Love/Sex warning/Disclaimer - This story depicts loving consensual sexual relationships between women. If you are under 18 years of age or if the themes of these relationships are illegal in your country then I suggest you skip this story.
Warning - This episode contains mention of sexual assault.
Song/Music Disclaimer - The Songs mentioned in this piece are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
This is a complete story. I aim to release two to three episodes per week.
Thanks to my American interpreter Amy, who always checks my porridge, oatmeal, trousers and pants! :-)
For my partner Lou. Your help, love and encouragement are my inspiration. You support me no matter what I do, and however weird my ideas are. You are AWESOME!!
Previously:
Dylan stopped cold. Emily's words feeling like a punch to her guts.
"You think I'm cheating on you?"
"I don't think, I know! I saw it on the TV today. Everyone's talking about it, making a fool of me! They say you dated Annie back when you both worked in the village clubs, and now it's rekindled since you're having such a difficult time with your girlfriend!"
Dylan stood, towering over Emily, a stony look spreading across her face.
"And you believe this?"
"I heard her on the phone this morning. I was talking to you and heard her shout, "Dylan! I need you!" You think you could have tried being more discrete than that!"
Dylan walked over to the window. She said nothing and the room was eerily quiet. Inside Dylan was approaching breaking point and was seconds from going over the edge.
"I never thought you would do this. What Toni did to me!"
At the mention of Toni's name something snapped inside Dylan, she turned round to face Emily. All the pain, the frustration, the guilt for letting Emily be taken in the first place exploded.
"Enough! I've fucking had enough! I've taken your mood swings, your anger, your pain, but now you think I'm fucking Annie? You think I would risk all this? My wife, my daughter, all for a quick fuck at the office? I've tried being nice, understanding, giving you time to get better but it's not working!"
Emily was stunned into silence by Dylan's explosion. Deep down inside, Emily knew she deserved it.
"I thought you knew me, you are the love of my life! Just because you're not able to make love at the moment you think I'm some animal that can't go without sex like your sick fuck of an ex! Well do you know what? You think I'm some fucking cheating scum, then that's what I'll be!" Dylan marched over to the chair and grabbed her jacket. She yanked the door handle and looked back at Emily with a thunderous look. "Before Toni died, she said something to me. She said that she would always be in your head, come between us. No matter what happened to her, It would never just be you and me in this relationship." Dylan snorted. "I guess she was right." She slammed the bedroom door, and seconds later Emily heard the front door slam.
The shock of Dylan's outburst had brought Emily back to her senses. "What have I done?"
Rosie had been rushed off her feet all evening at O'Reilly's. She had been looking forward to a night at Emily's, but a late change in shifts had altered her plans. Rosie had hoped to be able to give up her bar work soon due to her design business taking off. Her association with her famous friends meant she was turning down work, which was fantastic as she had always tried to help her dad pay the bills. She had promised her manager another couple of weeks work, enough to train a new member of staff.
Rosie grabbed a bottle of water and said to the other server, "I'm just taking five minutes Katie."
She took a seat at a small table next to the bar and got her phone from her apron. The young woman always put her phone to silent when she was working, but liked to check Facebook and twitter on her break. When she took it out her heart pounded. Jackson missed call, was emblazoned across the screen.
Ever since their time in the Catskills, Rosie had been doing her best to stay away from Jackson. It had become harder to deny what she was feeling for the former soldier, but then she had gone and told Rosie she loved her. The young woman had panicked and had been trying to run away from Jackson ever since.
Why her? Of all the lesbians in the world, why does it have to be her? Rosie wondered. There was one fact she was not confused about. One thing that had slowly become clear over the weeks and months she had known the ex soldier. Jackson was her one. The thing that riled Rosie the most was that her dad would love her. Her father Walter hated most of the friends she brought home mostly because of their anti war, anti military stance. Walt Henderson had served 5 years in the U.S army and was a fierce patriot. He couldn't be more different from his free spirited, cause championing daughter, but she knew he loved her dearly. Even though he accepted she was gay, he wanted her to find someone more reliable and down to earth than the friends she hung around with. It brought a small smile to her face when she realized she had fallen in love with someone just like her dad.
Rosie's thoughts were interrupted by Katie shouting over for her. "Rosie! Megan on the phone for you!"
Her friend worked at a gay bar down the street, but it was unusual for her to be calling O'Reilly's when she was at work.
"Hi Meg, what's up?"
"I thought I better call you. Your famous friend Dylan has been propping up the bar here for a couple of hours now."
"Dylan? That's so not like her. Is she alright?"
"Well, she's extremely drunk, and you can guess the effect of Dylan Morgan being in a gay bar on her own. The ladies are swarming around her! She seems to want to be by herself, but I'm afraid what will happen if we end up with press here. People are already taking pictures and stuff. I think you better get someone to get her out of here before there's trouble."
Rosie sighed. "You're right, try and keep her there and I'll be there soon. Thanks Meg."
"No problem."
Rosie hung up the phone and took out her cell phone. No! I can't call Emily, she's stressed enough as it is! Think!
"Hunter."
"Um...Hi...it's Rosie."
Jackson was immediately on alert. Rosie never called her.. "Rosie? Are you alright? Is there something wrong?"
"We'll, I need your help, but it's not me. Are you at home?"
"Yes, what's wrong?"A sudden thought flashed across Rosie mind. Maybe she's not alone. The thought of someone being with there with Jackson made her stomach hurt.
