to share with Danielle Barrett. But who knew what could slip out in a how-was-your-day conversation.

"What kind of time and effort on your part do I require?"

"Oh, today the time will hopefully be the better part of the afternoon. As for effort, I'm not using any."

Michala turned down her street. The Center was the most private place she could bring Kelly and still have lunch. She realized her mistake as soon as she saw the front of the Center and no longer heard Kelly's voice. She slowed to a stop on the street, unable to tear her eyes away from the stark destruction. She had known it was bad by the pale faces of her friends when they came upstairs that night. Some part of her had dismissed the number of police officers as a sign. She was Dr. Michala Cary. The police could have overreacted. The reality was shocking. She drove around the corner to the back parking lot.

She jumped when Kelly laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to do this."

Michala slipped out of the car. The back of the Center was pristine. Her stalker either did not care about the back porch or never made it this far. Michala was inclined to believe her interruption stopped him. He would have done something back here eventually. She opened the trunk for the bags of groceries she bought earlier. Some of the perishable items were for dinner that night.

"I do have to do this," she said. She cleared her throat when her voice came out faintly above a whisper. "I need clothes. I thought everyone would be happier if I came with an armed escort."

It was lie. Kelly's gun and presumed skill with it had nothing to do with wanting to come here. Michala wanted the privacy. No one would think to look for either of them here. The only possible intrusion was Kelly's beeper. Michala wanted to recapture the intimacy of the weekend before it was ruined by his phone call.

Kelly took one of the bags from her and walked beside her to the back door. Michala bit back a laugh when she turned the key in the lock. Why lock the back door? The front doors were gone. She doubted the giant yellow X would deter anyone if they really wanted to come inside. The hallway wasn't dark enough to hide the debris heaped from end to end. She took a moment to stare down the long hallway to the square of light where the front doors should have been. Her eyes adjusted to the light and she saw the gaping holes in the walls. "He was certainly thorough. I'll need to find new office space until this is repaired. Come on."

The apartment felt different. The air, though cool, smelled of emptiness and rooms closed for too long. Michala mentally added cobwebs and thick layer of dust to go with the abandoned feel of her home. She wondered if she had changed or if it was the knowledge that this would never be her home again that made the studio apartment feel different. Then she wondered when she made the decision not to come back. This was her home, and could be again once repairs were made. No, she thought and sent her gaze from one blank white wall to the others. This was never a home. Sadly, she realized she had never wanted it to be.

"Have a seat at the bar. I hope you like deli sandwiches. I wanted something quick and filling. I have turkey and ham on wheat. I thought if I got one of each, you were sure to like one. Which do you want?"

While she spoke, Michala quickly stowed the bag of groceries for the meal later in the fridge. The other bag held their sandwiches, several sliced cheeses, tomato, and large bag of Lay's Potato Chips. "Well?" She asked when everything was laid on the counter top. "Turkey or ham?"

Drinks, she remembered suddenly and turned to see what the fridge held. Which wasn't much. The only thing she had to offer that wasn't alcoholic was water.

"I'll take the ham." Kelly said. Michala brought two glasses of iced water to the counter. Kelly was peeking into the empty bag. "Any onions?"

Michala felt her dark mood lighten as she watched Kelly. This is why she came here today. She wanted to be alone with Kelly, to make love with her. She didn't come here to become depressed over her life. She'd been doing that for months and she had months more to mourn her losses. She moved close to Kelly and leaned over her shoulder. "I have onions. You can have them or you can have me."

Kelly's surprised expression was a delight to see. Michala laughed and leaned in for a quick kiss on her open lips. She was the one surprised when Kelly pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. They were both breathless when they broke away. Kelly whispered, "If we eat later, I can have both."

