"Xena we are surrounded, what are we going to do!" Gabrielle screamed in fear as she smashed another soldier in the face with her Tsai.

This was bad. Really bad. They were outnumberd 15 to 1. Kiroc's men were well trained and worse well armored. Her Chakram was gone--deflected in its return to her by a shield. Without it she could not stop the expert archers on the ridge. Oh she could deflect or dodge them one at a time but not if she was locked in sword combat, not if they sent 2 or 3 arrows from different directions--and not if she had to protect Gabrielle.

" If we keep fighting, now under these circumstances one or both ot us will die", the warrior thought to herself.

It would be a lot easier(and safer) to break out of wherever they lock us up and pick them off one at a time. Kiroc would pay for this--with his life.

"Stop fighting Gabrielle. We surrender!" Xena shouted in a bitter, frustrated voice as she dropped her sword.

Kiroc's men put the warrior Princess and the Amazon Queen in chains. Only then did Kiroc show his face.

"We meet again Xena. It has been a long time, a very long time in deed. As I recall last time you gutted me and left me for dead. If it were not for my Queen, sweet Hera I would BE dead. I serve her now. We were friends I trusted you and you betrayed me."

Xena looked up at the thickly muscled Warlord with the rat face and beady eyes. She felt an evil smirk coming on that she could not contain.

"I should have finished the job you sick piece of filth! I should have cut off your manhood for what you did. She was 15 years old you bastard! 15 and you ruinned her, violated her in the worst way. Why Kiroc? You were my most loyal General. I considered you to be a man I could trust. Instead you turned out to be an abuser of children, an animal!" Xena screamed as she spit in his face.

Kiroc smiled, looked at her and Gabrielle and slowly licked the spittle from his lips, savoring every drop.

"Xena why did I do it...there were many reasons. Her father was our enemy. YOU ordered me to break him, to get information--fast. He was too stubborn to talk, we beat him for hours with no results. Then it came to me, by threatening to rape his virgin daughter I could break him, quickly, completely. It worked! Once I had her brought in, he was babbling, begging to tell me everything I wanted to know. Only...I found I did not want to stop. I enjoyed beating her, stripping her, raping her in front of her daddy. Her screams of shame, were delicious. She did not want her father to see her nakedness, her exposed and brutalized sex. I did it for YOU Xena, and I did it for ME. But enough reminiscing, what should I do with the two of you? Let's see there are several rewards on your pretty little heads. A man could make a lot of money selling you to the highest bidder. How much would your victims pay to have you delivered to them bound and gagged. How much would any man pay to have the proud and mighty Xena AND the Queen of the Amazons at his mercy. Of course it can't all be about dinars. There would be great satisfaction in breaking you myself, of seeing your face when I rape your little friend, when all of my men take a turn at the two of you. Think what it would do to my reputation. I could put you both in dancing girl costumes and have you entertain visiting warlords, you would be my special barganining chips. As enticing as that is...a part of me just wants to kill you Xena, to gut you and have a sandwich while I watch you die. A part of me just wants to see the light go out in your eyes, as you wonder what will become of Gabrielle. Frankly I can't decide on my own. I must go to my sweet mistress and pray for her guidance. I shall purify myself and then wait upon Hera to tell me what course is best. Until then...Strip them naked, check them for weapons, and lock them in the dungeon. No one is to touch them until Hera instructs me. "

Gabrielle began crying as eager hands savagely ripped her little green top from her body. They laughed as they ran their hands across and into her most intimate crevices. checking for weapons or tools of escape.

"Be strong Gabrielle, be strong. I swear by Zeus and Ares that any man who hurts you shall die a eunuch. I will make you a necklace of their privates. This is not over Kiroc, this is not over until one of us is dead. Tell Hera I said that," she shouted at his retreating back.

