All characters found in this story are the creation of JD Jenkins and are her property exclusively.

Feedback: I would love to hear what you think of this story. Please email me at jdjenkins7@aol.com and let me know what you think!

Author's Note: For anyone familiar with my stories, you might recognize these characters from my story "Shadows". While the characters and setting and some of the incidents may seem familiar, this story is not necessarily a prequel to that story. At this point, I am playing around with how the two stories will fit together, and as a result one or both stories may be altered at some point. Also, this story takes place in one of my all time favorite towns, Madison Wisconsin. Most of the places mentioned are factual, but some are not, created for the purpose of this story. I hope all this rambling makes sense!

Dedication: I want to thank my beautiful partner in life for never letting me give up on myself. This story, as with all creativity that comes from me, is dedicated to her. Thank you sweetheart.

Part 3

It was too perfect, Jessie decided. She'd woken up and although in a strange bed, she felt strangely at home and content. It had taken her body a few minutes to realize that there was a warm presence in bed with her. She'd turned her head and saw Rowan sprawled form on top of her, actually covering most of her body. A soft snore came from the still woman and warm sunlight bathed her body. It was the most perfect, touching, and wonderful sight she'd ever seen. And it was here, in her arms. I love Sundays!

If anyone had been watching they'd have seen a tender, almost sweetly innocent, smile cross Jessie's face. The sunlight created a surreal affect as it combined with the shadows of the darkened room. Like us, she thought to herself. "Light and dark," she finished out loud.

"Dark…dark..dark…" Rowan mumbled in her sleep as she tried to burrow deeper into Jessie. Long fingers stroked Rowan's soft hair until she settled down again and slept peacefully.

"I wonder if you have any clue what you're getting yourself into," Jessie said very softly, not wanting to wake the woman, but needing to hear the words in the air, not just in her head, making it more real.

A louder snore came from the still sleeping woman, followed by a murmur. "Was that me?" An extremely sleepy voice came from the head on Jessie's chest.

"Huh?" Brought out of her reverie, Jessie smiled at the waking woman.

"I thought I heard a snore…was that me?" The waking woman sounded confused, but so very sweet.

"Sorry Ro, that was definitely you."

"Oh no!" Sounding completely dismayed, Rowan's tousled head moved back and forth in dismay.

An honest, deep laugh came from Jessie as the other woman continued her antics. "I can't snore!" Rowan protested. "It's not in me, I swear!" Knowing that she was acting silly, she didn't want to stop if that meant that Jessie's laughter would stop. The laugh touched Rowan and warmed her body much like the effect Jessie's touch had on her.

"Whatever..you..may..say," Jessie paused to catch her breath. "Whatever you may say, it was you, Ro."

Suddenly, an agile form jumped onto the bed, startling both women. "Tiger!" Rowan gasped, her hand holding her heart. Eyes narrowing, she pointed an accusing finger at the cat. "You! You were snoring!" She gave the other woman a triumphant look. "See! It wasn't me! Tiger's famous for his snoring!"

"Uh huh, whatever you say."

Loud purring was heard by both as Jessie reached out and absently stroked Tiger. Neither woman said anything, they just lay there, enjoying the feel of being in each other's arms.

Unfortunately, the telephone rang, disturbing their peace. "Hello?" Rowan picked up the phone, so relaxed that she didn't even check the caller i.d. as she normally did. She was quiet as she listened to the person on the other end of the phone. "How did you get this number?" Her voice turned demanding, the peace quickly gone, replaced by a harsher tone.

Raising an eyebrow, Jessie gave her a concerned look, but the other woman didn't look her way, her own eyes clouding over.

"Don't call here again!' Rowan hissed into the phone before defiantly hitting the button that turned the phone off. With a toss, she threw the phone onto a nearby chair.

"Should I ask?" Outwardly, Jessie appeared casual, but within she was toiling with the fact that she wanted to know what had upset her friend so much.

"Kelly."

That really was all that she had to say. That mysterious part of Rowan's life that Jessie had many questions about. She hadn't wanted to push earlier, wanting to wait until they were alone. And then, once they were alone…well…it just wasn't a good time to ask about this possessive woman who seemed to know Rowan very well. It wasn't her style to mention past lovers while making love.

Seemingly lost in thought, Rowan absently began to caress Jessie's naked hip, her hand lightly tracing over and back, sending gentle jolts of pleasure through her. Whoa, won't get anywhere like this! Jessie thought to herself. Taking Rowan's hand in hers, she lightly kissed her knuckles. "Do you want to talk about it?" The casual thing was hard to keep up, but Jessie didn't want to appear overbearing or pushy.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Rowan shook her entire body and let out a loud growl. Jessie almost laughed, reminded as she was of a wet dog, but choose not to.

"I'm sorry Jess, it's not exactly a fond memory." Pausing, her eyebrows came together as she fought invisible demons. "I don't…listen," she turned to the other woman, grasping her hands. "I really feel that we…that is, you and I…have something special here. I love you, Jessie. I don't know if I want to air all my dirty laundry before we really get started. Does that make sense?"

While Rowan had said the three taboo words already, it still sparked something inside Jessie when she said it again. Gathering her in her arms, Jessie squeezed her tightly. "I understand what you are saying, but there are times when things come out and haunt us and we have to deal with that." Looking deeply into the green eyes of her lover, she softly stroked her face. "I want to help you if I can."

It was a proverbial rock and hard place for Rowan. While she sensed sincerity in Jessie's words, she didn't want to frighten her away with unsavory memories. And in addition to that, the reappearance of Kelly really was bothering her. She'd thought…well, it wasn't important what she thought. Kelly was back. And Kelly was not the kind of person to fade away if unwanted. No, she'd bite and not let go, like a ferocious dog.

"It's nothing big," she finally replied. The tender touch on her face didn't stop and she allowed herself to lean into it, the caress going deeper than the surface.

"Then why is it getting to you?" And expert at hiding, Jessie knew that she was being deeply distributed by the reappearance of this mystery woman.

"Damn good question," Rowan laughed lightly. Why did it bother her? It was the past, right? "Kelly…she…used me for sex. For three years." Tears actually filled her eyes as she remembered the pain of that particular betrayal. "I…did things for her because I thought I was in a relationship based on faith and love." The tears slowly dropped from her eyes, gaining speed down her cheeks, hitting Jessie's hand. "But, she was just using me."

And that was barely touching on what had actually happened. It had been a mixture of sexual need and acceptance, coalescing into a game of power and control, which Rowan found herself losing. There had been a handful of times when Kelly convinced her to allow a third woman into their bed. Shame thickly coursed through her as she again heard the pity and disdain in Kelly's voice when she told her what had really been happening. "She…um, would bring other women in and I found out later that they had paid to have sex with me. I thought…I thought I was doing something to please Kelly, my partner. But, really, she was making money out of my loyalty."

It was too much for Rowan. She quickly moved away from Jessie, hiding her face in her hands, sobs shaking her body with their intensity. The shame, the pain of being used and not knowing it, of trusting someone who violated that trust, all came back to her beating against her like waves on the sand.

Emotions like none she'd ever felt went through Jessie. There was a burning fire in her chest, caused by the anger she felt for Rowan. Then there was the ache in her soul that wanted nothing more than to erase the pain and heartache she not only heard in the woman's voice, but also felt. Yes! She felt the pain radiating from Rowan, consuming them both, washing over them time and again, never ceasing and never slowing.

"Goddamn it!" Jessie finally exploded, her fist flying into the wall above the headboard of the bed. The plaster buckled under the force, leaving almost an imprint of her hand where it had hit. A dull pain in her knuckles, she recognized the futility of hitting inanimate objects, and yet, unexplainably the action helped clear her mind.

Focusing on Rowan, she realized that the woman had curled into a ball and was rocking herself. Shit, I should have noticed! Jessie thought to herself angrily.

"Rowan?" She reached out to comfort the other woman only to have her moan and try to get away. "Rowan, snap out of it! Baby, I need you to snap out of it." The rocking stopped, but she still didn't look up. "Look at me Rowan, look at me." Slowly, the blonde head moved and green eyes hesitantly focused on her own. Locking gazes, Jessie reached out and gently cupped Rowan's cheek. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"You aren't…disgusted?" Fear of being rejected laced Rowan's thoughts, irrationally making her feel physically ill.

"Yes!" Was the harsh reply, which thrusted through her like a knife to her heart.

