Helen of the Plains

When Ed picked Brigid up from school at noon, she was still unusually withdrawn, but perked up when he suggested, "Hey, let's go to the mall and do a spot of Christmas shopping. Do you feel up to it?"

"Yes, Dad, that sounds wonderful. Can we eat hamburgers there? You know how Mom hates for us to eat junk food," Brigid replied. Ed laughed at his daughter's suggestion and agreed. Brigid looked a little more relaxed, then asked, "Who all are we shopping for?"

Ed replied casually, "Oh, we'll try to find something for your mother first, since she's the hardest. Then, if you'll help me find something your grandmother, I'll help you find little things for your friends. Maybe you can even help me find something for my secretary. She's been with the department for twenty years this fall, and I've been designated to find Jeanne an extra special gift."

"Sure, I'd be glad to help, Dad," Brigid said, looking more relaxed.

Several hours later, they piled their bags into the trunk of the car. Ed was a puzzled that Brigid never mentioned Helen, he thought for sure she would have wanted to get a little something for her. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Helen this week. "Brigid, do you want to go get some ice cream?"

She made a face. "Dad, it's cold outside."

"With hot fudge," he amended.

"And nuts?" she asked.

Ed grinned. "We'll share one, Brigid."

"You're on, Daddy." Brigid's eyes twinkled, then she held out her hand. "Keys, please." Ed ruffled her hair affectionately as he handed over the car keys, going around to the passenger side. "All aboard for ice cream adventures!" Brigid called out as she carefully backed out the car. Ed relaxed a bit, Brigid really is a pretty good driver for her age, he thought.

A short time later, they were seated in the ice cream parlor and had given their order. Ed finally asked the question that had bugged him all week. "Brigid, is everything going okay with you? You've seemed awfully quiet this week. Care to talk about it?"

Brigid played with her water glass, making new circles on the table. She finally looked up at her dad and said quietly, "Jake and I broke up last weekend at the party."

When she didn't elaborate, Ed asked, "Honey, what happened? I thought you two were getting along really well. Did you have a fight?"

Brigid squirmed in her seat, then waited to answer until the waitress had brought their sundae. She ate a couple of bites, then pushed it away. "Dad, I'm not sure how to say this, but Jake tried to take advantage of me. I told him no and he stopped, but I couldn't leave with Amy, she was too drunk. So, I called Helen to pick me up."

Ed took a couple of bites, waiting for Brigid to continue. When it was apparent that she wasn't planning to say anything more, he asked, "What else happened? I'm not going to get mad, no matter what. It sounds like you used good judgment in getting away from the situation."

She looked out the window as she answered, "Dad, I almost let Jake take advantage of me, but then I called Helen to come get me when I found that Amy was too drunk to drive. Rodolfo tried to kiss me as Helen drove up, so she rescued me. She scared him pretty bad, then she took me home. I went back over to Amy's Saturday morning and spent the rest of the weekend there. End of story."

Ed looked at her unhappy face, knowing that there was more to the story, but wasn't sure how to proceed. Finally, he asked, "Did anything else happen?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Dad, please."

"Please tell me, honey, I'm concerned about you," Ed pleaded, sensing there was still much more to the tale.

Brigid took a deep breath and said quietly, "I had a nightmare while I was at Helen's, so she stayed with me the rest of the night. The next morning, we woke up kissing, but she force me to leave, saying that she was going to leave for South Carolina that day. Before I went to Amy's, I saw her tossing her suitcase into her car, so I guess she found an earlier flight. Now you can rant and rave at me, but I'm so confused, Dad, I really am."

Ed laid down his spoon, now really unsure how to proceed. At least the woman stopped things in time, he mused, but did Brigid have a crush on Helen? He stroked his chin as he thought back during the year. It did seem like Brigid was very fond of Helen, always talking about her until she started dating Jake. "Brigid, I'm not going to rant and rave at you. Helen did the right thing, you don't need to get involved with someone so much older than you are, especially at your age. Right now, let's keep this between the two of us, not tell your mother, okay?"

"Mom would have a cow, wouldn't she?" Brigid asked in a small voice.

Ed grinned, replying, "No, honey, she would have an entire herd." His grin faded as he said more seriously, "Brigid, I've always taught you to respect differences, but your mother seems to not quite follow the same tact. She's already planning your wedding to Jake in her mind, you know."

Brigid started eating again, then asked, "Daddy, why is Mother so determined that I do things her way?"

Ed shifted uncomfortably, then took a sip of water before answering. "You were not our first child, Brigid. We had a son named Christopher, but he died when he was sixteen months old. By then, your mother was pregnant with you but had you prematurely. She didn't do much with you for the first few months of your life, so I finally took a leave of absence from school to take care of you. To make matters worse, my sister moved in to help out, but Marcella kicked Debbie out when Debbie fell in love with Betty."

Brigid stared at her father, trying to absorb what he'd just said. "Wait, Dad, you're telling me that Aunt Debbie is gay?"

Ed nodded. "Yes. She and Betty lasted about three years, then she met Rose. Your mother didn't approve, but I said that Debbie was my sister and I wasn't going to sever contact with her just because she loved a woman. Your mother almost left me over that, but I prevailed." He sipped his water again, then said, "I fell head over heels for you when you were born, my daughter, partly because you reminded me so much of Debbie, whom I really adored and looked up to. But promise me one thing."

"What's that, Dad?" Brigid asked.

"If you do enter a relationship with another woman, use the same judgment you would with a man. Don't hop in the sack immediately, and please wait until you've at least gone to college. I don't want to deal with your mother if she finds you in bed with your girlfriend."

Brigid patted her dad's hand. "I promise, Dad. Hey, you're pretty cool for a dad, you know. I thought you'd blow your top and say that any feelings like that were sinful and all that."

Ed held his daughter's hand tenderly and said, "No, I'm just relieved that you will still talk to your dear old dad. Now, let's finish this sundae before it melts." Brigid smiled at him and started attacking the ice cream. "Hey, leave a little for me!"

Helen slept a lot during her first two days of vacation. Janice fumed, she wanted to talk to Helen about some new theories of Xena (okay, and Gabrielle's) existence, but the girl kept sleeping! "Mel," she grumbled after Helen went back to her room after dinner, "that girl never does more than sleep and eat a few bites. What the hell is going on?"