Michala smiled and moved away. With quick efficiency, she stowed their lunch in the brown paper bag and put the bag in the fridge. "I'm all for later."

~~~

Kelly was fascinated. She followed Michala down the short hallway to her bedroom and wondered if she should be impressed by or worried for her carefree companion. She wanted to be impressed by the core of steel that allowed Michala to live her life as if nothing was happening. Her poise wilted at her first look at her house since she left in those pre dawn hours after the break-in. She became a little quiet, a little withdrawn for a moment, but she didn't sit down on the doorstep and cry.

She wanted to be worried Michala didn't cry. She didn't know Michala well enough to know if she was really this strong or if she was still in the denial that allowed her shrug off eight months of violence. Did she ever cry? For herself, for Tyler? Kelly didn't think so. To cry, Michala would've had to accept the loss of both and Kelly knew she had yet to accept the loss of Tyler.

Michala was standing at the stereo when Kelly walked into the bedroom. She set the music to a low, background volume. Michala shrugged off her jacket and hung the black jacket on the bedpost. Without a word, she came to Kelly. She lifted her face to Kelly and brought their mouths together in a gentle kiss. Slowly, tenderly, they kissed without touching. They opened their lips as one, tongue sliding over tongue. They both jumped apart and stared at each with startled eyes when a shrill beep pierced the air.

Kelly reached to her side and angled her pager to see the display. The number was all too familiar. "Your sister."

"You can use mine," Michala said neutrally when Kelly yanked her cell phone from the pocket of her jacket. She took several backward steps away from Kelly. The emotional distance was much farther.

Kelly shook her head while she punched in the numbers. "She has Caller ID. We don't want her to know where we are."

Michala leaned back against the wall. She didn't pretend that she wasn't listening to the call. Kelly wished she had the choice to turn the pager off. Michala didn't need reminders like this and Kelly wasn't certain how many she would overlook before the connection was too obvious for her to ignore. She made a mental note to talk to Randa. If they wanted Michala to come to her, they better make sure they didn't remind her of where Kelly worked.

"Hi Randa," she said by way of greeting. Usually, she would wonder why Randa was at home. She didn't now because she wasn't sure where else Randa should be. Her office was closed for the foreseeable future and Kelly wasn't sure where the Cary twins would relocate.

"Is she with you?" Randa asked by way of greeting. Her tone was too cool to be calm.

"Yes, she is. How did you know she's not at Jess?"

A small smile flashed over Michala's face before she looked down at her feet with a shake of her head.

"Jess went home for lunch. She called me when she couldn't find her. I told you she would come to you."

"So you did. Is this the only reason you called?"

Michala glanced up at her question. Kelly nodded yes at the silent inquiry. Michala pushed away from the wall and without taking her eyes off Kelly, began to slowly unbutton her shirt. Kelly smiled in an appreciation of the striptease.

"Let me talk to her," Randa said.

Kelly shook her head. "No, no I don't think so. She's in an incredible mood. I don't want your anger to ruin it."

Michala grinned and let her shirt fall to the floor. Kelly's eyes were riveted to her hands. She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants and helped them slide down her legs with a sensuous wiggle of her hips. Kelly swallowed hard. She whispered "What?" to Randa.

"God, Kelly is she naked on the bed or something?" Randa demanded.

"Not yet," Kelly said before she realized what she was saying. She turned away from Michala's floorshow. She snapped, "What Randa? What do you want?"

"She made a promise to Jess. If she breaks it, Jess and Susan are going to kick her ass. I may just let them. Give her that message please." She hung up without a goodbye.

Kelly flicked off her phone and would have turned if not for Michala catching her around the waist. "How did they know I was gone?"

Kelly looked down at the fingers busily unhooking her belt and pulling her T-shirt from her jeans. "Jessica came home for lunch. Randa said if you break the promise you made to Jessica, she might let them make good on a promise to beat some sense into you."

Michala laughed and Kelly tilted her head to one side when warm lips pressed against the back of her neck. "I should've known. She really didn't want to leave me alone this morning."

Kelly turned in her arms. She was delighted to discover Michala nude and pressed against her. She slid her hands down her warm back. She bent her head to the soft skin of her neck. Her mind cleared of every thought except for those that centered on how she wanted to spend the next hour or so. Michala stepped back a step to lift her T-shirt over her head. Kelly stared down into her face, into the eyes hot with desire. "God, you're beautiful."

Michala was startled by the compliment, though Kelly knew it wasn't the first time Michala was told that. Maybe tomboyish Randa didn't hear it often, but elegant Michala surely did. Michala gave her a rakish smile and slipped her hands into Kelly's jeans at her waist. She stepped into Kelly's arms and lifted her face. "Really?" she asked in a throaty whisper. Her eyes zeroed in one Kelly's mouth as she brought their lips closer together. "Show me."

"I would love to," Kelly whispered back and lowered her head to meet her open lips.

Later, with Michala's warm body draped over her, Kelly opened her eyes. The sun had shifted across the room and she wondered idly how much time they had left. Michala was expected back at Jessica's. Kelly had to go back to her office. She accepted their responsibilities in the same instant she acknowledged that she didn't want reality to intrude on this time. She was quite willing to put Randa in the position of having to physically defend her twin against her two furious best friends. She was even willing, if need be, to offer Michala sanctuary for however long she needed it.

Michala stretched next to her. "Ready for your onions?"

Kelly graciously bowed to the inevitable. They couldn't stay in this room forever and she didn't think Michala would want to even if it was an option. She wanted a quick afternoon romp before she went to back to the warm safeness of her friends. Kelly watched her quickly pull on her clothes before leaving the bedroom. She sighed. Michala was eager to get back to her friends. By the time she wandered into the other room, Michala had her lunch waiting on the counter. The lady herself was sitting across the room at her desk.

"Thank you," she tossed over her shoulder and sat down at the bar. She was surprised Michala wasn't standing in the doorway with the bag in her hands. Kelly selected one half of her sandwich and turned to watch Michala. Her lunch sat ignored at one end of her desk while she shuffled through a drawer at the other end. She ate her sandwich and watched Michala compile a slender stack of manila folders.

"What are you doing?" She asked when curiosity got the better of her. If Michala could be rude enough to ignore her, she could be rude enough to ask personal questions.

Michala didn't glance her way. She flipped open a folder and scanned the contents. "I was at my insurance agent's earlier. I would've liked to have had my policy with me. I thought, while I was here, I would get important papers." She tossed over a wry smile. "Who knows? He could burn this place down tonight."

Kelly was irked by the off-hand comment. It was a continuation of her casual acceptance of the whole thing. If she couldn't be terrified, if she couldn't be intimidated, at the very least she didn't have to be amused. "It's not funny."

"No, it's not," she agreed and closed the folder. She glanced at Kelly before she dropped her gaze to another folder. "It's also not the tragedy everyone wants to make it. So my offices were demolished. Would you prefer I was physically attacked?"

"Of course not," Kelly snapped. "No one wants that."

Michala closed the folder and selected another one to scan. "Kelly, if you want me to be sorry, I am. If you want me to grovel for forgiveness, I won't."

"Don't you think you owe your friends a little groveling?"

Michala froze, a folder open in her hands. With deliberate calm, she laid the folders on her desk, pushed herself up from her chair, and crossed the room with silent footfalls. Kelly was braced for the fire burning in her eyes. "For what?"

Kelly felt the ground slip under her feet. "You were almost killed."

Michala stared at her for a moment. "No, I wasn't. I was never touched."

"It was his choice that you weren't."

Michala shrugged. "That doesn't change the fact that I wasn't hurt Kelly. I refuse to live in an alternate universe where he does attack me. I wasn't hurt. I am not going to live like I was. Don't ask me to. The hard, cold truth is that anything less than what happened would not have gotten my attention. I needed a wake-up call. Forgive me if I like the one I got."

The cold, hard truth was an icy dose of unwelcome reality. Michala wasn't scared, intimidated, or angry because she was relieved. She was breathing a sigh of relief that all she lost was her deductible. She could have lost so much more. She knew what could have happened, but she wasn't going to live as if it did happen. Kelly suddenly understood her cool poise so much better.

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand."

Michala moved between her legs and slipped her arms around Kelly's shoulders. "Now that you do, are you going to stop this campaign of guilt? I can't undo the past. I'm on guard now. I know he'll hurt me the first chance he gets."

The confident, assuring words sent a chill down Kelly's spine. She was on guard for strangers and men who looked like the boogeyman. The clean-cut, friendly man who knew her as Cayla would be welcomed into her life with a smile. She laid her hands on Michala's waist and looked into her eyes. Michala deserved to know and Kelly accepted that she was the only one willing to risk telling her.

"I want to tell you something. Your friends don't want you to know. Can you keep it from them that you do?"

Surprise crossed the lovely face. "Probably."

Kelly shook her head. "Probably isn't good enough. They really don't want you to know this. I don't want Susan coming after me."

"Okay, I promise."

Now that the moment of truth had arrived, Kelly searched for the best way to say it. Simply would be best, but simply had a way of making bad news seem not quite as bad as it was. Kelly wanted Michala scared without pushing her over the edge her friends were so sure was right next to her feet. She didn't want to find out the hard way they were right.

"Kelly?" Michala cocked her head to one side. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

Kelly searched her eyes, making herself believe in the strength she saw in the warm, dark brown. She had to believe Michala was as strong as she appeared. She nodded and tightened her hands on Michala's waist. "He's not a stranger. We don't know who he is yet, but he's not a stranger. On your messages, he calls you Cayla. He knows you from the Center."

Because she was watching, she saw her pupils dilate from the shock. The hands on her shoulders tensed reflexively. Michala squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her jaw. Kelly waited in silence. Would Michala accept this? Could she accept it? The next few moments were the longest of Kelly's life. She wasn't prepared when Michala's eyes popped open and for just an instant, Kelly saw only anguish in the dark eyes. Michala leaned into her and Kelly held her close, smoothing one hand over her tense back.

"I don't think this will ever be over," she whispered with her head on Kelly's shoulder.

Kelly tightened her arms in a reassuring hug. "It's over for you. All you have to do is keep yourself safe until he's caught."

Michala moved back a half step. Just a she had earlier, Kelly searched her eyes and was relieved by what she saw. Michala was handling it. Soft hands cupped her face. "Thank you, for trusting me. I love my friends, but let's face it, I'm not the only one who made bad decisions this year. I would've trusted anyone I knew from the Center."

Kelly nodded. "I know. Can you keep your promise?"

Michala sighed deeply and moved away. She raked both hands through her hair. She walked back to her desk, saying, "That you told me, yes I can keep that part. But I need to listen to the tapes. If he's with the Center, I may know his voice. I don't want to get six months down the road and find out that we could have caught him now."

By the time they were ready to leave, Kelly realized Michala was moving out. She finished off her lunch watching Michala stuff folders into a dark brown leather attaché case and bring two suitcases from the bedroom. Kelly wanted to say something to her, but the words failed to form themselves in her head. Michala couldn't live here now; she had decided she wouldn't live here again. Kelly hoped that one had nothing to do with the other. She wanted the decision for this not to be Michala's home to be Michala's. He didn't deserve to win this round.

"Do you want to drive?" Michala asked in the parking lot. She held the keys up.

Kelly stared enviously over the little sports car. "Are you serious?"

Michala tossed her the keys and slid into the passenger's side. Kelly settled herself carefully behind the wheel. "Are you sure? This car is a classic."

"I'm sure. If I can't trust a cop, who can I trust?"


Jessica's car was behind hers when she reached the security gate of their subdivision. Michala grinned as they wound their way to the house. She may have only beaten her by less than a minute, but she was in the house before Jess. In the most stringent interpretation of her promise, it met the legal requirements.

Jessica asked coldly as they faced off over the threshold. "Where have you been?"

"Help me unload my car and I'll tell you."

"Why have I never realized just how amazingly stupid you are? We've been friends forever and I've been walking around under the erroneous belief that you are incredibly intelligent. How did I miss that you're stupid?"