"Am I... interrupting something...?"
"No, why would you be interrupting something?"
"I just thought...no, it doesn't matter. Um could you come down and get me at the bar? My friend, who works at the bar down the street from here, called to say Dylan's in there, really drunk and still drinking. I'm worried about her, Meg says the women are all over her. If the press or Emily hear about this, it's just not like her."
Rosie heard Jackson sigh. "I was worried something like this was going to happen. Emily was in a bad way today, and Dylan looked to be nearing breaking point. I'll be there as soon as I can. Wait inside for me. It's too late to be hanging about outside at this time."
"Just. Hurry!"
The boss is going to be pissed I'm taking off again. Who cares? You're leaving anyway. She thought.
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Emily sat at home rocking Molly in her arms. The little girl had woken up with all the shouting going on, and had cried relentlessly for an hour, until falling asleep. Molly had seen a lot of emotional outbursts from her mother since returning from hospital, but she had never heard her mom shouting back at her mama. Then of course finding that Dylan had left the house had made her even more distraught.
Since Dylan had lost it with her, Emily's mind had begun to clear of the insecurities that had been building all day.
To see her partner so hurt and upset had blown the confusion and worries away. It had actually brought home to her how difficult her problems had become. Emily kissed her daughters head and thought, Look what you've done! You've finally driven Dyl away. The one person in the world who I know would never hurt me, and now she's out god knows where doing god knows what.
A strength and determination she hadn't felt in a long time surged through Emily.
Enough! I'm not going to let Toni or my mixed up head, mess up my family. Tomorrow things change. I only hope Dyl will come home.
"Another drink!" Dylan slurred.
The bar maid sighed. She had been watching the TV star become more intoxicated as the evening went on. When she first appeared the anger appeared to be rolling off her in waves. The women in the bar had flocked to the side of the famous star, but a furious look from her had sent them running back where they came from. Though the more alcohol she consumed, the less able Dylan became at expressing her need for solitude. For the past twenty minutes, a young woman had been hanging on Dylan's every word, trying to interest her what she had to offer.
"I asked for another drink!"
"I don't think that's a good idea Dylan." Megan said.
The TV stars face looked thunderous as she smacked her hand down on the bar. "Give me a drink and one for...what 's your name?"
"Natalie, Dylan." The young woman said with a satisfied smile.
The girl who had been trying to pique Dylan's interest piped up. "Dylan you can have a drink at my place if you'd like to come back with me." Natalie had watched all the others be unsuccessful in their approach to the famous woman, but she knew as Dylan drank more, her defenses would fall. She knew she was Dylan's type, feminine, long blonde hair, and if she could just get her back to her own apartment, Natalie knew she could seduce the famous woman.
Megan watched the look on Natalie's face, and knew what she was thinking. I need to keep Dylan here until Rosie gets here.
Dylan grabbed the glass of whiskey and downed half the glass. The warm liquid numbed the fear in her heart that she was losing Emily and her family. It was her greatest fear. She tried to focus on the woman sitting beside her. Who is she again? She looks fuzzy. She's nothing like my Emmie. Emmie. I miss her.
The young woman shouldered. "Why yes I' am Dylan."
"We'll tell me, what can I say to make Emmie feel better? She's unhappy."
Natalie smirked. She knew from the gossip columns that the celebrity couples wedding was off, and their relationship was falling apart. With some gentle coaxing, she could look to be the next one in the rich TV stars bed.
Natalie leant forward, pushing her breasts out. "I Don't think she has any reason in the world to be unhappy. She sounds like an extremely ungrateful partner. What you need Dylan, is someone who knows how to be very grateful."
Dylan watched through her alcohol fuelled, dull witted brain, the young woman licked her lips seductively and stroked her hand teasingly up Dylan's thigh.
"I know how to be grateful Dylan..."
********************************************************************************
Jackson had parked up and jogged down the street towards O'Reilly's. She hurried after seeing Rosie standing out in front of the bar.
"I told you to stay inside! It's too late at night to be standing out here." Jackson said angrily.
"I don't need looking after, so you can cut the chauvinist crap soldier boy!"
"Argh! You are just impossible!"
"Look, can we just get going? Dylan needs us."
Jackson indicated to her to go first. "Well I'll stick behind you hippy girl since you're so capable of looking after yourself."
Rosie marched off quickly, leaving Jackson to catch up.
When they neared the door of the bar, Rosie said, "So what happened today?"
"Ugh, I don't know all the details but Emily was majorly pissed at Dylan for not coming home early from work. I think she's struggling with what happened and Dylan doesn't know how to handle it. I...uh...tried to call you. I didn't know what to do to comfort Emily."
Rosie sighed. "I know. I saw you're missed call, but I was working."
Jackson nodded and looked a little sad. "Oh okay. I didn't think of that."
Rosie thought the tough ex soldier was adorable when she let her emotions show through.
"Let's get Dylan and drag her sorry butt home. Hey I'll even let you open the door for me." Rosie gave a gentle punch to Jacksons arm.
Jackson smiled at the young women's attempt to smooth ruffled feathers. "Ooh I am honored."
True to her word she grabbed the door and let Rosie head into the bar first, letting her eyes linger on Rosie's backside as she walked. God I want you hippy girl!
Jackson and Rosie spotted Dylan slumped at the bar, with some girl extremely close to her. As they got a few feet away, Dylan pushed the girl away from her and snarled.
