" I've had more than could be
my rightful share of nights
I can't bear. How can it be fair.
Time must wipe them out.
So again I lay awake in a trance.
Oh I just want my chance, but
only with you." - Morrisey

Chapter 7

After she finished making her calls she changed into jeans and a NYU Law T-shirt and a comfortable pair of black boots. A police car showed up before too long, and after telling the officers what she'd come home to she explained what had happened at Meg's earlier. She also told them that she wanted to go get Meg and her son. The officers agreed but only after she acquiesced to having one of them follow her to Meg's house and then to the station. On the way over she tried to pull herself together. Mentally she berated herself for scaring the poor woman half to death by ending the conversation the way she did. She called Meg just before she pulled into the driveway and after hanging up checked on Riley in the backseat. Concerned blue eyes followed her movements "It'll be okay boy. I promise," she said softly and kissed his head. She then got out of the car and told the officer she'd be out in a few minutes before heading for the front door.

She felt a weight lift when the door opened and she saw with her own eyes that they were safe. Meg had Ben go out to wait with the officer after telling him she needed to talk to Tanner for a minute. Upon closing the door behind him the tall woman found herself engulfed by the smaller woman who was trembling. She sighed in relief and pulled the woman tightly to her body. Each reveled in the comfort they found in the others arms. Meg moved her head to look into tumultuous blue eyes and caressing her cheek placed a soft, lingering kiss on her quivering lips.

Breaking away she continued to caress her cheek and in spoke in a near whisper, "You scared me before. You sounded so angry."

Tanner kissed her forehead, "I'm so sorry. I didn't fully realize what I'd said until after. I was very angry but I shouldn't have hung up after saying that. I felt like the biggest jerk all the way over here. You didn't deserve that.

Forgive me?"

Meg gave her a small smile and looked at her with such love and understanding it caused her heart to swell with appreciation. Tanner sighed deeply, "Of course you do. So beautiful inside and out." She kissed her softly in thankfulness and awe of the small woman's innate gentle nature.

Gratitude changed to something deeper as the feel of sweet softness had her going back for more, and as a small tongue asked and received entry their passion ignited. Tanner moaned as Meg sucked on her tongue and bending down grasped the small woman's backside. Lifting her up she felt jean-encased legs wrap around her waist and finding the nearest wall began to move against her as an intense wave of arousal pooled in her belly. Breaking the kiss for air she sucked and licked a small ear while Meg tangled her hands in dark silky hair as they moved sensuously against each other. "I guess this means you liked what happened earlier," she said breathlessly as Meg whimpered. "Yes," she groaned as Tanner swiveled her hips.

"God you make me so crazy. Just the thought of touching you...kissing you...tasting you makes my skin feel hot, and tight I want to shed it and crawl inside of you. Oh, I want so much to take you upstairs and worship your sweet little body all night." Meg moaned deeply and began to suck on Tanner's neck. "The things you make me feel...so much it's

overwhelming...so much...Oh god!" she suddenly stopped her movements and burying her head in Meg's neck began to sob.

Meg was wondering what happened. One minute Tanner was making her feel more alive than she had ever been in her life and the next she was crying. "Tanner? What wrong?" she asked as she stroked her hair.

Tanner kissed the skin under her lips in appreciation. "You make me feel so much... it scares me to death. I want so much to give into it...to being happy again but I'm so afraid, and with all that's happened tonight I couldn't bear it if I lost you too. I don't know what to do Meg. I'm sorry."

Meg kissed her head, "You have nothing to be sorry for. Your fears are understandable. Whatever we may or may not be now or in the future. I will always be your friend Tanner. I'd love to be more but having you in my life is what's most important to me. If you decide you want more we'll work on those fears together, ok? Besides this isn't something that needs to be decided tonight. Feeling you in my arms is more than enough for me right now."

Tanner looked up into those sea green eyes and saw nothing but pure honesty and love, "You are an incredible woman Megan Shay," she said with a soft kiss before lowering Meg to her feet. "So are you Tanner, and I should know since I've seen you at your best and worst. Even with all you've been dealt the depth of your generosity and compassion never fail to amaze me."

Tanner blushed, "Well I...Umm"

Meg chuckled, "You're really cute when you blush."

Tanner scowled, "I am not cute."

"Nice try. Maybe it would work if I didn't know you so well. Now come on we have to get going, and you have to fill me in on what it was that got you so angry," she said as she grabbed her bag and grasping Tanners' larger hand led her

out of the house as she pouted and continued to deny she

was 'cute'.

On the way to the station Meg asked her again about the 'ghosts' she mentioned over the phone. "Are you concerned about Ben?" she asked in a low voice at the raven-haired woman's discomfort.

"No, it's just very painful to talk about since it involves the day of the accident. Maybe if he hears he'll understand more why I freaked the way I did. It's not my decision if he hears it though. That's up to you."

Meg thought for a moment, "No it's alright I think it may help him, so whenever you're ready and if you can't finish by the time we get there then they'll just have to wait. I know they may need to hear it again or parts of it if your suspicions are justifiable but I get the feeling you'd rather get it out first to someone you know."

"Yes, exactly. Thank you."

Meg put a hand on her leg in support. She wished she could hold her but since that wasn't possible she did what she could. Tanner smiled at her in appreciation, and took a deep, shaky breath as she started her story.

"It all started three years ago, she began with a bittersweet smile,"

It was a beautiful day. Tanner awoke to the sweet smell of her lover and as they shared a soft kiss the door opened. Within moments we were ambushed by a small dark-haired bundle, who tried to tackle both of his moms at once. After a quiet breakfast and some playful exchanges they all headed off to get ready for the day. Kate's car needed to go into the shop for repairs so Tanner told her to take the Lexus to run Sean to school and take care of her errands. She would take a cab as she'd be working late.