Michala was known for her iron poise. She was feared for her lethal temper. Jessica took one involuntary step backwards when Michala tensed. Michala felt the rage building without making even a token effort to rein it in. She had taken all that she was going to take from the people in her life. Granted, she made stupid mistakes, but by God they were hers to make. She was through placating, apologizing, and reassuring. She advanced on her friend slowly, her anger fueled by Jess' retreat.

"That's it, Jessica," she warned, her tone icy. "That's the last shot you get. Do you understand? That is positively, absolutely, the very last shot I'm taking from you."

They glared at each other over the two feet that separated them. "You'll take whatever I dish out. You deserve it."

"No, I won't. No, I don't. I can only be sorry Jessica. Don't want more than that. You will be very disappointed."

"Damn you."

Jessica's fist caught her square on the nose. Michala doubled over as the pain exploded in her head. She felt the blood on her face in the same instant she tasted it in the back of her throat. She saw a flash of color and then she was on her back with Jess straddling her waist. She dodged one punch, but wasn't quick enough to keep the next from landing with a burst of stars on her left eye. Michala struck out with her fist and connected solidly with Jessica's mouth. Blood sprayed over both of them.

Neither of them heard the car come to a screeching halt in front of the house or the shouts as Susan and Randa rushed over to them. They were focused on blocking fists and landing their own satisfying punches. Randa caught Jess from behind and yanked her to her feet. Michala scrambled to her own and threw the last punch. Like the first one thrown, the last one connected with Jess' nose. Susan pushed Randa and Jess away and shoved Michala back a few steps.

"Stop it!" Susan yelled at both women. Randa was holding Jess at bay. "What in hell do you think you're doing?"

Michala wiped blood away from her mouth. She cast a searing glare at the three of them. "Pass this on. The Making Michala Miserable crusade is over. I am not doing penance for this for the rest of my life. I'm not going to be punished. I'm not going to be threatened. I most certainly am not going to be beaten up. If I missed anything, ask yourself 'Will Michala leave without a forwarding address if I do this?'. If no is not your first thought, don't do it. I'm not taking this crap from you anymore."

She spun on her heel and marched to the house. She turned once to tell them someone needed to bring in the groceries and she was taking a shower. She stripped in the bathroom and stepped under the stinging hot water. She was stunned Jess actually hit her. She was astonished they were rolling around on the ground like grade-schoolers. She watched the pink water circling the drain. How badly did they hurt each other? She hoped Jess hurt at least as much as she did. Her face was throbbing. Most of Jess' hits made contact with her face. God, how were they going to explain this?

She left the shower when the water was clear. She toweled off before bracing herself to look in the mirror. She didn't need to look to know her left eye was swelling. She leaned close to the mirror, deciding her nose only felt broken. Her bottom lip was split and swelling. The rest of her face was streaked with scratches and angry red marks she suspected would be bruises by morning. She wrapped the towel around herself and went to her bedroom. They were waiting for her in the kitchen when she went down dressed in white jeans and black sweater.

"Where have you been?" Jessica asked. She had not taken a bath or changed clothes. She had taken the time to wash the blood from her face. Her nice white silk shirt and maroon slacks were ruined. Her face looked as bad as Michala's felt.

Michala noticed her voice lacked the anger it had when she asked the same question earlier. Susan placed a glass of iced tea on the bar in front of an empty bar stool. Michala took the hint and sat. She picked up the tea and held the cool glass to her eye. She closed her eyes and said in a monotone, "I picked up my car. I went to my insurance agent. I talked Kelly into spending the afternoon with me. I wanted some things from the Center and she was nice enough to go with me to get them. I came back here."

"We would have gone with you to the Center." This from Susan.

Michala chuckled and opened her good eye to look at her friend. She didn't have to say a word for Susan to understand. Susan grinned and shook her head.

"We would have gotten your car. We would have talked to the insurance agent," Jess said. Michala felt her sit down next to her. "There's no reason for you to be out on your own."

Michala kept her eyes shut and enjoyed the cool glass against her face. Because of Kelly's admission, she understood her friend's fear a little better. If her stalker was someone she knew, that made the danger to her too close for comfort. But understanding did not mean she was going to meekly sit in this house until he was caught.

She turned to Jess. "I'll leave if this is too hard for you. I can stay other places. I don't want to hurt our friendship. I don't want to lose you. But I won't live like this Jess. I'm not going to be abused, by you or anyone else anymore. You're angry with me and you have every right to be. But you do not have the right to do what you did today. I didn't deserve that."

"No, you didn't," Jess whispered and reached out to tenderly touch her face. "God I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this to you."

"One of you was going to," Randa remarked into the silence. "I'm glad it was you, Jess. Although, I'd be a little more understanding than Shannon is going to be. You can stay with us if she throws you out Cayla."

"Deal," Michala winched and agreed readily. She wasn't Shannon Wade's favorite person on a good day. She deliberately ignored asking how Shannon felt about her living here for an undetermined amount of time. Of all the places she could be, here was her first choice. How was Shannon going to feel about her staying here after she saw what Michala did to her lover's face? Shannon wouldn't care that Jess threw the first punch or that Michala was defending herself. Why start defending herself now? After the last eight months, what was one more day? Sadly, Michala saw that point all too clearly.

Jess leaned in to kiss her on the forehead and stood up. "Shan's not going to tell you to leave. She wants you here just as much as the rest of us. She's going to be upset with me. I was so angry when you got here that morning. I think I could have killed. She told me that whenever I got angry over the next few months and wanted to hurt you for never turning to me for help, I should remember how you looked when we tucked you into bed and put my anger away because you didn't need that in your life anymore. She's not going to happy with me that I forgot that."

Michala watched her walk into the kitchen and begin to unpack the grocery bags they brought in from her car. She smiled. Jess must be feeling very guilty to tell a lie like that. She joined her in the kitchen and put her arm around Jess' waist. "Why don't you go take a shower and change clothes. I'll have dinner ready by the time you get back down here. Okay?"

Jess pulled her into a bruising hug. Michala laid her head against her shoulder. Could they get past this? Could they forgive her? Michala felt the first doubts begin to stir. If they couldn't get past this, if they couldn't forgive her, where did they go from here? Jess let her go slowly and stepped back to smile down at her.

"I love you."

"I know." Michala turned away to begin their meal. Three little words and she was tired of hearing them. Not the words, but the intensity of them. They were living in the same alternate universe Kelly thought she should be living in. They were too busy remembering what could have happened and what almost happened to see that it didn't. She didn't like being almost dead.

As she battered chicken strips, she wondered how long you let someone mourn an almost loss before you could tell them to knock it off.


Kelly closed her eyes and sank chin deep into the hot, bubbly water. The water felt wonderful and she intended to soak until the water was cool. Her next pleasure was crisply clean clothes. The roller coaster ride her life became since Friday had left her little time for the little pleasures of life. On the other hand, she wasn't complaining about the compensation. There wasn't a lot she wouldn't trade for time with Michala.

Michala.

Randa knew her sister well. Kelly was grateful for Randa's warning. She wasn't sure she would have been so calm and agreeable when Michala popped into the office. For an instant, she'd been angry that Michala was walking around without a guard, but then she remembered Randa's words. She wasn't supposed to get angry. She was supposed to just be there. Kelly thought she got the better part of that deal. Just being with Michala was a lot more fun than trying to keep the headstrong woman in line. Not to mention easier.

"Hey, you planning to stay in there all night?"

Kelly didn't have to open her eyes to know Dani was standing in the doorway. She could tell by the clarity of her voice. "No. Just until I'm a prune."

She heard Dani come close and felt the water ripple next to her thigh. "I'm in the mood for pork chops. Do you want them baked or barbecued?"

Kelly sighed and forced one eye open. "Why are you in here?"

Dani stared at her for a moment. She looked away she as asked, "How is Michala? Shannon said she was all right, but she and Shannon aren't the best of friends."

"She's all right. She's a tough lady. I think her friends are a lot more shaken than she is." The truth of that statement surprised Kelly. She wished, briefly, that she had met Michala when she was still whole. She only wished it briefly because Michala belonged to someone then.

"They're in shock. It's not fair. Losing Tyler would've been enough. She wouldn't have been any more devastated. She would have done anything to save him. I think she would have traded places with him."

Not for the first time, Kelly had to wonder what was so special about this child. He wasn't her first. He wasn't her worst. There was no reason for him to be special. In fact, the only thing that made Tyler Bradshaw any different from all the other children who came before him was the fact that none came after him. He was her last. Was it the cumulative effect? Was it all the children who came before him that made him different? Was he simply the last child she could emotionally afford to lose? Kelly stared at Dani and knew she was right. Michala would have traded places with Tyler. It would have been so much easier for her to die herself than it was to watch him.

Dani frowned and reached down to check the water again. "I'm going to bake them. Hurry up. We have a lot of catching up to do."

Kelly brushed her thoughts away. She grinned at Dani's retreating back. "Yes we do. Beginning with Sandy and how you met her."

"I'd prefer we start with Michala." Dani called over her shoulder.

Kelly slipped from the cooling water. Dani wasn't going to leave her alone for long. As soon as she had the chops in the oven, she'd be back. She wanted to start with Michala beginning with Friday and Friday felt so long ago. So much had happened. Kelly grabbed a towel from the closet and dried herself off briskly. She decided to let Dani ask her questions instead of hitting the high points of the weekend. Not to mention all the lows.

Dani was sitting at the table chopping tomatoes and cucumbers for a tossed salad. Kelly poured herself a glass of white wine and sat across from her. "Anything I can do to help?"

Dani shook her head with a quick smile. "This, the chops and toasted French bread is it. Unless you want something else?"

Kelly sipped her wine. "Sounds great."

The last real meal she had was Saturday night with Michala. She was glad for a meal that included plates, silverware, and a table. She watched Dani quickly reduce the vegetables to bite size chunks and waited. She didn't have to wait long. She was watching in fascination as Dani missed her fingers with the sharp blade. Kelly knew that she would have had at least a few nicks by now, if not an actual severance of a finger.

"Is she really being stalked?" Dani never looked up from her hands.

"Yes. I'm positive she caught his attention from the publicity of Tyler."

Blue eyes flicked up. "For a while there she was on the front page of the paper every other day. Gaye did several articles on her. Val got her on the station's noon talk show a few times. I guess with that kind of coverage she was bound to catch a lunatic's attention."

"Actually, he's connected to the Center. We don't know how yet."

Dani abruptly stopped slicing and dicing to stare at her in shock. Kelly nodded at her unspoken question. "Start at the beginning."

The beginning she was talking about wasn't Friday. This beginning began eight months earlier. Kelly finished off two glasses of wine as she related as much of the story she knew. By the time they were stacking dirty dishes into the dishwater, she was winding down the night of the break-in.

"I can see why Jessica and Susan are furious with her," Dani said. "Shan says Jessica feels betrayed. They were supposed to be best friends."

They went to the living room and sat on opposite ends of the couch. Kelly could understand why they would feel that way, but she was beginning to wonder how, if they were really her best friends, they could let her drift so far away without trying to pull her back. Maybe they had the kind of friendship where it was understood that if someone didn't ask for help it wasn't wanted. Maybe they would have pushed her if she wasn't a highly regarded mental health expert. Maybe they would have reached out to her if they had not been afraid of being frozen out. Her best friends would know exactly how Michala dealt with people who stepped over the lines. Kelly doubted she was gentle or kind when she pushed them back over it.

"Are you disappointed?" Dani asked, breaking into her thoughts.

Kelly looked over at her. "At what?"