"Don't ever touch me again! I'm Emmie's!"
Jackson rushed towards her and held the TV star back before the scene turned into an incident.
"Hey Dylan, it's me. Stay calm okay. We're going to get you out of here."
Meanwhile, Rosie handed the amorous young woman her purse and said. "I'd get out of here and quickly. This woman is Ms Morgan's security, and you could be in trouble if we have to call the police. "
Natalie was gone in a second, wary of any unwanted attention. Turning to her friend Megan, Rosie asked, "What happened?"
"Dylan's been chasing the women away all night, but she got a little worse for wear, and Miss thing there slipped through the net. All Dylan wanted to do was talk about her fiancee, and that wasn't the girls plan. The woman touched Dylan, and she went mad. Dylan's real drunk but didn't do anything wrong."
Rosie smiled, glad that her friend even in this inebriated state was loyal to the bone.
"Thanks for calling me Meg."
"No problem."
With Jackson holding Dylan up, they were able to keep the scene contained to a few people around the bar.
"You get the door Rosie, and I'll help her out."
When the cold air hit Dylan, she groaned, "Ah! I'm gonna throw up."
"Fuck! Rosie take my keys and bring my car up here. We can't let her be seen like this." Rosie nodded and ran off.
Jackson had Dylan's arm around her neck and was virtually dragging her to the side alley.
"If you're going to be sick do it here! Not in the street were everyone can see you!"
Dylan then bent over beside the trashcans and brought up the contents of her stomach.
"Oh god! I'm gonna die!" Moaned Dylan.
"The hell you are Morgan!" Jackson pulled her friend to her feet and tried to get her to focus.
"Listen, Listen to me Morgan! You are going to get in my car, and you are not going to throw up again okay?"
Dylan's eyes were shutting over and so Jackson shook her and repeated. "Okay?"
"Ah...okay."
"Good and then we're going to take you home to Emily. She must be so worried about you."
Jackson saw the headlights of her car pull in front of the bar, and began half dragging her friend toward it.
"Emmie...she's gonna be so mad Jackson. I...shouted and...walked out. I just want things the way they were. I love her buddy."
"I know you do. Get in the car and we can take you home to your family."
Jackson pushed Dylan into the back and came round to the driver's side.
Rosie rolled her eyes as she saw Jackson waiting for her to change places in the front seat, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for Jackson to do the driving.
Just let her win this one Rosie or we'll never get Dylan home.
********************************************************************************
Emily paced up and down. She had been waiting by the door since Rosie called. Emily didn't know all the details, but Rosie had called and said they were bringing her home.
The intercom rang, signaling that they had arrived. Within a minute, they were up, and Emily opened the door to find her partner, being held up by Jackson, a worried looking Rosie close behind.
"Oh my god Dyl!"
"It's okay Emily, she's just had a little too much to drink." Jackson dragged Dylan in and said, "Where do you want her Emily? She's kinda heavy."
"Oh of course. Um..Molly's asleep on our bed, could you take her through to the third bedroom?"
"Sure. Come on Morgan. Move those feet, I know you can."
Before Emily set off to follow, Rosie took her hand. "Are you alright Em?"
Emily sighed. "Yes. I am now she's home safe. I didn't know where she was. She left here so upset."
"What happened?"
"I had a lot of insecurities going around in my head, and I put them onto Dylan. I do want to talk to you about it, but maybe tomorrow? I have to see to Dyl."
"Okay. She...she didn't do anything...she was just getting slowly drunk at the bar. My friend called me, and I thought I better get her home to you."
"Thank you."
They headed off to the bedroom and found Jackson laying her down on the bed.
"She was sick again. I got her into the bathroom on time."
Emily went to Dylan's side and kissed her forehead. "What have you been doing goofy?"
"Ugh! S...sorry."
Jackson and Rosie watched as Emily stroked the TV stars head, trying to bring comfort to her partner, and suddenly felt like they were intruding on a private moment.
Jackson looked at Rosie for help, and Rosie asked, "Do you need anything Em. We can..."
"No, no. It's okay." Emily stood and walked over to her friends, giving the, a hug each. "Thank you so much for always being there for us you two. I'll be fine now. I know things are going to get better now."
"Okay. Well call if you need us." Said Rosie.
"I will. Jackson you don't have to come over tomorrow."
"I don't mind honestly. Even if I'm doing nothing. As long as it helps until you feel a bit better."
Emily stood up on her tiptoes and kissed Jackson on the cheek. "I know. You're very sweet you know that?"
Rosie smiled as she watched Jackson's cheeks turn pink and she lowered her head.
"Dylan and I have a lot to talk about tomorrow, and her Mom and dad said they might visit tomorrow night while Dylan's at work. I need to make some changes, and I'm determined to try and get back to normal."
"We'll if you feel scared, or anything, you just call and I'll be over in a second."
"Same goes for me Em." Added Rosie.
Emily walked them both to the door and said. "Thanks for everything."
After seeing their friends out, Emily got a bowl of ice water and a drink and hurried back to her partner.
Dylan was lying in the foetal position, moaning as if in pain.
Emily dropped to her knees and hugged her partner as best she could.
"Agh! Uh! I...I'm so s...sorry Emmie."
"Shh. Don't you ever say that darling. This was my fault. I deserved all you said. Here, this will make you feel better." Emily wiped her partners brow with the ice water.
"You didn't deserve... I...should...be more understanding." Dylan slurred.
