PART 7

XXXIX. Getting Some Tail

One of the things you learn as Regent of the Amazon Nation is that it's not that much different from babysitting. Age is irrelevant; all that matters is making sure everyone is fed, clothed, kept out of serious trouble and everything's cleaned up before the real authority comes home.

So it's no surprise that I was in the center of the mess. “No, Magdela, over there. We'll have a second detail take their carcasses into the woods. They don't deserve a pyre, but we'll have to give them one; it's too hot to leave them to bake in the sun. Take them as far as the white rock, just beyond the first sentry point.”

“The wolves can have ‘em for all I care,” Magdela muttered, but she signaled to her group, leading them towards the stiffening pile of bodies to sledge them to the edge of the village.

I nodded and watched her go, conscious of the tired droop of her shoulders—the way they all looked harried and down. This is so wrong. We were on the cusp of Brauronia and everyone should have been celebrating—eating, singing, visiting with our guests and making plans for the whole of the Nation for the next four years, not hauling bodies around and praying some of their sisters wouldn't die of infection and disease. I regarded the torn strips of cloth lying on the ground, their vibrant colors dark with rain and mud, and sighed, miserable at the thought of the reputation we were going to earn among our sisters for this catastrophe.

“Hera's tits,” I sighed again.

“Not worth the handful.”

My head whipped around to find Eponin standing behind me, and a bevy of queens behind her. “So I've heard.” I raised my eyebrows at the weapons-master, silently asking for some lead in what the other tribes' leaders were doing here en masse.

“They're planning on forming up their warriors and hunting down the rest of the vermin. They've courteously extended an invitation for some of our warriors to join them.”

Courteously, my feathers. Courtesy had nothing to do with it; well, avoiding rudeness might be part of it, but mostly it was a question of honor. Given who our queen is and, more to the point, who the queen's champion is, I'm sure they wanted to avoid anything that might legitimately smack of an insult. Because everything eventually comes down to Gabrielle and it's not hard to notice how close an eye Xena keeps on her. I couldn't see Xena putting up with insults to the queen for long before doing some smacking of her own if she thought it warranted.

“I appreciate the offer, but I don't think it's a good idea to send our warriors out and leave the village undefended. Besides,” I was quick to add, “our scouts reported that the other slavers have retreated even further away than their camp. I don't think they'll be back. After the losses we took today, it might be a better idea to stay close to the village.”

I hated how that sounded. We're warriors, not cowards.

“What?!” One of them gaped.

“That's ridiculous! Are we a bunch of old women?” another asked, derisively. “They killed our sisters! We demand justice!”

The queen from the eastern tribe sniffed and gave me a look suggesting she could hear my thoughts, impossible as that was. “Is this how your tribe does things?”

“This is how we do things when we've had a surprise attack and we've got ten times the number of children, mothers and elders in the village. If we all run off searching for glory, who'll defend them if they do, in fact, double back for a second go at us?”

A couple of them had the good graces to look abashed and the other comments dropped off pretty quickly. Before I could take my momentum and run with it, another voice joined the discussion. “I will not sit here like a child and wait for my enemies to come to me,” the northern queen said as she slid her hand along the side of her engraved axe head.

“Then take two dozen out into the woods, but leave the rest,” I suggested in compromise. “We might be better off if we check supplies, see to our injured and get everyone fed for the night. Some of our girls were planning a dance and sword display and I'd hate to disappoint them; they've been practicing for weeks now and I thought it would lift people's spirits. Have any of your people been doing the same?” A few nods here and there and soft comments of ‘music' and ‘weapons demonstrations' met my ears. “Then if you're all willing to loan me some of your remaining warriors we might be able to fix things up here and get it cleaned up in time for nightfall and dinner when your scouting party returns. We'll be looking forward to seeing your demonstrations.” I mentally sighed in relief when they latched onto the notion of tribal pride and the need to make sure their outfits were ready and the dancers warmed up and the instruments unpacked—

I left them to it and watched the diverted queens wander off in their slow moving clump, talking excitedly about songs. Eponin stood next to me, looking dour, but somehow less threatening with her black eye.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” I asked, brushing some curls out of my face. The rain had finally stopped, but the relief from the heat had been brief before the humidity set in again.

“I spent an hour trying to tell them running after the slavers was a bad idea and here you distract them with thoughts of bright, shiny weapons and costumes.” She crossed her arms. “How do you do it?”

“That why I get paid the big beads.”

Her serious expression broke for a moment as she chuckled, the ripples of humor settling quickly into her stern expression again. “Gabrielle should promote you.”

I snorted softly. “She gets chased regularly by gods and monsters, copes with ‘Dark and Deadly' and has to hobnob with the queens—no thanks.”

“Speaking of ‘Dark and Deadly'.” Eponin nodded with her chin towards Gabrielle's quarters where I could see the door open and Xena come out, her lithe form pausing on the threshold before shutting the door firmly behind her.

“Oh good. Maybe now she can tell me what the Hades is going on around here. Nothing makes me grouchier than being kept in the dark and fed centaur droppings,” I said, looking at Eponin. “Do I look like a mushroom to you?”

She pursed her lips as she looked me over and though her face didn't change expression, I could see her eyes twinkling. “No.”

“Good.”

“A head of blonde broccoli maybe.”

“Gee, thanks,” I said and turned my attention back to Xena. Her going somewhere without the queen wasn't odd, but seeing her slump against the wall right beside the door for a moment was enough to make me start in surprise. Like defeat, weakness or pain, this emotion, whatever it meant, was not the kind of thing she had ever revealed before, and yet…

I watched as Xena raised one hand to her face to cover her eyes, just a quick thing, but done nonetheless. I shot a glance over to Eponin and saw her watching too, her eyes a trifle wider than normal.

Turning my own gaze back to Xena, I did so in time to see the slow expansion of her broad shoulders as she took a deep breath. It was so out of character, so unlike her, that it actually scared me. Is Gabrielle okay? Gabrielle was the only thing I could think of that would make Xena look that way. I knew from a messenger that Gabrielle had made it back to the village a short time ago, but surely Xena would have sent word if the queen were injured? I took a step forward. “Maybe I should—”

Xena straightened up, looking abruptly as strong and proud as ever.

I stopped. “Or not?”

Beside me, Eponin shook her head. “Strange.”

No kidding. “Quick; step side-on to me,” I said in a low voice to Eponin. She gave me a perplexed look, but did so with studied indifference, as if simply shifting her position to take in a view to my right. Taking a cue on the fly with such ease in a sudden, clandestine manner was what made her the weapons-master, after all.

“What are we doing?” Eponin asked even as she nodded to someone else passing by.

“Something's definitely not right. Do you know that when I stopped by Artemis' quarters a little while ago, she refused to open the door?”

The weapons-master's brow furrowed.

“And …” I paused to stoop down to pick up some broken shards of pottery. “…do you know that she has Autolycus inside? I could have sworn I heard his voice. Did you even see him return with her?”

She gave a low tuneless whistle. “This just gets weirder and weirder.”

“Considering she wants to skin him alive, you're not kidding.” As we spoke, I followed Xena's movements surreptitiously from the corner of my eye, watching her stroll away from the queen's hut, her body moving with the same lethal grace she's always had. Xena has always looked alert, but the way her eyes roved over everything… “When I point at the burned rooftop over there, take a long look at Xena and tell me what you see, but nod while you answer me.” I lifted my hand and gestured to a spot where a fire set from within the hut by a raider had blackened and burned through the hut's planked roof.

Eponin followed my hand and crossed her arms. “I see her,” she nodded. “Solari and her crew are working on the kitchen roof, by the way; I passed her on the way over here.” After a moment, she shrugged and turned away, her back to Xena as the Warrior Princess continued her seemingly aimless walk.

“Well?”

“I can't be sure, but I think she's hurt her ankle or something recently; her swagger's a little off,” Eponin began. “No other injuries that I can detect. Xena never just takes a walk like that. I think she's up to something.”

I ducked my head, considering how that was pretty close to my impression as well. “Hm.”

“She's casing the place.”

I twitched in surprise, blinking at Eponin. “What?”

“Xena knows the village and she's not too fond of us, so why wander around? The only new thing here to see is all the people. If Autolycus still hasn't given up the belt, but is in Artemis' custody, Xena's probably looking for it. If she's still here, she must think the belt is here.”

“Which means she thinks the thief is an Amazon,” I finished, impressed with her deduction. I looked over at Xena before I could stop myself. Now that Eponin had said it, I could just barely catch the clues; the way Xena examined her surroundings, the way she discreetly looked the Amazons over and how she seemed to take note of our depressed-looking, defensive condition. As if her feet were simply taking her in that direction, I saw Xena change course and amble off between the buildings and what I surmised was the edge of the village.

“Is she leaving or just checking out another part of the village?” I wondered aloud.

“If I were Xena I'd get a bead on who else is here.” Eponin checked her weapons. “I'll follow her.”

“No, I will.”

She looked at me as if I were crazy. “Ephi—”

“No,” I said again. “I want you to see if the queens are sending anyone out, make sure we've got defensive coverage here and check on Gabrielle to see if she's all right. Stay mum on anything else.”

“I can't believe you're gonna do this.”