"Michala. I know you had this fantasy of her in your mind. Are you disappointed now?"

"No," Kelly answered immediately. "I'm not disappointed."

She looked down at Dani and smiled at the speculation on her face. They grinned and Kelly knew she only a few seconds to divert Dani's attention away from her. She still wasn't ready to share Michala. "Your turn. Who is Sandy?"

Dani's attention was easily turned to her new friend. Actually, Dr. Sandra Mitchell was a new orthopedist in Dani's group practice. Sandy was called to the hospital following a car accident. She called in Dani for a nine-year-old girl. Dani was surprised to see Sandy waiting for her after surgery. A cup of coffee to talk about the case became breakfast and a chance to get to know each other. Dani was in her office doing paperwork when Sandy came in to ask her if she wanted to go to dinner.

"That was fast," Kelly remarked with a smile. She met the woman before dawn on Monday morning and was in her bed Monday night.

Dani laughed and stared down the couch at her. "I followed your example."

Before Dani could launch into more questions about Michala, the phone rang. Dani picked up the extension and answered in her Dr. Barrett voice. Surprise crossed her face. "Yes, she is, hold on," she handed the phone over saying in a whisper, "Susan Reid."

Kelly all but snatched the phone from her hand. There could only be one reason Susan was calling her. Her anxious tone was noticed with interest by both women. She cleared her throat and tried to make her voice sound casual. "Hi Susan. What's up?"

"I'm sorry to call so late. We're just getting in and I didn't want to call you from Jess'. I-hold on," Susan turned away from the phone to mumble to someone in the background. Kelly forced herself to relax while she listened to Susan talk to Randa. Susan's tone was too weary for there to be anything wrong with Michala. She smiled as Susan snapped at Randa, "Get it started, and I'll be there in a minute!"

Kelly bit back on a teasing question about trouble in paradise. She didn't think Susan would see the humor or appreciate it coming from her. Susan sighed heavily and said, "I know they have to have something in common since they are identical twins, but I hope for your sake Michala doesn't act like a cranky two year old when she's stressed and tired."

The image of elegant Michala stamping her feet and whining made Kelly laugh. "I rather doubt she does."

She heard Susan smiling. "So do I. Anyway. Michala wants to hear her answering machine tapes tomorrow. We'd like for you to be there. We're meeting at ten at the Center. I don't know why she wants to do it there, but I didn't want to argue with her about it. Can you come?"

Michala was a fast mover. Kelly already knew that about her. "Sure. Do you know why she wants to listen to them now?"

"She wants to see if the voice is familiar to her. Randa's going to do the same. If he is someone who comes to the Center often, one of them should know his voice."

"Sounds reasonable," Kelly said. Michala had told the truth without revealing how she came to the decision. In fact, the whole Center needed to listen to them. Her stalker had to be known to someone.

"One more thing," Susan said, hesitant. "I don't want you to be shocked when you see her tomorrow. She and Jess had a knock down fight when they got home tonight. She's all right, but it's not pretty. Neither of them is right now."

Kelly wasn't aware that she was standing. She fought down her rage by reminding herself that she didn't have the right to be angry. Michala didn't belong to her. She blinked away the red when Susan said her name. "I'm here Susan. I'm reminding myself that Jessica is a state court Judge."

She thought she heard Susan choke back a laugh. "I'll see you at ten at the Center. Good night Kelly."

"Yeah, you, too."

Kelly handed the phone back to Dani. She swallowed down the bitter words burning the back of her throat. Slowly, she sat on the couch. She saw her clenched fists on her thighs and very deliberately opened her hands. Dani leaned forward to look at her. She turned her head sideways to meet her friend's eyes. Dani raised her eyebrows in silent question.

"They had a fight. Michala and Jessica."

Dani's smile was understanding. "Jessica's really angry with her right now. Shan was afraid Jess was going to start throwing punches."

"Shannon was right. Susan said it was ugly." Kelly stood up. "She said that neither are pretty."

Dani stared at her in wide-eyed shock. She reached for the phone. "Jess actually hit Michala?"

"Yes, she actually hit her. I'm going to bed." She left the living room before she could hear Dani's side of the conversation. She knew who Dani was calling and the last thing she wanted to hear was Shan defending her lover's actions. She would never agree that Jessica had any right to strike Michala. She just hoped that when she saw Michala tomorrow, she remembered that she didn't have any right to strike Jessica.

Kelly lay awake for a long time. Admitting she wanted to go to Michala was easy. If she had any reason to go to Jessica's, she would. She couldn't even come up with a legitimate reason that she could sell to herself. There was only one reason why she wanted to rush to Michala's side. Admitting the why was harder. She wanted it to be because Michala was hurt. She was a cop. Rushing to the aid of damsels in distress was her natural instinct. This particular damsel wasn't really in distress and it didn't sound like Michala needed a knight rushing to her aid.

The truth was stunning in it's simplicity. She was in love with Michala. She wasn't in lust, though Michala was a breathtaking lover. She wasn't obsessed, though she would admit that she was before she met Michala. She was in love. She wanted to hold Michala close and promise her that no one would ever harm her again. She wanted to stand in front of her and shield her from the good intentions of her friends. She wanted to go to sleep at night with Michala safely at her side.

The timing couldn't be worse. Michala's life was in shambles. The last thing she needed in her life was for a woman she picked up in a bar falling in love with her. Kelly rolled over and buried her head under her pillow. The last thing she needed was to fall in love with Michala. How was she supposed to keep her distance now? She was biting her tongue to keep quiet as it was. The only way she could keep silent was to keep away. And after tomorrow, that's what she would have to do.



Michala smiled as she heard the patio door slide open. She was waiting for Jess to get ready so they could go to the Center. For reasons unknown, Jess wanted to hear her answering machine tapes. She flipped the page on the newspaper she was pretending to read. "Are you going to be ready soon?"

"I'm ready now," Shannon said, "If Jess isn't soon, we'll leave without her."

Michala lowered the paper and peeked over the top at Shannon. Shannon wasn't dressed in her usual business attire. She wore Levi's and a pale blue oxford. "You're going, too?"

"If you don't mind. I think we all need to know what's happening."

Shannon's whole attitude had changed towards her. She was always polite and had never been less than to Michala. Now there was a solicitous overtone to her voice and actions. Michala was still stunned by the furious glare Shannon had sent Jessica the night before when she came home and saw their faces. Michala was the one ordered into a chair so that Shannon could assure herself that nothing was broken. If Shannon did the same to Jess, she did it behind their closed bedroom door.

"I don't mind if you come. I can use all the support I can get."

Shannon's bright smile was beautiful. Michala stared at her and didn't know what to say. This was the longest conversation she could remember having with her. She jumped as arms closed around her from behind and pulled her into a light choke hold.

"Your girlfriend is mad at me."

Jess kissed her cheek before dropping into the chair next to hers. Blue eyes sobered and the smile on her face faded. "I can't blame her. I'm not happy with myself right now."

"You don't look any better," Michala reminded her. When they looked at each, they were looking into a mirror. They both had a black eye, split lip and bruises. "And why is Kelly mad at you?"

Jess grinned. "I could be coy and ask how you knew I was talking about her, but I won't. Susan called over there last night and Dani called here. She said she'd never seen Kelly that angry before. She was reminding herself that I'm a Judge. I hope she remembers that when she sees you."

Michala leaned forward and put her hand over Jess'. "Stop it. Miranda was right. You and Susan wanted to hurt me because I hurt you. I'm glad it was you. Susan would've kicked me all over the yard. You did it, we survived, and it's over. I forgive you. Soon, you'll forgive me."

Jess squeezed her fingers. "Are we ready?"

Michala looked over the patio table at Shannon. "We've been ready. We're waiting for you."

Jess wanted to drive. Michala slid in the back of her Mercedes, glad to let someone else concentrate on the traffic. She had to concentrate on shoring up her walls. This was not going to be fun. This was going to one of the most trying afternoons in her life.

Michala wasn't really ready for what the afternoon held for them. She would have preferred to listen to the tapes by herself. Susan would have preferred that she never listened to them at all. They compromised and agreed to meet at the Center. Michala thought it would only be her, Jess and Susan. Actually, she thought only Susan would want to hear the tapes and wasn't all the surprised when Jess added that she would come. They were best friends. She wasn't at all prepared for Miranda and now Shannon being there. Just how many needed to hear how badly she screwed up her life over the last year? She cringed inwardly when she thought of what they would hear. If this wasn't her idea, she would not be doing this.

"Later, let's all go to lunch and get drunk."

Michala glanced over at Shannon, who was looking back at her with worried green eyes. Michala wanted to smile and show she was all right. She wasn't up to the act. She looked away. "Sure. It'll be on me."

Just when Michala thought this could not get worse, they turned into the back parking lot of the Center. Kelly, dressed in blue jeans and thin red sweater, was talking to Susan and Miranda. She frowned and wondered which of her friends invited her. Michala would have never invited Kelly here for this. The last thing she wanted was for Kelly to hear the tapes. She wasn't keen on any of them hearing the messages Melissa had left for her, but definitely not Kelly. She slipped from the car and walked a straight line to her back door. She didn't pause to exchange pleasantries. She wanted this over. Lunch and the promise of alcohol could not come soon enough.

While the others settled themselves around her table, she went to the kitchen to make coffee for six. She barely listened as Susan explained how she wanted to do this. By the time Michala had a tray ready to take out, Susan had the tapes lined up by date. The room was silent as she handed out mugs to the group. Susan, Jess, and Kelly were sitting at the table. Miranda and Shannon had pulled bar stools over to sit behind their lovers. She sat in the in the empty between Susan and Kelly.

"Any time Susan," she said. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair, staring down at her hands. "When this is over, I'm buying lunch for everyone. Shannon wants us all to get drunk."

The first tape was boringly ordinary. Most of the calls were from colleagues. Susan and Jess each called once to remind her about an anniversary party for Jess and Shannon. Her mother's perky voice calling to say hello. Melissa's husky tone asking where she wanted to do for dinner that night. Michala couldn't recall if they ended up here or Melissa's.

The final call was his, the first of his messages she kept. She closed her eyes when she heard his low voice speak. She concentrated on the deep timbre of his voice and not the words. "Dr. Cary, you disappoint me. You are not fighting the good fight. Remember, what God put together let no man put asunder. Don't stand in God's way or he will move you."

Michala remembered how perplexed she was when she first heard the message all those many months ago. Until she thought about Robert Bradshaw and his preoccupation with God. She dismissed the message with the thought that it was him. She didn't like that he brought the case into her home, but thought he would probably believe it was poetic justice.

The next three tapes were along the same lines. She realized absently that most of the calls were professional. Her private practice shrunk as DVIT consumed more and more of her time. When she stepped down from DVIT, she wasn't taking new patients and was selective in taking referrals. In fact, her role at the Center was mostly administrative at the end. DVIT was never supposed to be her sole focus. She never envisioned the program taking over her life as it did.

His calls were blessedly short with the admonishment that she was disappointing him and God. She closed her eyes when he spoke and tried to place his voice with a face from the Center. She didn't know him. She didn't even have that nagging feeling that she should know him.

The fifth call took place on Halloween, her thirty-sixth birthday. Mixed in with DVIT and Center calls were birthday messages from family and friends. As the messages played, Michala looked over at Miranda and they shared a smile. Their birthday was always a Halloween costume party thrown by their parents. Michala began to hate the parties when she was in college, but Paige refused to have any other kind of party for the twins. Michala was enjoying them more now that Paige no longer forced them to come as a duo. Last year she was Marilyn Monroe.

"Hi, it's me," Michala looked at the recorder as Melissa's throaty voice came on, "I can't make the party. Barb called in sick to the station and I'm filling in. Come to my place when it's over. Bring the teddy. I bet you're gorgeous in black, babe. Happy birthday. I love you and I'll make this up to you tonight."