"I knew it," she muttered to herself, backing away from the woman on her bed, blindly heading toward the door. Suddenly she realized that she was still naked, and feeling her shame intensify, she grabbed for any clothing she could find on her way to the door.

"Where are you going?" Jessie demanded, thoroughly confused.

"I have…I have to leave. I can't stay here…can't stay…you..you.." She couldn't finish, her arms reaching for the doorknob.

Moving quickly, Jessie got to the door before Rowan's hand descended upon the handle. "I, what?" Putting a finger under Rowan's chin, she forced her to make eye contact.

"How can you still want to be in the same room with me? Knowing…what I just told you?" Rowan couldn't even say it again, the pain a dull throb in her heart, every now and again spiking in extreme and agonizing pain.

"Whoa! Wait just a minute, you didn't let me finish!" She waited until she had the other woman's full attention. "Yes, I am disgusted." Again green eyes fell in dismay. "Disgusted that anyone could do that to you!" This time relief flooded Rowan's face as she heard what was being said.

"You mean that you don't…don't hate me?"

"How could I hate you? I love you!" Strong arms enfolded the blonde, crushing her against a warm, naked, and incredibly soft chest. Unable to stop herself, Rowan leaned into Jessie, her ear picking up on the subtle heartbeat beneath it.

"Why do you think she's back now?" Her voice was hesitant as she asked, not wanting to cause Rowan more pain, and yet needing to get some answers so that she could handle the situation.

Shrugging within the embrace, Rowan mumbled into Jessie's chest. "Because she wants me back. She wants to use me again." She had been very good at the games Kelly liked to play.

It was more than painfully obvious that Rowan didn't want any part of what Kelly had in mind. Jessie remembered now the words that Kelly had used "I just wanted to see if you were free for some fun." Fuming, she thought of many different ways to hurt Kelly, to show her a whole different kind of 'fun'.

"How would you like us to handle this?"

The use of the word 'us' wasn't lost on Rowan. Her eyes still wet with tears, Rowan looked into Jessie's face, seeing for the first time the determination and…something else. Love. "I want her to leave us the hell alone." Just saying us instead of me added to the growing warmth in her chest. "I don't know how she got this number, it's unlisted because of her."

"Does she know where you live?"

"Yes, unfortunately." She saw something brief flicker across Jessie's eyes. "She has never actually been here. When we got together, I moved in with her, renting out the house to college students." Once again Rowan buried her head against the sweet smelling skin of Jessie's neck.

Silently, Jessie lifted the smaller woman in her arms and carried her back over to the bed where just hours before they had made love for the first time. The smell of their passion still hung in the air, thickening it as it densely swirled from the movement of the ceiling fan. Gently she laid down the precious woman. Her eyes couldn't help but flicker over the naked body before she laid herself down, half on top of the other woman, half on the bed. Rowan's arm circled her body and held her closer as her face rested on Rowan's shoulder. It was completely sensual and yet not overtly sexual. The tense need was still there, chased onward by the contact of skin on skin, but with that came the soft reassurances they gave each other and the tenderness of just caressing each other slowly to flame the desire just to be close.

The gentle snores that Jessie had woken up to soon were heard again as Rowan fell back to sleep. Jessie propped her head up with her hand and starred at the beautiful face beneath her. Sleep took away the creases of stress and worry, but the marks of the tears shed were still evident around her eyes. A luscious, full mouth moved slightly as the breath moved in and out, almost demanding to be kissed. Jessie obliged, her own mouth resting light on the edge of Rowan's lips, kissing tenderly.

I've killed people over drugs and money. I've used women and thrown them away without a thought. And yet she was worried that I would find her disgusting. The revelation brought not only anger to Jessie, but fear as well. There would come a point when she would have to tell Rowan about her past, about the unsavory and horrific things she had done. How would she react? Would she be able to see past it? Was there really anything past it?

It was with these heavy thoughts that Jessie finally found sleep. But her dreams were troubled with demons from her past, with the twist of her present. And in her nightmaric dreams she found herself only able to scream one thing. ROWAN!!!!!

The next day was Monday and it brought back reality. Rowan had classes to go to and Jessie had to get back to her office. The alarm clock had grudgingly been set the night before and promises had been made to not keep each other up. But, hands being what they are, the promise was hard to keep. Stray caresses lead to more heated moments from which they tried to quickly back away from before they got burnt.

When the alarm sounded at 7 am they had only gotten 4 hours of sleep. The first to wake to the buzzing noise, Jessie was reluctant to pull herself away from the warm body wrapped in her arms. At some point, when they'd finally fallen asleep, she'd curled her body around the smaller woman, her arms firmly around her. Soft hair brushed her arm and a warm breath hit her skin as the other woman breathed in and out.

But, as alarms tend to do, the buzzing refused to stop on its own and even seemed to grow louder in the otherwise silent house. With a growl, Jessie extended her already lanky body, her hand almost reaching the snooze button, but not quiet making it. Vengeance on that piece of modern machinery was going to be sweet. Untangling herself from Rowan, she finally turned the alarm off with a sigh of relief. The noise was beginning to really eat at her brain.

Standing up, Jessie stretched her naked body, working the kinks out with light popping noises. Turning around, she looked at the woman still sleeping in the bed. Face pressed against a pillow, Rowan's sensual lips were slightly parted as she slept. Unable to resist, Jessie leaned over and started to kiss those lips. At first they didn't respond, but then with a low moan those very lips began to kiss her back. The innocence with which Jessie had begun the kiss was completely sent to hell when Rowan's tongue slipped into her mouth.

Holy Jesus! Her brain was on overload as the smaller woman completely turned the tables and over took her senses. Small hands began to travel up and down her body, causing her nerve endings to fire an immediate response to her brain.

Thoughts of classes and students were far from Rowan's mind as she assaulted the other woman's mouth and body. God Jessie, your body is so delicious! She couldn't seem to get enough, constantly wanting her hands on her, constantly wanting to feel that smooth, soft skin.

Dizzying minutes flew by as the exploration continued. Too soon, far too soon, the alarm sounded again and Jessie regretted hitting snooze rather than turning the damn thing off! Rowan stopped her hands and her mouth, but didn't move away as Jessie hit the button yet again. Blue met green and they both got lost in the other, their thoughts working as though with the help of mirrors. Work was the only thing that kept them from jumping back into that warm, soft, comfortable bed together. Excuses ran through each of their thoughts, reason to not go to work, to call in sick, to just hibernate.

"But, we can't," Jessie finally said out loud to their silent conversation.

"I know. But I don't have to like it."

Laughing, the taller woman reluctantly let go of her hold and looked around for the bag with her clothes.

"It's still in the living room," Rowan smirked as she realized that the leggy woman would have to walk naked through the house to get to her clothes.

Raising a dark eyebrow, Jessie smirked back and walked boldly out the bedroom door. A warm laughed rang through the house, filling air that had been still for so long.

"Jessie Blackwell speaking." The phone had rung the minute that Jessie stepped into her moderately organized office.

"Such a professional sounding voice! It does a mother's heart good to hear such a thing!" Her mother's voice was warm and full of laughter. Seldomly had she heard her mother sound otherwise. Anne always seemed to find that proverbial rainbow in life.

"Hi mom." Smiling into the phone, she almost laughed. Figures that her mother would call first thing Monday morning. She wants to know all the dirt, huh? Let's see if we can play a little game with mom, she thought evilly. "Sorry I didn't call you from Rowan's to give you the number there."

"Oh, that's okay, I'm sure you were…" she let the sentence hang before she finished it, "…busy."

"Not really. I spent a lot of time out, shopping and stuff." The laughter was threatening to bubble up as there was a stunned silence on the other end.

"Shopping?" Anne croaked out in a hoarse voice.

"Yeah, I thought I needed some new clothes for work." Oh God save me on this one cause mom's going to kill me!

"Oh."

"So, how was your weekend?"

"Fine, fine. Uh, I've got a customer, got to go."

Even as she heard the click followed by dial tone the laughter finally was allowed to spill over. "Maybe that will teach you mom!"

Hanging up the phone swiftly, Anne stared at it long after she had put it back. "What the heck is going on?" She said aloud to the moderately crowded bookstore. A few heads looked up from browsing, but most ignored her. "They went to her house and I don't hear or see either of them for two days." Puzzled, she scratched her head absently. "Was I wrong? Did I misread those signs?" Absently, Anne began to put books on shelves, talking to herself the entire time.

