Part I

Chapter 4


The smell of coffee and a cold nose pressed into her cupped palm woke her. Startled she opened her eyes to the additional smell of doggy breath. That she knew she was not accustomed to. Luminous eyes stared back at her as she let her brain catch up with her need to empty her bladder.

"Hey, Mandy," she croaked as she moved out of her bed and hurried across the cold room into the warm bathroom. She silently thanked Darcy's sense of priority in what should be kept warm all the time. She felt stiff and her muscles sore…which she suspected was from her workout and shoveling manure.

Pulling on clothes that were chilly, she burred and then took a peek out the window. A clear sky with stars. It must be early in the morning. She followed Mandy down the chilly hall, taking comfort in the German Sheppard's nails clicking on the wooden floor. In the warm kitchen, Darcy was busy moving around a stove.

"Good morning," she greeted Darcy who was flipping eggs over easy.

"Morning. Good girl, Mandy." Darcy smiled down at the Sheppard who then headed for her spot, circled a few times and then plopped down with a big sigh on the thick pad identifying it as her corner.

"You sent her to wake me?"

"Yeah. We need to feed everyone and then get out to the store before everyone else is there."

"Everyone else," Celine asked feeling a slight panic.

"All of four people…but that would be two too many. Some are too cantankerous to want to be around."

Darcy slid the eggs onto two plates, handing them to Celine and gesturing where to place them. Then she dumped the diced potatoes with an assortment of vegetables and a mixture of a lot of other things Celine could not identify right away from the heavy skillet onto a platter plate. She laid that in the center of the table, setting a big spoon on top of the steaming heap and then went out to the backdoor and whistled.

"Judhith came over early this morning to help with the feeding," Darcy explained to Celine's paled face as her eyes fixed on the back door with fear. "The jeep is out of gas so we're going in with her. You can sit there, the eggs are for you."

"What's she doing out there in the cold?" Celine asked shivering as some of the cold drifted by her from an opened door, however she did not appear as tense to Darcy's eyes.

"Checking the animals."

A bulky form draped in layers of clothing stomped into the kitchen from the mud room. Boots had been removed and maybe a rain coat too, but gloves and coat were still on. The coat was taken off and casually tossed on the back of one of the chairs, with gloves tucked carelessly in the discarded coat pocket. The knitted cap remained on and the scarf was rewrapped around her neck. Judhith sat without a word and accepted a plate from Darcy. Without any formality, the woman started to scoop up potatoes from the serving platter.

Celine waited her turn, scooping up two servings of the warm potato mixture and then mixed her eggs with it. They ate in silence. When they all finished their morning meal, Celine was surprised they had cleaned the piled plate of potatoes. It was a lot of food.

Dishes were scraped into the composter and washed quickly. Everyone bundled up. Darcy picked up a sack near the door and gestured for Celine to go before her. She was dressed in Darcy's spare winter coat, but her legs and feet were cold as the outside weather enclosed her in a freezing grip.

Darcy sniffed the air. "Smells like snow," she muttered.

Judhith merely nodded, yanking the driver door open. The passenger doors were difficult to open. Celene wondered if a lubricant on the hinges would help.

Though Judhith seemed to avoid the major potholes, the rough road did not give them much relief. Celine thought she now knew what driving without shocks meant. The back seat she sat in was shared with recyclable items and Mandy, whose ears seemed to droop, as she swayed and bounced between the door and Celine.

As she stared out the front windshield three buildings began to take shape along the uneven landscape. The car came to a grateful, though abrupt stop in front of one of the buildings. Glancing around as she got out of the car, she could not see much of anything. Celine looked around for Judhith but she was nowhere to be seen. Darcy was climbing the stairs to the building. Not wanting to be left alone, Celine hurried after Darcy.

Darcy slung the sack she had onto a stack of carpets. "Hey, Jack. I've got some stuff to trade for some clothes and the use of your PC."

"Morning, Darcy. You still have credit with us…" he nodded towards Celine who hung back near the door, looking uncertain.

"You've got the place to yourselves. The gang of four are busy digging out their sweat lodge."

"Celine…this is Jack - Jack - Celine. G'wan and look over the clothes…get what you need for a week. That's about how long this storm may last. No sense in sending you back out in it to find your car." Celine still was not moving from the doorway. "It'll get colder so choose some warm stuff. I'll be right over there…" Darcy pointed to where the PC was, sitting in a corner that was surrounded with couches and reading chairs.

"You two want some coffee? I got some vanilla nut brewing."

Darcy nodded still watching Celine who stood in doorway, looking lost.

"Celine, how do you drink your coffee?" Jack asked.

Celine stepped further into the room after letting her eyes get accustomed to the dark interior. "Hmm. With…ahh…" her voice caught in her throat as an irrational need to walk back out caught up with her.

"She takes milk," Darcy told Jack and pulled the desk chair out and launched the internet browser. She wondered if Jack ever turned the PC off. The chair was warm. She glanced back at him and grinned. He was probably addicted to a few chat rooms. If he was not careful, he would be hot tailing it out of town for a clandestine meeting with a dream lover.

Jack disappeared in a back room while Darcy busied herself at the computer. Celine slowly moved further into the store, peering down the aisles of stacked goods, looking for clothes.

For what amounted to about an hour, Darcy went through different sites looking for some helpful information for Celine to read on PTSD and then scanned the missing person's postings. Celine had finished picking out clothes and was sitting quietly next to Darcy sipping her coffee. Celine's eyes periodically looked around her, though not with the same nervousness she had first shown.

"Okay," Darcy breathed disappointed. "Nothing on the missing persons sites of anyone that fits your description."

"You seem to know quite a lot about these sites. Do you get that many lost people?" Celine asked in a low voice.

"Yeah." Darcy hesitated wanting to go to another website but decided not to. She had enough on her plate right now.

"Come-on. Let's go over to the hospice."

"Hospice?!"

Darcy nodded goodbye to Jack as she moved back out onto the porch. "Yeah. Way out in the middle of nowhere, we have a hospice. It's also our clinic, hospital and social gathering place when the general store is closed. Lucky us…we have a few skilled people that can support it." Darcy glanced over at Celine, who had closed the screen door carefully and quietly before catching up with her.

Hmm. What's up with that? It's not as if the door is going to slam shut. Another bit of information to add about who she is. "We all take turns volunteering time to helping out with the residents. If you want to get on the list…just put your name on the chalkboard near the door."

"Why are we going there?" Celine found Darcy's strides a lot longer than hers, though they were about the same height. She was nearly running to stay even with her. Mandy was already waiting on the porch.

"So you can get a check up. You do need to find out if you have anything to worry about as well as find out if you need glasses. You keep squinting…"

"Oh…well," Celine was hesitant wondering about just how much she was willing to share about herself when she did not know anything herself. "I guess that would help… You do eye exams too? It seems so odd in a small place like this?"

"Out here we have what makes us comfortable but not busy," she responded cryptically. She smiled at the perplexed look Celine gave her and continued not elaborating. "Your medical information is held confidential. Unlike doctors and hospitals in today's cities, the hospice workers don't share medical information with any pharmaceutical companies or government agencies. The doc puts your information on a CD that is yours to keep. We have our own laboratory so you get the results from your tests faster and again only the doc knows the results besides yourself."

"What if she dies," Celine asked worried for some obscure reason.

"He. John is the full time doctor here." Darcy pulled the door open and stepped into the too warm room. She was already pealing her coat off and unwinding her scarf.

"Mandy, go lay down. It's not visiting day for you," Darcy told her in a soft voice.

Celine removed her coat also while peering around her. A too slim woman dressed in a fluttering white lab coat came walking towards them.

"Hi," a deep voice greeted them, totally taking Celine by surprise. "My name's John, sometimes Doctor John if I ask you to bend over…but you don't have to worry, my exams are gentle."

"John, your humor may not be appreciated by those who don't know you," Darcy told him seriously.

He shrugged his shoulders indifferently and kept his hands in the lab coat pockets.

Celine quickly stuck her hand out to cover her confusion, which John ignored. Embarrassed she tucked them in her pant's pocket to keep them warm.

"Germs get spread by shaking hands," she or he offered as way of explanation. "In here we're careful about that. What can I do for you, Darc?"

"She needs a physical," Darcy looked over at Celine with a raised eyebrow.

Celine gave John an uncertain look at just what did that cover. John smiled knowing that look.

"Do you mind if Darcy here stands in the room? She can wait in the corner where she doesn't have a view…can't have her getting off on this…but can make sure I only do what is considered short of handling you," John nodded at Darcy smirking.

Celine turned red and was going to back out when she realized she really needed some place to start on getting a solid record of who she was; so she nodded.

"Okay. Step into that room. It's warm. We don't have any hospital gowns…just a sheet, so I'm going to first give you an exam that you can keep your clothes on. Okay?"