Melinda calmly cleared the table, listening to her partner's fussing, but waiting to comment. Finally, she came back into the dining room and said, "Why, Janice, can't you see that she's upset about something? That's why she keeps sleeping, not just to avoid your badgering about new evidence of the Xena scrolls."

"Hell, she's got a cushy job at that university, inherited a nice house, what more could she want? Why would she be unhappy?" Janice persisted as she followed her lover out of the kitchen.

Mel simply took her partner by the hand and led her into their office, then closed the door for privacy before answering. Janice dropped into her chair, waiting impatiently for Mel to continue. Mel sat primly in her chair, then said, "Janice, honey, she shows the signs of having an unhappy love affair. She just needs a bit of time before we pelt her with questions, okay? Remember how much she slept when she first came to live with us? I'd bet that she's reacting the same way as she did then. Just give her a bit of time, hon, and I'm sure she'll tell us what's bothering her soon."

Janice absently reached for a cigar before remembering that she had given up smoking. It was hell growing old, she decided, especially when the doctor made her give up smoking and most drinking. Instead, she grabbed a pencil and chewed on it thoughtfully, thinking about what Mel had said. Yes, it was possible that Helen was upset, she conceded. "Okay, what's the plan, then, my love?"

"Just let her be, she'll tell us what's going on when she's good and ready. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that she was your niece, not mine," Mel added playfully.

Janice glared unconvincingly at her partner. "Humph."

Before Mel could retort, there was a gentle knock at the door. "Come in," Mel called out. Helen opened the door uncertainly, looking around the room.

"Helen, do come on in and take a seat," Mel said, rising gracefully from her chair. "Janice and I were about to have an after diner brandy. Would you like one as well?" Janice raised an eyebrow but managed to keep her mouth shut. We never had after dinner drinks these days, so this must be part of Mel's plan, she deduced.

"I believe I will, Aunt Mel," Helen said as she walked into the room and plopped down in a chair. She watched her tall, graceful aunt pour three brandies, musing that she hoped to look that good when she was Mel's age. Mel had to be what, in her sixties or seventies? Her dark hair was still beautiful, with just a light sprinkling of gray, and her fair skin showed few wrinkles. Janice, on the other hand, had lots of wrinkles from years of digging in the sun, and that faded look that blondes got when they went gray. Helen suddenly realized that Janice was thinner than before, even though she still looked strong enough to take on the world.

Mel handed her the brandy, which Helen took a sip of immediately, letting the liquid roll around her mouth, tasting the complex flavors before swallowing. She was aware that both of her aunts were watching her closely, Mel with veiled interest and Janice with undisguised curiosity. Helen set her glass down on the desk and said, "I think I'm in love."

Chapter 4

"In love? With whom?" Janice blurted out. "Is she cute?"

"Sweetheart, let Helen tell us without interruption." Mel said warningly. "Please continue and ignore your aunt's bad manners."

Helen took another sip of brandy and smiled to herself. "Aunt Janice, she is cute, you hit the nail on the head with that one. The problem is that she's seventeen, a high school senior. You know what that means, trouble."

Janice started laughing, saying, "Hell, I was dating high school girls when I was in college--"

"But it isn't the same now, Aunt Janice," Helen interrupted, "people are more conservative now. Look, that actor is in the president's office, we're starting to hear the argument that women should stay at home again, some strange disease is hitting the gay population, I just can't think of a worse time to realize that I'm possibly gay. Her mother has been suspicious of me since I moved it, but her dad is pretty cool." Helen paused to gulp the rest of her drink. "Besides, I teach at a private university, a church supported one at that. If word got out, I'd be up a creek without a paddle." She got up and started pacing. "Why can't I fall for a man like I'm supposed to?"

Mel said quietly, "If you really like women, trying to date a man won't work, it will just make matters worse. Now, sit down and tell us exactly how you met her. What is her name? What made you fall for her?"

Helen dropped in the chair again, staring at her empty glass. Mel glanced at Janice, who obediently got up and poured Helen another glass of brandy. Helen sipped it, then said slowly, "Well, Brigid came over when I was moving in, so I put her to work helping me with my boxes of books. I met her folks that day and I came up with the bright idea to hire her to help me with yard work. Her mother, Marcella, didn't seem too keen on the idea, but her dad, Ed, was in favor. So, for five days a week, Brigid helped me weed, rip up the yard, lay sod, create flower beds and build a small pond. I was pretty impressed by her perseverance, most kids that age would not have stuck with all that hard work. She's determined to be a journalist, always asking questions."

"So far so good," Janice interjected.

Helen smiled sadly, then continued, "Well, you can't just work together and not get to be friendly. We talked a lot about history, music, movies, stuff like that. I admit I looked forward to seeing her every day and missed her when school started, even with my killer schedule. She even offered to help me do research for my first articles, but I declined. You know the tenure racket, publish or perish. I guess I was comfortable just letting her hang around. Then, I ran into Sophia one night, she was in town for some speech or something. She made it clear that she had been very interested in me in high school and even hinted at, um..."

"A temporary liaison?" Janice supplied.

"Yes." Helen blushed, but went on. "I said no. A few days later, Brigid called out of the blue one night needing me to pick her up from a party, her boyfriend was pretty fresh and she didn't like it." Helen sipped her brandy again, marshaling her thoughts. "Her friend Amy was supposed to take her home, but the idiot got drunk, so Brigid called me since her folks were out of town at a wedding."

"Then what?" Janice prompted.

"As I pulled up, I saw this other guy bothering her. He was holding her with his hands in her sweater, so I gave him that Xena glare and yanked him off of her, then drove her home with me." Helen finished her brandy, then continued. "I put her in the guest bedroom, but she had a nightmare in the middle of the night and I went to her and comforted her. I swear that I didn't think about it when she wanted me to stay the rest of the night." Helen swallowed painfully, but forced herself to continue. "I dreamed I was kissing Sophia, but I was kissing Brigid. I made her leave and flew out here to get away from her."

Mel asked softly, "How does Brigid feel about this?"