When she arrived back at Rowan's house after work, Jessie realized that Rowan hadn't come back yet. "Guess that defeats the 'honey I'm home' thing," she said to Tigger as she put her briefcase on the floor, out of the way. Petting the cat briefly on the head, she headed to Rowan's bedroom to change her clothes.

"I wonder if I should move my stuff to the spare room?" She slowly began to unbutton her shirt, absently thinking of the woman she'd fallen in love with. Snorting at this, she began to speak out loud again. "Who would have thought that I would fall in love?" Tigger meowed in response, rubbing up against her leg for attention. Slipping out of the shirt, she took off her pants and hung them both back on hangers. Walking over to the full size mirror, she looked at herself critically.

She didn't look any different then she had when she had left Chicago. Her body was still toned and hard with muscle, while remaining curvy around the breasts and hips. Broad shoulders and back tapered down to a slim waist, then flared out at her hips, curving into firm thighs, then slimming down to well defined lower legs and ankles, ending in feet that were a little bigger than average size, but which suited her frame. It was all familiar, looking as it always did, and yet, Jessie felt different. She felt that her body should respond to this change in her life, but it hadn't.

But then, she looked into her eyes and she saw it there. A changed HAD occurred and it showed in her eyes. The cold blue had an added warmth now that had never been there before. Stepping closer, she stared at her own eyes for what felt like hours, as if she could see into her soul if she looked hard enough.

"She is my soul." The realization came with a shock, cause a shiver to run up her spine. "I need to tell her," she said sadly, knowing that once Rowan found out about her past, she might not want to continue. Hitting the wall by the mirror with her hand, Jessie damned herself. "I should have told her sooner, I shouldn't have let her fall in love with me without knowing!" Over and over she hit the wall, blessed pain growing up her arm. It was better than the pain and fear she felt in the center of her chest.

For the first time in a very long time, Rowan arrived home to someone else already being there. She'd never had a lover live with her in this house, but she had had roommates from time to time while she was going to school. While it had been lonely to come home to a house empty but for her precocious cat, it had been easier than letting anyone into her inner sanctum. First her parents and then Kelly had taught her that love could not be without pain. Too often finding pain and betrayal in those she trusted, she decided to forego the pain again and keep her lovers for a short time, never letting them stay around long enough to penetrate her heart.

However, as she hung her keys on the small rack by the door, she found herself warmed instantly at the sounded of Jessie's voice in the kitchen. Smells of something delicious were wafting from that same room, drawing her instantly there.

"Hi," she said shyly as she poked her head into the kitchen, visibly startling the dark-haired woman.

"Hey there," Jessie said back, a smile lightening her face. "Come here," she commanded lightly as she saw Rowan's hesitance.

Her feet moving of their own volition, Rowan found herself standing in front of Jessie, her arms immediately going around the taller woman in an embrace. Returning the hug, Jessie's mouth sought Rowan's in a welcoming, electrifying kiss.

Pulling back after a few moments, leaving them both breathless, Jessie whispered softly, "Honey, I'm home."

"What?" Rowan murmured, a smile on her face as she looked into the blue eyes she found so appealing.

"Nothing." She held onto the smaller woman for a few minutes longer before reluctantly pulling away. Feeling suddenly shy and awkward, Jessie turned back to the stove. "I made dinner. Why don't you go change into something comfortable? By the time you get back, it should be done."

Trying to peek over Jessie's shoulders, Rowan realized that the woman had an advantage with her height. "Okay, I'll be back in a minute." Hesitating, Rowan wanted to say something to her, but instead she turned and left.

Walking into her bedroom, her mind was occupied by the strange vibes she'd been receiving from the other woman. There was something on Jessie's mind, that much was obvious to her. But what? Was she regretting sleeping with her? Rowan hoped not. She'd spent all day thinking about Jessie and their lovemaking over the weekend. It had seemed like she'd finally found that niche where she belonged when she was with Jessie. Almost like she'd been giving the last piece to a puzzle she was never able to complete before.

Quickly Rowan discarded her clothes, tossing them on the armchair in the bedroom and putting on a pair of sweat pants and a long baggy sweater. She was determined to get to the bottom of Jessie's problem and do everything that she could to keep this woman in her life. She'd be damned if she'd let her get away.

It took all of Jessie's willpower to keep from following Rowan into the bedroom. She close to being naked and I'm missing it, she whined to herself. Having made a promise to herself to talk to Rowan tonight, she knew that if she touched her then her resolve would be gone and all that she would be able to think about clearly would be the woman she wanted so badly to make love to.

Dishing out spaghetti from a large pot on the stove, she then covered the noodles with sauce and put them on the small kitchen table. Two forks, knives and napkins shortly followed. By the time Rowan got back, Jessie was just waiting, leaning against the counter in contemplation. Pressing her body into Jessie's, Rowan gave her a gentle hug. "Why don't we sit down, eat this delicious food, and you can tell me what's on your mind."

Blinking in surprise, Jessie opened her mouth to speak. Warm, soft fingers covered her lips. "No, it's okay. I'll listen to whatever you have to say and then you will listen to me."

Nodding silently, Jessie pulled out a chair for Rowan to sit in, taking the other one for herself. They were quiet as they began to eat their food, with only comments about passing the Parmesan cheese and Rowan's praise for the sauce.

Finally, once Jessie had eaten as much as she could, not tasting the food at all, she put down her fork and wiped at her mouth with her napkin. "What I need to say is not easy for me. And, I'm sure it will be difficult to hear as well." She took a deep breath before continuing. "But, I promised myself the day that I realized that I was in love with you that I would tell you before things went too far." Giving the blonde a sardonic grin, they both realized that over the weekend was when things had gone too far. "I love you and I don't want anything to jeopardize whatever future we may have. However, I might do so in what I am about to tell you."

When Rowan realized that Jessie was not trying to give her the brush off, she was elated. However, the gravity of her words filled her with trepidation, vying with the knowledge that she loved this woman before her with all her heart. Putting down her own fork, she shoved her plate away from her, giving Jessie her full attention.

"I grew up in Madison, as you may know." She looked to Rowan for confirmation, and after receiving it, she continued. "I was what you would call a trouble teen. Into drugs and guns, doing things that would have shocked most people on a daily basis. But, I wasn't stupid. I never missed school and I never let it affect my grades. I graduated at the top of my class, and was accepted to all the colleges I applied to. However, by that time I had used my brains and my connections to begin to sell drugs rather than take them. I went to the University of Chicago, my education funded by the money I made from selling drugs. I dealt mostly in coke, but I also sold lighter things like pot and PCP."

She took a chance to take a breath and look at Rowan to gauge her reaction. So far, the woman was still listening, her facial expression not revealing anything.

"Once in Chicago, my horizons were broadened by the larger drug rings there. I quickly found myself rising within the organization, my ruthlessness and desire to be in control leading me further than most people. I watched as those around me fell by the wayside to my own drive. I continued with college during the day, while my nights were spent first working the streets and then controlling the streets.

"After graduating, I stayed in Chicago, continuing to secure my right to lead by working on it full time. 8 years after I got there, I became the most powerful drug lord in Chicago at the time. I ran an organization of over 50 men, all of them doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I used people, I killed people, I sold drugs to those that were helplessly hooked on the brief moments of numbing pleasure they could get from it."

Rowan's face was now filled with uncertainty, her eyes looking troubled. Jessie felt a pain stab into her as she realized that she might lose this precious woman.

"Six months before I met you, I was in the prime of my career. I had proven time and again through acts that lacked humanity that I was not someone to be messed with. But, it all changed with one little girl." Tears were now streaming down Jessie's face as she felt the pain that she'd not ever let herself feel. "I had been betrayed by someone who worked for me. His carelessness led to an investigation by the Chicago PD, an investigation that even the cops on my pay role couldn't help me with. I lost valuable business because of his slip up, and I was going to make sure that he paid for his transgressions. He was going to die for what he had done.

"The men with me were nervous that night. Tension was high. This was one of their own who was going to be executed. We took him to a condemned apartment complex, tied him in the basement and I held the gun to his head. Before I could shoot him, something came out of the corner and one of my men panicked. He fired. Three times." The tears continued a steady trail down her cheeks, but her eyes had taken on a far away look as she remembered her nightmares, which never let her forget what had happened that night.