John kept up a steady flow of conversation, with Celine not hearing too much. She followed directions and moved from a bench to a chair, gave blood somewhere between the pelvic exam and the eye exam. She was aware of Darcy's presence, but her thoughts were in a fuzzy place where sounds and people were muffled or filtered out so the world around her appeared dull and cold.

It was not until she found something warm being handed to her that she realized that she was sitting in the middle of a pen that had lots of small squirming puppies. She lifted the small warm brown body up and cuddled it close to her face. She laughed when her lap was suddenly overrun with two more also wanting attention.

"I hope you're not getting attached to any of them," Darcy told her worriedly.

Celine looked up at her startled. "I…" she looked down at the four pairs of brown eyes that were looking back at her. "No. I just like to feel them. They're so soft and warm." She giggled when the one she was holding licked her ear. "Besides, they're too young to be separated from their mother." Celine looked around for the mother.

"The mother was hit by a truck when she was carrying her pups from one side of the road to the other," Judhith informed them. "Someone must have dumped her because she was carryin'."

Celine could feel the anger in Judhith's voice as she gently stroked a pups' muzzle.

"I'm…that's horrible!" Celine replied, tears filling her eyes.

Darcy tapped Celine on the shoulder. "Come on. John should have the results of some of your tests by now."

When they were in what could have once been a large closet, now stuffed with a small table, PC and two chairs Darcy told her in a low voice. "Jessie, the mother to those pups is fine. Judhith every now and then makes up these stories…"

"Oh," Celine let a long breath out uncertain at whether to pursue that subject, then decided not to. "What's going to happen to the pups?"

"Judhith will find homes for them."

"What does she do around here…what does anyone do around here to support themselves?"

Darcy was spared an answer when John stepped into the small room and slid behind the PC, a feat someone as thin as her could accomplish…or him.

"Well…by the results of your AIDs test, you tested negative…and no STDs…haven't been raped…no internal injuries…only one thing that needs attention."

"You got the results already," Celine asked surprised.

"The new AIDs test only takes an hour…and we didn't find anything else in the one hour testing. We'll let you know about the other tests. Your cholesterol is good, heart good; however, I'm worried about your black outs and we don't have an MRI machine to see if there is something to worry about. Celine."

Celine blinked at John surprised.

"You need to hear what I'm saying," he instructed firmly.

"Oh, sorry…I don't know where I'm going off to," she apologized, embarrassed, and not realizing that was just what John was referring to.

"That is a problem. My suggestion is to get an MRI. Do you know what that is?"

"Well…hmm. Not exactly."

"It gives colorful images of your brain showing spots that may be injured or damaged," John tried to use language that was not going to scare her.

"I…do I have to do it right away?"

"It would be advisable. You said you have no headaches, dizzy spells or nightmares?"

Celine shook her head. "No. I wake up a lot at night…but I go back to sleep."

John typed that on the keyboard and then looked up at her. "Why is that? Disturbing dreams, a sense of danger, heard something, heart burn? Anything?"

Celine shook her head at all the suggestions. "I…I…I'm not sure…"

"That's okay. It happens with some amnesia victims. So, the bruises on your body…you can't think of what could have done that?"

Celine shook her head again, while in her mind images of lights in the dark flashing across her companions face, and then both of them screaming from the impact to the back of the BMW, that sent the Beemer into a skid and then… Celine blinked a few times then looked at the doctor as he continued.

"Well, if you think of anything," he did a few more things, ejected a CD, wrote on it, and then handed it to Celine. "When you come in, bring it with you. It has a password to protect it so no one can open it or update it without my password. For your file it's 's8l1n3'. Can you remember that?"

Celine blinked a few times and then nodded. John looked over at Darcy, who nodded that she would remember.

"How serious is it?" Darcy asked.

"I don't know. Head injuries are tricky. I can call Mary at the university hospital and she can set up a run of tests."

The two looked at Celine who looked like she was listening.

"Yeah. Sure," she looked towards Darcy, trusting her to make a decision for her.

"What you're agreeing to do, Celine, is to go to into the city, to a university hospital, where there is a very big machine called an MRI. You will be in that room all alone. The machine will do scans on your brain to see if you have an injury that is causing you to have these fade-outs. The hard part is you have to remain very still when you enter what seems like a big tube, or like a water pipe, where they will take scans," John told her seriously. "To ensure you remain still, your head will be strapped in place."

"Strapping me down," Celine repeated looking first at one and then the other. "I…why?"

"So you don't move your head," Darcy repeated. "I'll be there with you," Darcy told her soothingly, wondering why John was using scare tactics on her.

Eva who was standing in the doorway with something added, "Like when we tested your eyes earlier. You rested you chin in the cup and didn't move your head when we looked into your eyes." She leaned over Darcy's shoulder and handed a stethoscope to John. "You better hang on to that. You know how Jessie likes to play with it….and with the puppies…there will be nothing left of it."

Celine turned to look at the other volunteer in the clinic…The ophthalmologist, Celine reminded herself. "Oh. Okay. Where is this going to be at again?" she asked feeling a little more alert.

"It's at the university hospital. It's a training hospital for scientists, medical students and the like," John added as he wrote something on a pad. "I'll give them a call and set it up. Usually we don't get a choice of days…it's pretty much when they have an available slot," John explained.

"You're not going to drive her in that beat-up jeep of yours, are ya?" Eva asked seriously.

"You plan on lending me yours?" Darcy asked looking hopeful, but knowing that Eva would not lend her vehicle unless it was an emergency. This did not bother Darcy, only gave her fuel to tease Eva.

"Hell, no! She's my baby. Besides, Hummers are not for highway driving," Eva grumbled and shook her head at Darcy as if she were nuts.

"We'll work something out," Darcy grinned. "Let us know when you get the appointment, John. Come-on, Celine. We've got chores to do."

John nodded and Eva waved at the two as they left the building. With mixed feelings about it, Celine noticed that there was no car parked in front of the store. Darcy seemed unconcerned and started up the stairs to the store.

"Jack!" Darcy hollered as she stepped onto the porch. Jack appeared from behind the building, confusing Celine, yet she could not quite put her finger on why.

"James, can I borrow your cycle?"

"Sure," he answered grinning, "but it'll cost ya."

"What?" her voice sounding wary but the curl of her lips into a smile told anyone watching that it was said in humor.

"A dozen of them brown eggs yer hens lay," he drawled.

"Nix…they don't lay much in this weather and I don't want interest tacked on. I'll mix up a batch of my pancake batter."

"That'll do."

"Got a thermos?"

James jumped up onto the porch and was just about knocked off his feet by his twin who opened the door. "I'm gonna get some of her pancake batter…and I ain't sharing it this time."

"Hey!" Jack shouted after his brother and then turned to Darcy his face looking like he was thinking of what he could do to get some of the pancake batter. "I'll trade ya some gas for…"

"What is with you two? Don't you have pancake batter? How much gas for a thermos?"

"I'll fill yer jeep's tank," he generously offered.

"You two can come over tomorrow and pick up the bike and deliver my gas and I'll make it pecan."

"Yeeah! You got a deal!" And Jack disappeared into the store.

"I take it they don't do pancakes themselves, very well?" Celine asked as she followed Darcy to a shed behind the store.

"Nope. But then, I make down right good banana pecan pancakes. My specialty."

"Oh." Celine squinted up at Darcy trying to figure out if she added more than what she was saying was in her pancakes. "So, how are we going to carry my new clothes and stuff…what is that?"

"You can dump the stuff in the sidecar there," she pointed at something that looked like a child's cart without a motor, "and ride behind me or sit in the car with the stuff and Mandy."

Celine looked at the small sidecar dubiously. Then she glanced back at Darcy thinking of how close she would be to her while they rode home. That brought a flush to her cheeks, which had her looking embarrassed. "I'll ride behind you, if you don't mind."

"Good choice," Darcy smiled at her thinking of the warm pair of arms that would be holding on tight to her. Geeze, Darc. You need another visit to the city or more time alone to work this hormonal rush off.

James or Jack came out with two thermos' and handed them to Celine who added them to the cart. "Hey, Darcy, James and I were talkin' and…can we come over and you cook for us?"

Darcy laughed. "I suspected as much. No clean pans huh?"

"We can't agree whose turn it is to clean."

"Okay, how about…"

"No, no. None of this up before dawn. Give me a respectable time," he argued.

"Ok, about nine?"

"Good. We'll see you then." He took the two thermos' back with a wide grin on his face.

It took two starts before the engine sputtered and then dropped to a loud purr. Celine sat behind Darcy and wrapped her arms around her waist as if this was something she was used to. Mandy jumped into the cart as if she were used to this also, and settled down.

By the time they reached Darcy's place, Celine decided the only nice thing about that mode of transportation was wrapping her arms around the driver. They made it before the rain started coming down heavy but even sprinkles on a bike was tough, though Darcy blocked everything but what hit her cold hands that were clasped around her waist.

*****
"Celine," Darcy's voice woke Celine from another blank period of staring at nothing.

"Hmm?" Celine watched Darcy as she stepped around the brown leather couch to sit next to her.