“Why not?” I asked, slightly offended. “Regency hasn't made me soft.”

“That has nothing to do with it! This is Xena we're talking about; she finds you tailing her before she knows it's you and Gabrielle's gonna need a new Regent.”

“She won't know I'm there,” I replied airily, hoping I was still as good as I thought I was.

“She's gonna nail you to a tree, Eph. I'm serious. This is a bad idea. At least take a couple of weapons, just in case.”

I fumed. “Your confidence in me is overwhelming.”

“Damn it, Ephiny!”

“I'm going! I need you to keep an eye on the others.”

Eponin rolled her eyes and sighed grumpily, unhappy to have been drafted as my assistant babysitter. “I'll find you in a bit and give you a report. Just make sure I'm not bringing it to you in the healer's hut, okay?”

“Thanks.” I put out a hand to forestall her. “One last thing…”

She stopped, the muscles in her shoulders twitching with impatience to get moving.

“Gimme your sword… and wipe that smirk off your face.”

+=+=+

Maybe it was crazy, but if Xena suspected it was one if us, then it was more important than ever to figure out what was going on before the rest of the queens found out too and the whole celebration got tagged as a disaster and ruined us completely. We'd be a laughingstock and a pariah among our own sisters. Who would be able to hold their head up under those circumstances?

Let them try to host something like this with Gabrielle in their village, I groused to myself and then felt immediately contrite; Gabrielle hadn't caused it, but it sure seemed like she attracted more than her fair share of trouble. As much as I cared for her and considered her a good friend, I couldn't help the thorny prick of bitter resentment I'd been feeling lately. I couldn't seem to help myself, but more and more often I found myself annoyed and angry with Gabrielle, the way she just shows up, causes trouble and then leaves it to me to clean up afterwards while she and Xena get the love and attention. It's enough to really get under your skin. I tried to keep my grumbling to myself as I stepped to the edge of the hut and watched Xena disappear into the stables.

It wasn't enough that Gabrielle had fallen into being queen—almost literally, when she dropped on top of Terreis to protect her—but she had this champion that, to the frustration of the Nation, could out-Amazon any Amazon among us and wasn't even an Amazon to begin with.

There she is. Xena stepped out of the stables, without Argo, and continued on her way, this time at a slightly faster pace. Can she tell I'm back here? I pretended to tidy up a strewn pile of fire logs until she was out of sight and then I meandered after her.

If the two of them were going to wrap the rest of us into a tizzy again, I wanted to finally get in early before the showdown. I was tired of being left standing in the back holding the queen's mask while she paraded around in front of us. Gods, what's wrong with me? I shook my head and, with effort, forced the sneer off my face, trying to get my mind back on what I was doing.

Xena wove her way through the moving current of women without hesitation and every once in a while I could catch a glimpse of her head turning a little further this way or that. She better not be working for the other side. She better not. As much as that was a chilling thought, it also made me grimly—even perversely—happy; we could take her if we had to. I was certain of it.

She took a left followed by a loop around the outer edge of the village and then Xena slipped off into the woods. The seductive thrill of the hunt, of trailing such a daunting target, was getting to me. Like taking hold of an old, familiar set of weapons, I could feel myself slipping back into form, dismissing everything but the task in front of me. I hung back to give her time and then gradually eased into the forest behind her.

The heavy cloud cover made it impossible to tell the time of day, but I estimated it was mid- to late afternoon. The woods were subdued and quiet, though I could hear bird calls off in the distance. I hunkered down, my eyes examining the ground. Even with the wet, muddy conditions, Xena still kept a light step; I could barely see where she had passed here even though I had seen her do it with my own eyes. The barest depression from her boots was visible. A little moisture had been wiped from a leaf as she went by.

My eyes flickered back and forth across the ground in front of me, occasionally looking up to make sure I was still out of sight. But the next time I looked down, all the traces were gone. Like she had simply vanished. Uh oh. I stopped in my tracks and squatted down, Eponin's warning echoing prophetically through my head. This was crazy.

“Forward or back?” I whispered to myself. The forest stilled itself at the mere breath of my voice and the hair on my arms stood straight up, making me wrestle with that instinctive need to fight or flee. Neither of them would do me any good right now.

As much as my fingers itched to draw Eponin's sword, the rasp of metal on metal would give me away for sure. Crap. My heart was starting to pound.

—She's gonna nail you to a tree.

I couldn't see Xena anywhere. The forest was so quiet I wondered if she could hear me breathe. This is no good. I glanced behind me where I'd done my best to hide my tracks. Go back? No, I didn't want to lose her. But I couldn't go forward without knowing where she was. My eyes strayed to the trees above and I felt an idea forming. Okay, here's an option. Settling myself, I edged closer to an ancient, heavy-branched tree and quietly levered myself up, hoping I was shielding myself well enough if she happened to look back this way.

It took only a moment before I was nestled in the arms of a couple of branches. I peered around, wondering if I'd catch a glimpse of Xena or if she had managed to elude me completely. Nothing moved. Everything was silent. “Well… damn.” I sighed, completely disappointed. I slumped against the tree trunk and silently banged my fist on the branch beside me.

“What did I tell you the first time about staring at me?”

I almost fell out the tree. “Xen- mmph! ” A hand slapped itself over my mouth and angry blue eyes glared at me from a very short distance as another hand fisted itself in the front of my outfit and pulled me down and further out of sight.

“What are you doing out here?” she demanded in a near-whisper. “Why are you following me?”

The vise across my mouth was lifted and I swiped my forearm across my lips to give me a moment. “I wanna know what you're up to.”

“So I noticed. You and Eponin did a pretty good job of covering yourselves.”

My jaw sagged. “You saw us?”

“Fer cryin' out loud, I saw you as soon as I came outside. I didn't think you'd be foolish enough to come after me until you two argued about it.” Xena shook her head at me in exasperation. “You should have listened to her.”

“I-I want to know what you're doing, Xena.” I ignored her point in favor of trying to get the conversation back on track. “If Gabrielle's hurt or if you're planning on doing the Nation harm—”

It was her turn to look surprised. “What? No!”

“Is the thief an Amazon?”

She pressed her lips together, giving me a hard look. “Yes.”

Even having discussed it with Eponin, it still came like a blow to have it confirmed. “Theirs or ours?”

“Yours.” Again that pause, but this one gentler. “I'm sorry.”

“You're sorry?” I gave a humorless laugh. “One of ours tried to kill the queen.” That brought me to my second biggest concern. “Is Gabrielle all right?”

A shadow fell across Xena's face and she gestured to the ground. “Come with me.” With the ease of long practice, she pushed off into a lazy flip and landed lightly on the forest floor below.

I sighed and started down the long, old-fashioned way. “Showoff.” I joined her on the ground and followed her as we headed slowly back toward the village. “I'm tired of being left out. Given that I help run this place, you wanna tell me what in Hades is going on already?”

She gave me a long considering look. “Artemis has completely lost her powers.”

“What?”

“Shut up!” she hissed, grabbing my shoulder and shaking me to silence. “The thief is Dimitra and she's out here someplace. I came out to see if I could find her.”

“DIMITRA?!?”

“Damn it!” Xena pulled me sharply behind a tree.

“Ohmigods.” I put my hands to my face, suddenly feeling sick and lightheaded. I was starting to think that I was better off being kept in the dark. Ignorance was bliss. “We took her in last year. She'd gotten herself into trouble with a married man in her village and they turned her out. I thought we were helping the kid. I thought she was nice!”

“Ephiny. Ephiny, calm down!”

“This is a disaster!” I was beside myself. “Brauronia's ruined!”

“Would you get a grip?”

“This is your fault!” I stuck a finger in her face and she reared back to avoid being poked in the eye. “You two come in here and before I know what's happened, the village is leveled! What is it with you two?!”

“Ephiny—”

“No!” I was too riled to take warning from the dangerous glint in her eye. “I'm sick and tired of being left holding the horse apples while you guys get cheered! What in Hades are you doing to us? We've got a murderer for a champion and a sheepherder's daughter for a queen! She doesn't even deserve it!”

Xena wrapped her fists in my leathers and slammed me back against the tree. “Are you done?” she growled.

The threat in her voice was, finally, enough to shut my mouth. Mutely, I glared back.

“It's the belt,” Xena said. “It's messing up everyone. I don't have time to make you feel better about things, so listen up because I'm pretty sure the entire Nation is in danger.”

“What? From Dimitra?”

“Yes.” She said it slowly, as if I were a bit slow.

“Hey, maybe having gods try to kill you all the time is no big deal, but I'm still kinda new at it. I haven't had any practice since Velasca.”

The warrior snorted and nodded in spite of herself before becoming serious again. “Okay, I need you to follow my lead, but I think she's going to try to make a move—” She stopped abruptly, her hand dropping and pulling up her chakram quicker than my eye could follow.

“Ephiny!”

I turned and saw Eponin hurrying towards me. What now? Behind me, Xena was slowly lowering her weapon.

“Ephiny, you need to come back to the village.” She slid a stop and glanced in Xena's direction. “She'll want you, too, I think.”

“She who?” I asked.

“Gabrielle.” Eponin turned me around and pulled her sword out of the scabbard on my back. “I went to see her like you asked—she looks terrible.”

I shot Xena a look, but she didn't turn a hair.