Michala felt all eyes shift to her. She turned her hand palm up and curled her fingers over to inspect her nails. She flipped her hand over and held her fingers out to inspect the nails. Finally, as the silence stretched, she flicked her gaze over the women. She allowed a smile small to cross her face. "I do actually. Black is my color."

He sang Happy Birthday to her in a surprisingly good voice. Michala thought now, as she did then, that he was Top 40 caliber. She remembers wondering if Bradshaw had taken voice lessons.

They were now less than a month away from the day Tyler died. Michala found herself tuning out the tapes as those days before that one came to her in blinding flashes. She saw herself careening like a pinball from interviews, to DVIT calls, to overseeing the Center, and meetings with her attorney. Melissa was growing impatient by then. Their careers always came first and they were used to taking second place to last minute obligations. Melissa did not see Tyler as her obligation. She saw him as just another abused kid. "You can't save the world," she lashed out during an argument. Michala didn't want to save the world. She was willing to settle for this one little boy.

She would have done anything to save him except walk away. It was the one thing she could not do. It is now the one thing she believes would have saved him. She put too much pressure on Bradshaw. He was a hot head when his life was running smoothly. Did she really think if she put him under the harsh glare of publicity he wasn't going to snap? When he finally did, he rained so many savage blows on his small son's head that Tyler died from massive brain hemorrhage. She went to his bedside after she got the call. His face was unrecognizable. Blood was matted in his white blonde hair. His tiny hand lay lifeless in hers and she knew he was dead. She knew she killed him. She wasn't there three days later when life support was terminated .

Michala squeezed her eyes shut in a vain attempt to block the image of that beautiful little boy lying mortally wounded in that hospital crib. She was haunted most by that image. She accepted she would see it in all its bright horror for the rest of her life. She failed him and her failure cost him his life.

She could never forget that.


Kelly realized quickly that she was not there by Michala's invitation. She was stung at first by Michala's cool attitude. She didn't expect Michala to greet her with a kiss, but she did think a simple hello was in order. Michala didn't even look at her in the apartment. By the time they were seated around the table, Kelly was taking it all very personally. Michala was the one who sought her out, who called her, who came to her office. How she could she now act as if they were strangers?

During the first few tapes she was able to ignore Michala and concentrate on the messages. The first time she heard Melissa's voice was a shock. She knew the Channel 2 anchor's husky southern drawl. Her obsession with Michala briefly extended to a curiosity about the beautiful news anchor. She should have expected to hear messages from her girlfriend on the tapes. Didn't Michala say when she handed the tapes over to Susan that some of the messages were personal?

Kelly wished they weren't so frankly sexual. And it was more than just the words; it was the intimate tone Melissa used. Kelly was astonished that she was jealous. She was childishly jealous over a woman who was no longer in Michala's life. Slowly, Kelly began to wonder if Michala didn't want her there because the messages were so frank. People like to keep that aspect of their lives private. Michala had to be uncomfortable her friends were seeing into that side of her life. Kelly knew she would not want Michala to hear what some of her old lovers said to her in private.

She stopped ignoring Michala when she decided to believe Michala's attitude wasn't personal. She began to watch her and was impressed by how intensely she was listening to the tapes. Her head remained bowed, her face hidden behind a curtain of blonde hair. The only time she looked up was to joke briefly at the black teddy comment. Kelly wondered, as the multitude of calls came in from colleagues, how Michala was able to keep up with all her commitments. There were dozens of people who wanted some of her time including a sexy girlfriend. No wonder Michala could not exactly pinpoint when he entered her life.

Kelly sensed the change in Michala before she saw it. She narrowed her gaze over the woman sitting inches away from her and sought some reason for her sudden anxiety. Michala's head was bowed, face still hidden. She was slouching in her chair with her hands folded across her lap. One leather clad foot tapped to a beat only she heard. Kelly watched her and waited for a sign. She didn't wait long. Michala's hands clenched slowly into fists. Her foot tapping stopped. She sat perfectly still. Kelly's heart stopped as she realized Michala wasn't listening to the tape; she was trying not to hear it. How close were they to the day Tyler died? Kelly frantically searched her mind for a date, but came up blank. She didn't know when Tyler died. Michala did and she knew they weren't far from that tape.

Without thinking, Kelly reached over and turned the recorder off. She ignored the startled protests from the other women. Her attention was on Michala. She knelt in front of her and took Michala's ice-cold fists in her hands.

"Michala?" There was no response. Kelly leaned closer and gently shook her. "Honey?"

Kelly flinched when terror filled eyes snapped open. Michala stared at her without blinking. She shook her head in small jerky motions. Soft, stricken words stumbled over each other as she spoke. "I thought I could do this. I can't. I can't do this."

Kelly stood up and pulled Michala into her arms in the same motion. Michala came willingly. She buried her face against Kelly's chest and fisted her hands in her sweater. "It's over," Kelly said in a soothing voice. "It's over."

"I thought I was stronger than this," Michala whispered.

Kelly smiled and kissed her on the temple. "You are strong. You're the strongest woman I know."

Michala trembled in her arms. "I can't relive this. I thought I could. I can't lose him again. I just can't."

Kelly tightened her arms around Michala. "That's not why you're here. You're here to see if you know his voice. Do you?"

Michala shook her head slowly. "I was so sure I would recognize him."

"It's all right that you don't." It was a long shot. He was on an edge of her life. After listening to the tapes, Kelly knew her life had many edges. They just had to find his. She looked over the top of Michala's head to where the others watched them anxiously. She was furious with them and she hoped they saw it in her eyes. They would have done what they've done all along and sat there while Michala struggled to save her sanity. What kind of friends did that?

"We're leaving," she said gently to Michala, but her eyes moved from woman to woman. She stepped back to look down into her bruised face. "Anything you need from here or from Jessica's car?"

Michala closed her eyes as she shook her head. Susan stepped forward with her hand outstretched and Kelly stopped her with a single glance. She put her arm around Michala's shoulder and pulled her away from her friends. She cast them one last condemning glare. "I'll call you later."

Kelly led Michala quickly from the Center. She would call them much later. She didn't care how worried they would be or what rights they had. Kelly was taking a few rights of her own. The first one was the right to protect Michala. She settled Michala in her car and left the parking lot without knowing where they were going. She wanted to leave before they came out to take Michala away. Kelly wasn't sure Michala would go with her if they asked her to choose.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked. She looked over to where Michala sat staring out the window. "Are you hungry?"

"I don't care where we go," Michala replied in her soft, stricken voice.

Now that Kelly had her, she wasn't sure what to do with her. She didn't want to take her back to Dani's. They would look there when they started searching for Michala. Jess' was out for the same reason. She didn't want to drive aimlessly around for hours. She made the decision quickly and drove towards I-75.

"Can we get a drink? Scotch,"

"You can get anything you want," Kelly said and began scanning the stores lining the street for a liquor store. She saw one within minutes. She parked the car in front of the plate glass window. "Chivas?"

Michala opened her eyes and stared blankly at the store. She turned confused eyes on Kelly. "Um, yes, I like Chivas. With ice."

Because she looked so pale and lost, Kelly leaned into her and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I'll be right back. Stay right here."

Michala nodded and watched her leave the car. The hotel would have an ice machine, but Kelly bought a bag of ice anyway. She didn't want to leave Michala alone while she wandered down hallways trying to find ice. She added plastic cups to the Chivas. When they were close to a hotel she liked, she would find something for lunch. She was hungry even if Michala wasn't.

"Where are we going?" Michala asked once they were again driving to the interstate.

Kelly smiled at her. "To a hotel. You can get as drunk as you want."

She was rewarded with a brief smile. "You might not like me drunk."

Kelly reached over and placed her hand around Michala's. "Do you wear lampshades and sing really badly in your underwear?"

Michala looked away. "No. That would be a loss of control. Dr. Cary doesn't lose control."

No, Kelly agreed, Dr. Cary doesn't lose control. Dr. Cary simply bowed her head, closed her eyes and told herself she was strong. She balled her hands into fists instead of pounding them against the wall. She gritted her teeth to keep from screaming. She was always poised and controlled.

She spoke her next words carefully. "I won't tell if you lose control. You don't have to be strong all the time."

Kelly wanted her to lose control. Michala was trying so hard not to fall apart. As long as she refused to bend, the closer she came to breaking. She was using her iron will to hold back the memories. She didn't want to grieve for Tyler. She refused to mourn for the little boy who should not be dead. Both required a pain she would pay any price not to feel and an acceptance of something she would sell her soul to change. She was in denial over his death and if she had her way, she would never move onto the other steps in the grieving process.

Michala sat with her head resting against the seat and her face turned to the window for the rest of the drive. Kelly took comfort from the fact Michala's hand was waiting for hers every time she returned her hand from the steering wheel. Michala wasn't shutting her out. Kelly didn't know what she would do if Michala did. They were still new enough for Kelly to be uncertain of where she could tread. The last thing she wanted to do right then was push her away. Michala had been left alone too long as it was. She wasn't willing to let her drift now.

They were given a second floor room at the La Quinta Kelly found a half dozen exits north. She left Michala alone with the Chivas while she went across the street to McDonald's. Michala passed on lunch with a silent shake of her head. She was pouring her first glass of scotch when Kelly left the room. Kelly bought her a cheeseburger and fries anyway. Hopefully the smell wafting from the bag could do what the offer alone could not.

Michala was propped up in the middle of the king sized bed staring at the blank television screen. Kelly glanced at the Scotch bottle. The glass resting on her thigh wasn't her first. Kelly sat on the bed and placed the bag on the night table.

"I'm starving. I skipped breakfast." She took the food from the bag and turned to Michala with one of the cheeseburgers. "Are you sure you don't want one?"

Michala leaned over and reached around her for a container of fries. "I'm sure. I'll take these."

Kelly settled next to her on the bed. She glanced over at Michala and followed her empty stare to the television. "We can turn that on. If you don't like what's free, we can check pay-per-view."

"Thank you for getting me out of there." Michala rolled her head to look at Kelly. She looked down at the bed. "I thought if I just blocked it out, it would be over and I could leave. I didn't want to hear it all again."

Kelly knew she wasn't talking about his messages. She reminded herself to tell whoever answered her call later that she wanted to hear the rest of the tapes. "Why didn't you get up and leave?"

"There's nowhere for me to go."

Kelly was confused. "Your bedroom was down the hallway."

Michala made a sound like she was laughing. "And do what Kelly? Sit in there while they listened to the tapes? Do you really think not hearing the words would've changed anything? Do you think being here now changes anything?"

Michala crawled off the bed and walked to the table to refill her glass. She turned to Kelly angrily. "Nothing ever changes. He's dead and I killed him. I know that every night when I go to sleep. I know it every morning when I wake up. I killed him. Do you really think not hearing the words makes it less true?"

Kelly moved slowly off the bed. This is what her friends feared. They didn't want her to lose control. They didn't want her to fall over the edge because they were afraid she could not make her way back. Kelly knew she was strong, but now with the sheen of tears in her eyes, she hoped she was right.

Michala emptied her glass with one flick of her wrist. She stared down at the glass and said vehemently, "I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember!"

As she began to sink slowly to the floor, Kelly went to her and pulled her into her arms. They ended up on the floor with Michala sitting between Kelly's legs. Michala laid her head against her breasts. Kelly searched for the right words. Finally, she bent close to Michala's ear. "You will always remember him. He was important to you. But you can choose how you remember him. You have good memories of him Michala. Doesn't he deserve for someone to remember him as something more than a tragedy?"

Michala stiffened in her arms and Kelly steeled herself for her reaction. Did she go too far? As much as she wanted to, she could not hurry Michala through her grief. She held her breath, waiting to see if the next step was one Michala could take.