"We have an appointment for you Saturday…that's in two days from now. It's going to be early in the morning so we're going to have to start over there really early."

"An appointment?"

At the university for an MRI," she patiently reminded her.

"Oh! Yeah. I knew that," she weakly joked. "Do we have transportation?"

"We can borrow Ellen's car. Don't want to use my dirt bike on pavement. Or, if all goes well, my new truck will be here. I've also arranged to stop at the 1-hour optometrist shop. You can use some glasses."

"Truck," she nodded wondering why that would tickle her faulty memory. "How come we didn't take your bike this morning?"

"No gas. Since Judhith was coming over to look at Ginger Ale, I didn't see any sense in walking in."

"Why did she want to look at Ginger Ale?"

"She's ready to pop." A pleased grin spread on Darcy's face.

"Ahh. Ginger is the fat horse that's…she's pregnant! Oh! I've never seen a horse have a baby!" Celine perked up.

"It's not always a pretty sight nor does it smell good…but, I tell ya, when you look at that little itty bitty, all spindly legs, trying to get to mama's milk it is sooo beautiful that you forget all the other stuff," Darcy told her, looking like she was going to cry.

"You really like that, huh?"

"If I didn't, then I should not be in the business." Darcy rose and decided this was getting to be too revealing and she needed to do something else.

"You're a horse rancher?" Celine asked as she got up to follow Darcy into the basement. There was a clock in the workout room and Celine stopped to study it.

"Hey, you going to stand there all night and look at that clock?" Darcy asked.

Celine looked at her startled. Darcy had changed into her workout clothes. Where had the time gone?

"Go get changed. We'll do some Chi Gung exercises," she told the surprised woman. She felt compassion towards the woman as she watched her face take on a frustrated look. Darcy guessed she was beginning to realize she was having black outs. She was hoping it was not small seizures. "Don't worry about it, Celine. You can't do anything about it so let it go. I'll watch out for you," Darcy added gently as the blue eyes begin to fill with moisture.

Celine sniffled and felt Darcy's finger flick the tear that was dropping down her cheek. "Why? I mean…I really appreciate you helping me…but why are you doing it? I could be a killer or some…"

"Rapist?" she interrupted, "Terrorist? Hmm. Member of a gang?" Darcy joked.

"Something…like that," she whispered.

"Well…until we know…I'll be your friend. You look like you need one and I'm not exactly over run with them." And you're feeling lonely and she came right at the time when you always start feeling sorry for yourself. Admit it, Darc ole girl. It's that time of the moon when you're cycling and get the ole blues… which come right after the 'horney toad' moments. Next is the 'bitch' stage. PMS in full bloom. Maybe you should warn her. Put out a red flag or something.

"Okay. Thank you."

After Celine changed, Darcy ran her through the Chi Gung exercises, and like the previous day, Celine could feel her legs trembling from standing in a horse position for so long.

*****
Saturday arrived and Celine did not find it memorable. Her time in the MRI machine was spent listening to music that covered some of the loud sounds from the MRI machine. Other than that, she felt spaced out, as Darcy described it to the doctors that were running the tests.

It was late when they got out so Darcy got them a hotel with the intention of stopping at the optometrist on Sunday. If Eva had not told Darcy that Celine was nearly blind without glasses, Darcy would have procrastinated this to another day, hoping she recovered her memory during that time and took care of her own medical needs, or someone else who was headed into the city would have done it. Darcy hated the city. Yet, even as she thought that, she knew she would have volunteered. She liked being near Celine.

Dr. Linda Reinhold was on weekend duty and both knew each other well. Darcy left Celine with her while she did some quick shopping for some other clothes she thought Celine would need…like underwear, shoes, boots, and pants that fit her. It was while she was walking by an art store in the mall that she remembered that Celine had filled up her scratch pads with doodles.

"Ahh, excuse me…" the young clerk turned to her after returning an item to the shelf. "I'm looking for drawing pads."

"The other side of the store…to the left." The clerk turned back to a box and opened it, sitting it on the shelf so customer's could see what was inside.

"Thanks," but her voice was faint as she got a peek at what was in the box. It was a mixture of art equipment from pencils to oils with everything neatly stored in a box that reminded her of a fishing bait box.

When she left the store she had three a three different types of pads, the art box and paint brushes that did not come with the water and acrylic paints. As she was walking back to the optometrist's office she was wondering what this inspiration was going to lead to. Darcy thought it might have something to do with who she was. She shook her head as she pushed open the door with her shoulder. Maybe she was spending too much money on this stranger and when she did start to remember who she was…she would leave everything behind. What would she do with all this stuff then?

Celine was waiting for her in the waiting room, her new glasses sitting on her nose. She was reading something and did not notice her until Darcy spoke to her.

"Celine, you ready?" Darcy asked setting the bags on the chair next to her.

Startled Celine looked into the face of a person whose voice was familiar but whose face was always a blur. Her face turned red as she realized that Darcy was handsome looking. Her blond hair was tied back, showing off a tanned face with dark gray eyes that were expressive, where her facial expression was not. She shoulders looked strong, and though the long sleeved shirt hid her muscular forearms, her tanned hands looked strong with long fingers tapered to clean short unpolished nails. Celine's eyes slowly went back up the body, resting momentarily at her breasts and then back to her face, blushing at being caught staring.

"You okay?" Darcy asked worried, wondering about the blue eyes that slowly worked their way up to her eyes.

Celine nodded. "I just…didn't know what you looked like." She cleared her throat nervously. "Thanks for the glasses. I…I have some money..."

"Why don't we wait with the money until we make sure it's not marked," Darcy commented and then smiled to show it was a joke.

"Okay."

"What's that?" Darcy pointed at the brochure on laser eye surgery that Celine was holding.

It had an appointment time on it. "Let me see that," Darcy pinched the brochure between her finger tips and angrily headed to Linda's office. Linda was walking back into her office with a pair of glasses in her hand when Darcy caught up with her.

"Linda! What the hell are you doing?" Darcy demanded in a low voice, waving the appointment card at her.

"I'm doing what my dad promised. What's got you so bent out of shape? You still have eight more to go."

Darcy had forgotten about the deal that was worked out with the residents of LC in exchange for a favor.

"She is with you, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I just forgot."

"She's lucky Dad had a cancellation on that day or she would be waiting months. He wanted to know how everyone is."

"Everyone's okay. I'll drive her in then. Did she understand what this involves?" she wondered.

"Yeah. She said she heard of it. I told her it wouldn't cost her a thing. It's a favor for a friend."

"What did she say to that?"

"Nothing. But I think she was more interested in what she could see…it was like she hadn't had glasses for a long time."

That was something Darcy wanted to think about. This woman was getting more interesting. She did not begrudge the offer to Celine about her eyes; it was something she understood after going through it with Judhith, who had been legally blind without her glasses. She was the first to undergo the surgery. It took some getting used to not seeing her without her thick glasses. Her personality and disposition had done a forty-five degree angle change for the better. Her hearing certainly improved.

Chapter 5

Late Monday night Celine woke from a dead sleep sitting up suddenly. She fumbled around for her glasses and stared out her window, worried at what could have wakened her. There was a light on in the barn. Hurriedly she dressed, pulling her new coat on and wrapping the scarf around her neck. It was in all this dressing that it occurred to her that she was definitely not from a cold weather region, because she would have moved to somewhere warmer…if she had the choice. That's when it further occurred to her that maybe she was in a relationship with someone…maybe a man…or another woman. That thought disappointed her for some reason.

No. I can't be interested in men if I keep looking at Darcy and thinking the X-rated things I would like to do with her. Hmm. If I can image these things…does that mean I've done them before? Gawds, woman. You are something else!

She pushed the side barn door open, and then closed it carefully behind her. She followed the sounds of an unhappy animal wheezing. Celine peered over the door to Ginger Ale's stall and could see both Judhith and Darcy working hard with the mare, who was lying on her side. Mandy and her friend Clementine were watching on the other side of the aisle looking miserable.

"Can I help?" Celine asked without thinking and then was hit with the smells. She nearly gagged.

"Yeah, come over here and hold her head," Darcy instructed softly. "Slowly, move slowly."

Celine stepped into the stall, careful to not get in the way of the waving hooves. She positioned herself exactly how Darcy was seated.

"Hey, mama Ginger," she cooed softly, stroking the brow of the wet horse. Celine made sure she did not look at what the two women were doing…it looked rather obscene and down right dirty. Then Ginger let out a groan that Celine felt in her own womb, causing her to look up and there in a gray sack, was an unrecognizable shape, being squeezed out of her mom's womb. "Okay, Ginger, breathe and then give another push," Celine told her, not really knowing what she was saying but she remembered it had something to do with human birthing…or did it?

Ginger gave a yank of her head and another groan mixed with a snort and both women at the other end had a bundle of goop in their laps. Judhith pulled the sack from the newborn's face and then stepped back as Darcy moved over to Celine and helped her up.