Kiroc's men seemed to lose their courage at Xena's remarks. Each of them knew of men who had challenged her and died. There were stories of gods who feared her. These men were soldiers, WARRIORS and it was rumored she was Ares beloved. If Kiroc and Hera wanted to take her on, well that was fine. Selling her into slavery seemed like a good idea, and every man would be happy to take his dinars and go...but raping her, molesting her best friend. That was insane. Was Kiroc trying to bring the Amazon nation down on their heads? By the gods Xena was Hercules lover. Imagine a beserk Hercules seeking vengance with 10,000 Amazons at his side. No thank you! They finished removing the women's clothes (respectfully, professionally, apologetically) in silence. None of them had the courage to give Xena more than a cursory check for weapons. The two proud women were led to the holding cell.

They WERE proud, dignified, defiant even, but they were still naked and in chains.

"One more time!"

{Joxer the mighty, roams through the countryside, he never needs a place to hide. With Gabby as his sidekick fighting with her little stick--}

"That's it! If I hear that song again I'm gonna kill him. I'll cut out his tounge and eat it in front of him!, Big Jed roared in irritation.

"Oh leave the little fella alone why don't ya, he's kinda fun. Growled the wizened bartender with the jovial voice and dead eyes. Even Big Jed wasn't stupid enough (or quite drunk enough) to argue with an ex assasin AND owner of the only bar for 20 miles.

Still..Jed was a good customer, "Hey Joxer hows bout a story instead, the barkeep suggested to the pleasure of the overwhelming majority of his customers.

"OK, did I ever tell you about the time I saved Xena and Gabrielle from Ares wrath? He was really angry and swore he was going to kill both of them. Xena was amazing she let out this yell YIYIYYIYIYIYI!! and did four backflips. While Ares was distracted my Gabby sneaked up and belted him in his, um little soldier with her staff. Xena landed and cut his head off with her sword and stuck her Chakram in the hole so it could not grow back. Now I had been holding back, assesing the situation. Good thing too cuz when Ares finally put his head back on he was really mad. He knocked Xena out with one blow and was standing over Gabby with his sword. Well I don't mnd telling you I was a little sca-- er, concerned for their saftey. So I walked right up to Ares and challenged him. If I won he had to let us all go. If I lost I would be his slave forever. "

"What happened Joxer?" a crowd had gathered and was listening to the young man's tale.

"Well...let's put it this way. Xena and my Gabby are free and I am not Ares slave. They don't call me Joxer the Mighty for nothing!"

Joxer tried to ignore the stares of disbelief on the faces of the men and women in the bar. The stings of their hoots and laughter would have hurt another man, but not Joxer the Magnificent. He was above such things. He knew his tale was 100% true, well maybe 95%(90?) true. The challenge he had made was that he could make Ares laugh in 20 seconds or he would be his slave. Joxer won the bet by dropping his pants and tripping into a puddle of mud, while brandishing his sword. While he layed there at Ares feet, his naked rump high in the air, he challenged Zeus to armed combat and made fun of Hera's fat butt. Ares just stood there in shock for several seconds before bursting out in a giggle fit of uncontrolled laughter. He called Joxer the biggest fool in all of Greece before disappering in a cloud of light. Gabrielle thought it was funny too and made jokes for days after about his "bony, mud coverd butt." He didn't mind. Joxer knew in his heart that he had saved them all that day. If he could have done it without making a fool of himself he would have. There was no way he would let pride stop him from saving his Ga-- friends. Xena knew it also. She never mentioned it other than to hug him and whisper "Thanks Joxer." Joxer did not really need her thanks(but it was nice of her to give it.) He would do anything to protect Gabby and Xena. They were his best friends and Gabby, well she was the woman he loved. Joxer had spent the last two months making sacrifices of every dinar he could spare at Zeus' and Hera's temples begging their forgiveness. So far so good. He did not care what other people thought but...the abusive laughter of the bar was getting on his nerves, he needed some peace and quiet. It was time to go. On his way out the door an old man grabbed him by the hand and said,"That was some story you told in there Joxer, are you really a mighty warrior; are you truly Xena's friend?"