She kissed them both and told them She'd try not to be too late getting home so she and Sean could maybe have a catch before

dinner. Then she stood in the doorway waving as Kate started the car. After that all she was aware of was the brightness of the flames as the car exploded and the breaking of her heart as the force of the blast caused me to fall to the ground and into blackness. A blackness that only deepened when she came to and reality took hold.

As they pulled up to the station and parked Meg's heart broke for the anguish Tanner was reliving. She could feel the tension coming off her friend in waves. Giving the officer at the window a sign that they'd be in shortly moved closer to the other woman stroked her arm soothingly. Pausing momentarily the tall woman took a few sips of coffee from the travel mug in her left hand. She then sighed and then brushed her tears away before continuing.

"At the time of the accident I was working on a high profile gay bashing case. The victim was a celebrity. I received quite a few threats and a number of looks. Not all of the looks were bad some were actually very encouraging. Then there were others that bordered on violent and made me wonder if the same people were behind the threats on my life. The one that was the cruelest, which also surprised me the most was that of the attending physicians' resident when the victim was first brought in to the ER."

"When I was on the phone with you earlier flashes came back, and my mind did a double take as the features of the resident became clearer in my minds eye. It was the same

doctor who was so smug and lewd in his advances toward you

at the party, she explained bitterly through gritted teeth.

"My thoughts of this then turned to your refusal and actions when he wouldn't back off and also how he looked at us when we were together afterwards. It was the same look he had on his face when he saw me talking to the victim that night at the hospital."

Meg watched as Tanner's hands clenched in rage as she spoke of the possibilities this sent through her mind.

Tanner felt anguish so powerful she had to stifle a scream.

Was it possible he could have been involved with the attempt on her life, and responsible for the deaths of her wife and child as well as the recent threats on her and Meg? And if it was how could she prove it? He was considered to be an upstanding citizen and doctor despite recent events. Would the police just call her crazy? Would saying anything put Meg in more danger? It was too much.

"DAMN IT!"

She was broken out of her thoughts by the feel of Meg clutching at her. As she turned she looked into frightened green eyes with a question in her own until she felt a burning in her hand. Looking to the left her eyes widened as she looked at the broken mug in her left hand and the blood dripping from her palm where a shard of the plastic had cut into her hand.

The officer who'd followed them was waiting outside and Meg signaled him. Seeing the blood he ran inside to get something to wrap her hand as another uniform came out to keep an eye on them. Meanwhile Tanner tried to come to grips with how her emotions had gotten so far away from her as two sets of worried green eyes asked the same question. Riley whimpered and sensing his human friend's pain gave her a doggie kiss on the cheek, which caused her to smile briefly.

She didn't know why and yet she did. She squeezed Meg's hand and tried to convey some reassurance to Ben and Riley with her eyes. "Sorry, I got lost in my head there for a minute. I've never reacted like that before. It's just that I think this doctor...Jameson may have been responsible for more than just what happened tonight. I don't know how but I think he was part of the attempt on my life three years ago, and Kate and Sean got caught in the crossfire. He's just got such a squeaky clean image apart from his behavior toward you tonight that I don't know how we'd prove it or if the cops will even consider it. I'm so sorry I know you guys must be freaked out. I know I am. It all became too much. That's why I said what I did earlier about him, but if this is how I react to cutting my hand I'd never be able to do worse. Not even to that slime," she finished with a stifled sob.

Meg kissed her cheek and was rewarded with a sigh of relief and a small smile that turned into a grimace as her hand was moved and wrapped by the officer who'd been waiting for them. He told them he called the EMT's to come to the station to take a look at it, and that he'd wait by the curb. They would go inside once they were sure she didn't need to go to the hospital. Both women cringed at the thought of possibly running into a certain doctor and hoped that no stitches would be needed.

As they waited they all curled up in the front seat. Meg held Tanner while Ben did the same to Meg on the other side while Riley rested half on Tanner and half on Meg. Tanner's heart melted at the sight and her eyes welled. She wished she knew why she was crying so damn much today. It's like she was making up for years of holding it in. She felt a bit embarrassed by it to be honest, but something about this woman touched her heart like nothing else and she couldn't help it. She breathed in the hair under her chin and kissed her head. "You're so good to me. Thank you, I know it can't be easy especially when I'm acting like a crazy woman."

Meg looked up into nervous blue eyes. "I want to be good to you. You deserve it. As for your craziness, I won't say it didn't scare me but I know that's not you...not the real you.

You need to cut yourself a break. A lot has happened today. The elevator, the party, the threats made against us, everything from three years ago coming back and what happened between us earlier. That's an enormous amount to try to process. I can only imagine all the emotions you must be feeling now. If it were me I might do the same thing. I'm not going anywhere Tanner, I love you...all of you," she spoke gently and then gave her a series of soft kisses, which had Tanner sporting a dreamy smile.

"Maybe I should act crazy more often if this is the response I get," she said with a touch of mischief and a twinkle in her eye.

Meg hadn't seen this playful side of her friend for so long she'd almost forgotten how attractive it made the tall woman.

She beamed and gave her one more kiss. "Well I was just trying to distract you from the pain in your hand, but there are certain kinds of crazy I like," she winked.

Tanner smirked at her, "Well yes my hand was most definitely not on my mind. So what kinds of crazy do you like Ms. Shay? she asked with an arched eyebrow and a grin.

Meg blushed and whispered, "Nothing I can say in front of my 10 year old son."

She was saved from the teasing remark on Tanner's lips by the arrival of the EMT'S. Luckily, no stitches were needed and both women breathed a sigh of relief. When they were finished with Tanner they all headed into the precinct unaware that a pair of brown eyes followed their every move.

TBC