"Come on, let's give Ginger a chance to clean her foal," she whispered to Celine.

"Please don't touch me with those," Celine begged as she moved around Darcy and then past Judhith. Both women laughed and pretended to threaten Celine with their blood stained hands. With her new spectacles Celine was surprised at seeing what Judhith looked like. She was heavy with meaty arms that did not look like fat or muscle. Judhith was a large woman. Her face was neither ugly nor pretty. Her soft voice was the second time she actually heard her and she realized it was soothing and held a great deal of love for the mare as she coaxed and commanded it to give up it's sack of grey goop. And from this smelly mess, came an ugly gangly creature that struggled to master it's balance and then wobble with great determination towards a teat that promised warm nourishment.

A few hours later, the three women were sipping coffee and watching mother and foal eat.

"I never knew they could learn to walk that fast," Celine wrinkled her nose and grinned at Darcy. "You're right. It stinks and it's dirty, but it is so beautiful to see. Thanks again for the glasses, Darcy."

Judhith handed her mug to Darcy and nodded to the two women. She was actually smiling when she left the barn to return to wherever she came from. Celine turned to Darcy and gave her a hug, feeling the taught body pressed against hers. There was no return hug but there was also no resistance.

"What's that for?" Darcy asked worried.

"I just feel so happy…and this is the only thing I can think of to do with it." She looked up into Darcy's grey eyes lit from the nearby light. "Is this alright?"

"Uhh. Sure. Look, I need to stay out here… You have about three more hours of sleep time before chores…"

"Can I stay out here with you? I'll give you company. I won't talk."

Darcy gave a short laugh. "In your case, it would be good if you talked. But, sure I…you can stay." She then busied herself with arranging the bales of hay so that with a few blankets draped over it, they could sit high enough to avoid the draft at floor level. The windmill atop of the barn powered the heaters so she was not worried about freezing.

The two snuggled under the sleeping bag Darcy pulled over them. The dogs slept at the foot of the bales, occasionally lifting their heads and sniffing the air.

"You said you're a horse rancher…where are the rest of your horses?" Celine asked, as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"I did not say I was a horse rancher. I'm a rancher," she grinned down at Celine who was stifling another yawn.

Darcy smiled as the blue eyes were finally hidden behind the heavy lids. Celine's breath evened out and she snuggled closer into Darcy's side, tucking her hands against her chest, with her fingers curled protectively around her new glasses.

Ginger Ale, the golden Arabian brood mare, that was Darcy's pride and joy, nosed the hay bedding and then brought her head up and nuzzled her off-spring who was curled up and sleeping off the first few hours of life outside of mother. Ginger whiffed air towards Darcy and then settled down for the rest of the dark morning.

"You're gonna have a nice filly there Ginger. This one's gonna make it," she reassured herself and the snoozing mare. Mandy and Clementine thumped their tails in agreement.

*****

Darcy opened one eye startled, and then the other as the figure that was lying beside her moved restlessly in her sleep. Sleeping on top of a few bales of hay did not make for a comfortable bed if you were used to a real mattress, so Darcy was worried Celine would roll off and onto one of the sleeping dogs or something unpleasant one finds in barns. She was debating about waking her or simply letting her continue to sleep. She instinctively put her arms around her to prevent her from landing on the ground.

Now this may be a mistake, she groaned to herself as she felt her sexual desires more than nudged awake. However, she did not move or lessen her hold around the sleeping figure that willingly shifted her body position to fit against Darcy.

Must be the cold... She probably doesn't even realize she's snuggled up this close…hmm. Darc you are just taking advantage of the situation…and not even feeling guilty, she accused herself humorously. She breathed in the smell of Celine blocking out the smells of the barn. Then let her eyes close so she could drift in a light doze.

Not long later her eyes opened and she looked around her. Ginger Ale was quietly chomping her feed while her little one was bumping and tugging at a teat for milk. Darcy had left a small lamp on so she could keep any eye on the pair. Her mental alarm told her it was about the time for her to get up and feed everyone that was out and about the barn, yet she remained where she was; telling herself that it was because if she left Celine tossing on the bales, she would fall off and maybe hurt herself, and it was also cold outside of the blanket.

"Cold. Damn. The heaters must have shut off," Darcy muttered as she shook Celine's shoulder gently. Eyes peered out at her from under the sleeping bag cover.

"What's wrong?" the voice croaked.

"Time to get up." Darcy flipped the cover aside and jammed her feet into her boots. A grunt and some other noises came from her as she turned to pull her coat up from the bale where she kept it warm by lying on it. She needed to make a potty run to the toilet in the small equipment room that she had converted from two stalls.

"What?" Celine looked up at the wild looking woman, hair sticking out, threaded with straw and who was making some interesting noises. "Yeow!" Celine shouted when she slid her feet into her shoes. "Damn it, Darcy! You didn't tell me my shoes were going to be like ice," she accused.

"Well, that's another thing we can put on the list that we know about you. You're not used to cold mornings."

****
Celine was washing the breakfast dishes when she spotted a Hummer pulling up into the yard, stopping near the barn where Darcy was working on something. It was easy for Celine to tell when Darcy needed space. It was understandable too…after all living way out in the middle of nowhere was a clue that she liked her solitude.

Dishes done, Celine brushed the hair out of her eyes while contemplating whether to make another pot of coffee. There it was again. A cramp. Stronger this time.

"Oh, great," she groaned softly. "My monthly." She slowly breathed in and out, taking little comfort that this felt all too familiar. "I need to find some tampons or sanitary napkins." Holding onto the doorframe for a few moments she waited until the cramp passed.

"Celine! What's wrong!" Two pairs of hands supported her.

Celine started to laugh and then doubled up again, groaning. "I…I've got cramps…I think I'm starting my monthly."

"Monthly?"

"Her menstrual cycle. I've got a few napkins in my Hummer that I keep for emergencies. I'll go get them," Eva told the two women.

"Are you going to be alright," Darcy asked worried as Celine's face took on a pasty look.

"I…I can say without a doubt…I feel…terrible," Celine leaned into Darcy who assisted her towards her room.

Eva joined them handing a plastic case to Celine. "There's three napkins in there. I know on my first day, I used to get sicker than a dog and bled like I was hemorrhaging. Isn't Judhith coming out later to check up on the foal? She can bring some napkins from the store."

Darcy nodded. "Are you sure you're going to be alright," she asked Celine again as the woman curled up from another cramp.

"Yeah. Thanks, Eva," she muttered as she gratefully headed into her small bathroom.

****
For the rest of the day Darcy went about her business but would stop by and check on Celine. Sometimes she would find her curled into a small ball on her bed groaning and other times she would be sound asleep. Queenie and Lord Byron, taking a liking to her, were curled up on the foot of the bed, offering their presence as comfort.


Chapter 6

Celine woke up and found herself staring into the luminous eyes of Queenie, short for Queen Cleopatra. The fluffy orange and white cat was lying on her chest, which explained why her innocuous dream suddenly took an extreme dogleg turn into the beginnings of a heated game of foreplay…her and Darcy being the key players. She glanced around for the black and white, Lord Byron. A black tail flicked at the foot of the bed.

"Damn, I need to change, Queenie. You're gonna have to move," she scratched the cat on her purring head who readily stood up, and then with a few bouncing leaps, was out the door, with Lord Byron quickly following.

After her shower she decided that the only good thing was she did not have cramps anymore, but other than that, she felt like she should lock herself up for another day. However she dressed for morning chores. In the kitchen she noticed that she beat Darcy to putting on the coffee. As the coffee dripped to readiness, Celine picked up the envelope that was on the small breakfast table that had her name on it. Well, she guessed it was her name. The handwriting was terrible.

Sounds of Darcy stirring could be heard with her morning grumbling at Lord Byron, which sounded angry about something.

"Mornin'," Darcy mumbled as she stumbled into the kitchen, not looking her usual morning self. "Good. Coffee." She plopped onto the other chair and proceeded to pull her thick socks on. "Eva dropped that off yesterday."

"I don't understand all this…" Celine flicked the pages with her other hand impatiently.

"No one can understand John's handwriting. Sometimes not even he does," Darcy grumbled.

"It's typed. I don't understand all this technical jargon. Don't they have a translator?" Celine complained. She rubbed her forehead where a headache was developing into something more serious. Her back hurt and she was still tired. "I hate this time of the month. I think for those who want to have babies…they can keep all of this, but for us that have no intention of having any…we should be able to … What's wrong?"

"Not a damn thing," Darcy rose to get coffee. She pulled two mugs down and proceeded to pour milk in the cups getting them ready.

"Darcy, I'm sorry. I…I…"

"You don't need to be sorry for anything," she muttered distracted.

"I don't think too well when…it's a terrible excuse. It was insensitive."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Darcy demanded.

"Well, ahh. You don't have any sanitary napkins or plugs…nothing for your monthly so I thought…well, I thought you maybe…I mean with the scars on your body…that maybe you…" her voice trailed off.