Helen mumbled, "I don't know, I haven't talked to her since. Hell, I took advantage of her, Aunt Mel, I shouldn't ever talk to her again!"

"Honey, naturally you're upset, but you need to talk to her sometime, doesn't she, Janice?"

Janice cleared her throat and said, "I never contradict Melinda. Yes, you need to talk to her." She grinned sheepishly, saying, "It took Xena and Gabrielle both to knock sense into my head, to make me see how wonderful Mel was. Hey, just think, Gabrielle was only a year older than your Brigid when she ran off with Xena."

Helen pointed out sensibly, "But people matured faster back then, married sooner and all that. Well, thanks for the drinks, I think I'll go back to bed now."

"Good-night, then," Mel said as she stood up. "Janice, I'll be back in a moment." She walked with Helen to her room, and asked, "Are you going to talk to Brigid sometime soon? She must be as confused and upset as you are."

"I don't know, Aunt Mel. Maybe I'll just be celibate for the rest of my life. She may take back up with Jake, who knows? Her mother would probably kick her out if she found out about us." Helen sat down on the bed and started yanking off her shoes.

Mel sat down beside her and advised, "Just don't shut yourself up completely, honey. This may be a passing crush, or it could be the real thing. Soul mates are found in the most unlikely places, you know, just look at Janice and me." She chuckled, thinking back to their adventures while tracking down Xena artifacts. "Janice didn't want to fall for me, you know, tried to resist me, but when I realized that she was the one for me, nothing stopped me. Not even Dr. Leesto and a refrigerator."

Helen smiled, remembering the story of how Janice and Mel were trapped together in a walk in refrigerator. "I doubt I'll be trapped like that with Brigid."

Mel hugged the younger woman, then suddenly asked, "Do you know what Brigid means?"

"No, I know that my name means 'light'." Helen answered.

"Brigid is a Celtic name meaning 'strong'. I have a feeling that she is stronger than you give her credit for, especially with a mother with the name of Marcella."

"Huh?" Helen looked at her aunt, trying to catch up as the brandy slowed down her thoughts.

Mel smiled. "Marcella means 'warring'. French, I think, but from Latin most likely. You know, Mars, Roman god of war."

Helen groaned. "Okay, I get the picture. Well, this light one had better get some sleep. Good night." Mel kissed her niece on the forehead, then left the room. Helen thought for a long time before she dropped off to sleep. Should I talk to Brigid again? Would it ruin my career if I am caught with a young woman? She finally dropped into a fitful sleep, dreaming of sitting on her front porch, chatting with Brigid about gods and goddesses and Xena and Gabrielle...

"Brigid," Marcella said stiffly, "your friend Sylvia is here. Would you like to see her?"

"Sure, I'll be right down," Brigid said. Sylvia, here? Oh, right, she must be home from college for the holidays, Brigid thought as she yanked the paper out of the typewriter. She neatly laid it on the other sheets, then grabbed her purse and coat, deciding that it might be better to talk elsewhere. She zipped down the stairs to find Sylvia calmly talking with her mother, telling her about wanting to join the honor society at her college and how the classes were finally a little bit challenging. "Sylvia!" Brigid exclaimed, "you look wonderful!"

Sylvia got up from the couch and went to hug Brigid. "Yes, amazing what a semester away from home will do. Would you like to go to lunch and a movie? Mrs. Anderson, would you mind if we went out for a few hours? I'll bring her home before dinner time, I promise."

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt. Brigid, be careful now and don't forget that you still have homework over the holidays," Marcella reminded her.

"Yes, Mother, I've been working on my term paper, it's nearly finished. Bye, we'll be careful," she called over her shoulder as she followed Sylvia out the door. "So how is college? Do you like Seattle?"

"Yes, better than the Midwest, thank you. Let's go to Johnny's and get some old fashioned burgers, I haven't eaten any good burgers since I left. Then, I thought we'd go see Tootsie, if you haven't seen it already."

"Are you kidding? I broke up with Jake just before it came to town. Oh, you don't know about Jake, I'll have to fill you in over lunch." Brigid slipped in the passenger seat and shut her door. "Do you remember Jake Masterson, the basketball captain?"

"Sure I do, he was hanging around Rodolfo last year. Go on," Sylvia said as she pulled away from the curb. As she drove to the burger joint, Brigid filled her in on Jake, their break up, and her wondering what would happen next. She mentioned Helen coming to rescue her, but didn't mention what happened the next morning. By this time, they had pulled into the parking lot and were headed into Johnny's. "Sounds like you and Jake had some crossed wires, think there's a chance of working things out with him?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest. Sometimes I think I'd like to get back together, other times I think I'd love to be unattached again and concentrate fully on school. Relationships take up so much free time," Brigid said.

Sylvia laughed at the last remark, commenting, "Yes, but what happens if you don't have any relationships?" They paused in their conversation to order, then after getting their food, Sylvia continued, "Okay, answer me honestly, if you had to do it all over again, would you go out with Jake?"

Brigid bit into her burger and chewed, stalling for time on the question. She had asked herself the same thing several times lately, but never coming to any real conclusion. Finally, she swallowed and answered, "I did enjoy going out with Jake, but sometimes I wish we were just friends instead of dating. He was really kind to me after my grandfather died, but then he pulled that stunt at his party. I don't know, I'm wondering if I liked the security of dating more than the actual dating. Do you understand?"

Sylvia nodded slowly, then looked at her watch. "We'd better hurry if we want to catch the movie."

Brigid started to say something, then changed her mind. It was bad enough that she had told her father about Helen, she couldn't imagine telling Sylvia as well. Well, maybe Sylvia would understand, but then again, maybe she wouldn't. She finished her lunch quickly so they could go watch the movie.

After the movie, Sylvia suggested that they go by her house for a little bit. They talked about how well Dustin Hoffman did in portraying Dorothy. As they sat facing each other on Sylvia's bed, Sylvia asked, "What did you think about the way they handled Dustin's and Jessica's characters nearly kissing in that one scene? I thought they cheated in a way."

"Cheated? How?" Brigid asked curiously.