"Dylan Morgan! You have been the most understanding fiancee in the world. It's time for me to recognize I'm just getting worse, and I need better help, but we'll talk about that tomorrow. Just relax."
It took of a great deal of Dylan's concentration to put her words together. "No....I'm sorry...I should have gotten there quicker. You shouldn't have gone through...that ugh...made sure Toni won't hurt you again though."
Emily immediately stopped squeezing out the cloth in the ice water. "What?"
Dylan moaned and said, "Ugh feel sick..."
Emily took Dylan's head in her hands, trying to get the TV star to focus. "Dylan? Look at me. What did you mean you made sure Toni won't hurt me again?"
"I...shot her...I...killed her."
Emily was dumbfounded. Dylan shot her? But Jackson...
********************************************************************************
Jackson pulled up her car in front of the small apartment building in Bay ridge, Brooklyn.
"That's my place there." Rosie pointed to the 1st floor apartment and waved to the man at the window.
"Is that your Dad?"
Rosie smiled affectionately. "Yes that's daddy. I always tell him not to wait up, but he always does. Well thanks for your help tonight. " She took off her seatbelt and was ready to jump out the door when Jackson grabbed her hand.
"Don't go yet. Can we talk for five minutes? I haven't seen you alone since we got back from the hospital."
Rosie sighed. She was hoping to avoid this sort of conversation. "Okay. What do you want to talk about?" As if I don't know.
Rosie's heart melted as she watched Jackson struggle to find her words. It always did when Jackson dropped her tough emotionless facade. How can you deny that you adore this woman Rosie?
I can't.
Rosie thought back to that night. It had overwhelmed her. Jackson had ordered a perfect dinner and had been so attentive to her needs. Just as Rosie had been starting to believe they could have something together, Jackson had talked about her job, and Rosie knew she would be off on her next assignment soon. Away from her. She shivered as she remembered Jackson's kiss, the taste of her lips.
"Are you sorry for kissing me or sorry for telling me that you loved me?"
This caught Jackson totally off guard. "Um no, yes, I mean I'm not sorry for either of those things. I'm just sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I know I make you angry and annoy you, but I uh do have those feelings for you, and it just came out because we were so close at the hospital."
She says she loves me. But she'll be gone soon.
"Jackson, why are you trying to pursue this? You'll be gone on your next assignment to the other side of the world, or at least somewhere too far away to have a relationship."
It suddenly clicked in Jackson's head how things had gone so wrong, when they were in the Catskills. Jackson actually felt what it would be like to be in a couple, to have someone to lean on, and she loved it. Then when they had dinner in the hotel room, something had changed. They had been talking about her job, and how it could take her all over the world at short notice.
She thinks you're going to have your fun with her and leave her. Thought Jackson.
She took Rosie's hand and said, "Didn't I tell you, when we had dinner that I wanted to settle down? I don't want to go away anymore. I've done well in my career. I can pick and choose what jobs to take, and I will choose jobs that will allow me to come home each night."
Rosie felt a smile unconsciously creep onto her face. "So soldier boy? Are you going to ask me out on a date?"
"Wh...yes of course. What would you like to do? I've never actually been on a date before."
Rosie snorted. "You've never had a date? Super cool, super smooth, super butch Jackson Hunter hasn't had experience with women?"
After the vulnerable feeling of showing her emotions, Jackson was grateful that they're usual argumentative sparring had returned.
Jackson leaned over, inches from Rosie's lips and said, "I never said I didn't have experience with women hippy girl. I've just never wanted to ask one out on a date before."
Jackson smirked as she watched Rosie's breathing increase and her tongue unconsciously wet her lips as they parted anticipating a kiss.
Instead, Jackson pulled back and said, "So where do you want to go?"
Rosie's eyes narrowed. You think you can play with me and get away with it Hunter? I don't think so soldier boy.
Shit! She's too good! Cooking was something Jackson did not do. Growing up they had always had a cook, her manicured mother would never have set foot in the kitchen. In her military life. The nearest she got to cooking was heating up field rations, and she had been known to burn them. But what choice did she have? Jackson wanted this date more than anything, and she was determined to take this chance.
So careful to show no outward signs of worry, she said arrogantly. "No problem at all hippy girl. Three courses alright for you?"
"Wonderful. How about next Saturday?"
Jackson smiled with more confidence than she felt. "Great. I'll look forward to it."
Rosie got out and said good night before heading inside. Once she was inside, Jackson's head slammed down on the steering wheel. "Why did I say three courses? You are an idiot Hunter!"
********************************************************************************
Dylan had been wakened by her stomach rebelling yet again. Oh god! Why did I drink last night? She thought as she shakily tried to return to her feet. The bathroom door opened, and there stood her fiancee with a bottle of water and some pain killers. She had no idea how she got home last night, or what mood her partner had been in, all she could remember was saying some terrible things to Emily, storming out, drinking, being angry because some woman tried to touch her. Oh shit!
"Shh. Take these pills, get a shower, and come then come and see your daughter and we'll talk okay?"
Well she's smiling. I can't be in that much trouble can I? Maybe she's waiting for the right moment Argh!. Dylan thought.
"There's a good TV star. Now I'll see you in the kitchen. Get in the shower, and don't worry everything will be okay."
Twenty minutes later a freshly scrubbed Dylan made her way into the kitchen.
When Molly spotted her favorite person she squealed, "Mom! You back!" Dylan grimaced at the sound of her daughters high pitched voice.