Darcy shook her head looking cross. "I need a translator to understand what the hell you are talking about. I don't have sanitary napkins because I don't bleed. So what is the problem? Judhith delivered a dozen boxes for you…damn woman! That should take care of you for I don't know how long."

"Ohh." Celine waited wondering if there was more she was going to say, and then realizing there was not going to be anything more she continued on. "So, what was that expression for then?"

"I don't have to give an explanation for myself…to anyone. This afternoon I'll take you to town and you can ask John or Eva to translate the damn note."

"Are they a number?" Celine suddenly asked, thinking maybe changing the subject would help, though even her choice of a conversation change had her startled. She decided she was not a glib person.

"Whh…No! You interested in one of them?" Darcy asked without thinking, and with considerably less heat. She poured coffee in each of the mugs.

"Naw," she replied with relief. Her conversation change had actually worked. "I think I would rather wait and see if I'm married or something before I have designs on anyone. Don't want to confuse the issues of my sudden return and my other half is in bed with someone else. How will I then justify breaking up with her for… ahh…" Maybe she was being too glib…

"For?" Darcy prompted, thumping the mugs on the table.

"I was getting carried away with a story." Celine took a sip of her coffee hoping that would close the subject. This was getting to be like a conversation with spaced out people…the ones really way out there.

However, Darcy seemed to find this interesting and persisted. "You should continue with the story…it could be a way to tease out your lost memories. Like some therapists do when they read you off a list of words and you say the first thing that comes to your mind. You should be good at that."

Before Celine could comment on that return Darcy had risen from her chair and was already heading out to the mudroom to put on her mucking boots, taking her coffee with her.

"Word association…I wonder what you would say if you knew that when Freud had his patients do it, he had fertility statues hanging on the ceiling over them…talk about confusing the issues or stacking the cards," she muttered to herself, feeling cranky and lousy. "Hell, the man had his collection of fertility fetishes littering his desk…and some people wondered why he was so obsessed with sex. That man pushed subliminal queuing to a different level. That's like staring at Hustler or Playboy all day and expecting a man not to be horney. Damn. I'm really bitchy. Maybe I can go back to my room and curl up for the rest of the week…"

****
As was their custom, they spoke little and now that Celine had her routine down, Darcy did not direct her. Since she felt continued 'don't bother me' vibes from Darcy, Celine kept to her side of the barn and left when she was finished. At first she was bothered by it, but as she shoveled the llama's dung, she thought about how she had pretty much taken away Darcy's time to herself and maybe this was her way of asking for it back, or maybe she was PMSing too. Silently she groaned to herself at the thought of two cycling women in the same house.

Celine went into the house to clean off the smell of her barn work and then wandered into the frontroom to wait for Darcy to reappear, taking the drawing pad Darcy had given her and art box.

****
Darcy came back into the house a few hours later feeling calmer. She leaned over the couch to see just what Celine was so intent on and she found the drawing pad filled with sketches of Ginger Ale and her foal Ginger's Pride. They were not full sketches but rather like exercises of someone trying to catch movement.

"If you finish a full drawing, Ginger will ask for a portrait of her Pride," Darcy told her casually.

Celine looked up smiling. "How were the hens? Promising enough for an omelet?"

"Yeah. But they didn't say just when they were going to start rolling them out."

Darcy gave her a hand up and they both headed to their respective rooms to change into workout cloths. Whatever was bothering Darcy seemed to have departed.

****
"When you twist your hand up and around, you're following the small finger with your eyes good and you're twisting your waist well. Now, you need to concentrate on keeping your weight evenly balanced on both feet…it's all in the waist. Can you feel yourself teetering because your balance is on your toes or the outsides of your feet? Right. Flat foot," Darcy coached while demonstrating the Chi Gung movement.

Darcy watched Celene as she worked to keep her balance in two movements, not really expecting her to get every small detail down yet, and then continued with her own exercise. Without focusing, she was aware of her breath. Her eyes moved to the bottom of their sockets, watching the tip of the small finger as it started at her waist, twisting up to her nose and turning her waist the her hand moved, spiraling up over her shoulder with her eyes finally moving from the finger tip to the ceiling. Eyes, massaging her internal organs, balance and flexibility she worked on. When she was content that she had worked on this move enough she moved to the next.

When she finished with her Chi Gung exercises she moved to working on perfecting other moves in Tai Chi without connecting them. And then she finally called it quits. She wanted to give herself a hard work out but she did not want Celine's company.

"We're not going to…"

"No," Darcy told her shortly.

"Why not?"

Darcy turned to her angrily, "Why do you always have to question me? If I don't feel like doing something I don't have to justify myself."

Celine stepped back surprised. "I thought I was the one that's supposed to have PMS."

That angered Darcy even more. "Why can't I have PMS? Because I don't bleed I lose all rights to be a woman?" she shouted.

To Celine this was a perfect case of PMS, and as much as this felt all too familiar, she could not remember if she was looking at herself or someone else. It was a confusing feeling as if it were an overlap of another reality.

"I don't know a damn thing about your condition or physical…" she began, her voice coming from a distance. Her hands twisted the towel, unconsciously mimicking how her stomach felt.

"No you don't! Nor do you need to. I don't feel like doing any more teaching…if I want to exercise alone…I should be able to do that in my own home!"

"Well just say so!" Celine could hear herself respond, but it was not her. She could not stop the on rush of anger. "This is your house so you should be able to ask for privacy!" Celine shouted back. Her back bumped into a wall and she felt a disquiet burning in the pit of her stomach. "Shit! I'm going to my room! Two women PMSing in small spaces is not a good thing," she muttered and stomped up the stairs, and out of the basement, not bothering to close the door since she knew it would be a slam. She just wanted out of that small space. A bubble bath always calmed her down. Where in the middle of nowhere was she going to get a bubble bath?


Chapter 7

Judhith came by regularly, but not always visiting the house since the two human occupants were too cranky, but to check on Ginger and her small Pride. On one of the visits, she left another sketch pad off, a used box of water color tubes, and a palette sitting on the kitchen table with a note from the twins that they heard she liked to draw. Celine had little to do to divert her attention aside from chores and exercises, so her drawings were filling the sketch pads Darcy had given her. Playing with water colors was something else to occupy her time.

Three days later both women felt in a better mood and worked at cleaning out the stalls without the edginess of the previous days. On the fourth morning Celine found her cup of coffee already poured in her cup, and Darcy sitting in her chair, looking like she was waiting for her.

"Morning, Darcy. Hmm. What flavor of coffee is that?"

"Butterscotch. Judhith dropped it off last night. Today do you feel up to driving into town? John should be awake by noon, if you still want your results translated."

"Yeah. He must keep late hours," Celine remarked with a smile, wondering what in a town in the middle of nowhere, could he be busy with…then decided maybe she did not want to know.

"Yeah. His residence is on the top floor of the hospice, so he takes the night shift. When people are near death, they don't sleep…so he reads to them."

"Really?" She sure is talkative all of a sudden. "You had said if I wanted to I could volunteer some time at the hospice…would you mind…I mean…if it's not too much trouble…of dropping me off and picking me up?" It would give us both some space.

"I could drive you there…or Ellen. She rotates mornings with Eva. She and George live not too far up the road."

"Okay." Celine felt happier. Besides learning more about barns than she really wanted to know, knowing Darcy was nearby was making her jittery. She was thinking about her too much and doodling to focus on something else was not working enough to suit her. Her hands kept wanting to draw Darcy in naked poses doing Tai Chi or weight lifting…naked. Another plus for having glasses…she could see what a nice body Darcy had.

****
"I'll be back for you in about three hours. Sounds okay?" Darcy asked Celine as she swung her leg over the dirt bike.

"Yeah, oh. Can you give this to Jack or James? I thought they may like to add it to the bulletin board they have in the store."

Darcy nodded taking the sketch. It was a pen drawing of one brother sitting atop the roof tossing dirty pots and pans at the other brother that was racing around the building on the motorcycle with Jessie hanging on in the attached cart. She also had added Jessie's puppies, which were bouncing around with one or two being tossed out…and Judhith running behind with a wheelbarrow. She had one puppy safely sitting in the wheelbarrow as another came her way.

Darcy was pleased Celine volunteered to do some time in the hospice. It gave a chance for their small community to get to know her. No telling how long Celine was going to be staying and she needed to pull her weight.

The prospect of Celine being by herself set her heart beating faster. You're panicking, girl. No need to. Calm down. What is there to fear? Of course Darcy is not going to abandon me. We get along fine. We give each other space and we don't take each others grumpy moods personally. What more can I ask for a roommate…well…this is awkward. Neither renter nor guest is I.

"Celine. I'll return for you. I'm not going to desert you," Darcy spoke, reading her hesitation well. "It would be rather hard since everyone knows you're with me." It took a few moments to realize what she had said, but by then she was turning and taking the stairs two at a time into the store, covering her embarrassment.