“Gabrielle's called a gathering,” Eponin went on. “Everyone's to come to the dais we set up for the ceremony tomorrow. And Eph, she told me to get her a sword.”

“She what?” I blurted out. Xena and I exchanged looks; I was well acquainted with Gabrielle's non-violent preferences and this just made no sense at all. “What on earth would she want a sword for?” I walked a couple of steps trying to figure it out. “Xena, did she say anything about having to kill that slaver we found in the woods when we went looking for her?”

Xena shook her head. “It… it didn't come up when I talked to her earlier.”

Eponin caught my eye and I could tell we were both thinking the same thing: Stranger and stranger. Given the way those two are with each other, I almost thought that would have been the first order of business once Gabrielle's head-to-toe well-being had been confirmed. And given that Eponin said the queen looked ‘terrible' I wasn't sure if Xena had done even that much. What in Hades is going on around here?

“We need to hurry,” Eponin said, looking more concerned than I've seen in years. “She was on her way to Artemis' quarters with rope when I came out here.”

I was perplexed, but Xena's expression defied any type of description at all. I couldn't tell if she was worried or ready to kill to somebody.

“Xe—” I started, but she pushed past me and started back for the village. “Waitasecond! You said Dimitra was going to try something…”

“Just follow my lead,” she said, leaving us to catch up.

The weapons-master gave me a look full of sympathy. “This is why they pay you the big beads, right?”

“Aw, Zeus,” I groaned and slapped at a nearby bush as I hustled to follow after the quickly disappearing warrior.

* * *

XL. The Medium is the Message

CRASH!

I flinched as the chair splintered against the wall and fell in pieces to the already heavily littered floor. Refocusing, I tried to concentrate on the type of knots I wanted to tie, ignoring the ongoing destruction.

“You know, of the two of you, my dinars would've been on Xena to be into this sort of thing,” Autolycus said, giving me a look, and then wincing as more crockery shattered into pieces against the wall. “I suppose I should be grateful she's not throwing things at me, but I still wish she wouldn't do that.”

I knew what he meant; Artemis, furious at my order to stay in the hut (for her safety and my peace of mind), had begun throwing things around the room like a four year old having a temper tantrum.

“I gotta give her credit,” he continued. “Only five minutes and it looks like a week-long Baccanalia happened in here.”

“She's a little angry right now,” I conceded as I watched her launch some gaudily painted sculpture through a window.

Autolycus shifted a little where he was sitting on a table, muttering, “At least she's not getting tied up.”

“I told you; I have a plan. Just trust me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Where have I heard that before?”

“Everything… now, everything will be okay,” I said, attempting to reassure him.

His eyes narrowed and he wiggled his hands and suddenly the knots I'd tied magically came undone. “Nope! Uh uh. No way. If you don't believe that, then neither do I. Let me outta here.” Autolycus jumped off the table and started for a window.

“Oooh, no, you don't!” I grabbed him by the back of his shirt and dragged him to a halt just as he attempted to stick one booted foot over the sill. “Cooperate or I'll be singing the song of ‘How Autolycus Got Caught' in every village and town between here and Gaul .” There was no guarantee I could get Xena to help me with anything at this point and as much as I hated to do it, threatening Autolycus' reputation as the King of Thieves was the only card I had left to play.

“Aww, Zeus!” He slammed the shutter closed and then shoved his hands in front of my face. “It's the leather, isn't it? You were so much more innocent and naïve before the leather.”

CRASH!

Another piece of furniture went flying, and we both glared at Artemis who ignored us in favor of wrecking as much havoc as possible in caged defiance. A second sculpture bit the Grecian dust.

I shook my head and began retying his hands together. “Crybaby. I'm well aware you could slip any knot I could tie in seconds, so give it up.”

“Four seconds, thank you very much. Two if you're going to be that sloppy. Gods, Gabrielle, can't you do better… No! Around-around-around-slip-knot-tie, not under-cross-slip-knot-tie. Oh, never mind. Gimme that.” He rolled his eyes as his long fingers manipulated the length of rope right beneath my eyes, tying himself up for me. “Hera knows, the amateurs I have to put up with,” Autolycus muttered, his words somewhat muffled by the end of rope in his teeth as he tried to affix the final knot.

I took it from him and he winced when I pulled it too tight by accident. Mostly by accident. “Sorry,” I claimed over-sweetly with a smirk.

Autolycus smirked back, added a sneer for good measure and then dropped into the one remaining chair and glowered at the floor. “Bah.”

“I am leaving!” The last word was a bellow as Artemis strode purposefully past us and towards the door.

“No, you're not!” Tired and hurt as I was, I still found the energy to scramble in front of her, blocking her way out of the hut. “We talked about this; you're vulnerable and in danger. You're staying here until I can get an escort!”

She drew herself up, her body tensing in a way that put all my instincts on edge. “Get out of my way, Gabrielle. I will not countenance this interference any longer, even from my Chosen. I am a goddess of Olympia and a warrior; I will not be treated like some empty-headed Hestian in need of protecting!”

“Do you get that there's someone out there with your powers that probably wants you dead? You don't want to go out there.” One thing about being a sidekick learning from a hero, you do tend to pick things up along the way, either through careful observance or deliberate instruction. In this case, I saw the way her eyes narrowed and the way she half turned her body as if she were giving up the argument, but I was ready for her resistance. Artemis spun back and tried to straight-arm me out of the way, using her considerable strength and agility as a lever.

Funny how everyone always assumes because I'm smaller I have no hope of coping. They also seem to forget who my teacher is and just how strong and agile she happens to be. Plus, after everything, I'd had enough of being pushed around.

The second her hand clamped down on my shoulder I reached up with both hands to grab her wrist. How did it go? Step in. Turn hip. Grab her belt. Pull and—

Artemis squawked loudly as she sailed through the air and crashed through the wreckage of rugs and furniture she had created earlier. I'd managed to throw Xena like that once or twice, but only as part of the lesson and, really, only because she had let me, and all of it because she was tired of constantly having to rescue me from the men in the taverns we frequented. Why can't the people with the information hang out in high dives instead of low ones?

Autolycus whistled from where he still sat. “See? It's all about the leather.”

I ignored him and hurried over to check on Artemis. “Are you okay? I'm really sorry, but I can't let you wander around out there. This is for the best.” It was one of those oddly insightful moments, but once again I could sort of appreciate Xena's efforts to keep me safe by having me guard something in a village while she ran off into danger. It was frustrating, but I appreciated it.

Artemis pushed my hands away, quickly brushed herself off and hobbled to another part of the room, all the while looking stunned, disgusted and clearly furious. I sighed and looked longingly toward the door, hoping that Eponin wouldn't be much longer. My nerves were a mess with the waiting, but at the same time I didn't feel ready to go out there. Convincing the Nation that we needed a change in faith was surely an impossible mission, but with the alternative sitting a constant weight across my shoulders, what other option remained?

So tired. And achy. I absently touched a cut on my ribs as I wandered back to Autolycus' side.

“Nice moves,” he said softly out of the corner of his mouth. He gestured to where Artemis was now sitting on the very rumpled chaise, her arms wrapped around her knees and a conspicuous bruise forming over her left eyebrow. Hard gray eyes stared fiercely at a far wall and regardless of whatever success I'd just had in tossing an ex-goddess to the floor I wasn't foolish enough to think I'd manage it a second time. “She looks like she's ready to start rearranging the room again. You better hope she doesn't get her powers back.”

I chuckled hollowly. “I'm in trouble either way.”

Autolycus gave me a calculating look that suddenly turned sly. “Something tells me you'd much rather be the one tied up and thrown to the horde of crazed Amazons.”

He surprised a genuine laugh out of me as I imagined it and blushed. I reached out to pat his arm, in both sympathy and gratitude. “That might be only slightly better.”

I heard a knock at the door and jumped, startled. The door swung open just far enough to permit Eponin to flow into the room and shut the door behind her. “My queen,” she said, coming towards me. “They're gathering, just like you asked. Some of the other queens wanted to know what was going on, but I told them they would hear the news from you.”

This is it, then. The sudden rush of nauseating adrenaline nearly made me gasp as it surged through me and produced the painful thudding of my overanxious heart in my chest.

Eponin's gaze sharpened and she took a step closer. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” added Autolycus. “You're the color of rancid goat milk.”

“I'm fine, I'm fine.” I waved them off. “Did you get it?”

I was surprised to see the look of disapproval flash across her face, but still she held up her hand and offered me the pommel of a sheathed sword. “Here. It's one of mine. I can't believe you want one, but at least I'll know you're getting a weapon you can trust.”

Gingerly, I reached out and took hold of the hilt, its leather wrapping darkened by age and use. I pulled it free and the immediacy and weight of the sword in my hand was unnerving, frightening even. My memory of the last time I'd held one flickered in my mind's eye and I remembered standing before Callisto, wavering upon the fragile line between conscience and revenge, wanting to kill her and finding out that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not even to her. I hefted the blade and made myself examine its blade, seeing the well-maintained edge; its nicks and scratches carefully honed away, hiding the evidence of some earlier violence. I hoped to the gods I wouldn't need to use it.