"Morning Molls. "
Emily who was standing at the stove said, "Molly, remember we're going to be nice and quiet for Mom this morning?"
"Oh yeah. I member. Mom I miff u last night."
Dylan sat at the table and lifted the little girl onto her lap. "Come here little smurf. I'm sorry I missed story time last night. I...uh...had to work late, but I promise to make it up to you."
Molly beamed at her Mom. "Ats otay. Mama say we are going to av lots of fun coz Santa Claus is coming soon."
Dylan met Emily's eyes and smiled. With all they had been through, cancelling the wedding and Emily's problems, Christmas had been the last thing on her mind, but Emily seemed different this morning. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she seemed more like her old Emmie.
"That's right Smurf. Our first family Christmas, and we're going to have so much fun."
Molly bounced up and down on her lap. "Yeah! Mama we have Mom wif us this missmas!"
Emily smiled. This is what had been missing from their home since Toni had tried to destroy it. The lighthearted laughter, the fun. Dylan had been so worried about Emily that they're family life suffered, and Molly had been so clingy, worried her parents could disappear at any moment.
Well that changes today! Emily reaffirmed.
"Molly, take your juice and go through and watch your movie like we talked about."
"Otay Mama." After Molly toddled off, Dylan rested her head in her hands. "Ugh! I think I'm going to die!"
Emily walked around and kissed her partners head."Don't be silly goofy. It's just a hangover. Here have some coffee."
Dylan looked up and watched her fiancee pour her coffee. "Why are you even talking to me Emmie? I fucked up."
Emily sat down next to her and took her hand. "You didn't do anything of the sort. What do you remember about last night?"
"Uh, I remember us fighting, I stormed out and went to a bar, drank loads of alcohol clearly. I can't remember how I got home though."
She doesn't remember telling me about shooting Toni. You've been carrying such a burden TV star. Thought Emily.
"Jackson and Rosie found you and brought you home."
Dylan looked nervously into her cup of coffee. "Emmie I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I...I should be more understanding. You've been through hell, and I shouldn't have flown off the handle just because you have worries and insecurities, it just hurt that you thought I would cheat on you. You're my everything. You and Molly...I couldn't exist without you both. I would never even look at another woman."
"Dylan look at me. You have nothing to be sorry about. I deserved everything you said. I've put you and Molly through too much, you have been the most supportive partner I could get, but I've been letting my bad thoughts and fears control me. Last night was a wake up call. I promise things are going to get better. I want us to talk things out and make a plan of how things are going to change before you have to go to the studio tonight."
The TV star was shocked, this was the most together and positive she had heard Emily since before the kidnapping.
"Eh...okay. Um, Emmie you know what I said when I left for the bar? About doing what you thought I was, you know...women and stuff. I never did anything when I was out last night, I swear. Not even being drunk could change my loyalty to you."
Emily opened her arms, and a very willing Dylan accepted her hug. "I know goofy. I always knew, deep down that you would never betray me. I know how loyal you are, and how much our family means to you. It's just, it's hard to explain."
Dylan pulled away and kissed her partners hand. "Explain to me baby. I want to understand, I'm always here to listen to you."
Emily had been rehearsing how she would explain this all night, but now it seemed so hard to say.
"This is so hard to talk about, but I'll try. I've been trying to hide what happened deep down inside, and you and Molly have suffered for it."
Dylan stroked her partners blonde hair. "Just take your time Emmie."
Emily then told her everything that had happened. The physical violence, the sexual violence, how Toni told her Molly was dead. Everything. Dylan did her best to keep a lid on her feelings, allowing Emily to purge herself of these awful memories.
"She not only left my body broken, but she got in here too." Emily pointed at her head.
"I feel like all the scars and marks on my body are ugly reminders of Toni, like you wouldn't find me desirable anymore, and I didn't know when I would feel able to make love again. When I tried with you I was back in that cabin again, with Toni on top of me."
"But why did you need to try so soon?" Asked Dylan.
"I had this dream..." As Emily explained, everything began to fall into place. The dream, the TV gossip about Annie and herself.
"Please tell me you don't believe these things baby girl?"
"Not now in the cold light of day, but it all built up throughout the day. The little voice inside my head telling me I was ugly, deformed, undesirable and that you would leave me, and that is my worst fear."
Dylan stood and began to pace around the kitchen. "Honey speak to me."
"I swear if I could have Toni back here right now I would make her hurt and then I would kill her!"
Emily looked up at her fiancee and said, "Didn't you already?"
********************************************************************************
Dylan's heart thudded as she stared in shock at her partner. "Wh...what do you mean?"
"Last night, when you were drunk. You told me you killed her."
Dylan sat down on the kitchen chair with a thud, panic seizing her guts. "Tell me what happened Dyl."
"She was taunting me. Telling me how I would never be rid of her, how she would always be able to come between us. When I touched you, when we made love, she would always be there, because..."
"What honey? What did she say?"
"She said you had lied about that time when you were pregnant with Molly, when she tried to rape you. She told me she did and that she did it again as soon as you got to the cabin. I couldn't take it. The rage just consumed me, and I pulled the trigger. Jackson grabbed the gun and took the blame. Said she had to protect us. I didn't know how you would feel, I thought I might lose you and Molly. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to do everything I can to rebuild our lives Dyl."
"You're not to going to tell..."