Something about the old timer's eyes cut through Joxer's ego and he told the simple truth," I am the best warrior I can be and I would die for Xena or Gabrielle". The silver haired man smiled at his answer and it made Joxer feel tingly inside.

"Well said child, well said, but you may have to do more than die if you wish to save them. Xena and Gabrielle will be brutalized and then executed in Corinth 3 days from now unless you stop it. You must become the hero of your song, you must become Joxer the Mighty. Gird yourself with courage, clothe yourself in Valor for you must defeat gods and mortals alike if you will win the day. Even then one of them will meet death. Prepare yourself! I will not help you further in this your most desperate quest. My son has often seen things dfferently from me,perhaps he will assist you. Use your wits, marshall your courage Mighty one this must be your finest hour. Oh and one more thing young Joxer...my wife's butt is not fat, it is pleasantly plump and I like it that way."

The old man patted Joxer on the head and left the room. Joxer's face blanched and he ran to his horse to make the 4 hour ride to Corinth. He knew two things: Gabby was in trouble, and that old man was Zeus. He'd figure the rest out on the way.

"Ride Poteidaia, carry me as fast as you can my valiant steed. The world has need of Joxer the Mighty. Villians beware and scurry from me in fear. Zeus himself has charged me with vanquishing theeeeoww!" Joxer said as he landed hard on his rump after failing to vault onto his horse.

"Um let's try that again, slo-wl-y."

Joxer made the 4 hour trip in just under 6(a personal best) getting lost in the dark usually cost him a good 3 hours. He was cut and had several bruises from falling from his horse into the thicket. Galloping down wooded paths in he dead of night would be a difficult task for an expert horseman...it was difficult for Joxer too.

Very difficult.

He entered Corinth's gates a battered and exhausted man. He headed for the first bar he could find to get information on Xena and Gabrielle. It didn't take long it was all anyone was talking about.

"Xena didn't look so tough today! She looked kind of cute naked and begging me for Kiroc's mercy. I smacked her in the face and gave her little friend a kiss she won't soon forget! Haaa Haaa!" Kirock's soldier lied in a loud and boisterous tone.

He never knew how close he came to dying; when he mentioned defiling Gabrielle, Joxer had almost run him through. The only thing that saved him was the impossibility of his story. Xena naked and begging?! If this cretin had smacked Xena and dared to touch Gabrielle in her presence...there'd be a shiny round chakram sticking out the top of his skull. It had to be a lie. But one thing everyone agreed on --Xena and Gabrielle were in Jail and would be executed or worse. Zeus had told the truth. He had also mentioned that the gods were involved, never mind Kiroc and his fearsome legion. Some men would have ran away in fear at such hopeless odds. Others would have stormed Kiroc's fortress in a foolhardy attack. Joxer the Mighty was not as other men. When it counted, when it really mattered he could be brutally honest with himself. Joxer was humble enough to know that he would need help. Even Hercules would not be enough(if he could even find him, he was probably off on one of his Legendary Journeys). Herc could probably take most gods one on one, but Zeus had said "godS " plus there was Kiroc's army.

Things looked bad for his friends.

"Poor Gabby she's scared and sad. Even Xena needs to know they are not alone. How can she plan effectively if she does not know that I am here, that her Mighty comrade stands at the ready to aid her in her hour of peril. They need to know that I am with them. It will comfort them and sooth their fears, but how can I get them a mesage?"

A slow grin spread across Joxer's face as the obvious answer came to him. He hurried to the outskirts of Kiroc's fortress. Joxer took the bottle of cheap smelly wine that he purchased at the bar and doused it over his head, and clothes. then he walked right up to the guards barracks near the holding cells.

"Hello good sir, do you have any food for an honest vetran of the Athenian wars?" The two guards on duty laughed at the bumbling drunk idiot. He was harmless enough so they humored him.

"Sure I'll give you some food if you clean the muck of my boots. "

The soldier's boots had a thick layer of brown horse feces, laced with mud and a nasty looking fungus. The smell had attracted a swarm of flies, gnats and mosquitos buzzed all around. Joxer looked up at the grining soldiers, gulped and forced himself to say, "I'll be happy to. Do you mind if I sing while I work?