“My queen?” Eponin's soft call broke into my thoughts. I couldn't help but notice the signs of tension in her; serious and stern as ever, there was a new undercurrent of vibrating energy in her, like I often felt in Xena right before a battle.

“I'm ready.” The leather grip in my hand felt slippery and I sheathed it again to hand it back to her. She moved around behind me and with skilled fingers began attaching it to the rings and hooks already a part of my regalia. “I'd like you to walk us over to the common area.”

Eponin looked Autolycus over, her broad features giving away nothing. “I'd like a few other guards with us,” she said, coming around to face me after finishing with the scabbard. “I won't be enough to hold them off if the others decide they want to kill him.”

“Don't hate me because I'm beautiful,” he muttered.

I'd forgotten about that. “Call whoever you need. They'll need to guard the three of us.”

The weapon-master's brow furrowed. “Three?”

I gestured to the chaise with its glowering occupant. “Artemis, too. I'm hoping we won't need all that many Ama—” I turned back and stopped, taken aback by the sight of a very flustered, very beet-faced Eponin. “What?”

But she wasn't looking at me. Her dark eyes were fixed on Artemis. Step by step, Eponin floated over to where Artemis sat and seemed utterly fixated. “A-Artemis?”

Artemis, still fuming from being manhandled, looked down her long nose at the weapons-master. “What do you want?”

Eponin suddenly didn't know what to do with her hands and she fidgeted, tongue-tied. “I… I mean…I'vealwaysadmiredyou!” she burst out.

Beside me, Autolycus groaned softly. “Gods save me from groupies.”

Eponin, now on her knees and struck by some kind of adoring rapture, didn't hear him. “When I was a child I wanted to grow up to be you; a strong Amazon, a great warrior…”

Frustrated, but amused in spite of myself, I watched as Artemis began to preen beneath the attention. She reached out and briefly cupped Eponin's cheek in her hand. “You were always devoted,” Artemis murmured in regal tones. “Always. You are a credit to your tribe, Eponin.”

Eponin flushed with pleasure and ducked her head. “I wanted to live up to you.”

Artemis sat up straighter, the half-light of the room casting the hard angles of her face in nobler relief and I imagined I could see her mentally gathering the tatters of her shredded dignity around herself once more. “You strive for a higher goal, a more esteemed purpose. It is to be commended in one with such dedication and devotion.”

Eponin was positively breathless in the face of such overwhelming praise.

“I have seen your progress,” Artemis continued as she brushed her fingers lightly across Eponin's forehead. “And I am well pleased by it.”

The only things missing were an Elysian sunbeam and a celestial Greek chorus to frame the moment. I could be happy for Eponin; how many people come face to face with their god? And further, be happy about it? But I could have groaned aloud; Artemis had scored another follower with or without her powers at the worst possible moment.

Xena wasn't the only one who ground her teeth.

“Let's get going,” I suggested and waited for the others to file out before me.

+=+=+

Even beneath the constant lull of voices, I could hear the lonely thud of my boots on the stairs leading up to the dais; a grand affair decked with flowers, its supporting beams draped with vines and branches to mimic the woods. Artemis took each step by my side, white lines pinching the sides of her mouth in barely controlled anger. I reached out and touched her wrist and saw her eyes flicker resentfully toward me.

“I'm sorry, but please… you can trust me.”

She pulled her arm sharply away from me and took the last of the steps two at a time to walk the line of the stage before I could say another word. Autolycus fell in beside me as the Amazons cheered their goddess. “If you can pull off this scam, you're a better thief than me,” he said from the corner of his mouth. “Not as dashing, but better…” Then he, too, brushed passed me up the stairs and to a spot as far away from Artemis has his guards would allow him.

I sighed and stared after him. It was going about as well as I figured it would.

“Gabrielle.” Eponin nudged me up the rest of the stairs, followed by nearly a dozen other women armed to the teeth. They fanned out along the edges of the platform, wary and alert; these strong, confident women, conscious of their position and responsibility, stood at the ready. I was proud of them, but pride is a flimsy shield. I glanced at Artemis, who stood in silent, magisterial fury beneath a thorny weave of summer roses, to Autolycus, whose heavy brow spoke wordlessly of regret and worry… Both trusted me and I would have to do the unthinkable to give them even a hope of surviving.

I was conscious of the multitude of expectant eyes on me, their faces turning like flowers following the sun, finding me and watching my progress across the stage until I took a place at its edge. All of them assembled together, so many women, it took my breath away. Young and old, they stood before me, still unbroken despite noticeable injuries and apparent losses. How much could they take? And more, how much would they give? Even now I could tell that I had taken some of them by surprise. I could hear the murmurs; hear my name softly spoken and the word “sword” uttered in question again and again. Those that knew me had noticed and wondered. I let the mystery build a little longer as a light wind stirring my hair and brushed at the underbelly of the stormy clouds still threatening overhead.

I punched my fist into the air. “To a strong Amazon Nation!”

Hundreds of voices echoed me, fists raised to the sky, and despite my fears, my blood thrilled to the power of their energy. Somewhere in the back, I could hear my name being chanted and I raised my other hand in the air, hoping to still them, but it only spurred them to raise their voices louder.

“Sisters!” I held out my hands, fingers spread as if to hold back the wave of sound. “Listen!”

To my right, Eponin pounded the butt of her spear on the wood in a slow beat, the other warriors quickly picking it up until the pounding beat of wood on wood overcame the Nation's fervor. At my signal, Eponin and her guards stopped, and I looked out over them and wondered, briefly, what they saw when they looked at me. This is it. I felt my hands curl into fists at my sides and I consciously tried to relax as I breathed deep and began.

“A strong Amazon Nation,” I said again, pitching my voice to carry to them all. “My sisters, when I look at you I see that strength. Bound by our traditions and our lore, we have endured through the centuries, ebbing and flowing like the moon-touched tide.” A few, grasping my meaning, glanced to Artemis, making me smile.

“Every four years we come together to honor our past, celebrate our present and plan for our future. This past cycle since our last Brauronia we have been fortunate. With the ending of the conflict with the Centaurs, our border across the river is finally safe, but we still face the encroachment of others—other villages, other settlements, other cultures—not the least of which is Rome.” Some hissed while others cursed and I paused a moment to let them vent. “Some would poach on our lands, fish our rivers, cut down our trees and count themselves satisfied, but Rome … Rome would take that and more, they'd take it all , and sell us for slaves, yoking us to the wheel that grinds the world beneath Caesar's might. We would be nothing but another conquest, another notch in Rome 's standard. Would you hear the march of legionnaires' feet through our woods? Will you bear the sight of our children and elders slaughtered and our sisters chained and sold?”

A resounding roar answered me and weapons thrust into the air formed a bristling response. I let my eyes sweep over them, collecting them to me as I stepped closer to the edge of the platform, lowering my voice a touch so that they quieted and leaned in to hear me.

“Now, while we are here, while we're strong and prosperous, now is the time to think of our future. What are we? What are we to become? What is our vision of ourselves through the ages? Will we allow ourselves to huddle together in an ever-shrinking clump, easily picked off until Rome can crush us beneath her heel? Or will we go forth into the world once more and reclaim the lands of our foremothers?”

They cheered and I could feel the pain in my chest as I took Artemis' words from our walk in the woods and used them. I looked to her and saw such a look of pride in her face, such joy… I could have cried. She came toward me, her anger forgotten, and stood at my side making the Amazons cheer louder. Though her divinity was gone, she still struck a powerful figure; noble and wild, like an antlered stag in the deep, untouched woods.

And like an animal, she was still wholly unaware of the trap I'd laid for her.

“We must be strong, skilled and self-sufficient. We must be united if we are to overcome the odds set against us.” As I spoke, I could see movement far beyond the back edge of the crowd. From the row of the huts, I could see another figure approaching and I nearly faltered as I realized that Dimitra had come to watch. She sauntered to the back of the throng unchallenged, her arms crossed and a hungry smile on her lovely face. I felt a rush of goose bumps across my skin that had nothing to do with the moment. The moment I'd been dreading was here. I licked my lips and tried to pick up the thread of my thoughts as the women clamored for more.

“My sisters,” I continued, “even as we search for peace and prosperity, we must brace ourselves for war. To succeed we must be as one, strong in our convictions, in our beliefs—both in ourselves and in our faith.”

Next to me, Artemis looked over the assembled, confident and serene.

Gods, give me strength… “To that end…” I paused at the sound of boot-steps on the stairs. I glanced quickly and then did a double take; Ephiny, followed by Xena, came quietly up the steps and came to stand on the stage. Ephiny took my left and Xena stopped at my back, but not before her eyes met mine. Time held its breath for a space, capturing her in my eyes in an eternal moment. Her hair in a sudden breeze was like a horse's mane in full gallop, the scrape along the plane of her left cheek from a crow's claw stark against her unusually pale skin. Beneath her tousled bangs her eyes were a stormy grey-blue that matched the bruised clouds above us. Despite her lack of expression, my heart still leapt to see her; she had come after all. Now I could only hope she wasn't here to stop me.

