"Baby, please. I want you to be with me. I know you love me."
"I can't, I just can't. I'm sorry. I do love you. But I can't just leave her."
"Yes, you can. I know it will be hard, but you aren't in love with her. Please."
"She loves me, Jasmine. I'm her entire world. I don't know what would happen to her if I
just left. It wouldn't be fair. She's given me everything."
"But you aren't happy, baby. I make you happy! I want you."
"I know. I know. It is just so hard. I just don't think I can leave her."
"Shhh, baby. It will be ok. Please don't cry. Stop crying. I hate it when you cry!"
"I know. I want to be with you, but I promised her, Jasmine. I promised her the rest of my life."
"She's 42, baby, and you are only 26.You two don't fit together. I mean... I understand that she loves you. But she isn't your..."
"Don't say it!"
"Equal! You know it is true. We are both academics, intellectuals. You and I are a perfect match, and we love each other. We have so much fun together, and its not fair for that Neanderthal to keep you with her when you deserve so much better!"
" I owe it all to her, Jasmine. You know this! She took me in when no one else would. She is the one who sent me to school, and I do love her, Jasmine, and I love you! Oh God! I don't know what to do."
"Ok, look, baby. I have to go. I have the tickets. The plane doesn't leave for a few more hours. I will call you again, and you can tell me then. This is our chance to get away. I will call you in a couple hours."
"Ok, Jasmine. I love you."
Click
She sat there by the phone staring unblinking at the opposite wall. It was littered with pictures of her and only a few with her and Katie. Katie was camera shy and preferred to take pictures of her beautiful wife. The tears came, silently trekking their way down two pale cheeks. She felt so helpless, so alone. Could she really do it? Leave Katie? It wasn't just leaving Katie, it was leaving Katie for Jasmine; something she had sworn never to do. She knew the pain of being left behind, alone and unwanted. She didn't want to do the same thing to Katie, sweet Katie who loved and adored her.
She sighed quietly, brushing the tears off her cheeks. She rose and walked out of the bedroom idly running her fingers against the wall as she walked down the hallway to the bathroom. She had to fix her face; she didn't want Katie to know that she had been crying. She would be home soon.
She flicked the light on in the bathroom and watched as the light hit the pale blues and greens of the bathroom.
The ocean. It reminds me of the ocean. Katie let me decorate however I wanted. Katie. She sighed and leaned over the sink turning on the water. She watched it flow from the faucet then looked up into the mirror. Red, swollen eyes stared back at her set in a pale, beautifully symmetrical face.
Beautiful. That's what Katie says I am. Beloved. She calls me her Beloved. Oh God. What do I do? She carefully perused the face staring back at her: the deep indigo eyes framed by long lashes, the small button nose, and deep pink, full lips. She raised the fingers of her left hand and gently traced her high cheekbones letting her fingers drop down past her jaw trailing along her graceful neck. She sighed again dropped both hands down to the running water filling her cupped hands then bringing them up to cradle her face with the water. She repeated it a few times then gently patted her face dry. The puffiness didn't stand out quite as much.
"Oh well, best I can do right now," she muttered out loud. She jumped slightly at the sound of her raspy voice. "Oh boy. Maybe if I gargle some warm water it will help." She turned off the light and left the bathroom in search of the kitchen. As she stepped into the warm spacious kitchen she stopped next to the island and slowly spun around in a circle taking in the cherry cabinets, the heavy mahogany table, the bright pictures on the wall, and the newest steel appliances.
Funny how I managed to wed steel and cherry together. Katie was right. It does fit perfectly together. She said we were like that. I'm the vibrant, glowing cherry, and she the solid, strong steel. But are we perfect for each other?
She poured herself a cup of warm water and gargled all the while wondering what she would do.
"If I leave Katie, I leave everything behind. This beautiful house she built for me, the gardens and lawns she works tirelessly at so they are just the way I like them. My life is comfortable here. I like it. But it isn't like life with Jasmine wouldn't be comfortable either. She's an academic like me, and she has her small practice too. I love Jasmine, and she loves me. Katie, Katie who loves me so much. I'm her world, everything she does she does it for me. What will happen to her if I leave her? Is it even fair? She helped me when no one else would. She has given me everything."
"Oh Jasmine, I love you so much. I want to be with you, but it just isn't that easy." She closed her eyes and let herself remember what it felt like to be with Jasmine, the excitement and thrill of being in love. She smiled remembering the laughing gray eyes that always spoke of her quirky and daring sense of humor. Jasmine lived the good life, a trust fund baby. Money and good times flowed like champagne.
She closed her eyes, picturing Jasmine. "You are so beautiful, Jasmine, with your gray eyes and dark auburn hair. I feel so alive when I'm with you. Like I can't wait to see what the next moment will bring." She blushed as she remembered the feel of Jasmine's heated skin and the way all her jeans clung to her ass.
"Oh God," she groaned. She rubbed her head feeling the beginnings of a headache. She walked into the living room and turned on the radio hoping to find a soft blues station that would soothe her tension. Katie would be home soon, and Jasmine would be calling soon too.
Oh baby, please be true.
You know I love you.
Don't leave me here.