"It was a little girl. I guess she'd been hiding in the corner…she came out and…we killed her. I killed her…" Jessie couldn't finish. This was the first time that she'd told anyone what had happened, the first time that she'd voiced the tragedy that had stolen her bravado out from under her. Tears made her choke with anger and pain.

Rowan couldn't stand to watch it anymore. She got up and knelt on the floor in front of Jessie, pulling the woman to her in a tight embrace. The sobs racked through Jessie's body, her tears wetting Rowan's shirt, her hands grasping the other woman in a strong hold, needing the comfort of another person.

Finally, after the tears had worn out, refusing to fall anymore, Jessie pulled back. Rowan looked at her, green eyes filled with sympathy and concern. Jessie had never thought that she'd see such tenderness reflected at her.

"I…I…left. I couldn't do it anymore. Every time I turned around I saw that girl's face." She paused before whispering, "I still do." Exhaustion filled her and she slumped in her chair. "I don't expect you to want to stay with me. I don't expect you to want to be with someone who's not only a former drug dealer, but also a murderer. I don't expect-"

Rowan stopped her from continuing by kissing her softly on the mouth, tasting the tears that had coursed over Jessie's face. "Have you told me everything you needed to tell me?" Rowan finally spoke, her voice soft and gentle.

Nodding, Jessie couldn't seem to summon the energy to speak.

"I am not God, Jessie. I am not a judge or a jury. I will not judge you for what you have done in the past. And I refuse to take that role." She lifted Jessie's chin with her fingers, wanting the woman to look at her as she spoke. "You are the only one who can decide your fate. Are you going to spend the rest of your night punishing yourself? Or are you going to allow yourself to be happy?"

They were both quiet, staring into one another's eyes. "You need to decide for yourself Jessie. I don't care about your past. Did you really think me that naïve? I knew you were hiding something from that first day. I did my research. Did you know that there are over 457 different articles about you online?" The surprise in Jessie's eyes made Rowan smile. "Yup, there are. And I read every single one of them."

Speechless, Jessie just gaped at Rowan. She had known this entire time! And she'd still slept with her!

"And I want to be with you. I want to be with you for as long as I can. I love you."

The tears that Jessie had thought had been dried up came back, flooding her eyes as she swept Rowan into her arms. Happiness filled her as she buried her face in Rowan's hair and wept. In all her childhood and adulthood, Jessie had never cried as she did right then.

Always keeping her emotions bottled tightly inside of her, she found herself not only crying in relief, but also for the pain of the last 30 years. She was crying for the innocence she'd lost to the hands of drug dealers and for the childhood she'd taken from others. And, in the end, she was crying for the life of that young child that had been taken before her very eyes. What would she have become? What dreams did the child have that would never materialize?

Dark waves of anguish crashed upon her, countered only by the light she saw in Rowan. It was a war between the two forces, with the light winning, but only for that moment in time. However, it was enough to hold back the darkness which promised to return on another day.

Long after Rowan's light snores penetrated the night, Jessie laid in bed next to her, watching the woman sleep. An errant wisp of hair curled over Rowan's forehead as she slept and with a tender touch Jessie nudged it back to join the rest of her hair. Her fingers strayed and traced Rowan's rounded cheek, enjoying the softness of her skin. Tightening her hold on the sleeping woman, she sighed happily to herself.

Rowan had surprised her that night. Her fears had been without foundation. Rowan knew and still loved her. The emotion that Jessie felt at this knowledge was making her head light, swirling with thoughts and happiness. Having never told anyone her entire story, Jessie felt a new found freedom with the sharing of her life. How appropriate that it was Rowan she was sharing with? Rowan, her exact opposite. The dark versus the light, Rowan didn't seem phased by the shadows around Jessie. Instead, she embraced both Jessie and her shadows, loving them both without care or second thoughts.

Smiling, Jessie kissed her lover's forehead, noticing that the lock of hair she'd pushed back earlier had fallen again, she laughed lightly before putting her head on the pillow and letting sleep claim her. Tonight there would be no nightmares. Tonight she could just let love carry her through her dream world.

With daylight came the feeling of being exposed. Jessie had opened herself for the first time in 30 years of running away from emotional intimacy. Nerves were raw from the knowledge that she had poured out her soul, and she was unsure of how to react. While she was relieved to know that Rowan was aware of her dark past and that she didn't care. But, on the other hand, she found herself in a position she'd never had to deal with - someone knowing her deepest and most dark secrets.

When Jessie woke up, the sun shining in on her face, she found herself alone in the bed. Fleeting waves of insecurity combined with waves of happy passed through her as she remembered the night before. I could just hide, run and hide. But she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to hide anymore, especially not from Rowan. Something about the blonde had taken her heart and her soul and she knew that no matter where she ran, she could never run from that. It would always be a part of her.

It wasn't a great epiphany that shook her from her dilemma. Rather, it was the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. The thought of a wet, naked Rowan was enough to make her see her own stupidity. She'd be a fool to run from the love that she felt with Rowan.

Getting up from bed, she stretched, feeling the warm sun against her exposed skin. There was something so different about being in Madison. She felt peace in the college town, unlike she'd ever known. Even the simple act of waking up in the tranquil morning light was fulfilling. Or maybe it's just waking up in sheets still warm from Rowan's body! She smirked to herself as she padded into the bathroom.

Dreams filled with Jessie had made Rowan wish she could have slept longer, forever seeing the dark-haired beauty in her mind. But, with great reluctance, she had finally pulled herself from the warmth of the other woman, amazed that Jessie had slept through the alarm. Deciding that she could sleep a little longer, Rowan had gotten up and went directly to the shower. She found herself thinking of the night before, of Jessie's tears and anguish. It unnerved her. But, it didn't frighten her.

When she'd first learned of Jessie's past, she was afraid -- afraid of caring for such a woman, afraid of getting hurt, and afraid of falling in love. But, the day that Anne got the call from the hospital, Rowan knew without any doubt that loving Jessie was not an option - she already was in love with her. The only choice left for her was to come to terms with Jessie's past and move forward.

Absently scrubbing her body with a soapy washcloth, Rowan nearly slipped a fell when she felt Jessie get into the shower behind her. Strong hands grabbed at her hips, keeping her from falling and a warm, naked body pressed against her back.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Warm breath brushed her ear, followed by soft lips.

A shiver passed through Rowan's body, but didn't keep her from pressing back against the woman behind her. "Not at all," she said, her voice husky with desire. Without realizing what she was doing, she rubbed her body against Jessie's, feeling her breasts against the backs of her shoulders.

Taking the washcloth from Rowan's hand, Jessie began to sensually wash Rowan's body, noticing the goosebumps that surfaced as she did. Passing the cloth over first her back and arms, she then used her long arms to wash breasts and stomach, a moan coming from her as she reached the apex of Rowan's legs.

Before she recovered, Rowan had turned in her arms and she found full lips pressed against hers, opening hers, and invading her mouth. Intermingled moans flooded the air, creating a hedonistic sensation for both sets of ears. Hands fought for control as they tried to touch each other everywhere at once. Jessie gasped as a hand slipped between her legs, and fingers entered her.

Balance was precarious as both women rocked with a thrusting and giving motion that was as natural to them as breathing. Chests rose and fell heavily as passion soared, creating a delicious heat under the warm stream of water, steam rising around the two wet, naked bodies. Cries of release soon followed as pleasure was found at its highest level, repeating over and over until both woman slumped against the back wall of the shower and they slid to floor together. Rowan found herself blissfully on top of Jessie, her head resting on heaving breasts and her ear able to hear her rushing heartbeat.

Moments passed and neither of them spoke as they drowned in the sensations they found in each other. Finally, Rowan looked up and smiled at the relaxed woman under her. "Good thing we have an unending supply of hot water."

They both laughed and helped each other up, only to start the delightful task of washing each other all over again.

"Do you need some help with those buttons?" The mouth near Jessie's ear nearly took away all her resolve to get to work on time. She could just imagine that if she took just a baby step back her body would meet with Rowan's. An anticipatory shiver went through her.

"I think that if you were to help me with these buttons," she held up edge the yet to be buttoned shirt in emphasis. "I would make the shower look like just the appetizer to the main course." A devilish smile crossed her face as she heard Rowan's quick in take of breath.

"And I'm supposed to say no to that?"