“To that end,” I continued with greater energy, “I issue this call: who will join me? Who amongst you will help throw off our fears and our failings to make us great again?” Every voice raised itself in answer, their eyes alight with passion. “Our path will be hard, our choices harder. But there are things we must do for the good of the Nation, for all Amazons, everywhere!” I had them now. I could feel it. They wanted pride and glory and a sense of safety. They wanted what all people wanted: to live their lives with a realistic hope for a better tomorrow. Who didn't share that dream? Surreptitiously, I wiped my right hand on my skirt.

“We will shed that which weighs us down and rise to meet our destiny.” I reached for the hilt of the sword on my back and ripped it free. “No one—no man, no god—will hold us back!” They roared their approval as I thrust it into the air.

From the edge of my vision, I could see Ephiny start and I knew I didn't have much time. “We will declare a new age and abandon the old!” I shouted. “A new destiny! A new vision! And a new goddess to lead us to it!”

With a flourish I stepped away from Artemis, raised my sword and braced myself as the entire crowd clamored in surprise and confusion. On the downward swing I felt a shadow fall over me, envelop me, as Xena's hand slipped over mine and took over the sword. There was no time to protest, no time to take it back as her left hand moved me aside to make room for her even as she completed the stroke. It happened so fast, no one had time to react to the hum of the sword as Xena slashed Artemis across the arm.

Blood splattered across the platform and the crowd gasped in shock as Artemis cried out and fell to one knee in pain.

“Artemis is no goddess!” Xena proclaimed and raised the bloodied blade for all to see.

She believed me. The relief went through me like a bolt and I swayed a little with the surge of emotion it generated. She looked to me, her expression urgent and I hurried. Gazing out into the sea of people, I felt the weight of guilt hammer into me; their shock and confusion and fear were palpable. Even doing it for the best possible reasons, I still felt dirty knowing I would prey on them in their moment of vulnerability and manipulate them.

“She's a fraud!” I shouted, trying to hide my trembling hands in tight fists. “Like the youth she appears to be, she is undisciplined and irresponsible! Like all Olympians, she is selfish and ignorant about mortal concerns, caring only for the struggle of influence over us between herself and her ‘family'. Dare we trust ourselves and our future to someone who can't hold onto her powers? And who, ultimately, will always put her own needs, and the needs of the other Olympians, before those of the Nation?!”

From her position on the platform, the blood leaking from between her fingers, Artemis stared up at me, her eyes wide and her mouth agape in shock. “Gabrielle… Why?” I heard her ask in a whisper, her heart breaking before my eyes.

She was not alone; there were murmurs and protests and calls of agreement. The crowd was adrift and lost; I had to give them a new focus. I steeled myself and grabbed the back of Artemis' top and wrenched her to her feet. Amazons, still struggling to accept the truth of their goddess' mortality, gasped again at her rough and profane handling.

“We should be grateful that a thief revealed the truth to us. Artemis lost her belt and her powers. She is undeserving of our worship, unworthy of our faith. We must look to someone new!”

“No! ” Like a cornered animal, Artemis turned on me, her face twisted by the pain of my betrayal. She howled the agony of her loss and though my sorrowing heart cried with her, I once again managed to knock her down. Unbalanced as she was by the unbelievable turn of events, it was far easier than I would have expected to subdue her. Behind me, Xena stiffened but never stirred; this had been my decision and so it was mine to do.

Artemis crumbled to her knees; the sound of her broken sobs carrying on the tense and fretful air. Breathing hard, I turned back to the crowd. They were upset and angry; I had shifted the bedrock of their very lives and it all hung in the balance. “Look to one who has a true Amazon heart,” I said, my voice carrying easily in this unsettled quiet. “Look to one who would put the Nation first, above all else. Follow the one who will truly fulfill our destiny and give to us a strong Amazon Nation!”

I could feel the Amazon's uncertainty and despair. I could feel their anger—both at me and at Artemis. They were an unformed maelstrom and my rapport with them was slipping. The level of murmur rose to pandemonium and I raised my hands to get their attention again, but they gave me no heed.

“What will we do?” one young woman cried.

“We must complete Brauronia,” an elderly woman shouted in a thin voice. “We will be cursed else!”

I scanned back and forth across the crowd unable to fix anyone's attention. “Listen to me!”

“We won't abandon her!” someone else yelled.

“She's a fake!”

A fistfight broke out halfway back in the throng and the women moved back like ripples in a pond.

Ephiny stalked to my side and glared at me. “Do something!”

Around me, Eponin and her guards had taken a more readied stance, the weapon-master looking pale from the revelation. I didn't know how much she knew, but I could see the conflict in her face. Xena was still behind me, unmoving, watching me with hard eyes. Starting to panic, I spun around to search the outer edges of the crowd. Where is she?

Dimitra's gaze met mine and even over the distance I could see her impatience and that constant, demanding hunger. She wagged her finger at me and silently tsked. Desperate now to reach the crowd, I raised my arms again. “Amazons! There is one who'll lead you!”

“Who?” someone called back.

Dimitra answered for herself denying me the chance to respond. Throwing her arms wide, she lit herself like a star. Blazing light erupted from her eyes and her mouth; her skin glowed white until it was nearly impossible to look at her.

“I WILL LEAD YOU. ” Her voice rumbled with menace. She stretched out her arms further, as if to take us all into her blinding embrace. “ABANDON HER AND FOLLOW ME…”

Eponin, unable to take any more, shoved me hard and then hauled back and launched the spear she had carried over the heads of the crowd. “Never!” The spear hit the ground before Dimitra's feet and quivered there. She leapt off the platform, drawing her sword as she went and pushed through the people to follow after it.

“Eponin! No!” I reached out to stop her, but Xena grabbed me.

“Stay here!”

“Xena!”

“What have you done?” Ephiny grabbed and shook me, looking back and forth between Dimitra and Artemis. “Oh gods, what have you done?” Despair cracked her voice. “Every time you come here! Every time!” She let me go and sank to her haunches next to her fallen goddess.

I looked to the confrontation again, finding others had taken up behind Eponin and she stood in front of the would-be goddess, a dozen more Amazons lined up along side of her. “Compared to Artemis, you're no Amazon at all!” Eponin yelled, brandishing her sword. “So take your ugly face and get outta here!”

That familiar twist of anger and pain curled Dimitra's mouth into a snarl. “ IF YOU WON'T FOLLOW ME, YOU WON'T FOLLOW ANYONE!” She threw her hands forward and a blaze of fire took out Eponin's left flank. Screams erupted and the crowd was a sudden boiling mass of movement. “ LOVE ME OR EVERYTHING WILL DIE!”

“Get out of here!”

“Get her! Get her!”

“Get who?!”

“This is her fault!”

I saw an arm lift and a finger pointed my way. I let out a ragged breath, knowing it for truth. A battle broke out before my eyes. With Amazons killed and huts on fire, more women joined Eponin's attack. Others ran for cover and still others, furious at the deception, stormed the platform intent on taking me. Eponin's guards, confused and torn but still at their posts on the edge of the platform, reluctantly engaged their sisters, to protect me, their queen. My pride in them was no shield at all.

If ever I had doubted the power of words, I never would again, nor would I think them any less dangerous than a sword. My mere words had ignited a war.

I stared dumbly into the face of chaos, the burgeoning glow of fires reflecting in my tear-filled eyes as Dimitra forced herself upon the Nation.

Xena's hand on my arm startled me and I looked at her, unsure.

“We're going,” she said shortly. “Help Ephiny with Artemis while I get Autolycus. We're getting out of here.”

“Xena, we can't—”

“We can't save any of them if we're dead! Come on!”

Leaving my guard to hold back the fury of my sisters, Xena guarded our retreat as we fled into the woods, and all the while I despised myself for my failure to keep them safe.

* * *

XLI. I'm Soaking in It

When you have a penchant for what might be described as a “bad temper” that often leads to, for lack of a better term: “outbursts of expression”, there's always this moment where you experience this floating feeling, as if outside your body.

Before you start thinking it's a pleasant, fluffy or peaceful feeling, it's not—it's lame. It's lame because it usually involves you looking at yourself and wondering how in Hades you managed to select the absolute stupidest words and ideas to come spilling out of your head in an order that somehow makes them sound even worse. It's not good. I guess for me, there's the added feature of floating outside my body and looking down to see me doing something as dumb if not dumber than what I might have said.

With that in mind, I found myself in that very state of disembodiment as Dimitra started up the fireworks and the Amazons started up a mini civil war. To be fair, I suppose it was Gabrielle that started that technically. She's come a long way; usually she just gets us caught in the middle of one, now she's starting civil wars all on her own. My little girl's all grown up…

Anyway, we were fleeing the chaos, Autolycus, Artemis and Gabrielle leaping off the side of the stage in front of me, when I looked back to get a focus on the situation and work out an escape trajectory. That's when I saw her—Dimitra. She was floating just above the waves of battling Amazons with this smug little look on her face, which would have been infuriating enough, but beneath her expression, I could see she was seething. She was furious because the Amazons were fighting. She was furious that they hadn't just dropped to the grass and began worshipping. She was furious and was hurling lightning and fireballs into the fray, not caring who was injured or killed. I watched her, my eyes never leaving her floating form.

Then something happened. I won't call it a loss of control, although to the untrained observer it might have seemed that way. If someone actually let me describe it, I would say that my emotions took the reins and I wasn't in a position to argue—or something. Regardless, I managed to turn what could have been a devastating situation into something that was basically just your run of the mill embarrassing mishap.