"Sure why not?" Joxer sung as loud as he could to his Amazon Queen and the Warrior Princess.

{I'm Joxer the Mighty, some say I'm tidy, Others claim I'm a cowarrrd but they don't know my powerrr. I'll stand by you my friennnds right to the bitter ennnnd. Why? cuz I'm Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

I'll get someone to helllp, perhaps Zeus' little whelp. Together we will suceeeed in any valiant work or deeeed. Why? cuz I'm Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

Let them tremble god or man, Some think I can't, but I CAN, Please my Queen do not fear, your one true hero is right here. Trust me Princess I'll save youuu; count on me to set you free. Why? Cuz I'm Joxer, Joxer the mighty !!! HO HO!}

"That's the dumbest song I ever heard, but you did a nice job cleaning my boots so here's your food. Move along now you drunk bastard. "

Joxer accepted the crust of bread with a goofy grin and thanked the soldiers as he headed back to town. I hope they heard me, I hope they're both alright.

"I'm coming Gabby. I swear by all the gods of olympus I will not let you down. I will find a way to help you both...or die trying."

Zeus was right, I can't afford to hold back this time. I must unleash all my might. No mistakes, no tripping on my sword. Let's face it Hercules is probably my best bet but I don't know where he is and Zeus said they would be killed in three days. It was cruel. Why tell him his friends, his family were going to die if there was nothing he could do about it. Zeus was a god. If he wanted to he could bring Hercules right here in an instant. Any god could, but the wouldn't they were all either too busy, or evil, or just didn't care. They wouldn't help.

"Wait a minute, what was I thinking...I know one god who isn't like that. She likes me, she loves me! She loves everyone. Maybe she willl help!"

Joxer ran to Poteidaia and they galloped to her temple.

Gabrielle had finally fallen asleep. The guards thought it was funny to leave them without clothes, but at least they had not touched her and Xena. Yet. Xena had ripped the blankets apart with her bare hands and they had fashioned makeshift outfits for themselves. She was scared but did not want to let Xena down. She had to be brave. It was not easy. For the first time Gabrielle understood why some of her Amazon sisters hated men. She hated Kiroc. She didn't want to kill him herself but...if Xena decided to, well just this once she would not argue. With that comforting thought she leaned up against her sleeping friend and dozed off. They did not sleep long. Both women were suddenly awake, tense ready for battle. They smelled, were wrapped in a flthy blanket and awaiting execution and worse. That wasn't the bad part though. Some sadistic idiot was singing. Not just any song, he was singing THAT song. Loud. Very, Very Loud.

"Xena it's him! What is he do...," Gabrielle stopped as Xena motioned her to be quiet.

"Listen to the words, he's changed them...I don't believe it--he is singing to us, he knows, Gabrielle and he is trying to help."

"Oh my Queen do not fear... Who does he think he is, I am not HIS Queen, and how dare he think I'm afraid. Oooh! When I get my hands on him I'm gonna twist his pointy little nose right off. Still...Zeus whelp...that's gotta be Hercules! We've gotta chance now. Wih Herc on the outside and us fighting from in here, Kiroc won't know what hit him!" Xena smiled at Gabrielle's exuberance. It was good to see her spirits return. Gods bless Joxer for giving her hope, for trying to help. Xena knew the truth though. Hercules was in Egypt. There was no way Joxer could get to him in time. If she could find a way to get out of this cell, fine she'd die a warrior's death. But if she could not...well there was no way she'd let Kiroc and all his men rape and sell them into slavery. Death was better. She'd kill Gabrielle, and then herself. Fast and painless, before she let that happen. Xena could not bear to crush Gabrielle's hopes, not until the last possible moment.

"We've gotten out of tough spots before Gabrielle, at least there is hope. Even if I die...at least I got to know you. You are my best friend, we are linked together forever. It's more than I deserve.Eve if we die tomorrow, it's more than I have the right to ask for. The fates owe me nothing else. They gave me you, that is enough." Xena said as she wrapped Gabrielle in her arms and rocked her gently.