Turning, she gazed adoringly at Rowan. "Listen, just because you don't have class till after noon, doesn't mean that you can just play with me. What am I? Your sex slave?" Her outrage was definitely in jest as she thought of just how much she'd love to be just that.

"Hmmm…I ask again. Am I supposed to say no to that?" An infections laugh bubbled from the blonde.

A predatorial look came over Jessie's features and her body crouched as though she were getting ready to pounce. "Why you little…"

With a small shriek, Rowan ran for her life, knowing that she'd pay for her impertinence. Jessie chased after her, growling the entire time until she cornered her in the spare room.

"Ahhh…now you're mine, my little pretty!" She hissed in a mock evil voice. Slowly she crept closer until she was upon the other woman. Hesitating just a second, hoping to evoke fear in her captive, Jessie pounced, her mouth going to Rowan's neck were she started to suck while her hands reach down and began tickling her prey's abdomen.

Squealing and squirming, Rowan dissolved into a giggling puddle on the floor, Jessie sliding down with her. They lay in a heap on the floor, both gasping for breath. Blue met green and the laughter started all over again.

"You…know…what?" Rowan gasped out through her laughter.

"What?"

"This…second…time…we've been…on the…floor…today!" They laughed helplessly, unable to control the mirth that they felt not only in the moment, but in their souls.

Finally, they realized that life was ever obtrusive and that the time was getting late. Jessie was going to be late to work as it was, but she couldn't find it in her to get up from her comfortable spot on the floor. It had been so long when she'd felt so carefree. Her stomach hurt from laughing so hard and the pain was a wonderful reminder of the fact that she had shared such a moment with Rowan.

Laying on her back, Rowan put her hands back, leaning on her elbows, her legs resting over the other woman. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of her house with Jessie's own spicy scent. Despite the shower, she could still smell Jessie on her fingers from where they had pierced her earlier that morning. How did life get to be so good? I haven't felt this way since… A sign escaped, revealing far more than it should have. Before mom and dad died.

Jessie watched as Rowan's face changed from happiness to a sadness that she'd seen before in the woman's face. It seemed to follow her and haunt her like a nightmare. Jessie was very familiar with nightmares and it concerned her to see something of her own pain mirrored in Rowan's face. How do I ask her? She obviously wasn't ready to talk about it to Jessie, so the dark-haired woman remained quiet, willing to wait until Rowan was ready.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Fingers thumped over and over on the surface of Jessie's desk, the files open in front of her ignored, a worried looking face was held in a hand supported by a bent elbow on the desk.

Okay, maybe I was kidding myself. "Waiting sucks," she said darkly, gaining the attention of a passing administrative assistant. Waving her on, Jessie continued to stare without focusing, her fingers continuing their assault on the desk.

The phone was taunting her, daring her to pick it up and place an important call. "Research, yeah that's it, research," she said as she picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. "Mom?"

Anne smiled into the receiver she had just picked up. "Hey Jess, how are you doing?"

"Fine, fine. I need some help from you."

"I'll try."

"Tell me about Rowan." She was almost embarrassed to ask her mother, but she was getting desperate for the information.

"I would think that you know more than I do by now." Anne had no reservations about teasing her daughter. "Or have you been doing more shopping?"

Wincing, Jessie realized she'd been caught in her earlier joke. "I'm caught?"

"Oh yes! Rowan came by yesterday and told me everything."

Everything? Jessie had to wonder just what everything meant! "Yeah, well…"

"So, what do you need to know?"

Jessie explained the melancholy she sensed from Rowan sometimes, as well as her desire not to push the other woman. She was worried about the woman she loved, wanting to be prepared to be anything and everything that she needed.

"So, it finally happened." Anne sighed happily into the phone.

"What happened?"

Anne could almost hear the scowl she knew was on her daughter's face. "You finally fell in love." Again she sighed.

"Yeah, I guess I did," came the quiet, surprised reply.

"Rowan is a sensitive soul, Jessie. I don't want to see her hurt." Anne's voice was serious. She loved her daughter, but she also knew that her daughter had a tendency to shut her feelings and emotions off from the world, and walk carelessly through life without a second glance to see who had fallen in her wake.

Somehow, Anne's protectiveness toward Rowan didn't surprise Jessie. And, she understood exactly what her mother was getting at. "Mother, I'm serious about Rowan. I really love her and I plan on making a life with her, if she will accept me."

Privately, Anne had no doubt that Rowan would accept her. But, she wisely decided to keep that to herself for right now. Rowan and her daughter would have to go through their own period of discovery. "I'm very glad to hear that. Now, do you have time for a story?"

"A relevant story?" Jessie was skeptical, used to her mother's stories.

"The story you want to hear, silly. About Rowan."

"In that case, I've got all the time in the world."

"When Rowan was 17 her parents were killed in a car accident. She was still in high school. From what she's shared with me, she was very close to both her parents, having been an only child. They were her best friends, which we both know is unusual these days." Anne paused before continuing. "Or in any day for that matter!'

Jessie laughed with her mother as they both remembered Jessie at that age.

"She was heartbroken that she had lost not one, but both of them. A half dozen relatives all offered to take her in afterwards, but she went to court and was declared able to continue living in her family's house, go to school, and take care of herself. I think that this was more out of pain than anything. In their wills, her parents left her enough money to go to college without a worry and to provide for her to have a comfortable living afterwards."

That explained the house, Jessie realized. And, that explained the pain she'd seen in her eyes. The pain of loss.

"She moved to Madison when she started school, still looking out for herself. I don't know much about her relationships, but I know that she's been hurt badly. Over the last few years I've seen her grow more desolate, not allowing anyone to get too close. She's the kindest person you'll ever know, but no one ever really gets in her heart." Anne debated on whether or not to continue with this thought. "Until you," she finally said softly, hoping that her daughter would understand the importance of this.

Jessie took a deep breath and held is as the weight of what her mother had said settled on her. It was a huge responsibility to be entrusted with someone's heart, especially someone who had so much pain in their past. Slowly letting her breath out, she made up her mind that she would never give Rowan reason to be hurt again. She would love and protect her for as long as she let her.

"I promise, mom, thank you."

"You're welcome. I want the two of you over for dinner this weekend. Saturday, 7pm. Bring the wine." And with that, Anne hung up, leaving Jessie holding the receiver, her mind lost in her thoughts.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After work, she decided to stop off at her apartment to get some more of her clothes and a few other things she'd forgotten before.

The apartment was dark when she entered. Flicking the light switch by the door, Jessie was surprised when the lamp in her living room did not come to life. She was instantly on guard. Standing completely still was when she smelled the acrid smell of a flavor cigarette in the still air. Narrowing her eyes, she slowly swiveled her head, looking for any clue. It came within a few seconds as whomever had invaded her apartment took a long draw from the cigarette, the ember lighting up, showing the person's location.

"I almost didn't recognize you, Blackie." The voice was that of a woman, low and sensual, reaching out to Jessie like a velvet caress.

The use of the name Blackie clued Jessie in to the fact that this was someone from deep in her past. From when she had been a minor drug dealer and gang leader in Madison, before she left for college and a life of crime.

"I don't use that name anymore." Her body was coiling in anger, ready to pounce at any moment, held only in check by her brain telling her to wait.

"So I heard. It's too bad, I remember Blackie quiet fondly." The woman's voice held a trace of laughter, covered by a thick layer of scorn. "In fact, I haven't forgotten the way her touch burned."

Suddenly, the light in the living room came on as the woman turned the switch with her hand. Jessie blinked a few times to adjust her eyes at the sudden brightness, then focused immediately on the woman.

"I thought you looked familiar the other day, Kelly." She allowed her muscles to relax slightly, aware that this woman was not out to hurt her physically. "But, I thought maybe I was just remembering a nightmare." Her lip curled as she gave the woman a scorching smile.

"That's not what you used to say to me." Slowly standing, Kelly walked provocatively toward Jessie, her eyes smoldering with lustful intentions. Coming to stand just in front of Jessie, she used the tip of her finger to caress her jaw, sliding down her neck and then her shirt, coming to stop just under one of her breasts. "I must say Jessie, you were quiet the hot item back then, but that's nothing compared to how you look now. Would you like to feel what you do to me?" She grabbed Jessie's hand and pressed it against her own crotch. The heat coming from Kelly was undeniable.

"Is that why you're here? A quick fuck?"