Emily knelt in front of her and said, "Dylan, I can't truthfully say I wouldn't have done the same thing. I wanted to kill her, but I didn't have the guts like you did. I had a broken bottle to her chest and I couldn't. I'm not going to blame you for having that courage. She was a nasty, mixed up person, and she threatened your family. You are a good and decent person, but even good people can be pushed too far, and Toni pushed too far. We won't ever speak of it again okay? It's between you, me and Jackson."
The TV star pulled her fiancee into her lap. "You couldn't do it Emmie because you have a purity and goodness, I could only dream of having. It's why I love you so much. I'll die trying to protect that goodness in you."
"Hold me honey."
After some time had passed Emily said, "I know I need better help than I'm getting from the hospital counselor. It's just not working."
"Jackson gave me a name of someone who had helped her after her sister died. She said her methods were unusual, but it definitely helped. What do you think?"
Emily sat back and smiled. "I'll try anything if it helps me get my old self back. I know I'm doing better today, but I need help with my fear, my anxiety and my memories of that cabin. Will you make an appointment for me honey?"
"Of course Emmie. We will get through this." Said Dylan.
"I want to be your wife and have the family Christmas Molly has never had, without Toni popping up in my brain."
"We will. You wait Mama Smurf, we are going to have the most magical family Christmas ever."
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Those that watched The Dylan Morgan Show that Saturday night would never have known the turmoil the TV star had gone through the past few days. Ever the consummate professional, she got through the show seamlessly. Even with the remnants of a hangover, Dylan was filled with hope for the first time since the kidnapping.
Dylan had gotten Emily an appointment with the new therapist Rain Bellard, for first thing Monday morning. Jackson drove them over while Pattie and Tommy looked after Molly at home.
Dylan insisted Jackson stayed on during the days for the time being, stating that Emily and Molly needed protection from the press intrusion.
Jackson parked up outside a small medical centre, and said "You go in that side door there and exit at a door on the other side. It's to ensure that patients don't meet. She has a lot of clients who would not appreciate the publicity."
"Okay thanks Jackson. You ready baby? "
Emily held onto Dylan's arm with a death grip while gripping her medical file they brought in the other. "Do I look alright?"
Dylan looked over her fiancee dressed in Armani skirt and blouse, Jimmy Choo's that accentuated her beautiful calf muscles, and elegant winter coat covering her plaster cast on her left arm. For the fifth time that morning she said, "Emmie you look positively beautiful. I know you're nervous, but she's not going to be judging how you look. She's there to help you."
Jackson opened the car door for them, and they both got out. "I'll wait here for you both. Good luck Em."
"Thanks Jackson." Squeaked Emily.
They walked hand in hand towards the entrance to the building. "I know you think she won't be judging me, but it always runs through my head that people are expecting some diner waitress still smelling of grease."
Dylan laughed. "Don't be silly baby girl. You always look elegant, no matter what you wear." Dylan opened the door for her fiancee, and she walked in. They found themselves in a small waiting room. It was a massive contrast from the bright winter sun outside. The room was darker, and the air had a Smokey hue to it from the burning incense and candles dotted about the room. Emily looked up at Dylan who simply smirked and walked over to the reception desk. "You sit down Emmie, I'll get you booked in."
As Dylan rang the bell at the desk and waited for attention, Emily took the opportunity to look around the different looking waiting room. In the background mystical sounding music played, all over the walls were hangings in oriental script, and on other walls hung pictures of temples, Buddha's and zen images of stones balancing one on top of the other. As Emily took in the sights and smells of the little room, she felt herself unconsciously drop her shoulders and let out a long breath.
A woman came out handed Dylan a clipboard, and explained that Rain would not be long. It was then that Emily noticed above the reception desk was the emblem of an eagle with the phrase underneath, 'Dare to Soar'
"Um..you've to fill this out baby. It won't be long. Strange little place huh?"
Emily took the clipboard and pen and started filling out her information. "I can't imagine Jackson in this place. Do you suppose she is a real Doctor Dyl?"
"Sure Emmie, I don't think Jackson's commanding officer would have recommended her otherwise."
Emily had worry suddenly painted all over her face. "Will you come in with me? Just this first time."
Dylan took her hand and kissed it softly. "Of course baby. Whatever you want. "
They were interrupted by the young receptionist. "Miss Taylor? Rain will see you now if you'll follow me."
They followed the young woman into the Rain's office. They were met by the site of a small plump woman, her silver hair hanging long down her back in contrast to her brown skin. She sat crossed legged on a bean bag, her eyes closed in contemplation.
"Do sit down. Rain will be with you shortly." The receptionist whispered as if being careful not to disturb the seemingly sleeping woman. The office was more of a large gym room than an office. There were no chairs no desk, only bean bags scattered throughout the room. In the middle of the floor were work out mats.
"What the hell is this about?" Dylan whispered angrily to her fiancee.
Emily struggled to sit comfortably on the bean bag seats with her tight skirt and in heels. "Just sit Dyl. Give her a minute."
The TV star sat down onto the bean bag with a thump and a sigh. Who the hell does she think she is? Wake up you new age freak! I'm gonna kill Jackson for recommending this woman.
Dylan's patience was at an end. She jumped up and said, "Hey! Doctor! Could you actually wake up and talk to us? I'm not paying you to sit and sleep."
Emily pulled her fiancee arm."Dylan, please. She's just got her own methods I'm sure."
"We're paying good money for this Emmie. I'm not gonna be treated like an idiot."