There was nothing I wanted to do more than take on Dimitra and tear her into little Amazon tatters, but there was no way to do that right now—no matter how much my guts were telling me to try. When you deal with gods as much as I have, you learn that the one thing you need when you do is leverage. If you don't have something up your gauntlet, you might as well pop the coins into your eyes right there because you're going to be the centerpiece at a good old-fashioned barbecue.

In this situation, I definitely knew I was lacking leverage. Any attack against Dimitra would be suicide and I needed to get myself and everyone else to safety. Also, I had to be sure not to attract attention to our escape—Dimitra was distracted and all drunk with power, so she had forgotten about us for the time being.

All around the stage, Amazons battled each other in vicious combat. Ephiny and Eponin did their best to keep things under control, but it wasn't working. To make matters worse, Dimitra began destroying huts in the village, fire and smoke adding to the confusion. My emotions were scattered, my blood was thundering past my ears. I had to do something.

To my right was a large barrel of water. So, under the circumstances, I did the only sensible thing I could. I submerged my head and screamed into the leafy-tasting water. Between the comfort of screaming (a very underappreciated comfort) and the cool, soothing liquid, I felt my senses return to normal.

But there was that floating feeling, as usual. And there I was, looking back at myself, my head sunk in a barrel of water, my butt in the air and all these bubbles churning and spilling about.

What happened to dignity, Xena? I asked myself. What happened to class? One minute you're the Destroyer of Nations and the next you're yelling into a barrel in some village out in the sticks. What happened, indeed?

I shook water from me as I removed my head from the barrel. Gabrielle stood at the end of the stage not looking like she understood, or was interested in understanding, what I had just been though. “Well, what are ya waiting for,” I yelled. “Run!”

Explosions grew in number as we ran from the stage and quickly moved into the forest. After some time, the sounds of battle grew further away and we could slow our pace. It had been my idea to keep running until we hit the river. There had been caves near there that might prove useful as shelter.

As we moved through the forest, Artemis approached me. “I know where we can hide.”

“But—”

She glared at me, which normally would put me right off, but beneath the usual arrogance and anger was something else. There was a genuine pain beneath it all, a hurt that the goddess was unable to disguise. Having seen her abilities in the woods earlier, I let her lead the way.

Artemis led, in her sulky way, and took us in a wild and meandering route to the northwest. It still looked like she hadn't forgiven Gabrielle for what happened. It was actually quite remarkable how, no matter where the bard stood, the goddess somehow kept her back to her.

I wanted to do something to help Gabrielle, but the energy between the two of us continued to be uncomfortable. She appeared withdrawn and pale, staring sightlessly at the path beneath her feet. I would have talked to her, but she had somehow mastered the same ability to put her back between herself and me that Artemis had. As concerned as I was, I didn't have time to let my emotions get the better of me on that one.

Even Autolycus seemed weary beyond his physical body. I moved back to see if he might actually quip or banter, but it was no good. The two of us strolled in silence, avoiding large roots in the underbrush. As we entered a small clearing, he blinked up at the trees. “Hey… this all looks familiar…” he said.

“It should.” From the lead, Artemis spoke without turning. “My secret grove was never meant for mortal eyes, King of Thieves, but its splendor is not easily forgotten. We shall hide here…”

* * *

XLII. Truth Hurts

The quiet burble of the idyllic river was comfortless. From my perch over it, my forearms resting on my knees, I fidgeted and fed pebble after pebble into the dark, swirling surface and wondered how I dared sit here while Amazons died.

Behind me, under the sheltering grove of trees, Xena or Artemis had made a small fire before Xena had disappeared back into the woods, though not before giving us all an irritable look followed smartly by dire orders to ‘stay put'. The last I'd looked, Autolycus had settled himself morosely before the fire, content to stare—if not at the flames—then somewhere beyond them in silence. Artemis, however…

I could barely bring myself to look at her.

Artemis paced for what seemed like hours, until the light had failed and the meager firelight had spilled past me to tinge the surface of the water white and gold with its light.

Xena still hadn't returned.

I can't take this any more. I levered myself up and walked quietly over to the fire, then settled myself hesitantly down next to Autolycus who grunted to acknowledge my presence. For a long moment neither one of us spoke; the sounds of the fire and the night enveloped us in an uncomfortable companionship.

I cleared my throat. “How are you?”

“Oh, not bad, not bad.” He waved a hand lightly in the air and leaned back. “I suppose I should thank you.”

I looked at him sharply, unable to tell if he was being facetious or not. “For what?”

“Thanks to you I'm no longer ‘enemy number one'. Whatever's left of the Amazons is undoubtedly arguing over who they'll wanna string up more: you or Dimitra. They've completely forgotten about me.” His expression darkened momentarily. “I know I shouldn't be hurt by that, but I'm positive I'll get over it the second I get out of here.”

“You're so welcome,” I snipped, raising my head to stare sadly at the lone figuring continuing her pacing at the far end of the clearing. “At least there's someone who doesn't hate me.”

Autolycus followed my gaze to where Artemis stood, arms crossed and staring angrily out into the forest. “Something tells me you're not her most favorite person either these days.”

“I know.” I brushed my hair from my face, wondering how I would ever manage to face her given what I'd done. If we were all to survive, I'd have to; if the tribe were to survive this, we'd have to stick together. “Wish me luck.”

“May no one steal the coins from your eyes until an hour after you've left Charon's boat.”

I gawked.

“Hey.” He held out his hands and shrugged. “Do I look a rabbit's foot to you? A thief's mixed blessing is better than no blessing at all, right?”

On that suspect note, I left him by the fire. The distance between Artemis and me wasn't nearly far enough; I barely had time to collect the shape of my thoughts when I came to stand behind her. By the way her shoulders shifted in the firelight, I knew she could sense me there. “Artemis?”

The slap across my face rocked me sideways, the sting of it first sleeting cold, then prickling hot as I pressed my hand against my cheek. I stared at her in shocked surprise and, behind me, Autolycus jumped to his feet.

“How could you?” Artemis' voice was low, controlled, but her eyes… Gods, her eyes were hollow and sunken, flat with suppressed emotion. Her hand, the one she'd struck me with, curled into a fist at her side. “How dare you? To betray my trust like that…”

Her expression was at once both furious and beseeching, and I held out a hand to her, wanting to explain. “Artemis, I'm sorry—”

I saw it coming this time, but not soon enough to stop her as she laid the palm of her hand like a lightning bolt across the side of my face. The sharp report of contact was loud in the grove and I stumbled to my knees, but managed to throw out a hand to ward off Autolycus who had taken several steps toward us.

I knuckled the corner of my mouth and distantly noted that we all of us breathed as if we were running for our lives. No blood . A small mercy, that. “I'm sorry,” I said again into the tension that sang between us.

“As you should be!” Artemis replied, her body quivering. “Consider yourself fortunate, Gabrielle, that I no longer have my powers. Believe me when I say the flat of my hand is the kindest, gentlest caress compared to what you truly deserve!”

“I know.” Who had said, long ago, that the road to Tartarus is paved with good intentions? Knowing that I'd done this to her, so deliberately, was crushing me. “I led her right to us and used you all to give her exactly what she wanted.”

“You betrayed me, Gabrielle. Me!” She reached out and grabbed my shoulders, hauling me to my feet before shaking me. “How could you? How could you do that to me?” Even in her anger, I could see the firelight's glow reflecting in the welling tears in her eyes. “Why? I trusted you!” Her eyes overran with moisture and still she shook me. “I trusted you, how could do this?”

I struggled with her, tired beyond words, but I tried to reach her—grabbing her arms, her wrists—not sure if I was trying to push her away or pull her closer. “Artemis—”

“I believed in you.” She shoved me back in emphasis, yet never broke contact. “You! I was willing to believe in your ideals, your diplomacy and non-violence—to see your vision, and you betrayed me! Why?! Why…” She sobbed a great heaving breath as if her heart were being torn straight from her chest. I couldn't stand the rawness of her pain. “Why? I loved you, Gabrielle…” Artemis dashed her tears away roughly, their presence making her angry.

Ah, Gods…

She shook her head and bared her teeth in a grimace of a smile. “Part of me wants to kill you for what you have done. Olympus help me, but I do.” The forced smile faltered and faded, leaving Artemis looking frail and defeated. “I loved you, Gabrielle…” she whispered brokenly. “I've never truly loved anyone before. I've… I've never known anything so beautiful…or so terrible before. How could you have destroyed that? And my Amazons! You've destroyed the Nation… and for what?”

I flinched at her words, barely able to bring myself to look at her. “To save us all,” I answered, knowing it to be woefully inadequate.

She laughed bitterly and finally let me go. “And what a great success you have wrought.”

I opened my mouth to explain further when I heard the sound of voices at the far side of the clearing. Shadows emerged from the woods, gaining likeness and form as the firelight touched them. Amazons by the handfuls—the warriors and elders, the mothers and children, the injured and the dazed—streamed into the grove, led there by Xena.

Autolycus made a beeline for her. “About time you got back,” I heard him mutter.