"Right, okay, Celine, you're being a big baby," Celine muttered to herself as she walked towards the clinic. She pulled the envelope out of her pocket that had the MRI results that she could not understand…or maybe did not want to understand.

"Good afternoon, Celine," a soft voice called to her from inside.

Pausing in the entrance to let her eyes adjust to the dim lighting, Celine turned around, facing a frail looking man who slowly approached her, pushing a walker with bright orange tennis balls on its back legs.

"I heard you're the new resident in the twilight zone," he wheezed.

Celine could now see that the man was young, though his body language was that of a very old man. An oxygen tank was attached to his walker with the thin tube attached to his face, under his nose.

AIDS the thought whispered to her. The hospice is for AIDS patients?

"It's not what you're thinking," he wheezed. "Come on. I'll take you to DJ."

"DJ?"

"Doctor John," he spoke with effort.

Celine decided not to ask any more questions from this fellow. Following at a slow pace, she was able to get glimpses of other rooms where the occupants were engaged in various activities. The room she was led to had a big bay window that looked out into an arboretum where a few more people were either reading from wheelchairs or conversing.

"Not what you were expecting?" a deep voice from behind her asked.

Celine turned a little as John stood next to her. "It's a nice hospice. What kind of patients do you have here?"

"No patients. Just people that want to die in peace. I see you have your results. Let's step into my closet," he grinned. "Alex, are you about finished with your exercise? Judhith left some plantings you asked for on the workbench."

Alex did not bother to speak; rather, he nodded and continued on his journey.

In the closet/office John did not squeeze behind his desk but rather took the seat next to hers. "It basically says they could not find anything wrong and would like to do more tests. Just from watching you, and seeing your eyes, I would say you're having less blank episodes."

Celine nodded. "I don't feel like I'm in a fog anymore…I just don't remember anything!" she said frustrated, surprising herself at the intensity behind her declaration.

"Uh, huh. Are you getting enough sleep?"

"I sleep fine. I don't wake up as much."

"Do you find yourself going to bed earlier than say, sunset and getting up hours before Darc?"

Celine smiled at the abbreviation of the woman's name. "I don't know what time I go to bed. It's not like she has a clock in the guest room…" she tilted her head as she thought about that, "in fact…the only clock I recall is above the basement stairs. And no…there is no way I get up before her and want to. Sometimes when I'm stumbling into the kitchen to start the morning coffee, she's coming up from the basement…" the image of a sweating, scantly clad woman, poster perfect for an add dealing with healthy women, had her pausing at the effect it had on her libido…the very reason she needed distance from her. "…sometimes before I'm even thinking about getting up," she finished distracted.

John smiled and looked down at his hands amused, "I understand you have painful menstruating days…first two days?" he asked.

Celine took a deep breath and then let it out, laughing. "Yeah. The irony of it is that I loose my memory of everything but this. I actually remember being out of it for a day or two…and worse…suffering from PMS!"

"Selective memory. Well, you're in good company. Darc usually does not come into town during her 'phases'. Gole has some herbs, aryuvedic that could help…if you are interested. She works the second shift here. Her family has been practicing it for generations, so her knowledge is quite extensive.

"Why doesn't Darc…Darcy try it?"

"That's her business…I wouldn't go poking around about personal stuff on her. She's pricklier than a porcupine."

Handy to know that it's not just when her hormones are putting her panties in a wad. "Okay. What about my memory?"

"From your symptoms, it appears you may be experiencing retrograde amnesia. Your recovery of earlier memories can start anytime…and in spurts or completely. With this type of amnesia, you may not recover the memories that caused this trauma. Most people associate head traumas being the culprit of amnesia but an event can also cause it, which may be the case with you. According to Doc, she said when she examined you on your first day here, she found body bruising that reminded her of someone that was sitting in the passenger seat when the car rolled, but that you had no head bruising."

Celine was silent for a while as she let this information merge with her own ideas on what may have happened. "I see," she finally said.

"Anything else?"

"Uhh, I was thinking about volunteering…"

"The list is on the door near the entrance. Put your name on the lines you can be here. We have a training program…" John went quiet for a few moments and Celine could see his eyes were tearing. "We don't have a trainer right now…" his voice sounded strained, "so, I guess I'm it. How about at eleven on whatever days you can make it into town?"

"You won't be too tired?"

John laughed. "Tired is my middle name, as the refrain goes. If you have time, I'll give you some basics right now and introduce you to our residents."
*****

Darcy glanced up at Jack as he moved to sit beside her. He slid a mug of coffee on the small table near her, giving off the aroma of hazelnut, and glanced around the store in a conspiratorial manner. "I got a hit on our newbie. She's hit the missing persons."

Darcy could not resist the impulse to also look around the room before leaning forward to hear what he had to say.

"Her name is Martha Newcomb. Strange thing about this is that a police department employee of Clairton filed the missing persons report. I didn't find any warrants or tickets out for her so it's curious why they are looking for her."

"She works for them?"

"No. Her bio shows that she graduated top of her class in design about fifteen years ago from UCLA and went to work for McKee's Software and Technology Design, where she apprenticed. She quit her job there about two years ago…and that is the end of any employment records on her. She didn't file any tax papers for last year; she has no forwarding address; no active credit card accounts in her name, but…she does have a joint checking account with a Gail Delfin. Enough in the account to keep it open but the ATM cards to that account haven't been used…by either."

Darcy looked at him with surprise. "You got past a bank firewall?" she asked in mock horror, covering the sudden sinking feeling in her stomach at hearing she shared a checking account with someone.

"If I wanted to make myself look good I would say yes, but not having the need for such trivial ego strokers as my brother…no. I know someone who works at the bank. I asked and after I applied a great deal of my charm, she said the account is one of the many business accounts Gail Delfin has opened. The difference with this account and others she has opened is it is the first she had opened with the bank, it's joint, and it's not a business account. For each new company she starts, an account is opened…when she sells the business…the account is closed and the funds transferred over to the new owners. From the bio on Delfin, she went to the same college as Newcomb…they were college roommates. After graduation Delfin worked in a few different businesses and then started out on her own. She is one of those 'ideas' types. She starts a business to fill a market need, gets it into the green and then sells it for a lot of money. When she first started this trend, about thirteen years ago, she didn't have the capital to begin so Ms. Newcomb supplied the capital. This account was basically used for the first two business ventures as collateral…now the only activity is from Delfin's business manager, Gary Malcolm the third, who deposits enough money to keep it active. She also has a tax consultant, Gary's roommate, J. J. Hunt."

"So, for about two years she dropped out of sight," Darcy muttered thinking of what would cause someone that worked for a prestigious firm to disappear.

"She's got an active yahoo free mail account," Jack told her with a grin.

"Yeah?"

"Uh, huh. Last time she accessed it was two weeks ago. Right now her mail box is maxed out."

"So…" Darcy's brow furrowed, going over what information she gathered from Celine and what Jack was telling her about Martha Newcomb…and her school friend, Gail.

"Her MRI show anything?" Jack asked.

"No. She's not blanking out like she was in the beginning. At the general meeting, are we going to invite her in or wait?"

"Let me find out more…like where she's been for two years. My big curiosity is what interest the police have in her. If I found that information on her then it's not like she's been hiding. Hell, her Email has her name in it. Could be she made enough money from working for the design company and from lending money to her friend and retired…or is taking a sabbatical. People do do that…look at us," he laughed. "But, that does not explain what the police want to see her about."

"You like her," Darcy accused, though not with rancor.

"I like the sketch she did of us. It's going on the bulletin board."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. She may become famous one day and I can say…"

"What name did she sign it with?" she interrupted him smirking.

"Oh, damn! Well…there goes my investment," he patted her on the arm chuckling and went back to sit behind the counter where he played video games on the small television… all day, for all Darcy knew.

Darcy logged onto her yahoo account looking for any messages from 'Dreamer'. Nothing. She had met 'Dreamer' in a chat room one Wednesday evening about three years ago…one of the few times she logged on that late. For the last year, Dreamer only logged on Wednesday evenings. Darcy had imagined she had married and that was the only time she had out. Though she was intrigued with this person, she tried not to become too interested and ask the twins to use their PC those evenings…that was getting attached to someone. She was not ready for that.

She quickly scrolled through her Emails and then deleted everything after not finding the one person she was interested in. She moved to the chat room 'Dreamer' usually was on. She watched the conversations for a while, not becoming an active participant. As usual the conversations at this time were not quite as wild as the evenings…no doubt because a lot of the participants were at work.

Darcy was about to sign out when a name appeared in a question clustered with others. Something about 'Dreamer'. Frantically she scrolled up looking for the sentence.

Want something enough and you get it! Gotta remember to do this more often.

[Sexy Toes: i haven't heard from dreamer for a while. anyone know where she is]

Darcy then scrolled back down looking for anyone that may have answered. There was a long pause with other conversations scrolling on before 'Bearded Lady' gave a response.

[Bearded Lady: No. Why you asking. Interested in the dreamer. ;-)>]

More conversations and after a pause another reply.