"He was a beautiful little boy," she whispered in a low voice Kelly almost didn't hear. "He was such a beautiful little boy."

Kelly pulled her closer as Michala relaxed in her arms. Kelly leaned back against the bed. She stared down on the blonde head resting on her shoulder. She couldn't see Michala's face. She wasn't sure she wanted to at that moment. She didn't want to watch her finally let go of the hope that somewhere, somehow he wasn't really dead.

"I think I fell in love with him the day he came to my office with chocolate on his face." She spoke softly of the blonde haired, blue eyed child who stole her heart. In her memories, he was an exceptional child. She had a smile in her voice as she recalled his many visits to the Center. The first time she said his name her voice broke. Kelly kissed the crown of her head and wondered if this was the first time she spoke his name since he died.

"His name was Tyler," she said in a fragile tone. Kelly felt the tears fall on her arm. She closed her eyes. Please God, she prayed, don't let me hurt her. Please let this be good for her.

"His name was Tyler and I loved him."

She cried silently. Kelly held her close and kissed her as she drained herself weeping for him. She didn't try to comfort her with words. There was nothing she could say that Michala's friends and family hadn't been saying to her since he died. She would rather hold Michala in silence than offer comfortless platitudes.

"I'm tired Kelly. Will you hold me until I fall asleep?"

Kelly let her get on the bed first. Her face was pale and tear streaked. Kelly laid next to her and stared down into her face. Dark eyes met hers. Michala reached up and pulled her down for a gentle kiss. Her lips were salty. Kelly broke the kiss. "I have to call them soon. Do you want to send any messages?"

"Tell them I'm all right. I'll see them later."

"No," Kelly said and kissed her on the forehead. "I'm keeping you tonight. I'll tell them you're all right. You are you know."

Weary eyelashes fluttered closed and Michala rolled onto her side. "I think I will be. I haven't thought that in a long time."

Kelly waited until her breathing was slow and even before she took her cell phone from the room. She sat down on the steps a few doors down from theirs. She wasn't sure who to call. She expected they would all be together somewhere. But where? She punched in the one number she knew would find someone. Randa would have her beeper. Her phone rang within seconds of her punching in her code.

"Is she all right? Where are you?" Randa demanded anxiously. "It's been hours."

Kelly stared into a clear blue sky just beginning to streak with orange. The sun was drifting down to the horizon. Kelly was briefly sorry she had worried them. She also felt it was past time for them to worry over Michala.

"She's fine Randa"

"Where are you?"

"We're at a hotel. We're staying the night here. She's sleeping and I don't want to wake her up. I'll bring her to Jess' tomorrow."

Voices spoke in the background. Kelly tuned them out as Randa repeated her words to the others. She was feeling drained herself. She stood up and walked slowly back to their door. She leaned against the railing. She would be in there very soon. She was going to curl herself around Michala and fall asleep with Michala in her arms.

"Is there anything else Randa?" She asked, breaking into Randa's conversation. They had all night to talk to each other.

"I want to talk to her."

"No. She's asleep. I'm not waking her up." Kelly wasn't giving in to them anymore. Michala was hers.

"Kelly, she's my sister. I want to know she's all right."

Kelly saw the line Randa was trying to draw and stepped right over it. "She's my girlfriend. Get used to me telling you she's fine. Get used to me taking her away when she needs a break. She's mine Randa and I will do whatever I have to do to protect her. When she wakes up, if she wants to talk to you, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. This is how it's going to be from now on. She's not doing anything she doesn't want to do and if I have to stand between her and the rest of you so be it. Goodbye."

The lines were drawn. Kelly pushed away the fear that Michala would not appreciate her grand gesture. She would just have to make Michala see her point of view.



It was after ten the next morning before they left the hotel room. Michala didn't want to chance running into Jess or Shannon. The last thing she wanted to do today was rehash yesterday. It was enough that she was staggered by the memories when she finally remembered why she was waking up beside Kelly in a hotel room. Every time she thought it was getting easier to live with the past, she was slapped down. Every time she thought she was coming to terms with her grief, she was reminded. And every time she thought it was never going to end, she was proven right.

She lifted her head and stared out the window at nothing. How did her life become this? Even now, looking back, she could not see how her path veered so horribly wrong. She wasn't sure which of the decisions she made took her from her perfect life to the shambles laying around her feet. She hadn't lost everything, but what she had left wasn't much. She was stunned that she could lose so much in such a short amount of time without noticing it was all slipping away. She looked down at her open hands as if the answer lay in her palms. How could she not see her life slipping through her fingers like sand on a beach?

Everything was gone. Her life was an empty room with bare shelves and echoing with silence. Everything was gone and she was no closer to getting it all back than she was to knowing how she lost it all. The decisions she made were ones she would make again. Given the same circumstances, given the same choices, she would make the same decisions again. Even knowing what she knew now.

Michala was terrified by her thoughts. She didn't want to know that if she had to do it all again, she would. What did it say for her that she would take all those steps that led her here again, foot step by foot step? How could she accept that? If the decisions were right, if the choices were right, why was the outcome so wrong?

"Are you sure you don't want me to hang around for a while?"

Michala glanced over at Kelly. She saw worry in her eyes. She heard it in her voice all four times Kelly asked if she was all right. She turned back to her view. If she hadn't eased her fears by now, there was nothing left for her to say. "Don't take it personally, Kelly. I just need some time alone."

She needed time alone to gain perspective. She was seeing everything in shades of black. She needed to step back and look over her life objectively. She had a job if she wanted it. She had a home if she wanted it. She glanced over at Kelly again. She had a girlfriend if she wanted her. Everything wasn't gone. She just felt like it was.

"Have dinner with me tonight." Kelly reached for her hand. "We'll have a real meal."

Michala smiled at Kelly's none too subtle reference to their three am meal from Krystal's. She squeezed her fingers. "Come over and have it with us. I'm not going to be able to slip away tonight. I should have called them last night. I've got to give them a chance to talk to me."

And she was dreading the discussion. She was lucky to be able to put it off until later tonight. She hoped that by then she felt balanced again. She could answer their questions without faltering over the memories. Time. She just needed time.

As Kelly turned down their street, she saw that she was out of time. Three cars were parked in front of the house. Her Corvette. Jess' Mercedes. Susan's BMW. She closed her eyes. She'd had all the time she was getting. She turned in the seat to face Kelly. "Please don't come in. Call me later."

Kelly stopped next to the sidewalk. Her blue gaze flicked indecisively between her and the house. "I feel like I'm abandoning you."

Michala leaned over and kissed her. She laid one palm against her cheek. "That's the last thing you should feel. Thank you for everything Kelly. I owe you one."

Kelly waited until she was inside before driving away. Michala closed the door as silently as possible. She was half way up the stairs when Susan's cool voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Did you really think we didn't hear you?"

"Hope springs eternal," she said and continued upstairs without looking back at them. If she could only have one thing this morning, she was willing to settle for a hot shower followed by clean clothes.

They walked into her bedroom without knocking. She heard them sit on her bed and knew they didn't care she was stripping down to her skin. Michala turned to face them, covered only by her shirt. She slowly undid each button as they stared at each other. "Yes?"

"Well you look better," Susan said, her tone doubtful.

Michala dropped her shirt to the floor. She almost grinned when both pairs of eyes veered off to look at other things. She reached for her robe and took her time pulling it over herself. "I am better. Yesterday was hard. Yesterday is over."

She didn't even consider that would be the end of this little talk. Her friends should be at work. This was the second day in a row they had taken off. This was going to be the no holds barred talk they had yet to have over all that happened in the last few days, and months. She closed her eyes briefly. She owed them this, she reminded herself. For all their sakes, she owed them this.

"Do you mind if I take a shower first? I feel sticky."

Jess stood up and shook her head. "Nope, as long as it's fast. Do you have a preference for lunch?"

"Anything that isn't fast food." The thought of food wasn't as repelling as Michala thought it would be. She wasn't hungry, but thought she could be if the next hour wasn't too unpleasant.

"How about delivery? Chinese?"

Michala narrowed her eyes at her friend's carefully casual tone. She had known Jess too long to be fooled. Tension rolled off the slender form framed in the doorway. Anxious blue eyes met hers before closing as she turned away. Her casual tone was gone as she said in a strained voice, "I know what to get us."

Susan sighed and got to her feet. "What do you want to drink?"

"Scotch," Michala said, thinking only about the day stretching out in front of her endlessly. She dreaded what lay in the hours ahead. Of the confessions she would make. Of the truths she would reveal. Of the next inch of her soul she would strip bare in amends.

Shock was swiftly covered on Susan's face with a painfully bright smile. "Okay, scotch it is. I'd be snappy about it if I were you. Shannon's not here to keep Jess out of the shower with you."

"You are." Michala kissed her on the cheek as she walked by on her way to the bathroom. Susan fell in step behind her. Michala turned in the doorway. Words died on her lips as she saw the vulnerable expression of loss on her friend's face. Susan looked like she had just lost her best friend. Michala moved to her. Susan threw herself at Michala, stunning her with the force of her hug. Of all the things she had done to apologize over the last week, standing there in Susan's bruising embrace was the easiest. Her words lacked the tangible assurance provided by her physical presence.

Susan squeezed her close one last time. "Don't count on me keeping her out. That shower fits three."


Kelly walked into her office, shut the door, and promised herself that she wasn't leaving until she was current on their cases. Unless it was five-thirty in which case she had a date. While she sorted the files on her desk, she pushed away all thoughts of Michala. She had already spent the time driving home, getting ready for work and the drive to work wondering what was happening to Michala at Jessica's. She hoped they were gentle with her.

As the red tagged files began to pile up on her desk, Kelly felt guilty for abandoning Sam for the last few days. Any team leader could keep the program running, but for it to run smoothly without people falling through cracks, all three leaders needed to keep up with their end of the paperwork. Red tags were new cases that had not completed the initial evaluation. Once all of them read the case and made recommendations, they were tagged by priority. Green tags were Sam's, yellow tags were Randa's, and blue tags were Kelly's. If a case needed the immediate attention of more than one of them, it was kept red. They were all working towards a time when the case was given the inactive white tag.

Kelly's responsibility was to help the victims through the legal maze. Their clients were mostly battered woman and children. They were terrified and all too often felt that it was them against the world. Kelly was their advocate. She explained what legal services were available and was there to help them make the hard choices. Sometimes she was the first person they saw. Sometimes they never met her at all. Kelly liked those cases best.

With determination, she worked steadily through the red cases without a break. She added her recommendation and moved the case into another pile. Some were ready to be assigned and some still needed to cross Randa's desk. Briefly, Kelly wondered where Randa was working. The Center was closed for the foreseeable future. Someone needed to make temporary arrangements for the Center's patients.

She was debating about a late lunch when her door opened without notice. She glanced up reflexively and then sat back to give Randa her full attention. Neither smiled at the other. Randa shut the door and sat across from her. Dearly familiar eyes stared at her with anger warming the dark brown. Kelly steeled herself. She didn't even bother to wonder why Randa was here.

"What's going on between you and my sister?"

Kelly thought about being flip. Randa's attitude demanded a sophomoric reply. She went with honest. While Randa deserved to hear she only wanted her twin sister for the sex, Michala deserved better. "I'm in love with her."

Randa sat back in her chair with a sarcastic smile. "In love? You haven't known her a week. How can you possibly be in love with her?"

"Why shouldn't I be in love with her? She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman."

"Everything?" Randa repeated. "In less than a week you know she's everything you've ever wanted?"