Form nowhere the odd looking therapist suddenly spoke up. "One would not dare to treat you like an idiot Ms Morgan."
Dylan's head snapped round to find the white haired therapist looking straight at her. She stood and walked towards them. "Miss Taylor I presume?" The Therapist had a hint of an accent Emily couldn't quite place, European was the best she could come up with. Emily took the Doctors hand and said,
"Yes pleased to meet you Dr..."
"Just Rain will suffice my sweet one." Emily blushed, and Dylan looked highly unimpressed at the over familiar term of endearment.
"This is my fiance Dylan Morgan."
Rain held out her hand, and after being nudged by Emily, Dylan took it. I see you are her protector, strong one.
"We'll now the introductions are over, why don't you make yourselves comfortable."
"Oh yeah, like we'll be comfortable on these things!" Dylan grumbled.
"Dyl!" Emily whispered. "Let's give it a chance." Then turning to Rain she said. "Is it alright if Dylan sits in with me?"
The Therapist sat in a yoga pose on the gym mats. "That is acceptable for the moment."
"What the..."
Again Emily put her arm on Dylan's arm to calm her. Rain smirked and said to Emily. "I think your mate is like the Lion, fierce, powerful, strong, and roars a lot, but underneath is devoted and playful."
Oh yeah very funny! Thought Dylan.
Emily laughed, recognizing her partner in those words and felt her nervousness melt away.
"So, what can I do to help Emily?"
"Jackson Hunter recommended you to me. I don't know if you've seen in the media, but I've been through some trauma, and I haven't been handling it very well. I haven't made much progress with the hospital therapist, so I felt like I should try someone new. Dylan could you give Rain the file?"
As her partner went over to hand over the medical file, Emily explained, I had a severe head trauma and this has caused mood swings, episodes of anger and fear of leaving Dylan or the house. Dr Rosen was good enough to give me my file so you could get an understanding of my case."
Rain held the thick medical file but did not open it. "And these symptoms are what you were told to expect?" Rain asked.
"Yes...it's all in my file if you..." Emily watched as Rain threw her file onto the floor, never having looked at it.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Dylan shouted.
"Are you not going to look at it?" Emily said.
"No, it holds no interest to me."
Dylan stood up quickly. "That's it! Come on Emmie, let's go."
"Wait Dyl. Why does it not interest you?"
Rain got up and came to kneel in front of Emily. "People have come to me with medical files twice the size of yours, containing information on this syndrome, that syndrome and don't even get me started on the people who do internet research. What does it matter what is wrong with you? It is just a name medical science wants to label you with. What matters is in here and in here." Rain pointed to Emily's head and her heart.
"Tell me what you feel." Emily felt as if Rain could look inside her and see exactly what she felt, and then her tears started to tumble from her eyes.
"I...I feel hurt inside. Everything seems black." Dylan moved to comfort her fiancee but Rain raised a hand to stop her.
"That my sweet one, I can help you with." The therapist cupped her cheek and continued. "It does not matter which condition or syndrome it is, what matters is how we make you feel better, and we will, but my methods are different. We will not sit around contemplating the trauma of your childhood. No! We take action, decisive action that will allow you to control your mind and body and not the other way around. To do this I will need you to trust me, not everyone can accept my way of working. Do you think you could trust me?"
Emily smiled, "Yes I can."
Rain stood to face Dylan. "And you my strong lion. We have no need of you here. Go prowl in the waiting room."
The TV star looked unimpressed with Rain's suggestion. She cast her gaze down at her fiancee. "Emmie?"
"I'll be fine Dyl, on you go."
Dylan sighed, "If you need me, just come and get me okay?"
"I promise honey. I'll be fine.
Dylan made her way towards the door thinking. Yeah, if I was lion I'd bite your freaking head off!
********************************************************************************
"I can help you Emily, and over the coming weeks I am going to show you how to take charge of your mind, so it does not drive you. First of all stand up and kick off those expensive looking heels. Maybe next time you could wear some looser clothes. Your lion may like to see you in little short skirts but for our purposes it is not necessary."
Emily laughed as she imagined the image of her 'Lion' prowling outside. "I will." Emily kicked off her shoes and took off her jacket. They stood in the middle of the gym mat and Rain asked her to close her eyes.
"What do you hear Emily?"
"Eh...the wind outside..."
"No. In your head."
As soon as Emily shifted her focus inside she heard it. The voice that made her scared, the voice that made her question Dylan's faithfulness, the voice that gave her bad dreams.
"Toni."
Rain nodded her head and walked round Emily. "Don't try to block her voice, listen to it. Let her speak loud and clear." Fresh tears tumbled down Emily's cheeks.
"That's it. Now you are going to take control of that voice. Imagine an old fashioned radio in front of you. The kind with the big tuning and volume knobs. Do you understand?"
Emily nodded. "Good. Now all I want you to do turn down that voice. Go on, turn it just a bit at first. Is it getting quieter?"
Emily couldn't believe it, but it was actually working. In her mind's eye, each time she turned the knob, Toni's voice got quieter.
"Yes it's working!"
"Keep turning until the volume is at zero, and Toni's voice is gone. Nod your head when you get to that point."
Emily nodded after a few seconds.
Rain walked round and stood in front of her. "Now enjoy the silence for twenty seconds and slowly open your eyes and come back to me.
Emily opened her eyes with a big smile. "That was amazing! Thank you Rain. That was the first peaceful time I've had in...I don't remember when."