"Don't worry Xena, Hercules is coming. I know he's a friend, and a nice guy and all but, well he IS HERCULES the son of Zeus. You know 12 trials, Hydra chopping, legendary journeying. He has fought the gods to a standstill and now he is coming to break us out. Kiroc is going to get what's coming to him. As long as Joxer dosen't screw it up, we are home free! What a story this will make. Xena and Hercules side by side! A certain Amazon Queen bashing skulls in. Look out Homer here I come!"

Xena did not say a word as she held her young partner. She felt the warmth of her, the life in her and wondered if she would have the strength to kill her. A painful shudder racked her body as she thought"Who's kidding who? I always do what must be done, I alwas kill the people who need killing. This time though, this time we are the ones who need to die. Poor Joxer he is doommed to fail and he will never forgive himself."

"Um hello! Uh you might not remember me but my name is Joxer! Goddess Aphrodite, I need your help to save the woman, WOMEN I love. Only you can help me. PLEASE Aphrodite, help me. I'll do anything you ask! Help me save them. APHRODIEeeek!"Joxer shrieked when the beautiful godess appeared in front of him.

"Geez studmuffin you don't have to yell, I'm a god ya know. I can hear you. All of Olympus can hear you. I'm sorry honey bu I can't help you. Xena's fate has been decreed. She cheated the Fates more than once, she's even beaten the gods a time or two. But this is different. The fates are against her. Several gods want her dead. There is no hope Joxer, I'm sorry but there is no hope," Aphrodite said as she gently stroked the hair of the broken, sobbing man at her feet. Why did this mortal always make her feel so motherly, so well--loving?

"No great goddess, please don't say that. I know you can help. Gabby is my life, she is all I really care about. I'd die for her, I'd die for either one of them, they are my family. You are LOVE, you cannot let HATE go unopposed. If the gods want to kill someone, please, let it be me," the sobing young man begged.

"Oh pookie, stop crying. There may be one god who will help you. Apollo is the Protector of young men. You may be able to convince him. If you do I will try and help too. But Joxer you will owe me fo this. I will require a service from you and you must render it. Is that clear? Good Luck gentle warrior. Gabrielle does not deserve you."

"Thank you great goddess. I will sing your praises until the day that I die. I will never forget what you have done for me Aphrodite. I am your servant. Anything you ask of me I shall gladly do."

"Very well Joxer, time is short so I'll send you to Apollo. Godspeed, hero!" she said as she touched him and a silvery cloud enveloped Joxer.

"Wow that was neat!" Joxer said as he rematerialized in front of Apollo's run down little temple. He checked to make sure he was all there and then went inside.

"Apolloooo, oh Apollooooo! Aphrodite sent me to see you, If you are not too busy I could really use your help. PleYIIKES! why do you gods keep sneaking up on me?! Joxer shrieked as Apollo appeared and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Joxer it is very nice to meet you. I have had an eye on you for some time. Aphrodite speaks highly of you. Even Hera seems to have a soft spot for you. Most mortals would have been struck by a fireball for insulting her the way you did. I was particularly impressd by your sincere repentance. It has been 3 months and you are still praying to Zeus and Hera and asking forgiveness. I wish my meager followers had faith that strong. The gods need that kind of devotion. I need it. Joxer if you will speak kindly of me to other mortals, if you will re-inspire my followers I will bring Hercules to you. Do we have a deal?"

"Thank you great Apollo Protector of young men! I will gladly speak of you to all I meet. You are a god whom I will proudly worship."

"Hercules will meet you at dawn. Sleep well Joxer", Apollo said as he disappeared.

Joxer was excited as he left Apollo's temple. Hercules was coming, Apollo was on his side, and Aphrodite! He had a chance now. Gabby had a chance!! Nothing could stop Hercules. Well except maybe Are...yeeshh!