Randa's disparaging tone annoyed Kelly more than the question itself. She didn't care why Randa didn't believe she could be in love with Michala in less than a week. Some people didn't believe in love at first sight. Some people thought love could only grow over long periods of time. What she did care about was that Randa thought she come into her office and imply that she hadn't known Michala long enough to love her.

"You don't believe I know her very well. Like you do. Like Susan and Jessica know her. Is that it?"

Randa nodded without hesitation. "You don't know her."

Kelly thought about asking just what it was they knew that she didn't that would change her mind about being in love with Michala. She didn't for one minute believe Randa would give her a laundry list of her sister's worst faults. But she had to admit to being mildly curious at what Randa would say if she asked. Instead she sat forward in her chair and met her determined gaze.

"Then tell me, since you know her so well, and maybe you can answer the same question for her best friends. Just how long would you have sat there letting her listen to those damned tapes before you realized something was wrong?"

Kelly watched without emotion as shock robbed her face of color and bled the anger from her eyes. She should have stopped then. She had drawn blood with her point. "I don't understand how all of you let her fall so far. You almost lost her, Randa. How could you not know you were losing her?"

Their eyes met and Kelly forced herself not to look away from the pain she caused. Randa's gaze slowly dropped to her desk. She closed her eyes and bowed her head. Kelly squeezed her own shut in regret. She knew she went too far. She would have given anything to erase the last few minutes from their memories.

"I don't know," Randa said softly. "Yesterday. Her voice. I've never heard Cayla sound like that."

Damn. Kelly flinched from the soft, broken words. She rounded the desk and knelt in front of her. Dark, tortured eyes slowly lifted to face her and Kelly flinched again. For the first time, she saw them as identical twins. "I'm sorry Randa. That was over the line."

Randa shook her head. Those anguished eyes scanned her face. She reached out to gently play with her hair. "How is she, Kelly? I mean really? When it's just you and she doesn't have to be Dr. Cary?"

Kelly wasn't sure how to answer the question. She didn't believe that technically she had met Dr. Cary. She didn't want to give Randa the truth about yesterday. She told Michala she could lose control and no one would ever know. It was a promise she meant to keep. Randa wasn't going to find out she fell apart from her.

She gave her the truth that protected both sisters. "She's finding her way back. She said yesterday she thought she was going to be all right. She said she hadn't thought that in a long time. Give her time."

Randa fought a brief smile to her face. "As long as it's some time in the next fifty years, she can have all the time she wants."

Kelly smiled with her. "Are we all right now?"

"Unless you hurt her," Randa said as she sat back in her chair. Her hurt, teary eyes destroyed the menacing attitude she was trying to affect. "I won't have to do a thing you understand. Jess and Susan will take care of you for me."

Kelly stood up and leaned against her desk. She smiled. "I think I can take them. Are you hungry? I was thinking about lunch before you came in."

Randa glanced at her watch and frowned. "It's late. We're all having supper at Jessica's. They've spent the day with her. It's supposed to be very low-key, though Shannon and I were not allowed to know their plans. Cayla's cooking."

Remembering the kind of meals Michala planned, Kelly lowered her expectations of lunch. She held her hands out to Randa. "Sandwiches? There's a deli around the corner."

"Sounds light. God, how many red files are on your desk?"

Kelly grimaced and reached for her jacket. "Too many. Some need your recommendation."

Randa fanned the files over her desk. "I've got to talk to Cayla about getting new office space. I need a desk."

Kelly locked her door behind them. "You can always use a corner of mine. We need to get those cases assigned."

Kelly was relieved when the conversation centered on DVIT. The program was her first connection with Randa and she was most comfortable dealing with her on that level. Michala was a minefield. Kelly wasn't sure of her own relationship with Michala. She didn't want to have to defend it to Randa.

They took their sandwiches back to her office and ate at her desk. They worked in a companionable silence broken only by case file questions. By the time they left for Jess', Kelly felt she was back on familiar ground with Randa. While she wanted her relationship with Michala to move onto a more personal level, she didn't have that same hope with Randa. For the time being, she didn't want to bring more people into the circle.


Her friends were talking quietly at the bar when Michala came down after her shower. She paused in the hallway and steeled herself for what she was sure would be a long, emotion filled afternoon. Please God, she prayed desperately, please let this be the last time I have to do this. Please. Because if she had to keep doing this, scotch just wasn't going to be enough.

Conversation stopped dead as she stepped into the room. They stared at her as if waiting for another head to sprout. They each had a glass of iced tea with a wedge of lemon. She sat down in front of the chair with the tumbler of melting ice and a half bottle of Chivas. She drained the glass of water before filling it with scotch. "Go on. Don't stop talking because I came into the room. Are we talking about the stalker or yesterday in the apartment? I hope it's the stalker."

Michala sipped the scotch, watching them trade concerned glances with each other. Suddenly, for reasons she would never know, it was all too much. She tried to reach deeper inside herself, searching for the cool poise that was her trademark. She wasn't too surprised to find herself empty. She truly had nothing left to give. Carefully, she placed the glass on the table and pushed herself to her feet.

"I can't change the past. I can't change what I did. I can't change what I didn't do. I can't keep saying that I'm sorry." She turned to leave the room. "Just add that to the list of all the other things I can't do."

Slender arms closed around her from behind and stopped her before she could take more than a few steps. Warm lips brushed against the nape of her neck. "This isn't for you to be sorry," Susan said, "this is for us to be sorry."

Michala stiffened at the soft words. She tried to turn to face Susan, but her friend tightened her embrace. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Jess came to stand in front of her. Her gaze was centered over Michala's shoulder as she sought strength from Susan. Michala felt Susan bow her head, resting her forehead on Michala's shoulder. Jess sighed and shifted her gaze to Michala. "We have a lot to be sorry for. We should have known."

Michala asked the question even though she knew the answer. "Should have known what?"

Susan lifted her head and rested her chin near Michala's ear. "That you were in trouble. That you were floundering. That something was very, very wrong."

"No, you should not have known. I did everything I could to make sure you didn't know." Michala had a feeling where this was going and she was going to end it before they could start down the road. The last few months may be sketchy to her. There were things she should have done, but didn't. There were things she did that she shouldn't have. She may have forgotten more about the past year than she would ever remember. But there was one thing she had no doubt about. She made sure those she loved did not know what was happening in her life.

Jess laughed without humor. She crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head in challenge. "Do you really think that we didn't know something was wrong? God, Michala, you ripped your life apart. You walked away from everything you love. We knew you were falling apart. We just didn't know how to reach you."

"I didn't want to be reached, Jess. I pushed yo-"

Susan plowed roughly over her words. "No, we allowed you to push us away. You got away with the things you did because we allowed it. Don't think for one minute you had the time and space you had just because you wanted it."

"If you had tried to force the issue, you would have lost me," Michala stated firmly. On this one issue, she wanted things clearly understood. "Don't you think for one minute I would have chosen you over the denial. I did not want to face my life and there is nothing you could have said that would change that."

Jess cupped her face with warm hands. Bright blue eyes bore into hers. "I know if our places were reversed, you would have reached me. I know you would have done whatever you had to do to get my attention. There won't be a next time, Michala. You can deny and hide all you want. You can lock all the doors, change all the locks, and not even have a phone and I promise there will not be a next time. One way or another, Susan and I will get to you because I just can't do this life without Saturdays."

Michala searched for words to make them understand that there was nothing they could have done differently. Nothing she would have done differently.

Susan's voice was soft in her ear. "I want to ask you something and I want an honest answer."

Michala acquiesced with the barest nod of her head. She forced herself to keep her head up and her eyes open. The days of facing her life with her eyes closed were over.

"Is Kelly as hot in bed as she looks?"

The off the wall question caught Michala completely off guard. She blinked slowly as her mind tried to follow Susan. Of all the questions her friend could ask, that one didn't even make the list. She turned her head to peer over her shoulder. "What?"

"We want to talk about Kelly now," Jess said from her seat at the table. "Here you've got this gorgeous new girlfriend and we don't know how you met her."

"I don't want to know that," Susan disagreed. Her grin was evil as she passed Michala to sit in her own chair. "I want to know how she is between the sheets."

Slowly comprehension dawned on Michala. As far as Jess and Susan were concerned, it was over. Apologies were given and received. Hurt feelings soothed. The slate was clean. All she had to do was move forward. She gave up a brief prayer of thanks to whatever benevolent being gave her these two women as her best friends. She didn't deserve them, but she was glad she had them in her life.

"And if we ever make it under the sheets, I'll let you know."


Kelly was frankly nervous. After yesterday, she wasn't sure what kind of reception to expect from Michala's friends. After today, she wasn't sure what kind of reception to expect from Michala. Did they tell her about the phone call? Everything that had happened aside, Kelly was still the woman she picked up in a bar. She was still the woman Michala threw from her apartment when Kelly dared to overstep the line Michala drew in the sand. She wasn't sure of her place in Michala's life or even if she had one. She was uncomfortable with the thought that she wanted one.

"Hey, there's Shannon. Honk. She can let us in with her."

Kelly fell in behind Shannon as she blew the horn. Shannon waved her hand to show she understood and instead of driving past the guardhouse, she stopped and spoke briefly to the young male guard. Cars without resident tags were stopped and if not on the owner's approved list, were forced to wait to the side while the guard got approval for them to enter the community. This time, they were waved through the gate without stopping.

Randa sighed. "I don't know about you, but I'm almost afraid to go in there. Susan and Jessica are so angry with her over this. I understand they feel betrayed. I know I do. But Cayla's been as sorry as she's going to be about all this. I'm not sure anyone will be left standing if they try to push it."

"How long have they been friends?"

Kelly was curious about the women who inhabited the center of Michala's world. She knew they were best friends. Now she wondered if they were ex-lovers. Lesbians seemed the most determined to convert ex-lovers into lifetime friends. It was hard sometimes to sort out who was merely a friend and who had been more. The passionate, sexual side of Michala was one Kelly didn't want to share with her friends. She wanted a part of the beautiful blonde that wasn't ever theirs.

"Jess' family lives across the street from our parents. I don't think either of them remembers a time when the other wasn't part of her life. They're more twinish than Cayla and I are."

Her voice was matter-of-fact. Kelly had to wonder if she was jealous and outgrew it or if she was never jealous at all. She didn't sound as if it bothered her someone had taken her rightful place in Michala's life. Curious, she asked. "Did you ever resent that?"

Randa laughed and her dark eyes were clear when she looked at over Kelly. "No. They are way too girlish for me. I was playing softball and football with the boys. When Cayla came out, in junior high might I add, Mom and Dad were more surprised that it wasn't me who was gay."

"And Susan?"

Randa grimaced and sighed again. "For my own sanity I have to believe they've never been lovers, but to be brutally honest, I'm not sure. I do know they were set up on a blind date by Jess. She and Susan were Criminal Justice majors together. Jess thought they would be perfect. The official story is that they met, went to a bar, and left with other people. They've been a triad since."

It was a story Kelly wanted to believe. They were friends. Best friends since pre-school and college. They shared and cared, they saw the best and the worst, they accused, and they forgave. But they did not know each other as lovers. Kelly thought, as she followed Shannon's car onto their street, it was a story Shannon and Randa wanted to believe, too.

The three cars were parked as they had been that morning. Shannon drove up the sloping drive to take her place next to the Mercedes in the open garage. Randa's car was still in the MARTA parking lot. When she took up Kelly's offer of a lift she did so with the expectation that Susan would take her to MARTA the next morning. Kelly came to a halt behind the little red Corvette. She was still surprised Michala drove a racy sports car.