Xena gave him a look and then dismissed him, turning her attention to the tired, wary women following close behind her. “Set up here,” she called to them as they joined us by the fire. “Look after the wounded first and we'll get a sentry—”

“You!” A figure broke away from the rest and flung itself at me. Ephiny, curls in wild disarray, shoved me hard and Xena reached out to grab her by the shoulders, holding her back with obvious effort.

“Stop it!” Xena growled.

“Gods damn you!” Ephiny shouted, pointing her finger at me even as she grappled with Xena. “Are you cursed? Every time you come here you're a disaster!”

I held out a hand to her. “Ephiny, there's more to it—”

“Where were you?” she demanded. “When Dimitra was blowing us to Tartarus, you cut and run!”

Xena pushed Ephiny back, interposing herself between the two of us. “Stop it!” she ordered again. “I told her to stay here.”

Ephiny brandished the sword already in her hand. “After what she did, she should've been there.” She glared at me and took a step closer, her fingers squeezing the leather of her sword hilt until it creaked. “I want the mask back.”

I gasped, her words as strong a blow as the one Artemis had delivered earlier.

“Ephiny,” Xena looked quickly back and forth between us. “Wait; you don't know what you're saying…”

She sneered at Xena and then looked back at me. “She's a traitor to the Nation and either she gives up her right of caste or I'll challenge her for it; she's either outcast or dead. Amazon law demands it.” Beyond her, I could see the nods of agreement from the other Amazons, even from some of the visiting Queens. “You betrayed us, Gabrielle.”

I could feel how quiet everyone had become, watching the drama unfolding before them. The cost was so high… how much more could I gamble? With their lives? Mine, I knew, was already forfeit, but I had hoped to hang on just a little longer… “Yes.” Having even seen it for themselves, the women assembled still started at my ready confession. “But I did it to save your lives.”

Ephiny gave a rasping laugh. “Guess that didn't work out so well, huh?” She pointed her sword tip at the ragged gathering of women crowding the clearing. “They're all that we could get out that were still loyal! For all we know, the rest have gone to Dimitra if they weren't lucky enough to escape into the forest!”

“Dimitra would have killed us all!” I shouted back. “She wanted to join Artemis' nymphs and when Artemis rejected her, Dimitra decided to make her pay. The belt was her chance and now she wants to take away everything Artemis had, anything that she had as a goddess and make it her own—Artemis' belt, her powers, the Amazons, me—she wants it all! The belt's made her crazy; when she caught me out in the woods, she made a game of the whole thing; trying to force me to love her and saying that if I didn't find a way to make you all worship her instead of Artemis, she'd kill everyone! On top of it, I couldn't even tell anyone why I was abandoning Artemis, or she'd do the same thing.”

“And you went along with it.” Ephiny nodded, a look of contempt on her face.

“A real Amazon Queen would rather have died than give in to such tactics,” one of the other Queens said from behind Ephiny.

“I was ready to,” I insisted and saw Xena glance sharply at me from the corner of my eye. “Dimitra wouldn't even give me that; my death meant yours, my failure to convert you meant the same. Don't you see? My only option to buy us time was to do what I did. Please, Ephiny, you have to believe me.” I stepped around Xena to stand before my Regent. “I swear it's the truth.”

She was angry, upset, and given the circumstances I wasn't sure I could count on our friendship—whatever shape it might be in—to make her listen.

Ephiny gaped at me, incredulous. “You expect me to believe that you betrayed the Nation in order to save it? How do I know you're not in league with her?”

“You have to believe me… I'm not. After everything you've seen, I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth.” I lifted one shoulder, not knowing how else to frame the situation. “I need one more day. One more day and then you can challenge me for the mask if you still want to.” Assuming I'm still alive for you to bother.

Xena, alarmed, put her hand on my shoulder. “Gabrielle, you can't—”

“No.” There was no possible way I could let her take the easy way out for me. “If I fail, she can challenge me—I won't hide behind my champion.” For the Greater Good of the Nation, I couldn't evade my responsibilities, even if the best thing for them was not the best thing for me. They needed their leadership intact. They needed to believe the laws of their society worked. I needed them to believe I wasn't a coward—for myself alone, if no one else. “Until then, I need you to listen me just a little while longer.”

Solari pushed through the ranks with Eponin at her side. “Listen to you? You've got to be kidding me!” Mutters of agreement followed, some of them outright shouts of derision.

Their anger and disgust flayed at me. After everything today, I could feel the last of my strength dissolving in the face of their rejection. Swallowing hard, I wiped the palms of my hands on my torn and filthy skirt. “Please, I want to help—”

“Haven't you done enough?” someone said sarcastically.

“We don't want your help!” another voice added from farther back.

“Okay…” As hard as I tried to hide, even I could hear the tremble in my voice. I looked to Xena who started back at me, her arms crossed over her chest and a leaden expression in her eyes. Autolycus looked at the ground, completely avoiding my gaze. “Okay.” My chest felt tight and each breath was a struggle. “Then… good luck… I'll just…” I gestured towards the woods, taking one step back, then another, and when no one tried to stop me, I turned and walked away, their silence beating at my back.

I headed away from the warmth of the fire; away from the group of women I had considered my extended family and friends for more than a year now. It hurt so much more than I expected, and after everything I'd been through to try to help them…

My feet found the shore of the river and I walked along it, its surface silvery in the near-full moon rising in the sky. Deceived by the depth of shadow and moonlight, I tripped and stumbled against a thick root half buried in the shallows and scraped my leg.

“Ow! Gods damn it!” It was my last straw. Tired beyond reason, hurting inside and out and virtually banished by those I held dear, I set heavily on the ground and pressed my forehead against my upraised knees.

The darkness and the quiet murmur of the river hid my tears.

* * *

XLIII. The Sensitive Chat

Things were coming along at the Amazon refugee camp. While battered and upset, there weren't many of them sporting serious injuries. Though, looking at their faces, you wouldn't know it. The cause of it all was pretty obvious in the end. Even when I walked past them, they mumbled in distrust and smoldering contempt. This was definitely going to be a long night.

I looked over to the stretch of woods Gabrielle had wandered off into. The scents of the forest told me she had probably met with the river and was sitting somewhere along its edge. Poor girl. So much of me wanted to go to her now, but there were still tasks to do.

At the far end of the camp, Ephiny was doing what she always did when it got to this point in our visits—bury herself in her work. This time she appeared completely submerged, as her face had a manic intensity to it while she dressed wounds or helped construct a makeshift pallet. I walked over to where she was working.

“Ephiny, we need to talk.”

“Unless it's about caring for my people, we don't.” She kept her eyes on what she was doing.

This was going pretty much how I imagined it would. “What a coincidence, that's exactly what this is about.”

Sighing, she stopped what she was doing and looked up at me. She scowled. “No it's not, it's about Gabrielle.”

I nodded. “And when did she stop being one of ‘your people'?”

“When she sold us out to that…that freak.”

Amazons were beginning to clue in to the conversation. Whispers traveled around us in the half dark. I crossed my arms. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe it really was the only way to save you all?”

Ephiny snorted. “Well, she did a great job of that, didn't she?”

As a military leader, there were certain battles where it was obvious the outcome was to end in a stalemate at best. In these situations, I always found it best to discover a way to plant some sort of seed that guaranteed future victory. Leaving a diseased carcass in a city's drainage ditch and retreating for a week or so, for example. In this case, I knew Ephiny wasn't going to forgive Gabrielle right now, but I thought I could plant a seed—a far more appealing one than a festering corpse, of course, but I've come a long way since those warmongering days of yore. “You're upset and angry not only because your people are hurt, or your lands stolen, but also because you feel betrayed by Gabrielle—someone who was not only your Queen, but your friend.” I made sure my voice was loud enough for others to hear, while remaining at a conversational level. “So what you have to ask yourself is: Do you think Gabrielle would ever consciously betray you, or anyone?”

The Regent softened a little, I could tell. “I hope you're right.” She even nodded warily, but then met my gaze before I walked away. “But there's a first time for everything.”

I walked away, giving the impression that I had no doubt she was wrong. In my heart, I wasn't so sure. I trusted my instincts and they trusted Gabrielle, but both had been confusing since we got ourselves wrapped up in this whole thing. In the end, I had to go with my heart—what else could I do?

Autolycus slunk in front of me. To say he was nervous looking would be an understatement. I didn't have time for it. As he was about to speak, I put my hand up. “You're nervous being around all these Amazons and would rather take your chances out in the woods on the way out of here. No, I won't let you go. Yes, I think they'll leave you alone. I don't know what we're going to do next. Yes, I'll tell you when I do. And no—” here I grabbed his arm and walked him over to where Artemis sat moping on a rock “—I don't think you and Artemis keeping an eye on each other until I return is a bad idea.” I plunked the King of Thieves on the rock beside the goddess. They both mirrored a look of surprise, then outrage, then distrust, then finally, grave indifference as they slouched beside one another. Perfect.

A tenuous kind of truce restored, I headed off into the woods. I wasn't too concerned about Dimitra coming after us tonight, not after the show of power she gave ripping the village apart. The sentries I'd ordered were more for their peace of mind than for any pragmatic reason; not unlike Velaska, Dimitra had weakened after having gone off like a Greek firecracker. It made me happy to think she might be lying under a bush somewhere too tired to move.