"Oh God!" she muttered as she flipped the radio off. Guess he told me. "Whom do I be true to? True to myself or to Katie?" She flopped on the couch, curling her legs under her. She ran her fingers down the creases in tan linen pants. She felt the sadness growing in the pit of her belly, slowly encompassing her entire body. Irritated she ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. She gazed at the door opposite half hoping it would never open again, and Katie wouldn't walk through the door.
"Yeah, right, Lor, hoping she doesn't come through that door won't solve this problem," she snorted her voice loud in the silence. She suddenly sat up straight as she heard the key turn in the lock. The door swung open to reveal a compact, dark woman. She stepped through the door and into the living room.
"Hi baby, how are you?" asked the dark woman.
"I'm fine, hon. Just waiting for you to come home."
The dark woman held up the white paper bag. "I brought you your favorite."
Laurel slid off the couch and walked over to Katie. The delightful smell of General Tsao's shrimp filled her senses. She reached out to take the bag and her fingers hesitated and rested lightly on the bag as she looked up at Katie. Her eyes took in the dark figure. She was about 5'8" with corded muscles. Her hair was dark and rumpled capping a large head and a long almost horse like face. Katie wasn't beautiful. She wasn't even handsome. It was simply the truth. She wasn't even really cute.
Plain. That is what she is. Plain.
Her eyes took in the dusty jeans, the sweat-stained work shirt. She was a landscaper. It was expected that she would be dirty after toiling away under the hot sun. Her skin was slightly weathered and burned dark from being outside for so many hours each day. The hot California sun wasn't always kind to Katie.
Her nose. Her nose is too big. And her eyes are dishwater brown. Her lips are thick and her cheekbones solid. What was it Jasmine said? Oh right. She looks like a peasant, a plebeian with her dark skin and heavy features. She only has a high school education and a couple college classes to her credit. Rough trade. That is what Jasmine called her.
Her eyes fell to the white paper bag that Katie still clutched. She stared at their hands comparing them. Her fingers were long and slender, white, without calluses. Her fingertips were pressed lightly up against Katie's. Her hands were dark, rough, calloused, the fingers short and thick. She grasped the paper bag and stepped back away from Katie.
"Thanks. It smells good." She turned toward the kitchen with the bag.
"What's wrong, Lori? You look upset. I know something has been worrying you. I was hoping you would tell me"
Laurel stopped and slowly turned around, her breath catching softly. She pulled the bag to her chest. She watched as Katie slid her light jacket from her shoulders to hang it up. She caught the green logo on the back "Laurel Designs and Landscaping." Underneath it was a beautiful laurel crown. Laurel. Her name. Katie had named her landscaping business after her.
She took in the creased brow and worried eyes, the large palm that was slowly rubbing the left thigh of her jeans; a sure sign Katie was worried and confused. Laurel looked at the hands, roughened beyond repair, but hands that would hold her so gently and caress her body. Katie was always gentle when it came to their lovemaking, gentle but passionate, and almost worshipful; perhaps afraid of hurting the slender, smaller pale beauty that slept next to her.
"Have you been having those nightmares again?" The anxious question hung in the air between them as the dark woman waited, feeling helpless at the thought of the nightmares that ravaged the heart of her young, golden lover.
The nightmares. Oh God the nightmares. No, Katie, you drove them all away when you took me in and fed me, clothed me, educated me, and loved me.
"No. I'm sorry, just a lot has been going on at the university right now. You know, how it is, it is near finals and the students are just realizing that they need to actually study and are begging for extra-credit."
"Oh, ok. Well don't worry, sweetheart, you will get through it. Those students are lucky to have a teacher like you." She smiled at Laurel and straightened closing the distance between them and putting her hands lightly around Laurel's waist.
It's amazing. When she smiles, she is transformed. Her eyes are so warm, and I can see the gold in them. And the dimples really are adorable. Every time I mention them she blushes.
She smiled softly as Katie leaned down and placed her lips against her forehead. "I love you, Laurel. I know I don't know all the right words, and I don't always make sense, but I-I do love you. You are my Beloved." She ducked her head and shifted her feet like a shy, self-conscious boy.
That's right. She doesn't know all the words, and she doesn't always know how to say them.
Laurel's eyes fell to the bag she still clutched to her chest.
General Tsao's Shrimp. She knows my favorite food, my favorite color. She knows that I like to drink hot chocolate all year around. Jasmine thinks my favorite food is Mexican, but it's actually her favorite.
Laurel leaned her head against Katie's chest listening to the erratic beating of her heart.
She knows. She's not stupid. They can call her Rough Trade and a plebeian. She is neither. She is steel, and she loves me. She engulfs me and makes me free. With her I am safe, secure, loved, and adored. And I love her. I really do. Jasmine is like pink champagne, bubbly and warm. But I wonder, I wonder... Jasmine will find someone else. Katie won't. She doesn't deserve to be left.
She lifted her head and met the warm gold eyes of her lover. She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them. "I love you, Katie."
She felt more then heard the breath that her lover let out. She felt those strong arms wrap themselves around her crushing the bag of Chinese food between them. A small smile graced her lips in contentment. Everything was right, as it should be.
Ring Ring Ring
Ring Ring Ring
The phone kept ringing.
The End
Soooo...was it worth the read? Let me know....
jude_madison@hotmail.com