Sylvia answered, "Well, they could have kissed and then had to really deal with the fact that Dustin was a man sooner. It also could have been that Jessica's character realized that she was a lesbian, then when Dustin revealed his true gender, she could tell him, 'I could love you as a woman, but not as a man.' That would have made it really unique."

Brigid thought about it for a bit, it made sense to her. "So, that's how you would have done it?"

"Yeah," Sylvia said, "but then again, I am a lesbian."

Brigid stared at her, shocked but intensely curious. "You are? I mean, how do you know?"

Sylvia smiled dreamily, replying, "I fell in love, silly. Her name is Loretta, we met in freshman English this fall and started talking after class. It was the last class of the day for both of us and I guess we just clicked. We started doing stuff together all the time and just it just happened. Loretta convinced me to straighten up my act, I haven't touched so much as a beer in two months, she told me that she doesn't like kissing girls with beer breath or cigarette breath. So, I've stopped drinking, smoking and taking drugs; I want this relationship to last."

"She kisses you? What does it feel like? Is it different to kiss a girl than a boy?" Brigid asked.

"My, my, Brigid, you are full of curiosity, this isn't one of your interviews," Sylvia teased. "But, for me, it is different to kiss a girl, girls are softer and more exciting. I'll tell you the truth, I am not a virgin, I've been with a few guys, but with Loretta, I feel like a virgin all over again. Before you ask, no, we haven't gone to the next step, we want to wait until we are ready to make some sort of commitment."

Brigid stared unbelievingly at her friend, trying to absorb the changes. If this Loretta could convince her friend to go clean and sober, maybe being a lesbian wasn't so bad. But, "Um, did you have any idea before that you were a lesbian? Do your parents know?"

"I haven't told them yet, Loretta says to wait until the right time. Well, she's a little older, she served a hitch in the Navy first before going to school. She says that society is really down on queers and that it is very important to pick your battles. She had a girlfriend in the Navy and the girlfriend got dishonorably discharged just for being a lesbian. Loretta had broken up with her before then and says that she's still not sure how she missed getting discharged as well, that her ex must not have turned her in, so she is pretty cautious."

"But how exactly did you know?" Brigid persisted.

Sylvia smiled, "Back to your question, oh impatient one, I sometimes dreamed about kissing girls, and it was pretty intense. I think that's why I went to bed with several guys, I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn't gay." Sylvia took Brigid's hands and continued seriously, "Remember when I came over to spend the night and snuck in that wine? How I got you drunk?"

Brigid nodded. "Yes, I remember, we watched TV. Dad caught us drinking, but he said he wouldn't tell Mom if we never did it again."

Sylvia took a deep breath. "Brigid, remember me pulling you into my arms as we watched TV? Just snuggling?"

"Yes," she answered slowly.

"If I hadn't been drunk, I wouldn't have touched you. My God, girl, you were so trusting and I was fighting the desire to kiss you the whole time. Now I almost wish I had, but I also know that it would have destroyed our friendship. You were the only girl in school who treated me decently. The other girls were afraid I'd steal their boyfriends." She grinned ironically. "Now they won't have to worry, will they?"

Brigid sat quietly, trying to sort out her feelings about this new development. She was surprised to discover that she was disappointed that she lost her chance to be kissed and was faintly jealous of Loretta. Another thought struck her -- was it possible that Helen was a lesbian? She flushed as she suddenly remembered the weight of Helen's body on top of hers, Helen's lips burning hers, the strange feelings that she had never felt with Jake.

Sylvia looked at her questioningly and Brigid caught the look and blushed deeper. "Ah, I was just imagining, well..." her voice trailed off as she ducked her head and withdrew her hands from Sylvia's. "You'd better take me back home soon, it's nearly dinner time and you know how pissed Mom gets when I'm late."

"Hey, we still have half an hour before we have to leave, what's bothering you? I'm not going to jump you, I promise," Sylvia said, puzzled by Brigid's actions.

"I still have my term paper to do and school starts next week. I'm glad I go to see you and go to the movie, I had fun."

"Brigid," Sylvia started.

"Really, I should go now, please take me home." Brigid jumped off the bed and reached for her coat and purse.

Sylvia watched her friend, then said quietly, "I never thought that you would be prejudiced against anyone, Brigid. You've always stood up for the underdog, always bravely stepped in when kids were taunting anyone different, managed to talk kids into seeking peaceful resolutions to their differences. Why can't you do the same for me, accept that I'm different?"

Brigid leaned her head against the bedroom door and whispered, "I'm scared, Sylvia, scared that I might be gay too." She turned and faced her friend. "I really wasn't that drunk and to be honest, I wanted you to kiss me, but you never did. I have kissed a woman, I haven't told anyone but Dad, but I'm scared, she's a lot older than I am. I think it spooked her more than me and I don't know what to do about it."

Sylvia walked over and hugged Brigid, gently stroking her hair. "Sweetie, it is scary at first. Do you want to continue with this woman? Is she a friend of the family or something?"

Brigid moaned. "No, she's our neighbor, she moved in last summer and I did yard work for her, she's a history professor at the university."

"Oh, I see. I won't ask how it happened, but were you two friends?" Sylvia asked.

"Yes. Jesus, Sylvia, Helen shoved me out the door pretty fast then went away for Christmas break. I don't even know if she's mad at me now, if she'll ever talk to me again, or what, but I do know that I can't stand the silence. I want her back, I want to discuss mythology with her again, I want to curl up in her study again, I want to be held in her arms and make the world go away. She's beautiful and doesn't seem to know it either. I liked Jake, but I didn't get that shivery feeling with him. Helen has always treated me like an adult friend, not the kid next door and I'm scared I'm going to lose her. What do I do now?"

Sylvia led Brigid back to the bed to sit down, keeping an arm around her. Brigid laid her head on Sylvia's shoulder, trying hard not to cry but failing. She clutched Sylvia, seeking comfort as the sobs broke out, embarrassed by her emotion but relieved as well. Sylvia rocked her, murmuring soft words of support, handing her tissues until the storm was over. Brigid heaved a great sigh, finally looking up at her friend. "Thanks," she said hoarsely.