Smiling, Kelly moved her hips against where she had Jessie's hand firmly captured. "Quick, long, fast, slowly, hard, rough…I remember very well what you used to like. We used to be good together. Now we'd be electric," she purred as she leaned in to press the length of her body against Jessie's lithe figure.

Once, in Jessie's life, she would have felt the electric pulses coming from Kelly. Now, she felt a pity in her stomach for this pitiful woman who was filled with memories of the past.

With gentleness touched by rejection, Jessie pushed her away. "I'm sorry, I'm not available."

Harsh shock flashed through Kelly's eyes. "Don't tell me. Rowan?" A harsh laugh followed. "I've already had her, and I can tell you she's good for a fuck, but she demands too much."

Catching the other woman by the throat, Jessie threw pressed her hard against the wall. "Don't. Ever. Talk. About. Rowan." She bit of each word in emphasis, new anger surfacing within her. "Do you understand me?" She growled menacingly into the woman's face, her breath hot against Kelly's cheek.

It wasn't fear that coursed through Kelly's body at this rough treatment. Jessie was every bit the spitfire she'd been before and then some. Licking her lips slowly, Kelly smiled into the ice blue eyes that stared at her, anger sparking in them. "So, it is Rowan, then?"

It was all that Jessie could do to keep from back handing this woman across the face. She'd made a rule many years back not to hit women. It was one of the few honorable promises she'd made to herself and she wasn't going to let this bitch destroy that.

"What is it that you want, Kelly?" Deciding not to allow herself to be taunted, Jessie kept her grip firm, not allowing Kelly any room to maneuver.

"Get rid of her and I'll make it worth your while. She'll never satisfy you, Jessie. She'll never be enough for a woman with such a ferocious hunger." Jessie's grip tightened as Kelly went on until finally her hand cut into her windpipe, making it difficult for her to continue.

"Listen to me, you bitch. I want you to leave me the fuck alone. And that goes for Rowan too. I don't want you to go near her, or else you will see more than you bargained for from me."

Kelly knew enough from Jessie's past to understand that this was not merely an idle threat. She'd seen Jessie destroy people for the smallest of offenses.

Slowly, Jessie let her grip go, allowing Kelly to slide down to the floor. Laying in a heap, Kelly breathed deeply, her throat on fire. She got up after a few moments, straightened her clothing, and smiled at Jessie. "I guess that answers my questions. I can show myself out." She whirled around, opened the front door and left.

Jessie's own breathing had become ragged from the anger pulsating through her. A part of her mind that had never made itself known before was remembering the vivid red hand mark on Kelly's throat, while yet another part of her felt that the woman had deserved it. Never before had she felt even an ounce of remorse for anything she'd done, especially not to someone as deserving as Kelly. In the back of her mind she heard a soft voice that sounded for all the world like Rowan's. You feel now. It's starting.

"What's starting?" Jessie said angrily into the empty apartment. But, her anger was beginning to dissipate as the sudden image of Rowan filled her mind, replacing everything else. A desire to see the blonde welled up in her. Forgetting to grab her things, she left her apartment, her mind only on getting back to Rowan.

When she got to Rowan's house, it was after 8 pm. She hadn't realized she'd been in the apartment with Kelly so long. It had only seemed like a few minutes, but it must have been much longer.

Over the past week, she'd gone straight there after work every day, made dinner for Rowan who's last class was usually done by 6, and then they'd spend the evening together, cuddling on the couch, making love on the kitchen table, or watching tv.

Tonight, however, the house was dark. She used the spare key Rowan had given her to let herself in, surprised that Tigger wasn't there to greet her.

"Hello?" She called out, thinking that maybe Rowan had an after class appointment.

"Where the hell have you been?" Rowan's voice came out of the dark living room.

Jessie's eyes focused in the dark, finally able to make out Rowan's figure in the armchair, the moonlight outlining her features. Shit, she's mad. Why is she mad? Confused, Jessie moved closer, kneeling in front of Rowan. "I stopped by my apartment to get some stuff."

Reaching over, Rowan turned on the light by the chair. She looked around and then looked back at Jessie. "Then where's the stuff you got?" Her voice was cold and It was then that Jessie noticed the fresh tear tracks on Rowan's face.

"I…I…ran into some trouble at my apartment and just wanted to come here to be with you." Jessie hesitated, her eyes coming together in confusion. What was wrong here?

"Yeah, okay, sure!" Rowan got up suddenly, stalking away from Jessie.

"Wait!" Jessie moved quicker though and was able to stop Rowan before she started up the stairs. "What is wrong? Please tell me."

Tears that had been dry were quickly brought back to life as they stood there. As she looked into confused blue eyes, she saw sincerity which took the anger right out from under her. Her lowered her eyes, blinking rapidly at the tears which fell. "I guess you don't owe me any explanations." She sighed heavily. "I just thought…I thought…" She couldn't finish her sentence, finding it too painful for her to say the words she'd been thinking silently for the last two hours.

Using her finger, Jessie lifted Rowan's chin so that she could wipe away her tears. "What could you possibly think that could cause you all these tears?" With soft touches she kissed Rowan's eyes, tasting the salty tears, as she caressed her cheek.

"I was scared." Came the soft hesitant reply.

"Of what?"

"That you weren't coming back." Rowan finally said, her tears pumping out of her eyes at the mere thought.

"Oh baby," Jessie murmured as she pulled the smaller woman into her arms, engulfing her completely. "No, baby, no." She held her tightly as the sobs ran through her body, the power of the embrace alone rocking them both with a sense of safety and peace.

"I'm sorry," Rowan sniffed loudly, pulling away to reach for a tissue.

Cupping her face, Jessie wiped at Rowan's tears with her thumbs. "I understand fear," she said quietly, looking into the face of the woman who had saved her soul. Her savior; her angel. "Since I've met you I've feared every day that something or someone would take you from me. I've never given anyone my heart before." The admission was said with a smile, but the intensity of the words were not lost on Rowan.

With a perfection that normally comes with time, their lips met, fitting together in a natural formation, sending mini jolts of passion and need through them both. Gasping, Rowan grabbed hold of Jessie shirt with both hands and pulled her closer, trembling with power and desire as her lover's body pressed against hers.

Pulling away from Rowan's soft, hot lips with a low growl, Jessie began nipping at the edge of Rowan's jaw, her mouth trailing down the soft skin of her neck, biting lightly at her pulse point. Arching her back to reveal even more of her neck to her lover, Rowan moaned as Jessie reached the edge of her shirt, pushed it away and continued to where her bra began. The soft fabric of her bra felt rough against her aroused breasts, seeming to just barely contain them as they pushed forward toward Jessie's mouth.

A loud, insistent noise invaded the haze that both women were caught in. Pulling away from the creamy neck being exposed to her, Jessie's eyes focused as she tried to focus on the source of the noise. It came again, insistent and penetrating. Someone was knocking on the door.

Glaring at the offending source, Jessie dared the person on the other side to knock again. They didn't. Instead, the doorbell rang. Annoyed at the distraction, she flew across the room and flung the door open.

The young man on the other side jumped at the sudden movement of the before dormant door. He smiled nervously at the dark haired woman who stood at the open door, her sapphire blue eyes blazing at him in annoyance.

"I…um…have a delivery?" Thrusting the flowers toward the woman, he held onto his smile.

Taking in the young man's red and white hat that had University Florist emblazoned across it, she tried to hold her anger. "Do I have to sign for it?" Her low voice growled at the man, leaving him unsure of whether he was scared witless, or was turned on.

"Yeah, yeah, here," he held out the clipboard with his other hand, waiting patiently while she signed her name in quick strokes. "Have a nice day," he said as he hurried away, glad to be done with that particular delivery.

Closing the door, she finally took stock of the flowers he had handed off to her. A dozen wine colored roses were blooming, oblivious to the fact that they had been clipped from their natural habitat. In short, they were gorgeous. Spying the white envelope in the bouquet, she plucked it out carefully.

"Wow, those are some good looking flowers," Rowan said appreciatively from across the room. She hadn't moved when Jessie had leapt for the door, her own state of arousal needing time to work through her blood before she could move.

"Aren't they?" Jessie said absently as she worked the card free of the envelope. The card was marked in red marker, its harsh black lines forming words. Nice looking girl you have there. Hope she stays that way. A chill of foreboding went through Jessie's body as she read these words over and over.