Rain held Emily softly by the shoulders. "That was to show you that you are in control of your mind, not the other way about. When the voice, and the million thoughts that race around your head come back, and they will, just close your eyes and turn them down."
Emily threw her arms round the older woman. "Thank you Rain. you are giving me hope that my life will get back to normal."
"That's just the start sweet one. You told me you canceled your wedding. Why was this? Do you not want to marry the growling one?"
"Oh yes of course. It's just I wasn't well, I still am unwell and we didn't think it was right to go on with the wedding. I can't wait to marry Dylan."
"Hmm...Do you have any more hospital appointments for your head injury?"
"Just a check up before Christmas and I get my arm cast off next week."
Rain took her hand and said, "Then you are in no danger. Do not wait for some mythical time when everything will be perfect, no time is ever perfect. We will work on your anxiety, but do not stop your life in the meantime. Tell me what would be your dream."
Emily took a breath and said. "To get married to Dylan like we planned before Christmas and to spend a magical Christmas together as an official family. To show everyone out there that Dylan and I are as strong as ever and this event in my life didn't beat me"
"Then do it sweet one. Do it! Don't you know that the lion may do all the growling but without the lioness to nurture the pride, provide the meat, the lion and the cubs would be lost. She is the strength in the pride."
Emily thought of her own little cub at home, and what she had been through. Dylan and Molly deserved better.
"Take charge Sweet one."
Emily looked Rain in the eye with a determined look and said. "I will!"
********************************************************************************
Emily never shut up all the way home, and Dylan thought it best just to smile and nod her head. They enjoyed a family meal with Dylan's mom and dad then after Molly went to bed they sat on the couch enjoying some time alone together.
Emily lay with her head on Dylan's lap, enjoying the gentle stroking of her partners fingers through her hair.
When she had spoken to Rain about her fears when it came to becoming intimate with Dylan again, she advised relaxing into these small quiet times, where they would simply touch with no expectations, except to convey the love each had for the other. Slowly rebuilding the bond between the two and making Emily feel safe in their intimacy.
"Hmm. This is nice. Just you and me."
Dylan lifted her fiancee's hand and kissed it tenderly. "Yes it is." Dylan was happier than she had been in a long time. Emily was calmer, happier, and just being together, sharing this quiet moment in front of the fire was like heaven.
"I'm glad you got on so well today Emmie, but I want you to be honest and talk to me. If you need space or alone time, or if there are any thoughts turning over in that mind of yours, then tell me and I'll chase them away."
Emily sat up and smiled at Dylan. "Rain was right. You are my growly lion!"
"Oh don't you start with that as well. I mean it. I know your gonna have down times, where things aren't going so well, or you need some time to go do some of the exercises Rain gave you to do, just tell me. I'll play with Molly and give you the space. Don't bottle things up inside."
How did I ever get so lucky! Thought Emily, and she leaned in and kissed Dylan on the nose. "You are the sweetest goofy TV star I could have ever hoped for. There is something I've been thinking about a lot since this afternoon. I don't know what you'll think about it."
"What? Tell me."
Emily moved so she was sitting fully in Dylan's lap. "Well...you know we talked about putting everything behind us and having a great family Christmas?"
"Yeah?"
"I want us to be a family officially. I don't want to wait and put our life on hold anymore. I want us to be married before Christmas."
Dylan was silent for a full minute, just staring at her partner."
"Dyl? Say something."
Then Emily felt herself pulled into a long passionate kiss. When they pulled back for air Dylan said, "Nothing on this earth could make me happier, than to make you Mrs Morgan. I just didn't think you would be up to it so soon."
"I want to honey. I want to get on with our lives."
"I just don't want you to commit to it then get stressed and worried again."
"Well. What I was thinking was to scale the wedding back from what it was. Just you, me, Molly, your parents and Jackson and Rosie, and Lynn of course, at city hall. No publicity, no press. Just our family and friends. The people who care about us."
"It sounds wonderful but we only have three weeks till Christmas, that's not much time to get a wedding together, plus we have Christmas presents, decorations, a tree all to organize. I don't have any of those things, I never bothered when it was just me, Christmas was just another day to me." Dylan said sadly.
That made Emily even more resolved to make it all perfect. "I know it was lonely for you, Molly and I only had each other, and I couldn't afford to give her much, but this year will be different because we'll all be together. I have my dress, you have your suit. We could just have our friends at a restaurant or back here after, some food, some drinks? That's not too hard. As for presents and decorations, that's easy."
Dylan thought for a minute. She thought of how perfect it could be. She thought how it would make her dreams come true. Then she thought how it was a lot to take on for Emily, so early in her recovery. Would the stress set her back?
What should I say? Don't even try and kid yourself Morgan. You know you're going to give her exactly what she wants any way! Yep. She has your number. Some lion huh?
"What?"
"If you feel too stressed, or it's getting to much for you, you tell me. You get my mom and Rosie to help you, and do not miss one appointment with Rain. Okay?"
Emily beamed and gave Dylan a big kiss on the lips before jumping off her lap and running towards the bedroom. "Yes, my growling one!"
"Emmie!"
Also please take a look at my website where you can listen to the soundtrack to 'The Dylan Morgan Show', and find information on my future stories. www.jennys-storybook.com
You can also find me on facebook - http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/jenny.frame.7
or on twitter @jennyframe91
@dylanmorganshow