"You're welcome. What else are friends for, if not to be a human handkerchief?" Sylvia asked, mischief glinting in her gray eyes. Brigid smiled a little bit. Sylvia kissed her forehead, then said, "Why don't you go wash your face, then when you feel up to it, I'll take you home. Unless, of course, you don't feel up to it, I'm sure my mom would be willing to call your mom and ask if you could stay for supper."

Brigid walked unsteadily to the bathroom, glad that it was attached to the bedroom so she wouldn't run into Sylvia's parents. She washed her face, then held the washcloth to her eyes for a long time, trying to erase the evidence of her tears. Finally, she hung up the washcloth and came back into the room. "I think I'd like to stay awhile," she said. "Thanks for the offer."

"Hey, no problem, you need some time to chill out. I'll go talk to Mom while you freshen your makeup." Sylvia started to open the door, but went back and hugged Brigid again first. "You'll be fine, kid." She then left to make the arrangements. Brigid opened her purse and set about the task of repairing her makeup, grateful for such a good friend.

Brigid was determined to talk to Helen after she came back from her vacation, but Helen managed to elude her. Brigid was frustrated by the noncommunication, but was afraid to push too hard, sensing that the older woman might clam up and never talk to her, or that it would appear to be stalking.

Meanwhile, Jake tried his best to woo her back, sending her flowers, stuffing notes in her locker at school, even asking if they could study together. Brigid was torn, she really liked Jake in some ways but she also wanted to at least find out what Helen really thought of her. She became even more withdrawn, spending more time than ever on her homework, spending long hours in her room by herself. Her father noticed, but when he tried to talk to her, she simply said, "I'm preparing for college, Dad, you should be proud."

Ed considered talking to his wife, but when he tried to bring up the subject, she cut him off, saying, "So she's doing school work, what's wrong with that? Better than hanging around at the mall like some kids I've seen. I need to go work on this house contract, it may sell tomorrow." Ed just stared at Marcella, wondering why she was so cool toward their daughter. But, Marcella had never really recovered from their son before Brigid was born. He ran his hands through his hair, wondering for the millionth time why he didn't just leave his wife and take his daughter with him. His rational self replied it was money, pure and simple, Marcella made very good money as a real estate agent and he was counting on that money to send Brigid off to college. Asbury sure didn't pay well enough for him to send her to college.

Ed was still thinking about Brigid and her unusual quietness when he went to his next meeting. How he got shanghaied into sitting on the search committee, he wasn't sure, but interviewing candidates for the next dean of the college of arts and sciences was not his favorite thing to do. At least they had a good cross-section of professors from various departments, he thought as he watched people coming into the room.

He sat up a little straighter when Helen Pappas entered. Unusual to have such a new professor on the committee, who has she pissed off already? he wondered. He watched Dr. Pappas look around the room for a seat, then saw her lips tighten into a thin line when she realized that the only seat left was next to him. After she sat down, he leaned over and said, "I don't bite, Dr. Pappas, if that's what you're worried about." She gave him a startled look, then actually grinned slightly and relaxed.

After the meeting broke up, Ed touched Helen's arm, saying, "Dr. Pappas, can I talk to you a moment?"

"I suppose, Dr. Anderson." They waited for everyone else to leave, then she asked warily, "Why do you want to talk to me?"

Ed took a deep breath, then asked bluntly, "How long are you going to ignore Brigid? She's been miserable and depressed since you left for Christmas. Don't play ignorant, she told me what happened after Jake's party. Before you say anything, my favorite aunt in the world is gay and I adore her lover. My wife doesn't feel the same way, but that's tough. I'm just worried about my little girl, I want her to be happy."

"Dr. Anderson, what I do is my own affair. May I leave now?" Helen asked, pointedly picking up her briefcase and coat.

"Damn it, Helen, I just bared my heart to you! My daughter is wasting away, she doesn't eat, she only gets out to go to school and church, she's pining away! Please, just talk to her, you don't have to start an affair, but just tell her how you feel!" he exploded.

Helen threw him a cold look. "Ed, I appreciate your concern about your daughter, but I don't really have anything to say to her."

He slammed his fist against the table in frustration. "I'm not getting through, am I? Yes, I'm concerned that she has a crush on a woman many years her senior, but unlike Marcella, I've always trusted Brigid to make the best decisions for herself."

Helen regarded him coolly, then queried, "Suppose I don't return her feelings?"

"Then tell her, damn it! You two got along so well, I trusted you to help her through when her grandfather died. Was I mistaken? I thought you two were friends. I guess I was wrong, then. She's a young woman, not just a little girl, you know," he snapped, getting up in her face.

"Yes, I am well aware of that, Ed." Helen suddenly looked weary. "Have you considered that if any whiff of inappropriate behavior gets back to the administration, I'm out of here, kicked out on the morals clause? I'd rather not throw out my chances, history professors are a dime a dozen. I'm not interested in anything but teaching and writing, I can't afford to..."

"To what?" Ed asked gently. "To realize that you really do care about Brigid? Look, even if you don't return her affection, at least return her friendship."

"But she's underage," Helen pointed out again.

Ed looked uncomprehendingly for a moment, then the cloud cleared up. "Oh, I see, she won't be eighteen until June. I understand, I really do." He scrubbed his face with his hands, then said, "Let me tell you a story, Helen. Please, have a seat."

He waited until she sat back down, then continued, "I met Marcella in college, the last semester of my senior year. She was lovely and sparkly, like Brigid is on a good day. I was soon head over heels in love with her, she was everything I dreamed of, smart, beautiful, attentive, sexy as hell. After I got my acceptance to graduate school, I told her that I really loved her, but that I wanted to get through school before getting serious. I guess she expected that I would find a job and marry her instead, so we had a terrible argument about it. To make a long story short, she seduced me one night, then a few weeks later announced that she was pregnant with my child. I had to marry her, then, but I insisted on still going to graduate school, I had a very good scholarship."

"She was pregnant with Brigid?" Helen asked.