A tall thickly muscled man dressed all in black was striding towards him. He had come out of nowhere.

He was carrying a sword. A big red sword.

"Um hi Ares, how are they hanging big fella? Joxer babbled.

The god of war looked down at his most inept disciple, at his greatest failure, his worst embarassment. Every time Joxer clamed to be a mighty warrior, every time he sang that fucking song--it was an insult to Ares, a personal affront. Ares would still use him to accomplish his plan, but he would not like it.

"Joxer no-fighty, good to see you. I understand our women have gotten themselves into trouble again. I guess it's up to us to bail them out. Kiroc has Hera on his side, so I can't interfere directly but...I could give you something to help you save them. After all we have something in common. I love Xena and you love Gabrielle. In a way we are almost family. " Joxer could not believe it. Warning bells were ringing loudly as he looked at the cruel, dark god before him.

"Uh YOU are going to help ME because WE are like family?" saying it out loud was a bad idea cuz it made joxer start to laugh. At first it was like a little burp that slipped out, but it grew. Joxer the mighty lost all control as he stood on the steps of Apollo's temple and laughed in the face of the god of war. The angrier Ares got the more Joxer lost it. Tears and slobber were leaking out of him now as Ares turned a dark shade of red.

"Look do you want my help or not? Trust me, my litle brother is no match for Hera. He is not going to fight his way through an entire army of well trained, well armed Hera-blessed warriors. They know he is coming, they will be ready for him. Hercules gets here at dawn, but Kiroc will return to his fortress just before then. What do you think he will do to a naked and helpless Gabrielle? By the time my dear brother fights his way through our women will be dead, and worse...unless you attack now. "

Joxer knew he could not trust Ares, but he also could not take the chance that he was telling the truth. He knew it would be difficult but, he had to try. Maybe he could create a diversion, anything to stall for Hercules arrival. Perhaps a fire? The problem was how to get close enough? It would be well after 4am before he could get back to the fortress. The gaurds would not let anyone in at night, how would he get close enough to do any damage? Oh well, he'd figure it out on the way.

"Thanks for the warning Ares, I'll take it from here," Joxer the mighty said in a deep, brave voice as he climbed upon the valiant steed Poteidaia.

"Wait you idiot, what do you think you are going to accomplish by yourself. Take this--it is the sword of Aphrodite. You are her warrior, so it is only fitting, " Ares said as he pulled a vicious looking sword from thin air. It's blade was purest silver, and crystals and diamonds encrusted the hilt. It glowed and a vibration seemed to come off of it. This sword was magic, this sword was POWER.

"Um thanks Ares, but what does it do?

"This sword was blessed by my little sister to make her pathetic peace and love warriors formidabile opponents. It takes whatever fighting prowess you have and amplifies it 100 fold. Strength, speed, resistance to injury all increase. A pathetic loser like you becomes invincible. A real warrior would become a god. With this sword you will become Joxer the Mighty. You probably won't need Hercules. Imagine Gabrielle's face when you fight through Kiroc's legions, break open her cell and rescue her. When she sees the scores of corpses that you fought through to claim her. The legend of Joxer the Mighty's vengance; of your righteous retribution will spread through all of Greece. No one will dare to harm your woman again. Hurry now, take the sword and slay all who would oppose you. Any man who tries to hurt our girls deserves to die!"

Joxer's hand was trembling as he accepted Ares gift. He could feel it, the Magic rushed through him and he was tingling. He was transformed into the mighty, magnificent, majestic warrior he had always dreamed of being.

"Thank you great Ares, I will never forget this. I will honor you in battle. I will save our women", Joxer said as he galloped to glory.

If he had turned around, he would have seen a look of pure, manipulative, evil on the face of the god of war. It might have given him pause, he might have stopped and thought about the character and traitorous history of the god who was supposedley helping him. After all Joxer was in love with a Bard, he might have remembered that in every story his Gabby had ever told him about magic gifts from the gods, there had always, Always, ALWAYS been a terrible price.