The moonlight was strong enough for me to see clearly as I followed the steady signs of Gabrielle's trail in the soft dirt and disturbed ground along the river's edge. I could hear her before I could see her, and her quiet crying led me right to where she sat with her back against a rock and her arms wrapped around her knees. She hadn't seen me yet. I stopped a little way apart, and watched her.

As far as sensitive chats go, this one promised to be a doozy. What was I supposed to say? Sorry, Gabrielle, the Amazons took a vote and you're out? Tough break, they're going to feed you to the rampaging bitch you unleashed on them? You kissed Artemis, that granite-faced, arrogant know-it-all and it makes me feel like… like…

Damn it. I scrubbed my face with one hand. I needed to get myself under control, but I could feel it slipping again and with it my ability to keep a lid on my temper. I tried to ignore the anger and jealousy and frustration, holding it in by the skin of my grinding teeth. Unclenching my fists, I took another step forward, pitching my voice to carry. “Gabrielle?”

She started, lifting her head sharply. I wasn't sure how I felt that she seemed so surprised and wary at seeing me.

“Gabrielle?”

“Xena…” She was looking back at me, hesitantly. “What are you doing here?”

There weren't any recriminations in her voice, no bitterness… just uncertainty and a lot of sadness. “I came to talk to you. Did you really think I was gonna let them run you off and not follow you?” The belt's influence wanted to turn my attempt at a gentle nudge—she's still my best friend—into a full attack. I mean, how little does she think of me that I'd just buddy up with the Amazons and drink ale and— Argh. Focus. Grind teeth.

“Oh.” She pondered this and then smiled weakly at me, but still not looking too comfortable. Gabrielle shifted and then dropped her eyes. “I guess I screwed up pretty badly, huh?”

I wandered toward the shoreline, pausing to put my hands on my waist as I contemplated the ripple of moonlight on the slow moving water. Whatever your opinion of it, the whole event had been pretty spectacular. I turned and hunched down beside her, waiting a moment and then saying, softly, “Actually, I don't know if I've ever been prouder of you.”

Gabrielle's jaw sagged ever so slightly. “What? How can you say that?”

I picked up a few pebbles and rolled them in my cupped hand, taking a moment to think. “It took a lot of guts to do what you did today. You took a big gamble; hoping I'd understand, giving your speech to the Nation, the fact that no matter what you did not everyone might live to see tomorrow.” I nodded at her solemn expression. “That was leadership, Gabrielle. You did what needed to be done, regardless of the risk, for the greater good.”

“I know.” She didn't look happy about it. A narrow line grew between her brows and I found myself wanting to brush it away. Seeing Gabrielle this way was churning my already confused emotions in different directions. I shifted, stilling the urge to reach out and touch her. I sighed and dropped the pebbles instead.

The situation must have really done a number on her; I wasn't used to this brand of quiet from her. “You handled yourself really well earlier. With me, I mean.” I watched her shoulders tighten and felt an uncomfortable flood of shame. Awkwardly, and in spite of my efforts not to, I put my hand on her arm, feeling the tension in her muscles. “I know I didn't make it easy for you, but you never wavered. Never gave anything away that you shouldn't have. You kept your focus and I got the message you wanted me to hear.”

She gave a short, tired laugh, seeming suddenly older than I'd ever seen her. “And it'll all be for nothing when Dimitra comes back tomorrow.” All humor evaporated and she turned to look at me, her expression serious and pained. “I'm sorry… for earlier. I… I couldn't—”

“I know,” I said quickly, wanting to stop her from saying too much. As much as I tried to ignore it, there was still a pang in my chest as I remembered her determined struggle not to admit any feelings for me. Did she have them? Had it not been an act after all? “I know you couldn't and…” Gods. How could I explain myself? “The belt, it…”

Gabrielle nodded, her lips a thin line. “It made you say and do things you normally wouldn't. I know you don't… feel that way…”

Don't I? The anger, the jealousy, the hurt and desire… all of them had stung so deep, how could it not have come from me? But I wasn't sure anymore. Even now I could feel the surge of my emotions threatening to overcome me. “I couldn't control myself. Whenever the belt's influence hits me, I can barely even think straight.” Despite the touch of moonlight, I wasn't able to see the bruises and cuts on her, but I brushed my fingers along her upper arm, wondering if any of them were from my hands. The muscles in my jaw jumped as I looked away. “I never meant to hurt you. I had to leave when I did.”

“Oh, Xena.”

The touch of her hand over mine drew my attention back to find her looking at me with her knowing, compassionate eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut a moment. I found myself wanting to hold her so badly it hurt. “It's another thing I'll never forgive myself for.”

“You scared me,” she said softly, “but you didn't hurt me.”

I wasn't sure I believed that. There was more than one way to inflict a wound. “How are you?”

Her sigh was barely audible over the sounds of the water. “Tired. Sore. I hurt… in here. She tapped her chest with her fist. “Those people died because of me, Xena. It's blood I'll never be able to wash off my hands.”

I took her hands in mine; kneeling to make sure she could see my face in the gloom. “People died, but it wasn't your fault. Dimitra is the one to blame. If anything, you're a hero. How many people survived because you found a way to put Dimitra off, if only for a little while longer?”

Gabrielle bowed her head. “But I feel so responsible.”

Using the tips of my fingers, I lifted her chin, willing her to believe me. “It's the mark of a good queen.” The skin beneath my fingers warmed suddenly and I smiled to myself. It faded quickly, however, as something she had said triggered a memory. “I need to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Ephiny and I followed your tracks into the woods earlier. We found a dead slaver. His head had been bashed in. With your staff.” I braced myself for some kind of reaction; revelatory shock, tears, guilt. If Gabrielle had been forced to kill someone to survive and then go through all that she did to get where she was now, chances were she hadn't let herself deal with it. “I understand if you needed to, after all—”

“I didn't do it.”

Thank the gods! Aside from Gabrielle being injured or killed, having her put in a kill-or-be-killed situation has been my worst fear. I sagged a little with the relief. “It looked like someone had cracked him open like a nut. I didn't wanna think it was you, but you've gotten stronger lately and—”

“Thank you.”

“—I… what?”

“Thank you,” Gabrielle said again. She squeezed my hand. “For worrying. It wasn't me, though; Dimitra did it, she wanted to make it look like the slavers had come after me, to throw anyone following off track. I was worried you'd find my staff and think I'd done it, I know how important my blood innocence is to yo—”

Unable to repress my feelings any longer, I pulled Gabrielle to me and wrapped her in my arms. “You're important to me.” She stiffened in surprise, but almost immediately returned my embrace. My chest was tight and I felt myself filled with a kind of rough tenderness, tainted with other, darker things I was much less proud of. “I only want to keep you safe,” I whispered against her hair.

“You do,” she answered softly and pulled back a little in my arms, the better to see my face. “Even when you're not with me.” Gabrielle visibly gathered herself. “Dimitra, she… She used the belt to try to force me under her control. She wanted my love, the love I feel for others, she wanted it for herself.” She shook her head in puzzled wonder. “I remember hanging on to the thought of you and then, suddenly, everything was okay. Well, not okay , but I wasn't under her spell and about to—”

I hugged her again.

“Uhph! Xena.”

Reluctantly, I loosened my grip. “Sorry.” There was so much to consider, if only I could stay focused. How to rally the Amazons? How to take down Dimitra? How to show hatchet-face she's out of the running. Argh! I scrubbed a hand over my face. “We're running out of time. If we don't get the belt back before the end of the ceremony tomorrow, Dimitra will take her powers.”

Gabrielle slumped. “I've been thinking and thinking…” Her hands fell limp into her lap. “I'm out of ideas, Xena. Before this happened, I was hoping Artemis would keep her powers at least until the ceremony, but since they fizzled out…” She sighed and propped her head on one hand. “It's over.”

I peered at Gabrielle, taken aback by the uncharacteristically pessimistic attitude. Was it the belt's influence on her? It stood to reason that everyone must have something the damn thing could exploit. Could it be that Gabrielle wasn't always as optimistic and secure as she seemed? I shook my head. “It's not over,” I said, rising to pace along the water's edge.

“She's practically a goddess,” Gabrielle argued. “What can we do against her? Is there even anything left of the village?”

“She's still vulnerable. Until she's confirmed at Brauronia, Dimitra can be beaten. We need to organize the Amazons.” I rubbed at a scratch as I pondered the possibilities.

“Since they won't even listen to me—good luck.”

I turned to look at her. “I'll work on them, but I can't pull this off without you.”

Even after two years—after becoming a queen, meeting giants and Bacchae and Hades, after nearly even dying—Gabrielle was still young enough and innocent enough and— Gods, let's face it—hero-struck enough, that the rare times I reluctantly but deliberately bring her into danger, she still gets this look on her face. Like I just gave her the best Solstice gift ever. It makes me feel funny.

Gabrielle gave me a shy and poorly disguised look of hopeful yearning. “You mean that?”

“Yeah.”

“What are we going to do?”

I paced some more, staring at the water, staring the rippling reflection of the moon in its roiling, unsettled surface. Seeing it, I lifted my eyes to the heavens, taking in the brightness of the nearly ripe, full moon. “How do you feel,” I asked her without turning, “about dancing?”

* * *

Concluded in Part 8