"No, with Christopher. We married in June, a swanky affair that I sometimes regret to this day. Christopher was born seven months later, but fortunately looked premature. I got a job as a teaching assistant and Marcella stayed home, having to cope with being a new mother with a husband who didn't have much time for either one of them. When Christopher was a year old, she announced she was pregnant again and I blew up at her, yelling that she did it deliberately, that we could barely afford one child. She announced, okay, she would go to work, so she went to work for a real estate agent and put Christopher into day care. But, when she was five months pregnant, Christopher came down with what we thought was a simple cold. Two days later, he died. Marcella reacted by throwing herself into her new job and announced that she wanted an abortion and a divorce."

"No!" Helen blurted out, horrified.

"Yes. I convinced her to stay with me. I'm glad, I fell for Brigid as soon as she was born. Somehow, we made it through my masters and doctorate without killing each other. After I taught in a couple of places, we arrived here and Marcella decided that she liked it here. We came close to divorcing several times, but she realized that her social standing would be shot if she were divorced. She's always been cool toward Brigid, so I've tried to compensate by being more attentive. Hell, until Brigid was in school, I used to take her to class, then to work with me every day. I just don't want to see my baby hurting so bad."

Helen absorbed this, trying to find something to say. Ed sat, clenching and unclenching his fists, watching her. She finally said quietly, "I didn't know, Ed. Okay, I'll talk to her sometime, but I'm just interested in her as a friend, you understand, don't you?"

"Sure, whatever you say, Helen. Marcella will be gone to a convention next week, why don't you come over for dinner one night? That way, you and Brigid can talk in the living room while I grade papers in the den."

"Sounds workable, Ed." She stood up and started to walk toward the door, then turned back. "I'm not that way, Ed, I guess I just, um, reacted that time. But, Brigid is a neat kid, I sometimes miss her chatter and stories. Let me know what night and if I can bring anything."

"Okay, I'll call your office Monday." He watched her walk out the door, then said mockingly, "liar" after the door shut. He sat for a moment longer, gathering his thoughts, then went back to his office. Paperwork never waited for any man, he thought wryly.

Chapter 5

Dinner was awkwardly quiet at first, but then Brigid finally asked Helen about her aunts in South Carolina. Helen grudgingly started talking about them at first, then got more animated as she told funny stories about Janice and Mel. "You should have seen the look on Janice's face when Aunt Mel scolded her about her muddy boots. Boy, talk about henpecked! I decided right then and there that Aunt Mel was actually the more dangerous of the two, Janice might sound tough, but Melinda had a steel spine and wasn't afraid to tell you just like it was and how she thought it should be. All in that soft drawl, of course, which made it five times worse."

Helen flashed a grin, shaking her head at their antics. "They did a very good job with me, I was an angry girl when my grandparents sent me there to live. I owe them a great debt, they were the ones who opened my eyes to the fascination of history. I guess when I was with them was the first time I'd made straight A's since the accident."

Brigid was hanging on her every word, her face glowing with admiration. Ed noticed that it was the most relaxed he had seen his daughter in some time. Helen is a terrific storyteller, he mused, this must be why her classes were so full this semester, the word must have gotten out. He pulled his attention back to the present and went to the kitchen to bring out the cherry cobbler that Helen had brought over. "Anyone want coffee with their dessert?" he asked as he set the pie on the table. Helen said she would and Brigid quickly seconded. Ed raised an eyebrow at that, Brigid rarely drank coffee unless it was, as he teased her, "liquid candy", full of sugar and milk. "You want sugar and milk?" he asked her.

"No, black," she said.

"Okay, it will be out in a jiffy," he promised as he went back to the kitchen.

Brigid looked back at Helen, drinking in her beauty. She'd never really noticed just how beautiful the woman was. Her summer tan had faded, leaving her skin creamy. Her face was angular, with sharp cheekbones, thin black eyebrows, beautiful lips. Her eyes were vivid blue, her black hair an amazing contrast to her skin and eyes. Her body was lush, yet slender, but her hands were plain, long fingers, but blunt on the end. You could see faint scars on the backs of her hands from "A fight with a blackberry bush," Helen had joked earlier in the evening.

While Brigid was admiring Helen, Helen finished another Mel and Janice story, then lost track of what else she wanted to say, realizing that Brigid was looking at her very frankly. She stared back at the girl, realizing that Brigid had matured quite a bit in the past few months. Her hair was an even richer darker gold, tumbling just past her shoulders, with reddish highlights. Brigid's eyes were deeper green than she remembered, her face changing, baby fat giving way to slimmer cheeks, light brown eyebrows, a wide friendly mouth, small slender hands. Even with a sweater, she could tell that Brigid had slimmed down recently, yet her bust had filled out. She could scarcely concentrate, captivated by the electricity building between them, finding herself wanting to take Brigid in her arms, to see if she smelled and tasted as good as she looked.

"Coffee's ready, ladies," Ed said as he brought in an elegant silver pot and three mugs. He saw the two women break off their rapt gaze and swerve toward him, both blushing faintly. He pretended not to notice as he set the mugs down and poured the coffee, handing it around. "The cobbler looks good, Helen, did you make it from a family recipe? I've never seen such a thick crust on a fruit cobbler."

"Um, yes, it is my grandmother's recipe, I found it in the cabinets when I was cleaning up the other day," Helen said, glad for a distraction. She picked up the bowl and scooped out a helping for herself, then handed it to Brigid. Their fingertips touched and she was stunned at the electricity that passed between them. God, let me make it through the evening without doing anything stupid, she prayed fervently.

After the dinner dishes had been cleared away, Ed disappeared into his study while Brigid and Helen retired to the couch to watch TV. As Remington Steele bumbled his way through another case, Brigid and Helen both fidgeted, unsure what to do or say next. Finally, as the ending credits rolled, Helen casually said, "It seems that your father and I are on the same search committee for a dean."

"He did mention that."

They stared at each other for a moment, then Helen started laughing. "Brigid, this is just too funny, I feel like I'm the one in high school again. Your dad invited me over to eat so we could have a chance to talk and all I want to do is stare at you. I'm not sure what to say or how to begin, except that I've missed having you around."

"Really? You've missed me?"Brigid repeated.

"Really, I have missed you," Helen repeated as she reached over and took Brigid's hand in hers. "I'm also scared to death, because you are still a minor and I've never really fallen for anyone, especially not someone so much younger than me." Helen sighed, then leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. "If we go forward, even consider going beyond friendship, it will be difficult at best."