"Who are they from?" Having seen the way Jessie's forehead crinkled as she read the note, not to mention the sudden tensing of the woman's body, Rowan had concluded that something was not right with her lover.

Deep in thought, Jessie tapped the corner of the card against her chin, not answering her lover's question. Carefully taking the card from Jessie, she read it for herself. Immediately she understood Jessie's concern, seeing the threat for what it was. Someone was taunting Jessie, letting her know that they knew where she was and who she was with. Whether or not they knew of their relationship was unclear, but there was that possibility as well.

Selfishly, Jessie imagined her own loss if something were to happen to Rowan. Her own pain would be unbearable. Without conscious thought, her eyes drifted to the blonde woman who stood beside her, taking in the visual image of her lover. A sharp, insistent pain from her heart echoed into her gut, causing her breath to catch. With a will of its own, her body moved closer to Rowan, her arms taking in the smaller woman and holding her tightly. Her lips moved against silky blonde hair, taking in the fresh smell of the shampoo she used, feeling as though a part of her were clinging to life itself.

Feeling very safe and protected in Jessie's arms, Rowan snuggled closer. Her head rested just above Jessie's breasts, allowing her to hear the woman's quickened heartbeat. Uncontrollable shivers ran through her, caused by the idea of Jessie being afraid of anything.

Moments passed by quietly and unfelt by either woman. Each felt only the other, their thoughts solely on this new predicament. With a tight squeeze, Jessie finally released her hold, moving toward the phone hanging on the kitchen wall. Moving with her, Rowan kept her hand on some part of her lover's body, taking quiet reassurance from her presence.

"Michael Moore please." Jessie's voice was low and controlled, but Rowan could hear the slightest tightening in her words, which conveyed how disturbed she was. They were both silent as they waited for someone to come back onto the phone. "Jessie Blackman. Yes." Her voice became more tense as she went through the rigmarole of getting Michael on the phone. "Hi Mike…yes, there's been a new development. Some flowers were delivered here that I think you should know about." She proceeded to read the card over the phone.

Without thought, Rowan began to lightly caress Jessie's arm, listening with more than her ears to every change and nuance in her lover's voice. After a few exchanges with the detective, Jessie hung up the phone. Letting out a controlled sigh, she put her arms around Rowan, holding her close.

"So, what's the plan?"

Jessie kissed Rowan's golden head before she replied. "Mike says that even if it wasn't Colston, it was still a threat. So, he's going to treat it as such."

"Uh huh, and what exactly does that translate to?" If this weren't so serious, Jessie probably would have grinned at the face looking up at her.

"He's going to put a watch on the house."

"The house? THIS house??" Rowan pulled away from Jessie a bit as this new information churned in her mind. "There's going to be someone watching this house?" While the rational part of her mind understood the necessity of having protection, the private part of her rebelled against the idea.

"Rowan," Jessie's sobering voice caught her attention. The dark haired woman held up the card, which had come with the flowers. "Someone's already watching the house."

What Jessie was saying hit her hard. "Oh shit," she said as she fainted into Jessie's arms.

"Are you sure you can handle this?"

"I think you should be asking yourself that question."

"No, really. I mean, I don't want you to do this if you don't think that you can. I don't want to pressure you into anything."

Rowan gave Jessie a fond smile. Her lover's blue eyes were darting around nervously, her hands fidgeting with collar of the black rayon shirt she was wearing. "Jessie, I've known your mother for years. I am not in the least bit uncomfortable with going to her house for dinner." She smiled again, noting that she had a good image of how Jessie must have looked when she was little. "However, if you don't want to do this, then we can stay here."

An adorable scowl formed on Jessie face as she thought about how silly she was being. Rowan had to bite back a laugh. Who would believe that the ex-drug lord is acting like a three-year old?

"Fine, fine." She finally muttered. "Where did I leave my shoes?"

"Follow the trail back down the stairs." Rowan's eyebrow rose as she said this. "I still can't find where my bra ended up."

"Hey, you weren't complaining earlier!"

"Why would I complain about you making mad, passionate love to me?"

Jessie barked out a laugh. "I wouldn't exactly call it that!"

"Then what would you call it?" Truly curious, she wondered if she had misread Jessie's commitment to their relationship.

"I would call it wild monkey sex, followed by some serious looooooove making." Grinning, she ducked out of the room, just barely avoiding getting hit by a flying book.

Rowan shook her head as she heard Jessie laughing on her way down the stairs. When was she going to get over her insecurity? Jessie had never given Rowan any reason to think that she wasn't serious about their relationship. At first, Rowan had chalked it up to the newness of it all. But, after a few soul searching moments, she realized that it was more than that.

Turning to look into the full-length mirror on the back of the closet door, Rowan sighed. "What would someone like her want with someone like me?" Her own eyes didn't see the beautiful woman staring back at her through the mirror's reflection. Instead, she saw only someone who was flawed and unworthy of someone like Jessie.

"Are you coming Ro?" Jessie's voice floated up the stairs.

"I'm coming," she yelled back, holding back the sigh. Sometimes it wasn't prudent to question the good things in your life. Nodding her head to her reflection, Rowan took a slow, deep breath, holding it before letting it out. She was going to love and enjoy Jessie for as long as she was allowed that pleasure. A brilliant smile came onto her face, but she didn't see it in the glass. If she has she would have maybe glimpsed at what everyone else saw in her. Her beauty was undeniable to everyone but herself. Only time would give her the gift of sight.

"Anne, you never stop surprising me, you know that?" Rowan looked around at the spread of food on Anne's dinning room table. The first surprise she'd had was Anne's house. Jessie had driven them over in her midnight blue Saturn. As they drove up University Avenue, they finally got onto Midvale Boulevard, passing Regent Street. Finally, Jessie turned off Midvale onto a street that Rowan didn't recognized. A few more turns and then Jessie pulled into the driveway of a large, stately two story house. She hadn't expected the bookseller to live in such a house. It was elegant but sedated with large trees scattered in the yard.

Her eyes twinkling, Anne had opened the door for them, just as at home in this house as she was in her little bookstore. A wine glass was already in her hand, the dark amber colored liquid catching the last of the sun's rays.

After a quick tour of the house, Rowan had seen some of the bookstore-Anne in this house; the multiple bookshelves, the hidden piles of papers and books filling a few corners. The tour had ended in the dinning room, which Rowan was grateful for. Her stomach had started to make it known that it was in need of a feeding and that could get very embarrassing.

Laughing lightly, Anne took a sip from her wine glass. "Whatever does that mean, Rowan?"

"I never knew that you could cook."

A soft snort came from Jessie. Anne raised an eyebrow in an amazing replication of her daughter's own trademark expression. "Well, as my daughter will attest to, my cooking skills are limited."

"Try nonexistent," Jessie muttered.

Looking from the beautifully arranged table filled with food, to the mother and daughter standing next to her, she looked curious. "Then how…?" She let the question hang, waiting for Anne to explain.

Reddening slightly at being caught, Anne gave a feeble laugh. "Well, I was a little nervous about this dinner and I didn't want to mess it up, so I had it catered." Her mouth turned up in a sardonic half smile. "Kind of silly, huh?"

"Like mother," she said smiling, turning to focus her gaze on Jessie. "Like daughter."

Anne and Rowan began to laugh as Jessie's face turned slightly red. "That's as close to a blush as you'll get," Anne told Rowan through her laughter.

"Nah, I've seen better on her." Her laughter was loud and boisterous, giving Jessie no choice but to join in.

"Come on you two, can we please pick on someone else?" Jessie was beginning to understand why she was so nervous earlier. Dinner with her mother and her lover could only mean one thing - she'd be the entertainment.

Turning her green eyes on Anne, she narrowed them slightly at the older woman in accusation. "Why are YOU nervous about tonight?"

Her laughter still coming out in little spurts, Anne avoided Rowan's penetrating look. "Um, well…you see, you're the first woman Jessie's brought home."

The comment worked to sober Rowan's mirth. "In that case, it is a honor to be here."

There was a moment of silence that served to make the women both uncomfortable and at ease. Anne cleared her throat finally. "Shall we eat?"