[Sexy Toes: i miss her conversations]

The next response was quicker.

[Bearded Lady: She said she was going on vacation.]

[Sexy Toes: must be nice to go for over a month]

[Bearded Lady: DAD would know more.]

Darcy leaned forward and was about to click on Bearded Lady's private chat when her logoff flashed.

"Dark and Deadly. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her on the chats for a while…and she logs on periodically any time of day," Darcy muttered.

"What?" a familiar voice asked near her elbow.

Darcy liked the chills that the voice sent through her body and settle nicely in her stomach. She turned to look up at Celine who looked like she was ready to leave.

"Hi. I was going to get a ride back with Judhith but I noticed you were in town. You saved my wits and butt," Celine smiled.

Darcy glanced at her watch. Shit! I've been here for two hours. "Sure. I'm surprised you like the dirt bike over a car. It shakes more than her vehicle."

"Ahh, well…we are going in the same direction." I also get to hang onto you and you are something worth hanging onto. Celine would have slapped herself for that mental slip but she enjoyed the idea too much.

Over dinner if she brings up what she discussed with John then I'll see if she's ready to hear about who she is…or was. I'll make sure I tell her about the cops being interested in her whereabouts. That may shake a memory or feeling loose.

*****
"So…are you gonna ask me, or what?" Celine asked as she washed the dishes with Darcy hovering around.

"Ask you what?" Darcy asked defensively.

Celine turned around slapping the sponge on the counter. "Darcy, promise me something…no lies if I ask you something. If it's none of my business…tell me but don't play this..."

"Alright. Alright. What did John say?"

"He said if I can be at the hospice by eleven he will begin my training."

"Celine…promise me something…when I ask you a question…and you know what I am asking…"

"Okay, okay. No teasing."

Both broke out laughing.

"He said the MRI did not show any brain damage and he thinks it's retrograde amnesia. Temporary forgetfulness, in layman's terms. I looked it up in the library at the hospice…it's also called hysterical amnesia."

"Stop that!" Darcy told her firmly. "I appreciate your predicament…but the time for feeling sorry for yourself has passed."

Celine was about to angrily reply but instead, "You're right. There are people who are worse…"

"That's still feeling sorry for yourself." Darcy's voice had a hint of humor causing Celine to look up at her.

"You're right. So other than not remember who I am, my health is good. I should live in the present and if my memory comes back…deal with it then. I'm not so sure I like living on this edge of uncertainty."

"It's not for everyone. I have some news for you…good and bad. I'll start with the bad…the police of Clairton reported you as a missing person. Does the city ring a bell?"

"Clairton," she said slowly, shaking her head at the same time. "No. Where is it located? Maybe if I see it on a map…"

"I don't have one. We'll pull it up on the internet next time we're in town."

"Does this mean…I'm not sure I understand…don't police post missing persons?"

"They post it but they don't normally report it… unless you were one of theirs…"

Celine looked at her startled and then broke into wild laughter. Finally she got out, "Oh, Darcy. For sure…I just don't think…" Then she remembered how quickly she countered Darcy's grab to her wrist. "Good grief, Charlie Brown! I sure hope not! I mean…I have nothing against cops…but shit! They see too much of the underbelly of humanity to stay unjaded. If that is the truth…I quit. Besides…without my glasses I would be lost. They would never hire me unless it's as a civilian."

Darcy watched her, surprised at the vehemence in her statement. However, she knew she was not a cop…unless that is why she disappeared for a year. Was she undercover? No. Her dependency on her glasses would not be to anyone's advantage. Maybe she was their sketch artist…she was good at drawing people…though she did not seem to care for it as much as doing the animals. Maybe that was it! No. Then she would be gainfully employed and file yearly income tax.

"Missing person…that means you know my name!"

Celine's excitement cut into her thoughts. "Martha Newcomb…went to college…" she started to recite.

Celine jumped up in a panic, "I don't want to hear it! I…don't want to know! Please, Darcy. Not right now!" she implored. Celine then started to cry uncontrollably and a frightened Darcy leaped up not knowing what to do.

Mandy in her corner jumped up with a bark.

Celine turned and ran out the front door into the cold night without grabbing a coat or closing the door behind her.

"Mandy, follow and protect," Darcy ordered, hoping she would have the sense to run into the barn where there were blankets and warm animals that came in from the cold. "Damn! I should have picked up on her mentioning of hysteria associated with amnesia! Darc, what does the word 'dumb' bring to mind?" she muttered as she closed the door Celine left opened.

Not wanting to dwell on something she could not change, she decided to work out.

****
Darcy gave the practice bag a roundhouse kick and then spun around to elbow the bag, dropped down into a Tai Chi Snake Creeps Down move, as the bag swung over her; up into rapid fist flurries, one to the neck, chest and groin, and then she stopped. Standing still for only a moment, she went into action, responding from the flashing light in her workout room.

Two people had entered the house upstairs. Her usual companions, Queenie and Lord Byron were not with her. Cursing to herself she moved to the backroom where there was another exit, not bothering to look at the security monitors she had not turned on. She got sloppy and had wasted too much time. It could well be Celine and Mandy...but she had also forgotten to turn on the alarms while she was in the basement. The exit had three places she could escape to. One was outside, one to the barn and the other put her in the kitchen's broom closet. Unfortunately, if someone had a thermal visor they would be following her passage. She decided to end up in the kitchen and listen. If it was Celine, chances are she would…

Voices. Celine was speaking with someone…Judhith. Darcy waited until the voices moved on into the front room before pushing the closet door open.

Mandy, was lying in her corner of the kitchen as if waiting for Darcy. She yawned when Darcy stepped out, her tail thumping an uneven rhythm on the floor.

"What are you doing in the closet?" Celine asked with a funny look on her face. She had returned to the kitchen to get a glass of water for Judhith.

"You have your quirks and I have mine," Darcy told her drawing herself up in pretended ruffled dignity.

"Okay," she replied, however her tone of voice indicated she would be bringing this up again. "Judhith brought Mike's horse over. She said he doesn't have shelter for Blackie in this weather. What weather is that?"

"It's predicted to snow in a few days. Mike's horse shed fell apart in the last windstorm."

"I told him not to be tearing down the other one," Judhith appeared in the kitchen doorway. "He shouldn't be building something he hasn't any experience building."

"That could go for all of us, Jude," Darcy told her gently. "So, what did you do with Blackie?"

"He's in the corral getting acquainted with the others. I also came to tell you the meeting is scheduled for Saturday and you're both expected."

"We'll be there," Darcy answered for both of them.

It meant that Jack found out something that they all needed to discuss, which also meant that it was about Celine and she was just going to have to face her other face and the demons that went with it.

****
Judhith had been gone for an hour. Both Darcy and Celine elected to work out, each sweating in their respective spaces, their silence giving them the distance each needed to gather whatever nerve they needed in order to do what may have to be done.

Celine was afraid that her companionship with Darcy and this weird group of people would end and that she had done something horrible.

Darcy was not happy that the police were involved and was beginning to wonder if maybe Ellen and George should have handled this from the start.

Darcy was lying on the weight bench pressing a light weight, working on reps rather than strength when a shadow brought her focus to external rather than internal events.

"I want to apologize for my behavior earlier," Celine started. "I…I'm really scared…" she stuttered in a broken voice.

Darcy quickly dropped the bar on the Y-support and swung to her feet, reacting to a gut feeling that Celine was going to need a hug. She draped her arms around the damp figure that gratefully stepped into her sweaty embrace, both not caring that they probably smelled like they had been working out.

There were no tears this time. Celine had shed enough tears in the barn, and had been frightened when Judhith had suddenly appeared and demanded to know what happened. Celine sobbed out her fear and Judhith had nodded as if in complete understanding. It was then that a very dark horse had pushed his way into the warm barn and stuck his nose into the bale of hay that Celine had been leaning against. Why that gesture broke the tension in her chest she did not know but she was grateful because it hurt knowing that she may have hurt Darcy who had opened up her home to her and gave up a lot of her privacy.

"There is something…that I am scared of and I need to know who this Martha person is or what happened to her before… Darcy, the chances of me remembering what happened to cause me to forget is slim…and that's what I'm scared of. And…why are the police interested in me? I mean, what if I robbed a bank or something?"

"You have a joint account with a college friend…it has money in it so…it's not a money issue that you're wanted for. Besides, your face would be on another type of list."

"A joint account?" Celine could feel her stomach sink at the thought that there may be someone in her life that she owed fidelity to.

"Yeah. A college roommate, Gail Delfin. She lives in Santa Monica, about three hours from Clairton."

"College. I'm in college?"

"No…well, actually; you graduated from UCLA about fifteen years ago, went to work for a firm you apprenticed to, and about two years ago quit that job. Jack was looking through the missing persons listings for us and that's when he found a picture of you and who you were. From there…he was able to get information on you…until about two years ago. He also said you have a yahoo account and hasn't been accessed since a few days before I found you in the rain. Any of that spark familiarity?"