"I know, that's what Sylvia told me," Brigid said.

"Who?" Helen asked.

Brigid quickly summarized her conversation with Sylvia over Christmas. "So, I'm very aware of the problems. I even know, being a professor's daughter, that if the wrong people found out you would be out of a job and blacklisted."

"You are wise beyond your years, my dear," Helen said softly. "But, as Aunt Mel reminded me, sometimes you just have to take chances."

"She sounds so nice."

"She is. She is also right," Helen replied as she leaned over to kiss Brigid. They kissed gently, tentatively, with the promise of more in the future, breaking off, breathing elevated. Brigid reached up and pulled Helen's head down again for a longer, deeper kiss. They finally broke it off, both laughing nervously and leaning back, scared to kiss any more, but glad they did. "Um, what's on TV now?" Helen asked distractedly.

"I'm not sure, there may be something on cable," Brigid replied as she jumped up to change channels. She landed on a movie channel, then sat back on the couch as the opening scene of Victor/Victoria came on. "How cool," she said as she pulled Helen's arm around her, "that we land on a movie about a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman."

Spring burst forth in a show of flowers, blue skies and final exams. Brigid reluctantly told Helen that she had to stop seeing her for a few days so she could study for her finals and Helen said it was okay, she had to write the final exams for her students. They had been seeing each other steadily, several times a week, usually meeting at the library or the mall and either studying together or just talking. Helen helped proofread Brigid's senior theme and Brigid helped Helen research the Trojan War. "How appropriate," Brigid said one day, "that the beautiful Helen is researching her ancestor."

Helen arched an eyebrow, replying, "Just how do you know that Helen of Troy was my ancestor?"

"Because you are Helen of the Plains, you have launched a thousand kisses with your face," Brigid teased, smiling coyly.

Helen snorted. "Nice try, kid. Here's the next five articles I need, do you have enough change to copy them?"

"Gee, I pay you a nice compliment and all you can do is give me more work. Slave driver." She stuck her tongue out, causing Helen to chuckle. Helen bent back down to her work, pretending to ignore the girl. "Hey, ignore me, will you?"

"Yup. Oh, on your way back from the library, can you grab me a cup of coffee?" Helen called out.

"Sure." Brigid wished she could kiss Helen, but this was Helen's office and someone might walk in at the wrong time. Damn, no one cared when Jake kissed her in front of the school, how unfair! She grabbed her backpack and left on her errand. Helen just leaned back over her desk, rapidly writing the outline for her next article.

Several minutes passed. Helen heard footsteps and looked up, wondering what Brigid had pretended to forget. "Hello, Mrs. Anderson, what brings you to my humble office?" Helen said, trying not to look shocked.

"My daughter, Dr. Pappas, I want you to leave her alone." Marcella stood, arms crossed, anger blazing in her eyes.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Brigid is running errands for me, I'm helping her with her senior theme," Helen replied smoothly.

Marcella sat down and glared at the younger woman and hissed, "You know what I mean, Dr. Pappas. My girl may be intelligent, but she sometimes lacks common sense. Even I can see that you two are carrying on a disgusting relationship and I want it to stop immediately, or I will tell your department chairman."

Helen's pulse started racing, but she tried to remain calm as she said quietly, "I assure you that we are not doing anything wrong, Mrs. Anderson. Yes, Brigid is very bright, bright enough to make her own decisions in life."

Marcella hissed, "Who do you think you are to tell me what is best for my daughter? I never liked you from the moment I set eyes on you, Dr. Pappas, and furthermore, I happen to know that your aunt is one of those disgusting types as well. If Melinda Pappas weren't so rich, Janice Covington would have never had the chance to be a professor, nor to publish anything. You probably learned your disgusting, lecherous ways from them, I found out that you were sent to live with them after your dear grandparents couldn't do anything with you. I won't subject my daughter to such depravity, such immoral influences. She is a fine, church-going girl, and I won't see her trapped in such an ugly relationship."

"Helen, I couldn't find one of the articles...hello, Mother." Brigid froze, the articles still gripped in her hand.

Marcella stood up and grabbed her daughter by the arm. "Come on, we're going home."

"Wait, what is going on here?" Brigid demanded, yanking her arm away.

"I am taking you away from this evil woman. Remember, Dr. Pappas, you touch her again and I'll break you. Get your things, Brigid, we're going home," her mother demanded, trying to grab her arm again.

"But Mother-"

"Brigid, go home," Helen said wearily. Brigid stared at her, shocked, tears filling her eyes. She started to protest, but noticed Helen quickly flashing the "I love you" handsign. She sniffed hard, then followed her mother out the door. Helen watched them leave, then laid her head on her desk. It just wasn't fair, she thought, just not fair.

"Mother, just what in the hell is going on?" Brigid yelled when they got back home. "You go in and start threatening Helen for no good reason."

"Oh, I have a perfectly good reason, Brigid, I am protecting your reputation. Besides, you really aren't like her, you dated Jake for a while, although why you broke up with him I still can't fathom." Marcella sat down at the kitchen table and motioned for Brigid to do the same. Brigid dropped her backpack, then slumped down in a chair, refusing to look at her mother. "Brigid, I'm only trying to do what is best for you. You are too young to realize what that kind of relationship can do to you, I have to protect you."

Brigid looked up, anger and hate in her eyes. She said tersely, "You can't keep on protecting me, Mother. In fact, Helen has done a better job of protecting my virtue that you have, you keep trying to push me back to Jake. Well, let me tell you, Jake tried to seduce me at Christmas, then admitted that he was only dating me on a goddammed dare!"

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me!" Marcella snapped.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Brigid asked. "Jake was dared to relieve me of my virginity. It was at that Christmas party I went to at his house. His parents didn't know or care, his buddy Rodolfo tried to rape me outside the house, with other people looking on. I had already called Helen to pick me up, you and Dad were away at that wedding. Helen yanked Rodolfo off of me and saved my precious virginity! You should be grateful to her, not threatening to get her fired! Daddy knows all about this and told us both that we can only see each other in public places or here when he is home, and then only in the living room, just like the rules he had for me when I was dating Jake!"