Dinner was an unexpected delight for each of the women. The serious tone that they'd fallen to had been lifted and the meal was filled with laughter and talking. Gentle teasing of Jessie continued as Anne shared a few stories from her childhood with her lover. The former drug lord took it all in stride, enjoying the sound of Rowan's laughter and her mother's familiar voice which took her back to days before the darkness had formed around her heart. She could almost imagine that none of the last fifteen years had happened they way that had. It was easy to imagine herself as a 30-something health care worker, simply enjoying a meal with her mother and the woman she'd fallen in love with. No pain filled past, no demons hanging over her shoulder, no memories of dead faces haunting her. The warmth of Rowan's hand on her knee, as well as the occasional squeeze, reminded her that she was going home with this woman, a prospect she found to be more fulfilling each and every day. Yes, it was easy to pretend.

Almost by an unspoken agreement, no one talked about Don Colston or anything else that had happened lately. They stuck to teaching stories from Rowan and family stories from Anne, with Jessie making acerbic comments every now and again and everyone laughing along.

Once the food had been eaten, and the wine had been replenished, they moved to the more comfortable surroundings of the living room. Rowan and Jessie took the couch and Anne sat in an overstuffed armchair. Putting her feet up onto the matching ottoman, Anne let out a long sigh. "I haven't laughed this much in a long time." She gave the two women an endearing smile. "Thank you for coming over. I've really enjoyed myself."

Not feeling at all self-conscious in front of her mother, Jessie had half pulled Rowan into her lap when she sat down. She cradled the smaller woman in her arms, placing gentle kisses in her hair.

"Me too Anne," Rowan said as a feeling of contentment overwhelmed her, starting in her belly and spreading throughout.

Anne let a minute pass before she spoke again. "I'm afraid that I have to get serious for a moment girls." She gave each one a long, piercing look. Two sets of eyes looked back at her, one curious and the other filled with trepidation. "Now, Rowan, when Jessie was a little girl, I used to tell her that whomever she brought home would have to gain my approval before Jessie could settle down with them."

"I believe that you said with him, not her." Jessie quipped, her face hidden now behind Rowan's hair.

"Semantics, my dear, will not help you now."

"So, I need to gain your approval?" Rowan's voice was hesitant as she asked, unsure of where this was going and feeling more insecure by the minute.

This time a warm smile light Anne's face. "No dear, you already have my approval. In fact, I think that Jessie is the one that should be looking for my approval. I'm not going to trust just anyone with my favorite customer and dear friend, now am I?"

Jessie's head popped up from where she'd been hiding behind Rowan. "What??" She squeaked, her voice breaking.

"That's right, you need to gain my approval to be allowed to continue your relationship with Rowan."

"But mom-"

"Don't 'but mom' me," Anne interrupted. "I'm serious! I'm not sure if you're good enough for Rowan!"

A light blush began to creep onto Rowan's fair face. She cast her eyes down in both pleasure and mirth, not wanting Jessie to see the laughter in her eyes.

Blue eyes narrowed in both consternation and just a bit of anger. "I'm listening," she growled out, trying to control her anger considering that it was her mother.

Anne heard the warning tone in Jessie's voice, but ignored it. She wasn't a stupid woman. She realized that Rowan needed to hear just how much Jessie loved her and she knew that her stoic daughter might not exactly express what the blonde needed to hear.

Clearing her throat and sitting up straight, her hands folded in her lap, Anne looked at her daughter critically. "So, Jessica-"

"Jessica?" Rowan said, unable to hold her laughter any longer.

Looking at her lover, Jessie hissed, "whose side are you on?"

Properly chastised, Rowan let her laughter die. "Sorry, I didn't know you're real name was Jessica."

"It's not, I had it changed," she growled while focusing her attention back on her mother. "And you know that."

"I named you Jessica and if I want to call you Jessica, then I will!" Anne said primly, a satisfied smile on her face. "Now, if I can continue?"

Slowly Jessie nodded, knowing in the back of her mind that her mother must have some kind of purpose for this torture. A part of her found it very difficult to trust in someone else, even if that person was her mother.

"Now, Jessica," she paused, waiting to see if there was any objection from either woman. When she was met with silence and attentive gazes, she continued. "What are your intentions toward our dear Rowan here?"

Her immediate reaction was to rebel against this inquisition, sensing that she wasn't going to be able to shrug her way out of it. Looking into her mother's blue eyes, she felt herself growing resentful. Only a slight shift in her face brought Rowan's beautiful face into her view. It was only one look, which made up her mind for her, making her realize that she couldn't stop this train even if she wanted to. And as she looked into the green eyes that had captured more than her attention, she realized that she didn't want to stop it.

Taking a deep breath, Jessie willed her anger to leave. Squaring off and looking at her mother directly, she allowed one side of her mouth to lift in a half-heart smile, signaling the truce.

"I care a great deal for Rowan. I want to…to be a part of her life." She found herself stumbling over her words, unsure of how to express what she felt without giving everything away. There was a part of Jessie that was used to hiding emotion and she wasn't sure it was wise to give that up. What if she was betrayed? What if Rowan left her? What if any of the other million and one things that could happen, did? Where would that leave her?

Out of the corner of her eye, Jessie saw a flash of something akin to disappointment cross Rowan's face before it was hidden again behind a forced smile. I caused that, Jessie realized with a flush of shame. She took a deep breath as her conscious and heart played a game of war with her over protective mind. Fuck it.

Anne watched both women with an all-seeing eye. She saw Rowan's chagrin and Jessie's internal struggle that followed. And despite this, she never lost faith in the love that she already knew they shared. In her heart, she felt that they were born to share a love greater than either one of them.

Finally, she saw a look of resignation come over Jessie's face and she steeled herself for either her daughter's acceptance or her rejection of the chance fate had given her. She took a silent, deep breath and waited.

Ignoring her mother sitting across from her, Jessie turned so that she was facing Rowan on the couch. With tender movements, she reached for Rowan's hand, brought it to her mouth, and kissed the back of it. "Rowan, I…" Her heart pounded so loudly in her chest that she thought it was going to break away from the fragile tissue that held it in place. "I love you."

Rowan opened her mouth to reply, but instead found Jessie's fingers there, urging her to wait. "No, please, I need to say this." She waited until Rowan nodded her understanding before continuing. "I love you and I want more than to spend time getting to know you. I want your nights, your days, your months, your years." Struggling to say exactly what she felt in her heart at her absolute weakest and strongest moments, Jessie stumbled along, only hoping that in the end, she was making sense.

"I…love you," Jessie finally breathed out, her voice growing stronger as she reached deep within herself for the ability to reveal what was written on her heart. "I want to spend time, not just getting to know you better, but time with you. A lifetime…" She rubbed at her face with the heel of her hand as she grew frustrated at her own incompetence in explaining herself. Forgetting that her mother was even there, she turned and looked at the source of all her emotional anguish. "Rowan, I don't know what I feel half the time. I have never opened myself to anyone, much less someone that I've only known a few months. And yet, I feel like you've always been a part of my life. Like, through everything, you've always been on the outskirts, waiting for me."

Although she was silent, Rowan was mentally answering each of Jessie's statements with emphatic yeses. Unbeknownst to her, her eyes reflected every yes, giving Jessie the courage she needed to forge on.

"You have quickly become my power and perseverance. I look to you for strength you don't even know you posses. When I looked into your eyes that first night I met you, I felt something inside of me begin to change." Even as she spoke, Jessie was making connections that she hadn't seen before. "And I liked it." It dawned on her that she had liked what was happening to her. In some way, meeting Rowan was what allowed her to persevere through the path to redemption. "I love you Rowan and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you."

There were tears in Rowan's eyes as Jessie finished her declaration. Without hesitation or thought she threw her arms around Jessie's neck, hugging her tightly and sobbing with joy when she felt strong arms respond by holding her back.

My Job is done, Anne thought to herself quiet proudly. She watched the tender moment for a few minutes before escaping away, leaving the two women that were embracing on the couch. As she left the room it was as though she were leaving a sauna or a steam room. A wave of cold washed over her, leaving her longing for whatever entity Rowan and Jessie created when they came together. Instantly, she felt alone.

As she walked through the rest of the house, she felt tears well up in her own eyes. She missed love greatly. She felt its absence in her bones just as clearly as she felt the years shorten her time alive. Love had once shined on her in all its glory, creating within her a peace that only true love could bring. Oh Nic, where are you? She cried out silently, saying his name for the first time in many, many years. No longer able to control the pain that she felt, she ran to her bedroom and curled up on the bed as silent sobs racked her body.

Continued in Part 4.