Celine thought with a frown on her face trying to recapture the night Darcy found her. "I can barely remember when we met. I just remember that it was raining…and the cold."

Darcy was quiet as she let Celine think on it longer and then continued. "Well, Jack is still working on what you were doing since you quit your job. He's trying to find out why the police are concerned enough about you to post a missing persons but not a warrant."

"OH!" that relieved Celine somewhat. "What day is today," she asked suddenly.

"Wednesday. Tomorrow is your eye surgery."

"Judhith was telling me about hers. Have you ever done it?"

"I don't need it."

"I asked Judhith about Dr. Reinhold saying it was a gift…she wouldn't talk about it…in fact she ignored my question."

"So…"

"Damn! Darcy why do I have to spell some things out to you?"

"Why do we have to spell some things out to you? If someone doesn't answer you, can't you get the hint that it's a question that he or she does not want to answer? We don't keep asking you about what you won't answer…"

"That's different…I don't remember!" Celine interrupted heatedly.

"Well maybe we don't remember or want to!" Darcy returned with as much heat.

Both women took deep breaths and then as if in silent agreement, left the room in separate directions.

****

"So, about the Saturday meeting. Who will be there?" Celine asked as they settled in Ellen's Toyota hybrid for the trip into the city for her eye surgery.

"Everyone that feels attending the meeting is important."

"I don't think some of the people in the hospice…"

"They don't attend meetings. They don't participate in things that further ground them in worldly problems, Celine," Darcy decided to lower Celine's anxiety level by telling her a little about the purpose of their strange town. "Have you heard of Sedona, Arizona?"

"Yeah! It's supposed to be a sacred place to the indigenous people, or like where the largest cathedrals in Europe are built…over places of energy that pagans had treated as sacred… wow! I know things!" she rattled nervously and excited that Darcy was going to tell her something. Now all she needed to do was control her nervous chatter and let Darcy continue.

"Yeah. Like that…Last Chance is also a power spot, which is why the hospice is where it is."

"Are they expecting to be cured?" Celine asked confused.

"No. The majority of the people in the hospice are here to prepare for their physical death. The stories that John reads are metaphoric so that their dreams can prepare him or her further, and where the mental cognitive side does not interfere."

"If these people know that they are dying and choose to come here to prepare…why do they need metaphors?"

"Resistance. It's like with people who go into therapy. They may have the best intentions of working on a problem…but you'll find a large percentage of those clients don't want to put any effort into the sessions other than to be there and talk…about wanting to change."

"So…just what does someone do to die in a more spiritual…way?"

"They're here to make peace with themselves. You see, the majority of these people are angry…they've alienated themselves from friends and family and most importantly, from themselves."

"I haven't heard anyone say anything angry there," Celine looked bewildered, feeling like she was in a twilight zone. Where did she hear that from?

"Yeah, well you're probably not around the new arrivals. We have someone on each shift that has training in…handling the toughies."

"Like you?"

Darcy gave a short laugh. "No. I do other things to support the community…that is not my cup of tea."

"The people that live around here, like Ellen and George…why are they here?"

"They just happened here; like you walking in the rain," she answered. "Or like you mentioned…someone tells them."

"Like this is really twilight zone," Celine told her with feeling.

"Hmm." Darcy waited for Celine to ask her why she was here and she wondered if she would be able to tell her and how much.

"How did John get here?"

"Are you going to ask me about everyone?"

"I was going to work my way down the list…" she looked towards Darcy.

"Well, how about we stop here and we'll continue with the list another day."

"Okay. Darcy…you guys don't do strange ceremonies or anything…"

Darcy gave a short laugh. "That's subjective, don't you think?"

"What?"

"Some people may think our Chi Gung before we work out is a strange ceremony."

Celine nodded, deciding that maybe it would be a good time to stop asking Darcy questions. For the rest of the ride both were silent.


Chapter 8

The surgery was an eye opener, so to speak. Linda's father, Hank, was quick, efficient and explained to her as she was preped. Linda had done the extra work on getting measurements on her eyes while her glasses were being prepared. After going through the MRI and having her head immobilized, she thought she could take her head and eye lids being held in place.

The two left the medical building with Celine wearing the dark glasses that would protect her light sensitive eyes. That night she wore the protective goggles she was given while she slept. Her dreams were strange; however, while she dreamed them she did not think so.

****

Celine tried to get up early the next morning so she could work out with Darcy, but her dreams that night were so disjointed and filled with too much business…so she just laid staring up at the ceiling in the dark. It was the smell of coffee that had her swinging her legs from out of the warm blankets and onto the floor, hopping when she came in contact with the cold tiles against her bared feet.

Darcy was sipping coffee as she read a horse magazine, probably months old like the rest of the magazines Darcy had.

"Morning," Darcy mumbled.

"Uh, huh. How can you tell, it's still dark out there? Hmmmm," she hummed as she took a deep breath of the coffee.

As Celine poured her coffee, it dawned on her that it would have been a great mistake on her part to have interrupted Darcy's time alone in her weight room. In fact, waiting for Darcy to break the silence always seemed to work best. Two solitary people enjoying companionship at a distance. Just like her and Gail. Chat room relationships were more their…

A crash from Celine's mug dropping onto the counter and bouncing into the metal sink had Darcy leaping up and Mandy scrambling to her feet whining and looking around.

"Gail and I…we're just friends!"

"Okay." Darcy could feel her heart beating rapidly but not knowing just why.

"We don't see each other much…her signon is 'DAD', 'Dark and Deadly' and mine is 'California Dreamer' no… 'Dreamer', because someone else has 'California Dreamer'."

That took Darcy completely off guard. "Oh, shit," she whispered.

"I'm remembering!" Celine continued excited. "Oh, damn!" She leaned against the counter trying to decipher the mixed information she was processing. "I…we…" she shook her head confused. "I saw a gun battle…or…no that's probably a movie…" Celine was beginning to feel anxious.

"Stop! Right there," Darcy ordered her. "Now take a deep breath and again. Listen to me…you don't have to process what you're starting to remember. Just let the images through without putting sense to them. Cognition gets in the way of…"

"Imagination," Celine nodded. "One of my professors used to say something like that."

Darcy's face colored for a moment. "Come on. Let's clean this up and then get to the chores. Remember not to pick anything up that's heavy and keep those eye covers on when you're in a dusty area," she rattled off as she grabbed two towels and tossed one over the spilled coffee. She wanted some time alone to think about why hearing that Celine's relationship with Gail was only a friendship made her suddenly want to sing. And even better…Celine's comment that she was 'Dreamer'.

Celine leaned down started to wipe up the spilled coffee and marveled at the fact that the mug did not break.

The light in the kitchen dimmed slightly, letting Darcy know someone had entered the mudroom. Probably Judhith.

"Morning, Judhith," two voices echoed, though with different tones.

"He died last night," Judhith informed the two women.

"The AIDs patient," Celine guessed. That was one room she did not enter because he needed the assistance of someone with more skills than she had.

"Yes, Alan." Judhith identified.

Darcy nodded she understood. It would mean the next person on the list needed to get gas for the morgue wagon to take the body to their usual mortuary agent. The community's lawyer would have to get Alan's papers in order and his room would have to be cleaned. Not many AIDs patients came their way but they had one room that was set aside for patients with their special needs.

"I'll help with the chores…we need you to take the body to the mortuary and take care of the business in the city. It's Ellen's turn but George has a cold and she doesn't want to leave him."

Darcy nodded understanding Ellen's fear of George dying while she was gone.

"How did the surgery go?" Judhth asked Celine.

"Good. You were right. Just think about something else. He had some amusing stories to tell to take my mind off it."

"Oh, yeah."

As the three women moved through the barn, shoveling up soiled bedding and tossing down clean hay, Blackie made himself obnoxious by butting whoever he could reach with his head.

"What is with you?" Celine turned towards the horse angrily. Judhith suddenly was pulling Celine out of the corral where she had been dumping out oats in the pails.

"He's been trained to do that…unfortunately, we haven't been able to untrain him. Now calm down."

"That is annoying!" Celine told her angry for some reason.

"Yes. But think how he feels to be doing exactly what he has for years on the circus route and then he's dumped for a younger thing…and at the butcher blocks…"

"Judhith!" Darcy warned.

"He was! This is the truth!"

"We don't know if Blackie's owner was going to send him to the…"

"Don't say it!" pleaded Judhith.

"Okay. I think it was good for everyone's sake that Mike rescued him from the circus and that he's been teaching him other things besides his clown tricks. Now, let's finish this up."

"He's a clown's trick horse?"

"Yeah. And don't encourage him to show you his tricks," Judhith and Darcy spoke in unison.

"The guy taught him some rude things. Let's leave it at that," Darcy elaborated a little.

What would that be? Hmm. Maybe later she'll say. Yeah, like she was going to tell me about the other people here…and her.


Continued in Chapter 9