Marcella sat back, unused to her daughter talking back to her like that. "But the Mastersons seem like such nice people," she protested weakly.

Brigid glared at her mother and hissed, "Yes, and Aunt Debbie is gay and has stayed with the Rose for years. Damn it, I'd not sleeping with Helen, all we've ever done is kiss! I promised Daddy that I would not go to bed with anyone until I've at least gone to college, besides, we're not ready for that kind of commitment yet."

Marcella pounced. "Then, you admit that you have feelings for this woman."

"Yes. I love Helen and she loves me, but we're taking it slowly, Mother. A lot more slowly than you and Daddy took it, I believe," Brigid said triumphantly.

Marcella's eyes narrowed. "What are you trying to say?"

"Well, either you got pregnant on your honeymoon and Christopher was two months premature, or you were pregnant when you and Daddy married. Which was it?"

"She was already pregnant, Brigid." Both women turned to see Ed standing there. "One thing I've always been curious about, Marcella, did anyone in your family have black eyes? No one in mine did, yet Christopher had black eyes and black hair."

Marcella paled and whispered, "But anything can happen, Ed."

"Yes, anything can happen." He stood there, folding his arms over his chest. "I just went by Helen's office to pick up Brigid and she looked like hell. I asked what was the matter, she refused to say at first, but she finally said, 'Marcella took Brigid home,' so I deduced the rest. So, have you told Brigid how sinful and horrible she is?"

"Edward, this is different."

"Oh, I see, if Jake had gotten her pregnant, it would be fine, but for her to fall for a woman and voluntarily restrain herself is not fine. Marcella, I've always known you were a hypocrite, but this seals it." Ed shook his head sadly.

"Brigid, I'm sorry you had to find out the truth about your parents this way and Marcella, I'm sorry that you are such a narrow-minded bigot. You were so withdraw after your son's death that I had to take care of Brigid, not that I minded. I should have been more of a man when you tossed Debbie out, she was only trying to help out with the baby, but I let you railroad me. No more, Marcella, no more. You can either keep your damned prejudices out of our lives or you can leave. Your choice, I won't have you trying to emotionally cripple our daughter. Yes, I would love grandchildren some day, but I'd gladly give up the chance of being a grandfather just to see Brigid happy." He picked up his briefcase and left the kitchen.

Marcella stared after him, then turned to Brigid and explained, "I've only been thinking of your welfare, really I have."

"No dice, Mother, no dice. I'm going to finish my homework." Brigid got up and stormed up the stairs. Marcella heard her door slam shut. She sat there for a long time, staring into space, not sure where to turn any longer.

"Thank you for letting my dad and me spend Christmas with you," Brigid said to Mel and Janice. "It's been an interesting few years."

Mel hugged the girl and announced, "Why, darling, you're just more than welcome, any friends of Helen's are friends of ours, aren't they, Janice?" Janice nodded, then turned back to arguing ancient economics with Ed. "I'm just glad that y'all stayed for the holidays, especially since you will be starting your new job next month. Aren't you needing to look for an apartment or something?"

Brigid smiled at her dad, then looked back at her host. "Mel, I've accepted a job with NewsTime, so I'll be staying in Asbury from now on. The other job didn't seem quite right, it was too far away from Helen and Dad. In fact, Helen said that I could just stay with her."

Janice looked up and snorted. "So, when are you two getting married?"

Brigid blushed, but replied, "This summer, Janice. Well, I'm going to call it a night, see y'all in the morning." She left the room.

Ed watched his daughter proudly, then turned to the other women. "There goes one hell of a daughter," he beamed. "Graduating in three and a half years, then getting multiple job offers. Oh, I have some news as well, I've already told Brigid and Helen."

"Do tell," Mel cooed.

"Well, I'm accepting a position here at the university, starting the spring semester." He grinned, then added, "I think I can persuade Helen and Brigid to come back here for their wedding, what do you two think?"

"A wedding? Mel will be so pleased to plan it," Janice grumbled good-naturedly. "But hey, what about your house?"

"Marcella is selling it for me. After she left me for Bruce, who turned out to be the father of our first child, I kept it, but since I'll be here, I see no need in keeping it any longer. Especially with Brigid settled with Helen." Ed grinned ever bigger. "Well, ladies, I'm off to bed, it was a wonderful holiday. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate the way you helped care for Brigid the last few years."

"Our pleasure, Ed," Mel said, "she is such a sweet girl."

"Beautiful, too," Janice added wolfishly. "Ow, Mel, I can look, can't I?"

Upstairs, Helen sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at Brigid. "Honey, I can't believe that you're coming home to stay soon, I'm so proud of you." Brigid smiled up at her sweetheart. "I'm so glad that your father got that job here, it gives us the perfect excuse to come back even more often. Well, I guess I'd better go back to my room now and get some sleep."

Brigid sat up and purred, "What's your hurry?"

"Um-"

Brigid stroked Helen's face and continued, "Helen of the Plains, I promised Dad I'd be good during college, but I'm out of college now. We don't have to worry about pregnancy, you know."

"But-"

Brigid stopped Helen with a kiss, one designed to ignite desire. Finally, she pulled back and growled, "Helen, I love you. The engagement ring you gave me tonight is beautiful, and I want to celebrate it. In fact, maybe we should move the wedding up a few months."

"What, and deprive Aunt Mel of the planning? I think not, my love."

"I still want to celebrate," Brigid continued as she pulled Helen closer. "I want to see you naked, want to hold you in my arms, want to cover your body with kisses, want to ignite your lust, then satiate it with my touch. Honey, we've waited for four years to consummate our love, tonight should be it. Besides, Christmas is so close to Solstice, which is the beginning of the new year, I'm sure that Xena and Gabrielle would agree."

"But-"

"No buts," Brigid said softly as she pulled Helen on top of her, "I want to celebrate, honey. The time is right." She pulled Helen into another soul-searing kiss, causing the older woman to moan in pleasure. She stopped and yanked off Helen's pajama top, staring happily at her breasts. "Hello, my lovelies," she crooned as she cupped them in her hands for the first time.

And so, they celebrated love and their new life together.

The End