Shannon waited for them on the porch. She raised her eyebrows as they mounted the steps. "Should we be concerned that it's dead silent?"

They traded glances. Kelly shook her head. "Let's not. I can't take anymore this week."

Shannon nodded and turned with her key in hand. "Agreed. But if it's not innocent, I get first dibs on your gun."

Kelly laughed as she admitted, "It's locked in the trunk of my car."

"Lucky for them," she replied and opened the door. They were hit with the tantalizing aroma of something Italian cooking and uncontrollable laughter Silently, the three woman removed their coats and laid sunglasses and keys on the cherry wood table in the foyer. They moved as one to the room which was the source of both the smell and noise.

"God, Suz, you're drunk," Michala announced, her slurred voice betraying her own inebriation. "Can you get up?"

"Hmm, prob'ly not. Jus feed me down here."

Laughter echoed across the kitchen. "Only if you let us call you Fluffy. And roll over on your back so we can rub your tummy."

The three woman walked unnoticed into the darkened dining room. From the shadows, they surveyed the tableau before them. Jess was sitting on the counter, her legs swinging. Michala was trying unsuccessfully to pull Susan to her feet. She was perilously close to being pulled down on top of the giggling blonde. Three empty wine bottles were lined up across the bar.

"Um, no," Susan disagreed and tugged on Michala. "I don' wanna splain that to them. Who do you think will be maddes'? Randa, Shan, or Kelly?"

Michala lost her footing and tumbled to sprawl across Susan. Jess howled with laughter and rocked so hard on the counter she slid off to land with a thud on the floor. Susan and Michala were laughing so hard Susan wasn't making a sound and Michala had tears streaming down her face. She was struggling to sit up, but Susan's fumbled attempts to help her only added to the difficulty.

Shannon looked over her shoulder with a wry grin. If any of them had harbored any doubts about the three of them being left alone for the day, they weren't thinking about them now. Yes, they were drunk, but of all the things that could have happened, it was by far the most innocent. Without a word, each woman went to her girlfriend.

Kelly slid her arms around Michala's waist and brought her upright. Surprised brown eyes swung around to look at who was holding her with such familiarity.

"Well, hello," she greeted, a sexy smile settling over her face. Michala turned in her arms when Kelly set her down on her feet. To her surprise, Michala slid her arms around her neck and pulled her head down for a deep kiss. Kelly gave into her desire without much of a fight. If Michala didn't care that her friends and sister were only a few steps away, Kelly wasn't going to let it bother her.

Michala leaned back in her arms with a sensual smile. "How was your day?"

Kelly stared deep into the dark brown eyes, searching for lingering signs of hurt or anger from the afternoon. All she saw in the dark depths was happiness. Whether from a good day spent with her friends or the amount of alcohol consumed, Michala was feeling only good things right then. Kelly wasn't going to rock the boat by reminding her of DVIT, Tyler or her stalker.

She pulled Michala against her. Whispering in her ear, she said, "I've been fantasizing about getting you alone. Any chance of that happening?"

Michala nestled her face against Kelly's neck. "Oh yeah. As long as by alone, you mean here in my room with Jess and Shannon across the hall."

The thought of making love with Michala in someone else's home did not appeal to Kelly very much. She liked the adventuresome, vocal lover she knew Michala to be. She liked hearing her name moaned by Michala as she thrashed against her hand or face. She was, however, willing to make concessions to the circumstances. She kissed Michala's ear, saying, "Whenever, wherever."

This time Kelly was the one to initiate the kiss. Slowly their mouths opened and kissing lips became stroking tongues. Hands wandered to the soft skin of the neck to caress. Legs slid between legs . Kelly only remembered where she was when Michala brought one hand to her left breast. She grabbed the hand before Michala could do anything more than touch.

"There's a bedroom upstairs," Shannon teased, "You can join us for dinner later if you want."

Michala jerked away. Her eyes were black with desire and she was breathing faster than normal. Kelly closed her eyes. She would never rein in her emotions if she could see her own need reflected in Michala's eyes.

Michala stepped around her and walked into the kitchen. "Gee Shannon, that was almost worthy of Jess. I guess couples who live together do start to sound alike."

Kelly turned around when she felt she was no longer blushing like a sixteen-year-old virgin. She already knew Michala and her friends were merciless. She would have to expect the same from their lovers. Jess and Susan were grinning like the drunken woman they were. Shannon was following Michala into the large kitchen. Randa was staring at her Nikes.

"Randa and Kelly, could you set the table please," Shannon asked. "I hate to put you to work, but I don't think it's a good idea to give breakable dinnerware to people who can't walk a straight line."

"Hey," Jess protested and promptly fell sideways from turning to fast. "Yeah, okay. But why does she get to help?"

Michala slid a bubbling lasagna from the oven. "Because I'm sober. We've got salads to go with this. Who wants garlic bread?"


The day wasn't ending the way Michala feared it would when it began. When this was all over, when they were all past everything that had happened and that would, she would have to remember to thank them. She knew she was lucky to have them as her friends before, but now she was truly grateful. More grateful than she could express that for today the three of them pretended the last year never happened.

"More?"

Blinking, she looked up at Jess and the carafe of coffee she was holding. Michala accepted a refill with a smile. While she normally didn't drink coffee this late in the evening, she doubted the caffeine boost was going to keep her awake later. If anything, she thought the coffee was the reason she hadn't already excused herself for the night.

She didn't want the day to end yet. She wanted to see stay in the warm company of her friends, held against Kelly as the conversation drifted around her. She wished they could stay like this forever. Wished the outside world never had to intrude on her life again.

"Hmm?" Michala looked up from her cup to find concerned eyes on her. She was sitting in front of Kelly on a chaise lounge while the others sat in patio chairs or on the grass. "What?"

"Where were you?" Miranda asked. From the tone Michala could guess where her sister thought her thoughts dwelled.

Michala took a deep breath and leaned further back against Kelly. "Can you meet me at the Center tomorrow at eleven? I rented some office space in that Medical plaza down the street. Lynn's meeting me there to help get patient files boxed and moved over. We could use some extra hands."

Michala's first clue that something was wrong was Kelly tensing behind her. Before she could turn to see what was wrong, she saw tension on the faces of the others.

Jess was the first to speak. "Are you insane? You're not going near the Center until this guy is caught."

Kelly caught her as she moved to stand up. "At least not without an armed escort."

"Not even with," Jess replied angrily. She got to her feet. "This guy could be anyone."

"He's not stupid Jess. And I will have an armed escort. Kendall Reynolds is the detective assigned to me. She's meeting me there to go over everything. My past actions aside, I am not an idiot. I'm not taking chances. But I do have a responsibility to Center patients."

A responsibility she had all but shirked over the last year. She owed it to the patients and staff to get everything back to normal as quickly as she could. She knew she could hand tomorrow off on Lynn and Miranda. She knew the two would do the job just as capably as they had all along. It was for herself that she had to be a part of it. For her own sanity and ego, she needed to be an active part of the Center again. Her vacation was over.

"Sit down Jess," Susan snapped when Jess would have continued. "He'll have to go through Kendall, Kelly and me if he wants to get to her tomorrow."

Michala opened her mouth to refuse their presence, but stopped when she saw the steely resolve in Susan's eyes. There wasn't anything she could say that would keep them away. In truth there wasn't anything she wanted to say. She snuggled back against Kelly's chest. "The more the merrier."

They would never know just how much she meant those words. The more people she had to help her move to the temp offices the less time she had to spent there. She knew from her afternoon there with Kelly just how deeply she was affected by the destruction of the Center. She did not want to walk through the rooms only to compare them to how they were before. Until the Center was restored, Michala had no desire to go there again. Anything left after the weekend, would either be left until the restoration was over or would have to be collected by someone else.

"What time do you want me to pick you up?" Susan asked and stood up to stretch. While the day had been relaxing, the night before had not and she was ready to go home. "Do you want to do an early lunch?"

Michala didn't even think about offering to drive herself over the next day. That suggestion would fly like lead balloon and she would have no one on her side. She smiled at her friend. "I'll catch a ride with Kelly. As for lunch, I'll either have something delivered or someone can go pick up something."

Susan looked at her strangely before a grin crossed her face. "So are you spending the night with Kelly or is she spending the night with you?"

Michala returned the grin. "Does it matter? Either way I get her in bed."

"It matters," Miranda replied, surprising them all. Sex and her twin were two subjects she never discussed at the same time. "Dani doesn't have the security that Jess has."

"She's right," Kelly said into the silence. "Do you mind if-"

"No," Shannon cut her off. "You can move in if you want."

Michala felt her bottom jaw drop and clenched her teeth before her mouth fell open. She stared at Shannon in surprise. She struggled to find the right words to say. She couldn't believe Shannon said that. Yes, she liked Kelly a lot. Yes, she wanted to see where the relationship would go. But her life wasn't in a place would she felt she could bring someone else into it. How could she say that so Kelly wasn't either offended or trapped?

"I, uh, thanks, but I, ah…" Kelly sputtered behind her.

Michala turned in her arms and kissed her softly on the lips. She looked into her eyes. "You took the words right out of my mouth. I should have asked you first. Will you stay tonight?"

Kelly reached up to brush a few stray strands away from her face. "I think I should keep a suitcase in the trunk of my car. I seem to end up without clothes when I'm with you."

Michala laughed in delight. "Oh baby you can keep all the clothes in your trunk that you want, but I promise you'll still end up without clothes when you're with me."

She leaned forward to kiss her when Kelly closed her eyes in embarrassment. She heard the others moving around behind her. The night was drawing to a close. Michala was torn between wanting it to go on forever and wanting to already be upstairs in Kelly's arms. She slipped one hand behind Kelly's neck and brushed her tongue over her soft lips in an invitation to deepen the kiss. Kelly didn't disappoint. The voices around them faded away as Kelly became her sole focus. Her world shrunk until it encompassed only them. The embers burning since their kiss hello burst into flames, burning away all inhibitions until their raw desire was all that was left.

"Does Randa kiss you like that?"

The amused question washed over them like a bucket of cold water. Kelly jerked away from her and stared over her shoulder with dazed eyes. Michala closed her eyes as she fought to bring her desire back under her slippery control. When she was sure she was collected, she turned to her smirking friends.

Susan grabbed Miranda from behind and pulled her back against her. Miranda was too surprised to fight the intimate embrace. "Oh yeah. It's like looking in a mirror."

"What dreams have you been having that you think that?" Miranda asked archly.

"We can go home and see," Susan suggested and slid her hand inside the waistband of Miranda's jeans.

Michala watched them in fascination. The only reason she believed they were together, besides Susan's admitting it, was the rare display of affection Miranda allowed in front of others. A small kiss here, hand holding there, but nothing overtly sexual. They were the most chaste couple on the planet. She knew there was something there for Susan to still be with Miranda. Before Shan and Miranda, the three of them were serial daters. In fact Michala thought her relationship with Melissa lasted longer than it would have if her friends weren't in long-term relationships. She wanted what they seemed to have.

Miranda put her hand around Susan's wrist. She didn't pull Susan's hand from the top of her jeans. "Best idea you've had all year."

With that, the party broke apart. Ten minutes later the patio was orderly and the dishwasher was whirling away in the spotless kitchen. Susan and Miranda left after Susan got the time they were meeting at the Center in the morning. The other two couples turned off lights as they went upstairs.

"Kelly, which would you prefer for sleepwear, T-shirt and shorts, or a gown?"

They were standing in the hallway between the two bedrooms. Michala leaned over to hug her ever helpful friend goodnight. "Don't worry about Kelly, Jess. I'll make sure she stays warm tonight."

Michala shut the door on Jess before she could comeback with a witty remark. Now that she could have Kelly to herself, she was eager for the day to end. Tomorrow was another chance for Jess to tease her about Kelly.


Continued in Chapter 8.